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Overthinking is procrastination dressed up as
perfection.
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You wait for permission.
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You wait to be confident.
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You're gonna be at the end of your deathbed
with regrets.
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Self abandonment is living in your head.
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Self trust is living in your body.
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The magic lives in the unknown.
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What happens when a woman spends decades being
everything for everyone else and suddenly
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realizes she has lost herself.
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Hello, hello.
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Welcome to Mindset two results.
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What happens when a woman spends decades being
everything for everyone else and suddenly
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realizes she has lost herself.
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Today, I'm joined by Christine Quackenbush,
founder of Me First Club, to talk about
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identity, self abandonment, and why middle life
might not be a crisis at all, but the moment
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you finally choose yourself.
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Hi, Christine.
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Welcome to Mindset to Results.
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Hi, Elena.
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Thanks for having me.
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I'm so excited to be here.
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You're most welcome.
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Before we start, let us know about yourself.
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What makes you so passionate about what you do?
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All right.
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Great.
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So I am 55 years old and I am so passionate
about, first of all, I'm very direct and I am
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reinventing and I lost my identity and who I
was.
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So the idea of helping women as they have done
everything, and you know what I'm talking
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about, I call moms, mothers, the heartbeat of
the family.
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They have given everything to everybody else
and there's just, for me a big passion around
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that.
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You've made yourself honestly still.
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You've made yourself still so that the people
in your life can move.
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And then when it's your time to move, you've
got fear and doubt and you don't know what you
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want or you say you don't know what you want
and you don't know how to move.
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And that's what I do.
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I help women return to their bodies, self
trust, and move.
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Yes, such a great, important direction which
you choose.
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Because women selflessly spend so much years of
their life to help family, to bring children.
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And then it is question like, who I am I and
what I really want?
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Yes.
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So so many people cannot even answer these
questions, yeah, because they were always
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thinking about somebody else.
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Even me recently I went to see her at at at
doctor.
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Like had appointment and she was asking
questions about me and I was speaking about my
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daughter.
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Because I
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want.
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I get it.
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I get it.
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And she said it is appointment for you.
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Oh yes.
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Yes.
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Like automatically we just always think about
people we love, right?
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And we can put ourselves always like later,
later.
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And it is really great that you help women to
find themselves and set the goals and achieve
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their dreams and live fulfilled life.
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It is really great.
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I love my work.
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So my work is aligned with my soul.
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This is my soul's purpose.
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So the alignment is that idea of me first,
right?
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When I say it, most women that I'm coaching or
in community, I know exactly how they feel.
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So I'm kind of a stinker with naming it because
our default emotion as women that carry
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everything and we have held space and that's
really, we've held space for everybody in our
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lives.
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Everybody, the husband, the family, and you
learned this, you were conditioned as a young
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girl that good girls do this, but we held space
for absolutely everybody and everybody got
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queued up.
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And so it's not even like, okay, me first is
there, but how about just me on the list?
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Because when is the last time you've asked
yourself, what do I want?
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You don't.
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And then when the house starts getting quieter
and your tribe leaves, you have completely lost
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multiple identities.
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And I think there's also just a, I'm going to
go there for a second because women that are
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embodied feel emotions.
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And we're also told as good girls and good
women that we don't cry.
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I cry all the time.
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And when I think of that woman sitting in her
house after she's done everything for everybody
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else and nobody's asking her that question,
what do you want?
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And she certainly...
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I'm a bit of an f bomber.
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She certainly, certainly fucking deserves to
hear it, but it's not coming.
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The only person that gives you permission is
yourself.
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Self permission.
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There's nobody and you deserve it.
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That's like you're the capable one.
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You're so freaking capable, Right?
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I would come to you if I was me.
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Because you do everything for everybody else.
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When's your turn?
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Yeah.
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This is very good question.
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And also, as you mentioned, we were conditioned
to be old, and we were told what we want.
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Right?
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What we have to want.
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So, yes, like, we wanted something and we could
say, oh, no.
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This is not not...
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Like, you want that.
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Like, this is it.
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These people want that.
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You also want that.
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Right?
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Like, we were conditioned bit to...
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Really to be disconnected from our true
essence.
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And this is always the time to sit with
yourself and ask your question.
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Who am I?
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What do I really want?
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Not somebody else want me to want, but what is
really my life?
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Right?
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Like what will make me fulfilled?
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What make me feeling that I found myself
finally?
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100% correct.
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We have been conditioned and I know for some
women that the idea of where you are on your
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awakening or your level of consciousness is
different for everybody, right?
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So I think for some women they kind of repel at
the conditioning and the patriarchy and I
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actually call it the fucking dude lens, but
they can't see it and that's okay.
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For those women I have question, I do, I want
you to do one thing and then DM me what your
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results are.
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I want you for the next week just tally every
time you say sorry versus the men in your life.
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I want you just to do that one thing because we
have been conditioned and you will and you'll
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come back and you'll be like, oh my god, I say
sorry on autopilot all the time because you
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have been conditioned by the patriarchy and the
society and culture that you are supposed to
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apologize for taking up space.
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And your automatic response is, I am sorry.
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Men do not say sorry.
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They say like, point 5%.
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And I can give you an example.
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I'm an avid tennis player.
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Go on the tennis court.
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Women versus men.
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Women are saying sorry throughout the whole
court.
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Man, yeah, kind of sucked today, oh well.
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They are not conditioned to apologize, to take
up space on or off the court.
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And once you start to open your aperture and
you wake and your consciousness goes up, you
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cannot see it.
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Like you cannot see it, not not see it.
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And I understand because where I was about a
year ago, I was like, Oh, those ladies sound so
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angry.
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They're very angry ladies.
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And guess what?
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I'm one of the angry ladies, I guess.
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I don't think it's angry.
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I think it's very clear and direct on what it
is and we can't stay in the victimhood of
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changing ladies and saying oh because the
conditioning, the patriarchy is always going to
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be there.
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We have to move outside that and say what can
we, what as the cause of our life ownership,
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accountability can we change and do?
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But it is a massive factor that as you were
born after seven, right?
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We were conditioned.
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Anything before that, you were in the
subconscious but we were conditioned that it's
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selfish and you should feel guilty when you put
yourself first and you learned how to apologize
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and you learned that taking up space, that's
not what...
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You're too aggressive, you're too much.
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And I love this and I'll let you speak is that
you can't win as a woman or a girl.
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You're either too much or not enough.
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And if I could count the number of times in
corporate America I was called a bitch, it's
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like always too much or not enough.
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So the reality is you're not going to win that.
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So what do you want?
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You have been holding space for everybody, and
it's your turn.
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Yeah.
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So true.
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Yes.
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Like, even when we were children, good children
are those children who listen and obey.
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What Quiet.
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To them.
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Right?
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Like, Quiet.
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Wanted to have their own opinion.
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They were, like, rebellious.
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Yes.
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They were not good children.
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Correct.
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Yes.
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And then we want people to be leaders.
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But how they can be leaders if they from
childhood, they were taught not to have their
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own voice, not to stand out and tell that what
what they think and what they want.
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Right?
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Like, but just obeying and this is how we have
the problem of having really true leaders.
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Yes, who can lead by example.
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100% right, Elena.
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You have to choose.
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Like I said, I did not understand because I
want to be clear on my awakening.
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My awakening came, I lost my baby brother and a
tragic death and we all have that's another
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thing I call it, and I can't think of a better
word for it so I'm just going to tell you what
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it is because I'm always direct, it's like the
midlife shit sandwich.
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There is so much coming at us from hormones,
right, that is not treated properly and you
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feel like you've gone off the crazy end because
you go to your doctor and you're gaslit and you
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know, you know, and you know what I'm talking
about in your intuition that something's off,
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but the labs didn't come out right, you're not
right, there's something wrong with you, you
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have to be fixed.
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And then you've got aging parents right, that
happens.
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You've got marriages that feel like roommate
situation, friendships have shifted and then
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you get grief.
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And I think grief is however you need to deal
with it, go to a therapist, but at some point
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you're either going to stay stuck in the grief
or decide to move.
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That's a choice and you can keep in the grief
counseling but you get up, I got to a point
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where I was like no one's coming for me, what
do I want?
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And they're big questions, I'm not you know
they're huge questions and let me be very clear
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on being a mama because I'm very live on
Instagram and I have a quite I have a I'm
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thankful for my following.
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I think I have like 51,000 followers on my Real
Talk is my platform and people are like, well,
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you're not, okay, again, I love being a mom.
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Everything about me.
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I love my tribe.
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I have three children.
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I'm not a man hater.
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I love my people, but they are moving on.
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So I can't, what am I going to do?
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Move with them?
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No, I've got to figure out what I deserve and
what I want.
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And what, I love this word, what is pleasure to
me?
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And pleasure is always associated with the
bedroom, but it's not.
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More confidence, more joy, more aliveness,
less.
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Maybe you want less work.
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What do you want more or less of?
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It's your life.
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Yes, yes, so true.
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You can see I'm very like I could talk.
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It's like an it I am my emigram is a challenger
so I fight for things I believe in and this is
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an injustice to me that after you have served
everybody, you have served everybody, you wait.
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You wait for the right time.
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You wait for permission.
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You wait to be confident.
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You wait for the fucking stars to align.
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And guess what's gonna happen?
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You're gonna be at the end of your deathbed
with regrets.
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You're not gonna move.
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And we don't talk about fear and we don't talk
about failure and we talk...
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There's just so many things that I see that
stop women from moving.
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And you are never gonna feel ready.
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You're never gonna feel confident.
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And that's why brave spaces like Me First Club,
where you feel held and regulated and support
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it and not judged and not perfect and not
curated, just the real you.
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That's great.
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Yeah, amazing.
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People need proximity with people who
understand them, who create space, who have big
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goals.
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Right?
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00:14:18,434 --> 00:14:21,875
So women can come out of that...
243
00:14:21,875 --> 00:14:23,475
Their loop.
244
00:14:23,715 --> 00:14:23,955
Right?
245
00:14:23,955 --> 00:14:29,629
Like, routine because the same thoughts,
feelings, actions and all over the years.
246
00:14:30,190 --> 00:14:34,669
It's them just circling in the same like
circle, right?
247
00:14:34,669 --> 00:14:36,269
It is the same circle.
248
00:14:36,269 --> 00:14:36,830
Yes.
249
00:14:36,990 --> 00:14:40,830
Then they have to get into another room, bigger
room, right?
250
00:14:40,830 --> 00:14:47,264
So to see people speaking differently, like
different ideas, different goals.
251
00:14:47,264 --> 00:14:53,985
And this is what when you see that other people
have big goals and they may be the same age as
252
00:14:53,985 --> 00:14:57,110
you and maybe even Yes.
253
00:14:57,110 --> 00:15:01,190
And then when you see people like at eighties
set their goals, like
254
00:15:01,269 --> 00:15:01,590
I saw...
255
00:15:01,590 --> 00:15:02,710
It's so cool.
256
00:15:02,790 --> 00:15:03,190
Yeah.
257
00:15:03,190 --> 00:15:09,509
Like I saw one lady became a ballerina at about
80, like decided to...
258
00:15:09,509 --> 00:15:10,389
Me and have a ballerina.
259
00:15:10,389 --> 00:15:11,190
Let's go queen.
260
00:15:11,694 --> 00:15:17,454
Seriously, it's we culturally that's another
thing, so you're so spot on.
261
00:15:17,615 --> 00:15:25,855
So people when I don't give permission, well I
think what my personality is very direct and
262
00:15:25,855 --> 00:15:26,654
confident.
263
00:15:26,735 --> 00:15:32,429
I actually call myself a confidence coach and
when people hear me talking and dreaming and
264
00:15:32,429 --> 00:15:38,750
making mistakes and failing and trying things
they're like it gives them permission.
265
00:15:38,829 --> 00:15:43,605
I'm not giving because it's self permission,
but then they're like well what is she doing
266
00:15:43,605 --> 00:15:44,404
over there?
267
00:15:44,644 --> 00:15:49,445
And she's not perfect and she's not curated and
I'm not done.
268
00:15:49,605 --> 00:15:57,730
That's another thing culturally that the
patriarchy is, so start with a one week audit
269
00:15:57,730 --> 00:16:05,490
on your sorry's and I would say I just, part of
my journey has been anytime my heart and my
270
00:16:05,490 --> 00:16:11,735
intuition and my soul and my body says yes, I
do it.
271
00:16:12,294 --> 00:16:18,534
So I have made some massive changes because I'm
building a me first identity, which is just
272
00:16:18,534 --> 00:16:25,309
changing your programming, which is not easy
work to do, it's not exemptive, it's not easy,
273
00:16:25,309 --> 00:16:33,710
it's not overnight, it takes commitment with
daily small steps of gratitude, manifestation,
274
00:16:34,190 --> 00:16:38,429
of choosing me and awareness of the stories and
patterns.
275
00:16:39,164 --> 00:16:42,524
Those stories ladies, I'm going to give you a
couple of them.
276
00:16:42,524 --> 00:16:42,924
Ready?
277
00:16:42,924 --> 00:16:44,684
Strong women don't ask for help.
278
00:16:44,684 --> 00:16:46,684
Girl relationships are not safe.
279
00:16:46,845 --> 00:16:48,205
I cannot receive.
280
00:16:48,365 --> 00:16:49,964
I have to over give.
281
00:16:50,284 --> 00:16:53,404
People please or else people will not like me
or love me.
282
00:16:53,950 --> 00:16:58,589
And these stories and these strands that bind
us are very similar.
283
00:16:58,830 --> 00:17:04,429
Your mind will tell you that you're different
and that your story is special, but a lot of
284
00:17:04,429 --> 00:17:11,704
the common areas of the stories that keep us
stuck are the same and it is unpacking that,
285
00:17:12,345 --> 00:17:14,664
unpacking your stories is work.
286
00:17:15,465 --> 00:17:16,825
It's inside work.
287
00:17:16,825 --> 00:17:23,769
If you want something to change you have to
change how you think And if you can wait, you
288
00:17:23,769 --> 00:17:26,089
can wait and play the victim.
289
00:17:26,970 --> 00:17:29,129
But if nothing changes, nothing changes.
290
00:17:30,009 --> 00:17:33,369
And that is the only thing you control is
thoughts, feelings, and actions.
291
00:17:35,025 --> 00:17:35,505
Yes.
292
00:17:35,505 --> 00:17:39,424
I just read today, I was reading the book,
Imagine...
293
00:17:40,625 --> 00:17:41,585
Wait.
294
00:17:43,105 --> 00:17:43,744
What is it?
295
00:17:43,744 --> 00:17:44,465
What's called?
296
00:17:44,465 --> 00:17:45,345
What is it?
297
00:17:45,345 --> 00:17:45,825
Neville.
298
00:17:45,825 --> 00:17:46,625
I read all the time.
299
00:17:46,930 --> 00:17:47,730
Yes.
300
00:17:48,210 --> 00:17:51,329
Awakened Imagination.
301
00:17:51,330 --> 00:17:51,650
Yes.
302
00:17:51,650 --> 00:17:56,210
This is a book I have in Awakened this
Imagination.
303
00:17:56,210 --> 00:18:05,065
And in this book, he says that our thoughts
create our reality.
304
00:18:05,065 --> 00:18:05,384
Yes.
305
00:18:05,384 --> 00:18:12,984
So we have to really start listening what we
tell ourselves on daily basis.
306
00:18:13,384 --> 00:18:16,184
Many people You have to be obsessed with it.
307
00:18:16,950 --> 00:18:18,309
Obsessed with it.
308
00:18:18,630 --> 00:18:27,029
Like Elena, I, the work that I do, it is you
have to deep dive with curiosity, not
309
00:18:27,029 --> 00:18:27,829
judgement.
310
00:18:27,909 --> 00:18:31,345
The stories got stuck with judgement, Stuck.
311
00:18:31,345 --> 00:18:33,105
I'm gonna say stuck because you're not stuck.
312
00:18:33,105 --> 00:18:34,544
You're just not aligned.
313
00:18:35,105 --> 00:18:38,065
But the stories that are running the show,
you...
314
00:18:38,224 --> 00:18:44,304
It is data, data, data with curiosity, not
judgment of those stories.
315
00:18:45,250 --> 00:18:46,529
Yeah, you have to do.
316
00:18:46,529 --> 00:18:51,809
That's the work and then then you start
catching yourself and you build awareness,
317
00:18:52,130 --> 00:18:52,529
right?
318
00:18:52,529 --> 00:18:58,289
You say, oh gosh, you regulate nervous system
regulation because you can't make change from a
319
00:18:58,289 --> 00:18:59,970
safety body and a survival body.
320
00:19:00,674 --> 00:19:05,955
You have to drop into your body and then you
like and then you you give yourself that pause
321
00:19:05,955 --> 00:19:06,994
when you drop, right?
322
00:19:06,994 --> 00:19:12,194
And you're like, okay, I'm going to pause a
little bit and then you choose your intention.
323
00:19:12,595 --> 00:19:13,795
Are you going to move with fear?
324
00:19:14,799 --> 00:19:19,919
Which is criticism, comparison, complaining,
judgment.
325
00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:21,919
Or are you going to move with love?
326
00:19:22,559 --> 00:19:28,320
Which is, you know what love is, it's
accepting, it's I am you, you are me, we're not
327
00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:29,759
comparing, we're creating.
328
00:19:30,484 --> 00:19:36,244
And kindness and compassion and your brain is
always going to move in one direction, fear or
329
00:19:36,244 --> 00:19:36,884
love.
330
00:19:37,765 --> 00:19:41,765
And you get to choose when you give yourself
that permission to pause.
331
00:19:42,164 --> 00:19:46,619
And if you're not training your brain, if
you're not doing that, guess what?
332
00:19:47,259 --> 00:19:52,460
Your thoughts are going to create your
feelings, which are going to create your
333
00:19:52,460 --> 00:19:53,979
reality and you won't be happy.
334
00:19:55,259 --> 00:19:56,380
Yeah, so true.
335
00:19:56,380 --> 00:20:03,174
Many people, if they would be asked to tell
what they say to themselves, they would be
336
00:20:03,335 --> 00:20:07,575
silent because they would not like to say what
they think.
337
00:20:07,575 --> 00:20:07,974
Right?
338
00:20:08,615 --> 00:20:09,255
No.
339
00:20:09,335 --> 00:20:10,375
Just unfair.
340
00:20:10,375 --> 00:20:12,455
I'll give you guys a good homework about...
341
00:20:12,455 --> 00:20:13,894
There's so many things you could do.
342
00:20:13,894 --> 00:20:20,269
Yes, your your mind, your inner critic is a
parasite.
343
00:20:20,750 --> 00:20:21,869
She's a bitch.
344
00:20:21,869 --> 00:20:26,430
She's a mean girl that you installed in your
head and you're letting her run the show on
345
00:20:26,430 --> 00:20:27,150
autopilot.
346
00:20:29,704 --> 00:20:35,224
It's it's it's it's once you start training
your mind, which honestly, if I'm going to call
347
00:20:35,224 --> 00:20:38,585
me first club anything, it's a mind gym.
348
00:20:40,024 --> 00:20:46,399
It's a mind gym where you can practice the
daily me first steps and it's where my
349
00:20:46,399 --> 00:20:49,119
accountability and my consistency live.
350
00:20:49,359 --> 00:20:51,440
The outside of the community is free.
351
00:20:51,759 --> 00:20:53,039
So come on in.
352
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:58,000
There will be tiered because if you really want
to do the work, you got a deep dive.
353
00:20:58,934 --> 00:21:01,894
And I run one on one monthly coaching sessions.
354
00:21:01,894 --> 00:21:09,255
I call them self abandonment rehab, where we
really go inside your mind and we look at the
355
00:21:09,255 --> 00:21:11,414
patterns and the stories, right?
356
00:21:11,575 --> 00:21:15,179
Because I love this, your beliefs are a filter.
357
00:21:16,059 --> 00:21:22,539
Your beliefs are a filter and then your brain
goes out and it looks for proof, right?
358
00:21:22,539 --> 00:21:24,619
And that proof becomes evidence.
359
00:21:25,740 --> 00:21:31,515
And that's how your life becomes, your reality
becomes, is built on a lie.
360
00:21:31,994 --> 00:21:35,835
Because your beliefs are not always, I mean, do
strong women ask for help?
361
00:21:35,835 --> 00:21:37,434
Of course they ask for help.
362
00:21:38,075 --> 00:21:40,795
But that was one of my beliefs and it ran the
show.
363
00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:48,159
Yes and logic is not always the truth.
364
00:21:48,559 --> 00:21:49,039
Logic is
365
00:21:49,119 --> 00:21:50,559
Your mind lies to you.
366
00:21:50,799 --> 00:21:51,919
Your mind lies to you.
367
00:21:51,919 --> 00:21:53,359
It's not telling you the truth.
368
00:21:53,359 --> 00:21:57,534
But if you're not training it, it's kind of
like going, I say this to the people in my
369
00:21:57,534 --> 00:22:04,015
community all the time because there are women
there and I'm direct with love, I said if you
370
00:22:04,015 --> 00:22:10,490
went to the gym and you're like wow I really
want to get physically fit, right I really want
371
00:22:10,490 --> 00:22:17,130
to okay and you went to the gym and you got the
membership right and then you sat in the gym
372
00:22:17,130 --> 00:22:25,254
with a couple beers and you watched everybody
else do the work what's going to happen?
373
00:22:27,654 --> 00:22:28,454
Nothing.
374
00:22:29,335 --> 00:22:29,734
Yeah.
375
00:22:29,734 --> 00:22:31,974
Nothing's going to happen because you're not
doing the work.
376
00:22:32,454 --> 00:22:37,789
Yeah, you will just see other people getting
fitter and you see yourself getting bigger.
377
00:22:37,870 --> 00:22:38,750
Yeah, because it's
378
00:22:38,750 --> 00:22:40,190
not even about the weight.
379
00:22:40,190 --> 00:22:45,390
It's just a matter of like, you're not taking
radical personal responsibility that change the
380
00:22:45,390 --> 00:22:50,990
identity that's running the show and you're
calling it stuck but you're not doing the work.
381
00:22:52,005 --> 00:22:54,565
So guess I can guarantee you what's gonna
change.
382
00:22:54,644 --> 00:22:55,285
Nothing.
383
00:22:56,484 --> 00:22:56,965
Yes.
384
00:22:56,965 --> 00:22:59,765
And there is even bigger, like, next layer.
385
00:22:59,765 --> 00:23:04,244
You go and do the work, but you still see
yourself as you are now.
386
00:23:05,220 --> 00:23:05,700
Right?
387
00:23:05,700 --> 00:23:08,419
So it doesn't matter what you to work.
388
00:23:08,419 --> 00:23:15,299
But if you don't change the self image, that
that physical body in your mind, you will get
389
00:23:15,299 --> 00:23:16,659
back to your picture.
390
00:23:16,660 --> 00:23:23,595
Because so many people get diet, go gym three
months, lose weight, and then they stop and
391
00:23:23,595 --> 00:23:24,714
even gain more.
392
00:23:24,714 --> 00:23:25,115
Why?
393
00:23:25,115 --> 00:23:29,515
Because it is not only important what we do
physically.
394
00:23:29,515 --> 00:23:31,515
It is important who we see.
395
00:23:31,515 --> 00:23:31,914
Right?
396
00:23:31,914 --> 00:23:37,859
Because we have to create that picture of our
new self first, like physically, emotionally,
397
00:23:37,859 --> 00:23:43,779
mentally, create that and then keep it in mind
and do the work.
398
00:23:44,580 --> 00:23:45,460
I agree with you.
399
00:23:45,460 --> 00:23:51,985
What I would say to this is a little fun little
fact and trust me when I started kind of my
400
00:23:51,985 --> 00:23:58,465
awakening I started first with my body and I
believe in very, I'm very strict on my self
401
00:23:58,465 --> 00:24:02,829
care and I believe in it, part of my identity,
my identity.
402
00:24:02,829 --> 00:24:11,069
However, what I want you to think about is why
do 85% of New Year's resolutions end by the
403
00:24:11,069 --> 00:24:12,429
third week of January?
404
00:24:12,429 --> 00:24:12,669
Why?
405
00:24:14,615 --> 00:24:15,654
Do you know why?
406
00:24:15,815 --> 00:24:16,455
Yes.
407
00:24:16,455 --> 00:24:16,855
Of course.
408
00:24:16,855 --> 00:24:24,455
Because people think about what they want, but
they don't understand that their results is not
409
00:24:24,455 --> 00:24:25,414
their wish.
410
00:24:25,414 --> 00:24:27,015
It is their habits and beliefs.
411
00:24:27,169 --> 00:24:33,329
And they cannot even, like, they can write a
long list, but they can change all habits at
412
00:24:33,329 --> 00:24:33,970
the time.
413
00:24:34,289 --> 00:24:38,450
They can want that, but changing all habits, it
is impossible.
414
00:24:38,450 --> 00:24:46,825
You only can work on one habit at the time when
you make it your party entity that will create
415
00:24:46,825 --> 00:24:48,105
the next one.
416
00:24:48,424 --> 00:24:53,700
Agreed but I'll challenge you a little bit more
it's in my opinion real change is an inside
417
00:24:53,700 --> 00:24:54,339
job.
418
00:24:54,820 --> 00:25:01,619
You're trying to change that that body
externally right and you have stories obviously
419
00:25:01,619 --> 00:25:06,994
belief system whatever it is I don't know that
that stops you from doing that, but you're
420
00:25:06,994 --> 00:25:12,275
trying to make the change externally and really
what will happen guaranteed if you do the
421
00:25:12,275 --> 00:25:15,634
inside work, the rest will shift.
422
00:25:15,714 --> 00:25:20,840
You'll stop overeating, You'll start taking
care of your body, but it will come from the
423
00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:23,160
inside out versus the outside in.
424
00:25:24,279 --> 00:25:29,320
Yes, every result come from within and we are
the cause.
425
00:25:29,414 --> 00:25:30,775
Yes, that is the cause.
426
00:25:30,775 --> 00:25:32,934
Yes, unfortunately, that is very true.
427
00:25:33,015 --> 00:25:37,575
It's so sad when you have to look at the mirror
because I'd rather blame everybody else for my
428
00:25:37,575 --> 00:25:38,375
show.
429
00:25:39,575 --> 00:25:46,109
And it's just so much easier to say, Elena, you
just are, I mean, you guys, if you want to know
430
00:25:46,109 --> 00:25:52,509
that you cannot, you cannot make change, inside
change, by blaming everybody else.
431
00:25:52,509 --> 00:25:58,430
If you're playing the victim, you have to take
radical personal responsibility, I call it RPR,
432
00:25:58,994 --> 00:26:02,595
that you, my friend, are the cause of the
effect.
433
00:26:02,835 --> 00:26:08,035
And anybody that has awareness and
consciousness and spiritual awakening, they are
434
00:26:08,035 --> 00:26:09,474
owning everything that they do.
435
00:26:09,474 --> 00:26:10,835
And not all of it is pleasant.
436
00:26:12,279 --> 00:26:12,759
Not.
437
00:26:13,160 --> 00:26:14,839
It's very sad sometimes.
438
00:26:14,839 --> 00:26:17,400
You're like, what is it?
439
00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:17,799
Houston.
440
00:26:17,799 --> 00:26:19,240
Houston, we have a problem.
441
00:26:20,279 --> 00:26:21,640
The problem is you.
442
00:26:23,160 --> 00:26:24,039
It's your beliefs.
443
00:26:24,924 --> 00:26:29,565
It's your beliefs that have created the
identity that is not aligned with what you
444
00:26:29,565 --> 00:26:30,125
want.
445
00:26:31,404 --> 00:26:31,964
Yes.
446
00:26:31,964 --> 00:26:36,445
And many people find it very difficult to
accept that they are the cause.
447
00:26:36,445 --> 00:26:36,765
Yeah.
448
00:26:36,765 --> 00:26:37,164
It is.
449
00:26:37,164 --> 00:26:38,765
Well, I'm with the cause.
450
00:26:38,950 --> 00:26:39,430
Yes.
451
00:26:39,430 --> 00:26:41,430
Okay, so I'm all about real talk.
452
00:26:41,430 --> 00:26:43,750
Let me give you an example and I've got a
little bit more time.
453
00:26:43,750 --> 00:26:44,789
Let me give you an example.
454
00:26:45,190 --> 00:26:46,710
I've been married twenty five years.
455
00:26:47,509 --> 00:26:49,429
It is not an easy ride being married.
456
00:26:49,590 --> 00:26:52,484
It's up and it's down And I'm a handful.
457
00:26:52,484 --> 00:26:53,365
That's just the truth.
458
00:26:53,365 --> 00:26:54,484
I'm too much.
459
00:26:54,644 --> 00:26:56,325
He's quiet.
460
00:26:56,565 --> 00:26:57,444
And we...
461
00:26:58,325 --> 00:27:04,085
But let's go back to the story that I told you
that in my identity, right, in my belief
462
00:27:04,085 --> 00:27:08,839
systems, but really my core identity, and I
learned it from my mother and I learned it from
463
00:27:08,839 --> 00:27:12,279
the patriarchy, that strong women don't ask for
help.
464
00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:18,279
Okay, so every time I ask for help, I would
feel guilt and shame.
465
00:27:19,625 --> 00:27:22,264
Ask for help, guilt, shame, less than.
466
00:27:22,345 --> 00:27:28,345
All your limiting beliefs come from one common
denominator or foundation of unworthiness, I am
467
00:27:28,345 --> 00:27:29,144
not enough.
468
00:27:29,625 --> 00:27:31,065
And then you stack on that.
469
00:27:31,065 --> 00:27:34,345
So every time I ask for help, I'd feel like
shit and less than.
470
00:27:35,119 --> 00:27:37,200
How do you think that worked in my marriage?
471
00:27:39,600 --> 00:27:46,319
Roommate situation, sex life that was non
existent, we were totally disconnected.
472
00:27:47,039 --> 00:27:54,375
Now when we went to therapists and I have to,
you have to own, when I get, when someone tells
473
00:27:54,375 --> 00:27:59,815
me I'm a bit of a fighter, that's one of my
survival responses, fighting and fawning.
474
00:27:59,974 --> 00:28:04,509
If you don't know what fawning is, that's
another reason the patriarchy, it is people
475
00:28:04,509 --> 00:28:12,190
pleasing, over giving, inability to speak up,
but I will fight if you really want to push me.
476
00:28:12,349 --> 00:28:20,105
So in a therapist session, oh boy, that version
of Kristen that would come out because her
477
00:28:20,105 --> 00:28:24,105
identity was strong women don't ask for help,
but she didn't understand that.
478
00:28:24,664 --> 00:28:26,424
She would fight.
479
00:28:28,265 --> 00:28:29,384
And guess what?
480
00:28:29,384 --> 00:28:30,424
Now this doesn't...
481
00:28:31,945 --> 00:28:38,009
Once I did the inner work and really you guys,
and it is painful, I'm not going to tell you,
482
00:28:38,730 --> 00:28:42,170
your identity requires accountability.
483
00:28:43,210 --> 00:28:45,609
It does not mean I am married to an angel.
484
00:28:45,609 --> 00:28:46,650
Well, he might be.
485
00:28:46,730 --> 00:28:49,369
But he has his own stories and his own belief
structure.
486
00:28:49,884 --> 00:28:53,244
But the reality is, I don't know if I would
have been able to hear it.
487
00:28:53,565 --> 00:28:57,884
But maybe if someone said, Hey, Kristen, have
you...
488
00:28:57,884 --> 00:29:04,139
No one explained it to me in the way that
neuroscience does, is that your thoughts create
489
00:29:04,139 --> 00:29:09,259
your feelings which create your reality and in
the process of doing that you need to look at
490
00:29:09,259 --> 00:29:16,355
the stories and beliefs and identity that's
running the show and I created that And I would
491
00:29:16,355 --> 00:29:18,434
definitely say we are still married.
492
00:29:18,434 --> 00:29:19,555
Yay, us.
493
00:29:19,795 --> 00:29:21,154
Is it always easy?
494
00:29:21,394 --> 00:29:21,954
No.
495
00:29:22,595 --> 00:29:25,954
Do I own that I am the cause of the fact?
496
00:29:26,434 --> 00:29:26,755
Yes.
497
00:29:28,339 --> 00:29:31,140
And it's changed our marriage in many ways.
498
00:29:32,660 --> 00:29:33,460
Yeah.
499
00:29:33,460 --> 00:29:34,819
Not easy work to do.
500
00:29:34,820 --> 00:29:41,140
Not easy work to look in the mirror because but
if you keep blaming everyone for your own show,
501
00:29:43,065 --> 00:29:44,585
you're going to stay stuck...
502
00:29:44,585 --> 00:29:48,345
You're gonna stay in the same identity that
doesn't take ownership.
503
00:29:49,625 --> 00:29:50,744
And nothing will change.
504
00:29:50,744 --> 00:29:52,825
I guarantee you, nothing will change.
505
00:29:52,825 --> 00:29:53,224
Nothing.
506
00:29:54,880 --> 00:29:59,359
And your old identity, I kind of think of her
like a pit bull.
507
00:29:59,759 --> 00:30:03,919
She's gonna fight because that's her reality.
508
00:30:04,079 --> 00:30:08,480
She's built her whole life on that identity
that is not real.
509
00:30:10,414 --> 00:30:11,694
Tricky, isn't it?
510
00:30:13,694 --> 00:30:14,335
Yes.
511
00:30:14,335 --> 00:30:15,454
Not just real.
512
00:30:15,454 --> 00:30:19,134
It is not even identity who was built by other
people.
513
00:30:19,134 --> 00:30:21,375
Many things which we accept.
514
00:30:22,240 --> 00:30:22,559
Correct.
515
00:30:22,960 --> 00:30:24,079
Accept by other people.
516
00:30:24,079 --> 00:30:25,599
We didn't create that.
517
00:30:25,679 --> 00:30:27,200
We were small to...
518
00:30:27,440 --> 00:30:33,359
Like, when our identity was shift, we were so
small even to question anything.
519
00:30:33,359 --> 00:30:34,880
We just accepted some...
520
00:30:34,880 --> 00:30:38,404
Something that was repeatedly told us by
parents, by other people.
521
00:30:38,404 --> 00:30:39,365
That's correct.
522
00:30:39,765 --> 00:30:40,644
On a lie.
523
00:30:40,644 --> 00:30:41,524
On a lie.
524
00:30:41,684 --> 00:30:42,244
Yes.
525
00:30:42,244 --> 00:30:45,845
So our life, that's why it is important really
to wake up.
526
00:30:45,845 --> 00:30:46,244
Right?
527
00:30:46,244 --> 00:30:48,964
And wake up and say, who am I?
528
00:30:48,964 --> 00:30:50,085
What I accept?
529
00:30:50,085 --> 00:30:50,884
What I choose?
530
00:30:51,490 --> 00:30:57,169
Yes, because is everything what I believe was
my choice or just I accept it because other
531
00:30:57,169 --> 00:30:58,289
people told me.
532
00:30:58,289 --> 00:31:03,809
And this is how we start questioning our
beliefs, our habits and our goals.
533
00:31:03,809 --> 00:31:04,130
Right?
534
00:31:04,130 --> 00:31:09,865
Because why some people have big goals, like
big dreams, and other people don't?
535
00:31:09,865 --> 00:31:11,945
Because this is, again, identity.
536
00:31:11,945 --> 00:31:17,545
Some people believe that it is possible for
them because they see themselves as a
537
00:31:17,545 --> 00:31:18,265
possibility.
538
00:31:18,265 --> 00:31:22,409
And other people just reject because they think
it is impossible.
539
00:31:22,490 --> 00:31:24,169
But this is just a choice.
540
00:31:24,329 --> 00:31:26,649
Again, and choice come from your identity.
541
00:31:26,649 --> 00:31:28,809
And good news is that you can rewrite it.
542
00:31:28,809 --> 00:31:36,534
You can create any kind of script of your
identity and become the main actor in your
543
00:31:36,534 --> 00:31:38,614
life, like in your movie, right?
544
00:31:39,255 --> 00:31:44,214
You can totally, Elena, can tell that
programming that is running your identity that
545
00:31:44,214 --> 00:31:49,900
has been on autopilot, literally I'm telling
you two years ago, I can say this, I didn't
546
00:31:49,900 --> 00:31:53,579
know my head was connected to my body.
547
00:31:53,900 --> 00:31:56,299
Self abandonment is living in your head.
548
00:31:56,619 --> 00:32:01,259
Self trust is living in your body from a
regulated nervous system.
549
00:32:01,579 --> 00:32:03,820
But I did not know that the two were connected.
550
00:32:04,204 --> 00:32:07,325
I was running around in my life asleep.
551
00:32:07,325 --> 00:32:08,605
I was in a coma.
552
00:32:08,924 --> 00:32:10,284
I was sleepwalking.
553
00:32:10,605 --> 00:32:14,044
I was saying yes when I really wanted to say
no.
554
00:32:14,125 --> 00:32:17,964
And when I said no, and I know many of your
viewers are going to be like, this means I see
555
00:32:17,964 --> 00:32:18,444
you.
556
00:32:18,525 --> 00:32:21,859
When I say no, I would overexplain myself.
557
00:32:23,059 --> 00:32:25,779
And yeah, that's exactly it.
558
00:32:26,019 --> 00:32:29,779
Elena, I want women to wake the fuck up because
this is the deal.
559
00:32:30,900 --> 00:32:32,420
We're not getting any younger.
560
00:32:32,420 --> 00:32:33,619
I don't care about your age.
561
00:32:34,375 --> 00:32:35,894
I'm not fighting aging.
562
00:32:35,894 --> 00:32:40,054
I don't care what you do you, but you don't
have unlimited time.
563
00:32:40,214 --> 00:32:41,414
And I'm 55.
564
00:32:41,414 --> 00:32:42,694
This is the reality.
565
00:32:42,775 --> 00:32:47,254
My best, I have more years behind me instead of
in versus in front of me.
566
00:32:47,654 --> 00:32:55,000
So wake up, start doing some really deep dive
into what those stories are because I do
567
00:32:55,000 --> 00:33:00,600
believe this, not only can you not make change
externally, if you don't look at the
568
00:33:00,600 --> 00:33:06,294
subconscious programming that's running 95%
where your stories and your beliefs and your
569
00:33:06,294 --> 00:33:11,575
patterns are, then moving out of that and
creating a new identity will be almost
570
00:33:11,575 --> 00:33:12,294
impossible.
571
00:33:12,454 --> 00:33:16,294
You have to really look at that and really,
really like you...
572
00:33:17,015 --> 00:33:18,535
I am a student of my mind.
573
00:33:19,079 --> 00:33:20,359
Like a student.
574
00:33:20,599 --> 00:33:21,799
I catch every...
575
00:33:21,799 --> 00:33:23,079
I'm like, oh my god.
576
00:33:23,079 --> 00:33:24,919
Because I know my emotional addictions.
577
00:33:24,919 --> 00:33:26,279
I know my patterns.
578
00:33:26,759 --> 00:33:28,679
And they're always running the show.
579
00:33:28,759 --> 00:33:31,159
And unfortunately, the reality is this.
580
00:33:31,399 --> 00:33:32,599
The work never stops.
581
00:33:34,205 --> 00:33:38,684
You cannot stop the work or your mind will
create a reality that you don't want.
582
00:33:40,125 --> 00:33:40,765
Yes.
583
00:33:40,765 --> 00:33:46,445
And our next episode will be about how to
create reality which you want by building your
584
00:33:46,445 --> 00:33:47,325
new identity.
585
00:33:47,789 --> 00:33:48,350
Yeah, Christy.
586
00:33:48,350 --> 00:33:53,470
I love, I mean, I I'm obsessed with the subject
because it's so fascinating to me, Elena,
587
00:33:53,470 --> 00:33:55,869
because I did, I was asleep in my life.
588
00:33:56,190 --> 00:34:02,269
Yes, and that many people, yes, like walking,
sleep is like like sleeping, walking.
589
00:34:02,269 --> 00:34:06,884
Well, it's it's like I think what I want some
of you, I don't know who will listen to this, I
590
00:34:06,884 --> 00:34:07,845
want you to know this.
591
00:34:08,405 --> 00:34:14,885
I think as women, we call this, and I want you
to really hear this, we call our high
592
00:34:14,885 --> 00:34:16,085
standards, right?
593
00:34:16,085 --> 00:34:20,719
We've got, oh, I got high standards and it's
just a form of perfectionism.
594
00:34:20,719 --> 00:34:22,239
So is overthinking by the way.
595
00:34:22,239 --> 00:34:28,000
I love that overthinking is really, you think
you're moving, you think you're doing
596
00:34:28,000 --> 00:34:32,880
something, but you're really just not moving
and not doing the thing that you want to do
597
00:34:32,880 --> 00:34:34,505
because you're scared, who isn't?
598
00:34:34,744 --> 00:34:40,664
But I want you to know this, if you're
listening to this, you're awake and you may be
599
00:34:40,664 --> 00:34:42,585
feeling like this because I did.
600
00:34:42,744 --> 00:34:43,144
Maybe.
601
00:34:45,769 --> 00:34:46,250
What?
602
00:34:46,250 --> 00:34:48,730
What the fuck is going on?
603
00:34:48,730 --> 00:34:50,489
Like, I'm an intelligent woman.
604
00:34:50,489 --> 00:34:51,530
I'm capable.
605
00:34:53,609 --> 00:34:56,329
And I was asleep in my own life.
606
00:34:57,210 --> 00:35:01,414
And I think we need to give ourselves a pat on
the back because at the end of the day, this
607
00:35:01,414 --> 00:35:03,015
journey is about self love.
608
00:35:03,094 --> 00:35:04,135
It really is.
609
00:35:04,775 --> 00:35:07,094
And say, okay, I'm awake.
610
00:35:07,735 --> 00:35:09,094
I'm uncomfortable.
611
00:35:09,894 --> 00:35:11,094
I'm lonely.
612
00:35:11,414 --> 00:35:14,855
I'm disconnected from my body and the life I
really want.
613
00:35:16,409 --> 00:35:23,210
Give yourself a high five that you're awake
because I do believe ninety eight percent of
614
00:35:23,210 --> 00:35:28,969
humans are living here in self abandonment and
you need to give yourself credit that you're
615
00:35:28,969 --> 00:35:29,369
awake.
616
00:35:29,369 --> 00:35:31,130
Now it's like, what do you do next?
617
00:35:32,304 --> 00:35:33,425
You can go back.
618
00:35:33,505 --> 00:35:36,065
I do not believe and maybe you could tell me
this.
619
00:35:36,065 --> 00:35:40,065
Elena, once somebody wakes up, I don't know.
620
00:35:40,065 --> 00:35:41,425
Can they go back asleep?
621
00:35:41,585 --> 00:35:42,864
I certainly can't.
622
00:35:43,679 --> 00:35:44,559
No.
623
00:35:44,559 --> 00:35:45,119
No.
624
00:35:45,199 --> 00:35:45,440
Is.
625
00:35:45,440 --> 00:35:46,719
It's backwards.
626
00:35:47,119 --> 00:35:47,440
No.
627
00:35:47,440 --> 00:35:51,519
When you aware, you aware, you cannot, you
cannot forget it.
628
00:35:51,519 --> 00:35:57,585
You or it is just going up and up because there
are unlimited number of frequencies.
629
00:35:57,585 --> 00:36:02,625
It's like you are you are growing in the
frequency and you start seeing bigger.
630
00:36:02,625 --> 00:36:08,625
Like, you are coming from, like, from cave, you
come to the open field, and then you can see
631
00:36:08,625 --> 00:36:09,025
this.
632
00:36:09,025 --> 00:36:09,425
You can...
633
00:36:09,425 --> 00:36:12,079
You don't go back to the cave again.
634
00:36:13,119 --> 00:36:15,119
Some days Elena I want to.
635
00:36:17,360 --> 00:36:24,000
Some days I'm like where's the off button
because you can't, this is what I say and I say
636
00:36:24,204 --> 00:36:31,005
this is it ladies and we're going to wrap it up
is that or gentlemen my jam is women so I say
637
00:36:31,005 --> 00:36:38,769
the magic lives in the unknown, the magic lives
in the unknown And anything in your body that
638
00:36:38,769 --> 00:36:42,289
is is unknown is unsafe.
639
00:36:42,530 --> 00:36:47,889
And that's why safety in your body and nervous
system regulation and awareness and the catch.
640
00:36:48,785 --> 00:36:50,465
Oh, I'm going back to overwhelm.
641
00:36:50,465 --> 00:36:51,825
That's one of my emotional addictions.
642
00:36:51,825 --> 00:36:53,345
Now I'm going to regulate.
643
00:36:53,905 --> 00:36:56,704
I'm going to walk, and I'm going to come back
to my body.
644
00:36:56,704 --> 00:36:59,105
So the magic happens in the unknown.
645
00:36:59,184 --> 00:37:01,505
And what we need to do is build awareness,
right?
646
00:37:01,505 --> 00:37:08,099
Build awareness, safety, which is nervous
system regulation, which allows you to expand
647
00:37:08,500 --> 00:37:14,980
and receive the magic and receive the unknown
and take small steps towards that magic.
648
00:37:15,380 --> 00:37:21,054
Because we want magic ladies, We want to be
bold and confident and magical.
649
00:37:21,214 --> 00:37:23,375
But it feels so unsafe.
650
00:37:23,454 --> 00:37:27,614
And that's why if you do not regulate your
body, right?
651
00:37:28,255 --> 00:37:34,220
You will not expand to higher frequency and to
your future self that's waiting for you.
652
00:37:34,220 --> 00:37:35,500
She's waiting for you.
653
00:37:35,579 --> 00:37:37,579
So, the work is cool.
654
00:37:37,739 --> 00:37:38,460
It's so cool.
655
00:37:38,460 --> 00:37:39,340
It's my life.
656
00:37:39,500 --> 00:37:46,085
I will never stop doing the work and I'm
committed and my service is helping women over
657
00:37:46,085 --> 00:37:46,965
40, 50.
658
00:37:46,965 --> 00:37:50,565
I'm not sure that have lost themselves because
she's there.
659
00:37:50,565 --> 00:37:51,445
She's waiting for you.
660
00:37:51,445 --> 00:37:52,244
I promise.
661
00:37:53,605 --> 00:38:00,079
Yes and once your awareness grows up, it is not
automatically that you will get results.
662
00:38:00,079 --> 00:38:01,839
You have to do something new.
663
00:38:01,839 --> 00:38:02,079
Right?
664
00:38:02,079 --> 00:38:02,400
You can
665
00:38:02,719 --> 00:38:04,079
You have to move.
666
00:38:04,639 --> 00:38:05,119
Yeah.
667
00:38:05,119 --> 00:38:06,000
You have to move.
668
00:38:06,000 --> 00:38:09,279
You have to get those ideas and act on the
ideas.
669
00:38:09,454 --> 00:38:13,855
Because if you know but you don't do this is
where you go backwards.
670
00:38:14,014 --> 00:38:14,974
Yes, so this is...
671
00:38:14,974 --> 00:38:20,014
Oh it is it is it is I was looking at this
quote here I'm gonna and I I had it in my head
672
00:38:20,014 --> 00:38:25,800
ready overthinking is procrastination dressed
up as perfection.
673
00:38:27,400 --> 00:38:32,039
Overthinking is procrastination dressed up as
perfection.
674
00:38:32,440 --> 00:38:41,235
You have to do this it's called the school of
Goya, Get off your You've got to move.
675
00:38:41,554 --> 00:38:42,434
You've got to move.
676
00:38:42,434 --> 00:38:47,635
If you stay still, then you're overthinking and
you're aware but you're not moving.
677
00:38:48,690 --> 00:38:50,449
And then guess what's going to happen?
678
00:38:51,170 --> 00:38:51,969
Nothing.
679
00:38:53,010 --> 00:38:53,569
Yeah.
680
00:38:53,569 --> 00:38:53,809
Nothing.
681
00:38:53,809 --> 00:38:55,409
This is all up to you.
682
00:38:55,409 --> 00:38:56,849
All up to you to grow.
683
00:38:56,849 --> 00:38:58,130
Well, to me, it's beautiful.
684
00:38:58,130 --> 00:39:00,609
It's beautiful and yes, agency queen.
685
00:39:01,184 --> 00:39:02,625
The ball's in your court.
686
00:39:02,625 --> 00:39:03,744
You're the problem.
687
00:39:05,425 --> 00:39:06,224
You're the problem.
688
00:39:06,224 --> 00:39:07,585
You're the cause of the effect.
689
00:39:08,065 --> 00:39:10,065
Where do you want, what do you want to do with
that information?
690
00:39:11,025 --> 00:39:14,945
Yes, and this is much better than to believe in
faith, in faith.
691
00:39:14,945 --> 00:39:15,744
Yeah, like faith.
692
00:39:15,900 --> 00:39:17,179
Like some people say, oh.
693
00:39:17,179 --> 00:39:17,500
No.
694
00:39:17,500 --> 00:39:17,739
No.
695
00:39:17,739 --> 00:39:17,900
No.
696
00:39:17,900 --> 00:39:18,059
No.
697
00:39:18,059 --> 00:39:19,500
Or I'm going to manifest.
698
00:39:19,659 --> 00:39:20,780
Let me tell you this.
699
00:39:20,940 --> 00:39:24,059
You don't manifest what you what you want.
700
00:39:24,299 --> 00:39:27,500
You manifest on your daily choices.
701
00:39:28,464 --> 00:39:29,984
They become who you are.
702
00:39:29,984 --> 00:39:31,425
So how you move?
703
00:39:31,984 --> 00:39:33,344
And I'm going to be honest.
704
00:39:33,664 --> 00:39:38,144
I'm running me first and that's my movement
club community coaching.
705
00:39:38,464 --> 00:39:42,065
And I have been really thinking so long and
hard.
706
00:39:44,570 --> 00:39:45,530
Guess what?
707
00:39:45,530 --> 00:39:46,890
I haven't been moving.
708
00:39:48,090 --> 00:39:49,690
I have not been moving.
709
00:39:50,090 --> 00:39:54,890
I have been really thinking and that's just
procrastination dressed up as perfectionism.
710
00:39:55,210 --> 00:40:00,744
And if you need a place to move or you want to
work with me one on one, we'll do some digging,
711
00:40:01,224 --> 00:40:01,545
right?
712
00:40:01,545 --> 00:40:06,344
We'll get to your patterns and your stories and
I'll do it with so much kindness and love
713
00:40:06,344 --> 00:40:09,065
because I know how it feels to walk through
that fire.
714
00:40:10,025 --> 00:40:13,699
And I do a one month, it's month to month
container.
715
00:40:13,699 --> 00:40:14,739
It's like coaching.
716
00:40:15,219 --> 00:40:16,019
It's intense.
717
00:40:16,019 --> 00:40:21,300
It's the deepest end of the work but it also
gives you very good clarity on exactly how you
718
00:40:21,300 --> 00:40:24,420
need to move and then I coach you to move.
719
00:40:25,805 --> 00:40:31,325
And every coach has a coach so I think there's
always a feeling with women that I'm less than
720
00:40:31,644 --> 00:40:38,045
when I ask for help we talked about that, but
there's no way for you to see within the bottle
721
00:40:38,045 --> 00:40:44,269
of your life the same way that you could with a
coach that looks at you and says, I'm going to
722
00:40:44,269 --> 00:40:45,309
call you out a bit.
723
00:40:46,510 --> 00:40:50,029
I'm going to end with with love and kindness
that if you...
724
00:40:50,029 --> 00:40:56,005
Your limiting belief is x, y, and z, I can't
receive, people will, I carry the emotions of
725
00:40:56,005 --> 00:40:57,285
everybody in my family.
726
00:40:57,845 --> 00:41:02,724
As a CEO, Chief Emotional Officer, we've been
doing it for so long.
727
00:41:03,285 --> 00:41:08,940
And having someone's perspective like that's
been trained in neuroscience and somatic
728
00:41:08,940 --> 00:41:16,860
coaching that can help you see and then get,
get a goyah, I always forget get, move your
729
00:41:16,860 --> 00:41:18,380
butt, move it, you got to move.
730
00:41:19,554 --> 00:41:21,315
Because that's how change happens.
731
00:41:21,554 --> 00:41:27,155
And it's cumulative, it's small, it's micro
steps that add to macro changes.
732
00:41:27,315 --> 00:41:32,800
So where I am today will definitely not be
where I am a year from now, because I manifest
733
00:41:32,800 --> 00:41:33,920
every single day.
734
00:41:33,920 --> 00:41:37,199
I have a vision but I'm also moving in that
direction.
735
00:41:37,199 --> 00:41:41,760
I'm not just sitting there like oh gosh I
really want a big platform and I want to meet
736
00:41:41,760 --> 00:41:44,319
Mel Robbins and Oprah Winfrey and I'm just
going to wait it out.
737
00:41:45,965 --> 00:41:47,325
Doesn't work like that.
738
00:41:48,605 --> 00:41:50,844
Yes, everything is possible.
739
00:41:50,844 --> 00:41:56,364
When you believe and you have clear vision,
when you act everyday towards your goal and if
740
00:41:56,364 --> 00:41:58,125
you don't quit, you will win.
741
00:41:58,125 --> 00:41:58,925
Yes, yes.
742
00:41:58,925 --> 00:41:59,405
This is...
743
00:41:59,405 --> 00:42:03,030
She believed she could, so she did.
744
00:42:03,670 --> 00:42:06,710
She believed she could, so she did.
745
00:42:06,789 --> 00:42:10,869
That does not mean this version of me that's
sitting here is confident all the time.
746
00:42:11,269 --> 00:42:13,430
It means that I move when I'm uncomfortable.
747
00:42:14,484 --> 00:42:18,324
I move because I know that the magic happens in
the unknown.
748
00:42:19,045 --> 00:42:20,485
And I want more magic.
749
00:42:21,204 --> 00:42:21,925
Yes.
750
00:42:22,405 --> 00:42:24,644
Great, great conversation, Christine.
751
00:42:24,644 --> 00:42:24,964
Thank you.
752
00:42:24,964 --> 00:42:25,284
Yes.
753
00:42:25,284 --> 00:42:26,005
Thank you.
754
00:42:26,005 --> 00:42:26,644
Yes.
755
00:42:26,724 --> 00:42:28,320
It was my pleasure.
756
00:42:28,320 --> 00:42:33,760
It was so nice to connect with your beautiful
soul and I appreciate just the invitation and
757
00:42:33,760 --> 00:42:40,400
reach out to me at mefirst club dot com and
start choosing yourself because you're worth
758
00:42:40,400 --> 00:42:40,640
it.
759
00:42:40,934 --> 00:42:41,974
You're so worth it.
760
00:42:41,974 --> 00:42:42,934
You're so resilient.
761
00:42:42,934 --> 00:42:44,135
You're so strong.
762
00:42:44,934 --> 00:42:46,375
And we can do hard things.
763
00:42:46,934 --> 00:42:48,055
We can do them.
764
00:42:49,255 --> 00:42:50,215
LFG.
765
00:42:51,255 --> 00:42:52,055
Yeah, Christian.
766
00:42:52,055 --> 00:42:54,614
Thank you so much for being amazing guest
today.
767
00:42:54,614 --> 00:43:00,250
And of course, those people who are listening
to us follow Christine.
768
00:43:00,570 --> 00:43:08,170
Join me first club where Christine will share
with you with you all good she has to help
769
00:43:08,170 --> 00:43:15,534
women and subscribe for Mindset2Results, share
this episode with people who you think about,
770
00:43:15,534 --> 00:43:21,295
who may benefit from this, who need this
information because we discussed so many golden
771
00:43:21,295 --> 00:43:21,934
nuggets today.
772
00:43:22,309 --> 00:43:27,429
And I would recommend you to listen this
episode for a few times because so many value,
773
00:43:27,429 --> 00:43:28,230
isn't it?
774
00:43:28,230 --> 00:43:31,190
Thank you, Christine, and I'm looking forward
to speaking you.
775
00:43:31,510 --> 00:43:32,789
Take yourself a nice Bye.
776
00:43:34,710 --> 00:43:35,190
You too.
00:00:00,320 --> 00:00:04,960
Overthinking is procrastination dressed up as
perfection.
2
00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:06,320
You wait for permission.
3
00:00:06,559 --> 00:00:07,919
You wait to be confident.
4
00:00:07,919 --> 00:00:10,719
You're gonna be at the end of your deathbed
with regrets.
5
00:00:10,880 --> 00:00:12,880
Self abandonment is living in your head.
6
00:00:13,544 --> 00:00:15,945
Self trust is living in your body.
7
00:00:16,024 --> 00:00:18,105
The magic lives in the unknown.
8
00:00:18,105 --> 00:00:24,824
What happens when a woman spends decades being
everything for everyone else and suddenly
9
00:00:24,824 --> 00:00:27,530
realizes she has lost herself.
10
00:00:28,250 --> 00:00:31,130
Hello, hello.
11
00:00:31,130 --> 00:00:33,530
Welcome to Mindset two results.
12
00:00:33,850 --> 00:00:40,674
What happens when a woman spends decades being
everything for everyone else and suddenly
13
00:00:40,674 --> 00:00:43,395
realizes she has lost herself.
14
00:00:43,635 --> 00:00:51,475
Today, I'm joined by Christine Quackenbush,
founder of Me First Club, to talk about
15
00:00:51,475 --> 00:01:00,030
identity, self abandonment, and why middle life
might not be a crisis at all, but the moment
16
00:01:00,030 --> 00:01:02,270
you finally choose yourself.
17
00:01:02,429 --> 00:01:03,309
Hi, Christine.
18
00:01:03,309 --> 00:01:05,069
Welcome to Mindset to Results.
19
00:01:05,390 --> 00:01:06,510
Hi, Elena.
20
00:01:06,510 --> 00:01:07,549
Thanks for having me.
21
00:01:07,549 --> 00:01:08,989
I'm so excited to be here.
22
00:01:10,075 --> 00:01:11,435
You're most welcome.
23
00:01:11,435 --> 00:01:16,394
Before we start, let us know about yourself.
24
00:01:17,354 --> 00:01:20,555
What makes you so passionate about what you do?
25
00:01:20,954 --> 00:01:21,674
All right.
26
00:01:21,674 --> 00:01:22,234
Great.
27
00:01:22,634 --> 00:01:31,879
So I am 55 years old and I am so passionate
about, first of all, I'm very direct and I am
28
00:01:31,879 --> 00:01:36,439
reinventing and I lost my identity and who I
was.
29
00:01:36,759 --> 00:01:43,644
So the idea of helping women as they have done
everything, and you know what I'm talking
30
00:01:43,644 --> 00:01:47,965
about, I call moms, mothers, the heartbeat of
the family.
31
00:01:48,284 --> 00:01:56,039
They have given everything to everybody else
and there's just, for me a big passion around
32
00:01:56,039 --> 00:01:56,599
that.
33
00:01:56,599 --> 00:01:59,879
You've made yourself honestly still.
34
00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:04,840
You've made yourself still so that the people
in your life can move.
35
00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:11,805
And then when it's your time to move, you've
got fear and doubt and you don't know what you
36
00:02:11,805 --> 00:02:16,125
want or you say you don't know what you want
and you don't know how to move.
37
00:02:16,525 --> 00:02:17,724
And that's what I do.
38
00:02:17,724 --> 00:02:22,364
I help women return to their bodies, self
trust, and move.
39
00:02:23,789 --> 00:02:28,270
Yes, such a great, important direction which
you choose.
40
00:02:28,270 --> 00:02:38,485
Because women selflessly spend so much years of
their life to help family, to bring children.
41
00:02:38,965 --> 00:02:45,364
And then it is question like, who I am I and
what I really want?
42
00:02:45,364 --> 00:02:45,685
Yes.
43
00:02:45,685 --> 00:02:51,020
So so many people cannot even answer these
questions, yeah, because they were always
44
00:02:51,020 --> 00:02:52,860
thinking about somebody else.
45
00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:57,259
Even me recently I went to see her at at at
doctor.
46
00:02:57,259 --> 00:03:02,060
Like had appointment and she was asking
questions about me and I was speaking about my
47
00:03:02,060 --> 00:03:02,700
daughter.
48
00:03:02,780 --> 00:03:03,764
Because I
49
00:03:03,764 --> 00:03:04,004
want.
50
00:03:04,004 --> 00:03:04,564
I get it.
51
00:03:04,564 --> 00:03:05,525
I get it.
52
00:03:05,525 --> 00:03:08,085
And she said it is appointment for you.
53
00:03:08,085 --> 00:03:09,125
Oh yes.
54
00:03:09,125 --> 00:03:09,444
Yes.
55
00:03:09,444 --> 00:03:14,805
Like automatically we just always think about
people we love, right?
56
00:03:14,805 --> 00:03:19,090
And we can put ourselves always like later,
later.
57
00:03:19,090 --> 00:03:25,169
And it is really great that you help women to
find themselves and set the goals and achieve
58
00:03:25,169 --> 00:03:27,569
their dreams and live fulfilled life.
59
00:03:27,569 --> 00:03:28,770
It is really great.
60
00:03:29,525 --> 00:03:30,805
I love my work.
61
00:03:30,805 --> 00:03:32,965
So my work is aligned with my soul.
62
00:03:32,965 --> 00:03:34,485
This is my soul's purpose.
63
00:03:34,564 --> 00:03:39,364
So the alignment is that idea of me first,
right?
64
00:03:39,364 --> 00:03:46,449
When I say it, most women that I'm coaching or
in community, I know exactly how they feel.
65
00:03:46,449 --> 00:03:52,449
So I'm kind of a stinker with naming it because
our default emotion as women that carry
66
00:03:52,449 --> 00:03:58,770
everything and we have held space and that's
really, we've held space for everybody in our
67
00:03:58,770 --> 00:03:59,009
lives.
68
00:04:00,004 --> 00:04:05,525
Everybody, the husband, the family, and you
learned this, you were conditioned as a young
69
00:04:05,525 --> 00:04:11,044
girl that good girls do this, but we held space
for absolutely everybody and everybody got
70
00:04:11,044 --> 00:04:11,604
queued up.
71
00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:18,319
And so it's not even like, okay, me first is
there, but how about just me on the list?
72
00:04:18,879 --> 00:04:27,615
Because when is the last time you've asked
yourself, what do I want?
73
00:04:29,134 --> 00:04:30,175
You don't.
74
00:04:31,774 --> 00:04:39,279
And then when the house starts getting quieter
and your tribe leaves, you have completely lost
75
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:40,560
multiple identities.
76
00:04:41,279 --> 00:04:48,560
And I think there's also just a, I'm going to
go there for a second because women that are
77
00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:50,479
embodied feel emotions.
78
00:04:50,714 --> 00:04:53,834
And we're also told as good girls and good
women that we don't cry.
79
00:04:53,834 --> 00:04:55,115
I cry all the time.
80
00:04:55,115 --> 00:05:01,834
And when I think of that woman sitting in her
house after she's done everything for everybody
81
00:05:01,834 --> 00:05:08,310
else and nobody's asking her that question,
what do you want?
82
00:05:09,029 --> 00:05:10,629
And she certainly...
83
00:05:10,949 --> 00:05:12,310
I'm a bit of an f bomber.
84
00:05:12,310 --> 00:05:18,789
She certainly, certainly fucking deserves to
hear it, but it's not coming.
85
00:05:20,464 --> 00:05:23,504
The only person that gives you permission is
yourself.
86
00:05:24,544 --> 00:05:25,904
Self permission.
87
00:05:26,144 --> 00:05:28,144
There's nobody and you deserve it.
88
00:05:28,144 --> 00:05:30,144
That's like you're the capable one.
89
00:05:30,865 --> 00:05:33,199
You're so freaking capable, Right?
90
00:05:33,199 --> 00:05:35,120
I would come to you if I was me.
91
00:05:36,319 --> 00:05:39,199
Because you do everything for everybody else.
92
00:05:39,759 --> 00:05:40,960
When's your turn?
93
00:05:42,879 --> 00:05:43,360
Yeah.
94
00:05:43,360 --> 00:05:44,879
This is very good question.
95
00:05:44,879 --> 00:05:52,324
And also, as you mentioned, we were conditioned
to be old, and we were told what we want.
96
00:05:52,324 --> 00:05:52,724
Right?
97
00:05:52,724 --> 00:05:54,164
What we have to want.
98
00:05:54,164 --> 00:05:58,485
So, yes, like, we wanted something and we could
say, oh, no.
99
00:05:58,485 --> 00:05:59,685
This is not not...
100
00:05:59,764 --> 00:06:00,884
Like, you want that.
101
00:06:00,884 --> 00:06:01,685
Like, this is it.
102
00:06:01,829 --> 00:06:03,029
These people want that.
103
00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:03,829
You also want that.
104
00:06:03,829 --> 00:06:04,149
Right?
105
00:06:04,149 --> 00:06:06,069
Like, we were conditioned bit to...
106
00:06:06,069 --> 00:06:09,349
Really to be disconnected from our true
essence.
107
00:06:09,349 --> 00:06:14,310
And this is always the time to sit with
yourself and ask your question.
108
00:06:14,595 --> 00:06:15,475
Who am I?
109
00:06:15,475 --> 00:06:16,675
What do I really want?
110
00:06:16,675 --> 00:06:20,995
Not somebody else want me to want, but what is
really my life?
111
00:06:20,995 --> 00:06:21,235
Right?
112
00:06:21,235 --> 00:06:23,394
Like what will make me fulfilled?
113
00:06:23,394 --> 00:06:27,714
What make me feeling that I found myself
finally?
114
00:06:29,189 --> 00:06:30,790
100% correct.
115
00:06:30,949 --> 00:06:37,910
We have been conditioned and I know for some
women that the idea of where you are on your
116
00:06:37,910 --> 00:06:43,189
awakening or your level of consciousness is
different for everybody, right?
117
00:06:43,814 --> 00:06:50,935
So I think for some women they kind of repel at
the conditioning and the patriarchy and I
118
00:06:50,935 --> 00:06:55,815
actually call it the fucking dude lens, but
they can't see it and that's okay.
119
00:06:56,134 --> 00:07:02,839
For those women I have question, I do, I want
you to do one thing and then DM me what your
120
00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:03,720
results are.
121
00:07:04,199 --> 00:07:14,545
I want you for the next week just tally every
time you say sorry versus the men in your life.
122
00:07:14,625 --> 00:07:21,264
I want you just to do that one thing because we
have been conditioned and you will and you'll
123
00:07:21,264 --> 00:07:27,389
come back and you'll be like, oh my god, I say
sorry on autopilot all the time because you
124
00:07:27,389 --> 00:07:33,870
have been conditioned by the patriarchy and the
society and culture that you are supposed to
125
00:07:33,870 --> 00:07:35,550
apologize for taking up space.
126
00:07:36,464 --> 00:07:41,105
And your automatic response is, I am sorry.
127
00:07:41,185 --> 00:07:42,944
Men do not say sorry.
128
00:07:43,185 --> 00:07:45,745
They say like, point 5%.
129
00:07:45,985 --> 00:07:47,264
And I can give you an example.
130
00:07:47,264 --> 00:07:48,865
I'm an avid tennis player.
131
00:07:49,105 --> 00:07:50,145
Go on the tennis court.
132
00:07:51,139 --> 00:07:52,500
Women versus men.
133
00:07:52,579 --> 00:07:55,540
Women are saying sorry throughout the whole
court.
134
00:07:55,860 --> 00:07:59,220
Man, yeah, kind of sucked today, oh well.
135
00:07:59,779 --> 00:08:04,500
They are not conditioned to apologize, to take
up space on or off the court.
136
00:08:05,305 --> 00:08:13,064
And once you start to open your aperture and
you wake and your consciousness goes up, you
137
00:08:13,064 --> 00:08:14,264
cannot see it.
138
00:08:14,584 --> 00:08:17,384
Like you cannot see it, not not see it.
139
00:08:17,384 --> 00:08:22,879
And I understand because where I was about a
year ago, I was like, Oh, those ladies sound so
140
00:08:22,879 --> 00:08:23,600
angry.
141
00:08:25,199 --> 00:08:26,560
They're very angry ladies.
142
00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:27,439
And guess what?
143
00:08:27,439 --> 00:08:29,280
I'm one of the angry ladies, I guess.
144
00:08:29,280 --> 00:08:30,400
I don't think it's angry.
145
00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:37,464
I think it's very clear and direct on what it
is and we can't stay in the victimhood of
146
00:08:37,464 --> 00:08:43,065
changing ladies and saying oh because the
conditioning, the patriarchy is always going to
147
00:08:43,065 --> 00:08:43,705
be there.
148
00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:51,389
We have to move outside that and say what can
we, what as the cause of our life ownership,
149
00:08:51,470 --> 00:08:53,549
accountability can we change and do?
150
00:08:54,589 --> 00:09:01,995
But it is a massive factor that as you were
born after seven, right?
151
00:09:02,154 --> 00:09:03,434
We were conditioned.
152
00:09:03,514 --> 00:09:07,674
Anything before that, you were in the
subconscious but we were conditioned that it's
153
00:09:07,674 --> 00:09:13,034
selfish and you should feel guilty when you put
yourself first and you learned how to apologize
154
00:09:13,115 --> 00:09:16,870
and you learned that taking up space, that's
not what...
155
00:09:16,950 --> 00:09:19,110
You're too aggressive, you're too much.
156
00:09:20,230 --> 00:09:25,669
And I love this and I'll let you speak is that
you can't win as a woman or a girl.
157
00:09:25,669 --> 00:09:28,629
You're either too much or not enough.
158
00:09:29,964 --> 00:09:36,044
And if I could count the number of times in
corporate America I was called a bitch, it's
159
00:09:36,044 --> 00:09:38,684
like always too much or not enough.
160
00:09:38,764 --> 00:09:41,245
So the reality is you're not going to win that.
161
00:09:41,485 --> 00:09:42,845
So what do you want?
162
00:09:43,509 --> 00:09:47,429
You have been holding space for everybody, and
it's your turn.
163
00:09:49,350 --> 00:09:49,829
Yeah.
164
00:09:49,829 --> 00:09:50,789
So true.
165
00:09:51,269 --> 00:09:51,750
Yes.
166
00:09:51,750 --> 00:09:57,845
Like, even when we were children, good children
are those children who listen and obey.
167
00:09:57,845 --> 00:09:59,284
What Quiet.
168
00:09:59,284 --> 00:09:59,924
To them.
169
00:09:59,924 --> 00:10:00,245
Right?
170
00:10:00,245 --> 00:10:01,284
Like, Quiet.
171
00:10:01,605 --> 00:10:04,004
Wanted to have their own opinion.
172
00:10:04,004 --> 00:10:05,764
They were, like, rebellious.
173
00:10:05,764 --> 00:10:06,085
Yes.
174
00:10:06,085 --> 00:10:07,524
They were not good children.
175
00:10:08,245 --> 00:10:08,485
Correct.
176
00:10:09,649 --> 00:10:10,129
Yes.
177
00:10:10,129 --> 00:10:12,610
And then we want people to be leaders.
178
00:10:12,610 --> 00:10:17,809
But how they can be leaders if they from
childhood, they were taught not to have their
179
00:10:17,809 --> 00:10:23,490
own voice, not to stand out and tell that what
what they think and what they want.
180
00:10:23,490 --> 00:10:23,730
Right?
181
00:10:23,730 --> 00:10:30,144
Like, but just obeying and this is how we have
the problem of having really true leaders.
182
00:10:30,144 --> 00:10:32,544
Yes, who can lead by example.
183
00:10:33,264 --> 00:10:34,704
100% right, Elena.
184
00:10:34,704 --> 00:10:35,504
You have to choose.
185
00:10:35,504 --> 00:10:40,210
Like I said, I did not understand because I
want to be clear on my awakening.
186
00:10:40,690 --> 00:10:47,169
My awakening came, I lost my baby brother and a
tragic death and we all have that's another
187
00:10:47,169 --> 00:10:52,754
thing I call it, and I can't think of a better
word for it so I'm just going to tell you what
188
00:10:52,754 --> 00:10:56,434
it is because I'm always direct, it's like the
midlife shit sandwich.
189
00:10:56,754 --> 00:11:03,875
There is so much coming at us from hormones,
right, that is not treated properly and you
190
00:11:03,875 --> 00:11:08,889
feel like you've gone off the crazy end because
you go to your doctor and you're gaslit and you
191
00:11:08,889 --> 00:11:14,009
know, you know, and you know what I'm talking
about in your intuition that something's off,
192
00:11:14,409 --> 00:11:18,490
but the labs didn't come out right, you're not
right, there's something wrong with you, you
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have to be fixed.
194
00:11:20,004 --> 00:11:23,605
And then you've got aging parents right, that
happens.
195
00:11:23,764 --> 00:11:29,605
You've got marriages that feel like roommate
situation, friendships have shifted and then
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you get grief.
197
00:11:31,444 --> 00:11:37,830
And I think grief is however you need to deal
with it, go to a therapist, but at some point
198
00:11:38,230 --> 00:11:42,149
you're either going to stay stuck in the grief
or decide to move.
199
00:11:43,190 --> 00:11:51,084
That's a choice and you can keep in the grief
counseling but you get up, I got to a point
200
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where I was like no one's coming for me, what
do I want?
201
00:11:56,444 --> 00:12:00,845
And they're big questions, I'm not you know
they're huge questions and let me be very clear
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00:12:00,845 --> 00:12:07,169
on being a mama because I'm very live on
Instagram and I have a quite I have a I'm
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thankful for my following.
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00:12:08,370 --> 00:12:14,450
I think I have like 51,000 followers on my Real
Talk is my platform and people are like, well,
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00:12:14,450 --> 00:12:16,850
you're not, okay, again, I love being a mom.
206
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Everything about me.
207
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I love my tribe.
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00:12:20,054 --> 00:12:21,254
I have three children.
209
00:12:21,254 --> 00:12:22,695
I'm not a man hater.
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00:12:23,735 --> 00:12:27,815
I love my people, but they are moving on.
211
00:12:29,589 --> 00:12:32,070
So I can't, what am I going to do?
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00:12:32,070 --> 00:12:33,029
Move with them?
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00:12:33,029 --> 00:12:36,549
No, I've got to figure out what I deserve and
what I want.
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00:12:37,190 --> 00:12:40,389
And what, I love this word, what is pleasure to
me?
215
00:12:40,549 --> 00:12:44,149
And pleasure is always associated with the
bedroom, but it's not.
216
00:12:44,470 --> 00:12:48,285
More confidence, more joy, more aliveness,
less.
217
00:12:48,524 --> 00:12:49,965
Maybe you want less work.
218
00:12:50,365 --> 00:12:52,365
What do you want more or less of?
219
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It's your life.
220
00:12:55,725 --> 00:12:57,325
Yes, yes, so true.
221
00:12:57,325 --> 00:12:58,925
You can see I'm very like I could talk.
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It's like an it I am my emigram is a challenger
so I fight for things I believe in and this is
223
00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:18,884
an injustice to me that after you have served
everybody, you have served everybody, you wait.
224
00:13:20,404 --> 00:13:21,764
You wait for the right time.
225
00:13:22,164 --> 00:13:23,445
You wait for permission.
226
00:13:23,605 --> 00:13:25,044
You wait to be confident.
227
00:13:25,445 --> 00:13:27,524
You wait for the fucking stars to align.
228
00:13:27,924 --> 00:13:29,044
And guess what's gonna happen?
229
00:13:30,320 --> 00:13:33,279
You're gonna be at the end of your deathbed
with regrets.
230
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You're not gonna move.
231
00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:40,240
And we don't talk about fear and we don't talk
about failure and we talk...
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00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:43,519
There's just so many things that I see that
stop women from moving.
233
00:13:45,415 --> 00:13:47,335
And you are never gonna feel ready.
234
00:13:47,335 --> 00:13:49,014
You're never gonna feel confident.
235
00:13:49,174 --> 00:13:58,779
And that's why brave spaces like Me First Club,
where you feel held and regulated and support
236
00:13:58,779 --> 00:14:05,899
it and not judged and not perfect and not
curated, just the real you.
237
00:14:07,899 --> 00:14:09,180
That's great.
238
00:14:09,259 --> 00:14:10,220
Yeah, amazing.
239
00:14:10,754 --> 00:14:17,315
People need proximity with people who
understand them, who create space, who have big
240
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goals.
241
00:14:18,035 --> 00:14:18,434
Right?
242
00:14:18,434 --> 00:14:21,875
So women can come out of that...
243
00:14:21,875 --> 00:14:23,475
Their loop.
244
00:14:23,715 --> 00:14:23,955
Right?
245
00:14:23,955 --> 00:14:29,629
Like, routine because the same thoughts,
feelings, actions and all over the years.
246
00:14:30,190 --> 00:14:34,669
It's them just circling in the same like
circle, right?
247
00:14:34,669 --> 00:14:36,269
It is the same circle.
248
00:14:36,269 --> 00:14:36,830
Yes.
249
00:14:36,990 --> 00:14:40,830
Then they have to get into another room, bigger
room, right?
250
00:14:40,830 --> 00:14:47,264
So to see people speaking differently, like
different ideas, different goals.
251
00:14:47,264 --> 00:14:53,985
And this is what when you see that other people
have big goals and they may be the same age as
252
00:14:53,985 --> 00:14:57,110
you and maybe even Yes.
253
00:14:57,110 --> 00:15:01,190
And then when you see people like at eighties
set their goals, like
254
00:15:01,269 --> 00:15:01,590
I saw...
255
00:15:01,590 --> 00:15:02,710
It's so cool.
256
00:15:02,790 --> 00:15:03,190
Yeah.
257
00:15:03,190 --> 00:15:09,509
Like I saw one lady became a ballerina at about
80, like decided to...
258
00:15:09,509 --> 00:15:10,389
Me and have a ballerina.
259
00:15:10,389 --> 00:15:11,190
Let's go queen.
260
00:15:11,694 --> 00:15:17,454
Seriously, it's we culturally that's another
thing, so you're so spot on.
261
00:15:17,615 --> 00:15:25,855
So people when I don't give permission, well I
think what my personality is very direct and
262
00:15:25,855 --> 00:15:26,654
confident.
263
00:15:26,735 --> 00:15:32,429
I actually call myself a confidence coach and
when people hear me talking and dreaming and
264
00:15:32,429 --> 00:15:38,750
making mistakes and failing and trying things
they're like it gives them permission.
265
00:15:38,829 --> 00:15:43,605
I'm not giving because it's self permission,
but then they're like well what is she doing
266
00:15:43,605 --> 00:15:44,404
over there?
267
00:15:44,644 --> 00:15:49,445
And she's not perfect and she's not curated and
I'm not done.
268
00:15:49,605 --> 00:15:57,730
That's another thing culturally that the
patriarchy is, so start with a one week audit
269
00:15:57,730 --> 00:16:05,490
on your sorry's and I would say I just, part of
my journey has been anytime my heart and my
270
00:16:05,490 --> 00:16:11,735
intuition and my soul and my body says yes, I
do it.
271
00:16:12,294 --> 00:16:18,534
So I have made some massive changes because I'm
building a me first identity, which is just
272
00:16:18,534 --> 00:16:25,309
changing your programming, which is not easy
work to do, it's not exemptive, it's not easy,
273
00:16:25,309 --> 00:16:33,710
it's not overnight, it takes commitment with
daily small steps of gratitude, manifestation,
274
00:16:34,190 --> 00:16:38,429
of choosing me and awareness of the stories and
patterns.
275
00:16:39,164 --> 00:16:42,524
Those stories ladies, I'm going to give you a
couple of them.
276
00:16:42,524 --> 00:16:42,924
Ready?
277
00:16:42,924 --> 00:16:44,684
Strong women don't ask for help.
278
00:16:44,684 --> 00:16:46,684
Girl relationships are not safe.
279
00:16:46,845 --> 00:16:48,205
I cannot receive.
280
00:16:48,365 --> 00:16:49,964
I have to over give.
281
00:16:50,284 --> 00:16:53,404
People please or else people will not like me
or love me.
282
00:16:53,950 --> 00:16:58,589
And these stories and these strands that bind
us are very similar.
283
00:16:58,830 --> 00:17:04,429
Your mind will tell you that you're different
and that your story is special, but a lot of
284
00:17:04,429 --> 00:17:11,704
the common areas of the stories that keep us
stuck are the same and it is unpacking that,
285
00:17:12,345 --> 00:17:14,664
unpacking your stories is work.
286
00:17:15,465 --> 00:17:16,825
It's inside work.
287
00:17:16,825 --> 00:17:23,769
If you want something to change you have to
change how you think And if you can wait, you
288
00:17:23,769 --> 00:17:26,089
can wait and play the victim.
289
00:17:26,970 --> 00:17:29,129
But if nothing changes, nothing changes.
290
00:17:30,009 --> 00:17:33,369
And that is the only thing you control is
thoughts, feelings, and actions.
291
00:17:35,025 --> 00:17:35,505
Yes.
292
00:17:35,505 --> 00:17:39,424
I just read today, I was reading the book,
Imagine...
293
00:17:40,625 --> 00:17:41,585
Wait.
294
00:17:43,105 --> 00:17:43,744
What is it?
295
00:17:43,744 --> 00:17:44,465
What's called?
296
00:17:44,465 --> 00:17:45,345
What is it?
297
00:17:45,345 --> 00:17:45,825
Neville.
298
00:17:45,825 --> 00:17:46,625
I read all the time.
299
00:17:46,930 --> 00:17:47,730
Yes.
300
00:17:48,210 --> 00:17:51,329
Awakened Imagination.
301
00:17:51,330 --> 00:17:51,650
Yes.
302
00:17:51,650 --> 00:17:56,210
This is a book I have in Awakened this
Imagination.
303
00:17:56,210 --> 00:18:05,065
And in this book, he says that our thoughts
create our reality.
304
00:18:05,065 --> 00:18:05,384
Yes.
305
00:18:05,384 --> 00:18:12,984
So we have to really start listening what we
tell ourselves on daily basis.
306
00:18:13,384 --> 00:18:16,184
Many people You have to be obsessed with it.
307
00:18:16,950 --> 00:18:18,309
Obsessed with it.
308
00:18:18,630 --> 00:18:27,029
Like Elena, I, the work that I do, it is you
have to deep dive with curiosity, not
309
00:18:27,029 --> 00:18:27,829
judgement.
310
00:18:27,909 --> 00:18:31,345
The stories got stuck with judgement, Stuck.
311
00:18:31,345 --> 00:18:33,105
I'm gonna say stuck because you're not stuck.
312
00:18:33,105 --> 00:18:34,544
You're just not aligned.
313
00:18:35,105 --> 00:18:38,065
But the stories that are running the show,
you...
314
00:18:38,224 --> 00:18:44,304
It is data, data, data with curiosity, not
judgment of those stories.
315
00:18:45,250 --> 00:18:46,529
Yeah, you have to do.
316
00:18:46,529 --> 00:18:51,809
That's the work and then then you start
catching yourself and you build awareness,
317
00:18:52,130 --> 00:18:52,529
right?
318
00:18:52,529 --> 00:18:58,289
You say, oh gosh, you regulate nervous system
regulation because you can't make change from a
319
00:18:58,289 --> 00:18:59,970
safety body and a survival body.
320
00:19:00,674 --> 00:19:05,955
You have to drop into your body and then you
like and then you you give yourself that pause
321
00:19:05,955 --> 00:19:06,994
when you drop, right?
322
00:19:06,994 --> 00:19:12,194
And you're like, okay, I'm going to pause a
little bit and then you choose your intention.
323
00:19:12,595 --> 00:19:13,795
Are you going to move with fear?
324
00:19:14,799 --> 00:19:19,919
Which is criticism, comparison, complaining,
judgment.
325
00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:21,919
Or are you going to move with love?
326
00:19:22,559 --> 00:19:28,320
Which is, you know what love is, it's
accepting, it's I am you, you are me, we're not
327
00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:29,759
comparing, we're creating.
328
00:19:30,484 --> 00:19:36,244
And kindness and compassion and your brain is
always going to move in one direction, fear or
329
00:19:36,244 --> 00:19:36,884
love.
330
00:19:37,765 --> 00:19:41,765
And you get to choose when you give yourself
that permission to pause.
331
00:19:42,164 --> 00:19:46,619
And if you're not training your brain, if
you're not doing that, guess what?
332
00:19:47,259 --> 00:19:52,460
Your thoughts are going to create your
feelings, which are going to create your
333
00:19:52,460 --> 00:19:53,979
reality and you won't be happy.
334
00:19:55,259 --> 00:19:56,380
Yeah, so true.
335
00:19:56,380 --> 00:20:03,174
Many people, if they would be asked to tell
what they say to themselves, they would be
336
00:20:03,335 --> 00:20:07,575
silent because they would not like to say what
they think.
337
00:20:07,575 --> 00:20:07,974
Right?
338
00:20:08,615 --> 00:20:09,255
No.
339
00:20:09,335 --> 00:20:10,375
Just unfair.
340
00:20:10,375 --> 00:20:12,455
I'll give you guys a good homework about...
341
00:20:12,455 --> 00:20:13,894
There's so many things you could do.
342
00:20:13,894 --> 00:20:20,269
Yes, your your mind, your inner critic is a
parasite.
343
00:20:20,750 --> 00:20:21,869
She's a bitch.
344
00:20:21,869 --> 00:20:26,430
She's a mean girl that you installed in your
head and you're letting her run the show on
345
00:20:26,430 --> 00:20:27,150
autopilot.
346
00:20:29,704 --> 00:20:35,224
It's it's it's it's once you start training
your mind, which honestly, if I'm going to call
347
00:20:35,224 --> 00:20:38,585
me first club anything, it's a mind gym.
348
00:20:40,024 --> 00:20:46,399
It's a mind gym where you can practice the
daily me first steps and it's where my
349
00:20:46,399 --> 00:20:49,119
accountability and my consistency live.
350
00:20:49,359 --> 00:20:51,440
The outside of the community is free.
351
00:20:51,759 --> 00:20:53,039
So come on in.
352
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:58,000
There will be tiered because if you really want
to do the work, you got a deep dive.
353
00:20:58,934 --> 00:21:01,894
And I run one on one monthly coaching sessions.
354
00:21:01,894 --> 00:21:09,255
I call them self abandonment rehab, where we
really go inside your mind and we look at the
355
00:21:09,255 --> 00:21:11,414
patterns and the stories, right?
356
00:21:11,575 --> 00:21:15,179
Because I love this, your beliefs are a filter.
357
00:21:16,059 --> 00:21:22,539
Your beliefs are a filter and then your brain
goes out and it looks for proof, right?
358
00:21:22,539 --> 00:21:24,619
And that proof becomes evidence.
359
00:21:25,740 --> 00:21:31,515
And that's how your life becomes, your reality
becomes, is built on a lie.
360
00:21:31,994 --> 00:21:35,835
Because your beliefs are not always, I mean, do
strong women ask for help?
361
00:21:35,835 --> 00:21:37,434
Of course they ask for help.
362
00:21:38,075 --> 00:21:40,795
But that was one of my beliefs and it ran the
show.
363
00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:48,159
Yes and logic is not always the truth.
364
00:21:48,559 --> 00:21:49,039
Logic is
365
00:21:49,119 --> 00:21:50,559
Your mind lies to you.
366
00:21:50,799 --> 00:21:51,919
Your mind lies to you.
367
00:21:51,919 --> 00:21:53,359
It's not telling you the truth.
368
00:21:53,359 --> 00:21:57,534
But if you're not training it, it's kind of
like going, I say this to the people in my
369
00:21:57,534 --> 00:22:04,015
community all the time because there are women
there and I'm direct with love, I said if you
370
00:22:04,015 --> 00:22:10,490
went to the gym and you're like wow I really
want to get physically fit, right I really want
371
00:22:10,490 --> 00:22:17,130
to okay and you went to the gym and you got the
membership right and then you sat in the gym
372
00:22:17,130 --> 00:22:25,254
with a couple beers and you watched everybody
else do the work what's going to happen?
373
00:22:27,654 --> 00:22:28,454
Nothing.
374
00:22:29,335 --> 00:22:29,734
Yeah.
375
00:22:29,734 --> 00:22:31,974
Nothing's going to happen because you're not
doing the work.
376
00:22:32,454 --> 00:22:37,789
Yeah, you will just see other people getting
fitter and you see yourself getting bigger.
377
00:22:37,870 --> 00:22:38,750
Yeah, because it's
378
00:22:38,750 --> 00:22:40,190
not even about the weight.
379
00:22:40,190 --> 00:22:45,390
It's just a matter of like, you're not taking
radical personal responsibility that change the
380
00:22:45,390 --> 00:22:50,990
identity that's running the show and you're
calling it stuck but you're not doing the work.
381
00:22:52,005 --> 00:22:54,565
So guess I can guarantee you what's gonna
change.
382
00:22:54,644 --> 00:22:55,285
Nothing.
383
00:22:56,484 --> 00:22:56,965
Yes.
384
00:22:56,965 --> 00:22:59,765
And there is even bigger, like, next layer.
385
00:22:59,765 --> 00:23:04,244
You go and do the work, but you still see
yourself as you are now.
386
00:23:05,220 --> 00:23:05,700
Right?
387
00:23:05,700 --> 00:23:08,419
So it doesn't matter what you to work.
388
00:23:08,419 --> 00:23:15,299
But if you don't change the self image, that
that physical body in your mind, you will get
389
00:23:15,299 --> 00:23:16,659
back to your picture.
390
00:23:16,660 --> 00:23:23,595
Because so many people get diet, go gym three
months, lose weight, and then they stop and
391
00:23:23,595 --> 00:23:24,714
even gain more.
392
00:23:24,714 --> 00:23:25,115
Why?
393
00:23:25,115 --> 00:23:29,515
Because it is not only important what we do
physically.
394
00:23:29,515 --> 00:23:31,515
It is important who we see.
395
00:23:31,515 --> 00:23:31,914
Right?
396
00:23:31,914 --> 00:23:37,859
Because we have to create that picture of our
new self first, like physically, emotionally,
397
00:23:37,859 --> 00:23:43,779
mentally, create that and then keep it in mind
and do the work.
398
00:23:44,580 --> 00:23:45,460
I agree with you.
399
00:23:45,460 --> 00:23:51,985
What I would say to this is a little fun little
fact and trust me when I started kind of my
400
00:23:51,985 --> 00:23:58,465
awakening I started first with my body and I
believe in very, I'm very strict on my self
401
00:23:58,465 --> 00:24:02,829
care and I believe in it, part of my identity,
my identity.
402
00:24:02,829 --> 00:24:11,069
However, what I want you to think about is why
do 85% of New Year's resolutions end by the
403
00:24:11,069 --> 00:24:12,429
third week of January?
404
00:24:12,429 --> 00:24:12,669
Why?
405
00:24:14,615 --> 00:24:15,654
Do you know why?
406
00:24:15,815 --> 00:24:16,455
Yes.
407
00:24:16,455 --> 00:24:16,855
Of course.
408
00:24:16,855 --> 00:24:24,455
Because people think about what they want, but
they don't understand that their results is not
409
00:24:24,455 --> 00:24:25,414
their wish.
410
00:24:25,414 --> 00:24:27,015
It is their habits and beliefs.
411
00:24:27,169 --> 00:24:33,329
And they cannot even, like, they can write a
long list, but they can change all habits at
412
00:24:33,329 --> 00:24:33,970
the time.
413
00:24:34,289 --> 00:24:38,450
They can want that, but changing all habits, it
is impossible.
414
00:24:38,450 --> 00:24:46,825
You only can work on one habit at the time when
you make it your party entity that will create
415
00:24:46,825 --> 00:24:48,105
the next one.
416
00:24:48,424 --> 00:24:53,700
Agreed but I'll challenge you a little bit more
it's in my opinion real change is an inside
417
00:24:53,700 --> 00:24:54,339
job.
418
00:24:54,820 --> 00:25:01,619
You're trying to change that that body
externally right and you have stories obviously
419
00:25:01,619 --> 00:25:06,994
belief system whatever it is I don't know that
that stops you from doing that, but you're
420
00:25:06,994 --> 00:25:12,275
trying to make the change externally and really
what will happen guaranteed if you do the
421
00:25:12,275 --> 00:25:15,634
inside work, the rest will shift.
422
00:25:15,714 --> 00:25:20,840
You'll stop overeating, You'll start taking
care of your body, but it will come from the
423
00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:23,160
inside out versus the outside in.
424
00:25:24,279 --> 00:25:29,320
Yes, every result come from within and we are
the cause.
425
00:25:29,414 --> 00:25:30,775
Yes, that is the cause.
426
00:25:30,775 --> 00:25:32,934
Yes, unfortunately, that is very true.
427
00:25:33,015 --> 00:25:37,575
It's so sad when you have to look at the mirror
because I'd rather blame everybody else for my
428
00:25:37,575 --> 00:25:38,375
show.
429
00:25:39,575 --> 00:25:46,109
And it's just so much easier to say, Elena, you
just are, I mean, you guys, if you want to know
430
00:25:46,109 --> 00:25:52,509
that you cannot, you cannot make change, inside
change, by blaming everybody else.
431
00:25:52,509 --> 00:25:58,430
If you're playing the victim, you have to take
radical personal responsibility, I call it RPR,
432
00:25:58,994 --> 00:26:02,595
that you, my friend, are the cause of the
effect.
433
00:26:02,835 --> 00:26:08,035
And anybody that has awareness and
consciousness and spiritual awakening, they are
434
00:26:08,035 --> 00:26:09,474
owning everything that they do.
435
00:26:09,474 --> 00:26:10,835
And not all of it is pleasant.
436
00:26:12,279 --> 00:26:12,759
Not.
437
00:26:13,160 --> 00:26:14,839
It's very sad sometimes.
438
00:26:14,839 --> 00:26:17,400
You're like, what is it?
439
00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:17,799
Houston.
440
00:26:17,799 --> 00:26:19,240
Houston, we have a problem.
441
00:26:20,279 --> 00:26:21,640
The problem is you.
442
00:26:23,160 --> 00:26:24,039
It's your beliefs.
443
00:26:24,924 --> 00:26:29,565
It's your beliefs that have created the
identity that is not aligned with what you
444
00:26:29,565 --> 00:26:30,125
want.
445
00:26:31,404 --> 00:26:31,964
Yes.
446
00:26:31,964 --> 00:26:36,445
And many people find it very difficult to
accept that they are the cause.
447
00:26:36,445 --> 00:26:36,765
Yeah.
448
00:26:36,765 --> 00:26:37,164
It is.
449
00:26:37,164 --> 00:26:38,765
Well, I'm with the cause.
450
00:26:38,950 --> 00:26:39,430
Yes.
451
00:26:39,430 --> 00:26:41,430
Okay, so I'm all about real talk.
452
00:26:41,430 --> 00:26:43,750
Let me give you an example and I've got a
little bit more time.
453
00:26:43,750 --> 00:26:44,789
Let me give you an example.
454
00:26:45,190 --> 00:26:46,710
I've been married twenty five years.
455
00:26:47,509 --> 00:26:49,429
It is not an easy ride being married.
456
00:26:49,590 --> 00:26:52,484
It's up and it's down And I'm a handful.
457
00:26:52,484 --> 00:26:53,365
That's just the truth.
458
00:26:53,365 --> 00:26:54,484
I'm too much.
459
00:26:54,644 --> 00:26:56,325
He's quiet.
460
00:26:56,565 --> 00:26:57,444
And we...
461
00:26:58,325 --> 00:27:04,085
But let's go back to the story that I told you
that in my identity, right, in my belief
462
00:27:04,085 --> 00:27:08,839
systems, but really my core identity, and I
learned it from my mother and I learned it from
463
00:27:08,839 --> 00:27:12,279
the patriarchy, that strong women don't ask for
help.
464
00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:18,279
Okay, so every time I ask for help, I would
feel guilt and shame.
465
00:27:19,625 --> 00:27:22,264
Ask for help, guilt, shame, less than.
466
00:27:22,345 --> 00:27:28,345
All your limiting beliefs come from one common
denominator or foundation of unworthiness, I am
467
00:27:28,345 --> 00:27:29,144
not enough.
468
00:27:29,625 --> 00:27:31,065
And then you stack on that.
469
00:27:31,065 --> 00:27:34,345
So every time I ask for help, I'd feel like
shit and less than.
470
00:27:35,119 --> 00:27:37,200
How do you think that worked in my marriage?
471
00:27:39,600 --> 00:27:46,319
Roommate situation, sex life that was non
existent, we were totally disconnected.
472
00:27:47,039 --> 00:27:54,375
Now when we went to therapists and I have to,
you have to own, when I get, when someone tells
473
00:27:54,375 --> 00:27:59,815
me I'm a bit of a fighter, that's one of my
survival responses, fighting and fawning.
474
00:27:59,974 --> 00:28:04,509
If you don't know what fawning is, that's
another reason the patriarchy, it is people
475
00:28:04,509 --> 00:28:12,190
pleasing, over giving, inability to speak up,
but I will fight if you really want to push me.
476
00:28:12,349 --> 00:28:20,105
So in a therapist session, oh boy, that version
of Kristen that would come out because her
477
00:28:20,105 --> 00:28:24,105
identity was strong women don't ask for help,
but she didn't understand that.
478
00:28:24,664 --> 00:28:26,424
She would fight.
479
00:28:28,265 --> 00:28:29,384
And guess what?
480
00:28:29,384 --> 00:28:30,424
Now this doesn't...
481
00:28:31,945 --> 00:28:38,009
Once I did the inner work and really you guys,
and it is painful, I'm not going to tell you,
482
00:28:38,730 --> 00:28:42,170
your identity requires accountability.
483
00:28:43,210 --> 00:28:45,609
It does not mean I am married to an angel.
484
00:28:45,609 --> 00:28:46,650
Well, he might be.
485
00:28:46,730 --> 00:28:49,369
But he has his own stories and his own belief
structure.
486
00:28:49,884 --> 00:28:53,244
But the reality is, I don't know if I would
have been able to hear it.
487
00:28:53,565 --> 00:28:57,884
But maybe if someone said, Hey, Kristen, have
you...
488
00:28:57,884 --> 00:29:04,139
No one explained it to me in the way that
neuroscience does, is that your thoughts create
489
00:29:04,139 --> 00:29:09,259
your feelings which create your reality and in
the process of doing that you need to look at
490
00:29:09,259 --> 00:29:16,355
the stories and beliefs and identity that's
running the show and I created that And I would
491
00:29:16,355 --> 00:29:18,434
definitely say we are still married.
492
00:29:18,434 --> 00:29:19,555
Yay, us.
493
00:29:19,795 --> 00:29:21,154
Is it always easy?
494
00:29:21,394 --> 00:29:21,954
No.
495
00:29:22,595 --> 00:29:25,954
Do I own that I am the cause of the fact?
496
00:29:26,434 --> 00:29:26,755
Yes.
497
00:29:28,339 --> 00:29:31,140
And it's changed our marriage in many ways.
498
00:29:32,660 --> 00:29:33,460
Yeah.
499
00:29:33,460 --> 00:29:34,819
Not easy work to do.
500
00:29:34,820 --> 00:29:41,140
Not easy work to look in the mirror because but
if you keep blaming everyone for your own show,
501
00:29:43,065 --> 00:29:44,585
you're going to stay stuck...
502
00:29:44,585 --> 00:29:48,345
You're gonna stay in the same identity that
doesn't take ownership.
503
00:29:49,625 --> 00:29:50,744
And nothing will change.
504
00:29:50,744 --> 00:29:52,825
I guarantee you, nothing will change.
505
00:29:52,825 --> 00:29:53,224
Nothing.
506
00:29:54,880 --> 00:29:59,359
And your old identity, I kind of think of her
like a pit bull.
507
00:29:59,759 --> 00:30:03,919
She's gonna fight because that's her reality.
508
00:30:04,079 --> 00:30:08,480
She's built her whole life on that identity
that is not real.
509
00:30:10,414 --> 00:30:11,694
Tricky, isn't it?
510
00:30:13,694 --> 00:30:14,335
Yes.
511
00:30:14,335 --> 00:30:15,454
Not just real.
512
00:30:15,454 --> 00:30:19,134
It is not even identity who was built by other
people.
513
00:30:19,134 --> 00:30:21,375
Many things which we accept.
514
00:30:22,240 --> 00:30:22,559
Correct.
515
00:30:22,960 --> 00:30:24,079
Accept by other people.
516
00:30:24,079 --> 00:30:25,599
We didn't create that.
517
00:30:25,679 --> 00:30:27,200
We were small to...
518
00:30:27,440 --> 00:30:33,359
Like, when our identity was shift, we were so
small even to question anything.
519
00:30:33,359 --> 00:30:34,880
We just accepted some...
520
00:30:34,880 --> 00:30:38,404
Something that was repeatedly told us by
parents, by other people.
521
00:30:38,404 --> 00:30:39,365
That's correct.
522
00:30:39,765 --> 00:30:40,644
On a lie.
523
00:30:40,644 --> 00:30:41,524
On a lie.
524
00:30:41,684 --> 00:30:42,244
Yes.
525
00:30:42,244 --> 00:30:45,845
So our life, that's why it is important really
to wake up.
526
00:30:45,845 --> 00:30:46,244
Right?
527
00:30:46,244 --> 00:30:48,964
And wake up and say, who am I?
528
00:30:48,964 --> 00:30:50,085
What I accept?
529
00:30:50,085 --> 00:30:50,884
What I choose?
530
00:30:51,490 --> 00:30:57,169
Yes, because is everything what I believe was
my choice or just I accept it because other
531
00:30:57,169 --> 00:30:58,289
people told me.
532
00:30:58,289 --> 00:31:03,809
And this is how we start questioning our
beliefs, our habits and our goals.
533
00:31:03,809 --> 00:31:04,130
Right?
534
00:31:04,130 --> 00:31:09,865
Because why some people have big goals, like
big dreams, and other people don't?
535
00:31:09,865 --> 00:31:11,945
Because this is, again, identity.
536
00:31:11,945 --> 00:31:17,545
Some people believe that it is possible for
them because they see themselves as a
537
00:31:17,545 --> 00:31:18,265
possibility.
538
00:31:18,265 --> 00:31:22,409
And other people just reject because they think
it is impossible.
539
00:31:22,490 --> 00:31:24,169
But this is just a choice.
540
00:31:24,329 --> 00:31:26,649
Again, and choice come from your identity.
541
00:31:26,649 --> 00:31:28,809
And good news is that you can rewrite it.
542
00:31:28,809 --> 00:31:36,534
You can create any kind of script of your
identity and become the main actor in your
543
00:31:36,534 --> 00:31:38,614
life, like in your movie, right?
544
00:31:39,255 --> 00:31:44,214
You can totally, Elena, can tell that
programming that is running your identity that
545
00:31:44,214 --> 00:31:49,900
has been on autopilot, literally I'm telling
you two years ago, I can say this, I didn't
546
00:31:49,900 --> 00:31:53,579
know my head was connected to my body.
547
00:31:53,900 --> 00:31:56,299
Self abandonment is living in your head.
548
00:31:56,619 --> 00:32:01,259
Self trust is living in your body from a
regulated nervous system.
549
00:32:01,579 --> 00:32:03,820
But I did not know that the two were connected.
550
00:32:04,204 --> 00:32:07,325
I was running around in my life asleep.
551
00:32:07,325 --> 00:32:08,605
I was in a coma.
552
00:32:08,924 --> 00:32:10,284
I was sleepwalking.
553
00:32:10,605 --> 00:32:14,044
I was saying yes when I really wanted to say
no.
554
00:32:14,125 --> 00:32:17,964
And when I said no, and I know many of your
viewers are going to be like, this means I see
555
00:32:17,964 --> 00:32:18,444
you.
556
00:32:18,525 --> 00:32:21,859
When I say no, I would overexplain myself.
557
00:32:23,059 --> 00:32:25,779
And yeah, that's exactly it.
558
00:32:26,019 --> 00:32:29,779
Elena, I want women to wake the fuck up because
this is the deal.
559
00:32:30,900 --> 00:32:32,420
We're not getting any younger.
560
00:32:32,420 --> 00:32:33,619
I don't care about your age.
561
00:32:34,375 --> 00:32:35,894
I'm not fighting aging.
562
00:32:35,894 --> 00:32:40,054
I don't care what you do you, but you don't
have unlimited time.
563
00:32:40,214 --> 00:32:41,414
And I'm 55.
564
00:32:41,414 --> 00:32:42,694
This is the reality.
565
00:32:42,775 --> 00:32:47,254
My best, I have more years behind me instead of
in versus in front of me.
566
00:32:47,654 --> 00:32:55,000
So wake up, start doing some really deep dive
into what those stories are because I do
567
00:32:55,000 --> 00:33:00,600
believe this, not only can you not make change
externally, if you don't look at the
568
00:33:00,600 --> 00:33:06,294
subconscious programming that's running 95%
where your stories and your beliefs and your
569
00:33:06,294 --> 00:33:11,575
patterns are, then moving out of that and
creating a new identity will be almost
570
00:33:11,575 --> 00:33:12,294
impossible.
571
00:33:12,454 --> 00:33:16,294
You have to really look at that and really,
really like you...
572
00:33:17,015 --> 00:33:18,535
I am a student of my mind.
573
00:33:19,079 --> 00:33:20,359
Like a student.
574
00:33:20,599 --> 00:33:21,799
I catch every...
575
00:33:21,799 --> 00:33:23,079
I'm like, oh my god.
576
00:33:23,079 --> 00:33:24,919
Because I know my emotional addictions.
577
00:33:24,919 --> 00:33:26,279
I know my patterns.
578
00:33:26,759 --> 00:33:28,679
And they're always running the show.
579
00:33:28,759 --> 00:33:31,159
And unfortunately, the reality is this.
580
00:33:31,399 --> 00:33:32,599
The work never stops.
581
00:33:34,205 --> 00:33:38,684
You cannot stop the work or your mind will
create a reality that you don't want.
582
00:33:40,125 --> 00:33:40,765
Yes.
583
00:33:40,765 --> 00:33:46,445
And our next episode will be about how to
create reality which you want by building your
584
00:33:46,445 --> 00:33:47,325
new identity.
585
00:33:47,789 --> 00:33:48,350
Yeah, Christy.
586
00:33:48,350 --> 00:33:53,470
I love, I mean, I I'm obsessed with the subject
because it's so fascinating to me, Elena,
587
00:33:53,470 --> 00:33:55,869
because I did, I was asleep in my life.
588
00:33:56,190 --> 00:34:02,269
Yes, and that many people, yes, like walking,
sleep is like like sleeping, walking.
589
00:34:02,269 --> 00:34:06,884
Well, it's it's like I think what I want some
of you, I don't know who will listen to this, I
590
00:34:06,884 --> 00:34:07,845
want you to know this.
591
00:34:08,405 --> 00:34:14,885
I think as women, we call this, and I want you
to really hear this, we call our high
592
00:34:14,885 --> 00:34:16,085
standards, right?
593
00:34:16,085 --> 00:34:20,719
We've got, oh, I got high standards and it's
just a form of perfectionism.
594
00:34:20,719 --> 00:34:22,239
So is overthinking by the way.
595
00:34:22,239 --> 00:34:28,000
I love that overthinking is really, you think
you're moving, you think you're doing
596
00:34:28,000 --> 00:34:32,880
something, but you're really just not moving
and not doing the thing that you want to do
597
00:34:32,880 --> 00:34:34,505
because you're scared, who isn't?
598
00:34:34,744 --> 00:34:40,664
But I want you to know this, if you're
listening to this, you're awake and you may be
599
00:34:40,664 --> 00:34:42,585
feeling like this because I did.
600
00:34:42,744 --> 00:34:43,144
Maybe.
601
00:34:45,769 --> 00:34:46,250
What?
602
00:34:46,250 --> 00:34:48,730
What the fuck is going on?
603
00:34:48,730 --> 00:34:50,489
Like, I'm an intelligent woman.
604
00:34:50,489 --> 00:34:51,530
I'm capable.
605
00:34:53,609 --> 00:34:56,329
And I was asleep in my own life.
606
00:34:57,210 --> 00:35:01,414
And I think we need to give ourselves a pat on
the back because at the end of the day, this
607
00:35:01,414 --> 00:35:03,015
journey is about self love.
608
00:35:03,094 --> 00:35:04,135
It really is.
609
00:35:04,775 --> 00:35:07,094
And say, okay, I'm awake.
610
00:35:07,735 --> 00:35:09,094
I'm uncomfortable.
611
00:35:09,894 --> 00:35:11,094
I'm lonely.
612
00:35:11,414 --> 00:35:14,855
I'm disconnected from my body and the life I
really want.
613
00:35:16,409 --> 00:35:23,210
Give yourself a high five that you're awake
because I do believe ninety eight percent of
614
00:35:23,210 --> 00:35:28,969
humans are living here in self abandonment and
you need to give yourself credit that you're
615
00:35:28,969 --> 00:35:29,369
awake.
616
00:35:29,369 --> 00:35:31,130
Now it's like, what do you do next?
617
00:35:32,304 --> 00:35:33,425
You can go back.
618
00:35:33,505 --> 00:35:36,065
I do not believe and maybe you could tell me
this.
619
00:35:36,065 --> 00:35:40,065
Elena, once somebody wakes up, I don't know.
620
00:35:40,065 --> 00:35:41,425
Can they go back asleep?
621
00:35:41,585 --> 00:35:42,864
I certainly can't.
622
00:35:43,679 --> 00:35:44,559
No.
623
00:35:44,559 --> 00:35:45,119
No.
624
00:35:45,199 --> 00:35:45,440
Is.
625
00:35:45,440 --> 00:35:46,719
It's backwards.
626
00:35:47,119 --> 00:35:47,440
No.
627
00:35:47,440 --> 00:35:51,519
When you aware, you aware, you cannot, you
cannot forget it.
628
00:35:51,519 --> 00:35:57,585
You or it is just going up and up because there
are unlimited number of frequencies.
629
00:35:57,585 --> 00:36:02,625
It's like you are you are growing in the
frequency and you start seeing bigger.
630
00:36:02,625 --> 00:36:08,625
Like, you are coming from, like, from cave, you
come to the open field, and then you can see
631
00:36:08,625 --> 00:36:09,025
this.
632
00:36:09,025 --> 00:36:09,425
You can...
633
00:36:09,425 --> 00:36:12,079
You don't go back to the cave again.
634
00:36:13,119 --> 00:36:15,119
Some days Elena I want to.
635
00:36:17,360 --> 00:36:24,000
Some days I'm like where's the off button
because you can't, this is what I say and I say
636
00:36:24,204 --> 00:36:31,005
this is it ladies and we're going to wrap it up
is that or gentlemen my jam is women so I say
637
00:36:31,005 --> 00:36:38,769
the magic lives in the unknown, the magic lives
in the unknown And anything in your body that
638
00:36:38,769 --> 00:36:42,289
is is unknown is unsafe.
639
00:36:42,530 --> 00:36:47,889
And that's why safety in your body and nervous
system regulation and awareness and the catch.
640
00:36:48,785 --> 00:36:50,465
Oh, I'm going back to overwhelm.
641
00:36:50,465 --> 00:36:51,825
That's one of my emotional addictions.
642
00:36:51,825 --> 00:36:53,345
Now I'm going to regulate.
643
00:36:53,905 --> 00:36:56,704
I'm going to walk, and I'm going to come back
to my body.
644
00:36:56,704 --> 00:36:59,105
So the magic happens in the unknown.
645
00:36:59,184 --> 00:37:01,505
And what we need to do is build awareness,
right?
646
00:37:01,505 --> 00:37:08,099
Build awareness, safety, which is nervous
system regulation, which allows you to expand
647
00:37:08,500 --> 00:37:14,980
and receive the magic and receive the unknown
and take small steps towards that magic.
648
00:37:15,380 --> 00:37:21,054
Because we want magic ladies, We want to be
bold and confident and magical.
649
00:37:21,214 --> 00:37:23,375
But it feels so unsafe.
650
00:37:23,454 --> 00:37:27,614
And that's why if you do not regulate your
body, right?
651
00:37:28,255 --> 00:37:34,220
You will not expand to higher frequency and to
your future self that's waiting for you.
652
00:37:34,220 --> 00:37:35,500
She's waiting for you.
653
00:37:35,579 --> 00:37:37,579
So, the work is cool.
654
00:37:37,739 --> 00:37:38,460
It's so cool.
655
00:37:38,460 --> 00:37:39,340
It's my life.
656
00:37:39,500 --> 00:37:46,085
I will never stop doing the work and I'm
committed and my service is helping women over
657
00:37:46,085 --> 00:37:46,965
40, 50.
658
00:37:46,965 --> 00:37:50,565
I'm not sure that have lost themselves because
she's there.
659
00:37:50,565 --> 00:37:51,445
She's waiting for you.
660
00:37:51,445 --> 00:37:52,244
I promise.
661
00:37:53,605 --> 00:38:00,079
Yes and once your awareness grows up, it is not
automatically that you will get results.
662
00:38:00,079 --> 00:38:01,839
You have to do something new.
663
00:38:01,839 --> 00:38:02,079
Right?
664
00:38:02,079 --> 00:38:02,400
You can
665
00:38:02,719 --> 00:38:04,079
You have to move.
666
00:38:04,639 --> 00:38:05,119
Yeah.
667
00:38:05,119 --> 00:38:06,000
You have to move.
668
00:38:06,000 --> 00:38:09,279
You have to get those ideas and act on the
ideas.
669
00:38:09,454 --> 00:38:13,855
Because if you know but you don't do this is
where you go backwards.
670
00:38:14,014 --> 00:38:14,974
Yes, so this is...
671
00:38:14,974 --> 00:38:20,014
Oh it is it is it is I was looking at this
quote here I'm gonna and I I had it in my head
672
00:38:20,014 --> 00:38:25,800
ready overthinking is procrastination dressed
up as perfection.
673
00:38:27,400 --> 00:38:32,039
Overthinking is procrastination dressed up as
perfection.
674
00:38:32,440 --> 00:38:41,235
You have to do this it's called the school of
Goya, Get off your You've got to move.
675
00:38:41,554 --> 00:38:42,434
You've got to move.
676
00:38:42,434 --> 00:38:47,635
If you stay still, then you're overthinking and
you're aware but you're not moving.
677
00:38:48,690 --> 00:38:50,449
And then guess what's going to happen?
678
00:38:51,170 --> 00:38:51,969
Nothing.
679
00:38:53,010 --> 00:38:53,569
Yeah.
680
00:38:53,569 --> 00:38:53,809
Nothing.
681
00:38:53,809 --> 00:38:55,409
This is all up to you.
682
00:38:55,409 --> 00:38:56,849
All up to you to grow.
683
00:38:56,849 --> 00:38:58,130
Well, to me, it's beautiful.
684
00:38:58,130 --> 00:39:00,609
It's beautiful and yes, agency queen.
685
00:39:01,184 --> 00:39:02,625
The ball's in your court.
686
00:39:02,625 --> 00:39:03,744
You're the problem.
687
00:39:05,425 --> 00:39:06,224
You're the problem.
688
00:39:06,224 --> 00:39:07,585
You're the cause of the effect.
689
00:39:08,065 --> 00:39:10,065
Where do you want, what do you want to do with
that information?
690
00:39:11,025 --> 00:39:14,945
Yes, and this is much better than to believe in
faith, in faith.
691
00:39:14,945 --> 00:39:15,744
Yeah, like faith.
692
00:39:15,900 --> 00:39:17,179
Like some people say, oh.
693
00:39:17,179 --> 00:39:17,500
No.
694
00:39:17,500 --> 00:39:17,739
No.
695
00:39:17,739 --> 00:39:17,900
No.
696
00:39:17,900 --> 00:39:18,059
No.
697
00:39:18,059 --> 00:39:19,500
Or I'm going to manifest.
698
00:39:19,659 --> 00:39:20,780
Let me tell you this.
699
00:39:20,940 --> 00:39:24,059
You don't manifest what you what you want.
700
00:39:24,299 --> 00:39:27,500
You manifest on your daily choices.
701
00:39:28,464 --> 00:39:29,984
They become who you are.
702
00:39:29,984 --> 00:39:31,425
So how you move?
703
00:39:31,984 --> 00:39:33,344
And I'm going to be honest.
704
00:39:33,664 --> 00:39:38,144
I'm running me first and that's my movement
club community coaching.
705
00:39:38,464 --> 00:39:42,065
And I have been really thinking so long and
hard.
706
00:39:44,570 --> 00:39:45,530
Guess what?
707
00:39:45,530 --> 00:39:46,890
I haven't been moving.
708
00:39:48,090 --> 00:39:49,690
I have not been moving.
709
00:39:50,090 --> 00:39:54,890
I have been really thinking and that's just
procrastination dressed up as perfectionism.
710
00:39:55,210 --> 00:40:00,744
And if you need a place to move or you want to
work with me one on one, we'll do some digging,
711
00:40:01,224 --> 00:40:01,545
right?
712
00:40:01,545 --> 00:40:06,344
We'll get to your patterns and your stories and
I'll do it with so much kindness and love
713
00:40:06,344 --> 00:40:09,065
because I know how it feels to walk through
that fire.
714
00:40:10,025 --> 00:40:13,699
And I do a one month, it's month to month
container.
715
00:40:13,699 --> 00:40:14,739
It's like coaching.
716
00:40:15,219 --> 00:40:16,019
It's intense.
717
00:40:16,019 --> 00:40:21,300
It's the deepest end of the work but it also
gives you very good clarity on exactly how you
718
00:40:21,300 --> 00:40:24,420
need to move and then I coach you to move.
719
00:40:25,805 --> 00:40:31,325
And every coach has a coach so I think there's
always a feeling with women that I'm less than
720
00:40:31,644 --> 00:40:38,045
when I ask for help we talked about that, but
there's no way for you to see within the bottle
721
00:40:38,045 --> 00:40:44,269
of your life the same way that you could with a
coach that looks at you and says, I'm going to
722
00:40:44,269 --> 00:40:45,309
call you out a bit.
723
00:40:46,510 --> 00:40:50,029
I'm going to end with with love and kindness
that if you...
724
00:40:50,029 --> 00:40:56,005
Your limiting belief is x, y, and z, I can't
receive, people will, I carry the emotions of
725
00:40:56,005 --> 00:40:57,285
everybody in my family.
726
00:40:57,845 --> 00:41:02,724
As a CEO, Chief Emotional Officer, we've been
doing it for so long.
727
00:41:03,285 --> 00:41:08,940
And having someone's perspective like that's
been trained in neuroscience and somatic
728
00:41:08,940 --> 00:41:16,860
coaching that can help you see and then get,
get a goyah, I always forget get, move your
729
00:41:16,860 --> 00:41:18,380
butt, move it, you got to move.
730
00:41:19,554 --> 00:41:21,315
Because that's how change happens.
731
00:41:21,554 --> 00:41:27,155
And it's cumulative, it's small, it's micro
steps that add to macro changes.
732
00:41:27,315 --> 00:41:32,800
So where I am today will definitely not be
where I am a year from now, because I manifest
733
00:41:32,800 --> 00:41:33,920
every single day.
734
00:41:33,920 --> 00:41:37,199
I have a vision but I'm also moving in that
direction.
735
00:41:37,199 --> 00:41:41,760
I'm not just sitting there like oh gosh I
really want a big platform and I want to meet
736
00:41:41,760 --> 00:41:44,319
Mel Robbins and Oprah Winfrey and I'm just
going to wait it out.
737
00:41:45,965 --> 00:41:47,325
Doesn't work like that.
738
00:41:48,605 --> 00:41:50,844
Yes, everything is possible.
739
00:41:50,844 --> 00:41:56,364
When you believe and you have clear vision,
when you act everyday towards your goal and if
740
00:41:56,364 --> 00:41:58,125
you don't quit, you will win.
741
00:41:58,125 --> 00:41:58,925
Yes, yes.
742
00:41:58,925 --> 00:41:59,405
This is...
743
00:41:59,405 --> 00:42:03,030
She believed she could, so she did.
744
00:42:03,670 --> 00:42:06,710
She believed she could, so she did.
745
00:42:06,789 --> 00:42:10,869
That does not mean this version of me that's
sitting here is confident all the time.
746
00:42:11,269 --> 00:42:13,430
It means that I move when I'm uncomfortable.
747
00:42:14,484 --> 00:42:18,324
I move because I know that the magic happens in
the unknown.
748
00:42:19,045 --> 00:42:20,485
And I want more magic.
749
00:42:21,204 --> 00:42:21,925
Yes.
750
00:42:22,405 --> 00:42:24,644
Great, great conversation, Christine.
751
00:42:24,644 --> 00:42:24,964
Thank you.
752
00:42:24,964 --> 00:42:25,284
Yes.
753
00:42:25,284 --> 00:42:26,005
Thank you.
754
00:42:26,005 --> 00:42:26,644
Yes.
755
00:42:26,724 --> 00:42:28,320
It was my pleasure.
756
00:42:28,320 --> 00:42:33,760
It was so nice to connect with your beautiful
soul and I appreciate just the invitation and
757
00:42:33,760 --> 00:42:40,400
reach out to me at mefirst club dot com and
start choosing yourself because you're worth
758
00:42:40,400 --> 00:42:40,640
it.
759
00:42:40,934 --> 00:42:41,974
You're so worth it.
760
00:42:41,974 --> 00:42:42,934
You're so resilient.
761
00:42:42,934 --> 00:42:44,135
You're so strong.
762
00:42:44,934 --> 00:42:46,375
And we can do hard things.
763
00:42:46,934 --> 00:42:48,055
We can do them.
764
00:42:49,255 --> 00:42:50,215
LFG.
765
00:42:51,255 --> 00:42:52,055
Yeah, Christian.
766
00:42:52,055 --> 00:42:54,614
Thank you so much for being amazing guest
today.
767
00:42:54,614 --> 00:43:00,250
And of course, those people who are listening
to us follow Christine.
768
00:43:00,570 --> 00:43:08,170
Join me first club where Christine will share
with you with you all good she has to help
769
00:43:08,170 --> 00:43:15,534
women and subscribe for Mindset2Results, share
this episode with people who you think about,
770
00:43:15,534 --> 00:43:21,295
who may benefit from this, who need this
information because we discussed so many golden
771
00:43:21,295 --> 00:43:21,934
nuggets today.
772
00:43:22,309 --> 00:43:27,429
And I would recommend you to listen this
episode for a few times because so many value,
773
00:43:27,429 --> 00:43:28,230
isn't it?
774
00:43:28,230 --> 00:43:31,190
Thank you, Christine, and I'm looking forward
to speaking you.
775
00:43:31,510 --> 00:43:32,789
Take yourself a nice Bye.
776
00:43:34,710 --> 00:43:35,190
You too.
