Personal Transformation Through Rewiring Story- Ep. 308

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All right, welcome everybody.
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We are coming to you live.
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Uh, should be streaming on YouTube, Substack, Facebook, LinkedIn, and I am here with uh my two good friends and partners in crime.
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We've been doing this on a regular basis, the three of us, Danny Coleman, Dr.
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Ray Heinish, because we uh often the three of us, when we get together, we have some of the best conversations.
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We learn a ton from each other, and we're just uh playing around with the idea of letting you all in on our discussions.
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And we come with sort of a loose uh topic.
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And as you all know, um I study personal transformation for a living, but so do these two.
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And so what's really neat about our friendship is the three of us are very, very deep into personal transformation.
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Uh, we've all done physical transformation work too in our past lives, where we uh, but now we focus mainly on personal transformation with slightly different um, you know, uh angles that we we come from.
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You know, Danny's a little bit more in the leadership space.
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Uh Ray and I are a little bit more sort of in the uh personal transformation, individual space where we're helping people deal with health issues or relationship issues or financial issues.
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And of course, I run a certification as well in this.
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But one of the things that I think is critical, and we're still here, uh just January just uh ended.
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Uh, this is the time where most people start to go right back into their old patterns if they did set up any kind of New Year's uh resolution.
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The three of us did talk about that.
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So if you want to go backwards and hear a little bit about our take on that, but the idea for today's conversation that I just want to present to you two is this idea of personal transformation or change, it is a very, very tough thing.
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People are incredibly resistant to change.
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The three of us have talked about this idea that we know through our work that people absolutely can change, and we've seen it over and over again, but it certainly is not something that is easy.
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And what I would say is I think what most of our um our conversations in this field revolve around, not the three of us, but the but the field in general, revolves around this idea of if I give you information, right?
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So if Danny gives you all information or Ray gives you information or I give you some information, the thought is, oh, I've got the information.
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Now I should be able to change.
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And we have a saying, pithy little phrase, information is not transformation.
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It rarely actually leads to transformation because the change has to come from much deeper in the subconscious.
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And so I want to talk a little bit about this idea of how we get into the subconscious to change the stories that drive our patterns.
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Because it's those stories.
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My hypothesis is it's those stories about who we think we are and how we think the world works that keeps us stuck in a box that no matter what kind of information we are giving, we have this deep belief that it works this way and we always end up back in that place.
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And I'm gonna I'll say one more thing about this and see what the two of you think.
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From my perspective, what I have noticed, this doesn't mean I'm right.
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I want I want your both of your perspective.
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What I have noticed is the people that I have seen change most dramatically in their lives.
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Typically, that change comes after a pretty big life upset, a financial loss, or a romantic uh breakup or betrayal, or some kind of health scare.
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By the way, it's no guarantee, but these do seem to be the people that seem to go, all right, something's got to change.
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It's almost like when they hit rock bottom, it's at that point they're willing to question the stories that control that have been controlling their lives up to that point.
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And there are ways, I think, to engineer these types of events.
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And I think this is where we could start this conversation.
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But first I want to see do you two agree with this idea?
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Do you want to add anything to it?
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Do you agree with the idea that it's these sort of difficult life events, these rock bottom moments that seem to make us question our stories and create a lot of change, or do you see it a different way?
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And I'll just let whoever wants to jump in on this jump in.
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I got some juice, Red.
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I'll jump in real quick because I know you got juice, but I I just happen to have juice on this one.
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Uh I definitely agree with that, Jay, that it does tend to be these, I guess you would call them, pits of life where you kind of hit this trough of life.
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But I do think also there's there's positive drivers as well, or just regular shifts and changes, like a big move.
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I just moved to Colorado and I found a lot of my habits rewired naturally.
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Just a change of environment.
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I'm walking a lot more because there's walking paths around our house.
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It's a lot more beautiful outside in July than it was where I was living in Texas.
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So I want to be outside a little bit more.
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That led to more connection with my wife, which led to me not being such a jerk about dishes left in the sink.
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So there is like little things in our environment when you shift the whole environment, I think, like a move.
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So it's not necessarily like a, I wouldn't call it a pit in my life, I would just call it a big change in environment.
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I also think these kind of one-off experiences, which I'm sure we'll talk about uh today, but like one-off experiences can kind of rewire our values.
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I you guys know I'm a big Mark Manson guy, and he tells this story in one of his books around a friend who loved, she loved to party, she loved to stay outlayed, she loved to spend all her money at the club, and then she went and volunteered in Africa and saw real poverty and real uh real despair and wanted and started helping out there.
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And then when she came home, everything changed for her.
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She never really partied again.
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She kind of rewired her her whole her old path in life.
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And so I think there are certain experiences that almost rewire our values pretty quickly with like big changes in perception.
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So it's not like a personal thing that happened to her.
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It's an experience that she chose to do and then she came back and sort of her values were rewired.
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And I've had this a couple of times in my life where I immediately uh stopped biting my nails.
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Like overnight, I decided to stop biting my nails.
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And the reason why is because I got a bunch of I got a bunch of fake teeth going on and I kept popping my teeth off.
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So my vanity was a stronger value than my craving to bite my nails.
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Or like in high school, I remember uh I actually knew Jade when I was in high school.
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And I I called, I called you actually, we were talking because my legs kept giving out in practice.
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Like I was like, dude, I cannot jump.
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Like I can't jump very well anyway, but I definitely can't jump now.
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I don't know what's going on.
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And you're like, all right, well, tell me what you're eating.
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I'm like, well, I wake up about eight bowls of Fruity Pebbles, and uh and then I'll launch off.
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This is legit, this is for real.
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You did this was what he said.
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And then I was like, yeah, launch off a couple root beers.
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And you're like, every day?
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I'm like, yeah, pretty, I'm pretty routine oriented.
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Yeah, every day I pretty much eat like this.
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And he goes, uh, damn, if you want to have the physical performance on the basketball court, you're gonna have to give this stuff up.
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I'm sorry, dude.
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You can't be having eight bowls of Fruity Pebbles.
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And I did.
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Gave up the cereal and the soda on the spot because I cared more about my basketball performance.
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So those are a couple different things that came to mind sort of when you were sharing.
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Yes, definitely the troughs of life uh are huge motivation points for people to change and transform.
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But I also think there's other other avenues people transform as well.
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Love that.
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Ray, how about you?
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Yeah, uh a couple years back, a few years back, I was uh laying on the couch and uh my wife was on the other couch and we were chatting.
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And uh, you know, she um you know, she had made some statement.
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And I, you know, here I was, you know, you know I'm a personal development junkie Jade.
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I had been, you know, ever since I was uh a teenager.
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And um I don't remember what the conversation was about, but uh at one point I turned to her and I said, I said, I said, Sherry, I so I gave her some advice and she said, uh, I don't know about that.
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Uh I don't know if I agree with that.
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And I was uh insulted because here I am.
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You know, I don't you know I'm the guru of personal transformation?
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This is what I told her.
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I said, I said, I said, Sherry, I have I have read more about personal development in the last month than you have your entire life.
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And she said, she she didn't miss a beat.
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She turned to me, she said, How's that working out for you?
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And in a moment of clarity, in a moment of clarity, I said, I'm the least successful person I know.
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And we we we laughed about it.
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And but it was it was true.
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And and the reality is what you said is information doesn't is not transformation.
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Now that doesn't mean that information can't lead to transformation.
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What it means is that there's a missing ingredient.
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And I think that's that's that's the ingredient that you spend a lot of time talking about, Jade.
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And so, you know, I think the first the first realization people have to have today is that is that one liner.
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Information is not transformation.
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We can build from that.
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If we continue to believe that information is transformation, then all we do is just seek out more information constantly.
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And it's like a drug, isn't it?
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It's like, it's like having these these like um, I don't want to call them insights because generally they're they're very superficial.
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Like you'll be reading a book and you'll be like, wow, that's that's what a concept.
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And you think you're having an insight, but it's not a true insight because it's not built into the depth of who you are.
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And I think that that is the trap that a lot of people get caught.
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I know I've gotten caught into it.
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Um uh of I mean, you could, you could, you could walk around my basement and find literally like 600 books.
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And uh, and that's after I've kind of weeded through and given a lot of those books away.
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Um, because you know, I for a big chunk of my 50 years on this earth believed that uh that my transformation, my change was somewhere in one of these pages.
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And if you if you can just come to grips with the fact that it's not, then we can work with that and we can actually make real transformations.
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So take it away, Jade.
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Tell us what the missing ingredient is.
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Yeah, I don't, well, I don't know that I know it completely, but I have a better sense now of what it is than I did at any other time in my career, right?
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Like that's for sure.
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I feel like I have that.
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And I think from my perspective, what you're saying there, let let's let's just uh back up a little bit and go, okay, so why is information not transformation?
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Right.
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So Ray has all this information from the books he's read.
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So does Danny, so do I, so do many of you listening.
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And you certainly can, and this happens to a lot of us, I'm sure a lot of you can relate, you certainly can pass that information on.
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And from that perspective, you can have a true expertise in that information.
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But then I love what Sherry said to Ray, right?
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Because we all have this.
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Then I go, how much have I practiced?
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I have a very deep understanding of metabolism, what to eat, to burn fat, and all the things, right?
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But I also have a very deep understanding of being Italian and connecting over wine and loving cannolis and tiramisu and pasta.
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And this goes to kind of what Danny says.
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So to me, I go, my internal narratives have to align with the information that I am receiving, because that information is gonna get filtered through my personal internal narratives.
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And then what we do is it's kind of like someone trying, being like, here, try this outfit on, try this outfit on.
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And you're like, nope, don't like that, don't like that.
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That doesn't fit me.
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That won't look good on me.
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I don't like that color.
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This is what we're doing with information as it comes in.
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We're literally taking our internal narratives and going, does this fit?
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By the way, that process is happening unconsciously.
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So we're not conscious that we're like, well, this information comes in to Ray's point, we're excited about it.
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We might be like, that is a cool outfit, but there's no way we're gonna wear it because it does not jive with our internal sense of style and story.
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And so it's the stories, I believe, that we tell about life and the world.
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So that's the first thing I'll say.
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Then I want to just comment on what Danny said because I also agree with Danny, right?
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This idea that if you change your environment, your environment is directly tied to your story, right?
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And so if you're walking around, your brain is looking around all the time, again, unconsciously, and it's going, This is where I live, and this is how this life works, and this is how I function in this place where I live, how my life works.
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And so my story is aligned with that.
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And so if I try to introduce not bringing in wine into the house, that might last two days, then it's there again in that house.
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But as soon as I go to Colorado or move somewhere else, there's an opportunity where I go, oh, my stories are a little bit more loose because the environment is impacting my subconscious mind in a particular way.
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And I can begin to dress differently in that context.
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And so all of that to say is I think it is story, not information.
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And I know story is not something we're used to hearing because we think about reading a novel.
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I'm not talking about reading a novel, I'm talking about the stories that we tell ourselves at an unconscious level.
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If I have a story that I can't be successful, that will sneak in.
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And I might have all the affirmations in the world that I am gonna be successful and I am gonna manifest and this and that.
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But if I have a deep-seated story about success that doesn't fit, it won't work.
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And I think that's where it comes from.
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So I think it's a story.
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I'm curious what you both think.
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I've got no push, I've got no pushback on the story.
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I recame along this line that said people act in line with their personal stories.
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And I teach this in a lot of my workshops.
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Don't be surprised when people do what they do.
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It leads into an exercise around listening and understanding and trying to peel back and like what are people's stories that they're acting out.
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Most people just get mad at other people's stories.
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And my fave, my I guess it's my least favorite story that I hear the most is, but I would never do that.
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And I go, yeah, because that's not your story.
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You weren't, you didn't, you didn't write that story at any part of your of your life.
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So of course you don't act like that.
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We're totally different people.
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So I teach a lot about understanding people's stories and how to do that.
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And I think that would be useful to hear from both of you is like, this sounds good.
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Like I get what you mean.
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I even like the term story.
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Like, yeah, we do write these little stories about how the world works, both micro and macro.
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Macro of of identity stories, like even things like I'm a hard worker is a story.
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And then that's why they've done some research on people who have the story.
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I'm a hard worker.
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These people cannot sit and watch Netflix.
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It gives them anxiety to the max because it's it doesn't match up with their story of I'm a hard worker.
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If that's my story and I'm watching Netflix for eight hours, there's gonna be tension there.
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Then we have micro stories like someone cut you off in traffic.
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Most people get this.
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What's the story?
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Actually, this is funny, guys.
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I've been doing this exercise, like someone cuts you off in traffic.
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What's the story?
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You know what most people are saying?
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They go, I just assume he was in a rush.
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I go, you do?
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I'd go, he's an asshole.
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That's my story.
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He's putting my my family in in danger.
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What a jerk.
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He's not, he's not compassionate.
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So there's micro stories in the moment, there's macro stories of who we are.
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So I definitely agree with that.
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I, well, I won't go in there.
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I'll just see what Ray thinks.
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So I think like, what's the practical, what's the practical then shift?
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Like people say, all right, I got a story.
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What do I do with that?
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How do I start to rewrite these things or transform these things?
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Yeah, well, I'll say one thing before Ray goes, but I think the interesting thing is that the first, one of the first steps, and maybe you can key off this too, Ray, is to go to use your traffic example.
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It's there's two stories that could be told there, right?
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The story is that this person is in a hurry and trying to get somewhere, and I can understand that.
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But the better story is to go, and this is where it can really get powerful, is that I am somebody who protects people on the road.
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So I let them merge.
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I am this on the road.
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I this is a story I tell myself.
00:17:53.639 --> 00:17:59.639
When I get in a car, and this has completely changed the way I drive, I go, I'm gonna protect all other drivers on the road.
00:17:59.799 --> 00:18:05.240
You might, all of you might think this is silly, but as soon as I tell myself that story, I don't tailgate.
00:18:05.400 --> 00:18:09.159
When people come up speeding behind me and I'm in the fast lane, I get over.
00:18:09.400 --> 00:18:14.440
When a truck puts its turn signal on, right, I flash my lights and let it get in touch.
00:18:14.679 --> 00:18:18.119
Because my story is I take care of people on the road.
00:18:18.279 --> 00:18:19.799
I want to be that that person.
00:18:19.960 --> 00:18:21.799
So it goes both ways.
00:18:21.880 --> 00:18:28.039
And this is where I think some of the first uh aspects of this transformation happen.
00:18:28.279 --> 00:18:30.920
But I would I can't wait to hear what Ray has to say about this.
00:18:31.240 --> 00:18:32.519
I know you're so giddy over there, man.
00:18:32.599 --> 00:18:33.160
Why are you so giddy?
00:18:33.319 --> 00:18:37.079
I'm so giddy because a memory just popped into my mind uh about Jade.
00:18:37.400 --> 00:19:03.079
We when us three were at uh uh we were in Asheville and we were at a restaurant and we were waiting to get in the restaurant, and Jade goes, he goes off to go to the bathroom and he comes back and he says uh something along the lines of, you know, I I uh um I was in the bathroom and like uh somebody had uh peed on the toilet, and uh so I just you know took some toilet paper and I dried off the toilet, cleaned off the toilet and put in the track.
00:19:03.240 --> 00:19:04.680
And he says, Why don't people do that?
00:19:04.759 --> 00:19:07.319
You know, just just help out, you know, just help out.
00:19:07.400 --> 00:19:11.400
Like that's the story in his mind is find these little ways to help out and do it.
00:19:11.480 --> 00:19:14.599
So it just really speaks to I forgot about that.
00:19:14.759 --> 00:19:14.920
Yeah.
00:19:15.160 --> 00:19:16.359
I forgot about that too.
00:19:16.440 --> 00:19:18.359
But I I literally do that in bathrooms.
00:19:19.319 --> 00:19:20.039
I literally do that.
00:19:21.319 --> 00:19:30.519
And so it's it's just those those little things that that that's how you know that your story is changing.
00:19:30.680 --> 00:19:35.079
It's when you change in the absence of other people's eyeballs.
00:19:35.240 --> 00:19:40.200
Now, the reason you told us was because we were discussing something along those lines.
00:19:40.440 --> 00:19:44.200
But I'm sure you've done it a hundred times and and nobody ever knew.
00:19:45.400 --> 00:20:09.160
But the um, yeah, so you know, I you you guys know I've been through a uh a few psychedelic experiences, and um one thing that happened with for me after psychedelic experiences is like for months I would um for months I would have insights and I would uh I would I would have dreams and like I would wake up in the middle of the night with insights and I'd I'd quickly write them down before they disappear.
00:20:09.319 --> 00:20:20.440
But one insight that I had was um uh this was this is probably um this is probably months after uh a psychedelic experience I had in Jamaica.
00:20:20.839 --> 00:20:28.920
Uh I just popped up like from my bed in the middle of the night and I said, holy crap, we're all fictional characters.
00:20:29.240 --> 00:20:38.599
Like in the mind in our minds, we we think that we're all this this solid human being who walks around uh this solid earth.
00:20:38.759 --> 00:20:42.039
But in reality, like we make up our character in our mind.
00:20:42.200 --> 00:20:44.599
We're all fictional characters.
00:20:44.920 --> 00:21:03.079
And that was uh a pretty impactful uh insight for me because it led me down to one specific experience within my own life where I could see how the fiction in my mind was impacting my outward um behavior.
00:21:03.319 --> 00:21:07.400
And this kind of speaks to you know your question, Danny, about like how do we use this stuff?
00:21:07.799 --> 00:21:09.799
Um how do we make this real?
00:21:10.279 --> 00:21:14.440
Uh my mother is is in the late stages of dementia.
00:21:14.599 --> 00:21:19.799
And my um my mother was a just a she's just a wonderful woman, just a wonderful soul.
00:21:20.359 --> 00:21:27.720
And um in my mind, my my the the fiction I was saying was this is not fair.
00:21:28.039 --> 00:21:45.160
She uh spent her life loving, helping people, and how is it that she's that she's um and um this is uh awful, this is sad, and that was impacting my desire to go and visit her.
00:21:45.400 --> 00:21:54.839
She lives with my brother, because I was thinking in my mind, like the all of the emotion I had around that um experience was negative.
00:21:55.000 --> 00:22:00.599
Was uh it was a reminder of how unfair life is, it was a reminder of how awful, how sad.
00:22:01.240 --> 00:22:20.440
But in that moment, when I woke up from that uh uh with that insight, I realized that this isn't sad, this isn't awful, this isn't um, this isn't uh um unfair, this is just how her story ends.
00:22:21.640 --> 00:22:35.240
And I don't I don't know why that had such an impact on me, but it changed my entire um uh emotion around uh visiting her and seeing her.
00:22:35.400 --> 00:22:41.240
Like now that I I kind of realize that this is just how my mom's uh story ends.
00:22:41.640 --> 00:22:47.960
And now I can approach it without those emotions of sadness, without those emotions of uh of fear.
00:22:48.119 --> 00:22:55.400
You know, you don't want to see your parent, you know, you you fear seeing your parent in a um in a difficult situation like that.
00:22:55.640 --> 00:23:02.359
Now I can just approach it from you know, this is how my mother's story ends, and I can love her to the end.
00:23:02.759 --> 00:23:10.519
And so like it it really does make a difference when you start to view this life, uh the life of Ray as a fictional character.
00:23:10.599 --> 00:23:15.319
Because now, as Jade said, you can start to rewrite the stories in your life.
00:23:15.880 --> 00:23:24.759
And um and uh I I'm a bit surprised by just how uh uh just how uh impactful that that moment was.
00:23:25.319 --> 00:23:30.440
But I know you've seen it, Jade, in your practice with people as you're helping people to rewrite their stories.
00:23:30.519 --> 00:23:32.519
So maybe you can kind of help people out here.
00:23:32.599 --> 00:23:34.039
Like, how do you manufacture that?
00:23:34.119 --> 00:23:37.799
Like for me, it was just out of the blue insight, like 3 a.m.
00:23:37.960 --> 00:23:38.599
in the morning.
00:23:38.839 --> 00:23:44.920
But I know that you have a system and a strategy for how you go about manufacturing that kind of insight in people's lives.
00:23:45.000 --> 00:23:46.200
So maybe you can touch on that.
00:23:46.519 --> 00:24:04.359
Yeah, I love that, Ray, so much because I think that is exactly what the story you just told about your mom is exactly where these things happen for people, where they actually can really rewrite the story because it's something that they're very attached to and they start to suffer through that telling of that story.
00:24:04.519 --> 00:24:07.559
And through that suffering, insights emerge.
00:24:07.720 --> 00:24:11.079
Now, insights aren't enough, but the insights begin to emerge.
00:24:11.160 --> 00:24:19.720
And then through that insight, you essentially go somewhere along the way, you'll get this, and you'll basically go, you know what?
00:24:20.039 --> 00:24:23.720
I don't actually need to see it this way.
00:24:23.960 --> 00:24:29.720
I've the I'm the one who decided to tell this particular story.
00:24:29.880 --> 00:24:32.519
And there's infinite numbers of stories I could tell.
00:24:32.599 --> 00:24:37.480
This is, by the way, why I do like psychedelics, even though you don't need psychedelics to do this work.
00:24:37.640 --> 00:24:42.599
Psychedelics open the mind to be like, you're telling this very narrow story.
00:24:42.839 --> 00:24:47.400
I call it mud, misguided, unconscious decisions is what I call it.
00:24:47.559 --> 00:24:51.240
They're misguided because we make these things when we don't really have the wisdom.
00:24:51.400 --> 00:24:55.480
They're unconscious because we don't know they're there, and they're decisions whether we remember them or not.
00:24:55.559 --> 00:24:59.799
But what happens is you get very narrow and they keep us stuck in the mud.
00:24:59.880 --> 00:25:01.880
And all of a sudden we can't get out.
00:25:02.119 --> 00:25:10.279
But when we start to suffer, and we, especially loved ones and changes in our finances and health, we start to question our story.
00:25:10.519 --> 00:25:14.759
That's the beginning aspect of this to question the story.
00:25:14.920 --> 00:25:19.480
The future that you imagined can always be reimagined.
00:25:19.720 --> 00:25:22.519
Our brain is a meaning-making machine.
00:25:22.680 --> 00:25:23.319
You know, it's interesting.
00:25:23.400 --> 00:25:25.160
I just wrote an article here on Substack.
00:25:25.240 --> 00:25:31.880
For those of you who are live on Substack, check this article out that basically says right now in the health and fitness world, it's all about nervous system regulation.
00:25:32.039 --> 00:25:33.079
Regulate your nervous system.
00:25:33.160 --> 00:25:35.480
You know, it used to be gut stuffed and it was hormone stuffed.
00:25:35.559 --> 00:25:37.319
Now it's regulate your nervous system.
00:25:37.480 --> 00:25:46.839
The nervous system does not respond all on its own, it's responding to the perception about safety and belonging in the world.
00:25:47.000 --> 00:25:52.039
So your nervous system regulation is literally controlled by the story that you tell.
00:25:52.279 --> 00:25:55.799
And that story that you're telling is simply a choice.
00:25:56.519 --> 00:25:58.680
This is the part that people don't understand.
00:25:58.839 --> 00:26:01.240
But when it's unconscious, you can't see the choice.
00:26:01.319 --> 00:26:05.559
So Ray popping up in bed all of a sudden is seeing the choice.
00:26:05.799 --> 00:26:08.839
And he's like, this is all just a story.
00:26:09.000 --> 00:26:12.839
I can actually see this very differently.
00:26:13.240 --> 00:26:16.039
That's the beginning of this process.
00:26:16.200 --> 00:26:20.200
The one thing I'll say here, and this is the hard part, I want to hear what you you both say.
00:26:20.440 --> 00:26:28.200
When this happens, for those of you listening, don't get too excited because it's actually the worst thing to have happen to you in the beginning.
00:26:28.440 --> 00:26:32.359
Because once you perceive different, you start to see things.
00:26:32.519 --> 00:26:37.880
For example, when the asshole realizes they're an asshole, that is not a great place to be.
00:26:38.119 --> 00:26:42.920
But it is, but it is the place that you need to be to change the story.
00:26:43.240 --> 00:26:47.079
So, real quick to answer Ray's question, though, now I'll let Danny go on this.
00:26:47.160 --> 00:26:50.279
There is a three-step process that I think you have to follow.
00:26:50.519 --> 00:26:56.440
Again, this doesn't mean it's right, but it's the best I've been able to do with the information I've gathered up to this point in my career.
00:26:56.599 --> 00:26:59.559
And it follows three processes rewrite.
00:26:59.720 --> 00:27:03.960
We must somehow get into the subconscious and rewrite the story.
00:27:04.119 --> 00:27:07.640
By the way, not erase, more like edit.
00:27:07.799 --> 00:27:10.119
So it's a rewrite of the stories that we're telling.
00:27:10.440 --> 00:27:12.200
Second is rewire.
00:27:12.359 --> 00:27:15.480
And we need to rewire the emotional holding pattern.
00:27:15.640 --> 00:27:16.920
This isn't about the nervous system.
00:27:17.000 --> 00:27:23.799
This is the emotional holding pattern because for every story you have, there's an emotion that makes that that animates that story.
00:27:23.960 --> 00:27:27.960
Think of the story as the mud and the emotion as the rebar.
00:27:28.440 --> 00:27:31.480
This creates the cement and the structure of your life.
00:27:31.640 --> 00:27:34.359
And then the final phase is retrain.
00:27:34.519 --> 00:27:36.119
This is where the habits come in.
00:27:36.279 --> 00:27:38.039
This is where the biohacking comes in.
00:27:38.200 --> 00:27:39.960
This is where the information comes in.
00:27:40.039 --> 00:27:43.960
This is where the eat this, not that, communicate this way, not that way come in.
00:27:44.200 --> 00:27:47.160
But notice that there's three components here we have to file.
00:27:47.400 --> 00:27:50.039
Rewrite and rewire, the entire industry ignores.
00:27:50.359 --> 00:27:56.599
We're all just retrain, retrain, retrain, retrain information, information, information, and it does not work.
00:27:56.839 --> 00:28:01.400
But add in rewrite and rewire, change the stories and the emotions.
00:28:01.559 --> 00:28:04.599
Now all of a sudden I think retrain has a chance.
00:28:07.640 --> 00:28:09.480
I just want to I just want to touch.
00:28:09.880 --> 00:28:14.920
I've obviously heard the Jade's framework a lot, and I just look, I try to poke holes in it, man.
00:28:15.000 --> 00:28:15.480
I like it a lot.
00:28:15.559 --> 00:28:16.039
I got nothing.
00:28:16.119 --> 00:28:18.279
I got no no feedback for you on it.
00:28:18.359 --> 00:28:18.839
I think I'm not sure.
00:28:19.000 --> 00:28:19.559
I like reading it.
00:28:19.799 --> 00:28:21.400
I do like when you poke holes in it, though, right?
00:28:21.480 --> 00:28:22.599
I just got nothing.
00:28:22.839 --> 00:28:35.640
Ray, my Ray, Ray's better at seeing the flaws, which is why I want to present um I want to present my model too that I use for people and for you to poke flaws in it, because ChatGPT just tells me it's amazing, and which feels really good.
00:28:35.960 --> 00:28:36.680
And I like that.
00:28:37.000 --> 00:28:41.160
But I am curious to use in the two in the Yeah, they're like, wow, genius.
00:28:41.400 --> 00:28:44.359
I'm like, no one's ever thrown that word at me before, but thank you.
00:28:45.240 --> 00:28:55.319
So I uh I just want to one more comment on stories, and I want to I want to show you like my my kind of four-part thing of how we can help other people transform and you guys can poke holes in it.
00:28:55.480 --> 00:29:02.920
The last thing about stories that just came up when you were sharing that, Jade, was these stories, they they were useful at some point.
00:29:03.000 --> 00:29:05.079
And I think that's really important for us to understand.
00:29:05.240 --> 00:29:08.519
At some point, we wrote these stories because they were useful for us.
00:29:08.680 --> 00:29:17.480
They either protected us emotionally, like you you read a lot about uh people who had really traumatic childhoods, they develop stories about how the world works.
00:29:17.559 --> 00:29:21.079
So otherwise, a six-year-old would just dissolve and crumble.
00:29:21.240 --> 00:29:24.599
They need to develop these stories to protect themselves and survive.
00:29:24.920 --> 00:29:31.160
Even less extreme, though, we all write stories somewhere along the way that are useful for us until they're not.
00:29:31.400 --> 00:29:35.480
So I think it's just important to note that it's like, don't beat yourself up for these stories.
00:29:35.559 --> 00:29:38.599
Like there was some utility, at least in the process.
00:29:38.759 --> 00:29:40.599
Now they just may not be useful for you.
00:29:40.680 --> 00:29:42.599
So it's important to pay attention.
00:29:42.759 --> 00:29:48.279
We talk about this a lot, paying attention to sort of the signals that that the world is giving back to you.
00:29:48.920 --> 00:29:56.359
To use the example of the asshole, if you find yourself waking up, it's like, well, I can't make a friendship work, I can't make a relationship work, I keep getting fired from this job.
00:29:56.599 --> 00:30:01.720
These are all signals that maybe you have the you have the wrong story.
00:30:01.960 --> 00:30:13.400
And so I've, you know, I have a friend who um who as long as I've known him, he's definitely bought into um, he's definitely bought into like the whole purpose of money.
00:30:13.640 --> 00:30:15.640
So the best job is the one that offers the best money.
00:30:15.799 --> 00:30:18.359
The best the best path is the one with the most money.
00:30:18.519 --> 00:30:23.960
Um he also loves the story of the old ball and chain in relationships, like the woman is the ball and chain.
00:30:24.119 --> 00:30:27.400
There's two stories that I've noticed him just kind of leak out here and there.
00:30:27.640 --> 00:30:33.960
And what's interesting, he gets this job and he's making a killing financially, like stupid money financially.
00:30:34.200 --> 00:30:38.519
And now he's seeing, he's seeing someone for mental health stuff.
00:30:38.759 --> 00:30:40.359
And he is getting on medication.
00:30:40.440 --> 00:30:46.759
He's going through some of these things that because he thinks something is broken in the brain, and really it's like, nope, the story is broken.
00:30:46.839 --> 00:30:48.920
You made all your decisions in this direction.
00:30:49.160 --> 00:30:50.920
Same thing with relationship challenges.
00:30:51.000 --> 00:30:57.079
If you see your partner as the old ball and chain, yeah, I think it's gonna be hard to build a happy story around relationships.
00:30:57.240 --> 00:30:59.640
So just a something I wanted to call out.
00:30:59.720 --> 00:31:02.759
It's like these things actually are good until maybe they're not anymore.
00:31:02.839 --> 00:31:04.839
And then that's when we need to kind of rewrite these stories.
00:31:05.000 --> 00:31:07.640
And then, real quick, I just want this is where I want you guys to poke hole.
00:31:07.720 --> 00:31:15.079
So if I'm coaching someone on how to how to coach other people or lead other people, this is kind of like my four, I call them the four motivational dials.
00:31:15.240 --> 00:31:18.599
And I like the uh I like the term dials because they can go too high or too low.
00:31:18.759 --> 00:31:20.759
So you got to kind of pay attention to all four.
00:31:21.000 --> 00:31:23.640
The first dial is information, which we've been talking about.
00:31:23.720 --> 00:31:29.480
I always talk about my early health and fitness days, how many people would not get in the gym because they didn't want them to look like an idiot.
00:31:29.559 --> 00:31:34.200
They didn't know how to structure a workout, how much weight to put on there, what to do next.
00:31:34.359 --> 00:31:39.960
They didn't want to be caught on one of these social media videos where they're flinging around upside down like a jungle gym.
00:31:40.039 --> 00:31:41.720
They were really cognizant of that.
00:31:41.880 --> 00:31:46.039
So they needed information in order to be motivated to change, to go to the gym.
00:31:46.200 --> 00:31:51.640
So the information is an important component, but you turn that dial too high, and we all know it's analysis paralysis.
00:31:51.720 --> 00:31:55.640
We know people who've read every diet book out there and still have cake for dinner.
00:31:55.799 --> 00:32:01.720
So there's there's information that's important, but then if you turn the dial up too much, you might have to do a little bit of an information detox.
00:32:02.119 --> 00:32:03.400
Number two is safety.
00:32:03.559 --> 00:32:06.440
This was a huge one for me, and I mean psychological safety.
00:32:06.599 --> 00:32:15.160
One of the most, I always talk about you two being some of my mentors, one of the most valuable things you guys ever gave me was the space to say stupid shit and then take it back.
00:32:15.400 --> 00:32:18.599
Be like, didn't really mean it like that, or that didn't come out quite right.
00:32:18.680 --> 00:32:22.039
Like, and then you guys, and Jade has this line, like, we're all human.
00:32:22.119 --> 00:32:31.480
And I remember when I lived with Jade and my sister Jill back in the day, I remember it was the most it was the greatest gift you guys gave me is like you took the shame out of some of these normal human behaviors.
00:32:31.559 --> 00:32:32.039
You normalize.
00:32:32.200 --> 00:32:36.359
That was a safe environment for me to say stuff, to say, hey, I did this thing, I'm a little embarrassed.
00:32:36.519 --> 00:32:37.880
And you normalizing that for me.
00:32:37.960 --> 00:32:38.920
That's a that's safety.
00:32:39.160 --> 00:32:44.440
So when we're talking about safety, we're talking about not being judgmental like on someone's character.
00:32:44.599 --> 00:32:48.279
You come for their ideas, like I want you guys to come for my ideas on this.
00:32:48.359 --> 00:32:49.559
So you can't go for their character.
00:32:49.640 --> 00:32:50.599
There's a subtle difference.
00:32:50.680 --> 00:32:53.559
Like most leaders that struggle that I work with, they go, they're dumb.
00:32:53.640 --> 00:32:54.759
That's a character assault.
00:32:54.920 --> 00:33:00.599
Like they're dumb is not, that's not, that's not useful, nor is it a safe environment for them to feel like to share ideas.
00:33:00.839 --> 00:33:02.440
Safety, then connection.
00:33:02.599 --> 00:33:06.119
I always say, I will change for, I will change for my siblings.
00:33:06.200 --> 00:33:09.319
I would change if one of you guys told me, like, hey, Dan, you're being an asshole.
00:33:09.400 --> 00:33:10.440
I would I would take that to hard.
00:33:10.519 --> 00:33:12.359
If a stranger told me that, probably not.
00:33:12.440 --> 00:33:16.119
So the connection dial often needs to be turned up, but it can be too high.
00:33:16.279 --> 00:33:21.000
Like my mom, who just thinks every she she is the only paid subscriber to my Substack.
00:33:21.079 --> 00:33:22.759
She listens to every podcast episode.
00:33:22.920 --> 00:33:25.720
That dial's probably a little too high as much as I appreciate it, mom.
00:33:25.960 --> 00:33:30.279
But there can be too high connection too, where it's like, you're just amazing and perfect, honey.
00:33:30.359 --> 00:33:31.880
Like, that's not the connection we're talking about.
00:33:31.960 --> 00:33:35.240
That might need to be turned down to motivate me to go out in the world.
00:33:35.319 --> 00:33:37.000
And then the last one is autonomy.
00:33:37.240 --> 00:33:43.079
Autonomy is like allow people to make choices for themselves, allow people, you can't write someone's story, a new story for someone.
00:33:43.160 --> 00:33:45.079
They have to write it somewhere along the way.
00:33:45.160 --> 00:33:48.519
But at the same time, again, that autonomy dial can be a little bit too high.
00:33:48.599 --> 00:33:49.880
We're just like, do whatever you want.
00:33:50.039 --> 00:33:51.079
Anyone do anything.
00:33:51.240 --> 00:33:52.279
That's a little bit too high.
00:33:52.359 --> 00:33:56.359
So people need guardrails, we need boundaries, we need systems, we need frameworks.
00:33:56.519 --> 00:33:58.519
That's that's like how I kind of treat those dials.
00:33:58.680 --> 00:34:01.960
So I talk about this a lot, make it more practical for the managers I work with.
00:34:02.039 --> 00:34:06.519
But just curious, those are kind of the four dials: information, safety, connection, and autonomy.
00:34:06.599 --> 00:34:08.760
And I was curious what you guys thought about the dial system.
00:34:08.840 --> 00:34:11.480
Are those key motivators to help people transform?
00:34:11.640 --> 00:34:13.079
Am I missing key pieces?
00:34:13.159 --> 00:34:16.359
Or you can be like Chad GPT and my mom and tell me it's amazing.
00:34:16.599 --> 00:34:18.279
You are a genius, my friend.
00:34:19.559 --> 00:34:21.000
So loose with that term.
00:34:21.400 --> 00:34:23.960
It really is a nice, nice framework, I'd say.
00:34:24.199 --> 00:34:30.760
And uh, you know, what's interesting about frameworks is they um they will resonate with specific people.
00:34:30.840 --> 00:34:34.920
Like Jade's framework will resonate with some people, yours will resonate with some people.
00:34:35.079 --> 00:34:45.640
And we're on this earth, not to reach everybody, we're on this earth to reach specific people or to play a role in specific people's lives, uh, many of which we've never met yet.
00:34:45.800 --> 00:34:50.359
Um, but there are certainly people that will resonate with that, and people will resonate with Jade.
00:34:50.440 --> 00:34:54.039
So I think it's a genius framework and keeps developing it.
00:34:54.599 --> 00:34:57.720
Yeah, and actually, I really love, I have two things to say on the framework.
00:34:57.800 --> 00:34:58.440
I'll tell you why.
00:34:58.599 --> 00:34:59.960
One of the things I really like about it.
00:35:00.039 --> 00:35:07.559
So when I was listening to you, because obviously my whole thing is been on the subconscious and getting into the subconscious and how we do that.
00:35:07.880 --> 00:35:12.680
Psychedelics are one way that you could do that, but you can do it through other engineered things.
00:35:12.760 --> 00:35:16.840
So I'm looking and going, where's the subconscious piece in Danny's model?
00:35:17.000 --> 00:35:21.880
And I don't know that you see it this way, Danny, but to me, actually, it's the safety component.
00:35:22.519 --> 00:35:23.159
That's the piece.
00:35:23.319 --> 00:35:23.480
Yep.
00:35:24.199 --> 00:35:36.280
That's the piece where the subconscious lives because in stories, when we're talking about subconscious stories, those stories really uh we share as humans uh three prominent stories that really drive everything else.
00:35:36.440 --> 00:35:39.320
And it and it basically we know this through childhood development.
00:35:39.559 --> 00:35:43.960
We have to have safety and security, we have to have acceptance and belonging.
00:35:44.119 --> 00:35:48.679
These are core things for our species, and we have to have freedom and autonomy.
00:35:48.760 --> 00:35:50.599
And they go along with child development.
00:35:50.679 --> 00:35:53.559
And children, the child needs to feel safe and secure.
00:35:53.800 --> 00:35:58.119
Otherwise, there's deficits that come up in nervous system function and other things.
00:35:58.280 --> 00:36:02.039
You know, you see this in the ACE research and the PTSD research and stuff like that.
00:36:02.199 --> 00:36:03.800
We need connection and belonging.
00:36:03.960 --> 00:36:06.679
This usually happens around the time of our teenage years.
00:36:06.840 --> 00:36:10.039
Then we need freedom and autonomy, late teenage years, 20s.
00:36:10.280 --> 00:36:16.920
But safety is a critical one that we are always looking out to see, and it is a story that will dominate.
00:36:17.079 --> 00:36:27.719
This, especially when we talk about politics and why people vote particular ways and why, you know, they are very emotional, because usually it's a safety and security issue or an uh acceptance of belonging issue.
00:36:27.880 --> 00:36:29.320
Team think or safety think.
00:36:29.639 --> 00:36:31.239
It's not a whole lot after that.
00:36:31.320 --> 00:36:35.880
So I love that model from that perspective, and I think that's the biggest one.
00:36:36.039 --> 00:36:45.400
And then I'll say what I love that Ray said, this to me, actually, what Ray said to me, and uh we'll see what you both think, and hopefully I can explain as well.
00:36:45.480 --> 00:36:53.480
But what Ray was talking about there was this idea you hear thrown around a lot, especially in the psychedelic space and in the personal transformation space.
00:36:53.559 --> 00:36:56.920
You hear the term integration thrown out a lot.
00:36:57.159 --> 00:37:01.320
And to me, uh, people who are doing integration are not doing integration.
00:37:01.400 --> 00:37:03.079
What they're doing is they're doing retrain.
00:37:03.239 --> 00:37:05.239
They're retraining, retraining, just more information.
00:37:05.400 --> 00:37:07.480
Let's just talk about it, let's process it now.
00:37:07.559 --> 00:37:08.760
That's not integration.
00:37:09.000 --> 00:37:17.960
Integration is integrating a new story into the emotional holding pattern and the nervous system.
00:37:18.119 --> 00:37:19.559
That's integration, right?
00:37:19.639 --> 00:37:22.280
So it's like, how do I take the old story?
00:37:22.440 --> 00:37:26.360
And both of you kind of uh uh pointed to this.
00:37:26.599 --> 00:37:34.039
How do you take the old story of who Ray was, who Danny was, who Jade was, who you as a listener were, and integrate that into the news story?
00:37:34.119 --> 00:37:35.400
You can't jettison it.
00:37:35.480 --> 00:37:47.400
For Ray to have gotten to Ray who he is today, he needs to include all the rays that he was, and all those rays and all those stories have benefit.
00:37:47.719 --> 00:37:55.480
So as you're writing the news story, you have to go, well, I am this, this, this, and this by my essential nature.
00:37:55.719 --> 00:37:59.800
I do have this and this and this and this piece of wisdom.
00:38:00.039 --> 00:38:04.440
This and this and this pattern, this goes to your thing, Danny, don't work for me anymore.
00:38:04.599 --> 00:38:14.679
So he's essentially saying, I'll take these components, I'll jettison this component, and I'll set an intention forward to go, here's who I want to be now.
00:38:15.000 --> 00:38:23.639
The problem with people is they go, I will forget the stuff that I did, the shame, the grief, I'll just push that all aside and try to be new.
00:38:23.880 --> 00:38:40.280
No, those stories must be included in the new you because they are in a subconscious holding pattern that the body sort of knows and goes, you have got to take care of this story and include it in some way.
00:38:40.519 --> 00:38:42.760
So for me, for example, you all know my story.
00:38:42.920 --> 00:38:45.320
Many of you who listen to this know my story.
00:38:45.480 --> 00:38:51.079
I cheated on my wife, I got a divorce, I was a pretty uh dishonest person.
00:38:51.159 --> 00:38:58.440
If I just tried to go, that's not who I was, I don't want to talk about it, don't want to think about it, don't want anything to do with that story.
00:38:58.519 --> 00:39:11.079
I'm gonna be new, I would fail in being a person of honesty and integrity and all of those things because I would not have internalized the lessons that are required for me to live a new story.
00:39:11.320 --> 00:39:21.719
In other words, I'll say it one other way, because I know this is a complex topic, but integration means I must take all the things that I've done, good, bad, and indifferent.
00:39:22.039 --> 00:39:30.679
I must include them in my process and make sure that I use them for who I'm gonna become.
00:39:30.920 --> 00:39:36.519
That's why when Ray says we all have different models, someone's gonna hear Ray speak and go, I dig Ray.
00:39:36.679 --> 00:39:37.639
I don't dig Jade.
00:39:37.719 --> 00:39:39.639
Jade's got a weird accent, he's bald, whatever.
00:39:39.719 --> 00:39:42.119
But Ray, for whatever reason, resonates with me.
00:39:42.360 --> 00:39:45.000
I don't really, you know, I don't really dig Danny.
00:39:45.079 --> 00:39:49.000
I like Jade because, you know, Danny's what he's into basketball and he likes popcorn or whatever.
00:39:49.400 --> 00:39:49.800
What do you gotta say?
00:39:49.880 --> 00:39:51.000
Yeah, what do you gotta say, man?
00:39:51.559 --> 00:39:53.159
You got something to say, come on, say it.
00:39:53.400 --> 00:39:55.400
Your popcorn habits out of control, right?
00:39:55.719 --> 00:39:56.599
It is, man, it's a problem.
00:39:56.840 --> 00:40:07.880
But but the interesting thing about this is if I own all my other stories and integrate them in this way, all of a sudden I can be authentic, Jade.
00:40:08.119 --> 00:40:15.719
Not not being authentic to a past self or a current self, but authentic to my next level, human self.
00:40:15.880 --> 00:40:18.519
That's how we rewrite these stories.
00:40:18.679 --> 00:40:38.119
So integration to me means owning every aspect, all the shadow stuff, all the really good stuff, all the confusing stuff, all your ignorance and bias and dogma and all your mistakes and fears and failures, and considering them in who it is that you can be moving forward.
00:40:38.360 --> 00:40:41.719
That's how you change, in my opinion.
00:40:41.880 --> 00:40:50.840
And so I know that's sort of a complex argument, but if we're gonna talk about personal transformation and we're gonna talk about stories and insights, we have to talk about this concept of integration.
00:40:50.920 --> 00:40:54.199
And I think everyone gets it wrong.
00:40:55.480 --> 00:40:55.880
Yeah.
00:40:56.039 --> 00:41:00.519
Okay, so um, so I love where you went with integration.
00:41:00.679 --> 00:41:04.679
Um, I think for me, the integration isn't, you know, you're right.
00:41:04.840 --> 00:41:08.119
I think they get integration wrong in the psychedelic space.
00:41:08.280 --> 00:41:21.960
Um for me, integration is um when you go through a psychedelic experience, the um, and and by the way, I'll give you my my simple, well, a framework that was given to me by God during a psychedelic experience.
00:41:22.039 --> 00:41:22.599
I'll give that to you.
00:41:22.760 --> 00:41:23.239
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:41:25.159 --> 00:41:36.519
But the uh the integration for me is when you leave a psychedelic experience, your brain, that your default network is scrambled.
00:41:36.599 --> 00:41:39.559
It's like it's diffuse now, is how I would put it.
00:41:39.719 --> 00:41:40.440
It's diffuse.
00:41:40.599 --> 00:41:51.480
And so integration is being open to a new story in that in that time when your um when your default network is diffuse.
00:41:51.960 --> 00:41:56.840
Because now I think what happens for me, the integration wasn't in talking it out.
00:41:57.000 --> 00:41:59.800
It wasn't in meeting with a therapist or anything like that.
00:42:00.039 --> 00:42:06.199
The integration happened naturally because I was open to new possibilities.
00:42:06.599 --> 00:42:15.320
And I went into my first psychedelic experience as a guy who had uh who was um who was uh uh who grew up Catholic.
00:42:15.480 --> 00:42:26.039
My mother was a an ex-nun um that uh was very much taught, you know, my entire life, there's you know a very specific path.
00:42:26.280 --> 00:42:37.079
And I exited that with the openness that ultimately led me down to kind of the non-duality, uh more Hindu uh type approach to spirituality.
00:42:37.400 --> 00:42:45.079
And I was just recently just um thinking about in awe that transformation, how it happened.
00:42:45.159 --> 00:42:55.960
And it only really happened, and it has resulted in a uh amazing amount of peace in my life that you know perhaps wasn't there before.
00:42:56.679 --> 00:43:06.280
So I think that the integration for me is just being open to the new story when you're in that diffuse uh state of the default network.
00:43:06.840 --> 00:43:11.639
Um and uh and uh um it's the four-part model of the of God.
00:43:11.800 --> 00:43:12.760
I want to hear that.
00:43:13.000 --> 00:43:17.960
So in my first experience as a psychedelic, let me talk this was this was in in Jamaica.
00:43:18.039 --> 00:43:22.599
This is about um, I guess it's been almost two years, maybe a year and a half, two years.
00:43:22.920 --> 00:43:24.519
I went into it, Jade.
00:43:24.599 --> 00:43:32.920
Uh, because you know, as as you when you're going to a psychedelic experience or when for the first time, and I had never done any drugs in my entire life, um, you're afraid.
00:43:33.079 --> 00:43:34.599
Like you don't know what what to expect.
00:43:34.679 --> 00:43:36.280
So you talk to people who've been through it.
00:43:36.360 --> 00:43:38.840
And I made the mistake of talking to you.
00:43:39.320 --> 00:43:44.360
And uh and it wasn't just you, it's practically everybody.
00:43:44.440 --> 00:43:45.719
They always say the same thing.
00:43:45.880 --> 00:43:49.719
You gotta go to the dark places, you gotta go to the difficult dark places.
00:43:49.800 --> 00:43:51.320
That's where the transformation lies.
00:43:51.480 --> 00:43:58.119
And in your case, it was a uh a dark uh uh groin blob that uh you had to go to battle with.
00:43:58.599 --> 00:44:03.800
And uh for me, so I'm going into my first experience thinking, okay, go to I gotta go to the dark places.
00:44:03.880 --> 00:44:06.280
And I don't have any big T traumas in my life.
00:44:06.840 --> 00:44:09.079
Little T traumas, maybe, but no big T traumas.
00:44:09.320 --> 00:44:13.960
So I don't know where I'm gonna go, but I'm thinking in my in my mind, go to the dark places.
00:44:14.119 --> 00:44:19.639
So we take uh we take um uh the uh the first dose of the psychedelics.
00:44:19.719 --> 00:44:24.119
There's like nine of us in the group and we're all looking at each other, scared, not knowing what's gonna happen.
00:44:24.280 --> 00:44:30.440
We go to our separate spaces and we're laying there, and I'm in my mind, I'm just repeating the words that Jade told me.
00:44:30.760 --> 00:44:34.360
Go to the dark places, take me to the dark places.
00:44:34.679 --> 00:44:39.880
And it was interesting because all of a sudden I started I started to notice I feel a little bit, a little bit strange.
00:44:39.960 --> 00:44:42.679
So I've I figured, okay, I'm going, uh it's beginning to take effect.
00:44:42.840 --> 00:44:46.039
I put my mask on, put my earbuds on with the music playing.
00:44:46.199 --> 00:44:54.920
And the first thing that happened was I felt a heat in my chest, and I looked down, and keep in mind, I've got I've got um uh a mask on.
00:44:55.079 --> 00:44:59.000
Uh I look down and I see this black ribbon on my chest.
00:44:59.159 --> 00:45:03.000
And I say to myself, okay, take me to the dark places.
00:45:03.079 --> 00:45:03.800
Here we go.
00:45:04.039 --> 00:45:10.840
And then all of a sudden, I heard the a voice in my head, which I later came to experience as God.
00:45:11.320 --> 00:45:14.920
And she said, No, you can go.
00:45:15.480 --> 00:45:16.760
It's that simple.
00:45:17.000 --> 00:45:24.599
And in that moment, I look down, the black ribbon shoots off, and instantly I know I'm in the presence of God, at least in my mind.
00:45:25.079 --> 00:45:26.679
I'm in the presence of God.
00:45:27.000 --> 00:45:39.800
And um, and we spent the next probably five or six hours in what I can only describe as like a telephone call between, you know, where we were just old friends, just riffing back and forth, laughing, joking with each other.
00:45:40.039 --> 00:45:42.199
At one point, she explains to me what that meant.
00:45:42.360 --> 00:45:43.960
No, you can go, it's that simple.
00:45:44.039 --> 00:45:46.280
And this is gonna sound completely stupid to some people.
00:45:46.440 --> 00:45:50.840
Maybe it'll resonate with some people with big T traumas may say, oh, it's not that simple.
00:45:51.000 --> 00:45:54.440
And, you know, uh, I hate you for even thinking thinking it's that simple.
00:45:54.519 --> 00:45:55.880
But this is what she told me.
00:45:56.039 --> 00:45:56.519
Not me.
00:45:56.599 --> 00:45:57.719
This is God talking.
00:45:57.880 --> 00:45:59.719
So don't blame me for this.
00:46:00.039 --> 00:46:06.679
No means uh you have an experience in your in your in your mind.
00:46:07.079 --> 00:46:15.880
No means you don't have to go down the path of believing it's a negative experience and living in that negative experience.
00:46:16.119 --> 00:46:17.480
No, that's all that means.
00:46:17.719 --> 00:46:25.159
You can go means you don't fight it, you know, like I because everybody said you got to go to battle, like you went to battle with your growing blob.
00:46:25.320 --> 00:46:29.320
Uh and a lot of people go to uh go to battle with the darkness.
00:46:29.639 --> 00:46:36.039
She was saying you don't have to go to battle with it uh because there's nothing there.
00:46:36.199 --> 00:46:38.599
She said it's not even a scar.
00:46:38.760 --> 00:46:43.320
Like people think these traumas are a scar in their life that they carry around with them.
00:46:43.480 --> 00:46:45.480
She said, it's not even a scar.
00:46:45.639 --> 00:46:49.320
It's like smoke from a fire that's been extinguished.
00:46:49.880 --> 00:46:50.519
It's nothing.
00:46:50.760 --> 00:46:51.400
There's nothing.
00:46:51.960 --> 00:46:55.159
It's almost as if it never happened.
00:46:55.320 --> 00:47:02.360
Like it's not that it never happened, it's almost as if it never happened because it's in the past and the past doesn't, it doesn't exist.
00:47:02.519 --> 00:47:16.440
So she said, no, you can go, means you've extracted the information, you've extracted the knowledge from the experience, you've extracted the wisdom, and now you can go, your work is done.
00:47:16.599 --> 00:47:21.239
You can go and you can just let it let it kind of float down the river like a leaf on the river.
00:47:22.039 --> 00:47:24.440
And it's that simple means there's nothing else to do.
00:47:24.599 --> 00:47:33.480
Like it's it's easy to get caught up in, okay, I've done this part, uh, and now I've got to do this, this, this 10-part framework to uh get to the other side.
00:47:33.719 --> 00:47:37.880
And what she was saying, at least in my mind, was no, you can go.
00:47:38.039 --> 00:47:40.599
It's that simple means there's nothing else to do.
00:47:40.760 --> 00:47:51.719
Once you've extracted the wisdom, the knowledge, the information, you can just let it go and just live from that space of wisdom now, not from the space of trauma.
00:47:52.679 --> 00:47:57.719
And so uh I realize that framework probably sounds stupid to a lot of people.
00:47:57.880 --> 00:48:01.239
I realize it probably sounds like oversimplification.
00:48:01.960 --> 00:48:11.480
But um, I my hope is that the somebody who's listening to this will say, holy shit, that makes so much sense.
00:48:11.719 --> 00:48:17.320
And it might lead them down and into an insight that will ultimately lead to a behavioral change.
00:48:17.400 --> 00:48:18.199
And who knows?
00:48:18.360 --> 00:48:19.320
Maybe it will.
00:48:19.559 --> 00:48:23.639
But uh, that's the framework that was given to me from God, as expected, very simple.
00:48:23.800 --> 00:48:34.440
I think once we start to get into like 20-point frameworks for how to fix yourself, you're starting to get into um uh a manufactured solution that has no chance of helping people.
00:48:34.599 --> 00:48:38.039
To me, that three-step framework really resonated.
00:48:38.519 --> 00:48:41.159
And um I, you know, I hope it helps somebody.
00:48:41.400 --> 00:48:46.360
Yeah, Ray, I have to tell you, you you and I have not talked about this yet because we keep going.
00:48:46.440 --> 00:48:47.960
We need to compare notes.
00:48:48.199 --> 00:48:56.119
So let me tell everybody, because my experience, the first major insight I got on Psychedelus was very similar uh to Ray's.
00:48:56.199 --> 00:48:58.519
Uh you so you and I haven't had this conversation yet.
00:48:58.599 --> 00:49:05.480
So one, so just to set people up, my first experience was ayahuasca, which is kind of like, you know, you know, it's like the big gun.
00:49:05.559 --> 00:49:06.840
You know, I didn't know any better.
00:49:06.920 --> 00:49:10.679
Um but anyway, the first experience was pretty horrible, pretty dark.
00:49:10.920 --> 00:49:12.519
Going, you know, it was pretty dark.
00:49:12.679 --> 00:49:16.039
I was too scared to do the second experience because the first one was so dark.
00:49:16.280 --> 00:49:20.920
By the third experience, because there's three in a row, I was like, you know what, I'm brave again and I'll try it.
00:49:21.000 --> 00:49:26.440
And then the third experience was as blissful as the first one was horrible.
00:49:26.840 --> 00:49:33.400
But here's what I got I got this thing that basically goes, Jade, you're so obsessed with truth.
00:49:34.199 --> 00:49:37.960
Stop thinking about truth, think about what's useful.
00:49:38.760 --> 00:49:49.239
So it was this dichotomy of utility, usefulness is the most important thing that you can teach yourself and your clients.
00:49:49.400 --> 00:49:53.079
Is your story useful or is it not?
00:49:53.639 --> 00:49:55.239
Truth doesn't matter.
00:49:55.400 --> 00:50:00.280
And there was a whole conversation around that, which I'll just briefly describe, but I won't go too long.
00:50:00.599 --> 00:50:05.000
But basically, I was shown that truth is not known anyway, and truth is an evolving process.
00:50:05.159 --> 00:50:16.119
Everyone is chasing the truth, and it can't be known, it's an emerging process, and that by focusing on what's most useful for yourself and others, you'll eventually get to truth anyway.
00:50:16.360 --> 00:50:18.199
So that was what it showed me.
00:50:18.280 --> 00:50:26.840
And it's very interesting because it goes very much into your story of like that thing, no, you can go, it's that simple, right?
00:50:27.000 --> 00:50:28.119
Is a story.
00:50:28.360 --> 00:50:39.960
And that story worked tremendously well for you, and you're sharing it because you're like, when people hear this story, it might work tremendously well and be useful for them.
00:50:40.280 --> 00:50:44.920
And I think it brings us to this place when you're looking at personal transformation.
00:50:45.480 --> 00:50:51.559
To me, you have to look at how useful is the story I'm telling myself, right?
00:50:51.880 --> 00:50:54.519
Like, I'm no good at whatever.
00:50:54.679 --> 00:50:56.280
Is that a useful story?
00:50:56.599 --> 00:51:01.960
Maybe, probably not, but we don't question these stories ever.
00:51:02.440 --> 00:51:09.000
And so I love that because to me, the experience I had, it's very similar to the experience you had.
00:51:09.079 --> 00:51:16.599
And I also had the experience of feeling I was talking to some kind of universal intelligence, consciousness, or intelligence.
00:51:16.760 --> 00:51:21.559
It felt very personal and it felt like an immediate knowing.
00:51:21.639 --> 00:51:24.840
And this is the difference when you go through these processes.
00:51:25.239 --> 00:51:29.800
There's a difference between understanding something, believing something, and knowing something.
00:51:29.960 --> 00:51:31.559
And this is where the stories come in.
00:51:31.639 --> 00:51:39.559
You can understand a story, you can believe a story, but when you know a story, all of a sudden it becomes very real.
00:51:39.719 --> 00:51:50.119
And for those of you who've ever had this experience where you've read a book and it made no sense the first time, and you read the book again, and all of a sudden it's like, holy shit, that's not the book I read back then.
00:51:50.280 --> 00:51:51.400
Now I just get it.
00:51:51.480 --> 00:51:52.440
It's not an understanding.
00:51:52.519 --> 00:51:55.559
You read the book previously, you understood the words, right?
00:51:55.719 --> 00:51:59.000
But all of a sudden you just know this is what we're talking about.
00:51:59.239 --> 00:52:00.519
And so I love that.
00:52:00.599 --> 00:52:06.199
And I'm I'm curious because uh, Danny, you have not done any psychedelic experiences yet, or have you?
00:52:06.440 --> 00:52:07.000
He had one.
00:52:07.239 --> 00:52:08.360
It was okay.
00:52:08.519 --> 00:52:15.480
I did have one, and the voice in my head was uh what I felt, well, it felt like an hour I was thinking in a British accent.
00:52:15.639 --> 00:52:17.480
And it was an ancestor.
00:52:19.960 --> 00:52:24.440
Basically, like literally a British accent, but felt like forever was just talking to me.
00:52:24.519 --> 00:52:29.159
And it was like, Danny, I can't even do this shit, man.
00:52:29.320 --> 00:52:31.239
Like he was telling me he's from London.
00:52:31.320 --> 00:52:34.199
He said, Look, I'm way back in the ancestry.
00:52:34.440 --> 00:52:38.840
And uh, you know, he at first I was like, in my head, I'm like, this is fucking ridiculous.
00:52:39.079 --> 00:52:43.000
Okay, this is this is something that this is I'm never doing this again.
00:52:43.079 --> 00:52:44.519
This is a bizarre experience.
00:52:44.760 --> 00:52:50.199
One thing, there are two things that came out of it for me that I was like, all right, like uh let me try to lean into this a little bit.
00:52:50.360 --> 00:52:55.239
And uh one thing that my British ancestors said was that you're leaving too much on the table.
00:52:55.400 --> 00:52:56.679
Like, you gotta get in the arena.
00:52:56.760 --> 00:52:58.199
You're leaving too much on the table.
00:52:58.360 --> 00:53:00.920
You're not trying, you're leaving a lot of attention on the table.
00:53:01.000 --> 00:53:06.039
Like, I would encourage you to try, man, because pretty soon you're gonna be where we're we're all at, where we are all at, whoever we is.
00:53:06.119 --> 00:53:12.360
I guess all the rest of my British ancestors, which is gonna make my Irish father very upset.
00:53:12.599 --> 00:53:17.400
I'm sure he wanted that voice to be in a Gaelic language, but no, it was British.
00:53:17.480 --> 00:53:26.119
And then the second thing was just realizing um how little control I had in those moments was the larger lesson for me about like how little control you have in life.
00:53:26.280 --> 00:53:40.280
Like just it since that experience I have, uh I've been less I don't I would never say I was controlling, but like things just bothered me, me, little things that my wife did around the house, or I try to control like I would be irate when someone's like late for a Zoom meeting.
00:53:40.519 --> 00:53:42.280
And especially someone's perpetually late.
00:53:42.360 --> 00:53:45.239
Like all these little things that I can't control would really bother me.
00:53:45.320 --> 00:53:52.119
And since that experience, I've I seem to have let a lot of those things go and and relinquished a lot of at least this idea of control.
00:53:52.199 --> 00:53:53.000
So those are the two things.
00:53:53.159 --> 00:53:59.239
But yeah, the British accent was I didn't say he didn't say he was God, he said he was Tom from 1740.
00:53:59.639 --> 00:54:13.400
Is your uh uh you know, your experience was like uh I think set and setting, like uh where you do the experience and your mindset at the time of the experience makes has a huge impact on how things progress.
00:54:13.559 --> 00:54:17.000
And for you, it was just in your house and it was just kind of like, hey, let's try this out.
00:54:17.079 --> 00:54:19.079
And um Yeah, it was almost recreational.
00:54:19.320 --> 00:54:20.440
It was almost recreational.
00:54:20.519 --> 00:54:30.679
And so there's a different experience that you will have with that versus when you're like in Jamaica and surrounded by beautiful weather and by support of people who know what the hell they're doing.
00:54:30.760 --> 00:54:43.400
And and um uh and so so yeah, there there is a difference in the experience of you know how psychedelics work, depending upon both where you're doing it and your mindset at the time.
00:54:43.639 --> 00:54:58.360
But um yeah, and so I would um, you know, I I had a uh I did three experiences, three, three experiences the first time, and I just came back from another one where um uh where I also had an uh I had a very, very difficult experience.
00:54:58.440 --> 00:55:06.760
But maybe if people are interested in hearing this about you know our psychedelic uh uh journeys, uh maybe they can just uh get in touch with you, Jade, and let them let us know.
00:55:07.880 --> 00:55:17.960
The thing about telling psychedelic stories about what happens during a psychedelic experience is it is very personal and it almost makes no sense because it because it makes no sense.
00:55:18.119 --> 00:55:25.480
And um and it's almost not the thing that happens during the psychedelic experience that makes the impact on your life.
00:55:25.559 --> 00:55:41.400
It's the things that happen um outside after it's done that seem, at least in my experience, the time that I would call integration time, which is months after you know a psychedelic experience, uh, is so much more important.
00:55:41.559 --> 00:55:48.280
So much so where I'd say it's almost not important what happens during, it's what happens after that really makes a difference.
00:55:48.840 --> 00:55:49.239
100%.
00:55:49.559 --> 00:55:57.559
And I think you and I both know, and there's lots of people in this space who they just revisit this over and over and over again, doing one after the other, after the other, after the other.
00:55:57.639 --> 00:56:01.559
And then it's like that whole thing again where it's like, how's that working out for you?
00:56:01.719 --> 00:56:01.960
Right.
00:56:02.119 --> 00:56:07.400
Because it's that same thing where it's like you see these people who revisit this again and again.
00:56:07.480 --> 00:56:15.400
The way I look at psychedelics is taking a big boulder, dropping it into a giant pool of water, and it just the water is just moving.
00:56:15.480 --> 00:56:21.800
The default mode network for you scientists is becomes incredibly neuroplastic, changeable.
00:56:21.960 --> 00:56:23.320
It is very loosened.
00:56:23.400 --> 00:56:31.800
And by the way, from uh you probably know this, Danny, but the number one thing that we see changes and changes permanently after psychedelic experiences is you know what?
00:56:31.960 --> 00:56:39.400
Openness in the hexaco model or the big five, openness to experiences changes and remains permanently changed.
00:56:39.559 --> 00:56:42.920
But let me just say this, and then we can go where we want to go, or we can start ending it.
00:56:43.000 --> 00:56:47.320
For those of you who are wondering, you actually don't need psychedelics for this work.
00:56:47.400 --> 00:56:54.440
And I will say a couple things, and I want to see what Ray, because uh Ray and Danny and I haven't had this conversation uh yet between us.
00:56:54.519 --> 00:56:56.920
So you're you're hearing it for the first time here.
00:56:57.159 --> 00:57:02.199
But here's the way I look at this psychedelics can take you into gamma brainwave states.
00:57:02.440 --> 00:57:08.360
Gamma is sort of like that, you know, spiritual, you know, sort of uh sends you out into the giant electron, right?
00:57:08.599 --> 00:57:12.199
Like you're basically floating around in the universe, like picking up information.
00:57:12.440 --> 00:57:16.840
But from my perspective, for those of you who are looking, we're talking about personal transformation.
00:57:17.079 --> 00:57:20.599
Gamma is not really where the magic happens.
00:57:20.760 --> 00:57:22.840
The magic happens in theta states.
00:57:23.079 --> 00:57:26.280
Theta states are those liminal dream-like states.
00:57:26.360 --> 00:57:30.360
It's kind of like that lucid place between sleep and wakefulness.
00:57:30.519 --> 00:57:32.760
That's kind of where you want to get people to go.
00:57:32.920 --> 00:57:39.159
And you will be in that space a little bit in psychedelics, but psychedelics can take you sometimes way too far into gamma.
00:57:39.320 --> 00:57:46.039
And gamma is an amazing experience, but it's kind of like a dream that you know is amazing, but you can't remember all the parts of it.
00:57:46.280 --> 00:57:57.320
Theta is where you start to integrate a lot of the emotional processing, and that can be done through different types of breath work, uh, through different types of music.
00:57:57.480 --> 00:58:01.639
For example, in my events, what I'll do is we'll play particular types of music.
00:58:01.960 --> 00:58:14.920
We will do particular types of breath work, very specifically, a very intense breath work that puts you in a sympathetic state while you revisit a pattern or an emotion, or if you have a memory, a memory.
00:58:15.000 --> 00:58:24.119
And so we just go into this place, then we move into a very relaxing breath and a different type of intention where you essentially float in a lucid dream.
00:58:24.280 --> 00:58:29.159
So at next level human, we basically engineer the lucid dreaming state.
00:58:29.320 --> 00:58:31.000
It's theta-based.
00:58:31.239 --> 00:58:36.199
So it feels like some parts of a psychedelic journey, but not quite.
00:58:36.360 --> 00:58:39.079
And we don't actually want you to go into gamma.
00:58:39.239 --> 00:58:42.360
And for those of you who are interested in the science, Ray mentioned it.
00:58:42.519 --> 00:58:53.159
What it's doing specifically is your identity, which is essentially another way of saying all of your emotional holding patterns, belief structures, and stories live in the default mode network.
00:58:53.239 --> 00:58:54.360
That's your identity.
00:58:54.519 --> 00:58:56.039
They become loosened.
00:58:56.199 --> 00:58:59.159
The stories that you're living from bubble up to the surface.
00:58:59.320 --> 00:59:00.519
You can see them.
00:59:00.920 --> 00:59:08.039
And then you start to go, oh, I don't have to hold them this way, and they're not quite as useful as they once were.
00:59:08.280 --> 00:59:13.880
Then you come out of that, we do some journaling work to integrate it a little bit, and then you're off and on your way.
00:59:13.960 --> 00:59:18.519
And you really do not want to go right back into another experience to raise point.
00:59:18.840 --> 00:59:20.360
You want to let that sit.
00:59:20.599 --> 00:59:26.679
But this is the work that we're doing at next level human, and you do not need psychedelics for this.
00:59:27.880 --> 00:59:28.599
I love that.
00:59:28.679 --> 00:59:38.599
I I'm thinking, I'm wondering, Jade, if what happens after the psychedelic experience is while you're asleep and you're entering brief periods of theta state.
00:59:38.679 --> 00:59:43.400
And that's why you know the insights happen as they do in that integration phase.
00:59:43.480 --> 00:59:44.679
I'm wondering if that's what's going on.
00:59:44.760 --> 00:59:46.199
But uh Well, that's what I was thinking.
00:59:46.280 --> 00:59:48.920
When you told me you started up, I'll tell you, I think the same thing.
00:59:49.000 --> 00:59:51.400
And you when you were like, I came up and had this understanding.
00:59:51.639 --> 00:59:53.800
Isn't it interesting that after your journeys, right?
00:59:53.880 --> 00:59:55.639
You have this, you don't sleep well.
00:59:55.800 --> 01:00:03.639
You're in this sort of, you're in this sort of liminal space, and you and you are in theta a lot after.
01:00:03.800 --> 01:00:05.239
And you'll even be in the shower.
01:00:05.320 --> 01:00:11.079
I remember after an LSD journey, and all of mine like rays have been, they've all been uh ceremonies.
01:00:11.239 --> 01:00:13.480
Now I've never done any recreationally.
01:00:13.559 --> 01:00:19.320
So, but I was in, uh I haven't told you guys the story either, but I had this quote past life regression.
01:00:19.480 --> 01:00:21.079
I won't get into it because it doesn't matter.
01:00:21.159 --> 01:00:25.320
But the next morning I didn't sleep too well and I woke up and I was in the shower.
01:00:25.480 --> 01:00:29.559
So already not under the influence or whatever, you know, maybe it's still active.
01:00:29.639 --> 01:00:30.679
This was LSD, by the way.
01:00:30.920 --> 01:00:32.679
You woke up in the shower.
01:00:33.079 --> 01:00:53.880
I was I was in the shower and I did, you know, so and then I essentially saw, looked up into my shaving mirror and saw the saw the face of the guy that I was that I supposedly lived as a past life, and then I kind of woke up from like then I was like got lucid again, like conscious.
01:00:54.199 --> 01:01:02.519
And so when you heard, so I've had that where I was I was literally in a like a walking dream like state even after the the process was over.
01:01:02.760 --> 01:01:17.159
The these things are super interesting to talk about, but what it has to do with personal transformation is re-engineering these or engineering, not re-engineering, but engineering these moments of change.
01:01:17.239 --> 01:01:23.480
Like Danny talked about in the beginning about going to Colorado, that puts the default mode network in a different place.
01:01:23.639 --> 01:01:26.199
It's trying to grasp onto where's my identity?
01:01:26.360 --> 01:01:27.719
It's loosened a little bit.
01:01:27.880 --> 01:01:29.800
Psychedelics do that too.
01:01:29.960 --> 01:01:32.599
This breathwork process does that too.
01:01:32.840 --> 01:01:36.519
Suffering, suffering does that too.
01:01:36.760 --> 01:01:45.480
Because when someone you lose someone or you go through a financial crisis or your health scare or whatever, your identity can't grasp on to what it thought it was.
01:01:45.800 --> 01:01:53.559
This is why I think transformation happens in these moments that we all talked about, but it can actually be engineered.
01:01:53.639 --> 01:02:01.159
So I'll kind of leave it there and see what else you guys want to do or uh what you have to, you any thoughts you have, Danny, and then we can kind of end.
01:02:01.239 --> 01:02:03.559
But I think this is what makes this so interesting.
01:02:03.719 --> 01:02:10.360
There is a technology that the three of us are talking about that we can use to help people with personal transformation.
01:02:10.440 --> 01:02:20.039
And it's very, very different, very different than the current habit-based, info-based thing that the world is doing.
01:02:20.199 --> 01:02:22.360
And it works incredibly well.
01:02:23.559 --> 01:02:24.519
What would you say?
01:02:24.760 --> 01:02:39.960
What would you guys say the success rate, if you just if you're pulling numbers out of a hat, I know we probably don't know, but success rate of something, a transformation experience like this versus the success rate of someone who uh read and loved the book Atomic Habits, and they're like, I'm implementing all this stuff.
01:02:40.039 --> 01:02:41.559
What do you think those?
01:02:41.800 --> 01:02:46.519
Because I know you guys have worked crosshabits, I know you've worked some of these types of transformations.
01:02:46.599 --> 01:02:53.639
I'm just curious the the methodologies of these technologies that you speak of, what's their success rate comparatively?
01:02:54.199 --> 01:02:58.760
Yeah, I'll let I'll let uh Ray go after me, but I'll I to me I go like this.
01:02:59.079 --> 01:03:01.320
Can you read books and have it seep in?
01:03:01.480 --> 01:03:01.880
100%.
01:03:02.440 --> 01:03:03.400
It takes longer.
01:03:03.559 --> 01:03:07.719
I would say if you if I had to give a number, I don't know, because we don't have data on this necessarily.
01:03:07.800 --> 01:03:10.280
Well, we actually do in terms of success rates.
01:03:10.679 --> 01:03:17.320
Health and fitness success rates are uh less than 10%, 99% failure rates after three years.
01:03:17.480 --> 01:03:21.000
Uh in the financial realm, 80% uh failure rates.
01:03:21.159 --> 01:03:30.679
In the relationship realm, believe it or not, a lot of people don't know this, but in that realm, people fare a little bit better because they do therapy work a little bit more, but it's still 65% failure rates.
01:03:30.920 --> 01:03:33.400
So we don't have data on this new stuff, right?
01:03:33.480 --> 01:03:37.000
But I would say maybe 30% success rates for habit-based stuff.
01:03:37.159 --> 01:03:40.360
Maybe that's might maybe being generous, I've had to guess.
01:03:40.519 --> 01:03:43.239
And with this new stuff, I would say maybe 50%.
01:03:44.039 --> 01:03:46.199
Maybe, you know, like maybe 50 to 60%.
01:03:46.679 --> 01:03:56.440
Uh, I don't want people to sit here and think like we're tapping into something very brand new, and I'm seeing some pretty powerful things, but I wouldn't say that we're still maybe at 50%.
01:03:56.760 --> 01:03:59.320
I think maybe better for me, maybe it's 60-40.
01:03:59.719 --> 01:04:01.559
Still a lot of people fail.
01:04:01.880 --> 01:04:06.599
But to me, it's it's much more successful and it takes uh a shorter period of time.
01:04:06.679 --> 01:04:08.760
But let me just say this what's shorter period of time?
01:04:08.920 --> 01:04:11.400
Let's say six months to a year.
01:04:11.719 --> 01:04:16.039
It's not like immediate, but it it is there is a lot of change there.
01:04:16.119 --> 01:04:17.880
I'm wondering what Ray has to say on this.
01:04:18.119 --> 01:04:23.079
I, you know, I've met a lot of people using Atomic Habits as a great example because it was a very, very successful book.
01:04:23.159 --> 01:04:29.239
I've met a lot of people who said I read Atomic Habits and it was uh an amazing read.
01:04:29.400 --> 01:04:38.920
And I've I don't think I've met a single person who said I've I've read Atomic Habits and it completely changed my life and made me a millionaire or extremely successful.
01:04:39.239 --> 01:04:39.480
100%.
01:04:39.880 --> 01:04:57.639
So I think I think the problem with that though is that um so uh weight loss is a really great example because if we implement a strategy with weight loss, let's say we we take somebody and we say, okay, you know, your problem is you have uh you you eat too many carbs.
01:04:57.719 --> 01:05:05.800
So we put them on a low carb program, they uh step on the scale uh you know a week later, and the scale has lost two pounds.
01:05:06.039 --> 01:05:26.119
They, in their mind, because of the way the industry works and the way most self-development industry works, is we say, okay, well, the reason you know your weight right now is is a um is uh essentially caused by the strategies you implemented the week before, and you've lost two pounds.
01:05:26.199 --> 01:05:36.760
But the reality is their weight at that very moment is a culmination of every decision they've made in their entire life up to that moment.
01:05:37.480 --> 01:05:45.159
And so making one little change like cutting cutting carbs is like a drop in the ocean.
01:05:45.400 --> 01:05:55.400
And so, and that's one reason why that two pounds that they lost is not, you know, is not indicative of their weight loss moving forward.
01:05:55.639 --> 01:06:09.000
That eventually what'll happen is it'll level out and it'll reverse because the weight that that's happening on the scale is not due to the the changes or the choices you've made over the last month or three months or year.
01:06:09.239 --> 01:06:32.440
It's a that weight that's on that scale is a is a culmination of every decision you've made in your entire life, including the person you decided to marry, including the um the um the eight bowls of fruity pebbles you had as a child, you know, uh 20 years before, including the job you decided to get into the uh six months ago.
01:06:32.599 --> 01:06:36.760
And that's what's showing up in that moment on the scale.
01:06:36.920 --> 01:06:49.000
So you've got to give yourself a lot of grace because uh when you make a deposit, including whatever deposit you make from the book Atomic Habits, it's a drop in the ocean.
01:06:49.159 --> 01:06:56.199
And there will eventually probably become a point where those drops become a significant impact or have a significant impact.
01:06:56.360 --> 01:07:08.599
So when you read a book like Atomic Habits, it enters into the ocean of all the knowledge that you've that you've uh accumulated in your lifetime, and it can make a significant impact when combined with everything else you've learned in your life.
01:07:08.760 --> 01:07:22.280
So all you got to do is say, okay, this is could this is contributing, uh, but you got to give yourself grace because I always tell people, you know, your job is not to lose weight, or I work a lot with people with osteoporosis now, bone loss.
01:07:22.360 --> 01:07:24.760
And I say, your job is not to reverse.
01:07:25.159 --> 01:07:26.199
Reverse bone loss.
01:07:26.360 --> 01:07:29.000
Your job is to get in the gym and exercise.
01:07:29.159 --> 01:07:30.679
Your job is to eat the right foods.
01:07:30.840 --> 01:07:32.599
Your job is to take the supplements.
01:07:32.840 --> 01:07:37.239
How much bone you gain or how much weight you lose is up to the weight loss gods.
01:07:37.320 --> 01:07:39.559
It's up to the osteoporosis gods.
01:07:39.719 --> 01:07:46.199
Your job is just to do your part and continue to grow, be a little bit more healthy this week than you were the week before.
01:07:46.440 --> 01:07:49.800
And eventually you'll get the results that you're after.
01:07:49.960 --> 01:07:52.760
But it may not come in your timeline.
01:07:52.920 --> 01:07:56.679
It comes in the timeline of the weight loss gods of the osteoporosis gods.
01:07:57.000 --> 01:08:01.559
So I think that we need to continue to develop ourselves.
01:08:01.800 --> 01:08:18.520
We need to continue to learn and to and to um study materials like atomic habits with the idea or the thought process that this is adding to my ocean of information and knowledge that will one day potentially culminate in an outcome that I'm after.
01:08:18.680 --> 01:08:20.199
Just give yourself some grace.
01:08:20.360 --> 01:08:21.399
It's not up to you guys.
01:08:21.479 --> 01:08:29.960
It's not up to you whether or not you quit smoking or you um or you lose weight or you, you know, enter goal here.
01:08:30.280 --> 01:08:35.399
It's uh the only thing that's up to you is what you do in this moment and the moment, the moments moving forward.
01:08:35.559 --> 01:08:38.039
So that's how I would answer that question.
01:08:38.119 --> 01:08:41.319
I'd say, yes, it's important that we continue to grow and learn.
01:08:41.479 --> 01:08:58.440
Uh no, one book, one piece of one insight, one piece of knowledge is probably not going to change your life right now, but it adds to all the things that culminate in a life that you will have, you know, a month or a year or 10 years from now.
01:08:58.920 --> 01:08:59.399
I love that.
01:08:59.479 --> 01:09:01.719
It reminds me of your rain your reign thing, right?
01:09:01.880 --> 01:09:02.920
That you'd like to say as well.
01:09:03.000 --> 01:09:06.680
It's like do do your part and then sort of detach from the outcome.
01:09:06.760 --> 01:09:07.559
I like that a lot.
01:09:07.719 --> 01:09:09.800
And we've we've talked about that privately as well.
01:09:09.960 --> 01:09:16.360
I'll I'll just share real quickly that we do have, we Jade and I built in the health and fitness realm a coaching program.
01:09:16.440 --> 01:09:21.079
We do have numbers on that to know exactly how effective this habit training was.
01:09:21.239 --> 01:09:25.319
We basically were using the tools from atomic habits.
01:09:25.559 --> 01:09:27.000
We were trying to change people's habits.
01:09:27.079 --> 01:09:34.840
And what we found is maybe the coaches on the lower end of performance, if you want to call it that, they were succeeding about 25% of the time.
01:09:34.920 --> 01:09:37.559
And when I say succeeding, I'm just talking about the short term.
01:09:37.800 --> 01:09:42.920
Did that person stay in a program for 12 weeks and did they get positive results?
01:09:43.000 --> 01:09:43.640
That's a success.
01:09:43.880 --> 01:09:51.159
We're talking three months, and we know if you were to follow up with those people a year later, most of those probably would have regained the weight and probably a little bit more.
01:09:51.319 --> 01:09:53.880
So we're talking short-term success rates at 25%.
01:09:54.439 --> 01:09:58.199
The best coaches we had were high 30s, 35 to 40%.
01:09:58.760 --> 01:10:04.119
And they were really good at all these elements of coaching from that from my four motivational dolls.
01:10:04.199 --> 01:10:05.239
They were great at connection.
01:10:05.399 --> 01:10:09.399
They were great teachers of information, they were good at implementing systems of habits.
01:10:09.560 --> 01:10:17.880
So even the best coaches we had back in that program, Jay, doing these sort of habit-based approaches, we're only succeeding about a third of the time with our clients.
01:10:17.960 --> 01:10:27.159
So I know there's a lot of different factors that go into that, but we know we have, we do have sort of practical data from putting hundreds of people through through that system and what that turned out was.
01:10:27.319 --> 01:10:44.439
Yeah, and you know, you and I, I haven't talked to you about this, Danny, but you know, part of the reason I, when I uh when metabolic kind of fell apart and stuff, is that part of the reason I went through to next level human is because I I thought to myself, me and Danny built, like I literally thought this, and it was a little bit depressing in the beginning.
01:10:44.520 --> 01:10:50.600
I was like, me and Danny built probably the best coaching model that I could have possibly ever created.
01:10:51.159 --> 01:10:58.199
And it had marginal impact in terms of uh what we would have hoped.
01:10:58.279 --> 01:11:03.239
And we did everything from giving them the workouts to giving them, we thought of every aspect.
01:11:03.720 --> 01:11:09.560
And it's not that I was not aware of this work because I had already been studying a lot of what I'm delivering now.
01:11:09.720 --> 01:11:12.920
Uh, it's just that for some reason, you know, there's too much.
01:11:13.000 --> 01:11:13.960
We couldn't get it in.
01:11:14.119 --> 01:11:22.199
And I was just like, it's time because that stuff just did not deliver what we wanted it to deliver.
01:11:22.359 --> 01:11:32.119
And I am convinced that, and I want to study this obviously, because I do want the data, that uh this new stuff is much, much better.
01:11:32.199 --> 01:11:37.159
And to kind of just sum it up in what Ray was saying to me, I go, I that's what I say too.
01:11:37.319 --> 01:11:39.239
Now people ask me, will you work with me on diet?
01:11:39.319 --> 01:11:41.239
I'm like, no, but I will work with you on your story.
01:11:41.319 --> 01:11:45.000
You don't need to follow a diet, you need to live a different story.
01:11:45.159 --> 01:11:49.479
And in that new story, your diet is almost certainly to change.
01:11:49.800 --> 01:11:54.119
But right now, for most people, uh, they're not really buying into that.
01:11:54.199 --> 01:11:55.720
And this is another whole dilemma.
01:11:55.800 --> 01:11:57.000
The three of us will talk about.
01:11:57.159 --> 01:12:01.159
You're, you know, me and Ray, this is kind of the curse of me and Ray in our work.
01:12:01.399 --> 01:12:03.960
Ray and I are always on to the next thing.
01:12:04.119 --> 01:12:11.399
Both of us, we're always, we're always looking ahead and being like, this isn't good enough because we're both very uh Ray is this way and I'm this way.
01:12:11.479 --> 01:12:13.399
We're very conscientious practitioners.
01:12:13.560 --> 01:12:15.479
So we just go, not working good enough.
01:12:15.640 --> 01:12:17.479
Back to the drawing board, right?
01:12:17.640 --> 01:12:21.000
And because of that, we're always way ahead of the curve.
01:12:21.159 --> 01:12:27.720
I I wrote a book on hormones back in 19, uh, what it was like first thought of it in '98.
01:12:27.960 --> 01:12:31.159
It came out in 2010, right?
01:12:31.319 --> 01:12:33.640
That's how long ago I was doing with hormones.
01:12:33.720 --> 01:12:37.079
Today, people are talking about hormones and nervous system stuff.
01:12:37.239 --> 01:12:43.239
And I have long ago been like, that's old stuff, but that's also part of the dilemma.
01:12:43.479 --> 01:12:50.680
Because to for someone to live a different story, they have to look around and go, who else is living this story?
01:12:51.000 --> 01:12:53.640
No one else is, so I don't want to be the one, right?
01:12:53.720 --> 01:12:55.640
So there's a whole component of that as well.
01:12:55.800 --> 01:12:58.920
So yeah, it's fascinating, um, fascinating stuff.
01:12:59.000 --> 01:13:03.479
But I think this is probably um a good place to to go ahead and end.
01:13:03.560 --> 01:13:06.279
But why don't you, Danny, tell everyone where they can find you?
01:13:06.439 --> 01:13:09.560
Um, and Ray, you do the same, and then we can wrap up.
01:13:09.800 --> 01:13:11.560
Yeah, I think Ray might have had some final thoughts.
01:13:11.720 --> 01:13:12.279
I saw him with the.
01:13:12.439 --> 01:13:12.840
Go ahead, Ray.
01:13:13.079 --> 01:13:15.880
Yeah, let's not lean, let's not uh let's not end on me.
01:13:16.039 --> 01:13:16.760
Let's end on you.
01:13:16.840 --> 01:13:17.800
Let's end on you.
01:13:18.039 --> 01:13:18.840
You get the final word.
01:13:21.319 --> 01:13:21.640
Okay.
01:13:21.880 --> 01:13:31.560
And uh uh so um uh years ago, my father, uh, who was also a wonderful, wonderful human being, was uh he fell ill and was in the emergency room.
01:13:31.720 --> 01:13:34.039
And um, and we were there kind of surrounding him.
01:13:34.119 --> 01:13:38.920
He was he was in his probably his 70s at the time, and uh he got some sort of infection.
01:13:39.000 --> 01:13:41.560
And anyway, the doctor walks in and the doctor says, Mr.
01:13:41.640 --> 01:13:44.680
Heinish, he says, Um, I have a question I need to ask you.
01:13:44.840 --> 01:13:46.359
Would you like a DNR?
01:13:46.600 --> 01:13:50.039
And he's like, you know, in his, he was uh kind of in and out of stuff.
01:13:50.119 --> 01:13:51.319
He's like, Well, what is that?
01:13:51.399 --> 01:13:53.960
And the doctor said, that's a do not resuscitate order.
01:13:54.039 --> 01:13:58.760
So if you were to die, we would not try to uh bring you back.
01:13:59.079 --> 01:14:15.000
My father, who uh was in love with life, uh reached up, I'll never forget it, reached up with a little bit of energy he had, grabbed the doctor by the white coat, pulled himself up to the doctor's face and said, I want to live.
01:14:15.880 --> 01:14:18.520
And then he dropped back down and fell asleep.
01:14:19.560 --> 01:14:22.119
Fast forward, okay, this is like it's funny.
01:14:22.520 --> 01:14:28.279
Fast forward, uh uh, this was probably a couple years later, and I was on a date.
01:14:28.520 --> 01:14:41.479
Uh uh, it was like uh second date, and we were at a wine bar and um and I was having a conversation, and first I don't know how I got on the topic because it's second date, not good father for, but I anyway, you know, we we we go deep, Jade.
01:14:42.039 --> 01:14:43.479
Yeah, we go deep, 100% we do.
01:14:43.560 --> 01:14:46.439
Yeah, it's like second date's fair game for me too.
01:14:47.479 --> 01:14:55.159
So I was telling her this story about my father, and I told her the story, so he reached up and he and and he said, I want to live.
01:14:55.239 --> 01:14:56.600
And she started to cry.
01:14:56.680 --> 01:15:03.960
And I'm thinking, God, if I had a nickel for every time a girl on a date cried with me, I would be a very wicked man.
01:15:04.760 --> 01:15:08.520
And I said, I said, I'm sorry, why why are you crying?
01:15:08.760 --> 01:15:23.079
And she said, This is this is this is she said years ago, my father was also in the emergency room, and I was there with him, and he was an alcoholic.
01:15:23.800 --> 01:15:29.479
And uh the doctor comes in and she says to him, Do you want a DNR?
01:15:30.279 --> 01:15:32.520
Do you want a do not resuscitate order?
01:15:32.920 --> 01:15:38.520
And my father looked at the doctor square in the face and said, I want to die.
01:15:39.800 --> 01:15:42.920
I thought, wow, yeah, wow.
01:15:43.560 --> 01:15:55.880
If that isn't ex isn't an example of how the stories we tell ourselves impact our behavior and our lives, I don't think that anything is.
01:15:56.359 --> 01:16:03.079
I mean, that to me just blew me away, like the the contrast between those two stories.
01:16:03.479 --> 01:16:07.399
My father's story was life is freaking wonderful.
01:16:07.560 --> 01:16:13.640
And he had his problems, he had neuropathy, he was overweight, he had heart disease, but man, he loved life.
01:16:13.800 --> 01:16:20.119
And this guy, you know, uh this poor soul was uh in torment and torture.
01:16:20.359 --> 01:16:24.600
And the stories he was telling himself were leading to that torment and that torture.
01:16:25.000 --> 01:16:27.399
And it just it just really blew me away.
01:16:27.479 --> 01:16:37.000
And I think I hope that people will listen to that story and understand just how powerful the stories are that we tell ourselves.
01:16:37.319 --> 01:16:43.239
It is arguably the most important thing that you can narrate in your life is the stories you tell yourself.
01:16:43.399 --> 01:16:45.000
I'm sure Jay would agree.
01:16:45.640 --> 01:16:46.520
Thousand percent.
01:16:46.680 --> 01:16:49.079
And I love that so much.
01:16:49.239 --> 01:16:52.359
And I would just add that it's in the subconscious.
01:16:52.520 --> 01:16:54.279
And so we're not even aware of these.
01:16:54.359 --> 01:16:57.239
And that's why this work is so critical.
01:16:57.880 --> 01:16:58.439
Love it.
01:16:58.600 --> 01:16:59.960
So, Ray, where do they find you?
01:17:00.039 --> 01:17:02.600
And then Danny, where do they where do they find you?
01:17:03.399 --> 01:17:05.880
So, right now I'm trying to build a YouTube channel.
01:17:06.039 --> 01:17:08.279
I have no videos, zero videos on it.
01:17:08.359 --> 01:17:14.359
Uh, but it's uh it's uh youtube.com slash uh one insight away or at one insight away.
01:17:14.520 --> 01:17:16.840
If you guys, I got eight eight subscribers on there.
01:17:17.000 --> 01:17:20.279
If uh uh you guys can uh are I'm going to subscribe.
01:17:20.359 --> 01:17:24.680
Yeah, this type of you know, fodder, then uh go and subscribe.
01:17:24.840 --> 01:17:26.520
So at one insight away.
01:17:26.760 --> 01:17:27.479
Yeah, you got it.
01:17:27.560 --> 01:17:29.880
Yeah, and you know, and I love this too before you go, Danny.
01:17:30.119 --> 01:17:32.359
Ray, Ray is always this one other thing I love.
01:17:32.439 --> 01:17:37.239
He's always building a business, always, you know, on and he's an incredible content creator.
01:17:37.399 --> 01:17:41.000
So one insight away on YouTube for Ray.
01:17:41.479 --> 01:17:45.479
You are an incredible content creator, and that's why I'm wondering where all your videos went, man.
01:17:45.560 --> 01:17:48.119
You know, probably on a neighbor's video of all yeah.
01:17:48.199 --> 01:17:54.279
My favorite video of all time is when you have that huge piece of fat where you was flinging around the video.
01:17:55.800 --> 01:17:58.039
This is 10 pounds of fat.
01:17:59.560 --> 01:18:00.600
It's a classic.
01:18:00.760 --> 01:18:02.119
Look at how close it is.
01:18:03.239 --> 01:18:04.279
You erased all the way.
01:18:04.520 --> 01:18:05.560
Look at look at this.
01:18:06.359 --> 01:18:07.560
That's a fantastic video.
01:18:07.720 --> 01:18:09.560
We'll have to we'll have to pull that out of the archives.
01:18:09.720 --> 01:18:19.640
But uh, yeah, I love Jay uh Ray's Ray's videos, but mine is I'm on I'm in the middle of a rebrand, so I'm I'm lost in internet space, but you can find me on Substack.
01:18:19.720 --> 01:18:21.000
I'm hot on Substack right now.
01:18:21.159 --> 01:18:21.960
Uh Danny Coleman.
01:18:22.199 --> 01:18:23.960
Take care by Danny Coleman on Substack.
01:18:24.119 --> 01:18:26.119
Yeah, and Ray is also on Substack.
01:18:26.199 --> 01:18:37.159
Um I'm trying to get both of these guys on Substack for all so all of you on Substack who are listening and really enjoying my time with them, please go follow and subscribe to them on Substack.
01:18:37.319 --> 01:18:41.960
I think they have free subscriptions there, but go and uh give them some love.
01:18:42.119 --> 01:18:43.239
Anyway, I love you boys.
01:18:43.319 --> 01:18:44.199
Thanks for hanging out.
01:18:44.359 --> 01:18:49.720
Um just hang on real quick so I before you two hang up, because I want to make sure this loads up for the podcast as well.
01:18:49.880 --> 01:18:52.199
But to all of you hanging out with us live, appreciate you.
01:18:52.279 --> 01:18:53.239
We will talk to you next time.