Knowing Isn’t Changing: The Childhood Beliefs Running Your Life

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What if the problem isn't that you don't know what's wrong?
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What if you spent years reading the books, attending the conferences, listening to podcasts, going to therapy, taking notes, highlighting quotes, and doing all the things you're supposed to do?
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Yet somehow you still find yourself in the same arguments, the same toxic relationships, the same patterns, the same self-sabotage.
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According to research, nearly 95% daily thoughts, behaviors, and decisions are driven by the conscious mind.
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Think about it.
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95% that most of what's shaping your life isn't happening at a conscious level at all.
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So today we're diving into a conversation that might challenge everything you think you know about personal growth because awareness is important, but awareness alone does not create transformation.
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Welcome to Mindset Mastery Moments, the best growth mindset podcast, recognized by million podcasts and ranked as a top mindset podcast by Feed Spot.
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We're proud to be in the top 1% on listen notes.
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Join Dr.
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Alyssa White as we explore powerful insights and strategies to elevate your mindset.
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Let's dive in.
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Welcome back to Mindset Master Moments.
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I'm your host, Dr.
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Alisa White, the number one mindset disruptor.
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Our guest today believes that many of the patterns keeping people stuck are the ones that were formed long before they even had the language to understand their thoughts.
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And until those deeper beliefs are addressed, many people stay trapped in cycles that they desperately want to break.
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The ones that feel like a merry-go-round in their head and behavior that just doesn't add up to what they say they want to do.
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Joining us today is Mike Wood, founder of Learn to Love Being You, who went from highly successful but deeply unhappy as a construction executive to someone who invested heavily in understanding and rewriting the beliefs that were driving his life.
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Today, we are talking identity, relationships, people pleasing, conscious programming, and what it really takes to become the person you were created to be.
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Mike, welcome to Mindset Master Moments.
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I'm excited to have you dive into one of my favorite or several of my few favorite topics.
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Tell us in your own words what you do and why you do it.
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Thank you for that uh intro.
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That was beautiful.
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Why I do this, I do it because uh I found peace and I found uh a life worth living that I didn't think was possible.
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I lived a life with severe anxiety and depression for about 35 years.
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And I didn't I didn't think there was another way out.
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I always thought that if I achieve the next thing, if I find the right woman, if I get the house, if my wife can stay home, you know, all the things, make enough money that I would be happy.
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And they were confidence builders, sure, but ultimately what was going inside was was still chewing me up.
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And I turned all that focus from the outside, turned it inward, and and found uh a way of living that is is amazing.
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And my my goal in life now is to is to help pay that forward and and help share what I learned with others.
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I love it.
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And that is the thing, the inner work.
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This is why mindset mastery moments exist, because everything that we say your key to success is in the mind and the way you think, and that's all that inner work.
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So, Mike, I think this conversation is very important because from the outside looking in, most people would have said you were doing pretty well.
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You said you were in a construction executive, you had the career, the title, the success, but internally something wasn't lining up.
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Take us back there.
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Who was Mike before the transformation began?
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Mike was somebody who was struggling mightily just to make it through the days, but on the exterior, I put on a fake bravado that I was, you know, the tough guy, the the guy who had all the answers.
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I put on a confidence shield that felt like a lie every day.
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And I, you know, I wore it like a badge of honor.
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But when it would get quiet, you know, the noise was louder and it became miserable.
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It was hard.
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And I think a lot of folks are are wearing their the mask of their own right now.
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Especially in the age of social media, and I'm saying not now, but for we've always humans have always sort of struggled with how much do I keep up with the Joneses?
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Do I have to, should I, and I must keep up with the Joneses.
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And now now we the Joneses aren't just our neighbors and our immediate or extended family.
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The Joneses has become the entire planet and every image and video we can see.
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And one thing I think people struggle with is recognizing that success and fulfillment are not always the same thing.
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Um, I was about 34 when I sort of dawned on it, and sometimes, Mike, people build a life that looks amazing on paper but feels completely disconnected internally.
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Was there a moment when you realize your version specifically of success that you had created wasn't actually making you happy?
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Because you invested over 50,000 into your own growth.
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Tell us about that.
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Oh man, yeah.
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All right, so I I helped build a company from uh from doing two and a half million dollars in revenue a year, a construction company, to about a hundred million dollars in 12 years.
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And through that process, we hired a lot of people, we grew really fast, and about five years in, we were we hit a major roadblock.
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I had to dive back in and redo systems because to fix every all the problems that we were having.
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I had about six months of working 90 hours a week, just trying to fix and solve all the problems that we had.
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And then all of a sudden, one day, I'm I'm at work and I'm realizing, wait a minute, there's nothing left to fix.
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And I started realizing how many of the problems, as I was solving these problems, how many of them I created.
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And so the the voices in my head just got louder and louder.
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And it got to a point where I remember stepping out of the truck.
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I'm the COO of Jarrett Companies, and my boss, Jason Jarrett, was dropping me off in my truck.
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He was getting fixed for some, maybe tires or something.
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And as I was getting out of the truck, I told him, and I don't even know where it came from.
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It was just like a moment of truth, but I told him I was going to quiet my mind by any means necessary.
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And I didn't know necessarily what that meant, but I was at the end of the road.
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I was more miserable than ever.
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And it was, it was, I was at a point that something had to change.
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And I didn't know what I was going to do.
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Turned to Tony Robbins.
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I started meditating, went into Buddhism, and that same 90 hours a week that I was investing in work, I started investing going inward.
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I was meditating in my office, I was going to the cemetery across the street.
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I was playing hookie on work for a while and just putting all this effort into me.
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And I started having these little affirmations that I was headed in the right direction, little moments of peace.
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And I stumbled across a guy that was describing his work as an energy healer.
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And that's when I really learned about what you were talking about in the intro about how we run 95% of our days on autopilot.
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Our subconscious mind is doing everything for us.
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And through about a five-year period, because I still go see Chris, I mastered what I believe is how the subconscious mind works.
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And it's very logical.
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It is an extremely logical thing about how it works, how it's programmed, and how it can be reprogrammed.
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And in that process, I developed my own program to help others rewrite theirs.
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I used it on myself first.
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I use it on some people at work that were struggling.
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And I'm like, holy moly, this works.
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And then I developed a book and then a program and then back to the book.
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And uh the book actually comes out in October.
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But just diving into what the subconscious mind does is such an interesting and amazing thing, and we should have all been taught how it works in in elementary school.
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So that's been kind of my that pivotal moment and kind of where it led me in the years uh years to follow.
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So important, Mike.
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Thank you for sharing that.
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And one of the things that I see is that we repeat uh patterns in our lives.
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And by the way, congratulations on the book.
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I mean a lot of people think authorship is people think speaking and authoring a book is something that's easy.
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But if they only knew the battles that we fight to get through each chapter sometimes, or it's not even only it's it cost a lot, first of all, but that's not the main thing.
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It's all the limiting beliefs that we have to get through and the imposter syndrome sometimes for years.
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So when someone says you're finishing a book, it's like, listen.
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It's a celebration for sure.
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Patterns, but keep repeating them.
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We we a lot of times I think our listeners might be nodding right now because they've read the books, they've listened to the podcast, they know they have these patterns, but the pattern is still there.
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I know I've been there.
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Why is that?
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Teach us.
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Well, so the reason is is a program, and the program is far more powerful than that 5% of our conscious mind.
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We could consciously decide on January or on December 31st, we're gonna make a New Year's resolution, but 92% of all New Year's resolutions fail by the end of January within a month.
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And the reason they fail is because we're fighting against a program.
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It's literally a computer program.
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And so I'll give you an example of one that haunted me.
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I grew up with a rare form of dyslexia.
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I didn't really learn how to read till I was 35 years old, or 25, excuse me.
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And so through that process, I didn't I learned how to read when I was 25 years old, but I still had all the limiting beliefs that I was dumb, that I was stupid, that I wasn't as smart as everybody else because of a program.
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So here's how it works.
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When I was five years old in kindergarten, I started kind of early, and I was trying to spell my name Michael, and I couldn't do it.
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And I started noticing that my teacher was getting frustrated because I wasn't learning.
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And I noticed after her frustration that all the other kids in the class had already spelt their name.
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And so some of them were paying attention, most of them weren't, but some of them were making comments now.
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And I was starting to get elevated.
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I got myself into an elevated emotional state, and my teachers out of frustration, she said, Can you spell Mike?
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And she showed me how to spell Mike, and I was able to do that.
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And from that day forward, I became Mike.
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But what happened in that moment is I got into an elevated emotional state, which opens up the subconscious mind to be programmed.
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And from that moment on, the clear intention that was left was that I wasn't as smart as everybody else.
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So when we open up our subconscious mind, that clear intention that we're left with is usually a negative thing.
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It's now stuck with us.
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So it didn't matter that I learned how to read when I was 25.
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Every time I did tried to do something, that noise from that day was basically telling me I wasn't smart enough to do this.
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They're all going to figure out you're a fraud.
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It was the noise that was showing up all day long, every day.
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And here's the beautiful part of Lisa.
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This is absolutely amazing.
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And when people learn this, it's it's literally beautiful.
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So I'm gonna give you a few more important parts of how the subconscious mind works.
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So it's programmed with an elevated emotional state with a clear intention.
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Another thing is the subconscious mind has no concept of time.
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So everything that has ever happened to us has happened in the present moment.
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And here's another fun fact.
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If you're having a real or an imagined event, subconscious mind doesn't know the difference.
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So if I'm acting like I'm in a fight with somebody, my brain and my body is going to physically respond as if I am.
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The same.
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So now we get to use these other two facts to change our history, change our mind, and reprogram it.
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Because if everything, if the subconscious mind has no concept of time, that means I can use my imagination and I can go back to when I was five years old, sit with that five-year-old self, and reframe that entire situation with compassion, love, and forgiveness.
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And the subconscious mind won't hold on to it the same way it did before because here's one more beautiful thing about the subconscious mind.
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Its number one job is to protect us.
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It's trying to protect me, that five-year-old little boy, from that happening again.
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So it's constantly scanning for those things to happen again.
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So I it could avoid that situation from happening again.
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But as soon as I go back to that moment, reframe it with love, compassion, and forgiveness.
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And you have to do those things.
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If you don't take the entire situation and make it a positive, I like to say moving it out of the fear bucket and putting it in the love bucket.
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But when you do that, now the subconscious mind has nothing to protect you from because it was a beautiful experience that I was able to learn from and grow from.
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And now all of a sudden, it's immediately I'm free from that moment happening.
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Now, I don't want to say that I was immediately free from those noises because I had probably 20 or 30 more of those specific instances as I went through school that I had to go back and get as well.
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But if you if you only had one moment, like a bad car wreck, or you had one bad moment, you can go back with one session and get rid of that one moment.
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Obviously, if you have you know an abusive parent or something like that, you're gonna have to go back multiple times.
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But it is absolutely liberating.
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And we once you do it, you just your entire system is like on a reboot, and you get to live for about four or five days with your body in full reboot, and all the noise quiets, and your body's buzzing with energy, and you feel absolutely phenomenal.
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And then you kind of go back to normal with that one instance gone.
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But guess what?
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There's 200 more.
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And so you got to kind of work through them.
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It's not an instant process, but I paid$240 every two weeks to go see Chris, and he taught me how to do this.
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And I do it, I go to see him now because I love him and I enjoy our time, and and and I still just want to continue to work.
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But I created a process here that once you do it once and you learn this process, everybody could do it for free after that.
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Absolutely.
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I absolutely love it.
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What fascinates me is that these beliefs that we have they don't disappear, they just become invisible and they keep they run in the show in the back, they start operating in the background.
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And it could be anywhere from people pleasing, like you said, there's so many fear of rejection, difficulty setting boundaries, overworking, need for validation.
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That's how it demonstrates.
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But it was that like that moment you had in the classroom that sets you up with the need for you know, having fear, conflict, need to rescue everyone.
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That's what I love that you unpack in your work with people.
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And like you said, it you get freer, and the freer you get with overcoming or being able to know and recognize the programming and taking action to reframe, reset, delete, whatever your favorite word is.
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Some people say delete, some say reframe.
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I like the delete part, but deletion is when I can push a button or make a decision and get rid of something.
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For me, reframe is that kind that work.
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So I like using reframe because I feel like it's work that you do over time.
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Yeah.
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How does someone recognize that they're operating from a subconscious belief versus simply just making bad decisions?
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I really want to get you to give a stat because that is where most people struggle when I'm talking in my coaching or I'm in a group discussion and someone's asking a they always want to know.
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How do I know that I'm not just making a poor choice?
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And this is a subconscious belief in the background run into show.
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That's a great question.
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And it's very easy to see once you understand what to look for.
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And so what I what I highly recommend everybody to do is find some form of breath work, find something, some way to just sit, take your focus inward, and then you're gonna get interrupted, right?
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You're gonna get interrupted with thoughts and to start paying attention to those thoughts.
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There's a there's a beautiful moment when people meditate, right?
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And I teach this the the first three weeks of my program are literally learning manual tools to set you up to do this difficult work, you know, removing identities, forgiveness, and then the core belief stuff.
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And there's some other weeks in there gives you perspective changes, but the most valuable tools that we can learn is manual tools.
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And one of the most powerful things that I ever learned, and I learned it from a uh guru who basically was talking about your thoughts and being able to get separation between them.
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And there's a moment when you're meditating, you grab any guided meditation that there is, and when you'll sit with it and you have the intention, one thought, an intention that I'm gonna meditate, I'm gonna pay attention to this thing, and I'm gonna do this thing.
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And then you're gonna get distracted, right?
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You're gonna go over here.
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I'm thinking about work, I'm thinking about what Johnny just said, or whatever I got to do tomorrow.
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And and then you there's gonna be a moment, and this is the most powerful moment that we can have during a meditation is that moment when you realize that you're supposed to be paying attention to that meditation because you could hear it in your ear, but you still have that thought, the thought about tomorrow.
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So in that moment, you have two thoughts.
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How is that possible?
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You can't have two thoughts at the same time, and so if I have two thoughts that's happening at the same time, who's watching this?
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Who's paying attention?
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Who's witnessing this moment?
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And something happens.
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Like there is something happens when it goes from a belief that I I'm gonna talk to Alyssa today on this podcast.
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So an hour ago, I I had a belief that I was gonna talk to you, but right now I know that I'm talking to you.
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And so when you're in a meditation and you have that realization that you got two thoughts in front of you, and you witnessing both of them, something happens in the body, in the mind, and there's a separation that starts to happen between you and your thoughts.
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You start to realize that the thoughts that you're having are not you, and we're being dragged around by them.
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And that separation now all of a sudden creates in that it only takes three seconds to do this.
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Then that three seconds, because you can only hold on to it for so long, but it does something visceral to you and your mind.
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And now all of a sudden, when you're going through your days, you start to just notice patterns.
00:21:40.690 --> 00:21:52.690
And so to get to the answer of your to answer your question, how do people figure out where to go and find out whether something is a subconscious belief, you have to start seeing the patterns in your mind.
00:21:52.930 --> 00:22:07.410
And so if you get in an elevated state and something's going on, and then you get this thought coming in, you have to be able to have the awareness of what is these these thoughts that are coming through my head and pay attention to them, but not get caught up in them and let the emotions carry you away.
00:22:07.490 --> 00:22:10.850
Just watch them like a cloud passing by.
00:22:11.090 --> 00:22:17.810
Um, and and you let that go, you don't connect with it, and now it'll just go by and it won't bother you.
00:22:17.970 --> 00:22:25.410
But as you start to see these patterns, you're gonna realize wait a minute, why do I constantly have this feeling that I'm gonna fail?
00:22:25.650 --> 00:22:27.250
Where does this feeling come from?
00:22:27.410 --> 00:22:30.370
If you start to ask, you're gonna get an answer.
00:22:30.529 --> 00:22:39.090
If you could sit in a quiet space and you ask, like, I constantly, whenever something's going wrong, I constantly, honestly, I feel like I'm gonna fail.
00:22:39.250 --> 00:22:40.930
Where is this failure coming from?
00:22:41.650 --> 00:22:43.009
We can track those downs.
00:22:43.090 --> 00:22:46.610
Your subconscious mind is so smart, it has all of the answers.
00:22:46.930 --> 00:22:50.290
You just have to get in a calm, safe state and ask yourself.
00:22:50.450 --> 00:23:03.170
So I train all the people that I work with to do this one little trick and get yourself in a calm state, use the box breathing tools that we teach you, breathe for two to five minutes, get calm, and then say.
00:23:03.810 --> 00:23:08.450
Hey, I whenever I get upset, I'm constantly feeling like I'm gonna fail.
00:23:08.769 --> 00:23:10.130
Where is this coming from?
00:23:10.290 --> 00:23:11.650
And then just go back to breathing.
00:23:11.730 --> 00:23:15.570
Don't try to answer it, and then you will get blasted with answers.
00:23:15.730 --> 00:23:16.690
It's so quick.
00:23:16.850 --> 00:23:28.930
It's the universe, God, whatever you word you want to use, it's trying to talk to us all the time, but it's like God is trying to talk to us at a concert and the music is too loud, so He can't hear us.
00:23:29.170 --> 00:23:33.730
So if we could just quiet this mind down, we're gonna get all the answers that we need.
00:23:34.050 --> 00:23:38.370
We just have to get back to a quiet place where we can actually hear what's going on.
00:23:38.769 --> 00:23:51.009
That's so powerful because many people, Mike, are trying to solve behavior problems when they actually have an identity problem, is what I'm hearing you say.
00:23:51.090 --> 00:23:53.250
It's what I firmly believe.
00:23:53.650 --> 00:23:54.290
Yeah, go ahead.
00:23:54.610 --> 00:23:56.769
So, yeah, so there's there's two things there.
00:23:57.250 --> 00:23:59.650
Identities, I kind of mess with everybody.
00:23:59.810 --> 00:24:01.330
So you mind if I mess with you?
00:24:01.410 --> 00:24:05.810
I'm gonna be mean to you for a second, but you know I I love you and I and I'm not really let's do it.
00:24:05.970 --> 00:24:06.529
Let's do it.
00:24:07.490 --> 00:24:13.730
So, what I do to all of my patients that sit across from me, or if we're on a Zoom or whatever, I'll say, How do you feel right now?
00:24:13.810 --> 00:24:15.090
How does your stomach feel?
00:24:15.330 --> 00:24:16.690
All right, you feel good?
00:24:16.930 --> 00:24:17.810
Yeah, it does.
00:24:17.970 --> 00:24:21.490
Yep, nothing wrong, nothing wrong, no anxiety bothering you.
00:24:22.130 --> 00:24:23.650
Sorry, all right, Alyssa.
00:24:23.890 --> 00:24:27.410
You are the worst podcast host that I have ever met.
00:24:28.529 --> 00:24:31.490
So how does your stomach feel right now?
00:24:31.730 --> 00:24:33.009
It doesn't feel good, right?
00:24:33.090 --> 00:24:34.450
There's an immediate reaction.
00:24:34.610 --> 00:24:34.930
No?
00:24:35.090 --> 00:24:41.810
Yeah, that's that's usually what shot that's usually how I would have felt before all the work.
00:24:42.370 --> 00:24:42.690
Okay.
00:24:43.410 --> 00:24:46.450
Nine out of ten people have a visceral reaction.
00:24:46.610 --> 00:24:53.570
And usually if it doesn't work with their job, what I'll do is I'll switch to a they're a mom or a dad, or I'll switch to something else.
00:24:53.650 --> 00:24:54.370
But they'll be really easy.
00:24:56.450 --> 00:24:57.009
Oh, yeah.
00:24:57.090 --> 00:25:01.009
So but at the end of the day, if people have identities, right?
00:25:01.170 --> 00:25:01.330
Yeah.
00:25:01.650 --> 00:25:09.170
So anything that you identify with, I used to identify as a COO, a dad, a grandfather, a husband.
00:25:09.490 --> 00:25:15.090
And if you had anything you identify with is now a source of pain.
00:25:15.410 --> 00:25:28.370
So if somebody calls me up, and and this is how it was when I was going through my journey there, you know, I would have people come into the office and they would be complaining about something, and I would have a visceral reaction, like, hey, wait a minute.
00:25:28.930 --> 00:25:29.890
Don't come at me like that.
00:25:29.970 --> 00:25:31.330
I I would be defensive.
00:25:31.570 --> 00:25:38.370
Now, if somebody comes into my office asking me about this problem or that problem, I'd say, all right, sit down, help me understand.
00:25:38.529 --> 00:25:47.090
I'm not having the the combative reaction to how somebody is coming at me.
00:25:47.250 --> 00:25:55.410
And when the the first time I did this, I did it with politics and I did it with being a Titans football fan.
00:25:55.490 --> 00:26:00.529
They were very easy because some of these are really hard to get off our uh thing.
00:26:00.769 --> 00:26:09.090
But then the very first person that went through my program, very young girl, 21 years old, and she took everything off in the first week.
00:26:09.250 --> 00:26:11.090
She took me and a dog mom off.
00:26:11.250 --> 00:26:16.130
She sat her mom down and told her mom that she was no longer her daughter.
00:26:16.370 --> 00:26:18.450
And she obviously had to explain it to us.
00:26:18.529 --> 00:26:20.210
I was like, Yeah, I didn't tell you to do that.
00:26:20.290 --> 00:26:21.250
Don't do that.
00:26:21.810 --> 00:26:31.570
But at the end of the day, I realized, well, wait a minute, I've taken things off my Christmas tree, but I didn't take the big things off.
00:26:31.650 --> 00:26:32.290
So I went back.
00:26:32.370 --> 00:26:34.769
She like inspired me to go back and take everything.
00:26:34.930 --> 00:26:52.290
And literally within two hours of me taking off being a good husband off of my Christmas tree, my wife called me, and it's it's rare, but she would call from time to time over the years with an emotional moment about something going on.
00:26:52.370 --> 00:26:58.290
You know, she's a stay-at-home mom dealing with all the kids, and I'm working with a bunch of uh beautiful young people.
00:26:58.529 --> 00:27:02.050
And anyway, she called me, she was upset.
00:27:02.290 --> 00:27:05.170
And in the past, I was, don't you know I love you?
00:27:05.330 --> 00:27:10.450
And had that visceral reaction to defending myself because I feel like I'm being attacked.
00:27:10.769 --> 00:27:18.130
And when she called me, I was able to just say, All right, baby, help me understand what's going on so I can make you feel better.
00:27:19.490 --> 00:27:26.850
And it I was just literally blown away with the power of being able to remove an identity.
00:27:27.650 --> 00:27:36.850
So we're clear, an identity is much different than a subconscious core belief from that's trapped in the past.
00:27:37.090 --> 00:27:42.529
They they're both being operated by the subconscious mind, but one is extremely easy to get rid of.
00:27:42.610 --> 00:27:52.529
You can get rid of it in in ten seconds of saying, uh I'm not a good husband or a bad husband, I'm so much more than a husband, and it's gone.
00:27:53.090 --> 00:27:54.529
So absolutely.
00:27:54.690 --> 00:27:55.810
Oh, that's so good.
00:27:55.970 --> 00:28:21.330
That's a beautiful example because so that visceral reaction it creeps up on us, and we're not trained to recognize it because it goes from a visceral reaction to words and and fists and fists and our fists and door slamming and you know, all the different things, but it's been creeping up.
00:28:21.410 --> 00:28:34.210
It I feel like the level it becomes at is because we're sort of trained to be good and sort of like not we're not trained to feel and be in our bodies.
00:28:34.290 --> 00:28:55.410
That's why I love that you talked earlier about centering yourself and in meditation, and people make I I I'm one that's a proponent for understanding we all meditate, but intentional time quiet time and meditation is what makes it a good thing.
00:28:55.570 --> 00:29:07.810
Why do I say that when you when you talked about being that child who had that certain feeling and then you latched on to a belief, you meditated.
00:29:08.769 --> 00:29:21.730
Yeah, yeah, put it right in right, and so I try to tell people whether you're a Christian or not, or you're Buddhist, or it's whatever your beliefs or non-beliefs are.
00:29:22.290 --> 00:29:36.290
Staying consciously aware of your thoughts in quiet and silence helps you to choose which ones you get you want to autopilotly run your show of your life.
00:29:36.529 --> 00:29:43.730
It that's it, it's nothing woohoo, it's not even spiritual as much as you want to think it is.
00:29:43.890 --> 00:29:48.930
It is very physical, it's it's uh it's just as needed as your breath.
00:29:49.570 --> 00:29:51.090
Yeah, it it's science.
00:29:51.250 --> 00:29:59.890
Like the way the subconscious mind works, it's the book that our that I wrote is One Brave Breath, the owner's manual for being human.
00:30:00.050 --> 00:30:01.970
And I just feel like that's what it is.
00:30:02.130 --> 00:30:08.930
This stuff, we should have been given an owner's manual to operate this magnificent system.
00:30:09.090 --> 00:30:17.730
You know, we all have an owner's manual for our car for our air conditioning unit, but we don't have one for this magnificent system we call the the human body.
00:30:17.810 --> 00:30:43.090
And it if we can just understand the basic fundamentals of it, we all, you know, the people that have gone through my program, just in the first three weeks, when they start taking manual control of their thoughts and and just get that separation between the in their thoughts and and the witness, the true self, that moment in which that starts to happen, everything changes.
00:30:43.410 --> 00:30:53.570
Everything changes because now all of a sudden we're saying, wait a minute, I my mind's telling me I'm hungry, but wait a minute, my stomach it's not growling.
00:30:54.130 --> 00:30:58.850
Wait a minute, I I'm eating right now, but for some other reason than I'm hungry.
00:31:00.050 --> 00:31:05.170
I'm following these thoughts around and I'm being dragged by them.
00:31:05.490 --> 00:31:11.170
Wait a minute, if I just let them go, these negative thoughts, they'll just go away, and I I I won't have to hide from them.
00:31:11.570 --> 00:31:21.250
And the other part of it is that our bodies physically get triggered with chemicals, right?
00:31:21.330 --> 00:31:24.529
This is one of the biggest things that anybody could learn.
00:31:24.610 --> 00:31:34.210
And it's week one, week two of my program, is when you are having fearful negative thoughts, your body is going to produce cortisol.
00:31:34.690 --> 00:31:45.009
And it only takes approximately two minutes for you to shift yourself out of cortisol into oxytocin and serotonin, all the love drugs.
00:31:45.170 --> 00:31:49.890
And you can do it by the content of your thoughts.
00:31:50.050 --> 00:31:53.810
And so I teach everybody in week one just to simply start a gratitude journal.
00:31:53.970 --> 00:32:01.650
Start your day out with a gratitude journal because it does so many things and it's hard to even touch on all of them.
00:32:01.970 --> 00:32:10.769
But a simple gratitude journal sounds corny, sounds silly, but what it's doing is it's changing the chemicals in your brain instantly.
00:32:10.930 --> 00:32:19.810
And the first time I got a major dose of this and a full understanding of it, I had been doing it on myself for about two months.
00:32:19.970 --> 00:32:36.130
And my son at the time was eight years old, and he came upstairs for the first time just hysterically crying, saying that monsters were in the closet, people were coming to get him, and he's upstairs, and I'm like, all right, Tuck.
00:32:36.210 --> 00:32:37.250
And I just went into go mode.
00:32:37.330 --> 00:32:37.970
I didn't even think.
00:32:38.050 --> 00:32:39.890
And I was like, I know what's wrong with you.
00:32:40.050 --> 00:32:43.730
You're in the fear bucket, and we need to get you in the love bucket.
00:32:43.890 --> 00:32:49.250
He's like, Okay, I he's you know, he's upset and he can't hardly talk, but he said, Okay, how do I do that?
00:32:49.410 --> 00:32:50.130
I said, It's simple.
00:32:50.210 --> 00:32:52.290
All you gotta do is play a game with me.
00:32:52.690 --> 00:32:55.250
And he's like, Okay, but I don't know how to do that.
00:32:55.490 --> 00:32:55.650
Simple.
00:32:55.730 --> 00:32:59.570
It's a call the grateful game, and all you have to do is say what you're grateful for.
00:32:59.810 --> 00:33:02.290
And so he's like, Okay, but I don't know how to do that.
00:33:02.450 --> 00:33:04.370
I said, No problem, I'll go first.
00:33:04.529 --> 00:33:06.450
I said, I'm grateful for this house.
00:33:06.690 --> 00:33:08.370
And I said, Okay, it's your turn.
00:33:08.529 --> 00:33:09.970
He said, I don't know what I'm grateful for.
00:33:10.050 --> 00:33:11.410
I said, Well, what about your cats?
00:33:11.570 --> 00:33:12.850
He's like, Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:33:13.009 --> 00:33:14.050
Leroy and Nala.
00:33:14.210 --> 00:33:15.570
I'm grateful for Leroy and Nala.
00:33:15.730 --> 00:33:16.529
And so here we go.
00:33:16.690 --> 00:33:18.370
I'm grateful that I'm your dad.
00:33:18.529 --> 00:33:19.890
He's grateful for his mama.
00:33:20.050 --> 00:33:22.370
And we just we we start rolling.
00:33:22.450 --> 00:33:24.050
He's he's getting it in a groove.
00:33:24.290 --> 00:33:29.009
Two minutes in, I'm realizing, okay, he's not, he's not crying anymore.
00:33:29.090 --> 00:33:30.130
He's not upset.
00:33:30.290 --> 00:33:32.690
He's still not perfect, but he's he's not upset.
00:33:32.850 --> 00:33:34.769
Five minutes in, he's starting to smile.
00:33:35.009 --> 00:33:37.170
Ten minutes in, we're laughing and joking.
00:33:37.250 --> 00:33:42.050
And I just keep going and I'm like flabbergasted, like, holy moly, this worked, right?
00:33:42.370 --> 00:33:47.170
We keep going for another five minutes, and we are laughing, cutting up, having the best time.
00:33:47.330 --> 00:33:52.769
And I just looked at him, I said, Hey Tuck, it's time to go downstairs, get back in bed.
00:33:53.009 --> 00:33:56.930
And he went back downstairs, got in bed, went right to sleep.
00:33:57.170 --> 00:34:04.290
And I never one time had to tell him there weren't any monsters in his closet, there weren't any bad guys trying to get him.
00:34:04.450 --> 00:34:14.849
All I had to do was shift the thoughts in his brain that told his system, his body, that he was safe and he was able to calm down.
00:34:14.929 --> 00:34:17.489
Because he logically knew there wasn't any of that stuff in there.
00:34:17.650 --> 00:34:37.170
But when your body's in full panica mode, which what keeps us up late at night, ruminating over terrible things that may never even happen, or you know, what people are saying about us, or you know, what's gonna happen in my job, all these things, they create cortisol and they make us ruminate as if we're gonna be attacked.
00:34:37.409 --> 00:34:47.250
All we have to do is reset ourself and tell the system that it's safe, and now all of a sudden life becomes beautiful when you just learn how to take manual control.
00:34:47.570 --> 00:34:49.170
Taking that manual control.
00:34:49.409 --> 00:34:50.130
I love it.
00:34:50.369 --> 00:34:53.809
Let's talk about the cost of self-abandonment.
00:34:53.969 --> 00:35:03.329
This is part of your work, and I want to spend a few minutes on people pleasing because I think it affects far more people than we realize.
00:35:03.489 --> 00:35:03.650
Yeah.
00:35:03.969 --> 00:35:10.449
Many of our listeners and viewers have become experts at meeting everyone else's needs while ignoring their own.
00:35:10.690 --> 00:35:17.489
What have you discovered is really underneath the people-pleasing symptoms and syndrome?
00:35:17.889 --> 00:35:18.929
I call it.
00:35:19.649 --> 00:35:23.889
When you say most people pleasers are actually afraid of losing connection.
00:35:24.529 --> 00:35:28.369
Well, you know, the the name of my program is Learning to Love Being You.
00:35:28.609 --> 00:35:30.690
And that's where I think it all starts, right?
00:35:30.849 --> 00:35:45.730
We're we're sacrificing ourselves for something externally, our friends, whoever, doing something for them in a hope that it'll fill the void of pain within us.
00:35:45.889 --> 00:35:47.409
And it doesn't work that way.
00:35:47.569 --> 00:35:48.929
We have to fill our own voids.
00:35:49.009 --> 00:35:52.449
We have to go in there and figure out what's causing that pain.
00:35:52.609 --> 00:35:57.489
Pay attention to where that core belief is coming from, remove those identities, forgive people.
00:35:57.889 --> 00:36:06.289
Because another thing that we really work hard on is forgiveness, because ultimately the hardest thing to do is forgive ourselves.
00:36:06.369 --> 00:36:10.609
We can forgive other people, but it's hard to forgive ourselves.
00:36:10.769 --> 00:36:17.009
And as I went through this process, I started a daily practice of forgiving everyone for everything.
00:36:17.170 --> 00:36:21.889
No matter what anybody did, somebody could punch me in the face, I would shake it off.
00:36:22.049 --> 00:36:25.009
It might take me a little bit, but I would forgive them.
00:36:25.170 --> 00:36:27.409
I'd forgive somebody for cutting me off in traffic.
00:36:27.489 --> 00:36:33.730
That was the first place that I really started to practice it because it's a great safe place and it's going to happen in Nashville traffic.
00:36:33.969 --> 00:36:37.569
But it took me about six months of forgiving everyone for everything.
00:36:37.730 --> 00:36:40.609
Like any negative thought that I had, oh, nope, forgive them.
00:36:40.769 --> 00:36:42.609
Come up with a I used two reasons.
00:36:42.690 --> 00:36:45.489
I stole one from Jesus and I use another one from scientists.
00:36:45.730 --> 00:36:49.809
People in pain, they cause pain, and I forgive them for I know not what they've done.
00:36:49.969 --> 00:36:54.449
Those, either one of those statements, followed by like, you know, they cut me off in traffic.
00:36:54.529 --> 00:36:55.089
I forgive them.
00:36:55.170 --> 00:36:56.449
Man, they didn't know what they were doing.
00:36:56.529 --> 00:37:01.649
You know, maybe their kids sick at home, something, you know, I forgive them, and I would just release it.
00:37:01.809 --> 00:37:08.289
What I figured out, Alyssa, is after about six months of endlessly doing this, you're gonna mess up.
00:37:08.449 --> 00:37:15.649
I messed up, and I was able, my mind automatically was like, wait a minute, you've been forgiving everybody for everything.
00:37:16.210 --> 00:37:16.929
What about you?
00:37:17.089 --> 00:37:18.769
You deserve forgiveness as well.
00:37:19.089 --> 00:37:23.409
And I think this goes to the fact that we're all connected and we're all one.
00:37:23.730 --> 00:37:25.969
Science calls it a mirror effect.
00:37:26.529 --> 00:37:35.409
However, I know that this works because if you're not if you're judging other people, you're literally gonna feel the same way you're judging them.
00:37:35.489 --> 00:37:37.009
It's like our shadow selves.
00:37:37.730 --> 00:37:53.809
So to I'm going a long way around this to answer your question, but we are ultimately not going to be able to people please our way into finding peace.
00:37:54.049 --> 00:38:00.129
There's never going to be enough that you could do for everybody else to make the noise in our head stop.
00:38:00.289 --> 00:38:17.250
Now, I will say something to the other side of that is once you get your life running in a certain way and you're able to heal, it we have to find a way to live and serve the service of others, or we're not gonna truly find the the level of peace that we need.
00:38:17.409 --> 00:38:20.609
But that's different than sacrificing yourself.
00:38:21.329 --> 00:38:21.730
Right?
00:38:21.889 --> 00:38:39.809
If you they everybody's been on a plane, and the first thing they tell you when they talk about the oxygen mass is you you've got to put yours on first before you could put one on the child next to you, because if you don't, you're gonna pass out trying to put the kids on and you're never gonna get yours on, and you're not gonna be any good to anyone.
00:38:39.969 --> 00:38:53.569
So we have to take care of ourselves first before we try to people please and take care of other people because ultimately we're gonna pass out in the attempts of doing it, and we're not gonna help anybody.
00:38:53.969 --> 00:38:55.089
Yes, man.
00:38:55.329 --> 00:39:10.049
Saying yes when we actually mean no, avoiding those hard conversations, not asking for what we need, choosing peace over honesty, you know, staying in the relationships too long, just making yourself smaller.
00:39:10.289 --> 00:39:19.889
Those are some of the things that we actually surrender by not, you know, by staying, you know, just trying to please everyone, and we end up losing out anyway.
00:39:19.969 --> 00:39:20.449
I know.
00:39:20.529 --> 00:39:21.969
I live that life.
00:39:22.129 --> 00:39:23.569
I am talking about me.
00:39:23.730 --> 00:39:25.009
It's me, it's me.
00:39:25.089 --> 00:39:26.369
I'm talking about me.
00:39:27.569 --> 00:39:30.690
That's a powerful thing to do, is to be honest and authentic about it.
00:39:31.009 --> 00:39:31.329
Exactly.
00:39:31.409 --> 00:39:32.210
I've been there.
00:39:32.449 --> 00:39:32.849
Yeah.
00:39:33.489 --> 00:39:35.569
So I'm so passionate about it.
00:39:36.210 --> 00:39:38.929
Let's talk about identity shift.
00:39:39.170 --> 00:39:39.489
Okay.
00:39:39.730 --> 00:39:43.969
Those solutions, because awareness without action is just information.
00:39:44.289 --> 00:40:01.250
Can you walk us through your framework in what actually has to happen for someone to rewrite the beliefs according to how you teach becoming and living to the version of you that you were created to be?
00:40:01.889 --> 00:40:02.369
All right.
00:40:02.529 --> 00:40:03.809
So there's two things.
00:40:03.889 --> 00:40:07.250
You got identities and you got old core beliefs.
00:40:07.569 --> 00:40:11.489
Old identities, I use a Christmas tree analogy.
00:40:11.649 --> 00:40:19.250
We were all born a tree, cut off from society, brought in the house, and immediately our parents and ourselves, we start decorating.
00:40:19.409 --> 00:40:19.969
All right.
00:40:20.210 --> 00:40:25.809
Every one of those decorations now, the subconscious mind is going to defend as if it is you.
00:40:25.969 --> 00:40:26.369
All right.
00:40:26.449 --> 00:40:28.529
That's just the nature of our subconscious mind.
00:40:28.609 --> 00:40:31.969
It doesn't know anything, the difference between real or imagined.
00:40:32.049 --> 00:40:42.449
So if I if I identify as a uh a political party, all they got to do is say the name of a of another president on the opposite side, and I'm mad, you know.
00:40:42.690 --> 00:40:55.649
Or if I can identify as a Titans fan and then a Pittsburgh Steelers fan comes over here and I'm like, ah, you know, and granted it's lighthearted because it's sports, but it gets a lot more serious when you start identifying.
00:40:55.730 --> 00:41:04.289
And I give you one quick example of my son that is uh he's now 11, he has the same rare form of dyslexia that I do.
00:41:04.369 --> 00:41:05.649
It's hereditary.
00:41:06.210 --> 00:41:07.889
My two youngest kids got it.
00:41:08.049 --> 00:41:12.449
And he goes to school now and he's dealing with the same problems.
00:41:12.609 --> 00:41:15.730
And so this is what we do now because he's kind of an emotional kid.
00:41:15.809 --> 00:41:25.569
He's going to a private school, and he when he has those reading moments where he's upset.
00:41:25.730 --> 00:41:30.609
You know, he he got skipped one day in class because they weren't going to ask him to read out loud.
00:41:30.769 --> 00:41:35.489
And one of the kids says, Oh, yeah, you're skipping could Tuck because he can't read.
00:41:35.649 --> 00:41:36.929
And so he got upset.
00:41:37.170 --> 00:41:42.609
And we came up, we developed this plan, and he used it in this exact scenario.
00:41:42.849 --> 00:41:50.049
A kid said that, and Tuck got upset, put his head down, started getting upset, and he remembered, okay, I remember what we talked about, worked on at home.
00:41:50.210 --> 00:42:02.929
He raised his hand, excused himself to go to the bathroom, went to the bathroom, boxed breathed for five minutes to get himself calm, and then he said out loud to himself over and over, I'm not a good reader or a bad reader, I just read.
00:42:03.089 --> 00:42:05.809
I'm not a good reader or a bad reader, I just read.
00:42:05.969 --> 00:42:24.449
And he was able to come back to class ten minutes later, completely emotionless and good, and he was showing compassion for the kid, which was one of his friends, that made the mistake because now he had gotten in trouble when he got up, walked up, and he could tell that his friend was upset.
00:42:24.769 --> 00:42:29.730
He didn't care anything about reading anymore because he removed it from his identity.
00:42:30.210 --> 00:42:35.409
We could add or subtract something from our identity in a matter of seconds.
00:42:35.809 --> 00:42:38.049
We just have to be very mindful with our words.
00:42:38.129 --> 00:42:43.569
Anything that we say, I am, and then whatever follows, that's the reality.
00:42:43.809 --> 00:42:45.889
You could undo it just that fast.
00:42:46.049 --> 00:42:50.690
You just have to say it out loud to the universe, and our subconscious mind will respond in kind.
00:42:50.929 --> 00:42:55.889
So identities are very easy once you understand how to remove them.
00:42:56.129 --> 00:43:07.889
Subconscious beliefs, they're they are um a lot more invasive and a lot more uh dangerous because they're more mysterious and are harder to find.
00:43:08.210 --> 00:43:19.089
But most anybody that's listening right now could think back to when they were five years old, maybe eight years old, something, where they had an emotional experience as a child.
00:43:19.250 --> 00:43:26.769
And I can almost guarantee you that negative emotional experience created a negative core belief that they're still carrying with them.
00:43:27.009 --> 00:43:41.409
And so to understand what that thing created, all you have to do is go back to that moment and experience it again right now in this moment and experience, all right, how did it make me feel?
00:43:41.649 --> 00:43:42.849
I was left in that moment.
00:43:42.929 --> 00:43:54.210
So I had a young girl that I coached one time, and her dad put her on a weight loss program at 13 years old, gave her this whole speech, and it was it was absolutely terrible.
00:43:54.609 --> 00:44:01.009
And she was able to go back to that moment and reframe the entire thing and forgive him and all that.
00:44:01.170 --> 00:44:06.129
But in order to do that, she had to relive it and say, all right, how did this make me feel?
00:44:06.369 --> 00:44:11.649
And those are all of the things that her voice has been telling her every day since then, right?
00:44:11.730 --> 00:44:18.210
It's it's you're not good enough, you're not gonna find a man, you're not gonna find all these things or achieve all these things.
00:44:18.369 --> 00:44:21.170
All of it's predicated on your weight.
00:44:21.409 --> 00:44:34.690
And so to reframe all these things, all we have to do is go back to that moment, reframe the entire thing with compassion, love, and forgiveness.
00:44:34.849 --> 00:44:38.849
And the way that it was programmed was with an elevated emotional state.
00:44:39.009 --> 00:44:41.969
So we have to get back in an emotional state.
00:44:42.129 --> 00:44:47.489
So reliving it will typically create that emotional state.
00:44:47.569 --> 00:44:49.250
And then I've got a writing program.
00:44:49.329 --> 00:44:51.649
Everybody just follows the writing exercise.
00:44:51.889 --> 00:45:03.250
Once you get it all rewritten, you got your old core belief, you got your new one, then you create this emotion and then you say it out loud in the middle of all that emotion, and it's like somebody opened up all the windows.
00:45:04.449 --> 00:45:19.409
In the house, and air, fresh air blows through, and you feel amazing, and you go through this whole experience for two or three days, four days, and it kind of starts to tin down, and it's it's beautiful and it's powerful, and we can be free from those things.
00:45:20.049 --> 00:45:21.329
I love that.
00:45:21.649 --> 00:45:25.889
What are some of the biggest mistakes people make when they're trying to change?
00:45:26.049 --> 00:45:30.529
I think many people focus on changing behavior before they change identity.
00:45:30.690 --> 00:45:32.769
Is there a specific order?
00:45:32.929 --> 00:45:38.849
Do you should you work on your identity before you work on behavior, or is it behavior then identity?
00:45:39.489 --> 00:45:43.889
You know, I don't so I have what I call the fork in the road.
00:45:43.969 --> 00:45:53.170
After I teach everybody learning the manual tools, I have what I call the fork in the road because some people, you know, their level of anxiety and depression is off the charts.
00:45:53.250 --> 00:45:55.489
And some people, you know, it's a moderate level.
00:45:55.649 --> 00:46:00.929
They may even be on anxiety meds, but they're they're functioning and they could they could get through.
00:46:01.489 --> 00:46:08.529
And so to me, the most liberating and the most powerful is rewriting core beliefs.
00:46:08.690 --> 00:46:15.250
So if somebody's struggling to meditate, they can't even control their mind long enough to meditate, and it's it's extremely common.
00:46:16.129 --> 00:46:21.730
And so they have a hard time learning some of the manual tools in the beginning just because their mind is moving so quickly.
00:46:21.809 --> 00:46:23.649
I just move them straight to the core beliefs.
00:46:23.730 --> 00:46:25.409
That's actually week eight in my program.
00:46:25.489 --> 00:46:27.250
And I like to build everybody up.
00:46:27.409 --> 00:46:28.609
It's like building blocks.
00:46:28.690 --> 00:46:31.009
Each week builds on the next, on the next, on the next.
00:46:31.250 --> 00:46:38.210
But if you never make it to week eight because you're you're mentally struggling too bad, it doesn't do any good.
00:46:38.449 --> 00:46:38.690
Yeah.
00:46:39.009 --> 00:46:40.849
So I'll I'll move them straight to there.
00:46:40.929 --> 00:46:42.529
We'll we'll go straight in.
00:46:42.690 --> 00:46:47.329
I had a young business owner, uh, you know, a plumbing company, and he was just struggling.
00:46:47.409 --> 00:47:01.409
He's stressed, he's talking about selling his company, and we started doing core beliefs, and we did four, I think, in about six weeks, and it literally liberated him in a way where he started seeing things different.
00:47:01.489 --> 00:47:06.529
He was actually able to start going back and learning the manual tools because he he couldn't do them right out the gate.
00:47:06.690 --> 00:47:08.449
His mind was so chaotic.
00:47:08.609 --> 00:47:11.489
Um, but it changed everything in his life.
00:47:11.649 --> 00:47:17.009
He started to calm down, he started to realize all the things that he all the things that he was doing on autopilot.
00:47:17.250 --> 00:47:19.649
That awareness changes everything.
00:47:19.809 --> 00:47:34.289
If if you're going through uh something and you just start to have the awareness, like, oh my gosh, I really am living just like Lisa said, 95% of my days on autopilot, like all of a sudden, you're you that is the major step.
00:47:34.369 --> 00:47:36.769
That is step number one that you had to take.
00:47:36.849 --> 00:47:42.210
Because once you have that awareness, everything can else change that because now you have information.
00:47:42.449 --> 00:47:50.849
If you're just running on autopilot, you don't have any information, you you're not trying to make any changes, you have to stop and and and process all that.
00:47:51.009 --> 00:48:04.849
But I'll say all that to say that young man that I worked with, within eight weeks of him working on all this stuff, he started getting new employees that were much more healthy, positive, showing up on time.
00:48:04.929 --> 00:48:09.089
He he was he came to me one day, he said, Man, I got two new plumbers, and they're better plumbers than I am.
00:48:09.250 --> 00:48:10.849
I'm the I'm the owner of the company.
00:48:11.009 --> 00:48:13.250
They're positive, they're just happy to be at work.
00:48:13.409 --> 00:48:17.809
He started getting a bigger flow of work, started landing new customers.
00:48:18.049 --> 00:48:21.409
Everything changed when he changed on the inside.
00:48:21.569 --> 00:48:23.889
And I've seen this time and time again.
00:48:24.049 --> 00:48:31.170
This doesn't, when we fix what's going on on the inside, everything around us starts to reflect what's going on on the inside.
00:48:31.250 --> 00:48:44.049
So if you're if you're working on a business, you're working on a book, you're working on a podcast, whatever it is we're doing, if we're if we focus in here, we fix this, the outside's going to reflect the the positive improvements.
00:48:44.849 --> 00:49:01.170
And that's why I still say your mindset is a key to your success, because that inner work, and I for us here in Mindset Master Moment, mindset is not just only think, it's that whole you just recognizing your whole part, and everything just filters through.
00:49:01.649 --> 00:49:04.129
Everything about us is is thought related.
00:49:04.449 --> 00:49:09.489
We we I said, you know, we began our our entire existence began with a thought.
00:49:09.889 --> 00:49:27.489
And so when you say everything but start to reflect what the work you've done on the inside, I say to someone who is you know, quote unquote chase chasing success, maybe they have a goal to make six figures this year, or some people a million, ten million.
00:49:27.889 --> 00:49:37.089
And I always say, Who do you have to become to be that person that makes a million dollars?
00:49:37.809 --> 00:49:39.250
Because there's the work.
00:49:39.409 --> 00:49:49.250
That reflection is going to be what are you doing or not doing that's blocking you from facilitating a million dollars?
00:49:49.489 --> 00:49:52.529
Because all we are, in my opinion, are facilitators.
00:49:52.609 --> 00:50:01.409
That's how I biggest thing I can tell you is I am a facilitator of, I'm a conduit for, that's how I do.
00:50:01.489 --> 00:50:05.889
Like, so when you say you're the worst podcast host, maybe I am.
00:50:06.289 --> 00:50:37.489
I'm not gonna get caught up with I mean, I you know what I'm saying, but if someone did, I'll maybe I am because I'm not following a book, I'm not following a class, I'm facilitating conversations, and I get to sit and talk to some of the greatest people on the planet, and we facilitate learning and growth for others so that they can do the inner work and you know let their light shine a little bit more than it did before they heard us.
00:50:37.730 --> 00:50:38.769
That's what I do.
00:50:38.929 --> 00:50:53.649
When you that's what you do, pressure's off because you get to show up in authenticity and you do you, you know, excellence is always a thing, so I'm gonna give it all everything I have, and and then I walk away.
00:50:53.889 --> 00:50:56.609
The outcomes are natural.
00:50:56.769 --> 00:51:01.089
We have a top one percent podcast for for almost three years.
00:51:01.409 --> 00:51:08.129
We meet over seven gr 7,000 people a week, uh and and and that's all byproducts.
00:51:08.289 --> 00:51:09.649
I could not have planned it.
00:51:09.730 --> 00:51:12.769
I didn't even know such a thing existed when I started.
00:51:13.009 --> 00:51:14.929
I just want you know what I'm saying?
00:51:15.089 --> 00:51:23.889
So we encourage you to do the inner work, and then you become a facilitator of the vision and the legacy you want to build.
00:51:24.849 --> 00:51:37.250
I give you a compliment because the things that you just said and the way that you're living, it reminds me of a Bruce Lee quote where he was basically getting grief back in the day.
00:51:38.449 --> 00:51:42.690
And basically you're not affected by opinions.
00:51:43.889 --> 00:51:46.289
You are just trying to be better every day.
00:51:46.529 --> 00:51:58.449
Your discipline and your action overrides anyone's discipline opinions, and that's what made those that phrase that I said to you not impact you.
00:51:58.609 --> 00:52:04.210
The typical person is allowing that because they haven't done the inner work.
00:52:04.289 --> 00:52:14.849
Yes, the consistency, the discipline, as Bruce Lee says, you have to do that, have internal discipline to create a state where you're not worried about others' opinions.
00:52:15.009 --> 00:52:22.049
And so bravo to you for for doing that work and sharing it with the world because it's it's rare.
00:52:22.449 --> 00:52:23.089
Thank you.
00:52:23.250 --> 00:52:28.529
And like you said, it's I did, I I did, and I am continuously doing the work.
00:52:28.929 --> 00:52:35.409
Only because I the reason why it's so important, it became a life or debt situation for me, literally.
00:52:36.609 --> 00:53:00.690
To be a people pleaser or no longer, to stay with those thoughts and beliefs about myself, to be offended and you know, affected by other people's thoughts, wishes, and wants and desires for me, for themselves, whatever they had going on, their attitude, like if I saw someone come in, I thought it was my responsibility to make them feel happy, make them feel better.
00:53:00.929 --> 00:53:09.889
And so I work I did it in the household, I did it in my marriage, I did it in at work, I did it with my clients, I did it with students I was teaching.
00:53:10.210 --> 00:53:17.569
And then all of a sudden, once I start removing that, you said it earlier, I'm not a teacher.
00:53:18.529 --> 00:53:20.690
I'm so much more than just a teacher.
00:53:20.929 --> 00:53:25.489
I get to teach every day, and I'm learning how to be a teacher.
00:53:25.649 --> 00:53:27.489
There's no good, bad, or ugly.
00:53:27.730 --> 00:53:40.049
Because here's the thing the teacher I am to Michael Wood, you know, I'm saying Michael on purpose, is going to have to be a different teacher that I am for Elisa White because of their different learning styles.
00:53:40.129 --> 00:53:43.409
So I realized if I was a good teacher or a bad teacher, it didn't matter.
00:53:43.889 --> 00:53:53.569
It mattered that I was effective and that I facilitated learning for Mike, for Michael, for Elisa, for Jonathan, for Jane.
00:53:53.730 --> 00:54:01.170
And so that was when you realize it becomes about purpose, then that mindset shifts.
00:54:01.250 --> 00:54:02.769
You're like, why am I here?
00:54:03.889 --> 00:54:06.769
Because does it matter what Mike thinks about me?
00:54:06.929 --> 00:54:12.690
No, it matters how I make Mike feel or how I contribute to his experience in my presence.
00:54:12.849 --> 00:54:16.049
That matters because that I have control of.
00:54:16.369 --> 00:54:20.929
What I don't have control of is what he thinks about me and how he feels about me.
00:54:21.089 --> 00:54:23.170
I only get to impact his thoughts.
00:54:23.329 --> 00:54:24.690
I don't get to control them.
00:54:24.849 --> 00:54:29.969
And once you realize that's not my job, that nobody's paying me for it.
00:54:31.889 --> 00:54:34.369
Hold up on I'm out of here, bruh.
00:54:39.250 --> 00:54:42.289
Yes, freedom, freedom, freedom, freedom.
00:54:42.369 --> 00:54:43.170
And I that's my word.
00:54:43.250 --> 00:54:45.489
When people ask me what success is, I said freedom.
00:54:45.889 --> 00:54:46.210
Yeah.
00:54:46.369 --> 00:54:48.210
And you know, I ask you guys at the end.
00:54:48.289 --> 00:54:56.849
And for me, my my definition in this era of my life, the prime definition is freedom.
00:54:57.089 --> 00:55:07.329
All the other I have other things that I use to define success, but prime, the house, the the foundation, the roof, the walls, it's freedom.
00:55:07.489 --> 00:55:11.009
And and I don't want to go on to that because I want to talk.
00:55:11.329 --> 00:55:20.049
When I saw your work, Mike, it was so important for me to talk with you about the dark side of authenticity.
00:55:20.369 --> 00:55:20.690
Wow.
00:55:20.849 --> 00:55:23.409
That that immediately grabbed my attention.
00:55:23.649 --> 00:55:31.089
I think most people hear authenticity and assume it's all positive and rose flower glasses.
00:55:31.409 --> 00:55:34.929
What do you mean by the dark side of authenticity?
00:55:37.809 --> 00:55:43.489
The universe does not, there is no such thing as a lie to the universe.
00:55:43.809 --> 00:55:48.210
So you can lie to yourself, you can lie to anything, like they could lie to you.
00:55:49.009 --> 00:55:52.449
There is an energetic flow that that moves.
00:55:53.569 --> 00:56:02.849
The guy who created the lie detector test, he got lost his last 20 years of life testing it on plants.
00:56:03.089 --> 00:56:11.250
And every time he would hook it up to a plant and he would have the thought, I'm gonna water it, it would shoot up and react in a positive way.
00:56:11.409 --> 00:56:15.489
And when he he would just have the thought, well, what if I kill the plant?
00:56:15.809 --> 00:56:18.369
It would negatively react to a thought.
00:56:18.609 --> 00:56:21.409
How does that plant know what he's thinking?
00:56:21.489 --> 00:56:24.529
He didn't say it out loud, he didn't do anything, he's just thinking it.
00:56:24.769 --> 00:56:35.009
And science has also done another amazing thing that they've put people in it in a testing environment and they measured emotions.
00:56:35.170 --> 00:56:38.449
And yes, some people will say authenticity is not an emotion.
00:56:38.529 --> 00:56:39.730
I would I would argue with that.
00:56:39.889 --> 00:56:47.969
But basically, what they came out and and discovered is that authenticity is four times more powerful than any other emotion.
00:56:48.529 --> 00:57:03.489
Because when you live a certain way, and when you're living the right way, it is actually an emotion because your body, you can't lie to it, and it will physically react in a negative way if you're not being true to yourself.
00:57:03.649 --> 00:57:10.210
So if you're people pleasing and you're living for other people, you're gonna have this visceral response that you don't even understand.
00:57:10.369 --> 00:57:16.529
And the reason why I added this to my program, this is week nine of my program, because I went through all this healing.
00:57:16.609 --> 00:57:26.609
I rewrote over 200 core beliefs, I removed all these identities, I did all these things, and I started realizing, wait a minute, I still feel like crap sometimes.
00:57:26.769 --> 00:57:28.529
What is this what is going on here?
00:57:28.690 --> 00:57:35.730
And I had to dive in to and figure it out, and and my path led me to living an authentic life.
00:57:35.889 --> 00:57:56.849
If I'm if I'm not in the right relationship, if I'm not at the right job, if I'm not living to in service of others, if I'm not doing these things that I deem right for me and that and my nature yearns for, then I'm gonna be miserable anyway.
00:57:57.009 --> 00:58:01.170
You can't push upstream, you can't swim up a river and think it's gonna be fun.
00:58:01.569 --> 00:58:06.609
You could float down the river in a kayak and just float beautifully.
00:58:06.690 --> 00:58:12.529
All you gotta do is keep yourself off the off the banks, and you can get down the river and travel for miles and it'd be effortlessly.
00:58:12.690 --> 00:58:16.289
And I I kind of think that's how living an authentic life is.
00:58:17.889 --> 00:58:24.289
When you put yourself in the right place, the world opens up to you.
00:58:24.529 --> 00:58:28.129
I got this exercise that I use, and I it's a funeral.
00:58:28.210 --> 00:58:33.969
It's kind of dark, but it's it's actually beautiful because if you don't know where you're going, how do you get there?
00:58:34.129 --> 00:58:37.250
And so most people don't even know what where they want to go.
00:58:37.489 --> 00:58:42.449
And so they're they're not living authentically because they just never asked the question.
00:58:42.529 --> 00:58:43.489
Like, where do they want to go?
00:58:43.569 --> 00:58:49.250
So I have everybody imagine the most beautiful, amazing funeral that they could ever have.
00:58:49.649 --> 00:58:55.569
Everything that they've ever wanted to achieve in life, if they wanted family, all their kids there, their grandkids, great-grandkids.
00:58:55.969 --> 00:59:15.089
Everybody's getting up and talking about them, all of their traits, like they were honest, they were loving, they were, you know, they paid it forward, you know, all anything that you want somebody to say about you at your funeral, and and you sit with them 15, 20, 30 minutes, as long as you can, you just create the most amazing experience.
00:59:15.250 --> 00:59:18.769
You got presidents speaking at your funeral because you've given so much to the world.
00:59:19.009 --> 00:59:37.409
Whatever it is that you want, and then come out of that, hold on to that experience, and then every decision that comes across to you, use that as a measuring stick to whether or not you want to do something, and you'd be amazed how quickly you will be like, oh no, if I want to get to here, I have to make this decision.
00:59:37.569 --> 00:59:39.649
If I want to get to here, I have to make this decision.
00:59:39.809 --> 01:00:01.889
It life starts to get easier and you start to get freer, and then you get that that confidence and that I don't even know how to extract it describe words, don't do it justice, but when you start to live authentically, you start to feel strong, you start to feel like Superman, and things just change, and it's it's powerful, and it's beautiful.
01:00:02.049 --> 01:00:06.849
And I really hope everybody can experience that because it is powerful.
01:00:07.329 --> 01:00:07.969
It is.
01:00:08.449 --> 01:00:09.089
I love it.
01:00:09.250 --> 01:00:09.809
I love it.
01:00:10.769 --> 01:00:12.769
It is one of the more beautiful killings.
01:00:13.250 --> 01:00:16.210
Whoa, well, guess what time it is?
01:00:16.449 --> 01:00:18.369
It has been such an honor.
01:00:18.529 --> 01:00:25.250
Time's going by so fast, but it's time for Mindset Bites to Go, the Rapid Fire Edition.
01:00:26.929 --> 01:00:28.769
Mike, let's have some fun.
01:00:29.009 --> 01:00:32.529
I'm going to read a sentence and you're going to finish it.
01:00:32.609 --> 01:00:33.969
You know how this goes.
01:00:34.609 --> 01:00:36.049
So are you ready?
01:00:36.289 --> 01:00:37.329
I'm ready.
01:00:37.730 --> 01:00:38.289
All right.
01:00:38.529 --> 01:00:39.649
Finish the sentence.
01:00:39.809 --> 01:00:41.969
The biggest lie people believe is.
01:00:42.210 --> 01:00:46.690
Success is found in the outer world, not inside.
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Oh, that's a mic track.
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One relationship lesson everyone should learn is love yourself first before you try to love anybody else.
01:00:57.329 --> 01:00:57.969
Yes.
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People mistake something for love.
01:01:01.889 --> 01:01:03.889
People mistake something for love.
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Kindness.
01:01:05.329 --> 01:01:08.849
Yeah, I would say that's what's on my mind too.
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Authenticity requires being honest with yourself.
01:01:14.769 --> 01:01:18.129
Number one, authentic authenticity with yourself.
01:01:18.369 --> 01:01:22.690
Healing is not is not done out there in the physical world.
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The healing is done by having awareness of what's going on inside.
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That's where it starts.
01:01:28.289 --> 01:01:28.609
Yes.
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I love it.
01:01:29.809 --> 01:01:35.170
The belief that changed my life the most was that I wasn't broken.
01:01:35.889 --> 01:01:36.529
Mmm.
01:01:36.849 --> 01:01:39.489
Woo! That's so good.
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Success without something is empty.
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Success without love.
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We share so many ideas.
01:01:48.289 --> 01:01:49.889
That was so good.
01:01:51.730 --> 01:01:52.449
That's one.
01:01:53.250 --> 01:01:53.889
I love it.
01:01:54.049 --> 01:01:54.529
I love it.
01:01:54.609 --> 01:01:55.089
I love it.
01:01:55.250 --> 01:01:56.129
I love it.
01:01:56.529 --> 01:01:57.489
Thank you, Mike.
01:01:57.569 --> 01:01:58.929
That was such a good one.
01:01:59.089 --> 01:02:00.929
So, Mike, we've got to have you.
01:02:01.089 --> 01:02:08.690
This has been such an important conversation because I think you've given people language for things they've felt for years, but couldn't explain.
01:02:09.250 --> 01:02:14.529
If there's one message you want every listener to walk away with today, what would that be?
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I'm gonna step away from the microphone and the camera, and it will be all you and the listeners and viewers.
01:02:20.849 --> 01:02:21.730
Here we go.
01:02:22.369 --> 01:02:22.690
Okay.
01:02:24.210 --> 01:02:29.250
I would want everybody to understand that you're not broken.
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You just don't understand how your system is working.
01:02:34.129 --> 01:02:44.609
So be kind to yourself and take the the steps to turn your focus inward, and uh you don't have to fix it all today.
01:02:44.849 --> 01:02:49.170
You just have to make that commitment to be aware of what's happening.
01:02:49.409 --> 01:02:56.210
Make that 5%, 10%, and uh you'll be amazed with where you get to.
01:02:56.529 --> 01:02:57.089
Absolutely.
01:02:57.250 --> 01:02:58.529
Thank you so much, Mike.
01:02:58.769 --> 01:03:04.929
You know, we've got to know who do you work with, who do you serve, and how can we connect with you?
01:03:05.089 --> 01:03:08.449
Because I know a lot of our listeners and viewers are gonna want more of this.
01:03:09.569 --> 01:03:18.289
I work with anybody who wants help, you know, working with folks in maximum security prisons.
01:03:18.929 --> 01:03:21.569
I've had a lot of success with younger women.
01:03:21.649 --> 01:03:27.889
They've been in a little more open to a program titled Learn to Love Being You than men have.
01:03:28.129 --> 01:03:31.649
Um but I do have plenty of men that have gone through my program.
01:03:32.049 --> 01:03:37.329
Um so literally anyone who's suffering with anxiety and depression is a prime candidate.
01:03:37.569 --> 01:03:45.649
And the the easiest way to find me is www.learn to love being you.com.
01:03:46.129 --> 01:03:48.849
And I want to give everybody a free gift.
01:03:49.089 --> 01:03:50.289
That's okay, Alyssa.
01:03:50.849 --> 01:03:51.969
Absolutely.
01:03:52.369 --> 01:03:57.889
All right, so what it is is I created two breathwork meditations.
01:03:58.049 --> 01:04:02.369
They're just guided breathwork meditations, and not, you know, you don't have to imagine anything.
01:04:02.449 --> 01:04:04.289
You just gotta follow along with the breath work.
01:04:04.690 --> 01:04:07.730
One of them is the most powerful breath work that I've ever done.
01:04:07.809 --> 01:04:10.210
It it literally gives you a euphoric feeling.
01:04:10.369 --> 01:04:18.449
For the first 10 minutes, you're basically gonna hyperventilate yourself, and all of your anxiety in your body is gonna bubble up and it's gonna tell you to stop.
01:04:18.529 --> 01:04:27.170
And then you're it's gonna be like going on a plane, going through the clouds, and then poof, all the anxiety is gone, and you can't have a negative thought.
01:04:27.409 --> 01:04:28.769
You just keep breezing.
01:04:28.929 --> 01:04:31.170
It can only last at first when you do it.
01:04:31.329 --> 01:04:48.849
It's it's I stop you at uh 30 minutes, and it just it's such a powerful thing to realize that just through altering our our breath work that we can change our physical state, our mental state, and create this beautiful environment in our head.
01:04:49.009 --> 01:04:51.569
The other one is a simple grounding exercise.
01:04:51.649 --> 01:04:57.809
I started using it to uh to wake myself up, to get rid of anxiety, to get rid of headaches.
01:04:58.449 --> 01:05:01.489
Simple one, it only takes 15 minutes to do.
01:05:02.289 --> 01:05:09.409
And then I give everybody the first week of my program, all the the manual tools in week one.
01:05:09.489 --> 01:05:13.649
I'm giving it to everybody for free just to get a taste of it.
01:05:13.809 --> 01:05:25.969
And uh so, and everybody can find this at Mwood Mindset Backslash Mastery for your for listening to this podcast.
01:05:26.609 --> 01:05:28.210
Awesome, absolutely.
01:05:28.449 --> 01:05:30.289
That's so awesome.
01:05:30.449 --> 01:05:31.409
Thank you, Mike.
01:05:31.569 --> 01:05:33.649
That's such an amazing gift.
01:05:33.889 --> 01:05:39.170
I hope everybody takes advantage of it because I will be doing the breath work for absolute certain.
01:05:39.649 --> 01:05:45.170
Uh, we had a guest on that talked about breath work in bed, and I've been doing that for the past month.
01:05:45.409 --> 01:05:50.210
So I'm excited to work with the ones that you have.
01:05:50.289 --> 01:05:51.250
I'm excited.
01:05:51.409 --> 01:05:52.929
Thank you so much, Mike.
01:05:53.329 --> 01:05:53.889
Absolutely.
01:05:54.049 --> 01:05:54.769
Thank you so much.
01:05:54.849 --> 01:05:56.849
You and I want to set the record straight.
01:05:56.929 --> 01:06:02.929
You are an absolutely amazing podcast host, and you're paying it forward.
01:06:03.089 --> 01:06:15.969
And I hope all of the listeners out here do the same thing I did and left you a five-star review because you deserve it, and you're doing the good work of helping people find the information they need to find peace.
01:06:16.129 --> 01:06:16.769
So thank you so much.
01:06:17.329 --> 01:06:18.529
Thank you so much, Mike.
01:06:18.690 --> 01:06:19.569
Thank you so much.
01:06:19.730 --> 01:06:20.769
Thank you so much.
01:06:21.089 --> 01:06:34.049
Thank you so much for being here and for all the amazing gifts that you have brought to us, not just in your words, but you also gave us physical things to be able to continue the work you're helping us start today.
01:06:34.289 --> 01:06:34.609
Thank you.
01:06:34.769 --> 01:06:35.329
You're welcome.
01:06:35.409 --> 01:06:36.369
You're welcome.
01:06:36.690 --> 01:06:43.889
Disruptors, if today's conversation resonated with you, don't just listen and run.
01:06:44.849 --> 01:06:46.449
Go to Mike's website.
01:06:46.609 --> 01:06:51.569
The links are in the description below for everything he's sharing with us today.
01:06:51.730 --> 01:07:04.369
And also reach out to him and let him know that you heard him on the show and that what he had to share and the work he's bringing, the light he's bringing in the world, definitely shone on you and it's bringing change in your life.
01:07:04.609 --> 01:07:12.449
Ask yourself where in your life you're still operating from a belief that no longer serves who you are becoming.
01:07:12.609 --> 01:07:19.730
Because the goal isn't to become someone else, the goal is to finally reconnect and become the best version of yourself.
01:07:19.889 --> 01:07:27.489
So until next time, Keith disrupting the patterns, challenging the stories, and mastering your mindset so you can master your life.
01:07:27.649 --> 01:07:30.210
We'll see you on the next episode of Mindset Master Moments.
01:07:30.369 --> 01:07:31.170
Bye now.