Ryan: right, welcome to Offline Days. We have a special guest here today, stand up comedian, Corey from Austin, Texas. So we're happy to have him. So tell the people a little bit about yourself.
Cb: Well, I'm just trying to get beard growing advice from you guys. I figured I'd start here.
Coley: You
Ryan: yeah.
Coley: don't want to take it from me. I got this like weird shit.
Cb: Oh, you got that Joe Dirt going on with what you keep these for?
Ryan: like half Joe dirt here, you know, it's like where you can't really, you can't get it all.
Cb: You're dead.
Ryan: Yeah.
Coley: You
Ryan: but yeah, we're, you know, we're, this podcast is offline days and it's a offline D A Z and we're, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Clitor, all the above, you know, and, what else are we? Tick tock. So, you know, it's just a place where we can. talk about the good old days, the good old nostalgic days. So we're excited to be here and.
Cb: We're gonna start with Joe Dirt, which fits right into that.
Coley: Cory, just so you know, Clitter is the social media that Ryan's on that he can never hit.
Ryan: Yeah, I can't find it. I can't hit it. I can't. I guess that's why I'm still trying to meet people on FarmersMeat.com, BlackFarmersMeat.com.
Cb: Yeah.
Coley: God, do you remember Farmers Only?
Cb: I've heard of it. Yeah, I'm sure it's great.
Ryan: I mean it all depends on what you're looking for, know? I mean,
Coley: Ha
Ryan: are you single, Corey? Okay, I'm the only...
Cb: No, I also don't need someone to help me with the firewood chopping.
Ryan: I guess I'm the only actually I just start
Cb: That just reminds me of Borat. It's like, need wife who is strong on plow.
Coley: Ha
Cb: That's what would be on that dating site, right?
Ryan: Yeah, yeah,
Coley: Yeah.
Ryan: strong with plow who
Cb: Yeah.
Ryan: can corn rows maybe who can who can who can do the corn rows well.
Cb: Yeah, yeah, it's good.
Coley: be fair, I would be one of those people that would need a lot of help with wood chipping.
Cb: Yeah, yeah, it's actually very hard swinging an accident.
Coley: It is so hard!
Cb: Have you ever? don't know if we're doing something else, but I gotta ask you this while we're just getting warmed up or whatever. Have you ever played the game stump?
Ryan: Mm-mm.
Cb: it's incredible.
Coley: Can you explain it? Because maybe you have it it's a different name.
Cb: So you get a stump and you put some nails and you get the nails just barely driven.
Coley: yes!
Cb: And you have to take the hatchet or ax, depending on how brave you are, throw it up, rotate it at least 360 degrees, catch it and hit.
Coley: You
Ryan: Dang.
Cb: And the goal is to hit everybody else's nail in and whoever's got the last
Coley: Yes!
Cb: nail standing wins.
Ryan: That's fucking cool.
Coley: That was a TikTok trend for probably like from like, it was definitely a 2020 thing for sure. Where people are like, let's figure out what I can do when I can't socialize with anybody.
Cb: Yeah. See, well in my culture, it was a, when you're younger thing, then
Coley: Ha ha!
Cb: Tik Tok
Ryan: Yeah.
Cb: culturally appropriated it from the Redness.
Coley: Yeah, TikTok totally took all the culturally appropriate things and they just
Cb: Yeah.
Coley: brought them back.
Cb: Yeah.
Ryan: My favorite was the Tide Pod, eating Tide Pods. That was a good one.
Cb: That sounds terrible.
Ryan: Yeah, but you know, kids these days, kids these days, they'll do anything. So
Cb: Yeah.
Coley: you
Ryan: what was the game that we talked about, Cole, similar to what he's talking about? I don't know if you ever played it, Corey, the lawn darts back in the day?
Coley: Land arts.
Cb: yeah.
Ryan: I mean that was like,
Coley: Yeah.
Ryan: could be deadly.
Cb: I play everything, lawn darts, ladder golf, horseshoes, washers, cornhole. Great.
Coley: You can't go, mean, know, mean, cornhole is an amazing sport and the fact that it is now a sport is fantastic.
Cb: That's good. Yes, words don't require breathing hard.
Coley: No, you don't, exactly. I mean, they've been making that argument for golf for years and now we have video games as sports, so.
Ryan: Yeah, or curling.
Cb: That's not a sport.
Coley: Yeah, I'm
Cb: soon.
Coley: gonna I I'm gonna be in the 2020 whatever. What do we now 2026? So I'll be in the 2030 curling all you need is the acquirement is a dad bod
Cb: Yeah.
Ryan: Mm-hmm.
Cb: Curling's like the kids that go to private school and say that they were on the basketball team.
Ryan: Yeah.
Cb: It's not a thing. Yeah. You, you were on the basketball team because there were, there were 40 dudes in your class and you were over five, three, and you were, and you could fit through a door walking straight. Yeah. You're on. Sure.
Coley: You
Ryan: in lacrosse, right? feel like lacrosse was a good private school one too, back in the day. What was the
Cb: Yeah, lacrosse is good. It's like soccer that costs a lot of money.
Ryan: Yeah, yeah.
Coley: I call it hockey in the air, which hockey
Cb: Yeah.
Coley: is equally a white private school person.
Cb: Yeah, but I don't know. I've never been to Nunavent. If you went to Nunavent, I bet that the natives would be playing a lot of hockey up there.
Ryan: Yeah, yeah. Lord. what was, you know, since this is a throwback podcast here, what were the, what were the high school days like for you? What do you remember?
Cb: I watched a lot of Yeah.
Ryan: You did?
Cb: Which is why I'm into writing movies now. So that's one
Ryan: Okay.
Cb: of my hobbies. Yeah. Cause I think I watched lots of comedies and you know, got big Lebowski in office space and tons of great comedies that came out in the late nineties into the early 2000s. Super bad kind of leading up to maybe the hangover was towards the end of those and just that
Ryan: Mm-hmm.
Cb: nice range in there and they don't make those anymore.
Ryan: No, but-
Coley: They don't.
Cb: It doesn't make any sense to me because they say you can't make that. Okay. So here, let me pitch you guys my, can't make that now counter argument. You've
Ryan: Okay.
Cb: heard of that, right? They can't, they couldn't make that now.
Coley: Yeah.
Cb: Okay. So when they made those, the people over 70 did not like them. Correct. They were
Coley: Yeah, makes sense.
Ryan: Yeah, I would say that.
Cb: upset about it. They said, Oh, that's dirty. That's gross. Whatever. Okay. So they, did not like it. Okay. The young people coming out now up now are less PC than young people have been for decades. Correct.
Ryan: Less p- yeah, yeah, I would say-
Cb: Less PC, less offended, like the gin alpha people are kind of like, hey, all this PC stuff that our parents or uncles do isn't cool. I'm not as PC. Fair?
Ryan: I'm not as
Coley: Yeah, yeah.
Ryan: tapped into that age group, but I've heard that could be the case, yeah, for sure.
Cb: Yeah, exactly. Well, I'm not tapped in either. you know, CIA take note. So
Ryan: hahahaha
Coley: Hahaha!
Cb: the, but my point I'm making is that we've replaced people who didn't like it and were offended by it, by it,
Ryan: Mm-hmm.
Cb: by the next cohort of people who are not PC and would like something like that. So when you say you couldn't ever make it these days, it's actually better to make it now than it would have been back then because the demographics of people that would be attracted to something like that are are much greater. However, the nanny state and caring culture is amplified and people actually listen to.
Ryan: Right. But maybe they're, are they talking more about like just the ability, the ability to get it financed these days probably?
Cb: Well, that's also the thing, because the people that finance stuff care about the nanny state and the cancel culture.
Coley: That's the biggest thing and that's like scary they just came out with like scary movies six or something like that
Ryan: Yeah?
Coley: Which if you think about it, you can't make scary movie today and they did it the Wayne's brothers said that they said fuck it We don't we don't care, you know, and and that's kind of the way that they ended up doing it So, I mean good for them
Cb: Yeah, well, they said the same thing in the 80s and 90s. You can't make a car company and then Elon makes a car company and it's like the best car company.
Ryan: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, what a, I was a, I was a big fan of who, did, who did, I don't know if it, the, the, the Cohen brothers or the, were the, but they weren't, they weren't as much comedy though, were they? Or they did a little big Lebowski. Okay.
Cb: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Coley: Yeah. Yeah, they were. They did the big little ask and they also did me, myself and Irene.
Cb: No, they did the mouse. Great, Lizzie.
Coley: Yeah, they know a of comedies.
Ryan: Yeah, I mean...
Cb: And the comedies were all great. You had a great opener and then you had like multi-threaded character development with plots like the dude's rug, for example, and the, the toe and all of those things that are just incredible plot lines.
Coley: Yeah, it's probably one of my favorite. Yeah.
Cb: And they're so simple, but so relatable. And then they replaced that with, Oh, let's go watch Euphoria. Let's go watch people do heroin and almost die and come back to life and talk about ice. This is just so dumb. I'd much rather watch a McLovin go get a fake ID.
Coley: Yeah
Ryan: Yeah, I agree.
Cb: We replaced keeping a fake ID with doing heroin, and somehow that is more PC.
Ryan: I mean, you think about the
Coley: So.
Ryan: movies, I'm looking at like some of them like fucking Half Baked, Swingers, Tommy Boy, Kingpin, know, Clerks.
Cb: would harrow us.
Coley: God, Kingpin was so good.
Cb: Yeah, Woody Nelson's incredible.
Ryan: Yeah. I mean...
Coley: Yeah.
Cb: And Jeff Daniels was in that too, right?
Coley: I think
Ryan: Or was it?
Coley: Bill Murray was it no
Ryan: Well, Bill Murray and who's the less attractive Quaid brother? Randy Quaid? Or, Randy Quaid?
Coley: Randy Quaid. Yeah.
Cb: Randy Quinn, he was in Vegas vacation.
Coley: Yeah, Randy Quaid was, yeah, Randy Quaid was, yeah, uncle.
Cb: Yeah, we used to always call it a because remember he's always walking around. He drink a tall boy and he put the
Ryan: Yeah.
Cb: remaining five tall boys on his belt. So whenever you're walking around with five tall boys on your belt, you'd always call that a Randy Quaid.
Ryan: man. And he was in, I think he was in one of the caddy shacks too, if I, if I recall correctly, he might've been in like the.
Cb: proud of you.
Coley: project is that you use it in the business day uh...
Cb: Mm.
Coley: yet he was the guy that saved the world he was the full yes by the info flu
Cb: He was the pilot, right? Yeah.
Coley: straight into the uh... the guy exactly is like it boys are backers so we've been as his famous quote yeah exactly you know
Cb: Yeah, that's great, man. Yeah, because movies used to be good back then, but now they suck. But Theo Von and David Spade came out with
Ryan: Yes.
Cb: their movie recently, which I haven't seen it, but I'm go
Coley: is it good?
Ryan: But bus boys.
Cb: watch it the first night I get that I can. Yes.
Ryan: I feel like that will be good, yeah.
Coley: It's on... Is it on Netflix or is it on the theaters?
Cb: I was in a theater. Everybody should go. So that's a good ad. That's a good, can we do an ad for them and go watch that movie, go pay for it. Making more comedies.
Coley: Hahaha!
Cb: It's called bus boys. It's about two guys and all the girls keep going. All the waiters get all the girls and these guys like, we need to be waiters. And so the bus boys become waiters. Great plot.
Coley: Yeah.
Ryan: Yeah. Well, I mean, it kind of reminds me of like just, I mean, I think they self-financed it. So it wasn't like a, you know, between, between both of them, but it makes me think of for some reason, grandma's boy. I know if you guys ever saw that movie, you know, where, where he gets caught, he
Coley: That was a great movie.
Cb: Yeah, that was a great video.
Ryan: gets caught jerking off by that dude's mom and he can't stop coming.
Coley: Hahaha
Ryan: man. And then they're in the motor car or they're in the race car beds or something like that together. I mean, yeah.
Cb: Yeah, yeah, that was a good movie.
Ryan: I mean, they just don't. So how long have you been doing standup for Corey?
Cb: I've been writing jokes for like 10 years. think I got on stage for the first time three years ago
Ryan: Okay. Okay.
Cb: and I love it.
Coley: Me too.
Cb: Yeah. So the first time I go up on stage, was a creek in the cave in Austin. And I think I got up at like 12 45 in the morning at an open mic and there were exactly five people in the audience.
Coley: Yeah
Cb: And I've done a ton of public speaking. I've never used a mic with a cord on it. I've always either got the thing that's wired
Coley: Hahaha!
Cb: in or the cordless mic. So I go up. I grabbed the mic and I disconnected it and that was my my first maneuver.
Ryan: Yeah.
Coley: To be fair, I've done it too. mean, that's definitely something you do.
Cb: Yeah, but yeah, I it's off and on. I got a doc called Stand Up Comedy that's 230 pages long and I
Coley: Nice.
Ryan: yeah?
Cb: just like writing. It's fun. I do it for me. I don't do it for other people.
Ryan: You need to fucking link up with old Taylor Sheridan.
Cb: Yeah, well, I need to make my own movies like old Taylor Sheridan makes TV shows.
Coley: I mean, I think writing is one of the best expressions and yet you should do it for yourself. Like that's
Cb: Yeah.
Coley: the whole reason that I do stand-up comedy is I do it for myself. Like I personally think I'm hilarious.
Ryan: Yeah. And it's,
Cb: Yeah. No, it's.
Ryan: it's a therapy too, you know, because you're, you're, you're kind of like, getting your kind of letting it all out on your kind of your skewed views of the world a little bit. You're just kind of shitting on whatever is, is, is fucking you up mentally, you know.
Cb: Yeah, it's fun, man. And then, yeah, everybody's got their own little angle on it.
Ryan: Yeah. What, how would you describe the Austin scene now? I mean, is it just, I know we kind of texted about it a little bit, but is it just, is it hard to get on places? Is it just bananas now or what?
Cb: Well, it's if I've never got booked by another person. So I don't really know.
Ryan: Yeah.
Cb: basically I've got a monthly spot that my buddies, so my buddies have this tech roast show called your startup sucks. so the
Ryan: That's great.
Cb: founders go up and pitch for a minute and then they get roasted by the judges.
Ryan: Nice.
Cb: my, my friends started this and they said, Hey, come pitch your startup. I was like, okay. And I just went in there. I was like, all right, every thing I say about my company, I'm going to tag a joke to it. and make fun
Ryan: Mm-hmm.
Cb: of them. And so I would just lighten them up
Ryan: yeah.
Cb: and they didn't even know what to expect. And it was awesome. And then they were like, dude, you should come be on the panel. So I went and I was on the panel. So I've been on the panel for a while. And then they were like, we need to open the set with a professional comedian. I was like, okay, that's cute. Go find somebody, AB test their stuff against mine. Cause I actually understand startup humor. So I'll write jokes for the community and
Ryan: Yeah.
Cb: they're like, dude, so now I five minutes once a month. So that's my, that's my thing is brand new five every month. And
Coley: Thanks
Ryan: That's awesome. Yeah. And plus I think, you know, you're in tech, I'm in tech. Like there's a specific niche for the amount of anger you build up working in tech for so many fucking years that you can just unload, you know?
Cb: It's incredible.
Coley: Hahaha
Cb: There's so many angles.
Ryan: I mean, all
Coley: What?
Ryan: I have to do is just go on LinkedIn and just look and every comment I see, I just want to stab the person.
Coley: Well, it's so funny because when you write jokes, you write jokes about what you know, right? That's whole premise of writing a joke. It's like, know this and this is funny to me and then I can make this funny to other people. Kyle Kanane, love his comedy. He's amazing. He didn't want to quit his job the first two years. So he became successful as a comedian and he didn't want to quit his job because he was like, my job is my jokes. Like that's what I know.
Ryan: Yeah.
Cb: I love it man. Yeah, I bet if you go to an office full of people every day and you just look around you're like, yeah I got that's that's a good one.
Ryan: That's fucking Milton, that's Lumberg, that's...
Cb: Yeah.
Coley: Well, that's where Jeff Fox and Jeff Fox are they worked for like Dell for like
Ryan: did he?
Coley: 15 years of his life before he's a stand-up comedian.
Cb: wow.
Coley: Yeah. And And that's where he got the redneck thing. He would go around and he would look at cubicles and he'd be like, and
Ryan: Oof.
Coley: he would notice things in people's cubicles. You talk about
Cb: Yeah.
Coley: office space. That is written by somebody who has lived in an office with cubicles.
Ryan: Yeah.
Cb: Yeah, yeah, the details are so are so good. Yeah, Foxworthy is awesome. I love that guy.
Coley: Hahaha!
Ryan: Foxworthy, but I'll be honest, like some of, there were a couple of his cohorts, like I was a fan of Ron White's earlier stuff, you know?
Cb: Ron White's the best. I watch Ron White all the
Coley: I love wrong way.
Cb: So the best part about being in Austin is you can go see Ron White whenever you want.
Coley: Yeah.
Ryan: Yeah.
Cb: I've seen him like five times. went, so one of the things I was thinking the other day was like, I I'm going to go see Ron White and I'm going to get some inspiration. So I go watch Ron White and he does, he does, he did an hour
Ryan: An hour, wow.
Cb: and like, you got to do a lot to do an hour. And one of the
Coley: Yeah.
Cb: things that he would do is he would take us to different physical locations. So my, My set for May is going to be, just got back from San Francisco and then I'm to talk about all the crazy things that I observed when
Ryan: Mmm.
Cb: I was in Francisco.
Coley: Yeah, I mean,
Ryan: Yeah.
Coley: that's huge. you bring it up. It's like the zoom in and zoom out. Like if I tell you where I live and you're looking at a map and I'm like, live there and you're looking, depending on how far in and out, like if I have a map of the world and I point to where I am, you're not going to understand that. And if I And if I zoom in way too close to the street, have no revelants either. And so like you can make that San Francisco joke and the things that you notice because you're gonna, not only are you gonna notice those in San Francisco, you're gonna notice those in New York, you're gonna notice those in Austin, you're gonna notice those in Denver. Everything is relatable.
Cb: Yeah.
Ryan: Ron White's the only person I've known that ended up looking a lot worse after quitting drinking.
Cb: Crazy.
Coley: Do you
Ryan: I love Ron White though, I mean.
Coley: know what his original career was?
Cb: No.
Coley: He was a motivational speaker, he kept
Cb: What?
Ryan: What?
Coley: making jokes and someone came up to him and was like, okay, you either got to figure out how to make this standup comedy work. Or you gotta back off on the jokes for the motivational speaking. Because you can't do both of them. You can't just be roasting people during a motivational speech and you can't just make a motivational speech and have it not be funny. You gotta figure out one or the other. So yeah, he was a motivational speaker and someone told him, he gotta do standup comedy and he was like, all right.
Cb: Yeah. Well, he would probably tell you to say, so they told me, on a minute, my wrong one. So they told me
Ryan: Yeah, there we go.
Coley: Yeah.
Cb: I needed to go back off the comedy a little bit. So I go to my next event. called him
Ryan: Hahaha
Coley: Ha ha!
Cb: and there was this guy sitting in the front row and I just couldn't resist.
Ryan: Yeah.
Coley: Yeah! Yes! Exactly!
Cb: then he would say something really funny. Yeah. Yeah. That's so good.
Ryan: Have you been to Kill Tony Live, like in the audience or anything?
Cb: It's so hard to get tickets. They fucking sell out. Like they saw it for six months, the day it drops.
Ryan: Do that.
Cb: And I guess I just haven't paid attention the day the drop. Yeah. And I haven't
Coley: Jeez.
Ryan: Yeah, yeah.
Cb: signed up to do
Coley: Is that?
Cb: kill Tony because a, I don't really want to be interviewed in front of half a million people.
Coley: you
Ryan: man.
Cb: That doesn't sound great. And then B, I don't want to hang out with the other 300 people that are trying to be on kill Tony for four hours every week. Cause
Ryan: my god.
Cb: if you've seen the crowd, You guys, you can imagine just
Ryan: I haven't s-
Cb: who's in the show, but it's just that. there's like anywhere from one to 300 of them. And they like, they keep moving around like they used to be in the alley and then they were across the street. Now they've got them in a bar, but like probably no offense, but like 15 to 20 % of them live in their car. So like they're in a bar, but nobody's drinking.
Ryan: Yeah, that would be awkward.
Coley: Hahaha!
Cb: So I'm like, got code to write and like customers to take care of. I'm not going to like, you know, whatever.
Ryan: Yeah, I'm sure maybe like how long has it been going like two, three years, four years? Yeah. 12 years.
Cb: 12. I think so.
Ryan: Like it's been, cause I feel, I thought, I thought like it really blew up like the past like two or three years though. So maybe he'd been doing it, but.
Cb: Well, it's getting, yeah, it's getting bigger, but then on episode 800 and something, right? So yeah, maybe it's
Ryan: Yeah.
Cb: more than, yeah, no,
Coley: Peace.
Cb: he's been doing it every week for like maybe 15 years. don't know.
Ryan: Yeah, I feel like he kind of, hit the map when he made that joke about Puerto Rico being the big floating piece of garbage.
Cb: Yeah. Yeah. think that the lesson to learn from this is that if you keep doing something and strive to get incrementally better, it
Ryan: Mm-hmm.
Cb: will be successful unless you sell to private equity.
Ryan: yeah, there we go. And then we can...
Coley: Yeah, the minute you sell it to private equity they're like, fuck this.
Ryan: They're like, we need 900
Cb: Yeah.
Ryan: % returns every hour. Is that possible? Now, so what do
Coley: You
Cb: Yeah. Yeah. Now. Exactly.
Ryan: you, you, is your job? Are you in like technology sales? You look like technology sales.
Cb: Yeah, I left my collar downstairs. Yeah, bro.
Ryan: And your your your Zin pack.
Coley: Yeah.
Ryan: How many years have you been in game? Yeah.
Cb: The game? I don't know. Texas? I'm probably like 12, 13.
Ryan: Yeah, I'm about 15, so.
Cb: It's fun.
Ryan: Yeah, I would, I would call it something else, but another F word.
Coley: It's time for a new career. Stand Up Comedy, here we come.
Ryan: Yeah, yeah, but it's
Cb: Yeah. Yeah.
Ryan: interesting the writing part though. Like what are you, what are you like hoping to, do you have any, anything you're writing now? Like any, any movies or shows or.
Cb: Yeah. So I've got my new movie I'm wrapping up is called gambling buddies.
Ryan: Mm-hmm.
Cb: It's about four guys from high school that reunite later in life and they blackout at a Denny's and make a pact to compete in the world series of poker.
Ryan: I like it. Well, Denny's, yeah.
Cb: And so the characters are there's a guy, Sam, that lives a pretty upscale life, but he's living off of his salary and he's got his investments. It's tons of money, but he always thinks he's broke.
Ryan: Mm-hmm.
Cb: And then there's a guy at Fitz who sleeps on couches and hasn't had a bed for 12 years. And if he's got it, he spends it. If he doesn't have it, he borrows it and he gambles it. Then there's another
Coley: You
Ryan: Okay, nice.
Cb: guy, And Mike's basically controlled by his, his wife and his in-laws.
Ryan: Eww.
Cb: And then you got rich who's got three kids by three women and he's on house arrest, but he's a trust fund kid. And so these four guys like all had been friends forever and they just intersect at this point in time. And then they go on this journey of. Deciding to compete in the world series of poker. They do a couple warm-up trips in advance of that and it's just I mean my goal is to get like several laughs a minute
Ryan: I like it. How do you get something like that out? I feel like stand-up comedy, I understand, you just go out and just start doing it. How do you do that with a
Cb: Yeah.
Ryan: movie?
Cb: Well, we're probably somewhere between two and five years away from production costs plummeting and getting to the point where like you can make a movie for between 10 and a hundred K. So my
Ryan: Ooh, I like that.
Cb: goal is to have five scripts ready, ready to
Coley: Nice.
Cb: go. So I've got one already done. It's a political comedy. I got this one almost done and then I'm working on one called house for where brother
Ryan: Mm-hmm.
Cb: and sister inherit money. He puts it in savings. She spends it on a house. Mortgage is so big three years from now she's broke. So she's got to go find a husband. Night one
Ryan: I like it.
Cb: whoops. She goes home with a parking lot attendant. And then I've got
Ryan: Ooh, she sounds classy.
Cb: another one on HOA. It's called HOA and maybe Karen's in the subtitle. don't know if that's super early development, but I want to do one on homeowners associations because there's so much there.
Coley: my god, there's so much there. It is ridiculous.
Cb: Yeah, so those
Ryan: that's...
Cb: are kind of like my fourth and fifth one TBD and then.
Ryan: Well, I'm about to pitch you the fifth one right here. You ready?
Cb: Yeah.
Ryan: it is, two, two, two guys going camping together and they, they stumble upon Bigfoot. One of them gets, gets an actual picture of Bigfoot and the other one gets like a sorta picture of Bigfoot. So this whole thing is about just the dichotomy of like them saying, okay, well we both have it here now. You know, like don't you have the better picture? We both saw him and then one of them is like doing talk shows and he just leaves the other one kind of in the dust and he kind of like tries to
Cb: Yeah.
Ryan: like kill him eventually or do something like that. So I don't know. That's just a rough idea right there. And I want to
Cb: It's good. I like it. it. I like it.
Ryan: cast, this might not be easy to do, I want to cast, these two have never been together, Shane Gillis and Danny McBride together.
Cb: Ooh, love it.
Ryan: Like those, I feel like those two would be like a great combination. Just, just gut feeling, you know?
Cb: Yeah. Well, so this
Coley: or, well, I was gonna say, I'll pitch it to you, Ryan, because they just did this. You call it Brokeback Bigfoot, you Jake Gyllenhaal, and then you get an AI Heath Ledger, and you just go to town on that, and it's just like, you can take clips from Brokeback Mountain. where they're
Ryan: Huh.
Coley: in the, you know, where they're where they're camping. So the film costs of shooting is gonna come way, way down.
Cb: Yep.
Ryan: Yeah, yeah. No, I like that. Brokeback Bigfoot. Camel toe.
Coley: Hahaha!
Ryan: Camel toe. Okay. All right. Well.
Cb: Yeah, I feel like the title might imply a little bit more than you wanted to.
Ryan: Yeah, but I feel like there's so many people that love Bigfoot, know, like so many people out there that just want Bigfoot to be something real, you know? Like it's kind of like aliens, you know, it's like, I mean, maybe aliens are a little, a little more realistic, but you know.
Cb: We, I think.
Coley: We gotta... go ahead.
Cb: Well, that fits in the concepts. So my big concepts with my writing so far have been like politics and gambling, which are
Ryan: Mm-hmm.
Cb: topics that people are tangentially aware of. And some of them might think they have some exposure to, but they don't really understand them in detail. And I
Ryan: Right, right.
Cb: think if you can teach people things through comedy, it's just so much more impactful. And I think with Bigfoot, for example, there's probably something there and you could start bringing in other. like DB Cooper, you could have like a DB Cooper reference.
Coley: Yeah.
Cb: You have all this, all this other stuff that's, that's pretty neat because if people come away from it feeling like they learned something, they're going
Ryan: Yeah.
Cb: to, it's going to stick better than just if it was ha ha.
Ryan: I know, but I kind of want a little eastbound and down twist in there.
Coley: you
Ryan: You know what I mean? I don't know if you ever saw that.
Cb: Yeah. No, it should be hilarious. Yeah. No, mean, Danny, right. Well, then the other question is, at what point does name recognition not mean as much anymore? Because it feels
Ryan: Yeah.
Cb: like we passed that for a lot of the especially the miniseries on Netflix. Like, you don't know any of these people are, but the are good.
Ryan: I know. that's the shows. mean, it's always like a Norwegian fucking crime show or something that that you don't know any of the fucking actors, but you're like.
Cb: Yeah.
Ryan: So it's almost like they're brainwashing us into like just being able to like do all these repeatable like crime shows, right? And we're just like, yeah, that's a good one. So
Coley: you
Ryan: I don't know. I feel like like you said, I think there's a hopefully there's like a. Sharp turn here where we get back to the fucking real deal, you know, you know, we get some 40 year old virgin type shit some
Cb: Yeah, well, when we're not relying upon the suits at the big companies to finance it, that's when it becomes reality. Yeah, the O'Bannon, David Spade, I think they said they put three and a half million into this. That's an amount of money that individuals can put into films. Nobody's going to put 40 million into a film.
Ryan: I mean you wonder how much something like, you know, in the 90s, like something like clerks cost to make, you know? I mean, had his fucking video camcorder.
Coley: it was like nothing. Kevin Smith did it. Yeah, Kevin Smith did it for pennies. I mean, that's what I want back. And I'm not talking Blair Rich Witch Project or anything like that. Yeah,
Ryan: man
Coley: but just make you throw up or whatever. But really, Clerks, Clerks was, I mean, all shot, it looked like it was shot from security cameras.
Cb: Yeah, black and white. One of the characters doesn't talk.
Coley: Yeah, yes.
Ryan: That's Silent Bob, right? Smoochy, smoochy, bitchy bitches. Yeah. I mean, there was a whole host that Kevin, Kevin James had a funny, is that his name Kevin? Kevin, Kevin, Kevin Smith. So he almost, I read an article
Coley: Kevin Smith. Kevin Smith.
Ryan: a while ago. He had a heart attack and he said, he almost died. And he said, he wasn't really afraid about death as much as he was afraid about how the people in the hospital were going to see his small penis.
Coley: Yeah.
Ryan: That's a legit fucking thing there.
Cb: Well, if you think that's funny, when Ron White's new special comes out, he's got the funniest joke I've ever heard about that topic.
Ryan: Oh really? Dude yeah, Ron White. Oh man, he is just a... and he used to just just swig whiskey and just rip cigars like out there like on the on the stage but yeah I'm glad that he's uh he's still relevant and hanging around that that's fucking cool. I mean, since this is a throwback show, we're not going to take too much more of your time, but I wanted to go through some jobs that existed in the nineties that don't exist anymore that we can kind of riff on a little bit. If you guys are cool with that.
Coley: Yeah.
Ryan: mean, maybe these come back and we can, the first one is is a good old fashioned travel agent. You know,
Coley: That job still exists. I had to book a travel agent to go to Mexico and I mean, granted this travel agent works in South Dakota. So I mean, there might be a little bit of a delay of like, hey, you realize that that doesn't exist anymore. I think the biggest thing with that one is that I got travel insurance through it. You know, it's like if shit went downhill. I could have easily, you know, it's like I didn't have to, you know, I didn't have to pay anything if something went wrong or something like that, but I think they still kind of exist.
Ryan: Okay, well we have Expedia in these other places that in case something goes wrong they can charge us an extra $400 for something, which is nice.
Coley: Right?
Ryan: The next one is a, this is probably 70s, a switchboard operator. Like, can you imagine being a fucking switchboard operator? Jeez.
Coley: you
Ryan: I mean, I would just be just
Coley: Yeah.
Ryan: chain smoking like in there like, okay, here you go, good night.
Coley: Okay, how many affairs were caught because somebody put a little thing in the wrong and they're like, I'm looking for Jenny and they like, plug it in and they're like, hey Jenny and they're like, it's your wife and you're like, shit.
Cb: I know where Janice is. Did you
Ryan: No kidding.
Cb: know that LBJ at the secret service put a buzzer in the hallway so he could know when his wife was coming? That's a fun story to read
Coley: Hahaha
Ryan: No. my god, that's fucking great,
Cb: up on one of these days. It's real because apparently he was, you know.
Coley: I mean, I think you
Ryan: Yeah.
Coley: get to that point where it's like, that's just your political... I mean, I think they all are just there and nobody wants to admit it.
Ryan: But let's be honest,
Cb: Yeah.
Ryan: JFK probably had more numbers than fucking Wilt Chamberlain, so...
Coley: Hahaha!
Cb: Yeah, that's another conspiracy theories like did JFK hook up with Nancy Pelosi go deep on that one. It's a non zero.
Coley: Ooooo
Ryan: Ooh, ooh, that sounds like a dirty rabbit hole right there.
Cb: Yeah, that's, that's a real, real interesting one to go down. I don't, don't have an opinion on it. I'm just, you know,
Ryan: out
Cb: giving ideas.
Ryan: How would you, which one of you guys could have been an encyclopedia salesman?
Coley: Not me. I
Ryan: Yeah.
Coley: would have like 600 encyclopedias stuck in my ass.
Cb: I would add fun with it because you get, you go door to door and they're like, well, I don't, don't need an encyclopedia. Let's see. Well, it's the last 3000 years in one set of books. And they're like, what's changed in the last two years? So it's like, let's sit down and look. It's like, do you know Pluto is not a planet anymore? Do you your kids growing up thinking Pluto's a planet? Yeah.
Ryan: Yeah.
Coley: You know imagine it's just selling one book at a time and just like going door to door and be like hey I have the a Encyclopedia and you sell that and you go to the next door you bet I got B Then you got it like really gonna get a good community if people want to look it up
Cb: Yeah. Well, there's a, there's very successful people that do that. They're out of Utah and they become great actual salespeople.
Coley: Yeah!
Ryan: I don't know if you guys heard of Cutco knives. Remember those
Cb: Yeah.
Ryan: fucking things like you could slice through it. Yes, cut a penny. Remember the
Coley: yeah, cut a penny!
Ryan: first and only sale I had the lady was going through a divorce so she fucking loaded up on a few sets of
Coley: You
Ryan: Cutco knives on her husband's credit card. Nancy. Yeah,
Cb: that's great. Yeah, that's a good market.
Ryan: okay. The next one here is.
Cb: Okay, so this is good. That's a good sales tactic. You gotta teach is who is filed for divorce, but not finalized it.
Ryan: Eww.
Cb: And in the weaker position, go sell them stuff.
Ryan: That's a good idea. That is a good idea. Maybe we can develop a software that can just extrapolate that data.
Cb: Yeah. divorce and we can go
Coley: Yeah
Cb: see, is again, the political comedy aspect. We can go learn what lobbyists are and how they work. And how do we lobby Congress to get a bill through committee
Ryan: There you go.
Coley: You
Cb: to expose who's filing for divorce. And then we can use, you know, data sources to get their information and we can go sell them cut code knives.
Coley: Ha
Ryan: I mean, if there was one dream in my life, you just spoke it right there. So, I mean,
Coley: Hahaha
Ryan: that sounds...
Cb: Yeah, I might write that into one of my scripts later. That's a good idea.
Ryan: I have lot of ideas.
Cb: if you want something.
Ryan: just can never.
Cb: I bet most people don't know, I don't even know, what's the lag time from when you file a divorce petition to when it's finalized? There's a period
Coley: It depends,
Cb: of time.
Coley: it 100 % depends.
Ryan: State per state. Yeah
Coley: And it really depends on who's dragging the feet. I am currently going through a divorce. So I'm not gonna buy any cutco knives from either of you just to let you know that. I am gonna put a, I'm
Ryan: Fuck. Okay. Fuck. Kabash on that?
Coley: gonna put a kvash on it, at least on mine. But no, that's thing that sucks is like sometimes it really depends on like assets and. and money and truly and kids like that's like that's a big thing and so it's like
Ryan: Ugh.
Coley: it can i know kids i have an eight-year-old so i could say it but
Ryan: Ugh. She's nice, but besides her, ugh.
Coley: but it's just it really depends i mean like if someone drags their feet this thing could last like a year and a half you
Cb: Move.
Coley: know and so like yeah you like you could be you could be so close and if someone's like you know puts a lien on something or like then it's like shit, like where are we now? All this work that we've done. Eventually it goes to court and once it goes to court, which is fucking expensive in general, but then the judge depending on the state, Colorado, Colorado is a 50-50 no fault state so it's like boom, 50-50.
Ryan: Ooh, no fault, so she could cheat and then she still gets 50%. That's nice. Huh. Well.
Coley: She still gets 50%, yeah. Yeah. Or not.
Ryan: Yeah. Let's get...
Cb: wasn't this a is a Jim Carrey line right he's like prenuptial agreement
Coley: Yeah, yep.
Ryan: Yeah.
Coley: Yes. Including a pre-nup. Yeah, that was a liar liar, right? Yeah. She could...
Cb: Yeah, I think so. The other
Ryan: I'm out.
Cb: fun way, if you want to mess with someone financially, the other thing you can do is you send them a 1099 C.
Ryan: Mmm.
Cb: Do you guys know what this is? It's
Coley: No, is that gambling?
Ryan: No, what is...
Cb: a 10 99 C is the cancellation of debt. So
Ryan: wow.
Cb: you cancel their debt and that amount is then taxable and you're filing a notice with the IRS that that amount has been canceled and so they have to pay taxes on it. So you take uncollectible
Coley: my gosh.
Cb: debts and you file a 10 99 C on the behalf of that person and they got to pay taxes on it. So you don't get all the
Coley: Yeah.
Ryan: Wow, well, now we have s-
Cb: money, but they get a percentage of the pain.
Ryan: Yeah, yeah, I like that. Well then.
Cb: That's another thing.
Coley: That's diabolical.
Cb: See, this is what we saw. I need to get that into the scripts as well.
Ryan: Yeah. I mean, you're getting all, all kinds of ideas, you know,
Cb: And that's the, well, this is my, so when you guys asked like my comedy style, like I'm not going to go sit in an open mic for three hours and wait to go up. So six people can be on their phones watching me do something. I
Ryan: Yeah.
Cb: just want to work on writing. feel like I got three ideas just talking out loud with you guys.
Coley: Totally.
Ryan: Yeah, yeah. Well, luckily, Coley has a he's established like a nice somewhat of a residency at this little brewery that we do stand
Cb: Nice.
Ryan: up at. we we've been going there. What is it? The Westminster Brewery?
Coley: Westminster Brewery, yeah, we'll have a show there in May.
Ryan: Yeah, it'll be my second set ever. it's I'm just just kind of dipping into it a little bit. But
Cb: How much time are you gonna do?
Ryan: the first one I did like eight or nine minutes.
Cb: Wow!
Ryan: Yeah.
Coley: He crushed
Cb: Nice!
Coley: it. He crushed it.
Ryan: eight or nine minutes, I'm good. I was good at memorizing things because this is a little colonization. So was a hip hop artist back in the day. I,
Cb: You look like it.
Ryan: I mean, right. Thank you.
Coley: hahahahah
Ryan: Oh yeah.
Coley: Yeah, cause when I picture hip-hop, I see Ryan right away.
Ryan: Right?
Cb: Yeah.
Coley: Screw Ice Cube and Snoop Dogg. Which, who
Ryan: Yep, yep.
Coley: are playing at Red Rocks tonight, by the way?
Ryan: Are they?
Coley: Well, it's 420. Yeah.
Cb: Wow,
Ryan: Oh, I
Cb: that makes sense.
Ryan: forgot about that. I don't smoke as much weed anymore. So to me, like, 420 is not as big of a deal.
Coley: It's not. I remember in college when it was, I remember the local grocery store always had bread and it always said, was baked at four o'clock. so that sticker,
Ryan: Yeah.
Coley: everybody wanted that sticker. And so you'd go and you'd like just put it on everybody's dorm room.
Ryan: Yeah, was walking to the park today, walking my dog. was like this 65 year old Hispanic guy just in the, in the, corner sitting down light and enjoying. He's like, yeah, happy four 20. I'm right on, right on.
Cb: Nice.
Coley: Yeah, I heard someone talk about the holiday weekend and I was like holiday weekend and they're like, it was a weed store advertisement.
Ryan: Is weed legal in Texas?
Cb: No, but they have stores.
Ryan: I did it.
Coley: For medical, right?
Cb: No, it's, it's weird. don't know what it is. It's some variation or whatever, but you yeah,
Ryan: like Delta fucking 9 or something like that.
Cb: since we don't, we don't believe in laws anymore in America, we just,
Coley: Yeah
Cb: people can do whatever they want.
Coley: Yeah, right.
Ryan: Ugh. What about a... last one here. A job. Think about all the crazy shit you saw as a photo lab tech-
Cb: That's hilarious because you
Ryan: I mean...
Cb: know when you're at a party and someone's got one of those disposable cameras somebody's
Ryan: Yeah.
Cb: gonna take it and do something they want to and
Coley: Yeah
Cb: well Timmy down at the photo lab is gonna be responsible for that later
Coley: Yeah, you imagine all the people that took like weird selfies of like, you know, clearly like erotic selfies, and they had to go get it developed. And some some guy in the back was just like, I get to see all the boobs. Yeah.
Cb: Yep.
Ryan: or the opposite of boobs, you know.
Cb: Yeah, how did they do
Ryan: I mean, what was that?
Cb: it back in the day? They mail them to each other?
Ryan: That's what I was
Coley: Yeah.
Ryan: thinking. I wanted to do a joke. Like I was thinking about a joke like who like trying to revolve it around like who sent the first dick pic, you know? Was it,
Coley: Breath fire.
Ryan: was it Tom from MySpace? Was it fucking Bill Cosby with like a Polaroid? You
Coley: Hahaha!
Ryan: know, I mean.
Cb: It was probably some dork in like 1973 at MIT that did it with ASCII characters.
Ryan: Yeah Well, what if like, what if, what if that shit was like normal for like grandma and grandpa when grandpa was like away for war? Like he would just send like a nice little note with like a little, little Polaroid.
Coley: I I imagine whoever painted the Mona Lisa just like having them just like paint and then like send that to some, like hold still for like 30 minutes.
Cb: Yeah, right.
Ryan: Because there was somebody that took the first one and that's
Coley: You
Ryan: just a mystery, like who it is. Like that person exists.
Cb: Yeah. Well, it's like who is the first guy to milk a cow?
Coley: Yep! The first
Ryan: chicken or the egg, right? Yeah, it's one of those things, but.
Coley: person who wanted to be a prostitute, they figured out that they could sell their body.
Ryan: Yeah, but imagine
Coley: Hahaha
Ryan: if Bill Cosby had a smartphone back in the fucking 60s and 70s. Good lord.
Coley: Yeah, I don't... I mean, I know he's already getting prosecuted. I don't think he would have... I don't think he would survive past the 80s.
Ryan: No, no. And he's,
Coley: Hahaha
Ryan: what is he like, 90 now? I mean, that dude will fucking just live forever.
Coley: something. Yeah,
Cb: Is he still alive?
Coley: he is. And he's I think he's either paying a ton of money to people or, you know, all that all that jello money that he made, he's got to pay it back.
Cb: yeah, he's 88.
Coley: 80.
Ryan: He's actually got a Netflix special coming out soon.
Coley: Yeah
Ryan: It's called, it's the new Jello.
Cb: Dang.
Coley: Is that what he called it?
Ryan: Yeah, it's just a little creepy fuck. who was the guy that blew him up? Was it a Hannibal Burris? I think he was like
Coley: I mean, there are a few of them, but there are also a few, there were a lot of comedians that were like, I'm not gonna touch that with a 10 foot pole.
Cb: Yeah, lot of everybody is hanging, you know, not talking about stuff. And then with the Diddy, because you started talking about Diddy like Cat Williams and some other guy.
Coley: Yeah.
Ryan: Yeah, I fucking love
Cb: Yeah.
Ryan: cat Williams man. Love them. But we won't take up too much more of your time, man. We appreciate you, you hopping on. It's been a, it's been a blast chatting with you and ever we're ever down in Austin. I mean, we definitely probably want to cruise through at some point and check it out and maybe try to
Cb: yeah.
Ryan: book a gig or two. So
Cb: Bring it.
Ryan: Yeah, yeah. And tell Mitch I said thanks. This is a, so he's friends with one of my coworkers, Collie. So he was,
Coley: Nice, excellent.
Ryan: he let me know and I was like, yeah, that's cool. Get him on here. And we've been kind of just.
Coley: So Cory, what's your handle? So where can we find you?
Cb: I don't really have one. can go to
Coley: No? That's alright.
Cb: Instagram, your startup suck because we couldn't get sucks.
Coley: Hahaha! Fucking
Ryan: You're gonna have a suck.
Coley: god all these sensors
Cb: Yeah. Yeah, I don't really, I don't really blame myself that much. I'm thinking I'm just laying low till the movie thing hits and then we'll then we'll go out and do something.
Ryan: We'll have to
Coley: Nice.
Ryan: we'll have to sync up on the on the Bigfoot idea too because I can't
Cb: I think the Bigfoot idea is great. I think anything like that's awesome because all this stuff that people watch like Love Island season 20, who cares?
Ryan: Yeah.
Cb: Like dudes getting in a fight over the financial earnings from a Bigfoot adventure, that's incredible.
Coley: That's really funny.
Ryan: Yeah, because one of them, like I said, one of them has a has just a little bit more of a clear picture, you know, and before they leave, they're like making all these promises because they compare pictures. But then when they leave, one of them is just like, cha-ching, fuck whoever that is, you know, like.
Cb: Yeah. And then what would be interesting if something like, if they're fighting over it and they don't get it published to the, or monetized and like some guy makes a really good AI big foot picture and he makes money and then team up. Maybe that's, maybe
Coley: Yes! man, bring AI into it! man.
Cb: that's the angle is like these guys are fighting cause you you gotta have the second act twist. And so
Ryan: Yeah.
Coley: Yeah.
Cb: The first act is like they love each other and their friends. And then towards the end of it, they start having this conflict and then the conflict develops. And then the other guy comes in the picture and he actually has this AI picture and people start running that on like 60 minutes. Cause you know, they don't fact check anything.
Coley: you
Cb: And then these guys team back up and take down the AI gods.
Ryan: Ooh, so they're like they split
Coley: I like that.
Ryan: up and then they come back together to just like come after.
Coley: Because you gotta wrap it up. There has to be a happy ending.
Cb: Yeah, exactly. It's just like in Superbad, you know, like they're best friends and they get in a fight and then they come back together. You gotta
Coley: Yeah.
Cb: have the yo-yo.
Ryan: Yeah, yeah. All right, well, we'll
Cb: Yeah.
Ryan: ponder it. yeah, if you want to plug us here before we roll, Cole.
Coley: Yeah, well, offline days on TikTok, Instagram, Facebook. We're starting to blow up on Facebook, which is kind of cool. Yeah. And don't forget our we're looking for a thousand subscribers. And as soon as we get a thousand subscribers, we're going to do our blockbuster giveaway where we give away two fifty dollar gift cards so you can pay your blockbuster late fees.
Ryan: Mmm.
Coley: which you know i'm sure after a bunch of you know interest and stuff like that it's probably a little more than what we're giving away but at least it'll be something
Ryan: Yeah.
Coley: but but ryan and i say you have to do it for blockbuster but we're going to give away that 50 to basic if 50 visa gift card regardless two of them
Ryan: Yeah, yeah.
Cb: Isn't there still a blockbuster in Oregon?
Coley: there is
Ryan: I think so. I think so. It's the last one. Yeah, we
Cb: That's amazing. I used to love rock music.
Coley: And so, so yeah.
Ryan: did a second episode on that. But yeah, that's a...
Coley: Our second episode was on blog post, yeah. So follow us on Spotify and YouTube and Apple Music. yeah, we're loving all our listeners. We're loving all our Facebook and TikTok interactions. And we're gonna keep the grow that way. So this has been fun.
Ryan: Yeah man, we've enjoyed it.
Cb: Hell yeah, thanks for having me guys. All right, see you.
Coley: Yeah. See ya.
Ryan: All right, buddy. Peace out.
Cb: Well, I'm just trying to get beard growing advice from you guys. I figured I'd start here.
Coley: You
Ryan: yeah.
Coley: don't want to take it from me. I got this like weird shit.
Cb: Oh, you got that Joe Dirt going on with what you keep these for?
Ryan: like half Joe dirt here, you know, it's like where you can't really, you can't get it all.
Cb: You're dead.
Ryan: Yeah.
Coley: You
Ryan: but yeah, we're, you know, we're, this podcast is offline days and it's a offline D A Z and we're, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Clitor, all the above, you know, and, what else are we? Tick tock. So, you know, it's just a place where we can. talk about the good old days, the good old nostalgic days. So we're excited to be here and.
Cb: We're gonna start with Joe Dirt, which fits right into that.
Coley: Cory, just so you know, Clitter is the social media that Ryan's on that he can never hit.
Ryan: Yeah, I can't find it. I can't hit it. I can't. I guess that's why I'm still trying to meet people on FarmersMeat.com, BlackFarmersMeat.com.
Cb: Yeah.
Coley: God, do you remember Farmers Only?
Cb: I've heard of it. Yeah, I'm sure it's great.
Ryan: I mean it all depends on what you're looking for, know? I mean,
Coley: Ha
Ryan: are you single, Corey? Okay, I'm the only...
Cb: No, I also don't need someone to help me with the firewood chopping.
Ryan: I guess I'm the only actually I just start
Cb: That just reminds me of Borat. It's like, need wife who is strong on plow.
Coley: Ha
Cb: That's what would be on that dating site, right?
Ryan: Yeah, yeah,
Coley: Yeah.
Ryan: strong with plow who
Cb: Yeah.
Ryan: can corn rows maybe who can who can who can do the corn rows well.
Cb: Yeah, yeah, it's good.
Coley: be fair, I would be one of those people that would need a lot of help with wood chipping.
Cb: Yeah, yeah, it's actually very hard swinging an accident.
Coley: It is so hard!
Cb: Have you ever? don't know if we're doing something else, but I gotta ask you this while we're just getting warmed up or whatever. Have you ever played the game stump?
Ryan: Mm-mm.
Cb: it's incredible.
Coley: Can you explain it? Because maybe you have it it's a different name.
Cb: So you get a stump and you put some nails and you get the nails just barely driven.
Coley: yes!
Cb: And you have to take the hatchet or ax, depending on how brave you are, throw it up, rotate it at least 360 degrees, catch it and hit.
Coley: You
Ryan: Dang.
Cb: And the goal is to hit everybody else's nail in and whoever's got the last
Coley: Yes!
Cb: nail standing wins.
Ryan: That's fucking cool.
Coley: That was a TikTok trend for probably like from like, it was definitely a 2020 thing for sure. Where people are like, let's figure out what I can do when I can't socialize with anybody.
Cb: Yeah. See, well in my culture, it was a, when you're younger thing, then
Coley: Ha ha!
Cb: Tik Tok
Ryan: Yeah.
Cb: culturally appropriated it from the Redness.
Coley: Yeah, TikTok totally took all the culturally appropriate things and they just
Cb: Yeah.
Coley: brought them back.
Cb: Yeah.
Ryan: My favorite was the Tide Pod, eating Tide Pods. That was a good one.
Cb: That sounds terrible.
Ryan: Yeah, but you know, kids these days, kids these days, they'll do anything. So
Cb: Yeah.
Coley: you
Ryan: what was the game that we talked about, Cole, similar to what he's talking about? I don't know if you ever played it, Corey, the lawn darts back in the day?
Coley: Land arts.
Cb: yeah.
Ryan: I mean that was like,
Coley: Yeah.
Ryan: could be deadly.
Cb: I play everything, lawn darts, ladder golf, horseshoes, washers, cornhole. Great.
Coley: You can't go, mean, know, mean, cornhole is an amazing sport and the fact that it is now a sport is fantastic.
Cb: That's good. Yes, words don't require breathing hard.
Coley: No, you don't, exactly. I mean, they've been making that argument for golf for years and now we have video games as sports, so.
Ryan: Yeah, or curling.
Cb: That's not a sport.
Coley: Yeah, I'm
Cb: soon.
Coley: gonna I I'm gonna be in the 2020 whatever. What do we now 2026? So I'll be in the 2030 curling all you need is the acquirement is a dad bod
Cb: Yeah.
Ryan: Mm-hmm.
Cb: Curling's like the kids that go to private school and say that they were on the basketball team.
Ryan: Yeah.
Cb: It's not a thing. Yeah. You, you were on the basketball team because there were, there were 40 dudes in your class and you were over five, three, and you were, and you could fit through a door walking straight. Yeah. You're on. Sure.
Coley: You
Ryan: in lacrosse, right? feel like lacrosse was a good private school one too, back in the day. What was the
Cb: Yeah, lacrosse is good. It's like soccer that costs a lot of money.
Ryan: Yeah, yeah.
Coley: I call it hockey in the air, which hockey
Cb: Yeah.
Coley: is equally a white private school person.
Cb: Yeah, but I don't know. I've never been to Nunavent. If you went to Nunavent, I bet that the natives would be playing a lot of hockey up there.
Ryan: Yeah, yeah. Lord. what was, you know, since this is a throwback podcast here, what were the, what were the high school days like for you? What do you remember?
Cb: I watched a lot of Yeah.
Ryan: You did?
Cb: Which is why I'm into writing movies now. So that's one
Ryan: Okay.
Cb: of my hobbies. Yeah. Cause I think I watched lots of comedies and you know, got big Lebowski in office space and tons of great comedies that came out in the late nineties into the early 2000s. Super bad kind of leading up to maybe the hangover was towards the end of those and just that
Ryan: Mm-hmm.
Cb: nice range in there and they don't make those anymore.
Ryan: No, but-
Coley: They don't.
Cb: It doesn't make any sense to me because they say you can't make that. Okay. So here, let me pitch you guys my, can't make that now counter argument. You've
Ryan: Okay.
Cb: heard of that, right? They can't, they couldn't make that now.
Coley: Yeah.
Cb: Okay. So when they made those, the people over 70 did not like them. Correct. They were
Coley: Yeah, makes sense.
Ryan: Yeah, I would say that.
Cb: upset about it. They said, Oh, that's dirty. That's gross. Whatever. Okay. So they, did not like it. Okay. The young people coming out now up now are less PC than young people have been for decades. Correct.
Ryan: Less p- yeah, yeah, I would say-
Cb: Less PC, less offended, like the gin alpha people are kind of like, hey, all this PC stuff that our parents or uncles do isn't cool. I'm not as PC. Fair?
Ryan: I'm not as
Coley: Yeah, yeah.
Ryan: tapped into that age group, but I've heard that could be the case, yeah, for sure.
Cb: Yeah, exactly. Well, I'm not tapped in either. you know, CIA take note. So
Ryan: hahahaha
Coley: Hahaha!
Cb: the, but my point I'm making is that we've replaced people who didn't like it and were offended by it, by it,
Ryan: Mm-hmm.
Cb: by the next cohort of people who are not PC and would like something like that. So when you say you couldn't ever make it these days, it's actually better to make it now than it would have been back then because the demographics of people that would be attracted to something like that are are much greater. However, the nanny state and caring culture is amplified and people actually listen to.
Ryan: Right. But maybe they're, are they talking more about like just the ability, the ability to get it financed these days probably?
Cb: Well, that's also the thing, because the people that finance stuff care about the nanny state and the cancel culture.
Coley: That's the biggest thing and that's like scary they just came out with like scary movies six or something like that
Ryan: Yeah?
Coley: Which if you think about it, you can't make scary movie today and they did it the Wayne's brothers said that they said fuck it We don't we don't care, you know, and and that's kind of the way that they ended up doing it So, I mean good for them
Cb: Yeah, well, they said the same thing in the 80s and 90s. You can't make a car company and then Elon makes a car company and it's like the best car company.
Ryan: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, what a, I was a, I was a big fan of who, did, who did, I don't know if it, the, the, the Cohen brothers or the, were the, but they weren't, they weren't as much comedy though, were they? Or they did a little big Lebowski. Okay.
Cb: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Coley: Yeah. Yeah, they were. They did the big little ask and they also did me, myself and Irene.
Cb: No, they did the mouse. Great, Lizzie.
Coley: Yeah, they know a of comedies.
Ryan: Yeah, I mean...
Cb: And the comedies were all great. You had a great opener and then you had like multi-threaded character development with plots like the dude's rug, for example, and the, the toe and all of those things that are just incredible plot lines.
Coley: Yeah, it's probably one of my favorite. Yeah.
Cb: And they're so simple, but so relatable. And then they replaced that with, Oh, let's go watch Euphoria. Let's go watch people do heroin and almost die and come back to life and talk about ice. This is just so dumb. I'd much rather watch a McLovin go get a fake ID.
Coley: Yeah
Ryan: Yeah, I agree.
Cb: We replaced keeping a fake ID with doing heroin, and somehow that is more PC.
Ryan: I mean, you think about the
Coley: So.
Ryan: movies, I'm looking at like some of them like fucking Half Baked, Swingers, Tommy Boy, Kingpin, know, Clerks.
Cb: would harrow us.
Coley: God, Kingpin was so good.
Cb: Yeah, Woody Nelson's incredible.
Ryan: Yeah. I mean...
Coley: Yeah.
Cb: And Jeff Daniels was in that too, right?
Coley: I think
Ryan: Or was it?
Coley: Bill Murray was it no
Ryan: Well, Bill Murray and who's the less attractive Quaid brother? Randy Quaid? Or, Randy Quaid?
Coley: Randy Quaid. Yeah.
Cb: Randy Quinn, he was in Vegas vacation.
Coley: Yeah, Randy Quaid was, yeah, Randy Quaid was, yeah, uncle.
Cb: Yeah, we used to always call it a because remember he's always walking around. He drink a tall boy and he put the
Ryan: Yeah.
Cb: remaining five tall boys on his belt. So whenever you're walking around with five tall boys on your belt, you'd always call that a Randy Quaid.
Ryan: man. And he was in, I think he was in one of the caddy shacks too, if I, if I recall correctly, he might've been in like the.
Cb: proud of you.
Coley: project is that you use it in the business day uh...
Cb: Mm.
Coley: yet he was the guy that saved the world he was the full yes by the info flu
Cb: He was the pilot, right? Yeah.
Coley: straight into the uh... the guy exactly is like it boys are backers so we've been as his famous quote yeah exactly you know
Cb: Yeah, that's great, man. Yeah, because movies used to be good back then, but now they suck. But Theo Von and David Spade came out with
Ryan: Yes.
Cb: their movie recently, which I haven't seen it, but I'm go
Coley: is it good?
Ryan: But bus boys.
Cb: watch it the first night I get that I can. Yes.
Ryan: I feel like that will be good, yeah.
Coley: It's on... Is it on Netflix or is it on the theaters?
Cb: I was in a theater. Everybody should go. So that's a good ad. That's a good, can we do an ad for them and go watch that movie, go pay for it. Making more comedies.
Coley: Hahaha!
Cb: It's called bus boys. It's about two guys and all the girls keep going. All the waiters get all the girls and these guys like, we need to be waiters. And so the bus boys become waiters. Great plot.
Coley: Yeah.
Ryan: Yeah. Well, I mean, it kind of reminds me of like just, I mean, I think they self-financed it. So it wasn't like a, you know, between, between both of them, but it makes me think of for some reason, grandma's boy. I know if you guys ever saw that movie, you know, where, where he gets caught, he
Coley: That was a great movie.
Cb: Yeah, that was a great video.
Ryan: gets caught jerking off by that dude's mom and he can't stop coming.
Coley: Hahaha
Ryan: man. And then they're in the motor car or they're in the race car beds or something like that together. I mean, yeah.
Cb: Yeah, yeah, that was a good movie.
Ryan: I mean, they just don't. So how long have you been doing standup for Corey?
Cb: I've been writing jokes for like 10 years. think I got on stage for the first time three years ago
Ryan: Okay. Okay.
Cb: and I love it.
Coley: Me too.
Cb: Yeah. So the first time I go up on stage, was a creek in the cave in Austin. And I think I got up at like 12 45 in the morning at an open mic and there were exactly five people in the audience.
Coley: Yeah
Cb: And I've done a ton of public speaking. I've never used a mic with a cord on it. I've always either got the thing that's wired
Coley: Hahaha!
Cb: in or the cordless mic. So I go up. I grabbed the mic and I disconnected it and that was my my first maneuver.
Ryan: Yeah.
Coley: To be fair, I've done it too. mean, that's definitely something you do.
Cb: Yeah, but yeah, I it's off and on. I got a doc called Stand Up Comedy that's 230 pages long and I
Coley: Nice.
Ryan: yeah?
Cb: just like writing. It's fun. I do it for me. I don't do it for other people.
Ryan: You need to fucking link up with old Taylor Sheridan.
Cb: Yeah, well, I need to make my own movies like old Taylor Sheridan makes TV shows.
Coley: I mean, I think writing is one of the best expressions and yet you should do it for yourself. Like that's
Cb: Yeah.
Coley: the whole reason that I do stand-up comedy is I do it for myself. Like I personally think I'm hilarious.
Ryan: Yeah. And it's,
Cb: Yeah. No, it's.
Ryan: it's a therapy too, you know, because you're, you're, you're kind of like, getting your kind of letting it all out on your kind of your skewed views of the world a little bit. You're just kind of shitting on whatever is, is, is fucking you up mentally, you know.
Cb: Yeah, it's fun, man. And then, yeah, everybody's got their own little angle on it.
Ryan: Yeah. What, how would you describe the Austin scene now? I mean, is it just, I know we kind of texted about it a little bit, but is it just, is it hard to get on places? Is it just bananas now or what?
Cb: Well, it's if I've never got booked by another person. So I don't really know.
Ryan: Yeah.
Cb: basically I've got a monthly spot that my buddies, so my buddies have this tech roast show called your startup sucks. so the
Ryan: That's great.
Cb: founders go up and pitch for a minute and then they get roasted by the judges.
Ryan: Nice.
Cb: my, my friends started this and they said, Hey, come pitch your startup. I was like, okay. And I just went in there. I was like, all right, every thing I say about my company, I'm going to tag a joke to it. and make fun
Ryan: Mm-hmm.
Cb: of them. And so I would just lighten them up
Ryan: yeah.
Cb: and they didn't even know what to expect. And it was awesome. And then they were like, dude, you should come be on the panel. So I went and I was on the panel. So I've been on the panel for a while. And then they were like, we need to open the set with a professional comedian. I was like, okay, that's cute. Go find somebody, AB test their stuff against mine. Cause I actually understand startup humor. So I'll write jokes for the community and
Ryan: Yeah.
Cb: they're like, dude, so now I five minutes once a month. So that's my, that's my thing is brand new five every month. And
Coley: Thanks
Ryan: That's awesome. Yeah. And plus I think, you know, you're in tech, I'm in tech. Like there's a specific niche for the amount of anger you build up working in tech for so many fucking years that you can just unload, you know?
Cb: It's incredible.
Coley: Hahaha
Cb: There's so many angles.
Ryan: I mean, all
Coley: What?
Ryan: I have to do is just go on LinkedIn and just look and every comment I see, I just want to stab the person.
Coley: Well, it's so funny because when you write jokes, you write jokes about what you know, right? That's whole premise of writing a joke. It's like, know this and this is funny to me and then I can make this funny to other people. Kyle Kanane, love his comedy. He's amazing. He didn't want to quit his job the first two years. So he became successful as a comedian and he didn't want to quit his job because he was like, my job is my jokes. Like that's what I know.
Ryan: Yeah.
Cb: I love it man. Yeah, I bet if you go to an office full of people every day and you just look around you're like, yeah I got that's that's a good one.
Ryan: That's fucking Milton, that's Lumberg, that's...
Cb: Yeah.
Coley: Well, that's where Jeff Fox and Jeff Fox are they worked for like Dell for like
Ryan: did he?
Coley: 15 years of his life before he's a stand-up comedian.
Cb: wow.
Coley: Yeah. And And that's where he got the redneck thing. He would go around and he would look at cubicles and he'd be like, and
Ryan: Oof.
Coley: he would notice things in people's cubicles. You talk about
Cb: Yeah.
Coley: office space. That is written by somebody who has lived in an office with cubicles.
Ryan: Yeah.
Cb: Yeah, yeah, the details are so are so good. Yeah, Foxworthy is awesome. I love that guy.
Coley: Hahaha!
Ryan: Foxworthy, but I'll be honest, like some of, there were a couple of his cohorts, like I was a fan of Ron White's earlier stuff, you know?
Cb: Ron White's the best. I watch Ron White all the
Coley: I love wrong way.
Cb: So the best part about being in Austin is you can go see Ron White whenever you want.
Coley: Yeah.
Ryan: Yeah.
Cb: I've seen him like five times. went, so one of the things I was thinking the other day was like, I I'm going to go see Ron White and I'm going to get some inspiration. So I go watch Ron White and he does, he does, he did an hour
Ryan: An hour, wow.
Cb: and like, you got to do a lot to do an hour. And one of the
Coley: Yeah.
Cb: things that he would do is he would take us to different physical locations. So my, My set for May is going to be, just got back from San Francisco and then I'm to talk about all the crazy things that I observed when
Ryan: Mmm.
Cb: I was in Francisco.
Coley: Yeah, I mean,
Ryan: Yeah.
Coley: that's huge. you bring it up. It's like the zoom in and zoom out. Like if I tell you where I live and you're looking at a map and I'm like, live there and you're looking, depending on how far in and out, like if I have a map of the world and I point to where I am, you're not going to understand that. And if I And if I zoom in way too close to the street, have no revelants either. And so like you can make that San Francisco joke and the things that you notice because you're gonna, not only are you gonna notice those in San Francisco, you're gonna notice those in New York, you're gonna notice those in Austin, you're gonna notice those in Denver. Everything is relatable.
Cb: Yeah.
Ryan: Ron White's the only person I've known that ended up looking a lot worse after quitting drinking.
Cb: Crazy.
Coley: Do you
Ryan: I love Ron White though, I mean.
Coley: know what his original career was?
Cb: No.
Coley: He was a motivational speaker, he kept
Cb: What?
Ryan: What?
Coley: making jokes and someone came up to him and was like, okay, you either got to figure out how to make this standup comedy work. Or you gotta back off on the jokes for the motivational speaking. Because you can't do both of them. You can't just be roasting people during a motivational speech and you can't just make a motivational speech and have it not be funny. You gotta figure out one or the other. So yeah, he was a motivational speaker and someone told him, he gotta do standup comedy and he was like, all right.
Cb: Yeah. Well, he would probably tell you to say, so they told me, on a minute, my wrong one. So they told me
Ryan: Yeah, there we go.
Coley: Yeah.
Cb: I needed to go back off the comedy a little bit. So I go to my next event. called him
Ryan: Hahaha
Coley: Ha ha!
Cb: and there was this guy sitting in the front row and I just couldn't resist.
Ryan: Yeah.
Coley: Yeah! Yes! Exactly!
Cb: then he would say something really funny. Yeah. Yeah. That's so good.
Ryan: Have you been to Kill Tony Live, like in the audience or anything?
Cb: It's so hard to get tickets. They fucking sell out. Like they saw it for six months, the day it drops.
Ryan: Do that.
Cb: And I guess I just haven't paid attention the day the drop. Yeah. And I haven't
Coley: Jeez.
Ryan: Yeah, yeah.
Cb: signed up to do
Coley: Is that?
Cb: kill Tony because a, I don't really want to be interviewed in front of half a million people.
Coley: you
Ryan: man.
Cb: That doesn't sound great. And then B, I don't want to hang out with the other 300 people that are trying to be on kill Tony for four hours every week. Cause
Ryan: my god.
Cb: if you've seen the crowd, You guys, you can imagine just
Ryan: I haven't s-
Cb: who's in the show, but it's just that. there's like anywhere from one to 300 of them. And they like, they keep moving around like they used to be in the alley and then they were across the street. Now they've got them in a bar, but like probably no offense, but like 15 to 20 % of them live in their car. So like they're in a bar, but nobody's drinking.
Ryan: Yeah, that would be awkward.
Coley: Hahaha!
Cb: So I'm like, got code to write and like customers to take care of. I'm not going to like, you know, whatever.
Ryan: Yeah, I'm sure maybe like how long has it been going like two, three years, four years? Yeah. 12 years.
Cb: 12. I think so.
Ryan: Like it's been, cause I feel, I thought, I thought like it really blew up like the past like two or three years though. So maybe he'd been doing it, but.
Cb: Well, it's getting, yeah, it's getting bigger, but then on episode 800 and something, right? So yeah, maybe it's
Ryan: Yeah.
Cb: more than, yeah, no,
Coley: Peace.
Cb: he's been doing it every week for like maybe 15 years. don't know.
Ryan: Yeah, I feel like he kind of, hit the map when he made that joke about Puerto Rico being the big floating piece of garbage.
Cb: Yeah. Yeah. think that the lesson to learn from this is that if you keep doing something and strive to get incrementally better, it
Ryan: Mm-hmm.
Cb: will be successful unless you sell to private equity.
Ryan: yeah, there we go. And then we can...
Coley: Yeah, the minute you sell it to private equity they're like, fuck this.
Ryan: They're like, we need 900
Cb: Yeah.
Ryan: % returns every hour. Is that possible? Now, so what do
Coley: You
Cb: Yeah. Yeah. Now. Exactly.
Ryan: you, you, is your job? Are you in like technology sales? You look like technology sales.
Cb: Yeah, I left my collar downstairs. Yeah, bro.
Ryan: And your your your Zin pack.
Coley: Yeah.
Ryan: How many years have you been in game? Yeah.
Cb: The game? I don't know. Texas? I'm probably like 12, 13.
Ryan: Yeah, I'm about 15, so.
Cb: It's fun.
Ryan: Yeah, I would, I would call it something else, but another F word.
Coley: It's time for a new career. Stand Up Comedy, here we come.
Ryan: Yeah, yeah, but it's
Cb: Yeah. Yeah.
Ryan: interesting the writing part though. Like what are you, what are you like hoping to, do you have any, anything you're writing now? Like any, any movies or shows or.
Cb: Yeah. So I've got my new movie I'm wrapping up is called gambling buddies.
Ryan: Mm-hmm.
Cb: It's about four guys from high school that reunite later in life and they blackout at a Denny's and make a pact to compete in the world series of poker.
Ryan: I like it. Well, Denny's, yeah.
Cb: And so the characters are there's a guy, Sam, that lives a pretty upscale life, but he's living off of his salary and he's got his investments. It's tons of money, but he always thinks he's broke.
Ryan: Mm-hmm.
Cb: And then there's a guy at Fitz who sleeps on couches and hasn't had a bed for 12 years. And if he's got it, he spends it. If he doesn't have it, he borrows it and he gambles it. Then there's another
Coley: You
Ryan: Okay, nice.
Cb: guy, And Mike's basically controlled by his, his wife and his in-laws.
Ryan: Eww.
Cb: And then you got rich who's got three kids by three women and he's on house arrest, but he's a trust fund kid. And so these four guys like all had been friends forever and they just intersect at this point in time. And then they go on this journey of. Deciding to compete in the world series of poker. They do a couple warm-up trips in advance of that and it's just I mean my goal is to get like several laughs a minute
Ryan: I like it. How do you get something like that out? I feel like stand-up comedy, I understand, you just go out and just start doing it. How do you do that with a
Cb: Yeah.
Ryan: movie?
Cb: Well, we're probably somewhere between two and five years away from production costs plummeting and getting to the point where like you can make a movie for between 10 and a hundred K. So my
Ryan: Ooh, I like that.
Cb: goal is to have five scripts ready, ready to
Coley: Nice.
Cb: go. So I've got one already done. It's a political comedy. I got this one almost done and then I'm working on one called house for where brother
Ryan: Mm-hmm.
Cb: and sister inherit money. He puts it in savings. She spends it on a house. Mortgage is so big three years from now she's broke. So she's got to go find a husband. Night one
Ryan: I like it.
Cb: whoops. She goes home with a parking lot attendant. And then I've got
Ryan: Ooh, she sounds classy.
Cb: another one on HOA. It's called HOA and maybe Karen's in the subtitle. don't know if that's super early development, but I want to do one on homeowners associations because there's so much there.
Coley: my god, there's so much there. It is ridiculous.
Cb: Yeah, so those
Ryan: that's...
Cb: are kind of like my fourth and fifth one TBD and then.
Ryan: Well, I'm about to pitch you the fifth one right here. You ready?
Cb: Yeah.
Ryan: it is, two, two, two guys going camping together and they, they stumble upon Bigfoot. One of them gets, gets an actual picture of Bigfoot and the other one gets like a sorta picture of Bigfoot. So this whole thing is about just the dichotomy of like them saying, okay, well we both have it here now. You know, like don't you have the better picture? We both saw him and then one of them is like doing talk shows and he just leaves the other one kind of in the dust and he kind of like tries to
Cb: Yeah.
Ryan: like kill him eventually or do something like that. So I don't know. That's just a rough idea right there. And I want to
Cb: It's good. I like it. it. I like it.
Ryan: cast, this might not be easy to do, I want to cast, these two have never been together, Shane Gillis and Danny McBride together.
Cb: Ooh, love it.
Ryan: Like those, I feel like those two would be like a great combination. Just, just gut feeling, you know?
Cb: Yeah. Well, so this
Coley: or, well, I was gonna say, I'll pitch it to you, Ryan, because they just did this. You call it Brokeback Bigfoot, you Jake Gyllenhaal, and then you get an AI Heath Ledger, and you just go to town on that, and it's just like, you can take clips from Brokeback Mountain. where they're
Ryan: Huh.
Coley: in the, you know, where they're where they're camping. So the film costs of shooting is gonna come way, way down.
Cb: Yep.
Ryan: Yeah, yeah. No, I like that. Brokeback Bigfoot. Camel toe.
Coley: Hahaha!
Ryan: Camel toe. Okay. All right. Well.
Cb: Yeah, I feel like the title might imply a little bit more than you wanted to.
Ryan: Yeah, but I feel like there's so many people that love Bigfoot, know, like so many people out there that just want Bigfoot to be something real, you know? Like it's kind of like aliens, you know, it's like, I mean, maybe aliens are a little, a little more realistic, but you know.
Cb: We, I think.
Coley: We gotta... go ahead.
Cb: Well, that fits in the concepts. So my big concepts with my writing so far have been like politics and gambling, which are
Ryan: Mm-hmm.
Cb: topics that people are tangentially aware of. And some of them might think they have some exposure to, but they don't really understand them in detail. And I
Ryan: Right, right.
Cb: think if you can teach people things through comedy, it's just so much more impactful. And I think with Bigfoot, for example, there's probably something there and you could start bringing in other. like DB Cooper, you could have like a DB Cooper reference.
Coley: Yeah.
Cb: You have all this, all this other stuff that's, that's pretty neat because if people come away from it feeling like they learned something, they're going
Ryan: Yeah.
Cb: to, it's going to stick better than just if it was ha ha.
Ryan: I know, but I kind of want a little eastbound and down twist in there.
Coley: you
Ryan: You know what I mean? I don't know if you ever saw that.
Cb: Yeah. No, it should be hilarious. Yeah. No, mean, Danny, right. Well, then the other question is, at what point does name recognition not mean as much anymore? Because it feels
Ryan: Yeah.
Cb: like we passed that for a lot of the especially the miniseries on Netflix. Like, you don't know any of these people are, but the are good.
Ryan: I know. that's the shows. mean, it's always like a Norwegian fucking crime show or something that that you don't know any of the fucking actors, but you're like.
Cb: Yeah.
Ryan: So it's almost like they're brainwashing us into like just being able to like do all these repeatable like crime shows, right? And we're just like, yeah, that's a good one. So
Coley: you
Ryan: I don't know. I feel like like you said, I think there's a hopefully there's like a. Sharp turn here where we get back to the fucking real deal, you know, you know, we get some 40 year old virgin type shit some
Cb: Yeah, well, when we're not relying upon the suits at the big companies to finance it, that's when it becomes reality. Yeah, the O'Bannon, David Spade, I think they said they put three and a half million into this. That's an amount of money that individuals can put into films. Nobody's going to put 40 million into a film.
Ryan: I mean you wonder how much something like, you know, in the 90s, like something like clerks cost to make, you know? I mean, had his fucking video camcorder.
Coley: it was like nothing. Kevin Smith did it. Yeah, Kevin Smith did it for pennies. I mean, that's what I want back. And I'm not talking Blair Rich Witch Project or anything like that. Yeah,
Ryan: man
Coley: but just make you throw up or whatever. But really, Clerks, Clerks was, I mean, all shot, it looked like it was shot from security cameras.
Cb: Yeah, black and white. One of the characters doesn't talk.
Coley: Yeah, yes.
Ryan: That's Silent Bob, right? Smoochy, smoochy, bitchy bitches. Yeah. I mean, there was a whole host that Kevin, Kevin James had a funny, is that his name Kevin? Kevin, Kevin, Kevin Smith. So he almost, I read an article
Coley: Kevin Smith. Kevin Smith.
Ryan: a while ago. He had a heart attack and he said, he almost died. And he said, he wasn't really afraid about death as much as he was afraid about how the people in the hospital were going to see his small penis.
Coley: Yeah.
Ryan: That's a legit fucking thing there.
Cb: Well, if you think that's funny, when Ron White's new special comes out, he's got the funniest joke I've ever heard about that topic.
Ryan: Oh really? Dude yeah, Ron White. Oh man, he is just a... and he used to just just swig whiskey and just rip cigars like out there like on the on the stage but yeah I'm glad that he's uh he's still relevant and hanging around that that's fucking cool. I mean, since this is a throwback show, we're not going to take too much more of your time, but I wanted to go through some jobs that existed in the nineties that don't exist anymore that we can kind of riff on a little bit. If you guys are cool with that.
Coley: Yeah.
Ryan: mean, maybe these come back and we can, the first one is is a good old fashioned travel agent. You know,
Coley: That job still exists. I had to book a travel agent to go to Mexico and I mean, granted this travel agent works in South Dakota. So I mean, there might be a little bit of a delay of like, hey, you realize that that doesn't exist anymore. I think the biggest thing with that one is that I got travel insurance through it. You know, it's like if shit went downhill. I could have easily, you know, it's like I didn't have to, you know, I didn't have to pay anything if something went wrong or something like that, but I think they still kind of exist.
Ryan: Okay, well we have Expedia in these other places that in case something goes wrong they can charge us an extra $400 for something, which is nice.
Coley: Right?
Ryan: The next one is a, this is probably 70s, a switchboard operator. Like, can you imagine being a fucking switchboard operator? Jeez.
Coley: you
Ryan: I mean, I would just be just
Coley: Yeah.
Ryan: chain smoking like in there like, okay, here you go, good night.
Coley: Okay, how many affairs were caught because somebody put a little thing in the wrong and they're like, I'm looking for Jenny and they like, plug it in and they're like, hey Jenny and they're like, it's your wife and you're like, shit.
Cb: I know where Janice is. Did you
Ryan: No kidding.
Cb: know that LBJ at the secret service put a buzzer in the hallway so he could know when his wife was coming? That's a fun story to read
Coley: Hahaha
Ryan: No. my god, that's fucking great,
Cb: up on one of these days. It's real because apparently he was, you know.
Coley: I mean, I think you
Ryan: Yeah.
Coley: get to that point where it's like, that's just your political... I mean, I think they all are just there and nobody wants to admit it.
Ryan: But let's be honest,
Cb: Yeah.
Ryan: JFK probably had more numbers than fucking Wilt Chamberlain, so...
Coley: Hahaha!
Cb: Yeah, that's another conspiracy theories like did JFK hook up with Nancy Pelosi go deep on that one. It's a non zero.
Coley: Ooooo
Ryan: Ooh, ooh, that sounds like a dirty rabbit hole right there.
Cb: Yeah, that's, that's a real, real interesting one to go down. I don't, don't have an opinion on it. I'm just, you know,
Ryan: out
Cb: giving ideas.
Ryan: How would you, which one of you guys could have been an encyclopedia salesman?
Coley: Not me. I
Ryan: Yeah.
Coley: would have like 600 encyclopedias stuck in my ass.
Cb: I would add fun with it because you get, you go door to door and they're like, well, I don't, don't need an encyclopedia. Let's see. Well, it's the last 3000 years in one set of books. And they're like, what's changed in the last two years? So it's like, let's sit down and look. It's like, do you know Pluto is not a planet anymore? Do you your kids growing up thinking Pluto's a planet? Yeah.
Ryan: Yeah.
Coley: You know imagine it's just selling one book at a time and just like going door to door and be like hey I have the a Encyclopedia and you sell that and you go to the next door you bet I got B Then you got it like really gonna get a good community if people want to look it up
Cb: Yeah. Well, there's a, there's very successful people that do that. They're out of Utah and they become great actual salespeople.
Coley: Yeah!
Ryan: I don't know if you guys heard of Cutco knives. Remember those
Cb: Yeah.
Ryan: fucking things like you could slice through it. Yes, cut a penny. Remember the
Coley: yeah, cut a penny!
Ryan: first and only sale I had the lady was going through a divorce so she fucking loaded up on a few sets of
Coley: You
Ryan: Cutco knives on her husband's credit card. Nancy. Yeah,
Cb: that's great. Yeah, that's a good market.
Ryan: okay. The next one here is.
Cb: Okay, so this is good. That's a good sales tactic. You gotta teach is who is filed for divorce, but not finalized it.
Ryan: Eww.
Cb: And in the weaker position, go sell them stuff.
Ryan: That's a good idea. That is a good idea. Maybe we can develop a software that can just extrapolate that data.
Cb: Yeah. divorce and we can go
Coley: Yeah
Cb: see, is again, the political comedy aspect. We can go learn what lobbyists are and how they work. And how do we lobby Congress to get a bill through committee
Ryan: There you go.
Coley: You
Cb: to expose who's filing for divorce. And then we can use, you know, data sources to get their information and we can go sell them cut code knives.
Coley: Ha
Ryan: I mean, if there was one dream in my life, you just spoke it right there. So, I mean,
Coley: Hahaha
Ryan: that sounds...
Cb: Yeah, I might write that into one of my scripts later. That's a good idea.
Ryan: I have lot of ideas.
Cb: if you want something.
Ryan: just can never.
Cb: I bet most people don't know, I don't even know, what's the lag time from when you file a divorce petition to when it's finalized? There's a period
Coley: It depends,
Cb: of time.
Coley: it 100 % depends.
Ryan: State per state. Yeah
Coley: And it really depends on who's dragging the feet. I am currently going through a divorce. So I'm not gonna buy any cutco knives from either of you just to let you know that. I am gonna put a, I'm
Ryan: Fuck. Okay. Fuck. Kabash on that?
Coley: gonna put a kvash on it, at least on mine. But no, that's thing that sucks is like sometimes it really depends on like assets and. and money and truly and kids like that's like that's a big thing and so it's like
Ryan: Ugh.
Coley: it can i know kids i have an eight-year-old so i could say it but
Ryan: Ugh. She's nice, but besides her, ugh.
Coley: but it's just it really depends i mean like if someone drags their feet this thing could last like a year and a half you
Cb: Move.
Coley: know and so like yeah you like you could be you could be so close and if someone's like you know puts a lien on something or like then it's like shit, like where are we now? All this work that we've done. Eventually it goes to court and once it goes to court, which is fucking expensive in general, but then the judge depending on the state, Colorado, Colorado is a 50-50 no fault state so it's like boom, 50-50.
Ryan: Ooh, no fault, so she could cheat and then she still gets 50%. That's nice. Huh. Well.
Coley: She still gets 50%, yeah. Yeah. Or not.
Ryan: Yeah. Let's get...
Cb: wasn't this a is a Jim Carrey line right he's like prenuptial agreement
Coley: Yeah, yep.
Ryan: Yeah.
Coley: Yes. Including a pre-nup. Yeah, that was a liar liar, right? Yeah. She could...
Cb: Yeah, I think so. The other
Ryan: I'm out.
Cb: fun way, if you want to mess with someone financially, the other thing you can do is you send them a 1099 C.
Ryan: Mmm.
Cb: Do you guys know what this is? It's
Coley: No, is that gambling?
Ryan: No, what is...
Cb: a 10 99 C is the cancellation of debt. So
Ryan: wow.
Cb: you cancel their debt and that amount is then taxable and you're filing a notice with the IRS that that amount has been canceled and so they have to pay taxes on it. So you take uncollectible
Coley: my gosh.
Cb: debts and you file a 10 99 C on the behalf of that person and they got to pay taxes on it. So you don't get all the
Coley: Yeah.
Ryan: Wow, well, now we have s-
Cb: money, but they get a percentage of the pain.
Ryan: Yeah, yeah, I like that. Well then.
Cb: That's another thing.
Coley: That's diabolical.
Cb: See, this is what we saw. I need to get that into the scripts as well.
Ryan: Yeah. I mean, you're getting all, all kinds of ideas, you know,
Cb: And that's the, well, this is my, so when you guys asked like my comedy style, like I'm not going to go sit in an open mic for three hours and wait to go up. So six people can be on their phones watching me do something. I
Ryan: Yeah.
Cb: just want to work on writing. feel like I got three ideas just talking out loud with you guys.
Coley: Totally.
Ryan: Yeah, yeah. Well, luckily, Coley has a he's established like a nice somewhat of a residency at this little brewery that we do stand
Cb: Nice.
Ryan: up at. we we've been going there. What is it? The Westminster Brewery?
Coley: Westminster Brewery, yeah, we'll have a show there in May.
Ryan: Yeah, it'll be my second set ever. it's I'm just just kind of dipping into it a little bit. But
Cb: How much time are you gonna do?
Ryan: the first one I did like eight or nine minutes.
Cb: Wow!
Ryan: Yeah.
Coley: He crushed
Cb: Nice!
Coley: it. He crushed it.
Ryan: eight or nine minutes, I'm good. I was good at memorizing things because this is a little colonization. So was a hip hop artist back in the day. I,
Cb: You look like it.
Ryan: I mean, right. Thank you.
Coley: hahahahah
Ryan: Oh yeah.
Coley: Yeah, cause when I picture hip-hop, I see Ryan right away.
Ryan: Right?
Cb: Yeah.
Coley: Screw Ice Cube and Snoop Dogg. Which, who
Ryan: Yep, yep.
Coley: are playing at Red Rocks tonight, by the way?
Ryan: Are they?
Coley: Well, it's 420. Yeah.
Cb: Wow,
Ryan: Oh, I
Cb: that makes sense.
Ryan: forgot about that. I don't smoke as much weed anymore. So to me, like, 420 is not as big of a deal.
Coley: It's not. I remember in college when it was, I remember the local grocery store always had bread and it always said, was baked at four o'clock. so that sticker,
Ryan: Yeah.
Coley: everybody wanted that sticker. And so you'd go and you'd like just put it on everybody's dorm room.
Ryan: Yeah, was walking to the park today, walking my dog. was like this 65 year old Hispanic guy just in the, in the, corner sitting down light and enjoying. He's like, yeah, happy four 20. I'm right on, right on.
Cb: Nice.
Coley: Yeah, I heard someone talk about the holiday weekend and I was like holiday weekend and they're like, it was a weed store advertisement.
Ryan: Is weed legal in Texas?
Cb: No, but they have stores.
Ryan: I did it.
Coley: For medical, right?
Cb: No, it's, it's weird. don't know what it is. It's some variation or whatever, but you yeah,
Ryan: like Delta fucking 9 or something like that.
Cb: since we don't, we don't believe in laws anymore in America, we just,
Coley: Yeah
Cb: people can do whatever they want.
Coley: Yeah, right.
Ryan: Ugh. What about a... last one here. A job. Think about all the crazy shit you saw as a photo lab tech-
Cb: That's hilarious because you
Ryan: I mean...
Cb: know when you're at a party and someone's got one of those disposable cameras somebody's
Ryan: Yeah.
Cb: gonna take it and do something they want to and
Coley: Yeah
Cb: well Timmy down at the photo lab is gonna be responsible for that later
Coley: Yeah, you imagine all the people that took like weird selfies of like, you know, clearly like erotic selfies, and they had to go get it developed. And some some guy in the back was just like, I get to see all the boobs. Yeah.
Cb: Yep.
Ryan: or the opposite of boobs, you know.
Cb: Yeah, how did they do
Ryan: I mean, what was that?
Cb: it back in the day? They mail them to each other?
Ryan: That's what I was
Coley: Yeah.
Ryan: thinking. I wanted to do a joke. Like I was thinking about a joke like who like trying to revolve it around like who sent the first dick pic, you know? Was it,
Coley: Breath fire.
Ryan: was it Tom from MySpace? Was it fucking Bill Cosby with like a Polaroid? You
Coley: Hahaha!
Ryan: know, I mean.
Cb: It was probably some dork in like 1973 at MIT that did it with ASCII characters.
Ryan: Yeah Well, what if like, what if, what if that shit was like normal for like grandma and grandpa when grandpa was like away for war? Like he would just send like a nice little note with like a little, little Polaroid.
Coley: I I imagine whoever painted the Mona Lisa just like having them just like paint and then like send that to some, like hold still for like 30 minutes.
Cb: Yeah, right.
Ryan: Because there was somebody that took the first one and that's
Coley: You
Ryan: just a mystery, like who it is. Like that person exists.
Cb: Yeah. Well, it's like who is the first guy to milk a cow?
Coley: Yep! The first
Ryan: chicken or the egg, right? Yeah, it's one of those things, but.
Coley: person who wanted to be a prostitute, they figured out that they could sell their body.
Ryan: Yeah, but imagine
Coley: Hahaha
Ryan: if Bill Cosby had a smartphone back in the fucking 60s and 70s. Good lord.
Coley: Yeah, I don't... I mean, I know he's already getting prosecuted. I don't think he would have... I don't think he would survive past the 80s.
Ryan: No, no. And he's,
Coley: Hahaha
Ryan: what is he like, 90 now? I mean, that dude will fucking just live forever.
Coley: something. Yeah,
Cb: Is he still alive?
Coley: he is. And he's I think he's either paying a ton of money to people or, you know, all that all that jello money that he made, he's got to pay it back.
Cb: yeah, he's 88.
Coley: 80.
Ryan: He's actually got a Netflix special coming out soon.
Coley: Yeah
Ryan: It's called, it's the new Jello.
Cb: Dang.
Coley: Is that what he called it?
Ryan: Yeah, it's just a little creepy fuck. who was the guy that blew him up? Was it a Hannibal Burris? I think he was like
Coley: I mean, there are a few of them, but there are also a few, there were a lot of comedians that were like, I'm not gonna touch that with a 10 foot pole.
Cb: Yeah, lot of everybody is hanging, you know, not talking about stuff. And then with the Diddy, because you started talking about Diddy like Cat Williams and some other guy.
Coley: Yeah.
Ryan: Yeah, I fucking love
Cb: Yeah.
Ryan: cat Williams man. Love them. But we won't take up too much more of your time, man. We appreciate you, you hopping on. It's been a, it's been a blast chatting with you and ever we're ever down in Austin. I mean, we definitely probably want to cruise through at some point and check it out and maybe try to
Cb: yeah.
Ryan: book a gig or two. So
Cb: Bring it.
Ryan: Yeah, yeah. And tell Mitch I said thanks. This is a, so he's friends with one of my coworkers, Collie. So he was,
Coley: Nice, excellent.
Ryan: he let me know and I was like, yeah, that's cool. Get him on here. And we've been kind of just.
Coley: So Cory, what's your handle? So where can we find you?
Cb: I don't really have one. can go to
Coley: No? That's alright.
Cb: Instagram, your startup suck because we couldn't get sucks.
Coley: Hahaha! Fucking
Ryan: You're gonna have a suck.
Coley: god all these sensors
Cb: Yeah. Yeah, I don't really, I don't really blame myself that much. I'm thinking I'm just laying low till the movie thing hits and then we'll then we'll go out and do something.
Ryan: We'll have to
Coley: Nice.
Ryan: we'll have to sync up on the on the Bigfoot idea too because I can't
Cb: I think the Bigfoot idea is great. I think anything like that's awesome because all this stuff that people watch like Love Island season 20, who cares?
Ryan: Yeah.
Cb: Like dudes getting in a fight over the financial earnings from a Bigfoot adventure, that's incredible.
Coley: That's really funny.
Ryan: Yeah, because one of them, like I said, one of them has a has just a little bit more of a clear picture, you know, and before they leave, they're like making all these promises because they compare pictures. But then when they leave, one of them is just like, cha-ching, fuck whoever that is, you know, like.
Cb: Yeah. And then what would be interesting if something like, if they're fighting over it and they don't get it published to the, or monetized and like some guy makes a really good AI big foot picture and he makes money and then team up. Maybe that's, maybe
Coley: Yes! man, bring AI into it! man.
Cb: that's the angle is like these guys are fighting cause you you gotta have the second act twist. And so
Ryan: Yeah.
Coley: Yeah.
Cb: The first act is like they love each other and their friends. And then towards the end of it, they start having this conflict and then the conflict develops. And then the other guy comes in the picture and he actually has this AI picture and people start running that on like 60 minutes. Cause you know, they don't fact check anything.
Coley: you
Cb: And then these guys team back up and take down the AI gods.
Ryan: Ooh, so they're like they split
Coley: I like that.
Ryan: up and then they come back together to just like come after.
Coley: Because you gotta wrap it up. There has to be a happy ending.
Cb: Yeah, exactly. It's just like in Superbad, you know, like they're best friends and they get in a fight and then they come back together. You gotta
Coley: Yeah.
Cb: have the yo-yo.
Ryan: Yeah, yeah. All right, well, we'll
Cb: Yeah.
Ryan: ponder it. yeah, if you want to plug us here before we roll, Cole.
Coley: Yeah, well, offline days on TikTok, Instagram, Facebook. We're starting to blow up on Facebook, which is kind of cool. Yeah. And don't forget our we're looking for a thousand subscribers. And as soon as we get a thousand subscribers, we're going to do our blockbuster giveaway where we give away two fifty dollar gift cards so you can pay your blockbuster late fees.
Ryan: Mmm.
Coley: which you know i'm sure after a bunch of you know interest and stuff like that it's probably a little more than what we're giving away but at least it'll be something
Ryan: Yeah.
Coley: but but ryan and i say you have to do it for blockbuster but we're going to give away that 50 to basic if 50 visa gift card regardless two of them
Ryan: Yeah, yeah.
Cb: Isn't there still a blockbuster in Oregon?
Coley: there is
Ryan: I think so. I think so. It's the last one. Yeah, we
Cb: That's amazing. I used to love rock music.
Coley: And so, so yeah.
Ryan: did a second episode on that. But yeah, that's a...
Coley: Our second episode was on blog post, yeah. So follow us on Spotify and YouTube and Apple Music. yeah, we're loving all our listeners. We're loving all our Facebook and TikTok interactions. And we're gonna keep the grow that way. So this has been fun.
Ryan: Yeah man, we've enjoyed it.
Cb: Hell yeah, thanks for having me guys. All right, see you.
Coley: Yeah. See ya.
Ryan: All right, buddy. Peace out.
