WEBVTT
00:00:08.000 --> 00:00:13.679
Mindfully her, episode five, breaking generational cycles, healing what was passed down.
00:00:13.839 --> 00:00:20.800
Sometimes healing is not only about what happened to us, sometimes healing is about what we decide will stop with us.
00:00:20.960 --> 00:00:22.320
Welcome back to Mindfully Her.
00:00:22.559 --> 00:00:26.079
Today we are talking about breaking generational cycles.
00:00:26.239 --> 00:00:27.280
Let's get right into it.
00:00:27.440 --> 00:00:30.800
Many of us grow up learning survival before learning healing.
00:00:30.960 --> 00:00:34.399
We learn how to be strong, push through, and keep going.
00:00:34.560 --> 00:00:44.240
Sometimes the things that helped us survive are the things that we need to release things like anger, fear, silence, and unhealthy patterns.
00:00:44.399 --> 00:00:45.439
What does that look like?
00:00:45.679 --> 00:00:56.960
When I think about silence, I've seen in research that sometimes there's a narrative given and it places a huge impression on the mind of children.
00:00:57.200 --> 00:01:00.799
Now, again, on mindfully hurt as your host, K Shine.
00:01:01.200 --> 00:01:03.840
Positive feedback, negative feedback, I welcome it all.
00:01:04.000 --> 00:01:05.840
Everybody has their own opinion.
00:01:06.000 --> 00:01:08.799
It's like the way everybody does their own dance.
00:01:08.879 --> 00:01:14.959
So there's no judgment here, and I don't expect for judgment to come, but it will, and I welcome it.
00:01:15.040 --> 00:01:16.640
So we can always agree to disagree.
00:01:16.799 --> 00:01:22.000
When I think about silence, I don't agree with placing the narrative to children.
00:01:22.159 --> 00:01:24.640
What goes on in this house stays in this house.
00:01:24.799 --> 00:01:27.359
That can lead to a lot of different things.
00:01:27.599 --> 00:01:34.319
Do I think that we should place the understanding of boundaries, privacy, and things of that sort?
00:01:34.480 --> 00:01:35.120
Absolutely.
00:01:35.280 --> 00:01:39.840
But we want to be careful how we inculcate that in a child.
00:01:40.000 --> 00:01:44.959
It can lead to a child not telling you something very important that needs to be told.
00:01:45.120 --> 00:01:49.359
And it doesn't have to be anything negative, it could just be what have you.
00:01:49.519 --> 00:01:53.120
It's just important for children to know that they can come to you.
00:01:53.200 --> 00:01:59.280
And it's important for them to know and understand that secrets are not necessary.
00:01:59.439 --> 00:02:01.280
It can protect them, believe it or not.
00:02:01.519 --> 00:02:08.719
The pattern or the narrative of anger that looks different for everyone, it plays out differently.
00:02:08.879 --> 00:02:15.039
Some people don't really go to the extreme of being angry, and it's nothing that they have to worry about.
00:02:15.199 --> 00:02:23.840
Some people don't have anger for years, and then as they get older and have gone through life or have possibly gone through trauma or maybe not have gone through trauma.
00:02:24.000 --> 00:02:27.039
Sometimes later in life, they deal with a little bit of an anger issue.
00:02:27.199 --> 00:02:36.960
Talk to someone, seek professional help, seek different resources that can help you to have a calmer spirit, especially when you have a family or children.
00:02:37.120 --> 00:02:50.159
Dealing with those things can bring on different stressors or triggers, and you'll want to be your healthiest self when dealing with not just a family, but going to work every day, dealing with coworkers or a disgruntled co-worker.
00:02:50.240 --> 00:02:52.159
There is such a thing as anger management.
00:02:52.319 --> 00:02:52.639
Fear.
00:02:52.800 --> 00:02:55.919
There are so many different phobias that can be researched.
00:02:56.000 --> 00:02:57.520
There's so many of them.
00:02:57.680 --> 00:03:00.240
There's a fear of spiders, arachnophobia.
00:03:00.400 --> 00:03:03.599
I didn't even know what that was until I was a teenager.
00:03:03.759 --> 00:03:07.280
Didn't know the terminology, the proper terminology, but it's real.
00:03:07.439 --> 00:03:11.039
There's a lot of different things out there that are real.
00:03:11.199 --> 00:03:15.360
And just because we don't deal with it doesn't mean it's not real to someone else.
00:03:15.520 --> 00:03:23.759
And I had an epiphany about this because I am a parent, and I am a parent of a six-year-old, which means I've been a parent for six years.
00:03:23.919 --> 00:03:25.840
To me, that's absolutely nothing.
00:03:26.000 --> 00:03:28.560
Six years is not even the surface.
00:03:28.719 --> 00:03:34.159
I'm still in experience completely because I learn something new every day.
00:03:34.240 --> 00:03:41.039
And I learned something from a six-year-old, and I'm okay and I'm fine saying that because she's brilliant.
00:03:41.280 --> 00:03:51.199
But what I realize is that it's real to her, even though she's not an adult and she's a child, what she may not like, what she may fear, it's real to her.
00:03:51.360 --> 00:03:58.400
And I've learned to take a seat back and say, let me respect the space that she's in if she's nervous or scared about something.
00:03:58.560 --> 00:04:00.560
The same thing goes for adults.
00:04:00.719 --> 00:04:09.120
If an adult is scared of something or has a fear of something, we don't know what is triggering that person to go into the realm of being scared.
00:04:09.280 --> 00:04:21.680
Let's give space to those who need the space if we really think that their feelings are valid and we trust the process of giving them the actual space to have valid feelings and respect them.
00:04:21.759 --> 00:04:23.600
And yes, children deserve respect too.
00:04:23.759 --> 00:04:32.399
So for those who don't think they do, and there is a narrative of you only need to listen to me, follow my rules, and that's it.
00:04:32.720 --> 00:04:39.920
I challenge you to create space for your child's feelings and create space for respecting your child.
00:04:40.079 --> 00:04:41.040
It should be mutual.
00:04:41.199 --> 00:04:42.560
They respect you, you respect them.
00:04:42.720 --> 00:04:44.240
Again, these are just opinions.
00:04:44.480 --> 00:04:46.639
Doesn't mean you have to abide by it, like it.
00:04:46.720 --> 00:04:48.879
We can agree to disagree because we're all grown here.
00:04:49.040 --> 00:04:53.199
So breaking cycles does not mean disrespecting where you come from.
00:04:53.279 --> 00:04:56.240
No, I love when I hear people say, Yeah, I'm from the South Bronx.
00:04:56.399 --> 00:04:57.120
You know what I'm saying?
00:04:57.279 --> 00:05:00.160
I'm not from the Bronx, but I am a New Yorker, always will be.
00:05:00.319 --> 00:05:02.639
Don't live there anymore, but I'll always be a New Yorker.
00:05:02.720 --> 00:05:04.720
And I love to rep New York still.
00:05:04.800 --> 00:05:06.000
You don't forget where you come from.
00:05:06.160 --> 00:05:09.279
It can be hard to do for some people.
00:05:09.439 --> 00:05:15.759
Some people can feel like, well, I used to live here, I used to go through this and struggle with that, but now I'm doing this and I'm doing that.
00:05:15.839 --> 00:05:20.720
So I don't want to be reminded of you know that environment or or that part of my life.
00:05:20.800 --> 00:05:28.079
And to a degree, like I just mentioned, if we're respecting everyone's space, their feelings are valid, it's how they want it to be.
00:05:28.240 --> 00:05:32.240
We we're not here to tell anybody this is exactly what you need to do, nothing's perfect.
00:05:32.399 --> 00:05:42.800
But I challenge everyone to look at it as even if it was an environment that you were not so happy about, uh a growing up or a childhood that just wasn't the best for you.
00:05:43.040 --> 00:05:45.279
Never shun it or downplay it.
00:05:45.360 --> 00:05:47.439
There are people that still live there and are happy there.
00:05:47.600 --> 00:05:52.879
So we would never want to make them feel like their what they call home is not okay.
00:05:53.040 --> 00:05:56.160
So it doesn't mean that we need to forget where we started.
00:05:56.240 --> 00:06:02.480
It just means that respect that space, remember what it was, and then cherish the blessing of where you are now.
00:06:02.639 --> 00:06:10.079
Everything has its own package and we can leave it pretty and wrapped up if that's the way that it needs to go for you specifically.
00:06:10.319 --> 00:06:17.920
If not, it's okay for it to be the past, and we can be respectful about that and say, Well, in the past, this is where I was and this is what I did.
00:06:18.079 --> 00:06:23.519
But we never have to shun it or act as if it's not part of us because that just wouldn't be fair.
00:06:23.600 --> 00:06:34.319
And even though we know life isn't fair, it's never okay to rain on anyone's parade or where we originate, it's part of your story, regardless, still part of you.
00:06:34.399 --> 00:06:38.879
So it means that we honor ourselves enough to create something healthier.
00:06:39.040 --> 00:06:41.839
It goes back to exactly what was just mentioned.
00:06:42.000 --> 00:06:49.199
If we want to build a different narrative, we break the generational cycle by making a healthier environment, a healthier space.
00:06:49.360 --> 00:06:50.639
Whether we have a family or not.
00:06:50.800 --> 00:06:53.279
I used to live here, I don't want to live there anymore.
00:06:53.439 --> 00:06:55.279
That's not where I wanted to be in my life.
00:06:55.360 --> 00:06:59.600
Now I live here as a single person, and I'm in this environment, I'm making friends.
00:06:59.680 --> 00:07:02.800
I wasn't able to make friends there because I didn't feel safe or I didn't feel this.
00:07:02.959 --> 00:07:04.720
Change the narrative in a positive way.
00:07:04.879 --> 00:07:08.720
Even if you don't have a family, you're still breaking generational cycles.
00:07:08.879 --> 00:07:11.600
So it's reflection time, like we do on Mindfully Her.
00:07:11.920 --> 00:07:15.759
What patterns did you inherit that you no longer want to carry?
00:07:15.920 --> 00:07:20.959
Another reflection what kind of environment are you creating for the people who come after you?
00:07:21.120 --> 00:07:23.839
So that one's geared towards like a family setting.
00:07:24.000 --> 00:07:28.720
Healing yourself can become a gift to generations you may never meet.
00:07:29.439 --> 00:07:30.399
That's impactful.
00:07:30.480 --> 00:07:33.360
Your work matters, your growth matters, and your story matters.
00:07:33.519 --> 00:07:34.560
This is mindfully her.
00:07:34.800 --> 00:07:37.120
Healing begins when we stop hiding.
00:00:08.000 --> 00:00:13.679
Mindfully her, episode five, breaking generational cycles, healing what was passed down.
00:00:13.839 --> 00:00:20.800
Sometimes healing is not only about what happened to us, sometimes healing is about what we decide will stop with us.
00:00:20.960 --> 00:00:22.320
Welcome back to Mindfully Her.
00:00:22.559 --> 00:00:26.079
Today we are talking about breaking generational cycles.
00:00:26.239 --> 00:00:27.280
Let's get right into it.
00:00:27.440 --> 00:00:30.800
Many of us grow up learning survival before learning healing.
00:00:30.960 --> 00:00:34.399
We learn how to be strong, push through, and keep going.
00:00:34.560 --> 00:00:44.240
Sometimes the things that helped us survive are the things that we need to release things like anger, fear, silence, and unhealthy patterns.
00:00:44.399 --> 00:00:45.439
What does that look like?
00:00:45.679 --> 00:00:56.960
When I think about silence, I've seen in research that sometimes there's a narrative given and it places a huge impression on the mind of children.
00:00:57.200 --> 00:01:00.799
Now, again, on mindfully hurt as your host, K Shine.
00:01:01.200 --> 00:01:03.840
Positive feedback, negative feedback, I welcome it all.
00:01:04.000 --> 00:01:05.840
Everybody has their own opinion.
00:01:06.000 --> 00:01:08.799
It's like the way everybody does their own dance.
00:01:08.879 --> 00:01:14.959
So there's no judgment here, and I don't expect for judgment to come, but it will, and I welcome it.
00:01:15.040 --> 00:01:16.640
So we can always agree to disagree.
00:01:16.799 --> 00:01:22.000
When I think about silence, I don't agree with placing the narrative to children.
00:01:22.159 --> 00:01:24.640
What goes on in this house stays in this house.
00:01:24.799 --> 00:01:27.359
That can lead to a lot of different things.
00:01:27.599 --> 00:01:34.319
Do I think that we should place the understanding of boundaries, privacy, and things of that sort?
00:01:34.480 --> 00:01:35.120
Absolutely.
00:01:35.280 --> 00:01:39.840
But we want to be careful how we inculcate that in a child.
00:01:40.000 --> 00:01:44.959
It can lead to a child not telling you something very important that needs to be told.
00:01:45.120 --> 00:01:49.359
And it doesn't have to be anything negative, it could just be what have you.
00:01:49.519 --> 00:01:53.120
It's just important for children to know that they can come to you.
00:01:53.200 --> 00:01:59.280
And it's important for them to know and understand that secrets are not necessary.
00:01:59.439 --> 00:02:01.280
It can protect them, believe it or not.
00:02:01.519 --> 00:02:08.719
The pattern or the narrative of anger that looks different for everyone, it plays out differently.
00:02:08.879 --> 00:02:15.039
Some people don't really go to the extreme of being angry, and it's nothing that they have to worry about.
00:02:15.199 --> 00:02:23.840
Some people don't have anger for years, and then as they get older and have gone through life or have possibly gone through trauma or maybe not have gone through trauma.
00:02:24.000 --> 00:02:27.039
Sometimes later in life, they deal with a little bit of an anger issue.
00:02:27.199 --> 00:02:36.960
Talk to someone, seek professional help, seek different resources that can help you to have a calmer spirit, especially when you have a family or children.
00:02:37.120 --> 00:02:50.159
Dealing with those things can bring on different stressors or triggers, and you'll want to be your healthiest self when dealing with not just a family, but going to work every day, dealing with coworkers or a disgruntled co-worker.
00:02:50.240 --> 00:02:52.159
There is such a thing as anger management.
00:02:52.319 --> 00:02:52.639
Fear.
00:02:52.800 --> 00:02:55.919
There are so many different phobias that can be researched.
00:02:56.000 --> 00:02:57.520
There's so many of them.
00:02:57.680 --> 00:03:00.240
There's a fear of spiders, arachnophobia.
00:03:00.400 --> 00:03:03.599
I didn't even know what that was until I was a teenager.
00:03:03.759 --> 00:03:07.280
Didn't know the terminology, the proper terminology, but it's real.
00:03:07.439 --> 00:03:11.039
There's a lot of different things out there that are real.
00:03:11.199 --> 00:03:15.360
And just because we don't deal with it doesn't mean it's not real to someone else.
00:03:15.520 --> 00:03:23.759
And I had an epiphany about this because I am a parent, and I am a parent of a six-year-old, which means I've been a parent for six years.
00:03:23.919 --> 00:03:25.840
To me, that's absolutely nothing.
00:03:26.000 --> 00:03:28.560
Six years is not even the surface.
00:03:28.719 --> 00:03:34.159
I'm still in experience completely because I learn something new every day.
00:03:34.240 --> 00:03:41.039
And I learned something from a six-year-old, and I'm okay and I'm fine saying that because she's brilliant.
00:03:41.280 --> 00:03:51.199
But what I realize is that it's real to her, even though she's not an adult and she's a child, what she may not like, what she may fear, it's real to her.
00:03:51.360 --> 00:03:58.400
And I've learned to take a seat back and say, let me respect the space that she's in if she's nervous or scared about something.
00:03:58.560 --> 00:04:00.560
The same thing goes for adults.
00:04:00.719 --> 00:04:09.120
If an adult is scared of something or has a fear of something, we don't know what is triggering that person to go into the realm of being scared.
00:04:09.280 --> 00:04:21.680
Let's give space to those who need the space if we really think that their feelings are valid and we trust the process of giving them the actual space to have valid feelings and respect them.
00:04:21.759 --> 00:04:23.600
And yes, children deserve respect too.
00:04:23.759 --> 00:04:32.399
So for those who don't think they do, and there is a narrative of you only need to listen to me, follow my rules, and that's it.
00:04:32.720 --> 00:04:39.920
I challenge you to create space for your child's feelings and create space for respecting your child.
00:04:40.079 --> 00:04:41.040
It should be mutual.
00:04:41.199 --> 00:04:42.560
They respect you, you respect them.
00:04:42.720 --> 00:04:44.240
Again, these are just opinions.
00:04:44.480 --> 00:04:46.639
Doesn't mean you have to abide by it, like it.
00:04:46.720 --> 00:04:48.879
We can agree to disagree because we're all grown here.
00:04:49.040 --> 00:04:53.199
So breaking cycles does not mean disrespecting where you come from.
00:04:53.279 --> 00:04:56.240
No, I love when I hear people say, Yeah, I'm from the South Bronx.
00:04:56.399 --> 00:04:57.120
You know what I'm saying?
00:04:57.279 --> 00:05:00.160
I'm not from the Bronx, but I am a New Yorker, always will be.
00:05:00.319 --> 00:05:02.639
Don't live there anymore, but I'll always be a New Yorker.
00:05:02.720 --> 00:05:04.720
And I love to rep New York still.
00:05:04.800 --> 00:05:06.000
You don't forget where you come from.
00:05:06.160 --> 00:05:09.279
It can be hard to do for some people.
00:05:09.439 --> 00:05:15.759
Some people can feel like, well, I used to live here, I used to go through this and struggle with that, but now I'm doing this and I'm doing that.
00:05:15.839 --> 00:05:20.720
So I don't want to be reminded of you know that environment or or that part of my life.
00:05:20.800 --> 00:05:28.079
And to a degree, like I just mentioned, if we're respecting everyone's space, their feelings are valid, it's how they want it to be.
00:05:28.240 --> 00:05:32.240
We we're not here to tell anybody this is exactly what you need to do, nothing's perfect.
00:05:32.399 --> 00:05:42.800
But I challenge everyone to look at it as even if it was an environment that you were not so happy about, uh a growing up or a childhood that just wasn't the best for you.
00:05:43.040 --> 00:05:45.279
Never shun it or downplay it.
00:05:45.360 --> 00:05:47.439
There are people that still live there and are happy there.
00:05:47.600 --> 00:05:52.879
So we would never want to make them feel like their what they call home is not okay.
00:05:53.040 --> 00:05:56.160
So it doesn't mean that we need to forget where we started.
00:05:56.240 --> 00:06:02.480
It just means that respect that space, remember what it was, and then cherish the blessing of where you are now.
00:06:02.639 --> 00:06:10.079
Everything has its own package and we can leave it pretty and wrapped up if that's the way that it needs to go for you specifically.
00:06:10.319 --> 00:06:17.920
If not, it's okay for it to be the past, and we can be respectful about that and say, Well, in the past, this is where I was and this is what I did.
00:06:18.079 --> 00:06:23.519
But we never have to shun it or act as if it's not part of us because that just wouldn't be fair.
00:06:23.600 --> 00:06:34.319
And even though we know life isn't fair, it's never okay to rain on anyone's parade or where we originate, it's part of your story, regardless, still part of you.
00:06:34.399 --> 00:06:38.879
So it means that we honor ourselves enough to create something healthier.
00:06:39.040 --> 00:06:41.839
It goes back to exactly what was just mentioned.
00:06:42.000 --> 00:06:49.199
If we want to build a different narrative, we break the generational cycle by making a healthier environment, a healthier space.
00:06:49.360 --> 00:06:50.639
Whether we have a family or not.
00:06:50.800 --> 00:06:53.279
I used to live here, I don't want to live there anymore.
00:06:53.439 --> 00:06:55.279
That's not where I wanted to be in my life.
00:06:55.360 --> 00:06:59.600
Now I live here as a single person, and I'm in this environment, I'm making friends.
00:06:59.680 --> 00:07:02.800
I wasn't able to make friends there because I didn't feel safe or I didn't feel this.
00:07:02.959 --> 00:07:04.720
Change the narrative in a positive way.
00:07:04.879 --> 00:07:08.720
Even if you don't have a family, you're still breaking generational cycles.
00:07:08.879 --> 00:07:11.600
So it's reflection time, like we do on Mindfully Her.
00:07:11.920 --> 00:07:15.759
What patterns did you inherit that you no longer want to carry?
00:07:15.920 --> 00:07:20.959
Another reflection what kind of environment are you creating for the people who come after you?
00:07:21.120 --> 00:07:23.839
So that one's geared towards like a family setting.
00:07:24.000 --> 00:07:28.720
Healing yourself can become a gift to generations you may never meet.
00:07:29.439 --> 00:07:30.399
That's impactful.
00:07:30.480 --> 00:07:33.360
Your work matters, your growth matters, and your story matters.
00:07:33.519 --> 00:07:34.560
This is mindfully her.
00:07:34.800 --> 00:07:37.120
Healing begins when we stop hiding.
