ABOUT THIS EPISODE
We cut last week's episode short, so we needed another one to finish our conversation about expectations.
In last week's episode we talked about the need to lower expectations if our kids are showing us with their behavior that they can't do the task. But what if your kid has done it in the past and now all of a sudden they are refusing or saying they can't do something anymore? There is still a function behind this behavior, and I choose to see this behavior as a CAN'T do as opposed to a WON'T do. This helps me view them in a more loving, compassionate way, as opposed to simply getting frustrated about their behavior.
We just CHOOSE to assume positive intent. This allows us to enjoy our kids as opposed to always being upset or believing such negative things about them and their behavior. It prevents us from having to chase their behavior and just look for ways to correct them on a regular basis.
If you have a behavior you're trying to change or an issue you want to address, it is almost always helpful to include your child in this discussion and planning. You can communicate what you want to do and let them give ideas or communicate their thoughts and feelings about how things might be going. Be prepared to explain your reasoning, more than simply, 'because I said so.'
Is there ever a time when digging in our heels to address a behavior is appropriate? For us, that is usually only appropriate if there's a safety issue. If you as the parent are digging in on other behaviors, that is almost always your stuff, your work to do, and your own history coming up within your relationship with your kids. Our kids are not responsible for our stuff or our work, and responding to them in ways that are out of proportion with behavior and issues, is not theirs to take. This is what breaking generational cycles is really about.
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