Mission Evolution with Gwilda Wiyaka Interviews - DR. JUDITH SHERVEN - Over Coming the Fear of Being Fabulous

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Welcome to Mission Evolution Radio show with Gwildowaka, bringing together
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today's leading experts to uncover ever deepening spiritual truths and
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the latest scientific developments in support of the evolution of humankind.
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For more information on Mission Evolution Radio with Gildawaka, visit
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www dot Mission evolution dot org. And now here's the
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host of Mission Evolution, Miss Gwildaweka.
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Welcome to Mission Evolution, where we explore the deeper questions
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of human potential, conscious leadership, and what it truly means
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to evolve individually and collectively. I'm your host, Gildawyeka, and
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today we're diving into a powerful conversation about the unseen
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forces that shape our lives, our choices, and our success.
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My guest is ours Judith Shervin, a clinical psychologist, executive coach, author,
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and internationally respected to authority on human behavior and leadership.
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For decades, Judith has worked with individuals and organizations to
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uncover the unconscious beliefs that quietly limit growth, even among
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highly accomplished people. She's best known for identifying what she
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calls the fear of being fabulous, that subtle inner resistance
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many people experience when they're on the brick of stepping
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fully into their potential. Her website, Overcoming the Fear of
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beingfabulous dot com. Today, we'll explore how unconscious patterns shape
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our identity, why success can sometimes feel threatening, and how
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awareness can open the door to a more authentic, fulfilled,
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and expansive life. This is a conversation about courage, clarity,
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and conscious evolution. Judah, thanks for joining us on Mission Evolution.
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Hi, it's my pleasure to be with you, and will
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that this is a joy to meet you as well.
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It's wonderful to meet you. I've been looking forward to this, Judith,
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So tell me you've had a remarkable diverse life, from
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acting and modeling to psychotherapy and executive coaching. What inspired
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that transition?
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Well, truly, my husband, who was also an actor before
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we met. We've talked about the fact that we never
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because of our upbringings, and we both came from lower
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middle class families, so we were already exceeding the success
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our fathers had enjoyed and our mothers didn't work, and
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it did not cross our minds really to say to
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our agents, make me a star, get me a running
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part on a series, get me out there. We just
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went from this television show in my case, and for
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Jim he did largely stage work but also some television.
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And then finally for me and Jim had a different trajectory.
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But for me it was like, well, I've sold what
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I look like and my talent. I think it's time
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to sell my brains. And I went back to school
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and got my PhD in clinical psychology and started having
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my own private practice in Santa Monica, California. And then
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when Jim and I met, we started doing executive coaching
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and and you know, and we could keep going in
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terms of what all happened, but I think largely the
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fear of being fabulous was playing out at an unconscious level.
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How do your early experiences and entertainment shape your understanding
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of human behavior.
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It's interesting what so many people do that we that
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we meet with and talk with, is they also feel limited.
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They feel like they can't ask for a promotion. That
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is a large issue for so many people. And we
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talk with them and say, please go to your manager
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and say what do I need to do to get
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you to promote me to the next level. And they're
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surprised that that would be so simple, and we're saying,
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you know, don't necessarily go ask immediately for a promotion.
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That might be a little too shocking, but do ask
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what do you need to do in your work to
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be qualified for the next level and then be promoted?
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And so often their managers are thrilled with the question
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and sometimes why. Remember one woman came back and she said,
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my manager said, oh, thank you for asking. I've been
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meaning to promote you. I just I've been so busy,
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and you know, we'll put that in place and probably
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within six months I'll get you promoted. Great fun.
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It sounds like people, well, even when you were describing
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your earlier experience, that it doesn't occur to people to
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do anything but just kind of sit back and take
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what's handed, maybe try to do their best in hopes
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of earning it. But if they don't reach out, nobody
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knows they have interested in moving up. Is that what's
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going on there?
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That's absolutely gwill the perfect You just nailed it. I
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look back on I did a tiny little role in
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one of the original Star Trek series and Bill Shatner
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and I walked down back and forth and he shouted
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out to the director, Joe, she's funny, great, that was terrific.
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My little part was over by the end of day
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I left. I never went back to Shatner and said, Bill,
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remember I'm funny, get me back here. I didn't go
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over to the director Joe and say Bill thinks I'm funny,
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get me back here. I didn't say to my agent,
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you know, Bill shouted out to Joe the director, she's funny,
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get me back on the show. And I did not
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contact the casting director and say get me back. So
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there are four times that I was just simply passive,
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went to work, did my part, and went home.
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If people, if they don't take that step, look like
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they're happy where they are and don't have any ambition
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to move forward. Is that what you're.
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Exactly exactly you were saying. It exactly correct that people
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will accept you as you present yourself. I want to
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say that again for everybody watching. People will accept you
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as you present yourself. So if you present yourself as
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passive and you are accepting exactly where you are, great,
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that's where people see you. But if you're ambitious and
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you go forward and you want more, and you step
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forward and you ask for more, you're likely to get it.
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So you and your husband have Jim have worked together
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for decades. How's your personal partnership influenced your professional work?
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Well, we work together beautifully and have enjoyed that enormously.
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And in terms of our work, we almost always, when
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we're coaching, get hired as a team, And so when
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people get coached by both of us, they get my direct,
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no nonsense point of view, and Jim is a little
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more philosophical and he sees things a little differently, so
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they get both of us, They get both points of view.
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Do you think the male female balance and representation has
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anything to do with that?
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Oh, well, you know, I've not thought of it that way,
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but I think you're probably right, and I think that
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is helpful to so many people to have a couple
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male and female providing those two different points of view.
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Do you kind of switch points of view sometimes or
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you pretty much stay we stay in your role.
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Well, I think it's not so much even staying in
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our role as much as the way we see things.
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And so it's hard for me to switch over to
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Jim's more philosophical point of view because I just don't
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see the world that way. And and and we've enjoyed
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it I think that's really Gwill. I think the most
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important thing is that we enjoy working together and blending
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those two points of view together.
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Speaking of work, do you find it work to keep
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the relationship clear and the ability to work together?
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Not? Really, it's not really work. We've enjoyed the ways
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that each of us approached things, and so that has
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been really fun. And I don't really not work in
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the sense of work, you know, the terrible work.
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You've coined the phrase fear of being fabulous? What does
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that mean? And how do you come to recognize it?
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We discovered that phrase on our first meeting, on a
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blind date, and in discussing the fact that we've both
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been actors, both been professional actors, both been paid. I
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did a lot of television. I did tons of commercials
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and television shows, and Jim did a lot of stage
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work and also television shows. And we ended up saying, well,
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it seemed like we both had the fear of being fabulous.
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And we hung onto that phrase and kept using it
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with clients as we were coaching them, and we were saying, wow,
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it sounds like you have a fear of being fabulous,
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And so often we would talk with people about where,
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what was your family like, what did you grow up in?
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And very often we would hear some version of what
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Jim and I struggled to get out of, which was
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both of our fathers were just paying the bills with
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their work. My dad sold used cars. He was a hothead,
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but he could outsell anybody. And when I say he
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was on hat, he had thirty jobs in twenty eight years.
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Because he would get mad if he felt like he
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was cheated, or he felt anything was going on that
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he didn't like, he would just blow up and leaved.
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But we grew up in and I grew up in
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Los Angeles. We lived in Los Angeles. He could go
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anywhere and find another job immediately because he was so
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good at selling. So he was good at what he did,
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but he could not be ambitious. And that was what
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was what Jim and I talked about, was the fear
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of being fabulous.
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How do unconscious beliefs and internal loyalties quietly hold people
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back from success?
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There, you nailed it. We believe strongly that people have
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unconscious loyalties in many ways to how they were raised
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when a child, let me just put it this way,
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until the age of seven, you can't. The brain is
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not developed enough for you to actually consider alternative ways
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to think about things. So if you are told over
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and over that you're a rotten little kid, or you're
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always getting into trouble, or I I wish I hadn't
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never had you, or whatever you might have been told
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that was negative or limiting, you believe it. Only when
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you get to the age of seven ish does the
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brain finally have the maturity to actually be able to
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consider huh, my mother told me that I was a
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rotten little kid. I don't think I am. I'm doing
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well in school. I clean up my room, I help
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with the dishes after dinner. I don't think I'm a
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rotten kid. I think my mother is having a fit
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for some you know, some way of looking at things.
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But if you've been told over and over and over
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before the age of seven that you are a rotten
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little kid, or you know you'll never amount to anything,
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you'll never amount to anything.
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Well, Judith, it's time for us to take a station break.
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Judith and I will return very shortly, so please don't
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go away. Is this Mission Evolution www. Dot Mission evolution
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dot org is your unconscious mind shooting you in the
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foot with This is our discussing the mysterious workings of
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the unconscious is Judith Shriven. Judith is the author of
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Overcoming the Fear of Being Fabulous. Judith, what's an unconscious
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hole back and how does it show up in everyday life?
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The most vivid example is when for most people, when
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they are paid a compliment, somebody simply says you look
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great today, the unconscious kicks in and they say something
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like ah, no, biggil. They don't really take it in.
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They don't receive because the unconscious is spitting it out
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and getting rid of it. So when somebody compliments it,
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and so I just want to say to everybody watching, please,
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when somebody compliments you, whether it's you look great today,
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what a terrific hairdo, whatever it might be, please take
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it in, take that moment to let it get inside
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of you and register. Because if you don't, and you
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just spit it out and you just say, oh, no
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big deal, it doesn't lodge inside your conscious identity. And
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what we're after here is to help you become more
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conscious of how terrific you actually are. And actually, one
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of the things Gwilda that I would just offer is
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for people to go look at you are a miracle
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dot net. You are a miracle dot net provides a
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two minute video about how fabulous you are, how fabulous
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you really are.
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Why is it so easy for people to listen to
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and believe criticism and negative things and yet they can't
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let in the positive? What causes that?
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Perfect question? If you are raised in a family where
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criticism is the rule of the day. Your room is dirty,
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pick that up, You're always a mess, whatever it might be.
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That's normal. That feels like the healthy, normal way you
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are to receive information. Compliments feel strange, They feel irritating.
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Some people have even told us they make me feel sick.
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I feel sick to my stomach when I hear somebody
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rave about my work or rave about how terrific I am.
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I can't receive it. It makes me feel nauseated. We
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have to really respect how deeply we take in the
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information that was given to us before the age of seven,
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and if it was critical, and if it was negative,
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that feels normal.
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We end up running the same tapes for ourselves, even
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though there's not someone there to criticize us anymore.
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Exactly exactly you know, if somebody is praising us, it's
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so easy to just say, oh, well, they're just shining
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me on, They're just you know, whatever it might be.
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To get rid of the praise that they are sending
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you and to diminish it and put it down.
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What are the first steps a person can take to
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start breaking up those loops and negative thinking.
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I would recommend that one of the very first things
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that everyone do is receive compliments. Truly, it seems so simple,
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but when you let yourself say thank you, as simple
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as that, when somebody says you look great today, or
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it's such a pleasure having you on my team, whatever
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it might be, thank you. And if you could add
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I really appreciate that, that would be even better. What
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you're wanting to do is take it in own the
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fact that they really are pleased to have you on
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your team on their team, or they're praising how great
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you look today, whatever it might be. Take it in
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and own it. It will feel a little uncomfortable at first,
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maybe a lot uncomfortable, but it will help you change
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how you see yourself.
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One of the most common internal blocks you see in
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successful professionals and leaders.
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Ah, I don't deserve the next promotion. That is one
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of the things we hear from people often, even if
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they've been promoted, I don't really deserve this. I'm just
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going through the motions. Meanwhile, they may be getting praise,
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they may even be getting a raise, but if the
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internal voice is, you know, cooking along the lines we're
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talking about, they are busy saying, I don't know what
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they see. I'm doing my best, but I don't think
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it's good enough. I don't think it's good enough. That
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is what they are talking to themselves about. It doesn't
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matter what anybody else sees. They have been taught to
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put themselves down or limit how they see their own growth,
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their own production in their families of origin, and they
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are still being loyal to where they came from rather
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than the outer world that they are in now.
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Which brings us to the next question. Is a fear
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of being fabulous connected with impostor syndrome?
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And if ah, of course, of course, of course, of course,
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and the impostor syndrome has become such a popular way
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of talking about.
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This in these current days. People who get ray, you know,
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they get a raise, they get a promotion, and they
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feel like an impostor. This is another way of looking
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at this, and they are not being an impostor. Really.
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People clearly see them as valuable, and they're promotion is
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valid and they enjoy working with the person who thinks
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they're an impostor. But that little six year old, five
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year old voice that was put down in their growing
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up years is still running the show, sad to say.
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And that's why the impostor syndrome has become so popular
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is so many people are struggling to own how magnificent
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they really are.
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Can you hear a transformational story of someone who overcame
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these inner limits?
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Ah, I'm thinking of a woman that we coached. I'm
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not going to mention her name or the company, but
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she was struggling to feel like she belonged on the
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team that they had promoted her to and the title
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they had given her. And when we said, please give
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us some examples of how you are supervising your team
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and tell us how that team is succeeding because of
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your supervision, she readily mapped out two or three examples.
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My memory is that there were three examples of how
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she had guided her team to enjoy success and create
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the next level of what her team was needing to
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do for the company and doing it well. And we said,
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so now you did that, that's something you own. You
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supervised them, you promoted them into this next permit position. Yes,
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she said, yes, oh, yes, what is the difficulty with
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you owning it? Well? If I owned it, I would
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have to betray my mother, who said women can never
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be really good at supervision.
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At least she accessed it.
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That was the issue.
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How common is that? It seems like, you know, a
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lot of people hold themselves back because they feel like
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they're betraying a parent that they're going to surpass.
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Exactly exactly when. I still remember my mother asking me
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before Jim and I met, asking me what I charged
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for individual psychotherapy. And I told her, and this is
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way back, but back then it was one hundred and
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seventy five dollars an hour. And I still remember the
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look on her face was she didn't She absolutely was
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sort of struck by how outrageous it seemed to her.
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And my memory is that I tried to cover her
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shock by saying something like, I know, that seems like
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a lot. Mom. It's a different day than when you
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were selling real estate back in your day, but people
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pay me. I have a full time practice. I don't
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think she ever recovered.
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I can understand what's the first step someone we should
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take when they realized they're holding themselves back for whatever reason.
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It depends on what area that they are holding themselves back.
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But if they let me just give a couple more
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examples of where people can push themselves out and become
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a stronger individual. For instance, and there's so many people
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who buy something at the store's on it it's not acceptable,
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whatever it might be, whether it's a garment that know,
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when they get it home, they try it on again,
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it doesn't fit right. They don't take it back. They
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give it to the neighbor, or they give it to goodwill, whatever,
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they don't take it back. Or they order something in
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a restaurant and it comes and it's not the way
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they ordered it. They don't say to the waiter, I
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need this to be adjusted, and you know I ordered
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my stake rare and it came well done, whatever it
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might be. Whenever you are not speaking up and taking
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care of yourself, you are being a passive victim of
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the situation. So any time you feel like you are
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being a victim. Anytime you feel like you are being passive,
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please please please push yourself out there to whatever degree
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you can and take that item back to the store
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or tell the waiter you need this. You know the
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soup came cold you wanted You didn't order cold soup.
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You ordered hot soup, and you want it. Heat it up.
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Speak up for yourself, Do not be a victim.
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Is there another side of that where a person can
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be too aggressive and put it off on everybody else?
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Wow, I've not really thought about putting it on everybody else.
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But if they are blaming other people, then we're into
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some other dynamic that you know is an issue and
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we have to find out why they want to blame
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everybody else. But the issue really is why aren't they
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taking care.
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Of themselves and making it about somebody else. Well, it's
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time for us to take another station break. Judith and
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I will be right back to continue our discussion. So
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you stay right there. This is Mission Evolution www. Dot
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Mission evolution dot org. Are you stuck in an old zone?
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This is Mission Evolution, Mission evolution dot Org with us
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discussing evolving beyond our comfort zone. Is Judish Shirvan her
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website overcoming the fear of being fabulous dot com? Judith,
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are there simple daily practices people can use to expand
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beyond the comfort zones.
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Yes, and what I've already mentioned, which is accepting compliments.
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Please please accept your compliments. But also in terms of
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daily habits. Oh, for instance, a lot of people throw
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on old, grubby clothes because they're working at home, and
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who cares? But why do that? Why let yourself feel
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grubby even though you're working at home. Get dressed up.
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I don't mean dressed up like fancy to go out
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and have a party. I mean just get dressed and
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feel good about yourself, so that no matter who you're
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talking with, no matter what you're doing, you feel like
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you are a professional person at home. And even if
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what you're doing is being a housewife and you have
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a lot of things you're doing around the house, that
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is your profession, that is who you are professionally, you
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are a housewife, and do it well. Whatever you are doing,
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make sure that you feel responsible and professional about yourself.
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I think that that is the best way that people
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can feel good about themselves and extend out how they
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are coming across.
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How do people deal with fear criticism or self doubt
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when stepping into greater visibility.
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Well, isn't that an interesting question? You know, if you
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have received criticism, check within does it fit? Maybe not,
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maybe it doesn't fit at all, And which case you
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can say, well, thanks for your opinion, but I don't
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agree with you. I don't see it that way. If
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it does fit, wow, here's an opportunity to grow. Please
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help me understand even more fully what you're talking about.
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I want to grow in to what you are seeing
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that I'm possibly How am I trying to say this?
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That I want to grow into how you are seeing
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that I can be, So please help me describe it
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more fully for me. You know, I look back guilda
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years ago. One of my acting agents back in New
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York City, this is after college. He said, I'd like
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to become your manager for you as an actor. Without
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asking him anything about what that meant for him to
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become my manager and not just my agent, I said, no,
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I need to go back to Los Angeles and get
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married because that's how I've been raised. That's what my
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parents had and guided me to do, was get married. Well,
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I didn't meet Jim for twenty two more years after that,
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and sure I went with different men, and I was
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engaged to be engaged with a couple of men, but
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it was twenty two more years before I met Jim
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and actually got married. I didn't have a discussion with
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this agent who wanted to manage my acting career. I
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did say, what do you have in mind? How do
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you see how this would unfold? I didn't ask for
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more information. I just cut him off and said, no,
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I need to go back to Los Angeles and get married.
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One opportunity lost.
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Isn't that the truth.
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From your experience? What patterns separate truly successful teams from
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those that struggle?
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Oh goodness. One of the things we've seen for teams
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that really succeed is that they hold meetings where the
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entire team is present and they provide step by step
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executions on what they're going to do next, and they
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get input from everybody on the team of what that
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means for them, what behaviors they are going to execute
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to get there. Teams that are having trouble, We've coached
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so many teams over the years. Teams that are having
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trouble are busy ignoring the troublemakers. If there are troublemakers,
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and there certainly have been, and they ignore them rather
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than saying Candy or Cindy or whatever, stop stop interrupting,
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stop doing this, whatever it might be, and really rain
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that person in or even get rid of that person.
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If you can't join us as a team member more fully,
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we're going to have to find you know, we're going
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to have to cancel your membership in this team. You're
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gonna have to find another job here at the company,
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whatever it might be. The teams that are having trouble
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do not function as a team. I think that's the
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easiest way to say it. Is they they hold out
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for the strong performers and the people that are not
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doing well, they just carry them along. But it ruins
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the professionalism of the team.
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So everybody has to hold their weight.
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Yes, you want on a team. You want everybody holding
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their weight and doing their job professionally, excellently, and so
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that every time you meet as a team, everybody is
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reporting success.
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What's the difference between external success and deeply fulfilling success?
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Ah? Wow, you know. Deeply fulfilling success is when you
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internally feel you accomplished what you set out to do
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and you did it well by your own standards. From
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the external, they may have praised you way early on,
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and you're not ready to receive that praise quite quite yet.
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But you do. You say, you know, thanks, but inside
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you know that for your own self self fulfillment, you
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need to push a little harder. Does that answer what
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you're looking for?
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Yeah, it really does. It really does. How do person
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How does personal identity influence leadership effectiveness?
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We coached a woman years ago whose personal identity because
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of how she'd been raised, was pretty shaky. But the
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person that referred her to us, who was a a
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senior member of a particular company, saw her potential and
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we had to work with her on terms in terms
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of how she was seeing herself, not just guiding her
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to take on more responsibility, which she was willing to do,
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but also to begin to own more and more and
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more her expertise and her ability to learn so that
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she could grow and she as she did so, she
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moved from being a manager, a new manager all the
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way up to being an SVP a senior vice president
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before she retired. It was very fun to watch her
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and we got to coach her all through that whole process.
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It was several years.
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And fasty very fulfilling for you, very it was very fulfilling.
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And it was also marvelous to see when she would
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on her own say, you know, I think it's time
485
00:36:08.360 --> 00:36:13.320
for me to go and speak publicly. Such and such
486
00:36:13.800 --> 00:36:16.039
such and such a group has asked me to come speak,
487
00:36:16.559 --> 00:36:19.079
not part of the company, but someplace else, and I'm
488
00:36:19.079 --> 00:36:22.400
going to do it. It's like, yes, perfect, go do it.
489
00:36:22.880 --> 00:36:26.760
And she had to grow as a speaker. She used
490
00:36:26.760 --> 00:36:30.719
to wobble back and forth, you know, she used to shuffle.
491
00:36:31.119 --> 00:36:37.440
It's like, stop that. But working with us, we helped
492
00:36:37.440 --> 00:36:40.000
her just grow in so many ways.
493
00:36:41.519 --> 00:36:43.400
What does authentic confidence look like.
494
00:36:45.000 --> 00:36:51.920
I think authentic confidence is firm. When you meet somebody
495
00:36:52.039 --> 00:36:56.079
who is really solid and firm in their selfhood, in
496
00:36:56.159 --> 00:37:01.719
their identity, you can feel it. You feel from them
497
00:37:01.880 --> 00:37:07.119
that they know who they are. They've grown a great deal,
498
00:37:08.280 --> 00:37:12.039
They've gone through all kinds of challenges, and who you
499
00:37:12.079 --> 00:37:17.559
are meeting is solid. They are solid in their identity.
500
00:37:20.440 --> 00:37:23.079
What advice would you give someone stepping into high pressure
501
00:37:23.199 --> 00:37:27.440
leadership role for the first time whoa well, I.
502
00:37:28.000 --> 00:37:31.920
Would urge them to get a coach to work with somebody,
503
00:37:31.920 --> 00:37:35.559
whether it's a therapist or a coach, somebody that can
504
00:37:35.719 --> 00:37:45.119
help them unload their discomfort, their insecurities and work through
505
00:37:45.960 --> 00:37:51.159
how they need to grow in order to fulfill what
506
00:37:51.239 --> 00:37:55.159
the company is asking them to do in this high
507
00:37:55.159 --> 00:38:01.400
power job. And not use anybody in the company to
508
00:38:01.519 --> 00:38:05.039
talk about how insecure they feel. That is not going
509
00:38:05.119 --> 00:38:07.559
to help them, But to be able to talk to
510
00:38:07.639 --> 00:38:13.159
a coach or a therapist and unload that insecurity and
511
00:38:13.440 --> 00:38:16.639
work through it and then go back into the workplace
512
00:38:17.199 --> 00:38:20.519
and be more solid, execute more fully.
513
00:38:21.159 --> 00:38:26.159
Yes, you talk about keys to creating a new life.
514
00:38:26.920 --> 00:38:29.440
What's one key everybody needs to hear about right now?
515
00:38:32.159 --> 00:38:37.360
Well, certainly I've already mentioned it. I'm going to say
516
00:38:37.360 --> 00:38:45.719
it again. Accepting compliments is absolutely key. So many people
517
00:38:45.760 --> 00:38:50.599
have difficulty receiving praise and compliments. I think the other
518
00:38:51.480 --> 00:38:59.400
key issue is knowing what you want next and working
519
00:38:59.519 --> 00:39:04.760
toward it. Other people may not be seeing this, but
520
00:39:05.000 --> 00:39:08.079
you know that you are working toward your next promotion
521
00:39:08.800 --> 00:39:11.840
or your next job. You may want to lose, you know,
522
00:39:11.960 --> 00:39:15.480
leave the job you're in and go elsewhere, and you
523
00:39:15.559 --> 00:39:20.519
are doing the back the background work to make that happen.
524
00:39:21.119 --> 00:39:23.360
Other people may not see you doing that. At all,
525
00:39:23.920 --> 00:39:28.440
But we would encourage you to keep growing. I think
526
00:39:28.599 --> 00:39:31.880
is the most important thing is to keep doing more
527
00:39:32.360 --> 00:39:33.519
of who you really are.
528
00:39:35.840 --> 00:39:38.719
Can you tell us about your being fabulous in business work?
529
00:39:38.840 --> 00:39:40.239
Who benefits the most from it?
530
00:39:41.039 --> 00:39:45.199
Being fabulous in business dot com? Being fabulous in business
531
00:39:45.199 --> 00:39:53.960
dot com? Who benefits the most? Certainly, growing who you
532
00:39:54.159 --> 00:40:00.159
are in your role in the company benefits you you
533
00:40:00.440 --> 00:40:05.320
the most, but also benefits your manager, benefits your team,
534
00:40:05.440 --> 00:40:09.920
benefits the company. Every time you take a larger step
535
00:40:10.239 --> 00:40:16.920
into responsibility, into calling attention to what needs to happen next,
536
00:40:17.800 --> 00:40:20.519
that helps you grow, and it helps your team grow,
537
00:40:20.519 --> 00:40:21.639
it helps the company grow.
538
00:40:24.400 --> 00:40:27.079
Seems like it's pretty important to not just settle or
539
00:40:27.119 --> 00:40:30.039
get stuck in a rut and to keep moving forward.
540
00:40:30.039 --> 00:40:31.320
From what you've been saying.
541
00:40:31.400 --> 00:40:37.320
Well, exactly, I think so many people do just get
542
00:40:37.400 --> 00:40:41.400
stuck in a rut in their work. They do their job.
543
00:40:42.679 --> 00:40:48.360
And for some people that's fine. They don't aspire to
544
00:40:48.519 --> 00:40:52.679
growing at all. They're happy with their home life, they're
545
00:40:52.719 --> 00:40:55.920
happy with their job, they're happy with their income. Fine,
546
00:40:56.679 --> 00:41:01.800
we accept that. But for so many other people it's
547
00:41:01.920 --> 00:41:04.440
really important to grow.
548
00:41:04.280 --> 00:41:06.719
Keep growing. Well, it's time for us to take another
549
00:41:06.760 --> 00:41:09.760
station break, Judith and I will continue to explore the
550
00:41:09.800 --> 00:41:13.960
reaches of human potential. This is Mission Evolution, Mission Evolution
551
00:41:14.320 --> 00:41:20.000
dot org. Can you be fabulous? This is Mission Evolution,
552
00:41:20.119 --> 00:41:26.159
Mission Evolution dot org. We're continuing our discussion with Judith Shavin. Judith,
553
00:41:26.440 --> 00:41:30.000
how did writing books and developing programs expand your impact
554
00:41:30.079 --> 00:41:31.639
beyond one on one coaching?
555
00:41:32.119 --> 00:41:36.840
Ah? Well, of course when people buy our books and
556
00:41:38.760 --> 00:41:45.519
read them, even Jim's fiction books, it helps people grow.
557
00:41:45.719 --> 00:41:50.239
We've had people say, wow, I grew up just like this.
558
00:41:50.639 --> 00:41:54.639
I'm referring to some of Jim's books, and Ambition to
559
00:41:54.679 --> 00:41:57.920
Belong is one of Jim's and it was partly fiction
560
00:41:58.119 --> 00:42:04.679
but partly true. It's called faction now these days, and
561
00:42:04.840 --> 00:42:07.320
people have written to us and said, wow, I grew
562
00:42:07.400 --> 00:42:13.400
up just like that, and it has helped me to
563
00:42:13.480 --> 00:42:19.920
feel more confident at going forward. I think what gwilda.
564
00:42:20.000 --> 00:42:22.599
I think in terms of getting our books out there,
565
00:42:22.719 --> 00:42:27.360
getting our workshops out there, and overcoming the fear of
566
00:42:27.360 --> 00:42:34.719
being fabulous. Dot com Forward Slash Workshop is what helps people.
567
00:42:34.800 --> 00:42:37.760
And people have written to us and said, wow, that
568
00:42:37.960 --> 00:42:43.239
was so intense and so private. Helped me change my
569
00:42:43.400 --> 00:42:50.239
relationship with how I grew up, helped me grow, helped
570
00:42:50.280 --> 00:42:54.039
me get out there more. I think anything that helps,
571
00:42:54.199 --> 00:42:58.480
whether it's the workshops or books, anything besides the coaching
572
00:42:59.239 --> 00:43:04.679
that helps people feel more confident, feel more settled in
573
00:43:04.840 --> 00:43:09.920
who they have become, and realize that, yes, their job,
574
00:43:11.039 --> 00:43:16.280
their basic job is to leave home. And I know
575
00:43:16.360 --> 00:43:18.880
that a lot of people hearing me say that may
576
00:43:18.960 --> 00:43:21.920
be thinking no, no, no, you're supposed to stay loyal
577
00:43:21.960 --> 00:43:25.639
to your family. Yes, you can stay loyal in terms
578
00:43:25.719 --> 00:43:29.639
of going home for the holidays, whatever it might be,
579
00:43:29.800 --> 00:43:34.320
phone calls every week. That's fine. But what's not fine
580
00:43:35.119 --> 00:43:38.719
is if you stay stuck in their idea of who
581
00:43:38.760 --> 00:43:43.480
you are. You need to become more of who you
582
00:43:43.639 --> 00:43:48.440
think you are, who you want to become, who you
583
00:43:48.480 --> 00:43:54.800
want to be, and let yourself grow into that larger,
584
00:43:55.000 --> 00:44:03.199
more present, more capable, more excellent person. And sometimes people
585
00:44:03.360 --> 00:44:07.400
need a push. I just I remember a woman stopping
586
00:44:07.480 --> 00:44:09.920
us on the street when we lived in a little
587
00:44:09.960 --> 00:44:14.159
town Wyndham, New York, and she said, my fiance and
588
00:44:14.239 --> 00:44:17.039
I have been fighting and arguing with each other, and
589
00:44:18.280 --> 00:44:21.239
beloved for who you really are. Really helped me see that,
590
00:44:21.360 --> 00:44:24.960
of course you're going to argue, and it's okay, and
591
00:44:25.000 --> 00:44:27.599
we both relaxed and I was like, okay, we can
592
00:44:27.639 --> 00:44:29.199
go up back to planning our wedding.
593
00:44:33.039 --> 00:44:36.239
Jude, what does being fabulous mean to you on a
594
00:44:36.280 --> 00:44:37.480
deeper personal level?
595
00:44:37.960 --> 00:44:48.280
Oh? Thank you. My husband notices and sort of chuckles
596
00:44:48.320 --> 00:44:52.360
once in a while that every day, no matter whether
597
00:44:52.480 --> 00:44:55.039
we are ever leaving the house or not, I put
598
00:44:55.039 --> 00:45:00.880
my makeup on, I get dressed. I feel no more
599
00:45:01.039 --> 00:45:06.840
fabulous when I am put together. Some people just throw
600
00:45:06.880 --> 00:45:09.119
themselves together on days that they're just going to go
601
00:45:09.159 --> 00:45:12.679
to the gym or hang out. I never have. I've
602
00:45:12.719 --> 00:45:17.800
always felt like being fabulous means being all that I
603
00:45:17.840 --> 00:45:22.480
can be. And whether it's being on your show and
604
00:45:22.719 --> 00:45:27.679
enjoying being with you or going to the gym later,
605
00:45:27.920 --> 00:45:36.719
which we will, either way, I get to be fabulous.
606
00:45:36.920 --> 00:45:39.519
How do you continue growing and staying inspired in your
607
00:45:39.519 --> 00:45:41.000
own life?
608
00:45:41.239 --> 00:45:44.719
Well, isn't that a question? And certainly I'm no spring
609
00:45:44.800 --> 00:45:52.719
chicken anymore. I think it's taking on new roles, learning more.
610
00:45:53.079 --> 00:45:56.280
My husband and I just spent the weekend at a workshop.
611
00:45:57.599 --> 00:46:01.159
What it was about is not reletant, but we were
612
00:46:01.199 --> 00:46:05.840
there to learn and we did and actually signed up
613
00:46:05.880 --> 00:46:11.119
for the next course. What we see is that people
614
00:46:11.679 --> 00:46:18.880
end up getting retired and sometimes end up depressed because
615
00:46:19.159 --> 00:46:24.639
nothing's going on in their lives except get up, watch television,
616
00:46:25.159 --> 00:46:29.159
you know, go play golf, Get up, go want you know,
617
00:46:29.239 --> 00:46:32.800
go watch television, play golf. It's the same old, same old.
618
00:46:33.599 --> 00:46:38.880
There's no need for that. When you are of any age,
619
00:46:39.440 --> 00:46:43.360
make sure that you are enjoying being who you are
620
00:46:44.440 --> 00:46:49.599
and learning more out in the world or internally. It
621
00:46:49.639 --> 00:46:55.639
doesn't matter what you choose to do. Expand, expand expand.
622
00:46:57.320 --> 00:46:59.119
I know there have been studies down that show that,
623
00:47:00.000 --> 00:47:02.599
particularly as we age, if we just get into a
624
00:47:02.679 --> 00:47:07.840
rut and do the mundanea our cognitive abilities decrease rapidly,
625
00:47:07.920 --> 00:47:11.280
where if we keep engaging new things and keep creative,
626
00:47:11.639 --> 00:47:14.320
they don't. Is that play in with what you're telling
627
00:47:14.360 --> 00:47:15.760
us here exactly.
628
00:47:15.880 --> 00:47:20.239
That fits perfectly with what you just said, keep growing
629
00:47:20.840 --> 00:47:24.840
no matter your age. Maybe you've seen Dick van Dyke
630
00:47:24.880 --> 00:47:26.159
who just turned one hundred.
631
00:47:26.599 --> 00:47:28.159
I know it isn't that amazing.
632
00:47:28.480 --> 00:47:31.519
Listen, that terrific And he works out every day. He
633
00:47:31.519 --> 00:47:33.199
doesn't go to the gym, but he has a whole
634
00:47:33.239 --> 00:47:38.840
workout program that I've seen on MSN news, and that's
635
00:47:38.920 --> 00:47:42.559
part of how he sees that he has helped himself
636
00:47:42.639 --> 00:47:48.280
stay really quite confident as he turns to one hundred
637
00:47:48.360 --> 00:47:51.280
years old, and who knows how old he'll be when
638
00:47:51.320 --> 00:47:53.480
he finally departs this planet.
639
00:47:54.199 --> 00:48:00.679
What an inspiration? Exactly exactly what belief about human potential?
640
00:48:00.719 --> 00:48:02.400
Do you think most people underestimate?
641
00:48:03.239 --> 00:48:05.800
Oh goodness, I think we just talked about it. I
642
00:48:05.800 --> 00:48:12.599
think people underestimate the power of growing, the power of learning,
643
00:48:13.079 --> 00:48:18.079
the power of doing new things. They underestimate how much
644
00:48:18.159 --> 00:48:21.480
that influence is how they feel about being alive.
645
00:48:24.480 --> 00:48:29.679
Let's talk about identity. Okay, it seems like a lot
646
00:48:29.719 --> 00:48:32.599
of people, most of us, actually identify with what we've
647
00:48:32.599 --> 00:48:36.280
been told about ourselves, or identify with the criticism we get,
648
00:48:37.360 --> 00:48:40.199
but really don't have any clues to what our true
649
00:48:40.639 --> 00:48:43.639
inner being is or our true potential. Do you find
650
00:48:43.679 --> 00:48:46.079
that to be true? And if so, what's your advice
651
00:48:46.119 --> 00:48:47.199
on getting out of that loop?
652
00:48:47.719 --> 00:48:51.000
Well? Yes, and we do see that happening so often
653
00:48:51.039 --> 00:48:56.000
with people that and I've already said make sure that
654
00:48:56.039 --> 00:49:00.480
you go to youaramiracle dot net to see the minute
655
00:49:00.559 --> 00:49:06.039
video we put together. Because people need to understand that
656
00:49:06.599 --> 00:49:11.800
they cannot be someone else, They cannot be who their
657
00:49:11.880 --> 00:49:15.679
parents wanted them to be. They can only be who
658
00:49:15.800 --> 00:49:24.119
they actually are. So when you underestimate your competence, when
659
00:49:24.159 --> 00:49:28.840
you underestimate your gifts, when you underestimate how unique you are,
660
00:49:30.880 --> 00:49:34.840
that is going to leave you a bit depressed and
661
00:49:35.880 --> 00:49:42.079
tired and bored, and often you're not living a very
662
00:49:42.119 --> 00:49:47.760
full life. But when you expand into your unique self,
663
00:49:49.400 --> 00:49:50.559
who knows what you might do.
664
00:49:52.280 --> 00:49:55.480
How about identifying with where we are in life, like, oh,
665
00:49:55.480 --> 00:49:57.960
I'm a mother, and then oh I'm an older person,
666
00:49:58.039 --> 00:50:02.239
or then I'm an ancient person. Do we limit ourselves
667
00:50:02.239 --> 00:50:03.400
with those identities?
668
00:50:03.840 --> 00:50:07.480
Oh? I think so, I think very much so. I
669
00:50:07.519 --> 00:50:12.800
think my mother, for instance, she saw herself as a
670
00:50:12.880 --> 00:50:17.159
mother all her life. Even later when she started selling
671
00:50:17.199 --> 00:50:21.440
real estate and did very well, I think she still
672
00:50:23.400 --> 00:50:28.280
viewed herself as the mother of myself and my brother,
673
00:50:28.360 --> 00:50:33.840
I have a younger brother, way too much and was
674
00:50:33.920 --> 00:50:37.239
too For instance, my brother and his wife have two kids,
675
00:50:37.840 --> 00:50:44.480
and she got very involved in what was her grandchildren,
676
00:50:44.519 --> 00:50:48.440
but their children, such that they had to move out
677
00:50:48.519 --> 00:50:53.320
of state to get my mother to stop being intrusive
678
00:50:53.440 --> 00:51:00.599
and pesky about being a grandmother. But back then she
679
00:51:00.639 --> 00:51:04.159
was selling real estate and she was not seeing herself
680
00:51:04.159 --> 00:51:07.199
that way. I hope that answered what you were saying.
681
00:51:07.280 --> 00:51:10.960
I got it, really does, It really does, because if
682
00:51:10.960 --> 00:51:14.480
we get stuck in a role, everybody around him suffers
683
00:51:14.519 --> 00:51:17.519
for it. Seems like, yes, yes.
684
00:51:17.679 --> 00:51:25.079
Truly, she I I. Well, she's deceased. So she was
685
00:51:25.199 --> 00:51:30.480
trying to feed my grand it would be my nephew,
686
00:51:31.400 --> 00:51:41.079
her grandson, cupcakes for breakfast. She thought he was too skinny. Well, yes,
687
00:51:41.280 --> 00:51:44.599
she grew up in the depression. There were days she
688
00:51:44.719 --> 00:51:48.360
told us that if she had an orange, that was
689
00:51:49.199 --> 00:51:51.039
all the food that she would have in the day
690
00:51:52.039 --> 00:51:55.559
because she grew up during the Depression in Iowa, in
691
00:51:57.760 --> 00:52:04.400
the city. My brother and I both were fed malted milk,
692
00:52:05.000 --> 00:52:09.679
banana malted milks at bedtime. Why because she thought we
693
00:52:09.679 --> 00:52:13.679
were too skinny. We've each struggled with our weight our
694
00:52:13.719 --> 00:52:18.440
whole lives because of that. So to stop my mother
695
00:52:18.519 --> 00:52:23.519
from feeding cupcakes to her grandson, my brother and his
696
00:52:23.559 --> 00:52:26.559
wife and family, they moved to another state.
697
00:52:28.400 --> 00:52:30.039
That's sad, and that's sad.
698
00:52:30.800 --> 00:52:32.800
They could not get her to stop it.
699
00:52:34.360 --> 00:52:36.599
That depression left a lot of wounds on a lot
700
00:52:36.639 --> 00:52:37.119
of people.
701
00:52:37.719 --> 00:52:40.159
Yes, indeed, well it's that time.
702
00:52:40.199 --> 00:52:41.960
And this showed you. When I get to ask you,
703
00:52:42.079 --> 00:52:42.840
what's your mission?
704
00:52:43.599 --> 00:52:48.480
Ah? My mission now is to grow another leg of
705
00:52:48.519 --> 00:52:56.119
our career and to develop that arm of what we're doing.
706
00:52:57.239 --> 00:52:59.119
We're not in place yet to do it, so I'm
707
00:52:59.119 --> 00:53:02.159
not going to mention exactly what it is. But it's
708
00:53:02.199 --> 00:53:09.039
certainly requiring growth. It's requiring me to overcome some anxiety
709
00:53:09.079 --> 00:53:15.119
about it, and I'm also aware that it's also creating
710
00:53:15.280 --> 00:53:20.880
excitement and I'm learning, I'm having to learn more, and
711
00:53:21.000 --> 00:53:21.559
it's all good.
712
00:53:23.400 --> 00:53:25.519
Pushing beyond our limitations once again.
713
00:53:25.639 --> 00:53:31.039
Yes, yes, yes, always exactly pushing. And I'm still in
714
00:53:31.159 --> 00:53:33.719
really good health, so why not?
715
00:53:34.320 --> 00:53:38.840
Why not? Well, Judah, Unfortunately we are out of time.
716
00:53:38.960 --> 00:53:40.719
I can't thank you enough for coming on the show
717
00:53:40.760 --> 00:53:41.719
and sharing your wisdom.
718
00:53:42.679 --> 00:53:46.039
It's my pleasure and it's been a pleasure speaking with
719
00:53:46.159 --> 00:53:49.800
you and sharing all kinds of information with your audience.
720
00:53:51.360 --> 00:53:55.079
My guest today has been Judith Chavin, PhD. To find
721
00:53:55.119 --> 00:53:57.360
out more about Judith and all she has to offer
722
00:53:57.519 --> 00:54:02.000
visitor website overcoming the fear of being fabulous dot com.
723
00:54:02.719 --> 00:54:05.960
If there's one message to take from this conversation, its
724
00:54:06.000 --> 00:54:10.559
growth doesn't require becoming someone new. It requires releasing what
725
00:54:10.639 --> 00:54:15.280
no longer serves who you really are. Evolution begins with awareness.
726
00:54:15.880 --> 00:54:19.119
When we bring light into our unconscious beliefs, we gain
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the freedom to choose differently, live more fully, and step
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into our lives with confidence and purpose. If today's conversation
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resonated with you, take a moment to reflect on where
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you might be holding yourself back, not out of fear
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of failure, but out of fear of shining. Ungolded Wyeka.
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And this has been Mission Evolution, where transformation begins with
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truth and evolution begins within. For more information or to
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enjoy past archived episodes, visit Mission evolution dot org. But
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please be sure to join us again right here next time,
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as this mission will continue bringing information, resources, and support
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to our rapidly evolving world.