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Welcome to the Mindset Connection podcast, and thank you for joining us for our 41st episode.
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We are your hosts, Jennifer Clearwaters and Cindy O'Connell.
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And if you're new to us, welcome.
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And at every show, we are featuring amazing people doing great things in mental health and wellness.
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So one note that Cindy and I keep forgetting to say when we do our intro is if you have not subscribed to our podcast, please hit that button and do it.
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Uh we often are not doing we're doing the same thing and sometimes we forget.
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But if you like our show, please subscribe.
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It does help for us to get our message out.
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And additionally, I forgot to say this last time too.
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We are now accepting sponsors for our podcast.
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So if you did want to support our work, please let us know.
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Find us in the show notes, give us a contact um shout-out, and we would love to work with you.
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But anyway, back to our show.
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Today we are welcoming Karen Byrd to our podcast.
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So thank you for being here.
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And Cindy's gonna start with her bio.
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All right.
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So Karen is an attorney, a mediator, a dedicated community advocate whose work reflects a deep commitment to supporting others, both legal guidance and meaningful human connection.
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And Karen, uh, just a little shout out to Lynn Snyder from Common Ground, where I don't know how she does it, but we'll hear about it.
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Karen is the facilitator there.
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And uh Lynn said, Oh, you have to have my friend on.
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She'll be perfect.
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So Jen, Lynn, and I decided that was a dot.
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Heard us talk about it before, it means it's a connection.
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So there it is.
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So uh she's equally passionate about her role as a member of the Board of Trustees for Music for All Seasons, which we're gonna hear about.
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And she is the owner of the Burr Law Group, which has offices in uh Rumson and Hoboken Bayonne.
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I want to say Hoboken for some reason.
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And uh her practice focuses on family law and mediation.
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And she can explain about that for those of us that are unaware of what that is.
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So she um also uh, again, is a facilitator for common ground.
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She is involved with music for all seasons.
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So she definitely has uh a compassionate heart and is willing to just give her everything to uh the community involvement as well as her own business.
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So she also has extensive experience in litigation and high-stakes negotiation, and she was in the past um a senior claims analyst with multi-million dollar cases.
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She has a doctorate from Seton Hall University of School of Law and a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology, no surprise there, um, from the University of Rochester.
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Uh, she has a core belief in helping others and making a lasting positive impact on their lives.
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So thank you so much, Karen, for joining us today.
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Thank you.
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So nice introduction.
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Let's talk about the law stuff first, because there's so many different things.
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You're here, just being a lawyer is a full-time job.
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And then we have this all of the stuff at Common Ground and then the music programs, wondering how you're doing all that.
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But how did you go from working in law to then deciding to just start your own firm?
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That's gotta be hard.
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It it was, but it kind of was a natural progression.
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So I was working in insurance defense in a law firm, and then I actually transitioned to working in AIG, to at AIG uh in an insurance company.
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And that was when I was a claims analyst, and we worked in the excess department.
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And so that was handling multimillion dollar lawsuits and claims and basically analyzing the claim and how to resolve it on behalf of the insured.
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And I worked at AIG for a few years, and then I worked at Liberty International Underwriters.
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And at that same time, I was starting my family.
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And I had a young child, and I then was um pregnant with my second child, with my second daughter.
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And it was becoming difficult because that kind of work in the claims business uh entailed a lot of travel.
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And I loved it.
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I loved what I was doing there.
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I loved the claims world, but it was just a lot for starting my new family.
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And my sister-in-law was also in a transitionary period, and she had just left a firm that she was working at, that she had worked at for a while doing real estate, and she was looking to start her own firm.
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So she was going out and doing real estate and a little bit of family law and a little bit of estate work, wills and things of that nature.
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And she asked me, Did I want to join her?
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So I said, Okay.
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So it was kind of a leap of faith.
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I didn't, you know, know exactly how it was going to work out.
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But I started working with her and she taught me everything I knew, everything she knew in family law at the time.
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And then she also started to work with me for real estate, said, Oh, we can, you know, both do real estate and family law.
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But we quickly learned that that was not the way to go because I just real estate wasn't for me.
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There were so many moving parts, there was so much that I really didn't know about it.
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And that had been what she did for her whole career so far.
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So it was, she was really, really good at it.
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And it just came natural to her.
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And she also figured out I hate to be in court.
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I don't want to go to in front of judges, I don't want to argue anything.
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And I liked that.
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I didn't mind that.
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So I took over everything in family law and she took over everything in real estate, and that's what we've been doing.
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And we joined uh together in 2010.
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So it's been fabulous.
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See, you took a leap of faith, and what do they say?
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Leap and the net will appear, right?
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So it worked for you.
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Thank you.
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Congratulations.
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That's wonderful.
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Thank you.
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Thank you.
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So that's why her last name is Burr as well.
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Yes, and my sister-in-law, yes, we figured that out.
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All right.
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So, you know, prior to having a guest on the podcast, we always like to, you know, meet with them.
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And um, so Karen was kind enough to spend some time with us, even though she had to sit in her car to talk to us because it was one of those.
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Doing anyway network.
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So um tell us how you became a board member for music for all seasons, because this is a wonderful story about your parents' careers in music and how that influenced you.
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Yeah, thank you.
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Um, this might be a long answer.
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So if you've got a lot of people, it is no, we don't want to.
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It's truly a beautiful story.
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It's a beautiful program, and we didn't know about it.
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Yeah.
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So we want our listeners, okay, viewers to know about it.
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No, I appreciate that.
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My so I grew up with music.
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My parents are both concert pianists.
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So I grew up with every day hearing some type of music around me, and um, that influenced our family.
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I mean, I used to play, I played the viola when I was very little, and then I played the piano a little bit just because they were teachers also.
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And then I played the harp in high school and college.
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So um, and then my brother is a cellist in the Atlanta Symphony Orchestra.
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So he started playing for his career, and obviously that was born out of the music in our household.
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But my parents, um, during, you know, they my father was a um teacher, a professor at Temple University, and he taught music theory.
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And my mother did a lot of uh performing and she was also a writer, she was a music critic at the New York Times and the Home Tribune.
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Oh my goodness.
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And so she's such accomplished people.
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So she, because she was um playing a lot, she was playing concerts, she was preparing for a series of concerts in California, and she called a um nursing home and she said, Do you mind if I come and play this?
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Because I would like to practice it publicly, you know, play my pieces publicly.
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So they said, Of course, come in.
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So she went into the nursing home and she played this concert, and she said that she was blown away, as was the staff, at the reaction of the residents and how some people really hadn't moved much, hadn't they weren't very happy, and they were sitting there humming, they were dancing in their seat.
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There was this reaction that she was seeing to the live music in front of them.
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So she went home and she said to my father, there's a need here.
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I think this is an idea.
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And that's how Music for All Seasons was born.
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In 1991, they started and they said, uh, you know, we're gonna start bringing music to people who are confined.
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So the populations that they began working with were nursing homes, convalescent centers, children's hospitals, prisons, women and children that were victims of domestic violence, living in shelters, at-risk teen facilities where the teens were living in the facilities.
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So anywhere where people couldn't get out to hear live music, they would bring it to them.
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So and they brought it to them.
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They were professional musicians.
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They believe in paying all of their musicians a living wage.
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And uh, so none of them were volunteers, but what they did was they would create these maybe music series, and here's a series at a nursing home, here's a series at this prison.
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And the performances that they did were interactive, they were educational, they were fun.
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So the people, I mean, you had people in the prison saying, That's classical music.
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I didn't know that's classical music.
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That's amazing.
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You know, they were just teaching and opening people's eyes to different things.
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And also in the process, of course, there's a level of healing.
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And that's what they believed so strongly in that healing power of music, yeah, which is why they started it.
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And then um, fast forward, they began working with, they said, you know, we'd like to work with different populations because they really saw such a change in the populations that they were working with.
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So in about 2011, my father and a prior board member, Ellen Kulka, they decided that they wanted to work with the veteran population.
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So they created a program called Voices of Valor.
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And Voices of Valor is just amazing.
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So what they did was they brought a professional musician and a songwriter, a lyricist, along with a psychology mentor.
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And they asked a they would go to maybe veteran facilities to um work with the different veterans, and they would ask a group to volunteer to be involved in this.
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They really had no idea what they were volunteering for at the time, you know, because it was a pretty new program.
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But they would have between 10 and 15 veterans, and they would create a song about their experiences.
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So the idea is that the veterans could create a song about whether it's, you know, what they experienced at war, what they experienced, what they're experiencing now through PTSD, what they experienced just trying to reintegrate into life and having trouble with that, not being supported enough, things like that.
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Yeah.
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And it was a collective experience.
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It was one song with 10 or 12 or 15 people.
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So all of their experiences came into one culmination of a song together.
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And it's amazing.
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Yeah.
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And the cool thing is that the people that are involved in the voices programs, they don't have to have any musical experience, no musical background.
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So you have people that um once they're done creating the song, which is generally a seven-week series.
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That was going to be my question.
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How long would that take?
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Seven times once a week.
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Yep.
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And then eighth week they go into a professional recording studio and they record their song.
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And they have people that are singing that have never sung before.
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So not only is it healing just to talk, you know, to sing about their experiences, and to also have people that have experienced it together, right?
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To form a community.
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Right.
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Ah, what a great so they and they've done um, I'll tell you the just the two um other voices programs that have been born out of this, also, is uh the voices of empowerment.
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Voices of empowerment, and they worked with um teens at juvenile detention centers.
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That's great.
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So they did a few of the programs there, and the voices of valor, they've now completed almost 90 songs of the voices of valor.
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It's all on YouTube.
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I was gonna say, where can you find all seasons?
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Okay, musicforallseasons.org.
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And then Voices of Change is the newest one.
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And that one was created really post-COVID out of a need that uh my parents were seeing, and the Board of Music for All Seasons and the um facilitators were seeing that there was a need for a connection.
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Yeah, the teens, especially the younger people that were really missing out on that connection.
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And so they went to the Boys and Girls Club and did Voices of Change and did a program there.
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And we're so proud to announce that they're they've just started a Voices of Change program at Common Ground Grief Center.
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So they have a group that's in the process of creating their song now, whether it's about the grief that they're experiencing or missing their person or something of that nature.
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It's really whatever the group decides as a whole to put together.
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And they are uh creating that now, and they're going to be premiering their song at the common ground fundraiser.
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The clam bake.
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The clam bake on June 11th at Martel's Tiki Bar.
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So we're so excited about that.
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So is it the teens that they selected, or is it a combination of the teens and the kids?
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It was whoever wanted to volunteer.
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Yeah.
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The thing is, when you start these programs, people don't really know when they're not sure.
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There's a little hesitation.
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So there's right, like the Voices of Valor programs.
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I think people are now clamoring to get into it.
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So voices of change and common ground, they didn't really know yet.
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So we chose from the 6 and 12, you know, and the team.
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Well, they chose themselves, they volunteered to do it.
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Yeah, but they're absolutely loving it.
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And uh we're really, really excited because it's just three weeks in and they've already got almost a whole song.
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And I'm amazed.
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Wonderful.
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That's unbelievable.
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So uh and and still the musicians are being paid in order to do that.
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They are being paid.
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The facilitators are paid to go and do these series with common ground, with voice of change, voices of valor.
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All of the musicians for music for all seasons are paid.
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Isn't that what it's really wonderful?
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We were just talking about that.
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I know what you've got on the point.
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But but we understand how you got there.
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So you you fundraise, it's a nonprofit, obviously.
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Yes, and you fundraise so that you have the money to pay your own.
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So music for all seasons is is just like common ground is it's all based on uh grants, sponsorships, fundraising, and there's always a push annually for fundraising.
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Um, and we're actually uh we'll have a tribute to the founders that's gonna be in November, and that's November 9th in Jersey City at the Liberty House.
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And that's gonna be a really big fundraiser, also, to try to bring more uh funds to the organization and they're really uh expanding the programming as much as possible.
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And you gave us flyers on that, so we'll we'll make them and make sure that we put them out for you.
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We're really excited because uh Bo Derek is gonna be the chair of the event.
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And that's really great.
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And you want to see Bo Derek City's conversation.
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Exactly.
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Exactly.
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Let's talk about we're we've been talking about common ground.
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And for anyone who doesn't know Common Ground Grief Center here here in Manisquan, uh or Lynn Snyder, she was a a guest on our podcast.
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So you can flip back to, I think she was very early on.
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She might have even been like she was the third FPR.
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Yeah, so if you don't know about common ground, go back and listen to uh who she is and what she started.
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But you're a head facilitator there.
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I think tell us about how you became involved in Common Ground and what your experience is like there.
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Because anybody that goes, then you know.
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Yeah, it's just an amazing place.
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It's such a special place to be.
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Lynn Snyder is such an amazing person, everything that she does there.
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Um and Common Ground itself, uh, for anybody who doesn't know, they provide peer support for kids who have lost a parent or a sibling.
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And so it's broken up into young groups, six to twelve, teens, and then young adults.
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And then while the kids are in the group, they also have a group for the parents, which you can go to or not.
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And so I found common ground because in 2018 my partner passed away.
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He died unexpectedly.
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And I was um and I I was dealing with the grief at that time, obviously, and he had lived with me and my children for several years.
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And so they were very close to him, and they were eight and eleven at the time.
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So my mother started to try to figure out as she does, how can I help?
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And she researched and found Common Ground Grief Center, and we met Lynn and started going there.
00:17:03.200 --> 00:17:09.599
And my kids, they were in the six to twelve group at the time, and they just got so much out of it.
00:17:09.759 --> 00:17:28.160
They absolutely loved the experience because they were able to be with people who understood them, people who had dealt with the same traumatic loss, people who, you know, really got what they were going through at that moment, and they made a lot of friends, like lifelong friends from that, which is really cool.
00:17:28.319 --> 00:17:35.039
And um, so when they stopped going, because they went for a few years, and then they said, Okay, you know, they were getting into other things.
00:17:35.359 --> 00:17:39.680
And uh I said, I don't want to leave common ground, like I want to continue to do something.
00:17:41.519 --> 00:17:48.799
And uh, so I ended up joining the fundraising committee, and that's the fundraising committee that helps with the annual fundraiser.
00:17:49.039 --> 00:18:07.200
And I was on that for a few years, and then I decided to train as a facilitator, and they do an annual training also for facilitators because they're all volunteers, and the facilitators, the facilitator training took uh a few weeks, and then I've been doing that for about three years.
00:18:07.440 --> 00:18:13.839
The first two years that I facilitated the groups, I facilitated teen groups, and I was so lucky because I got paired with Lynn.
00:18:13.920 --> 00:18:16.720
Yeah, I got paired with Lynn Sider for the first two years.
00:18:16.799 --> 00:18:17.839
So I mean magic.
00:18:18.000 --> 00:18:20.319
Yeah, like who's better to learn from?
00:18:20.400 --> 00:18:36.160
Oh, and so that was amazing, and then this is my third year, and then she went on to a different group, a different night, and so she put me as the lead facilitator for the teen group, and then I now facilitate with another, another woman named Lynn who's fabulous.
00:18:36.480 --> 00:18:42.480
And yeah, I mean, it's just such a special place, and it's so fulfilling to be there with the kids.
00:18:42.720 --> 00:18:44.880
Yes, it's such a good place, it's a wonderful place.
00:18:45.519 --> 00:18:50.319
So let me ask you about the training because like we hear it from Lynn's side.
00:18:50.480 --> 00:18:52.960
Yes, yes, what about it from your side?
00:18:53.200 --> 00:18:58.160
I mean, it you know, it's several years ago, but still, I'm sure it, you know, it's two weekends.
00:18:58.480 --> 00:19:07.839
It's funny because the the children at common ground, when you see the way that they connect with each other so quickly, it's always amazing.
00:19:08.160 --> 00:19:10.799
And I I was like, how does that happen?
00:19:11.039 --> 00:19:19.119
You know, because there's there is of course some hesitation with getting to know people as a child still, but they really open up within that even first group.
00:19:19.200 --> 00:19:19.440
Yeah.
00:19:19.680 --> 00:19:22.400
The facilitating was like the training was the same.
00:19:22.559 --> 00:19:25.519
I mean, I got to know these adults so quickly.
00:19:25.680 --> 00:19:28.559
I was like, I feel like I'm in the kid group, you know what I mean?
00:19:28.720 --> 00:19:31.359
Like just in the way that there was this amazing connection.
00:19:31.519 --> 00:19:35.599
And it was such a fabulous group of people because they're here.
00:19:35.680 --> 00:19:40.880
There were people that were spending their time volunteering for two weekends in a row.
00:19:41.039 --> 00:19:43.519
It's you know, a long period of training.
00:19:44.000 --> 00:19:49.200
And I was like, these are we we we joked at the end, it was like we found our people, find my people.
00:19:49.519 --> 00:19:50.480
There's a song sometime later.
00:19:51.039 --> 00:19:52.079
You did find your people, yes.
00:19:52.160 --> 00:19:55.839
We found our people, and it's like we all had a common common ground.
00:19:55.920 --> 00:20:03.519
Yeah, we all had we were all looking to help others and do something to um give back also to common ground.
00:20:03.680 --> 00:20:03.920
Yeah.
00:20:04.480 --> 00:20:06.079
And it's how you're helping yourself too.
00:20:06.240 --> 00:20:06.880
Yeah, oh yeah.
00:20:07.039 --> 00:20:13.920
And you learn how to talk to people too, because the issue with grief is that um a lot of people don't know how to talk about it.
00:20:14.079 --> 00:20:26.640
And you get nervous, you don't know what to say, what's the right thing to say, and it's you start learning, it's not about the right thing or the wrong thing, it's just about talking, it's about being open to hearing what that person is dealing with.
00:20:27.039 --> 00:20:33.920
You know, and people, a lot of people say nobody wants to talk about the person who died because they're gonna be like, don't want to be afraid we're gonna make you cry.
00:20:34.079 --> 00:20:44.880
And there's nothing wrong with crying, like it's kind of nice to and you and it's nice to talk about the person who's gone because that's something that is so near and dear to you.
00:20:44.960 --> 00:20:45.839
So you think about it.
00:20:46.000 --> 00:20:48.799
So there's nothing, you know, and you think about the funny things too.
00:20:48.880 --> 00:20:51.680
You think about the funny dances they did or whatever, you know.
00:20:51.920 --> 00:20:52.640
So yeah.
00:20:52.960 --> 00:20:58.880
The memories, you bring up those memories that always make them feel like the person's still with us in a sense.
00:20:59.200 --> 00:20:59.599
Exactly.
00:20:59.839 --> 00:21:01.200
So give us an example.
00:21:01.359 --> 00:21:02.880
I'm really putting you on the spot here.
00:21:03.119 --> 00:21:10.480
Give us an example of something that you would have done in the training that was different, that you were like, wow, I didn't think of it this way.
00:21:10.799 --> 00:21:18.960
Well, I remember one thing was that they had asked us about what we would want our funeral to look like.
00:21:19.279 --> 00:21:20.319
Oh, I've heard that before.
00:21:20.480 --> 00:21:20.640
Yeah.
00:21:20.960 --> 00:21:28.799
And I thought that was an interesting thought, and just to think about how others, maybe how others would think about you after you were gone.
00:21:29.200 --> 00:21:30.079
Yes, you know.
00:21:30.240 --> 00:21:40.240
Um, and that was it, it's just the way that she talked about things and when in the training just turned things around a little bit, you know, you things you didn't think about.
00:21:40.640 --> 00:21:46.880
Because death is a no-no, we're not gonna talk about death, but death is a reality and it is just part of life.
00:21:46.960 --> 00:21:48.720
So why aren't we talking about it?
00:21:49.200 --> 00:21:59.599
And I know we did uh different training activities, like um we would pair up with each other and and try to talk about things and get to know.
00:22:00.160 --> 00:22:04.559
Each other quickly, and that was that was one of the ways that she connected us so quickly.
00:22:05.039 --> 00:22:08.079
It was us to ask questions about the other person.
00:22:08.720 --> 00:22:18.319
And we also went through some ideas of how you would respond to things that people would say in group, like that kids would say in group.
00:22:18.640 --> 00:22:24.240
Because a lot of it the kids the kids talk about what are the things that you hate to hear.
00:22:24.559 --> 00:22:29.599
You know, we heard that from the panelists when you were at the event this year that you know the wellness event.
00:22:29.839 --> 00:22:31.920
Yeah, the wellness event, because they had yeah, they had a number of.
00:22:32.160 --> 00:22:34.160
And in Lynn's book, she writes a lot about that too.
00:22:34.400 --> 00:22:47.119
And you do see a difference because I remember in the panelists, there were there were several of the girls, there were several, several people that talked about, you know, coming to common ground and being able to speak about it and then having friends that would just allow them to share.
00:22:47.359 --> 00:22:55.279
And I remember there was one panelist that said, like, uh, he was saying, Well, you know, my friends at school, you know, don't really ask, so I don't really talk about it.
00:22:55.440 --> 00:22:57.839
Yeah, and I can only save it to really talk about here.
00:22:57.920 --> 00:22:58.079
Yes.
00:22:58.400 --> 00:23:00.160
And you could definitely tell there was a difference.
00:23:00.319 --> 00:23:00.559
Right.
00:23:00.640 --> 00:23:00.799
Yeah.
00:23:01.039 --> 00:23:04.400
We said it, we were like, huh, we could see a difference because he was waiting for it.
00:23:04.559 --> 00:23:05.279
There was more of a sadness.
00:23:05.599 --> 00:23:13.359
There was a sadness to him because he was saying his dad had passed when he was younger, so his friends didn't really ask, and nobody talks about it.
00:23:13.519 --> 00:23:16.240
But here is the only place that he could really see like that.
00:23:16.319 --> 00:23:16.799
There was some.
00:23:17.200 --> 00:23:24.799
I had in my teen group not too long ago, there was a one of the girls who was crying about her dad and about how much she missed him.
00:23:25.200 --> 00:23:31.039
And she was talking about what she missed and some of the things, but she was really, really upset.
00:23:31.680 --> 00:23:35.039
And not one child just sat there and said, I'm sorry.
00:23:35.200 --> 00:23:37.519
They they listened and they asked questions.
00:23:37.759 --> 00:23:43.599
And one girl said, and I'll never forget the way she she just looked at and she said, Can you tell us about your dad?
00:23:44.160 --> 00:23:47.519
And I was like, Wow, it's like it works.
00:23:48.400 --> 00:23:49.039
That is a well.
00:23:49.599 --> 00:23:50.160
That is a well.
00:23:50.559 --> 00:24:00.880
But going back to you, Karen, you're you're a perfect fit for this because as an attorney, I have three my son's an attorney, my sister's an attorney, her husband's an attorney.
00:24:01.119 --> 00:24:04.240
And if you're going into court, what is the most important thing?
00:24:04.400 --> 00:24:06.000
You gotta be a good listener.
00:24:06.319 --> 00:24:06.480
Yeah.
00:24:06.720 --> 00:24:09.519
So you and you have to know what question to ask next.
00:24:09.839 --> 00:24:12.640
And what not to not to ask.
00:24:13.279 --> 00:24:20.960
So isn't it interesting that your profession is actually linked to this job as a facilitator?
00:24:21.440 --> 00:24:22.240
It really is.
00:24:23.039 --> 00:24:24.160
But it's still heavy, you know.
00:24:24.240 --> 00:24:29.599
Like talking about grief is heavy, and you know, you've been through loss, and like you now you're with people.
00:24:29.680 --> 00:24:35.359
We we ask Lynn the same thing, like you're with kids and families who are experiencing loss all the time.
00:24:35.519 --> 00:24:37.279
Like, how do you how do you handle that?
00:24:37.519 --> 00:24:49.759
It's funny because we talk about that, in fact, before and after the group that night there's a pre-group session where you're supposed to come in and kind of clear your mind of your day.
00:24:50.319 --> 00:24:52.319
And be present.
00:24:52.960 --> 00:25:01.680
Because it's right, you might have had a really stressful day dealing with a lot of other stuff, and you don't want to bring that energy to the kids, you don't want to bring that energy to the teens.
00:25:02.079 --> 00:25:08.640
So we do that pre-group meeting, and then a post-group meeting is supposed to get rid of that heaviness.
00:25:08.960 --> 00:25:19.279
Talk about what happened during group, maybe talk about, you know, you can talk about it a little bit later, you know, however it is to try to get that out of your mind also.
00:25:19.920 --> 00:25:31.680
And it really does work to have that, you know, post group meeting to just try to get into a little bit of a a a better mindset before you walk out the door.
00:25:31.920 --> 00:25:47.519
But I have to say, I mean, as far as uh I said that a bit funny because when even when you're in the group and you deal with the heaviness, you realize like I really get something out of it from the idea that these kids are they're letting this go in the room.
00:25:47.680 --> 00:25:52.400
You know, they're putting so much out there with each other that they can be lighter.
00:25:52.559 --> 00:26:00.720
You know, they're they sat there and cried for, you know, a long time and they have people talking to them and consoling them and being there for them.
00:26:00.880 --> 00:26:14.559
And that's not what they're getting at school, or you know, and that might not even be what they're getting at home, depending on their situation, where you have new parents involved, and maybe they don't want to hear about the parent that's that's not there, you know, as much.
00:26:14.720 --> 00:26:17.519
So it's a it's there's a lot of different layers to it.
00:26:17.759 --> 00:26:18.640
Yeah, it's true.
00:26:18.720 --> 00:26:23.920
And Cindy and I always talk about that just in general, that like we always say there's like a check-in, right?
00:26:24.000 --> 00:26:27.920
You check in before you start the day, and then you're like check in again before you check out.
00:26:28.319 --> 00:26:30.160
Yeah, because because nobody knows.
00:26:30.319 --> 00:26:38.079
I mean, even the three of us sitting here, no one knows what our morning was like or evening was like or what's going on in our personal lives.
00:26:38.160 --> 00:26:43.440
And you know, like we have this conversation, you know, are people doing the best that they can?
00:26:43.599 --> 00:26:43.839
Right.
00:26:44.079 --> 00:26:49.440
And you know, my immediate thing is yes, they are, because we don't know what's going on with them.
00:26:49.519 --> 00:26:53.119
Whereas Jen I said this was when we were researching our book.
00:26:53.279 --> 00:26:55.119
Yeah, yeah, are people doing the best they can?
00:26:55.279 --> 00:26:57.519
And Cindy, I said, absolutely not.
00:26:57.920 --> 00:26:59.759
And Cindy was like, Well, you don't know.
00:26:59.839 --> 00:27:00.880
That's why we're such a good team.
00:27:00.960 --> 00:27:01.279
Yeah, right.
00:27:01.440 --> 00:27:01.519
Yeah.
00:27:01.680 --> 00:27:02.799
And there's no wrong answer.
00:27:03.119 --> 00:27:04.240
No, there's no wrong answer.
00:27:04.880 --> 00:27:09.039
But then you can turn that question into yourself and say, Are you doing the best that you can?
00:27:09.359 --> 00:27:11.680
Because that's really where the honesty and truth comes from.
00:27:11.759 --> 00:27:15.599
It's like, do I know, is there something that I know I could be doing better?
00:27:15.759 --> 00:27:16.000
Right.
00:27:16.160 --> 00:27:26.400
You know, and usually I link that back to self-care, is because when people, you know, everyone that's come on our show, they all have busy lives and doing all these things and they're making magic for the world.
00:27:26.559 --> 00:27:29.759
And how many of them have actually struggled with that question?
00:27:29.839 --> 00:27:32.480
Where we'd ask them, like, that is one of the biggest questions.
00:27:32.880 --> 00:27:34.400
What do you do to take care of yourself?
00:27:34.559 --> 00:27:39.440
And then they go, they're like, uh, you know, there's a little pause, there's a little pause.
00:27:39.680 --> 00:27:39.839
Yeah.
00:27:39.920 --> 00:27:40.000
Yeah.
00:27:40.160 --> 00:27:45.519
So because we always say that, how are you going to be doing all these wonderful things in the world if you're not starting with you?
00:27:46.160 --> 00:28:04.880
Well, and and just to go back, when you talk about self-care, especially when you're going through grief, when you're going through things like that, you know, that's one of the reasons that I found common ground so amazing because I was trying to figure out I'm going through my own severe grief, and I have these kids going through it, and how do I help them and continue?
00:28:05.279 --> 00:28:12.160
And common ground was amazing for that, you know, with the adult group and also just seeing them deal with it was was fabulous.
00:28:12.400 --> 00:28:15.359
But now self-care looks a little different, you know.
00:28:15.519 --> 00:28:19.839
I still experience the grief and the loss, but it's totally different way, you know.
00:28:20.079 --> 00:28:23.440
Yes, it's not as heavy, it's it's present, but exactly.
00:28:23.759 --> 00:28:27.200
And and I'm very, very close with um Brian, who passed.
00:28:27.279 --> 00:28:30.400
I'm very, very close with his family and his daughter.
00:28:30.640 --> 00:28:38.640
And so my self-care is first of all, being really connected with my family, with my friends, my kids.
00:28:38.799 --> 00:28:40.079
I have two wonderful kids.
00:28:40.240 --> 00:28:42.480
They're 16 and 19, both girls.
00:28:42.799 --> 00:28:50.400
And um, I do spend a fair amount of time with my family and with my kids, with Brian's family, who is my family, I consider them.
00:28:50.880 --> 00:28:53.279
And um, and then I go to the gym.
00:28:53.359 --> 00:28:53.839
I need that.
00:28:53.920 --> 00:28:54.480
I go to the gym.
00:28:55.200 --> 00:28:56.319
It is medicine, yes.
00:28:56.400 --> 00:28:58.240
Yeah, yes, I probably right now.
00:28:58.319 --> 00:28:59.920
I'm I'm pushing it more.
00:29:00.000 --> 00:29:04.480
You know, I've been going more, so I've been going like five, six days a week, and I do that early.
00:29:04.559 --> 00:29:07.119
So that's the first thing of the day, generally.
00:29:07.680 --> 00:29:09.200
So it's my same thing with gossiping.
00:29:09.359 --> 00:29:11.119
Yeah, the day can't get you.
00:29:11.279 --> 00:29:11.519
Exactly.
00:29:11.680 --> 00:29:12.640
You can do it first and more.
00:29:12.960 --> 00:29:13.279
Exactly.
00:29:13.680 --> 00:29:14.000
Yeah.
00:29:14.240 --> 00:29:26.960
So, you know, I I'm I'm thinking to myself, like, what is the is there a difference in your law practice since you started to be a facilitator at Common Ground and since you got involved with music for all seasons?
00:29:27.920 --> 00:29:28.640
That's a good idea.
00:29:32.559 --> 00:29:33.599
You maybe I don't know.
00:29:34.000 --> 00:29:36.000
I definitely do have more understanding.
00:29:36.400 --> 00:29:38.319
Yeah, I do have more understanding.
00:29:38.559 --> 00:29:47.359
There's a lot of empathy in my practice in terms of what they're going through because some people obviously are have dealt with loss, so I see that.
00:29:47.839 --> 00:29:58.319
Uh a lot of it has to do with um some substance use, substance abuse, whether they're dealing with it themselves or their partner has it, is dealing with it.
00:29:58.799 --> 00:30:02.960
And that's something that I've I'm very empathetic about.
00:30:03.200 --> 00:30:15.440
And so in terms of music for all seasons, I think it's just the idea that um of giving back and watching what my parents spent almost their entire life doing, you know.
00:30:15.599 --> 00:30:35.279
I grew up with them giving back and and and they never judged people, you know, they didn't judge their no matter how different you were domestic violence centers and prisons they were in all different places, and I never saw them judge people for who they were, where they came from, their background, their financial status, their education.
00:30:35.680 --> 00:30:37.119
Like, yeah, yeah, absolutely.
00:30:37.519 --> 00:30:39.680
But you're also using the healing power of music.
00:30:40.079 --> 00:30:45.599
Yeah, you know, it doesn't matter where you are, what's going on, like it can heal you.
00:30:45.920 --> 00:30:51.359
And it's cool because it's there's so many different programs that they've brought into these facilities.
00:30:51.519 --> 00:30:52.960
It's not just classical music.
00:30:53.119 --> 00:31:02.400
I mean, there's all different varieties and uh it's really exciting for the people that are receiving that uh those programs.
00:31:02.880 --> 00:31:04.400
I'm sure that I'm sure it is.
00:31:04.559 --> 00:31:04.720
Yeah.
00:31:04.960 --> 00:31:18.319
So you know, I I can't help but think that even, you know, we we talked before this, but then when I saw you in the parking lot and I was right away, um I had this sense of warmth and passion about you.
00:31:18.720 --> 00:31:26.480
So I can't even imagine how lucky your clients are, because how many attorneys are like that?
00:31:26.720 --> 00:31:28.240
You know, there's very present.
00:31:28.559 --> 00:31:36.160
There's a there's a there's a presence about you, and that's why we always tell people about being in the present moment because most people are not, right?
00:31:36.480 --> 00:31:42.480
But there's definitely something that is calming and in you're like you're here giving us your time.
00:31:42.640 --> 00:31:42.880
Right.
00:31:42.960 --> 00:31:43.200
Right.
00:31:43.359 --> 00:31:51.359
You know, and that's something, honestly, when we link it back to common ground, like those kids, you know, and as we know, Cindy and I were public educators for what so many years.
00:31:51.519 --> 00:31:59.920
If you're not on point with the kids, yeah, they know in two seconds if you're not paying attention, and they also know if you're not genuine and they can sense it.
00:32:00.240 --> 00:32:07.359
And that I I saw as being a school counselor, they'll just close right up if they're not gonna they don't want to talk to you if they feel like they can't trust you.
00:32:07.599 --> 00:32:16.240
Yeah, you know, and those kids are trusting you with all of their emotions and maybe things they can't say at school or at home, and yet they need a safe space to to be able to share.
00:32:16.720 --> 00:32:18.079
Yeah, no, I appreciate that.
00:32:18.240 --> 00:32:27.359
And you know, what you see in me uh extends across all of these volunteers throughout common ground and obviously music for all seasons.
00:32:27.920 --> 00:32:34.880
But in the common ground, you've got there's 68 uh volunteer facilitators and they uh growing.
00:32:35.279 --> 00:32:35.599
Yeah, yeah.
00:32:35.759 --> 00:32:48.480
And Music for All Seasons, the facilitators that started the Voices of Change program there just you know a few weeks ago, they uh were so blown away by how open these children were in their first uh session.
00:32:49.119 --> 00:32:58.160
They said it usually takes a few sessions to really get to know them and to open them up so that we get an idea of what themes do you want to work with, what kind of music do you like.
00:32:58.319 --> 00:33:03.440
And they said immediately first session, they were so open, and that's what these kids learn, you know.
00:33:03.599 --> 00:33:05.440
That's that's what they're doing every week.
00:33:05.599 --> 00:33:06.880
So it's such an amazing place.
00:33:07.119 --> 00:33:10.319
It's wonderful, and that that you that you also see in Lynn's book.
00:33:10.720 --> 00:33:19.680
You know, if you have if you haven't picked up Life on Pause, Lynn Snyder, it's all the collection and artwork from the music element.
00:33:20.000 --> 00:33:21.440
And now we'll have the music, yes, but yes.
00:33:22.160 --> 00:33:28.640
Uh you know, all I'm thinking about is there's a lot of musicians out there who this would benefit them so much.
00:33:28.960 --> 00:33:29.119
Yes.
00:33:29.759 --> 00:33:30.000
Yes.
00:33:30.240 --> 00:33:31.759
So are you looking for musicians?
00:33:32.000 --> 00:33:32.799
Where do you find your musicians?
00:33:33.680 --> 00:33:34.160
Yeah, yeah.
00:33:34.240 --> 00:33:34.799
How does that work?
00:33:35.039 --> 00:33:55.759
Yeah, um, I'm not as involved in that part of it, but I do know that they're always looking for, they're always open to um meeting musicians that are interested in a certain like New York, New Jersey area because they're actually in New Jersey, New York, Connecticut, Pennsylvania, California, and they just started in Massachusetts.
00:33:56.000 --> 00:33:56.319
That's great.
00:33:56.480 --> 00:34:02.880
So there is a lot of area for um involvement, a lot of yeah, a lot of and growth.
00:34:03.039 --> 00:34:06.160
And musicforallseasons.org is the website.
00:34:06.319 --> 00:34:10.960
So yeah, obviously, just you know, reaching out if you say, Hey, this is something I would love to do.
00:34:11.119 --> 00:34:17.760
And, you know, it's paid work, but it's so meaningful because you're doing something where you're giving back and you're interactive.
00:34:18.000 --> 00:34:24.800
You know, there's a specific way that the musicians work with the people that they, you know, go into these residences or the facilities.
00:34:25.119 --> 00:34:26.159
So are they trained as well?
00:34:26.320 --> 00:34:26.559
Yeah.
00:34:26.719 --> 00:34:26.960
Okay.
00:34:27.119 --> 00:34:27.199
Yeah.
00:34:27.360 --> 00:34:27.599
Okay.
00:34:27.679 --> 00:34:30.320
Well, I think it's a great opportunity.
00:34:30.480 --> 00:34:30.559
Yeah.
00:34:30.880 --> 00:34:35.440
From colleges or is it uh like students and music programs, like who is the case?
00:34:35.599 --> 00:34:50.559
Well, it's funny because Music for All Seasons is actually working on uh training the next generation of musicians to be able to give back in this way and also to be able to work with people in the way of um being able to interact with their audience.
00:34:50.800 --> 00:34:59.280
And they're directly working with uh a Cali Collective, which is a graduate program, and that's through Montclair State University.
00:34:59.440 --> 00:35:01.039
And they've been doing that for a few years now.
00:35:01.119 --> 00:35:04.559
That's yeah, because I would say that's a great opportunity to start training the students.
00:35:04.800 --> 00:35:07.760
And they the kids really learn so much from it, and yeah.
00:35:08.079 --> 00:35:08.639
That's wonderful.
00:35:08.880 --> 00:35:09.280
That's great.
00:35:09.519 --> 00:35:12.639
So, what's a takeaway you would like our listeners to know?
00:35:14.079 --> 00:35:15.679
Honestly, words of wisdom.
00:35:15.920 --> 00:35:16.239
I know.
00:35:16.480 --> 00:35:22.239
I I would I would like your listeners to think about, you know, giving back.
00:35:22.559 --> 00:35:29.840
Like I think that it's so important to give back, to volunteer, to look locally, to see who you can help.
00:35:30.239 --> 00:35:37.679
A lot of people feel that they might not have the time or they might not be able to, or maybe they don't know where to go, right?
00:35:38.159 --> 00:35:40.559
Um, where it's best to give back, that type of thing.
00:35:40.639 --> 00:35:44.960
But there you just get so much yourself, even from giving back to others.
00:35:45.199 --> 00:35:47.119
You learn so much about yourself.
00:35:47.760 --> 00:35:56.639
And I, you know, I just I I would say, I guess, in the sort of paraphrased words of Gandhi, you know, be the change you wish to see in the world, right?
00:35:56.960 --> 00:36:09.280
Because that's so important right now, especially when you look at the division that we have in this country, to be someone that focuses on making change locally, making change right.
00:36:09.360 --> 00:36:13.840
You know, people are losing friends over things that they think and politics and stuff.
00:36:14.000 --> 00:36:17.519
So just you know, doing something different, I think that's really important.
00:36:17.599 --> 00:36:22.800
And if you don't know where to look, go to musicforallseasons.org or common groundgriefcenter.org.
00:36:22.880 --> 00:36:24.559
We have plenty of volunteer opportunities.
00:36:24.880 --> 00:36:25.599
And it doesn't matter.
00:36:25.679 --> 00:36:30.559
Sometimes people with giving, they think, okay, well, I don't have any money, but you don't need to give money exactly.
00:36:30.880 --> 00:36:31.119
Your time.
00:36:31.360 --> 00:36:32.320
Oh, the time for anything.
00:36:32.639 --> 00:36:37.119
You can facilitate and work with groups, you can yeah, there's lots of ways to do it.
00:36:37.280 --> 00:36:38.079
Lots of ways for sure.
00:36:38.320 --> 00:36:38.559
Yeah.
00:36:38.960 --> 00:36:40.639
So these are some final questions.
00:36:40.719 --> 00:36:47.039
And if you watch the podcast, I don't know whether people that have watched it are like already preparing for this, but we'll probably not.
00:36:47.760 --> 00:36:48.159
Probably not.
00:36:48.400 --> 00:36:50.000
So, how do you view failure?
00:36:50.719 --> 00:36:52.559
Oh failure.
00:36:54.079 --> 00:36:54.400
I know.
00:36:54.719 --> 00:36:55.039
I know.
00:36:55.360 --> 00:36:56.000
We've all been there.
00:36:56.719 --> 00:36:58.239
I haven't failed before.
00:36:58.639 --> 00:37:05.599
Um well, it's funny because in my business, failure can be a loss of emotion.
00:37:06.239 --> 00:37:08.639
You know, we we lose emotion or we lose something.
00:37:08.800 --> 00:37:20.320
Obviously, that's you know, but I view failure as a way to uh learn, you know, because obviously, let's say if it really is at work and it's a loss of emotion, I'm gonna figure out, okay, what do I need to do next time?
00:37:20.480 --> 00:37:23.599
How do I need to present this in a way that the judge really understands?
00:37:23.840 --> 00:37:32.559
Or maybe this was something that was really difficult to win, and we did our best, we made our best shot at it, you know, that kind of thing.
00:37:32.639 --> 00:37:33.039
Yeah, yeah.
00:37:33.119 --> 00:37:33.280
Yeah.
00:37:33.519 --> 00:37:34.000
Great answer.
00:37:34.159 --> 00:37:34.239
Yeah.
00:37:34.480 --> 00:37:36.159
What are your three most important strengths?
00:37:36.320 --> 00:37:38.239
We know you have a lot more to recreate.
00:37:38.480 --> 00:37:39.519
Don't overthink it, just boom.
00:37:39.679 --> 00:37:40.400
What comes to your head?
00:37:40.639 --> 00:37:45.280
I mean, compassion, empathy, and um presence.
00:37:45.760 --> 00:37:47.599
See, you you do have it.
00:37:47.760 --> 00:37:48.800
You've got that presence.
00:37:49.039 --> 00:37:49.199
Yeah.
00:37:49.360 --> 00:37:51.440
And I kind of feel like you never sleep.
00:37:51.920 --> 00:37:55.920
I I don't sleep a lot, but I've started to I've started to really push it.
00:37:57.599 --> 00:37:58.000
You picked it up.
00:37:58.239 --> 00:37:58.719
I picked it up.
00:37:58.880 --> 00:38:00.320
I was like, this woman does not sleep.
00:38:00.960 --> 00:38:12.000
The training, you know, because I have started working with um Advice Unfiltered, the podcast that I mentioned, and they help people to achieve whatever it is that you're looking to achieve.
00:38:12.079 --> 00:38:17.679
And one of the things that I'm training for is the HIROCs uh you're gonna do HIROX challenge.
00:38:18.559 --> 00:38:20.320
I think it was just or it's soon.
00:38:20.719 --> 00:38:24.159
There's one June 7th in New York, and that's the one I'm gonna do.
00:38:24.400 --> 00:38:29.519
So in training for that, um, one of the biggest things they're saying is you have to sleep, you have to sleep.
00:38:29.599 --> 00:38:31.760
So I'm trying to get to sleep at a better time.
00:38:31.920 --> 00:38:32.719
That's what I'm saying.
00:38:33.360 --> 00:38:34.719
Sleep is your foundation.
00:38:35.599 --> 00:38:37.519
If you don't sleep, you know, you're not gonna be good for it.
00:38:37.679 --> 00:38:38.960
So, what's going well in your life?
00:38:39.199 --> 00:38:43.599
I mean, you're practically bubbling over, so I'm gonna say there's lots.
00:38:44.000 --> 00:38:47.360
Honestly, I mean, my kids are fabulous, and that's really exactly.
00:38:51.440 --> 00:38:52.320
Yeah, she is fabulous.
00:38:52.480 --> 00:38:57.920
And I didn't mention that she is um also a facilitator at Common Ground Center.
00:38:58.320 --> 00:39:00.159
She talked about it.
00:39:00.320 --> 00:39:04.320
I mean, and she's 19, and I'm so impressed with the fact that she's doing that.
00:39:04.480 --> 00:39:04.719
Yeah.
00:39:04.880 --> 00:39:05.039
Yeah.
00:39:05.440 --> 00:39:06.480
In between her other jobs.
00:39:06.719 --> 00:39:07.840
Yeah, exactly.
00:39:08.000 --> 00:39:08.559
Exactly.
00:39:08.800 --> 00:39:12.559
And then uh honestly, I mean, work is going well, it's very busy.
00:39:12.800 --> 00:39:16.559
I have um, you know, uh uh great clients.
00:39:16.719 --> 00:39:27.199
Um, some are really tough, some are really, you know, the cases themselves, and you have adversaries and um the other side of the divorce that are really difficult to deal with.
00:39:27.360 --> 00:39:30.559
But it's all, again, I guess I have to take that as a learning experience.
00:39:30.639 --> 00:39:31.599
How do I deal with this one?
00:39:31.679 --> 00:39:34.079
It's very difficult, and moving on to the next.
00:39:34.320 --> 00:39:35.599
So that's going well.
00:39:35.760 --> 00:39:47.280
And then um, I am very, very passionate about common ground and music for all seasons, and I just love promoting it and doing what we do with um, yeah.
00:39:47.360 --> 00:39:56.400
You've got a nice offshoot, like you have like your very stressful, yeah, you know, law career and what that entails, and then you have these two beautiful programs that you're doing outside.
00:39:56.719 --> 00:39:57.119
That's true.
00:39:57.199 --> 00:39:58.559
It gives you it gives you purpose.
00:39:58.719 --> 00:40:01.119
Yes, it gives you something different to focus on, too.
00:40:01.280 --> 00:40:02.320
Yeah, that's how we feel.
00:40:02.400 --> 00:40:05.840
Yeah, coming here is definitely different than what we're doing the rest of the day.
00:40:06.079 --> 00:40:06.639
Exactly.
00:40:07.440 --> 00:40:13.360
So this is also from our book, The Elevation Principles, but is there something in your life that you'd like to change?
00:40:13.440 --> 00:40:14.800
It's a yes or no.
00:40:15.199 --> 00:40:15.840
Yeah.
00:40:17.599 --> 00:40:21.280
Kind of like that's a hard one.
00:40:21.840 --> 00:40:22.480
That's a hard one.
00:40:22.960 --> 00:40:23.199
No.
00:40:23.679 --> 00:40:26.159
Honestly, I'd just like to be a little more organized at home.
00:40:26.400 --> 00:40:26.880
So that's a yes.
00:40:27.119 --> 00:40:27.679
So that's a yes.
00:40:28.559 --> 00:40:28.880
There you go.
00:40:29.039 --> 00:40:31.840
It doesn't have to be what's holding you back?
00:40:32.079 --> 00:40:32.639
Uh, time.
00:40:33.039 --> 00:40:33.760
That is time.
00:40:34.320 --> 00:40:34.960
That is time.
00:40:35.119 --> 00:40:35.360
Yes.
00:40:35.440 --> 00:40:35.599
Yeah.
00:40:35.920 --> 00:40:44.559
So what's one step that you could take towards moving forward so you're more organized at home.
00:40:44.800 --> 00:40:44.960
Right.
00:40:45.119 --> 00:40:47.840
Doesn't have to be like you're gonna be super organized today.
00:40:48.000 --> 00:40:48.159
Right.
00:40:48.239 --> 00:40:54.079
But what's I mean, honestly, it would probably be like, don't look at the phone when I'm at home, things like that.
00:40:54.320 --> 00:40:54.719
Bingo.
00:40:54.800 --> 00:40:55.039
Yeah.
00:40:55.280 --> 00:41:00.559
One of the things that we did when we were researching the book, because time that's what everybody said, right?
00:41:00.719 --> 00:41:01.280
I don't have time.
00:41:01.440 --> 00:41:01.599
Yeah.
00:41:01.760 --> 00:41:04.239
So and the phone was the biggest issue.
00:41:04.480 --> 00:41:05.599
It's a it's a distractor.
00:41:05.920 --> 00:41:08.239
So we did a 24-hour challenge.
00:41:08.559 --> 00:41:11.920
We we did actually we asked people to do it for 24 hours.
00:41:12.000 --> 00:41:12.079
Okay.
00:41:12.320 --> 00:41:13.360
And they couldn't even do that.
00:41:13.599 --> 00:41:18.880
We did it for 24 hours for a whole week to really say, like, what are you doing every day?
00:41:19.119 --> 00:41:19.760
So write it down.
00:41:20.000 --> 00:41:22.400
Yeah, it's in in the book, there's a little like log too.
00:41:22.559 --> 00:41:24.719
So, like, but what are you doing every day?
00:41:24.960 --> 00:41:27.280
You know, that you can't get your stuff done.
00:41:27.440 --> 00:41:35.599
And when you after a week of time, you'll see that there are gaps in the day where it could be the phone, or it could be you're watching the news, or it could be you are doing whatever.
00:41:35.679 --> 00:41:37.599
Yeah, and then you make changes from there.
00:41:37.760 --> 00:41:39.360
Like that was the first thing that I got rid of.
00:41:39.519 --> 00:41:45.199
I stopped watching the news because I would come home and turn it on and and school shootings and this and that, awful things.
00:41:45.360 --> 00:41:46.880
And I was like, I don't want to watch this.
00:41:47.119 --> 00:41:49.199
So there I got half an hour got back.
00:41:49.360 --> 00:41:54.000
So maybe you know, the scrolling with the one the one scroll leads to two hours of scroll.
00:41:55.119 --> 00:42:00.320
And you're not alone, you know, even though we we blame it on kids, but yeah, we're the adults are just as bad.
00:42:00.480 --> 00:42:05.519
So yeah, maybe you can find a way to become more organized and we're gonna hold on to that, Karen.
00:42:05.840 --> 00:42:07.440
Okay, I'll check back with you.
00:42:07.840 --> 00:42:08.800
Yes, we will see you.
00:42:09.039 --> 00:42:10.400
So, what do you think is next for you?
00:42:10.559 --> 00:42:15.760
We'll put everything for all the programs in the show notes, and I have the flyers, but like what's next for you?
00:42:16.000 --> 00:42:24.000
Yeah, I mean, for me, honestly, in the short term, what I'm looking forward to is, you know, continuing with my practice the way that I am.
00:42:24.239 --> 00:42:28.159
But um, training for the high rocks, doing the high rocks, I'm excited about that.
00:42:28.239 --> 00:42:31.039
And I'm really excited about the two fundraisers that are coming up.
00:42:31.119 --> 00:42:34.559
Those are really what I'm focused on in the next, you know, four to six months.
00:42:34.880 --> 00:42:42.159
And the yeah, Martel's Common Ground fundraiser, June 11th, and then the Music for All Seasons one is November 9th.
00:42:42.239 --> 00:42:43.840
So it's a lot of exciting things.
00:42:44.239 --> 00:42:44.880
Yes, I love it.
00:42:45.039 --> 00:42:46.719
And high rocks is gonna be in June.
00:42:47.039 --> 00:42:49.119
So you have a couple weeks, so you have to sleep.
00:42:49.360 --> 00:43:01.119
Yes, if you don't, you're not gonna make it with the burpees and the jumping and the sled pushing and know all about it's a lot, but look what an accomplishment that is to go and actually say you did it.
00:43:01.599 --> 00:43:02.400
So it's wonderful.
00:43:03.440 --> 00:43:04.239
So okay.
00:43:04.400 --> 00:43:06.719
Well, we are into our last minutes.
00:43:06.960 --> 00:43:10.719
So we always say thank you for sticking it out with us.
00:43:10.800 --> 00:43:14.239
And again, if you haven't subscribed to our podcast, please do so.
00:43:14.480 --> 00:43:21.440
And we will be back again with another amazing person doing things in mental health and wellness that should need to be showcased.
00:43:21.599 --> 00:43:24.079
And as always, Cindy has our final words of words.
00:43:24.320 --> 00:43:28.400
Yeah, so remember to pause, breathe, and then respond.
00:43:28.960 --> 00:43:30.079
Do not react.
00:43:30.719 --> 00:43:33.519
Take a minute or a seconds, even seconds.
00:43:33.840 --> 00:43:34.880
And always do hard things.
00:43:35.199 --> 00:43:35.679
Thank you so much.
00:43:35.920 --> 00:43:36.800
Yes, thank you, Karen.
00:43:37.119 --> 00:43:37.840
Thank you for taking your time.
00:43:38.320 --> 00:43:38.880
Thank you for being here.
00:43:39.280 --> 00:43:40.639
Thank you for everything you do for everyone else.
00:43:41.280 --> 00:43:41.519
Yes.
00:00:00.080 --> 00:00:05.280
Welcome to the Mindset Connection podcast, and thank you for joining us for our 41st episode.
00:00:05.679 --> 00:00:08.640
We are your hosts, Jennifer Clearwaters and Cindy O'Connell.
00:00:08.720 --> 00:00:10.080
And if you're new to us, welcome.
00:00:10.240 --> 00:00:15.759
And at every show, we are featuring amazing people doing great things in mental health and wellness.
00:00:16.079 --> 00:00:23.600
So one note that Cindy and I keep forgetting to say when we do our intro is if you have not subscribed to our podcast, please hit that button and do it.
00:00:23.760 --> 00:00:27.199
Uh we often are not doing we're doing the same thing and sometimes we forget.
00:00:27.359 --> 00:00:29.199
But if you like our show, please subscribe.
00:00:29.280 --> 00:00:31.039
It does help for us to get our message out.
00:00:31.199 --> 00:00:33.759
And additionally, I forgot to say this last time too.
00:00:34.000 --> 00:00:36.000
We are now accepting sponsors for our podcast.
00:00:36.079 --> 00:00:39.039
So if you did want to support our work, please let us know.
00:00:39.200 --> 00:00:44.320
Find us in the show notes, give us a contact um shout-out, and we would love to work with you.
00:00:44.880 --> 00:00:46.240
But anyway, back to our show.
00:00:46.320 --> 00:00:49.119
Today we are welcoming Karen Byrd to our podcast.
00:00:49.200 --> 00:00:50.000
So thank you for being here.
00:00:50.159 --> 00:00:51.920
And Cindy's gonna start with her bio.
00:00:52.240 --> 00:00:52.719
All right.
00:00:52.880 --> 00:01:06.239
So Karen is an attorney, a mediator, a dedicated community advocate whose work reflects a deep commitment to supporting others, both legal guidance and meaningful human connection.
00:01:06.480 --> 00:01:14.159
And Karen, uh, just a little shout out to Lynn Snyder from Common Ground, where I don't know how she does it, but we'll hear about it.
00:01:14.319 --> 00:01:16.480
Karen is the facilitator there.
00:01:16.719 --> 00:01:20.239
And uh Lynn said, Oh, you have to have my friend on.
00:01:20.400 --> 00:01:21.359
She'll be perfect.
00:01:21.599 --> 00:01:24.480
So Jen, Lynn, and I decided that was a dot.
00:01:25.680 --> 00:01:27.840
Heard us talk about it before, it means it's a connection.
00:01:28.560 --> 00:01:29.599
So there it is.
00:01:29.920 --> 00:01:38.799
So uh she's equally passionate about her role as a member of the Board of Trustees for Music for All Seasons, which we're gonna hear about.
00:01:39.040 --> 00:01:47.760
And she is the owner of the Burr Law Group, which has offices in uh Rumson and Hoboken Bayonne.
00:01:47.920 --> 00:01:49.760
I want to say Hoboken for some reason.
00:01:50.000 --> 00:01:54.319
And uh her practice focuses on family law and mediation.
00:01:54.560 --> 00:01:59.120
And she can explain about that for those of us that are unaware of what that is.
00:01:59.519 --> 00:02:04.959
So she um also uh, again, is a facilitator for common ground.
00:02:05.120 --> 00:02:07.760
She is involved with music for all seasons.
00:02:08.080 --> 00:02:19.919
So she definitely has uh a compassionate heart and is willing to just give her everything to uh the community involvement as well as her own business.
00:02:20.159 --> 00:02:32.639
So she also has extensive experience in litigation and high-stakes negotiation, and she was in the past um a senior claims analyst with multi-million dollar cases.
00:02:33.039 --> 00:02:43.840
She has a doctorate from Seton Hall University of School of Law and a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology, no surprise there, um, from the University of Rochester.
00:02:44.080 --> 00:02:51.199
Uh, she has a core belief in helping others and making a lasting positive impact on their lives.
00:02:51.360 --> 00:02:53.439
So thank you so much, Karen, for joining us today.
00:02:53.840 --> 00:02:54.319
Thank you.
00:02:54.800 --> 00:02:55.919
So nice introduction.
00:02:56.319 --> 00:02:59.199
Let's talk about the law stuff first, because there's so many different things.
00:02:59.520 --> 00:03:02.319
You're here, just being a lawyer is a full-time job.
00:03:02.479 --> 00:03:08.960
And then we have this all of the stuff at Common Ground and then the music programs, wondering how you're doing all that.
00:03:09.120 --> 00:03:13.840
But how did you go from working in law to then deciding to just start your own firm?
00:03:14.080 --> 00:03:15.280
That's gotta be hard.
00:03:15.759 --> 00:03:19.199
It it was, but it kind of was a natural progression.
00:03:19.360 --> 00:03:31.199
So I was working in insurance defense in a law firm, and then I actually transitioned to working in AIG, to at AIG uh in an insurance company.
00:03:31.360 --> 00:03:35.680
And that was when I was a claims analyst, and we worked in the excess department.
00:03:35.919 --> 00:03:45.759
And so that was handling multimillion dollar lawsuits and claims and basically analyzing the claim and how to resolve it on behalf of the insured.
00:03:46.000 --> 00:03:51.120
And I worked at AIG for a few years, and then I worked at Liberty International Underwriters.
00:03:51.199 --> 00:03:53.840
And at that same time, I was starting my family.
00:03:54.000 --> 00:04:01.520
And I had a young child, and I then was um pregnant with my second child, with my second daughter.
00:04:01.759 --> 00:04:08.560
And it was becoming difficult because that kind of work in the claims business uh entailed a lot of travel.
00:04:09.039 --> 00:04:09.840
And I loved it.
00:04:10.000 --> 00:04:11.120
I loved what I was doing there.
00:04:11.199 --> 00:04:15.120
I loved the claims world, but it was just a lot for starting my new family.
00:04:15.280 --> 00:04:26.560
And my sister-in-law was also in a transitionary period, and she had just left a firm that she was working at, that she had worked at for a while doing real estate, and she was looking to start her own firm.
00:04:26.800 --> 00:04:33.759
So she was going out and doing real estate and a little bit of family law and a little bit of estate work, wills and things of that nature.
00:04:34.000 --> 00:04:36.399
And she asked me, Did I want to join her?
00:04:36.639 --> 00:04:37.920
So I said, Okay.
00:04:38.879 --> 00:04:40.639
So it was kind of a leap of faith.
00:04:40.720 --> 00:04:43.360
I didn't, you know, know exactly how it was going to work out.
00:04:43.600 --> 00:04:49.199
But I started working with her and she taught me everything I knew, everything she knew in family law at the time.
00:04:49.439 --> 00:04:55.600
And then she also started to work with me for real estate, said, Oh, we can, you know, both do real estate and family law.
00:04:55.839 --> 00:05:01.839
But we quickly learned that that was not the way to go because I just real estate wasn't for me.
00:05:02.000 --> 00:05:06.160
There were so many moving parts, there was so much that I really didn't know about it.
00:05:06.240 --> 00:05:10.079
And that had been what she did for her whole career so far.
00:05:10.240 --> 00:05:12.639
So it was, she was really, really good at it.
00:05:12.720 --> 00:05:14.639
And it just came natural to her.
00:05:14.800 --> 00:05:18.000
And she also figured out I hate to be in court.
00:05:18.240 --> 00:05:21.839
I don't want to go to in front of judges, I don't want to argue anything.
00:05:22.000 --> 00:05:22.800
And I liked that.
00:05:22.959 --> 00:05:23.839
I didn't mind that.
00:05:24.079 --> 00:05:29.600
So I took over everything in family law and she took over everything in real estate, and that's what we've been doing.
00:05:29.680 --> 00:05:32.319
And we joined uh together in 2010.
00:05:32.480 --> 00:05:33.600
So it's been fabulous.
00:05:34.000 --> 00:05:36.000
See, you took a leap of faith, and what do they say?
00:05:36.319 --> 00:05:38.319
Leap and the net will appear, right?
00:05:38.720 --> 00:05:39.920
So it worked for you.
00:05:40.079 --> 00:05:40.480
Thank you.
00:05:40.560 --> 00:05:40.959
Congratulations.
00:05:41.199 --> 00:05:41.759
That's wonderful.
00:05:42.079 --> 00:05:42.399
Thank you.
00:05:42.560 --> 00:05:42.879
Thank you.
00:05:43.120 --> 00:05:45.360
So that's why her last name is Burr as well.
00:05:45.600 --> 00:05:48.560
Yes, and my sister-in-law, yes, we figured that out.
00:05:50.000 --> 00:05:50.480
All right.
00:05:50.800 --> 00:05:56.480
So, you know, prior to having a guest on the podcast, we always like to, you know, meet with them.
00:05:56.639 --> 00:06:04.399
And um, so Karen was kind enough to spend some time with us, even though she had to sit in her car to talk to us because it was one of those.
00:06:04.800 --> 00:06:06.639
Doing anyway network.
00:06:08.000 --> 00:06:19.199
So um tell us how you became a board member for music for all seasons, because this is a wonderful story about your parents' careers in music and how that influenced you.
00:06:19.519 --> 00:06:20.639
Yeah, thank you.
00:06:20.800 --> 00:06:22.480
Um, this might be a long answer.
00:06:22.560 --> 00:06:25.279
So if you've got a lot of people, it is no, we don't want to.
00:06:25.439 --> 00:06:26.399
It's truly a beautiful story.
00:06:26.879 --> 00:06:29.360
It's a beautiful program, and we didn't know about it.
00:06:29.519 --> 00:06:29.680
Yeah.
00:06:29.839 --> 00:06:32.720
So we want our listeners, okay, viewers to know about it.
00:06:32.959 --> 00:06:33.839
No, I appreciate that.
00:06:34.000 --> 00:06:36.079
My so I grew up with music.
00:06:36.240 --> 00:06:38.240
My parents are both concert pianists.
00:06:38.319 --> 00:06:46.000
So I grew up with every day hearing some type of music around me, and um, that influenced our family.
00:06:46.079 --> 00:06:53.759
I mean, I used to play, I played the viola when I was very little, and then I played the piano a little bit just because they were teachers also.
00:06:54.079 --> 00:06:57.360
And then I played the harp in high school and college.
00:06:57.680 --> 00:07:02.560
So um, and then my brother is a cellist in the Atlanta Symphony Orchestra.
00:07:02.639 --> 00:07:08.480
So he started playing for his career, and obviously that was born out of the music in our household.
00:07:08.639 --> 00:07:18.560
But my parents, um, during, you know, they my father was a um teacher, a professor at Temple University, and he taught music theory.
00:07:18.720 --> 00:07:25.279
And my mother did a lot of uh performing and she was also a writer, she was a music critic at the New York Times and the Home Tribune.
00:07:25.439 --> 00:07:25.839
Oh my goodness.
00:07:26.079 --> 00:07:28.959
And so she's such accomplished people.
00:07:29.519 --> 00:07:43.839
So she, because she was um playing a lot, she was playing concerts, she was preparing for a series of concerts in California, and she called a um nursing home and she said, Do you mind if I come and play this?
00:07:44.000 --> 00:07:47.519
Because I would like to practice it publicly, you know, play my pieces publicly.
00:07:47.680 --> 00:07:48.959
So they said, Of course, come in.
00:07:49.199 --> 00:08:06.160
So she went into the nursing home and she played this concert, and she said that she was blown away, as was the staff, at the reaction of the residents and how some people really hadn't moved much, hadn't they weren't very happy, and they were sitting there humming, they were dancing in their seat.
00:08:06.399 --> 00:08:10.160
There was this reaction that she was seeing to the live music in front of them.
00:08:10.560 --> 00:08:14.319
So she went home and she said to my father, there's a need here.
00:08:14.480 --> 00:08:16.079
I think this is an idea.
00:08:16.399 --> 00:08:18.959
And that's how Music for All Seasons was born.
00:08:19.040 --> 00:08:28.800
In 1991, they started and they said, uh, you know, we're gonna start bringing music to people who are confined.
00:08:29.360 --> 00:08:48.639
So the populations that they began working with were nursing homes, convalescent centers, children's hospitals, prisons, women and children that were victims of domestic violence, living in shelters, at-risk teen facilities where the teens were living in the facilities.
00:08:48.799 --> 00:08:52.399
So anywhere where people couldn't get out to hear live music, they would bring it to them.
00:08:52.559 --> 00:08:54.159
So and they brought it to them.
00:08:54.320 --> 00:08:56.000
They were professional musicians.
00:08:56.159 --> 00:08:59.759
They believe in paying all of their musicians a living wage.
00:09:00.320 --> 00:09:10.480
And uh, so none of them were volunteers, but what they did was they would create these maybe music series, and here's a series at a nursing home, here's a series at this prison.
00:09:10.639 --> 00:09:16.399
And the performances that they did were interactive, they were educational, they were fun.
00:09:16.639 --> 00:09:21.120
So the people, I mean, you had people in the prison saying, That's classical music.
00:09:21.279 --> 00:09:23.039
I didn't know that's classical music.
00:09:23.120 --> 00:09:23.840
That's amazing.
00:09:24.240 --> 00:09:28.879
You know, they were just teaching and opening people's eyes to different things.
00:09:29.120 --> 00:09:32.480
And also in the process, of course, there's a level of healing.
00:09:32.559 --> 00:09:37.679
And that's what they believed so strongly in that healing power of music, yeah, which is why they started it.
00:09:37.919 --> 00:09:47.759
And then um, fast forward, they began working with, they said, you know, we'd like to work with different populations because they really saw such a change in the populations that they were working with.
00:09:47.919 --> 00:09:57.519
So in about 2011, my father and a prior board member, Ellen Kulka, they decided that they wanted to work with the veteran population.
00:09:57.759 --> 00:10:00.639
So they created a program called Voices of Valor.
00:10:01.360 --> 00:10:04.240
And Voices of Valor is just amazing.
00:10:04.399 --> 00:10:11.519
So what they did was they brought a professional musician and a songwriter, a lyricist, along with a psychology mentor.
00:10:11.759 --> 00:10:20.720
And they asked a they would go to maybe veteran facilities to um work with the different veterans, and they would ask a group to volunteer to be involved in this.
00:10:20.879 --> 00:10:25.759
They really had no idea what they were volunteering for at the time, you know, because it was a pretty new program.
00:10:26.000 --> 00:10:32.799
But they would have between 10 and 15 veterans, and they would create a song about their experiences.
00:10:32.960 --> 00:10:50.080
So the idea is that the veterans could create a song about whether it's, you know, what they experienced at war, what they experienced, what they're experiencing now through PTSD, what they experienced just trying to reintegrate into life and having trouble with that, not being supported enough, things like that.
00:10:50.240 --> 00:10:50.399
Yeah.
00:10:50.559 --> 00:10:52.480
And it was a collective experience.
00:10:52.639 --> 00:10:55.759
It was one song with 10 or 12 or 15 people.
00:10:55.919 --> 00:11:00.799
So all of their experiences came into one culmination of a song together.
00:11:01.039 --> 00:11:02.080
And it's amazing.
00:11:02.240 --> 00:11:02.480
Yeah.
00:11:02.639 --> 00:11:10.159
And the cool thing is that the people that are involved in the voices programs, they don't have to have any musical experience, no musical background.
00:11:10.399 --> 00:11:16.559
So you have people that um once they're done creating the song, which is generally a seven-week series.
00:11:17.120 --> 00:11:17.919
That was going to be my question.
00:11:18.159 --> 00:11:18.879
How long would that take?
00:11:19.679 --> 00:11:21.759
Seven times once a week.
00:11:21.919 --> 00:11:22.080
Yep.
00:11:22.240 --> 00:11:28.000
And then eighth week they go into a professional recording studio and they record their song.
00:11:28.159 --> 00:11:32.000
And they have people that are singing that have never sung before.
00:11:32.240 --> 00:11:40.960
So not only is it healing just to talk, you know, to sing about their experiences, and to also have people that have experienced it together, right?
00:11:41.200 --> 00:11:43.200
To form a community.
00:11:48.720 --> 00:11:48.879
Right.
00:11:49.120 --> 00:12:01.840
Ah, what a great so they and they've done um, I'll tell you the just the two um other voices programs that have been born out of this, also, is uh the voices of empowerment.
00:12:02.080 --> 00:12:06.639
Voices of empowerment, and they worked with um teens at juvenile detention centers.
00:12:06.879 --> 00:12:07.200
That's great.
00:12:07.360 --> 00:12:14.240
So they did a few of the programs there, and the voices of valor, they've now completed almost 90 songs of the voices of valor.
00:12:14.320 --> 00:12:14.799
It's all on YouTube.
00:12:15.120 --> 00:12:16.799
I was gonna say, where can you find all seasons?
00:12:16.960 --> 00:12:19.440
Okay, musicforallseasons.org.
00:12:19.679 --> 00:12:22.639
And then Voices of Change is the newest one.
00:12:22.720 --> 00:12:34.480
And that one was created really post-COVID out of a need that uh my parents were seeing, and the Board of Music for All Seasons and the um facilitators were seeing that there was a need for a connection.
00:12:34.639 --> 00:12:40.000
Yeah, the teens, especially the younger people that were really missing out on that connection.
00:12:40.559 --> 00:12:46.399
And so they went to the Boys and Girls Club and did Voices of Change and did a program there.
00:12:46.559 --> 00:12:53.919
And we're so proud to announce that they're they've just started a Voices of Change program at Common Ground Grief Center.
00:12:54.320 --> 00:13:04.480
So they have a group that's in the process of creating their song now, whether it's about the grief that they're experiencing or missing their person or something of that nature.
00:13:04.639 --> 00:13:08.320
It's really whatever the group decides as a whole to put together.
00:13:08.639 --> 00:13:16.879
And they are uh creating that now, and they're going to be premiering their song at the common ground fundraiser.
00:13:17.200 --> 00:13:17.840
The clam bake.
00:13:18.080 --> 00:13:21.120
The clam bake on June 11th at Martel's Tiki Bar.
00:13:21.519 --> 00:13:22.799
So we're so excited about that.
00:13:22.960 --> 00:13:28.480
So is it the teens that they selected, or is it a combination of the teens and the kids?
00:13:28.559 --> 00:13:30.960
It was whoever wanted to volunteer.
00:13:31.200 --> 00:13:31.279
Yeah.
00:13:31.519 --> 00:13:34.879
The thing is, when you start these programs, people don't really know when they're not sure.
00:13:35.120 --> 00:13:35.840
There's a little hesitation.
00:13:36.080 --> 00:13:38.240
So there's right, like the Voices of Valor programs.
00:13:38.320 --> 00:13:40.399
I think people are now clamoring to get into it.
00:13:40.639 --> 00:13:44.159
So voices of change and common ground, they didn't really know yet.
00:13:44.399 --> 00:13:48.320
So we chose from the 6 and 12, you know, and the team.
00:13:48.399 --> 00:13:50.320
Well, they chose themselves, they volunteered to do it.
00:13:50.480 --> 00:13:52.639
Yeah, but they're absolutely loving it.
00:13:52.799 --> 00:13:59.600
And uh we're really, really excited because it's just three weeks in and they've already got almost a whole song.
00:13:59.840 --> 00:14:00.799
And I'm amazed.
00:14:01.120 --> 00:14:01.360
Wonderful.
00:14:01.759 --> 00:14:02.320
That's unbelievable.
00:14:02.720 --> 00:14:07.519
So uh and and still the musicians are being paid in order to do that.
00:14:07.759 --> 00:14:08.639
They are being paid.
00:14:08.799 --> 00:14:16.159
The facilitators are paid to go and do these series with common ground, with voice of change, voices of valor.
00:14:16.320 --> 00:14:18.960
All of the musicians for music for all seasons are paid.
00:14:19.120 --> 00:14:20.559
Isn't that what it's really wonderful?
00:14:20.799 --> 00:14:21.600
We were just talking about that.
00:14:23.120 --> 00:14:24.320
I know what you've got on the point.
00:14:25.279 --> 00:14:27.759
But but we understand how you got there.
00:14:28.080 --> 00:14:31.120
So you you fundraise, it's a nonprofit, obviously.
00:14:31.279 --> 00:14:35.600
Yes, and you fundraise so that you have the money to pay your own.
00:14:35.679 --> 00:14:48.320
So music for all seasons is is just like common ground is it's all based on uh grants, sponsorships, fundraising, and there's always a push annually for fundraising.
00:14:48.639 --> 00:14:57.519
Um, and we're actually uh we'll have a tribute to the founders that's gonna be in November, and that's November 9th in Jersey City at the Liberty House.
00:14:57.679 --> 00:15:08.159
And that's gonna be a really big fundraiser, also, to try to bring more uh funds to the organization and they're really uh expanding the programming as much as possible.
00:15:08.399 --> 00:15:13.039
And you gave us flyers on that, so we'll we'll make them and make sure that we put them out for you.
00:15:13.279 --> 00:15:17.200
We're really excited because uh Bo Derek is gonna be the chair of the event.
00:15:17.279 --> 00:15:19.279
And that's really great.
00:15:19.600 --> 00:15:23.039
And you want to see Bo Derek City's conversation.
00:15:23.200 --> 00:15:23.519
Exactly.
00:15:24.000 --> 00:15:24.399
Exactly.
00:15:25.440 --> 00:15:27.919
Let's talk about we're we've been talking about common ground.
00:15:28.159 --> 00:15:35.759
And for anyone who doesn't know Common Ground Grief Center here here in Manisquan, uh or Lynn Snyder, she was a a guest on our podcast.
00:15:35.840 --> 00:15:38.960
So you can flip back to, I think she was very early on.
00:15:39.039 --> 00:15:41.840
She might have even been like she was the third FPR.
00:15:43.440 --> 00:15:48.159
Yeah, so if you don't know about common ground, go back and listen to uh who she is and what she started.
00:15:48.320 --> 00:15:50.080
But you're a head facilitator there.
00:15:50.240 --> 00:15:55.519
I think tell us about how you became involved in Common Ground and what your experience is like there.
00:15:55.600 --> 00:15:57.679
Because anybody that goes, then you know.
00:15:58.000 --> 00:15:59.840
Yeah, it's just an amazing place.
00:16:00.240 --> 00:16:01.440
It's such a special place to be.
00:16:01.600 --> 00:16:05.360
Lynn Snyder is such an amazing person, everything that she does there.
00:16:05.600 --> 00:16:15.519
Um and Common Ground itself, uh, for anybody who doesn't know, they provide peer support for kids who have lost a parent or a sibling.
00:16:16.080 --> 00:16:22.879
And so it's broken up into young groups, six to twelve, teens, and then young adults.
00:16:23.440 --> 00:16:29.120
And then while the kids are in the group, they also have a group for the parents, which you can go to or not.
00:16:29.279 --> 00:16:34.720
And so I found common ground because in 2018 my partner passed away.
00:16:34.879 --> 00:16:36.399
He died unexpectedly.
00:16:36.879 --> 00:16:45.440
And I was um and I I was dealing with the grief at that time, obviously, and he had lived with me and my children for several years.
00:16:45.919 --> 00:16:50.399
And so they were very close to him, and they were eight and eleven at the time.
00:16:50.720 --> 00:16:55.360
So my mother started to try to figure out as she does, how can I help?
00:16:55.759 --> 00:17:03.039
And she researched and found Common Ground Grief Center, and we met Lynn and started going there.
00:17:03.200 --> 00:17:09.599
And my kids, they were in the six to twelve group at the time, and they just got so much out of it.
00:17:09.759 --> 00:17:28.160
They absolutely loved the experience because they were able to be with people who understood them, people who had dealt with the same traumatic loss, people who, you know, really got what they were going through at that moment, and they made a lot of friends, like lifelong friends from that, which is really cool.
00:17:28.319 --> 00:17:35.039
And um, so when they stopped going, because they went for a few years, and then they said, Okay, you know, they were getting into other things.
00:17:35.359 --> 00:17:39.680
And uh I said, I don't want to leave common ground, like I want to continue to do something.
00:17:41.519 --> 00:17:48.799
And uh, so I ended up joining the fundraising committee, and that's the fundraising committee that helps with the annual fundraiser.
00:17:49.039 --> 00:18:07.200
And I was on that for a few years, and then I decided to train as a facilitator, and they do an annual training also for facilitators because they're all volunteers, and the facilitators, the facilitator training took uh a few weeks, and then I've been doing that for about three years.
00:18:07.440 --> 00:18:13.839
The first two years that I facilitated the groups, I facilitated teen groups, and I was so lucky because I got paired with Lynn.
00:18:13.920 --> 00:18:16.720
Yeah, I got paired with Lynn Sider for the first two years.
00:18:16.799 --> 00:18:17.839
So I mean magic.
00:18:18.000 --> 00:18:20.319
Yeah, like who's better to learn from?
00:18:20.400 --> 00:18:36.160
Oh, and so that was amazing, and then this is my third year, and then she went on to a different group, a different night, and so she put me as the lead facilitator for the teen group, and then I now facilitate with another, another woman named Lynn who's fabulous.
00:18:36.480 --> 00:18:42.480
And yeah, I mean, it's just such a special place, and it's so fulfilling to be there with the kids.
00:18:42.720 --> 00:18:44.880
Yes, it's such a good place, it's a wonderful place.
00:18:45.519 --> 00:18:50.319
So let me ask you about the training because like we hear it from Lynn's side.
00:18:50.480 --> 00:18:52.960
Yes, yes, what about it from your side?
00:18:53.200 --> 00:18:58.160
I mean, it you know, it's several years ago, but still, I'm sure it, you know, it's two weekends.
00:18:58.480 --> 00:19:07.839
It's funny because the the children at common ground, when you see the way that they connect with each other so quickly, it's always amazing.
00:19:08.160 --> 00:19:10.799
And I I was like, how does that happen?
00:19:11.039 --> 00:19:19.119
You know, because there's there is of course some hesitation with getting to know people as a child still, but they really open up within that even first group.
00:19:19.200 --> 00:19:19.440
Yeah.
00:19:19.680 --> 00:19:22.400
The facilitating was like the training was the same.
00:19:22.559 --> 00:19:25.519
I mean, I got to know these adults so quickly.
00:19:25.680 --> 00:19:28.559
I was like, I feel like I'm in the kid group, you know what I mean?
00:19:28.720 --> 00:19:31.359
Like just in the way that there was this amazing connection.
00:19:31.519 --> 00:19:35.599
And it was such a fabulous group of people because they're here.
00:19:35.680 --> 00:19:40.880
There were people that were spending their time volunteering for two weekends in a row.
00:19:41.039 --> 00:19:43.519
It's you know, a long period of training.
00:19:44.000 --> 00:19:49.200
And I was like, these are we we we joked at the end, it was like we found our people, find my people.
00:19:49.519 --> 00:19:50.480
There's a song sometime later.
00:19:51.039 --> 00:19:52.079
You did find your people, yes.
00:19:52.160 --> 00:19:55.839
We found our people, and it's like we all had a common common ground.
00:19:55.920 --> 00:20:03.519
Yeah, we all had we were all looking to help others and do something to um give back also to common ground.
00:20:03.680 --> 00:20:03.920
Yeah.
00:20:04.480 --> 00:20:06.079
And it's how you're helping yourself too.
00:20:06.240 --> 00:20:06.880
Yeah, oh yeah.
00:20:07.039 --> 00:20:13.920
And you learn how to talk to people too, because the issue with grief is that um a lot of people don't know how to talk about it.
00:20:14.079 --> 00:20:26.640
And you get nervous, you don't know what to say, what's the right thing to say, and it's you start learning, it's not about the right thing or the wrong thing, it's just about talking, it's about being open to hearing what that person is dealing with.
00:20:27.039 --> 00:20:33.920
You know, and people, a lot of people say nobody wants to talk about the person who died because they're gonna be like, don't want to be afraid we're gonna make you cry.
00:20:34.079 --> 00:20:44.880
And there's nothing wrong with crying, like it's kind of nice to and you and it's nice to talk about the person who's gone because that's something that is so near and dear to you.
00:20:44.960 --> 00:20:45.839
So you think about it.
00:20:46.000 --> 00:20:48.799
So there's nothing, you know, and you think about the funny things too.
00:20:48.880 --> 00:20:51.680
You think about the funny dances they did or whatever, you know.
00:20:51.920 --> 00:20:52.640
So yeah.
00:20:52.960 --> 00:20:58.880
The memories, you bring up those memories that always make them feel like the person's still with us in a sense.
00:20:59.200 --> 00:20:59.599
Exactly.
00:20:59.839 --> 00:21:01.200
So give us an example.
00:21:01.359 --> 00:21:02.880
I'm really putting you on the spot here.
00:21:03.119 --> 00:21:10.480
Give us an example of something that you would have done in the training that was different, that you were like, wow, I didn't think of it this way.
00:21:10.799 --> 00:21:18.960
Well, I remember one thing was that they had asked us about what we would want our funeral to look like.
00:21:19.279 --> 00:21:20.319
Oh, I've heard that before.
00:21:20.480 --> 00:21:20.640
Yeah.
00:21:20.960 --> 00:21:28.799
And I thought that was an interesting thought, and just to think about how others, maybe how others would think about you after you were gone.
00:21:29.200 --> 00:21:30.079
Yes, you know.
00:21:30.240 --> 00:21:40.240
Um, and that was it, it's just the way that she talked about things and when in the training just turned things around a little bit, you know, you things you didn't think about.
00:21:40.640 --> 00:21:46.880
Because death is a no-no, we're not gonna talk about death, but death is a reality and it is just part of life.
00:21:46.960 --> 00:21:48.720
So why aren't we talking about it?
00:21:49.200 --> 00:21:59.599
And I know we did uh different training activities, like um we would pair up with each other and and try to talk about things and get to know.
00:22:00.160 --> 00:22:04.559
Each other quickly, and that was that was one of the ways that she connected us so quickly.
00:22:05.039 --> 00:22:08.079
It was us to ask questions about the other person.
00:22:08.720 --> 00:22:18.319
And we also went through some ideas of how you would respond to things that people would say in group, like that kids would say in group.
00:22:18.640 --> 00:22:24.240
Because a lot of it the kids the kids talk about what are the things that you hate to hear.
00:22:24.559 --> 00:22:29.599
You know, we heard that from the panelists when you were at the event this year that you know the wellness event.
00:22:29.839 --> 00:22:31.920
Yeah, the wellness event, because they had yeah, they had a number of.
00:22:32.160 --> 00:22:34.160
And in Lynn's book, she writes a lot about that too.
00:22:34.400 --> 00:22:47.119
And you do see a difference because I remember in the panelists, there were there were several of the girls, there were several, several people that talked about, you know, coming to common ground and being able to speak about it and then having friends that would just allow them to share.
00:22:47.359 --> 00:22:55.279
And I remember there was one panelist that said, like, uh, he was saying, Well, you know, my friends at school, you know, don't really ask, so I don't really talk about it.
00:22:55.440 --> 00:22:57.839
Yeah, and I can only save it to really talk about here.
00:22:57.920 --> 00:22:58.079
Yes.
00:22:58.400 --> 00:23:00.160
And you could definitely tell there was a difference.
00:23:00.319 --> 00:23:00.559
Right.
00:23:00.640 --> 00:23:00.799
Yeah.
00:23:01.039 --> 00:23:04.400
We said it, we were like, huh, we could see a difference because he was waiting for it.
00:23:04.559 --> 00:23:05.279
There was more of a sadness.
00:23:05.599 --> 00:23:13.359
There was a sadness to him because he was saying his dad had passed when he was younger, so his friends didn't really ask, and nobody talks about it.
00:23:13.519 --> 00:23:16.240
But here is the only place that he could really see like that.
00:23:16.319 --> 00:23:16.799
There was some.
00:23:17.200 --> 00:23:24.799
I had in my teen group not too long ago, there was a one of the girls who was crying about her dad and about how much she missed him.
00:23:25.200 --> 00:23:31.039
And she was talking about what she missed and some of the things, but she was really, really upset.
00:23:31.680 --> 00:23:35.039
And not one child just sat there and said, I'm sorry.
00:23:35.200 --> 00:23:37.519
They they listened and they asked questions.
00:23:37.759 --> 00:23:43.599
And one girl said, and I'll never forget the way she she just looked at and she said, Can you tell us about your dad?
00:23:44.160 --> 00:23:47.519
And I was like, Wow, it's like it works.
00:23:48.400 --> 00:23:49.039
That is a well.
00:23:49.599 --> 00:23:50.160
That is a well.
00:23:50.559 --> 00:24:00.880
But going back to you, Karen, you're you're a perfect fit for this because as an attorney, I have three my son's an attorney, my sister's an attorney, her husband's an attorney.
00:24:01.119 --> 00:24:04.240
And if you're going into court, what is the most important thing?
00:24:04.400 --> 00:24:06.000
You gotta be a good listener.
00:24:06.319 --> 00:24:06.480
Yeah.
00:24:06.720 --> 00:24:09.519
So you and you have to know what question to ask next.
00:24:09.839 --> 00:24:12.640
And what not to not to ask.
00:24:13.279 --> 00:24:20.960
So isn't it interesting that your profession is actually linked to this job as a facilitator?
00:24:21.440 --> 00:24:22.240
It really is.
00:24:23.039 --> 00:24:24.160
But it's still heavy, you know.
00:24:24.240 --> 00:24:29.599
Like talking about grief is heavy, and you know, you've been through loss, and like you now you're with people.
00:24:29.680 --> 00:24:35.359
We we ask Lynn the same thing, like you're with kids and families who are experiencing loss all the time.
00:24:35.519 --> 00:24:37.279
Like, how do you how do you handle that?
00:24:37.519 --> 00:24:49.759
It's funny because we talk about that, in fact, before and after the group that night there's a pre-group session where you're supposed to come in and kind of clear your mind of your day.
00:24:50.319 --> 00:24:52.319
And be present.
00:24:52.960 --> 00:25:01.680
Because it's right, you might have had a really stressful day dealing with a lot of other stuff, and you don't want to bring that energy to the kids, you don't want to bring that energy to the teens.
00:25:02.079 --> 00:25:08.640
So we do that pre-group meeting, and then a post-group meeting is supposed to get rid of that heaviness.
00:25:08.960 --> 00:25:19.279
Talk about what happened during group, maybe talk about, you know, you can talk about it a little bit later, you know, however it is to try to get that out of your mind also.
00:25:19.920 --> 00:25:31.680
And it really does work to have that, you know, post group meeting to just try to get into a little bit of a a a better mindset before you walk out the door.
00:25:31.920 --> 00:25:47.519
But I have to say, I mean, as far as uh I said that a bit funny because when even when you're in the group and you deal with the heaviness, you realize like I really get something out of it from the idea that these kids are they're letting this go in the room.
00:25:47.680 --> 00:25:52.400
You know, they're putting so much out there with each other that they can be lighter.
00:25:52.559 --> 00:26:00.720
You know, they're they sat there and cried for, you know, a long time and they have people talking to them and consoling them and being there for them.
00:26:00.880 --> 00:26:14.559
And that's not what they're getting at school, or you know, and that might not even be what they're getting at home, depending on their situation, where you have new parents involved, and maybe they don't want to hear about the parent that's that's not there, you know, as much.
00:26:14.720 --> 00:26:17.519
So it's a it's there's a lot of different layers to it.
00:26:17.759 --> 00:26:18.640
Yeah, it's true.
00:26:18.720 --> 00:26:23.920
And Cindy and I always talk about that just in general, that like we always say there's like a check-in, right?
00:26:24.000 --> 00:26:27.920
You check in before you start the day, and then you're like check in again before you check out.
00:26:28.319 --> 00:26:30.160
Yeah, because because nobody knows.
00:26:30.319 --> 00:26:38.079
I mean, even the three of us sitting here, no one knows what our morning was like or evening was like or what's going on in our personal lives.
00:26:38.160 --> 00:26:43.440
And you know, like we have this conversation, you know, are people doing the best that they can?
00:26:43.599 --> 00:26:43.839
Right.
00:26:44.079 --> 00:26:49.440
And you know, my immediate thing is yes, they are, because we don't know what's going on with them.
00:26:49.519 --> 00:26:53.119
Whereas Jen I said this was when we were researching our book.
00:26:53.279 --> 00:26:55.119
Yeah, yeah, are people doing the best they can?
00:26:55.279 --> 00:26:57.519
And Cindy, I said, absolutely not.
00:26:57.920 --> 00:26:59.759
And Cindy was like, Well, you don't know.
00:26:59.839 --> 00:27:00.880
That's why we're such a good team.
00:27:00.960 --> 00:27:01.279
Yeah, right.
00:27:01.440 --> 00:27:01.519
Yeah.
00:27:01.680 --> 00:27:02.799
And there's no wrong answer.
00:27:03.119 --> 00:27:04.240
No, there's no wrong answer.
00:27:04.880 --> 00:27:09.039
But then you can turn that question into yourself and say, Are you doing the best that you can?
00:27:09.359 --> 00:27:11.680
Because that's really where the honesty and truth comes from.
00:27:11.759 --> 00:27:15.599
It's like, do I know, is there something that I know I could be doing better?
00:27:15.759 --> 00:27:16.000
Right.
00:27:16.160 --> 00:27:26.400
You know, and usually I link that back to self-care, is because when people, you know, everyone that's come on our show, they all have busy lives and doing all these things and they're making magic for the world.
00:27:26.559 --> 00:27:29.759
And how many of them have actually struggled with that question?
00:27:29.839 --> 00:27:32.480
Where we'd ask them, like, that is one of the biggest questions.
00:27:32.880 --> 00:27:34.400
What do you do to take care of yourself?
00:27:34.559 --> 00:27:39.440
And then they go, they're like, uh, you know, there's a little pause, there's a little pause.
00:27:39.680 --> 00:27:39.839
Yeah.
00:27:39.920 --> 00:27:40.000
Yeah.
00:27:40.160 --> 00:27:45.519
So because we always say that, how are you going to be doing all these wonderful things in the world if you're not starting with you?
00:27:46.160 --> 00:28:04.880
Well, and and just to go back, when you talk about self-care, especially when you're going through grief, when you're going through things like that, you know, that's one of the reasons that I found common ground so amazing because I was trying to figure out I'm going through my own severe grief, and I have these kids going through it, and how do I help them and continue?
00:28:05.279 --> 00:28:12.160
And common ground was amazing for that, you know, with the adult group and also just seeing them deal with it was was fabulous.
00:28:12.400 --> 00:28:15.359
But now self-care looks a little different, you know.
00:28:15.519 --> 00:28:19.839
I still experience the grief and the loss, but it's totally different way, you know.
00:28:20.079 --> 00:28:23.440
Yes, it's not as heavy, it's it's present, but exactly.
00:28:23.759 --> 00:28:27.200
And and I'm very, very close with um Brian, who passed.
00:28:27.279 --> 00:28:30.400
I'm very, very close with his family and his daughter.
00:28:30.640 --> 00:28:38.640
And so my self-care is first of all, being really connected with my family, with my friends, my kids.
00:28:38.799 --> 00:28:40.079
I have two wonderful kids.
00:28:40.240 --> 00:28:42.480
They're 16 and 19, both girls.
00:28:42.799 --> 00:28:50.400
And um, I do spend a fair amount of time with my family and with my kids, with Brian's family, who is my family, I consider them.
00:28:50.880 --> 00:28:53.279
And um, and then I go to the gym.
00:28:53.359 --> 00:28:53.839
I need that.
00:28:53.920 --> 00:28:54.480
I go to the gym.
00:28:55.200 --> 00:28:56.319
It is medicine, yes.
00:28:56.400 --> 00:28:58.240
Yeah, yes, I probably right now.
00:28:58.319 --> 00:28:59.920
I'm I'm pushing it more.
00:29:00.000 --> 00:29:04.480
You know, I've been going more, so I've been going like five, six days a week, and I do that early.
00:29:04.559 --> 00:29:07.119
So that's the first thing of the day, generally.
00:29:07.680 --> 00:29:09.200
So it's my same thing with gossiping.
00:29:09.359 --> 00:29:11.119
Yeah, the day can't get you.
00:29:11.279 --> 00:29:11.519
Exactly.
00:29:11.680 --> 00:29:12.640
You can do it first and more.
00:29:12.960 --> 00:29:13.279
Exactly.
00:29:13.680 --> 00:29:14.000
Yeah.
00:29:14.240 --> 00:29:26.960
So, you know, I I'm I'm thinking to myself, like, what is the is there a difference in your law practice since you started to be a facilitator at Common Ground and since you got involved with music for all seasons?
00:29:27.920 --> 00:29:28.640
That's a good idea.
00:29:32.559 --> 00:29:33.599
You maybe I don't know.
00:29:34.000 --> 00:29:36.000
I definitely do have more understanding.
00:29:36.400 --> 00:29:38.319
Yeah, I do have more understanding.
00:29:38.559 --> 00:29:47.359
There's a lot of empathy in my practice in terms of what they're going through because some people obviously are have dealt with loss, so I see that.
00:29:47.839 --> 00:29:58.319
Uh a lot of it has to do with um some substance use, substance abuse, whether they're dealing with it themselves or their partner has it, is dealing with it.
00:29:58.799 --> 00:30:02.960
And that's something that I've I'm very empathetic about.
00:30:03.200 --> 00:30:15.440
And so in terms of music for all seasons, I think it's just the idea that um of giving back and watching what my parents spent almost their entire life doing, you know.
00:30:15.599 --> 00:30:35.279
I grew up with them giving back and and and they never judged people, you know, they didn't judge their no matter how different you were domestic violence centers and prisons they were in all different places, and I never saw them judge people for who they were, where they came from, their background, their financial status, their education.
00:30:35.680 --> 00:30:37.119
Like, yeah, yeah, absolutely.
00:30:37.519 --> 00:30:39.680
But you're also using the healing power of music.
00:30:40.079 --> 00:30:45.599
Yeah, you know, it doesn't matter where you are, what's going on, like it can heal you.
00:30:45.920 --> 00:30:51.359
And it's cool because it's there's so many different programs that they've brought into these facilities.
00:30:51.519 --> 00:30:52.960
It's not just classical music.
00:30:53.119 --> 00:31:02.400
I mean, there's all different varieties and uh it's really exciting for the people that are receiving that uh those programs.
00:31:02.880 --> 00:31:04.400
I'm sure that I'm sure it is.
00:31:04.559 --> 00:31:04.720
Yeah.
00:31:04.960 --> 00:31:18.319
So you know, I I can't help but think that even, you know, we we talked before this, but then when I saw you in the parking lot and I was right away, um I had this sense of warmth and passion about you.
00:31:18.720 --> 00:31:26.480
So I can't even imagine how lucky your clients are, because how many attorneys are like that?
00:31:26.720 --> 00:31:28.240
You know, there's very present.
00:31:28.559 --> 00:31:36.160
There's a there's a there's a presence about you, and that's why we always tell people about being in the present moment because most people are not, right?
00:31:36.480 --> 00:31:42.480
But there's definitely something that is calming and in you're like you're here giving us your time.
00:31:42.640 --> 00:31:42.880
Right.
00:31:42.960 --> 00:31:43.200
Right.
00:31:43.359 --> 00:31:51.359
You know, and that's something, honestly, when we link it back to common ground, like those kids, you know, and as we know, Cindy and I were public educators for what so many years.
00:31:51.519 --> 00:31:59.920
If you're not on point with the kids, yeah, they know in two seconds if you're not paying attention, and they also know if you're not genuine and they can sense it.
00:32:00.240 --> 00:32:07.359
And that I I saw as being a school counselor, they'll just close right up if they're not gonna they don't want to talk to you if they feel like they can't trust you.
00:32:07.599 --> 00:32:16.240
Yeah, you know, and those kids are trusting you with all of their emotions and maybe things they can't say at school or at home, and yet they need a safe space to to be able to share.
00:32:16.720 --> 00:32:18.079
Yeah, no, I appreciate that.
00:32:18.240 --> 00:32:27.359
And you know, what you see in me uh extends across all of these volunteers throughout common ground and obviously music for all seasons.
00:32:27.920 --> 00:32:34.880
But in the common ground, you've got there's 68 uh volunteer facilitators and they uh growing.
00:32:35.279 --> 00:32:35.599
Yeah, yeah.
00:32:35.759 --> 00:32:48.480
And Music for All Seasons, the facilitators that started the Voices of Change program there just you know a few weeks ago, they uh were so blown away by how open these children were in their first uh session.
00:32:49.119 --> 00:32:58.160
They said it usually takes a few sessions to really get to know them and to open them up so that we get an idea of what themes do you want to work with, what kind of music do you like.
00:32:58.319 --> 00:33:03.440
And they said immediately first session, they were so open, and that's what these kids learn, you know.
00:33:03.599 --> 00:33:05.440
That's that's what they're doing every week.
00:33:05.599 --> 00:33:06.880
So it's such an amazing place.
00:33:07.119 --> 00:33:10.319
It's wonderful, and that that you that you also see in Lynn's book.
00:33:10.720 --> 00:33:19.680
You know, if you have if you haven't picked up Life on Pause, Lynn Snyder, it's all the collection and artwork from the music element.
00:33:20.000 --> 00:33:21.440
And now we'll have the music, yes, but yes.
00:33:22.160 --> 00:33:28.640
Uh you know, all I'm thinking about is there's a lot of musicians out there who this would benefit them so much.
00:33:28.960 --> 00:33:29.119
Yes.
00:33:29.759 --> 00:33:30.000
Yes.
00:33:30.240 --> 00:33:31.759
So are you looking for musicians?
00:33:32.000 --> 00:33:32.799
Where do you find your musicians?
00:33:33.680 --> 00:33:34.160
Yeah, yeah.
00:33:34.240 --> 00:33:34.799
How does that work?
00:33:35.039 --> 00:33:55.759
Yeah, um, I'm not as involved in that part of it, but I do know that they're always looking for, they're always open to um meeting musicians that are interested in a certain like New York, New Jersey area because they're actually in New Jersey, New York, Connecticut, Pennsylvania, California, and they just started in Massachusetts.
00:33:56.000 --> 00:33:56.319
That's great.
00:33:56.480 --> 00:34:02.880
So there is a lot of area for um involvement, a lot of yeah, a lot of and growth.
00:34:03.039 --> 00:34:06.160
And musicforallseasons.org is the website.
00:34:06.319 --> 00:34:10.960
So yeah, obviously, just you know, reaching out if you say, Hey, this is something I would love to do.
00:34:11.119 --> 00:34:17.760
And, you know, it's paid work, but it's so meaningful because you're doing something where you're giving back and you're interactive.
00:34:18.000 --> 00:34:24.800
You know, there's a specific way that the musicians work with the people that they, you know, go into these residences or the facilities.
00:34:25.119 --> 00:34:26.159
So are they trained as well?
00:34:26.320 --> 00:34:26.559
Yeah.
00:34:26.719 --> 00:34:26.960
Okay.
00:34:27.119 --> 00:34:27.199
Yeah.
00:34:27.360 --> 00:34:27.599
Okay.
00:34:27.679 --> 00:34:30.320
Well, I think it's a great opportunity.
00:34:30.480 --> 00:34:30.559
Yeah.
00:34:30.880 --> 00:34:35.440
From colleges or is it uh like students and music programs, like who is the case?
00:34:35.599 --> 00:34:50.559
Well, it's funny because Music for All Seasons is actually working on uh training the next generation of musicians to be able to give back in this way and also to be able to work with people in the way of um being able to interact with their audience.
00:34:50.800 --> 00:34:59.280
And they're directly working with uh a Cali Collective, which is a graduate program, and that's through Montclair State University.
00:34:59.440 --> 00:35:01.039
And they've been doing that for a few years now.
00:35:01.119 --> 00:35:04.559
That's yeah, because I would say that's a great opportunity to start training the students.
00:35:04.800 --> 00:35:07.760
And they the kids really learn so much from it, and yeah.
00:35:08.079 --> 00:35:08.639
That's wonderful.
00:35:08.880 --> 00:35:09.280
That's great.
00:35:09.519 --> 00:35:12.639
So, what's a takeaway you would like our listeners to know?
00:35:14.079 --> 00:35:15.679
Honestly, words of wisdom.
00:35:15.920 --> 00:35:16.239
I know.
00:35:16.480 --> 00:35:22.239
I I would I would like your listeners to think about, you know, giving back.
00:35:22.559 --> 00:35:29.840
Like I think that it's so important to give back, to volunteer, to look locally, to see who you can help.
00:35:30.239 --> 00:35:37.679
A lot of people feel that they might not have the time or they might not be able to, or maybe they don't know where to go, right?
00:35:38.159 --> 00:35:40.559
Um, where it's best to give back, that type of thing.
00:35:40.639 --> 00:35:44.960
But there you just get so much yourself, even from giving back to others.
00:35:45.199 --> 00:35:47.119
You learn so much about yourself.
00:35:47.760 --> 00:35:56.639
And I, you know, I just I I would say, I guess, in the sort of paraphrased words of Gandhi, you know, be the change you wish to see in the world, right?
00:35:56.960 --> 00:36:09.280
Because that's so important right now, especially when you look at the division that we have in this country, to be someone that focuses on making change locally, making change right.
00:36:09.360 --> 00:36:13.840
You know, people are losing friends over things that they think and politics and stuff.
00:36:14.000 --> 00:36:17.519
So just you know, doing something different, I think that's really important.
00:36:17.599 --> 00:36:22.800
And if you don't know where to look, go to musicforallseasons.org or common groundgriefcenter.org.
00:36:22.880 --> 00:36:24.559
We have plenty of volunteer opportunities.
00:36:24.880 --> 00:36:25.599
And it doesn't matter.
00:36:25.679 --> 00:36:30.559
Sometimes people with giving, they think, okay, well, I don't have any money, but you don't need to give money exactly.
00:36:30.880 --> 00:36:31.119
Your time.
00:36:31.360 --> 00:36:32.320
Oh, the time for anything.
00:36:32.639 --> 00:36:37.119
You can facilitate and work with groups, you can yeah, there's lots of ways to do it.
00:36:37.280 --> 00:36:38.079
Lots of ways for sure.
00:36:38.320 --> 00:36:38.559
Yeah.
00:36:38.960 --> 00:36:40.639
So these are some final questions.
00:36:40.719 --> 00:36:47.039
And if you watch the podcast, I don't know whether people that have watched it are like already preparing for this, but we'll probably not.
00:36:47.760 --> 00:36:48.159
Probably not.
00:36:48.400 --> 00:36:50.000
So, how do you view failure?
00:36:50.719 --> 00:36:52.559
Oh failure.
00:36:54.079 --> 00:36:54.400
I know.
00:36:54.719 --> 00:36:55.039
I know.
00:36:55.360 --> 00:36:56.000
We've all been there.
00:36:56.719 --> 00:36:58.239
I haven't failed before.
00:36:58.639 --> 00:37:05.599
Um well, it's funny because in my business, failure can be a loss of emotion.
00:37:06.239 --> 00:37:08.639
You know, we we lose emotion or we lose something.
00:37:08.800 --> 00:37:20.320
Obviously, that's you know, but I view failure as a way to uh learn, you know, because obviously, let's say if it really is at work and it's a loss of emotion, I'm gonna figure out, okay, what do I need to do next time?
00:37:20.480 --> 00:37:23.599
How do I need to present this in a way that the judge really understands?
00:37:23.840 --> 00:37:32.559
Or maybe this was something that was really difficult to win, and we did our best, we made our best shot at it, you know, that kind of thing.
00:37:32.639 --> 00:37:33.039
Yeah, yeah.
00:37:33.119 --> 00:37:33.280
Yeah.
00:37:33.519 --> 00:37:34.000
Great answer.
00:37:34.159 --> 00:37:34.239
Yeah.
00:37:34.480 --> 00:37:36.159
What are your three most important strengths?
00:37:36.320 --> 00:37:38.239
We know you have a lot more to recreate.
00:37:38.480 --> 00:37:39.519
Don't overthink it, just boom.
00:37:39.679 --> 00:37:40.400
What comes to your head?
00:37:40.639 --> 00:37:45.280
I mean, compassion, empathy, and um presence.
00:37:45.760 --> 00:37:47.599
See, you you do have it.
00:37:47.760 --> 00:37:48.800
You've got that presence.
00:37:49.039 --> 00:37:49.199
Yeah.
00:37:49.360 --> 00:37:51.440
And I kind of feel like you never sleep.
00:37:51.920 --> 00:37:55.920
I I don't sleep a lot, but I've started to I've started to really push it.
00:37:57.599 --> 00:37:58.000
You picked it up.
00:37:58.239 --> 00:37:58.719
I picked it up.
00:37:58.880 --> 00:38:00.320
I was like, this woman does not sleep.
00:38:00.960 --> 00:38:12.000
The training, you know, because I have started working with um Advice Unfiltered, the podcast that I mentioned, and they help people to achieve whatever it is that you're looking to achieve.
00:38:12.079 --> 00:38:17.679
And one of the things that I'm training for is the HIROCs uh you're gonna do HIROX challenge.
00:38:18.559 --> 00:38:20.320
I think it was just or it's soon.
00:38:20.719 --> 00:38:24.159
There's one June 7th in New York, and that's the one I'm gonna do.
00:38:24.400 --> 00:38:29.519
So in training for that, um, one of the biggest things they're saying is you have to sleep, you have to sleep.
00:38:29.599 --> 00:38:31.760
So I'm trying to get to sleep at a better time.
00:38:31.920 --> 00:38:32.719
That's what I'm saying.
00:38:33.360 --> 00:38:34.719
Sleep is your foundation.
00:38:35.599 --> 00:38:37.519
If you don't sleep, you know, you're not gonna be good for it.
00:38:37.679 --> 00:38:38.960
So, what's going well in your life?
00:38:39.199 --> 00:38:43.599
I mean, you're practically bubbling over, so I'm gonna say there's lots.
00:38:44.000 --> 00:38:47.360
Honestly, I mean, my kids are fabulous, and that's really exactly.
00:38:51.440 --> 00:38:52.320
Yeah, she is fabulous.
00:38:52.480 --> 00:38:57.920
And I didn't mention that she is um also a facilitator at Common Ground Center.
00:38:58.320 --> 00:39:00.159
She talked about it.
00:39:00.320 --> 00:39:04.320
I mean, and she's 19, and I'm so impressed with the fact that she's doing that.
00:39:04.480 --> 00:39:04.719
Yeah.
00:39:04.880 --> 00:39:05.039
Yeah.
00:39:05.440 --> 00:39:06.480
In between her other jobs.
00:39:06.719 --> 00:39:07.840
Yeah, exactly.
00:39:08.000 --> 00:39:08.559
Exactly.
00:39:08.800 --> 00:39:12.559
And then uh honestly, I mean, work is going well, it's very busy.
00:39:12.800 --> 00:39:16.559
I have um, you know, uh uh great clients.
00:39:16.719 --> 00:39:27.199
Um, some are really tough, some are really, you know, the cases themselves, and you have adversaries and um the other side of the divorce that are really difficult to deal with.
00:39:27.360 --> 00:39:30.559
But it's all, again, I guess I have to take that as a learning experience.
00:39:30.639 --> 00:39:31.599
How do I deal with this one?
00:39:31.679 --> 00:39:34.079
It's very difficult, and moving on to the next.
00:39:34.320 --> 00:39:35.599
So that's going well.
00:39:35.760 --> 00:39:47.280
And then um, I am very, very passionate about common ground and music for all seasons, and I just love promoting it and doing what we do with um, yeah.
00:39:47.360 --> 00:39:56.400
You've got a nice offshoot, like you have like your very stressful, yeah, you know, law career and what that entails, and then you have these two beautiful programs that you're doing outside.
00:39:56.719 --> 00:39:57.119
That's true.
00:39:57.199 --> 00:39:58.559
It gives you it gives you purpose.
00:39:58.719 --> 00:40:01.119
Yes, it gives you something different to focus on, too.
00:40:01.280 --> 00:40:02.320
Yeah, that's how we feel.
00:40:02.400 --> 00:40:05.840
Yeah, coming here is definitely different than what we're doing the rest of the day.
00:40:06.079 --> 00:40:06.639
Exactly.
00:40:07.440 --> 00:40:13.360
So this is also from our book, The Elevation Principles, but is there something in your life that you'd like to change?
00:40:13.440 --> 00:40:14.800
It's a yes or no.
00:40:15.199 --> 00:40:15.840
Yeah.
00:40:17.599 --> 00:40:21.280
Kind of like that's a hard one.
00:40:21.840 --> 00:40:22.480
That's a hard one.
00:40:22.960 --> 00:40:23.199
No.
00:40:23.679 --> 00:40:26.159
Honestly, I'd just like to be a little more organized at home.
00:40:26.400 --> 00:40:26.880
So that's a yes.
00:40:27.119 --> 00:40:27.679
So that's a yes.
00:40:28.559 --> 00:40:28.880
There you go.
00:40:29.039 --> 00:40:31.840
It doesn't have to be what's holding you back?
00:40:32.079 --> 00:40:32.639
Uh, time.
00:40:33.039 --> 00:40:33.760
That is time.
00:40:34.320 --> 00:40:34.960
That is time.
00:40:35.119 --> 00:40:35.360
Yes.
00:40:35.440 --> 00:40:35.599
Yeah.
00:40:35.920 --> 00:40:44.559
So what's one step that you could take towards moving forward so you're more organized at home.
00:40:44.800 --> 00:40:44.960
Right.
00:40:45.119 --> 00:40:47.840
Doesn't have to be like you're gonna be super organized today.
00:40:48.000 --> 00:40:48.159
Right.
00:40:48.239 --> 00:40:54.079
But what's I mean, honestly, it would probably be like, don't look at the phone when I'm at home, things like that.
00:40:54.320 --> 00:40:54.719
Bingo.
00:40:54.800 --> 00:40:55.039
Yeah.
00:40:55.280 --> 00:41:00.559
One of the things that we did when we were researching the book, because time that's what everybody said, right?
00:41:00.719 --> 00:41:01.280
I don't have time.
00:41:01.440 --> 00:41:01.599
Yeah.
00:41:01.760 --> 00:41:04.239
So and the phone was the biggest issue.
00:41:04.480 --> 00:41:05.599
It's a it's a distractor.
00:41:05.920 --> 00:41:08.239
So we did a 24-hour challenge.
00:41:08.559 --> 00:41:11.920
We we did actually we asked people to do it for 24 hours.
00:41:12.000 --> 00:41:12.079
Okay.
00:41:12.320 --> 00:41:13.360
And they couldn't even do that.
00:41:13.599 --> 00:41:18.880
We did it for 24 hours for a whole week to really say, like, what are you doing every day?
00:41:19.119 --> 00:41:19.760
So write it down.
00:41:20.000 --> 00:41:22.400
Yeah, it's in in the book, there's a little like log too.
00:41:22.559 --> 00:41:24.719
So, like, but what are you doing every day?
00:41:24.960 --> 00:41:27.280
You know, that you can't get your stuff done.
00:41:27.440 --> 00:41:35.599
And when you after a week of time, you'll see that there are gaps in the day where it could be the phone, or it could be you're watching the news, or it could be you are doing whatever.
00:41:35.679 --> 00:41:37.599
Yeah, and then you make changes from there.
00:41:37.760 --> 00:41:39.360
Like that was the first thing that I got rid of.
00:41:39.519 --> 00:41:45.199
I stopped watching the news because I would come home and turn it on and and school shootings and this and that, awful things.
00:41:45.360 --> 00:41:46.880
And I was like, I don't want to watch this.
00:41:47.119 --> 00:41:49.199
So there I got half an hour got back.
00:41:49.360 --> 00:41:54.000
So maybe you know, the scrolling with the one the one scroll leads to two hours of scroll.
00:41:55.119 --> 00:42:00.320
And you're not alone, you know, even though we we blame it on kids, but yeah, we're the adults are just as bad.
00:42:00.480 --> 00:42:05.519
So yeah, maybe you can find a way to become more organized and we're gonna hold on to that, Karen.
00:42:05.840 --> 00:42:07.440
Okay, I'll check back with you.
00:42:07.840 --> 00:42:08.800
Yes, we will see you.
00:42:09.039 --> 00:42:10.400
So, what do you think is next for you?
00:42:10.559 --> 00:42:15.760
We'll put everything for all the programs in the show notes, and I have the flyers, but like what's next for you?
00:42:16.000 --> 00:42:24.000
Yeah, I mean, for me, honestly, in the short term, what I'm looking forward to is, you know, continuing with my practice the way that I am.
00:42:24.239 --> 00:42:28.159
But um, training for the high rocks, doing the high rocks, I'm excited about that.
00:42:28.239 --> 00:42:31.039
And I'm really excited about the two fundraisers that are coming up.
00:42:31.119 --> 00:42:34.559
Those are really what I'm focused on in the next, you know, four to six months.
00:42:34.880 --> 00:42:42.159
And the yeah, Martel's Common Ground fundraiser, June 11th, and then the Music for All Seasons one is November 9th.
00:42:42.239 --> 00:42:43.840
So it's a lot of exciting things.
00:42:44.239 --> 00:42:44.880
Yes, I love it.
00:42:45.039 --> 00:42:46.719
And high rocks is gonna be in June.
00:42:47.039 --> 00:42:49.119
So you have a couple weeks, so you have to sleep.
00:42:49.360 --> 00:43:01.119
Yes, if you don't, you're not gonna make it with the burpees and the jumping and the sled pushing and know all about it's a lot, but look what an accomplishment that is to go and actually say you did it.
00:43:01.599 --> 00:43:02.400
So it's wonderful.
00:43:03.440 --> 00:43:04.239
So okay.
00:43:04.400 --> 00:43:06.719
Well, we are into our last minutes.
00:43:06.960 --> 00:43:10.719
So we always say thank you for sticking it out with us.
00:43:10.800 --> 00:43:14.239
And again, if you haven't subscribed to our podcast, please do so.
00:43:14.480 --> 00:43:21.440
And we will be back again with another amazing person doing things in mental health and wellness that should need to be showcased.
00:43:21.599 --> 00:43:24.079
And as always, Cindy has our final words of words.
00:43:24.320 --> 00:43:28.400
Yeah, so remember to pause, breathe, and then respond.
00:43:28.960 --> 00:43:30.079
Do not react.
00:43:30.719 --> 00:43:33.519
Take a minute or a seconds, even seconds.
00:43:33.840 --> 00:43:34.880
And always do hard things.
00:43:35.199 --> 00:43:35.679
Thank you so much.
00:43:35.920 --> 00:43:36.800
Yes, thank you, Karen.
00:43:37.119 --> 00:43:37.840
Thank you for taking your time.
00:43:38.320 --> 00:43:38.880
Thank you for being here.
00:43:39.280 --> 00:43:40.639
Thank you for everything you do for everyone else.
00:43:41.280 --> 00:43:41.519
Yes.
