Divine Course Corrections with Taylor

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Hello everyone and welcome to, more Than Coincidence, remembering Jesus Christ in your Story.
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As the author and finisher of our faith, our Savior writes personal experiences into each of our lives which can later strengthen, empower and bring us peace upon reflection.
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This podcast is dedicated to sharing these anchoring memories from everyone's unique stories in order to collectively remember and testify of the reality of Jesus Christ and his presence in our lives.
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I'm your host, lily, and I'm very excited to share these experiences together.
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Good evening everybody.
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Today on the podcast, we have Taylor.
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How are you, taylor?
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I am so good.
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How are you?
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Lily Fantastic, will you introduce yourself to everybody?
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Yes, my name is Taylor Pockner.
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I've been married eight years.
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I have two girls, a almost four-year-old and a one-and-a-half-year-old.
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I'm originally from Washington State, came out to college at BYU and I've never left.
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Haven't left Utah since then, except to serve a mission.
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I did yeah, I served a mission in Mexico and, yeah, now I stay at home.
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My husband is getting his PhD right now, so I am full-time mom and loving it.
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Yeah.
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I love it.
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Well, taylor, I'm really happy that you said yes to come on tonight, and I'll just ask you the question um, what memories do you have that you reflect on, that prick your heart in remembrance of Jesus Christ and anchor you to him?
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So in preparation I have listened to a lot of Lily's other episodes because they're all so great, oh thank you, I feel like every episode comes kind of with a theme of people's faith.
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Every episode comes kind of with a theme of people's faith and I think my theme, as I've reflected on it, has been gone through a lot of course corrections in my life and I think I'm just not a great listener.
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The first time.
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That's very relatable.
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That's not where you're supposed to be going.
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Um, so I think that's my thing, honestly, is course corrections and waiting on the lord.
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Um, and actually we're kind of in the middle of one right now a course correction and trying to make these big, difficult decisions.
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And I, just as I was pondering it, I think it was really good for me to remember.
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So thank you for giving me this opportunity, because it it really helps me have some faith in hard moment, in the hard moment right now.
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So thank you, right, oh, no problem.
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Um, so I get from the start.
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My first memory, um that really anchors me to the Savior occurred when I was 14.
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I think 14.
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Hard to remember at this point in my life.
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So I was 14 and I grew up in Richfield, washington, and I had an incredible warden state.
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I had an incredible warden state.
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When I go home now it's all changed, but it's still like those good old days.
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I just had such great leaders and it's easy for me to say that because my dad was the stake president, so tooting my dad's horn a little, but along him there was just such great leaders and a lot of effort went into providing the youth specifically with opportunities to have moments with the savior.
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So this isn't necessarily this moment was.
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This event wasn't necessarily like the youth directed, but I feel like it was part of that effort right.
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So at the time, the stake hosted this event called Life of Christ and it was an interfaith event leading up to Easter every year.
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That's cool and it was huge.
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Yeah, it was incredible.
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I think back on it.
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I remember it was just huge.
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You walked into the gym and as you walked through this path, it was started at the birth of the Savior and it just followed through all these events and there was activities for the kids and every night there was different members of different faiths singing in the chapel and there were firesides and it was like this huge interfaith, mainly spearhead obviously spear spearheaded by, because it was at a stake center, by our church, but right, it was just this huge gathering of, yeah, of the savior's life.
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That's so awesome.
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So it was amazing, like truly.
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I think back on it and, having served in the callings I've served in, now I'm like, wow, that was so much work and it was incredible.
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Um, so my first like experience with the spirit that really anchored me occurred there.
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Actually, I think I was 14 and I caught it's kind of an outlier anomaly experience, because I wasn't searching for anything at the time.
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I wouldn't say it was had big questions on my mind or that I was like in this midst of this big turmoil.
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I was a 14 year old and I happened to be walking through one night and I ended up by myself, which wasn't common I feel like I often have like friends with me or someone was up talking to me, but I was walking through late at night by myself and in the gym, and at the very end, above the stage, there was this huge in my mind.
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How I remember it, it was just a ginormous picture of the resurrected savior, the stereotypical one, with his hands outstretched, of the resurrected savior, the stereotypical one, with his hands outstretched.
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And I remember just feeling just so overcome in that moment, like I wish I was more eloquent with my words, but it was spirit, just touched me so strong and it was a very unique experience because I wouldn't ever say any of the rest of my experiences have become so strong or so clearly or so easily.
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Frankly, right, but in that moment, sorry.
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No, you're good, told me without a doubt that he lives and that I, I just I don't know how other to say it than the next few days like all I wanted to listen to was church music and, yeah, I just felt it so strong and it really was a transitioning point where my faith went from parents dependent to me like right this is what I know and I cannot change that word you were converted.
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You, that was literally totally version right there totally and it.
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It's kind of weird because I wasn't searching for it.
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I would say I had faith as a 14 year old, but I was 14 like yeah you know.
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But I have often thought back to that moment as I've had doubts and questions and and just navigating faith and right as an adult, and it's just such a firm knowledge that I I could never deny it, like I know, yeah, jesus, so that that was the first experience that really I feel like has anchored me to the savior and is not budging in my life or will ever budge you know, um, yeah, and I think, as I was reflecting on this, I think that knowledge really has carried me a lot, um, as I've just navigated different tricky situations or had trials of faith or just life in general of being difficult and hard, and it is just there and firm, and it is my firm foundation yeah, it's incredible what the spirit can do, how it literally you read in the scriptures how it can pierce to your soul and that literally happened to you.
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And I think when you're, when you do experience that and you reflect on it.
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Yeah, just the strength that comes from that, I think, is so it's powerful totally I.
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I mean, I think it's a very unique to me experience because I wish everything else in my life would come so strongly clearly.
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Maybe he threw you a bone he threw you a bone.
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He was like you know what?
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We're just going to introduce this really early because it might be a little harder later you know what?
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I would way rather have that bone now at 30 than at 14, heavenly Father.
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To be honest, not the age I would have picked that up in it, but it did and it was great and it's carried me yeah.
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So then, kind of moving forward in life.
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I think the main bulk of my faith started when I went off to college.
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Right.
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Um.
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So to give some background cause, I think it's important when I was in high school, I had an extremely successful athletic career, um, through volleyball and uh and track Um, I won a lot of.
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I just I won a lot of awards from youngs since I was a freshman and it totally defined me completely as a person and what I accomplished meant it was just who I was like.
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Yes, I had this faith and, but that wasn't like my fundamental part of me at the time.
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It was sports and how well I did at them and, yeah, how well I did at them and making myself and my coaches and my teammates and my family proud.
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Were you a high jumper on track Because you're really tall.
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Is that what you did?
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No, I threw the javelin, actually Did you really.
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Yeah, that's legit, so you can hunt an animal.
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If you needed to totally throw me back in, the bible days, I'd be ready.
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That's so cool, so yeah, so I actually came out of high school ranked fourth nationally for the javelin.
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So I that's a big deal, yeah like I, looking back, I just had this extremely successful high school career that shaped me a lot at that time and so ended up being able to go to BYU on a full ride, full ride, track, scholarship, um.
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And then I got there and I just had all these high hopes, like I, track had kind of been part-time involved, I was my main focus, yeah, um, but I really wanted to go to BYU and track was the way and so, and so I had all these high expectations and hopes that now that I'm training all year long for track that I I just was going to explode and right, had all these, all the PRs out the wazoo and just totally amazing yes, and so I had going to BYU freshman year.
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It's always freshman year's hard.
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It's like it's like an initiation.
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It really is just kind of it's like the first time you have this is a terrible comparison, but like the first time you have a kid and you're just like thrown into deep water.
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Yeah, what freshman year is like?
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Yeah, 100, 100, you're just thrown into the deep end as a freshman.
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So, yeah, I go through freshman year and I head into my season and I there's really no way other to describe it other than it was a train wreck like I started, I was throwing four or five hours a day, right, and I.
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It seems a little silly now because of who I am now, but at the time it was so all encompassing that it just shattered me.
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Like I remember coming out of practice one day and sitting in the snow between my car they didn't want to go up to my dorm room where my roommate was talking to my parents and I was in running shorts and I just sobbed for hours and I because it was like everything I was, who I was as a person, had had done all these accomplishments, everyone's expectations of me was just crumbling down like I was letting everyone down, myself down, and it just it shattered me, right, right, um, and so it was like my confidence shaken and now I can say this and it seems a little silly because, like why I have my confidences and other things, I know who I am as a person, as a daughter of God.
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Blah, blah, blah.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah, back then it's yeah, yeah, it was just who I was, and so I made it through track season and it was, I mean, every week, and I was on the phone with my parents sobbing for hours, I'm like what is happening, like why, why is this not happening for me?
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So I make it through track season and go home and just kind of let my parents help pick up the pieces.
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Yeah, and I, during that time, I just felt so alone and like, right, kind of it was the first time I questioned like Heavenly Father, what is your plan for me here?
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Like, yeah, you got me to this place.
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I so right, important to know at this time.
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I graduated in 2012 and so fall of 2012, um, president Monson made the age change.
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Yeah, and for missions and that you can imagine being a freshman time, everyone was going, like literally everyone just ran out the door.
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Yep, even like on our floor, especially sisters we had, oh, yeah, I would say on my dorm floor, 80 to 90 percent were going or had a call by the end of spring term, yep, spring semester.
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So it was just, it was crazy, and when the announcement was made, I wouldn't say I had any.
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You hear all these stories of like you heard all these stories of sisters.
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I had to go in that instant and I'm like I did not feel that way and I always kind of reverted back to track because at that time I still had I'm track, like I'm not going, I can't pause for two years, like I've got to focus on track.
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I have this commitment right, yes, so, yeah, so that's going on all at this time.
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So I get back home to Washington after that disaster of a season, kind of broken, and I start working and just kind of putting my life back together.
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They're getting ready for fall semester to go back, right.
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But this constant question kind of in my mind is are you going to go on a mission?
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Are you going to go on a mission?
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Everyone's asking you are you going to go on a mission?
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Yeah, I, I just couldn't commit.
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Like I was like I still had all these high hopes.
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Like I went back home and started working with my coaches at home and he's like, wow, you're a mess.
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And I'm like I know.
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So like we started getting back to where I was and just right, I had all these high hopes.
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And then there was still that question and finally, by the end of the July, I just was like I got to have an answer Am I going to go or not?
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So my dad gave me a blessing, right, and it was clear as day.
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So I postponed going back to BYU and my scholarship and everything and had my call by August, start of August, and I had my availability for October, october, but ended up having to wait till the week before Christmas in December, whoa so did you do a semester?
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all right, did you, did you, I didn't.
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I stayed at home because I wouldn't make it through finals, right?
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So?
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And it was looking back, it was totally what was supposed to happen um.
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My childhood best friend's dad ended up passing away and there was just so much that happened in that time that it was where it was supposed to be.
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And I look back on that whole year and that experience and I realize that was my first big course correction from the Lord.
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Like had I done well as a my freshman season, how I expected to, or had I even done okay?
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Like had I thrown what I threw?
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I was a very consistent thrower in high school, yeah, and had I done even what I did as a senior, I would not have gone yeah, I know that yeah totally, I know that I would not have gone, but the Lord totally knew me at that time and who I was.
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That, uh-huh, as awful and heart-wrenching and difficult as it was, I had to be a train wreck in order to get me to Mexico.
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Yeah, and I had to be a train wreck so he could pick me up, pick up the pieces and put me back together on my mission and kind of for me who I was, aside from sports, that I was, that I am a daughter of God, that that nothing I accomplish or don't accomplish in life will ever change the fact that I am a daughter of God, that Jesus Christ is my brother, like that is fundamental, set in stone.
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And that came for me while I was broken and on my mission yeah, it's.
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It's like it's the humility, right.
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It's like, unfortunately, you had to get knocked off the high horse in order to be receptive to that, right Totally.
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And I, yeah, I needed it.
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Which is kind of sad to say.
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You're like yeah.
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I.
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it's a hundred percent true that I needed it, like I don't know if that's humility now to say that, but yeah my identity was so unfocused and so focused in sports that I needed to be broken to form that into who I am as a daughter of God exactly, and seeing the hindsight of that into who I am as a daughter of God Right Exactly.
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And seeing the hindsight of 2020 where his hand was in my life through that whole thing Exactly.
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I'm sure there's so many tender mercies that occurred along the way that I don't remember, but of the big ones, that's just the hindsight being 2020 of that course correction to get me where I needed to be, not only physically but just spiritually, like this.
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This is where you have to be to grow yeah as a grow as a person and grow in faith, right, um, so, moving kind of through adulthood.
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You know, life gets you, get home and life gets complicated, get married and graduate and have kids, and it doesn't stop.
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No, yeah, you're, we're in this season of you, do all your covenants and you're in this just like enduring to the end thick season, right, if it's not one thing, it's the other.
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Always like right, yeah.
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And so, as I've moved forward in life, I've had so many more of these heartbreaking course corrections.
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Um, during my undergrad, I didn't get into the program I wanted to twice and I, yeah, hurt my tail off like I had straight A's, I, it made no sense that I didn't get in.
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And then, like my husband didn't get into graduate programs that we planned to, and multiple times, and we're just what, right, yes.
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And in his career we've tried to move so many times from this home that we're in and be closer to family or get him a new job and just things.
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Doors have closed and we've had so many course correcting moments and it is so hard and it's exhausting, yes, and it's.
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I can't tell you how many times I have felt and even prayed.
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I'm like heavenly father, what the heck do you want from me?
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Like right, what hi?
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We're trying our best over here to progress, to do xyz, to move on and like further his career, further my career, my education, just right we want all of these good things.
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These are righteous desires of our hearts, Like why is this not okay?
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Why can't I have this?
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Yeah, why is nothing panning out?
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And I think all of these experiences have really been part of my anchoring process.
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Experiences have really been part of my anchoring process.
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All of these course corrections that, frankly, there's too many, just.
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I don't know if I'm just not a good listener.
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I don't know what my father must think of me.
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I don't know, but he loves me.
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But, like I just, we've had a lot of course corrections and, right, I've had enough of them now to see how they're all part of my anchoring experience to the savior and how they all take me back to kind of those two big moments I already shared, like, yeah, my firm foundation that Jesus is the Christ, and that first big course correction of who I am, that yeah.
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I, I am a daughter of God that nothing can change, that nothing I do will ever change the fact that I am a daughter of God and that my savior died for me.
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Right, that's so fundamental and set in stone, right um with your course corrections?
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were they all an experience where you were just kind of wanting to do something, trying to do something, and it just didn't pan out?
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Or was it also?
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You're moving forward, you're progressing, like, oh, this could be it, this could be it, this could be it, and then the door just shuts?
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Like both of them?
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I've had both of them.
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Yeah, I feel like this last one that we're kind of in right now.
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We were progressing and then all this door just shut and it makes no sense.
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It makes no sense.
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It should not have panned out the way it did, right, and that's so hard to justify in your mind.
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Both experiences are hard, like when things don't pan out and you and from my faith standpoint, it's led me to have so many questions like, yeah, are you there?
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Are you listening?
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Are like what do you want from me?
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I'm trying my best over here, I'm trying to do all these things and, yeah, what do you want?
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I just want to do your will.
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What do you want from me?
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What do you want?
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I just want to do your will.
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What do you want from me?
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But as I have kind of reflected on everything, I realized how many times in these tender mercies the Lord has stepped in in a very small way, right away, like, for example, when we didn't get into a graduate program and it made no sense.
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We were overqualified, it should have been an easy in.
00:25:08.423 --> 00:25:13.835
And that very night we found his current phd program.
00:25:13.954 --> 00:25:24.190
He's in like no way I was sitting in my room and just crying like what, what are we?
00:25:24.190 --> 00:25:25.336
What do you want from our lives?
00:25:25.336 --> 00:25:25.496
What?
00:25:25.516 --> 00:25:26.238
are we supposed to do.
00:25:26.238 --> 00:25:38.705
And I just found this website and it's a new program and it just fit him so perfectly and what we wanted for our family, for our career and everything.
00:25:38.705 --> 00:25:46.465
And so I I've had enough of these experience that I can see how the Lord steps in.
00:25:46.465 --> 00:25:47.970
What's that scripture?
00:25:47.970 --> 00:26:10.762
That his arms are constantly outreached towards us that outstretched, yeah, that he steps in right away, even if it's something small, or oftentimes it's not what I want to hear and maybe that's why I have to have so many course corrections, yeah, and I say no, this is what I'm gonna hear, right?
00:26:11.323 --> 00:26:41.739
um, but he has always stepped in and even when my faith has been shaken by something, um, because I we felt spiritually like we were doing what we were supposed to be doing, he's always stepped in somehow and given a tender mercy when I needed it yeah, that's amazing.
00:26:41.759 --> 00:26:42.861
I feel like that's.
00:26:42.861 --> 00:26:49.699
I've had lots of those course corrections in my life too and they're hard and they suck and it.
00:26:49.699 --> 00:26:54.948
It really is just kind of the where I guess I should say I am.
00:26:54.948 --> 00:27:05.704
That's why I am grateful for the ability to reflect back, because sometimes I really feel like it is those past memories that make me think, okay, I'll get through this somehow.
00:27:05.704 --> 00:27:10.342
Right, I don't know how, and I'm honestly maybe even pretty pissed.
00:27:10.362 --> 00:27:22.792
This is happening right now totally, totally valid feeling, right, but but like I've seen him deliver me before and and I just need to keep waiting.
00:27:22.792 --> 00:27:32.861
And that's the hard part, especially because I feel like sometimes, especially when you're more than willing, you're like I just want to do what you want me to do.
00:27:32.861 --> 00:27:36.148
Why can you just not communicate that to me?
00:27:36.714 --> 00:27:42.166
I'm more than willing and I'm like I'm sitting here, I will go to the.
00:27:42.166 --> 00:27:43.315
I'll sit in the temple.
00:27:43.355 --> 00:28:11.061
24 7, just tell me something like right, give me something to hold on to, to have open, to understand, and I wish I could say like I feel like with some, like I look back at that track experience and I know I I can see now where the Lord's hand was and why he was doing what he was doing, like I very clearly can see that um.
00:28:11.061 --> 00:28:21.756
But I look at some of these experiences like why we didn't get into that first graduate program and I'm like what was your point in that?
00:28:22.056 --> 00:28:31.358
yes yeah, great path now, but that would have, you would have done great, and that path too, like what right?
00:28:31.358 --> 00:28:39.829
Yeah, I've got a lot of questions for Heavenly Father right, a lot of questions, right one, I think.
00:28:40.250 --> 00:29:06.435
I had the thought too that I think sometimes this having to wait on the lord makes it so that we I don't know can almost that we are forced to separate ourselves from the temporal things that are around us, because I feel like, at least for speaking from personal experience, a lot of the stress and a lot of the frustration that comes from having to wait is okay.
00:29:06.435 --> 00:29:09.122
Well, it's usually waiting on a job, so I need money.
00:29:09.122 --> 00:29:16.703
Or it's usually waiting on school, which you know you have to start at a certain semester or you have to do yes, scholarships, or you have.
00:29:16.748 --> 00:29:19.226
You know there are a lot of things that are just really time sensitive.
00:29:19.226 --> 00:29:19.971
And, yeah, scholarships, or you have.
00:29:19.971 --> 00:29:21.915
You know there are a lot of things that are just really time sensitive.
00:29:21.915 --> 00:29:49.417
And or it's even just you know something that I because I have a hard time placing my value in temp and more temporal things right, like status or career, and I think when we're forced to wait on his hand and watch him work these miracles in our lives, it forces us to remember that it's just temporal, it's just temporary.
00:29:49.417 --> 00:30:04.434
You know that it's really him and his atonement that is the eternal aspect of it and that that is what will, at the end of the day, when literally all else is failing I'm getting declined from all of these jobs or all of these schools or all of these, whatever.
00:30:04.434 --> 00:30:14.318
He is the constant and it's just a really hard way he reminds us, but it's a very effective way sometimes I.
00:30:14.480 --> 00:30:44.757
I've learned my lesson yeah but really, and even sometimes you're feeling like I want these things, not just for the temporal aspect of it, but so I can create memories with my kids, so that I can, right, do x, y or z with them, or my family, or be close to family even, right, not, you know they're help my parents out, or things like that.
00:30:44.797 --> 00:30:52.589
There's just some things that you want, but you're, you're totally right.
00:30:52.589 --> 00:30:55.959
Like the lord's track record for coming through with us is a hundred percent.
00:30:55.959 --> 00:31:32.681
Yeah, even it's, and that number's not budging a key will always come through for us, even and I say this very hesitantly, but even when we don't notice it, because I think more and more often, as I've been with sisters in our ward, that I see them struggle to feel that, and I don't necessarily think it's all on them.
00:31:32.681 --> 00:31:34.362
I'm not going to say that.
00:31:34.362 --> 00:31:46.560
You know he will come through, though, in that sometimes it's years, sometimes it's years, sometimes it's months, sometimes it's in the minute.
00:31:46.560 --> 00:31:55.423
You know, but, right, his track record is a hundred percent and he will come through for us yeah, that's awesome.
00:31:55.503 --> 00:32:00.515
Well, if you have no further thoughts, I would love to hear a testimony from you, if that that's okay For sure.
00:32:01.195 --> 00:32:08.388
I think the one thing I really want to bear testimony of more than anything is that I know Jesus.
00:32:08.388 --> 00:32:31.059
That is my fundamental who I am as a person now all centers on that, on him, on his influence in my life, on my hope of an eternal family, on my getting through the hard days.
00:32:31.059 --> 00:32:44.987
It all circles back to him, um, and I, as I've navigated my faith as an adult, I have questions and I have aspects of my faith.
00:32:44.987 --> 00:32:48.425
I don't have full knowledge on that, I just have hope in.
00:32:48.425 --> 00:32:56.381
But that is the one thing that I know and I will scream from the rooftops that he lives and that he loves us.
00:32:56.381 --> 00:33:18.084
That life can be very, very hard sometimes and disappointing and, oh, he can be often felt like a toddler and screaming at heavenly father like what, let me have this, don't take away my plan, my, don't take away my toys.
00:33:18.084 --> 00:33:34.259
But he is in control and he is there and he is listening and he is even when we don't feel him.
00:33:34.319 --> 00:33:45.852
He is mourning with us yeah that he feels what we feel and he understands our sadness and I love them.
00:33:45.852 --> 00:33:51.126
I hope that is known, that I love my savior and I love my family.
00:33:53.496 --> 00:33:59.862
Well, thank you so much, Taylor, for taking time to share your wonderful story with us and bearing such a strong testimony of him.
00:33:59.862 --> 00:34:05.196
I really appreciate you, thank you.
00:34:05.196 --> 00:34:09.722
Thanks again for tuning into More Than Coincidence, remembering Jesus Christ in your Story.
00:34:09.722 --> 00:34:12.806
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00:34:12.806 --> 00:34:23.298
If you have an experience you'd like to share, feel free to reach out to morethancoincidencerememberhim at gmailcom.
00:34:23.298 --> 00:34:25.644
I can't wait to hear all of the amazing memories you all have of our Savior.
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See you next time.