S3 E2: Embracing Change, Finding Routine & Getting Out of Your Head

Jessica DeRose: I'm Jess and I'm Carly. And this is the Only Human Podcast. I could just feel that I was like so out of alignment with myself and my values. I felt so empty. I started to like feel like a shelf myself. That was so debilitating for me. Like that fear of putting myself out there and just the fear of like letting people in. We have our emotional support winner model too. Yeah, we got the ⁓ giggle. Gotta check the tech. Nothing like starting a new season with some difficulties. I of all people, like I am the one that has like my shit together, I feel like. Like I'm always on the right microphone, whatever. So if you're In comparison to me, you're like episode. I of all people between me and Carly always have my microphone. No, but it's true. You're the you're the tech. I'm just like a little bit a IT department. I'm the HR department, IT department. I'm kidding. No, no, no, no. That isn't this the switch is flipped at this time. You're a logistics queen though. Like you got the details online. So yeah, I it was just my turn to create some chaos. We recorded last week's episode almost an hour long. And only to find out. Carly's like, ⁓ I don't really think like the audio's that good or whatever. He said, I don't even know, but alright, sorry if you listened last week and it was a little hard to hear me. Hopefully this week is better. She's only human. I'm only human. I'm really excited to podcast because a it's Sunday morning, so I like the vibes are cozy. But I also haven't talked to you all week. Like this is a true catch up. A true catch up, I know. I haven't talked to you. You had I feel like I have so much going on that I'm just like, I have no idea what's going on with you. Like well that's how it should work and you're like, how's work? And you know, but yeah. ⁓ well before we get into this week, let's start out by reflecting on our intention from last week because when we talked, we ended the episode with an intention for this week. Do you remember what yours were? Yours was. Yes, mine was all about like leaning into the fall vibes, the fall season, which I would have been able to do quite well except for like the random sporadic ninety degree weather that came about. And I'm like, a girl can only do so much. Yeah, we had Yeah, you're like, This wasn't my fault. I did everything in my control to follow my intention for the week. Yeah, I tried to hold up my end of the bargain, but Mother Nature had other plans. I'm also such a stickler with weather. Like anybody that knows me knows like the seasons and like I you know, you wait till after Thanksgiving to put the Christmas decorations up. Usually October first is like put the Halloween decorations up, like full on spooky season mode. But I think it was October first that it was like an unconventionally warm day for October. And I'm like, I'm simply not entering Halloween mode with these vibes. Yeah, that would have been crazy. In these conditions out here. That's insane. So last week, or I guess at this point, it's almost like two weeks ago, like the vibes were so perfect. It was like fifties and so I I think we're gonna get more of that, but I did what I could. Yes, we still had the fall, pumpkin latte, uncommon James. That was actually in the newsletter. That was my mental health resource because that's been like burning in this home nonstop. watching like scary movies and scary TV shows. We just finished Widow's Bay. I actually don't recommend it. It's not good whatsoever. But it's about like a haunted town that has like, you know. Some weird stuff going on. So we gave it the good old college try. ⁓ again, would not recommend. ⁓ but yeah, I did I did what I could. ⁓ my gosh. Dare you take this into next week? You'll have a double attention. I think I have to carry it. You're gonna have to I have to carry it forward. That's you're gonna have to keep me updated. Like for me, I'm like, ⁓ I feel like it's cold there. So like I had no idea you guys had warm weather. You gotta let me know. Yeah. Well out of sight, out of mind, you're just living your damn Florida life like a girl does wait, it's cold there? What you mean? It actually is really weird. Like you have no concept of like when it's warm here you just feel like that's how it is everywhere. Right. You don't really think about it. And then my family's like, ⁓ yeah, it's like fifty five with like a real feel of like fifty. I'm like, ⁓ that sounds terrible. I was just gonna ask you, are you missing that at all? Because I do feel like there's something so refreshing about like the temperatures coming down. But I guess a sun baby like you is probably like miss me on that. Honestly, I think this is gonna be a topic that I'm gonna talk about a lot today, but I don't really feel like I know what's going on. So like I don't feel like I'm missing anything. I have no idea what time of the year it is. Like I am just on another planet. So like I think with like the holidays, like Christmas season, I think that's when I'm gonna start to feel a little confused and like missing that. But right now I just feel like it's summer still. Like I have no idea what's going on. So No, I think I'm good for now. I keep telling myself that I'm gonna get that like colder weather. Like I am gonna get it. It's just gonna be later on. So like I think I'm not like, ⁓ this is forever. I think I'm you know, it's just more of a slow burn. It'll also look a little different. Colder won't be, you know, by the standards of Philadelphia. But what was your intention last week and how did it hold up? Yeah, so before we tal or before last week. We talked about how it was my first week of work. So my intention was to be like a friendly face, more of like a social butterfly, just like going out of my way to introduce myself and like whatever. I actually think I didn't do as well as I th had hoped. I'm also like I didn't like just step into being a new person. I think like I I definitely made like strides towards being that person. But I didn't like walk in there as like a new person. I definitely was like a little bit quiet, but I intentionally had in the back of my head that I was like gonna go out of my way and like you know, introduce myself or whatever it was. So I think I I did a I did work towards the intention. I pictured myself being a lot more outgoing. ⁓ but I feel like when it came down to it, it's kind of like, okay, well you're not just gonna like turn into a new person tomorrow. Like at least you're kind of having that intention to begin with and just kind of like keeping it in the back of your mind. Yeah. So how many people did you meet? Like you said you met your team on what Tuesday and was that the day that you like had the intention to meet everyone and like give us the dynamic how many people are we talking about so the this is actually kind of really funny so I it's kind of complicated but the company that I work for is technically a contractor of the hospital Tampa General. So I don't technically work for Tampa General but since we're we like live and work out of their campuses, we have to go to like their employee orientation. So that was on Monday and that was my Kind of like the biggest part of my intention was like I would I knew I was gonna be seated at like a table, like a banquet site style table with people and I was like I'm of course not gonna know them, so I'm gonna go out of my way to introduce myself and you know just like ask people about themselves, what their job is, etc. So of course I walk in Monday morning, ⁓ I have my dress pants on, like I literally spent hours and hours and hours, like I'm not even exaggerating, trying to find a pair of dress pants that fit me. On Sunday, got home late. Like some way. Wait, where'd you find the pair? Because I got a picture and they fit you flawlessly. No, they fit me perfectly and I almost didn't really I was so sick of it. I was like, it was they're from Athletia. Really? Which I never I like peeked in there and I was like ⁓ they have dress pants and I was like no I'm done like I found a pair that I like kinda like but not really and I was like I'm done I was like ⁓ all right fine I not I like not even joking tried on fifty plus pairs of pants like not like not even an exaggeration same thing with trying to find scrubs like that was my weekend feet last weekend and it was miserable. So anyway so I'm like have my nice outfit on they said you can wear scrubs but they said you can wear business professional. I'm like I want to dress up whatever so I'm like have my outfit Walk in, they're like, ⁓ hey, like check in, like find your name on the list. My name's not on the list. Of course, why would it be? There's like there's like 240 people at this orientation. Like it was huge. I was like, excuse me, I'm not on the list. They're like, ⁓ okay, no problem. We're gonna send you this person. And this person's like, ⁓ yeah, I don't I don't know, like I don't see your name here anywhere. I'm gonna send you over to these people. And so I go to this table, it's like HR. And they're like, ⁓ what's your name? Whatever. I was like, Yeah, I'm with Shields. Like it might be a little different 'cause like I'm a contractor, so maybe it just got like lost in translation somewhere. They're like, Shields, we've never heard of that. Like, what do you mean? Like Shields, like and I was like, ⁓ yeah, like we're a contractor or whatever. She's like, How did you get the information to be here today? Like they were acting like I was trying to sneak into the place. No lie. I was like, You're like I'm actually employed here. It's like I I didn't just like walk in, like I got an email to be here, whatever. So after like a half an hour finally, they were like, ⁓ so sorry. All this to say I got seated at a table with no one else because I wasn't assigned a table. ⁓ my god. You're like, Well, there goes my No, literally I was like, I have to take a picture of this because I came in here trying to like talk to people at my table and I get seated at a table by myself. So Whatever. Long story short, a last minute it must have happened to other people or whatever. So there was like a couple more people that sat at my table and I went out of my way to ask them what their job was, etc. So I I fulfilled ⁓ some of my intention there. Again, you did with it what you could. Also, I just got a notification, your connection is unstable, so I'm a little nervy. But I mean, 'cause I got about yours. No, I notification about yours. No yours. Well, you're coming to option to me. Okay. So just exit out. It says reconnect or just exit out. Your local recording quality is safe. That means absolutely nothing to me. No, no, that's good. That's good. Okay. All right. I'm just gonna ignore that. ⁓ how did you feel when you were like getting sent all over the place? Like, did that send you into a little bit of a spiral? Were you able to like remain calm given it was like the first day on the job and you felt out of place? I mean, I had so much communication with my team leading up and so that helps. I was like, okay, I'm definitely higher, but I was I kind of was like panicking. I like, are they gonna send me home? Like am I not gonna be able to start today? Like whatever. So ⁓ and then like nobody was answering, like on my team. They were just making like the way that they were making me feel was like not great. I was like I'm I was being like super nice and like no problem, whatever, like mistakes happen and they were like literally like acting like I made this up and like I'm not supposed to be here. So Yeah. It was just interesting. But after that the next day then I actually like met with my people and it was probably like there's like a bunch of different people that I work with and it's kind of like different every day. So I probably met like ten to fifteen different people that day. And how are you feeling going into that meeting? Like were you a little bit like socially anxious? Were you like, Okay, no, I got this? I think because everyone else was super welcoming and nice and just like chill, I think that like really eased my anxiety. I think if it was more of like a high stakes kind of like less like casual environment, that would have been a little different. But it was like very casual and like everyone was super cool. So Yeah, it really is like you feed off of the energy that you're given. And I always try to remember that when I'm like approaching a situation or like a conversation. Like I want to be like that warm, approachable presence for other people. And it sounds like you've kind of found people just like that in the company. Yeah. But it is just like such a reminder. It's so easy like to do the opposite actually of what the people did at orientation. Like being like And like kind of like I I don't know, just making you feel uncomfortable or like you did something wrong. Like what it's really not that hard to just be like a good human and like try to make others feel good and welcome. Like I think that should be the standard, but apparently not. ⁓ outside of work, how has this week been? Like, do you feel like you've had any energy to like dedicate to like settling in and have you done anything fun with like the Tampa community? Ooh. I don't know why I have the worst memory. Let me look at my calendar and see like actually what happened this week. ⁓ I actually call back to you have no clue what's going on. You don't know what day you can. I told you I don't know what's going on, and yet you still ask me what's going on. That was your hint. ⁓ I knew you went to the market. ⁓ my god. I can tell you a little bit about your week. I remember. You can lead a horse to water, goddamn. What market did I go? That's it. We went to like so many mar like honestly we've gotten to like three markets so far. la last week I you know what? I was supposed to go to a market and then we ended up doing something else instead. But we like went to the mall. Okay. But you went sorry, I've forgotten. Okay, no, but we definitely have been exploring Exciting news also. I know y you can't see it 'cause it's not here yet, but we did get a couch. That was like the big check off the list this week. ⁓ but yes, I feel like I've been getting settled. I have been working eight to four this week, which like is obviously very different than what I've been doing, like seven to seven. ⁓ so I feel like I have a lot more time in the afternoon. and I've been handling it a lot better than I thought I was going to. But I think it also ties back to like I don't really I know what's going on. Like it it's like I don't know if I feel like I'm working because it's like Like my commute's less than five minutes. I'm doing a different job. I'm with different people. I'm in a different city. I'm working a different schedule. Like it just it feels very weird. Like I'm not like like Aunt said the other day, like, ⁓ is it so nice to be home like five minutes after you're done work? And I'm like, I don't really know. Like I feel like if I got a different job at home and it was like a five minute commute, that would feel leaps and bounds different. But here, that's all I know. So it's kind of like just this weird like feeling that I have to get used to. I almost have like imposter syndrome, but not actually imposter syndrome. It just feels like I'm like living someone else's life because I literally just changed every single thing about my life. ⁓ so it just feels a little like confusing and disorienting. Like and it's all good things. It's just like I don't really know how I feel about things because I don't know. This is just like so different. Yeah, it almost probably feels like you're like trying it on for size and you're like cosplaying as like somebody else for a week and then you're like, wait, no, this is actually my life, my schedule, my job, and like this is what it's gonna be like to stay. your normal schedule though, you're gonna go back to ten hour shifts, right? So this is just for the first couple weeks as you kind of like get the Okay. Yeah, I don't know why they I asked them why they do Eight hour shifts and they were like, we don't really know. It's kind of just what we do. It's like, okay. So next week, not this week, the following, I'll start three tenths or four tenths. Do you feel like the change in environment and like the change in schedule, like all of the novelty, even like where you might get your morning coffee or whatever, has that been inspiring to you? Like I know it's definitely disorienting and it probably doesn't feel real, but do you feel like there's any like new Brain patterns being formed? Like do you feel like any new thoughts? Like are you finding inspiration and motivation in this move? Yeah, I definitely think I am. ⁓ I'm definitely starting to have more like headspace for like creativity and inspiration and even like we had a meeting on Friday for work and it was just like their quarterly meeting that they do. Obviously I'd never been to one before and they were like, We want to start a newsletter. Can anyone like does anyone feel like they want to do that? And like no one raised their hand. I was like I can own that and I like co couldn't stop thinking about it all night about like ideas that I had for and I was like this feels really good to feel like inspired and creative and like just opening that part of my brain up and so I feel like I you know how we like talked about novelty like I think that that is really starting to take effect like the novelty of trying new things making new patterns in your brain like that's creating that like openness on that side of my brain which is really nice. Yeah. And I'm sure that also goes hand in hand with like novelty, but also finding a routine. So I'm just like looking at the notes, like we kind of just like brain dump onto a document and I'm specifically looking about getting back into the gym. So I feel like that's also a big part of what you guys were looking for when you moved down to Florida, like community, but also like leaning into like wellness and being surrounded by people who prioritize the same. So are you going to a consistent gym? Are you in a trial period of trying other ones? And like how has that been going? So our apartment has a gym and we're like four doors down from it. So I literally can just walk out my door and go there. It's so nice. It's not like it's but definitely better than a hotel gym. Like it has pretty much everything you need there. So I went there I think three times this week. ⁓ and literally like it's so out of habit for me that I got home like I was like I'm gonna go to the gym like every day after work and like one day I was like I'll just walk and like go outside instead. But like when I would get home from work I would already forget that I was supposed to go. Like Aunt was like, ⁓ I'm gonna go to the gym, like are you gonna I like, ⁓ yeah, I know I am going. Like thanks for reminding me. ⁓ but Yeah, that was like I didn't know what to do at the gym. Like I feel like I need to follow a program to just take like the thinking out of it so that there's like one less barrier for sure. But like so I just went and I just like did random stuff. Like I I did like the stair stepper for fifteen minutes, I did the treadmill for fifty like and I that's like not very much my vibe, just doing random things. But I'm like, I just need to get there and like getting in that practice first is just like the first step because if I try to do this like crazy, you know, strict routine being in the gym for an hour, like I need to just like practice getting there. Yeah. Sometimes going through the motions at first is okay. It's like creating that habit and then you can take it one step further of like all right let's be a little bit more, you know, intentional. I actually think you would do great with like doing group fitness classes. Like you should really get like a class pack. I know, I know. Well, okay. The thing is is like my apartment gym is like Totally fine. So to spend the extra money and to have that step of like going out, potentially having to drive, like I think that's just like it's more time consuming. I like I actually love CrossFit. Like I would love to get back into CrossFit again. I love that you're working out with other people, loud music, like it's just like intense. I love it. Like I really do. ⁓ but yeah, I feel like just the accessibility of it right now, I'm like is like my first like priority, I guess you could say or priority. Yeah. Yeah. That does make sense because I do feel like you have obviously a lot of like newness going on. So I'm sure it's kind of just trying to find the path of least resistance. But I think it would be great for you to like be with a community of people, like meeting people, people that are going to these fitness classes are probably involved in like run clubs or like think just connect you to people. Like I think there's something to be said for working out alongside people and finding community. But I understand we all have our bandwidth and like that might not be within yours right now. That is a great point. It's also like a great way to meet people. So funnily enough, we actually yesterday on Saturday we went to this like wellness festival. Like festival's a really like dramatic term for it. But they do it like every like month or every two weeks or something. It's called alt social. And it's basically like They like have a bunch of vendors. It's almost like a market, but like for fitness and wellness. So like you could sign up for a workout class if you wanted to. So we ended up doing like a Barry's boot camp for like thirty minutes like when we got there and then we walked around, they have like cold punges, saunas, they have people doing massage, chiropractic, like and just like a bunch of you know, like they had a coffee thing, whatever. Wait, get in the lineup before you could go any further. I'm like get only human in there. No, I know. I that was actually set up a table. But it's like I'm like, what would we even set up a table about? All ideas are but I'm just it was like loud, like DJ music, like like party vi like party vibes, but it was like fitness. Yes. ⁓ everyone's walking around with their shirt off, like I got in the cold plunge. It was forty degrees. My feet felt like they were gonna explode. Like how long were you in there for? Probably two minutes. And that was like only because I was trying to be like stubborn and like wait it out. But like I it was really bad. So yeah, that's like I figured like that would be a cool way to meet people too. It's like go into that stuff 'cause that was like on a Saturday morning. You know, people that are going there clearly are prioritizing like the same things that you are. So Yeah. It's really great that you and Ant have each other to like go to these things with. Like if you moved here alone, yes, you would still be challenging yourself to like go to these events and meet people. But it's nice that you have just like a built in person to go with and then just be like Hey, this is my husband Ann. Like you guys can just, you know, you look the part, like it's not like you feel out of place because you have each other, but there's still so much room to like meet new people and find community. It it actually like is proving to be a lot harder, I think, because we have each other. Like you have to be so intentional about like Leaving well I do at least like leaving his side or like going up to someone 'cause like I have him, so I have that security blanket, you know what mean? Yeah. This actually sounds so cheesy, but it's something that I've used. ⁓ it's raining outside. What the hell? ⁓ anyway. Bumble for friends. I used that in Australia, had so much luck. Yeah. I would highly, highly recommend. Like you wouldn't think that normal people are on that app, but they there are 'cause there's so many people I think in our like demographic that are moving away from home or maybe where they went to school and everybody just wants to make friends. But like whether it's a Facebook group or an app like Bumble, like I really do feel like more than ever, normal people that are just looking for other good people are on there. That's a good point. I like that. I didn't do that a while ago. It was like I think around COVID. And ⁓ I don't even know what happened. I don't know if I just like didn't try that hard or whatever, but I don't think I ended up like meeting anybody on there. Yeah. ⁓ I mean, wouldn't recommend it for a romantic partner, but for a fact. It's gonna be like, why is Bumble actually rather doesn't even know what bumble the whole premise has always turned me off. ⁓ like men that wait for women to reach out first new things. Immediately. No, it's supposed to be like better because you're not like getting bombarded. Like you can choose. It's probably b better for them 'cause they don't get rejected. Like you pick them. Or they just their inboxes empty, like cop ups in there. To each their own. To each their own. ⁓ but it sounds like you're settling in. I'm happy for you. I am, yeah, I'm settling in. I feel like I felt really energized this week, although all that energy came to a crash and burn yesterday. We went to the like the workout thing and then I came home and I was like, I'm getting a shower and laying in bed, like I'm ready for a nap. I laid in bed, no like not even exaggerating, from one thirty PM to eight thirty PM when we went out to pick up dinner and I took two naps. In between I mean I'm sure your body's shot. Yeah, like I it came to physically and I feel a lot better today. But yeah, that was and then ended up going to bed at eleven thirty because I slept all day. Right, because of your two naps. Ate steak dinner at nine thirty at night. I was gonna say, who gets dinner at eight thirty? I guess it was a Saturday, so that makes sense. Like a little bit of a later schedule. We took a nap until like six thirty and then You guys are just living your life. We're just we're just figuring it out. But also, I need to call out the amount of times that I'm talking over you in this it is so hard to podcast virtually. Really? I don't feel like that at all. Either I feel like that's like it's hard or just happened again. No, we I started talking after you were talking. But it's so hard when you're virtually podcasting to like gauge in a natural conversation. You can just talk like you can talk over people, but then I feel like in a podcast setting when you're at least that's my philosophy. ⁓ you can just no, I'm like you can contribute or be like, yeah, or like you know what I mean? But it's not a pleasant like listening experience. Yeah. I'm trying to get better at. Just sitting. But anyway, I just had to call that out. Shh. Just closing my damn mile. For once. Alright. I am tired of talking about my about myself. So what is going on in the life of Carly? Disappointment because it was hot again. Couldn't get into your fall vibes. Ruining ruining the vibe. Yeah. What's going on? It was fine. It was a little bit I feel like the only thing that was like really different was I had my family dog because my parents are in Hawaii and they went from Sunday to Sunday. I know, so lucky. I'm I've actually never been to Hawaii and people say all of the islands, like you kind of think of like ⁓ tropical island, you've been to one, you've been to the mall. I've heard so many times when it comes to Hawaii that is not the case. Like it is far and beyond so much better than any other place. Yes, it's a bitch to get to. I do hope to get there one day. You've been, right? Yeah. Mm-hmm. So you can attest. It's like special. Yeah. It is. It's really amazing. Yeah, even the video. my god. Like people like just like get off work and then just like go down to the beach and play like beach volleyball. Like it's just like such a cool lifestyle and just like seems so young and like fun. Yeah. I actually had a friend. Like her and her husband went to just live in Hawaii and I think they were there for maybe like a year or two. But she loved it. But you could tell like the lifestyle is just super different there. Like it's a mindset and like it just like attracts like. ⁓ again, she actually had like an amazing experience. But So my parents are there, they're coming ⁓ today, but our sweet, sweet little Charlie, who is the best dog ever, and she's fourteen. But she like can't expect anything out of her at fourteen, you know. But it's actually funny because when people say, like or when people hear me say, ⁓ she's fourteen years old, it's like, you know, we've had her forever, she's an old dog, and then they see her and she they're like, No. She looks amazing. Yeah. And she has like puppy energy still. Like she Yeah, she really is. Now her one downfall, which ended up being my downfall this week, is her anxiety. She is like so anxious and she's stubborn and she honestly, I'm having a reflection moment because everything that made me anxious and threw me off my game because of her is what she was going through. So she was out of her routine. My parents were away. She was having a little bit of separation anxiety with them. I I'm not really living at my parents anymore. So I took her with me. And I think that change in environment really made her anxious, which in turn was making me anxious. But like her anxiety manifests in she's like always at your side. And she's also a grub. So like she always is like trying to get into things and like If you're eating like she's like hyper fixated on you and she's gotten into this really bad habit of like vocally like crying or growling. Like sometimes when she wants food and she's begging, but other times just for no reason. Like I don't know if it's like a plea for help. I was literally using Chat GPT, being like, What is wrong with my dog? Why is she doing this? Like listing out all of her symptoms and then the answer was like, Well, yeah, like she's an old dog whose habits are gonna change and her anxiety. Right. What's right? And you said she can't see well too, right? So she was like, I think so. Like confirmed she can't hear because I will like call her name and she but like I can't confirm that she can't see. However, I do feel like that's also on the outs. ⁓ well yeah. Poor girl. So my week was kind of just like thrown off because she also So silly. But when she goes to the groomers, she will not let them cut her nails and she will not let them like brush her teeth. So she has like these like longer nails that like pitter patter on the hardwood. And she's also a wanderer in the middle of the night. So she's like waking up everyone and I end up like sleeping on the couch with her. And yeah, I just feel like I was very like sleep deprived. And so that was really causing me a lot of anxiety because I was back and forth between like my parents' house and here. ⁓ And just like ⁓ complaining about Charlie, I was really feeling about being out of my like routines. And I've always had a really hard time with like transitions, especially like in my living space. I'm very, very sensitive to my surrounding space. And I always say like my home is like my sanctuary. Like where I am spending my time, I really get like accustomed to that and it almost like becomes my lifeline because I am a homebody and so I like like that predictability. And once I feel settled, I just don't like to feel unsettled. so yeah, I don't know. It just it seems so silly to be like my family dog, like watching her like threw me off as much as it did. Yeah. But I I do just think I'm in a more fragile state in life right now. I think if I was a little bit more resilient and like in a really good headspace, that wouldn't have ordinarily like thrown me off so bad. But I do feel like I'm going through like some body things right now. Like I do feel like my nervous system has just been a little bit like dysregulated. And even talking about what I did on the podcast last week, like I just feel very unsettled. Like just in my career specifically. And I think there's just like a lot of pieces to the puzzle. and then even like my body. Like I just feel like my digestion, like I feel like I'm dealing with gut issues. ⁓ And like just holding on to a lot of inflammation, which is causing a lot of body image issues. So I just think there was a lot going on this week. And I had to really like practice positive self talk to be like, You're going through this right now. These are your emotions right now, but it's not gonna last forever. Like I really had to like call on some practices that I've learned throughout the years to like pull myself out of my own head. Because that's where I live ninety five percent of the time. I'm such a head case. I mean that's exactly where, you know, the expression the straw that broke the camel's back comes from. Like I think there's so many times in life where like the thing that's tipping us over isn't like the main thing. It's just like happens to be the thing and it usually is something so silly. And like I find myself a lot of time explaining that to Aunt where like I get really upset about something and it's like, okay, this feels a little bit like over the top, but it's really not that. It's actually a whole plethora of other things that are causing me to feel extra sensitive or whatever it may be. Yeah. And when it rains I feel like it pours. Yeah. Like you have one thing and then you're like then your mind automatically goes to seeking out everything else in your life that like isn't feeling good or going right and then it just is like the compounding effect and then it feels like everything piles on and then you kind of like spiral because you're like e everything is like everything is wrong and like I'm do you know, like I'm not where I'm supposed to be or so I just feel like I have had to really practice like putting things into perspective. and it's funny 'cause I it's always an ebb and flow. Like it's nothing it's nothing that I haven't felt before. Yeah. I do feel like life is cyclical and you go through things and like All of these struggles, whether it be like career struggles and feeling like I'm lacking purpose or identity in my career or body image issues, which I've I've dealt with for my whole entire life. ⁓ I just feel like it they resurface and sometimes you're a little bit more resilient and able to deal with them better. And that's just not me right now. I also think in late October I'm going to Florida for one of my best friend's weddings and then we're staying for like couple extra days and I don't know. I just feel like in the past I've always put an immense amount of pressure on myself leading up to vacation, especially if it's like a beach vacation where I know I'm gonna be in bikinis and like dresses and short little shorts. Like I do really love to feel good in my own body. But it's almost like that self fulfilling prophecy where you like stress about feeling good. So then the stress is really bad for your body and that like increases inflammation. And it's like a snowball effect where you like are fearful of not feeling good in your body, so you don't instead of just like relaxing. I feel like a regulated nervous system is like the best thing for like a lean, healthy, functioning body and metabolism. ⁓ so I yeah, I don't know. I just think like that's also been in the back of my head and just like the classic example of putting a lot of pressure on myself. yeah, that's my trauma dump of the week. I'm like, and I need a breath. And I think it's really important like That you've said a lot of really wonderful things that are reassuring to yourself. Like, I've been through this before, I know life is cyclical. I'm calling on resources that I know I have. Like we are all going to feel a certain type of way at some point. And knowing that A, it's gonna get better, and being able to call upon your resources is like super important. And I think sometimes when we get into a really dark place, we get very severe tunnel vision and feel like we're gonna feel like this forever and no feeling good or bad. Is going to last forever. And so I feel like it may not feel like it, but it sounds like you have a pretty good handle on like really truly understanding that. Yeah, thank you. I definitely have been able to like lean into the things that do kind of pull me out of my head. Like, I think anytime I'm feeling those like really heavy emotions and like those physical manifestations of anxiety, I know like get outside, go for a walk, especially like that bilateral movement with like your legs and your arms. Like, I have like all of the vagus nerve, like nervous system resets hacks in the body. Yeah, but like everyone you were like, Okay, yeah, another Vegas nerve. Ice on your wrists, ice on your neck, ice your face, like you know, butterfly tapping, like the whole nine. ⁓ and like just sweating, like go to going to a hot Pilates class, being surrounded by community, like going and seeing my nephews, like and my niece, like they're just so innocent. And they don't even know what mental health is, which is like so refreshing. Like I just think again, spending time I think this also goes back to what I was talking about last week where I feel like a lot of my focus, sorry, I just smelled food and I was like, that smells really good. Like who's who's cooking out there? ⁓ not me and my ADHD. I'm like, It's raining, there's food. But When you have time to really focus on yourself and ruminate on your thoughts and your feelings, that's when they become amplified. And so I think truly what helps me feel better is getting out of my environment than but also being in my body, getting out of my head and being around other people to really remind myself, like, hey, you're actually not the only person that exists on planet Earth. You're actually not the first person to be experiencing this emotion. No, like No. So yeah, I just think like I make things, you know, that's what anxiety is. You make things bigger in your head than they have to be. And so just practicing like the extraction of that and realizing how small and how temporary it is really helps. Mm-hmm. So I haven't watched the second one, but have you I don't think you've seen the movie Inside Out, right? No. Well, if you're looking for like a comfort movie to watch while you're going through all of this, I've talked about this before, but the inside out movie. So there's a first one and then there's the it's like centered around a girl and it's basically like all of the emotions that she has and it's kind of like in her head. So the first one she's like a kid, and then the second movie she's more of a teenager. So then a new character gets introduced named Anxiety. And from what I've heard, I still have yet to watch it, but I really want to. It's a really nice way of kind of detaching yourself from the feelings and being able to look at your anxiety and be like, okay, my anxiety is really just trying to help me. And being able to kind of say like we're all good here. Like I know you're really worried about this or I know you know this has really been on your mind, but like we're all good, we don't need any help, kind of thing. ⁓ And that's actually what happens like in her brain, like anger and happiness and they're all talking and they're like, no no no everything's gonna be fine. And the other one's like, but what If this happens and so it's just like a nice kind of like this is also going into I started reading the untethered soul for the second time the other day and it's all about this like if you are the one that is hearing the thoughts in your head, those thoughts are not you. Because like if you heard someone else talking, you are the one hearing the talking. So you would say, No, I'm not that person. So like removing yourself from the thoughts and to really just deciding and understanding that like they're just thoughts and you don't have to identify with them and you don't have to believe that they are true because they don't have to be and your mind just wants to talk and so it's gonna talk about anything. Mm-hmm. So that's actually such a good reminder and something that's gotten me through this week and my friend actually reminded me of something I told her, which was simply like feelings while or valid and your experience feeling them is real, they themselves are not inherently real or true. And I told her that I guess months ago and she she must have this crazy sixth sense intuition because I was literally like in my car with intense anxiety, like tearing up and she texted me and was like, Hey, I just feel like I I need to check on you. Like how are you? How's your week? And I sent her a voice memo and I like started crying in the beginning of it and then that was like a little release. And then toward the end I like had higher spirits and she's like, A, you clearly needed that release, but B, let me remind you something that you told me. And she's like, Your feelings in this moment, while true to be your experience, they are not objectively true and like they're not right. And I feel like that does kind of go hand in hand with what you just said. You don't have to identify with them. It is like this external voice that's like competing for your attention and that's going to drive how you feel and the emotions that you feel, but it all does start with like that little voice, like that devil on your shoulder that's telling you something that like is not fact. And so you can just leave it for what it is, which is just a thought. That was weird. I'm good on that one. Yes. I love that. Yeah. Yeah. ⁓ but yeah, all in all, definitely definitely no complaints. ⁓ and I do feel like this weekend was just a good little reset and Charlie is reunited with my parents and not with me. And so all is right in the world again. Except your parents are home from Hawaii, I'm sorry. Right. They would argue that they want to get back, I'm sure. Yeah. So looking ahead to next week, what is your intention that you're going into the week with? I mean, I feel like this is very on brand, but I think Just kind of like giving myself grace when I'm feeling a little bit disoriented or like I don't know up from down and just kind of like sometimes I think about my life ⁓ well when I say sometimes, the last like week or two. Now that I've really started my like routine, ⁓ and work and stuff, like I've been just like kind of auditing like my life and I'm just like I don't do I feel like I'm working? Like do I feel like this is my job? Like whatever. So I'm like giving myself grace and not being like, Well, why are you feeling like so confused? Like I think that's like usually the dialogue in my head. Like, well, why like Like are is there something wrong with you? Like why are you not like feeling fully like present here because like this is your reality and this is what you're doing every day and whatever. So I think just like giving myself grace and like reminding myself that I'm new to all of this, whether it's the routine or the job or the city or the lifestyle or whatever. ⁓ yeah. I I'm happy that you're doing that because I was gonna say, like people starting a new job, talk about the transition for six months. People that move to a new city, talk about you are doing it all at once and you are at the starting line of it. So like you're probably gonna feel different emotions every single day. You left your family, like you have a lot of new and yes, while all good things, like you do just need to kind of like give yourself time to settle in. So I'm glad that you're acknowledging it. I know easier said than done. Yeah. But that's the first step. Kind of like you just said with your intention from last week to like be more social and go out of your way. Like while that wasn't one hundred percent what happened, like the first step is the intention and the awareness that you want to make that happen. So same thing is true here. Yeah, thank you. ⁓ My intention, again, pretty on brand, because of how I felt this week, I just wanna approach life with more ease. ⁓ I think anybody that knows me knows that I take things really seriously, I take myself too seriously, and I think everything is do or die. That's like the soundtrack of my life. And so I just wanna keep reminding myself it is not that serious. and to just keep things into perspective because It's really easy to like feel down because of like the stories that you're tell yourself in your head. But then once you take a step back and like realize how lucky you are, like focusing on the blessings and everything you have to be grateful for, I think it's a lot easier ⁓ to kind of keep yourself in check. So I need to humble myself and just realize that it's not that serious and you're not that important. Yeah. I think gratitude is so grounding and so I love that you like threw that in there too. Yeah. Well I love you. I miss you. I miss you too. I feel like that went so fast. I know. But if there's one thing I've learned, I'm like, we can keep talking in circles, but like that's not doing a good thing for anybody. So we're gonna call it here. I'm dropping the hammer. Are you having any fun today before I leave you? Yes, I am. ⁓ we're going to another market. We're going to like different markets in like different areas 'cause like there are so many areas of Tampa like Water Street, Hyde Park, like ⁓ the marina. Like they're just all of these places are so cute and have their own things going on. So we're just trying to explore them, especially because ⁓ in February our lease is up here, so if we don't want to renew we can go somewhere else if we like that better. So Yeah, we're gonna go to the market today and then we're gonna to the mall. Nice. I've just been doing some like wardrobe revamping. Aunt especially he's been really jonesing for like new clothes lately. ⁓ actually for like the last couple of years, and he's found some inspiration, especially being down here. I think like the fashion not that like the fashion's different, but it's just like a little bit more elevated than I'm used to. Yeah. And so like finding a lot of inspiration in that, and so yeah. That's so fun. Doing some shopping. Nice. Well, enjoy. ⁓ also I wanna shout out my dad got us tickets for the Flyers lightning game on Monday. The Flyers are coming here on Monday. We fun. Yeah, so we're gonna go and he got us like a really amazing seats, like three rows off the ice. So that was really sweet. They always hook it up. My parents. Your parents, yeah. They always do. So I'm really excited for that. Even though I'm working like it's just crazy, but like I'm supposed to be working eight to four this week, but I'm working seven to three Monday, Tuesday, and I'm like, ⁓ darn, I have to go in a little bit earlier after. But it's fine 'cause the stadium is literally two blocks down. So perfect home before you know it. Yeah. You're resilient. You do hard things. Yeah. I'm like, and hopefully I can make this work. Hopefully the Tampa fans are a little bit more gracious on the competing team than Philly's fans are. Definitely. Definitely. Definitely. Like stadium. Yeah. They'd be like, jeez. That's all right. The timer is up. The light just fell on me. The universe is like and get off. It's not even, yeah, it's not even turned back on. Alright. I'm gonna love ya. And I'm gonna leave ya. Later. Bye. Thanks for listening. Bye.