TRIGGERATIONISMS...

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Welcome to O'Talkin' with Dave.
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Coming to you from Sin City, where what happens in Vegas is talked about everywhere.
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Put your hands together for the pastor of positivity whose glass is always at least half full.
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Here's Dave.
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Hey, how are we doing out there?
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I hope you're doing great.
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I am top shelf, ready to go, and I love our topic today.
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I love it.
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The more you embrace this and even practice, come on.
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Practice?
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I hate practice.
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However, it will prepare you.
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And today we are talking about triggers.
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Installing the right triggers before life demands them.
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So when most people hear the word trigger, that's a negative thing.
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It's negative.
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Oh, I was triggered.
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They triggered me.
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They didn't really know how to push my buttons.
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But see, we I think we've been thinking about triggers all wrong.
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The whole woke movement and all the different things.
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Oh, I'm triggered.
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It's a shield or a sword or whatever.
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Being triggered is wrong.
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No, no, no.
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Not if you use it correctly.
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Because some of the most successful, peaceful, emotionally healthy people that I know, they don't have fewer triggers.
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They simply have better triggers.
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Because the truth is, life doesn't give you much time to think sometimes.
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The phone rings, somebody insults you, an opportunity appears out of nowhere.
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Or that your child asks a difficult question.
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When my daughter Victoria would ask a difficult question, a lot of times my son took care of it.
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He's two years older than her.
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He had a lot more wisdom than I did on some occasions.
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Or maybe the maybe your customer says, Yeah, we're considering another supplier.
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Or you've been giving them, you've been providing products or services for them for a long time, and all of a sudden they ask for a quote.
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Whoo, what do we do?
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Or maybe your significant other says, we need to talk.
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Or maybe one of your people makes a mistake, really messes up.
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Friend needs some help.
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You get a call from the doctor about your results.
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Or unannounced, maybe your boss walks into your office.
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Or do you get that call from someone you haven't heard from in a long time because of some sticky situations?
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All of these things demand a response.
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Triggers can help us with that.
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So that's what we're going to talk about.
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Because a lot of times that first response, it determines everything that follows that.
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Sometimes that happens.
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I know with my kids, I had some, I call them Andy Griffith moments where there's just the words came.
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It was just nine.
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I just, thank you, Lord.
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I don't know where that came from.
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A lot of times we can install what happens after we're triggered.
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Think about when you're driving.
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Okay?
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We're driving, I drive a lot.
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Think about when you're driving.
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You don't consciously think, okay, it's a red light.
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Should I stop?
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Let's weigh the pros and cons of this.
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No, that's not what you do.
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Red light, brake, automatic.
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That's a trigger.
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You're right.
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There's a lot of driving and analogies.
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If it's raining, okay, it's going to take a little longer to stop.
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Should something happen.
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You see those brake lights, you've already prepared for what might happen, and then you react to that trigger.
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The military, my goodness, they train with triggers.
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Pilots, police officers, martial arts in the ring.
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When this happens, you do this.
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You do this to keep from this happening.
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But if it does, here they're all triggers.
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Athletes, absolutely.
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Absolutely.
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So many triggers.
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And I'll talk to that a little bit more in a minute.
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Emergency room staff, you don't have time to think a lot of times.
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So you follow triggers.
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It's not just instincts.
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I think triggers, practice, preparation leads to a lot of instincts.
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But you need triggers.
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Because when the pressure hits, you don't rise to the occasion a lot of the occasion a lot of times.
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You fall back to your level of preparation, which allows you to respond quickly and appropriately.
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Wow.
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Are you triggered?
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And this is not just Davisms, it's not just an O talk because research around behavioral psychology, it shows that people under stress rely more heavily on habits than deliberate thinking.
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Those habits could be good, they could be not so good and could get us in trouble.
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That's why it's important to install them.
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Rehearsed responses, checklists.
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That's most of my I used to only do three.
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Now sometimes I do five, but things.
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Here's the steps.
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The getting to a good place process.
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It's five steps.
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And then you implement these processes and these triggers so you respond more effectively.
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The brain conserves energy by reaching for familiar patterns instead of inventing new ones in the moment.
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Now, an example of this, and it's really, I respect it a lot.
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Comedians who do crowd work, they have a lot of responses.
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They automatically say this.
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They say that, I'll say this.
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That gets a laugh.
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We do that.
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Then occasionally they get shocked and they respond.
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And sometimes they respond well, sometimes they don't.
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It's not as funny.
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They respond well, okay, let's put that, let's put that in there.
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If they don't respond well, then they could think.
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The next time someone says this, what would be a good response?
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They load it in the chamber when somebody says, boom, they respond, it gets a laugh.
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Okay, that's part of their preparation.
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And all of this, there's some really good news here.
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Because we can we can choose our responses based on predictable patterns.
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People, places, and things are very predictable.
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So that allows that preparation.
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You still can have, it's not boring, you can still ad lib and be very in the moment, which is great.
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There's a lot of things, though, that in our past prepares us for the future, and then we just do a little planning around our response.
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The problem is most people don't install intentional triggers.
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I absolutely do.
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Do I have them all?
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Absolutely not.
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A lot of people just inherit triggers.
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They inherit them.
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Somebody criticizes them, ah, they get defensive.
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Someone disagrees with them, or they interrupt, or they react instead of responding.
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Someone raises their voice, oh, they either shut down or raise their voice back.
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Those are inherited triggers.
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Maybe an opportunity comes, they hesitate.
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That hesitation can make all the difference in the world.
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Or conflict.
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I see this constantly.
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When conflict appears, most people either avoid it or don't respond well, but I see a lot of avoidance, and then driving home or maybe laying in bed later, out watering the yard, they just think, I wish I'd have said you think of the perfect response.
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We've all we have all been there.
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The thing is, that's a very expensive sentence.
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I wish I had said I should have said this.
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You gotta analyze it.
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Analyze, okay.
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I wish I'd have said that, really?
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Is that what I should have said?
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Or think through it.
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That would have led to this.
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Or is that the desired outcome?
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Would that have gotten me to a better place?
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Better, not vindictive, or all of those things.
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That's why predictability with your circles, with work, with traffic, with your relationships, it's very predictable.
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You know, people in your life that trigger you.
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We're gonna talk about it.
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People in your life that deserve a better response.
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We can do that too.
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The thing is, I wish I had or I should have.
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That's expensive.
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So let's address it.
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Let's talk about the different types of triggers, though.
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I've there's a bunch.
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I've lumped them into five different categories for today.
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And the first one, because there's so many that fit into these, the first one would be emotional control triggers.
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Emotional control triggers.
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When we set these, it prevents emotions from making permanent decisions.
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Because so many times our emotions are not the best way to go.
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Emotions lead to drama, lead to feelings, lead to hurt feelings, or whatever.
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We need these emotional control triggers because anger is fast.
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Anger is probably one of the worst emotions, but it's fast.
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Wisdom usually comes from slowing down a little bit or being ready without getting angry.
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I knew this was coming.
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Here's some triggers.
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Ah, here's how I respond to this person.
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I may respond differently to someone at work than I do someone at home, than I would one of my children versus my parents, or whatever that situation is.
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The average emotional reaction lasts only seconds.
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Maybe minutes, but usually seconds.
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But the consequences can last years.
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How many times have you heard somebody who's estranged or there's a battle or there's a feud because of something somebody said?
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Emotional.
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It got emotional.
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And you can't get that genie back in the bottle very easily.
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You can't unring that bell.
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Example, when someone says something offensive, your trigger becomes, okay, I'm not just gonna snap back.
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I'm a I consider myself a pretty good counterpuncher.
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And by good, I can respond.
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Somebody's sarcastic or snippy, oh, please bring it.
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I will be sarcastic and snippy back.
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A lot of times it's almost like in a fight, the the first punch never gets caught.
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The one who retaliates gets it.
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Same way with that.
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Somebody says something offensive, okay, I'll tear your little playhouse down.
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I'm the only one that they heard or that they remember.
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So to condition myself when someone is offensive or tries to embarrass me or put me in my place in public, that trigger, I can to I can feel my heart beating in my temples or in my neck.
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The trigger is when this happens, all right, let's just pause, let's just breathe.
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And then one wonderful tactic that I have learned is just ask a question.
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Instead of defending yourself, instead of lashing back, instead of, oh yeah, or your mama.
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Yeah.
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Do that.
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Pause.
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The pause is always great.
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Pause because take a breath and ask a question.
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Because this works.
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The reason it works is the trigger, I'm triggered, it interrupts that emotional autopilot.
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The trigger is not to act, the trigger is let's pause and breathe.
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This will save you a lot of grief.
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And if you've got a tongue like mine, it'll save you from getting hit with a wooden spoon coming out of some beef stew when you shouldn't do it.
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Yeah, it's a personal story.
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I really don't want to share it.
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It's still a little scarred from that one.
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But also that trigger, it interrupts your emotions, but it creates space between that stimulus and that response.
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And so you can the way you prepare for this is you can that question could be it doesn't have to be a question.
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It can be like, okay, yeah, tell me more before I respond.
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Tell me more of what you're talking about, or help me understand, or that's interesting.
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Or let me think about that.
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Let me think about that for a minute.
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Let me gather my thoughts.
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You said something that I don't want to respond yet.
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Let me think about that.
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Or we the classic thing was, were you trying to make a point?
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Or were you trying to be funny or just mean?
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Or what did you mean by that?
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Or can you say that again?
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That can just slow things down.
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And when you do that, they're gonna soften, unless they're just a turd or they really are coming at you.
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And that's okay, you've got other triggers too.
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But practice saying these and adjust it.
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Certain people, you know if they're gonna say something to try to push your buttons.
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All right.
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How do how when they do that, how am I gonna respond?
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What phrase works that better?
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Yeah, give me a second.
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Let me think about what you just said.
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That might be enough because they're gonna start talking.
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Well, here's the thing.
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Because you're coming across as more settled, mature, prepared, the adult in the room than they just were.
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And eventually you do this enough, that criticism, and it could be constructive criticism that you need to hear.
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If you snap back, there may be more that can help you out, man.
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So eventually that criticism is no longer triggering anger, it's triggering curiosity.
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Tell me more.
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I need to know.
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If it's really that bad, please.
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Let's talk about it.
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Rather than, oh yeah, I remember the time you wet your pants in the second grade.
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Yeah, probably not the best way.
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So those emotional triggers, those are important.
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The second one, courage triggers.
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Here we go.
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Here we go.
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Courage triggers.
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The whole purpose behind the courage triggers are to help you say things that need to be said.
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So many scenarios.
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So many scenarios.
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Most regrets don't come from saying too much or from what you said.
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It's when I should have said this.
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I said too little.
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I don't know.
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That that promotion or that raise you never asked for.
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Maybe something okay with them would trigger when they brag about something or when they give me a pat on the back or they tell me how valuable.
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All right, that's a good trigger.
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You don't know when it's coming, but when it does, here's what I'm gonna say.
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And hopefully I can get rewarded financially.
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If I'm that valuable, I appreciate it.
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I really would appreciate you thinking about this when that position becomes available.
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You're using their words and their momentum to take care of that.
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And it could be something else.
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Maybe it's maybe you've needed to apologize.
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I'll say this.
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I did I try not to get too personal.
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I forgot one of my best friend's birthday recently.
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That's not a negative.
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And I miss my buddy's birthday.
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And I talked to someone else that said something about, yeah, we went over there for his birthday.
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What?
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What?
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Oh, I can't believe I forgot his birthday.
00:17:19.519 --> 00:17:21.039
And so I was around him.
00:17:21.920 --> 00:17:23.119
He lives in San Diego.
00:17:23.200 --> 00:17:24.160
I live in Vegas.
00:17:24.319 --> 00:17:26.319
And I thought, what am I gonna do?
00:17:26.559 --> 00:17:33.759
I go, I don't want to just blatantly do it, I don't want to embarrass him, but I need to do it and I need to address this.
00:17:34.000 --> 00:17:36.000
I don't need to do some grand thing.
00:17:36.880 --> 00:17:38.400
And I thought, you know what?
00:17:38.960 --> 00:17:42.880
When we're together, we laugh and we cut up, and it's great.
00:17:43.039 --> 00:17:47.359
If there's a group of people around, oh, that just ags us on.
00:17:47.519 --> 00:17:50.720
And everybody is hilarious and we have a great time.
00:17:50.960 --> 00:17:52.480
But I thought, you know what?
00:17:52.640 --> 00:17:54.319
I need to say something.
00:17:54.640 --> 00:18:01.039
When we are alone and there is a lull in the conversation, should that happen?
00:18:01.519 --> 00:18:02.720
That's my trigger.
00:18:02.880 --> 00:18:04.720
And here's what I'm gonna say.
00:18:05.519 --> 00:18:07.519
All right, let's fast forward.
00:18:08.160 --> 00:18:09.359
About a week.
00:18:09.680 --> 00:18:26.079
Me and we were at we were at a place we go to all the time, just hanging out at the bar, and we were talking and laughing and saying hi to other people, and then it was just me and him, the other person had gone to the restroom, and we sat there and it's that quiet.
00:18:26.240 --> 00:18:27.440
It's never quiet.
00:18:27.519 --> 00:18:36.240
It triggered, and all of a sudden I'm looking straight forward, didn't even look him in the eye, went, sorry I missed your birthday, buddy.
00:18:36.880 --> 00:18:38.319
I just forgot.
00:18:38.559 --> 00:18:40.079
And he was ready.
00:18:40.400 --> 00:18:41.680
Dude, that's okay.
00:18:41.839 --> 00:18:43.200
You got a lot going on.
00:18:43.359 --> 00:18:44.079
I understand.
00:18:44.160 --> 00:18:46.240
I said, no, it's not okay.
00:18:46.400 --> 00:18:52.400
And I said my piece, he said his piece, a couple of pats on the back, and we were back to hacking on each other.
00:18:52.559 --> 00:18:53.920
But that was my trigger.
00:18:54.160 --> 00:18:55.839
And I was so relieved.
00:18:56.000 --> 00:19:01.039
And he took it, he handled it like a champ and made me feel better.
00:19:01.200 --> 00:19:04.240
But that was a trigger of something I needed to say.
00:19:04.400 --> 00:19:07.599
And I'm not fighting a war here.
00:19:07.680 --> 00:19:09.519
I call it a courage trigger.
00:19:10.240 --> 00:19:11.759
But I needed to say that.
00:19:12.000 --> 00:19:12.799
Very simple.
00:19:12.960 --> 00:19:14.880
There's so many others.
00:19:15.279 --> 00:19:15.920
Yeah.
00:19:16.400 --> 00:19:20.160
But that apology is the one that I needed to get out.
00:19:20.319 --> 00:19:21.920
Or maybe it's a thank you.
00:19:22.160 --> 00:19:23.279
I don't know.
00:19:23.599 --> 00:19:26.160
Maybe it's a boundary you never established.
00:19:26.400 --> 00:19:31.839
Maybe it's somebody keeps talking about this and it maybe it makes you feel negative before you leave.
00:19:32.319 --> 00:19:33.039
Put that boundary up.
00:19:33.119 --> 00:19:36.240
I know in the garage, no politics, no religion.
00:19:36.400 --> 00:19:37.599
Don't do it.
00:19:38.160 --> 00:19:38.880
Don't do it.
00:19:39.039 --> 00:19:40.559
And that's a boundary.
00:19:40.720 --> 00:19:42.559
And that's a trigger when they did that.
00:19:42.720 --> 00:19:44.319
Say, you know the rules, guys.
00:19:44.480 --> 00:19:46.240
Don't make me repeat them.
00:19:46.799 --> 00:19:48.079
All of that's important.
00:19:48.720 --> 00:19:56.400
So whenever it's almost like whenever your heart is racing, you know you need to say something.
00:19:56.880 --> 00:19:58.799
Your heart races before you speak.
00:19:59.039 --> 00:20:00.240
Say it anyway.
00:20:00.640 --> 00:20:03.519
Especially if you've prepared for it, but say it anyway.
00:20:03.680 --> 00:20:05.599
It can be just a hold on, hold on a minute.
00:20:05.920 --> 00:20:07.680
Don't be rude, don't be emotional.
00:20:07.839 --> 00:20:08.480
Just be honest.
00:20:08.559 --> 00:20:09.200
Here's where I am.
00:20:09.359 --> 00:20:10.480
I'm uncomfortable with this.
00:20:10.640 --> 00:20:15.599
I don't know what I think about this, but I know I'm not really comfortable with this conversation.
00:20:15.759 --> 00:20:18.720
Or the way you're treating me, or the way you're treating them.
00:20:19.119 --> 00:20:19.920
Stand up.
00:20:20.079 --> 00:20:22.079
You can sort it out later.
00:20:22.559 --> 00:20:24.960
And you'll get better at it over time.
00:20:25.359 --> 00:20:30.319
And one way to do this is just think about it now.
00:20:30.799 --> 00:20:33.519
You may be driving or whatever, you got a pen and pencil handy.
00:20:33.599 --> 00:20:44.000
Just one way to prepare for these courage triggers is jot down three conversations you've been avoiding.
00:20:46.880 --> 00:20:48.160
Think about that.
00:20:48.799 --> 00:20:59.839
Three conversations you've been avoiding home, work, play, with your buddy, with your boss, with your significant other, with that friend.
00:21:01.200 --> 00:21:02.319
There's so many.
00:21:02.559 --> 00:21:03.839
Maybe you're worried about them.
00:21:04.240 --> 00:21:05.680
Maybe they're worried about you.
00:21:06.160 --> 00:21:09.119
And here's the thing those conversations just jot it down.
00:21:09.279 --> 00:21:14.640
Now, what I would love for you to work on is just the opening sentence.
00:21:16.160 --> 00:21:17.519
No, it wasn't life-changing.
00:21:17.599 --> 00:21:19.440
I forgot my buddy's birthday.
00:21:19.759 --> 00:21:21.680
That was my opening sentence.
00:21:21.920 --> 00:21:24.160
Sorry, I forgot about your birthday, buddy.
00:21:24.400 --> 00:21:24.880
That's it.
00:21:25.039 --> 00:21:26.559
And the rest just took care of itself.
00:21:26.640 --> 00:21:29.519
But I addressed it, it was there, it was controlled.
00:21:30.400 --> 00:21:30.720
Ah.
00:21:32.000 --> 00:21:32.480
Yeah.
00:21:32.720 --> 00:21:36.240
That first sentence is the hardest because that's the courage part.
00:21:36.400 --> 00:21:39.359
You got to get that out to get to the rest.
00:21:41.119 --> 00:21:43.039
Family's really tough with this.
00:21:43.680 --> 00:21:47.599
You've got strong personalities, you've got legacies.
00:21:47.839 --> 00:21:58.960
I remember in the in church in the Baptist church when a charter member, I heard that till I was blue in the face, a charter member that meant somebody had been around since the church started.
00:21:59.200 --> 00:21:59.519
Usually.
00:22:00.000 --> 00:22:01.119
You didn't have that many around.
00:22:01.200 --> 00:22:05.119
But if they did when they spoke, they had more weight than everybody else's.
00:22:05.359 --> 00:22:11.920
Well, sometimes, just because you've been doing something for a long time doesn't mean you're good at it.
00:22:12.160 --> 00:22:15.680
Just because you're old doesn't mean you're wise.
00:22:16.319 --> 00:22:22.160
And sometimes it takes courage to have a different point of view.
00:22:22.480 --> 00:22:28.000
So practice that first sentence, and that'll help you with your courage triggers.
00:22:28.240 --> 00:22:29.519
I guarantee it.
00:22:29.839 --> 00:22:30.160
Okay.
00:22:30.960 --> 00:22:32.160
That took courage.
00:22:32.400 --> 00:22:33.039
Thank you.
00:22:33.279 --> 00:22:36.960
The next are opportunity triggers.
00:22:37.200 --> 00:22:37.839
So big.
00:22:38.079 --> 00:22:43.680
The whole purpose behind these is to recognize opportunities before they disappear.
00:22:43.920 --> 00:22:47.200
Sometimes it's they happen very quickly, they're come and gone.
00:22:47.359 --> 00:22:54.720
Sometimes they hang around a little bit longer, but if you don't answer that door, that person's not going to keep knocking.
00:22:55.759 --> 00:23:01.279
And you need this because opportunities, a lot of times, they don't announce themselves.
00:23:01.759 --> 00:23:03.279
Boom, there they are.
00:23:03.519 --> 00:23:06.079
They look like it could be a it could be a conversation.
00:23:06.240 --> 00:23:13.920
It could be an introduction to somebody you don't know, and all of a sudden they're there, and you find out, oh, this is could be a good person to know.
00:23:14.400 --> 00:23:20.160
Oh, it could be an attractive person who finds you attractive all of a sudden, and now what are you going to do?
00:23:20.319 --> 00:23:21.759
It's an opportunity.
00:23:23.039 --> 00:23:24.240
Could be a problem.
00:23:25.519 --> 00:23:27.119
A lot of times it will be a problem.
00:23:27.440 --> 00:23:28.640
It will be a problem.
00:23:28.799 --> 00:23:31.440
Maybe it's a complaint you need to address.
00:23:32.240 --> 00:23:37.119
Or maybe it's a question that you may or may not have a good answer for.
00:23:37.279 --> 00:23:38.720
You can help with that.
00:23:39.039 --> 00:23:39.680
Yeah.
00:23:40.480 --> 00:23:54.079
So the trigger, when somebody says, We're struggling with this, your brain immediately goes to, especially if in business or somebody you really want to help, you go with, okay, we're struggling with this.
00:23:54.319 --> 00:23:56.319
Okay, hey, how can I help?
00:23:57.279 --> 00:23:57.920
Yeah.
00:23:58.799 --> 00:24:01.920
Business is not what can I sell, it's how can I help?
00:24:02.160 --> 00:24:08.400
You need to be prepared too, because that's going to lead to when they tell you, and that's a lot.
00:24:08.640 --> 00:24:11.279
That trigger is you work through that.
00:24:11.519 --> 00:24:12.960
How do I answer these things?
00:24:13.119 --> 00:24:14.880
In business, we prepare for this stuff.
00:24:15.039 --> 00:24:20.400
With family, I know with friends, it's friends or peers or people that we love.
00:24:21.359 --> 00:24:22.400
We want to help.
00:24:22.640 --> 00:24:23.920
We want to help.
00:24:24.160 --> 00:24:25.599
And it's easy.
00:24:25.920 --> 00:24:27.200
How can I help?
00:24:27.440 --> 00:24:28.400
What can I do?
00:24:28.559 --> 00:24:29.599
You're having struggle?
00:24:29.920 --> 00:24:30.240
Okay.
00:24:30.480 --> 00:24:32.160
And maybe it's relating a little bit.
00:24:32.400 --> 00:24:32.880
Wow.
00:24:33.039 --> 00:24:34.640
Maybe you struggle with that too.
00:24:34.720 --> 00:24:35.759
Don't make it about you.
00:24:35.920 --> 00:24:39.279
Maybe you know have a friend who struggled with that same same thing.
00:24:39.359 --> 00:24:47.920
Don't make it about them, but use that as a foundation for when they say, How can I, when you say, how can I help?
00:24:48.079 --> 00:24:50.640
And they tell you, now you have more of a foundation.
00:24:50.880 --> 00:24:54.559
My granddad said, Papa always said, Don't you don't have to say everything you know.
00:24:55.200 --> 00:25:02.400
But the thing is, to way to prepare for these, become intensely curious.
00:25:02.559 --> 00:25:03.599
We're having trouble with this.
00:25:03.759 --> 00:25:05.119
Okay, tell me more.
00:25:05.359 --> 00:25:17.680
One of the best lines I ever came up with in debugging problems in saving time, when somebody comes to me with a challenge, it's what have you tried that hasn't worked?
00:25:17.920 --> 00:25:27.920
If it's breaking into a customer, if it's selling a product, if it's addressing strong personalities at home, work, or play, what have you tried that hasn't worked?
00:25:28.240 --> 00:25:33.039
Because problems create opportunities.
00:25:34.640 --> 00:25:38.160
You work through a problem, it will create an opportunity.
00:25:38.319 --> 00:25:40.720
That's why we should not run from them.
00:25:41.680 --> 00:25:54.000
And opportunity triggers are a fantastic way to enhance and build and grow, become closer, and create a bond that's long lasting.
00:25:54.160 --> 00:25:55.680
Homework or play.
00:25:56.480 --> 00:25:56.799
Okay.
00:25:58.319 --> 00:26:03.680
One of my favorites, number four, is a gratitude trigger.
00:26:04.319 --> 00:26:05.279
Love it.
00:26:07.039 --> 00:26:15.599
One of the main reasons is because to keep negativity from becoming your default setting.
00:26:16.720 --> 00:26:18.640
We talk about default face.
00:26:19.920 --> 00:26:21.200
You got joy in your heart.
00:26:21.359 --> 00:26:23.359
Maybe your heart needs to talk to your face.
00:26:23.839 --> 00:26:30.240
The trigger, the gratitude trigger, keeps you from defaulting to the negative.
00:26:30.480 --> 00:26:32.559
Oh, I see it all the time.
00:26:33.759 --> 00:26:34.559
All the time.
00:26:34.720 --> 00:26:40.000
And I've tried to work with people, a lot of different personalities, you have to work with them in different ways.
00:26:40.240 --> 00:26:46.480
But our brains, we've talked about it, naturally remember criticism more than a compliment.
00:26:46.640 --> 00:26:47.759
It's just natural.
00:26:48.000 --> 00:26:49.680
It's the way it's wired.
00:26:51.279 --> 00:26:56.960
Without intentional gratitude, negativity wins by default.
00:26:57.200 --> 00:26:57.839
Automatic.
00:26:58.000 --> 00:26:59.599
Tie goes to the runner.
00:27:00.799 --> 00:27:02.960
Intentional gratitude.
00:27:03.200 --> 00:27:05.839
That my goodness.
00:27:06.079 --> 00:27:08.480
Those two words are so important.
00:27:09.519 --> 00:27:12.000
So every time you sit down for dinner, think about it.
00:27:12.160 --> 00:27:13.920
Name one good thing.
00:27:14.559 --> 00:27:16.319
Name one good thing.
00:27:16.559 --> 00:27:17.599
Oh, this looks great.
00:27:17.680 --> 00:27:19.519
Oh, this smells fantastic.
00:27:19.759 --> 00:27:23.519
Or maybe you say something, oh, after a day like today, it's been so good.
00:27:23.599 --> 00:27:26.640
I didn't think it'd get much better, but my goodness, look at this.
00:27:26.799 --> 00:27:27.920
Thank you so much.
00:27:28.079 --> 00:27:29.599
I appreciate this.
00:27:29.839 --> 00:27:31.359
Look at all this food.
00:27:31.519 --> 00:27:34.160
Ah, I've been waiting for this dish for so long.
00:27:34.319 --> 00:27:37.039
This dish reminds me of my grandmother and blah blah.
00:27:37.200 --> 00:27:39.119
There's so many things.
00:27:40.480 --> 00:27:44.799
Every phone call with family, friends, whoever, express your love.
00:27:45.119 --> 00:27:46.799
Express appreciation.
00:27:47.200 --> 00:27:50.000
Share the laughter before you hang up.
00:27:50.400 --> 00:28:01.440
And if it's a heavy call, if it's a heavy call, there's nothing to be, there's nothing to be happy, jovial, giggly about before you hang up.
00:28:02.240 --> 00:28:06.000
It means a lot to me that you would share this with me.
00:28:06.240 --> 00:28:13.680
Or it's a tough time, but we have so much love for each other, we're gonna get through this, and I'm thankful for you.
00:28:14.000 --> 00:28:17.920
You can say that at anything, and that what a way to end the call.
00:28:18.720 --> 00:28:21.119
Or at work, a successful project.
00:28:21.759 --> 00:28:25.599
Celebrate, take a minute and celebrate.
00:28:25.759 --> 00:28:28.079
Maybe the project's not over, maybe it's a step.
00:28:28.319 --> 00:28:30.240
Maybe one person stepped up.
00:28:30.400 --> 00:28:32.480
Recognize them, celebrate it.
00:28:33.279 --> 00:28:37.519
There is always something to celebrate.
00:28:37.759 --> 00:28:45.039
Always and the way you prepare for this is just make it a habit.
00:28:46.640 --> 00:28:54.160
Make gratitude a habit and attach it to your existing behavior.
00:28:56.160 --> 00:28:56.720
Smile.
00:28:57.200 --> 00:28:58.079
Thank you.
00:28:59.359 --> 00:29:01.519
When somebody says thank you, you are welcome.
00:29:01.680 --> 00:29:04.400
What we learned when we were kids.
00:29:04.880 --> 00:29:06.400
It's a beautiful day.
00:29:06.640 --> 00:29:07.759
I'm so thankful.
00:29:08.000 --> 00:29:09.920
I'm so glad you guys are here.
00:29:10.319 --> 00:29:13.200
I'm so glad I got to share this with you guys.
00:29:13.440 --> 00:29:30.400
And just I'm in a band and we just got back from Sturgis, and every little thing, every little person, every person that helped us, the staff, we didn't ask to ask for anything twice, but we know I heard my group and I was so proud of them.
00:29:31.119 --> 00:29:33.759
And it was, it's not my group, it's our group.
00:29:33.920 --> 00:29:37.039
But every time somebody does thank you so much, oh, that looks great.
00:29:37.200 --> 00:29:38.960
I would have never been able to do that.
00:29:39.119 --> 00:29:42.720
Oh, I asked you for this, and man, you knocked it out of the park.
00:29:42.880 --> 00:29:45.839
It's just part of how we operate.
00:29:46.240 --> 00:29:49.599
So when somebody's waiting on your table at a restaurant, thank you so much.
00:29:49.680 --> 00:29:51.119
They may be having a horrible day.
00:29:51.279 --> 00:30:01.119
You got a turd over here at another table that's not being nice or kids spilling stuff or whatever, that extra bit of gratitude from you, it's fantastic.
00:30:01.279 --> 00:30:02.960
And it's good for everybody.
00:30:03.119 --> 00:30:12.319
The triggers with gratitude are easy, but the rewards are so much stronger for everybody.
00:30:12.559 --> 00:30:15.039
So I think you know how I feel about gratitude.
00:30:15.519 --> 00:30:15.839
Okay.
00:30:16.160 --> 00:30:17.440
The last one I'll talk about.
00:30:17.519 --> 00:30:18.240
There's so many more.
00:30:18.400 --> 00:30:20.799
We'll talk about perspective triggers.
00:30:21.200 --> 00:30:30.400
The purpose of these are to keep small problems from blowing up into emotional extravaganzas.
00:30:30.880 --> 00:30:32.240
Perspective triggers.
00:30:32.640 --> 00:30:33.279
So important.
00:30:34.319 --> 00:30:35.359
Why do you need it?
00:30:35.519 --> 00:30:37.440
You're gonna have a flat tire.
00:30:38.880 --> 00:30:39.519
Sometime.
00:30:39.680 --> 00:30:40.000
When?
00:30:40.079 --> 00:30:40.640
I don't know.
00:30:40.880 --> 00:30:41.759
Have you ever had one?
00:30:41.920 --> 00:30:42.160
Okay.
00:30:42.240 --> 00:30:43.519
No, you're gonna have one.
00:30:43.759 --> 00:30:45.119
You and your family ever had one?
00:30:45.200 --> 00:30:46.000
It's a flat tire.
00:30:46.079 --> 00:30:46.880
When did you expect it?
00:30:47.039 --> 00:30:47.759
No, you didn't.
00:30:48.480 --> 00:30:48.880
Yeah.
00:30:49.119 --> 00:30:50.160
Flat tires.
00:30:50.400 --> 00:30:51.279
Slow internet.
00:30:51.599 --> 00:30:52.640
How about that?
00:30:52.960 --> 00:31:04.079
We were talking earlier about the problems of uh people traveling across country and a hundred years ago and all the things that they didn't have enough food or crime or whatever the situation is.
00:31:04.160 --> 00:31:06.079
Now slow internet's the big problem.
00:31:06.640 --> 00:31:07.039
Yeah.
00:31:07.279 --> 00:31:07.599
Yeah.
00:31:07.839 --> 00:31:08.480
Traffic.
00:31:08.640 --> 00:31:10.000
You know it's gonna be there.
00:31:10.079 --> 00:31:11.839
It's just you may not know when.
00:31:11.920 --> 00:31:16.799
I'm beeboping along, everything's great, and all of a sudden I see brake lights in the middle of the desert.
00:31:17.119 --> 00:31:17.759
What?
00:31:18.079 --> 00:31:20.319
Yeah, there's a tire truck that's on fire up there.
00:31:20.400 --> 00:31:22.640
It looks like World War VIII.
00:31:22.880 --> 00:31:23.519
You don't know.
00:31:23.680 --> 00:31:25.119
It's gonna happen.
00:31:25.359 --> 00:31:26.720
It's gonna happen.
00:31:28.079 --> 00:31:29.279
Delayed flights?
00:31:29.519 --> 00:31:30.160
My goodness.
00:31:30.319 --> 00:31:30.799
I don't know.
00:31:30.880 --> 00:31:32.880
I've had a rash of those lately.
00:31:33.200 --> 00:31:38.640
How about people who reply to all the scourge of the email world?
00:31:38.799 --> 00:31:48.640
I gotta tell you, those in Solana Beach, you've got, it's my little town I'm from, and I live for a while, but you've got they've the the sicklers are taken over.
00:31:48.799 --> 00:31:51.599
They've taken over a lane, they give them their own.
00:31:51.920 --> 00:31:55.200
They got two-thirds of either way, but yet that's not enough room.
00:31:55.279 --> 00:31:56.160
They come over.
00:31:56.480 --> 00:32:01.359
And don't get me started on those people hanging out in the passing lane.
00:32:01.680 --> 00:32:06.640
You're hang, you're not passing, you're obstructing.
00:32:07.599 --> 00:32:09.440
Yeah, all these.
00:32:10.319 --> 00:32:12.000
Oh, these irritations.
00:32:12.240 --> 00:32:17.119
Life contains a plethora of these.
00:32:18.240 --> 00:32:24.400
And the trigger is whenever something frustrates you, I've gone through a list just now.
00:32:24.720 --> 00:32:25.359
A line.
00:32:25.680 --> 00:32:27.440
Standing in line.
00:32:27.920 --> 00:32:30.079
Oh, it shouldn't be a line.
00:32:30.160 --> 00:32:34.000
It's more of a procession or a parade instead of a line.
00:32:34.160 --> 00:32:35.119
Standing in line.
00:32:35.200 --> 00:32:37.680
All these things that frustrate you or me.
00:32:39.200 --> 00:32:40.960
Just ask a question.
00:32:42.400 --> 00:32:43.839
Will this change my life?
00:32:44.079 --> 00:32:46.400
Will this is this a big deal next week?
00:32:46.960 --> 00:32:48.079
Next year.
00:32:48.400 --> 00:32:49.200
Will I?
00:32:50.319 --> 00:33:00.079
I got trapped on the five south after a gig and was trapped on the five for eight and a half hours.
00:33:00.400 --> 00:33:02.400
Spent the night with our singer.
00:33:03.680 --> 00:33:04.559
I had a great time.
00:33:04.799 --> 00:33:05.839
Slept a little.
00:33:06.400 --> 00:33:10.400
Prayed that I didn't have to use the bathroom, but eight and a half hours.
00:33:11.440 --> 00:33:13.279
I was pretty much over it the next day.
00:33:13.359 --> 00:33:13.920
It was crazy.
00:33:14.000 --> 00:33:15.119
It's a great story.
00:33:15.440 --> 00:33:17.920
The thing is, will this matter?
00:33:18.240 --> 00:33:20.480
When's the last time you stood in a Starbucks line?
00:33:20.640 --> 00:33:23.440
When's the last time you stood in security at the airport?
00:33:23.599 --> 00:33:23.920
Yeah.
00:33:24.000 --> 00:33:25.119
Hey, it's frustrating.
00:33:25.200 --> 00:33:25.680
Yeah.
00:33:25.920 --> 00:33:27.759
It's not life-changing.
00:33:27.920 --> 00:33:30.079
You miss your flight, you catch another flight.
00:33:30.240 --> 00:33:31.680
The guy cuts you off in traffic.
00:33:31.759 --> 00:33:34.160
I'm just grateful we didn't hit each other.
00:33:35.039 --> 00:33:37.680
Now we can bitch about it because it's fun.
00:33:38.640 --> 00:33:41.599
However, that trigger.
00:33:42.319 --> 00:33:44.160
Perspective triggers.
00:33:44.319 --> 00:33:46.960
In the grand scheme of things, it's not that big a deal.
00:33:47.119 --> 00:33:48.640
I spilled salsa on my shirt.
00:33:48.720 --> 00:33:50.160
I always spill salsa on my shirt.
00:33:50.240 --> 00:33:53.920
I spill salsa on my shirt when I'm not eating salsa.
00:33:54.000 --> 00:33:55.039
I don't know that happened.
00:33:55.279 --> 00:33:56.079
Perspective?
00:33:57.839 --> 00:33:59.519
It's amazing.
00:33:59.680 --> 00:34:01.759
And I don't use that word much.
00:34:02.799 --> 00:34:07.119
But it is amazing when you use a perspective trigger.
00:34:07.440 --> 00:34:10.159
How many problems shrink?
00:34:11.920 --> 00:34:13.119
At least this.
00:34:13.360 --> 00:34:14.639
Or I have this.
00:34:14.960 --> 00:34:16.559
Or what's next?
00:34:16.880 --> 00:34:23.039
All of these things make a lot of the frustrations of today shrink.
00:34:23.599 --> 00:34:24.880
And remind yourself.
00:34:25.199 --> 00:34:28.559
Use a gratitude trigger when you have a perspective trigger.
00:34:28.960 --> 00:34:30.559
Whew, we're safe.
00:34:30.719 --> 00:34:31.599
We're fine.
00:34:32.000 --> 00:34:33.360
We may be a little late.
00:34:33.519 --> 00:34:35.519
We may not be as early.
00:34:35.679 --> 00:34:37.360
That's a little shot to my kids.
00:34:37.440 --> 00:34:38.480
That's what I always say.
00:34:38.960 --> 00:34:39.920
All those things.
00:34:40.320 --> 00:34:43.199
But notice it and shrink it.
00:34:43.440 --> 00:34:45.519
Will this matter a year from now?
00:34:45.679 --> 00:34:48.400
Will this matter once I get there?
00:34:49.920 --> 00:34:50.559
Yeah.
00:34:51.840 --> 00:34:54.480
We need triggers.
00:34:55.760 --> 00:34:56.719
We need them.
00:34:57.039 --> 00:35:02.320
Because without them, emotion becomes our decision maker.
00:35:03.280 --> 00:35:05.679
Fear becomes our planner.
00:35:06.719 --> 00:35:09.440
Silence many times becomes the answer.
00:35:09.679 --> 00:35:11.679
Oh, it's not good.
00:35:11.840 --> 00:35:19.920
And then afterwards we replay conversations, we rewrite arguments that are never going to happen.
00:35:21.360 --> 00:35:24.320
And we create the most brilliant responses.
00:35:24.639 --> 00:35:26.800
We'll lock and load those for later.
00:35:27.039 --> 00:35:29.519
But we do it all three hours too late.
00:35:29.760 --> 00:35:30.719
It's over.
00:35:33.119 --> 00:35:38.400
Triggers can reduce, if not eliminate, that whole, I wish I had said.
00:35:38.559 --> 00:35:46.800
Because you probably already decided what kind of person you want to be, and you get to rethink it and be ready for next time.
00:35:46.880 --> 00:35:49.119
So the thing is, how do we install these?
00:35:49.280 --> 00:35:49.920
That's great, Dave.
00:35:50.400 --> 00:35:52.480
You've raised some riveting points here.
00:35:52.639 --> 00:35:53.920
How do we install them?
00:35:54.239 --> 00:35:56.320
Some of it's just you do over time.
00:35:56.480 --> 00:36:00.639
Anytime somebody says I can't or we can't or we shouldn't.
00:36:01.199 --> 00:36:04.159
My automatic trigger is not with that attitude.
00:36:04.400 --> 00:36:12.480
As a matter of fact, when somebody says that in an O talk in a group setting, somebody says the word can't, somebody will usually say before I can't.
00:36:12.639 --> 00:36:14.400
Well, not with that attitude, which is great.
00:36:14.559 --> 00:36:16.480
It's learned behavior.
00:36:16.800 --> 00:36:20.639
I remember back at tennis, we would drill like crazy.
00:36:20.719 --> 00:36:29.360
And the thing is, Larry would say, or coach would say, you do this over and over, and you're ready so that when it happens, you even have to think about it.
00:36:29.519 --> 00:36:30.559
You just respond.
00:36:30.719 --> 00:36:34.400
Just call it instinct, call it muscle memory, whatever.
00:36:34.559 --> 00:36:35.599
You can have a tennis.
00:36:35.760 --> 00:36:37.920
Golf is a great any sport, really.
00:36:38.159 --> 00:36:38.880
You have that.
00:36:38.960 --> 00:36:40.880
That's why you practice so much.
00:36:41.119 --> 00:36:44.079
Comedians with hecklers, they've got their responses.
00:36:44.159 --> 00:36:45.039
They know what to do.
00:36:45.119 --> 00:36:46.079
They look for it.
00:36:46.239 --> 00:36:47.679
It's an opportunity.
00:36:47.920 --> 00:36:50.079
I even have hecklers from time to time.
00:36:50.239 --> 00:36:51.679
Believe it or not.
00:36:52.000 --> 00:36:53.360
Road trip traffic.
00:36:53.519 --> 00:36:54.239
Think about that.
00:36:54.400 --> 00:37:05.599
Okay, you see a guy coming up from behind and he's weaving in and out, or a guy up front just hanging out in the passing lane, or it starts to rain, or the wind is coming up, something happens.
00:37:06.000 --> 00:37:12.880
You just naturally have these instincts of what to do if you're paying attention, and that is necessary.
00:37:13.039 --> 00:37:14.320
You need to pay attention.
00:37:14.480 --> 00:37:18.400
But a lot of these, they're triggers that you install when this happens.
00:37:18.480 --> 00:37:20.159
It's an if-then statement.
00:37:20.320 --> 00:37:23.920
When this happens, if this happens, then I do this.
00:37:24.639 --> 00:37:26.239
So a few ways to do this.
00:37:26.400 --> 00:37:29.519
I love to attach them to existing habits.
00:37:29.760 --> 00:37:31.599
You're already doing stuff.
00:37:32.000 --> 00:37:32.559
Yeah.
00:37:32.800 --> 00:37:36.719
Every time you buckle your seatbelt, take one deep breath.
00:37:37.760 --> 00:37:39.760
Okay, that's part of the launch sequence.
00:37:39.840 --> 00:37:47.280
I remember my mom before you she used to answer the phone, the phone on the wall with the old mangled cord every time.
00:37:47.440 --> 00:37:55.119
But the phone didn't ring that often, but when we it did, right before she picked up the phone, she would go, she would clear her throat.
00:37:55.760 --> 00:37:57.760
She would clear her throat, so she's ready.
00:37:57.840 --> 00:38:02.639
That was just a habit that she did that was in stall with what she did and it prepared her for what.
00:38:02.719 --> 00:38:06.719
Because sometimes she probably didn't, and she sounded all gravelly or whatever.
00:38:06.800 --> 00:38:07.599
I don't know.
00:38:08.079 --> 00:38:10.800
That's one of the things I missed when she wasn't around anymore.
00:38:10.960 --> 00:38:15.280
The phone would ring at dad's house, and I was so used to hearing hello.
00:38:16.719 --> 00:38:18.000
Just one thing.
00:38:18.239 --> 00:38:22.639
Every morning, when you're having your coffee, what are you gonna do?
00:38:22.880 --> 00:38:23.679
Add it to it.
00:38:23.760 --> 00:38:24.719
I'm gonna think about this.
00:38:24.800 --> 00:38:25.760
Who am I gonna see?
00:38:25.840 --> 00:38:27.519
What does my morning look like?
00:38:27.679 --> 00:38:29.599
What are some possible triggers?
00:38:30.320 --> 00:38:34.639
You think through it, you review all the priorities.
00:38:35.199 --> 00:38:35.519
Yeah.
00:38:35.679 --> 00:38:41.199
I tell you one thing a good habit to do, a good trigger, smile while you're talking on the phone.
00:38:41.840 --> 00:38:45.280
They can't see you, but you sound different.
00:38:45.599 --> 00:38:46.639
Differently.
00:38:47.039 --> 00:38:47.599
Whatever.
00:38:47.679 --> 00:38:49.360
But attach them to a habit.
00:38:49.519 --> 00:38:51.760
When I'm driving, I'm gonna do this.
00:38:52.079 --> 00:38:57.280
When I I don't know, when I see someone or I pass someone, I'm gonna say hi.
00:38:57.440 --> 00:38:58.559
I'm gonna say good morning.
00:38:58.639 --> 00:38:59.519
I'm gonna smile.
00:38:59.679 --> 00:39:00.639
I'm gonna wave.
00:39:00.800 --> 00:39:01.760
Something like that.
00:39:02.000 --> 00:39:05.679
Attach that to an activity.
00:39:06.400 --> 00:39:09.039
Another thing, and I say this, and I don't know how much you do it.
00:39:09.119 --> 00:39:11.360
My life improved when I started doing this.
00:39:11.599 --> 00:39:13.280
Write stuff down.
00:39:13.679 --> 00:39:22.559
I don't care if it's on a sticky note or if it's on your mirror in the bathroom or stick it in your wallet or just notes in the Marge, whatever.
00:39:22.880 --> 00:39:23.760
Whatever.
00:39:24.079 --> 00:39:27.039
Visibility creates consistency.
00:39:27.199 --> 00:39:29.199
That could be that little note, smile.
00:39:29.360 --> 00:39:32.400
When inside salespeople, smile.
00:39:32.719 --> 00:39:35.039
Or don't forget to say thank you.
00:39:35.679 --> 00:39:37.599
Whatever that is, write it down.
00:39:37.760 --> 00:39:40.159
Think it through, then write it down to remind you.
00:39:40.239 --> 00:39:41.679
There's no shame in that.
00:39:41.920 --> 00:39:43.119
No shame in that at all.
00:39:43.199 --> 00:39:47.119
That'd be great to just leave a post-it note for somebody, just a word of encouragement.
00:39:47.519 --> 00:39:48.559
Whatever that is.
00:39:48.719 --> 00:39:50.880
That's gonna trigger something in them.
00:39:51.760 --> 00:39:59.199
One of the things too is practice your triggers responses before you need them.
00:39:59.519 --> 00:40:02.880
Professional athletes, they don't practice during the game.
00:40:03.280 --> 00:40:04.400
Neither should you.
00:40:05.199 --> 00:40:06.000
Who am I gonna see?
00:40:06.159 --> 00:40:08.400
Who's gonna push my buttons today that usually do?
00:40:08.480 --> 00:40:11.360
Okay, when they do, okay, I've known what my response is.
00:40:11.440 --> 00:40:12.639
Yeah, but you can say it out loud.
00:40:13.360 --> 00:40:16.239
I live alone, so I talk all the time.
00:40:16.400 --> 00:40:18.639
But part of that, it's you're ready.
00:40:19.039 --> 00:40:19.679
You're ready.
00:40:19.840 --> 00:40:20.639
You already know.
00:40:20.800 --> 00:40:21.599
You've said it.
00:40:21.760 --> 00:40:23.679
Those words, saying it out loud.
00:40:23.840 --> 00:40:28.480
Sometimes you'll have you'll have a courage trigger and you won't do it just because you haven't said say it.
00:40:28.559 --> 00:40:29.360
What does it sound like?
00:40:29.440 --> 00:40:31.679
And when it comes out of your mouth, ah, it's beautiful.
00:40:31.920 --> 00:40:34.000
So practice them before you need them.
00:40:34.239 --> 00:40:36.239
Especially those courage triggers.
00:40:36.480 --> 00:40:42.320
And I think you'd be the a good way to install these in your life is just start small.
00:40:42.639 --> 00:40:43.519
One trigger.
00:40:43.760 --> 00:40:47.199
This week, anytime someone says this, I'm gonna say that.
00:40:47.440 --> 00:40:50.880
Anytime I hear can't, I'm gonna say not with that attitude.
00:40:51.119 --> 00:40:56.559
And I've said it to CEOs when I was way down the ladder, and everybody chuckles.
00:40:57.039 --> 00:40:58.000
Everybody chuckles.
00:40:58.079 --> 00:41:00.079
But yeah, don't put 20 in.
00:41:00.559 --> 00:41:01.119
Just one.
00:41:01.280 --> 00:41:02.880
This week, that's what I'm working on.
00:41:02.960 --> 00:41:03.920
It's installed.
00:41:04.159 --> 00:41:07.119
You use it, and it becomes part of who you are.
00:41:07.280 --> 00:41:08.079
Just one.
00:41:08.480 --> 00:41:09.119
Just one.
00:41:09.280 --> 00:41:10.239
Think of it.
00:41:10.559 --> 00:41:18.000
And then a great way to install triggers in your life is when you're looking at your day.
00:41:19.280 --> 00:41:20.159
Think about it.
00:41:20.400 --> 00:41:22.400
When did I need a trigger today?
00:41:22.639 --> 00:41:23.840
Yeah, that happened.
00:41:23.920 --> 00:41:26.239
Man, I was caught flat footed.
00:41:26.559 --> 00:41:27.760
Whew, what?
00:41:28.320 --> 00:41:31.440
That's when you go through what I should I have said, what could I have said?
00:41:31.599 --> 00:41:33.119
What was an opportunity?
00:41:33.440 --> 00:41:34.719
What was an opportunity?
00:41:34.880 --> 00:41:40.960
So tomorrow, if this happens, when I hear that, here's how I'll respond.
00:41:41.440 --> 00:41:42.639
It's fantastic.
00:41:42.800 --> 00:41:46.480
And then maybe in the morning when you're sipping on that coffee, you review that.
00:41:47.679 --> 00:41:48.079
Yeah.
00:41:48.320 --> 00:41:54.800
And then a lot of people that just goes past them and they don't really know how to notice a trigger opportunity.
00:41:55.599 --> 00:42:01.360
One way to find trigger opportunities in your life is just notice what's frustrating you.
00:42:01.519 --> 00:42:02.880
Like we talked about before.
00:42:03.199 --> 00:42:07.440
Same situation keeps upsetting you over and over.
00:42:07.599 --> 00:42:09.039
That needs a trigger.
00:42:09.360 --> 00:42:12.559
A topic, a person, a place.
00:42:13.840 --> 00:42:15.360
It needs a trigger.
00:42:15.599 --> 00:42:24.719
Because that trigger will cause you to respond more appropriately until it's exactly what you want.
00:42:24.800 --> 00:42:26.880
And then you install it.
00:42:27.360 --> 00:42:29.039
So whatever frustrates you.
00:42:29.199 --> 00:42:34.400
So listen for things too, I wish, or I should have, or next time.
00:42:35.039 --> 00:42:38.320
All those are trigger opportunities for you.
00:42:38.800 --> 00:42:42.159
Other people may do it too, and okay, maybe you can help them with those.
00:42:42.320 --> 00:42:44.480
But when you do that, look at yourself.
00:42:44.639 --> 00:42:50.719
When you say, when you think or say, I wish I should have done this, or next time, you know what?
00:42:50.880 --> 00:42:53.280
Next time, gotcha.
00:42:53.599 --> 00:42:55.679
Those are trigger opportunities.
00:42:56.079 --> 00:42:59.119
And then there's a lot of emotional patterns.
00:42:59.440 --> 00:43:02.559
Where do you consistently overreact?
00:43:03.360 --> 00:43:05.519
Oh, I can think of a bunch for me.
00:43:05.760 --> 00:43:10.559
Or maybe you overreact or you withdraw or freeze.
00:43:12.079 --> 00:43:14.880
Or what causes you to interrupt somebody?
00:43:15.360 --> 00:43:16.880
Yeah, somebody's saying something funny.
00:43:16.960 --> 00:43:18.320
Well, you got a funny story too.
00:43:18.480 --> 00:43:19.679
Somebody's saying something mean.
00:43:19.920 --> 00:43:21.360
I'm mad about something too.
00:43:22.400 --> 00:43:22.719
Okay.
00:43:23.440 --> 00:43:25.199
Those are all emotional things.
00:43:25.360 --> 00:43:28.159
Those are they're also very predictable.
00:43:28.400 --> 00:43:30.000
You know the people you're going to be around.
00:43:30.079 --> 00:43:31.440
You know yourself.
00:43:32.159 --> 00:43:37.360
Predictable moments deserve predictable responses.
00:43:37.679 --> 00:43:38.480
Trigger.
00:43:40.960 --> 00:43:48.000
Another thing, you everyone has people in their life or have had people in their lives that they admire.
00:43:48.960 --> 00:43:50.880
Notice it or remember it.
00:43:51.119 --> 00:43:53.519
What do they consistently do?
00:43:57.679 --> 00:43:59.679
How do they respond to the same?
00:44:00.239 --> 00:44:01.039
Situations.
00:44:02.400 --> 00:44:07.039
Confidence usually has a system built behind it.
00:44:07.199 --> 00:44:11.519
That wisdom, they used to be emotional just like you, but look how they respond.
00:44:11.760 --> 00:44:13.440
And it's okay to ask them.
00:44:13.679 --> 00:44:17.280
And they'll give you some wisdom that found I found out this.
00:44:17.679 --> 00:44:19.920
Or in my life I've learned this.
00:44:20.400 --> 00:44:24.559
Or I used to not be this way, but I've learned boom.
00:44:24.800 --> 00:44:25.360
Wisdom.
00:44:25.519 --> 00:44:27.840
Learn from people that you admire.
00:44:28.079 --> 00:44:33.599
And then the last one I'll share is just ask yourself, what kind of person do I want to become?
00:44:33.840 --> 00:44:39.199
Or how do I want to come across to people who are important to me?
00:44:39.599 --> 00:44:44.320
And then create triggers that support that identity.
00:44:44.559 --> 00:44:50.639
A great word of advice I had early on is dress like the job you want, dress like the position you want.
00:44:50.800 --> 00:44:55.679
When everybody else was wearing polos, I was wearing creased white button downs.
00:44:55.920 --> 00:44:58.159
I look like somebody was a position above me.
00:44:58.239 --> 00:44:59.679
And that's just a small example.
00:44:59.840 --> 00:45:02.639
However, what kind of person do I want to be?
00:45:03.039 --> 00:45:08.639
Calm, compassionate, fiery, passionate.
00:45:09.519 --> 00:45:10.639
You can be all of these.
00:45:10.880 --> 00:45:13.199
But in different situations, what is that?
00:45:13.280 --> 00:45:16.559
And how do I build triggers to support that?
00:45:17.360 --> 00:45:18.960
Triggers are so important.
00:45:20.079 --> 00:45:24.000
Life isn't one by having the perfect response.
00:45:24.239 --> 00:45:30.079
It's one by preparing a better response or the right response.
00:45:31.360 --> 00:45:34.239
People who appear calm, they're prepared.
00:45:34.800 --> 00:45:39.840
People who ask thoughtful questions, they're prepared.
00:45:41.519 --> 00:45:49.440
People who remain kind under a lot of pressure, they're prepared.
00:45:49.599 --> 00:45:55.119
And then people who seize opportunities, they're ready.
00:45:55.440 --> 00:45:57.039
Because they're prepared.
00:45:57.199 --> 00:46:00.320
They didn't just magically become that person.
00:46:01.519 --> 00:46:06.480
They're not that work of art under glass right out of the womb.
00:46:06.719 --> 00:46:07.519
Please.
00:46:07.840 --> 00:46:11.599
They practiced becoming that person over time.
00:46:12.079 --> 00:46:15.920
Until it becomes more almost automatic for them.
00:46:16.159 --> 00:46:20.800
So your future isn't built only by your big decisions.
00:46:20.960 --> 00:46:28.719
It's built on hundreds of tiny moments where your response quietly determines your direction.
00:46:30.159 --> 00:46:31.760
Install the right triggers.
00:46:31.920 --> 00:46:33.039
It's so important.
00:46:33.280 --> 00:46:36.960
Because one day you'll notice something remarkable.
00:46:37.760 --> 00:46:40.400
The situation didn't change.
00:46:40.719 --> 00:46:43.519
These things keep happening.
00:46:43.760 --> 00:46:47.679
The same things, the same people, the same frustrations.
00:46:48.000 --> 00:46:48.480
Huh?
00:46:48.639 --> 00:46:49.840
What changed?
00:46:52.079 --> 00:46:54.000
You did, because you're prepared.
00:46:54.239 --> 00:46:57.920
So don't wait for life to decide how you'll respond.
00:46:58.079 --> 00:46:59.119
Decide now.
00:46:59.360 --> 00:47:04.960
And let your triggers remind you of who you choose to become.
00:47:08.400 --> 00:47:10.719
I don't think I can say any better than that.
00:47:10.960 --> 00:47:11.440
All right.
00:47:11.519 --> 00:47:12.800
Let me know what you think.
00:47:13.039 --> 00:47:16.559
Let me know what triggers you've installed or need to install.
00:47:16.639 --> 00:47:17.519
Let me know your challenge.
00:47:17.679 --> 00:47:18.880
I love working on triggers.
00:47:19.440 --> 00:47:19.760
Let me know.
00:47:19.920 --> 00:47:23.920
Email me, david at o talks.com or dave at o talks.com.
00:47:24.079 --> 00:47:24.800
Hit me with them.
00:47:24.880 --> 00:47:25.440
I love them.
00:47:25.519 --> 00:47:26.480
We can work through it.
00:47:26.559 --> 00:47:27.840
It's fantastic.
00:47:28.159 --> 00:47:30.159
I appreciate you hanging out.
00:47:30.320 --> 00:47:31.840
I appreciate you hanging on.
00:47:31.920 --> 00:47:35.920
But most of all, I appreciate you O talking with Dave.
00:47:36.639 --> 00:47:37.679
Giddy up.