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Okay, perfect example of this.
You know the Jonah Hill story that's going
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around about how he was like abusive
to his girlfriend so he had her takedown.
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So before they started dating, he
used to comment on all those photos
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and say, damn girl, you
look good blah blah blah. As soon
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as he started dating her and made
her his girlfriend, he asked her to
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take those photos down off her Instagram
because of control. So what are your
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feelings on that. I love the
smooth transition. See now we're going into
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THEO. I just got chills.
Let me tell you this, It all
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goes by. Okay. So I'm
gonna speak from my point of view.
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I'm not going to date somebody in
my point of view that is safe,
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for instance, a model. Okay, here where I'm gonna go with.
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I'm gonna just tell you a little
short story. I'm not gonna necessarily date.
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To me, that's a model.
But if you're in the health and
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wellness space, that's for me to
pick and choose, because then I know
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that it's all about showing your body
in the best representative way possible. You
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know, when it's professional versus when
it's occupational. Of this, I want
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to just get thirst traps. Right. So men, rule number one,
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you have to ask yourself this question. If you're children, if you have
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kids with this woman and how she's
throwing herself on social media, can your
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kids open up social media and go
that's mom and identify her. Okay,
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but now I'm going to ask you
about Kickie Palmer. I'm gonna don't.
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We don't even go there. We're
not gonna go yet. This wait.
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Let me cook for a second.
We cook, Sam, let me cook.
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So with that said, I'm the
type of person I'm not jealous about
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what people post on Insta because you've
got to be secure with you in yourself
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because the same thing people can say
about me, Well, all you do
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is you interview women on your podcast. Why Well, because they are having
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a voice to simply sit here and
come here and execute and talk about the
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things that need to be talked about. Men can do it also too.
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But when it comes to certain matches, certain debates, certain conversations that we
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we're doing, you need to have
the woman to be in the place.
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And said again, and which comes
into I know I have the one,
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the three, and the five,
The two in the four comes in and
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this is the reason why we cook
and we make. Some amazing things happen
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on this platform. So with that
said, you have to look at and
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you have to pick, and you
have to choose. Is it thirst trap
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or is it me posting something where
I'm with the girls, we're eating pasta,
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we're baking cookies, we're doing all
this. That's what I champion.
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I see captions and I'm gonna get
to what you're basically what you were saying.
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I see captions of people wanting to
learnt thirst sorry about Oh I'm out
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here doing this. Oh I'm a
bad bee, I'm a I'm a that.
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Listen. You want to keep considering
yourself and saying that you're a bad
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bee, You're diminishing who you are. You're diminishing what your offspring is going
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to be carrying. Because if you
want to have kids, or you're caretaking
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kids, or you're into that space, people look at you and say,
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yo, you a joke and you're
running amuck. Now you don't agree,
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that's fine, that's fine, But
here's the thing. Back that a lot
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because I think a lot of what
you said has a lot of truth to
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it. I love what you said
about the men need to be able to
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see is this for a third trap
or is this for her business or her
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career or her platform? Right?
What about stages of evolution? Why are
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we expecting people to be straight to
pure and why not give them the space
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to explore who they are and either
evolve or stay the same and love them
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or they're at regardless. Why so
much of the judgment around women who may
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feel really empowered to call themselves a
bad bad bee whatever? Why yourself,
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you're actually you're degrading yourself. So
I disagree because coming from someone again with
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the confidence and issues, I love
how this keeps coming up, like there's
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going to be moments I know for
sure that I need to post something really
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seductive on my Instagram and call myself
a bad bee, right, And it's
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not for the external validation. It's
truly because I can and it's my power
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to do that, and it's my
right to do that, regardless of what
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other people think, regardless of what
other people say. It's like, I'm
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feeling fucking good about myself, which
is rare because there's a lot of times
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where I feel shitty about myself.
So the one time that I feel fucking
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good I want to post that for
myself. Okay, so here's where I'm
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going to challenge you. I think
you can say bad, but I think
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you have to take out the other
B word because we know what bitch represents.
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When you want to put yourself out
there and you use these illusions,
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right, you have to really say
yourself is here's one. I'm a badass
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woman wanting to maybe empower other women, not a bad BCG because when I
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hear that, it's just like you're
degrading yourself. But it's more about like
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slang than it is about the truth
of the word. We're going here,
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we're going here, and it's more
so about like a vibe rather than taking
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it up face value of the word. Okay, so I'm black. I
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can't go on social media and drop
end bombs and say I'm the baddest I'm
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the baddest niga. You know,
I was about to stay Jesus Christ,
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but I was about to end myself
there. I can't go out there and
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I can't say that. And then
you see how our white counterparts, right
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say, for instance, I'll give
you an example, YouTuber Zurka was on
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Twitter talking about end bomb this end
bomb that, And I'm saying, where
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are you getting the past to say
that you're you're not even black, like
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bro, you don't even identify as
black, eminem, don't even say the
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end bomb. But you let some
things that are like universally off the table,
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you know what I mean, do
it not supposed to do it?
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Yeah, you know what I mean
universally you know. And that's when you
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make that choice to disregard that.
That means you don't deserve respect because you
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don't respect yourself. You think that
you're a above what is right and wrong
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or whatever, like I do believe
in a lot that you know, there's
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no such thing as right or wrong, but there is a such thing as
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respects and in my opinion, and
you know, everybody's entitled to their own
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beliefs BC is a completely different situation
than the N word, And the N
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word is something that when you use
it, you disrespect in an entire part
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of the world that we all went
through, or not we specifically, but
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universally, our ancestors, all,
we're all involved, all we're impacted by
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it, I'd say that, and
we all hold our ancestors DNA, right,
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so we're all still connected to what
went down, and we should all
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still hold ourselves accountable for what went
down and understand that even though it didn't
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happen right now, it still happens
in other countries and it's still very much
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real in our DNA. So respect
that and understand that. It's kind of
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the same thing with like the Jews, right, you don't cross the line
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because of what their ancestors collectively went
through. Same with you know, any
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like the Mexicans and things like that, Like, you don't cross the line
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because it's about respect exactly. So
we were talking about the Jonah Hill situation
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and kind of going back to that. When I think soul, yeah,
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well, when it comes down to
men, I think that your woman's gonna
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go out there, she's gonna post
certain things. I'll be honest, I'm
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a big component poll. Did you
see the photos? Okay, can we
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talk about this first. Let's go
ahead talk about the photos. She's surfing,
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Well, you can't be out in
a fullow night. And she is
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a very athletic build. She's not
even that sexually like oozing sex. She
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is a very modest athletic woman.
And she's like just because I wasn't in
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a wet suit. He has a
problem with it. What was she in?
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I didn't because I this skated past
my desk. I didn't click it
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or anything like that. Okay.
So it was literally a bathing suit,
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so a two piecee piece, two
piece okay, So she's smart as she
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wore two piece. She wasn't wearing
like a one piece speedo. So he
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said anything in a thong you need
to take down, and she's like,
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um, it's not a thong,
but okay, and it's not a throng.
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It's just you know, bathing suits
go up a little bit when especially
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when you're doing activities like surfing.
Okay. So literally, like the two
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court, her was saying, praising
this photo, and as soon as he
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has her, he's like, oh, take this down because he has a
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simp mindset. See, a real
man that knows the occupation, knows what
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he's getting into with a woman,
is going to set the foundation. Like
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how I originally said it, you
gotta know what it is you're getting into.
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If all of a sudden, Okay, say for instance, I'm dating
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somebody and she posts things of like
being a foodie, travel person different countries,
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but then she's posting something surfing.
I would only be like, I
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didn't know you post surfing fit pictures
right if it? But let me finish,
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me, let me finish. But
it's all with context because if you're
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posting like you see a lot of
fitness girls do this, Oh it's shoulder
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day, but I can see your
backside, then let's make it. Make
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it. Give me some sense here, because if it shoulder day, is
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your shouldering, your shoulders, not
your ass. I'm sorry. So you
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know what you're doing. You see
what I'm saying, and that's why saying
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So what I'm doing is I'm playing
both sides. I'm technically going to play
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both sides. So the reason I
don't like what you're saying isn't feeling good
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inside of me, is because you
claim to say that you are a safe
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space for women, but then there's
so much judgment and so many like nuances
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where it's like, I'm a safe
space until you post a thirst trap.
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I'm a safe space until you call
yourself a bad beat. I'm a safe
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space until and it's like, why
are there's so many conditions to that,
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because you can't claim to be a
safe space and then also not let women
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express themselves freely, because all we
have been done in this world has been
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to tell us we're too much of
something or we're not enough of something,
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And all we want to do is
be free to be who we are and
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express ourselves how we are healed or
not. Like there's no thing out there
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that says that we have to be
healed in order to be loved. We
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are worthy of unconditional love at every
step of our journeys. So here's what
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I'll say to you, and I
love that you went there, is that
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I'm playing devil's advocate because I haven't
really given a definite yes or no right.
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And that's what I'm doing. And
I'm doing that on purpose because I
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want the audience that are listening,
that are viewing this to say, they'll
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have those same questions, what does
he think? I know? But how
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if you see how I dressed it
up? I said, is Look,
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it all depends on situational scenarios and
situations. If you're dating a like,
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I know who and what it is
I want to date, right, And
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if, like I said, if
she's somebody has a model, I don't
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think I'm going to be dating that
now, I'm not disrespecting models. I
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just know what that's going to come
with. Right. If you're you have
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to be self aware of what you're
able to hold and what you're not able
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to hold, and then choose consciously
a person who can make you feel safe
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and secure your masculinity. Absolutely absolutely
so with him. Here's how I look
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at it, as I don't think
he's a real man. May not say
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anything to it. I'm gonna be
honest. I think a man's man ain't
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gonna say anything to it because you
really shouldn't be complaining unless he's doing something
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detrimental to your health and to your
relationship. I think that's when you're going
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to say something to it. Let
it skate by. But again, we're
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talking about celebrities. So I'll spin
it like this. If you meet your
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girl on sliding in a DM,
because that's what's happening now, right DM
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actions are happening. We know that
women are the gatekeepers to everything that happens,
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right, So men, that's not
your ticket to say, Oh,
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I can just run amuck and do
whatever it is I want to do right
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within reason, Like you, guys
have to be in some sort of committed
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relationship and you know, then you
ebbs and your flows of what domination's going
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to look like in the bedroom.
Right, So that that that's all I
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want to play in the safe line
hopefully doesn't reflect in the real world because
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which doesn't feel you see what I'm
saying. So when I look at men
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in red flags, men have to
always realize is that we're up against the
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wall. This is where the piece
has to come into play. Right,
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what are you doing to find the
best version of yourself? So here's a
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one tip surrounding who you're around,
who you wanting to be around, right,
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Champion, and being around the right
people the right energy in men.
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Guys that are going to reach out. Guys are gonna call you, Guys
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are gonna have networking meetings. Guys
are gonna be like, yo, Champion,
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what do you got going on?
I just goes on the phone.
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Last night I was gaming some Call
of Duty. One of my guy goes,
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what do you got planned for tomorrow? I didn't really answer the question
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because I was so deep in the
game going on. You know what I
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mean? But that's what you want, that's the first things. First,
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have the right people. Heck,
if you're a single male hang around with
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dudes. And this is gonna sound
crazy. You I'm about to say,
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is hang around with guys if you
wanted to be in a committed relationship with
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somewhere down the road and you're single, hang around with guys that are married.
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Hang around with guys that are showing
what evolution and what they is.
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When you get into your relationship conversations, it's not like yo, my wife
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is tripping, Yo, my girlfriend's
tripping. Oh we're fighting, we're nagging
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in this and that be around healthy
energy. M okay. But then I
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have a question for you. I've
heard your podcast with when you said when
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men get into relationships they forget about
their single guy friends. Yeah they do.
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Yeah, And I think it's true
too. So you just said that,
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like, you know, if you
being around healthy massual energy, hang
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out around men who are married,
do you believe that? Like, how
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do you think that equal energy exchange
can happen without it without anyone's feelings getting
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hurt? So with men and friends
or like a single guy and a married
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man, how can what does that
equal energy exchange and that dynamic look like?
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Because a single man has a lot
more time and energy available to their
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friendships than a man who is in
a committed relationship. That's lies in.
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That's cap. I'm gonna saying,
I'm sorry, respectfully, that's cap.
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So here's the balance. Balance,
balance, here's the thing. If you
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can't spare an hour out of your
day, out of your week, then
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you have to really ask yourself the
question, where does that person play in
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my life an hour? That hour
could be meeting in person, talking on
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the phone, being on FaceTime one
of my guys, And I know you
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would not mind me saying this.
We talk a lot, and it's so
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funny because his wife goes yo you
and Rory beyond the phone for hours.
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So cute. I love a good
healthy but it's a healthy relationship, yeah
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right, and we ebbs and we
flow. It could be gaming. Nothing
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makes me happier than my husband like
gaming and shooting friends. Yeah, what
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makes my heart so fucking happy.
But you know what the plot twist is,
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y'a'll be sitting here in the other
room listening why y'all talking about in
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there? So I know what you
guys were doing the same that you guys
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love the gossip. You love when
my girls go and have a boy like,
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oh my gosh, no, no, no gossip, not gossip in
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terms of like toxic gossip. There's
a healthy gossip. Or it's like oho,
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like who's still dating who? Or
who's who's a relationship struggling right now?
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Exactly right. So with that,
it's a taking an at least an
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hour out of your week, not
out of your day, out of your
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week, you know what I mean? Okay, So it's not about the
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time. I think what I meant
is the energy. So the married man
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is offering the single man an example
of what an an evolved masculine looks like.
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And then what is the man,
the other guy, like the healthy
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masculine receiving from that friendship, so
that he feels good about pouring that time
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into safe safe space and boundaries and
really understanding that it'slf It's it's okay to
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be any form of vulnerable with your
other person that you're meeting with or that
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you're hanging out with. Invaluable shit, that's good, right. So that
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could be within business, that could
be within you know, work, that
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could be within content creation and things
like that. I think where it gets
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weird is when so I have a
friend, you know, I'm gonna share
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it all out. I don't really
care, because this is what this is
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all about. And he's over in
America and he's doing his medical right,
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and he goes back and forth.
He said to me, he goes,
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listen, when you hit me up
that day and said what my plan was,
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and he said, you gave me
the time at five o'clock, he
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goes. I then knew. I
was like, y'oll listen, I gotta
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make make myself free that we can
both simply able to simply sit there and
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talk. And it was a four
hour meet up food this that, you
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know, whatever, whatever. But
a lot of men don't know how to
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do that because a lot of men
get complacent in life, right, And
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that's why it's about because why do
I think it happens. You really want
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me to you really want me to
know, really want to tell you,
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because I think I think that men
get lazy and men don't ever want to
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practice what being a real man is. It's not about necessarily about money,
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but men should be leading towards first
things. First exercise, form of exercise,
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form of exercise being in that gym, boxing, running, that's step
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number one. Step number two be
able to go to work not complaining and
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saying, oh right, lay off
of the drugs, lay off the alcohol.
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There are major distractions in life right
now. I see that's the reason
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so many high achievers. I don't
drink, I don't smoke. I don't
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do drugs. Do I drink,
yes, but I don't drink to get
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belligerently drunk. Do I smoke weed? No, had a bad trip when
262
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I was young, so I don't
touch none of that. Do I hang
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around with guys that are Do I
hang around with guys that's still smoke weed?
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Yes? But you know what they
do. They do it in the
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private compounds of their household, or
they step out of the value. You
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see what I'm saying. You have
to do things that are going to excel
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and level up your mind. At
your audio books on I watch a lot
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of fucking content. I watch a
lot of content that's content that's going to
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sharpen my mind. Right, everything
is either audio or video with me.
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I don't got time to pick up
a book and sit here and go okay
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cool, because it's two many distractions. Right, Podcasts, free resources out
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there right, always finding a way
to network, perfect your craft, perfect
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your relationships. That is what men
should be doing, not going on the
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pixels. And I've said this on
a previous episode and typing in your favorite
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only fans chick or whatever porn star
that's out there, or should I say
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corn star that's out there, because
I have to say korn because the algorithm
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is gonna end up crying me right
and be simply sitting here and being like,
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oh, look, this is what's
going on with Lena the Pug and
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00:21:48.920 --> 00:21:52.599
Adam twenty two. Those I've had
those conversations. Am I going to talk
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about on the podcast? Maybe not
because none of my business, but Adam
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twenty two, I'll get it out
there and I'll say it. He's a
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simp. He's a simp. You
let your girl like you're letting you,
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you're letting your you're letting your whole
woman, right being only fans check.
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Okay, Yes, you guys had
the trade off. She was allowed to
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simply sit here and bring other women
in, and you guys mate with each
286
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other. Now she wants to step
out because guess what, she's sick and
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00:22:15.160 --> 00:22:18.200
tired of that. She wants to
graduate. So guess what, she found
288
00:22:18.200 --> 00:22:23.000
a bigger, better deal and now
you on social media crying about it,
289
00:22:23.200 --> 00:22:29.559
saying, oh I let my wife
be with another man of another nationality,
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00:22:29.960 --> 00:22:32.799
blah blah blah blah blah. And
people are saying he's gonna make all this
291
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money from it. Yeah, you're
gonna make so much money off of it.
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But you know what the crazy thing's
gonna happen is when she's gonna graduate
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from nine and then say, hello, listen, I don't want to have
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one man. I want to have
two to three to four and however means
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it's gonna be. That's the reason
why he would never put me on that
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show, because I'd cook him.
I'd cook him, cook him. You
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00:22:52.680 --> 00:22:55.279
can speak about it all you want, though, No, I don't speak
298
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about it. And I hope he
catches it. I hope he catches the
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algorithm. Right, it's low vibration
is low vibration energy. Any man that
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subscribes and paying money to these people
for that, you have to really ask
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00:23:07.039 --> 00:23:11.000
yourself a few questions. That's where
you're hard oarned. Work is going to
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00:23:11.799 --> 00:23:18.559
low vibration pixels. But what vibration
pixels? What if their journey on this
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earth is not to evolve? And
like the thing that I always question,
304
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right, like the weight of the
world on our shoulders is something that I
305
00:23:29.480 --> 00:23:33.599
think about a lot as people that
are here to spread the message on how
306
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to become better thriving human beings.
Right, one thing that really helped me
307
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is knowing that every single person on
this planet is placed exactly where they need
308
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to be in order for the world
to keep spinning, and everyone is playing
309
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their integral role in the society,
and it is up to the human to
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choose evolution when they feel like the
world that they're operating in no longer serves
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them, and then evolving becomes something
that they have to do if they want
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to find fulfillment and happiness. Okay, so I challenge this real quick evolution
313
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should come from something I've always said. It's nothing wrong with working at nine
314
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to five, But working at nine
to five, going home to family,
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your kids, your loved ones,
and watching Netflix. Is that's the life
316
00:24:36.799 --> 00:24:38.559
you want to live? Cool?
Travel maybe one two times you're with your
317
00:24:38.559 --> 00:24:42.920
family. That's cool all right?
For me? It's about you go to
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00:24:44.000 --> 00:24:47.759
work right. Once you're done work, you go to the gym, you
319
00:24:47.839 --> 00:24:51.960
come home, you mellow out.
You either figure out what the agenda is
320
00:24:51.960 --> 00:24:53.960
going to be for the next day
or for the next week's coming ahead,
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00:24:55.480 --> 00:24:59.599
planning, content creation, sending out
emails. That's the evolution of mind.
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00:24:59.680 --> 00:25:04.039
That's having the mom of mentality with
the basketball any means necessary, right,
323
00:25:04.599 --> 00:25:07.680
I think a lot of single men
that just want to simply sit here go
324
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at every single weekend, which I
see why guys do that because there's two
325
00:25:11.880 --> 00:25:15.559
different plays to it. Guys work
so hard five days for the week,
326
00:25:15.640 --> 00:25:18.960
so they want to go out on
a Saturday night and have time just to
327
00:25:19.039 --> 00:25:22.960
chill out and mellow out and five
out. Nothing wrong with that, Nothing
328
00:25:23.000 --> 00:25:26.359
wrong with that, right, It's
not what you're doing in between that,
329
00:25:26.359 --> 00:25:32.200
because if you're going out chasing tale, hoping to find a girl take her
330
00:25:32.240 --> 00:25:37.480
to Poundtown every fucking week like buh, see you later, it's it does
331
00:25:37.640 --> 00:25:41.119
You're not going to progress to anything
because all you're doing if you're simply sitting
332
00:25:41.119 --> 00:25:45.519
here every week, every Saturday,
and you're spending anywhere between one hundred and
333
00:25:45.519 --> 00:25:51.319
fifty to two hundred bucks and that
night that equals out to be what almost
334
00:25:51.319 --> 00:25:55.920
five to ten k a year,
that I know my mask could be completely
335
00:25:55.920 --> 00:26:00.119
off, you see what I'm saying. So It's like the ones that are
336
00:26:00.160 --> 00:26:03.720
going out every weekend and that's their
time to unwind cool do that. It
337
00:26:03.839 --> 00:26:07.400
is what it is. It's social
hour, you know what. I'm a
338
00:26:07.400 --> 00:26:10.519
big component though, because I got
a lot of things going on coming in
339
00:26:10.519 --> 00:26:12.799
the next few you know, weeks
and things like that. In months.
340
00:26:14.599 --> 00:26:18.279
Is everything now when I got it
is all networking, It's all high level
341
00:26:18.279 --> 00:26:23.599
conversation. Where does play come into
that? Like what about inner child Rory?
342
00:26:23.759 --> 00:26:30.319
Where does he get to just like
have fun and just like not have
343
00:26:30.480 --> 00:26:37.240
the constant pressure of this like evolution
growth journey. It's not because a girl
344
00:26:37.680 --> 00:26:42.480
a woman really wants to have fun, Like she wants a man who is
345
00:26:42.480 --> 00:26:47.720
dedicated to his growth and evolution,
of course, but then also knowing that
346
00:26:47.799 --> 00:26:52.119
when they are together, like your
growth should happen on your own, but
347
00:26:52.200 --> 00:26:56.400
when you're together, like with me
and my husband, like that's my joy,
348
00:26:56.440 --> 00:27:00.640
that's my fun. That's why you
see our Instagram post and we're out
349
00:27:00.759 --> 00:27:04.799
having fun doing all these fun paisy
things. Like I don't want to sit
350
00:27:04.839 --> 00:27:12.240
there and like just constantly hear about
your habits and what you're doing and your
351
00:27:12.319 --> 00:27:18.200
growth, and like where's your personality
outside of being a growing individual. So
352
00:27:18.240 --> 00:27:23.000
I love that you say that,
and that's in going to movies right right
353
00:27:23.039 --> 00:27:26.480
now, if I was in a
relationship, if I'm not in a relationship,
354
00:27:26.480 --> 00:27:30.079
because nobody's ever going to know until
the championship hard where is on the
355
00:27:30.160 --> 00:27:32.559
championship finger? You's know what I'm
saying. That's when you'll know, and
356
00:27:32.640 --> 00:27:37.079
that's when everything will happen. Going
to movies is the biggest thing. Going
357
00:27:37.079 --> 00:27:40.119
out and doing things, you know
what I mean. If it's like picking
358
00:27:40.200 --> 00:27:42.319
up maybe virtual golf. I don't
ice, skate, I don't roll or
359
00:27:42.359 --> 00:27:47.200
skate. That's not my jam.
So don't get me out there when you're
360
00:27:47.279 --> 00:27:52.759
six four and you two fifty,
like going on it hurts if you fall,
361
00:27:52.839 --> 00:27:56.200
it hurts, right, Um,
doing some form of that, right
362
00:27:56.680 --> 00:28:02.200
yeah, going different cities, you
know what I mean, spending a lot
363
00:28:02.200 --> 00:28:06.960
of time in Toronto, you know
what I mean, and really sporting events
364
00:28:07.000 --> 00:28:11.319
things like that. Gaming is a
big component also too, right, So
365
00:28:11.640 --> 00:28:15.200
there's always that fun side to me. Right If when I'm in a relationship,
366
00:28:15.400 --> 00:28:18.640
all the women know what it is, Yo, it's gonna be time,
367
00:28:18.720 --> 00:28:22.480
It's it's gonna be We're gonna go
out here, We're gonna eat this,
368
00:28:22.559 --> 00:28:25.359
We're gonna eat that, We're gonna
hang out, We're gonna have conversations,
369
00:28:25.359 --> 00:28:26.960
you're gonna vibe out. You're gonna
ask me about podcasting. And I'm
370
00:28:27.079 --> 00:28:33.200
saying, is it's weekend, I
don't want to talk about podcasting, you
371
00:28:33.240 --> 00:28:37.200
know what I mean. Talk to
me on Monday morning. Yeah, you
372
00:28:37.319 --> 00:28:37.960
know what I mean. And then
they look at you and they're like,
373
00:28:37.960 --> 00:28:40.920
wait, you don't want to talk
about podcasting. Yeah, I don't want
374
00:28:40.920 --> 00:28:44.839
top a podcasting, but that's your
craft. How can I help support you?
375
00:28:45.400 --> 00:28:48.599
Well, you know, let me
tell you this. You could help
376
00:28:48.640 --> 00:28:52.640
support me, But let's have the
conversation that nine on when I'm yeah,
377
00:28:52.720 --> 00:28:56.640
that's a business conversation. That's not
a hey, like yeah, I mean.
378
00:28:59.279 --> 00:29:03.240
Let's go back to flags in the
beginning of dating, right, the
379
00:29:03.359 --> 00:29:07.440
number one, the biggest red flag. Forget this personal development stuff, right,
380
00:29:07.599 --> 00:29:11.640
put that to the side. It's
extremely important, but you're not going
381
00:29:11.680 --> 00:29:17.039
to know someone's personal development journey on
the first date. What you will know
382
00:29:17.119 --> 00:29:22.160
on the first date is how many
hobbies and interests do they have outside of
383
00:29:25.599 --> 00:29:32.039
making money, external validation, external
approval? What do they enjoy to do
384
00:29:32.359 --> 00:29:36.000
just for them? And themselves.
And that is going to be so much
385
00:29:36.039 --> 00:29:41.160
more telling for you. Is this
person a secure individual or not? The
386
00:29:41.319 --> 00:29:48.400
more hobbies they have outside of professional
and personal development makes them a more secure
387
00:29:48.519 --> 00:29:52.880
person in themselves. Many you say
that, no, I love that,
388
00:29:52.960 --> 00:29:56.640
But you know what I think when
you're not a person that we joked about
389
00:29:56.680 --> 00:30:00.519
this camping, I don't do camping. I don't. I'm sorry, I
390
00:30:00.519 --> 00:30:04.039
don't do camping. Hiking I can
do to to to a level, right.
391
00:30:04.480 --> 00:30:07.720
Camping and hiking are two different things. But I think when you hear
392
00:30:07.799 --> 00:30:11.319
a lot of people talk about,
oh, I want to go it on
393
00:30:11.480 --> 00:30:15.519
my boat, well, sorry,
I don't do open body of water.
394
00:30:15.559 --> 00:30:18.519
Almost died when I was a child, almost drowned. That's you gotta start
395
00:30:18.559 --> 00:30:21.960
compromising with that, because listen,
if you're scared of heights, I'm not
396
00:30:21.960 --> 00:30:25.440
gonna put you. I almost drowned
in a beach. But that's some of
397
00:30:25.480 --> 00:30:27.960
my favorite places to you. That
is you, that is you, that
398
00:30:29.200 --> 00:30:32.880
is not me. I'm speaking from
my point of view. Sannah, Let
399
00:30:33.039 --> 00:30:37.799
let listen, hello, fears,
listen, let me tell you something I
400
00:30:37.839 --> 00:30:45.400
don't Yeah, right, yeah right, tread lightly yeah with my water wings
401
00:30:45.400 --> 00:30:52.880
in my life jacket out of here, recording in progress. Wait the podcaster
402
00:30:52.119 --> 00:30:56.680
just did the podcaster just enter an
open body of water? Yeah? Right,
403
00:30:56.240 --> 00:31:00.640
can't do it. I'm gonna it's
gonna go viral, be the best
404
00:31:00.640 --> 00:31:06.240
thing to ever exist on the Internet. I hear you, right. The
405
00:31:06.640 --> 00:31:11.119
thing is is that you gotta be
able to understand what people do and what
406
00:31:11.160 --> 00:31:15.559
it is they like as far as
hobbies, and I think you can then
407
00:31:15.599 --> 00:31:19.319
instantly build into it, you know
what I mean. I find it weird
408
00:31:19.400 --> 00:31:22.759
when some people say they don't like
watching movies. I didn't. That's weird.
409
00:31:22.799 --> 00:31:25.599
I'm gonna you don't like movies?
Like, what's wrong with you?
410
00:31:25.920 --> 00:31:27.599
Like? What do you like?
What do you rather do? Some people
411
00:31:27.680 --> 00:31:30.480
then are like grounded to nature?
Okay, cool, that means more walks.
412
00:31:32.319 --> 00:31:34.920
You know that means more hikes.
Cool. I have no problem walking.
413
00:31:36.119 --> 00:31:38.480
I love walking. Walking is amazing. I'll go I'll go on an
414
00:31:38.519 --> 00:31:41.759
eleven k walk right now if I
wanted to. It's humid outside, but
415
00:31:42.039 --> 00:31:47.680
later in the evening. But you
have to I think in the very first
416
00:31:47.680 --> 00:31:51.319
beginning stages it's the best representation of
people are trying to do. It's like
417
00:31:51.319 --> 00:31:55.519
a job interview, right, what
does that person like to do? Heck,
418
00:31:55.559 --> 00:31:59.359
you know what, I like pro
wrestling. I didn't one of the
419
00:31:59.400 --> 00:32:04.119
most second see his things, and
I've had a couple x's. It would
420
00:32:04.160 --> 00:32:07.680
have been back in the day.
We're talking about years years ago, there's
421
00:32:07.720 --> 00:32:10.000
been live wrestling events. I want
to go to you with that. I'm
422
00:32:10.160 --> 00:32:14.079
dead ass saying what you want to
go to watch? What? Pro wrestling?
423
00:32:14.079 --> 00:32:16.079
But I know you like this.
I'm like, Nah, it's all
424
00:32:16.119 --> 00:32:20.200
good because in the back of my
mind, I already know what's gonna happen.
425
00:32:20.799 --> 00:32:24.200
You're gonna ask me all these questions
the whole entire time. I love
426
00:32:24.359 --> 00:32:30.039
that you say that, because my
next question is there's a difference between making
427
00:32:30.039 --> 00:32:37.240
sure that those hobbies are compatible,
and then there's also a difference in just
428
00:32:37.319 --> 00:32:40.839
saying, hey, that's I love
that for you, you know, and
429
00:32:42.319 --> 00:32:46.920
knowing that just because you're in a
long term, committed relationship doesn't mean you
430
00:32:47.000 --> 00:32:52.279
need to do all of the hobbies
together. And in fact, it's actually
431
00:32:52.519 --> 00:32:58.319
a lot healthier for two people to
have completely different hobbies that they enjoyed to
432
00:32:58.359 --> 00:33:05.160
do alone. Occasionally maybe together,
but in a blue moon, mostly alone,
433
00:33:05.200 --> 00:33:09.759
because that creates that sense of self
within a loving, monogamous, long
434
00:33:09.880 --> 00:33:16.400
term partnership facts. And I think
that it also goes into where, Okay,
435
00:33:16.839 --> 00:33:20.680
there's a lot of people I like
country music. I don't really rock
436
00:33:20.759 --> 00:33:24.079
with country music. Would I think
over and over again, but right,
437
00:33:24.160 --> 00:33:29.559
it's the same same stuff, the
same stuff. Would I support you in
438
00:33:29.680 --> 00:33:34.359
maybe buying you country music concert tickets
for two to take one of your girls.
439
00:33:34.680 --> 00:33:38.759
That is so romantic, and that's
more romantic than like going like say
440
00:33:38.799 --> 00:33:43.960
your partner bought you the pro wrestling
tickets and it was like, hey,
441
00:33:44.039 --> 00:33:46.640
go with your guy friends, have
a guy's night, like go have fun.
442
00:33:47.079 --> 00:33:50.480
I know this is coming up,
and I know you really love this,
443
00:33:51.119 --> 00:33:52.359
and I just like got it for
you because I thought about you,
444
00:33:53.279 --> 00:33:57.720
because I know you love wrestling.
It's amazing, it's amazing, and I
445
00:33:57.759 --> 00:34:02.960
think that's how you that's where you
go with the feminine energy and the masculine
446
00:34:04.039 --> 00:34:06.799
energy. It's when you can ebbs
and flows. It's kind of like,
447
00:34:07.160 --> 00:34:10.400
I'm supporting you, but I don't
have to necessarily be there now when you
448
00:34:10.400 --> 00:34:13.760
go to these things. It's not
saying that you go to the country music
449
00:34:13.800 --> 00:34:16.840
Corns concert and then you go hang
out with this guy that guy haven't buy
450
00:34:16.880 --> 00:34:21.960
all your drinks for you that night
because I'm okay. First of all,
451
00:34:22.360 --> 00:34:27.000
Like the number one thing when people
heard about me and my husband living apart
452
00:34:27.039 --> 00:34:30.079
together was oh, so you get
to do whatever you want with whoever you
453
00:34:30.119 --> 00:34:32.719
want, and your husband's never gonna
know or they think like, oh,
454
00:34:32.760 --> 00:34:37.480
he's going to have people over and
this that again goes back to how secure
455
00:34:37.639 --> 00:34:42.719
is the individual in their solitude and
their alone time. People that can't be
456
00:34:43.239 --> 00:34:51.039
alone are more likely to go out
and seek external attention company YadA, YadA.
457
00:34:51.119 --> 00:34:54.159
But if you know your partner loves
their alone time, they have so
458
00:34:54.199 --> 00:34:58.360
many hobbies and they have so many
things in life that like fill them up
459
00:34:58.960 --> 00:35:02.679
that doesn't require external validation. And
I guess that goes back to your Instagram
460
00:35:02.679 --> 00:35:07.000
posts comment about women, How many
of them are putting out their straps because
461
00:35:07.039 --> 00:35:14.159
they need that external validation versus how
secure are they in themselves and they are
462
00:35:14.239 --> 00:35:22.000
posting content that can create an impact
and empower others, right like are you
463
00:35:22.239 --> 00:35:28.199
do you need more from the world
or are you willing to give more to
464
00:35:28.239 --> 00:35:31.920
the world? And that shows how
confident and secure a person is. What
465
00:35:32.000 --> 00:35:36.079
then you're going to have the women
that say, well, it's my body,
466
00:35:36.199 --> 00:35:39.079
my choice what I want to post, and I'm just like, but
467
00:35:39.119 --> 00:35:45.519
it goes back to yeah, but
don't complain. If men are going to
468
00:35:45.679 --> 00:35:52.519
sexually objectify you, it's just how
secretly they like that. Like a woman
469
00:35:52.719 --> 00:35:57.960
knows that she would not be posting
what she is doing if she was not
470
00:35:58.039 --> 00:36:02.079
seeking for that attention. That attention
feels good, And like, just ask
471
00:36:02.119 --> 00:36:07.400
yourself, do you want to be
known for just your appearance that will change
472
00:36:07.440 --> 00:36:13.119
when you age and you'll lose one
day and then what are you going to
473
00:36:13.199 --> 00:36:15.920
do? Or do you want to
have an impact that you can provide to
474
00:36:15.960 --> 00:36:25.400
the world with your wisdom and your
power and just confidence and your expression of
475
00:36:25.599 --> 00:36:30.239
freedom. Right, it's like,
why are you posting this? Are you
476
00:36:30.280 --> 00:36:36.679
posting this because you want to because
you're feeling insecure? Are you posting this
477
00:36:36.800 --> 00:36:42.440
to empower others? That's it.
It's just that simple, and there's nothing
478
00:36:42.480 --> 00:36:46.559
wrong with posting because you feel insecure, But then being consciously aware and emotionally
479
00:36:46.559 --> 00:36:52.519
intelligent enough to know that you're doing
that because of a wound tells you,
480
00:36:52.639 --> 00:36:57.039
okay, go ahead and still do
it. Know that you're going to attract
481
00:36:57.559 --> 00:37:01.400
insecure men as well, because you're
being insecure. And if you want to
482
00:37:01.480 --> 00:37:07.280
change the pattern of the people that
you're attracting in your life, change your
483
00:37:07.280 --> 00:37:10.360
habits, do the inner work to
see why am I insecure? Where is
484
00:37:10.360 --> 00:37:15.960
this insecurity coming from? The shadow
work? And like I said, a
485
00:37:15.000 --> 00:37:21.280
woman's shop in this world is to
heal her lineage, heal her soul.
486
00:37:21.800 --> 00:37:28.400
And the masculine's role is to keep
gaining wisdom and how to be an optimal
487
00:37:28.480 --> 00:37:36.320
human of society. And the man
leads in helping the women become successful,
488
00:37:37.039 --> 00:37:43.800
confident, powerful, and the woman
holds the space for the man to dissolve
489
00:37:43.960 --> 00:37:47.639
the patriarchy and the capitalist society,
all this crab limiting beliefs that we have.
490
00:37:47.920 --> 00:37:52.119
So a woman's job is to empower
the man to be confident in who
491
00:37:52.159 --> 00:37:54.639
he is inside. And a man's
shop is to hold the space for the
492
00:37:54.679 --> 00:38:00.360
woman to have that confidence in herself
so that she doesn't need to seek that
493
00:38:00.360 --> 00:38:04.440
external validation. And it's well said, it's well said, and I think
494
00:38:04.440 --> 00:38:09.400
that a lot of women now,
the ones that are aligned, the chockers
495
00:38:09.440 --> 00:38:14.920
are aligned. You see them going
down that journey. Yeah, the men
496
00:38:15.440 --> 00:38:21.679
that are championing themselves to become better
are championing that also too, And that's
497
00:38:21.679 --> 00:38:25.559
why I heard an influencer one say
this, and it makes the most sense.
498
00:38:25.920 --> 00:38:29.280
A lot of women will do one
of two things with the men.
499
00:38:29.800 --> 00:38:31.960
The ones that they know they can
run them up with, they'll sell them
500
00:38:32.000 --> 00:38:36.639
anything and he'll just go with it. The ones that they know that they
501
00:38:36.760 --> 00:38:42.559
can't, they'll do one of two
things. They'll either sit there and they'll
502
00:38:42.679 --> 00:38:45.119
chomp on the mouth guard and they'll
shut their mouth and they fall in line,
503
00:38:45.719 --> 00:38:50.039
or they just taper off and they
run away. That's just how it
504
00:38:50.119 --> 00:38:54.119
is, because they realize that this
potential person is going to call me out
505
00:38:54.840 --> 00:38:59.119
on my shit. You know,
it's so funny that you say that.
506
00:38:59.199 --> 00:39:01.880
I always say that if you're not
willing to look in the mirror, don't
507
00:39:01.880 --> 00:39:08.199
get married, because that is the
role of a long term partnership, any
508
00:39:08.239 --> 00:39:12.480
relationship. I mean, it happens
all the time in our friendships and our
509
00:39:12.480 --> 00:39:17.599
family dynamics as well, but it's
like on a such a small scale because
510
00:39:17.599 --> 00:39:22.880
you're not with them twenty for seven. When you're living with someone, they
511
00:39:22.920 --> 00:39:28.559
are going to trigger the hell out
of you because they are mirroring all of
512
00:39:28.599 --> 00:39:31.599
your insecurities and your doubts and your
bounds, and if you're not willing to
513
00:39:31.639 --> 00:39:36.079
do the work, you got to
travel with them. You gotta the first
514
00:39:36.159 --> 00:39:40.239
vacation that you and that said woman
can go on, or that said male
515
00:39:40.360 --> 00:39:44.679
can go on. Try to do
it as quick as you can't, cause
516
00:39:44.719 --> 00:39:49.559
you see everything you need to see
finding My husband and I went to Cancoon
517
00:39:49.679 --> 00:39:52.639
a month into dating. We were
still casual, and I'm like, Google,
518
00:39:52.679 --> 00:39:55.199
like, what does that mean when
a guy takes you to on vacation?
519
00:39:57.199 --> 00:40:00.239
You know why? And it's so
funny. You know why people google
520
00:40:00.360 --> 00:40:05.159
is because they want to get the
information right. They want the information that's
521
00:40:05.159 --> 00:40:07.480
going to change. I wanted to
validate what I'm feeling, like, oh
522
00:40:07.519 --> 00:40:09.920
my gosh, he's really interested in
me and he's serious about me and blah
523
00:40:09.960 --> 00:40:13.880
blah blah, when in reality he's
like, I just wanted to go on
524
00:40:13.880 --> 00:40:17.119
a vacation and you seem fun and
I asked you to come with me,
525
00:40:17.400 --> 00:40:21.679
you know, yeah, before we
get out of here real quick. Well
526
00:40:21.840 --> 00:40:25.800
we're just gonna do like a quick
just back and forth. When we think
527
00:40:25.840 --> 00:40:34.360
about these red flags between men and
between women and all this, what are
528
00:40:35.000 --> 00:40:37.800
what are these things? And it's
just a quick refresher, because I feel
529
00:40:37.800 --> 00:40:40.280
like some people just have blinders on. They don't got the Brady the Peyton
530
00:40:40.280 --> 00:40:45.360
Manning vision. They're not looking down
the field. They're not Patrick Mahomes gonna
531
00:40:45.360 --> 00:40:47.719
throw with sixty yards. No look, they tend to just want to be
532
00:40:47.760 --> 00:40:52.800
like, oh this okay, let
me just show up right, Like what
533
00:40:52.960 --> 00:40:55.920
what? What are the things you
should be looking for? Is its speech?
534
00:40:57.039 --> 00:41:00.199
Is a character? Is it fidgetedness? Let's talk about it. I'm
535
00:41:00.199 --> 00:41:04.000
going to talk about it from a
female perspective, and I want I would
536
00:41:04.039 --> 00:41:07.079
love for you to talk about it
from a perspective like doing Okay, So
537
00:41:07.440 --> 00:41:09.639
if I was on a first date, these are the things that I would
538
00:41:09.679 --> 00:41:14.039
look for in order to see if
like the red flags, the green flags,
539
00:41:14.039 --> 00:41:17.880
and the bait flags. The red
flags are how are they treating the
540
00:41:17.880 --> 00:41:22.280
wait staff, How are they speaking
to them when you're on a date,
541
00:41:22.559 --> 00:41:24.960
when you're out in public, how
are they interacting with the world around them?
542
00:41:25.840 --> 00:41:35.199
Observe being an observer without judgment.
Just take it in and tally up
543
00:41:35.239 --> 00:41:40.159
the marks, right, How do
they treat women that they're not interested in?
544
00:41:40.280 --> 00:41:44.840
You could tell these things just on
like at a restaurant, how are
545
00:41:44.880 --> 00:41:46.159
they talking to the wait staff,
how are they talking to the hostess?
546
00:41:46.440 --> 00:41:51.719
How are they are they ordering for
you? Are they like being controlling or
547
00:41:51.800 --> 00:41:53.519
they being or are they holding space
and being like? Hey, what would
548
00:41:53.519 --> 00:41:57.719
you like? Order whatever you want? I got it, you know what
549
00:41:57.760 --> 00:42:02.039
I mean. And then another thing
that you should look for is the hobbies.
550
00:42:04.280 --> 00:42:06.079
Ask them like, hey, what
do you like to do in your
551
00:42:06.079 --> 00:42:10.559
free time? Cool? What's your
plan for What are your biggest dreams?
552
00:42:12.039 --> 00:42:15.480
Right? Do they have dreams?
Do they care about growth and personal development?
553
00:42:15.840 --> 00:42:21.079
These are all first date questions that
aren't too aggressive and to this and
554
00:42:21.119 --> 00:42:24.760
that. If you come with the
energy of a simple observer with zero judgment,
555
00:42:25.679 --> 00:42:30.159
just get to know someone on a
first date and then process that date
556
00:42:30.760 --> 00:42:37.000
when you go home. Don't sit
there and argue and judge them and this
557
00:42:37.159 --> 00:42:42.400
and that on that date because they're
allowed to do what they want and you're
558
00:42:42.400 --> 00:42:45.599
allowed to do what you want,
and you get to choose do I want
559
00:42:45.599 --> 00:42:50.719
a second date or not? Before
I answer should the men? Should?
560
00:42:50.760 --> 00:42:55.639
The man always pay for the first
date? So I believe to be yes.
561
00:42:55.840 --> 00:43:05.880
And it's because it shows that you
take her seriously. It shows that
562
00:43:06.000 --> 00:43:12.440
you are ready to invest, not
just financially, but also your time and
563
00:43:12.480 --> 00:43:16.320
your energy because that money took time
and energy for you to gain. And
564
00:43:16.440 --> 00:43:21.400
that is the bigger picture here.
It's not oh can you support me financially?
565
00:43:21.400 --> 00:43:23.800
Women gives a bigger message than just
hey, I got you financially because
566
00:43:23.800 --> 00:43:27.960
a woman doesn't technically need a man
to support her financially, but she does
567
00:43:28.000 --> 00:43:30.039
want to know that you will pour
your time and energy into her, and
568
00:43:30.119 --> 00:43:36.679
that is a symbol of that.
Okay, I love you say that men.
569
00:43:36.800 --> 00:43:38.039
Men, men. Coming from my
point of view, I'm well to
570
00:43:38.079 --> 00:43:45.480
cook. Yeah, how about you
grill time? So step one, you
571
00:43:45.519 --> 00:43:50.480
guys, go out. No matter
what you're doing, She's not going to
572
00:43:51.199 --> 00:43:55.840
ever complain or champion or challenge whatever
it is that you have going on.
573
00:43:57.119 --> 00:44:00.119
If she's actually interested into wanting to
get to know you, that's step one
574
00:44:01.039 --> 00:44:07.320
step two with that, because once
everything is done, does she text at
575
00:44:07.360 --> 00:44:09.559
the end of the night and says
thank you? Or does she say it
576
00:44:09.599 --> 00:44:15.239
to you? Because you go on
a lot of dates and there's a lot
577
00:44:15.280 --> 00:44:22.159
of entitlement where it could be something
so small where you guys, ladies always
578
00:44:22.199 --> 00:44:29.760
say thank you, but gude,
they don't. Lately, they don't and
579
00:44:29.800 --> 00:44:32.159
I'm hearing it from all different spectrums, and I'm sitting here to myself and
580
00:44:32.159 --> 00:44:37.000
I'm like, where's the manners?
Right? If she don't say thank you,
581
00:44:37.639 --> 00:44:43.119
walk away from that senarian situation,
I'm sorry this cut your losses because
582
00:44:43.119 --> 00:44:47.119
it shows that she doesn't have proper
home training. There's you gotta say thank
583
00:44:47.159 --> 00:44:50.880
you, ladies and gentlemen. You
have to. So I have a question.
584
00:44:51.599 --> 00:44:55.679
So what I hear on the women's
side is when I show gratitude,
585
00:44:57.320 --> 00:45:00.159
they take it ten steps further and
say, now, what are you going
586
00:45:00.199 --> 00:45:05.199
to give to me? Because I
did this for you? And that is
587
00:45:05.280 --> 00:45:09.760
why I believe women fear showing gratitude
to men they just met, because they
588
00:45:09.800 --> 00:45:13.400
don't know if they're going to be
If a woman says thank you so much
589
00:45:13.400 --> 00:45:16.000
for that meal, nine times out
of ten, the man's gonna be like,
590
00:45:16.199 --> 00:45:21.639
now what do I get? And
then that puts so much pressure on
591
00:45:21.679 --> 00:45:25.280
a woman to do things that she's
not ready for and says, why can't
592
00:45:25.280 --> 00:45:30.840
you just like do a nice thing
for me just out of the pureness of
593
00:45:30.880 --> 00:45:35.519
your heart? Why does it have
to be this tip for tat situation?
594
00:45:36.159 --> 00:45:37.880
And I love that you say that
because I think it comes down to respect.
595
00:45:37.960 --> 00:45:40.840
And I think that you will know, you will know. Women,
596
00:45:42.119 --> 00:45:45.760
I'm gonna I'm gonna say something here
at me. I know, is that
597
00:45:45.840 --> 00:45:51.519
probably gonna feeling gonna begin to give
me a rebuttal. You should know who
598
00:45:51.599 --> 00:45:54.880
you're going to sit across from.
We're out at whatever it is you guys
599
00:45:54.880 --> 00:45:58.840
are doing. Right, if it's
a play day, if you guys are
600
00:45:58.840 --> 00:46:01.119
going bowling, if you guys are
going playing darts, if you're playing mini
601
00:46:01.159 --> 00:46:06.119
golf, you shouldn't know. You
should really know. And I think the
602
00:46:06.159 --> 00:46:12.280
best representation of that is doing the
background checks. I've had women say to
603
00:46:12.320 --> 00:46:15.440
me, I've prepped you on social
media. I've listened to your episodes.
604
00:46:16.159 --> 00:46:20.360
Cool. I'm like, all right, cool, I'm laughing. But if
605
00:46:20.400 --> 00:46:24.840
someone's not on social media, listen, you can figure a person out.
606
00:46:24.880 --> 00:46:29.039
It's not that hard. Google is
a hell of a thing. Google's a
607
00:46:29.079 --> 00:46:32.679
hell of a thing, right,
And I think that once you know and
608
00:46:32.800 --> 00:46:37.519
what you're doing, you'll have a
good idea. You'll know. You can
609
00:46:37.559 --> 00:46:44.239
tell if a guy is really psychologically
messed up and you know he's this there
610
00:46:44.280 --> 00:46:47.440
for one thing. But guys like
myself and this is gonna be some free
611
00:46:47.480 --> 00:46:52.400
game once you take it off the
table. From the early stages I'm talking
612
00:46:52.400 --> 00:46:55.039
about first, that you take it
off the table, you don't come with
613
00:46:55.079 --> 00:46:58.840
that, you don't lead with that. It forces the woman to think,
614
00:46:59.599 --> 00:47:04.800
well, if he's not looking at
me like a piece of meat and he's
615
00:47:04.840 --> 00:47:08.760
not going to sexually objectify me,
well, that's going to send her nervous
616
00:47:08.760 --> 00:47:14.440
system into chaos if she doesn't think
she has any self worth outside of her
617
00:47:14.519 --> 00:47:21.360
external image exactly. And that's how
you can play the fault line because they
618
00:47:21.400 --> 00:47:24.880
say, yes, women do are
the ones that control of what happens.
619
00:47:25.360 --> 00:47:30.079
But when you take it off the
table and you're not acting thirsty and you're
620
00:47:30.119 --> 00:47:32.440
having a wholesome conversation, you're just
getting to know each other, that's going
621
00:47:32.480 --> 00:47:37.519
to make her go crazy. You're
you're sparring in the ring, you're doing
622
00:47:37.559 --> 00:47:39.079
whatever you need to do. Here's
a free game. I want to say
623
00:47:39.079 --> 00:47:42.480
it to a lot of people.
Nine times out of ten, she's the
624
00:47:42.480 --> 00:47:45.920
one who's actually going to pursue you, believe it or not. No,
625
00:47:45.159 --> 00:47:49.440
No, like women don't hide it. When we want something, we want
626
00:47:49.480 --> 00:47:52.960
something and we'll tell you we want
it. And that's on a secure woman.
627
00:47:52.199 --> 00:47:58.480
Right, that's another thing like a
red flag. If you are questioning
628
00:47:58.519 --> 00:48:02.079
where you stand with a woman,
she's not secure in herself, yep,
629
00:48:02.760 --> 00:48:07.159
yep. If she is secure herself, you'll know, like the energy will
630
00:48:07.239 --> 00:48:12.119
be so clear, and they make
it like I said, as a woman
631
00:48:12.159 --> 00:48:15.599
will always make it easy, right, none of this. You have to
632
00:48:15.679 --> 00:48:19.360
chase her. She has to chase
you. She's going to open up herself
633
00:48:19.360 --> 00:48:22.719
available to you. And nine times
out of ten men and I'll say this
634
00:48:22.760 --> 00:48:28.039
is free game here, don't go
in thirsty watch y'all. She reacts to
635
00:48:28.079 --> 00:48:32.119
it because if she's in one with
herself, she's gonna say, okay,
636
00:48:32.199 --> 00:48:36.440
what's his play? And then she's
the one who's going to be like,
637
00:48:36.519 --> 00:48:39.559
yo, hey, let's let's hang
out. Oh we're gonna hang out.
638
00:48:40.119 --> 00:48:46.119
Oh come over? What because there's
a way to troll that. Come over?
639
00:48:46.159 --> 00:48:50.199
And what what are we gonna do? You're gonna play chess? Oh
640
00:48:50.280 --> 00:48:55.239
we'll watch a movie. Okay.
You know what that word is for trying
641
00:48:55.239 --> 00:49:00.559
to ask someone to come over.
You know the intentions are, you know
642
00:49:00.639 --> 00:49:04.159
what the intentions are. But women
are never going to fully come out and
643
00:49:04.199 --> 00:49:07.320
say come over. And you know, maybe your wife, maybe your girlfriend.
644
00:49:08.159 --> 00:49:13.559
I mean I don't really know.
I mean there's been times early dating
645
00:49:13.599 --> 00:49:16.239
with my husband where I'm just like, hey, I'm coming over, and
646
00:49:16.280 --> 00:49:22.480
I would make it clear because it's
times where like sometimes you just want a
647
00:49:22.599 --> 00:49:28.920
date. Sometimes you just want what
you want. And there's times where,
648
00:49:29.039 --> 00:49:34.599
especially early dating before you're committed,
you're not going to lay out your problems
649
00:49:34.599 --> 00:49:37.719
to this person, but you're going
to still want to see them because you're
650
00:49:37.719 --> 00:49:44.239
interested in them. So sometimes you
just want that feeling of connection and that
651
00:49:44.280 --> 00:49:47.719
intimacy because you're feeling low yep.
The other thing is communication patterns. Now,
652
00:49:47.800 --> 00:49:52.760
I know this is going to come
across just gonna be very buzzy for
653
00:49:52.840 --> 00:50:00.159
some people. The communication elements is
that if she's expecting you to always pursue,
654
00:50:00.199 --> 00:50:05.519
I think that's a problem. She'd
be mutual. Here's where the caveat
655
00:50:05.639 --> 00:50:10.119
is. Women love to talk.
So if she's not orbiting herself around you,
656
00:50:12.000 --> 00:50:15.960
that's when you'll know. That's when
you'll know because nine times out of
657
00:50:15.000 --> 00:50:19.239
ten, she's going to reach out
to you and talk about something within her
658
00:50:19.320 --> 00:50:22.800
day, or she's gonna want to
check in with you. She's gonna pick
659
00:50:22.000 --> 00:50:25.719
something. If it's say, for
instance, you have a podcast, maybe
660
00:50:25.760 --> 00:50:30.119
she reaches out to you the next
day and says, hey, what do
661
00:50:30.119 --> 00:50:32.119
you have coming up for a podcast. I've had that happen and I kind
662
00:50:32.119 --> 00:50:36.960
of look at the message and I'm
like, huh, what that means.
663
00:50:37.360 --> 00:50:39.880
She's asking because she guess what,
she's orbiting herself, she's bringing herself forward,
664
00:50:40.199 --> 00:50:45.239
or maybe she's showing interest, or
maybe your play, you know,
665
00:50:45.880 --> 00:50:49.440
pick up house league soccer. Oh, are you ready for your game?
666
00:50:49.599 --> 00:50:52.079
Even though it's little things like that, right, And I want men to
667
00:50:52.159 --> 00:50:59.320
really clue into that because there is
a pandemic now where I think a lot
668
00:50:59.360 --> 00:51:02.079
of women are now playing the one
too many role. They're dating around,
669
00:51:02.199 --> 00:51:06.920
they're spinning plates from the beginning of
the conversation that we talked about, right,
670
00:51:07.639 --> 00:51:12.280
And it's very very dangerous because you
know that they're doing it. And
671
00:51:12.320 --> 00:51:16.920
here's another gem. I'm going to
drop the level of fidgetiness of them being
672
00:51:17.159 --> 00:51:22.599
fidgety on a date. And I've
seen it happen in the last eight months.
673
00:51:22.559 --> 00:51:25.239
You go out with somebody and they're
fidgeting and I had to call.
674
00:51:25.280 --> 00:51:28.960
I'm like, yoh, are you
is everything okay? You're right? Oh,
675
00:51:29.360 --> 00:51:31.679
I'm fine, And I'm like,
I instantly saw that. The first
676
00:51:31.679 --> 00:51:36.000
thing I said to myself is I
don't want to assume across the table,
677
00:51:37.039 --> 00:51:40.000
but it tells me, hey,
I may not be the only person,
678
00:51:40.360 --> 00:51:45.599
especially if it's a high, high
place where a lot of people frequent.
679
00:51:45.199 --> 00:51:50.119
That's the other thing I'll tell people
too, if you're in the same city,
680
00:51:51.039 --> 00:51:55.039
go to the popular places. Go
to the popular places and really see
681
00:51:55.079 --> 00:51:59.039
what happens. Because I go to
all the popular places and people see me,
682
00:51:59.079 --> 00:52:01.280
people know me face by a name
because of what I do for work,
683
00:52:01.639 --> 00:52:06.199
especially this podcast. Right, And
I say this with like love and
684
00:52:06.239 --> 00:52:09.519
gratitude. Appreciate all the people that
see that, because then you'll see.
685
00:52:09.960 --> 00:52:15.079
Then you'll really see. Because if
you're out and then somebody sees you're one
686
00:52:15.119 --> 00:52:16.800
of your boy see or a girl
sees you that maybe came into your job
687
00:52:16.920 --> 00:52:21.039
or whatever, and they look across
the table. When they see it with
688
00:52:21.039 --> 00:52:23.800
a girl, they you see that
look they give you, Oh you're with
689
00:52:23.920 --> 00:52:29.119
her, Oh you're with him,
Oh you're doing this or you're doing that.
690
00:52:29.280 --> 00:52:32.000
So those little things, those little
minute little details, I can really
691
00:52:32.000 --> 00:52:36.199
tell you what's going on. Okay, I have two questions. Go ahead
692
00:52:36.639 --> 00:52:45.199
about the anxious anxiety. At what
point do we stop taking things personally and
693
00:52:45.559 --> 00:52:52.039
maybe step back and think, I
wonder if this person has anxious attachment style
694
00:52:52.599 --> 00:52:58.199
and they don't feel comfortable on a
date and they're just nervous, They're just
695
00:52:58.360 --> 00:53:05.039
anxious, and it's not because she
has all these games playing in her mind.
696
00:53:05.519 --> 00:53:12.760
I think we overcomplicate people when in
reality, humans are so simple and
697
00:53:12.920 --> 00:53:21.960
it's all about not assuming and staying
curious and becoming the observer instead of like
698
00:53:22.119 --> 00:53:27.960
replaying your past case scenarios into a
present moment. When do we know is
699
00:53:27.960 --> 00:53:32.719
when I believe that the foundation is
built early stages. Early stages I think
700
00:53:32.719 --> 00:53:36.440
before you get into the first encounter. And there's a lot of people who
701
00:53:36.440 --> 00:53:38.079
have championed that. I've heard a
lot of people say, is they actually
702
00:53:38.079 --> 00:53:43.079
like to have a conversation before they
meet with a person, depending on how
703
00:53:43.119 --> 00:53:47.800
the dynamics are. So mental health
isn't something that you can read right away.
704
00:53:47.880 --> 00:53:53.000
If mental health was something that was
easy to pinpoint and see from the
705
00:53:53.039 --> 00:54:00.880
get go, therapists would be able
to cure people with mental health issues instantly.
706
00:54:00.400 --> 00:54:05.440
This is the reason why I say, when you have the ying and
707
00:54:05.519 --> 00:54:09.440
the yang and this is just on
a podcast business professional level one, three,
708
00:54:09.559 --> 00:54:12.760
five. You're the two in the
four, so I see what you're
709
00:54:12.760 --> 00:54:15.559
doing. I love it. I
love it. I love it. I
710
00:54:15.599 --> 00:54:20.280
love it because I think that if
two people and I'm saying, if you
711
00:54:20.360 --> 00:54:22.519
just this is your first time meeting
and there's no previous conversation, yes there's
712
00:54:22.519 --> 00:54:27.039
gonna be nervousness. But if you
actually have maybe a little bit of a
713
00:54:27.079 --> 00:54:29.679
report, maybe it's a quick little
FaceTime, maybe it's a quick little check
714
00:54:29.719 --> 00:54:32.039
in, people would not tend to
be nervous. I think it changes the
715
00:54:32.079 --> 00:54:36.920
whole dynamic. I think people are
nervous sometimes on a date with my husband
716
00:54:37.000 --> 00:54:42.119
because I have anxious attachment style,
right, okay, because if I was
717
00:54:42.199 --> 00:54:46.119
being disguarded, like people saw that, I'm like nervous. I play with
718
00:54:46.199 --> 00:54:52.239
my hands a lot. I literally
like I'm constantly like nervous anxiety. I'm
719
00:54:52.239 --> 00:55:00.639
self soothing constantly when I'm nervous and
I get nervous because it's not because of
720
00:55:00.679 --> 00:55:05.719
the other person, it's not because
of anything external. It's just my own
721
00:55:05.760 --> 00:55:07.880
mental health issues that we just simply
do not have control over, you know.
722
00:55:08.440 --> 00:55:15.519
So like I think that what needs
to stop in first dates, early
723
00:55:15.599 --> 00:55:22.199
dating stages is pre assumptions that you
think you know everything about a person just
724
00:55:22.280 --> 00:55:28.599
based on their behavior. Because humans, as simple as we are, there's
725
00:55:28.639 --> 00:55:32.559
a lot that can be happening in
our inner worlds that have absolutely nothing to
726
00:55:32.599 --> 00:55:37.719
do with our date, our friendships, our community, our life, and
727
00:55:37.800 --> 00:55:43.880
it's just life. Okay, So
let me ask, let me play that
728
00:55:44.000 --> 00:55:49.280
was advocate to you before we get
out of here. What's the component of
729
00:55:50.000 --> 00:55:52.599
Because I see and I hear some
people doing this, and I've had this
730
00:55:52.679 --> 00:55:57.960
happen also a lot of times also
to where that open sense of communication.
731
00:55:58.000 --> 00:56:00.119
It's not saying you're pouring out your
whole entire life story, but if you
732
00:56:00.159 --> 00:56:05.840
have something that's going on, I
always say it's maybe best to just say
733
00:56:05.880 --> 00:56:07.360
it to somebody. And that's one
thing I also want to clear up in
734
00:56:07.400 --> 00:56:12.519
this whole entire thing is be open. Yeah, you should be open with
735
00:56:12.639 --> 00:56:16.639
ever whatever piece of communication. Heck, if you come out and God forbid,
736
00:56:17.079 --> 00:56:21.719
like your goldfish died or your hamster
died, or your dog's sick or
737
00:56:21.760 --> 00:56:25.760
your dog's unwell, probably say that
to me first, because where you're at.
738
00:56:27.360 --> 00:56:30.280
Yeah, I don't want to be
the person bigio is everything okay,
739
00:56:30.440 --> 00:56:35.000
and then you're simply sitting there ready
to burst out in tears. The worst
740
00:56:35.000 --> 00:56:38.000
thing in the mold is also the
passive aggressiveness, right because you're deflecting,
741
00:56:38.599 --> 00:56:42.920
Like, just be open and honest
about where you are, even if you're
742
00:56:42.960 --> 00:56:45.360
nervous and you don't know why,
even if you're feelings certain things that are
743
00:56:45.360 --> 00:56:50.039
coming up and you don't know why, just say like, hey, like
744
00:56:51.280 --> 00:56:53.840
I'm not my best self right now. I don't quite know what's going on
745
00:56:53.880 --> 00:56:57.599
with me. I will process this
later, but I want you to know
746
00:56:57.719 --> 00:57:01.239
that I am interested in being here
with you right now, but I'm just
747
00:57:01.360 --> 00:57:05.159
feeling some sort of way. Thank
you, Thank you. You don't need
748
00:57:05.199 --> 00:57:07.480
to know what's going on with you. Yea. I remember, I remember
749
00:57:07.559 --> 00:57:15.400
in my past it was about pandemic
twenty twenty one. I was we were
750
00:57:15.400 --> 00:57:19.840
just sitting there and in the park, just hanging out whatever, vibing,
751
00:57:20.599 --> 00:57:29.679
and I said something that made her
think about her dad. Yea, and
752
00:57:30.039 --> 00:57:32.800
she I saw it like a complete
change around. I'm like, are you
753
00:57:32.880 --> 00:57:38.119
good? And she's like um,
and she start this verbalizing. She's like
754
00:57:38.440 --> 00:57:42.480
he's no longer here anymore, this
and that, this and that. I
755
00:57:42.480 --> 00:57:45.079
didn't feel bad, but I was
just like, hey, I appreciate you
756
00:57:45.119 --> 00:57:46.960
being vulnerable, and she started to
tear up. I was like, you
757
00:57:47.000 --> 00:57:50.559
know, it's okay to cry and
just cry. She's like, I don't
758
00:57:50.599 --> 00:57:52.559
want to cry. I don't want
you to think this boom. I'm like,
759
00:57:52.639 --> 00:57:54.239
yo, you're fine to worry about
it. It's all good. It's
760
00:57:54.280 --> 00:57:59.320
all good because I think that when
you don't want to also feel like a
761
00:57:59.360 --> 00:58:02.400
burden. Yeah, with our personal
shit that we should be over by now
762
00:58:02.440 --> 00:58:06.559
because it happened so long ago.
Yeah, but I think when you're dealing
763
00:58:06.639 --> 00:58:09.599
with people that are in one and
they're in tune with themselves and they show
764
00:58:09.679 --> 00:58:15.159
empathy, they're masculine, they provide
the safe space and noor. You challenge
765
00:58:15.159 --> 00:58:17.199
me a little bit on the show
here, I think you know, I
766
00:58:17.320 --> 00:58:21.000
think you know when there's good energy
because that person do you look at you?
767
00:58:21.039 --> 00:58:23.039
But why are you crying? Drive
your tears now? If you're crying
768
00:58:23.079 --> 00:58:27.360
about something like whatever, I'm gonna
tell you'll get over yourself, you'd be
769
00:58:27.400 --> 00:58:30.679
fine. I was gonna ask as
a secure man at one point, does
770
00:58:30.800 --> 00:58:37.920
that anxiety get to be too much? Where you're where you say you get
771
00:58:37.960 --> 00:58:42.880
tired of holding that safe space for
that person as frequently as you need to.
772
00:58:43.079 --> 00:58:46.400
Because you're not the one with anxiety. So when you know your problems
773
00:58:46.440 --> 00:58:52.000
may come up occasionally versus someone with
you know, anxious attachment style, mental
774
00:58:52.000 --> 00:58:58.880
health issues, codependency, abandonment wounds, that person's wounds are kind of come
775
00:58:59.000 --> 00:59:02.199
up more frequent. Only. I
think that once you go into something and
776
00:59:02.280 --> 00:59:07.760
that's more secure. And I'm not
talking about like one or two, you
777
00:59:07.800 --> 00:59:12.320
know, meetings, three meetings,
I think by the time and how I
778
00:59:12.360 --> 00:59:15.679
am, I think people tend to
see, is is this going to work?
779
00:59:16.239 --> 00:59:22.800
Yeah, he's maybe two just boom, he's laser focused. He provides
780
00:59:22.800 --> 00:59:30.079
a safe space. Yeah. A
lot of women discredit themselves from even finishing
781
00:59:30.079 --> 00:59:34.079
the race. And it's not even
because of you. It's because of them,
782
00:59:34.119 --> 00:59:37.960
because they feel like, I can't
get to where he's at the unworthiness.
783
00:59:38.039 --> 00:59:42.159
I have a client that's literally who
just got married last week. A
784
00:59:42.199 --> 00:59:45.800
week before she said, I do
not feel worthy of being married. I
785
00:59:45.880 --> 00:59:47.079
don't know what's going on. I'm
like, is this cold feet or is
786
00:59:47.119 --> 00:59:51.480
this something else? And it could
be cold feet, right, it could
787
00:59:51.519 --> 00:59:54.960
be that, but cold feet happens
for a reason when you're not secure,
788
00:59:55.320 --> 01:00:00.239
right, so like part of life, so many women and feel unworthy of
789
01:00:00.280 --> 01:00:05.039
these healthy, secure men, and
that's why they self sabotage and go for
790
01:00:05.440 --> 01:00:09.880
their comfort zone of what feels comfortable, even though that's toxic. The toxic
791
01:00:09.920 --> 01:00:13.880
dudes, the toxic dudes that are
going to run am NK. Toxic dude
792
01:00:13.880 --> 01:00:15.159
that's not going to talk to you
for a week or two weeks, and
793
01:00:15.159 --> 01:00:20.320
then you're like, does he still
love me when you're on the shakouderie boards,
794
01:00:20.360 --> 01:00:24.320
wine knight in the winery place,
like hello, Like when I hear
795
01:00:24.400 --> 01:00:29.559
that shit like it's so cringe,
now becomes like mine, he don't like
796
01:00:29.760 --> 01:00:34.719
you? You? You know what's
so annoying about those wine knights and those
797
01:00:34.760 --> 01:00:38.639
charcutery knights. I wish women would
start being more honest with their other women
798
01:00:38.920 --> 01:00:43.480
and say, hey, like maybe
he's just not that into you. It
799
01:00:43.480 --> 01:00:46.000
has nothing to do with you,
but you need to move on. But
800
01:00:46.079 --> 01:00:50.800
instead they start playing those games and
they say, Okay, how can we
801
01:00:50.800 --> 01:00:53.400
get him to like you more?
How can we manipulate him into like seeing
802
01:00:53.440 --> 01:00:58.199
your worth? How like you know
what I mean? Why does it have
803
01:00:58.239 --> 01:01:00.159
to be games and not just like
say, hey, he's just not that
804
01:01:00.239 --> 01:01:07.280
into you, and you deserve someone
who is into you, and just tell
805
01:01:07.320 --> 01:01:12.400
them to like cut the ties and
find someone who won't play the games.
806
01:01:12.800 --> 01:01:15.559
Because it's the karmatic debt that people
love to put in society. Men do
807
01:01:15.639 --> 01:01:20.599
it and women do it also too. They put the karmatic debt because they
808
01:01:20.639 --> 01:01:24.000
discredit the certain dudes, and I'm
speaking from man's perspective, they discredit the
809
01:01:24.039 --> 01:01:29.039
certain dudes that are not coming with
not coming to them with the willing nilly
810
01:01:29.119 --> 01:01:31.320
stuff. Yo, Hey I find
you interesting. Whoop do, whoop.
811
01:01:31.360 --> 01:01:35.000
Let's go do this, whoop do, Let's go do that? All right?
812
01:01:35.039 --> 01:01:37.079
Cool? Yeah, I'll do that
next to you know, a couple
813
01:01:37.079 --> 01:01:40.320
of days go by, I don't
know, I can't do it. Something
814
01:01:40.440 --> 01:01:45.360
came up, No, a bigger, better deal came up, A genuine
815
01:01:45.360 --> 01:01:49.400
burning desire that you wanted, which
is that toxic dude, the guy that
816
01:01:49.480 --> 01:01:52.119
wasn't showing you in attention. He
came back around, and what he's going
817
01:01:52.159 --> 01:01:55.760
to do now is drop off some
toxic dick because that's what you're used to.
818
01:01:55.960 --> 01:01:59.719
You don't want to simply see here
and you don't want to deal with
819
01:01:59.760 --> 01:02:04.119
the I it's actually being real with
you. Just may just talk a little
820
01:02:04.119 --> 01:02:07.039
conversation. You may want to spar
with you a little bit, the slip
821
01:02:07.159 --> 01:02:09.840
war, you know. And I
think that that's another thing too. I
822
01:02:09.880 --> 01:02:15.559
think this podcast it hinders me,
this teeny tiny bit. I love it.
823
01:02:15.840 --> 01:02:19.840
You're quick, You're quick at the
ball to simply sit here and to
824
01:02:19.880 --> 01:02:24.320
have answers. And I'll be honest, like I've been out right and just
825
01:02:24.400 --> 01:02:28.280
having a conversation with somebody. She's
like, you're so arrogant. I go,
826
01:02:28.480 --> 01:02:31.000
no, I know how to answer
the questions that you're coming with.
827
01:02:31.760 --> 01:02:37.800
We're having a conversation. You're just
not comfortable with how I'm answering the conversations
828
01:02:37.920 --> 01:02:42.079
because you're used to low vibrational energy
with men. And the response back I
829
01:02:42.119 --> 01:02:45.079
got was, oh, wow,
you know what you're up to, you
830
01:02:45.079 --> 01:02:52.239
know? But no, sorry.
There's a thing that I read recently which
831
01:02:52.239 --> 01:02:58.000
I think is going to be amazing. Women want or secure, women want
832
01:02:58.760 --> 01:03:07.400
a healthy man with toxic energy sex. So our biggest fear is that once
833
01:03:07.440 --> 01:03:10.119
who choose that healthy man, the
intimacy is going to die. The intimacy
834
01:03:10.199 --> 01:03:15.079
is going to be like not there. And the biggest thing I teach my
835
01:03:15.119 --> 01:03:20.559
clients is the more I said this
in the podcast last time, the more
836
01:03:20.639 --> 01:03:23.199
safe you feel with a man,
the kink you're the sex gets. And
837
01:03:23.320 --> 01:03:29.480
I wish women knew that and they
wouldn't fear that. Once they do settle
838
01:03:29.559 --> 01:03:32.199
down with that healthy man, that
secure man, the man that challenges them
839
01:03:32.239 --> 01:03:38.679
and you know, enables them to
grow, the sex is still going to
840
01:03:38.800 --> 01:03:45.400
be even better because it's going to
transcend physical intimacy into an energetic one.
841
01:03:46.079 --> 01:03:51.159
And this is how this is,
and this is how I'm just going to
842
01:03:51.280 --> 01:03:55.239
simply tie this one off. Here. Deal with if you're into astrology and
843
01:03:55.320 --> 01:04:00.320
you know the signs, you know
who's going to put the genetic jack hammer
844
01:04:00.360 --> 01:04:03.039
down. Trust me, you're gonna
know. So find your Austria, your
845
01:04:03.519 --> 01:04:09.119
astrology signs. Yeah, ask him
what his birthday is, right, ask
846
01:04:09.239 --> 01:04:12.719
him when he was born and you'll
probably figure out which one. Here's what
847
01:04:12.760 --> 01:04:16.840
I'll this, dude, Pisces,
they know what's going on. They know
848
01:04:16.920 --> 01:04:21.119
what's going on. Do you know
more than I do about all that?
849
01:04:21.159 --> 01:04:28.480
Because I believe I know what's going
on. Now I gotta go look up
850
01:04:28.480 --> 01:04:32.800
what that means because I know nothing
about Pisces. There's there's certain astrology signs
851
01:04:32.840 --> 01:04:40.280
that are amazing lovers. I hear
scorpios or something different where loyal is heck
852
01:04:41.239 --> 01:04:45.239
yeah, but y'all have a side, a side when the doors closed,
853
01:04:45.239 --> 01:04:46.599
You guys have a side that you
like. What do you say? I
854
01:04:46.639 --> 01:04:49.079
think that was one of the clips
I use. You let your freak fly.
855
01:04:50.079 --> 01:04:54.199
Yeah, when we feel safe too, Oh, when you feel of
856
01:04:54.199 --> 01:04:56.880
course, that's why you gotta set
it. You gotta set the foundation.
857
01:04:57.519 --> 01:05:00.920
But like when a scorpio doesn't feel
safe, like the walls are so damn
858
01:05:01.039 --> 01:05:10.480
high and shagger, but we're like
the softies too at the same time.
859
01:05:11.079 --> 01:05:17.000
Yes, we're confused. I feel
you. Where can everybody check you out?
860
01:05:17.360 --> 01:05:20.880
And where do you got coming?
So I do have my own podcast
861
01:05:20.960 --> 01:05:26.239
as well, Thriving in Love Podcasts, where I talk about what healthy love
862
01:05:26.360 --> 01:05:30.199
looks like, what thriving and love
looks like. And you can check me
863
01:05:30.199 --> 01:05:33.159
out on my Instagram Sanna a Cond
and my website is Sanna a con dot
864
01:05:33.159 --> 01:05:38.559
com. If you are looking for
love coaching. Love coaching, hear that
865
01:05:38.599 --> 01:05:43.360
one. I love this. When
am I coming on your pod? You
866
01:05:43.519 --> 01:05:46.280
tell me, let's make it happen. Let's make it happen. Yeah,
867
01:05:46.280 --> 01:05:49.360
because sometimes when I'm like the guy
and I'm just like you know, I
868
01:05:49.360 --> 01:05:54.519
have to ask the questions and whatever. I love it when I'm just this
869
01:05:54.679 --> 01:05:57.880
is me with freedom with the mic, and I don't have to over think
870
01:05:57.920 --> 01:06:00.480
what I want to talk about.
I just let things. Why. Oh
871
01:06:00.639 --> 01:06:04.239
yeah, all the best episodes.
I love it. Well, you should
872
01:06:04.239 --> 01:06:08.159
do love with their own. Let
yourself be free. This is your platform
873
01:06:08.239 --> 01:06:11.599
too, It is my platform.
But you know they're coming from me soon,
874
01:06:11.679 --> 01:06:15.119
they're coming for me. Or what
if they come for you and they
875
01:06:15.119 --> 01:06:16.559
say, you know what, this
guy's not afraid to say what's on his
876
01:06:16.719 --> 01:06:19.800
mind, and that's what's going to
make a good episode, and that's why
877
01:06:19.880 --> 01:06:24.480
I want to bring him on.
Yes, but I'm saying the other people
878
01:06:24.480 --> 01:06:30.519
are coming from the algorithm, the
matrix. We're here to live above the
879
01:06:30.559 --> 01:06:35.199
matrix. So that's a whole different
world. Let them live their world,
880
01:06:35.280 --> 01:06:40.920
let them live their toxic masculinity,
toxic feminity like whatever, fuck them.
881
01:06:40.960 --> 01:06:43.400
We're not here for that ship.
We're here for the people who are ready
882
01:06:43.440 --> 01:06:46.639
to break out of the matrix and
learn healthy love and actually do better in
883
01:06:46.679 --> 01:06:49.039
life. Oh would you look at
that? The show descended,
1
00:00:00.120 --> 00:00:04.040
Okay, perfect example of this.
You know the Jonah Hill story that's going
2
00:00:04.080 --> 00:00:12.480
around about how he was like abusive
to his girlfriend so he had her takedown.
3
00:00:12.880 --> 00:00:17.079
So before they started dating, he
used to comment on all those photos
4
00:00:17.160 --> 00:00:19.920
and say, damn girl, you
look good blah blah blah. As soon
5
00:00:19.960 --> 00:00:25.719
as he started dating her and made
her his girlfriend, he asked her to
6
00:00:25.760 --> 00:00:33.280
take those photos down off her Instagram
because of control. So what are your
7
00:00:33.320 --> 00:00:38.119
feelings on that. I love the
smooth transition. See now we're going into
8
00:00:38.119 --> 00:00:43.000
THEO. I just got chills.
Let me tell you this, It all
9
00:00:43.039 --> 00:00:45.520
goes by. Okay. So I'm
gonna speak from my point of view.
10
00:00:46.920 --> 00:00:53.240
I'm not going to date somebody in
my point of view that is safe,
11
00:00:53.240 --> 00:00:58.320
for instance, a model. Okay, here where I'm gonna go with.
12
00:00:58.359 --> 00:01:02.240
I'm gonna just tell you a little
short story. I'm not gonna necessarily date.
13
00:01:02.280 --> 00:01:03.799
To me, that's a model.
But if you're in the health and
14
00:01:03.879 --> 00:01:07.760
wellness space, that's for me to
pick and choose, because then I know
15
00:01:07.799 --> 00:01:15.760
that it's all about showing your body
in the best representative way possible. You
16
00:01:15.840 --> 00:01:21.400
know, when it's professional versus when
it's occupational. Of this, I want
17
00:01:21.439 --> 00:01:26.120
to just get thirst traps. Right. So men, rule number one,
18
00:01:26.799 --> 00:01:30.040
you have to ask yourself this question. If you're children, if you have
19
00:01:30.159 --> 00:01:36.239
kids with this woman and how she's
throwing herself on social media, can your
20
00:01:36.319 --> 00:01:40.560
kids open up social media and go
that's mom and identify her. Okay,
21
00:01:40.560 --> 00:01:44.000
but now I'm going to ask you
about Kickie Palmer. I'm gonna don't.
22
00:01:44.079 --> 00:01:46.079
We don't even go there. We're
not gonna go yet. This wait.
23
00:01:46.159 --> 00:01:48.120
Let me cook for a second.
We cook, Sam, let me cook.
24
00:01:48.840 --> 00:01:53.480
So with that said, I'm the
type of person I'm not jealous about
25
00:01:53.519 --> 00:01:57.400
what people post on Insta because you've
got to be secure with you in yourself
26
00:01:57.560 --> 00:02:00.200
because the same thing people can say
about me, Well, all you do
27
00:02:00.280 --> 00:02:06.879
is you interview women on your podcast. Why Well, because they are having
28
00:02:06.959 --> 00:02:09.360
a voice to simply sit here and
come here and execute and talk about the
29
00:02:09.360 --> 00:02:12.680
things that need to be talked about. Men can do it also too.
30
00:02:12.680 --> 00:02:15.199
But when it comes to certain matches, certain debates, certain conversations that we
31
00:02:15.319 --> 00:02:19.639
we're doing, you need to have
the woman to be in the place.
32
00:02:19.960 --> 00:02:24.080
And said again, and which comes
into I know I have the one,
33
00:02:24.240 --> 00:02:27.759
the three, and the five,
The two in the four comes in and
34
00:02:27.800 --> 00:02:30.639
this is the reason why we cook
and we make. Some amazing things happen
35
00:02:30.680 --> 00:02:35.840
on this platform. So with that
said, you have to look at and
36
00:02:35.879 --> 00:02:38.680
you have to pick, and you
have to choose. Is it thirst trap
37
00:02:39.039 --> 00:02:44.120
or is it me posting something where
I'm with the girls, we're eating pasta,
38
00:02:44.280 --> 00:02:47.400
we're baking cookies, we're doing all
this. That's what I champion.
39
00:02:49.400 --> 00:02:53.159
I see captions and I'm gonna get
to what you're basically what you were saying.
40
00:02:53.520 --> 00:02:58.360
I see captions of people wanting to
learnt thirst sorry about Oh I'm out
41
00:02:58.400 --> 00:03:00.919
here doing this. Oh I'm a
bad bee, I'm a I'm a that.
42
00:03:01.280 --> 00:03:05.560
Listen. You want to keep considering
yourself and saying that you're a bad
43
00:03:05.560 --> 00:03:09.159
bee, You're diminishing who you are. You're diminishing what your offspring is going
44
00:03:09.159 --> 00:03:13.439
to be carrying. Because if you
want to have kids, or you're caretaking
45
00:03:13.520 --> 00:03:15.719
kids, or you're into that space, people look at you and say,
46
00:03:15.800 --> 00:03:20.960
yo, you a joke and you're
running amuck. Now you don't agree,
47
00:03:21.680 --> 00:03:23.840
that's fine, that's fine, But
here's the thing. Back that a lot
48
00:03:23.879 --> 00:03:27.560
because I think a lot of what
you said has a lot of truth to
49
00:03:27.639 --> 00:03:30.759
it. I love what you said
about the men need to be able to
50
00:03:30.759 --> 00:03:35.719
see is this for a third trap
or is this for her business or her
51
00:03:35.719 --> 00:03:44.840
career or her platform? Right?
What about stages of evolution? Why are
52
00:03:44.879 --> 00:03:52.319
we expecting people to be straight to
pure and why not give them the space
53
00:03:53.199 --> 00:03:59.840
to explore who they are and either
evolve or stay the same and love them
54
00:04:00.080 --> 00:04:06.919
or they're at regardless. Why so
much of the judgment around women who may
55
00:04:08.000 --> 00:04:15.479
feel really empowered to call themselves a
bad bad bee whatever? Why yourself,
56
00:04:15.599 --> 00:04:20.839
you're actually you're degrading yourself. So
I disagree because coming from someone again with
57
00:04:20.839 --> 00:04:27.079
the confidence and issues, I love
how this keeps coming up, like there's
58
00:04:27.120 --> 00:04:31.560
going to be moments I know for
sure that I need to post something really
59
00:04:32.319 --> 00:04:38.639
seductive on my Instagram and call myself
a bad bee, right, And it's
60
00:04:38.680 --> 00:04:45.319
not for the external validation. It's
truly because I can and it's my power
61
00:04:45.720 --> 00:04:50.399
to do that, and it's my
right to do that, regardless of what
62
00:04:50.519 --> 00:04:56.319
other people think, regardless of what
other people say. It's like, I'm
63
00:04:56.360 --> 00:05:00.160
feeling fucking good about myself, which
is rare because there's a lot of times
64
00:05:00.199 --> 00:05:04.560
where I feel shitty about myself.
So the one time that I feel fucking
65
00:05:04.600 --> 00:05:11.240
good I want to post that for
myself. Okay, so here's where I'm
66
00:05:11.240 --> 00:05:14.800
going to challenge you. I think
you can say bad, but I think
67
00:05:14.839 --> 00:05:19.600
you have to take out the other
B word because we know what bitch represents.
68
00:05:20.279 --> 00:05:24.279
When you want to put yourself out
there and you use these illusions,
69
00:05:24.639 --> 00:05:30.959
right, you have to really say
yourself is here's one. I'm a badass
70
00:05:30.480 --> 00:05:36.920
woman wanting to maybe empower other women, not a bad BCG because when I
71
00:05:36.959 --> 00:05:42.560
hear that, it's just like you're
degrading yourself. But it's more about like
72
00:05:44.120 --> 00:05:48.040
slang than it is about the truth
of the word. We're going here,
73
00:05:48.759 --> 00:05:58.680
we're going here, and it's more
so about like a vibe rather than taking
74
00:05:58.720 --> 00:06:05.800
it up face value of the word. Okay, so I'm black. I
75
00:06:05.839 --> 00:06:11.600
can't go on social media and drop
end bombs and say I'm the baddest I'm
76
00:06:11.639 --> 00:06:15.319
the baddest niga. You know,
I was about to stay Jesus Christ,
77
00:06:14.879 --> 00:06:17.439
but I was about to end myself
there. I can't go out there and
78
00:06:17.480 --> 00:06:21.519
I can't say that. And then
you see how our white counterparts, right
79
00:06:21.639 --> 00:06:27.120
say, for instance, I'll give
you an example, YouTuber Zurka was on
80
00:06:27.120 --> 00:06:30.240
Twitter talking about end bomb this end
bomb that, And I'm saying, where
81
00:06:30.240 --> 00:06:33.079
are you getting the past to say
that you're you're not even black, like
82
00:06:33.279 --> 00:06:36.120
bro, you don't even identify as
black, eminem, don't even say the
83
00:06:36.199 --> 00:06:42.720
end bomb. But you let some
things that are like universally off the table,
84
00:06:43.040 --> 00:06:45.240
you know what I mean, do
it not supposed to do it?
85
00:06:45.639 --> 00:06:50.639
Yeah, you know what I mean
universally you know. And that's when you
86
00:06:50.800 --> 00:06:58.399
make that choice to disregard that.
That means you don't deserve respect because you
87
00:06:58.399 --> 00:07:01.839
don't respect yourself. You think that
you're a above what is right and wrong
88
00:07:02.160 --> 00:07:06.000
or whatever, like I do believe
in a lot that you know, there's
89
00:07:06.000 --> 00:07:09.839
no such thing as right or wrong, but there is a such thing as
90
00:07:09.920 --> 00:07:15.800
respects and in my opinion, and
you know, everybody's entitled to their own
91
00:07:15.839 --> 00:07:25.600
beliefs BC is a completely different situation
than the N word, And the N
92
00:07:25.639 --> 00:07:31.600
word is something that when you use
it, you disrespect in an entire part
93
00:07:32.120 --> 00:07:38.040
of the world that we all went
through, or not we specifically, but
94
00:07:38.800 --> 00:07:43.959
universally, our ancestors, all,
we're all involved, all we're impacted by
95
00:07:43.959 --> 00:07:46.160
it, I'd say that, and
we all hold our ancestors DNA, right,
96
00:07:46.279 --> 00:07:49.600
so we're all still connected to what
went down, and we should all
97
00:07:49.639 --> 00:07:55.399
still hold ourselves accountable for what went
down and understand that even though it didn't
98
00:07:55.439 --> 00:08:00.000
happen right now, it still happens
in other countries and it's still very much
99
00:08:00.120 --> 00:08:07.680
real in our DNA. So respect
that and understand that. It's kind of
100
00:08:07.720 --> 00:08:11.959
the same thing with like the Jews, right, you don't cross the line
101
00:08:11.120 --> 00:08:18.839
because of what their ancestors collectively went
through. Same with you know, any
102
00:08:18.879 --> 00:08:22.399
like the Mexicans and things like that, Like, you don't cross the line
103
00:08:22.879 --> 00:08:28.759
because it's about respect exactly. So
we were talking about the Jonah Hill situation
104
00:08:30.040 --> 00:08:35.720
and kind of going back to that. When I think soul, yeah,
105
00:08:35.759 --> 00:08:39.000
well, when it comes down to
men, I think that your woman's gonna
106
00:08:39.000 --> 00:08:41.039
go out there, she's gonna post
certain things. I'll be honest, I'm
107
00:08:41.080 --> 00:08:43.720
a big component poll. Did you
see the photos? Okay, can we
108
00:08:43.720 --> 00:08:48.960
talk about this first. Let's go
ahead talk about the photos. She's surfing,
109
00:08:50.480 --> 00:08:56.559
Well, you can't be out in
a fullow night. And she is
110
00:08:56.600 --> 00:09:03.200
a very athletic build. She's not
even that sexually like oozing sex. She
111
00:09:03.360 --> 00:09:09.840
is a very modest athletic woman.
And she's like just because I wasn't in
112
00:09:11.240 --> 00:09:15.320
a wet suit. He has a
problem with it. What was she in?
113
00:09:15.440 --> 00:09:18.799
I didn't because I this skated past
my desk. I didn't click it
114
00:09:18.000 --> 00:09:24.679
or anything like that. Okay.
So it was literally a bathing suit,
115
00:09:24.039 --> 00:09:28.120
so a two piecee piece, two
piece okay, So she's smart as she
116
00:09:28.159 --> 00:09:33.480
wore two piece. She wasn't wearing
like a one piece speedo. So he
117
00:09:33.679 --> 00:09:37.759
said anything in a thong you need
to take down, and she's like,
118
00:09:37.840 --> 00:09:39.960
um, it's not a thong,
but okay, and it's not a throng.
119
00:09:41.360 --> 00:09:45.759
It's just you know, bathing suits
go up a little bit when especially
120
00:09:45.799 --> 00:09:52.960
when you're doing activities like surfing.
Okay. So literally, like the two
121
00:09:54.080 --> 00:09:58.399
court, her was saying, praising
this photo, and as soon as he
122
00:09:58.440 --> 00:10:03.960
has her, he's like, oh, take this down because he has a
123
00:10:03.960 --> 00:10:09.080
simp mindset. See, a real
man that knows the occupation, knows what
124
00:10:09.120 --> 00:10:13.480
he's getting into with a woman,
is going to set the foundation. Like
125
00:10:13.480 --> 00:10:18.000
how I originally said it, you
gotta know what it is you're getting into.
126
00:10:18.519 --> 00:10:20.759
If all of a sudden, Okay, say for instance, I'm dating
127
00:10:20.799 --> 00:10:28.679
somebody and she posts things of like
being a foodie, travel person different countries,
128
00:10:28.039 --> 00:10:33.480
but then she's posting something surfing.
I would only be like, I
129
00:10:33.519 --> 00:10:37.639
didn't know you post surfing fit pictures
right if it? But let me finish,
130
00:10:37.200 --> 00:10:41.080
me, let me finish. But
it's all with context because if you're
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posting like you see a lot of
fitness girls do this, Oh it's shoulder
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day, but I can see your
backside, then let's make it. Make
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it. Give me some sense here, because if it shoulder day, is
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your shouldering, your shoulders, not
your ass. I'm sorry. So you
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know what you're doing. You see
what I'm saying, and that's why saying
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So what I'm doing is I'm playing
both sides. I'm technically going to play
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both sides. So the reason I
don't like what you're saying isn't feeling good
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inside of me, is because you
claim to say that you are a safe
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space for women, but then there's
so much judgment and so many like nuances
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where it's like, I'm a safe
space until you post a thirst trap.
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I'm a safe space until you call
yourself a bad beat. I'm a safe
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space until and it's like, why
are there's so many conditions to that,
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because you can't claim to be a
safe space and then also not let women
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express themselves freely, because all we
have been done in this world has been
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to tell us we're too much of
something or we're not enough of something,
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And all we want to do is
be free to be who we are and
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express ourselves how we are healed or
not. Like there's no thing out there
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that says that we have to be
healed in order to be loved. We
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are worthy of unconditional love at every
step of our journeys. So here's what
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I'll say to you, and I
love that you went there, is that
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I'm playing devil's advocate because I haven't
really given a definite yes or no right.
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And that's what I'm doing. And
I'm doing that on purpose because I
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want the audience that are listening,
that are viewing this to say, they'll
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have those same questions, what does
he think? I know? But how
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if you see how I dressed it
up? I said, is Look,
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it all depends on situational scenarios and
situations. If you're dating a like,
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I know who and what it is
I want to date, right, And
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if, like I said, if
she's somebody has a model, I don't
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think I'm going to be dating that
now, I'm not disrespecting models. I
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just know what that's going to come
with. Right. If you're you have
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to be self aware of what you're
able to hold and what you're not able
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to hold, and then choose consciously
a person who can make you feel safe
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and secure your masculinity. Absolutely absolutely
so with him. Here's how I look
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at it, as I don't think
he's a real man. May not say
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anything to it. I'm gonna be
honest. I think a man's man ain't
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gonna say anything to it because you
really shouldn't be complaining unless he's doing something
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detrimental to your health and to your
relationship. I think that's when you're going
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to say something to it. Let
it skate by. But again, we're
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talking about celebrities. So I'll spin
it like this. If you meet your
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girl on sliding in a DM,
because that's what's happening now, right DM
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actions are happening. We know that
women are the gatekeepers to everything that happens,
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right, So men, that's not
your ticket to say, Oh,
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I can just run amuck and do
whatever it is I want to do right
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within reason, Like you, guys
have to be in some sort of committed
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relationship and you know, then you
ebbs and your flows of what domination's going
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to look like in the bedroom.
Right, So that that that's all I
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want to play in the safe line
hopefully doesn't reflect in the real world because
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which doesn't feel you see what I'm
saying. So when I look at men
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in red flags, men have to
always realize is that we're up against the
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wall. This is where the piece
has to come into play. Right,
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what are you doing to find the
best version of yourself? So here's a
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one tip surrounding who you're around,
who you wanting to be around, right,
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Champion, and being around the right
people the right energy in men.
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Guys that are going to reach out. Guys are gonna call you, Guys
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are gonna have networking meetings. Guys
are gonna be like, yo, Champion,
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what do you got going on?
I just goes on the phone.
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Last night I was gaming some Call
of Duty. One of my guy goes,
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what do you got planned for tomorrow? I didn't really answer the question
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because I was so deep in the
game going on. You know what I
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mean? But that's what you want, that's the first things. First,
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have the right people. Heck,
if you're a single male hang around with
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dudes. And this is gonna sound
crazy. You I'm about to say,
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is hang around with guys if you
wanted to be in a committed relationship with
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somewhere down the road and you're single, hang around with guys that are married.
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Hang around with guys that are showing
what evolution and what they is.
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When you get into your relationship conversations, it's not like yo, my wife
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is tripping, Yo, my girlfriend's
tripping. Oh we're fighting, we're nagging
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in this and that be around healthy
energy. M okay. But then I
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have a question for you. I've
heard your podcast with when you said when
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men get into relationships they forget about
their single guy friends. Yeah they do.
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Yeah, And I think it's true
too. So you just said that,
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like, you know, if you
being around healthy massual energy, hang
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out around men who are married,
do you believe that? Like, how
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do you think that equal energy exchange
can happen without it without anyone's feelings getting
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hurt? So with men and friends
or like a single guy and a married
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man, how can what does that
equal energy exchange and that dynamic look like?
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Because a single man has a lot
more time and energy available to their
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friendships than a man who is in
a committed relationship. That's lies in.
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That's cap. I'm gonna saying,
I'm sorry, respectfully, that's cap.
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So here's the balance. Balance,
balance, here's the thing. If you
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can't spare an hour out of your
day, out of your week, then
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you have to really ask yourself the
question, where does that person play in
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my life an hour? That hour
could be meeting in person, talking on
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the phone, being on FaceTime one
of my guys, And I know you
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would not mind me saying this.
We talk a lot, and it's so
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funny because his wife goes yo you
and Rory beyond the phone for hours.
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So cute. I love a good
healthy but it's a healthy relationship, yeah
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right, and we ebbs and we
flow. It could be gaming. Nothing
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makes me happier than my husband like
gaming and shooting friends. Yeah, what
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makes my heart so fucking happy.
But you know what the plot twist is,
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y'a'll be sitting here in the other
room listening why y'all talking about in
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there? So I know what you
guys were doing the same that you guys
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love the gossip. You love when
my girls go and have a boy like,
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oh my gosh, no, no, no gossip, not gossip in
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terms of like toxic gossip. There's
a healthy gossip. Or it's like oho,
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like who's still dating who? Or
who's who's a relationship struggling right now?
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Exactly right. So with that,
it's a taking an at least an
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hour out of your week, not
out of your day, out of your
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week, you know what I mean? Okay, So it's not about the
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time. I think what I meant
is the energy. So the married man
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is offering the single man an example
of what an an evolved masculine looks like.
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And then what is the man,
the other guy, like the healthy
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masculine receiving from that friendship, so
that he feels good about pouring that time
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into safe safe space and boundaries and
really understanding that it'slf It's it's okay to
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be any form of vulnerable with your
other person that you're meeting with or that
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you're hanging out with. Invaluable shit, that's good, right. So that
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could be within business, that could
be within you know, work, that
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could be within content creation and things
like that. I think where it gets
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weird is when so I have a
friend, you know, I'm gonna share
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it all out. I don't really
care, because this is what this is
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all about. And he's over in
America and he's doing his medical right,
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and he goes back and forth.
He said to me, he goes,
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listen, when you hit me up
that day and said what my plan was,
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and he said, you gave me
the time at five o'clock, he
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goes. I then knew. I
was like, y'oll listen, I gotta
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make make myself free that we can
both simply able to simply sit there and
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talk. And it was a four
hour meet up food this that, you
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know, whatever, whatever. But
a lot of men don't know how to
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do that because a lot of men
get complacent in life, right, And
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that's why it's about because why do
I think it happens. You really want
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me to you really want me to
know, really want to tell you,
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because I think I think that men
get lazy and men don't ever want to
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practice what being a real man is. It's not about necessarily about money,
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but men should be leading towards first
things. First exercise, form of exercise,
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form of exercise being in that gym, boxing, running, that's step
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number one. Step number two be
able to go to work not complaining and
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saying, oh right, lay off
of the drugs, lay off the alcohol.
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There are major distractions in life right
now. I see that's the reason
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so many high achievers. I don't
drink, I don't smoke. I don't
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do drugs. Do I drink,
yes, but I don't drink to get
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belligerently drunk. Do I smoke weed? No, had a bad trip when
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I was young, so I don't
touch none of that. Do I hang
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around with guys that are Do I
hang around with guys that's still smoke weed?
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Yes? But you know what they
do. They do it in the
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private compounds of their household, or
they step out of the value. You
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see what I'm saying. You have
to do things that are going to excel
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and level up your mind. At
your audio books on I watch a lot
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of fucking content. I watch a
lot of content that's content that's going to
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sharpen my mind. Right, everything
is either audio or video with me.
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I don't got time to pick up
a book and sit here and go okay
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cool, because it's two many distractions. Right, Podcasts, free resources out
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there right, always finding a way
to network, perfect your craft, perfect
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your relationships. That is what men
should be doing, not going on the
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pixels. And I've said this on
a previous episode and typing in your favorite
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only fans chick or whatever porn star
that's out there, or should I say
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corn star that's out there, because
I have to say korn because the algorithm
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is gonna end up crying me right
and be simply sitting here and being like,
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oh, look, this is what's
going on with Lena the Pug and
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Adam twenty two. Those I've had
those conversations. Am I going to talk
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about on the podcast? Maybe not
because none of my business, but Adam
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twenty two, I'll get it out
there and I'll say it. He's a
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simp. He's a simp. You
let your girl like you're letting you,
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you're letting your you're letting your whole
woman, right being only fans check.
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Okay, Yes, you guys had
the trade off. She was allowed to
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simply sit here and bring other women
in, and you guys mate with each
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other. Now she wants to step
out because guess what, she's sick and
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tired of that. She wants to
graduate. So guess what, she found
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a bigger, better deal and now
you on social media crying about it,
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saying, oh I let my wife
be with another man of another nationality,
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blah blah blah blah blah. And
people are saying he's gonna make all this
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money from it. Yeah, you're
gonna make so much money off of it.
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But you know what the crazy thing's
gonna happen is when she's gonna graduate
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from nine and then say, hello, listen, I don't want to have
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one man. I want to have
two to three to four and however means
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it's gonna be. That's the reason
why he would never put me on that
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show, because I'd cook him.
I'd cook him, cook him. You
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can speak about it all you want, though, No, I don't speak
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about it. And I hope he
catches it. I hope he catches the
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algorithm. Right, it's low vibration
is low vibration energy. Any man that
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subscribes and paying money to these people
for that, you have to really ask
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yourself a few questions. That's where
you're hard oarned. Work is going to
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low vibration pixels. But what vibration
pixels? What if their journey on this
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earth is not to evolve? And
like the thing that I always question,
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right, like the weight of the
world on our shoulders is something that I
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think about a lot as people that
are here to spread the message on how
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to become better thriving human beings.
Right, one thing that really helped me
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is knowing that every single person on
this planet is placed exactly where they need
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to be in order for the world
to keep spinning, and everyone is playing
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their integral role in the society,
and it is up to the human to
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choose evolution when they feel like the
world that they're operating in no longer serves
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them, and then evolving becomes something
that they have to do if they want
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to find fulfillment and happiness. Okay, so I challenge this real quick evolution
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should come from something I've always said. It's nothing wrong with working at nine
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to five, But working at nine
to five, going home to family,
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your kids, your loved ones,
and watching Netflix. Is that's the life
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you want to live? Cool?
Travel maybe one two times you're with your
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family. That's cool all right?
For me? It's about you go to
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work right. Once you're done work, you go to the gym, you
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come home, you mellow out.
You either figure out what the agenda is
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going to be for the next day
or for the next week's coming ahead,
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planning, content creation, sending out
emails. That's the evolution of mind.
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That's having the mom of mentality with
the basketball any means necessary, right,
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I think a lot of single men
that just want to simply sit here go
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at every single weekend, which I
see why guys do that because there's two
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different plays to it. Guys work
so hard five days for the week,
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so they want to go out on
a Saturday night and have time just to
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chill out and mellow out and five
out. Nothing wrong with that, Nothing
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00:25:23.000 --> 00:25:26.359
wrong with that, right, It's
not what you're doing in between that,
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because if you're going out chasing tale, hoping to find a girl take her
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to Poundtown every fucking week like buh, see you later, it's it does
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You're not going to progress to anything
because all you're doing if you're simply sitting
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here every week, every Saturday,
and you're spending anywhere between one hundred and
333
00:25:45.519 --> 00:25:51.319
fifty to two hundred bucks and that
night that equals out to be what almost
334
00:25:51.319 --> 00:25:55.920
five to ten k a year,
that I know my mask could be completely
335
00:25:55.920 --> 00:26:00.119
off, you see what I'm saying. So It's like the ones that are
336
00:26:00.160 --> 00:26:03.720
going out every weekend and that's their
time to unwind cool do that. It
337
00:26:03.839 --> 00:26:07.400
is what it is. It's social
hour, you know what. I'm a
338
00:26:07.400 --> 00:26:10.519
big component though, because I got
a lot of things going on coming in
339
00:26:10.519 --> 00:26:12.799
the next few you know, weeks
and things like that. In months.
340
00:26:14.599 --> 00:26:18.279
Is everything now when I got it
is all networking, It's all high level
341
00:26:18.279 --> 00:26:23.599
conversation. Where does play come into
that? Like what about inner child Rory?
342
00:26:23.759 --> 00:26:30.319
Where does he get to just like
have fun and just like not have
343
00:26:30.480 --> 00:26:37.240
the constant pressure of this like evolution
growth journey. It's not because a girl
344
00:26:37.680 --> 00:26:42.480
a woman really wants to have fun, Like she wants a man who is
345
00:26:42.480 --> 00:26:47.720
dedicated to his growth and evolution,
of course, but then also knowing that
346
00:26:47.799 --> 00:26:52.119
when they are together, like your
growth should happen on your own, but
347
00:26:52.200 --> 00:26:56.400
when you're together, like with me
and my husband, like that's my joy,
348
00:26:56.440 --> 00:27:00.640
that's my fun. That's why you
see our Instagram post and we're out
349
00:27:00.759 --> 00:27:04.799
having fun doing all these fun paisy
things. Like I don't want to sit
350
00:27:04.839 --> 00:27:12.240
there and like just constantly hear about
your habits and what you're doing and your
351
00:27:12.319 --> 00:27:18.200
growth, and like where's your personality
outside of being a growing individual. So
352
00:27:18.240 --> 00:27:23.000
I love that you say that,
and that's in going to movies right right
353
00:27:23.039 --> 00:27:26.480
now, if I was in a
relationship, if I'm not in a relationship,
354
00:27:26.480 --> 00:27:30.079
because nobody's ever going to know until
the championship hard where is on the
355
00:27:30.160 --> 00:27:32.559
championship finger? You's know what I'm
saying. That's when you'll know, and
356
00:27:32.640 --> 00:27:37.079
that's when everything will happen. Going
to movies is the biggest thing. Going
357
00:27:37.079 --> 00:27:40.119
out and doing things, you know
what I mean. If it's like picking
358
00:27:40.200 --> 00:27:42.319
up maybe virtual golf. I don't
ice, skate, I don't roll or
359
00:27:42.359 --> 00:27:47.200
skate. That's not my jam.
So don't get me out there when you're
360
00:27:47.279 --> 00:27:52.759
six four and you two fifty,
like going on it hurts if you fall,
361
00:27:52.839 --> 00:27:56.200
it hurts, right, Um,
doing some form of that, right
362
00:27:56.680 --> 00:28:02.200
yeah, going different cities, you
know what I mean, spending a lot
363
00:28:02.200 --> 00:28:06.960
of time in Toronto, you know
what I mean, and really sporting events
364
00:28:07.000 --> 00:28:11.319
things like that. Gaming is a
big component also too, right, So
365
00:28:11.640 --> 00:28:15.200
there's always that fun side to me. Right If when I'm in a relationship,
366
00:28:15.400 --> 00:28:18.640
all the women know what it is, Yo, it's gonna be time,
367
00:28:18.720 --> 00:28:22.480
It's it's gonna be We're gonna go
out here, We're gonna eat this,
368
00:28:22.559 --> 00:28:25.359
We're gonna eat that, We're gonna
hang out, We're gonna have conversations,
369
00:28:25.359 --> 00:28:26.960
you're gonna vibe out. You're gonna
ask me about podcasting. And I'm
370
00:28:27.079 --> 00:28:33.200
saying, is it's weekend, I
don't want to talk about podcasting, you
371
00:28:33.240 --> 00:28:37.200
know what I mean. Talk to
me on Monday morning. Yeah, you
372
00:28:37.319 --> 00:28:37.960
know what I mean. And then
they look at you and they're like,
373
00:28:37.960 --> 00:28:40.920
wait, you don't want to talk
about podcasting. Yeah, I don't want
374
00:28:40.920 --> 00:28:44.839
top a podcasting, but that's your
craft. How can I help support you?
375
00:28:45.400 --> 00:28:48.599
Well, you know, let me
tell you this. You could help
376
00:28:48.640 --> 00:28:52.640
support me, But let's have the
conversation that nine on when I'm yeah,
377
00:28:52.720 --> 00:28:56.640
that's a business conversation. That's not
a hey, like yeah, I mean.
378
00:28:59.279 --> 00:29:03.240
Let's go back to flags in the
beginning of dating, right, the
379
00:29:03.359 --> 00:29:07.440
number one, the biggest red flag. Forget this personal development stuff, right,
380
00:29:07.599 --> 00:29:11.640
put that to the side. It's
extremely important, but you're not going
381
00:29:11.680 --> 00:29:17.039
to know someone's personal development journey on
the first date. What you will know
382
00:29:17.119 --> 00:29:22.160
on the first date is how many
hobbies and interests do they have outside of
383
00:29:25.599 --> 00:29:32.039
making money, external validation, external
approval? What do they enjoy to do
384
00:29:32.359 --> 00:29:36.000
just for them? And themselves.
And that is going to be so much
385
00:29:36.039 --> 00:29:41.160
more telling for you. Is this
person a secure individual or not? The
386
00:29:41.319 --> 00:29:48.400
more hobbies they have outside of professional
and personal development makes them a more secure
387
00:29:48.519 --> 00:29:52.880
person in themselves. Many you say
that, no, I love that,
388
00:29:52.960 --> 00:29:56.640
But you know what I think when
you're not a person that we joked about
389
00:29:56.680 --> 00:30:00.519
this camping, I don't do camping. I don't. I'm sorry, I
390
00:30:00.519 --> 00:30:04.039
don't do camping. Hiking I can
do to to to a level, right.
391
00:30:04.480 --> 00:30:07.720
Camping and hiking are two different things. But I think when you hear
392
00:30:07.799 --> 00:30:11.319
a lot of people talk about,
oh, I want to go it on
393
00:30:11.480 --> 00:30:15.519
my boat, well, sorry,
I don't do open body of water.
394
00:30:15.559 --> 00:30:18.519
Almost died when I was a child, almost drowned. That's you gotta start
395
00:30:18.559 --> 00:30:21.960
compromising with that, because listen,
if you're scared of heights, I'm not
396
00:30:21.960 --> 00:30:25.440
gonna put you. I almost drowned
in a beach. But that's some of
397
00:30:25.480 --> 00:30:27.960
my favorite places to you. That
is you, that is you, that
398
00:30:29.200 --> 00:30:32.880
is not me. I'm speaking from
my point of view. Sannah, Let
399
00:30:33.039 --> 00:30:37.799
let listen, hello, fears,
listen, let me tell you something I
400
00:30:37.839 --> 00:30:45.400
don't Yeah, right, yeah right, tread lightly yeah with my water wings
401
00:30:45.400 --> 00:30:52.880
in my life jacket out of here, recording in progress. Wait the podcaster
402
00:30:52.119 --> 00:30:56.680
just did the podcaster just enter an
open body of water? Yeah? Right,
403
00:30:56.240 --> 00:31:00.640
can't do it. I'm gonna it's
gonna go viral, be the best
404
00:31:00.640 --> 00:31:06.240
thing to ever exist on the Internet. I hear you, right. The
405
00:31:06.640 --> 00:31:11.119
thing is is that you gotta be
able to understand what people do and what
406
00:31:11.160 --> 00:31:15.559
it is they like as far as
hobbies, and I think you can then
407
00:31:15.599 --> 00:31:19.319
instantly build into it, you know
what I mean. I find it weird
408
00:31:19.400 --> 00:31:22.759
when some people say they don't like
watching movies. I didn't. That's weird.
409
00:31:22.799 --> 00:31:25.599
I'm gonna you don't like movies?
Like, what's wrong with you?
410
00:31:25.920 --> 00:31:27.599
Like? What do you like?
What do you rather do? Some people
411
00:31:27.680 --> 00:31:30.480
then are like grounded to nature?
Okay, cool, that means more walks.
412
00:31:32.319 --> 00:31:34.920
You know that means more hikes.
Cool. I have no problem walking.
413
00:31:36.119 --> 00:31:38.480
I love walking. Walking is amazing. I'll go I'll go on an
414
00:31:38.519 --> 00:31:41.759
eleven k walk right now if I
wanted to. It's humid outside, but
415
00:31:42.039 --> 00:31:47.680
later in the evening. But you
have to I think in the very first
416
00:31:47.680 --> 00:31:51.319
beginning stages it's the best representation of
people are trying to do. It's like
417
00:31:51.319 --> 00:31:55.519
a job interview, right, what
does that person like to do? Heck,
418
00:31:55.559 --> 00:31:59.359
you know what, I like pro
wrestling. I didn't one of the
419
00:31:59.400 --> 00:32:04.119
most second see his things, and
I've had a couple x's. It would
420
00:32:04.160 --> 00:32:07.680
have been back in the day.
We're talking about years years ago, there's
421
00:32:07.720 --> 00:32:10.000
been live wrestling events. I want
to go to you with that. I'm
422
00:32:10.160 --> 00:32:14.079
dead ass saying what you want to
go to watch? What? Pro wrestling?
423
00:32:14.079 --> 00:32:16.079
But I know you like this.
I'm like, Nah, it's all
424
00:32:16.119 --> 00:32:20.200
good because in the back of my
mind, I already know what's gonna happen.
425
00:32:20.799 --> 00:32:24.200
You're gonna ask me all these questions
the whole entire time. I love
426
00:32:24.359 --> 00:32:30.039
that you say that, because my
next question is there's a difference between making
427
00:32:30.039 --> 00:32:37.240
sure that those hobbies are compatible,
and then there's also a difference in just
428
00:32:37.319 --> 00:32:40.839
saying, hey, that's I love
that for you, you know, and
429
00:32:42.319 --> 00:32:46.920
knowing that just because you're in a
long term, committed relationship doesn't mean you
430
00:32:47.000 --> 00:32:52.279
need to do all of the hobbies
together. And in fact, it's actually
431
00:32:52.519 --> 00:32:58.319
a lot healthier for two people to
have completely different hobbies that they enjoyed to
432
00:32:58.359 --> 00:33:05.160
do alone. Occasionally maybe together,
but in a blue moon, mostly alone,
433
00:33:05.200 --> 00:33:09.759
because that creates that sense of self
within a loving, monogamous, long
434
00:33:09.880 --> 00:33:16.400
term partnership facts. And I think
that it also goes into where, Okay,
435
00:33:16.839 --> 00:33:20.680
there's a lot of people I like
country music. I don't really rock
436
00:33:20.759 --> 00:33:24.079
with country music. Would I think
over and over again, but right,
437
00:33:24.160 --> 00:33:29.559
it's the same same stuff, the
same stuff. Would I support you in
438
00:33:29.680 --> 00:33:34.359
maybe buying you country music concert tickets
for two to take one of your girls.
439
00:33:34.680 --> 00:33:38.759
That is so romantic, and that's
more romantic than like going like say
440
00:33:38.799 --> 00:33:43.960
your partner bought you the pro wrestling
tickets and it was like, hey,
441
00:33:44.039 --> 00:33:46.640
go with your guy friends, have
a guy's night, like go have fun.
442
00:33:47.079 --> 00:33:50.480
I know this is coming up,
and I know you really love this,
443
00:33:51.119 --> 00:33:52.359
and I just like got it for
you because I thought about you,
444
00:33:53.279 --> 00:33:57.720
because I know you love wrestling.
It's amazing, it's amazing, and I
445
00:33:57.759 --> 00:34:02.960
think that's how you that's where you
go with the feminine energy and the masculine
446
00:34:04.039 --> 00:34:06.799
energy. It's when you can ebbs
and flows. It's kind of like,
447
00:34:07.160 --> 00:34:10.400
I'm supporting you, but I don't
have to necessarily be there now when you
448
00:34:10.400 --> 00:34:13.760
go to these things. It's not
saying that you go to the country music
449
00:34:13.800 --> 00:34:16.840
Corns concert and then you go hang
out with this guy that guy haven't buy
450
00:34:16.880 --> 00:34:21.960
all your drinks for you that night
because I'm okay. First of all,
451
00:34:22.360 --> 00:34:27.000
Like the number one thing when people
heard about me and my husband living apart
452
00:34:27.039 --> 00:34:30.079
together was oh, so you get
to do whatever you want with whoever you
453
00:34:30.119 --> 00:34:32.719
want, and your husband's never gonna
know or they think like, oh,
454
00:34:32.760 --> 00:34:37.480
he's going to have people over and
this that again goes back to how secure
455
00:34:37.639 --> 00:34:42.719
is the individual in their solitude and
their alone time. People that can't be
456
00:34:43.239 --> 00:34:51.039
alone are more likely to go out
and seek external attention company YadA, YadA.
457
00:34:51.119 --> 00:34:54.159
But if you know your partner loves
their alone time, they have so
458
00:34:54.199 --> 00:34:58.360
many hobbies and they have so many
things in life that like fill them up
459
00:34:58.960 --> 00:35:02.679
that doesn't require external validation. And
I guess that goes back to your Instagram
460
00:35:02.679 --> 00:35:07.000
posts comment about women, How many
of them are putting out their straps because
461
00:35:07.039 --> 00:35:14.159
they need that external validation versus how
secure are they in themselves and they are
462
00:35:14.239 --> 00:35:22.000
posting content that can create an impact
and empower others, right like are you
463
00:35:22.239 --> 00:35:28.199
do you need more from the world
or are you willing to give more to
464
00:35:28.239 --> 00:35:31.920
the world? And that shows how
confident and secure a person is. What
465
00:35:32.000 --> 00:35:36.079
then you're going to have the women
that say, well, it's my body,
466
00:35:36.199 --> 00:35:39.079
my choice what I want to post, and I'm just like, but
467
00:35:39.119 --> 00:35:45.519
it goes back to yeah, but
don't complain. If men are going to
468
00:35:45.679 --> 00:35:52.519
sexually objectify you, it's just how
secretly they like that. Like a woman
469
00:35:52.719 --> 00:35:57.960
knows that she would not be posting
what she is doing if she was not
470
00:35:58.039 --> 00:36:02.079
seeking for that attention. That attention
feels good, And like, just ask
471
00:36:02.119 --> 00:36:07.400
yourself, do you want to be
known for just your appearance that will change
472
00:36:07.440 --> 00:36:13.119
when you age and you'll lose one
day and then what are you going to
473
00:36:13.199 --> 00:36:15.920
do? Or do you want to
have an impact that you can provide to
474
00:36:15.960 --> 00:36:25.400
the world with your wisdom and your
power and just confidence and your expression of
475
00:36:25.599 --> 00:36:30.239
freedom. Right, it's like,
why are you posting this? Are you
476
00:36:30.280 --> 00:36:36.679
posting this because you want to because
you're feeling insecure? Are you posting this
477
00:36:36.800 --> 00:36:42.440
to empower others? That's it.
It's just that simple, and there's nothing
478
00:36:42.480 --> 00:36:46.559
wrong with posting because you feel insecure, But then being consciously aware and emotionally
479
00:36:46.559 --> 00:36:52.519
intelligent enough to know that you're doing
that because of a wound tells you,
480
00:36:52.639 --> 00:36:57.039
okay, go ahead and still do
it. Know that you're going to attract
481
00:36:57.559 --> 00:37:01.400
insecure men as well, because you're
being insecure. And if you want to
482
00:37:01.480 --> 00:37:07.280
change the pattern of the people that
you're attracting in your life, change your
483
00:37:07.280 --> 00:37:10.360
habits, do the inner work to
see why am I insecure? Where is
484
00:37:10.360 --> 00:37:15.960
this insecurity coming from? The shadow
work? And like I said, a
485
00:37:15.000 --> 00:37:21.280
woman's shop in this world is to
heal her lineage, heal her soul.
486
00:37:21.800 --> 00:37:28.400
And the masculine's role is to keep
gaining wisdom and how to be an optimal
487
00:37:28.480 --> 00:37:36.320
human of society. And the man
leads in helping the women become successful,
488
00:37:37.039 --> 00:37:43.800
confident, powerful, and the woman
holds the space for the man to dissolve
489
00:37:43.960 --> 00:37:47.639
the patriarchy and the capitalist society,
all this crab limiting beliefs that we have.
490
00:37:47.920 --> 00:37:52.119
So a woman's job is to empower
the man to be confident in who
491
00:37:52.159 --> 00:37:54.639
he is inside. And a man's
shop is to hold the space for the
492
00:37:54.679 --> 00:38:00.360
woman to have that confidence in herself
so that she doesn't need to seek that
493
00:38:00.360 --> 00:38:04.440
external validation. And it's well said, it's well said, and I think
494
00:38:04.440 --> 00:38:09.400
that a lot of women now,
the ones that are aligned, the chockers
495
00:38:09.440 --> 00:38:14.920
are aligned. You see them going
down that journey. Yeah, the men
496
00:38:15.440 --> 00:38:21.679
that are championing themselves to become better
are championing that also too, And that's
497
00:38:21.679 --> 00:38:25.559
why I heard an influencer one say
this, and it makes the most sense.
498
00:38:25.920 --> 00:38:29.280
A lot of women will do one
of two things with the men.
499
00:38:29.800 --> 00:38:31.960
The ones that they know they can
run them up with, they'll sell them
500
00:38:32.000 --> 00:38:36.639
anything and he'll just go with it. The ones that they know that they
501
00:38:36.760 --> 00:38:42.559
can't, they'll do one of two
things. They'll either sit there and they'll
502
00:38:42.679 --> 00:38:45.119
chomp on the mouth guard and they'll
shut their mouth and they fall in line,
503
00:38:45.719 --> 00:38:50.039
or they just taper off and they
run away. That's just how it
504
00:38:50.119 --> 00:38:54.119
is, because they realize that this
potential person is going to call me out
505
00:38:54.840 --> 00:38:59.119
on my shit. You know,
it's so funny that you say that.
506
00:38:59.199 --> 00:39:01.880
I always say that if you're not
willing to look in the mirror, don't
507
00:39:01.880 --> 00:39:08.199
get married, because that is the
role of a long term partnership, any
508
00:39:08.239 --> 00:39:12.480
relationship. I mean, it happens
all the time in our friendships and our
509
00:39:12.480 --> 00:39:17.599
family dynamics as well, but it's
like on a such a small scale because
510
00:39:17.599 --> 00:39:22.880
you're not with them twenty for seven. When you're living with someone, they
511
00:39:22.920 --> 00:39:28.559
are going to trigger the hell out
of you because they are mirroring all of
512
00:39:28.599 --> 00:39:31.599
your insecurities and your doubts and your
bounds, and if you're not willing to
513
00:39:31.639 --> 00:39:36.079
do the work, you got to
travel with them. You gotta the first
514
00:39:36.159 --> 00:39:40.239
vacation that you and that said woman
can go on, or that said male
515
00:39:40.360 --> 00:39:44.679
can go on. Try to do
it as quick as you can't, cause
516
00:39:44.719 --> 00:39:49.559
you see everything you need to see
finding My husband and I went to Cancoon
517
00:39:49.679 --> 00:39:52.639
a month into dating. We were
still casual, and I'm like, Google,
518
00:39:52.679 --> 00:39:55.199
like, what does that mean when
a guy takes you to on vacation?
519
00:39:57.199 --> 00:40:00.239
You know why? And it's so
funny. You know why people google
520
00:40:00.360 --> 00:40:05.159
is because they want to get the
information right. They want the information that's
521
00:40:05.159 --> 00:40:07.480
going to change. I wanted to
validate what I'm feeling, like, oh
522
00:40:07.519 --> 00:40:09.920
my gosh, he's really interested in
me and he's serious about me and blah
523
00:40:09.960 --> 00:40:13.880
blah blah, when in reality he's
like, I just wanted to go on
524
00:40:13.880 --> 00:40:17.119
a vacation and you seem fun and
I asked you to come with me,
525
00:40:17.400 --> 00:40:21.679
you know, yeah, before we
get out of here real quick. Well
526
00:40:21.840 --> 00:40:25.800
we're just gonna do like a quick
just back and forth. When we think
527
00:40:25.840 --> 00:40:34.360
about these red flags between men and
between women and all this, what are
528
00:40:35.000 --> 00:40:37.800
what are these things? And it's
just a quick refresher, because I feel
529
00:40:37.800 --> 00:40:40.280
like some people just have blinders on. They don't got the Brady the Peyton
530
00:40:40.280 --> 00:40:45.360
Manning vision. They're not looking down
the field. They're not Patrick Mahomes gonna
531
00:40:45.360 --> 00:40:47.719
throw with sixty yards. No look, they tend to just want to be
532
00:40:47.760 --> 00:40:52.800
like, oh this okay, let
me just show up right, Like what
533
00:40:52.960 --> 00:40:55.920
what? What are the things you
should be looking for? Is its speech?
534
00:40:57.039 --> 00:41:00.199
Is a character? Is it fidgetedness? Let's talk about it. I'm
535
00:41:00.199 --> 00:41:04.000
going to talk about it from a
female perspective, and I want I would
536
00:41:04.039 --> 00:41:07.079
love for you to talk about it
from a perspective like doing Okay, So
537
00:41:07.440 --> 00:41:09.639
if I was on a first date, these are the things that I would
538
00:41:09.679 --> 00:41:14.039
look for in order to see if
like the red flags, the green flags,
539
00:41:14.039 --> 00:41:17.880
and the bait flags. The red
flags are how are they treating the
540
00:41:17.880 --> 00:41:22.280
wait staff, How are they speaking
to them when you're on a date,
541
00:41:22.559 --> 00:41:24.960
when you're out in public, how
are they interacting with the world around them?
542
00:41:25.840 --> 00:41:35.199
Observe being an observer without judgment.
Just take it in and tally up
543
00:41:35.239 --> 00:41:40.159
the marks, right, How do
they treat women that they're not interested in?
544
00:41:40.280 --> 00:41:44.840
You could tell these things just on
like at a restaurant, how are
545
00:41:44.880 --> 00:41:46.159
they talking to the wait staff,
how are they talking to the hostess?
546
00:41:46.440 --> 00:41:51.719
How are they are they ordering for
you? Are they like being controlling or
547
00:41:51.800 --> 00:41:53.519
they being or are they holding space
and being like? Hey, what would
548
00:41:53.519 --> 00:41:57.719
you like? Order whatever you want? I got it, you know what
549
00:41:57.760 --> 00:42:02.039
I mean. And then another thing
that you should look for is the hobbies.
550
00:42:04.280 --> 00:42:06.079
Ask them like, hey, what
do you like to do in your
551
00:42:06.079 --> 00:42:10.559
free time? Cool? What's your
plan for What are your biggest dreams?
552
00:42:12.039 --> 00:42:15.480
Right? Do they have dreams?
Do they care about growth and personal development?
553
00:42:15.840 --> 00:42:21.079
These are all first date questions that
aren't too aggressive and to this and
554
00:42:21.119 --> 00:42:24.760
that. If you come with the
energy of a simple observer with zero judgment,
555
00:42:25.679 --> 00:42:30.159
just get to know someone on a
first date and then process that date
556
00:42:30.760 --> 00:42:37.000
when you go home. Don't sit
there and argue and judge them and this
557
00:42:37.159 --> 00:42:42.400
and that on that date because they're
allowed to do what they want and you're
558
00:42:42.400 --> 00:42:45.599
allowed to do what you want,
and you get to choose do I want
559
00:42:45.599 --> 00:42:50.719
a second date or not? Before
I answer should the men? Should?
560
00:42:50.760 --> 00:42:55.639
The man always pay for the first
date? So I believe to be yes.
561
00:42:55.840 --> 00:43:05.880
And it's because it shows that you
take her seriously. It shows that
562
00:43:06.000 --> 00:43:12.440
you are ready to invest, not
just financially, but also your time and
563
00:43:12.480 --> 00:43:16.320
your energy because that money took time
and energy for you to gain. And
564
00:43:16.440 --> 00:43:21.400
that is the bigger picture here.
It's not oh can you support me financially?
565
00:43:21.400 --> 00:43:23.800
Women gives a bigger message than just
hey, I got you financially because
566
00:43:23.800 --> 00:43:27.960
a woman doesn't technically need a man
to support her financially, but she does
567
00:43:28.000 --> 00:43:30.039
want to know that you will pour
your time and energy into her, and
568
00:43:30.119 --> 00:43:36.679
that is a symbol of that.
Okay, I love you say that men.
569
00:43:36.800 --> 00:43:38.039
Men, men. Coming from my
point of view, I'm well to
570
00:43:38.079 --> 00:43:45.480
cook. Yeah, how about you
grill time? So step one, you
571
00:43:45.519 --> 00:43:50.480
guys, go out. No matter
what you're doing, She's not going to
572
00:43:51.199 --> 00:43:55.840
ever complain or champion or challenge whatever
it is that you have going on.
573
00:43:57.119 --> 00:44:00.119
If she's actually interested into wanting to
get to know you, that's step one
574
00:44:01.039 --> 00:44:07.320
step two with that, because once
everything is done, does she text at
575
00:44:07.360 --> 00:44:09.559
the end of the night and says
thank you? Or does she say it
576
00:44:09.599 --> 00:44:15.239
to you? Because you go on
a lot of dates and there's a lot
577
00:44:15.280 --> 00:44:22.159
of entitlement where it could be something
so small where you guys, ladies always
578
00:44:22.199 --> 00:44:29.760
say thank you, but gude,
they don't. Lately, they don't and
579
00:44:29.800 --> 00:44:32.159
I'm hearing it from all different spectrums, and I'm sitting here to myself and
580
00:44:32.159 --> 00:44:37.000
I'm like, where's the manners?
Right? If she don't say thank you,
581
00:44:37.639 --> 00:44:43.119
walk away from that senarian situation,
I'm sorry this cut your losses because
582
00:44:43.119 --> 00:44:47.119
it shows that she doesn't have proper
home training. There's you gotta say thank
583
00:44:47.159 --> 00:44:50.880
you, ladies and gentlemen. You
have to. So I have a question.
584
00:44:51.599 --> 00:44:55.679
So what I hear on the women's
side is when I show gratitude,
585
00:44:57.320 --> 00:45:00.159
they take it ten steps further and
say, now, what are you going
586
00:45:00.199 --> 00:45:05.199
to give to me? Because I
did this for you? And that is
587
00:45:05.280 --> 00:45:09.760
why I believe women fear showing gratitude
to men they just met, because they
588
00:45:09.800 --> 00:45:13.400
don't know if they're going to be
If a woman says thank you so much
589
00:45:13.400 --> 00:45:16.000
for that meal, nine times out
of ten, the man's gonna be like,
590
00:45:16.199 --> 00:45:21.639
now what do I get? And
then that puts so much pressure on
591
00:45:21.679 --> 00:45:25.280
a woman to do things that she's
not ready for and says, why can't
592
00:45:25.280 --> 00:45:30.840
you just like do a nice thing
for me just out of the pureness of
593
00:45:30.880 --> 00:45:35.519
your heart? Why does it have
to be this tip for tat situation?
594
00:45:36.159 --> 00:45:37.880
And I love that you say that
because I think it comes down to respect.
595
00:45:37.960 --> 00:45:40.840
And I think that you will know, you will know. Women,
596
00:45:42.119 --> 00:45:45.760
I'm gonna I'm gonna say something here
at me. I know, is that
597
00:45:45.840 --> 00:45:51.519
probably gonna feeling gonna begin to give
me a rebuttal. You should know who
598
00:45:51.599 --> 00:45:54.880
you're going to sit across from.
We're out at whatever it is you guys
599
00:45:54.880 --> 00:45:58.840
are doing. Right, if it's
a play day, if you guys are
600
00:45:58.840 --> 00:46:01.119
going bowling, if you guys are
going playing darts, if you're playing mini
601
00:46:01.159 --> 00:46:06.119
golf, you shouldn't know. You
should really know. And I think the
602
00:46:06.159 --> 00:46:12.280
best representation of that is doing the
background checks. I've had women say to
603
00:46:12.320 --> 00:46:15.440
me, I've prepped you on social
media. I've listened to your episodes.
604
00:46:16.159 --> 00:46:20.360
Cool. I'm like, all right, cool, I'm laughing. But if
605
00:46:20.400 --> 00:46:24.840
someone's not on social media, listen, you can figure a person out.
606
00:46:24.880 --> 00:46:29.039
It's not that hard. Google is
a hell of a thing. Google's a
607
00:46:29.079 --> 00:46:32.679
hell of a thing, right,
And I think that once you know and
608
00:46:32.800 --> 00:46:37.519
what you're doing, you'll have a
good idea. You'll know. You can
609
00:46:37.559 --> 00:46:44.239
tell if a guy is really psychologically
messed up and you know he's this there
610
00:46:44.280 --> 00:46:47.440
for one thing. But guys like
myself and this is gonna be some free
611
00:46:47.480 --> 00:46:52.400
game once you take it off the
table. From the early stages I'm talking
612
00:46:52.400 --> 00:46:55.039
about first, that you take it
off the table, you don't come with
613
00:46:55.079 --> 00:46:58.840
that, you don't lead with that. It forces the woman to think,
614
00:46:59.599 --> 00:47:04.800
well, if he's not looking at
me like a piece of meat and he's
615
00:47:04.840 --> 00:47:08.760
not going to sexually objectify me,
well, that's going to send her nervous
616
00:47:08.760 --> 00:47:14.440
system into chaos if she doesn't think
she has any self worth outside of her
617
00:47:14.519 --> 00:47:21.360
external image exactly. And that's how
you can play the fault line because they
618
00:47:21.400 --> 00:47:24.880
say, yes, women do are
the ones that control of what happens.
619
00:47:25.360 --> 00:47:30.079
But when you take it off the
table and you're not acting thirsty and you're
620
00:47:30.119 --> 00:47:32.440
having a wholesome conversation, you're just
getting to know each other, that's going
621
00:47:32.480 --> 00:47:37.519
to make her go crazy. You're
you're sparring in the ring, you're doing
622
00:47:37.559 --> 00:47:39.079
whatever you need to do. Here's
a free game. I want to say
623
00:47:39.079 --> 00:47:42.480
it to a lot of people.
Nine times out of ten, she's the
624
00:47:42.480 --> 00:47:45.920
one who's actually going to pursue you, believe it or not. No,
625
00:47:45.159 --> 00:47:49.440
No, like women don't hide it. When we want something, we want
626
00:47:49.480 --> 00:47:52.960
something and we'll tell you we want
it. And that's on a secure woman.
627
00:47:52.199 --> 00:47:58.480
Right, that's another thing like a
red flag. If you are questioning
628
00:47:58.519 --> 00:48:02.079
where you stand with a woman,
she's not secure in herself, yep,
629
00:48:02.760 --> 00:48:07.159
yep. If she is secure herself, you'll know, like the energy will
630
00:48:07.239 --> 00:48:12.119
be so clear, and they make
it like I said, as a woman
631
00:48:12.159 --> 00:48:15.599
will always make it easy, right, none of this. You have to
632
00:48:15.679 --> 00:48:19.360
chase her. She has to chase
you. She's going to open up herself
633
00:48:19.360 --> 00:48:22.719
available to you. And nine times
out of ten men and I'll say this
634
00:48:22.760 --> 00:48:28.039
is free game here, don't go
in thirsty watch y'all. She reacts to
635
00:48:28.079 --> 00:48:32.119
it because if she's in one with
herself, she's gonna say, okay,
636
00:48:32.199 --> 00:48:36.440
what's his play? And then she's
the one who's going to be like,
637
00:48:36.519 --> 00:48:39.559
yo, hey, let's let's hang
out. Oh we're gonna hang out.
638
00:48:40.119 --> 00:48:46.119
Oh come over? What because there's
a way to troll that. Come over?
639
00:48:46.159 --> 00:48:50.199
And what what are we gonna do? You're gonna play chess? Oh
640
00:48:50.280 --> 00:48:55.239
we'll watch a movie. Okay.
You know what that word is for trying
641
00:48:55.239 --> 00:49:00.559
to ask someone to come over.
You know the intentions are, you know
642
00:49:00.639 --> 00:49:04.159
what the intentions are. But women
are never going to fully come out and
643
00:49:04.199 --> 00:49:07.320
say come over. And you know, maybe your wife, maybe your girlfriend.
644
00:49:08.159 --> 00:49:13.559
I mean I don't really know.
I mean there's been times early dating
645
00:49:13.599 --> 00:49:16.239
with my husband where I'm just like, hey, I'm coming over, and
646
00:49:16.280 --> 00:49:22.480
I would make it clear because it's
times where like sometimes you just want a
647
00:49:22.599 --> 00:49:28.920
date. Sometimes you just want what
you want. And there's times where,
648
00:49:29.039 --> 00:49:34.599
especially early dating before you're committed,
you're not going to lay out your problems
649
00:49:34.599 --> 00:49:37.719
to this person, but you're going
to still want to see them because you're
650
00:49:37.719 --> 00:49:44.239
interested in them. So sometimes you
just want that feeling of connection and that
651
00:49:44.280 --> 00:49:47.719
intimacy because you're feeling low yep.
The other thing is communication patterns. Now,
652
00:49:47.800 --> 00:49:52.760
I know this is going to come
across just gonna be very buzzy for
653
00:49:52.840 --> 00:50:00.159
some people. The communication elements is
that if she's expecting you to always pursue,
654
00:50:00.199 --> 00:50:05.519
I think that's a problem. She'd
be mutual. Here's where the caveat
655
00:50:05.639 --> 00:50:10.119
is. Women love to talk.
So if she's not orbiting herself around you,
656
00:50:12.000 --> 00:50:15.960
that's when you'll know. That's when
you'll know because nine times out of
657
00:50:15.000 --> 00:50:19.239
ten, she's going to reach out
to you and talk about something within her
658
00:50:19.320 --> 00:50:22.800
day, or she's gonna want to
check in with you. She's gonna pick
659
00:50:22.000 --> 00:50:25.719
something. If it's say, for
instance, you have a podcast, maybe
660
00:50:25.760 --> 00:50:30.119
she reaches out to you the next
day and says, hey, what do
661
00:50:30.119 --> 00:50:32.119
you have coming up for a podcast. I've had that happen and I kind
662
00:50:32.119 --> 00:50:36.960
of look at the message and I'm
like, huh, what that means.
663
00:50:37.360 --> 00:50:39.880
She's asking because she guess what,
she's orbiting herself, she's bringing herself forward,
664
00:50:40.199 --> 00:50:45.239
or maybe she's showing interest, or
maybe your play, you know,
665
00:50:45.880 --> 00:50:49.440
pick up house league soccer. Oh, are you ready for your game?
666
00:50:49.599 --> 00:50:52.079
Even though it's little things like that, right, And I want men to
667
00:50:52.159 --> 00:50:59.320
really clue into that because there is
a pandemic now where I think a lot
668
00:50:59.360 --> 00:51:02.079
of women are now playing the one
too many role. They're dating around,
669
00:51:02.199 --> 00:51:06.920
they're spinning plates from the beginning of
the conversation that we talked about, right,
670
00:51:07.639 --> 00:51:12.280
And it's very very dangerous because you
know that they're doing it. And
671
00:51:12.320 --> 00:51:16.920
here's another gem. I'm going to
drop the level of fidgetiness of them being
672
00:51:17.159 --> 00:51:22.599
fidgety on a date. And I've
seen it happen in the last eight months.
673
00:51:22.559 --> 00:51:25.239
You go out with somebody and they're
fidgeting and I had to call.
674
00:51:25.280 --> 00:51:28.960
I'm like, yoh, are you
is everything okay? You're right? Oh,
675
00:51:29.360 --> 00:51:31.679
I'm fine, And I'm like,
I instantly saw that. The first
676
00:51:31.679 --> 00:51:36.000
thing I said to myself is I
don't want to assume across the table,
677
00:51:37.039 --> 00:51:40.000
but it tells me, hey,
I may not be the only person,
678
00:51:40.360 --> 00:51:45.599
especially if it's a high, high
place where a lot of people frequent.
679
00:51:45.199 --> 00:51:50.119
That's the other thing I'll tell people
too, if you're in the same city,
680
00:51:51.039 --> 00:51:55.039
go to the popular places. Go
to the popular places and really see
681
00:51:55.079 --> 00:51:59.039
what happens. Because I go to
all the popular places and people see me,
682
00:51:59.079 --> 00:52:01.280
people know me face by a name
because of what I do for work,
683
00:52:01.639 --> 00:52:06.199
especially this podcast. Right, And
I say this with like love and
684
00:52:06.239 --> 00:52:09.519
gratitude. Appreciate all the people that
see that, because then you'll see.
685
00:52:09.960 --> 00:52:15.079
Then you'll really see. Because if
you're out and then somebody sees you're one
686
00:52:15.119 --> 00:52:16.800
of your boy see or a girl
sees you that maybe came into your job
687
00:52:16.920 --> 00:52:21.039
or whatever, and they look across
the table. When they see it with
688
00:52:21.039 --> 00:52:23.800
a girl, they you see that
look they give you, Oh you're with
689
00:52:23.920 --> 00:52:29.119
her, Oh you're with him,
Oh you're doing this or you're doing that.
690
00:52:29.280 --> 00:52:32.000
So those little things, those little
minute little details, I can really
691
00:52:32.000 --> 00:52:36.199
tell you what's going on. Okay, I have two questions. Go ahead
692
00:52:36.639 --> 00:52:45.199
about the anxious anxiety. At what
point do we stop taking things personally and
693
00:52:45.559 --> 00:52:52.039
maybe step back and think, I
wonder if this person has anxious attachment style
694
00:52:52.599 --> 00:52:58.199
and they don't feel comfortable on a
date and they're just nervous, They're just
695
00:52:58.360 --> 00:53:05.039
anxious, and it's not because she
has all these games playing in her mind.
696
00:53:05.519 --> 00:53:12.760
I think we overcomplicate people when in
reality, humans are so simple and
697
00:53:12.920 --> 00:53:21.960
it's all about not assuming and staying
curious and becoming the observer instead of like
698
00:53:22.119 --> 00:53:27.960
replaying your past case scenarios into a
present moment. When do we know is
699
00:53:27.960 --> 00:53:32.719
when I believe that the foundation is
built early stages. Early stages I think
700
00:53:32.719 --> 00:53:36.440
before you get into the first encounter. And there's a lot of people who
701
00:53:36.440 --> 00:53:38.079
have championed that. I've heard a
lot of people say, is they actually
702
00:53:38.079 --> 00:53:43.079
like to have a conversation before they
meet with a person, depending on how
703
00:53:43.119 --> 00:53:47.800
the dynamics are. So mental health
isn't something that you can read right away.
704
00:53:47.880 --> 00:53:53.000
If mental health was something that was
easy to pinpoint and see from the
705
00:53:53.039 --> 00:54:00.880
get go, therapists would be able
to cure people with mental health issues instantly.
706
00:54:00.400 --> 00:54:05.440
This is the reason why I say, when you have the ying and
707
00:54:05.519 --> 00:54:09.440
the yang and this is just on
a podcast business professional level one, three,
708
00:54:09.559 --> 00:54:12.760
five. You're the two in the
four, so I see what you're
709
00:54:12.760 --> 00:54:15.559
doing. I love it. I
love it. I love it. I
710
00:54:15.599 --> 00:54:20.280
love it because I think that if
two people and I'm saying, if you
711
00:54:20.360 --> 00:54:22.519
just this is your first time meeting
and there's no previous conversation, yes there's
712
00:54:22.519 --> 00:54:27.039
gonna be nervousness. But if you
actually have maybe a little bit of a
713
00:54:27.079 --> 00:54:29.679
report, maybe it's a quick little
FaceTime, maybe it's a quick little check
714
00:54:29.719 --> 00:54:32.039
in, people would not tend to
be nervous. I think it changes the
715
00:54:32.079 --> 00:54:36.920
whole dynamic. I think people are
nervous sometimes on a date with my husband
716
00:54:37.000 --> 00:54:42.119
because I have anxious attachment style,
right, okay, because if I was
717
00:54:42.199 --> 00:54:46.119
being disguarded, like people saw that, I'm like nervous. I play with
718
00:54:46.199 --> 00:54:52.239
my hands a lot. I literally
like I'm constantly like nervous anxiety. I'm
719
00:54:52.239 --> 00:55:00.639
self soothing constantly when I'm nervous and
I get nervous because it's not because of
720
00:55:00.679 --> 00:55:05.719
the other person, it's not because
of anything external. It's just my own
721
00:55:05.760 --> 00:55:07.880
mental health issues that we just simply
do not have control over, you know.
722
00:55:08.440 --> 00:55:15.519
So like I think that what needs
to stop in first dates, early
723
00:55:15.599 --> 00:55:22.199
dating stages is pre assumptions that you
think you know everything about a person just
724
00:55:22.280 --> 00:55:28.599
based on their behavior. Because humans, as simple as we are, there's
725
00:55:28.639 --> 00:55:32.559
a lot that can be happening in
our inner worlds that have absolutely nothing to
726
00:55:32.599 --> 00:55:37.719
do with our date, our friendships, our community, our life, and
727
00:55:37.800 --> 00:55:43.880
it's just life. Okay, So
let me ask, let me play that
728
00:55:44.000 --> 00:55:49.280
was advocate to you before we get
out of here. What's the component of
729
00:55:50.000 --> 00:55:52.599
Because I see and I hear some
people doing this, and I've had this
730
00:55:52.679 --> 00:55:57.960
happen also a lot of times also
to where that open sense of communication.
731
00:55:58.000 --> 00:56:00.119
It's not saying you're pouring out your
whole entire life story, but if you
732
00:56:00.159 --> 00:56:05.840
have something that's going on, I
always say it's maybe best to just say
733
00:56:05.880 --> 00:56:07.360
it to somebody. And that's one
thing I also want to clear up in
734
00:56:07.400 --> 00:56:12.519
this whole entire thing is be open. Yeah, you should be open with
735
00:56:12.639 --> 00:56:16.639
ever whatever piece of communication. Heck, if you come out and God forbid,
736
00:56:17.079 --> 00:56:21.719
like your goldfish died or your hamster
died, or your dog's sick or
737
00:56:21.760 --> 00:56:25.760
your dog's unwell, probably say that
to me first, because where you're at.
738
00:56:27.360 --> 00:56:30.280
Yeah, I don't want to be
the person bigio is everything okay,
739
00:56:30.440 --> 00:56:35.000
and then you're simply sitting there ready
to burst out in tears. The worst
740
00:56:35.000 --> 00:56:38.000
thing in the mold is also the
passive aggressiveness, right because you're deflecting,
741
00:56:38.599 --> 00:56:42.920
Like, just be open and honest
about where you are, even if you're
742
00:56:42.960 --> 00:56:45.360
nervous and you don't know why,
even if you're feelings certain things that are
743
00:56:45.360 --> 00:56:50.039
coming up and you don't know why, just say like, hey, like
744
00:56:51.280 --> 00:56:53.840
I'm not my best self right now. I don't quite know what's going on
745
00:56:53.880 --> 00:56:57.599
with me. I will process this
later, but I want you to know
746
00:56:57.719 --> 00:57:01.239
that I am interested in being here
with you right now, but I'm just
747
00:57:01.360 --> 00:57:05.159
feeling some sort of way. Thank
you, Thank you. You don't need
748
00:57:05.199 --> 00:57:07.480
to know what's going on with you. Yea. I remember, I remember
749
00:57:07.559 --> 00:57:15.400
in my past it was about pandemic
twenty twenty one. I was we were
750
00:57:15.400 --> 00:57:19.840
just sitting there and in the park, just hanging out whatever, vibing,
751
00:57:20.599 --> 00:57:29.679
and I said something that made her
think about her dad. Yea, and
752
00:57:30.039 --> 00:57:32.800
she I saw it like a complete
change around. I'm like, are you
753
00:57:32.880 --> 00:57:38.119
good? And she's like um,
and she start this verbalizing. She's like
754
00:57:38.440 --> 00:57:42.480
he's no longer here anymore, this
and that, this and that. I
755
00:57:42.480 --> 00:57:45.079
didn't feel bad, but I was
just like, hey, I appreciate you
756
00:57:45.119 --> 00:57:46.960
being vulnerable, and she started to
tear up. I was like, you
757
00:57:47.000 --> 00:57:50.559
know, it's okay to cry and
just cry. She's like, I don't
758
00:57:50.599 --> 00:57:52.559
want to cry. I don't want
you to think this boom. I'm like,
759
00:57:52.639 --> 00:57:54.239
yo, you're fine to worry about
it. It's all good. It's
760
00:57:54.280 --> 00:57:59.320
all good because I think that when
you don't want to also feel like a
761
00:57:59.360 --> 00:58:02.400
burden. Yeah, with our personal
shit that we should be over by now
762
00:58:02.440 --> 00:58:06.559
because it happened so long ago.
Yeah, but I think when you're dealing
763
00:58:06.639 --> 00:58:09.599
with people that are in one and
they're in tune with themselves and they show
764
00:58:09.679 --> 00:58:15.159
empathy, they're masculine, they provide
the safe space and noor. You challenge
765
00:58:15.159 --> 00:58:17.199
me a little bit on the show
here, I think you know, I
766
00:58:17.320 --> 00:58:21.000
think you know when there's good energy
because that person do you look at you?
767
00:58:21.039 --> 00:58:23.039
But why are you crying? Drive
your tears now? If you're crying
768
00:58:23.079 --> 00:58:27.360
about something like whatever, I'm gonna
tell you'll get over yourself, you'd be
769
00:58:27.400 --> 00:58:30.679
fine. I was gonna ask as
a secure man at one point, does
770
00:58:30.800 --> 00:58:37.920
that anxiety get to be too much? Where you're where you say you get
771
00:58:37.960 --> 00:58:42.880
tired of holding that safe space for
that person as frequently as you need to.
772
00:58:43.079 --> 00:58:46.400
Because you're not the one with anxiety. So when you know your problems
773
00:58:46.440 --> 00:58:52.000
may come up occasionally versus someone with
you know, anxious attachment style, mental
774
00:58:52.000 --> 00:58:58.880
health issues, codependency, abandonment wounds, that person's wounds are kind of come
775
00:58:59.000 --> 00:59:02.199
up more frequent. Only. I
think that once you go into something and
776
00:59:02.280 --> 00:59:07.760
that's more secure. And I'm not
talking about like one or two, you
777
00:59:07.800 --> 00:59:12.320
know, meetings, three meetings,
I think by the time and how I
778
00:59:12.360 --> 00:59:15.679
am, I think people tend to
see, is is this going to work?
779
00:59:16.239 --> 00:59:22.800
Yeah, he's maybe two just boom, he's laser focused. He provides
780
00:59:22.800 --> 00:59:30.079
a safe space. Yeah. A
lot of women discredit themselves from even finishing
781
00:59:30.079 --> 00:59:34.079
the race. And it's not even
because of you. It's because of them,
782
00:59:34.119 --> 00:59:37.960
because they feel like, I can't
get to where he's at the unworthiness.
783
00:59:38.039 --> 00:59:42.159
I have a client that's literally who
just got married last week. A
784
00:59:42.199 --> 00:59:45.800
week before she said, I do
not feel worthy of being married. I
785
00:59:45.880 --> 00:59:47.079
don't know what's going on. I'm
like, is this cold feet or is
786
00:59:47.119 --> 00:59:51.480
this something else? And it could
be cold feet, right, it could
787
00:59:51.519 --> 00:59:54.960
be that, but cold feet happens
for a reason when you're not secure,
788
00:59:55.320 --> 01:00:00.239
right, so like part of life, so many women and feel unworthy of
789
01:00:00.280 --> 01:00:05.039
these healthy, secure men, and
that's why they self sabotage and go for
790
01:00:05.440 --> 01:00:09.880
their comfort zone of what feels comfortable, even though that's toxic. The toxic
791
01:00:09.920 --> 01:00:13.880
dudes, the toxic dudes that are
going to run am NK. Toxic dude
792
01:00:13.880 --> 01:00:15.159
that's not going to talk to you
for a week or two weeks, and
793
01:00:15.159 --> 01:00:20.320
then you're like, does he still
love me when you're on the shakouderie boards,
794
01:00:20.360 --> 01:00:24.320
wine knight in the winery place,
like hello, Like when I hear
795
01:00:24.400 --> 01:00:29.559
that shit like it's so cringe,
now becomes like mine, he don't like
796
01:00:29.760 --> 01:00:34.719
you? You? You know what's
so annoying about those wine knights and those
797
01:00:34.760 --> 01:00:38.639
charcutery knights. I wish women would
start being more honest with their other women
798
01:00:38.920 --> 01:00:43.480
and say, hey, like maybe
he's just not that into you. It
799
01:00:43.480 --> 01:00:46.000
has nothing to do with you,
but you need to move on. But
800
01:00:46.079 --> 01:00:50.800
instead they start playing those games and
they say, Okay, how can we
801
01:00:50.800 --> 01:00:53.400
get him to like you more?
How can we manipulate him into like seeing
802
01:00:53.440 --> 01:00:58.199
your worth? How like you know
what I mean? Why does it have
803
01:00:58.239 --> 01:01:00.159
to be games and not just like
say, hey, he's just not that
804
01:01:00.239 --> 01:01:07.280
into you, and you deserve someone
who is into you, and just tell
805
01:01:07.320 --> 01:01:12.400
them to like cut the ties and
find someone who won't play the games.
806
01:01:12.800 --> 01:01:15.559
Because it's the karmatic debt that people
love to put in society. Men do
807
01:01:15.639 --> 01:01:20.599
it and women do it also too. They put the karmatic debt because they
808
01:01:20.639 --> 01:01:24.000
discredit the certain dudes, and I'm
speaking from man's perspective, they discredit the
809
01:01:24.039 --> 01:01:29.039
certain dudes that are not coming with
not coming to them with the willing nilly
810
01:01:29.119 --> 01:01:31.320
stuff. Yo, Hey I find
you interesting. Whoop do, whoop.
811
01:01:31.360 --> 01:01:35.000
Let's go do this, whoop do, Let's go do that? All right?
812
01:01:35.039 --> 01:01:37.079
Cool? Yeah, I'll do that
next to you know, a couple
813
01:01:37.079 --> 01:01:40.320
of days go by, I don't
know, I can't do it. Something
814
01:01:40.440 --> 01:01:45.360
came up, No, a bigger, better deal came up, A genuine
815
01:01:45.360 --> 01:01:49.400
burning desire that you wanted, which
is that toxic dude, the guy that
816
01:01:49.480 --> 01:01:52.119
wasn't showing you in attention. He
came back around, and what he's going
817
01:01:52.159 --> 01:01:55.760
to do now is drop off some
toxic dick because that's what you're used to.
818
01:01:55.960 --> 01:01:59.719
You don't want to simply see here
and you don't want to deal with
819
01:01:59.760 --> 01:02:04.119
the I it's actually being real with
you. Just may just talk a little
820
01:02:04.119 --> 01:02:07.039
conversation. You may want to spar
with you a little bit, the slip
821
01:02:07.159 --> 01:02:09.840
war, you know. And I
think that that's another thing too. I
822
01:02:09.880 --> 01:02:15.559
think this podcast it hinders me,
this teeny tiny bit. I love it.
823
01:02:15.840 --> 01:02:19.840
You're quick, You're quick at the
ball to simply sit here and to
824
01:02:19.880 --> 01:02:24.320
have answers. And I'll be honest, like I've been out right and just
825
01:02:24.400 --> 01:02:28.280
having a conversation with somebody. She's
like, you're so arrogant. I go,
826
01:02:28.480 --> 01:02:31.000
no, I know how to answer
the questions that you're coming with.
827
01:02:31.760 --> 01:02:37.800
We're having a conversation. You're just
not comfortable with how I'm answering the conversations
828
01:02:37.920 --> 01:02:42.079
because you're used to low vibrational energy
with men. And the response back I
829
01:02:42.119 --> 01:02:45.079
got was, oh, wow,
you know what you're up to, you
830
01:02:45.079 --> 01:02:52.239
know? But no, sorry.
There's a thing that I read recently which
831
01:02:52.239 --> 01:02:58.000
I think is going to be amazing. Women want or secure, women want
832
01:02:58.760 --> 01:03:07.400
a healthy man with toxic energy sex. So our biggest fear is that once
833
01:03:07.440 --> 01:03:10.119
who choose that healthy man, the
intimacy is going to die. The intimacy
834
01:03:10.199 --> 01:03:15.079
is going to be like not there. And the biggest thing I teach my
835
01:03:15.119 --> 01:03:20.559
clients is the more I said this
in the podcast last time, the more
836
01:03:20.639 --> 01:03:23.199
safe you feel with a man,
the kink you're the sex gets. And
837
01:03:23.320 --> 01:03:29.480
I wish women knew that and they
wouldn't fear that. Once they do settle
838
01:03:29.559 --> 01:03:32.199
down with that healthy man, that
secure man, the man that challenges them
839
01:03:32.239 --> 01:03:38.679
and you know, enables them to
grow, the sex is still going to
840
01:03:38.800 --> 01:03:45.400
be even better because it's going to
transcend physical intimacy into an energetic one.
841
01:03:46.079 --> 01:03:51.159
And this is how this is,
and this is how I'm just going to
842
01:03:51.280 --> 01:03:55.239
simply tie this one off. Here. Deal with if you're into astrology and
843
01:03:55.320 --> 01:04:00.320
you know the signs, you know
who's going to put the genetic jack hammer
844
01:04:00.360 --> 01:04:03.039
down. Trust me, you're gonna
know. So find your Austria, your
845
01:04:03.519 --> 01:04:09.119
astrology signs. Yeah, ask him
what his birthday is, right, ask
846
01:04:09.239 --> 01:04:12.719
him when he was born and you'll
probably figure out which one. Here's what
847
01:04:12.760 --> 01:04:16.840
I'll this, dude, Pisces,
they know what's going on. They know
848
01:04:16.920 --> 01:04:21.119
what's going on. Do you know
more than I do about all that?
849
01:04:21.159 --> 01:04:28.480
Because I believe I know what's going
on. Now I gotta go look up
850
01:04:28.480 --> 01:04:32.800
what that means because I know nothing
about Pisces. There's there's certain astrology signs
851
01:04:32.840 --> 01:04:40.280
that are amazing lovers. I hear
scorpios or something different where loyal is heck
852
01:04:41.239 --> 01:04:45.239
yeah, but y'all have a side, a side when the doors closed,
853
01:04:45.239 --> 01:04:46.599
You guys have a side that you
like. What do you say? I
854
01:04:46.639 --> 01:04:49.079
think that was one of the clips
I use. You let your freak fly.
855
01:04:50.079 --> 01:04:54.199
Yeah, when we feel safe too, Oh, when you feel of
856
01:04:54.199 --> 01:04:56.880
course, that's why you gotta set
it. You gotta set the foundation.
857
01:04:57.519 --> 01:05:00.920
But like when a scorpio doesn't feel
safe, like the walls are so damn
858
01:05:01.039 --> 01:05:10.480
high and shagger, but we're like
the softies too at the same time.
859
01:05:11.079 --> 01:05:17.000
Yes, we're confused. I feel
you. Where can everybody check you out?
860
01:05:17.360 --> 01:05:20.880
And where do you got coming?
So I do have my own podcast
861
01:05:20.960 --> 01:05:26.239
as well, Thriving in Love Podcasts, where I talk about what healthy love
862
01:05:26.360 --> 01:05:30.199
looks like, what thriving and love
looks like. And you can check me
863
01:05:30.199 --> 01:05:33.159
out on my Instagram Sanna a Cond
and my website is Sanna a con dot
864
01:05:33.159 --> 01:05:38.559
com. If you are looking for
love coaching. Love coaching, hear that
865
01:05:38.599 --> 01:05:43.360
one. I love this. When
am I coming on your pod? You
866
01:05:43.519 --> 01:05:46.280
tell me, let's make it happen. Let's make it happen. Yeah,
867
01:05:46.280 --> 01:05:49.360
because sometimes when I'm like the guy
and I'm just like you know, I
868
01:05:49.360 --> 01:05:54.519
have to ask the questions and whatever. I love it when I'm just this
869
01:05:54.679 --> 01:05:57.880
is me with freedom with the mic, and I don't have to over think
870
01:05:57.920 --> 01:06:00.480
what I want to talk about.
I just let things. Why. Oh
871
01:06:00.639 --> 01:06:04.239
yeah, all the best episodes.
I love it. Well, you should
872
01:06:04.239 --> 01:06:08.159
do love with their own. Let
yourself be free. This is your platform
873
01:06:08.239 --> 01:06:11.599
too, It is my platform.
But you know they're coming from me soon,
874
01:06:11.679 --> 01:06:15.119
they're coming for me. Or what
if they come for you and they
875
01:06:15.119 --> 01:06:16.559
say, you know what, this
guy's not afraid to say what's on his
876
01:06:16.719 --> 01:06:19.800
mind, and that's what's going to
make a good episode, and that's why
877
01:06:19.880 --> 01:06:24.480
I want to bring him on.
Yes, but I'm saying the other people
878
01:06:24.480 --> 01:06:30.519
are coming from the algorithm, the
matrix. We're here to live above the
879
01:06:30.559 --> 01:06:35.199
matrix. So that's a whole different
world. Let them live their world,
880
01:06:35.280 --> 01:06:40.920
let them live their toxic masculinity,
toxic feminity like whatever, fuck them.
881
01:06:40.960 --> 01:06:43.400
We're not here for that ship.
We're here for the people who are ready
882
01:06:43.440 --> 01:06:46.639
to break out of the matrix and
learn healthy love and actually do better in
883
01:06:46.679 --> 01:06:49.039
life. Oh would you look at
that? The show descended,
