WEBVTT
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Okay, one, two, three, here we go.
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A little bit of a different angle situation.
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If you are watching, I don't really know what's happening, but we are gonna do it.
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I have had support on my mind a lot lately.
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And before we start this episode, I think there's an important distinction that I hadn't thought about much before.
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Caring about someone and supporting someone are not the same thing.
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They're obviously connected, but caring is a feeling.
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You love someone, you worry about them, you want good things for them, you're happy when they're happy, you're sad when they're sad.
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That's caring.
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Support is what you do with that care.
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Support is an action.
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Showing up, making the phone call, remembering the thing, buying the merch, taking the kids for a few hours.
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It's sitting next to somebody when there's absolutely nothing you can do to fix what's happening, or telling your friend that you're proud of her while she's still on the path of getting to where she's going.
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And I think sometimes we can confuse the two of those.
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We think, of course, she knows I support her, like I love her.
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But does she?
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Can she feel it?
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Because you can really care about somebody and still not be very good at showing up for them.
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And that's not necessarily because you're a bad friend or a bad person or anything, especially right now in this phase that we're in, we're all busy, right?
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We're all caring a lot.
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Sometimes we can be so buried in our own lives that we're caring about people who are down the street from us while taking three to five business days to answer their text.
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Like I get that.
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But I really keep coming back to caring is how you feel about your people, and support is how your people feel your care.
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I mean, it doesn't seem that crazy, but I went to Nashville a few weeks ago for a friend's grant opening.
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And I'm not telling you this to get a medal.
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You might have seen it on the old Instagram.
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That was clear support, like showing up for your friends when they're building something.
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But I was at Quilt Camp this last weekend and I realized that support and this whole thing is just like so much bigger than that.
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And I think I always thought the village, the village that we have was something you needed to get through at a certain stage.
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And now, I mean, you need like a village forever.
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Like that's like the point of a village.
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It just keeps changing who's holding who.
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And maybe selfishly, I'm always thinking about who I need or on a smaller scale, like what the people around me need.
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But again, it is so much bigger than that.
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I think I first heard about the village when I became a mom.
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Like it applies to one particular stage of life.
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Like when the kids are little, can mom take a nap?
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Someone brings over dinner, someone sits and folds the laundry while you're nursing your baby.
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But then your kids get older, you get older, and somehow we're supposed to need everybody less.
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I don't think that's what happens at all.
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I think that the village changes because have you talked to literally anybody lately?
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Everyone is tapped.
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There's just like a lot of life happening all the time.
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And being with my family this weekend, I had a little eye-opener that this feeling that we're having right now, it never changes.
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Like my newly retired aunts, they have like the same stories and the same feelings.
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They're just living in different chapters.
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And I even said to them, I'm like, well, but like, what do you mean?
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Like your house is a mess.
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Like you don't have kids like around.
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And I wasn't knocking, I was like, we were literally having a conversation.
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I'm like, you don't have somebody who leaves, you know, one sock here at one sock, like a little trail everywhere they go.
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But it wasn't about that because their lives are filled with different things right now.
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And all of that stuff piles on too.
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The people in our corner matter.
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Like it can be as small as today.
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You need someone to drive your kid to practice because you can't physically be in three places at once.
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Maybe you need somebody to take something off your plate without asking you to make another decision about what they can take off your plate.
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You don't want to like need somebody to do that.
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You just like want somebody to do that for you.
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Or maybe you're looking for that friend who remembers that you had an appointment that day.
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Or sometimes you need somebody to sit next to you while you're figuring out what's going on with one of your parents.
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Because keep saying the same thing.
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Our parents are getting older.
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And if you're lucky enough to still have grandparents, they are also getting older.
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And suddenly there's all these new conversations happening in our families and in our circles.
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There's an emotional toll to this stage of life that I don't think I fully understood until I was in it.
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I mean, I keep saying the same things I know you guys, but it's just like full force what's like in the front of my mind all the time right now.
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And the village did not disappear.
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The village grew up with us.
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You think about it like that.
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I'm the first to admit every single day that I need my mom, like every day, every hour.
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Unfortunately, I don't have that luxury anymore.
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But we never stop needing people or wanting to feel supported in life, but it changes in every stage of the game.
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Obviously, support looks very different throughout our lives.
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And the stage that you're in, sometimes it is incredibly serious.
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And sometimes it's supporting your friend through a really bad haircut.
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Have you ever had to support your friend when they've gotten a bad haircut?
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Like honestly, it might be the highest level of friendship support ever.
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And I was thinking about this and it brought me back to college.
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I gotta tell you this story.
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I was in like this hair show.
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I don't know, somebody asked me to do this hair show.
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And the way they cut my hair, it was like super high in the back.
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This is like 2006, remember?
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Okay, so they cut it.
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It was like so high in the back and like textured, feathered, maybe was what it was called.
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But then it came down and it was still like long in the front.
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So like no hair in the back and long in the front.
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And when I tell you that, I was like, what am I, what am I supposed to do with this?
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I was like crying.
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And I think I forgot about this until right now.
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But my college roommate, if you're listening to this, she woke me up at like 7 a.m.
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And she's like, I got you a haircut, the place opens, or whatever time it was, 8 a.m.
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Like it was early.
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And she woke me up.
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She booked me a haircut, and I literally like I had chin, like my hair was cut up to my chin because it had to be so short to like go with the back.
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But that support was unmatched for what was happening in my life right then because you could be like, it's just a haircut, but at the time it was like everything.
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And she showed up and she took action and I felt it.
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So thank you for that.
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And I gotta find that picture because like a wild times, but that's kind of the point, right?
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Like support looks a hundred different ways throughout your life.
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You know, from like friends helping friends, moving apartments and organizing your like new apartment to bringing dinner when you have a newborn baby, to I'm gonna take your kids, like go handle what you need to handle, to showing up at the hospital and like sitting in those conversations that nobody wants to be like having.
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And sometimes it's just really like saying, asking somebody, like, how are you doing with all of this?
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And when they say fine, you ask them again, like, no, really, how are you doing?
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And I know that's why I love the show up people so much, because support isn't doesn't just fit into this like little bubble.
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Sometimes it's serious, sometimes it's emotional, sometimes it doesn't fit into your schedule, but you do it anyway.
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Sometimes it's just driving across the state to meet for breakfast because we both need this.
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And sometimes it's literally just tapping that hard on Instagram or commenting the fire sign.
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Obviously, you guys, those things are not the same.
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I'm not comparing an Instagram like to showing up at the hospital, but I think the instinct underneath them is the same.
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It's I see you.
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This matters to you, so it matters to me.
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And I think that's where I was originally going with this episode because there's been this whole conversation online lately about supporting your friends and when they're building something and like the post, share the business.
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It's not that hard.
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Buy the thing, tell somebody about it, and listen, throw a little like on there.
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You've watched all the stories, but never give any feedback on anything.
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So are you either just like a researcher or like a hater?
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I don't know.
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But jokes aside, I do think there's something about that because we are really good at congratulating people once something works, but we're not always good at encouraging them while they're trying to make it work.
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And there's a really big difference.
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This is not gonna be five ways to support your friends.
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It's not a checklist.
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I think it's just a much simpler question.
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Are we showing up for our people?
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And probably more importantly, do they know it?
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Okay, long intro there, you guys, but welcome back to navigating between the lines.
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I'm Maggie Fowl, your host.
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And I do like to think of myself as like a pipe girl, if I can be like one I want to be.
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I think one of the greatest things that you can do for somebody that you love is believe in what they're doing before there's any proof that you should.
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Before the grand opening, before the followers, before the business makes money, before the podcast has thousands of listeners, before anybody else thinks it's cool.
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Because that is when people need you.
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Not when the room is already full, when there are six people in it.
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And I've experienced this more than once in my life.
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Years ago, when I started my bridal store, I don't even think we had an Instagram at that time.
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Like, who knows?
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Support obviously looked different.
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It was word of mouth.
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It was my engaged friends buying their dresses from me, family members, family members driving from hours away because it's family and that's what we do.
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It was somebody telling another bride, you have to go see Maggie or you have to go to the store.
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It was people walking through the door because somebody they trusted had told them about it.
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And I remember that.
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I remember the people who talked about my business like when I wasn't there.
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I remember the people who spent their money there.
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I still see my OG brides, and I hold those people in really high regard for that reason only.
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I was lucky to have a lot of people who wanted it to work because they wanted me to succeed.
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And now I feel like I'm kind of on the other side of that again with this podcast, which it is completely different than building a business because then I had something tangible to sell.
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And now I'm here, like, here's my perspective and my dear diary, like of my life.
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I hope you like it.
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Um, but I'm still posting about it, trying things.
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I watch things flop.
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I get excited when something finally works or somebody like really loves an episode.
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But putting yourself out there publicly, like yourself out there publicly or on social media, it teaches you very quickly that there is a difference between people who are watching you and people who are rooting for you.
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Which that does bring me to like the watchers.
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Listen, I was talking to someone about this the other day, and she's like, Well, but I like never like your stories.
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And I was like, Okay, but you respond and you text and you engage with me about it.
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It's just like on my personal stories, like the same thing because some people know a lot about the people they watch, where someone went on vacation, where they had lunch this week, maybe even if their kid is on a travel team, you are consuming minutes of other people's lives, but you will not tap that little heart or say anything about it.
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And why?
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Like half of me is like, are you are you a hater?
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Like just admit you're a hater.
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And the other half of me is like, Maggie, like it's just Instagram.
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Nobody cares.
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Because the reality is nobody owes anybody any engagement.
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That's not what I'm saying.
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But I do think it's worth asking ourselves, why are we sometimes more comfortable watching somebody try than letting them know that we are rooting for them?
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Support comes in the form of actions.
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And this is why Post Malone wrote the song, congratulations.
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Anyway, am I in a mood today?
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I don't know.
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Okay, next up, if you follow me on Instagram, I just talked about how we need to retire the phrase, let me know if you need anything.
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Because no one is ever going to be laying in the trenches on the bathroom floor going, Who am I gonna reach out to to ask for help for today?
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If you see your friend going through something, this is advice.
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I will stand behind a hill I will die on.
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Just do something.
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Drop off the dinner, send some snacks, send flowers if you want, go over and clean the garage.
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Just literally do anything.
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At some point, support has to become a verb.
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Because whether somebody is going through something hard, any range of hard, starting something new, going through something really exciting, I think what we're all looking for is some version of the same thing.
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And it's don't just tell me you're here.
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Let me feel that you're here.
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And listen, time and money are not infinite resources.
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Support doesn't have to cost a lot of money or take your entire Saturday when you don't have it.
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Sometimes the most supportive thing somebody does takes 30 seconds.
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I gotta tell you, and I think I've told you guys this before, but my dad sends me a heart emoji every single day.
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Every day since my mother died over four years ago.
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The first thing he does every day is sends me that heart emoji.
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And it tells me, and you can be like, it's just a heart emoji, but it's like an unspoken he sees me and it means everything.
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And having unspoken support like that is everything in the world.
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Everybody loves a check-in text.
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Okay, just take two seconds and send it about whatever they've got going on.
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And most of the time, it's just remembering like the important dates, right?
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Like the anniversary, the birthdays, how did it go this weekend?
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Did you survive?
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And guess what?
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I scheduled happy hour on Wednesday.
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So, like meet you there.
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Taking something off somebody's plate and then just doing the thing for somebody without having them have to ask you, it's never gonna go unappreciated.
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I promise you that.
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Just show them that you see what they've got going on.
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Because being seen in the middle of your life, whatever the middle looks like right now, matters more than I think we realize.
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And this might be the part that I feel the strongest about.
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I think we got to stop making people feel embarrassed for wanting something more.
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This is a complete society thing right now.
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I think we've gotten so weird about ambition.
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Like somebody starts posting online and oh, it's that's so cringe.
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Somebody starts a podcast.
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It's like, oh, what's she gonna talk about?
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Somebody wants to write a book, but like, are they a writer?
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Says they're gonna go do something like a ultra marathon or something.
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And everybody kind of watches to see if it's gonna work out before deciding how seriously they're gonna take it.
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And I think, I think like I hate that.
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Like, I think I'm just like over it.
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Like, let people care, let people do whatever they want to do because maybe it's like making them happy and maybe it's part of a bigger situation that they're going through.
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Sometimes people putting themselves out there helps them get to like the next level of like where they need to go.
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It's like about the journey, right?
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Like it's about the journey.
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It's part of the process because you know what takes way more courage than sitting back and deciding whether somebody else's dream is embarrassing or not?
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Trying, putting your name on something and saying, I made this or I want to do this.
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I'm gonna see what happens.
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That is vulnerable and scary.
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And I think the people that we love deserve somewhere they don't have to pretend that they don't care.
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They deserve people around them who don't make them shrink the thing because it hasn't worked out yet.
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And I think we could all take a little note from the person in my life who does this better than almost anybody.
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And that would be Chloe.
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Chloe's energy over everything.
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You know, who is not worried about being cringe?
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It's Chloe.
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She is a number one fan, she's a number one supporter.
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She buys the merch, she wears it, she talks about it.
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She'll tell anybody who's like wants to listen about things.
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She's like sitting out here right now.
00:19:15.039 --> 00:19:22.480
She keeps like interrupting me, but she'll tell anybody, like, oh, my mom has a podcast, and she'll say things to me like, wow, mom, you should be so proud of yourself.
00:19:22.640 --> 00:19:27.359
And every time she does, I'm like, Chloe, you are so sweet.
00:19:27.680 --> 00:19:29.599
I love you, but you know what it is?
00:19:29.759 --> 00:19:32.160
But it's because she's just like being supportive.
00:19:32.240 --> 00:19:34.319
She's not checking the download numbers first.
00:19:34.480 --> 00:19:39.440
She just sees her mom doing something that she cares about and she thinks that's really cool.
00:19:39.680 --> 00:19:48.000
Imagine if we kept a little more of that as adults before we learned to play it cool or before we decided that enthusiasm was embarrassing.
00:19:48.400 --> 00:19:51.440
Your friends putting themselves out there, like, yeah, that's my friend.
00:19:51.519 --> 00:19:52.720
Look at how cool she is.
00:19:52.960 --> 00:19:54.640
She wrote something, I'm reading it.
00:19:54.799 --> 00:19:56.640
I got a friend who's written a book.
00:19:56.799 --> 00:19:58.400
I've got it signed.
00:19:58.960 --> 00:20:01.759
Tell me where I can buy your stuff.
00:20:02.000 --> 00:20:02.319
Okay.
00:20:02.960 --> 00:20:04.559
You did something that you're proud of.
00:20:04.720 --> 00:20:10.720
Like, you should be so proud of yourself because most people don't even try.
00:20:11.039 --> 00:20:11.680
That's it.
00:20:11.839 --> 00:20:13.599
It's like that energy only.
00:20:13.759 --> 00:20:17.680
And I think when I like dial it down, support really could be that simple.
00:20:17.920 --> 00:20:20.079
Stop worrying about whether it's cool to clap or not.
00:20:20.160 --> 00:20:22.000
Like Chloe's already clapping.
00:20:22.240 --> 00:20:26.160
And this isn't just about support for starting a business or building a dream.
00:20:26.319 --> 00:20:34.720
Every single day, the people around us are facing fears, nervous for the step that they're about to take, another day of figuring it out.
00:20:34.880 --> 00:20:38.319
Like, how many people do you know that signed up to do a marathon this year?
00:20:38.480 --> 00:20:43.440
I don't want to run a marathon, but I I'm gonna watch you cross that marathon finish line.
00:20:43.759 --> 00:20:48.720
You don't have to understand what somebody's doing to understand the person.
00:20:48.880 --> 00:20:52.720
If it matters to them and they matter to you, that's enough.
00:20:52.960 --> 00:20:56.880
And before I get too high on my own support horse here, I might already be there.
00:20:57.039 --> 00:20:59.839
I've really sucked at this too.
00:21:00.000 --> 00:21:00.319
Okay.
00:21:00.480 --> 00:21:08.319
Like there have been times in my life when I was at my worst and I didn't show up for anybody.
00:21:08.480 --> 00:21:11.039
I've a hundred percent scrolled past things.
00:21:11.279 --> 00:21:14.960
I've thought to myself, I'll text her later, and then I never sent the text.
00:21:15.119 --> 00:21:20.720
I have had somebody tell me that there was something going on and realized three days later that I never checked back in.
00:21:21.119 --> 00:21:24.480
I've been busy, I've been wrapped up in my own life and I've missed things.
00:21:24.640 --> 00:21:34.240
And I think that's actually part of why I wanted to talk about this because maybe we all think that we're a little bit more supportive than we actually are.
00:21:34.480 --> 00:21:38.240
Good intentions are great, but people can't feel intentions.
00:21:38.640 --> 00:21:42.480
They feel actions, and I really want to get better at that too.
00:21:42.799 --> 00:21:44.559
I've said it before, I'm gonna say it again.
00:21:44.640 --> 00:21:46.880
I know I'm the luckiest on the support train.
00:21:47.039 --> 00:21:51.440
My parents have supported me almost blindly my entire life.
00:21:51.519 --> 00:21:55.279
And what I mean by that is I could call them tomorrow and be like, okay, hear me out.
00:21:55.359 --> 00:21:56.480
I have another idea.
00:21:56.640 --> 00:21:58.079
I think I'm gonna do this.
00:21:58.319 --> 00:22:01.359
And before I've even explained it, they're in.
00:22:01.519 --> 00:22:03.119
They're like, Yeah, you've got this.
00:22:03.200 --> 00:22:04.799
I can't wait to see where it goes.
00:22:05.039 --> 00:22:08.240
They've never met me with any resistance on that stuff.
00:22:08.319 --> 00:22:10.000
It's always been go and try it.
00:22:10.079 --> 00:22:12.160
Like the world is yours.
00:22:12.400 --> 00:22:16.720
And the older I get, the more that I realize that's not something that everybody has.
00:22:17.039 --> 00:22:25.519
To have people around you who let you dream out loud without immediately telling you all the reasons it might not work, that is a gift.
00:22:25.759 --> 00:22:32.400
To have people who don't make you feel stupid for trying something, also like a huge gift.
00:22:32.799 --> 00:22:42.400
And to have people who support you because you're you, just a real, I was gonna insert a swear word, gift.
00:22:43.039 --> 00:22:50.559
And you know, we talked about it earlier, but those relationships, they don't stay frozen in time either.
00:22:50.720 --> 00:22:56.720
The people who have supported us our whole lives, they eventually need support too.
00:22:57.200 --> 00:23:03.599
And I think that's what I want the people in my life to feel from me too.
00:23:04.240 --> 00:23:05.680
You want to write that book?
00:23:05.839 --> 00:23:08.240
I'm I'm ready to read it.
00:23:08.480 --> 00:23:09.839
Send me the first chapter.
00:23:10.160 --> 00:23:12.960
You're going through something and don't know what you need yet.
00:23:13.119 --> 00:23:14.799
I want to figure it out together.
00:23:14.960 --> 00:23:22.000
I just like want to be there for you in a conference call and we can figure it out together.
00:23:22.160 --> 00:23:24.160
Because isn't that kind of like what we're here for?
00:23:24.319 --> 00:23:34.640
To make the people we love feel a little braver because we're standing next to them, to make the heavy stuff feel a little less heavy, to make a big deal out of all the things that are a big deal to them.
00:23:34.799 --> 00:23:36.240
And maybe that's really it.
00:23:36.480 --> 00:23:44.160
You don't have to show up perfectly, and you just have to make sure the people that you love can feel that you showed up in any other ways.
00:23:44.240 --> 00:23:45.680
Remember, like big or small.
00:23:45.920 --> 00:23:50.480
Okay, if you're thinking of somebody, send it to somebody and be like, you're the best support person ever.
00:23:50.640 --> 00:23:51.279
I love you.
00:23:51.519 --> 00:23:54.640
Until next time, you guys, be the one clapping for other people.
00:23:54.720 --> 00:23:57.200
And I will see you next Thursday.
00:23:57.519 --> 00:23:58.480
Over and out.
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:01.439
Okay, one, two, three, here we go.
00:00:01.679 --> 00:00:03.600
A little bit of a different angle situation.
00:00:03.680 --> 00:00:08.880
If you are watching, I don't really know what's happening, but we are gonna do it.
00:00:09.199 --> 00:00:13.839
I have had support on my mind a lot lately.
00:00:14.160 --> 00:00:22.320
And before we start this episode, I think there's an important distinction that I hadn't thought about much before.
00:00:22.640 --> 00:00:28.000
Caring about someone and supporting someone are not the same thing.
00:00:28.239 --> 00:00:32.240
They're obviously connected, but caring is a feeling.
00:00:32.479 --> 00:00:39.200
You love someone, you worry about them, you want good things for them, you're happy when they're happy, you're sad when they're sad.
00:00:39.520 --> 00:00:40.880
That's caring.
00:00:41.520 --> 00:00:44.799
Support is what you do with that care.
00:00:45.359 --> 00:00:47.679
Support is an action.
00:00:47.920 --> 00:00:54.079
Showing up, making the phone call, remembering the thing, buying the merch, taking the kids for a few hours.
00:00:54.320 --> 00:01:07.040
It's sitting next to somebody when there's absolutely nothing you can do to fix what's happening, or telling your friend that you're proud of her while she's still on the path of getting to where she's going.
00:01:07.439 --> 00:01:12.319
And I think sometimes we can confuse the two of those.
00:01:12.480 --> 00:01:15.760
We think, of course, she knows I support her, like I love her.
00:01:16.400 --> 00:01:18.319
But does she?
00:01:18.719 --> 00:01:20.319
Can she feel it?
00:01:21.120 --> 00:01:27.200
Because you can really care about somebody and still not be very good at showing up for them.
00:01:27.920 --> 00:01:36.799
And that's not necessarily because you're a bad friend or a bad person or anything, especially right now in this phase that we're in, we're all busy, right?
00:01:36.879 --> 00:01:38.159
We're all caring a lot.
00:01:38.400 --> 00:01:48.959
Sometimes we can be so buried in our own lives that we're caring about people who are down the street from us while taking three to five business days to answer their text.
00:01:49.200 --> 00:01:51.599
Like I get that.
00:01:52.400 --> 00:02:01.920
But I really keep coming back to caring is how you feel about your people, and support is how your people feel your care.
00:02:02.799 --> 00:02:10.000
I mean, it doesn't seem that crazy, but I went to Nashville a few weeks ago for a friend's grant opening.
00:02:10.080 --> 00:02:13.199
And I'm not telling you this to get a medal.
00:02:13.280 --> 00:02:15.439
You might have seen it on the old Instagram.
00:02:16.000 --> 00:02:21.280
That was clear support, like showing up for your friends when they're building something.
00:02:22.000 --> 00:02:30.879
But I was at Quilt Camp this last weekend and I realized that support and this whole thing is just like so much bigger than that.
00:02:31.280 --> 00:02:40.960
And I think I always thought the village, the village that we have was something you needed to get through at a certain stage.
00:02:41.520 --> 00:02:45.120
And now, I mean, you need like a village forever.
00:02:45.280 --> 00:02:47.840
Like that's like the point of a village.
00:02:48.080 --> 00:02:51.520
It just keeps changing who's holding who.
00:02:52.319 --> 00:03:00.080
And maybe selfishly, I'm always thinking about who I need or on a smaller scale, like what the people around me need.
00:03:00.639 --> 00:03:04.719
But again, it is so much bigger than that.
00:03:04.879 --> 00:03:08.479
I think I first heard about the village when I became a mom.
00:03:08.719 --> 00:03:13.199
Like it applies to one particular stage of life.
00:03:13.439 --> 00:03:15.919
Like when the kids are little, can mom take a nap?
00:03:16.080 --> 00:03:20.960
Someone brings over dinner, someone sits and folds the laundry while you're nursing your baby.
00:03:21.520 --> 00:03:27.919
But then your kids get older, you get older, and somehow we're supposed to need everybody less.
00:03:28.319 --> 00:03:30.319
I don't think that's what happens at all.
00:03:30.479 --> 00:03:38.319
I think that the village changes because have you talked to literally anybody lately?
00:03:38.560 --> 00:03:40.159
Everyone is tapped.
00:03:40.479 --> 00:03:43.759
There's just like a lot of life happening all the time.
00:03:44.000 --> 00:03:53.919
And being with my family this weekend, I had a little eye-opener that this feeling that we're having right now, it never changes.
00:03:54.080 --> 00:04:00.159
Like my newly retired aunts, they have like the same stories and the same feelings.
00:04:00.319 --> 00:04:02.800
They're just living in different chapters.
00:04:03.120 --> 00:04:06.560
And I even said to them, I'm like, well, but like, what do you mean?
00:04:06.639 --> 00:04:07.680
Like your house is a mess.
00:04:07.759 --> 00:04:09.439
Like you don't have kids like around.
00:04:09.520 --> 00:04:12.319
And I wasn't knocking, I was like, we were literally having a conversation.
00:04:12.479 --> 00:04:20.000
I'm like, you don't have somebody who leaves, you know, one sock here at one sock, like a little trail everywhere they go.
00:04:20.480 --> 00:04:25.600
But it wasn't about that because their lives are filled with different things right now.
00:04:25.920 --> 00:04:29.279
And all of that stuff piles on too.
00:04:29.519 --> 00:04:31.920
The people in our corner matter.
00:04:32.079 --> 00:04:33.680
Like it can be as small as today.
00:04:33.759 --> 00:04:39.839
You need someone to drive your kid to practice because you can't physically be in three places at once.
00:04:40.319 --> 00:04:49.439
Maybe you need somebody to take something off your plate without asking you to make another decision about what they can take off your plate.
00:04:49.680 --> 00:04:53.199
You don't want to like need somebody to do that.
00:04:53.360 --> 00:04:56.560
You just like want somebody to do that for you.
00:04:56.959 --> 00:05:02.480
Or maybe you're looking for that friend who remembers that you had an appointment that day.
00:05:03.199 --> 00:05:08.959
Or sometimes you need somebody to sit next to you while you're figuring out what's going on with one of your parents.
00:05:09.519 --> 00:05:12.399
Because keep saying the same thing.
00:05:12.639 --> 00:05:14.000
Our parents are getting older.
00:05:14.079 --> 00:05:17.680
And if you're lucky enough to still have grandparents, they are also getting older.
00:05:17.839 --> 00:05:22.079
And suddenly there's all these new conversations happening in our families and in our circles.
00:05:22.319 --> 00:05:29.519
There's an emotional toll to this stage of life that I don't think I fully understood until I was in it.
00:05:29.600 --> 00:05:38.240
I mean, I keep saying the same things I know you guys, but it's just like full force what's like in the front of my mind all the time right now.
00:05:38.560 --> 00:05:40.480
And the village did not disappear.
00:05:40.639 --> 00:05:43.279
The village grew up with us.
00:05:43.519 --> 00:05:44.639
You think about it like that.
00:05:44.800 --> 00:05:51.120
I'm the first to admit every single day that I need my mom, like every day, every hour.
00:05:51.360 --> 00:05:55.759
Unfortunately, I don't have that luxury anymore.
00:05:56.079 --> 00:06:06.000
But we never stop needing people or wanting to feel supported in life, but it changes in every stage of the game.
00:06:06.319 --> 00:06:10.160
Obviously, support looks very different throughout our lives.
00:06:10.639 --> 00:06:15.519
And the stage that you're in, sometimes it is incredibly serious.
00:06:15.920 --> 00:06:22.000
And sometimes it's supporting your friend through a really bad haircut.
00:06:22.480 --> 00:06:26.639
Have you ever had to support your friend when they've gotten a bad haircut?
00:06:27.360 --> 00:06:31.360
Like honestly, it might be the highest level of friendship support ever.
00:06:31.920 --> 00:06:34.879
And I was thinking about this and it brought me back to college.
00:06:35.040 --> 00:06:36.879
I gotta tell you this story.
00:06:37.600 --> 00:06:39.680
I was in like this hair show.
00:06:39.759 --> 00:06:41.920
I don't know, somebody asked me to do this hair show.
00:06:42.160 --> 00:06:47.519
And the way they cut my hair, it was like super high in the back.
00:06:47.680 --> 00:06:50.000
This is like 2006, remember?
00:06:50.079 --> 00:06:51.120
Okay, so they cut it.
00:06:51.199 --> 00:06:56.879
It was like so high in the back and like textured, feathered, maybe was what it was called.
00:06:57.040 --> 00:07:02.319
But then it came down and it was still like long in the front.
00:07:03.040 --> 00:07:06.959
So like no hair in the back and long in the front.
00:07:07.279 --> 00:07:12.639
And when I tell you that, I was like, what am I, what am I supposed to do with this?
00:07:12.720 --> 00:07:14.000
I was like crying.
00:07:14.240 --> 00:07:16.959
And I think I forgot about this until right now.
00:07:17.120 --> 00:07:24.480
But my college roommate, if you're listening to this, she woke me up at like 7 a.m.
00:07:24.639 --> 00:07:28.319
And she's like, I got you a haircut, the place opens, or whatever time it was, 8 a.m.
00:07:28.560 --> 00:07:29.600
Like it was early.
00:07:29.839 --> 00:07:30.879
And she woke me up.
00:07:30.959 --> 00:07:39.360
She booked me a haircut, and I literally like I had chin, like my hair was cut up to my chin because it had to be so short to like go with the back.
00:07:40.399 --> 00:07:54.399
But that support was unmatched for what was happening in my life right then because you could be like, it's just a haircut, but at the time it was like everything.
00:07:54.800 --> 00:07:59.279
And she showed up and she took action and I felt it.
00:07:59.439 --> 00:08:00.720
So thank you for that.
00:08:00.879 --> 00:08:06.639
And I gotta find that picture because like a wild times, but that's kind of the point, right?
00:08:06.720 --> 00:08:12.720
Like support looks a hundred different ways throughout your life.
00:08:13.600 --> 00:08:33.200
You know, from like friends helping friends, moving apartments and organizing your like new apartment to bringing dinner when you have a newborn baby, to I'm gonna take your kids, like go handle what you need to handle, to showing up at the hospital and like sitting in those conversations that nobody wants to be like having.
00:08:33.519 --> 00:08:38.960
And sometimes it's just really like saying, asking somebody, like, how are you doing with all of this?
00:08:39.200 --> 00:08:44.000
And when they say fine, you ask them again, like, no, really, how are you doing?
00:08:44.159 --> 00:08:52.399
And I know that's why I love the show up people so much, because support isn't doesn't just fit into this like little bubble.
00:08:52.559 --> 00:08:58.879
Sometimes it's serious, sometimes it's emotional, sometimes it doesn't fit into your schedule, but you do it anyway.
00:08:59.120 --> 00:09:04.399
Sometimes it's just driving across the state to meet for breakfast because we both need this.
00:09:04.559 --> 00:09:09.759
And sometimes it's literally just tapping that hard on Instagram or commenting the fire sign.
00:09:10.080 --> 00:09:12.799
Obviously, you guys, those things are not the same.
00:09:12.960 --> 00:09:21.279
I'm not comparing an Instagram like to showing up at the hospital, but I think the instinct underneath them is the same.
00:09:21.440 --> 00:09:22.879
It's I see you.
00:09:23.200 --> 00:09:25.840
This matters to you, so it matters to me.
00:09:26.000 --> 00:09:38.159
And I think that's where I was originally going with this episode because there's been this whole conversation online lately about supporting your friends and when they're building something and like the post, share the business.
00:09:38.320 --> 00:09:39.279
It's not that hard.
00:09:39.519 --> 00:09:44.480
Buy the thing, tell somebody about it, and listen, throw a little like on there.
00:09:44.799 --> 00:09:49.919
You've watched all the stories, but never give any feedback on anything.
00:09:50.320 --> 00:09:53.840
So are you either just like a researcher or like a hater?
00:09:53.919 --> 00:09:54.240
I don't know.
00:09:54.320 --> 00:10:08.000
But jokes aside, I do think there's something about that because we are really good at congratulating people once something works, but we're not always good at encouraging them while they're trying to make it work.
00:10:08.720 --> 00:10:11.039
And there's a really big difference.
00:10:11.440 --> 00:10:15.360
This is not gonna be five ways to support your friends.
00:10:15.519 --> 00:10:16.399
It's not a checklist.
00:10:16.559 --> 00:10:19.759
I think it's just a much simpler question.
00:10:20.240 --> 00:10:22.799
Are we showing up for our people?
00:10:23.360 --> 00:10:27.360
And probably more importantly, do they know it?
00:10:27.679 --> 00:10:32.000
Okay, long intro there, you guys, but welcome back to navigating between the lines.
00:10:32.159 --> 00:10:34.080
I'm Maggie Fowl, your host.
00:10:34.320 --> 00:10:40.080
And I do like to think of myself as like a pipe girl, if I can be like one I want to be.
00:10:41.360 --> 00:10:50.960
I think one of the greatest things that you can do for somebody that you love is believe in what they're doing before there's any proof that you should.
00:10:51.200 --> 00:11:00.960
Before the grand opening, before the followers, before the business makes money, before the podcast has thousands of listeners, before anybody else thinks it's cool.
00:11:01.200 --> 00:11:04.000
Because that is when people need you.
00:11:04.639 --> 00:11:08.320
Not when the room is already full, when there are six people in it.
00:11:08.639 --> 00:11:10.960
And I've experienced this more than once in my life.
00:11:11.120 --> 00:11:18.399
Years ago, when I started my bridal store, I don't even think we had an Instagram at that time.
00:11:18.480 --> 00:11:19.120
Like, who knows?
00:11:19.279 --> 00:11:21.600
Support obviously looked different.
00:11:21.919 --> 00:11:23.519
It was word of mouth.
00:11:23.679 --> 00:11:34.399
It was my engaged friends buying their dresses from me, family members, family members driving from hours away because it's family and that's what we do.
00:11:34.639 --> 00:11:39.279
It was somebody telling another bride, you have to go see Maggie or you have to go to the store.
00:11:39.440 --> 00:11:44.159
It was people walking through the door because somebody they trusted had told them about it.
00:11:44.720 --> 00:11:45.840
And I remember that.
00:11:46.000 --> 00:11:50.720
I remember the people who talked about my business like when I wasn't there.
00:11:50.879 --> 00:11:53.440
I remember the people who spent their money there.
00:11:53.679 --> 00:12:03.360
I still see my OG brides, and I hold those people in really high regard for that reason only.
00:12:04.240 --> 00:12:11.120
I was lucky to have a lot of people who wanted it to work because they wanted me to succeed.
00:12:11.600 --> 00:12:25.440
And now I feel like I'm kind of on the other side of that again with this podcast, which it is completely different than building a business because then I had something tangible to sell.
00:12:26.080 --> 00:12:30.559
And now I'm here, like, here's my perspective and my dear diary, like of my life.
00:12:30.639 --> 00:12:32.080
I hope you like it.
00:12:32.799 --> 00:12:36.799
Um, but I'm still posting about it, trying things.
00:12:36.879 --> 00:12:38.799
I watch things flop.
00:12:39.200 --> 00:12:44.159
I get excited when something finally works or somebody like really loves an episode.
00:12:44.480 --> 00:13:00.240
But putting yourself out there publicly, like yourself out there publicly or on social media, it teaches you very quickly that there is a difference between people who are watching you and people who are rooting for you.
00:13:01.039 --> 00:13:05.120
Which that does bring me to like the watchers.
00:13:05.759 --> 00:13:11.679
Listen, I was talking to someone about this the other day, and she's like, Well, but I like never like your stories.
00:13:11.840 --> 00:13:17.759
And I was like, Okay, but you respond and you text and you engage with me about it.
00:13:18.000 --> 00:13:36.240
It's just like on my personal stories, like the same thing because some people know a lot about the people they watch, where someone went on vacation, where they had lunch this week, maybe even if their kid is on a travel team, you are consuming minutes of other people's lives, but you will not tap that little heart or say anything about it.
00:13:36.480 --> 00:13:37.120
And why?
00:13:37.279 --> 00:13:39.600
Like half of me is like, are you are you a hater?
00:13:39.759 --> 00:13:41.360
Like just admit you're a hater.
00:13:41.440 --> 00:13:45.840
And the other half of me is like, Maggie, like it's just Instagram.
00:13:46.000 --> 00:13:47.279
Nobody cares.
00:13:47.919 --> 00:13:52.159
Because the reality is nobody owes anybody any engagement.
00:13:52.320 --> 00:13:53.759
That's not what I'm saying.
00:13:53.840 --> 00:14:06.639
But I do think it's worth asking ourselves, why are we sometimes more comfortable watching somebody try than letting them know that we are rooting for them?
00:14:07.360 --> 00:14:10.559
Support comes in the form of actions.
00:14:10.799 --> 00:14:14.799
And this is why Post Malone wrote the song, congratulations.
00:14:17.200 --> 00:14:19.120
Anyway, am I in a mood today?
00:14:19.279 --> 00:14:19.840
I don't know.
00:14:20.000 --> 00:14:30.559
Okay, next up, if you follow me on Instagram, I just talked about how we need to retire the phrase, let me know if you need anything.
00:14:30.879 --> 00:14:38.559
Because no one is ever going to be laying in the trenches on the bathroom floor going, Who am I gonna reach out to to ask for help for today?
00:14:38.720 --> 00:14:43.039
If you see your friend going through something, this is advice.
00:14:43.279 --> 00:14:46.720
I will stand behind a hill I will die on.
00:14:47.200 --> 00:14:49.360
Just do something.
00:14:49.600 --> 00:14:56.000
Drop off the dinner, send some snacks, send flowers if you want, go over and clean the garage.
00:14:56.639 --> 00:14:59.679
Just literally do anything.
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:04.320
At some point, support has to become a verb.
00:15:04.720 --> 00:15:17.840
Because whether somebody is going through something hard, any range of hard, starting something new, going through something really exciting, I think what we're all looking for is some version of the same thing.
00:15:18.080 --> 00:15:20.399
And it's don't just tell me you're here.
00:15:20.559 --> 00:15:22.399
Let me feel that you're here.
00:15:22.639 --> 00:15:27.039
And listen, time and money are not infinite resources.
00:15:27.279 --> 00:15:32.080
Support doesn't have to cost a lot of money or take your entire Saturday when you don't have it.
00:15:32.320 --> 00:15:37.360
Sometimes the most supportive thing somebody does takes 30 seconds.
00:15:37.679 --> 00:15:47.039
I gotta tell you, and I think I've told you guys this before, but my dad sends me a heart emoji every single day.
00:15:48.080 --> 00:15:51.759
Every day since my mother died over four years ago.
00:15:52.000 --> 00:15:54.799
The first thing he does every day is sends me that heart emoji.
00:15:55.120 --> 00:16:16.399
And it tells me, and you can be like, it's just a heart emoji, but it's like an unspoken he sees me and it means everything.
00:16:17.360 --> 00:16:25.759
And having unspoken support like that is everything in the world.
00:16:27.279 --> 00:16:29.200
Everybody loves a check-in text.
00:16:29.360 --> 00:16:35.039
Okay, just take two seconds and send it about whatever they've got going on.
00:16:35.360 --> 00:16:41.279
And most of the time, it's just remembering like the important dates, right?
00:16:41.360 --> 00:16:45.519
Like the anniversary, the birthdays, how did it go this weekend?
00:16:45.679 --> 00:16:46.480
Did you survive?
00:16:46.639 --> 00:16:47.120
And guess what?
00:16:47.279 --> 00:16:48.960
I scheduled happy hour on Wednesday.
00:16:49.039 --> 00:16:50.159
So, like meet you there.
00:16:50.399 --> 00:17:00.960
Taking something off somebody's plate and then just doing the thing for somebody without having them have to ask you, it's never gonna go unappreciated.
00:17:01.120 --> 00:17:02.240
I promise you that.
00:17:02.480 --> 00:17:06.240
Just show them that you see what they've got going on.
00:17:06.480 --> 00:17:14.160
Because being seen in the middle of your life, whatever the middle looks like right now, matters more than I think we realize.
00:17:14.559 --> 00:17:18.559
And this might be the part that I feel the strongest about.
00:17:19.039 --> 00:17:23.759
I think we got to stop making people feel embarrassed for wanting something more.
00:17:23.839 --> 00:17:26.720
This is a complete society thing right now.
00:17:26.880 --> 00:17:30.720
I think we've gotten so weird about ambition.
00:17:30.880 --> 00:17:34.400
Like somebody starts posting online and oh, it's that's so cringe.
00:17:34.559 --> 00:17:35.519
Somebody starts a podcast.
00:17:35.599 --> 00:17:37.440
It's like, oh, what's she gonna talk about?
00:17:37.680 --> 00:17:40.960
Somebody wants to write a book, but like, are they a writer?
00:17:41.279 --> 00:17:44.640
Says they're gonna go do something like a ultra marathon or something.
00:17:44.720 --> 00:17:51.359
And everybody kind of watches to see if it's gonna work out before deciding how seriously they're gonna take it.
00:17:51.519 --> 00:17:53.839
And I think, I think like I hate that.
00:17:53.920 --> 00:17:55.359
Like, I think I'm just like over it.
00:17:55.440 --> 00:18:05.839
Like, let people care, let people do whatever they want to do because maybe it's like making them happy and maybe it's part of a bigger situation that they're going through.
00:18:06.000 --> 00:18:13.839
Sometimes people putting themselves out there helps them get to like the next level of like where they need to go.
00:18:14.000 --> 00:18:15.519
It's like about the journey, right?
00:18:15.599 --> 00:18:17.599
Like it's about the journey.
00:18:17.839 --> 00:18:26.000
It's part of the process because you know what takes way more courage than sitting back and deciding whether somebody else's dream is embarrassing or not?
00:18:26.319 --> 00:18:31.759
Trying, putting your name on something and saying, I made this or I want to do this.
00:18:32.000 --> 00:18:33.279
I'm gonna see what happens.
00:18:33.440 --> 00:18:35.839
That is vulnerable and scary.
00:18:36.720 --> 00:18:42.079
And I think the people that we love deserve somewhere they don't have to pretend that they don't care.
00:18:42.319 --> 00:18:47.359
They deserve people around them who don't make them shrink the thing because it hasn't worked out yet.
00:18:47.599 --> 00:18:54.799
And I think we could all take a little note from the person in my life who does this better than almost anybody.
00:18:54.960 --> 00:18:56.559
And that would be Chloe.
00:18:57.200 --> 00:19:00.160
Chloe's energy over everything.
00:19:00.319 --> 00:19:02.240
You know, who is not worried about being cringe?
00:19:02.480 --> 00:19:03.200
It's Chloe.
00:19:03.599 --> 00:19:06.400
She is a number one fan, she's a number one supporter.
00:19:06.480 --> 00:19:10.319
She buys the merch, she wears it, she talks about it.
00:19:10.400 --> 00:19:13.279
She'll tell anybody who's like wants to listen about things.
00:19:13.440 --> 00:19:14.960
She's like sitting out here right now.
00:19:15.039 --> 00:19:22.480
She keeps like interrupting me, but she'll tell anybody, like, oh, my mom has a podcast, and she'll say things to me like, wow, mom, you should be so proud of yourself.
00:19:22.640 --> 00:19:27.359
And every time she does, I'm like, Chloe, you are so sweet.
00:19:27.680 --> 00:19:29.599
I love you, but you know what it is?
00:19:29.759 --> 00:19:32.160
But it's because she's just like being supportive.
00:19:32.240 --> 00:19:34.319
She's not checking the download numbers first.
00:19:34.480 --> 00:19:39.440
She just sees her mom doing something that she cares about and she thinks that's really cool.
00:19:39.680 --> 00:19:48.000
Imagine if we kept a little more of that as adults before we learned to play it cool or before we decided that enthusiasm was embarrassing.
00:19:48.400 --> 00:19:51.440
Your friends putting themselves out there, like, yeah, that's my friend.
00:19:51.519 --> 00:19:52.720
Look at how cool she is.
00:19:52.960 --> 00:19:54.640
She wrote something, I'm reading it.
00:19:54.799 --> 00:19:56.640
I got a friend who's written a book.
00:19:56.799 --> 00:19:58.400
I've got it signed.
00:19:58.960 --> 00:20:01.759
Tell me where I can buy your stuff.
00:20:02.000 --> 00:20:02.319
Okay.
00:20:02.960 --> 00:20:04.559
You did something that you're proud of.
00:20:04.720 --> 00:20:10.720
Like, you should be so proud of yourself because most people don't even try.
00:20:11.039 --> 00:20:11.680
That's it.
00:20:11.839 --> 00:20:13.599
It's like that energy only.
00:20:13.759 --> 00:20:17.680
And I think when I like dial it down, support really could be that simple.
00:20:17.920 --> 00:20:20.079
Stop worrying about whether it's cool to clap or not.
00:20:20.160 --> 00:20:22.000
Like Chloe's already clapping.
00:20:22.240 --> 00:20:26.160
And this isn't just about support for starting a business or building a dream.
00:20:26.319 --> 00:20:34.720
Every single day, the people around us are facing fears, nervous for the step that they're about to take, another day of figuring it out.
00:20:34.880 --> 00:20:38.319
Like, how many people do you know that signed up to do a marathon this year?
00:20:38.480 --> 00:20:43.440
I don't want to run a marathon, but I I'm gonna watch you cross that marathon finish line.
00:20:43.759 --> 00:20:48.720
You don't have to understand what somebody's doing to understand the person.
00:20:48.880 --> 00:20:52.720
If it matters to them and they matter to you, that's enough.
00:20:52.960 --> 00:20:56.880
And before I get too high on my own support horse here, I might already be there.
00:20:57.039 --> 00:20:59.839
I've really sucked at this too.
00:21:00.000 --> 00:21:00.319
Okay.
00:21:00.480 --> 00:21:08.319
Like there have been times in my life when I was at my worst and I didn't show up for anybody.
00:21:08.480 --> 00:21:11.039
I've a hundred percent scrolled past things.
00:21:11.279 --> 00:21:14.960
I've thought to myself, I'll text her later, and then I never sent the text.
00:21:15.119 --> 00:21:20.720
I have had somebody tell me that there was something going on and realized three days later that I never checked back in.
00:21:21.119 --> 00:21:24.480
I've been busy, I've been wrapped up in my own life and I've missed things.
00:21:24.640 --> 00:21:34.240
And I think that's actually part of why I wanted to talk about this because maybe we all think that we're a little bit more supportive than we actually are.
00:21:34.480 --> 00:21:38.240
Good intentions are great, but people can't feel intentions.
00:21:38.640 --> 00:21:42.480
They feel actions, and I really want to get better at that too.
00:21:42.799 --> 00:21:44.559
I've said it before, I'm gonna say it again.
00:21:44.640 --> 00:21:46.880
I know I'm the luckiest on the support train.
00:21:47.039 --> 00:21:51.440
My parents have supported me almost blindly my entire life.
00:21:51.519 --> 00:21:55.279
And what I mean by that is I could call them tomorrow and be like, okay, hear me out.
00:21:55.359 --> 00:21:56.480
I have another idea.
00:21:56.640 --> 00:21:58.079
I think I'm gonna do this.
00:21:58.319 --> 00:22:01.359
And before I've even explained it, they're in.
00:22:01.519 --> 00:22:03.119
They're like, Yeah, you've got this.
00:22:03.200 --> 00:22:04.799
I can't wait to see where it goes.
00:22:05.039 --> 00:22:08.240
They've never met me with any resistance on that stuff.
00:22:08.319 --> 00:22:10.000
It's always been go and try it.
00:22:10.079 --> 00:22:12.160
Like the world is yours.
00:22:12.400 --> 00:22:16.720
And the older I get, the more that I realize that's not something that everybody has.
00:22:17.039 --> 00:22:25.519
To have people around you who let you dream out loud without immediately telling you all the reasons it might not work, that is a gift.
00:22:25.759 --> 00:22:32.400
To have people who don't make you feel stupid for trying something, also like a huge gift.
00:22:32.799 --> 00:22:42.400
And to have people who support you because you're you, just a real, I was gonna insert a swear word, gift.
00:22:43.039 --> 00:22:50.559
And you know, we talked about it earlier, but those relationships, they don't stay frozen in time either.
00:22:50.720 --> 00:22:56.720
The people who have supported us our whole lives, they eventually need support too.
00:22:57.200 --> 00:23:03.599
And I think that's what I want the people in my life to feel from me too.
00:23:04.240 --> 00:23:05.680
You want to write that book?
00:23:05.839 --> 00:23:08.240
I'm I'm ready to read it.
00:23:08.480 --> 00:23:09.839
Send me the first chapter.
00:23:10.160 --> 00:23:12.960
You're going through something and don't know what you need yet.
00:23:13.119 --> 00:23:14.799
I want to figure it out together.
00:23:14.960 --> 00:23:22.000
I just like want to be there for you in a conference call and we can figure it out together.
00:23:22.160 --> 00:23:24.160
Because isn't that kind of like what we're here for?
00:23:24.319 --> 00:23:34.640
To make the people we love feel a little braver because we're standing next to them, to make the heavy stuff feel a little less heavy, to make a big deal out of all the things that are a big deal to them.
00:23:34.799 --> 00:23:36.240
And maybe that's really it.
00:23:36.480 --> 00:23:44.160
You don't have to show up perfectly, and you just have to make sure the people that you love can feel that you showed up in any other ways.
00:23:44.240 --> 00:23:45.680
Remember, like big or small.
00:23:45.920 --> 00:23:50.480
Okay, if you're thinking of somebody, send it to somebody and be like, you're the best support person ever.
00:23:50.640 --> 00:23:51.279
I love you.
00:23:51.519 --> 00:23:54.640
Until next time, you guys, be the one clapping for other people.
00:23:54.720 --> 00:23:57.200
And I will see you next Thursday.
00:23:57.519 --> 00:23:58.480
Over and out.
