00:00:23Show Up Differently
00:01:48Stop Ending Your Story With Systems
00:03:57The Room Metaphor And Relationships
00:06:44Take Everyone Else Out
00:08:04Keys, Preparation, And Ownership
00:09:36Forgiving Yourself And Building Capacity
ABOUT THIS EPISODE
You can name every way the system failed you, but can you name your part without collapsing into shame? That’s the hard, freeing question we sit with here, especially for moms navigating homelessness who are tired, stressed, and doing the best they can with limited support.
We don’t pretend legacy systems aren’t frustrating. We say it out loud: the pace can be a snail’s crawl, the rules can feel unfair, and the help that’s “designed” to work sometimes doesn’t. But we also push back on the idea that your story ends there. If the system becomes the whole story, you lose the one piece you can actually control: how you show up, what you’re willing to notice, and what you choose next.
Dr. Hollis walks through “truth, responsibility, and response” with real talk and real examples. We revisit the dark-room metaphor and flip it: stop only looking at what’s in the room, and start looking at where you are in relation to it. A car isn’t just transportation when it becomes shelter. A resource isn’t just help when your relationship to it is shaped by triggers, distrust, or burnout. Then we take “everybody else” out of the story long enough to ask what’s left, what was true about you, and what you can prepare differently next time.
We close with the part people skip: forgiving yourself when you had knowledge but didn’t have the capacity to use it under pressure. If you’re trying to stabilize housing, rebuild trust, and make decisions while exhausted, this is your reminder that honesty can be gentle and still be real.
Subscribe for the rest of the series, share this with a mom who needs it, and leave a review with one truth you’re ready to face next.
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🌐: One Degree To Victory
One Degree to Victory is the podcast of the NM Hollis Institute, where we explore the science and practice of building human capacity. Through practical frameworks, meaningful reflection, and real-life stories, each episode helps you think more clearly, respond more intentionally, and move forward one degree at a time.
Until next time, Constant Listener, I love ya'll. 💙
English
United States
SHOW NOTES 🔗
TRANSCRIPT 🔗
WEBVTT
00:00:22.719 --> 00:00:23.839
Welcome back.
00:00:24.079 --> 00:00:28.480
We're in episode five of a very special series, This One's For You.
00:00:28.640 --> 00:00:31.280
A series for moms navigating homelessness.
00:00:31.519 --> 00:00:33.439
Kudos to you for showing up.
00:00:33.520 --> 00:00:37.679
And I say this with the same love I would want someone to show me.
00:00:38.000 --> 00:00:41.039
Help cannot do your part for you.
00:00:41.359 --> 00:00:44.640
Moving forward will require you to show up differently.
00:00:44.799 --> 00:00:47.920
It's going to require more than finding someone willing to help.
00:00:48.240 --> 00:00:59.119
Forward movement is going to require your participation, your honesty with others and yourself, your follow-through, and your willingness to change some of the behaviors keeping you here.
00:00:59.920 --> 00:01:01.679
I didn't handle that well.
00:01:02.000 --> 00:01:06.959
Sister girl, that is the hardest statement of truth to accept.
00:01:07.280 --> 00:01:10.239
Placing yourself at the center of the story.
00:01:10.480 --> 00:01:15.120
Understanding that in the same way you're influenced, you're also the influencer.
00:01:15.280 --> 00:01:18.799
Now I'm not talking about social media's examples of influencer.
00:01:18.959 --> 00:01:28.560
I'm talking about the way you interact with your environment, the cause and effect of what you do and say within your environment and the systems in which you operate.
00:01:29.280 --> 00:01:32.319
No one denies that our legacy systems are frustrating.
00:01:32.480 --> 00:01:38.000
No one is denying that sometimes unfairness and the snail's pace of speed with which they operate.
00:01:38.560 --> 00:01:45.200
No one denies how enraging it can be when the system designed to help is incapable of doing so.
00:01:45.359 --> 00:01:47.439
That's frustrating to say the least.
00:01:47.680 --> 00:01:54.159
What's happening is you're allowing your story to end with the system, what the system did or didn't do.
00:01:54.319 --> 00:01:58.959
And then we go and tell the story of the system, but never our story.
00:01:59.840 --> 00:02:02.400
The truth of our story.
00:02:02.799 --> 00:02:04.640
Listen, can I be real?
00:02:04.879 --> 00:02:06.799
Your story is not pretty.
00:02:07.120 --> 00:02:10.159
I have some ugly parts of my story, y'all.
00:02:10.319 --> 00:02:12.240
Losses that didn't have to happen.
00:02:12.560 --> 00:02:18.960
Moments when I've snapped, I call it pent-up passion, and then had to go back and apologize.
00:02:19.120 --> 00:02:23.199
I've had moments when I've let those who've cared about me down.
00:02:23.680 --> 00:02:28.159
The bruised relationships are the hardest to accept, constant listener.
00:02:28.319 --> 00:02:33.439
And there are some relationships right now, today, that I know will never be the same.
00:02:33.599 --> 00:02:39.919
And it's because of the way I handled myself, their trust, and my response to pressure.
00:02:40.240 --> 00:02:40.960
Ouch.
00:02:42.080 --> 00:02:45.280
Now we learn and we grow and we move on.
00:02:45.520 --> 00:02:54.240
But with all the love I can, let me tell you, your story will not change unless you write your part into it.
00:02:54.479 --> 00:02:55.120
Yep.
00:02:55.520 --> 00:02:59.439
You have to acknowledge what you said and what you did.
00:02:59.680 --> 00:03:04.639
You have to face the shame and the embarrassment, all the gut-wrenching embarrassment.
00:03:04.800 --> 00:03:08.639
Listen, recently I had a quick exchange with my daughter.
00:03:08.879 --> 00:03:12.319
We were at a register and I asked her the question.
00:03:12.960 --> 00:03:15.120
She lied, and I know she lied.
00:03:15.199 --> 00:03:17.120
And I didn't tell her she lied.
00:03:17.439 --> 00:03:21.840
I asked questions that forced her to see the truth of what she did.
00:03:22.159 --> 00:03:29.120
Now, when she faced the truth and said it out quietly, I didn't roll my eyes, I didn't start hollering at her.
00:03:29.199 --> 00:03:34.960
I just simply said, truth solves problems, lies compound them.
00:03:35.199 --> 00:03:38.879
The cashier was listening to the exchange and she said, I like that.
00:03:39.039 --> 00:03:41.039
I'm gonna use that with my kids.
00:03:41.360 --> 00:03:44.560
Constant listener, this is not a braggadocious moment.
00:03:44.800 --> 00:03:47.840
This was literally a moment of truth.
00:03:48.080 --> 00:03:51.520
That's what I'm going to ask of you in these next episodes.
00:03:51.680 --> 00:03:56.000
I'm going to ask you to engage in moments of truth.
00:03:56.800 --> 00:03:58.960
Return to the room from episode four.
00:03:59.199 --> 00:04:04.159
When the room was dark, the flashlight helped you see only the few steps directly in front of you.
00:04:04.319 --> 00:04:05.680
Then the lights came on.
00:04:05.840 --> 00:04:11.599
You could see what was in the room, where things were positioned, what was blocking you, and what was within reach.
00:04:11.759 --> 00:04:13.599
You know what else was in that room?
00:04:13.919 --> 00:04:14.240
You.
00:04:14.719 --> 00:04:16.720
In the dark and in the light.
00:04:16.959 --> 00:04:20.399
You were always there experiencing both.
00:04:20.720 --> 00:04:23.920
So imagine yourself in the darkness again.
00:04:24.319 --> 00:04:30.000
Turn on the flashlight in your mind's eye, even if the place is familiar, even if you already know where everything is.
00:04:30.160 --> 00:04:31.040
Look around.
00:04:31.199 --> 00:04:34.160
You can see the couch, the chairs, the table, the door.
00:04:34.319 --> 00:04:36.480
You can see enough to know where things are.
00:04:36.639 --> 00:04:39.120
Now turn the light on all the way.
00:04:39.360 --> 00:04:42.079
This time, I don't want you to notice where everything is.
00:04:42.240 --> 00:04:46.800
I want you to notice where you are in relation to everything in the room.
00:04:47.120 --> 00:04:49.199
Where are you in relation to the couch?
00:04:49.279 --> 00:04:50.879
What do you use the couch for?
00:04:51.040 --> 00:04:52.480
What happens at the table?
00:04:52.639 --> 00:04:54.560
What do the chairs mean to you?
00:04:54.800 --> 00:04:57.759
I don't want you just looking at what is in the room anymore.
00:04:57.920 --> 00:05:02.000
I want you looking at your relationship to what is in the room.
00:05:02.240 --> 00:05:07.040
Ooh, some of you may not be in a room at all, and I understand that.
00:05:07.199 --> 00:05:08.800
Maybe you are in a car.
00:05:09.199 --> 00:05:13.439
So where are you in relation to the car now?
00:05:13.680 --> 00:05:17.839
Because if you are sleeping in that car, it is not just transportation anymore.
00:05:18.000 --> 00:05:21.759
Its relationship to you, its importance to you has changed.
00:05:21.920 --> 00:05:25.759
It may be a safe place first and transportation next.
00:05:25.920 --> 00:05:29.439
At least that's how I viewed it when I thought we might have to sleep in the car.
00:05:29.600 --> 00:05:34.720
Suddenly, the car was more than transportation to the bank or transportation to the store.
00:05:34.879 --> 00:05:39.439
It was the place where I would have to create safety for my children for the night.
00:05:39.600 --> 00:05:40.639
Lord have mercy.
00:05:40.959 --> 00:05:43.040
The car had not changed.
00:05:43.279 --> 00:05:46.399
What changed was my relationship to the car.
00:05:46.639 --> 00:05:49.279
What I needed from it changed.
00:05:49.519 --> 00:05:54.560
What it meant to me changed because my circumstances had changed.
00:05:55.199 --> 00:05:59.279
That's how I want you to begin looking at what is happening in your life.
00:05:59.439 --> 00:06:06.319
Not only at the person, but your relationship to the person, not only at the system, but your relationship to the system.
00:06:06.399 --> 00:06:08.000
Are you following the rules?
00:06:08.160 --> 00:06:11.519
Not only at the help, but your relationship to the help.
00:06:11.600 --> 00:06:14.319
Do you respect the other person's capacity?
00:06:14.720 --> 00:06:19.839
Not only at what somebody said, but what happens in you when they say it?
00:06:20.079 --> 00:06:21.360
Put your triggers.
00:06:21.680 --> 00:06:25.360
Not only at what somebody did, but what you did next.
00:06:25.680 --> 00:06:27.199
How did you respond?
00:06:27.600 --> 00:06:30.959
Sister girl, you are always in the room.
00:06:31.279 --> 00:06:35.199
You are always in relationship with what is happening around you.
00:06:35.439 --> 00:06:39.120
So from this point forward, I don't want you looking at where everything is.
00:06:39.360 --> 00:06:43.279
I want you looking at where you are in relation to it.
00:06:44.240 --> 00:06:47.600
Okay, now, sister girl, we're about to take another turn.
00:06:47.759 --> 00:06:54.639
We're gonna turn from the power you have to shape outcomes to the power you have to shape what comes in.
00:06:55.439 --> 00:07:08.000
If you want your situation to change, and I know that you do, then the change is dependent on what you're willing to notice, what you're willing to admit to yourself, and what you're willing to do with what you see.
00:07:08.800 --> 00:07:18.879
Constant listener, meaningful change begins when you stop looking only at what happened around you and to you and become willing to look at what is happening within you.
00:07:19.279 --> 00:07:21.839
The first place we are going is truth.
00:07:22.079 --> 00:07:26.160
And sister girl, this is where I want you to do something a little different.
00:07:26.800 --> 00:07:29.040
The first place we're going is truth.
00:07:29.360 --> 00:07:32.800
Take everybody else out of the story for a minute.
00:07:33.040 --> 00:07:37.920
Take out what they said, what they did, what they should have done, what they promised, what they failed to do.
00:07:38.079 --> 00:07:39.360
Now, what is left?
00:07:39.680 --> 00:07:40.000
You.
00:07:40.720 --> 00:07:43.279
What about you in that situation?
00:07:43.519 --> 00:07:43.920
Uh-oh.
00:07:44.800 --> 00:07:46.560
Start with what happened.
00:07:46.720 --> 00:07:50.959
When you take everybody else out of the story, what was true about you?
00:07:51.439 --> 00:07:56.160
Were you prepared to respond in a way that led to a favorable outcome for you and your family?
00:07:56.319 --> 00:08:00.240
If not, that's the gap between where you are and what you want.
00:08:00.560 --> 00:08:03.680
Now, what do you need to do next time to prepare?
00:08:04.079 --> 00:08:05.120
Quick story.
00:08:05.360 --> 00:08:10.000
I've locked myself out of my truck too many times to count.
00:08:10.480 --> 00:08:14.959
Now I haven't driven the same truck and I've switched companies a couple of times.
00:08:15.519 --> 00:08:22.720
And each time I say I'm going to be better with my keys, but saying it and preparing for it are two different things.
00:08:22.959 --> 00:08:24.480
I want to get in my truck.
00:08:24.639 --> 00:08:26.560
I've locked my keys in my truck.
00:08:26.720 --> 00:08:29.199
I wasn't prepared for when that happens.
00:08:29.439 --> 00:08:30.319
Now I am.
00:08:30.480 --> 00:08:32.960
I have three keys in strategic places.
00:08:33.120 --> 00:08:40.080
Listen, on the truck, in the truck, and on my person, I should never not have access to a truck key.
00:08:40.240 --> 00:08:43.279
But each time I switched trucks, I didn't prepare.
00:08:43.440 --> 00:08:45.519
So I kept getting locked out.
00:08:45.840 --> 00:08:48.080
Sister Girl, this is the truth of the matter.
00:08:48.240 --> 00:08:50.799
The common denominator was me.
00:08:51.039 --> 00:08:55.360
Different scenarios, different trucks, different companies, different places.
00:08:55.519 --> 00:09:01.200
And as hard as this may sound, the common denominator may be you.
00:09:01.679 --> 00:09:05.279
That right there is what I want you to begin practicing.
00:09:05.600 --> 00:09:08.720
Truth, responsibility, and response.
00:09:08.960 --> 00:09:17.279
Truth is being willing to look at what happened without cleaning it up, without leaving yourself out, and without making the whole story about what somebody else did.
00:09:17.519 --> 00:09:21.120
Responsibility is being able to say, This part was mine.
00:09:21.279 --> 00:09:26.000
And response is what you decide to do with what you now know.
00:09:27.120 --> 00:09:28.480
Chapter 5.
00:09:28.799 --> 00:09:30.399
I know this story.
00:09:35.840 --> 00:09:40.000
I felt betrayed, and even now, to talk about it hurts a little.
00:09:40.240 --> 00:09:49.519
But when I take him out of the situation and focus on me and my responsibility to respond and the truth about myself, that hurts even worse.
00:09:49.759 --> 00:09:56.720
Because when I take him out of the story, I also take away the place where I have begun parking so much of that pain.
00:09:57.039 --> 00:10:04.799
Then I'm left looking at what was in my hands, what I wasn't prepared for, and what I now know I would do differently.
00:10:05.120 --> 00:10:08.879
They say, forgive yourself for what you didn't know then that you know now.
00:10:09.039 --> 00:10:13.120
That's hard because truth be told, I'm still working on that part.
00:10:13.279 --> 00:10:16.000
Now I had the knowledge, but I didn't know how to use it.
00:10:16.159 --> 00:10:27.600
And there is a difference between knowing something and having the capacity to use what you know when you are under pressure, when you're angry, when you're afraid, when you're ashamed, or when you're simply exhausted.
00:10:27.919 --> 00:10:29.200
That's when you are now.
00:10:29.759 --> 00:10:37.200
You have the knowledge and the resources, but you don't know how to use them, or you may be too angry or hurt to use them.
00:10:39.360 --> 00:10:41.600
Start forgiving yourself right now.
00:10:41.919 --> 00:10:43.279
Today is different.
00:10:43.440 --> 00:10:45.600
You acknowledge that you don't have opportunities.
00:10:46.080 --> 00:10:48.879
You acknowledge that you don't know how to use what you know.
00:10:49.120 --> 00:10:55.759
And once you know what you do not yet know how to do, you finally know what you need to learn.
00:10:56.000 --> 00:11:02.399
Now understand and be gentle with yourself as you begin to confront the uncomfortable truth about where you are.
00:11:02.799 --> 00:11:06.480
Truth solves problems, lies, I mean.
00:11:07.039 --> 00:11:07.600
I'm Dr.
00:11:07.759 --> 00:11:08.240
Hollis.
00:11:08.559 --> 00:11:10.799
Until next time, I love y'all.
00:00:22.719 --> 00:00:23.839
Welcome back.
00:00:24.079 --> 00:00:28.480
We're in episode five of a very special series, This One's For You.
00:00:28.640 --> 00:00:31.280
A series for moms navigating homelessness.
00:00:31.519 --> 00:00:33.439
Kudos to you for showing up.
00:00:33.520 --> 00:00:37.679
And I say this with the same love I would want someone to show me.
00:00:38.000 --> 00:00:41.039
Help cannot do your part for you.
00:00:41.359 --> 00:00:44.640
Moving forward will require you to show up differently.
00:00:44.799 --> 00:00:47.920
It's going to require more than finding someone willing to help.
00:00:48.240 --> 00:00:59.119
Forward movement is going to require your participation, your honesty with others and yourself, your follow-through, and your willingness to change some of the behaviors keeping you here.
00:00:59.920 --> 00:01:01.679
I didn't handle that well.
00:01:02.000 --> 00:01:06.959
Sister girl, that is the hardest statement of truth to accept.
00:01:07.280 --> 00:01:10.239
Placing yourself at the center of the story.
00:01:10.480 --> 00:01:15.120
Understanding that in the same way you're influenced, you're also the influencer.
00:01:15.280 --> 00:01:18.799
Now I'm not talking about social media's examples of influencer.
00:01:18.959 --> 00:01:28.560
I'm talking about the way you interact with your environment, the cause and effect of what you do and say within your environment and the systems in which you operate.
00:01:29.280 --> 00:01:32.319
No one denies that our legacy systems are frustrating.
00:01:32.480 --> 00:01:38.000
No one is denying that sometimes unfairness and the snail's pace of speed with which they operate.
00:01:38.560 --> 00:01:45.200
No one denies how enraging it can be when the system designed to help is incapable of doing so.
00:01:45.359 --> 00:01:47.439
That's frustrating to say the least.
00:01:47.680 --> 00:01:54.159
What's happening is you're allowing your story to end with the system, what the system did or didn't do.
00:01:54.319 --> 00:01:58.959
And then we go and tell the story of the system, but never our story.
00:01:59.840 --> 00:02:02.400
The truth of our story.
00:02:02.799 --> 00:02:04.640
Listen, can I be real?
00:02:04.879 --> 00:02:06.799
Your story is not pretty.
00:02:07.120 --> 00:02:10.159
I have some ugly parts of my story, y'all.
00:02:10.319 --> 00:02:12.240
Losses that didn't have to happen.
00:02:12.560 --> 00:02:18.960
Moments when I've snapped, I call it pent-up passion, and then had to go back and apologize.
00:02:19.120 --> 00:02:23.199
I've had moments when I've let those who've cared about me down.
00:02:23.680 --> 00:02:28.159
The bruised relationships are the hardest to accept, constant listener.
00:02:28.319 --> 00:02:33.439
And there are some relationships right now, today, that I know will never be the same.
00:02:33.599 --> 00:02:39.919
And it's because of the way I handled myself, their trust, and my response to pressure.
00:02:40.240 --> 00:02:40.960
Ouch.
00:02:42.080 --> 00:02:45.280
Now we learn and we grow and we move on.
00:02:45.520 --> 00:02:54.240
But with all the love I can, let me tell you, your story will not change unless you write your part into it.
00:02:54.479 --> 00:02:55.120
Yep.
00:02:55.520 --> 00:02:59.439
You have to acknowledge what you said and what you did.
00:02:59.680 --> 00:03:04.639
You have to face the shame and the embarrassment, all the gut-wrenching embarrassment.
00:03:04.800 --> 00:03:08.639
Listen, recently I had a quick exchange with my daughter.
00:03:08.879 --> 00:03:12.319
We were at a register and I asked her the question.
00:03:12.960 --> 00:03:15.120
She lied, and I know she lied.
00:03:15.199 --> 00:03:17.120
And I didn't tell her she lied.
00:03:17.439 --> 00:03:21.840
I asked questions that forced her to see the truth of what she did.
00:03:22.159 --> 00:03:29.120
Now, when she faced the truth and said it out quietly, I didn't roll my eyes, I didn't start hollering at her.
00:03:29.199 --> 00:03:34.960
I just simply said, truth solves problems, lies compound them.
00:03:35.199 --> 00:03:38.879
The cashier was listening to the exchange and she said, I like that.
00:03:39.039 --> 00:03:41.039
I'm gonna use that with my kids.
00:03:41.360 --> 00:03:44.560
Constant listener, this is not a braggadocious moment.
00:03:44.800 --> 00:03:47.840
This was literally a moment of truth.
00:03:48.080 --> 00:03:51.520
That's what I'm going to ask of you in these next episodes.
00:03:51.680 --> 00:03:56.000
I'm going to ask you to engage in moments of truth.
00:03:56.800 --> 00:03:58.960
Return to the room from episode four.
00:03:59.199 --> 00:04:04.159
When the room was dark, the flashlight helped you see only the few steps directly in front of you.
00:04:04.319 --> 00:04:05.680
Then the lights came on.
00:04:05.840 --> 00:04:11.599
You could see what was in the room, where things were positioned, what was blocking you, and what was within reach.
00:04:11.759 --> 00:04:13.599
You know what else was in that room?
00:04:13.919 --> 00:04:14.240
You.
00:04:14.719 --> 00:04:16.720
In the dark and in the light.
00:04:16.959 --> 00:04:20.399
You were always there experiencing both.
00:04:20.720 --> 00:04:23.920
So imagine yourself in the darkness again.
00:04:24.319 --> 00:04:30.000
Turn on the flashlight in your mind's eye, even if the place is familiar, even if you already know where everything is.
00:04:30.160 --> 00:04:31.040
Look around.
00:04:31.199 --> 00:04:34.160
You can see the couch, the chairs, the table, the door.
00:04:34.319 --> 00:04:36.480
You can see enough to know where things are.
00:04:36.639 --> 00:04:39.120
Now turn the light on all the way.
00:04:39.360 --> 00:04:42.079
This time, I don't want you to notice where everything is.
00:04:42.240 --> 00:04:46.800
I want you to notice where you are in relation to everything in the room.
00:04:47.120 --> 00:04:49.199
Where are you in relation to the couch?
00:04:49.279 --> 00:04:50.879
What do you use the couch for?
00:04:51.040 --> 00:04:52.480
What happens at the table?
00:04:52.639 --> 00:04:54.560
What do the chairs mean to you?
00:04:54.800 --> 00:04:57.759
I don't want you just looking at what is in the room anymore.
00:04:57.920 --> 00:05:02.000
I want you looking at your relationship to what is in the room.
00:05:02.240 --> 00:05:07.040
Ooh, some of you may not be in a room at all, and I understand that.
00:05:07.199 --> 00:05:08.800
Maybe you are in a car.
00:05:09.199 --> 00:05:13.439
So where are you in relation to the car now?
00:05:13.680 --> 00:05:17.839
Because if you are sleeping in that car, it is not just transportation anymore.
00:05:18.000 --> 00:05:21.759
Its relationship to you, its importance to you has changed.
00:05:21.920 --> 00:05:25.759
It may be a safe place first and transportation next.
00:05:25.920 --> 00:05:29.439
At least that's how I viewed it when I thought we might have to sleep in the car.
00:05:29.600 --> 00:05:34.720
Suddenly, the car was more than transportation to the bank or transportation to the store.
00:05:34.879 --> 00:05:39.439
It was the place where I would have to create safety for my children for the night.
00:05:39.600 --> 00:05:40.639
Lord have mercy.
00:05:40.959 --> 00:05:43.040
The car had not changed.
00:05:43.279 --> 00:05:46.399
What changed was my relationship to the car.
00:05:46.639 --> 00:05:49.279
What I needed from it changed.
00:05:49.519 --> 00:05:54.560
What it meant to me changed because my circumstances had changed.
00:05:55.199 --> 00:05:59.279
That's how I want you to begin looking at what is happening in your life.
00:05:59.439 --> 00:06:06.319
Not only at the person, but your relationship to the person, not only at the system, but your relationship to the system.
00:06:06.399 --> 00:06:08.000
Are you following the rules?
00:06:08.160 --> 00:06:11.519
Not only at the help, but your relationship to the help.
00:06:11.600 --> 00:06:14.319
Do you respect the other person's capacity?
00:06:14.720 --> 00:06:19.839
Not only at what somebody said, but what happens in you when they say it?
00:06:20.079 --> 00:06:21.360
Put your triggers.
00:06:21.680 --> 00:06:25.360
Not only at what somebody did, but what you did next.
00:06:25.680 --> 00:06:27.199
How did you respond?
00:06:27.600 --> 00:06:30.959
Sister girl, you are always in the room.
00:06:31.279 --> 00:06:35.199
You are always in relationship with what is happening around you.
00:06:35.439 --> 00:06:39.120
So from this point forward, I don't want you looking at where everything is.
00:06:39.360 --> 00:06:43.279
I want you looking at where you are in relation to it.
00:06:44.240 --> 00:06:47.600
Okay, now, sister girl, we're about to take another turn.
00:06:47.759 --> 00:06:54.639
We're gonna turn from the power you have to shape outcomes to the power you have to shape what comes in.
00:06:55.439 --> 00:07:08.000
If you want your situation to change, and I know that you do, then the change is dependent on what you're willing to notice, what you're willing to admit to yourself, and what you're willing to do with what you see.
00:07:08.800 --> 00:07:18.879
Constant listener, meaningful change begins when you stop looking only at what happened around you and to you and become willing to look at what is happening within you.
00:07:19.279 --> 00:07:21.839
The first place we are going is truth.
00:07:22.079 --> 00:07:26.160
And sister girl, this is where I want you to do something a little different.
00:07:26.800 --> 00:07:29.040
The first place we're going is truth.
00:07:29.360 --> 00:07:32.800
Take everybody else out of the story for a minute.
00:07:33.040 --> 00:07:37.920
Take out what they said, what they did, what they should have done, what they promised, what they failed to do.
00:07:38.079 --> 00:07:39.360
Now, what is left?
00:07:39.680 --> 00:07:40.000
You.
00:07:40.720 --> 00:07:43.279
What about you in that situation?
00:07:43.519 --> 00:07:43.920
Uh-oh.
00:07:44.800 --> 00:07:46.560
Start with what happened.
00:07:46.720 --> 00:07:50.959
When you take everybody else out of the story, what was true about you?
00:07:51.439 --> 00:07:56.160
Were you prepared to respond in a way that led to a favorable outcome for you and your family?
00:07:56.319 --> 00:08:00.240
If not, that's the gap between where you are and what you want.
00:08:00.560 --> 00:08:03.680
Now, what do you need to do next time to prepare?
00:08:04.079 --> 00:08:05.120
Quick story.
00:08:05.360 --> 00:08:10.000
I've locked myself out of my truck too many times to count.
00:08:10.480 --> 00:08:14.959
Now I haven't driven the same truck and I've switched companies a couple of times.
00:08:15.519 --> 00:08:22.720
And each time I say I'm going to be better with my keys, but saying it and preparing for it are two different things.
00:08:22.959 --> 00:08:24.480
I want to get in my truck.
00:08:24.639 --> 00:08:26.560
I've locked my keys in my truck.
00:08:26.720 --> 00:08:29.199
I wasn't prepared for when that happens.
00:08:29.439 --> 00:08:30.319
Now I am.
00:08:30.480 --> 00:08:32.960
I have three keys in strategic places.
00:08:33.120 --> 00:08:40.080
Listen, on the truck, in the truck, and on my person, I should never not have access to a truck key.
00:08:40.240 --> 00:08:43.279
But each time I switched trucks, I didn't prepare.
00:08:43.440 --> 00:08:45.519
So I kept getting locked out.
00:08:45.840 --> 00:08:48.080
Sister Girl, this is the truth of the matter.
00:08:48.240 --> 00:08:50.799
The common denominator was me.
00:08:51.039 --> 00:08:55.360
Different scenarios, different trucks, different companies, different places.
00:08:55.519 --> 00:09:01.200
And as hard as this may sound, the common denominator may be you.
00:09:01.679 --> 00:09:05.279
That right there is what I want you to begin practicing.
00:09:05.600 --> 00:09:08.720
Truth, responsibility, and response.
00:09:08.960 --> 00:09:17.279
Truth is being willing to look at what happened without cleaning it up, without leaving yourself out, and without making the whole story about what somebody else did.
00:09:17.519 --> 00:09:21.120
Responsibility is being able to say, This part was mine.
00:09:21.279 --> 00:09:26.000
And response is what you decide to do with what you now know.
00:09:27.120 --> 00:09:28.480
Chapter 5.
00:09:28.799 --> 00:09:30.399
I know this story.
00:09:35.840 --> 00:09:40.000
I felt betrayed, and even now, to talk about it hurts a little.
00:09:40.240 --> 00:09:49.519
But when I take him out of the situation and focus on me and my responsibility to respond and the truth about myself, that hurts even worse.
00:09:49.759 --> 00:09:56.720
Because when I take him out of the story, I also take away the place where I have begun parking so much of that pain.
00:09:57.039 --> 00:10:04.799
Then I'm left looking at what was in my hands, what I wasn't prepared for, and what I now know I would do differently.
00:10:05.120 --> 00:10:08.879
They say, forgive yourself for what you didn't know then that you know now.
00:10:09.039 --> 00:10:13.120
That's hard because truth be told, I'm still working on that part.
00:10:13.279 --> 00:10:16.000
Now I had the knowledge, but I didn't know how to use it.
00:10:16.159 --> 00:10:27.600
And there is a difference between knowing something and having the capacity to use what you know when you are under pressure, when you're angry, when you're afraid, when you're ashamed, or when you're simply exhausted.
00:10:27.919 --> 00:10:29.200
That's when you are now.
00:10:29.759 --> 00:10:37.200
You have the knowledge and the resources, but you don't know how to use them, or you may be too angry or hurt to use them.
00:10:39.360 --> 00:10:41.600
Start forgiving yourself right now.
00:10:41.919 --> 00:10:43.279
Today is different.
00:10:43.440 --> 00:10:45.600
You acknowledge that you don't have opportunities.
00:10:46.080 --> 00:10:48.879
You acknowledge that you don't know how to use what you know.
00:10:49.120 --> 00:10:55.759
And once you know what you do not yet know how to do, you finally know what you need to learn.
00:10:56.000 --> 00:11:02.399
Now understand and be gentle with yourself as you begin to confront the uncomfortable truth about where you are.
00:11:02.799 --> 00:11:06.480
Truth solves problems, lies, I mean.
00:11:07.039 --> 00:11:07.600
I'm Dr.
00:11:07.759 --> 00:11:08.240
Hollis.
00:11:08.559 --> 00:11:10.799
Until next time, I love y'all.
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