Worst Public Speaking Advice EVER! | Episode 17

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Has somebody ever given you like the worst speaking advice ever?
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Today's episode is going to be about the worst speaking advice ever I've heard, either online or in conversations with clients.
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Let's jump into the conversation and let me know if I missed one of them, because I would love to hear from you.
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Worst public speaking advice ever.
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Number one, I need to write out, deliver, and be perfect at my speech before I can start looking for speaking opportunities.
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Wrong.
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Absolutely wrong.
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Please don't finish your speech before you show up on stage.
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And here's why.
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Most speaking opportunities are booking out six to eight months in advance, especially the paid gigs.
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If you wait until your speech is done, you may not speak for three years to come.
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Can you wait three years to speak?
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I know I don't want to wait three years to speak.
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This is the biggest challenge a lot of my clients have where they say, Jen, I'm really into speaking, and they disappear because they're iterating on the same presentation that is going nowhere and being delivered nowhere.
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So if you're a person who's a perfectionist, shout out to my perfectionists.
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You do not need to wait until that speech is fully written out, completely delivered with video footage.
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You don't need any of that.
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What you do need is the seed of the signature speech, being able to talk about it in a conversation with an event planner and knowing what the process looks like to book you.
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That's all you need to put yourself out there as a professional and paid speaker.
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Worst speaking advice ever.
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Number two.
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Ooh, this one is a good one.
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Begin with a joke or an inane question.
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How are you today?
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Oh, that's really low energy.
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Let's do this again.
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How are you today?
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That's the most frustrating thing as an audience member to hear.
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I know you've heard it before.
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I've heard it before.
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People who are nervous might do this as an icebreaker kind of thing.
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It's one of those things that we're like, ha ha ha.
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Even worse than that is if someone kicks off with a joke.
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Now, I've never met this person before.
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Most people in that room haven't met that person before, and they kick off with a joke.
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Maybe it's one of those off-color jokes.
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Unless you're a comedian or you're doing stand-up, please don't start with a joke.
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Nobody in that room knows who you are, and you don't know what might be offensive to people in that room.
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You'll notice if you go to stand-up comedian shows, which I do all the time with my husband, that's our favorite date night.
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Is the comedians will save their juiciest, most off-color jokes for the end of their set.
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Because they've iterated, they've experimented, they've played with their content on stage, and every audience is different.
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It's fine if you consider yourself a comedian, if you're pretty funny, if people say that was really good, please don't start with a joke or with the how are we doing today?
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What's that?
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I can hear you louder.
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So frustrating.
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There are better ways to begin your speech.
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That usually means starting in the middle.
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Not starting with one of these awkward, uncomfortable things that change the entire mood of the room.
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Worst public speaking advice ever.
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Tip number three.
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He or she is a natural at speaking.
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I wish I was too.
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Nobody's natural at speaking.
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Just because we talk from the time we're two years old, three years old.
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My mom told me I didn't start talking in full sentences until I was three.
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So I'm calling myself out there.
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But nobody's a natural at speaking.
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You might have a natural ability to make people feel at ease, which is important as a speaker.
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You might have the gift of gab.
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These are my folks that I call sales folks, right?
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They can woo you, they can schmooze you, they can do all the things.
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Woo is also from Strings Finder.
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They're just good at talking to people.
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They know what they're doing when they're on stage, or they feel comfortable on stage, or at least give the appearance of being good on stage.
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That doesn't mean they're natural.
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That doesn't mean they didn't practice.
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That doesn't mean they didn't rehearse.
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That doesn't mean they're not nervous.
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Just because you see them as natural doesn't mean they feel natural when they're up there.
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So if you're one of those people who every time before you step on stage, you are shaking in your boots, you can still be a natural.
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It's not because you were born with it.
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It's not Maybelline.
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It's the fact that you practiced and you are committed to your craft and you gave yourself the opportunity to relax before you get on stage.
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There are ways to appear natural even if you don't feel natural that first or next time you do it.
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Worst public speaking advice number four.
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Speak from the heart.
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Oh, don't you feel so lovely about that?
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Speak from the heart.
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I'm not preparing anything today.
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I'm just gonna speak from the heart.
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Red flags.
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Don't do this.
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Don't do this.
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The heart and the throat are connected.
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If you're speaking from the heart, make sure it connects to your throat and make sure what comes out is actually coming from your heart.
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Here's the thing: you don't have to cry on stage or shout.
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I went to an event recently where the speakers were literally shouting into their mics so strong that they were blowing out their mics.
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You don't need to shout to show you have passion.
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You don't need to cry to show you're sad.
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There are many ways you can speak from the heart without being uber dramatic about the whole situation.
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Speaking from the heart does not mean that you're not prepared or rehearse.
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It means that you are ready to be vulnerable.
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And anyone is able to be vulnerable.
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The good news is you get to choose what you're vulnerable about.
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You do not owe anyone anything of your story that you do not want to share.
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And I will say, if something is on your heart, you don't always have to share it in front of a crowd of people.
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There are things you can keep to yourself and still speak from the heart and still project it in a way that people feel that connection to your heart.
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Speaking from the heart does not replace the need to be prepared and to protect yourself with the things that are important and private to you and to your family.
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So speaking from the heart, I call BS on that.
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Everyone can speak from the heart when they're clear on what their intentions and goals are for their speaking.
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Eat potato chips.
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Everyone loves potato chips.
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Lays, you can't eat just one.
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What does this mean?
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So this is not typical speaking advice.
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This came from Ava Rose Daniel.
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I'm gonna give you a shout out, Ava, out on social media here.
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She used to write speeches for, I think it was Dave Ramsey.
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I'm sure you've heard of his name.
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Long time speechwriter for Dave Ramsey.
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And she said she heard this in the industry as the speechwriting team for Dave Ramsey.
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And they said, if you are feeling nervous before a presentation, eat salty potato chips.
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Now, this is interesting for me.
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I have not tried it.
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Yes, I do still get nervous before I speak.
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And one day I might take her up on this.
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I'm just afraid my throat will get dry.
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And I have my own rituals I do before.
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But something about the grease and the salt somehow calms your body down.
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I don't know the mechanics of it.
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It's one of those urban myths.
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And I'm not saying that this is bad advice.
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Just for me personally, as someone who came from the health field, I'm not gonna say to eat a bunch of salty, greasy chips just because it's not healthy for you.
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But if you're a person who is nervous and not sure, try it out because it just might work for you.
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So this is public speaking advice.
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Use at your own caution.
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Eat potato chips to calm those nerves.
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Worst public speaking advice, number six.
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Squeeze your butt cheeks.
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What the hell?
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What is this talking about?
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Here's the thing when you're speaking, it's important for you to be grounded, to have great posture.
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So if you've ever been in dance or ballet or anything like that, you are ready for that stage because you know how to hold your body.
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You know how to do the breath work in such a way that you are projecting properly.
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If you were a singer or did vocal techniques, you know all of those things.
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Squeezing your butt cheeks, I think, refers to finding somewhere to release your tension.
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So there's a technique called tense and release, where if you're feeling anxious or you're feeling tightness in your body, you can intentionally tighten that muscle group and then release it as a way to let your body kind of flow and ground yourself.
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I don't know if I want to be squeezing my butt cheeks up on stage.
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I don't know if it's a good look.
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You know, sometimes the cameraman is coming from the side over here.
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I don't know if that will translate on camera.
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That is an interesting one.
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But if you are a person who does tense and release, maybe do it before you get on stage.
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Usually we clench our teeth and we can't do that as speakers when you're on stage.
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So if you're a butt clencher, hit me up in the comments and let me know.
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Or let me know if anyone has ever told you that because I am curious to hear if that's a real thing.
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Last, worst public speaking advice ever.
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Listen to your videos to give yourself feedback.
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Why is this worst advice?
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Well, if you've heard my episode on getting better feedback and the best people to ask for feedback, you would know what I'm talking about.
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But here's the short and sweet of that.
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You can listen to your videos, and I recommend you do, but what I recommend you do is break it up into two separate parts first, because that makes it easier for you to actually do it.
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So the first part is you watch yourself.
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No audio.
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Just watch what you do.
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What is your face doing?
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What are your hands doing?
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What is your body doing?
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Are you clenching your butt cheeks?
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Anyway, check out what your body is doing, check out how you're using your space.
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That's the first round of watching your videos.
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Now, remove the visuals and listen to your videos.
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No visual cues whatsoever.
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What are you hearing?
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Then take that information, both visual and audio, and make it better.
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Don't just listen to your videos and say, oh God, that was horrible.
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That's not the best way to give yourself feedback.
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If you struggle with doing this, there are other ways to get feedback.
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Check out the episode, which is linked below this video.
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That concludes this round of worst public speaking advice ever.
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If you've heard one that I have not addressed today, please let me know in the comments and let's have a future episode on more worst public speaking advice ever.
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Until then, I'll see you on stage.