Why Does ADHD get missed in Women? (Masking, Coping & Burnout)

She didn't know she was ADHD until the psychologist assessing her son turned to her and said, "So you've obviously been diagnosed."

Hester Grainger is a former TV and BBC Radio presenter, certified ADHD coach, and co-founder of Perfectly Autistic. She's also a mum to two neurodivergent teens, married to a neurodivergent partner, and didn't realise she was ADHD herself until her 40s.

In this episode, we talk about:
– the moment she was diagnosed (and why no one was surprised)
– raising two autistic ADHD children without knowing she was neurodivergent herself
– masking, performing, and the burnout that comes when you stop
– why perimenopause can be the moment the wheels fall off
– locking herself in the toilet just to breathe
– navigating meltdowns, sensory overload, and big emotions as a family
– the guilt of looking back and realising what you didn't know
– why her 16 year old was told "you don't look autistic"
– how she and her husband built a strong partnership through chaos
– setting boundaries, choosing your battles, and raising kind humans
– the invisible load of parenting neurodivergent kids
– what workplaces actually get wrong (and what they can do better)
– why so many women are blowing up their lives in their 40s

This conversation is honest, grounding, and full of insight. For anyone navigating neurodiversity, motherhood, identity, or just trying to work out what the hell is going on underneath the surface, this one will stay with you.

Join the waitlist for The Load System at - motherloading.net

Follow Hester at @hestersvibe on Instagram and visit perfectlyautistic.co.uk for resources and support

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Produced by TAEPodcast - www.taepodcast.co.uk