WEBVTT
00:00:00.400 --> 00:00:01.840
Hello and welcome.
00:00:02.080 --> 00:00:04.639
I'm Michelle Gray, formerly El King.
00:00:04.879 --> 00:00:15.279
I'm a neurostomatic coach and consultant and have been working at the intersection of ADHD, trauma, and nervous system restoration for 26 years.
00:00:15.599 --> 00:00:18.079
This is not managed fully lived.
00:00:18.559 --> 00:00:27.120
It's for the woman who has tried all the things and still hitting the wall, either in the life she's built or the one she's expanding into.
00:00:27.679 --> 00:00:38.719
This show gets into the 80%, the biological terrain, the schematic truth, the layer under the layer that every strategy try cannot touch.
00:00:39.039 --> 00:00:40.399
Glad you're here.
00:00:42.159 --> 00:00:44.159
A quick note before we dive in.
00:00:44.399 --> 00:00:54.000
The views and opinions shared by my guests are their own and don't necessarily reflect souljourn coaching and consulting, or my personal or professional perspective.
00:00:54.320 --> 00:00:57.439
This podcast is for educational purposes only.
00:00:57.600 --> 00:01:02.159
Take what serves you, leave the rest, and do your own research for your own path.
00:01:02.399 --> 00:01:03.039
Be well.
00:01:18.480 --> 00:01:19.840
I am Michelle Gray.
00:01:20.000 --> 00:01:21.280
So glad to have you here.
00:01:21.519 --> 00:01:23.920
And this is a solo episode.
00:01:24.239 --> 00:01:36.000
I've been wanting to talk about this because it's a very interesting phenomenon that I'm noticing with who is showing up in my DMs and my direct messages on Instagram.
00:01:36.319 --> 00:01:44.239
And as many of you probably feel that pattern recognition is a strength, it is one of mine as well.
00:01:44.480 --> 00:01:58.480
It's something that I often will use to be able to evaluate and analyze, and also, along with my intuition, be able to notice and observe what I see happening in the world around me.
00:01:58.799 --> 00:02:18.960
And in this situation, what I've been seeing is a lot of very successful female founders, say seven-figure founders, real companies, real revenue, women who definitely look like they have it all together on the outside, are also having a hard time.
00:02:19.120 --> 00:02:20.319
They're reaching out to me.
00:02:20.479 --> 00:02:21.919
Some of them are reaching out to me.
00:02:22.000 --> 00:02:33.039
I wouldn't say many, but I would say I've had at least three or four conversations with women who, from business standpoint, are doing quite well.
00:02:33.520 --> 00:02:46.639
And you may also have seen, it's very, very common in the entrepreneurship space for people to openly talk about their diagnosis of ADHD.
00:02:46.879 --> 00:02:55.039
I can think of a handful of people off the top of my head, like Jenna Kutcher and Mel Robbins and Dan Martell.
00:02:55.680 --> 00:02:56.719
Who else?
00:02:57.039 --> 00:02:59.360
Anyway, that's who comes to mind right away.
00:02:59.520 --> 00:03:02.400
So it's pretty prominent in the space.
00:03:02.960 --> 00:03:12.639
So what I see is there are a lot of women who have done the identity work and they don't believe that they're broken.
00:03:12.800 --> 00:03:16.639
And we're specifically talking about neurodivergence and ADHD.
00:03:16.960 --> 00:03:30.960
And so they have used therapy, they've done the tools, they have the systems, they have the team, but subconsciously there is a program running, and they're still sort of caught in what I call the go-go crash cycle.
00:03:31.039 --> 00:03:33.120
And these are the conversations that I'm having.
00:03:33.360 --> 00:03:40.960
And in fact, one of them just became a client and will probably be on this podcast a little bit later to talk about it.
00:03:41.360 --> 00:03:51.680
So I've been wanting to really step back, recenter, take the time to ground and review what I want to share on these episodes.
00:03:52.000 --> 00:04:03.120
This really came to the surface as being something that I feel is super important because it's definitely impacting women on an individual level.
00:04:03.280 --> 00:04:07.599
It's systemic, it's societal, it's wider than what we see.
00:04:08.159 --> 00:04:18.879
And of course, you add in the nuances of what we see and don't see based on social media and whatnot, it makes it that much more important.
00:04:20.160 --> 00:04:38.639
So why are these successful women in my orbit or the ones that we see so prominently successful actually, I wouldn't say falling apart, but I would say hitting an edge, hitting the next edge, right?
00:04:38.959 --> 00:04:44.319
Maybe they've done the work, they've done the nervous system regulation work and they have the foundations.
00:04:44.399 --> 00:04:46.000
Like I said, they have the team.
00:04:46.240 --> 00:05:02.480
And it could be, yeah, of course, anytime you're going to work through an upper limit, as Gay Hendricks talks about, it forces you to really reevaluate where you are, might bring you back in some old patterns, etc.
00:05:02.959 --> 00:05:11.600
The way that I want to position this is I kind of see it through two different lenses, or maybe two different core points.
00:05:12.000 --> 00:05:29.600
What I'm going to take you back through the system, through the story underneath it, why most coaching gets the order backwards, especially in the ADHD space, especially with executive functioning, and name exactly where you're standing right now.
00:05:29.759 --> 00:05:32.079
So stay with me because it will all land.
00:05:32.160 --> 00:05:33.360
I'm sure you get it.
00:05:33.600 --> 00:05:34.720
Tangents and whatnot.
00:05:38.160 --> 00:05:53.519
Um when I was probably, I'm trying to remember, my younger 30s, I was in a leadership position, and Cheryl Sandberg had written a book called Lean In and it was so popular.
00:05:53.680 --> 00:05:55.439
I mean, everyone was talking about it.
00:05:55.519 --> 00:06:08.160
And in fact, in the organization where I worked, there were still, like in many cases, more men in positions of leadership and power than women.
00:06:08.480 --> 00:06:22.560
And my particular senior director, who happened to be a dean, um, was really putting this forth as the book that every leader on his team needed to read, especially women.
00:06:22.879 --> 00:06:36.560
And basically, if you don't recall or if you don't know, that this book was basically about women needing to grab a seat at the table, it was about functioning more like men to earn that seat.
00:06:36.879 --> 00:07:07.199
And really what happened was, in my opinion, instead of saying, what do we need to do and look at gender differences, biological differences, how do we, you know, what supports us, what systems don't support us, what are we lacking in terms of community or tribe, especially from a socioeconomic standpoint, like women who didn't have the ability to outsource support in the house, childcare or what have you.
00:07:07.360 --> 00:07:17.279
Like, how do you show up and lean in and put everything into your work while sacrificing everything at home and having to do it all?
00:07:17.600 --> 00:07:24.160
So there was indeed a backlash around this, and the pendulum began to swing in the other direction.
00:07:24.639 --> 00:07:34.000
So I think that I'm laughing to myself because I often see a lot of this on Instagram.
00:07:34.160 --> 00:07:38.079
It's like, are you a girl boss or tread wife?
00:07:38.160 --> 00:07:40.800
I'm like, why do we even have to be in these boxes?
00:07:41.040 --> 00:07:45.199
I think it's so ridiculous that we have to be in these boxes.
00:07:45.519 --> 00:07:49.279
I and this speaks, I'll share a little story.
00:07:49.360 --> 00:07:59.120
And is I think this will tell you why I kind of consider myself to be from the get-go, I've always been a little bit anti-establishment, a little contrarian.
00:07:59.279 --> 00:08:02.879
But I was never a girl boss, and I'm not a trad wife either.
00:08:02.959 --> 00:08:07.920
And I think there are aspects of both that I really there, I do parts work, right?
00:08:08.079 --> 00:08:13.600
So, yeah, of course, there are parts of me that identify with either of those or both.
00:08:13.839 --> 00:08:23.600
And to give you a sense of what this was going back to a really early age, when I was in high school, so I went to an all-girls Catholic high school in New Orleans.
00:08:23.759 --> 00:08:24.240
Yep.
00:08:24.800 --> 00:08:31.360
Um, and I actually really liked it for many reasons, but there are aspects that were challenging.
00:08:31.600 --> 00:08:34.799
One being that I never fit into a particular group.
00:08:34.960 --> 00:08:39.120
Like we had our group, we had our our core group of friends.
00:08:39.440 --> 00:08:49.360
And um I was at the time, I was always athletic, always enjoyed sports, always played team sports, was always into working out and being active.
00:08:49.600 --> 00:08:52.720
It's how I regulated before I even knew what I was doing.
00:08:52.960 --> 00:08:58.320
But I was a cheerleader in high school for a couple of years and is also really into goth music.
00:08:58.480 --> 00:09:04.320
I know it sounds really in contrast to one another, and it was, and it is, right?
00:09:04.480 --> 00:09:05.360
But that's my point.
00:09:05.519 --> 00:09:07.360
Like, why do we have to be in these boxes?
00:09:07.519 --> 00:09:12.159
So, yes, I was listening to the cure, I was listening to what else?
00:09:12.320 --> 00:09:20.159
I can't even remember now, but while simultaneously getting the enjoyment of being a cheerleader and doing that.
00:09:20.320 --> 00:09:23.440
So, anyway, all this to say, I don't know why these boxes come in.
00:09:23.679 --> 00:09:33.120
So the lean-in movement, really, it urged women to get a seat at the table, take a stance, set aligned with neoliberal feminist perspectives.
00:09:33.360 --> 00:09:42.960
And this prescriptive model really only worked for women of privilege, in my opinion, those who could afford to outsource everything.
00:09:43.440 --> 00:09:57.679
And I remember this vividly because when I was in this director position at this organization, a lot of the women who I was talking to really felt like they didn't align with it.
00:09:57.759 --> 00:10:32.159
They, of course, wanted to be in positions where there was growth and opportunity and they could use their intellect and skills, but doing it in a way that expected us to not show up and show all the aspects of our lives, our families, our feminine qualities, it just seemed really, I don't know, it just didn't seem like it was true feminism, to be honest.
00:10:32.720 --> 00:10:40.720
So I, in fact, I will say this, and I talked about it before, I talked about it in the first episode.
00:10:41.039 --> 00:10:42.080
I did lean in.
00:10:42.240 --> 00:10:44.960
I did lean in, I gave it everything.
00:10:45.120 --> 00:10:53.039
I was a workaholic, in fact, and I ended up with a 40 under 40 award and a thyroid condition in the same year.
00:10:53.279 --> 00:10:54.799
So there you have it.
00:10:55.519 --> 00:11:12.720
Going out now, thinking about what we've seen in still late-stage capitalism, we don't have a village, we don't have a tribe, many of us are living without extended family or community.
00:11:13.279 --> 00:11:20.000
And, you know, it's difficult to do what we want to do to lean out.
00:11:20.159 --> 00:11:30.639
Like, how do we take up space, set boundaries, have the time to rest, build community, reclaim vitality, um, do all of those things, right?
00:11:30.879 --> 00:11:31.919
And I get it.
00:11:32.000 --> 00:11:33.440
I because I hear this a lot.
00:11:33.600 --> 00:11:35.679
Like, how do we do it?
00:11:36.000 --> 00:11:39.759
Co-regulation isn't an add-on.
00:11:39.919 --> 00:11:46.960
It's really fundamental to our flourishing as humans and as mammals because we're wired that way.
00:11:47.200 --> 00:11:51.279
We're neurobiologically wired to be in connection.
00:11:52.480 --> 00:12:09.200
When I think about reason one, so whichever box a woman has been handed, whether it's the girl boss hustle or the trad wipe, domesticity, both assume that her body runs on someone else's clock.
00:12:09.360 --> 00:12:10.960
And neither is regulation.
00:12:11.120 --> 00:12:13.200
They're both really performative.
00:12:13.679 --> 00:12:29.440
One of the things that I think about most is when I talk to women or clients, it's because of how everything has been set up with not just social media, but the access.
00:12:29.600 --> 00:12:49.279
Like, of course, the internet has democratized things and made so that we have access to people have access to information and how simultaneously the shadow side of that is information is not the same as embodiment.
00:12:49.519 --> 00:12:52.159
Information is not the same as integration.
00:12:52.399 --> 00:13:15.440
So, what I see is a lot of people, women, coaches, experts in the space talking about nervous system regulation, talking anti-hustle, and all the while not being in integrity of it, filling their calendars, being subconsciously run by a program of hustle and grind, and not even realizing it.
00:13:15.679 --> 00:13:28.240
So that's one of the first things that we do is start to build that awareness in the methodology and the portal method, which I'll get into a little bit later in another episode, but breaking down the six steps.
00:13:28.480 --> 00:13:32.399
This is really one of those experiential pieces.
00:13:33.279 --> 00:13:43.120
When we look at the measured sex difference biologically in circadian rhythm, and it is not a full, it's different, right?
00:13:43.200 --> 00:13:47.120
It's different biologically, we know hormonally between men and women.
00:13:47.279 --> 00:13:51.519
And I'm sure I'll get pushback on this, and a lot of people don't like it, but it's the truth.
00:13:51.679 --> 00:14:05.840
It's not to say that one is better or the other, but if we continue to try to operate as biological females under a male calendar that resets every 24 hours, we're taxing our system.
00:14:05.919 --> 00:14:12.720
We're taxing our nervous system, we're taxing our biology, we're taxing all of it.
00:14:12.879 --> 00:14:17.200
And Alicia Vitti was one of the first people I heard talk about this.
00:14:17.360 --> 00:14:27.759
I think she started the flow app, but she talked about infrared, circadian rhythm, hormones, energy, cognition capacity shifts, all of it.
00:14:28.159 --> 00:14:38.559
And we even think about this in terms of how else it might be difficult, especially for neurodivergent women, right?
00:14:38.720 --> 00:14:45.679
Like what is coming up as we get later in life, um, 30s, 40s, going into perimenopause.
00:14:45.840 --> 00:14:49.200
Of course, the hormonal shifts make a difference.
00:14:49.440 --> 00:14:59.279
And we know that histamine follows estrogen, and that hormonal shift really does define different stages of a woman's life.
00:14:59.519 --> 00:15:03.360
And they're not separate from a neurological experience.
00:15:03.759 --> 00:15:06.960
I think about high performance culture, the 5 a.m.
00:15:07.120 --> 00:15:12.559
routines, the grind culture built for that 24-hour reset that men have.
00:15:13.120 --> 00:15:27.039
And so, yeah, having to be in the demands of the patriarchy while operating with a neurodivergent female biology is quite challenging.
00:15:27.679 --> 00:16:02.240
It is so what I see is the women in my world, they are not afraid of slowing down per se, because it's really what is, I think, challenging underneath is the awareness that the activation is running the show, that so much of what has been accomplished has been built on adrenaline or cortisol or sympathetic energy, to the point where I myself would even say I my anxiety used to keep my ADHD in check.
00:16:02.399 --> 00:16:05.679
I mean, I said that because people get what I mean when I say that.
00:16:05.840 --> 00:16:08.399
It's like, it's not about a lack of motivation.
00:16:08.559 --> 00:16:17.039
For those of us who are sympathetically dominant, it's not about being able to activate or initiate or follow through.
00:16:17.279 --> 00:16:20.960
It's really about like when do you stop?
00:16:22.320 --> 00:16:24.399
What does it mean to slow down?
00:16:24.559 --> 00:16:25.759
How do you let go?
00:16:26.000 --> 00:16:42.639
And what I can say is when I see all the perfectionism coming into play and the control issues, the underlying program there around not being able to close loops is real.
00:16:42.879 --> 00:16:49.600
When I am and and I mean, fear of not being able to stop that.
00:16:50.159 --> 00:17:02.960
So with you have a thousand things on your tax task list, and the the urge that at the end of the day you didn't accomplish every single one of those things that you needed to get done.
00:17:03.279 --> 00:17:18.160
This need to close the loop, to close every loop, that is born from a place of unrest, of uncertainty, and lack of safety in the body and in the nervous system.
00:17:18.480 --> 00:17:30.480
And no amount of strategy, no amount of attacks or systems or top-down performance types of tools is gonna solve that.
00:17:30.720 --> 00:17:41.519
It's so deeply embedded, either a trauma response or in the subconscious, and it requires real work and regulation work takes time.
00:17:41.920 --> 00:17:47.440
It's why my program is built over 16 weeks with integration time built into it.
00:17:47.680 --> 00:17:52.559
Can you state shift within minutes, within seconds?
00:17:52.799 --> 00:17:54.480
Can the energetic shift?
00:17:54.640 --> 00:17:55.279
Of course.
00:17:55.440 --> 00:18:11.519
But what I'm saying is getting deep into the body, into the subconscious, into the nervous system to really rewire those patterns that have been built over a lifetime, especially for women that I'm working with who are in their 30s, 40s, and 50s, it takes time.
00:18:11.920 --> 00:18:13.440
And it is possible.
00:18:13.680 --> 00:18:15.599
It is completely possible.
00:18:16.160 --> 00:18:18.640
So we know that we're not broken.
00:18:18.720 --> 00:18:19.759
You know you're not broken.
00:18:19.920 --> 00:18:29.839
You're just running your life on a fuel source and a framework that was never built for your biology, whichever box handed it to you.
00:18:30.319 --> 00:18:33.359
Okay, so let's think about number two.
00:18:33.680 --> 00:18:47.279
Number two, even after she rejects both boxes externally, the internal one often stays running, meaning the part of her that measures worth by output, right?
00:18:48.079 --> 00:18:58.880
So I would say that there's the analytical Alex versus the anabolic Alex.
00:18:59.200 --> 00:19:16.960
This just brought back a memory of I of me listening to a podcast where Tony Robbins was interviewing Alex Hermosy and he was talking about being stuck up in his head, and really like what was driving him, right?
00:19:17.119 --> 00:19:21.519
And it's talking about that subconscious programming that comes in.
00:19:22.160 --> 00:19:30.559
So the neurodivergence plus the gender bias layer on top of the mental oath, the masking task, all of it.
00:19:31.039 --> 00:19:45.200
That's where I think this gets us to, in terms of like how is it that we see these women, many of us are these women, have been these women.
00:19:45.599 --> 00:20:08.240
But the honest truth is that at each point of the journey, at each next expansion, at every change in environment or new stressor or loss or big shift or move or job change, like it all comes back, and we're having to reorient to that new experience.
00:20:08.400 --> 00:20:15.680
It doesn't mean that we're going backwards, it means that we're resetting that next level.
00:20:17.359 --> 00:20:26.799
So that's really what I'm talking about when I say the the T portion and my portal method is trust.
00:20:27.680 --> 00:20:30.559
And that's where we start.
00:20:31.119 --> 00:20:33.279
We have to start trusting ourselves again.
00:20:33.359 --> 00:20:40.240
We have to start trusting the body's signals, we have to start trusting our intuition.
00:20:40.400 --> 00:20:47.839
And I know that it takes time, and we have to be able to create that level of safety within us to be able to do so.
00:20:48.480 --> 00:20:50.160
But it's really foundational.
00:20:50.319 --> 00:21:00.960
And I think about how going back to my earlier point, most of the ADHD coaching industry is built on top-down strategies.
00:21:01.519 --> 00:21:07.279
You know, it's not about throwing it out completely, it's just sequenced out of order.
00:21:07.680 --> 00:21:16.720
So lead in my method, in the portal method, it's pause-orient, regulate, trust, align, and lead.
00:21:16.880 --> 00:21:18.799
Lead is last, lead is optimization.
00:21:18.880 --> 00:21:20.799
And that's a reason for that.
00:21:21.039 --> 00:21:22.240
I even think about Dr.
00:21:22.319 --> 00:21:29.759
Bruce Perry, his neurosequential model, which says that the brain does develop bottom up.
00:21:30.480 --> 00:21:38.000
And then his whole framework is regulate, relate, reason in that order for that reason, right?
00:21:38.559 --> 00:21:43.440
Regulate first, identity shift second, new behavior third.
00:21:43.920 --> 00:21:59.759
So I want to be able to share something that is coming up, and it really is rooted in this work in terms of how okay, so.
00:22:00.640 --> 00:22:02.799
Going a little bit deeper with that.
00:22:03.359 --> 00:22:11.440
If we're focused on state before strategy, the pause isn't massive, right?
00:22:11.839 --> 00:22:13.920
It's the first act of sovereignty.
00:22:14.000 --> 00:22:21.359
And in fact, it interrupts the reflex to reach for a box or planner for the answer.
00:22:21.599 --> 00:22:23.920
Because you know exactly what you need to do today.
00:22:24.079 --> 00:22:26.079
It's not that you don't know what to do.
00:22:26.319 --> 00:22:26.799
You do.
00:22:26.960 --> 00:22:35.359
You have the strategy, you have all the tools, but you still keep hitting that same wall in the afternoon and feel like you have nothing left at the end of the day.
00:22:35.680 --> 00:22:37.920
When we move to Orient, right?
00:22:38.160 --> 00:22:44.640
Trying to understand where are you on the autonomic mountain, as I call it.
00:22:44.799 --> 00:22:48.000
It's my version of the autonomic ladder, right?
00:22:48.480 --> 00:23:01.839
And I use the archetype slowed as how to define this woman who is driven and stays mostly in sympathetic energy, the go-go, right?
00:23:02.000 --> 00:23:10.000
As I mentioned earlier, running on adrenaline or cortisol as fuel, anxiety running in the background, humming, never present, right?
00:23:10.160 --> 00:23:18.480
The hyperindependence, needing really reading as like the the it's a liability to ask for help.
00:23:18.720 --> 00:23:21.440
And that is often subconscious.
00:23:21.519 --> 00:23:24.799
It's not even always an intentional part.
00:23:25.440 --> 00:23:28.000
The control feels like safety.
00:23:33.279 --> 00:23:39.519
So the cruel part in all of this is that this phase really gets rewarded.
00:23:39.680 --> 00:23:46.880
It gets rewarded in school, it gets rewarded at work, in society, in families.
00:23:47.119 --> 00:23:49.839
It looks like competence on the outside.
00:23:50.079 --> 00:23:51.839
So nobody intervenes.
00:23:52.160 --> 00:24:07.599
And this over time, when someone is in a prolonged state of go-go energy, driven by stress or trauma, eventually the bill comes due, as I say, and the crash happens.
00:24:07.759 --> 00:24:11.920
So the go-go crash inevitably will happen.
00:24:12.240 --> 00:24:28.079
And that spike, or the I guess the bouncing back and forth or being stuck in one state or another, is that chronic chronic dysregulation in the nervous system.
00:24:28.640 --> 00:24:45.119
And so basically, what that looks like burnout, emptiness, numbness, depression, fatigue that doesn't resolve with sleep, hormone issues, autoimmune conditions, surfacing or flaring, all of it, right?
00:24:45.680 --> 00:24:57.519
But it could also look like those behaviors that I mentioned of being on top of it on the outside and drowning on the inside.
00:25:01.839 --> 00:25:30.720
So to recap, when I think about all the women that I talk with, even the women that I'm friends with, who are talking about the burden and the significance of carrying the mental, the physical, the emotional load, all of it, whether you're parenting or not, maybe you're running a business, but there's just so many demands on us.
00:25:30.960 --> 00:25:43.920
And what we've been programmed to think is that it's an individual problem, that our brains are broken, or that we're not enough, or too much, or all of these things.
00:25:44.160 --> 00:26:05.839
Instead of looking at it in the cultural context, instead of looking at it as a societal context or systemic challenge, um, and that in fact we can get to a place of flourishing and thriving, of being in community and connection, of expanding into the life we want, not just manage it, right?
00:26:06.240 --> 00:26:08.000
All of that is possible.
00:26:08.880 --> 00:26:13.920
But without this layer, it is really hard to get there.
00:26:14.079 --> 00:26:17.119
And I'm gonna say this and really hear me out.
00:26:17.359 --> 00:26:28.319
Your nervous system, your neurodivergent nervous system is the missing piece that turns everything you have already learned into a life you can actually live, not manage, fully live.
00:26:28.559 --> 00:26:30.079
And this is pillar one.
00:26:30.240 --> 00:26:31.680
This is our important.
00:26:32.079 --> 00:26:36.720
It's regulate, it's the 80%, it's the layer under the layer that I always talk about.
00:26:37.599 --> 00:26:45.680
I believe this, but how do I actually regulate it in a way that sticks when I've tried everything?
00:26:45.839 --> 00:26:48.319
That's what if you know, that's what people tell me.
00:26:48.400 --> 00:26:50.559
Like, I get it, I believe it, but how?
00:26:50.720 --> 00:26:52.880
How do I do this and how does it hold?
00:26:53.200 --> 00:27:02.640
If you're curious, okay, you might be there are so many different reasons why you're coming to this.
00:27:02.799 --> 00:27:07.839
So many different reasons why you found this podcast, why why you're listening to the end.
00:27:07.920 --> 00:27:14.799
And thank you if you are, because I think this was a little bit of a ramble, but I'm sure you're with me.
00:27:15.200 --> 00:27:35.519
Whether you're a woman who is entering into motherhood, going into perimenopause, caregiving in the next phase of her life, starting a business, going for the promotion, whatever it is, you deserve to live the life you build, not manage it.
00:27:35.680 --> 00:27:42.319
And that's what I'm talking about on August 27th, then September 1st and 3rd, all at 10 a.m.
00:27:42.480 --> 00:27:44.240
Mountain Time on Zoom.
00:27:44.799 --> 00:27:48.400
And we're gonna actually get into the work.
00:27:48.640 --> 00:27:52.799
Day one is naming why are you hitting the wall?
00:27:53.039 --> 00:27:59.440
Day two is actual regulation work, live application, we're doing it together.
00:27:59.759 --> 00:28:04.640
Day three is nervous system is not Zen, it's agility.
00:28:05.279 --> 00:28:09.680
And we're gonna go through all of it and the correct sequence.
00:28:10.160 --> 00:28:14.799
In that training, I'm gonna show you exactly what the sequence looks like on the inside.
00:28:14.960 --> 00:28:17.279
But first, I want you to sit with this.
00:28:17.599 --> 00:28:22.960
What would it feel like to actually stop white knuckling, right?
00:28:23.440 --> 00:28:41.200
To actually be able to have the ability to slow down, to enjoy, to do the things that you want, and not just feel like you're frantically running through your to-do list or that you're sitting at your dinner table without being fully present.
00:28:41.519 --> 00:28:42.240
I get it.
00:28:42.400 --> 00:28:43.759
Like I've been there, right?
00:28:43.839 --> 00:28:49.200
And I continue to see this and talk about this with women every single day.
00:28:49.440 --> 00:28:51.839
So I invite you to save your seat.
00:28:52.079 --> 00:28:57.119
The link is in my bio, it's on my Instagram, because you're not here to cope, right?
00:28:57.279 --> 00:29:03.519
You're here to build something that lasts, whatever that looks like for you, whatever that legacy is.
00:29:03.839 --> 00:29:06.319
I'm glad you found yourself here.
00:29:06.960 --> 00:29:09.119
And I want to share a quote.
00:29:09.279 --> 00:29:10.720
It's one of my favorite quotes by S.
00:29:10.799 --> 00:29:11.920
Kelly Harrell.
00:29:12.079 --> 00:29:16.720
We do not heal in isolation, we heal in community.
00:29:17.440 --> 00:29:20.160
Okay, so glad that you are here with me.
00:29:20.319 --> 00:29:23.519
And I hope to see you on August 27th.
00:29:23.680 --> 00:29:24.559
Take care.
00:29:34.400 --> 00:29:36.000
Thank you for being here.
00:29:36.240 --> 00:29:40.880
If this connected with you, subscribe so you don't miss what's next.
00:29:41.039 --> 00:29:44.880
And come find me on Instagram or Substack at Souljourncoach.
00:29:45.359 --> 00:29:48.319
Not managed, fully lived, and I'll see you next time.
00:29:48.480 --> 00:29:49.359
Take care.
00:00:00.400 --> 00:00:01.840
Hello and welcome.
00:00:02.080 --> 00:00:04.639
I'm Michelle Gray, formerly El King.
00:00:04.879 --> 00:00:15.279
I'm a neurostomatic coach and consultant and have been working at the intersection of ADHD, trauma, and nervous system restoration for 26 years.
00:00:15.599 --> 00:00:18.079
This is not managed fully lived.
00:00:18.559 --> 00:00:27.120
It's for the woman who has tried all the things and still hitting the wall, either in the life she's built or the one she's expanding into.
00:00:27.679 --> 00:00:38.719
This show gets into the 80%, the biological terrain, the schematic truth, the layer under the layer that every strategy try cannot touch.
00:00:39.039 --> 00:00:40.399
Glad you're here.
00:00:42.159 --> 00:00:44.159
A quick note before we dive in.
00:00:44.399 --> 00:00:54.000
The views and opinions shared by my guests are their own and don't necessarily reflect souljourn coaching and consulting, or my personal or professional perspective.
00:00:54.320 --> 00:00:57.439
This podcast is for educational purposes only.
00:00:57.600 --> 00:01:02.159
Take what serves you, leave the rest, and do your own research for your own path.
00:01:02.399 --> 00:01:03.039
Be well.
00:01:18.480 --> 00:01:19.840
I am Michelle Gray.
00:01:20.000 --> 00:01:21.280
So glad to have you here.
00:01:21.519 --> 00:01:23.920
And this is a solo episode.
00:01:24.239 --> 00:01:36.000
I've been wanting to talk about this because it's a very interesting phenomenon that I'm noticing with who is showing up in my DMs and my direct messages on Instagram.
00:01:36.319 --> 00:01:44.239
And as many of you probably feel that pattern recognition is a strength, it is one of mine as well.
00:01:44.480 --> 00:01:58.480
It's something that I often will use to be able to evaluate and analyze, and also, along with my intuition, be able to notice and observe what I see happening in the world around me.
00:01:58.799 --> 00:02:18.960
And in this situation, what I've been seeing is a lot of very successful female founders, say seven-figure founders, real companies, real revenue, women who definitely look like they have it all together on the outside, are also having a hard time.
00:02:19.120 --> 00:02:20.319
They're reaching out to me.
00:02:20.479 --> 00:02:21.919
Some of them are reaching out to me.
00:02:22.000 --> 00:02:33.039
I wouldn't say many, but I would say I've had at least three or four conversations with women who, from business standpoint, are doing quite well.
00:02:33.520 --> 00:02:46.639
And you may also have seen, it's very, very common in the entrepreneurship space for people to openly talk about their diagnosis of ADHD.
00:02:46.879 --> 00:02:55.039
I can think of a handful of people off the top of my head, like Jenna Kutcher and Mel Robbins and Dan Martell.
00:02:55.680 --> 00:02:56.719
Who else?
00:02:57.039 --> 00:02:59.360
Anyway, that's who comes to mind right away.
00:02:59.520 --> 00:03:02.400
So it's pretty prominent in the space.
00:03:02.960 --> 00:03:12.639
So what I see is there are a lot of women who have done the identity work and they don't believe that they're broken.
00:03:12.800 --> 00:03:16.639
And we're specifically talking about neurodivergence and ADHD.
00:03:16.960 --> 00:03:30.960
And so they have used therapy, they've done the tools, they have the systems, they have the team, but subconsciously there is a program running, and they're still sort of caught in what I call the go-go crash cycle.
00:03:31.039 --> 00:03:33.120
And these are the conversations that I'm having.
00:03:33.360 --> 00:03:40.960
And in fact, one of them just became a client and will probably be on this podcast a little bit later to talk about it.
00:03:41.360 --> 00:03:51.680
So I've been wanting to really step back, recenter, take the time to ground and review what I want to share on these episodes.
00:03:52.000 --> 00:04:03.120
This really came to the surface as being something that I feel is super important because it's definitely impacting women on an individual level.
00:04:03.280 --> 00:04:07.599
It's systemic, it's societal, it's wider than what we see.
00:04:08.159 --> 00:04:18.879
And of course, you add in the nuances of what we see and don't see based on social media and whatnot, it makes it that much more important.
00:04:20.160 --> 00:04:38.639
So why are these successful women in my orbit or the ones that we see so prominently successful actually, I wouldn't say falling apart, but I would say hitting an edge, hitting the next edge, right?
00:04:38.959 --> 00:04:44.319
Maybe they've done the work, they've done the nervous system regulation work and they have the foundations.
00:04:44.399 --> 00:04:46.000
Like I said, they have the team.
00:04:46.240 --> 00:05:02.480
And it could be, yeah, of course, anytime you're going to work through an upper limit, as Gay Hendricks talks about, it forces you to really reevaluate where you are, might bring you back in some old patterns, etc.
00:05:02.959 --> 00:05:11.600
The way that I want to position this is I kind of see it through two different lenses, or maybe two different core points.
00:05:12.000 --> 00:05:29.600
What I'm going to take you back through the system, through the story underneath it, why most coaching gets the order backwards, especially in the ADHD space, especially with executive functioning, and name exactly where you're standing right now.
00:05:29.759 --> 00:05:32.079
So stay with me because it will all land.
00:05:32.160 --> 00:05:33.360
I'm sure you get it.
00:05:33.600 --> 00:05:34.720
Tangents and whatnot.
00:05:38.160 --> 00:05:53.519
Um when I was probably, I'm trying to remember, my younger 30s, I was in a leadership position, and Cheryl Sandberg had written a book called Lean In and it was so popular.
00:05:53.680 --> 00:05:55.439
I mean, everyone was talking about it.
00:05:55.519 --> 00:06:08.160
And in fact, in the organization where I worked, there were still, like in many cases, more men in positions of leadership and power than women.
00:06:08.480 --> 00:06:22.560
And my particular senior director, who happened to be a dean, um, was really putting this forth as the book that every leader on his team needed to read, especially women.
00:06:22.879 --> 00:06:36.560
And basically, if you don't recall or if you don't know, that this book was basically about women needing to grab a seat at the table, it was about functioning more like men to earn that seat.
00:06:36.879 --> 00:07:07.199
And really what happened was, in my opinion, instead of saying, what do we need to do and look at gender differences, biological differences, how do we, you know, what supports us, what systems don't support us, what are we lacking in terms of community or tribe, especially from a socioeconomic standpoint, like women who didn't have the ability to outsource support in the house, childcare or what have you.
00:07:07.360 --> 00:07:17.279
Like, how do you show up and lean in and put everything into your work while sacrificing everything at home and having to do it all?
00:07:17.600 --> 00:07:24.160
So there was indeed a backlash around this, and the pendulum began to swing in the other direction.
00:07:24.639 --> 00:07:34.000
So I think that I'm laughing to myself because I often see a lot of this on Instagram.
00:07:34.160 --> 00:07:38.079
It's like, are you a girl boss or tread wife?
00:07:38.160 --> 00:07:40.800
I'm like, why do we even have to be in these boxes?
00:07:41.040 --> 00:07:45.199
I think it's so ridiculous that we have to be in these boxes.
00:07:45.519 --> 00:07:49.279
I and this speaks, I'll share a little story.
00:07:49.360 --> 00:07:59.120
And is I think this will tell you why I kind of consider myself to be from the get-go, I've always been a little bit anti-establishment, a little contrarian.
00:07:59.279 --> 00:08:02.879
But I was never a girl boss, and I'm not a trad wife either.
00:08:02.959 --> 00:08:07.920
And I think there are aspects of both that I really there, I do parts work, right?
00:08:08.079 --> 00:08:13.600
So, yeah, of course, there are parts of me that identify with either of those or both.
00:08:13.839 --> 00:08:23.600
And to give you a sense of what this was going back to a really early age, when I was in high school, so I went to an all-girls Catholic high school in New Orleans.
00:08:23.759 --> 00:08:24.240
Yep.
00:08:24.800 --> 00:08:31.360
Um, and I actually really liked it for many reasons, but there are aspects that were challenging.
00:08:31.600 --> 00:08:34.799
One being that I never fit into a particular group.
00:08:34.960 --> 00:08:39.120
Like we had our group, we had our our core group of friends.
00:08:39.440 --> 00:08:49.360
And um I was at the time, I was always athletic, always enjoyed sports, always played team sports, was always into working out and being active.
00:08:49.600 --> 00:08:52.720
It's how I regulated before I even knew what I was doing.
00:08:52.960 --> 00:08:58.320
But I was a cheerleader in high school for a couple of years and is also really into goth music.
00:08:58.480 --> 00:09:04.320
I know it sounds really in contrast to one another, and it was, and it is, right?
00:09:04.480 --> 00:09:05.360
But that's my point.
00:09:05.519 --> 00:09:07.360
Like, why do we have to be in these boxes?
00:09:07.519 --> 00:09:12.159
So, yes, I was listening to the cure, I was listening to what else?
00:09:12.320 --> 00:09:20.159
I can't even remember now, but while simultaneously getting the enjoyment of being a cheerleader and doing that.
00:09:20.320 --> 00:09:23.440
So, anyway, all this to say, I don't know why these boxes come in.
00:09:23.679 --> 00:09:33.120
So the lean-in movement, really, it urged women to get a seat at the table, take a stance, set aligned with neoliberal feminist perspectives.
00:09:33.360 --> 00:09:42.960
And this prescriptive model really only worked for women of privilege, in my opinion, those who could afford to outsource everything.
00:09:43.440 --> 00:09:57.679
And I remember this vividly because when I was in this director position at this organization, a lot of the women who I was talking to really felt like they didn't align with it.
00:09:57.759 --> 00:10:32.159
They, of course, wanted to be in positions where there was growth and opportunity and they could use their intellect and skills, but doing it in a way that expected us to not show up and show all the aspects of our lives, our families, our feminine qualities, it just seemed really, I don't know, it just didn't seem like it was true feminism, to be honest.
00:10:32.720 --> 00:10:40.720
So I, in fact, I will say this, and I talked about it before, I talked about it in the first episode.
00:10:41.039 --> 00:10:42.080
I did lean in.
00:10:42.240 --> 00:10:44.960
I did lean in, I gave it everything.
00:10:45.120 --> 00:10:53.039
I was a workaholic, in fact, and I ended up with a 40 under 40 award and a thyroid condition in the same year.
00:10:53.279 --> 00:10:54.799
So there you have it.
00:10:55.519 --> 00:11:12.720
Going out now, thinking about what we've seen in still late-stage capitalism, we don't have a village, we don't have a tribe, many of us are living without extended family or community.
00:11:13.279 --> 00:11:20.000
And, you know, it's difficult to do what we want to do to lean out.
00:11:20.159 --> 00:11:30.639
Like, how do we take up space, set boundaries, have the time to rest, build community, reclaim vitality, um, do all of those things, right?
00:11:30.879 --> 00:11:31.919
And I get it.
00:11:32.000 --> 00:11:33.440
I because I hear this a lot.
00:11:33.600 --> 00:11:35.679
Like, how do we do it?
00:11:36.000 --> 00:11:39.759
Co-regulation isn't an add-on.
00:11:39.919 --> 00:11:46.960
It's really fundamental to our flourishing as humans and as mammals because we're wired that way.
00:11:47.200 --> 00:11:51.279
We're neurobiologically wired to be in connection.
00:11:52.480 --> 00:12:09.200
When I think about reason one, so whichever box a woman has been handed, whether it's the girl boss hustle or the trad wipe, domesticity, both assume that her body runs on someone else's clock.
00:12:09.360 --> 00:12:10.960
And neither is regulation.
00:12:11.120 --> 00:12:13.200
They're both really performative.
00:12:13.679 --> 00:12:29.440
One of the things that I think about most is when I talk to women or clients, it's because of how everything has been set up with not just social media, but the access.
00:12:29.600 --> 00:12:49.279
Like, of course, the internet has democratized things and made so that we have access to people have access to information and how simultaneously the shadow side of that is information is not the same as embodiment.
00:12:49.519 --> 00:12:52.159
Information is not the same as integration.
00:12:52.399 --> 00:13:15.440
So, what I see is a lot of people, women, coaches, experts in the space talking about nervous system regulation, talking anti-hustle, and all the while not being in integrity of it, filling their calendars, being subconsciously run by a program of hustle and grind, and not even realizing it.
00:13:15.679 --> 00:13:28.240
So that's one of the first things that we do is start to build that awareness in the methodology and the portal method, which I'll get into a little bit later in another episode, but breaking down the six steps.
00:13:28.480 --> 00:13:32.399
This is really one of those experiential pieces.
00:13:33.279 --> 00:13:43.120
When we look at the measured sex difference biologically in circadian rhythm, and it is not a full, it's different, right?
00:13:43.200 --> 00:13:47.120
It's different biologically, we know hormonally between men and women.
00:13:47.279 --> 00:13:51.519
And I'm sure I'll get pushback on this, and a lot of people don't like it, but it's the truth.
00:13:51.679 --> 00:14:05.840
It's not to say that one is better or the other, but if we continue to try to operate as biological females under a male calendar that resets every 24 hours, we're taxing our system.
00:14:05.919 --> 00:14:12.720
We're taxing our nervous system, we're taxing our biology, we're taxing all of it.
00:14:12.879 --> 00:14:17.200
And Alicia Vitti was one of the first people I heard talk about this.
00:14:17.360 --> 00:14:27.759
I think she started the flow app, but she talked about infrared, circadian rhythm, hormones, energy, cognition capacity shifts, all of it.
00:14:28.159 --> 00:14:38.559
And we even think about this in terms of how else it might be difficult, especially for neurodivergent women, right?
00:14:38.720 --> 00:14:45.679
Like what is coming up as we get later in life, um, 30s, 40s, going into perimenopause.
00:14:45.840 --> 00:14:49.200
Of course, the hormonal shifts make a difference.
00:14:49.440 --> 00:14:59.279
And we know that histamine follows estrogen, and that hormonal shift really does define different stages of a woman's life.
00:14:59.519 --> 00:15:03.360
And they're not separate from a neurological experience.
00:15:03.759 --> 00:15:06.960
I think about high performance culture, the 5 a.m.
00:15:07.120 --> 00:15:12.559
routines, the grind culture built for that 24-hour reset that men have.
00:15:13.120 --> 00:15:27.039
And so, yeah, having to be in the demands of the patriarchy while operating with a neurodivergent female biology is quite challenging.
00:15:27.679 --> 00:16:02.240
It is so what I see is the women in my world, they are not afraid of slowing down per se, because it's really what is, I think, challenging underneath is the awareness that the activation is running the show, that so much of what has been accomplished has been built on adrenaline or cortisol or sympathetic energy, to the point where I myself would even say I my anxiety used to keep my ADHD in check.
00:16:02.399 --> 00:16:05.679
I mean, I said that because people get what I mean when I say that.
00:16:05.840 --> 00:16:08.399
It's like, it's not about a lack of motivation.
00:16:08.559 --> 00:16:17.039
For those of us who are sympathetically dominant, it's not about being able to activate or initiate or follow through.
00:16:17.279 --> 00:16:20.960
It's really about like when do you stop?
00:16:22.320 --> 00:16:24.399
What does it mean to slow down?
00:16:24.559 --> 00:16:25.759
How do you let go?
00:16:26.000 --> 00:16:42.639
And what I can say is when I see all the perfectionism coming into play and the control issues, the underlying program there around not being able to close loops is real.
00:16:42.879 --> 00:16:49.600
When I am and and I mean, fear of not being able to stop that.
00:16:50.159 --> 00:17:02.960
So with you have a thousand things on your tax task list, and the the urge that at the end of the day you didn't accomplish every single one of those things that you needed to get done.
00:17:03.279 --> 00:17:18.160
This need to close the loop, to close every loop, that is born from a place of unrest, of uncertainty, and lack of safety in the body and in the nervous system.
00:17:18.480 --> 00:17:30.480
And no amount of strategy, no amount of attacks or systems or top-down performance types of tools is gonna solve that.
00:17:30.720 --> 00:17:41.519
It's so deeply embedded, either a trauma response or in the subconscious, and it requires real work and regulation work takes time.
00:17:41.920 --> 00:17:47.440
It's why my program is built over 16 weeks with integration time built into it.
00:17:47.680 --> 00:17:52.559
Can you state shift within minutes, within seconds?
00:17:52.799 --> 00:17:54.480
Can the energetic shift?
00:17:54.640 --> 00:17:55.279
Of course.
00:17:55.440 --> 00:18:11.519
But what I'm saying is getting deep into the body, into the subconscious, into the nervous system to really rewire those patterns that have been built over a lifetime, especially for women that I'm working with who are in their 30s, 40s, and 50s, it takes time.
00:18:11.920 --> 00:18:13.440
And it is possible.
00:18:13.680 --> 00:18:15.599
It is completely possible.
00:18:16.160 --> 00:18:18.640
So we know that we're not broken.
00:18:18.720 --> 00:18:19.759
You know you're not broken.
00:18:19.920 --> 00:18:29.839
You're just running your life on a fuel source and a framework that was never built for your biology, whichever box handed it to you.
00:18:30.319 --> 00:18:33.359
Okay, so let's think about number two.
00:18:33.680 --> 00:18:47.279
Number two, even after she rejects both boxes externally, the internal one often stays running, meaning the part of her that measures worth by output, right?
00:18:48.079 --> 00:18:58.880
So I would say that there's the analytical Alex versus the anabolic Alex.
00:18:59.200 --> 00:19:16.960
This just brought back a memory of I of me listening to a podcast where Tony Robbins was interviewing Alex Hermosy and he was talking about being stuck up in his head, and really like what was driving him, right?
00:19:17.119 --> 00:19:21.519
And it's talking about that subconscious programming that comes in.
00:19:22.160 --> 00:19:30.559
So the neurodivergence plus the gender bias layer on top of the mental oath, the masking task, all of it.
00:19:31.039 --> 00:19:45.200
That's where I think this gets us to, in terms of like how is it that we see these women, many of us are these women, have been these women.
00:19:45.599 --> 00:20:08.240
But the honest truth is that at each point of the journey, at each next expansion, at every change in environment or new stressor or loss or big shift or move or job change, like it all comes back, and we're having to reorient to that new experience.
00:20:08.400 --> 00:20:15.680
It doesn't mean that we're going backwards, it means that we're resetting that next level.
00:20:17.359 --> 00:20:26.799
So that's really what I'm talking about when I say the the T portion and my portal method is trust.
00:20:27.680 --> 00:20:30.559
And that's where we start.
00:20:31.119 --> 00:20:33.279
We have to start trusting ourselves again.
00:20:33.359 --> 00:20:40.240
We have to start trusting the body's signals, we have to start trusting our intuition.
00:20:40.400 --> 00:20:47.839
And I know that it takes time, and we have to be able to create that level of safety within us to be able to do so.
00:20:48.480 --> 00:20:50.160
But it's really foundational.
00:20:50.319 --> 00:21:00.960
And I think about how going back to my earlier point, most of the ADHD coaching industry is built on top-down strategies.
00:21:01.519 --> 00:21:07.279
You know, it's not about throwing it out completely, it's just sequenced out of order.
00:21:07.680 --> 00:21:16.720
So lead in my method, in the portal method, it's pause-orient, regulate, trust, align, and lead.
00:21:16.880 --> 00:21:18.799
Lead is last, lead is optimization.
00:21:18.880 --> 00:21:20.799
And that's a reason for that.
00:21:21.039 --> 00:21:22.240
I even think about Dr.
00:21:22.319 --> 00:21:29.759
Bruce Perry, his neurosequential model, which says that the brain does develop bottom up.
00:21:30.480 --> 00:21:38.000
And then his whole framework is regulate, relate, reason in that order for that reason, right?
00:21:38.559 --> 00:21:43.440
Regulate first, identity shift second, new behavior third.
00:21:43.920 --> 00:21:59.759
So I want to be able to share something that is coming up, and it really is rooted in this work in terms of how okay, so.
00:22:00.640 --> 00:22:02.799
Going a little bit deeper with that.
00:22:03.359 --> 00:22:11.440
If we're focused on state before strategy, the pause isn't massive, right?
00:22:11.839 --> 00:22:13.920
It's the first act of sovereignty.
00:22:14.000 --> 00:22:21.359
And in fact, it interrupts the reflex to reach for a box or planner for the answer.
00:22:21.599 --> 00:22:23.920
Because you know exactly what you need to do today.
00:22:24.079 --> 00:22:26.079
It's not that you don't know what to do.
00:22:26.319 --> 00:22:26.799
You do.
00:22:26.960 --> 00:22:35.359
You have the strategy, you have all the tools, but you still keep hitting that same wall in the afternoon and feel like you have nothing left at the end of the day.
00:22:35.680 --> 00:22:37.920
When we move to Orient, right?
00:22:38.160 --> 00:22:44.640
Trying to understand where are you on the autonomic mountain, as I call it.
00:22:44.799 --> 00:22:48.000
It's my version of the autonomic ladder, right?
00:22:48.480 --> 00:23:01.839
And I use the archetype slowed as how to define this woman who is driven and stays mostly in sympathetic energy, the go-go, right?
00:23:02.000 --> 00:23:10.000
As I mentioned earlier, running on adrenaline or cortisol as fuel, anxiety running in the background, humming, never present, right?
00:23:10.160 --> 00:23:18.480
The hyperindependence, needing really reading as like the the it's a liability to ask for help.
00:23:18.720 --> 00:23:21.440
And that is often subconscious.
00:23:21.519 --> 00:23:24.799
It's not even always an intentional part.
00:23:25.440 --> 00:23:28.000
The control feels like safety.
00:23:33.279 --> 00:23:39.519
So the cruel part in all of this is that this phase really gets rewarded.
00:23:39.680 --> 00:23:46.880
It gets rewarded in school, it gets rewarded at work, in society, in families.
00:23:47.119 --> 00:23:49.839
It looks like competence on the outside.
00:23:50.079 --> 00:23:51.839
So nobody intervenes.
00:23:52.160 --> 00:24:07.599
And this over time, when someone is in a prolonged state of go-go energy, driven by stress or trauma, eventually the bill comes due, as I say, and the crash happens.
00:24:07.759 --> 00:24:11.920
So the go-go crash inevitably will happen.
00:24:12.240 --> 00:24:28.079
And that spike, or the I guess the bouncing back and forth or being stuck in one state or another, is that chronic chronic dysregulation in the nervous system.
00:24:28.640 --> 00:24:45.119
And so basically, what that looks like burnout, emptiness, numbness, depression, fatigue that doesn't resolve with sleep, hormone issues, autoimmune conditions, surfacing or flaring, all of it, right?
00:24:45.680 --> 00:24:57.519
But it could also look like those behaviors that I mentioned of being on top of it on the outside and drowning on the inside.
00:25:01.839 --> 00:25:30.720
So to recap, when I think about all the women that I talk with, even the women that I'm friends with, who are talking about the burden and the significance of carrying the mental, the physical, the emotional load, all of it, whether you're parenting or not, maybe you're running a business, but there's just so many demands on us.
00:25:30.960 --> 00:25:43.920
And what we've been programmed to think is that it's an individual problem, that our brains are broken, or that we're not enough, or too much, or all of these things.
00:25:44.160 --> 00:26:05.839
Instead of looking at it in the cultural context, instead of looking at it as a societal context or systemic challenge, um, and that in fact we can get to a place of flourishing and thriving, of being in community and connection, of expanding into the life we want, not just manage it, right?
00:26:06.240 --> 00:26:08.000
All of that is possible.
00:26:08.880 --> 00:26:13.920
But without this layer, it is really hard to get there.
00:26:14.079 --> 00:26:17.119
And I'm gonna say this and really hear me out.
00:26:17.359 --> 00:26:28.319
Your nervous system, your neurodivergent nervous system is the missing piece that turns everything you have already learned into a life you can actually live, not manage, fully live.
00:26:28.559 --> 00:26:30.079
And this is pillar one.
00:26:30.240 --> 00:26:31.680
This is our important.
00:26:32.079 --> 00:26:36.720
It's regulate, it's the 80%, it's the layer under the layer that I always talk about.
00:26:37.599 --> 00:26:45.680
I believe this, but how do I actually regulate it in a way that sticks when I've tried everything?
00:26:45.839 --> 00:26:48.319
That's what if you know, that's what people tell me.
00:26:48.400 --> 00:26:50.559
Like, I get it, I believe it, but how?
00:26:50.720 --> 00:26:52.880
How do I do this and how does it hold?
00:26:53.200 --> 00:27:02.640
If you're curious, okay, you might be there are so many different reasons why you're coming to this.
00:27:02.799 --> 00:27:07.839
So many different reasons why you found this podcast, why why you're listening to the end.
00:27:07.920 --> 00:27:14.799
And thank you if you are, because I think this was a little bit of a ramble, but I'm sure you're with me.
00:27:15.200 --> 00:27:35.519
Whether you're a woman who is entering into motherhood, going into perimenopause, caregiving in the next phase of her life, starting a business, going for the promotion, whatever it is, you deserve to live the life you build, not manage it.
00:27:35.680 --> 00:27:42.319
And that's what I'm talking about on August 27th, then September 1st and 3rd, all at 10 a.m.
00:27:42.480 --> 00:27:44.240
Mountain Time on Zoom.
00:27:44.799 --> 00:27:48.400
And we're gonna actually get into the work.
00:27:48.640 --> 00:27:52.799
Day one is naming why are you hitting the wall?
00:27:53.039 --> 00:27:59.440
Day two is actual regulation work, live application, we're doing it together.
00:27:59.759 --> 00:28:04.640
Day three is nervous system is not Zen, it's agility.
00:28:05.279 --> 00:28:09.680
And we're gonna go through all of it and the correct sequence.
00:28:10.160 --> 00:28:14.799
In that training, I'm gonna show you exactly what the sequence looks like on the inside.
00:28:14.960 --> 00:28:17.279
But first, I want you to sit with this.
00:28:17.599 --> 00:28:22.960
What would it feel like to actually stop white knuckling, right?
00:28:23.440 --> 00:28:41.200
To actually be able to have the ability to slow down, to enjoy, to do the things that you want, and not just feel like you're frantically running through your to-do list or that you're sitting at your dinner table without being fully present.
00:28:41.519 --> 00:28:42.240
I get it.
00:28:42.400 --> 00:28:43.759
Like I've been there, right?
00:28:43.839 --> 00:28:49.200
And I continue to see this and talk about this with women every single day.
00:28:49.440 --> 00:28:51.839
So I invite you to save your seat.
00:28:52.079 --> 00:28:57.119
The link is in my bio, it's on my Instagram, because you're not here to cope, right?
00:28:57.279 --> 00:29:03.519
You're here to build something that lasts, whatever that looks like for you, whatever that legacy is.
00:29:03.839 --> 00:29:06.319
I'm glad you found yourself here.
00:29:06.960 --> 00:29:09.119
And I want to share a quote.
00:29:09.279 --> 00:29:10.720
It's one of my favorite quotes by S.
00:29:10.799 --> 00:29:11.920
Kelly Harrell.
00:29:12.079 --> 00:29:16.720
We do not heal in isolation, we heal in community.
00:29:17.440 --> 00:29:20.160
Okay, so glad that you are here with me.
00:29:20.319 --> 00:29:23.519
And I hope to see you on August 27th.
00:29:23.680 --> 00:29:24.559
Take care.
00:29:34.400 --> 00:29:36.000
Thank you for being here.
00:29:36.240 --> 00:29:40.880
If this connected with you, subscribe so you don't miss what's next.
00:29:41.039 --> 00:29:44.880
And come find me on Instagram or Substack at Souljourncoach.
00:29:45.359 --> 00:29:48.319
Not managed, fully lived, and I'll see you next time.
00:29:48.480 --> 00:29:49.359
Take care.
