ABOUT THIS EPISODE
What if being capable is the very thing keeping you from dealing with what is really going on underneath? That is the question at the center of David Haskell’s story.
David was a world class drummer who joined the Blue Devils and performed at Disney. Underneath the achievements was a boy who lost his mother at four, learned at nine that she had taken her own life, and spent years trying to earn the respect of a critical and emotionally unavailable father. Becoming the best drummer in the country was meant to prove something. It never did.
David names codependency as his first and worst addiction, and alcohol and drugs came later. He hit rock bottom more than once over 11 years, lost his job at Disney, and became a hermit. The final turning point came when his 14 year old daughter told him he was terrible. About eight years ago he stopped drinking and using. He is now a writer and teacher, still doing inner child work, and working on an inner child book.
Chris brings his own story, from hitting rock bottom as a police officer to learning to control his inner voices instead of being controlled by them. They compare notes on the inner critic, including how David says checking in with it every day cut its influence by 90 percent, and the question he suggests asking: why does it matter if someone is judging you?
David joins from Japan, where he found spiritual awakening and healing after hitting rock bottom. He also talks about rebuilding his relationship with his daughter, from difficult early trips to being travel companions today, and says recovery from codependency is painful but worth it, especially for men taught to hide their emotions.
If you have built your life on being capable, this one is for you. His closing advice for men is two words: know thyself.
Connect with David Haskell
Email: david@daviddeanehaskell.com
Website: daviddeanehaskell.com
Connect with Motivated Masculine Men
Website: www.motivatedmasculinemen.com
Email: brotherhood@motivatedmasculinemen.com
If you’d like to be a guest on the podcast, or know someone who would be a great fit, we’d love to hear from you. Get in touch by email.
What You’ll Learn
In this conversation you’ll learn:
- Why being capable can become a way of avoiding what is really going on underneath
- How a critical, emotionally unavailable father and the early loss of his mother shaped David’s drive to prove himself
- Why David calls codependency his first and worst addiction, and how it fed his need for approval
- How rock bottom came more than once over 11 years, and what finally pushed him toward recovery
- How inner child work addresses the trauma and low self esteem underneath addictive behavior
- How to manage an inner critic without letting it run you, including the question David suggests asking when you feel judged
- Why Chris believes everything happens for you, not to you, and how David came to see his hardest experiences as growth
- How to tell friends from acquaintances, and why a small circle of trusted people can feel like family
- What rebuilding a relationship with your child can look like after divorce and recovery
- Why recovery from codependency is painful but worth it, especially for men taught to hide their emotions
- How living in Japan became part of David’s healing and spiritual awakening
- Why David’s advice for men comes down to two words: know thyself
TRANSCRIPT 🔗
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