ABOUT THIS EPISODE
Today, I sit down with learning disabilities dementia nurse and trainer Niall Arraglen, who shares what he’s learned from life inside a neurodiverse civil partnership with his AuDHD partner, Julia. From late ADHD diagnosis and the impact perimenopause/menopause has on ADHD and Autism to time blindness, noise, tidiness, and emotional bandwidth, Niall opens up about the real, everyday relationship dynamics behind the labels.
Together, we explore how partners can move from frustration to understanding and patience using self-reflection, and practical tweaks. If you love, live with, or support someone who’s neurodivergent, or you are yourself neurodivergent, this honest conversation will provide insights that help you to feel seen, less alone, and empowered.
EPISODE REVEALS
In mixed neurodiverse, neurotypical relationships both partners need to be aware of their behaviour patterns and why they act the way they do and to be willing to work at changing what they can.
Understand and accept that there are some things your neurodiverse partner cannot change. Find gentle ways to adapt to and accommodate those things.
Tailor the way the family works to play to each other’s strengths. For example, if one of you is obsessively tidy but doesn’t see dirt, they keep the home tidy, while you clean.
Don’t be resentful about the accommodations you make for your partner’s neurodivergence or the adaptations you make or your neurotypical partner. Instead, see learning to be patient, adaptable and accepting as an opportunity to grow personally.
ADHD and Autism symptoms and your ability to adapt and cope with them can evolve. In particular, during menopause or perimenopause or with HRT treatment. Be aware of this, so you can recognise big changes and adapt quickly.
BEST MOMENTS
"Just because I can't explain how Julia's brain works doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with it."
"Our partners with ADHD might not always have the energy or the attention to show up in the relationship like we expect them to."
"There are times where we need to care for ourselves so that we can care better for each other down the line."
"Labelling is really useful because once you know what you can then figure out how why and come up with different ways of connecting with your partner and understanding."
ABOUT THE GUEST
https://www.arraglen.com/
RESOURCES
Famisafe Parental control App Link: https://wondersharesoftware.pxf.io/ParentingAUDHD
What to Do When Your Child Shuts Down: Real-World Parenting Strategies for Neurodivergent Kids Who Shut Down, Refuse School, or Just Stop communicating with you:
CLIFF´S SERVICES
Are you struggling with anxiety and want support from someone who has been there and come out the other side? - Message Cliff here and take advantage of his founding members offer: https://m.me/cliff.kilmister
CONTACT ME
Instagram: @cliff_kilmister08
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/cliff.kilmister
X - @KilmisterCliff
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@ParentingAutismandADHD
HOST BIO
Cliff Kilmister is a dedicated parent, advocate, and cat whisperer with firsthand experience raising a child with autism, ADHD, and Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). Having navigated the challenges of school refusal, meltdowns, and sensory sensitivities, Cliff brings an empathetic, real-world perspective to the podcast. When he's not helping his child thrive, he’s dodging the evil stares of his three cats, who are plotting to take over the world (fortunately, they still haven’t figured out how to use the tin opener). Cliff offers practical advice, expert insights, and personal stories to help families facing similar struggles. Cliff is focused on connecting with professionals and networks to raise awareness about the growing need for the education system to adapt to the increasing neurodiverse population. Join the community on Patreon to share experiences, access exclusive content, and work together for change!
This Podcast has been brought to you by Disruptive Media. https://disruptivemedia.co.uk/
