Silence, Speech, and Discernment: When to Speak and When to Stay Silent

WEBVTT
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Welcome to the Optimizing Beyond podcast. My
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name is Josh Negron, and this show is all about
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sharing lessons, ideas, and strategies to sharpen
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your thinking, strengthen your habits, and pushing
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you to grow beyond comfort zones. So let's dive
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in. Today I want to do something a little different,
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because obviously what's going on in the country
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was the recent assassination, and really just
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honestly a month where a ton of things were going
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bad. So school shootings, there was a murder
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of a young woman on the subway who was an immigrant,
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and it really... It was just super heavy. Everyone's
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feeling it, so it seems timely to kind of touch
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on some things that I've been wrestling with.
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Now, I want to preface this with I don't want
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to pretend like I have any of the answers, which
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I find that a lot of people out there aren't
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doing a lot of. they kind of prostrate themselves
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like they have all the answers. And I really
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think that comes across as pretty disingenuous
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and kind of closes off dialogue quite a bit.
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So what I've been thinking about is think about
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when you're in a group of people and you kind
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of get the sense that they may not agree with
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you on certain things. But you... you know, based
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on the conversations going on, that you're the
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minority in the situation, whatever the opinion
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might be. And we all know in those situations,
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particularly when maybe you don't know that group
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of people super well, you're probably going to
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lay off. being really contrarian. Now, there
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are those personality types that really get in
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there and do it anyway, but you know what I'm
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talking about. So that general concept of knowing
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when to measure your speech, when to kind of
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dial it back, know your audience, and pick a
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moment to say whatever you need to say. And obviously,
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the caveat with that is depending on the severity
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of the situation, if people are believing in
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an untruth or something like that, that may change
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how you decide to approach the issue. But in
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general, when things are up to opinion, it's
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not superheated and not something that's very
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polarizing, you may choose to really not say
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anything because there's really no point, right?
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So that general idea of when... when to say something,
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when not, when to react, when to respond, those
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two are different things, has really been weighing
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heavy on me over the last couple weeks. And so
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how do you know when to do that? I had two people
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that I look up to say this week kind of two seemingly
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different things. The first one said, and you
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can tell me what you think about this, she said
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that I mean, it was about 20 minutes long, so
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it's a lot to paraphrase. But generally, the
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idea was that she views silence, the deafening
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silence, as cowardice in a general way. That
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people were choosing out of self -preservation,
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most likely, to not speak the truth, not speak
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their mind, and also withhold from the world
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their... perspective that, you know, honestly
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might be helpful to somebody. There might be
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someone else out there that is wrestling with
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the same things that you're wrestling with. And
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by you saying quiet, you rob that person of the
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opportunity to connect with you, to connect with
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that idea and to potentially. get farther down
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the line in their journey and their thinking
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through those kinds of things. And so, yeah,
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that made a lot of sense. And she also said,
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you know, it takes self -control still to be
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purposeful in what you're saying, not just reacting.
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Again, the difference between reacting and responding.
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And it was a challenge to, this is the time to
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speak up. People's ears are... more ready to
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listen than ever before, arguably. And there's
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a lot of people out there looking for a message
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of hope, looking for truth, and really help sorting
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out their thoughts about all this. A couple days
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later, I had another friend who I look up to
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quite a bit, a prominent person with a decent
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following, that had heard a lot of these things.
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I don't know if they had heard the other person.
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So that person decided to also make their own
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view known. And their message was a little different.
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It was that silence a lot of times takes a tremendous
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degree of restraint. Now, when you think about,
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you know, social media in general, a lot of the
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news outlets, it is, you know, short form video.
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There's a lot of reacting, right? There's a lot
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of reacting versus responding. And it's based
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on impulse. The first thing that pops in your
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mind, you just say it. And usually not thinking
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about the consequence. And when that kind of
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stuff circulates, it circulates quite a bit.
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It gets attention, either because people intensely
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agree with it or disagree with it. And it just
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spreads like wildfire. So she said that. It takes
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much, much more control and discipline to stay
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quiet. So that was really, really challenging
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that perhaps there is wisdom in restraint, wisdom
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in being humble enough to not say anything when
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the whole rest of the world is screaming and
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is, I mean, really deafening, to be honest. And
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so... What does that look like? Which is the
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right way? And then I thought, are they really
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mutually exclusive, right? Because there's a
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little bit of both that are shared in that the
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first person said that you still want to respond.
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You still don't want to lose the intentionality
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of what you're saying. And so I really... I really
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appreciated that, that it wasn't a call to just
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say whatever's on your mind, no matter what,
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and not thinking about what it could mean once
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you put it out there. But it was also still a
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call to say something. And so I thought maybe
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that they were more on a similar spectrum. But
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then I put the question out there on social media
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this week. And I had a decent amount of engagement
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of people being honest with both sides of what
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they were wrestling with. Some said, you know,
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it's really been hard to be quiet this week for
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a myriad of different reasons that they shared.
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And then other people were like, you know, it's
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actually been a challenge to say things because,
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you know, A, who wants to hear it? B, I don't
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really want to get into an online debate or whatever
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argument. You know, whenever you ever change
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someone's mind on social media anyway. Right.
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And so it's just a huge waste of time. Right.
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And so they're kind of a little bit of self -discount
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there. So it really was interesting to see those
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different perspectives. I do think that there
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is something to be said for. a mixture of both
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ideas. Again, like I said, you could tell me
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if you think I'm wrong, but I think where I'm
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arriving to it is that I think it's a mixture
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of both, especially when things like this that
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happened this month, the weight of them is so
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serious, the result was someone's death. And
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there's a lot of implications in that, right?
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And so You know, again, like we said at the very
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beginning, when something doesn't matter, oh
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well, whatever, you can choose to keep your mouth
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shut. When something is much, much more serious,
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that's when, you know, maybe the conviction to
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say something, to share a message of hope, to
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take a stand in something that you believe is
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right, is the right thing to do in that time.
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Another thing that I was thinking through, again,
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all relevant to this week is the difference.
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There's been a lot of talk online about freedom
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of speech, which, you know, I'm a big believer
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in. But then, you know, what's that look like
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with cancel culture? And now that, you know,
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the roles seem to be a little bit reversed politically,
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there's There's a lot of commentary around people
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getting fired from their jobs for saying certain
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controversial things. And there's there's a strong
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push of like, you know, is that really freedom
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of speech? Especially when the right when the
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people on the right say that freedom of speech
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has such value. are they hypocrites in that when,
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you know, they'll, they'll call to get somebody
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fired for making certain comments. So I've been
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wrestling with that too. Like, uh, I think initially
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I had some really uneasy feelings about, um,
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people getting, uh, you know, people petitioning
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for people to, to be fired. Websites were built
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so you could report people. And it was, uh, I
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was like, man, wow, that's, uh, that's a little
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interesting. I mean, I'm an entrepreneur, I'm
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an employer. Um, so what does that, you know,
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what does that look like? And I was just thinking
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through, you know, freedom of speech exists,
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and it is protected by the Constitution. However,
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I keep hearing, you know, there's freedom of
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speech, but there's not freedom of consequences.
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And so, and there's also the nuance, there's
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so many layers, right? There's also the nuance
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of there are some types of speech that are illegal,
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right? There's slander, there's defamation of
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character, there's things that there's, you're,
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it's illegal to to incite violence or show intent
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to harm. And so those, those things are prosecutable.
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You can get in trouble for doing those things.
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And, and rightfully so those, those have always
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existed for a long time. And so there's a lot
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of conversation around, around these, these concepts.
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And so, but what about the freedom of consequences,
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right? You know, like When private enterprise
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decides to let an employee go, I've read a lot
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of people say that what they do on their own
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time when they're not on their employer's clock
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shouldn't matter. But that gets really weird
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when you're sharing things in public life, right?
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So I don't care what my employees do on their
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own time in private, but When an employee does
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something in public, which I would count social
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media as public, there could be some consequences
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for the things that they post or say or do, especially
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if it doesn't align with the company's values
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and those kinds of things. It's been really interesting,
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all the different conversations around that.
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And one thing that I love to do, and I don't
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know if you're like this. If you're not, that's
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what I would encourage you to do. So a big takeaway
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for today is, and you can hear the thread I keep
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pulling across, is that's what makes you grow,
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to encounter ideas and conversations and people
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that you don't agree with, right? A lot of this
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is I have people that I purposely follow that
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are competent, that I respect, but that I have
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differing views with. And so by that, I get to
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really understand different perspectives, and
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it really does help me grow. And comment sections
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are also pretty helpful. Now, they can also be
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super toxic, but... Usually when you're following
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someone of that stature that you respect, that
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you know is competent, that usually puts things
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out there that makes you go, hmm. In the comment
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section, you can skip across the crazy people,
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but you can see other people offering different
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perspectives even in those things. So it's really
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helpful. To gain that understanding. And there's
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been a lot of those discussions around the freedom
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of speech situation. There's a lot of conversations
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around hate speech, right? The idea that if you
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say something that is hateful against a group
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of people, maybe, or things like that, that that's
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defined as hate speech. And it should not be
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allowed. And it shouldn't be protected by the
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First Amendment. Now, I tend to lean towards,
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I don't know, I heard someone say that there's
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no such thing as hate speech. There's just better
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speech. And what they were meaning by that phrase
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was that anyone can say anything. And that's
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one of the benefits of living in a place like
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this. However, when you say stupid things, you
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could invite people to disagree with you. And
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you are unlikely to amass a significant following.
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And I think initially, like in the public square
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scenario in Greece and places like that, they
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weren't too worried about someone getting up
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there and saying really radical things because
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that person would likely not gain very much traction.
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You say things that are hyper -polarizing. You
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know, they say in marketing, they say 33 % of
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people will love you, 33 % don't care, and 33
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% will love you. And so the odds just aren't
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with you when you do that. Think about this.
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Think about like a large election, right? Whether
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you're trying to run for city council or... You
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know, something as big as the presidency. You
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see this all the time in presidential elections.
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You'll see someone that maybe was more far right
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or more liberal in their leanings. And when they
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run for office, they'll start to drift. They'll
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start to come towards the center because they
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know that they need the center to win. Right.
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Especially in a two party system scenario. So
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by that same logic, the. The thought kind of
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always was if someone says things that are extreme,
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it really won't matter because your average person
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is going to hear that and say, that's rubbish.
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I'm not interested. And they they will remain
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insignificant. Now, in the digital age with social
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media and. and digital avenues where people of
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like mind can find each other more easily and
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amass larger groups, I think that's where this
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has really gained some ideas, some, I should
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say, gained concern, yeah? And so people have
00:15:57.080 --> 00:16:01.840
gotten, these people seem to... be larger in
00:16:01.840 --> 00:16:05.039
numbers? And is that why there's such concern
00:16:05.039 --> 00:16:07.000
around hate speech? I'm not sure. That's really
00:16:07.000 --> 00:16:11.740
interesting. Or is hate speech, just like the
00:16:11.740 --> 00:16:14.019
things I mentioned earlier, the illegal acts
00:16:14.019 --> 00:16:18.019
such as defamation of character, slander, threatening
00:16:18.019 --> 00:16:21.049
people, and those kinds of things? It's just
00:16:21.049 --> 00:16:23.809
interesting because both sides of the political
00:16:23.809 --> 00:16:27.629
spectrum use that phrase, hate speech. There
00:16:27.629 --> 00:16:32.350
are people on the right saying that because extreme
00:16:32.350 --> 00:16:37.669
left people are calling right individuals Nazis
00:16:37.669 --> 00:16:41.870
and those kinds of things, that it really invites
00:16:41.870 --> 00:16:45.149
the kind of conversation that, or at least even
00:16:45.149 --> 00:16:49.299
the idea that they should be stopped. at all
00:16:49.299 --> 00:16:53.899
costs, which at this point has some concern because
00:16:53.899 --> 00:16:57.720
we have someone on the right that has been murdered.
00:16:58.720 --> 00:17:02.919
And this has also been used on the other end
00:17:02.919 --> 00:17:07.619
where the left views the things that the right
00:17:07.619 --> 00:17:10.160
says as hate speech against certain people groups
00:17:10.160 --> 00:17:15.279
that are more common on the left. And so It's
00:17:15.279 --> 00:17:18.200
really interesting. It's definitely not black
00:17:18.200 --> 00:17:20.400
and white, but it's something that I want you
00:17:20.400 --> 00:17:23.619
to think about. What do you think about hate
00:17:23.619 --> 00:17:25.380
speech? Do you think it's real? Do you think
00:17:25.380 --> 00:17:28.539
it should be regulated? Or do you believe that
00:17:28.539 --> 00:17:32.759
people can say whatever they want? But again,
00:17:32.839 --> 00:17:35.460
there could be consequences. The lightest one
00:17:35.460 --> 00:17:38.119
might be that nobody gives you any time of day.
00:17:38.220 --> 00:17:41.319
Nobody pays attention to you. And again, you
00:17:41.319 --> 00:17:44.460
don't gain any significance whatsoever. And some
00:17:44.460 --> 00:17:47.099
of the more severe consequences might be, should
00:17:47.099 --> 00:17:49.599
somebody lose their job if they say something
00:17:49.599 --> 00:17:53.660
extreme enough? Because certainly they can face
00:17:53.660 --> 00:17:59.019
jail time or prosecution if they say something
00:17:59.019 --> 00:18:03.480
as extreme, again, as the protected conversation
00:18:03.480 --> 00:18:05.869
we talked about earlier about. defamation of
00:18:05.869 --> 00:18:07.269
character, slander, and those kinds of things.
00:18:07.529 --> 00:18:09.789
So it's really interesting. I've been, like I
00:18:09.789 --> 00:18:11.049
said, I've been wrestling through those things.
00:18:11.130 --> 00:18:14.349
I definitely don't have all the answers. But,
00:18:14.349 --> 00:18:18.089
you know, when you ask someone what they're vibing
00:18:18.089 --> 00:18:21.430
on, you know, for the week, those have been some
00:18:21.430 --> 00:18:24.670
things that I've been honestly wrestling through.
00:18:26.990 --> 00:18:31.430
So I want you to think about some things. One
00:18:31.430 --> 00:18:34.150
of the things I want you to think about is, is
00:18:34.150 --> 00:18:36.710
there an area in your life that you're staying
00:18:36.710 --> 00:18:40.789
quiet out of fear? Like, is there something that
00:18:40.789 --> 00:18:43.190
you are convicted about, something you believe
00:18:43.190 --> 00:18:47.210
that you're afraid to say something about? Or
00:18:47.210 --> 00:18:51.410
even more so this, that you don't think anyone
00:18:51.410 --> 00:18:55.809
would be interested in your perspective? If the
00:18:55.809 --> 00:18:59.109
answer is yes, What would it look like for you
00:18:59.109 --> 00:19:02.470
to say with some clarity on what those things
00:19:02.470 --> 00:19:06.769
are? If that's on social media, if that's in
00:19:06.769 --> 00:19:10.109
a video, if that's something more long form,
00:19:10.250 --> 00:19:13.650
I'm not sure. Blog posts, maybe? Another thing
00:19:13.650 --> 00:19:18.230
is, do you know of somebody that has differing
00:19:18.230 --> 00:19:21.250
views than you? And have you ever engaged them
00:19:21.250 --> 00:19:25.690
in conversation? I find that the coolest thing
00:19:26.250 --> 00:19:28.630
is especially if you have an established relationship
00:19:28.630 --> 00:19:31.970
and you know that person has a degree of respect
00:19:31.970 --> 00:19:36.269
for you, coming in and asking questions and what
00:19:36.269 --> 00:19:39.250
they think of something can be a really good
00:19:39.250 --> 00:19:41.990
icebreaker. Because initially, especially if
00:19:41.990 --> 00:19:45.130
you ask about something like the recent assassination,
00:19:45.509 --> 00:19:48.769
that can carry some epic weight already. And
00:19:48.769 --> 00:19:50.990
they may start out in that conversation pretty
00:19:50.990 --> 00:19:56.759
guarded. But if you can... really demonstrate
00:19:56.759 --> 00:20:00.319
a spirit of curiosity, it can be really powerful
00:20:00.319 --> 00:20:04.859
for them to open the door and give them the opportunity
00:20:04.859 --> 00:20:09.019
to share what they think. Again, this is why
00:20:09.019 --> 00:20:11.079
dialogue is so important. I mean, one of the
00:20:11.079 --> 00:20:14.180
things that Charlie Kirk said that I think is
00:20:14.180 --> 00:20:18.400
pretty powerful is that conversation and dialogue
00:20:18.400 --> 00:20:22.359
are super important. Again, identifying those
00:20:22.359 --> 00:20:26.180
key people in your life that are opportunities
00:20:26.180 --> 00:20:29.440
for you to learn something new, to see a different
00:20:29.440 --> 00:20:33.779
perspective, are really, really powerful. And
00:20:33.779 --> 00:20:37.299
so would it take a significant act of courage
00:20:37.299 --> 00:20:40.559
for you to approach that person? Ask them out
00:20:40.559 --> 00:20:44.259
to lunch and say, hey, I've been really wrestling
00:20:44.259 --> 00:20:46.000
with a lot of things. It's been a heavy month,
00:20:46.119 --> 00:20:49.079
obviously. But I really wanted to get your take
00:20:49.079 --> 00:20:53.099
on... on a couple things because I respect you
00:20:53.099 --> 00:20:57.160
and I know that you think through things pretty
00:20:57.160 --> 00:20:58.880
intentionally and I wanted to have that conversation.
00:20:59.880 --> 00:21:04.859
So today's episode is definitely more unusual
00:21:04.859 --> 00:21:07.819
in that it's about wrestling with that tension,
00:21:08.000 --> 00:21:13.339
wrestling with, I feel like a lot of the people
00:21:13.339 --> 00:21:16.099
I've encountered in the last couple weeks have
00:21:16.099 --> 00:21:18.980
really had a hard time with the things that have
00:21:18.980 --> 00:21:23.049
been going on. and continue to go on. There's
00:21:23.049 --> 00:21:27.569
a lot of strong emotions and people reacting
00:21:27.569 --> 00:21:32.569
in different ways, in extreme ways to different
00:21:32.569 --> 00:21:35.309
things, not just the assassination itself or
00:21:35.309 --> 00:21:40.329
the murders that are going on, but instead reacting
00:21:40.329 --> 00:21:45.049
to individual things that are attached, kind
00:21:45.049 --> 00:21:48.650
of like a hub, if you will, to all of those things.
00:21:49.680 --> 00:21:54.220
And so I think it's good to reflect on those
00:21:54.220 --> 00:21:57.420
tensions, to challenge the assumptions that you
00:21:57.420 --> 00:22:02.559
might have. And again, what would it look like
00:22:02.559 --> 00:22:06.640
to find ways to optimize how you think about
00:22:06.640 --> 00:22:09.299
those things? Because two things will happen.
00:22:09.380 --> 00:22:13.339
One, you'll gain clarity on your understanding
00:22:13.339 --> 00:22:20.839
and your position on the situation. Or you can
00:22:20.839 --> 00:22:23.539
gain a different understanding and change your
00:22:23.539 --> 00:22:26.799
mind entirely and come to the conclusion that
00:22:26.799 --> 00:22:31.740
you weren't, you know, you were wrong. And now
00:22:31.740 --> 00:22:34.480
that you have more information, you can really
00:22:34.480 --> 00:22:37.279
look at that differently. And I think that's
00:22:37.279 --> 00:22:39.819
a powerful thing. That's why I wanted to talk
00:22:39.819 --> 00:22:43.660
about this. Again, it's difficult to talk about
00:22:43.660 --> 00:22:47.019
because it's so polarizing, especially with the
00:22:47.019 --> 00:22:51.910
intermesh, of, uh, uh, politics in there as well.
00:22:51.970 --> 00:22:53.809
But I think, I think there's a lot of meat on
00:22:53.809 --> 00:22:56.650
that bone if people are willing to talk about
00:22:56.650 --> 00:22:58.970
it. And so just something I want you to wrestle
00:22:58.970 --> 00:23:01.329
with, uh, this week. And yeah, I'd love to know
00:23:01.329 --> 00:23:03.430
your thoughts. What do you think about, what
00:23:03.430 --> 00:23:05.390
do you think about the tension between, uh, speaking
00:23:05.390 --> 00:23:09.490
up or staying silent? And then what more pointedly,
00:23:09.490 --> 00:23:11.930
what do you think about the freedom of speech?
00:23:11.950 --> 00:23:16.769
Um, and you know, this. kind of movement to hold
00:23:16.769 --> 00:23:18.450
people accountable to the things that they're
00:23:18.450 --> 00:23:21.430
saying, uh, with, with penalties, social penalties
00:23:21.430 --> 00:23:24.329
really of them losing their job. Is that, is
00:23:24.329 --> 00:23:28.690
that an infraction on, uh, on freedom of speech
00:23:28.690 --> 00:23:31.369
or is that, uh, you know, you're free to say
00:23:31.369 --> 00:23:34.509
it. You're not going to get jailed for that,
00:23:34.549 --> 00:23:37.750
but, uh, but you might lose your job. You know,
00:23:37.769 --> 00:23:39.390
what do you think about that? I'd be curious
00:23:39.390 --> 00:23:42.730
to know. So thanks for listening. This is an
00:23:42.730 --> 00:23:45.609
interesting episode for the Optimizing Beyond
00:23:45.609 --> 00:23:48.230
podcast. Remember, growth happens when you take
00:23:48.230 --> 00:23:50.869
action. So subscribe, share this with a friend,
00:23:50.930 --> 00:23:54.250
and most importantly, put into practice some
00:23:54.250 --> 00:23:56.230
of the things we talked about today. And remember,
00:23:56.410 --> 00:23:59.750
daily anything changes everything. Until next
00:23:59.750 --> 00:23:59.950
time.