The Power of Words: Stop Negative Self-Talk | Ft Gregg Hull

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Welcome to the Optimizing Beyond podcast. I'm
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Josh Negron, and this show is all about sharing
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lessons, ideas, and strategies that sharpen your
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thinking, strengthen your habits, and push you
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to grow beyond comfort zones. Let's dive in.
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Welcome back to the show. Today, I'm excited
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because I have a dear friend that I've known,
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gosh, I want to say almost 20 years now, and
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we just enjoy having conversations. So I've been
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wanting, I've been trying to get Greg on the
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show for a hot minute. He's a busy guy, but I
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finally got him on the show. Greg, welcome to
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Optimizing Beyond. It's good to be here, Josh.
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Glad to finally be able to come on the show.
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That's right. That's right. Hopefully not the
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last one. When we were talking backstage, we
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were talking about the things that we're both
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passionate about, right? And so the power of
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words is something that we've both had a pretty
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long journey on in these years. So why is this
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something deep and personal to you? this topic
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man uh words have been something that have defined
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my life since i was a teenager like maybe even
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before then like as a young kid words were something
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that i let affect me in positive and negative
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ways, mostly negative for most of my young life.
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So I remember being a kid, like I grew up as
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a nerd. Like I like all things nerdy, like Star
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Wars, Lord of the Rings, comics, like all of
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it. Like I'm a huge nerd. And that played a part
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in some bullying and things like that growing
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up. Like I didn't really fit into a lot of friend
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groups. Like I had friends in every group, but
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I wasn't really a part of the clique, if that
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makes sense. So there was a lot of like just
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the, words that people would say like would affect
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you and so i developed this really dark really
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deep depression loathing of self -worth like
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all because of the things that i thought about
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myself and the things that i thought were true
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the words that i would tell myself you know um
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you say more in your own head to yourself than
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you do out loud or whatever anyone says to you.
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So the words that I would say to myself were
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never good and so I developed this identity and
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persona of who I was that was just not a good
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thing and so it brought me... to this dark place
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of depression that it took me 35 years, almost
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40 years to start to work out of that. It wasn't
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until probably three, four, five years ago that
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I really started to work on some of that when
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I hit a really dark place and found out what
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the power of words really does to a person. You
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know, it's so funny because we convince ourselves
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with that, with those words and with those narratives
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that like in the same way we believe that we
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don't matter, that we almost minimize the effects
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easily, the effects and the power of those words
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at the same time, when in reality, that's what's
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keeping us down by that very result. It's crazy,
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that power. Now, you mentioned something interesting.
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that I wanted to ask about. You said you almost,
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with the way you told that story, you almost
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made it sound like initially it was the effect
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of the words spoken over you from others. Do
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you think that that is what began the source
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of the negative thoughts about yourself for you?
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Was it from the outside in? Yeah, I honestly
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think it partly was like there was a part of
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me that wanted to fit in, wanted to be accepted,
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wanted to be acknowledged, however you want to
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put that. And for me, it was the unacceptance
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that part of relationships that kids have where
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like kids can just be mean, you know, and so
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not fitting in, not feeling like I belong anywhere.
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And so it was it was that outside in where, you
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know. I had... I had... no real negative family
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issues when it came to my identity. But like
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I grew up in a household where my dad was gone
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a lot. He was not always the best dad. My mom
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was in a situation where she was handicapped
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and trying to raise three kids. So I kind of
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hung out with a lot more adults than I did kids.
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So I didn't really fit in real well. Like I didn't
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have that identity like with kids. So I always
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felt like kind of an outcast. And so So that
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negative feedback. started to affect me in a
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way of like maybe this is what I am this is who
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I am this is how I am like all of those things
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and as that feedback loop happened where you
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know just feel like you can't make friends you
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can't find anybody that relates to you whatever
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you start to tell yourself those things it really
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does become this idea of self -fulfilling prophecy
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where the more you say it the more it becomes
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true great example of that is when I was in junior
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high high school starting to date, there were
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girls that I would go out with, date, whatever.
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And every girlfriend that I had, had cheated
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on me with somebody else. All the way up until
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through high school, I dated the same girl for
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five years. We ended up getting married out of
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high school. But the whole time, I'm saying things
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like, well, you're just going to cheat on me.
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You'll find somebody else anyway. You'll trade
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me in for a better one. All of those types of
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things. And guess what? Eventually, After about
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a year and a half of being married, she ended
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up cheating on me. And so I didn't realize at
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the time that I do now that all of those things
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that you say, you're putting that into momentum,
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into the world. You're putting it out there.
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And sometimes it actually gains traction and
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can become something else. It kind of sounds
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I know sometimes people like to be dismissive
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of that because it kind of sounds like, you know,
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the like hooky, you know, that like, oh, you're
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just you're manifesting, you know, and I don't
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know if it has to be that mysterious. Like, yeah,
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if there's if you're just. If you're speaking
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it into existence, there is something there that
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gives it credence. Like, even if it's something
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as simple as like, well, I didn't have that idea
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until you mentioned it. You know, I mean, that's
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probably the simplest example of manifesting
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something of like, hey, you want to go out to
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dinner tonight? I mean, I hadn't considered it,
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but sure, you know, like. Yeah, it's this idea.
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It's so interesting because like if we talk about
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the power of words, the idea of a thought becoming
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action starts with what you tell yourself. And
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then high level athletes talk about it all the
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time. The power of visualization, right? They
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imagine themselves in the position of winning.
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They imagine themselves in the position of doing
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whatever the thing is, right? You put yourself
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in that situation to where your brain starts
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to think that it's real. Well, the words that
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you say do the same thing. Like the things you
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start to tell yourself become real and it just
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manifests in that sense. I'm not like a woo -woo
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type of person either, but like there's a level
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of belief that you start to have. And I think
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belief is powerful in what you believe to be
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true can become your reality. And I would say
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also that it can when once that becomes your
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belief, it also doesn't allow any any alternate
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script to make it through. Right. So like you
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and I have discussed this with, you know, like
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self -loathing and negative self -talk that when
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we start to really buy into those scripts for,
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I mean, goodness, decades. Right. And then when
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someone says, hey, like, I love you or you're
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awesome or, you know, think you're. Insert whatever
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positive adjective. It makes it to where there's
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a disconnect. You're almost not able to even
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fully receive that love, appreciation, and that
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belonging that caused this from the get -go.
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Isn't that crazy? We're going all the way to
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the beginning. And I noticed that was something
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with both of us, that until we started working
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on that narrative that we believed, then the
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loved ones, the people that cared about us, that
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we were, in a sense, keeping them at arms bay
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because... there was a limit of the connection
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that we could have, right? Yeah, it goes back,
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I think, to that power of belief, right? So many
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times, and this is why, you know, I feel like
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there is a certain level of, like, when it comes
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to somebody's even religious standpoint, right?
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That level of belief that you have in something
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becomes almost a wall of preventing truth to
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penetrate, right? Whatever that is. So if you
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have a false belief, that belief becomes a core
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of who you are. And so taking away somebody's
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belief in something, something is like shattering
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a part of their identity and so when you've built
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that foundation of belief of who you are of like
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i'm worthless i'm terrible i'm an awful human
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being if people only knew like what i was like
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they wouldn't see anything all of those things
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When somebody does give you a compliment, you're
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bouncing that off of the belief that you already
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have in yourself. And it's almost unpenetrable.
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It's like, well, you don't really know. Like,
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you're just, you know, you're just saying that
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or like, it might just be a moment. That's not
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who I am, but I'm glad that you think that like
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type of thing. You can almost like just reflect
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it back on somebody, you know? Yeah, it's amazing
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how it's a. it actually promotes disconnection,
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right? Because there is that dissonance of like,
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what you're saying doesn't match what I believe.
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And so, I mean, obviously I know myself better.
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So, you know, you've got to, either you're lying
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or you just don't know. Yeah, it's both give
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you an out. Yeah, for sure. So what... What key
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things changed that awareness for you to put
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value in the things that you were saying? Because
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like we said earlier, like a long time ago, it
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didn't matter what we said about ourselves. And
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then at some point you and I both were like,
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this is huge. You know, what changed that? What,
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what couple of things changed that for you? Well,
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a couple of things. First of all, the belief
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that, well, watching the reality play out, like
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I have been married twice, married three times,
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divorced twice. Both divorces that I've had have
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ended in cheating. And it's because of the words
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that I said, I think, as a part of that manifesting
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that to happen. And so seeing that play out in
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reality in real time and getting a feedback loop.
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In all honesty, I'm a very science person. I
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need truth. I need reality. I need facts. And
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so one of the biggest things for me was watching
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a study that was done on plants and the power
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of words that was done on plants. And having
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two different plants in the same environment,
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same light setup, same sunlight, like everything.
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And in one room where the plants were, they spoke
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positivity to the plants. Like it was. the weirdest
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thing but like you would watch them go into the
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room and be like you're such a good plant you're
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gonna be so strong keep going like and they would
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just encourage the plant and watching the plant
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flourish and bloom and become this beautiful
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like thing and then in the other room they were
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the exact opposite you're never gonna be anything
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like why do you even try like the sun isn't even
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gonna do it for you like you're not gonna be
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able to grow up to do anything significant and
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they would just speak these negative words to
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the plant and the plant even though it had the
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exact same sunlight the exact same conditions
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it withered and it died with just words and it
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was absolutely incredible to see and it was a
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repeatable thing like it wasn't a one time go
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home and do it to your like plants yourself like
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set one in one room and one in another and talk
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lovey -dovey to your plant i know it sounds dumb
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but talk to your plant in positive ways and see
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what happens. I can't even tell you. So it was,
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it was watching that in real time happen and
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being able to say, okay, words have power words.
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There's something about the things that come
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out of our mouth that we put into this world
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that become the reality that we have. And so
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you can call it manifestation. You can. call
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it what you want but there is a level of authority
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that we have as human beings where we speak something
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into existence where it permeates our belief
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to become reality yeah yeah and i i mean one
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of my earliest episodes was about the x but what
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a book that was called the expectation effect
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and it really science this up as far as like
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not not not going into the weird uh you know
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manifestation stuff but just calling it like
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hey you're familiar with the placebo effect right
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and so it's like how weird is it that the expectation
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of something good or beneficial happening even
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if it's not a real drug that has a psychological
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power and could manifest certain physical changes.
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And then also describing the Nacebo effect of
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the expectation of like, well, if a doctor tells
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you you have cancer, and there were multiple,
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I mean, this book was like actually rather, I
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don't want to say dry, but like kind of clunky
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because it was like, hey, here's the concept.
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Here's like 13 examples, right? And so he's just
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like. just assaulting you with them. And it was
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like a guy who was told, hey, it was some sort
00:13:30.240 --> 00:13:32.240
of cancer, I think liver or something or kidney
00:13:32.240 --> 00:13:34.600
or something. And he was like, you have six weeks,
00:13:34.679 --> 00:13:37.620
six weeks, six months to live. Sure enough, he
00:13:37.620 --> 00:13:39.600
died. And then they did an autopsy and he didn't
00:13:39.600 --> 00:13:42.379
have cancer. And it was like, what in the world?
00:13:42.460 --> 00:13:46.139
And so just that concept, right? And then if
00:13:46.139 --> 00:13:49.059
words and belief, like if belief works that way,
00:13:49.120 --> 00:13:51.720
and words we already talked about feed belief,
00:13:52.000 --> 00:13:55.129
then this is this thing that... such tremendous
00:13:55.129 --> 00:13:57.570
power. And if you're a person of faith, there's
00:13:57.570 --> 00:13:59.710
plenty of religions that discuss the power of
00:13:59.710 --> 00:14:02.210
words. I know in the Bible specifically, James
00:14:02.210 --> 00:14:06.610
goes on a rant about, hey, the tongue can set
00:14:06.610 --> 00:14:09.289
the whole world on fire. So you need to be accountable,
00:14:09.450 --> 00:14:11.649
you need to be careful. And let's not, in the
00:14:11.649 --> 00:14:15.299
whole creation story, God created by what? Word
00:14:15.299 --> 00:14:19.120
speaking. Yeah. Yeah. So man, that is, that is
00:14:19.120 --> 00:14:21.879
just so, so important. I remember when I was
00:14:21.879 --> 00:14:24.080
going through this, like you said it earlier,
00:14:24.220 --> 00:14:27.580
like we say the worst, I think what challenged
00:14:27.580 --> 00:14:29.980
me was just the concept, right? Mentors and people
00:14:29.980 --> 00:14:32.759
like that would say, how many of you say things
00:14:32.759 --> 00:14:35.500
to yourself that you would never utter to another
00:14:35.500 --> 00:14:37.940
human being? And then I got to thinking about
00:14:37.940 --> 00:14:40.600
that. It seems silly, but I, obviously that's
00:14:40.600 --> 00:14:43.330
challenging. You're like, interesting. Why is
00:14:43.330 --> 00:14:45.289
that? And you start to ask yourself some questions,
00:14:45.309 --> 00:14:47.629
but then additionally, you're like, well, if
00:14:47.629 --> 00:14:50.309
it, if words don't matter, right. You know, that
00:14:50.309 --> 00:14:52.710
false belief, if words don't matter, then what
00:14:52.710 --> 00:14:54.830
does it, what does it matter? If I say those
00:14:54.830 --> 00:14:58.669
words to Greg, I wouldn't, but why wouldn't I?
00:14:58.789 --> 00:15:00.809
And it's like, well, because it could, it could,
00:15:00.850 --> 00:15:03.769
it could affect our relationship or like it could
00:15:03.769 --> 00:15:05.529
affect Greg negatively. Like I wouldn't want
00:15:05.529 --> 00:15:07.990
to do that. Like a good human doesn't do that.
00:15:08.129 --> 00:15:10.750
And so I was like, well, okay, then, then why
00:15:10.750 --> 00:15:14.750
doesn't that, apply this way and so that was
00:15:14.750 --> 00:15:18.090
like the the cerebral challenge for me and then
00:15:18.090 --> 00:15:21.029
you said earlier it's it was bang on that we
00:15:21.029 --> 00:15:26.149
we say like we think so many more words than
00:15:26.149 --> 00:15:28.710
we speak out loud right i do think the spoken
00:15:28.710 --> 00:15:32.070
word has has a a different category of power
00:15:32.070 --> 00:15:35.070
um that's just that's just my opinion um but
00:15:35.070 --> 00:15:38.149
the internal dialogue is is equally as critical
00:15:38.149 --> 00:15:41.370
even from like even if it is like from a weaker
00:15:41.370 --> 00:15:45.330
influence, you say so many more, like 10, at
00:15:45.330 --> 00:15:47.570
least 10 times more. I think it was a book that
00:15:47.570 --> 00:15:50.370
I read that was like, in just the morning, you
00:15:50.370 --> 00:15:54.110
can have said over 3000 words to yourself in
00:15:54.110 --> 00:15:57.889
just in the morning. And I'm like, geez. So for
00:15:57.889 --> 00:15:59.830
me, you know, it's like, you don't know you have
00:15:59.830 --> 00:16:02.450
a problem until you admit that you have a problem.
00:16:02.690 --> 00:16:05.809
And so that awareness really like, you know,
00:16:05.809 --> 00:16:08.289
that fed into just kind of analyzing, okay, so
00:16:08.289 --> 00:16:11.549
what, what am I continuously saying about myself?
00:16:11.990 --> 00:16:15.830
And that thread for most people, uh, I don't
00:16:15.830 --> 00:16:19.350
think there are very many unique negative things
00:16:19.350 --> 00:16:21.769
people say to each other or say to themselves
00:16:21.769 --> 00:16:24.090
rather. Um, but there are a few, you know, like
00:16:24.090 --> 00:16:26.970
I'm not enough. Nothing I do is good enough.
00:16:27.269 --> 00:16:30.210
I'm not going to amount to anything. What's the
00:16:30.210 --> 00:16:34.269
point? There just seems to be a lot of those
00:16:34.269 --> 00:16:37.429
commonalities. Once you recognize the pattern,
00:16:37.549 --> 00:16:40.490
you can really start to see how it affects the
00:16:40.490 --> 00:16:44.370
belief. Then you're like, oh, snap. That explains
00:16:44.370 --> 00:16:47.889
why I respond this way to the people I care about
00:16:47.889 --> 00:16:51.769
and how I'm not able to take compliments. You
00:16:51.769 --> 00:16:55.070
see like, holy crap, this affects my life on
00:16:55.070 --> 00:16:58.340
a pretty deep level. Yeah. Like on an intimate
00:16:58.340 --> 00:17:00.559
personal level, like it's, it's something that
00:17:00.559 --> 00:17:03.240
was ingrained inside of you for so long that
00:17:03.240 --> 00:17:06.339
it becomes who you are at some point. And that's
00:17:06.339 --> 00:17:09.920
where the idea of reframing and re like teaching
00:17:09.920 --> 00:17:13.220
yourself to speak positively becomes this break
00:17:13.220 --> 00:17:16.539
in identity. It's really recreating who you are
00:17:16.539 --> 00:17:20.500
from the inside out. Like you, I, I remember
00:17:20.500 --> 00:17:24.500
for me, the question was, cause I've, I said
00:17:24.500 --> 00:17:26.400
it for so long, like it was something. thing
00:17:26.400 --> 00:17:28.799
I knew consciously and even said it out loud
00:17:28.799 --> 00:17:31.240
was like, I like people more than I like myself,
00:17:31.460 --> 00:17:33.700
right? Like I love people. I don't really like
00:17:33.700 --> 00:17:35.539
myself very much. I love people, but I don't
00:17:35.539 --> 00:17:38.119
like me. And so the question was why? Like, what
00:17:38.119 --> 00:17:42.140
is it about me? Why am I the one who I despise
00:17:42.140 --> 00:17:45.119
so much? And like doing that work internally
00:17:45.119 --> 00:17:48.900
to figure out what am I saying to myself? What
00:17:48.900 --> 00:17:52.200
is it that the words are doing to me? Like, what
00:17:52.200 --> 00:17:56.869
is the benefit to me to tell me How much I hate
00:17:56.869 --> 00:18:00.470
myself. Like, what does that do to me? Like,
00:18:00.509 --> 00:18:03.630
why do I care? Like, you know, and it became
00:18:03.630 --> 00:18:07.970
this cycle of like almost masochism, but not
00:18:07.970 --> 00:18:10.769
in like a physical abuse way. But it's like I
00:18:10.769 --> 00:18:14.769
hurt myself because I felt like I deserved to
00:18:14.769 --> 00:18:18.190
hurt myself. And it was it was a cycle that I
00:18:18.190 --> 00:18:19.769
was like, this doesn't make any sense. Like,
00:18:19.829 --> 00:18:23.619
I have to stop. So, OK, from an application standpoint,
00:18:23.940 --> 00:18:27.200
I mean, I hear this a lot when I discuss this
00:18:27.200 --> 00:18:28.940
with people. They're like, well, what do you
00:18:28.940 --> 00:18:31.559
expect me to do? Like, how do you even do this
00:18:31.559 --> 00:18:34.180
without being like ridiculously cheesy? I mean,
00:18:34.200 --> 00:18:36.220
we both laughed when you were talking about saying
00:18:36.220 --> 00:18:38.220
silly stuff like that to the plant. You know,
00:18:38.299 --> 00:18:40.819
like it's just, you know, you hear people like
00:18:40.819 --> 00:18:43.759
stand in front of the mirror, go into your Superman
00:18:43.759 --> 00:18:47.680
pose and then. list affirmations you know like
00:18:47.680 --> 00:18:51.000
so how did you you know because when you're when
00:18:51.000 --> 00:18:53.359
you're negative when you're cynical when you
00:18:53.359 --> 00:18:56.099
have that mindset and you're consumed by it it
00:18:56.099 --> 00:19:01.000
i mean this just sounds silly yeah um so going
00:19:01.000 --> 00:19:03.720
back to james i think i mean the first thing
00:19:03.720 --> 00:19:07.079
is to take the thought captive right like and
00:19:07.079 --> 00:19:09.519
that doesn't necessarily mean to not think it
00:19:09.519 --> 00:19:13.160
but like to realize that it's happening to stop
00:19:13.829 --> 00:19:16.130
in the moment and say, why am I thinking this?
00:19:16.230 --> 00:19:20.410
Is it true? Is it real? And if it is, then what
00:19:20.410 --> 00:19:23.630
am I going to do differently? But that's hard,
00:19:23.750 --> 00:19:26.549
especially in an emotional state, like when you're
00:19:26.549 --> 00:19:29.329
feeling depressed, when you're in that deep,
00:19:29.529 --> 00:19:34.029
dark place, like having a moment to say, no,
00:19:34.309 --> 00:19:39.609
like I'm not this is hard. And so sometimes you
00:19:39.609 --> 00:19:43.029
can't deny the words that are... happening in
00:19:43.029 --> 00:19:45.890
your head so you just have to recognize okay
00:19:45.890 --> 00:19:50.009
i'm in this place i'm spiraling and for me you
00:19:50.009 --> 00:19:51.849
know as my friend like there were times when
00:19:51.849 --> 00:19:53.890
i would just be like hey i'm spiraling or i'm
00:19:53.890 --> 00:19:56.569
in a bad place or whatever whatever the the language
00:19:56.569 --> 00:19:59.609
was like i would i would confess it right i would
00:19:59.609 --> 00:20:02.769
tell you um sometimes you just have to talk to
00:20:02.769 --> 00:20:04.670
people like sometimes it comes down to getting
00:20:04.670 --> 00:20:07.980
professional help i'm not opposed to that i think
00:20:07.980 --> 00:20:10.759
it's absolutely beneficial but for a long time
00:20:10.759 --> 00:20:14.319
it for me was just telling on myself and saying
00:20:14.319 --> 00:20:16.920
hey i'm not in a good place right now and recognizing
00:20:16.920 --> 00:20:21.420
that and then taking the time to overcome that
00:20:21.420 --> 00:20:24.829
so we've both worked with Danelle Delgado quite
00:20:24.829 --> 00:20:27.430
a bit, like her gratitude journal, right? The
00:20:27.430 --> 00:20:30.750
four Gs every single day. So once I got into
00:20:30.750 --> 00:20:33.769
a habit of gratitude and realizing the power
00:20:33.769 --> 00:20:37.069
of being grateful for the things in my life and
00:20:37.069 --> 00:20:39.829
breaking the depressive cycle of like thinking
00:20:39.829 --> 00:20:41.890
the world is falling apart, thinking things are
00:20:41.890 --> 00:20:44.670
going... you know, to hell in a handbasket and
00:20:44.670 --> 00:20:46.549
being able to focus. Sometimes it only takes
00:20:46.549 --> 00:20:49.170
one thing, like to focus on, to be grateful for,
00:20:49.250 --> 00:20:52.390
to really take you away from the brink. Now it
00:20:52.390 --> 00:20:54.130
doesn't pull you out of the pit, but it takes
00:20:54.130 --> 00:20:58.990
you away from the brink. And that power of gratitude
00:20:58.990 --> 00:21:01.130
of just being, okay, I'm going to do 10 things.
00:21:01.289 --> 00:21:03.230
So you talked about standing in the mirror in
00:21:03.230 --> 00:21:05.509
your Superman pose. I'm not saying that you have
00:21:05.509 --> 00:21:09.170
to do that, but sometimes it's a list of a hundred
00:21:09.170 --> 00:21:11.230
things that you're grateful for, for yourself.
00:21:11.869 --> 00:21:14.650
And being able to find everything that you can
00:21:14.650 --> 00:21:17.630
think of, of what's good about you. And that
00:21:17.630 --> 00:21:21.470
list becomes a foundation or a rock or a place
00:21:21.470 --> 00:21:24.349
to start where you can build on that and start
00:21:24.349 --> 00:21:27.410
to add words to that identity that you formed.
00:21:27.589 --> 00:21:29.730
Because I think everybody can find one thing.
00:21:29.829 --> 00:21:32.430
I think it's a little harder to find 10 things.
00:21:32.549 --> 00:21:34.950
But if we were all sit down and write a list
00:21:34.950 --> 00:21:37.829
of 100 things we like about ourselves, for some
00:21:37.829 --> 00:21:39.769
people, that seems like it's an insurmountable
00:21:39.769 --> 00:21:43.289
task. But I promise you, Once you do that, it's
00:21:43.289 --> 00:21:47.250
the first door to crack open to get past the
00:21:47.250 --> 00:21:50.670
negative self -talk. Yeah, man, I can't say enough
00:21:50.670 --> 00:21:54.670
about gratitude myself. I was pretty cynical
00:21:54.670 --> 00:21:57.009
about it when I was first asked to do it. I was
00:21:57.009 --> 00:21:59.650
challenged to do 10 and I did three out of spite.
00:22:01.230 --> 00:22:05.769
And so it just seemed, man, so insignificant
00:22:05.769 --> 00:22:08.670
and so silly, right? When I had Glenn Lundy on
00:22:08.670 --> 00:22:11.420
the show, he said, great. Well, if it's so easy,
00:22:11.559 --> 00:22:14.380
then it shouldn't be hard to do regularly and,
00:22:14.380 --> 00:22:16.619
and prove me wrong. So, you know, and he, he
00:22:16.619 --> 00:22:18.599
works with a lot of like entrepreneurs. And so
00:22:18.599 --> 00:22:21.039
they're like, bet, you know, and then they're
00:22:21.039 --> 00:22:23.500
like, you were right. So, and I, like, I give
00:22:23.500 --> 00:22:25.759
tips on gratitude all the time. I recommend that
00:22:25.759 --> 00:22:29.480
people, you know, do the, in within reason, the
00:22:29.480 --> 00:22:31.759
last 24 hours, I think that keeps things fresh.
00:22:32.299 --> 00:22:34.640
Cause if you're always writing, you're like top.
00:22:35.180 --> 00:22:37.339
top everything gratitudes. I feel like that list
00:22:37.339 --> 00:22:39.119
doesn't change very often and it can kind of
00:22:39.119 --> 00:22:42.319
lose its effect. And you mentioned when you're
00:22:42.319 --> 00:22:46.039
dealing with hating yourself, writing things
00:22:46.039 --> 00:22:48.220
you're grateful for specifically about yourself,
00:22:48.420 --> 00:22:50.779
so powerful. When you're having conflict with
00:22:50.779 --> 00:22:52.819
somebody else, writing 10 things that you're
00:22:52.819 --> 00:22:55.539
grateful for about them, when you'd like to shove
00:22:55.539 --> 00:22:58.660
a shiv in their face, that's really hard to be
00:22:58.660 --> 00:23:06.339
like, Greg is awesome. I will say for me, the
00:23:06.339 --> 00:23:08.099
negative self -talk, you know, we're speaking
00:23:08.099 --> 00:23:11.119
about application. For me, it felt so overwhelming
00:23:11.119 --> 00:23:14.140
to try to attack, right? You know, if we're talking
00:23:14.140 --> 00:23:16.059
about thousands of thoughts a day, I'm like,
00:23:16.119 --> 00:23:17.839
good night. Like, I don't even know how to do
00:23:17.839 --> 00:23:20.880
that. And so for some reason, it was a logical
00:23:20.880 --> 00:23:24.819
switch for me where I was like, okay, I say a
00:23:24.819 --> 00:23:27.789
plenty of this crap out loud. And so we were
00:23:27.789 --> 00:23:29.670
talking about the spoken word being more powerful.
00:23:29.930 --> 00:23:32.690
So I was like, okay, well, maybe I can reverse
00:23:32.690 --> 00:23:35.630
engineer this. And so I was like, fine, I'll
00:23:35.630 --> 00:23:38.950
commit to not saying these negative things out
00:23:38.950 --> 00:23:41.650
loud. I don't even, I mean, I can't even fathom
00:23:41.650 --> 00:23:43.609
touching the thoughts, but let's just deal with
00:23:43.609 --> 00:23:46.670
this stuff out loud. And I recruited my homies.
00:23:46.750 --> 00:23:49.289
I told my wife and you guys, I said, hey, if
00:23:49.289 --> 00:23:52.569
you hear me say something negative like that
00:23:52.569 --> 00:23:54.690
about myself, I need you to call me on it. Most
00:23:54.690 --> 00:23:57.099
people are. super chill about doing that. They're
00:23:57.099 --> 00:23:59.259
like, I get to chastise you. Awesome. I'm in.
00:23:59.339 --> 00:24:01.440
And so, and it was cool. Like, I mean, people
00:24:01.440 --> 00:24:03.119
would call me out and I would say, oh my gosh,
00:24:03.140 --> 00:24:04.500
I'm such an idiot. You know, and they'd be like,
00:24:04.599 --> 00:24:08.359
no, I'm like, oh, that's annoying. Okay. And,
00:24:08.440 --> 00:24:12.000
uh, and honestly it had a pretty, uh, it kind
00:24:12.000 --> 00:24:14.799
of started conditioning me to, to obviously catch
00:24:14.799 --> 00:24:17.779
the verbal word, but then it like worked its
00:24:17.779 --> 00:24:21.500
way backwards into recognizing sometimes catching
00:24:21.500 --> 00:24:24.220
those thoughts. Right. And you had mentioned,
00:24:24.319 --> 00:24:26.029
you know, that's, that's that, that language
00:24:26.029 --> 00:24:28.289
of like taking, taking thoughts captive. And
00:24:28.289 --> 00:24:31.210
Glenn Lundy, when he mentioned this to us, he
00:24:31.210 --> 00:24:33.809
framed it the way he, he conceptualized it. And
00:24:33.809 --> 00:24:37.829
like, Hey, you typically cannot control your
00:24:37.829 --> 00:24:40.630
first thought, but you can control your second
00:24:40.630 --> 00:24:42.589
one. Cause the first one sometimes just, I'm
00:24:42.589 --> 00:24:44.509
an idiot, you know, like, and you're like, what
00:24:44.509 --> 00:24:46.390
do I do with that? Like, I can't, I can't make
00:24:46.390 --> 00:24:49.339
it go away. Um, he's like, but then how you respond
00:24:49.339 --> 00:24:52.140
to that, like you said it earlier, take an inventory.
00:24:52.299 --> 00:24:54.599
Like, is this true? Like ask some questions,
00:24:54.700 --> 00:24:58.099
be curious about it. Not so judgmental or just
00:24:58.099 --> 00:25:00.599
automatically buying into it. Right. And then
00:25:00.599 --> 00:25:02.940
you can say, no, that's not true. You know, and,
00:25:03.019 --> 00:25:06.440
and, and introduce some alternative perspective
00:25:06.440 --> 00:25:09.839
or maybe a reframe to what you're, you know,
00:25:09.839 --> 00:25:11.579
maybe it's funny. Cause like, sometimes you're
00:25:11.579 --> 00:25:15.099
like, well, if I did something foolish or broke
00:25:15.099 --> 00:25:18.319
something or, you know, something that did make
00:25:18.319 --> 00:25:20.819
me feel like an idiot. Maybe it does apply, right?
00:25:20.980 --> 00:25:23.259
And I think at that point, you know, because
00:25:23.259 --> 00:25:27.019
now we're both to a point where I don't think
00:25:27.019 --> 00:25:30.099
that joking in that way has harmful effects.
00:25:30.299 --> 00:25:31.839
You know, sometimes I still have people who are
00:25:31.839 --> 00:25:34.500
like, wait, don't say that. And I'm like, dude,
00:25:34.579 --> 00:25:37.140
I'm just kidding. If you knew how little I meant
00:25:37.140 --> 00:25:39.660
by that, I mean, I think you wouldn't make such
00:25:39.660 --> 00:25:42.640
a big deal about it. Right. But for me, that
00:25:42.640 --> 00:25:44.799
was huge. I think, and like I said, completely
00:25:44.799 --> 00:25:47.400
unexpected because I happened to just reverse
00:25:47.400 --> 00:25:51.240
engineer the game by something that, because
00:25:51.240 --> 00:25:54.500
again, the negative thoughts were so overwhelming.
00:25:54.920 --> 00:25:58.519
I was like, there's no way. I will say at that
00:25:58.519 --> 00:26:01.779
point in my life, I had no expectation that they
00:26:01.779 --> 00:26:05.039
would go away. But it gets you in that habit,
00:26:05.119 --> 00:26:07.279
right? And then there's other things like gratitude.
00:26:07.279 --> 00:26:10.690
I think that just... grow the snowball like what
00:26:10.690 --> 00:26:13.069
you described early on in our childhood it grows
00:26:13.069 --> 00:26:15.690
that snowball on the opposite direction you know
00:26:15.690 --> 00:26:18.710
and getting it past net zero and then beyond
00:26:18.710 --> 00:26:22.380
yeah and If I can be a little transparent for
00:26:22.380 --> 00:26:25.039
a second, like one of the most powerful things
00:26:25.039 --> 00:26:27.400
that I've noticed in that snowball, one of the
00:26:27.400 --> 00:26:29.579
most powerful things that I've found about words
00:26:29.579 --> 00:26:33.599
is when you start speaking positivity, when you
00:26:33.599 --> 00:26:36.359
start speaking words that are affirmative and
00:26:36.359 --> 00:26:38.920
life -giving to yourself, it overflows naturally
00:26:38.920 --> 00:26:41.640
to others. You know, it's one of those things,
00:26:41.680 --> 00:26:43.740
it's easy to give somebody a compliment. It's
00:26:43.740 --> 00:26:45.740
easy to, like I said, I liked people more than
00:26:45.740 --> 00:26:50.200
I liked myself. I would always still find myself.
00:26:50.299 --> 00:26:52.539
And again, it goes back to maybe a little self
00:26:52.539 --> 00:26:54.599
-fulfilling prophecy, but it was like, if I'm
00:26:54.599 --> 00:26:57.240
always the negative one in the room, if somebody's
00:26:57.240 --> 00:26:58.819
always like, Hey, how's it going, Greg? And you're
00:26:58.819 --> 00:27:01.240
like, ah, it's okay. Like whatever, like, you
00:27:01.240 --> 00:27:03.480
know, you're always the negative one in the room.
00:27:03.539 --> 00:27:06.500
Nobody wants to be around you. Like you're not
00:27:06.500 --> 00:27:09.809
going to. have people in your circle, in your
00:27:09.809 --> 00:27:11.470
influence, right? You're going to be the Debbie
00:27:11.470 --> 00:27:13.029
Downer of the group and people are going to be
00:27:13.029 --> 00:27:15.890
like, well, we could invite Greg or we could
00:27:15.890 --> 00:27:18.369
go without him and just have a good time, you
00:27:18.369 --> 00:27:22.970
know? And it's one of those things. So what I've
00:27:22.970 --> 00:27:24.910
noticed and one of the things that's been absolutely
00:27:24.910 --> 00:27:29.390
mind -blowing to me is as I've become more gracious
00:27:29.390 --> 00:27:32.829
and affirming of myself, it's been a lot easier
00:27:32.829 --> 00:27:36.210
for me to find the joy in other things and to
00:27:36.210 --> 00:27:38.519
be, an affirmative person with other people.
00:27:38.720 --> 00:27:41.819
And so as I recently became a teacher this last
00:27:41.819 --> 00:27:44.099
year, you know, so first year teaching, interacting
00:27:44.099 --> 00:27:48.380
with students and making my room a place of,
00:27:48.440 --> 00:27:51.220
we don't negative self -talk. We don't talk bad
00:27:51.220 --> 00:27:53.339
about people. Like we have positive language
00:27:53.339 --> 00:27:57.599
in the classroom. We do the 4Gs every single
00:27:57.599 --> 00:28:00.940
day as a class where we can like reflect on that
00:28:00.940 --> 00:28:04.500
stuff. Watching the students be able to gravitate
00:28:04.500 --> 00:28:08.740
towards me into my classroom. Even students I
00:28:08.740 --> 00:28:10.940
don't have this semester but had last semester,
00:28:11.119 --> 00:28:14.279
they come back and they are like, hey, can I
00:28:14.279 --> 00:28:17.359
talk to you for a second? Can I ask for your
00:28:17.359 --> 00:28:20.420
advice? You know what I mean? It's things like
00:28:20.420 --> 00:28:24.279
that that people are, you know, friends, family.
00:28:24.819 --> 00:28:28.559
When you are the one who... has power in your
00:28:28.559 --> 00:28:30.859
words, people want that power in their life.
00:28:31.000 --> 00:28:33.480
They want that affirmation. They want that, even
00:28:33.480 --> 00:28:35.940
if they don't believe it. Like even the negative
00:28:35.940 --> 00:28:39.359
Nancys like me who didn't believe the positive
00:28:39.359 --> 00:28:41.740
things people would say about me, I still would
00:28:41.740 --> 00:28:44.680
seek out people who would say good things about
00:28:44.680 --> 00:28:48.680
me, if that makes sense. So the power of words
00:28:48.680 --> 00:28:53.079
has really become, once it changes inside, it's
00:28:53.079 --> 00:28:55.960
funny to see how you can affect those around
00:28:55.960 --> 00:28:58.759
you with it as well. It's incredible. It allows
00:28:58.759 --> 00:29:01.700
you to give back in a way. Yeah. Yeah. Amazing.
00:29:01.779 --> 00:29:05.960
You said a phrase so good, having grace with
00:29:05.960 --> 00:29:09.000
yourself, right? I think that's such a huge source
00:29:09.000 --> 00:29:12.039
of a lot of people's negative self -talk that
00:29:12.039 --> 00:29:15.099
you make a fool of yourself, you trip, you drop
00:29:15.099 --> 00:29:18.940
something, whatever. And just that lack of grace
00:29:18.940 --> 00:29:21.680
and just being really judgmental towards yourself.
00:29:21.940 --> 00:29:24.519
I find that a lot of people will say, whether
00:29:24.519 --> 00:29:28.049
they're recovering perfectionists like i am or
00:29:28.049 --> 00:29:30.250
or something like they just have like another
00:29:30.250 --> 00:29:32.269
excuse is i just have really high standards you
00:29:32.269 --> 00:29:34.730
know and like my standards for myself or i don't
00:29:34.730 --> 00:29:36.990
think that's necessarily bad but there's such
00:29:36.990 --> 00:29:41.109
a seriousness that can come with that yeah that
00:29:41.109 --> 00:29:43.750
if you if you take everything so seriously and
00:29:43.750 --> 00:29:46.410
your expectations are so unreasonable for yourselves
00:29:46.410 --> 00:29:49.150
especially perfection like it's It's in the name.
00:29:49.190 --> 00:29:52.410
It's literally impossible. So, man, having that
00:29:52.410 --> 00:29:55.210
grace for yourself and being lighthearted, I've
00:29:55.210 --> 00:29:58.450
been attracted to people like that lately in
00:29:58.450 --> 00:30:01.589
recognizing, because I'll admit, I take things
00:30:01.589 --> 00:30:04.890
way too seriously, especially with myself. Even
00:30:04.890 --> 00:30:07.589
when I'm not expecting, yeah, I know, shocker,
00:30:07.630 --> 00:30:10.470
when not expecting perfectionism for myself anymore.
00:30:11.019 --> 00:30:13.059
But there's still this like sometimes there's
00:30:13.059 --> 00:30:16.619
just this unnecessary serious undertone to things,
00:30:16.740 --> 00:30:19.339
you know, and realizing that you look at some
00:30:19.339 --> 00:30:23.640
people, there's this carefree nature to them,
00:30:23.740 --> 00:30:25.900
you know, because they are quick. They're not
00:30:25.900 --> 00:30:30.019
quick to judge. They're having a good time, but
00:30:30.019 --> 00:30:32.640
they're not lazy or, you know, not driven or
00:30:32.640 --> 00:30:35.640
not aspirational or anything. It's not like that.
00:30:35.680 --> 00:30:37.980
It's just that they realize they're like, yeah,
00:30:38.000 --> 00:30:40.339
man, if I mess up, it's fine because I'll just.
00:30:40.700 --> 00:30:42.880
I'll just try again or I'll fix it or whatever.
00:30:43.019 --> 00:30:45.500
Like, it's just it's so cool. And so, yeah, I
00:30:45.500 --> 00:30:47.819
wanted to I wanted to draw that thread out because,
00:30:47.960 --> 00:30:51.000
man, that's having grace for yourself is so,
00:30:51.039 --> 00:30:54.460
so huge. Yeah, it's not the end of the world.
00:30:54.500 --> 00:30:57.119
Like, and that's what it took me 40 years to
00:30:57.119 --> 00:31:01.259
figure out. Like, I mean, I thought that if everything
00:31:01.259 --> 00:31:05.440
was detrimental to me, to my world, to the things
00:31:05.440 --> 00:31:07.559
around me, to the people I cared about, like
00:31:07.559 --> 00:31:10.480
if I messed up, like I was a failure, nobody
00:31:10.480 --> 00:31:12.400
like is going to want to be around me, whatever.
00:31:12.500 --> 00:31:15.740
Like I was, it sounds selfish. Like when you
00:31:15.740 --> 00:31:18.079
say it out loud and you really. about it it sounds
00:31:18.079 --> 00:31:20.759
selfish it's like i'm not the center of the world
00:31:20.759 --> 00:31:24.799
i'm not gonna end all be all like it's not going
00:31:24.799 --> 00:31:27.779
to affect the vast majority of things it's funny
00:31:27.779 --> 00:31:30.000
because like alex hermosi has this perspective
00:31:30.000 --> 00:31:33.160
that he talks about sometimes and he says you
00:31:33.160 --> 00:31:36.059
know think about this in the sense of like how
00:31:36.059 --> 00:31:38.000
people are going to view you when you're dead
00:31:38.000 --> 00:31:40.920
most people when they die Three months after
00:31:40.920 --> 00:31:43.160
you're dead, anybody and everybody is going to
00:31:43.160 --> 00:31:45.460
move on unless they're super close with you.
00:31:45.519 --> 00:31:48.240
Like your closest friends and family will still
00:31:48.240 --> 00:31:51.619
mourn your loss. But in 100 years after you die,
00:31:51.779 --> 00:31:56.099
it really isn't going to matter to anybody. So
00:31:56.099 --> 00:31:59.039
who cares? So don't think that it's going to
00:31:59.039 --> 00:32:02.079
be this forever thing. Live in the moment. Get
00:32:02.079 --> 00:32:04.619
what that is. Like feel what you're going to
00:32:04.619 --> 00:32:06.660
feel. Like if you're having those emotions, that
00:32:06.660 --> 00:32:10.880
negative self -talk, take it. Feel it, analyze
00:32:10.880 --> 00:32:13.640
it, ask questions. I love how you said, be curious
00:32:13.640 --> 00:32:16.160
about it. Cause I think curiosity is something
00:32:16.160 --> 00:32:18.279
we've lost. We can, that's a whole nother conversation
00:32:18.279 --> 00:32:21.259
for another day, but being curious about yourself,
00:32:21.380 --> 00:32:24.079
about other people, but be curious about it and
00:32:24.079 --> 00:32:27.119
ask if it's true, if it's real and how it's going
00:32:27.119 --> 00:32:30.720
to benefit you. Yeah. I, yeah. Curiosity. That's,
00:32:30.720 --> 00:32:32.599
that's a really good one. We'll pin that one.
00:32:32.619 --> 00:32:36.440
We'll pin that one later. A couple more application
00:32:36.440 --> 00:32:39.799
details that I wanted to share. So for one exercise
00:32:39.799 --> 00:32:42.299
that I did in a discussion with a mentor, we
00:32:42.299 --> 00:32:45.420
had talked about what are the negative things
00:32:45.420 --> 00:32:48.220
that we do believe about ourselves and list them
00:32:48.220 --> 00:32:51.400
out. And again, they're pretty common, you know,
00:32:51.400 --> 00:32:55.440
and then write them in the affirmative of them
00:32:55.440 --> 00:32:58.579
not no longer being true. Right. And I think
00:32:58.579 --> 00:33:00.140
that's, I think that's important because when
00:33:00.140 --> 00:33:02.559
I worked with, when I worked with a therapist,
00:33:02.559 --> 00:33:05.779
he actually encouraged, he's like, Hey, I'd rather
00:33:05.779 --> 00:33:08.660
you write a goal in the, in the positive, not
00:33:08.660 --> 00:33:11.420
in the negative. So he's like, a good goal is,
00:33:11.420 --> 00:33:15.279
is a positive one, not a, I will not do X or
00:33:15.279 --> 00:33:17.440
don't do X. Right. He's like, I'd rather you
00:33:17.440 --> 00:33:19.819
say something in the, in the, in the inverse.
00:33:20.079 --> 00:33:22.319
He's like, it has a, it's, it's a more powerful
00:33:22.319 --> 00:33:25.809
pull. I'm like, Oh, cool. So for me, writing
00:33:25.809 --> 00:33:28.650
those in the inverse was good and I'd framed
00:33:28.650 --> 00:33:31.089
it. I had it in my office and that was good to
00:33:31.089 --> 00:33:33.829
read daily. So that's something that you can
00:33:33.829 --> 00:33:39.490
do really easy. Another one was I messaged people
00:33:39.490 --> 00:33:43.049
whose opinion I greatly valued and people that
00:33:43.049 --> 00:33:46.359
I respected that knew me decently. Those people
00:33:46.359 --> 00:33:48.440
that they speak into your life and you just totally
00:33:48.440 --> 00:33:50.940
blow them off and you're like, okay, great. Those
00:33:50.940 --> 00:33:52.500
people that you think are either lying to you
00:33:52.500 --> 00:33:55.240
or don't know you. And I messaged a bunch of
00:33:55.240 --> 00:33:58.359
those people. I want to say at least 15 of them.
00:33:58.440 --> 00:34:02.099
And I said, hey, I know this is because you're
00:34:02.099 --> 00:34:05.099
typically messaging intentional humans. And so
00:34:05.099 --> 00:34:07.299
sometimes you may not get a response because
00:34:07.299 --> 00:34:09.500
this is if someone wants to actually spend the
00:34:09.500 --> 00:34:13.159
time to do it, it takes a second. And so I said,
00:34:13.239 --> 00:34:16.019
hey, I would love to, I'm working on some stuff
00:34:16.019 --> 00:34:19.300
on myself and I'd love to know how you see me
00:34:19.300 --> 00:34:22.219
in whatever way you want to articulate that.
00:34:22.400 --> 00:34:24.440
I don't want to put you in a box, but how do
00:34:24.440 --> 00:34:26.760
you see me? How do I add value to your life?
00:34:28.159 --> 00:34:29.820
I'd love for you to share that with me. It can
00:34:29.820 --> 00:34:32.920
be a sentence or it can be a paragraph or a voice
00:34:32.920 --> 00:34:35.539
memo, whatever you want to do. And I got such
00:34:35.539 --> 00:34:41.269
rich answers, way more than I expected in. in
00:34:41.269 --> 00:34:43.849
very unique directions that i didn't anticipate
00:34:43.849 --> 00:34:46.989
either and my plan was i was going to read it
00:34:46.989 --> 00:34:50.489
every day but dude this was like pages of stuff
00:34:50.489 --> 00:34:54.210
i was like holy smokes i can't do this so i i
00:34:54.210 --> 00:34:56.750
admit i fed it into chat gbt and i said hey can
00:34:56.750 --> 00:35:00.130
you give me like because some people said things
00:35:00.130 --> 00:35:02.960
that were similar Which makes sense. And so I
00:35:02.960 --> 00:35:05.619
said, hey, combine the themes that are similar.
00:35:05.800 --> 00:35:07.820
I want you to draw those themes out. And then
00:35:07.820 --> 00:35:09.820
I want you to list them on a one page. And I
00:35:09.820 --> 00:35:12.360
want to read it every day. So that was crazy.
00:35:12.500 --> 00:35:16.599
And the last one was, now our church did this.
00:35:16.780 --> 00:35:19.340
They gave us a bookmark of all the things God
00:35:19.340 --> 00:35:21.420
says about us. And I was like, well, that seems
00:35:21.420 --> 00:35:23.300
like a good thing to read. You can do this with
00:35:23.300 --> 00:35:26.539
ChatGBT. It's like, hey, list me all the chapters
00:35:26.539 --> 00:35:29.139
and verses that speak into how God views us.
00:35:29.239 --> 00:35:31.760
It should get you, I mean, 80 % of the way there
00:35:31.760 --> 00:35:33.880
at least. And that was something I read every
00:35:33.880 --> 00:35:35.980
single day. Now you're like, I don't know if
00:35:35.980 --> 00:35:37.440
there's any of that. Any of that's going to make
00:35:37.440 --> 00:35:40.679
a difference. You know, I was doing a ton of
00:35:40.679 --> 00:35:42.699
things at the same time. You know, maybe these
00:35:42.699 --> 00:35:45.639
are low yield. I don't think so. I think these
00:35:45.639 --> 00:35:48.519
are actually super powerful. And even if you're
00:35:48.519 --> 00:35:51.659
like, you know what, reading them, I would do
00:35:51.659 --> 00:35:54.260
it two ways. I would read them. I felt like reading
00:35:54.260 --> 00:35:58.119
them aloud had value, but it seemed cheesy. So
00:35:58.119 --> 00:36:00.920
sometimes I would highlight it and have my phone
00:36:00.920 --> 00:36:04.019
speak it aloud and I would just listen. And so
00:36:04.019 --> 00:36:08.059
those three, man, like so, so powerful. Do you
00:36:08.059 --> 00:36:10.360
have any that you that you regularly did that
00:36:10.360 --> 00:36:13.710
were powerful? So we talked about the gratitudes.
00:36:13.710 --> 00:36:17.110
That one was huge. But seeing how the Bible talks
00:36:17.110 --> 00:36:20.489
about you as a person is incredible too. Like
00:36:20.489 --> 00:36:23.610
that one for my own identity, because again,
00:36:23.710 --> 00:36:25.909
the words that you're saying to yourself are
00:36:25.909 --> 00:36:28.349
building that identity of who you are from a
00:36:28.349 --> 00:36:31.909
young age. And so you have to replace that identity
00:36:31.909 --> 00:36:35.409
that you've built for you with something else.
00:36:35.920 --> 00:36:39.019
And so you can either do it with what other people
00:36:39.019 --> 00:36:41.920
say about you, good or bad. There's a dangerousness
00:36:41.920 --> 00:36:44.480
there because you can replace that identity with
00:36:44.480 --> 00:36:46.900
negative. Like the things you say negative about
00:36:46.900 --> 00:36:48.760
yourself, you can just keep on the negative things
00:36:48.760 --> 00:36:50.559
other people say about you and it just adds to
00:36:50.559 --> 00:36:54.900
it. But I love the idea of replacing that with
00:36:54.900 --> 00:36:57.840
what the creator says about you. Like there's
00:36:57.840 --> 00:37:01.039
somebody who made you and he made you for a purpose.
00:37:01.079 --> 00:37:03.460
He made you for a reason. You aren't a mistake.
00:37:03.699 --> 00:37:07.260
You're not meant to just walk aimlessly on this
00:37:07.260 --> 00:37:11.900
earth. And so replacing that fake, false identity
00:37:11.900 --> 00:37:15.260
or negative identity that you've created with
00:37:15.260 --> 00:37:19.599
something that is true is, I mean, it's a game
00:37:19.599 --> 00:37:22.519
changer. Again, back to the beginning, all you're
00:37:22.519 --> 00:37:26.750
doing is talking to the plant inside you. And
00:37:26.750 --> 00:37:29.190
feeding it with the positive things, the positive
00:37:29.190 --> 00:37:32.190
words of it's like going into the room and speaking
00:37:32.190 --> 00:37:35.369
positivity to the plant. That plant is deep down
00:37:35.369 --> 00:37:37.610
inside you and you got to make it grow. And the
00:37:37.610 --> 00:37:39.570
only one that can do that is you. That's true.
00:37:39.690 --> 00:37:42.590
And, you know, I think that's the final definitive
00:37:42.590 --> 00:37:45.090
point there, right? That nobody can do it for
00:37:45.090 --> 00:37:48.750
you. And I think anybody that wrestles with negative
00:37:48.750 --> 00:37:52.190
self -talk, view, poor or negative false beliefs,
00:37:52.369 --> 00:37:55.630
you're not going to be able to connect with people.
00:37:56.320 --> 00:37:59.000
on that level right like when they pay you those
00:37:59.000 --> 00:38:01.900
compliments when they say the most genuine things
00:38:01.900 --> 00:38:06.139
about you that are true right um it just i think
00:38:06.139 --> 00:38:09.300
we all know that we get those moments and we're
00:38:09.300 --> 00:38:13.079
like at that time we're like man no i don't think
00:38:13.079 --> 00:38:16.579
so yeah so you're absolutely right it falls on
00:38:16.579 --> 00:38:19.079
us to speak those words and if it works on a
00:38:19.079 --> 00:38:23.760
plant how much more than yeah you know Exactly.
00:38:23.760 --> 00:38:25.900
And you know, it's one of those things where
00:38:25.900 --> 00:38:28.340
I don't want to discount mental illness, like
00:38:28.340 --> 00:38:31.239
depression, anxiety, like chemical imbalances.
00:38:31.280 --> 00:38:33.820
I don't want to discount any of that. I was on
00:38:33.820 --> 00:38:37.199
antidepressants for a while because of the things
00:38:37.199 --> 00:38:39.539
that were going on in my head. But I can tell
00:38:39.539 --> 00:38:43.719
you that the freedom that you feel when you don't
00:38:43.719 --> 00:38:46.639
have to take that medicine, because some people
00:38:46.639 --> 00:38:48.960
have to take the medicine. I get it. I'm not
00:38:48.960 --> 00:38:51.579
discounting it. But the freedom that you feel
00:38:51.579 --> 00:38:54.449
from your own mind, in your own self when you
00:38:54.449 --> 00:38:58.929
have built a identity that can flourish and grow
00:38:58.929 --> 00:39:02.769
without the help of medication is the most freeing
00:39:02.769 --> 00:39:05.559
thing that you'll ever experience. Yeah, it's
00:39:05.559 --> 00:39:08.340
tough because, you know, we didn't even get into
00:39:08.340 --> 00:39:10.460
the neuroscience of it, you know, and I mean,
00:39:10.480 --> 00:39:12.579
that could be a whole nother episode of talking
00:39:12.579 --> 00:39:14.940
about, you know, we know that the brain is plastic.
00:39:15.000 --> 00:39:17.320
We know that it can be changed. We know also
00:39:17.320 --> 00:39:19.420
that, you know, neurons that fire together wire
00:39:19.420 --> 00:39:22.500
together. So it's going to be tough to move that,
00:39:22.500 --> 00:39:25.139
you know, like that illustration, that snowball
00:39:25.139 --> 00:39:27.440
across the net zero line and move it towards
00:39:27.440 --> 00:39:31.469
the positive. Like it is a. It is a battle of
00:39:31.469 --> 00:39:33.869
sorts, you know, of making that change because
00:39:33.869 --> 00:39:35.590
your brain, if your brain's thought a certain
00:39:35.590 --> 00:39:38.349
way for decades, I always tell people when I'm
00:39:38.349 --> 00:39:40.849
helping them and they get frustrated with, you
00:39:40.849 --> 00:39:43.289
know, plateauing or not making any progress or
00:39:43.289 --> 00:39:46.429
maybe not perceived progress. I'm like, hey,
00:39:46.510 --> 00:39:49.690
be patient. Have grace for yourself. Like you've
00:39:49.690 --> 00:39:51.929
literally reinforced this way of thinking for
00:39:51.929 --> 00:39:55.650
10, 20, 30 plus years. And now all of a sudden
00:39:55.650 --> 00:39:58.250
you do gratitude for, you know, a week or two
00:39:58.250 --> 00:40:00.900
and you're like. I still hate myself. I'm like,
00:40:01.000 --> 00:40:04.280
okay. I mean, yeah, like give it a second. Okay.
00:40:04.599 --> 00:40:08.139
For sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's a rewiring
00:40:08.139 --> 00:40:11.590
for sure. And again, Whole other episode on what
00:40:11.590 --> 00:40:13.690
the brain does with that. Just know like the
00:40:13.690 --> 00:40:17.750
power of the words is one, in the truth that
00:40:17.750 --> 00:40:21.349
they are, right? So the truth has the power of
00:40:21.349 --> 00:40:24.210
recognizing what that is. And then two, the power
00:40:24.210 --> 00:40:27.070
of the spoken word, hearing it out loud and getting
00:40:27.070 --> 00:40:31.150
it into existence because there's a whole realm
00:40:31.150 --> 00:40:34.110
of things in that. But like when you hold something
00:40:34.110 --> 00:40:37.130
in, it's the same with creativity. It's the same
00:40:37.130 --> 00:40:39.530
with like passion. It's the same. with all when
00:40:39.530 --> 00:40:42.969
you hold that in it stifles it it i mean you're
00:40:42.969 --> 00:40:46.170
basically not creating anything with it like
00:40:46.170 --> 00:40:48.949
and so letting it out putting it out there speaking
00:40:48.949 --> 00:40:51.730
those words into existence is just like back
00:40:51.730 --> 00:40:55.570
in the beginning a form of creation into putting
00:40:55.570 --> 00:40:58.710
that thought into process into action man it
00:40:58.710 --> 00:41:01.090
sounds like it almost sounds like it was all
00:41:01.090 --> 00:41:05.190
designed to be i don't know maybe not it's crazy
00:41:09.179 --> 00:41:11.900
Awesome, Greg. Well, hey, it was awesome talking
00:41:11.900 --> 00:41:14.000
to you. And this is why I like talking to you
00:41:14.000 --> 00:41:17.400
because it just, man, such a blessing. I appreciate
00:41:17.400 --> 00:41:20.500
you. Always a good time. I love it, man. Yeah.
00:41:20.880 --> 00:41:23.139
We'll have to do it again. Soon, I hope. We'll
00:41:23.139 --> 00:41:25.900
figure it out. I think so. Yeah, for sure. All
00:41:25.900 --> 00:41:27.860
right, guys. Well, thanks for listening to the
00:41:27.860 --> 00:41:30.699
Optimizing Beyond podcast. Remember, growth happens
00:41:30.699 --> 00:41:33.139
when you take action. So subscribe, share this
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00:41:35.579 --> 00:41:37.500
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00:41:37.739 --> 00:41:40.260
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