Jonathon’s First DMT Experience w/ ElectroNick

WEBVTT
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We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers
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of dreams.
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There is no you. There is no me. We're all
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just threads of one beautiful tapestry.
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There's no me?
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There's no you. You don't exist.
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Oh, shit. What am I even supposed to do with
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that information?
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Just use your imagination.
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Dude, I love this song.
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Welcome to Meta Mysteries, where you don't know what you
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don't know. My name's Jonathan.
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I'm Sean.
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And today we bring back Electro Nick. We know all
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of the one loves this handsome stud of a gentleman.
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Nicholas, it's been too long, man.
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I know it.
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It has been a little long and I just remembered
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I left my tarot cards downstairs. We'll get them. Um,
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but you know what we, uh, right now, Sean and
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me and, uh, Jacob and, uh, Matt Reif, we're all
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out here in Florida. We went to a conspiracy kind
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of like get together and it was great. You know,
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we got an Airbnb out here. This place is freaking sweet. Um, and, uh,
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so we decided, uh, Nick's here and we have free time.
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So it's time to try some DMT.
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Oh shit.
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Oh yeah.
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Now we've, we've talked about other times where we tried,
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you know, mushrooms or four echo and stuff like that,
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but DMT is a whole nother thing, dude. And, um,
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not gonna lie, not gonna lie. It is, uh, it
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is everything and nothing at all. Like I thought it
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was at the same time.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Holy shit.
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Yeah.
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I've heard things like that. You know, like if you've
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tried mushrooms, actually it's nothing like that. I'm like, Oh shit.
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You know what I mean?
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Like, were you ready or what?
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Um, it's a very different thing that happens. Mushrooms are
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different because, you know, maybe you'll, you'll get a little
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message from, from the Elohim. Maybe, maybe, uh, you know,
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you get on four echo, you might get, you might
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get a big spoon by a, by an Egyptian cat goddess,
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something along those lines. DMT, at least in my experience,
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was the most profound thing that has ever happened to me.
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I can't wait to hear it, dude.
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Oh, yeah, dude. And so what I was thinking is,
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I think that we'll tell the story, and then we'll
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watch the videos. That way, you'll know what you're watching
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slash listening to going into them.
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Oh, yeah, dude.
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I'm looking forward to it, man. I'm as excited for you.
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Oh, dude. You'll see. So should we talk about dosages
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or is that not important?
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I mean, I guess so. I guess if anyone's just
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for science, I guess.
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For science.
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Okay.
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If it's for science, then we must be accurate.
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We must.
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So the very first time We were all sitting up here,
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Matt Reif and Jacob and Nick and Steph. You know Steph.
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She's on our Patreon.
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Oh, yeah.
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And big shout out to her. She may be coming
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up to hang out with us. That would be cool.
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Everybody was up here. Oh, Matt's girlfriend was also up
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here too. She's cool. And it was like a real–
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it felt like a ceremonial kind of thing. And it
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was really cool because it's like I– I really like
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all these people, you know? And so I was in
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a really good mood. I've been excited about trying DMT
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for the first time. And, um, and so we fired
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up or I fired up. It's like a, it's like
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a dab pen kind of situation with DMT, uh, crystals
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loaded in there. And, um, I felt like I knew
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what to expect and, um, I felt like it was
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just going to be, um, the four echo, but like,
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times 100 hardcore right that's what i initially thought and
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so oh mama's wrong again well the the first time
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i did it i did it twice last night the
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first time i did it um what we did was
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it was uh 20 is it micrograms milligrams i did
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20 milligrams and uh i'm just laying over here on
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the couch and um as soon as it hits you
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know nick has instructed me when to hit when to
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stop you know, breathing in like the, the, the smoke
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and stuff like that. And I was like, all right,
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I'm just going to do it. And so I did it. And, um,
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and immediately, as soon as I'm blowing it out, I
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feel this, uh, this crazy energy all throughout my body.
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And I felt like this heavy weight on my chest. Um,
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but then it like, um, it was like a comforting
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heavy weight kind of on my chest. It was almost like, um,
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for people who like, like, uh, weighted blankets, it was
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kind of like that. But then it started spreading all
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throughout my body and it made me feel tingly and excited.
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And what I was telling everybody is that it almost
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felt like if you've ever seen the Avengers movie, it's
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almost like whenever Thor, you know, he throws the hammer
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lightning over to Iron Man and he's like a thousand
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percent charged or whatever it was. That's what it felt
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like in my body.
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And that was after the first hit.
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That was on the first hit.
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Yeah.
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And that's just physically what's going on now. That's only
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the first five seconds. Um, and then I go into
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this trip. I lay my head back. I close my eyes.
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Nick actually has to remind me, Hey, close your eyes,
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you know, because at first I was like, I was
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wanting to see if it trans, you know, transferred like
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the four echo does where you can see like the
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overlays and shit like that.
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It does.
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But like, I find the most profound, profound experiences have been, uh,
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with your eyes closed.
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So I was just like, you know what? Probably, probably
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close them.
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Yeah.
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And to be honest, I think it's the same way
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with four echo with your eyes closed. At least the
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experience that we had, it was a pretty, pretty profound
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with your eyes closed.
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Oh yeah.
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Yeah.
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It was great. Um, so, uh, you know, I closed
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my eyes and then that's whenever it happened where I
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was sent to, I don't really know exactly where this was. Um,
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but what I was seeing was, is like these, uh,
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these tubes, like these long cylindrical tubes that were just
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shooting up and all around. And it kind of looked
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like a, um, uh, I, I referenced how it looked
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like the Pokemon Tangela, Tangela, whatever it is. Um, and
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what happened was, is I was, I was out of the,
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in the distance and like my peripheral vision, I saw
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that there was like this ball, right?
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Mm-hmm.
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I saw that there was like this ball and it
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was gold. And I was like, it kind of looks
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like all of these, these vines or these tubes or
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whatever were kind of surrounding itself and like protecting this,
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this like gold ball. And I was like, I wonder
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what that is. So I like, cause it was in
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like in the trip, it was like in my peripheral vision.
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So I put my focus onto it and it got closer. And, um,
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and then whenever it started getting closer, I noticed that
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it was, it was almost like it was in the
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rings of Saturn. If the, if the rings of Saturn
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are like this energetic fluid kind of situation, but it was,
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it almost looked like a, like a magical pool, but
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like Saturn rings, it's hard to explain. Um, and, and
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I knew that like, I could, uh, maybe I could,
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maybe I could feel this thing.
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Right.
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And so I was imagining what it would be like
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to pick it up, but I didn't have a body.
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And so, but then I, all of a sudden I
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felt the sensation of holding that ball in my hand
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and I felt how cold it was. I felt how like,
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it was like, like powerful, you know, and I got
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a better, I got a better close look at it.
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And it was like a, like a gold ball that would,
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you know, you hold it right in your hand, it
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fills out your entire hand and it was pretty heavy.
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Maybe it was, I thought it was gold. Maybe it was,
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you know, lead painted with a gold color or something.
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I don't know.
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And I'm looking at it and it has like what
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seemed to be like Egyptian writing all over this ball.
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And I was like, okay, like, I wonder what that's about,
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you know? And I mean, I'm, I'm observing it and
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I'm really trying to like this whole trip, I knew
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it wasn't going to last long. Um, so I was like,
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I really need to find out what this is. Cause
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I'm seeing it like, so it must mean something.
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Mm-hmm.
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Well, and, and that was the thought is that I,
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I felt like, like I knew that this was going
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to be a very, very short lived thing. Like I
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somehow internally, I mean, I know that DMT trips don't
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tend to last very long, but like normally when you're
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in there, time works very differently.
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And so even still had a sense of urgency in there.
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Right.
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I had a sense of urgency to try and get
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to the bottom of this. And after a while, it
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just started to fade out. And as a matter of fact,
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it felt so good in the beginning, dude. I had
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tears rolling.
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Down my face.
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It was like so joyful and so blissful. It was,
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it felt like just, I don't even know. It almost
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felt like what happens whenever you go back to God?
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kind of situation, like go back to source, go back
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to God, whatever it is.
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Right.
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Right. And, um, and so, yeah, then I ended up
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coming out of it and, um, and I looked around
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at everybody and I was like, that was so fucking awesome.
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I cannot wait to do it again. And I, and
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as a matter of fact, I want to do this
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every day for the rest of my life. Like that
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was my word.
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At least 30 or 40 times, you know, don't be
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a bitch. So how, so, so Nick, how long was
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he in there? Like, actual time?
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I don't know.
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Like, three or four minutes, I think.
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Oh, it wasn't that long at all, huh?
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Yeah, yeah.
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Right, but what's strange is that it was three or
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four minutes because we had it recording the whole time,
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and we're going to show the videos. Of course. But
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it was recording, and it was like three or four
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minutes from the time I laid my head back until
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I lifted my head up, right?
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Mm-hmm.
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It felt like 45 seconds. Like it felt like shorter,
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which is strange to me. I mean, I know that,
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you know, we're talking about a difference of two minutes here.
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What's two minutes. But like, I've always heard that whenever
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you go in there, time is longer compared to the
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time that's out here. Right. And so I was like, damn,
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I really want to try it again. It felt like
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it didn't last long enough. You know, it was awesome.
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It was great. I can't wait to do it again.
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And like, I'm, I'm spitting like nothing but positivity from
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this thing.
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Right.
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And, um, and even Jacob, like, He was like, dude,
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it was like, what did he say? He was like,
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I felt like it felt good watching you go there
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or something along those lines.
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Right.
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Holy shit.
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No, he was like, man, it was just so peaceful
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watching you, you know, come in and out of that.
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It was honestly, it was just like perfect. It was
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a perfect scenario, honestly.
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Right.
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And so this ball that you were holding, real quick,
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just to kind of go back to that, what were
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you getting from that? Was there any kind of knowledge
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or any kind of understanding that you kind of got
250
00:11:20.509 --> 00:11:20.809
from that?
251
00:11:21.710 --> 00:11:21.970
No.
252
00:11:22.610 --> 00:11:24.710
And that's why I wanted to go back, because I
253
00:11:24.730 --> 00:11:27.980
was like, maybe there's more to this that I can get.
254
00:11:28.000 --> 00:11:31.720
I think you were saying, too, that the rods or
255
00:11:32.460 --> 00:11:35.860
whatever they were, you had the inclination that they were
256
00:11:35.919 --> 00:11:36.620
protecting the.
257
00:11:36.580 --> 00:11:37.889
Ball to, right? Yeah.
258
00:11:37.970 --> 00:11:39.809
Like the tubes that were all around it, it was
259
00:11:39.850 --> 00:11:43.669
almost like it was booby trapped, like Indiana Jones. And, um,
260
00:11:44.049 --> 00:11:46.289
and so like, but for some reason I was still
261
00:11:46.360 --> 00:11:51.179
able to, I, I, the thing is, is that when
262
00:11:51.240 --> 00:11:53.919
I was feeling it, like whenever I felt it in
263
00:11:53.960 --> 00:11:57.279
my hand, I was still looking at it from a distance.
264
00:11:58.570 --> 00:12:00.730
So that's like, it was kind of a trip in
265
00:12:00.769 --> 00:12:03.629
that sense. Like almost like I knew what it would
266
00:12:03.669 --> 00:12:05.190
feel like to hold it in my hands, even though
267
00:12:05.210 --> 00:12:05.730
I wasn't.
268
00:12:06.240 --> 00:12:07.759
But you didn't have a body, so how could you
269
00:12:07.799 --> 00:12:08.240
have held it?
270
00:12:08.580 --> 00:12:08.799
Right.
271
00:12:09.080 --> 00:12:11.379
And it wasn't even close to me. Like, if you're
272
00:12:11.419 --> 00:12:14.779
looking at something in the distance, it looked like it was,
273
00:12:14.799 --> 00:12:18.840
I mean, let's say you're floating out there in outer space, okay?
274
00:12:19.440 --> 00:12:23.919
And you see this ball. And I would say, I
275
00:12:24.139 --> 00:12:27.190
don't know, maybe a quarter of a mile away. That's
276
00:12:27.210 --> 00:12:28.350
what it felt like to me anyway.
277
00:12:28.370 --> 00:12:31.620
Right. And, um, so what was the size of this thing?
278
00:12:32.019 --> 00:12:32.669
Did it look pretty big?
279
00:12:32.679 --> 00:12:36.580
It was just full and it felt full in my hand. Um, bigger,
280
00:12:36.679 --> 00:12:37.820
bigger than like an eight ball.
281
00:12:38.240 --> 00:12:41.320
Like a grapefruit or something like that.
282
00:12:41.399 --> 00:12:44.929
A little bit smaller than a grapefruit, almost like a pear. Um,
283
00:12:45.269 --> 00:12:48.529
and so anyway, um, I had a great experience and
284
00:12:48.570 --> 00:12:50.570
I said, uh, Jacob, you know, he didn't want to
285
00:12:50.590 --> 00:12:55.110
try it. Um, but everybody else did. So Matt Rife and, um, and, uh,
286
00:12:55.210 --> 00:12:57.440
Steph did it. And so Steph was next, and I
287
00:12:57.460 --> 00:12:59.960
was like, Steph, you're going to fucking love this. And
288
00:13:00.000 --> 00:13:03.120
I told Jacob, I was like, dude, I know you're
289
00:13:03.159 --> 00:13:06.340
not right for it right now, but when you do, holy.
290
00:13:06.179 --> 00:13:07.220
Fuck, it is so awesome.
291
00:13:07.240 --> 00:13:08.120
Oh, I can't wait for that.
292
00:13:08.419 --> 00:13:08.679
You know?
293
00:13:08.700 --> 00:13:15.120
Oh, shit. Just wait. And so then Steph did it, and,
294
00:13:15.419 --> 00:13:18.740
you know, she... she'd never smoked anything before. So she
295
00:13:18.820 --> 00:13:21.220
like messed up on inhaling it. And so she didn't
296
00:13:21.240 --> 00:13:24.100
really get the full effect the first time. Um, and
297
00:13:24.159 --> 00:13:27.679
then she did it again, uh, later. Um, but then, uh,
298
00:13:28.350 --> 00:13:31.190
but then Matt did it and he, he enjoyed it
299
00:13:31.909 --> 00:13:35.509
and everybody had a pretty positive experience. You know, Steph
300
00:13:35.529 --> 00:13:36.929
ended up doing it and she had a good experience
301
00:13:36.970 --> 00:13:39.070
as well. And then it was finally my turn to
302
00:13:39.090 --> 00:13:41.220
do it again. And I looked at Nick and I
303
00:13:41.220 --> 00:13:44.690
was back in line. Yeah, dude. I looked over at
304
00:13:44.730 --> 00:13:46.370
Nick and I was like, how many milligrams was that
305
00:13:46.409 --> 00:13:48.730
first one? And he goes 20. And I said, let's
306
00:13:48.769 --> 00:13:52.720
double that. And I was like, because I was like,
307
00:13:53.139 --> 00:13:56.059
to me, well, to me, I was like, if I
308
00:13:56.080 --> 00:13:59.299
can double that experience, that would be awesome. Maybe it
309
00:13:59.379 --> 00:14:03.879
lasts longer. Maybe it's more, maybe I get more out
310
00:14:03.899 --> 00:14:05.879
of it than what I just got, you know, because
311
00:14:05.899 --> 00:14:08.519
you hear about these blast off experiences and I didn't
312
00:14:08.610 --> 00:14:09.879
feel like I blasted off.
313
00:14:11.049 --> 00:14:13.669
I've even heard stories where people were, actually able to
314
00:14:13.710 --> 00:14:16.210
like climb on stuff and they're like using their body
315
00:14:16.250 --> 00:14:18.730
and shit and so who knows what's up with that
316
00:14:18.769 --> 00:14:20.769
maybe they took away more you know i don't know
317
00:14:20.789 --> 00:14:22.809
but a lot of these stories are people taking like
318
00:14:22.830 --> 00:14:24.830
three hits out of a out of a bowl you
319
00:14:24.850 --> 00:14:25.970
know what i mean and so maybe it's just a
320
00:14:25.990 --> 00:14:26.990
little bit different but.
321
00:14:27.509 --> 00:14:30.789
Well um uh so everybody had already passed it around
322
00:14:30.960 --> 00:14:34.440
and there was probably a little bit of residue stuff
323
00:14:34.460 --> 00:14:36.740
that wasn't fully smoked all the way through yet so
324
00:14:36.779 --> 00:14:39.399
it's It's a possibility that it, I mean, yeah, he
325
00:14:39.419 --> 00:14:41.850
put 40 milligrams in there, but it could have been 45, 50, 55,
326
00:14:41.850 --> 00:14:46.549
somewhere in there. You know, so it was an incredible amount,
327
00:14:46.769 --> 00:14:49.490
at least for somebody doing it for their fucking second try.
328
00:14:49.549 --> 00:14:51.389
I would imagine. Right, right. For a rookie.
329
00:14:52.149 --> 00:14:57.419
Oh, yeah, dude. Full-on cherry, absolutely. Not popped. It was smashed.
330
00:14:57.659 --> 00:14:58.600
It was obliterated.
331
00:14:58.919 --> 00:15:02.620
Yeah, yeah. It's like Lord Byron Jester. You know, they
332
00:15:02.679 --> 00:15:05.470
say that the veil is thin, but whenever you smoke DMT,
333
00:15:05.490 --> 00:15:07.009
it rips that fucking thing off your face.
334
00:15:07.029 --> 00:15:08.830
Rips that motherfucker down.
335
00:15:09.009 --> 00:15:09.149
Yeah.
336
00:15:10.190 --> 00:15:14.389
So anyway, so then I'm giddy about this next time.
337
00:15:14.450 --> 00:15:16.950
I'm so excited. I'm ready to go into it. And
338
00:15:16.970 --> 00:15:18.429
so I take a hit of it and I'm like
339
00:15:18.490 --> 00:15:20.700
trying to hit it as much as I can. I
340
00:15:20.720 --> 00:15:24.059
want to make sure that there's nothing left. Like I'm really,
341
00:15:24.139 --> 00:15:27.659
I'm fiending for it at this point, you know? And
342
00:15:28.500 --> 00:15:32.009
so I hit it. And initially, whenever I hit it,
343
00:15:32.289 --> 00:15:34.559
I started feeling it and it was coming on so strong.
344
00:15:34.799 --> 00:15:37.019
And I was like, this is awesome. And I like
345
00:15:37.059 --> 00:15:39.000
I wave bye bye to everybody. And I was like,
346
00:15:39.500 --> 00:15:43.000
and I you'll see in the video, I go, holy
347
00:15:43.250 --> 00:15:46.970
fucking shit. It was just like that. Like it was
348
00:15:47.090 --> 00:15:51.029
so like I was experiencing takeoff. That's exactly what happened.
349
00:15:51.929 --> 00:15:54.629
Oh my God, because even Nick was like, are you sure, dude?
350
00:15:55.690 --> 00:15:56.370
Right, right.
351
00:15:56.470 --> 00:15:58.230
When Nick says that, that makes me worry.
352
00:15:58.389 --> 00:16:02.429
I know, I know, I should have been. But so
353
00:16:03.950 --> 00:16:07.710
I'm taking off and it is the epitome of the
354
00:16:07.809 --> 00:16:11.769
pinnacle of awesomeness is really what I was experiencing for
355
00:16:11.789 --> 00:16:15.210
like the first five seconds as it's coming on. And
356
00:16:15.309 --> 00:16:18.470
then I go full on, I'm not here anymore. I'm
357
00:16:18.570 --> 00:16:20.649
somewhere else that doesn't make sense.
358
00:16:21.250 --> 00:16:21.580
Okay.
359
00:16:22.080 --> 00:16:25.759
So I am then shifted to a Buc-ee's. If you've
360
00:16:25.799 --> 00:16:28.179
ever heard of a Buc-ee's, it's like a large mall
361
00:16:28.240 --> 00:16:31.639
gas station place. And they're really popular like in the South. Right.
362
00:16:32.259 --> 00:16:34.279
And me and Jacob actually stopped at a Buc-ee's on
363
00:16:34.299 --> 00:16:36.970
the way to Florida. So, and it was the Buc-ee's
364
00:16:37.710 --> 00:16:40.210
that we had just stopped at. It was in that bathroom.
365
00:16:40.250 --> 00:16:42.929
I was standing at a bathroom stall in Buc-ee's and
366
00:16:42.950 --> 00:16:45.210
I was like, why am I here right now? This
367
00:16:45.250 --> 00:16:49.600
doesn't make any sense. And then as I'm thinking that literally,
368
00:16:50.149 --> 00:16:51.960
everything starts crumbling, bro.
369
00:16:52.379 --> 00:16:53.240
Everything.
370
00:16:53.860 --> 00:16:57.820
It's, um, the, the way that I explained it was, is, um,
371
00:16:58.120 --> 00:17:02.470
imagine you look at a picture, right? And you'll see
372
00:17:02.549 --> 00:17:05.930
like those frames, like those, uh, those looks like a, uh,
373
00:17:06.009 --> 00:17:08.980
what'd you call it? It's like a grid. Um, like
374
00:17:09.160 --> 00:17:13.319
everything is, all of my vision, including me was cut
375
00:17:13.700 --> 00:17:15.880
like with a grid, like a cookie cutter.
376
00:17:16.339 --> 00:17:16.579
Right.
377
00:17:17.279 --> 00:17:20.500
And it was, everything was just cubed up. It was
378
00:17:20.559 --> 00:17:25.029
just like that. And I was fucking starting to lose it, bro.
379
00:17:25.069 --> 00:17:27.950
Like I was so scared and it, and I just
380
00:17:27.990 --> 00:17:30.369
got more and more and more and more scared until
381
00:17:30.410 --> 00:17:33.589
I was petrified. I was terrified. It was the scariest
382
00:17:33.650 --> 00:17:36.730
thing that I've ever experienced in my entire life. Because
383
00:17:36.789 --> 00:17:40.640
what's going on is that those cubes, they're shifting. They're
384
00:17:40.660 --> 00:17:43.640
going all over the place. Everybody I ever knew, everybody
385
00:17:43.700 --> 00:17:46.420
I ever loved, every experience I ever experienced in my
386
00:17:46.559 --> 00:17:52.430
life was slipping away. It was no longer going to exist. Everything,
387
00:17:52.509 --> 00:17:56.359
every thought that I had was blowing away in the dust.
388
00:17:56.769 --> 00:17:59.789
Who am I if all of this is going away?
389
00:17:59.869 --> 00:18:02.230
This is what I was thinking. And I was like,
390
00:18:02.410 --> 00:18:04.490
oh my God, I can't believe I let my life
391
00:18:04.670 --> 00:18:06.869
come to this. This is what happened.
392
00:18:07.150 --> 00:18:09.529
I really thought that this- Reality just slipped away from you.
393
00:18:09.650 --> 00:18:15.809
Bro, when you're tripping, you know that eventually you're going
394
00:18:15.829 --> 00:18:18.509
to come out of it. You know that, all right,
395
00:18:18.549 --> 00:18:20.430
this is just a fun time. I'm eventually going to
396
00:18:20.470 --> 00:18:20.839
come back.
397
00:18:21.450 --> 00:18:23.430
Right. This isn't just it for you.
398
00:18:23.650 --> 00:18:29.160
I lost that sense. I thought, For sure, this is
399
00:18:29.220 --> 00:18:32.779
my life. I'm stuck here, and I'm never coming out, ever.
400
00:18:33.339 --> 00:18:34.559
Oh, shit.
401
00:18:34.599 --> 00:18:37.619
You're making me nervous, dude, just listening to this. It's
402
00:18:37.670 --> 00:18:38.970
making me not want to try it now.
403
00:18:39.190 --> 00:18:44.250
It was so scary, dude, because I'm so scared. I'm
404
00:18:44.390 --> 00:18:48.470
so alone. There's nobody here to help me. I'm absolutely
405
00:18:48.769 --> 00:18:51.940
fucked and there's nothing I can do about it. And
406
00:18:51.980 --> 00:18:55.299
before long, and before long, I'm not even going to
407
00:18:55.400 --> 00:18:57.640
know that I can't do anything about it because I'm
408
00:18:57.700 --> 00:19:00.400
not going to be here to fucking know.
409
00:19:00.579 --> 00:19:01.440
I'm gone.
410
00:19:01.880 --> 00:19:05.109
And you know, um, I've had people, you know, explain
411
00:19:05.130 --> 00:19:06.829
to me, I'll, I always like, one of my favorite
412
00:19:06.849 --> 00:19:09.210
things to do is, is ask people like, what do
413
00:19:09.230 --> 00:19:12.119
you think happens whenever you die? And there's always like
414
00:19:12.200 --> 00:19:15.490
some people that'll just say nothingness. I think that, you know,
415
00:19:15.609 --> 00:19:18.839
it just fades and that's the end of the story.
416
00:19:19.180 --> 00:19:21.440
And you just, you don't, you just cease to exist
417
00:19:21.579 --> 00:19:25.579
after that. And all like, I was really feeling that
418
00:19:25.779 --> 00:19:29.119
I was like, I got to the breaking point of
419
00:19:29.220 --> 00:19:33.660
which everything. So those cubes got smaller and smaller and
420
00:19:33.720 --> 00:19:37.140
smaller until they were dust specks. And those dust specks
421
00:19:37.220 --> 00:19:40.069
were going out of my grasp, almost like I was
422
00:19:40.240 --> 00:19:43.349
looking up at the stars, right? Like that's what it
423
00:19:43.490 --> 00:19:46.609
really felt like. All of the dust specks that were
424
00:19:46.710 --> 00:19:49.809
once cubes that were once my reality were now scattered
425
00:19:49.849 --> 00:19:51.920
into the wind. And I'm never going to be able
426
00:19:51.960 --> 00:19:56.619
to build that Rubik's cube back. Like it was, there's
427
00:19:56.680 --> 00:19:59.299
no way that I could ever recover from that. And
428
00:19:59.400 --> 00:20:01.599
so the whole time I'm so fucking scared, dude, it
429
00:20:01.640 --> 00:20:04.480
was like the most scared I've ever been in my
430
00:20:04.519 --> 00:20:08.480
entire life. Like nothing ever could ever come close to that.
431
00:20:09.220 --> 00:20:10.940
And I even remember there was no there was no
432
00:20:11.000 --> 00:20:13.470
plan either. Like as far as when you were feeling
433
00:20:13.490 --> 00:20:15.170
that and you saw the things going away and it
434
00:20:15.210 --> 00:20:18.150
was like, you know, dust in the air. Was there
435
00:20:18.210 --> 00:20:20.049
anything in your mind that was like, well, if I
436
00:20:20.069 --> 00:20:23.039
can only do this, then it would be OK. I
437
00:20:23.059 --> 00:20:23.660
can stop it.
438
00:20:23.799 --> 00:20:26.279
All hope was lost. All hope is lost.
439
00:20:26.799 --> 00:20:27.200
All hope.
440
00:20:27.480 --> 00:20:27.880
All hope.
441
00:20:28.019 --> 00:20:31.960
There is like, there's no anything, there's nothing positive to
442
00:20:32.009 --> 00:20:35.430
gain from this experience. And, um, and, and I was
443
00:20:35.589 --> 00:20:38.670
trying to open my eyes, right? Like in the trip,
444
00:20:38.750 --> 00:20:41.450
I'm still, I'm experiencing all this. I'm fucking petrified the
445
00:20:41.490 --> 00:20:44.470
entire time. I'm like, all right, I have to, like,
446
00:20:44.490 --> 00:20:47.019
I have to still have a body. Like, I still
447
00:20:47.079 --> 00:20:50.119
feel something, you know, and I'm starting to come out
448
00:20:50.140 --> 00:20:53.019
of it, but it's taking forever, dude. It is like,
449
00:20:53.859 --> 00:20:56.599
it's like, you know, if you ever got spanked as
450
00:20:56.640 --> 00:20:59.980
a child and like, I used to get spanked a
451
00:21:00.019 --> 00:21:00.740
lot as a child.
452
00:21:00.839 --> 00:21:01.039
Right.
453
00:21:01.140 --> 00:21:03.480
Cause I was kind of a bad kid. Um, but
454
00:21:04.240 --> 00:21:06.529
my dad would always like, all right, go pull your
455
00:21:06.549 --> 00:21:08.049
pants down. I'm going to go get the spoon or
456
00:21:08.069 --> 00:21:09.930
I'm going to go get the belt or something like that.
457
00:21:09.990 --> 00:21:10.210
Right.
458
00:21:10.569 --> 00:21:13.710
And like those few moments where he's walking to go
459
00:21:13.750 --> 00:21:17.009
get his fucking weapon, you know, it's like dread. It's
460
00:21:17.109 --> 00:21:21.890
so slow. It's like, you're, you're awaiting inevitable doom. You
461
00:21:21.910 --> 00:21:22.390
know what I mean?
462
00:21:22.470 --> 00:21:23.130
But like, right.
463
00:21:24.319 --> 00:21:27.680
Apply that to forever. I, I thought that I was
464
00:21:27.700 --> 00:21:30.470
going to feel that forever. Um, And, um, and it
465
00:21:30.529 --> 00:21:34.109
was just so sad, dude. Like I felt bad for myself.
466
00:21:34.690 --> 00:21:36.529
And as a matter of fact, so, so I'm, I'm
467
00:21:36.569 --> 00:21:39.779
trying to open my eyes and I can't even believe
468
00:21:39.839 --> 00:21:43.099
that I remembered that I had such a function to
469
00:21:43.180 --> 00:21:45.740
even be able to open up my eyes because I
470
00:21:45.779 --> 00:21:48.059
thought that I was dissipating. And so I was trying
471
00:21:48.079 --> 00:21:50.000
to open up my eyes and I'm looking and I
472
00:21:50.059 --> 00:21:51.940
see a couple of people sitting on, uh, on some
473
00:21:51.980 --> 00:21:55.579
chairs and I'm like, it's a memory. It's not real.
474
00:21:55.759 --> 00:21:58.380
Like I'm looking at Jacob and I'm looking at Steph
475
00:21:58.400 --> 00:22:00.859
and I'm like, this is my memory. Like they're not
476
00:22:00.920 --> 00:22:03.539
really sitting there. That is gone. There's no, I just
477
00:22:03.660 --> 00:22:06.420
saw it go away. Like I know that it's not
478
00:22:06.480 --> 00:22:09.680
there anymore. And, um, and like, and then I would
479
00:22:09.720 --> 00:22:12.470
fade back into it. And as I was, so I'd
480
00:22:12.529 --> 00:22:14.529
close my eyes and I'd fade back into it. And
481
00:22:14.569 --> 00:22:18.289
I would just get so sad because I let this go.
482
00:22:18.630 --> 00:22:21.329
Like all of these great people, all the amazing connections
483
00:22:21.369 --> 00:22:23.730
that I've ever had, I let that go because of
484
00:22:23.769 --> 00:22:24.970
this decision that I made.
485
00:22:25.069 --> 00:22:25.289
Right.
486
00:22:26.049 --> 00:22:28.670
And, um, and so I'm trying to open my eyes, like,
487
00:22:28.730 --> 00:22:30.710
don't lose hope. Don't lose hope. Don't lose hope. And
488
00:22:30.730 --> 00:22:32.720
I tried to open my eyes again and it started
489
00:22:32.759 --> 00:22:34.980
to get a little bit more crystal clear, but everybody
490
00:22:35.019 --> 00:22:37.980
was sitting so still just observing me that it looked
491
00:22:38.000 --> 00:22:39.539
like it was just a picture. It was just a
492
00:22:39.599 --> 00:22:41.920
memory that it wasn't real. No, there was no movement
493
00:22:42.220 --> 00:22:44.480
going on in the room. And I'm like, fuck. So
494
00:22:44.519 --> 00:22:47.029
I closed my eyes again and I'm like, I'm so sad, dude,
495
00:22:47.049 --> 00:22:49.910
because it's never coming back. And I'm, I'm, it's just
496
00:22:50.049 --> 00:22:52.960
absolute dread and, And, um, and so I'm trying to
497
00:22:52.980 --> 00:22:55.369
open my eyes back up again. And I eventually just,
498
00:22:56.089 --> 00:22:58.950
I opened my eyes and then I finally opened my
499
00:22:58.990 --> 00:23:02.289
eyes for the final time. And I have such a
500
00:23:02.569 --> 00:23:04.990
dead blank stare on my face, which you'll see in
501
00:23:05.029 --> 00:23:09.769
this video. It's, it's like the thousand mile stare that,
502
00:23:10.069 --> 00:23:13.029
you know, uh, veterans, whenever they come back from war,
503
00:23:13.309 --> 00:23:16.529
it's like, like the lights are on, but nobody's home.
504
00:23:16.890 --> 00:23:21.220
That's exactly what I was feeling. I was so incredibly
505
00:23:21.480 --> 00:23:24.910
depressed whenever I came out of that. And I didn't
506
00:23:24.950 --> 00:23:27.150
want to talk to anybody for honestly, for a while.
507
00:23:27.950 --> 00:23:31.470
And because it was the single most traumatic thing that
508
00:23:31.509 --> 00:23:34.029
has ever happened to me in my life. It was
509
00:23:34.170 --> 00:23:38.970
trauma itself. There is to me, to my perception, there
510
00:23:39.029 --> 00:23:42.650
could be nothing more horrifying than what I just experienced.
511
00:23:42.950 --> 00:23:46.490
And I said, the devil and hell ain't got fuck
512
00:23:46.589 --> 00:23:50.329
all compared to what I just experienced. If hell is like, oh, well,
513
00:23:50.349 --> 00:23:52.579
you got a little bit of fire, at least it's reality.
514
00:23:52.980 --> 00:23:53.700
You know what I'm saying?
515
00:23:53.819 --> 00:23:54.799
It's tangible.
516
00:23:54.980 --> 00:23:58.359
At least there's structure. You know what I'm saying? And this,
517
00:23:58.400 --> 00:24:02.930
there was no structure. There was nothing. And so, yeah,
518
00:24:03.589 --> 00:24:07.589
the first experience was phenomenal. And the second one... Made
519
00:24:07.640 --> 00:24:10.609
me realize that maybe I shouldn't do it every day
520
00:24:10.650 --> 00:24:11.450
for the rest of my life.
521
00:24:11.890 --> 00:24:14.029
Yeah. Well, that's a good teacher. You know what I mean?
522
00:24:14.130 --> 00:24:16.150
And you know, and I'm actually surprised that you didn't
523
00:24:16.190 --> 00:24:18.390
come back and open your eyes for the last time,
524
00:24:18.430 --> 00:24:20.079
you know, when, when you got came all the way
525
00:24:20.130 --> 00:24:22.920
out of it, that you weren't just like relieved, you know,
526
00:24:22.960 --> 00:24:23.579
that's what I would.
527
00:24:24.279 --> 00:24:26.700
It was such a heaviness that I was still wearing
528
00:24:26.759 --> 00:24:29.740
and I've been wearing it all day. Like even today,
529
00:24:29.819 --> 00:24:31.460
the next day I went to sleep, I woke up,
530
00:24:31.519 --> 00:24:32.759
I thought it was going to be gone. I'm still
531
00:24:32.799 --> 00:24:36.309
wearing it because I still remember that feeling. Like I
532
00:24:36.369 --> 00:24:40.450
remember being there all day. I'm flashing through the images
533
00:24:40.549 --> 00:24:43.609
of what I had just experienced in that fucking super
534
00:24:43.670 --> 00:24:47.250
traumatic event. And I'm like, what can I? And so
535
00:24:47.730 --> 00:24:51.119
immediately as I was experiencing like that sorrow and that
536
00:24:51.170 --> 00:24:54.279
dread and shit, immediately I was like, how can I
537
00:24:54.460 --> 00:24:57.720
use this? How was this a teacher? How, how could
538
00:24:57.759 --> 00:25:00.849
I gain something from this experience? And I was like,
539
00:25:01.210 --> 00:25:03.809
you know what, dude, it was an experience that I
540
00:25:03.950 --> 00:25:06.970
needed to see in order to really appreciate everything and
541
00:25:07.009 --> 00:25:09.210
everybody that I have in my life and all of
542
00:25:09.269 --> 00:25:11.279
the things that are going great for me. Like I
543
00:25:11.319 --> 00:25:14.059
got two beautiful kids. I got, you know, a lot
544
00:25:14.079 --> 00:25:17.809
of great connections through the podcast world, my family, like everybody,
545
00:25:17.869 --> 00:25:22.069
like all of the great, there's just so many great
546
00:25:22.109 --> 00:25:27.250
things that I take for granted on a daily basis. Food, water,
547
00:25:27.990 --> 00:25:29.910
like think about it, like whenever you take a sip
548
00:25:29.970 --> 00:25:33.789
of something, you're nourishing yourself, dude. Like you're doing something
549
00:25:33.809 --> 00:25:36.819
for yourself. And it sounds really whack whenever you say
550
00:25:36.859 --> 00:25:37.299
it out loud.
551
00:25:37.559 --> 00:25:39.039
No, not at all, dude. I mean, you just said
552
00:25:39.059 --> 00:25:43.930
that you experienced the most terrifying experience you could ever imagine.
553
00:25:44.210 --> 00:25:45.670
And so if you think about it that way, dude,
554
00:25:46.230 --> 00:25:48.559
nothing else has shit on it. You know what I mean?
555
00:25:48.579 --> 00:25:50.279
Now you got no reason to be scared of nothing.
556
00:25:50.559 --> 00:25:52.880
Well, and that was another thing. I actually stayed up
557
00:25:52.920 --> 00:25:54.819
for a couple of hours after that. It was like
558
00:25:54.859 --> 00:25:57.079
four in the morning when we were doing that. And
559
00:25:57.599 --> 00:25:59.579
I stayed up for like another two, two and a
560
00:25:59.619 --> 00:26:02.579
half hours or something like that after that, because honestly,
561
00:26:02.660 --> 00:26:04.650
I was a little scared to go back to sleep
562
00:26:04.690 --> 00:26:05.970
because I thought I was going to fall into that
563
00:26:05.990 --> 00:26:10.180
fucking nightmare again. And, um, secondly, I was like, I
564
00:26:10.380 --> 00:26:12.859
really need to like get a handle on this before
565
00:26:12.880 --> 00:26:16.500
it gets away from me because I could see how
566
00:26:16.660 --> 00:26:19.779
that could have gotten away from me. I could see
567
00:26:19.880 --> 00:26:22.240
how that could have wrecked the rest of my life.
568
00:26:22.599 --> 00:26:25.089
If I didn't put a positive spin on it, if
569
00:26:25.140 --> 00:26:27.690
I couldn't have learned something from it, because like I said,
570
00:26:27.730 --> 00:26:30.990
it's traumatic. Some people don't recover from trauma, dude. You know,
571
00:26:31.049 --> 00:26:34.650
like some people are, they're fucked. Like you experienced something crazy,
572
00:26:34.670 --> 00:26:38.660
you know, like that. And so all night I was
573
00:26:38.720 --> 00:26:41.019
just like, I tried to stay up. I watched a
574
00:26:41.039 --> 00:26:44.200
little bit of the Joe Rogan and Trump interview and
575
00:26:44.539 --> 00:26:46.269
like just trying to keep my mind off of it.
576
00:26:46.680 --> 00:26:48.460
And then eventually as I'm going to sleep, I'm like,
577
00:26:48.519 --> 00:26:49.940
all right, I mean, I'm just going to have to,
578
00:26:50.089 --> 00:26:52.029
I have to sleep. I can't not sleep. I got
579
00:26:52.049 --> 00:26:54.170
to try and go to sleep. And I just remember
580
00:26:54.230 --> 00:26:57.890
going to sleep thinking, you know what? the hardest thing
581
00:26:57.910 --> 00:27:00.650
you're ever going to experience in your entire life is
582
00:27:00.710 --> 00:27:03.700
behind you now. And that, that put me at rest.
583
00:27:04.400 --> 00:27:04.640
Yeah.
584
00:27:05.180 --> 00:27:05.339
Yeah.
585
00:27:05.380 --> 00:27:07.900
That's what I'm thinking, dude. Like nothing else can compare
586
00:27:07.980 --> 00:27:11.720
to that. You even said hell itself wouldn't seem even
587
00:27:11.799 --> 00:27:14.740
nearly as bad. So imagine going through your life now,
588
00:27:14.799 --> 00:27:17.259
just like looking at everything else. Like, okay, I got,
589
00:27:17.319 --> 00:27:19.900
I got this. You know what I mean? It can't
590
00:27:19.920 --> 00:27:20.920
be that hard, right?
591
00:27:21.059 --> 00:27:22.819
It's like nothing has shit on you anymore.
592
00:27:22.839 --> 00:27:29.210
Holy shit, dude. I was not expecting that, man. You know, like, no,
593
00:27:29.289 --> 00:27:31.069
I wasn't either knowing how you are, you know what
594
00:27:31.089 --> 00:27:32.549
I mean? With the, with the four echo and just
595
00:27:32.589 --> 00:27:34.730
how much you love that and how, you know, just
596
00:27:34.769 --> 00:27:37.839
the different perspective on everything and everything else. And dude,
597
00:27:37.859 --> 00:27:39.859
I was not expecting that experience.
598
00:27:40.019 --> 00:27:42.140
I was too brave. I was too brave. There was
599
00:27:42.160 --> 00:27:44.579
too much brave sauce on that sandwich, dude, because.
600
00:27:44.900 --> 00:27:46.980
Maybe keep it at 20, you know, just have the
601
00:27:47.019 --> 00:27:49.819
little four or five minute thing. So how long, how long,
602
00:27:49.859 --> 00:27:51.799
if you could say, if you could put a time
603
00:27:52.319 --> 00:27:55.089
on the second one, long on the second one, How
604
00:27:55.170 --> 00:27:56.779
long did it feel to you?
605
00:27:56.819 --> 00:28:00.059
So the video of whenever I'm actually in it, it
606
00:28:00.079 --> 00:28:02.279
was like eight to 10 minutes or something like that.
607
00:28:02.819 --> 00:28:03.400
But to you?
608
00:28:04.460 --> 00:28:09.319
And to me, it felt like several eternities.
609
00:28:10.259 --> 00:28:10.599
Oh my God.
610
00:28:10.940 --> 00:28:16.789
Like it was everlasting hell on steroids.
611
00:28:18.349 --> 00:28:18.670
Fuck.
612
00:28:19.049 --> 00:28:21.490
Like I, dude, I seriously thought I was never going
613
00:28:21.509 --> 00:28:25.279
to get out of that. Like, dude, I fucking, like, dude,
614
00:28:25.359 --> 00:28:27.660
I even fucking, like, I get emotional thinking about it
615
00:28:28.039 --> 00:28:31.750
because it was, it was like, I felt like, like, what,
616
00:28:33.029 --> 00:28:36.289
think about it. Like, you're, you're a grown man and
617
00:28:36.509 --> 00:28:42.319
you're scared shitless. Like, the most scared you could ever
618
00:28:42.460 --> 00:28:45.579
possibly be. Like, you know, you're not, you're not thinking
619
00:28:45.599 --> 00:28:47.519
that you're ever going to experience that as a grown man.
620
00:28:48.279 --> 00:28:50.819
You know, you're thinking like, oh, well, that was, that's,
621
00:28:50.980 --> 00:28:53.730
that's little kid shit. You know what I mean? Like that's,
622
00:28:54.250 --> 00:28:56.029
I haven't felt that since I was a little kid.
623
00:28:56.470 --> 00:28:58.319
And so I was talking to Nick afterward and I
624
00:28:58.339 --> 00:29:03.079
was like, I've had dreams like this. It wasn't as scary.
625
00:29:03.299 --> 00:29:07.279
It wasn't as like crazy detrimental, but like that, where
626
00:29:08.339 --> 00:29:11.960
why I always tell you that, um, I welcome nightmares.
627
00:29:13.369 --> 00:29:18.589
It's because I've experienced nightmares like that, where there is
628
00:29:18.650 --> 00:29:23.299
no structure and everything. It doesn't make sense. Like what my, my,
629
00:29:23.420 --> 00:29:26.220
my life got diced up into cubes and now it's
630
00:29:26.240 --> 00:29:28.109
just going to get blown away. That doesn't even make
631
00:29:28.210 --> 00:29:29.289
sense on the surface.
632
00:29:29.750 --> 00:29:31.890
You know, it was a nightmare. You couldn't wake yourself
633
00:29:32.009 --> 00:29:33.509
up from. Right.
634
00:29:34.569 --> 00:29:37.670
And so, but I've had nightmares like that. And, um,
635
00:29:38.109 --> 00:29:40.380
and so that way, whenever I actually have. have like
636
00:29:40.460 --> 00:29:43.920
regular people nightmares getting chased by a wolf or you
637
00:29:43.940 --> 00:29:46.670
know there's a serial killer dude i'm i'm laughing at
638
00:29:46.710 --> 00:29:49.150
that shit that it doesn't it doesn't scare me at
639
00:29:49.269 --> 00:29:52.990
all because for some reason i always know that it's
640
00:29:53.549 --> 00:29:56.359
like i I feel like I can always pull myself
641
00:29:56.460 --> 00:29:58.740
out of it. So I always know that like, it's
642
00:29:58.859 --> 00:30:01.500
a nightmare. It's not real, but I also know that
643
00:30:01.539 --> 00:30:05.099
it's like, you're just a dog. You're just a human.
644
00:30:05.400 --> 00:30:08.200
Like there's only so much you can do to me.
645
00:30:08.440 --> 00:30:10.240
You know what I'm saying? And like, you know, I,
646
00:30:10.519 --> 00:30:13.039
I feel pretty, I feel like I could always handle
647
00:30:13.079 --> 00:30:16.000
myself if I'm in, I mean, maybe not up against
648
00:30:16.019 --> 00:30:18.410
a wolf, but Like, up against a guy, like, I
649
00:30:18.450 --> 00:30:20.190
feel like maybe I'm not going to always win. I'm
650
00:30:20.230 --> 00:30:22.589
not Billy Badass over here by any means. But it's like,
651
00:30:22.710 --> 00:30:24.509
you always feel like you at least got some kind
652
00:30:24.549 --> 00:30:28.500
of chance against a man. You ain't got no chance
653
00:30:28.700 --> 00:30:30.920
against a crumbling world.
654
00:30:31.000 --> 00:30:32.039
Reality itself.
655
00:30:32.359 --> 00:30:34.839
It was Armageddon in my mind, and it was never
656
00:30:34.880 --> 00:30:36.559
coming back. And it was all my fault.
657
00:30:37.319 --> 00:30:38.930
And, of course, you had the sense of not only
658
00:30:38.970 --> 00:30:42.349
the reality around you crumbling and going away, but yourself.
659
00:30:42.369 --> 00:30:42.450
Yeah.
660
00:30:43.019 --> 00:30:45.220
You know, and did you feel as though you, you
661
00:30:45.279 --> 00:30:47.220
said you were kind of losing your, like, you didn't
662
00:30:47.240 --> 00:30:49.500
know who you were. I was starting to lose like
663
00:30:49.519 --> 00:30:50.839
you were you, but that was starting to go.
664
00:30:51.000 --> 00:30:53.240
No, I was, I, I knew that if I would
665
00:30:53.259 --> 00:30:55.440
have stayed in there longer, that I would have lost
666
00:30:55.619 --> 00:30:59.500
all sense of self, all of it. And, um, so
667
00:30:59.519 --> 00:31:03.900
it reminded me, uh, you've seen black mirror. Um, the,
668
00:31:03.960 --> 00:31:05.759
the one where he's in the video game and he
669
00:31:05.779 --> 00:31:08.109
has to put the, the little, uh, the dot on
670
00:31:08.140 --> 00:31:11.690
his temple. And towards the end, he's like, I don't
671
00:31:11.710 --> 00:31:13.710
even know. I don't know my name. I don't know you.
672
00:31:13.730 --> 00:31:17.279
I don't know. Where am I? And he didn't know anything.
673
00:31:17.859 --> 00:31:20.000
And to me, like, that's what I was starting to
674
00:31:20.039 --> 00:31:24.720
feel like that. I'm losing all of this, all of this. Like,
675
00:31:24.740 --> 00:31:27.230
whenever I look at you, I look at Nick and everybody.
676
00:31:28.170 --> 00:31:30.799
You're all part of me to me. You know what
677
00:31:30.819 --> 00:31:33.759
I mean? Because you're part of my reality. And to me,
678
00:31:33.819 --> 00:31:37.049
you're part of my reality. And so you're part of
679
00:31:37.119 --> 00:31:40.289
this game or this movie that we're all living in. And,
680
00:31:41.049 --> 00:31:44.329
you know, personally, kind of like that. And that was
681
00:31:44.369 --> 00:31:46.750
all fading away. And if I don't have you and
682
00:31:46.769 --> 00:31:48.410
I don't have Nick and I don't have my kids
683
00:31:48.450 --> 00:31:50.069
and I don't have Jacob, I don't have my parents.
684
00:31:50.109 --> 00:31:53.599
I don't have memories. I don't have songs that I
685
00:31:53.640 --> 00:31:55.859
can remember. I don't have words that I can remember.
686
00:31:56.319 --> 00:31:58.839
I don't have me. You know, and that's what I
687
00:31:58.880 --> 00:32:02.119
was so scared of, is that that was fading away.
688
00:32:02.500 --> 00:32:05.660
And there was just an immeasurable amount of sadness.
689
00:32:06.500 --> 00:32:12.019
And there's no way to really, like, I guess, observe
690
00:32:12.559 --> 00:32:20.950
what really makes you you, you know? Unless, like, you just,
691
00:32:21.210 --> 00:32:24.170
you don't really realize how many of those things make,
692
00:32:24.589 --> 00:32:27.650
make you or your ego or whatever you, whatever you
693
00:32:27.769 --> 00:32:33.109
consider yourself to be. And like, you know, having witnessing
694
00:32:33.150 --> 00:32:39.519
them leave is like an incredible, I don't know. It's just,
695
00:32:39.539 --> 00:32:41.779
there's just no other way to see, see it without
696
00:32:41.839 --> 00:32:43.779
it being from that perspective.
697
00:32:43.859 --> 00:32:44.160
I guess.
698
00:32:44.460 --> 00:32:44.819
Right.
699
00:32:45.019 --> 00:32:50.460
It was like, whenever people talk about ego death, like, dude, if,
700
00:32:50.680 --> 00:32:56.109
if my ego is like, um, I don't know, like a,
701
00:32:56.250 --> 00:33:00.109
like a sheet of glass, it was shattered and there's
702
00:33:00.190 --> 00:33:02.549
no amount of glue that was putting that back together.
703
00:33:03.470 --> 00:33:05.140
You know what I mean? And I'm not going to
704
00:33:05.180 --> 00:33:08.240
say that like my ego egos, I'm totally ego free
705
00:33:08.299 --> 00:33:11.920
or anything like that right now. It's not necessarily like that,
706
00:33:12.039 --> 00:33:14.509
but in the trip, that's what it felt like. And
707
00:33:14.730 --> 00:33:16.710
so now I come out and I'm like, you know,
708
00:33:16.769 --> 00:33:19.910
first of all, I'm really like hermit straight up in
709
00:33:19.930 --> 00:33:23.930
the mind. I don't really have the energy or the
710
00:33:23.970 --> 00:33:29.200
will or anything to really even talk to anybody. And
711
00:33:29.240 --> 00:33:30.640
as a matter of fact, I almost just said, dude,
712
00:33:30.680 --> 00:33:32.420
I don't even feel like doing this show tonight because
713
00:33:32.460 --> 00:33:36.519
it just weighs on you so heavy, dude. So heavy.
714
00:33:36.579 --> 00:33:40.759
It's like, I don't even want to compare it to
715
00:33:40.799 --> 00:33:43.650
something because it's it's whatever I compare it to is
716
00:33:43.690 --> 00:33:45.829
first off fucked up. Even the thought of what I
717
00:33:45.930 --> 00:33:48.349
would compare it to. And I don't want to speak
718
00:33:48.369 --> 00:33:51.769
that into existence, but it's worse than that. And so
719
00:33:52.410 --> 00:33:55.279
that's the way I was feeling. What made me feel, uh,
720
00:33:55.490 --> 00:33:57.880
what made me feel good about it is that, uh,
721
00:33:58.059 --> 00:34:00.940
earlier on in the day before we did it yesterday, uh,
722
00:34:01.099 --> 00:34:03.079
me and Nick, we were talking out front in front
723
00:34:03.099 --> 00:34:05.200
of the house and I said, dude, you're going to
724
00:34:05.240 --> 00:34:06.700
do it tonight. You know, you're going to do a
725
00:34:06.700 --> 00:34:08.500
little DMT with us. And he was like, Oh no,
726
00:34:08.539 --> 00:34:10.280
I don't, I don't think I am. I was like,
727
00:34:10.300 --> 00:34:11.780
when's the last time you did it? He was like,
728
00:34:11.820 --> 00:34:14.469
three or four years ago. I was like, dude, why
729
00:34:14.510 --> 00:34:16.889
don't you want to do it? It's fun. It's awesome.
730
00:34:17.090 --> 00:34:20.030
He was like, I just don't need to. I was like,
731
00:34:20.570 --> 00:34:23.130
you don't need to? What does that mean? Now I
732
00:34:24.010 --> 00:34:26.699
know why. Now I know why he didn't need to
733
00:34:26.760 --> 00:34:29.300
do it again because he had a similar experience.
734
00:34:29.360 --> 00:34:29.739
Right, Nick?
735
00:34:29.900 --> 00:34:37.119
Yeah. Almost to the T. Other than the grid, I
736
00:34:37.949 --> 00:34:38.949
had just the.
737
00:34:40.659 --> 00:34:42.980
Having nothing left of me and that I, I was like,
738
00:34:43.260 --> 00:34:45.710
I thought I died. I was like, I fucked up.
739
00:34:45.809 --> 00:34:49.110
I'm here forever. And this is, this is where I
740
00:34:49.150 --> 00:34:49.630
live now.
741
00:34:50.269 --> 00:34:58.369
And, and it, it definitely, uh, put perspective, you know,
742
00:34:58.389 --> 00:35:01.019
of my entire life, you know? And like, whenever I,
743
00:35:01.599 --> 00:35:04.590
I came back out of it, it was just, you know, I,
744
00:35:05.039 --> 00:35:08.300
I looking back after talking to Jonathan and like, you know,
745
00:35:08.360 --> 00:35:11.500
just analyzing his whole experience. I thought back to mine
746
00:35:11.920 --> 00:35:17.059
and how like it, it was a pivotal point. Like
747
00:35:17.940 --> 00:35:18.820
in my life.
748
00:35:18.679 --> 00:35:20.239
Where it was scary as fuck though.
749
00:35:20.280 --> 00:35:24.059
Right. For you, dude, I've never, again, like same thing.
750
00:35:24.119 --> 00:35:25.880
I've never been more scared in my life. I mean,
751
00:35:26.360 --> 00:35:29.360
like I thought I was gone done forever and I
752
00:35:29.480 --> 00:35:33.119
fucked up and it was in everything I ever loved
753
00:35:33.179 --> 00:35:34.619
and knew everyone ever knew everything.
754
00:35:34.679 --> 00:35:35.610
It was, there's no going back.
755
00:35:35.619 --> 00:35:35.719
Yeah.
756
00:35:35.739 --> 00:35:39.059
It was just, I, it, To the T, which is oddly,
757
00:35:39.480 --> 00:35:41.460
we had this, you know, coincidentally enough, we had the
758
00:35:41.480 --> 00:35:42.239
exact same experience.
759
00:35:42.460 --> 00:35:42.739
Yeah.
760
00:35:43.199 --> 00:35:46.880
And, you know, so I'm like, I know that there's
761
00:35:46.920 --> 00:35:49.880
no way that you think that someone else can empathize
762
00:35:49.900 --> 00:35:52.739
with what you experienced, but it's exactly the same.
763
00:35:52.760 --> 00:35:55.030
And dude, it made me feel so good. I mean,
764
00:35:55.510 --> 00:35:58.269
I felt very sad that you had to also go
765
00:35:58.349 --> 00:36:01.829
through that as well, because I don't wish that upon anybody.
766
00:36:01.889 --> 00:36:03.130
I wouldn't wish that upon Hitler.
767
00:36:03.639 --> 00:36:03.900
Yeah.
768
00:36:04.059 --> 00:36:07.480
Like there's nobody that should ever have to experience that.
769
00:36:08.239 --> 00:36:10.579
And so whenever he said that he'd also felt the
770
00:36:10.619 --> 00:36:12.610
same thing, I felt a little comfort in that. You
771
00:36:12.619 --> 00:36:14.010
know what I mean? It was strange.
772
00:36:14.670 --> 00:36:14.949
Yeah.
773
00:36:15.090 --> 00:36:17.789
So Nick, like when, when you experienced that and coming
774
00:36:17.849 --> 00:36:19.989
out of that, maybe the next few days after that,
775
00:36:20.030 --> 00:36:22.130
what did you do to kind of come to terms
776
00:36:22.150 --> 00:36:24.969
with that and kind of cope with it, so to speak?
777
00:36:25.429 --> 00:36:26.719
I mean, I just had to.
778
00:36:28.079 --> 00:36:32.170
Think about it, reconcile and like, you know, I came
779
00:36:32.210 --> 00:36:35.610
to similar conclusions that Jonathan is coming to just, just
780
00:36:35.769 --> 00:36:41.329
the appreciation for everything all at once. And there's just no, there's,
781
00:36:41.590 --> 00:36:46.000
there's no way to find that appreciation that fast.
782
00:36:47.119 --> 00:36:48.159
Like it's just a.
783
00:36:48.179 --> 00:36:53.639
Complete control alt delete on everything all at once. And
784
00:36:54.039 --> 00:36:58.139
there's just, you can really only like find those appreciations
785
00:36:58.280 --> 00:37:02.650
throughout learning experiences of your life. Like with, certain things
786
00:37:02.769 --> 00:37:04.010
at a time, I feel like.
787
00:37:04.929 --> 00:37:08.340
And there's, there's really not moments where.
788
00:37:09.760 --> 00:37:14.420
You're not in like real physical danger with like zero consequence,
789
00:37:14.519 --> 00:37:20.949
like physically that your entire life and everybody, everyone, everything
790
00:37:21.010 --> 00:37:25.119
in it, you can come to appreciate in, in a,
791
00:37:25.329 --> 00:37:25.809
in a moment.
792
00:37:25.989 --> 00:37:29.190
But those, those lessons aren't cheap.
793
00:37:30.050 --> 00:37:33.739
Dude, I tell you what, whenever I thought that I
794
00:37:33.780 --> 00:37:36.760
had to coming out of that, it was like, I'm
795
00:37:37.059 --> 00:37:41.760
never going to play on my phone when my kids
796
00:37:41.800 --> 00:37:44.639
are in my presence. Like I'm never going to waste
797
00:37:44.960 --> 00:37:49.030
a moment with them ever, ever, ever again. Like not
798
00:37:49.070 --> 00:37:52.210
to check my Instagram, not to check my fantasy team,
799
00:37:52.570 --> 00:37:54.929
not to not, I mean, if I got to call somebody,
800
00:37:54.949 --> 00:37:56.869
if I got to text somebody, that's different, you know,
801
00:37:56.929 --> 00:37:58.710
but like, if I got to reach out to somebody, it's,
802
00:37:58.849 --> 00:38:02.989
it's of importance, then that's different, obviously. But like, you know, it's,
803
00:38:03.300 --> 00:38:09.639
it just made me realize how, what an absolute blessing
804
00:38:09.800 --> 00:38:12.719
it is to be able to experience this reality.
805
00:38:13.719 --> 00:38:14.019
Oh, yeah.
806
00:38:14.860 --> 00:38:17.139
Dude, and I think that that's the scariest thing, or
807
00:38:17.199 --> 00:38:19.369
at least in my opinion, you know, I think the
808
00:38:19.570 --> 00:38:22.489
scariest thing to me, you know, it's not of what's
809
00:38:22.510 --> 00:38:24.909
in the dark or what could happen. I used to
810
00:38:24.969 --> 00:38:27.969
deal with anxiety a bit, but like mentally, dude, I
811
00:38:28.010 --> 00:38:32.409
think having control of what's going on in your mind,
812
00:38:32.449 --> 00:38:35.530
I think that that's the most important thing. Because without that, dude,
813
00:38:35.949 --> 00:38:38.420
you could have everything just kind of go into squares
814
00:38:38.460 --> 00:38:40.239
and go into the dust. You know what I mean?
815
00:38:40.280 --> 00:38:42.000
And now you kind of don't exist anymore.
816
00:38:42.460 --> 00:38:42.719
Right.
817
00:38:42.739 --> 00:38:45.289
At least not the way you would know.
818
00:38:46.309 --> 00:38:49.449
It was uh absolute craziness so i'm gonna play the
819
00:38:49.469 --> 00:38:53.170
videos for y'all um i think i'll play the positive
820
00:38:53.250 --> 00:38:56.510
one first and uh that way you know you'll be
821
00:38:56.550 --> 00:38:59.480
able to to see what's really going on here.
822
00:38:59.280 --> 00:39:01.639
Um before i start too i do want to say
823
00:39:01.699 --> 00:39:08.199
that like i i think that um it's also the
824
00:39:08.239 --> 00:39:13.500
other positive about it is there's nothing that can probably
825
00:39:13.539 --> 00:39:15.599
humble you more Oh man.
826
00:39:15.960 --> 00:39:22.389
I ain't shit, dude. I'm nothing. I'm like happy to
827
00:39:22.429 --> 00:39:26.949
be more than nothing. Just 1% more than nothing. That's
828
00:39:26.969 --> 00:39:27.710
what I'm happy about.
829
00:39:28.369 --> 00:39:28.690
Right.
830
00:39:29.329 --> 00:39:33.889
Like it is. so you just feel so i feel
831
00:39:34.070 --> 00:39:37.340
so grateful dude i'm grateful that i can do this
832
00:39:37.400 --> 00:39:40.719
show with you i'm grateful that like nick was here
833
00:39:40.820 --> 00:39:43.639
to experience it with me jacob and everybody else was
834
00:39:43.699 --> 00:39:45.530
here to you know, kind of like.
835
00:39:45.590 --> 00:39:47.389
I was just thinking like with what you went through, man,
836
00:39:47.449 --> 00:39:49.110
I was like, as you were telling the story and
837
00:39:49.130 --> 00:39:50.789
all this, I was just thinking like, ah, I'm really
838
00:39:50.829 --> 00:39:53.250
glad Nick was there, you know, just to help you
839
00:39:53.289 --> 00:39:55.610
kind of keep your spirits together. You know, you didn't
840
00:39:55.639 --> 00:39:56.380
feel so alone.
841
00:39:57.159 --> 00:39:57.420
Yeah.
842
00:39:57.519 --> 00:39:57.719
Yeah.
843
00:39:57.780 --> 00:39:59.579
That's exactly what, yeah.
844
00:39:59.780 --> 00:40:00.199
I mean, I.
845
00:40:01.900 --> 00:40:03.820
Just, well, and I, I mean, you made, you made
846
00:40:03.840 --> 00:40:05.500
it through, you know what I mean? You made it through,
847
00:40:05.599 --> 00:40:08.840
you're over here, you're back if you will. And, uh,
848
00:40:09.199 --> 00:40:10.599
you know what I mean? We keep doing this show.
849
00:40:10.780 --> 00:40:12.320
So you're happy to see my face when I popped
850
00:40:12.409 --> 00:40:15.219
up then. Just because I wasn't disappearing in the dust.
851
00:40:15.019 --> 00:40:15.980
From outer space.
852
00:40:16.179 --> 00:40:16.579
Yeah, dude.
853
00:40:16.800 --> 00:40:20.159
I'm definitely happy that Thanos didn't snap his fingers.
854
00:40:20.719 --> 00:40:20.940
Right.
855
00:40:21.239 --> 00:40:22.409
That's, oh, another thing.
856
00:40:22.619 --> 00:40:22.929
All right.
857
00:40:23.449 --> 00:40:27.230
So, and I'm a huge Marvel dork, so I always
858
00:40:27.730 --> 00:40:31.409
relay things back to movies like that. If you've seen
859
00:40:32.090 --> 00:40:37.360
Infinity Wars, where it was like their first failed attempt
860
00:40:37.380 --> 00:40:41.800
to try and get Thanos' gauntlet, right? And, um, so
861
00:40:41.960 --> 00:40:44.429
it was all the people from guardians of the galaxy.
862
00:40:44.449 --> 00:40:47.610
They were sneaking up on Thanos and, um, and, and
863
00:40:47.650 --> 00:40:48.909
star Lords, like, I.
864
00:40:48.869 --> 00:40:49.670
Told you to go left.
865
00:40:49.730 --> 00:40:51.610
I told you to go left. You knew you went right.
866
00:40:51.650 --> 00:40:54.309
You messed up. And, and so they get caught by
867
00:40:54.349 --> 00:40:58.860
Thanos and Thanos already has like, I don't know which, which, um,
868
00:40:59.219 --> 00:41:03.800
which gem was it where he was able to basically
869
00:41:04.079 --> 00:41:06.409
look at Drax and split him into a bunch of
870
00:41:06.449 --> 00:41:07.030
cheese cubes.
871
00:41:07.289 --> 00:41:09.869
Oh yeah. That's the reality. So no, is that what
872
00:41:09.889 --> 00:41:11.170
it was? I think so.
873
00:41:11.389 --> 00:41:14.429
Of course it was. And so he, he snapped her
874
00:41:14.530 --> 00:41:16.949
or he snapped him into a cube.
875
00:41:17.320 --> 00:41:17.639
Yeah.
876
00:41:17.719 --> 00:41:20.300
And then the, uh, the alien antenna looking chick, she
877
00:41:20.320 --> 00:41:23.679
just went out into like potato skin spirals.
878
00:41:23.900 --> 00:41:24.179
Yeah.
879
00:41:24.219 --> 00:41:24.360
Yeah.
880
00:41:25.400 --> 00:41:28.039
Right. I just rewatched that like not too long ago.
881
00:41:28.099 --> 00:41:30.400
And I guess I must have totally forgot about that
882
00:41:30.460 --> 00:41:32.619
part because when it happened, I was like, wait, what
883
00:41:32.639 --> 00:41:34.679
the fuck? I don't remember this. And then when he leaves,
884
00:41:34.719 --> 00:41:35.860
they like come back together.
885
00:41:35.969 --> 00:41:37.210
Dude. You know what I mean?
886
00:41:37.630 --> 00:41:42.090
I'm telling you, Marvel knows this shit, bro. Like how else?
887
00:41:42.110 --> 00:41:42.449
Oh, yeah.
888
00:41:42.670 --> 00:41:44.809
Where are you getting this idea from? You know what
889
00:41:44.829 --> 00:41:45.030
I'm saying?
890
00:41:45.050 --> 00:41:48.230
Think about it, dude. You're talking about creative... type people
891
00:41:48.409 --> 00:41:51.389
you know artists and and and you know um and
892
00:41:51.409 --> 00:41:54.690
so of course they've uh explored their own mind further
893
00:41:54.929 --> 00:41:57.210
to see if there was any kind of inspiration they
894
00:41:57.230 --> 00:41:59.289
could get you know i know that that's what i'm
895
00:41:59.309 --> 00:42:02.050
gonna do even after hearing your story surely i won't
896
00:42:02.090 --> 00:42:05.099
go 40 or whatever maybe i'll go 10 maybe i'll
897
00:42:05.119 --> 00:42:07.079
go 10 you know and go hold the egyptian ball
898
00:42:07.099 --> 00:42:09.599
for a little bit but you know.
899
00:42:09.420 --> 00:42:11.239
Stay in that that area.
900
00:42:11.480 --> 00:42:12.840
I'm gonna come back and be like oh yeah it
901
00:42:12.860 --> 00:42:14.960
was cold you know that was cool you know.
902
00:42:15.199 --> 00:42:18.909
Well after after it happened i was like Because it
903
00:42:18.949 --> 00:42:20.989
was funny. I did it the first time. I was like,
904
00:42:21.030 --> 00:42:23.530
I want to do this every day forever. And after
905
00:42:23.570 --> 00:42:26.039
the second time, I was like, I'm never doing that again.
906
00:42:26.059 --> 00:42:29.880
I will never, ever do that again. And now I've
907
00:42:29.900 --> 00:42:31.809
had some time to kind of separate myself from it.
908
00:42:31.840 --> 00:42:34.079
I'm like, all right, maybe I'll do 20 again one day.
909
00:42:34.199 --> 00:42:37.019
You know what I'm saying? Not anytime soon.
910
00:42:37.079 --> 00:42:38.300
Not anytime soon.
911
00:42:39.119 --> 00:42:40.880
You could offer me a million dollars and I wouldn't
912
00:42:40.920 --> 00:42:41.440
do it tonight.
913
00:42:42.300 --> 00:42:42.900
Oh, shit.
914
00:42:42.920 --> 00:42:45.340
There's no way. I would rather.
915
00:42:46.920 --> 00:42:50.760
Have a line of people wanting to, I'm not even
916
00:42:50.780 --> 00:42:53.320
going to go there, but it's just, there's a lot
917
00:42:53.340 --> 00:42:57.010
of things that I would rather do than go through that. And, um,
918
00:42:57.329 --> 00:42:59.949
so yeah, let's, let's, let's watch the video.
919
00:43:00.610 --> 00:43:00.949
All right.
920
00:43:01.469 --> 00:43:03.909
And, um, we'll see what happens, dude.
921
00:43:04.880 --> 00:43:05.260
All right.
922
00:43:05.760 --> 00:43:09.119
So, um, I think we can skip through a little
923
00:43:09.139 --> 00:43:13.039
bit of this where we're kind of just talking about it. Um,
924
00:43:13.840 --> 00:43:18.079
I was like really trying to delay the inevitable. Like
925
00:43:18.119 --> 00:43:19.639
I was excited, but I was so scared.
926
00:43:19.659 --> 00:43:20.340
Bubble guts.
927
00:43:21.340 --> 00:43:21.639
Yeah.
928
00:43:21.679 --> 00:43:21.840
Yeah.
929
00:43:21.860 --> 00:43:23.610
I know I would be. I'm like, hold on. I
930
00:43:23.639 --> 00:43:24.630
gotta go to the bathroom real quick.
931
00:43:25.789 --> 00:43:26.530
Right. Right.
932
00:43:27.090 --> 00:43:29.309
So I'm like trying to delay it. Give me a
933
00:43:29.349 --> 00:43:32.769
sip of water. I'm going to go back and eventually, Oh,
934
00:43:32.809 --> 00:43:35.889
there I go. Now I'm hitting it. So it starts
935
00:43:35.949 --> 00:43:39.039
at three 20. Oh, by the way, we have like a,
936
00:43:39.090 --> 00:43:39.949
what kind of music was that?
937
00:43:39.989 --> 00:43:40.170
Nick?
938
00:43:41.349 --> 00:43:44.869
It was the, I think, The ketamine therapy playlist.
939
00:43:46.489 --> 00:43:47.530
Of course I have one of those.
940
00:43:47.969 --> 00:43:49.230
Of course. It was great though.
941
00:43:49.250 --> 00:43:49.710
Yeah, it was.
942
00:43:50.170 --> 00:43:54.349
And it's crazy too, because the music syncs up to
943
00:43:54.409 --> 00:43:58.780
whatever you're experiencing. And so like the first time I
944
00:43:58.820 --> 00:44:01.039
was like, oh, I love this music. It's really adding
945
00:44:01.079 --> 00:44:03.579
to it. And the second time I wanted to talk
946
00:44:03.639 --> 00:44:06.320
so bad, but I was screaming in my mind, please
947
00:44:06.400 --> 00:44:08.380
turn that fucking music off.
948
00:44:08.920 --> 00:44:10.780
Get me out of here. You think that that was
949
00:44:10.900 --> 00:44:12.519
a big key factor to that?
950
00:44:13.329 --> 00:44:13.989
It may have been.
951
00:44:14.010 --> 00:44:16.090
At least an aspect of it, right?
952
00:44:16.110 --> 00:44:18.300
It was just so much excitement that it boiled over
953
00:44:18.360 --> 00:44:23.380
into terror. But anyway, you can see right here. By
954
00:44:23.400 --> 00:44:25.260
the way, anybody that wants to be able to watch
955
00:44:26.219 --> 00:44:29.679
me tripping my balls off on DMT for the first
956
00:44:29.800 --> 00:44:33.500
and second time, come over to patreon.com slash metamysteries. That
957
00:44:33.539 --> 00:44:36.639
link is down in the show notes below. We have
958
00:44:36.840 --> 00:44:39.210
a $ 3. 33 tier, which allows you to be able to
959
00:44:39.250 --> 00:44:42.070
watch all the video, listen to the shows absolutely commercial-free.
960
00:44:42.809 --> 00:44:46.510
And obviously, you'll be able to reach out to Sean
961
00:44:46.690 --> 00:44:49.469
or me if you have any kind of question. We
962
00:44:49.489 --> 00:44:52.880
have a whole message inbox in there. And we check
963
00:44:52.889 --> 00:44:55.440
that more than anything else because y'all are the ones
964
00:44:55.460 --> 00:44:56.980
that are really helping to support the show. So we
965
00:44:57.019 --> 00:45:00.960
thank everybody that already has done so already. But we
966
00:45:01.099 --> 00:45:04.119
just put up a new tier. And that tier, if
967
00:45:04.159 --> 00:45:06.059
you sign up for that one, it's $ 8.
968
00:45:05.179 --> 00:45:05.619
88.
969
00:45:05.619 --> 00:45:09.139
So you get everything from the original tier. But what
970
00:45:09.159 --> 00:45:13.320
you'll also get is that Starting in November, every Wednesday night,
971
00:45:13.699 --> 00:45:17.440
we are going live, except the first Wednesday. It's going
972
00:45:17.460 --> 00:45:19.800
to have to start on the second Wednesday, because the
973
00:45:19.820 --> 00:45:23.530
first Wednesday is election night. So we're probably not going
974
00:45:23.550 --> 00:45:24.550
to be going live that night.
975
00:45:24.969 --> 00:45:27.769
Probably a good call. Wonder Whiz Days, dude.
976
00:45:28.030 --> 00:45:30.590
Wonder Whiz Days. Yes, sign up for that tier. You'll
977
00:45:30.610 --> 00:45:32.610
be able to have access to live shows, and we
978
00:45:32.679 --> 00:45:37.199
will be divining. We'll be doing tarot cards, dowsing rods,
979
00:45:37.280 --> 00:45:40.900
getting absolutely weird, diving into the coolest topics. You never
980
00:45:40.940 --> 00:45:42.320
know what to expect, but it's going to be a
981
00:45:42.360 --> 00:45:44.559
hell of a good time amongst wizards and witches, bro.
982
00:45:44.679 --> 00:45:45.659
That's just the way it's going to be.
983
00:45:45.980 --> 00:45:47.760
For sure. Oh, and by the way, I just went
984
00:45:47.780 --> 00:45:49.960
to the crystal shop and I got myself a pendulum.
985
00:45:50.000 --> 00:45:52.659
Or my wife got it for me, rather. Sweet.
986
00:45:52.920 --> 00:45:55.679
All right. We'll start dipping our toes in that fine pond.
987
00:45:55.909 --> 00:45:56.170
Oh, yeah.
988
00:45:56.190 --> 00:45:57.329
Fine pond as well, dude.
989
00:45:57.969 --> 00:45:58.150
Yeah.
990
00:45:58.610 --> 00:46:01.019
So, all right. So, of course, I hit it at 3-2-2.
991
00:46:01.059 --> 00:46:03.679
The skull and bones kind of shit going on right here.
992
00:46:03.719 --> 00:46:07.360
But that's a conspiracy of mine. So here I am.
993
00:46:08.090 --> 00:46:10.269
Let me just turn that music down because there's not
994
00:46:10.309 --> 00:46:14.050
really need for it. So you see me hitting it
995
00:46:14.090 --> 00:46:17.510
right there. Nick's kind of guiding me. You know, hold
996
00:46:17.530 --> 00:46:19.150
the button in. Breathe in more.
997
00:46:31.409 --> 00:46:35.449
How long does he hold it?
998
00:46:35.550 --> 00:46:35.750
What?
999
00:46:35.909 --> 00:46:42.139
Oh, it's only six minutes.
1000
00:46:42.739 --> 00:46:45.340
Oh, my God.
1001
00:47:02.789 --> 00:47:03.389
And I'm gone.
1002
00:47:04.730 --> 00:47:09.619
Right there, just like that. So, I mean, I'm basically
1003
00:47:09.639 --> 00:47:11.420
just laying there for a couple of minutes. I think
1004
00:47:11.460 --> 00:47:13.280
it was like four or five minutes, something like that.
1005
00:47:13.300 --> 00:47:13.500
Right.
1006
00:47:13.860 --> 00:47:15.920
And you'll see the passage of time.
1007
00:47:17.679 --> 00:47:19.119
And right here, we'll play it.
1008
00:47:19.119 --> 00:47:27.570
Welcome back.
1009
00:47:27.630 --> 00:47:27.989
Thumbs up?
1010
00:47:27.989 --> 00:47:28.070
Yeah.
1011
00:47:28.789 --> 00:47:29.969
Thank you for tuning in.
1012
00:47:33.059 --> 00:47:39.989
This video that started when we were still talking and
1013
00:47:40.010 --> 00:47:42.530
bullshitting is eight and a half minutes long.
1014
00:47:42.550 --> 00:47:43.809
You were out for maybe five.
1015
00:47:43.869 --> 00:47:49.670
I mean, I feel like I'm still kind of tripping.
1016
00:47:50.429 --> 00:47:52.309
So it's Tracy afterwards and stuff?
1017
00:47:53.889 --> 00:47:54.929
Uh, it fades quick.
1018
00:47:58.639 --> 00:48:00.179
So you only took one hit, you didn't feel like
1019
00:48:00.199 --> 00:48:03.900
you needed a second? Didn't I hit it like multiple times? Yeah, no,
1020
00:48:03.960 --> 00:48:06.480
I mean... Well, same breath, same breath. Like you said,
1021
00:48:06.500 --> 00:48:08.420
release and don't, then like, do it again.
1022
00:48:08.460 --> 00:48:10.239
Yeah, no, he got most of it on the first go,
1023
00:48:10.280 --> 00:48:10.500
I think.
1024
00:48:10.539 --> 00:48:11.719
Gotcha, yeah. Big lumps.
1025
00:48:11.780 --> 00:48:12.239
Isn't that wild?
1026
00:48:12.280 --> 00:48:13.710
And then just knocks you back. That's why I've always
1027
00:48:13.730 --> 00:48:14.590
been a little nervous about it.
1028
00:48:14.809 --> 00:48:15.230
Fuck yeah.
1029
00:48:15.289 --> 00:48:20.489
It's like, yeah, you're gone. Um, it's a lot of
1030
00:48:20.550 --> 00:48:21.809
what I experienced on 4A Co.
1031
00:48:21.829 --> 00:48:22.010
Yeah.
1032
00:48:22.050 --> 00:48:22.170
Um.
1033
00:48:23.449 --> 00:48:29.280
A lot more? It was a lot more intense... They're, like,
1034
00:48:30.300 --> 00:48:32.340
within that, it's, uh....
1035
00:48:33.630 --> 00:48:36.909
It's... So, like, on 4Echo, you kind of see, like,
1036
00:48:36.949 --> 00:48:38.570
traces of it and stuff, you know?
1037
00:48:39.389 --> 00:48:45.260
But this was, like, all-encompassing. And I was... Alright, so
1038
00:48:45.300 --> 00:48:47.030
I was seeing, like, these....
1039
00:48:49.559 --> 00:48:50.460
Big....
1040
00:48:52.199 --> 00:48:57.420
Cylindrical tubes. And it was just, like, a shitload of them.
1041
00:48:58.659 --> 00:49:05.079
And they were all protecting this fucking golden ball. And
1042
00:49:05.099 --> 00:49:08.320
this golden ball had a bunch of little.
1043
00:49:09.659 --> 00:49:13.530
Inscriptions on it. Do you recognize any type of language
1044
00:49:13.590 --> 00:49:14.610
on those inscriptions?
1045
00:49:15.969 --> 00:49:19.969
It looks exactly like the Egyptian writings that are on wallpapers.
1046
00:49:20.559 --> 00:49:22.460
That I don't know what the fuck that is. The
1047
00:49:22.500 --> 00:49:23.099
Transformer 2?
1048
00:49:23.099 --> 00:49:24.440
I don't remember what the symbols were, but.
1049
00:49:32.639 --> 00:49:34.679
It was like I was.
1050
00:49:35.510 --> 00:49:39.050
It was like I was seeing it just traces throughout,
1051
00:49:39.070 --> 00:49:42.869
but it was like all of these tubes were all like.
1052
00:49:43.949 --> 00:49:45.739
It was like fucking... I don't even know how to
1053
00:49:45.800 --> 00:49:49.960
put it. It was like the Pokemon. The Pokemon. Y'all
1054
00:49:49.980 --> 00:49:52.860
know Pokemon. Yeah, of course. Tangela.
1055
00:49:52.880 --> 00:49:53.380
Pikachu.
1056
00:49:53.599 --> 00:49:54.019
Yeah.
1057
00:49:54.280 --> 00:49:56.750
Tangela, like how it's all like... That old.
1058
00:49:56.809 --> 00:49:57.010
Yeah.
1059
00:49:59.889 --> 00:50:01.369
All right. So I'm not, I don't need to play
1060
00:50:01.389 --> 00:50:03.789
the whole thing, but I really just wanted to show
1061
00:50:03.829 --> 00:50:07.210
you like the initial reaction to it, you know? And
1062
00:50:07.250 --> 00:50:08.710
so it was very positive vibes.
1063
00:50:08.730 --> 00:50:09.170
Pretty chill.
1064
00:50:09.570 --> 00:50:09.730
Yeah.
1065
00:50:09.809 --> 00:50:09.989
Oh yeah.
1066
00:50:10.030 --> 00:50:11.670
It was great. I mean, like I said, it was
1067
00:50:11.909 --> 00:50:14.349
very similar. I mean a little bit more in depth,
1068
00:50:14.389 --> 00:50:17.969
but very similar to four echo. Um, and it was
1069
00:50:18.010 --> 00:50:21.090
a great time, dude. Like I, I really was super
1070
00:50:21.130 --> 00:50:22.250
high hopes about.
1071
00:50:22.050 --> 00:50:24.570
It, you know, came out of it still kind of
1072
00:50:24.690 --> 00:50:27.489
feeling pretty good, you know, pretty excited. Maybe, you know,
1073
00:50:27.510 --> 00:50:28.739
like you said, you wanted to try it again.
1074
00:50:30.230 --> 00:50:31.090
Right, right.
1075
00:50:31.489 --> 00:50:31.849
Oh, look.
1076
00:50:32.030 --> 00:50:34.170
Damn, I hit it almost immediately in this video.
1077
00:50:34.369 --> 00:50:34.630
Okay.
1078
00:50:36.010 --> 00:50:37.309
All right.
1079
00:50:37.829 --> 00:50:39.389
So here's the second time.
1080
00:50:39.409 --> 00:50:40.670
This is the second time, yeah.
1081
00:50:41.349 --> 00:50:41.630
Okay.
1082
00:50:43.409 --> 00:50:45.590
This is 40 slash possibly 50 or 60.
1083
00:50:45.570 --> 00:50:45.730
Okay.
1084
00:50:55.900 --> 00:50:56.599
Yep, that's stronger.
1085
00:50:57.239 --> 00:50:58.420
Yeah, buddy.
1086
00:50:58.539 --> 00:51:01.659
Hold it, hold it, hold it.
1087
00:51:02.059 --> 00:51:08.739
Don't say if it made Nick nervous.
1088
00:51:16.929 --> 00:51:22.809
It started out so awesome. But it got to a
1089
00:51:22.829 --> 00:51:25.579
boiling point. Yeah, it got to a boiling point where
1090
00:51:25.619 --> 00:51:28.960
it was too awesome. Like, I don't even know. That's
1091
00:51:29.000 --> 00:51:34.900
the best way I can put it. And so fast
1092
00:51:34.940 --> 00:51:36.949
forward there a little bit. This one lasted a little
1093
00:51:36.969 --> 00:51:40.070
bit longer. This was like close to 10 minutes. But
1094
00:51:41.869 --> 00:51:44.510
after a while, you start to see like I'm trying
1095
00:51:44.530 --> 00:51:46.570
to open my eyes and get out of this reality.
1096
00:51:51.230 --> 00:52:10.090
Like I'm barely able to open my eyes. And it's
1097
00:52:10.150 --> 00:52:12.750
not because I was so physically weak that I couldn't
1098
00:52:12.789 --> 00:52:17.179
keep my eyes open. It's that it was such an
1099
00:52:17.400 --> 00:52:20.480
immense amount of sadness that I was feeling that I
1100
00:52:20.579 --> 00:52:23.400
didn't have the energy or the will to open my eyes.
1101
00:52:24.400 --> 00:52:24.519
Hmm.
1102
00:52:30.110 --> 00:52:32.869
Sounds like somewhat of a sleep paralysis type of thing.
1103
00:52:32.909 --> 00:52:33.369
You know what I mean?
1104
00:52:33.389 --> 00:52:34.360
That's what it's reminding me of.
1105
00:52:34.789 --> 00:52:38.789
Right, right. So I'm trying to open my eyes again
1106
00:52:38.829 --> 00:52:43.989
there a little again. Trying to come back. A little
1107
00:52:44.010 --> 00:52:46.030
bit of spark in me is like, come on.
1108
00:52:49.050 --> 00:52:51.550
And my God, how long did I lay there?
1109
00:52:52.050 --> 00:52:53.989
Oh, right out here.
1110
00:52:54.010 --> 00:52:58.260
All right, so I'm out of it now. I'm still
1111
00:52:58.300 --> 00:53:01.449
feeling the effects of it, but I'm no longer in
1112
00:53:01.489 --> 00:53:01.969
there anymore.
1113
00:53:01.989 --> 00:53:03.280
Got your eyes open.
1114
00:53:04.000 --> 00:53:06.579
Now it's just the heaviness of dealing with it initially.
1115
00:53:10.679 --> 00:53:11.000
Damn.
1116
00:53:11.539 --> 00:53:12.719
Like, you see how.
1117
00:53:12.780 --> 00:53:15.210
You look like you're dealing with it.
1118
00:53:15.219 --> 00:53:16.760
Dude, went through hell.
1119
00:53:17.599 --> 00:53:19.000
Yes, going through it.
1120
00:53:26.099 --> 00:53:28.960
Nick's hoping that I had a great experience, but not
1121
00:53:28.980 --> 00:53:30.869
knowing yet.
1122
00:53:31.019 --> 00:53:33.340
I was like, I know he was fucking in there.
1123
00:53:36.059 --> 00:53:37.860
Did you think whenever I came out of it like this,
1124
00:53:38.070 --> 00:53:39.449
what was your initial thoughts?
1125
00:53:40.429 --> 00:53:43.590
I knew that you were dealing with something.
1126
00:53:44.349 --> 00:53:44.650
Yeah.
1127
00:53:45.349 --> 00:53:47.849
But I wasn't sure which way it went or not.
1128
00:53:48.429 --> 00:53:50.690
But I know the look is all.
1129
00:53:50.989 --> 00:53:51.590
Yeah, dude.
1130
00:53:51.630 --> 00:53:54.969
I know the look of... I have to process whatever
1131
00:53:55.010 --> 00:53:56.309
I just experienced.
1132
00:54:14.449 --> 00:54:17.469
And honestly, in this moment, I was like, y'all don't
1133
00:54:17.510 --> 00:54:21.760
know how awesome it is to be here in this moment.
1134
00:54:22.260 --> 00:54:22.500
Right.
1135
00:54:24.000 --> 00:54:25.039
Holy shit.
1136
00:54:27.699 --> 00:54:39.059
I mean, damn, how long do I sit there?
1137
00:54:40.019 --> 00:54:40.639
Oh, there we go.
1138
00:54:47.570 --> 00:54:51.050
The most traumatic thing that's ever happened to me.
1139
00:54:51.190 --> 00:54:52.010
Traumatic?
1140
00:54:52.190 --> 00:54:52.570
Yeah.
1141
00:54:54.130 --> 00:54:54.570
Explain.
1142
00:54:54.590 --> 00:54:59.090
John, I'm going to stop recording.
1143
00:55:00.809 --> 00:55:01.369
Are you okay?
1144
00:55:03.710 --> 00:55:09.739
So how, traumatic how? Oh man, I was so scared.
1145
00:55:11.500 --> 00:55:12.099
It was like.
1146
00:55:13.360 --> 00:55:24.579
Oh, what? Like... This... Um... For your life?
1147
00:55:25.280 --> 00:55:25.739
For.
1148
00:55:27.039 --> 00:55:29.159
Just existence, bro.
1149
00:55:29.340 --> 00:55:29.619
Like.
1150
00:55:30.679 --> 00:55:35.420
Scared of the future? No, it was just my me thing.
1151
00:55:36.239 --> 00:55:39.360
It was like... Like self-expression?
1152
00:55:43.070 --> 00:55:46.250
It was different than that, dude. It was like a
1153
00:55:46.349 --> 00:55:51.260
fucking nightmare. And I'm not somebody who nightmares. But that
1154
00:55:51.340 --> 00:55:54.639
was the fucking most nightmariest nightmare of all time.
1155
00:55:55.599 --> 00:55:56.480
Oh, that fucked me.
1156
00:55:57.460 --> 00:55:57.719
Okay.
1157
00:55:58.559 --> 00:56:02.320
Whoa. So scared, dude. Was there a monster? Was it
1158
00:56:02.380 --> 00:56:06.539
just the fear? What were you seeing?
1159
00:56:06.579 --> 00:56:07.639
Like a loss of self.
1160
00:56:08.719 --> 00:56:14.760
Like everything you think you knew is slipping through your fingers.
1161
00:56:17.900 --> 00:56:23.630
Were there sheeps? It was like, look at.
1162
00:56:25.849 --> 00:56:26.050
Alright.
1163
00:56:26.690 --> 00:56:31.010
If you could take a snapshot of your mind. I mean,
1164
00:56:31.050 --> 00:56:31.639
not of your mind.
1165
00:56:31.780 --> 00:56:36.239
If you can take a snapshot of everything that you see. Like,
1166
00:56:36.300 --> 00:56:38.519
if you just took a picture right here as it is.
1167
00:56:41.500 --> 00:56:44.320
And then.
1168
00:56:44.719 --> 00:56:47.860
Have it divided into like... I don't know.
1169
00:56:47.980 --> 00:56:51.750
It's so hard to speak after this, dude, because... You're
1170
00:56:51.769 --> 00:56:52.610
trying to explain.
1171
00:56:52.630 --> 00:56:53.389
You're still coming to, man.
1172
00:56:53.650 --> 00:56:56.610
Well, you're trying to explain something that you can't explain.
1173
00:56:56.630 --> 00:56:57.269
It has no words.
1174
00:56:57.630 --> 00:56:58.289
Right.
1175
00:56:58.309 --> 00:57:03.800
And all of the pieces, they were like chunks. All
1176
00:57:03.909 --> 00:57:08.199
of the pieces were like so scattered. That adrenochrome thing
1177
00:57:08.219 --> 00:57:10.659
where it was the cow chopped up into slices and shit?
1178
00:57:10.739 --> 00:57:11.599
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
1179
00:57:11.719 --> 00:57:16.269
Maybe, but dude, it just fucking scared me because it's like...
1180
00:57:16.929 --> 00:57:21.380
The granularity just broke. Oh, like, I thought that it
1181
00:57:21.420 --> 00:57:24.699
was all gone. Like, it was fucked. Like, you weren't
1182
00:57:24.739 --> 00:57:28.380
coming out of that? That's what I felt, yeah. Like,
1183
00:57:28.400 --> 00:57:29.079
it was like.
1184
00:57:29.099 --> 00:57:32.019
Like, you did too much, like, go fuck. The scariest
1185
00:57:32.059 --> 00:57:35.599
thing I've ever witnessed in my life. And, like, I
1186
00:57:35.659 --> 00:57:41.960
was feeling so dreadful and sorrowful the entire time. I
1187
00:57:41.980 --> 00:57:44.900
was like, dude, this is fucking... There's this thing that's, like,
1188
00:57:45.059 --> 00:57:45.860
overtaking me.
1189
00:57:46.440 --> 00:57:46.539
And.
1190
00:57:49.050 --> 00:57:51.409
It's not even a thing that's overtaking me, it's that
1191
00:57:51.489 --> 00:57:52.650
it was like.
1192
00:57:52.670 --> 00:57:58.909
This reality, the way it's structured, and everything about it, everything.
1193
00:57:59.300 --> 00:58:01.719
My perception of reality itself was just.
1194
00:58:05.300 --> 00:58:10.199
Fucking....
1195
00:58:09.079 --> 00:58:09.639
Demolished.
1196
00:58:12.070 --> 00:58:13.550
It was completely demolished, yeah.
1197
00:58:14.230 --> 00:58:16.050
You see what I mean now sometimes?
1198
00:58:16.130 --> 00:58:20.079
Holy fuck, dude. Want to hit it again?
1199
00:58:20.699 --> 00:58:21.079
No.
1200
00:58:21.099 --> 00:58:22.699
I don't think so.
1201
00:58:22.760 --> 00:58:24.739
Do you feel good for experiencing.
1202
00:58:26.349 --> 00:58:26.420
It?
1203
00:58:26.429 --> 00:58:29.190
I'm happy I experienced it. The most dramatic thing you've
1204
00:58:29.289 --> 00:58:32.469
ever experienced. It was not pleasant. Do you care if
1205
00:58:32.650 --> 00:58:34.809
I hit it again?
1206
00:58:35.010 --> 00:58:35.369
For sure.
1207
00:58:35.829 --> 00:58:39.929
Fucking Matt Rife sees me explaining all of this and
1208
00:58:39.969 --> 00:58:41.150
he's like, let me go in.
1209
00:58:41.170 --> 00:58:48.239
I was like, you crazy bastard. Yeah, dude. That was
1210
00:58:48.280 --> 00:58:50.659
kind of a lot just watching that, like, watching you
1211
00:58:50.679 --> 00:58:53.639
come out of that, dude. I was, like, feeling you
1212
00:58:53.900 --> 00:58:57.360
on that, you know? Heavy. That was heavy, is what
1213
00:58:57.380 --> 00:58:57.679
I'm saying.
1214
00:58:57.699 --> 00:58:58.050
Oh, man.
1215
00:58:58.070 --> 00:58:58.889
Like, in my chest.
1216
00:58:59.929 --> 00:59:05.630
It was, yeah, it was the heaviest. But, you know,
1217
00:59:05.650 --> 00:59:07.110
the rest of that night, I was kind of feeling
1218
00:59:07.130 --> 00:59:11.210
really down, and not down, but just like... almost like
1219
00:59:11.309 --> 00:59:11.940
picture the.
1220
00:59:15.090 --> 00:59:18.550
The most amount of temporary depression that you could possibly
1221
00:59:18.650 --> 00:59:20.809
experience all at once, you know?
1222
00:59:20.829 --> 00:59:24.150
Well, I, I've actually experienced that too on, on 4Aco, dude,
1223
00:59:24.190 --> 00:59:26.190
when I went and I went to go crash out.
1224
00:59:26.250 --> 00:59:28.030
Cause I just, I wasn't feeling very good, man. And
1225
00:59:28.050 --> 00:59:30.070
I was kind of not feeling like the, the happy,
1226
00:59:30.110 --> 00:59:31.969
good vibes. It was kind of bringing me down a
1227
00:59:31.969 --> 00:59:34.289
little bit, dude. And it, when I went to lay down,
1228
00:59:34.369 --> 00:59:37.139
it just got worse, man. It got like to the
1229
00:59:37.179 --> 00:59:40.639
point where I Not so much lost myself, but in
1230
00:59:40.719 --> 00:59:42.800
a sense, I was looking at myself and going, do
1231
00:59:42.880 --> 00:59:46.380
I even like the version of myself that I'm being
1232
00:59:46.440 --> 00:59:48.800
that I am, you know, like I was questioning it
1233
00:59:49.119 --> 00:59:52.519
and dude. Yeah. So that's the only, the only thing
1234
00:59:52.619 --> 00:59:54.750
I can compare it to, but I can only imagine
1235
00:59:55.130 --> 00:59:59.349
all of reality itself breaking apart and going away from
1236
00:59:59.369 --> 01:00:02.329
you turning to dust. Well, let me tell you what
1237
01:00:02.389 --> 01:00:03.409
yourself included.
1238
01:00:03.920 --> 01:00:04.400
Oh yeah.
1239
01:00:04.519 --> 01:00:04.739
Yeah.
1240
01:00:04.800 --> 01:00:07.280
Well, let me tell you. So afterward I was feeling
1241
01:00:07.320 --> 01:00:10.940
like just so heavy from it that I was like, dude, like, I,
1242
01:00:11.480 --> 01:00:13.380
I don't know if I'm ever going to recover from this.
1243
01:00:13.460 --> 01:00:17.239
Like it could just, this could, I could just feel
1244
01:00:17.340 --> 01:00:20.699
this sadness for the rest of my life. And I
1245
01:00:20.739 --> 01:00:23.139
was like, and then I was like even thinking, and
1246
01:00:23.219 --> 01:00:24.980
I would, I would never, I don't even like to
1247
01:00:25.019 --> 01:00:27.409
joke about it, but I would never kill myself, but
1248
01:00:27.590 --> 01:00:30.179
I would never do that. Okay. But in the back
1249
01:00:30.199 --> 01:00:32.960
of my mind, I'm thinking I can't even kill myself
1250
01:00:33.019 --> 01:00:34.699
because I'll probably just experience that.
1251
01:00:34.840 --> 01:00:35.420
End up there.
1252
01:00:35.440 --> 01:00:37.360
I would, I would go there probably.
1253
01:00:37.429 --> 01:00:40.570
Holy shit. What if that's hell? You know what I mean? Like,
1254
01:00:40.929 --> 01:00:43.090
I guess that, that could be, you know, if, if
1255
01:00:43.230 --> 01:00:45.929
reincarnation isn't a thing. And when people say that when
1256
01:00:45.949 --> 01:00:49.010
you die, they see nothingness. Like, I don't know, dude,
1257
01:00:49.150 --> 01:00:51.539
I hope not. I hope that's not what we experienced
1258
01:00:51.559 --> 01:00:52.780
when we die. I don't think so.
1259
01:00:53.320 --> 01:00:57.360
Um, I wouldn't be too incredibly shocked that it, if
1260
01:00:57.420 --> 01:01:00.349
it wasn't, at least something like that. I don't know. Um,
1261
01:01:02.030 --> 01:01:05.409
what I, what I know are at least from the,
1262
01:01:05.510 --> 01:01:08.659
the near death experience stories, the past life regressions and
1263
01:01:08.699 --> 01:01:11.980
stuff like that. Typically, you know, you'll, you'll, you know,
1264
01:01:12.000 --> 01:01:14.099
you see people on their deathbed and they're talking to
1265
01:01:14.139 --> 01:01:16.719
their aunts and their uncles that have passed on and
1266
01:01:16.760 --> 01:01:19.980
stuff like that. Um, and they have somebody to guide
1267
01:01:20.019 --> 01:01:22.239
them to the other side and that's typically what you hear.
1268
01:01:22.699 --> 01:01:25.300
And so I, I would like to think that that's
1269
01:01:25.340 --> 01:01:31.179
what happens because we've heard those stories before. so many times, but, um, uh, and,
1270
01:01:31.340 --> 01:01:34.119
and I don't think that what I experienced is what happens.
1271
01:01:34.280 --> 01:01:36.820
I don't think that it happens to necessarily even bad people.
1272
01:01:36.960 --> 01:01:40.079
I think even the worst people don't experience what, what
1273
01:01:40.159 --> 01:01:44.579
I just experienced. Um, but I think that like, it's
1274
01:01:44.659 --> 01:01:47.510
probably not too crazy. I mean, you think about it,
1275
01:01:48.199 --> 01:01:52.139
we can't remember most of what we were in a
1276
01:01:52.179 --> 01:01:55.039
past life, unless you get past life regressed or something
1277
01:01:55.079 --> 01:01:55.480
like that.
1278
01:01:55.559 --> 01:01:55.719
Right.
1279
01:01:56.449 --> 01:01:59.050
And if you can't remember who you were, well, energy
1280
01:01:59.090 --> 01:02:02.449
can't be created or destroyed, only transferred, right? And so,
1281
01:02:04.510 --> 01:02:09.210
all right, well, my body can be destroyed, my reality
1282
01:02:09.489 --> 01:02:11.989
can be destroyed, but at least my energy is always
1283
01:02:12.010 --> 01:02:13.969
going to be there, right? Because it always has, and
1284
01:02:14.010 --> 01:02:16.219
it always will, and it can't go anywhere. It always
1285
01:02:16.280 --> 01:02:17.179
has to exist.
1286
01:02:17.840 --> 01:02:18.760
Right.
1287
01:02:19.179 --> 01:02:23.119
But I could see how there could be some kind
1288
01:02:23.179 --> 01:02:29.869
of disbursement of myself into the universe until I gradually
1289
01:02:30.010 --> 01:02:32.150
somehow end up back in another body.
1290
01:02:33.010 --> 01:02:33.210
Right.
1291
01:02:34.690 --> 01:02:35.670
What are your thoughts on that, Nick?
1292
01:02:37.809 --> 01:02:38.510
I know what you mean.
1293
01:02:38.710 --> 01:02:41.889
I think, uh, I feel like the actual process is
1294
01:02:41.969 --> 01:02:49.760
probably a lot more, uh, streamlined. Like I think we're, we're, uh,
1295
01:02:50.980 --> 01:02:57.000
that's like the, I don't know, ghetto dipping your toes in.
1296
01:02:57.760 --> 01:03:00.809
With no direction at all. You're like in the ditch,
1297
01:03:01.309 --> 01:03:01.949
you know what I mean?
1298
01:03:02.130 --> 01:03:07.559
Instead of on the highway to where you're intending to
1299
01:03:07.599 --> 01:03:08.400
be going.
1300
01:03:08.579 --> 01:03:10.599
You're just driving with the lights off.
1301
01:03:11.519 --> 01:03:11.800
Right.
1302
01:03:11.920 --> 01:03:14.210
I mean, and that's what it was. I mean, obviously,
1303
01:03:14.530 --> 01:03:17.010
and you know, I thought it was really strange because
1304
01:03:17.070 --> 01:03:22.369
everybody talks about being visited in these DMT realms, whether
1305
01:03:22.409 --> 01:03:25.570
it's by machine elves or some guides or some angels,
1306
01:03:25.610 --> 01:03:28.400
maybe past loved ones or something, somebody, maybe it's a
1307
01:03:28.500 --> 01:03:31.599
teacher on the other side, something like that. And I
1308
01:03:31.679 --> 01:03:34.460
felt that was another reason why I felt absolute sadness
1309
01:03:34.480 --> 01:03:37.739
was because I was like, nobody's even here to help me, dude.
1310
01:03:38.110 --> 01:03:39.929
Like I have nobody.
1311
01:03:40.530 --> 01:03:42.699
You would have been happy with some machine elves or
1312
01:03:42.739 --> 01:03:44.440
some self-dribbling basketballs or some shit.
1313
01:03:44.599 --> 01:03:47.619
I would have been so great for like a Skittle
1314
01:03:47.679 --> 01:03:50.500
with a face on it to, to make its appearance
1315
01:03:50.599 --> 01:03:54.829
like anything at all. And, um, you know, going through that.
1316
01:03:54.909 --> 01:03:59.590
And honestly, I think that that, I think that that
1317
01:03:59.690 --> 01:04:01.789
it plays into your fears, you.
1318
01:04:01.710 --> 01:04:03.909
Know, it was like, do you think that that was
1319
01:04:03.949 --> 01:04:08.280
something that was necessary for you? Like almost like you
1320
01:04:08.340 --> 01:04:12.219
created that for yourself as though you knew you needed
1321
01:04:13.239 --> 01:04:16.389
that type of extreme side of it.
1322
01:04:16.820 --> 01:04:20.260
It was absolutely, I can't speak for everybody else, but
1323
01:04:20.320 --> 01:04:25.929
for me, it made sense that I experienced that because
1324
01:04:26.409 --> 01:04:33.269
deep down, you know, I'm, you know, y'all know that
1325
01:04:33.389 --> 01:04:37.190
recently within the past year, Um, me and my wife
1326
01:04:37.449 --> 01:04:41.210
split up and I had to move to Texas and,
1327
01:04:41.750 --> 01:04:45.010
you know, uh, I, I obviously don't see my kids
1328
01:04:45.230 --> 01:04:48.369
as much anymore and stuff like that. So I spend like,
1329
01:04:48.389 --> 01:04:50.750
you know, I spend, you know, I have my son
1330
01:04:50.789 --> 01:04:52.369
half the time I get to see my daughter every
1331
01:04:52.409 --> 01:04:54.269
other weekend. So it's still cool. I got my daughter
1332
01:04:54.309 --> 01:04:56.210
over the summer. It's still cool and everything, but there
1333
01:04:56.250 --> 01:04:59.239
are times that, you know, I'm alone and I don't
1334
01:04:59.280 --> 01:05:01.920
have anybody and I'm all, it's just me and my dog,
1335
01:05:02.420 --> 01:05:06.289
you know? And it's usually okay because I'm usually busy and,
1336
01:05:06.630 --> 01:05:10.260
you know, shooting podcasts, editing, you know, maybe I'm watching
1337
01:05:10.280 --> 01:05:12.699
football or something to keep my mind off of it.
1338
01:05:12.780 --> 01:05:16.139
And I'm not, I'm not typically a lonely person. Like
1339
01:05:16.239 --> 01:05:19.980
I'm like before all this happened, like I never felt lonely.
1340
01:05:21.059 --> 01:05:23.659
And what this made me just realize is that like,
1341
01:05:23.679 --> 01:05:27.809
this is like how I am right now is not
1342
01:05:27.869 --> 01:05:28.969
the way I want to be for the rest of
1343
01:05:28.989 --> 01:05:31.789
my life. Like I would love to find somebody that would,
1344
01:05:32.269 --> 01:05:33.969
that I would be able to connect with and settle
1345
01:05:33.989 --> 01:05:36.389
down with and spend my life with. Honestly, after this
1346
01:05:36.429 --> 01:05:38.460
last marriage, I was like, I can be single for
1347
01:05:38.480 --> 01:05:40.820
the rest of my life. I can do that. Like
1348
01:05:41.260 --> 01:05:43.880
going through this, I'm like, I don't ever want to
1349
01:05:43.900 --> 01:05:46.440
be alone again like that, you know? And like, I
1350
01:05:46.500 --> 01:05:49.119
don't want to, and it's not like I need somebody
1351
01:05:49.159 --> 01:05:51.199
to be around. No, it's like, I want to develop
1352
01:05:51.239 --> 01:05:54.380
a connection that way, you know, cause coming out of
1353
01:05:54.420 --> 01:05:58.550
that trip, I felt very alone. And, um, it was just,
1354
01:05:58.650 --> 01:06:04.739
you know, deeply personal and sad and all the, negative feelings. And, um,
1355
01:06:05.000 --> 01:06:06.900
but it, it did make, it made me realize a
1356
01:06:06.980 --> 01:06:09.579
lot of good things and it's definitely going to change
1357
01:06:09.599 --> 01:06:12.340
the trajectory of my life moving forward. And I think
1358
01:06:12.380 --> 01:06:14.440
that that is the most powerful thing that could have
1359
01:06:14.480 --> 01:06:15.039
come from that.
1360
01:06:15.679 --> 01:06:18.389
Oh, for sure, dude. It's only up from here. You
1361
01:06:18.429 --> 01:06:20.210
know what I mean? And, and to be honest, dude,
1362
01:06:20.230 --> 01:06:22.150
it was, I remember it was that, that, that night
1363
01:06:22.170 --> 01:06:23.610
that you were going to be doing that. And I
1364
01:06:24.150 --> 01:06:26.190
went outside, dude, and I was, I was just smoking
1365
01:06:26.210 --> 01:06:27.769
my vape and just kind of getting some alone time.
1366
01:06:27.829 --> 01:06:29.809
And I, and I had the thought, like the reason
1367
01:06:29.889 --> 01:06:33.630
why Or the thought that I had was I'm worried that,
1368
01:06:34.070 --> 01:06:36.809
you know, something happens and maybe it changes him in
1369
01:06:36.849 --> 01:06:39.650
a negative way or something. Like I actually had this thought,
1370
01:06:39.730 --> 01:06:42.110
you know, and I was like, nah, it's Jonathan. You
1371
01:06:42.130 --> 01:06:43.849
know what I mean? He lives for this kind of shit.
1372
01:06:43.969 --> 01:06:46.550
And so, but you know what? I'm hopeful that it
1373
01:06:46.570 --> 01:06:48.760
was not for nothing, you know?
1374
01:06:48.780 --> 01:06:49.010
Oh, yeah.
1375
01:06:49.050 --> 01:06:50.840
You're going to get something good out of it and
1376
01:06:50.880 --> 01:06:52.340
turn the tin into gold, if you will.
1377
01:06:52.659 --> 01:06:58.099
Oh, for sure. Like it's going to be, and it
1378
01:06:58.119 --> 01:07:03.320
already has been, constructive. You know, like not all things
1379
01:07:03.400 --> 01:07:06.059
that happen to you have to be really awesome and
1380
01:07:06.119 --> 01:07:10.099
really cool and stuff like that. Like sometimes you have
1381
01:07:10.179 --> 01:07:13.400
to go through the worst of the worst. I mean,
1382
01:07:13.420 --> 01:07:20.010
at least for me of like really, really cherishing everything
1383
01:07:20.030 --> 01:07:23.349
around you and being so thankful and present. And that
1384
01:07:23.369 --> 01:07:25.309
was another thing. Like I just need to be more
1385
01:07:25.409 --> 01:07:28.559
present no matter what I do. If I'm on a podcast,
1386
01:07:28.659 --> 01:07:30.119
if I'm in front of my kids, if I'm hanging
1387
01:07:30.139 --> 01:07:34.139
out with my friends, like fuck my phone. You know
1388
01:07:34.159 --> 01:07:37.260
what I mean? Like all these little things that don't matter.
1389
01:07:37.320 --> 01:07:38.650
It's surface level shit.
1390
01:07:38.670 --> 01:07:43.010
Like why does Netflix doesn't matter? None of, none of
1391
01:07:43.090 --> 01:07:46.489
that matters. The only thing that matters is the stuff
1392
01:07:46.530 --> 01:07:51.530
that does actually matter, you know? And that was, and that's,
1393
01:07:51.670 --> 01:07:54.329
that's just, you know, kind of, so I, yeah, I
1394
01:07:54.369 --> 01:07:55.809
guess I'm just going to be a lot more of
1395
01:07:55.849 --> 01:07:57.230
a sentimental person moving forward.
1396
01:07:57.940 --> 01:07:59.780
Oh, well, hey, that's a good thing, dude. You know
1397
01:07:59.800 --> 01:08:02.420
what I mean? I mean, after having that pendulum swing,
1398
01:08:02.599 --> 01:08:04.900
it's all the way far back as it's ever swung
1399
01:08:04.940 --> 01:08:06.699
for you, it sounds like. You know what I mean?
1400
01:08:06.739 --> 01:08:08.010
It's got to swing back the other way.
1401
01:08:08.489 --> 01:08:09.150
Right, right.
1402
01:08:09.250 --> 01:08:12.929
And so, you know what I'm really happy about? I'm
1403
01:08:13.309 --> 01:08:15.349
really happy that Jacob didn't do it.
1404
01:08:16.270 --> 01:08:16.489
Really?
1405
01:08:16.529 --> 01:08:18.989
Like, that's what I was thinking, because he was hesitant.
1406
01:08:19.310 --> 01:08:20.510
And after I tried it the first time.
1407
01:08:20.569 --> 01:08:20.890
I was like.
1408
01:08:21.810 --> 01:08:23.960
I felt the urge to want to push him to
1409
01:08:24.039 --> 01:08:25.779
do it and just push him over the edge because
1410
01:08:25.819 --> 01:08:28.000
it's so awesome. And I know that that awesomeness, he
1411
01:08:28.020 --> 01:08:31.140
could really use that right now. But then afterward, I
1412
01:08:31.199 --> 01:08:34.659
had that experience. I was like, thank God he didn't
1413
01:08:34.720 --> 01:08:39.439
do it. Because if he had that experience, oh man,
1414
01:08:40.600 --> 01:08:45.199
who I don't wish that on anybody, but especially him
1415
01:08:45.439 --> 01:08:51.529
with his stuff. And so And that's another thing too.
1416
01:08:51.989 --> 01:08:54.850
I've said it before that I think everybody should try 4-Aco.
1417
01:08:54.909 --> 01:08:59.090
I think everybody should try mushrooms. I don't think everybody
1418
01:08:59.130 --> 01:09:02.359
should try these things. I like, I think that.
1419
01:09:02.399 --> 01:09:04.899
Well, I think we've made that disclaimer before, you know
1420
01:09:04.920 --> 01:09:05.260
what I mean?
1421
01:09:05.300 --> 01:09:05.680
Sure.
1422
01:09:05.720 --> 01:09:08.210
But like either way, sure. But not to this level,
1423
01:09:08.909 --> 01:09:11.109
but I always thought in the back of my mind,
1424
01:09:11.609 --> 01:09:13.600
you should fucking do it. You know what I'm saying?
1425
01:09:13.640 --> 01:09:14.460
Like, don't be a pussy.
1426
01:09:14.739 --> 01:09:18.079
Just do it 50 times. Like, like Lord Byron. Um,
1427
01:09:18.340 --> 01:09:20.960
but like, you know, going through it, I'm like, and
1428
01:09:20.979 --> 01:09:23.920
I'm not trying to say that I'm more mentally tough.
1429
01:09:24.079 --> 01:09:29.600
I luckily I'm in a great mental place to, if
1430
01:09:29.659 --> 01:09:33.350
I was in a horrific mental place before that, it
1431
01:09:33.359 --> 01:09:36.770
would have just, just drive myself off a cliff. You
1432
01:09:36.789 --> 01:09:38.989
know what I'm saying? Like, so thankfully, like I had
1433
01:09:39.029 --> 01:09:41.390
great people around, I was having a great time, you know,
1434
01:09:41.409 --> 01:09:45.409
and everything was going great. But I think that it's
1435
01:09:45.489 --> 01:09:48.250
not made for everybody. You should never be peer pressured
1436
01:09:48.289 --> 01:09:50.760
into it. If you're going to do it, absolutely make
1437
01:09:50.939 --> 01:09:53.149
a hundred percent sure that you want to do it.
1438
01:09:53.649 --> 01:09:58.159
And also accept that there is a possibility that you
1439
01:09:58.199 --> 01:10:01.000
have that kind of experience. And I'm not saying that
1440
01:10:01.079 --> 01:10:05.439
you can't use it for the betterment, but yeah. I
1441
01:10:05.460 --> 01:10:06.970
don't know if everybody wants... Moderation, dude.
1442
01:10:07.020 --> 01:10:11.750
Don't do 50 whatever, you know, whatever that measurement was.
1443
01:10:11.810 --> 01:10:13.329
Nick, I did want to ask you, though.
1444
01:10:13.569 --> 01:10:14.010
I mean, all.
1445
01:10:15.909 --> 01:10:21.119
Right, so we've talked. Terrence McKenna, he's known for saying
1446
01:10:21.180 --> 01:10:24.319
that seven grams of psilocybin mushrooms is said to be
1447
01:10:24.359 --> 01:10:28.199
a heroic dose, right? Is there a heroic dose of DMT?
1448
01:10:28.359 --> 01:10:30.100
Probably around that.
1449
01:10:30.760 --> 01:10:35.579
Okay, so that's great. All right, well... Oh, jeez. yeah
1450
01:10:35.899 --> 01:10:37.739
i like to be honest.
1451
01:10:37.399 --> 01:10:39.819
That's the thing like we we don't really exactly know
1452
01:10:39.890 --> 01:10:41.189
how much it was all i know is how much
1453
01:10:41.229 --> 01:10:42.470
i put in there i don't know how much is
1454
01:10:42.609 --> 01:10:45.609
left over that's the problem i think and you know
1455
01:10:45.670 --> 01:10:50.090
there was like two people that didn't necessarily get all
1456
01:10:50.109 --> 01:10:52.729
of it beforehand but you know it didn't look like
1457
01:10:52.789 --> 01:10:55.050
it was too full but i don't know it's.
1458
01:10:54.970 --> 01:10:57.050
Just there's still something and you don't.
1459
01:10:56.949 --> 01:11:01.439
Clean it out totally and three dose every single time,
1460
01:11:01.539 --> 01:11:06.920
then you're inevitably going to have some leftover if the
1461
01:11:06.979 --> 01:11:08.600
other person didn't go all the way.
1462
01:11:08.659 --> 01:11:08.880
Right.
1463
01:11:09.520 --> 01:11:09.739
Right.
1464
01:11:10.500 --> 01:11:13.260
Well, I just, I just found another good reason or
1465
01:11:13.300 --> 01:11:15.079
a good lesson that we could have gotten out of this.
1466
01:11:15.119 --> 01:11:17.180
And I think it was that great disclaimer, you know
1467
01:11:17.199 --> 01:11:19.979
what I mean? And you fully understand the importance of like, Hey,
1468
01:11:20.020 --> 01:11:23.029
you know, also accept the risk of having a trip
1469
01:11:23.189 --> 01:11:24.029
like that one.
1470
01:11:24.829 --> 01:11:27.810
I'll also say if you're somebody that is going through life,
1471
01:11:27.909 --> 01:11:31.010
not appreciating it, this might be the way to start
1472
01:11:31.050 --> 01:11:32.289
appreciating it.
1473
01:11:32.329 --> 01:11:33.989
So I was actually going to bring up that point
1474
01:11:34.250 --> 01:11:38.590
of like, so I don't, I don't know what it
1475
01:11:38.649 --> 01:11:41.409
would be like to be in this position or like
1476
01:11:41.430 --> 01:11:44.840
to have the struggle of like perhaps being, you know,
1477
01:11:44.850 --> 01:11:48.229
like people go do ayahuasca or do something like, uh,
1478
01:11:48.340 --> 01:11:50.180
some sort of psychedelic therapy.
1479
01:11:50.220 --> 01:11:51.159
Some bufo toad.
1480
01:11:51.199 --> 01:11:51.500
Yeah.
1481
01:11:51.619 --> 01:11:54.579
Like, or Ibogaine or whatever, you know, I don't know
1482
01:11:54.600 --> 01:11:56.960
what those are like, but like, you know, uh, imagine
1483
01:11:56.979 --> 01:12:00.079
you have this like addiction, you know, drugs or alcohol
1484
01:12:00.140 --> 01:12:02.819
or gambling, whatever, you know, that's like been ruining your
1485
01:12:02.850 --> 01:12:03.869
life forever and ever and ever.
1486
01:12:03.890 --> 01:12:04.430
Right.
1487
01:12:04.529 --> 01:12:05.329
And you're just.
1488
01:12:05.229 --> 01:12:08.489
Going down all the wrong paths and it's just consuming
1489
01:12:08.529 --> 01:12:12.970
your life. Can you imagine having an, being in that
1490
01:12:13.010 --> 01:12:16.989
kind of position, Jonathan, um, and doing something like that,
1491
01:12:17.229 --> 01:12:21.119
how it could immediately reset.
1492
01:12:21.279 --> 01:12:23.020
A hundred percent. And as a matter of fact, I
1493
01:12:23.340 --> 01:12:25.460
told Jacob, I, I don't even know if I want
1494
01:12:25.479 --> 01:12:30.189
to smoke weed anymore. Because, and it's not because like, it's,
1495
01:12:30.590 --> 01:12:33.810
it's bad for you. It's not for that reason. It's
1496
01:12:33.939 --> 01:12:37.439
more for, um, I just want to make sure that
1497
01:12:37.460 --> 01:12:42.220
I'm always staying as present as possible and not trying
1498
01:12:42.279 --> 01:12:45.619
to go somewhere else. And I think like for me, weed, it,
1499
01:12:46.279 --> 01:12:49.159
you don't go somewhere else. It's not a psychedelic thing, but.
1500
01:12:48.979 --> 01:12:51.199
You check out, you're not you.
1501
01:12:53.350 --> 01:12:56.630
You know like there's there's there's remnants of you there's
1502
01:12:56.770 --> 01:13:00.170
aspects of you like it's still your physical body but
1503
01:13:00.210 --> 01:13:04.829
like your mentality is not you anymore it's like uh
1504
01:13:04.949 --> 01:13:07.029
a different version of you kind of right.
1505
01:13:06.850 --> 01:13:09.529
And you don't want your experience to be dulled down
1506
01:13:10.060 --> 01:13:10.460
at all.
1507
01:13:10.539 --> 01:13:12.340
And that's why that's why i don't like smoking weed
1508
01:13:12.380 --> 01:13:14.739
personally because i feel like that's what it does to
1509
01:13:14.819 --> 01:13:19.060
me and granted i do enjoy doing other things but
1510
01:13:19.140 --> 01:13:23.510
those things specifically to me i feel like they highlight
1511
01:13:23.609 --> 01:13:28.210
or accentuate more of me. So I tend to stick
1512
01:13:28.289 --> 01:13:32.369
to things that only do that rather than anything that's
1513
01:13:32.430 --> 01:13:33.609
even close to the inverse.
1514
01:13:33.869 --> 01:13:37.020
Right, yeah, the taking away aspect.
1515
01:13:38.859 --> 01:13:41.500
And giving yourself a new perception for the rest of
1516
01:13:41.520 --> 01:13:43.859
your life rather than just kind of doling your experience
1517
01:13:43.899 --> 01:13:44.880
for that night.
1518
01:13:45.960 --> 01:13:49.760
Well, I tell you what too, it got me to,
1519
01:13:50.159 --> 01:13:56.850
I think I'm really... uh, considering like quitting vaping as well. Like, honestly,
1520
01:13:56.909 --> 01:13:59.199
I was, we should, everybody should do that. We were
1521
01:13:59.260 --> 01:14:02.319
driving to the, uh, we were driving to the, um,
1522
01:14:02.500 --> 01:14:04.899
the club that we went to earlier for it's for
1523
01:14:04.979 --> 01:14:10.060
Bohemian Grove. And dude, I really, like I, I had
1524
01:14:10.100 --> 01:14:12.640
to catch myself from taking my vape and throw it
1525
01:14:12.680 --> 01:14:15.149
out the window because I had done that before. And
1526
01:14:15.159 --> 01:14:17.770
I almost just chucked it out the window and into
1527
01:14:17.810 --> 01:14:20.689
a bayou somewhere or something like that. And just like
1528
01:14:20.789 --> 01:14:24.829
rage quit. And I prevented myself from doing that today
1529
01:14:25.210 --> 01:14:26.949
because I was like, I don't want it to be
1530
01:14:26.989 --> 01:14:29.520
a rage quit. I want it to be a purposeful quit.
1531
01:14:29.899 --> 01:14:31.760
I want it to make sure that it's not an
1532
01:14:31.779 --> 01:14:35.060
emotional thing that I'm doing. It's a purposeful thing.
1533
01:14:35.380 --> 01:14:35.699
Yes.
1534
01:14:36.479 --> 01:14:36.699
Right.
1535
01:14:36.880 --> 01:14:39.899
And so I'm definitely going to be making plans this
1536
01:14:39.960 --> 01:14:41.840
week to get away from that as well.
1537
01:14:41.859 --> 01:14:42.279
Oh, man.
1538
01:14:43.399 --> 01:14:46.550
Now that you mentioned that, after I had that experience,
1539
01:14:47.149 --> 01:14:53.560
my bad one– I, uh, for a while, a long time, um,
1540
01:14:54.159 --> 01:14:56.800
I fell back into my ways, I guess, now that
1541
01:14:56.819 --> 01:14:58.739
I think about it, but there was a, I always
1542
01:14:58.760 --> 01:15:00.859
had a really big problem, like biting my nails.
1543
01:15:01.979 --> 01:15:05.720
And I, for like two years, I was like, I
1544
01:15:05.760 --> 01:15:06.520
didn't do it anymore.
1545
01:15:06.539 --> 01:15:08.880
Oh, it took away a nervous habit.
1546
01:15:09.159 --> 01:15:09.439
Yeah.
1547
01:15:09.680 --> 01:15:09.979
Yeah.
1548
01:15:10.000 --> 01:15:13.460
It's like, I didn't, I didn't have a problem with it. And, uh,
1549
01:15:14.079 --> 01:15:15.859
it was a noticeable thing. I even told, I told
1550
01:15:15.890 --> 01:15:18.659
my dad about it. I was like, I did the
1551
01:15:18.699 --> 01:15:20.619
DMT and I don't fucking buy my nails anymore.
1552
01:15:20.720 --> 01:15:22.640
We would always give each other shit.
1553
01:15:22.539 --> 01:15:24.920
Because he would do it too. And, and, uh, yeah,
1554
01:15:25.100 --> 01:15:27.399
it just, that just reminded me with the vaping thing. And, uh,
1555
01:15:27.420 --> 01:15:29.920
you know, I would like to, I would like to
1556
01:15:30.640 --> 01:15:32.689
stop that too, you know, at some point.
1557
01:15:33.100 --> 01:15:33.439
Yeah.
1558
01:15:33.729 --> 01:15:36.949
I mean, I know like for me personally, I already
1559
01:15:36.989 --> 01:15:40.300
have like bad allergies, which is funny because At the
1560
01:15:40.399 --> 01:15:44.479
Bohemian Grove thing earlier, there was this female comedian, and
1561
01:15:44.539 --> 01:15:46.880
she went up on stage, and she was just bashing everybody.
1562
01:15:46.939 --> 01:15:48.420
Didn't matter if you were a man or a woman.
1563
01:15:48.460 --> 01:15:51.670
Didn't matter your ethnicity. She was bashing everybody, dude. And
1564
01:15:51.710 --> 01:15:54.090
she was brutal with it, too. And she was like,
1565
01:15:54.460 --> 01:15:57.119
you know, all these men out here, like, how could
1566
01:15:57.140 --> 01:16:00.020
you possibly be a man and go up to Starbucks
1567
01:16:00.060 --> 01:16:02.239
and order an oat milk in your coffee? Like what
1568
01:16:02.279 --> 01:16:04.640
a pussy kind of thing, you know? And then she
1569
01:16:04.659 --> 01:16:08.390
was like, oh, and, uh, uh, she was talking about men. Um,
1570
01:16:08.600 --> 01:16:11.369
she was like, oh, you're a man with allergies. You
1571
01:16:11.409 --> 01:16:14.229
mean like a pussy? And I was like, I feel
1572
01:16:14.250 --> 01:16:16.989
attacked now, you know what I mean? And so, um,
1573
01:16:17.390 --> 01:16:23.189
so yeah, but dude, vaping gives me hardcore allergies. And, um, and,
1574
01:16:23.350 --> 01:16:25.729
and I've kind of always been around that. My parents
1575
01:16:25.810 --> 01:16:28.310
smoked with us in the car and in the house.
1576
01:16:28.369 --> 01:16:30.949
And like, I've always been around smoke and like, so
1577
01:16:31.029 --> 01:16:33.210
I don't know what it's like to not be around
1578
01:16:33.250 --> 01:16:35.409
it because whenever I moved out of my parents' house,
1579
01:16:35.689 --> 01:16:38.770
I was already smoking, you know? So, um, I think
1580
01:16:38.789 --> 01:16:41.720
that that's something that, um, I need to, I need
1581
01:16:41.729 --> 01:16:44.779
to work on because, you know, and I don't, we
1582
01:16:44.800 --> 01:16:47.159
don't know what, you know, what goes on, what are
1583
01:16:47.180 --> 01:16:50.220
the long-term effects of vaping or whatever, but I can't
1584
01:16:50.260 --> 01:16:55.260
imagine they're positive. And, um, and so I was thinking like, dude,
1585
01:16:55.659 --> 01:16:58.899
I want to, I, you know, we can sit here
1586
01:16:58.960 --> 01:17:00.880
and say all day that we think we know what
1587
01:17:00.920 --> 01:17:04.640
happens in the afterlife. I want to prolong that as
1588
01:17:04.699 --> 01:17:08.090
much as humanly possible. Like just in case, if the
1589
01:17:08.909 --> 01:17:13.029
odd chance that what I experienced is that I'm going
1590
01:17:13.050 --> 01:17:14.930
to start eating healthy, I'm going to start going to
1591
01:17:14.970 --> 01:17:16.789
the gym. I'm going to, I'm going to like, you know,
1592
01:17:16.829 --> 01:17:20.229
stop vaping, you know, like stop all of the all the,
1593
01:17:20.310 --> 01:17:22.409
you know, the processed foods and all that kind of crap.
1594
01:17:22.489 --> 01:17:22.989
You know what I mean?
1595
01:17:23.850 --> 01:17:24.050
Yeah.
1596
01:17:24.069 --> 01:17:26.770
Start running and shit. You know, I might get crazy.
1597
01:17:27.210 --> 01:17:27.369
Yeah.
1598
01:17:27.590 --> 01:17:28.050
Might get crazy.
1599
01:17:28.170 --> 01:17:28.590
Start running.
1600
01:17:29.170 --> 01:17:31.810
That was a heavy episode, man. I gotta be honest, man. Um,
1601
01:17:32.189 --> 01:17:34.609
you know, I'm really glad that, you know, I don't
1602
01:17:34.630 --> 01:17:37.229
want to say I'm glad you had that experience, but
1603
01:17:37.649 --> 01:17:39.680
you know, if it's not so lingering as far as
1604
01:17:39.720 --> 01:17:42.640
like it pulling you down and shit, like I'm sure
1605
01:17:42.659 --> 01:17:45.340
it was for a purpose. I'm sure you, you had
1606
01:17:45.359 --> 01:17:49.090
that experience because you needed to, to see it just
1607
01:17:49.130 --> 01:17:51.630
a little bit differently reality in general, you know, or
1608
01:17:51.670 --> 01:17:54.609
the people around you or, or just the, the, the
1609
01:17:54.670 --> 01:17:57.250
gratefulness that you're going to have just having a conversation
1610
01:17:57.270 --> 01:17:59.630
with Nick or, or whatever, you know, whatever it is,
1611
01:17:59.710 --> 01:18:01.109
when you see your kids, you're not going to be
1612
01:18:01.149 --> 01:18:03.550
on your phone. And so there, I think there's a
1613
01:18:03.609 --> 01:18:08.100
lot of things that you're not necessarily, uh, even understanding
1614
01:18:08.189 --> 01:18:10.760
right now. I think you still need to process this and,
1615
01:18:10.939 --> 01:18:14.600
and hopefully, man, you get through it quicker than, than not.
1616
01:18:14.880 --> 01:18:19.029
Yeah. But you know what too, um, I almost want
1617
01:18:19.069 --> 01:18:23.829
to put a little spell on myself right now. You should.
1618
01:18:23.850 --> 01:18:30.800
As traumatic and dreadful as that was, I hope I
1619
01:18:30.880 --> 01:18:32.340
never forget what that feels like.
1620
01:18:33.079 --> 01:18:33.319
Right.
1621
01:18:33.460 --> 01:18:36.119
And I want to use that as fuel moving forward
1622
01:18:36.520 --> 01:18:40.869
and to use that with every single decision and every
1623
01:18:40.890 --> 01:18:43.989
single step that I take for the rest of my life.
1624
01:18:44.050 --> 01:18:47.210
I never want to lose that. Like I don't want to,
1625
01:18:47.350 --> 01:18:49.350
it's almost like, you know, when people get famous, they
1626
01:18:49.369 --> 01:18:51.039
forget where they came from. came from kind of thing.
1627
01:18:52.819 --> 01:18:56.909
I don't want to forget that I came from literally
1628
01:18:57.090 --> 01:19:01.130
the bottom of the barrel as far as like, hell
1629
01:19:01.250 --> 01:19:03.069
is a vacation. You know what I mean?
1630
01:19:03.109 --> 01:19:06.880
Like, When it comes to experiences, dude, like that is
1631
01:19:06.939 --> 01:19:10.560
the lowest, worst, scariest thing I could even imagine, dude. And,
1632
01:19:10.579 --> 01:19:11.960
you know, if you're having one of those days where
1633
01:19:11.979 --> 01:19:14.300
you get out of bed, man, everything's just fucked, you know,
1634
01:19:14.319 --> 01:19:18.020
whatever it is, traffic or name your thing. You're like, well,
1635
01:19:18.039 --> 01:19:20.680
at least I'm not in a black void, losing my
1636
01:19:20.720 --> 01:19:23.890
reality and trying to get it back. And I can't. And,
1637
01:19:24.210 --> 01:19:24.489
you know.
1638
01:19:24.510 --> 01:19:25.590
Yeah, dude.
1639
01:19:25.829 --> 01:19:28.409
And, you know, what's funny, too, is that I think, Nick,
1640
01:19:28.470 --> 01:19:31.170
didn't you say something about a mirror dimension or was
1641
01:19:31.189 --> 01:19:32.270
that Jacob last night?
1642
01:19:32.859 --> 01:19:35.159
Uh, I, I, I mentioned it a lot, so it
1643
01:19:35.180 --> 01:19:36.199
was probably, okay.
1644
01:19:37.359 --> 01:19:38.520
It sounds like something I would say.
1645
01:19:38.560 --> 01:19:41.689
So it was funny because, um, I was in front
1646
01:19:41.710 --> 01:19:43.489
of the urinal in this bathroom in the trip.
1647
01:19:43.609 --> 01:19:43.850
Right.
1648
01:19:44.229 --> 01:19:47.770
But then I also remember looking into a mirror and
1649
01:19:47.810 --> 01:19:51.270
like looking at myself in a mirror and then the
1650
01:19:51.409 --> 01:19:54.470
mirror breaking up and it wasn't cracking off like glass does.
1651
01:19:54.590 --> 01:19:58.890
It was breaking up into chunks of like, it was like, um,
1652
01:19:59.449 --> 01:20:02.180
There was depth to these chunks. You know what I'm saying?
1653
01:20:02.600 --> 01:20:04.140
And they were all breaking up.
1654
01:20:04.220 --> 01:20:04.680
And it was.
1655
01:20:04.699 --> 01:20:07.380
So it was weird that, like, even a mirror was
1656
01:20:07.439 --> 01:20:08.479
involved in this trip.
1657
01:20:08.500 --> 01:20:11.159
And then all started, you were in a Bucky's bathroom.
1658
01:20:11.279 --> 01:20:11.460
Yeah.
1659
01:20:11.520 --> 01:20:12.720
Or at least that's what it seemed like.
1660
01:20:13.680 --> 01:20:17.300
Oh, it 100% was a Bucky's bathroom. Like, the Bucky's
1661
01:20:17.340 --> 01:20:19.720
bathroom that I stopped at on the way here, that
1662
01:20:19.880 --> 01:20:22.520
same exact place. I've been to a lot of different Bucky's,
1663
01:20:22.899 --> 01:20:25.760
you know, throughout the South and through Texas, Florida, Alabama,
1664
01:20:25.859 --> 01:20:29.560
and Mississippi. And, like, I've been through... I'm not going
1665
01:20:29.579 --> 01:20:30.720
to say all of them. There's a lot of them,
1666
01:20:31.020 --> 01:20:32.520
but I've been through, I don't know, five or six
1667
01:20:32.560 --> 01:20:36.090
different ones, maybe seven, something like that. It was specifically
1668
01:20:36.149 --> 01:20:37.329
the one that we stopped to on.
1669
01:20:37.289 --> 01:20:37.689
The way here.
1670
01:20:38.449 --> 01:20:40.250
And when you were, and when you were standing, so
1671
01:20:40.310 --> 01:20:43.350
you were just observing being in a bathroom or were
1672
01:20:43.390 --> 01:20:45.270
you like standing on your own two feet?
1673
01:20:45.350 --> 01:20:47.590
What did it, what did that feel like? Yeah, I
1674
01:20:47.630 --> 01:20:49.189
was in there standing on my feet.
1675
01:20:49.210 --> 01:20:51.829
Deja vu-ing it. You were like a living hell moment again.
1676
01:20:51.909 --> 01:20:52.250
Fuck.
1677
01:20:52.689 --> 01:20:52.989
Yeah.
1678
01:20:53.149 --> 01:20:53.439
Yeah.
1679
01:20:53.760 --> 01:20:57.840
And, and that's what made it so fucked up was that,
1680
01:20:58.789 --> 01:21:01.229
it was a real place. You know what I'm saying?
1681
01:21:01.250 --> 01:21:03.829
Like if I was much more tangible for your mind.
1682
01:21:03.970 --> 01:21:06.020
If I was in the ether and it all started
1683
01:21:06.060 --> 01:21:07.939
to go away, like I'm sure that would suck too,
1684
01:21:08.300 --> 01:21:11.140
but it was the fact that like, it was my reality.
1685
01:21:11.739 --> 01:21:12.880
It was something that.
1686
01:21:12.800 --> 01:21:16.600
I had been to and right. Right.
1687
01:21:16.779 --> 01:21:19.859
And so that's, I mean, to me, but Nick, I mean,
1688
01:21:20.779 --> 01:21:24.720
can you explain what you experienced? Like, like visually, whenever
1689
01:21:24.760 --> 01:21:27.720
you had your bad trip, Or you don't have to,
1690
01:21:27.760 --> 01:21:28.270
if you don't want to.
1691
01:21:28.300 --> 01:21:29.159
Oh yeah.
1692
01:21:29.340 --> 01:21:33.220
It was, it was, mine was more, uh, just, it
1693
01:21:33.260 --> 01:21:37.060
was GM. It was all the same feelings. Um, except
1694
01:21:38.539 --> 01:21:42.199
I just had the notion and understanding of the loss
1695
01:21:42.239 --> 01:21:45.909
of everything rather than it being a visually observable, like
1696
01:21:46.149 --> 01:21:49.409
in chunks, I guess. Um, but I, I like understood
1697
01:21:50.210 --> 01:21:54.109
what was happening and everything that was leaving me and,
1698
01:21:54.449 --> 01:21:57.220
you know, everything that I was and, what I was
1699
01:21:57.260 --> 01:22:01.460
seeing visually was like, now that you mention it, it
1700
01:22:01.520 --> 01:22:04.340
was like, it was either a golden ball or like
1701
01:22:04.380 --> 01:22:06.439
it was all, it had a point in the middle
1702
01:22:06.619 --> 01:22:10.520
and it was gold and it was just like infinitely, um,
1703
01:22:11.390 --> 01:22:15.510
like it was more than one dimension, but they were like,
1704
01:22:16.649 --> 01:22:18.850
I guess maybe kind of tubes too, but like, you know,
1705
01:22:18.890 --> 01:22:20.770
those like those Celtic knots.
1706
01:22:21.250 --> 01:22:21.510
Yeah.
1707
01:22:21.939 --> 01:22:22.189
Yeah. Yeah.
1708
01:22:22.439 --> 01:22:25.500
It was like a five dimensional Celtic knot twisting and
1709
01:22:25.539 --> 01:22:28.880
spinning and they were like all rolling like this, but
1710
01:22:29.000 --> 01:22:33.000
also turning inside of itself, like a Taurus. And it
1711
01:22:33.020 --> 01:22:36.510
was just, but it was going to the middle and
1712
01:22:36.550 --> 01:22:39.529
it was coming from around the sides, all just like
1713
01:22:39.670 --> 01:22:44.310
falling down infinitely back into itself. And, uh, it was just,
1714
01:22:44.369 --> 01:22:49.069
it was just perpetually forever. You know, it was like eternity.
1715
01:22:49.090 --> 01:22:52.210
This is where I am. I I'm done.
1716
01:22:52.229 --> 01:22:52.649
I'm dead.
1717
01:22:53.189 --> 01:22:55.449
And like, there's no coming back, no getting out of this.
1718
01:22:55.489 --> 01:22:56.909
And I, lost everything.
1719
01:22:56.930 --> 01:23:01.899
It cracks me up how you're laughing while you're saying this.
1720
01:23:03.880 --> 01:23:05.159
He's had some time to process.
1721
01:23:05.619 --> 01:23:06.760
It only took me three years.
1722
01:23:07.600 --> 01:23:09.399
Which should give you hope, you know what I mean?
1723
01:23:09.439 --> 01:23:11.279
That there is a, you know, you will get to
1724
01:23:11.319 --> 01:23:13.489
that side, you know? And that's pretty crazy that that's
1725
01:23:13.510 --> 01:23:17.470
what you saw, like a Celtic knot with like a five-dimensional,
1726
01:23:17.949 --> 01:23:20.130
like whenever I see the, what do you call it?
1727
01:23:20.149 --> 01:23:24.199
It's a, what's that shape called? A cube? Yeah, and
1728
01:23:24.260 --> 01:23:26.359
it's like folding in on itself. And every time I
1729
01:23:26.399 --> 01:23:28.140
watch a video like that, I'm like, I don't know,
1730
01:23:28.159 --> 01:23:29.479
it just messes with my brain.
1731
01:23:29.539 --> 01:23:30.079
Tesseract.
1732
01:23:30.840 --> 01:23:34.619
Yes. And so the fact that you saw that in
1733
01:23:34.699 --> 01:23:37.739
your mind, like not just a cube, but something even
1734
01:23:37.800 --> 01:23:40.380
more complex. And then it was folding in on itself
1735
01:23:40.439 --> 01:23:43.359
and doing whatever. That's a trip, dude. That your mind
1736
01:23:43.399 --> 01:23:44.590
was able to conjure that up.
1737
01:23:44.859 --> 01:23:48.510
And what was also pretty interesting is that like everywhere,
1738
01:23:49.050 --> 01:23:53.359
this is the hardest part to explain, is that The
1739
01:23:53.420 --> 01:23:54.840
center point was everywhere.
1740
01:23:57.340 --> 01:23:59.960
So what was outside of it then?
1741
01:23:59.979 --> 01:24:02.819
I have no idea, but everywhere I looked.
1742
01:24:02.880 --> 01:24:03.800
That's where he was.
1743
01:24:03.920 --> 01:24:08.500
Everywhere I looked was the center that was infinitely collapsing
1744
01:24:08.560 --> 01:24:09.000
on itself.
1745
01:24:09.439 --> 01:24:09.800
Everywhere.
1746
01:24:10.640 --> 01:24:11.560
Oh my God.
1747
01:24:11.720 --> 01:24:13.689
I don't know if that makes sense. Whenever you look
1748
01:24:13.699 --> 01:24:16.850
at something, you focus on a point. But if you
1749
01:24:16.869 --> 01:24:22.630
can see everything all at once, and it's all infinitely...
1750
01:24:23.060 --> 01:24:30.100
Like there was no like exterior or center and everywhere
1751
01:24:30.140 --> 01:24:33.619
that you looked was folding in inward on itself.
1752
01:24:34.420 --> 01:24:35.279
Oh my God.
1753
01:24:35.899 --> 01:24:37.460
But you can see everything.
1754
01:24:37.779 --> 01:24:40.640
A little bit of everything everywhere all at once.
1755
01:24:41.140 --> 01:24:44.000
Oh shit, dude. Yeah. I was seeing this one thing
1756
01:24:44.500 --> 01:24:46.399
not too long ago. It's like a, it was like
1757
01:24:46.439 --> 01:24:48.270
a picture of like the universe and it was like
1758
01:24:48.319 --> 01:24:51.670
converging into a single point. And like that single point
1759
01:24:51.750 --> 01:24:53.960
is you. And so it was like when you do
1760
01:24:54.000 --> 01:24:57.060
psychedelics or DMT, something like this, it's almost like that
1761
01:24:57.119 --> 01:25:00.600
single point is now looking the other way at everything
1762
01:25:00.720 --> 01:25:03.939
that's been converged into what makes up you. And so
1763
01:25:03.979 --> 01:25:06.590
maybe that's what you experienced, you know?
1764
01:25:06.600 --> 01:25:07.350
Fuck.
1765
01:25:07.590 --> 01:25:12.510
Look, I don't know if reality is all one giant
1766
01:25:12.689 --> 01:25:15.970
head trip, one giant dream, but I think that what
1767
01:25:16.010 --> 01:25:18.970
we've discovered through All of the things that we've talked
1768
01:25:19.010 --> 01:25:21.729
about on our show, that reality itself is a lot
1769
01:25:21.770 --> 01:25:25.489
more malleable than what we thought at one point in time.
1770
01:25:26.250 --> 01:25:28.569
That it can be somewhat, I don't like to use
1771
01:25:28.590 --> 01:25:32.430
the word manipulated, but worked with.
1772
01:25:33.289 --> 01:25:33.970
Co-creation.
1773
01:25:34.489 --> 01:25:37.090
Yeah, a little bit of a co-creation. But I'll say this, dude.
1774
01:25:37.510 --> 01:25:40.069
If you guys are all just part of my dream,
1775
01:25:41.529 --> 01:25:43.439
I fucking love it. What an awesome dream.
1776
01:25:43.449 --> 01:25:45.180
We're happy to be here. You know, we're happy to
1777
01:25:45.220 --> 01:25:47.699
be here. It's all for you, dude. You know, Nick,
1778
01:25:47.739 --> 01:25:52.979
don't tell him what's up. Don't even, don't, don't even
1779
01:25:53.000 --> 01:25:54.840
ask questions. You know, we'll tell you about it later.
1780
01:25:55.159 --> 01:25:55.880
It could be.
1781
01:25:55.899 --> 01:25:56.119
Yeah.
1782
01:25:57.229 --> 01:25:59.689
Damn dude. That's some, that's some heavy shit, dude. I
1783
01:25:59.710 --> 01:26:01.130
gotta be honest. This whole time I was sitting here
1784
01:26:01.149 --> 01:26:04.010
and dude, just like feeling the heaviness of in my
1785
01:26:04.069 --> 01:26:06.350
chest of just what you must have gone through just
1786
01:26:06.630 --> 01:26:10.149
from you describing it, dude. And like, fuck, I hope
1787
01:26:10.170 --> 01:26:11.270
it doesn't linger too long.
1788
01:26:11.439 --> 01:26:12.039
You know what I mean?
1789
01:26:12.100 --> 01:26:14.630
As far as like that heaviness and, And all that.
1790
01:26:14.649 --> 01:26:16.130
I was going to tell you guys about my experience,
1791
01:26:16.149 --> 01:26:18.590
but now my experience is like dog shit compared to
1792
01:26:18.630 --> 01:26:20.770
what you.
1793
01:26:19.810 --> 01:26:20.520
Just fucking went through.
1794
01:26:20.539 --> 01:26:20.710
Well, no.
1795
01:26:20.739 --> 01:26:22.920
Yeah, tell your experience because we got an experience that
1796
01:26:22.939 --> 01:26:24.840
we want to tell you about what happened earlier tonight.
1797
01:26:25.479 --> 01:26:25.800
Okay.
1798
01:26:25.819 --> 01:26:29.069
So, yeah, you go ahead. So, basically, I've been trying
1799
01:26:29.170 --> 01:26:32.630
to consciously fall asleep. So, like, you know when you
1800
01:26:32.649 --> 01:26:35.859
go to sleep, you never... You never really remember that
1801
01:26:36.039 --> 01:26:39.979
that very moment of falling asleep and becoming unconscious. And so, like,
1802
01:26:40.340 --> 01:26:42.460
I've noticed that when I'm trying to go to sleep,
1803
01:26:42.600 --> 01:26:45.880
my I'm staring into my eyelids and it's almost like
1804
01:26:45.920 --> 01:26:47.560
a meditative state. And, you know, when you get to
1805
01:26:47.590 --> 01:26:51.659
that that certain level of of meditation where you're. I
1806
01:26:51.680 --> 01:26:54.819
don't know. I can't explain it, but you just feel like, oh,
1807
01:26:55.119 --> 01:26:57.460
I'm in like another place, almost like some sort of
1808
01:26:58.159 --> 01:27:01.130
void that's a little more three dimensional rather than just
1809
01:27:01.170 --> 01:27:03.989
staring into, you know, the back of your eyelids. And
1810
01:27:04.029 --> 01:27:08.470
so I've been really trying to fall asleep consciously. And
1811
01:27:08.569 --> 01:27:11.010
so so that I can remember the moment of actually
1812
01:27:11.069 --> 01:27:14.079
falling asleep and going into a dream. And I did
1813
01:27:14.119 --> 01:27:18.060
it today. So this is what happened. This is what happened.
1814
01:27:18.640 --> 01:27:21.579
I was laying there and so my wife and kids
1815
01:27:21.600 --> 01:27:24.460
were out of the house and this never happens. And
1816
01:27:24.479 --> 01:27:26.560
so I'm like, all right, I'm going to commit to
1817
01:27:26.600 --> 01:27:30.239
this and I'm going to lay here and stay in
1818
01:27:30.300 --> 01:27:33.229
it until it happens. Like if it takes two hours,
1819
01:27:33.270 --> 01:27:37.229
I'm going to lay here consciously until my body and
1820
01:27:37.270 --> 01:27:40.930
everything falls asleep and I can consciously experience it. And
1821
01:27:40.989 --> 01:27:42.810
so anyways, all right, so I'm laying there and I'm
1822
01:27:42.880 --> 01:27:44.449
in the zone, right? What made you.
1823
01:27:44.359 --> 01:27:46.119
Even think about doing this, Sean?
1824
01:27:46.819 --> 01:27:48.380
Okay, so every time I go to sleep, I've been
1825
01:27:48.399 --> 01:27:50.380
telling you about this. When I go to sleep, I
1826
01:27:51.239 --> 01:27:53.460
just kind of go into a meditative state where I
1827
01:27:53.500 --> 01:27:55.760
keep my body as still as possible to where my
1828
01:27:55.819 --> 01:27:58.590
body falls asleep. And I know when it happens because
1829
01:27:58.609 --> 01:28:01.569
it just, I don't know, my muscles and everything go
1830
01:28:01.649 --> 01:28:05.270
super relaxed. Like it feels, it actually kind of feels good.
1831
01:28:05.289 --> 01:28:08.090
It's like, oh, you know, I don't know. And so
1832
01:28:08.130 --> 01:28:10.989
my whole body goes completely relaxed. My feet almost even,
1833
01:28:11.090 --> 01:28:13.270
I can feel them starting to get kind of cold,
1834
01:28:13.409 --> 01:28:16.609
like all, all of the shit that would happen when
1835
01:28:16.640 --> 01:28:19.520
you're asleep. And so I know that my body's asleep.
1836
01:28:19.569 --> 01:28:22.520
I'm like, okay, I'm going to say, stay completely still.
1837
01:28:22.560 --> 01:28:24.659
Like at one point I had a, an itch or
1838
01:28:24.680 --> 01:28:26.300
something like that. I'm like, ah, fuck that. That's going
1839
01:28:26.319 --> 01:28:27.680
to go away. You know what I mean? So I
1840
01:28:27.720 --> 01:28:31.199
just laid there and, and what'll happen is I'll start
1841
01:28:31.199 --> 01:28:33.520
to see like shapes and I'll start kind of like
1842
01:28:33.520 --> 01:28:36.029
when you're in a meditation, you see like You know,
1843
01:28:36.029 --> 01:28:40.199
little swirls or little, you know, uh, fragmented shapes floating around. And,
1844
01:28:40.619 --> 01:28:42.760
and it's interesting to look at because sometimes it, to
1845
01:28:42.800 --> 01:28:47.239
me anyway, it seems like they're moving, not like it's
1846
01:28:47.279 --> 01:28:49.699
not my imagination, but almost like these shapes are moving
1847
01:28:49.739 --> 01:28:53.100
with their own kind of intelligence, if that makes sense.
1848
01:28:54.140 --> 01:28:56.399
And so that's intriguing to me because I'm like, okay,
1849
01:28:56.560 --> 01:29:00.979
am I maybe peering into another reality or is this
1850
01:29:01.020 --> 01:29:05.109
my mind? Is it the beginning of my mind starting
1851
01:29:05.170 --> 01:29:08.390
to construct a dream, you know, because it knows I'm
1852
01:29:08.430 --> 01:29:10.630
going into that sleep state. And so I don't know,
1853
01:29:10.649 --> 01:29:12.170
it was just super intriguing to me. So I'm like,
1854
01:29:12.189 --> 01:29:14.329
all right, I'm going to lay here and I'm going
1855
01:29:14.350 --> 01:29:17.909
to see if I can actually be consciously aware of
1856
01:29:17.979 --> 01:29:22.060
falling asleep. And so what happened was, I knew it
1857
01:29:22.119 --> 01:29:24.199
was coming on because I could see those shapes and
1858
01:29:24.220 --> 01:29:26.359
it was like really interesting. Like it was just like
1859
01:29:26.439 --> 01:29:29.020
brighter and it was moving around. And then all of
1860
01:29:29.060 --> 01:29:31.380
a sudden, like, I don't know if it was because
1861
01:29:31.399 --> 01:29:33.119
of the, the ringing in my ears. Cause I have
1862
01:29:33.159 --> 01:29:35.699
ringing in my ears like quite a bit. And that
1863
01:29:35.930 --> 01:29:40.109
noise was the pitch of it was like going higher
1864
01:29:40.170 --> 01:29:43.229
and higher, almost like, I can't explain it. Like it
1865
01:29:43.270 --> 01:29:46.869
just like was like, like revving up like big time.
1866
01:29:46.949 --> 01:29:50.000
And then all of a sudden I'm on a slide and,
1867
01:29:50.569 --> 01:29:52.989
And I'm sliding down this, like, I don't know, it's
1868
01:29:53.010 --> 01:29:55.949
like three feet wide and it's like rainbow, but it's
1869
01:29:55.970 --> 01:29:58.510
not like lit up or nothing. It's just like, like
1870
01:29:58.630 --> 01:30:00.409
as if it was painted that color, but like there
1871
01:30:00.430 --> 01:30:03.109
was limited light. And so all of a sudden I'm
1872
01:30:03.260 --> 01:30:07.319
sliding down this rainbow slide. And I remember thinking like,
1873
01:30:07.359 --> 01:30:08.720
I don't know. I don't think I said it out
1874
01:30:08.779 --> 01:30:11.840
loud in my dream, but I remember thinking I did it.
1875
01:30:12.359 --> 01:30:12.649
Like I, I.
1876
01:30:13.779 --> 01:30:16.899
Stayed consciously aware into this dream. And then I was
1877
01:30:16.960 --> 01:30:19.479
going down this slide, dude. And I was going like,
1878
01:30:19.760 --> 01:30:21.899
I don't know. It felt like mock five or some shit.
1879
01:30:21.920 --> 01:30:24.779
Like I was like speeding up exponentially. Like, I don't
1880
01:30:24.819 --> 01:30:27.710
know what the speed limit is on a slide, dude,
1881
01:30:28.329 --> 01:30:30.930
but I was criminal speeding on this fucking slide, dude.
1882
01:30:30.970 --> 01:30:34.069
It was fucking crazy. And then like, I got into
1883
01:30:34.090 --> 01:30:36.329
the dream and I, I know there was stuff that
1884
01:30:36.369 --> 01:30:38.130
was happening. Like you would think that because I was
1885
01:30:38.189 --> 01:30:40.670
consciously aware when I went into the dream that I
1886
01:30:40.689 --> 01:30:43.710
would be like lucid. But for whatever reason, I guess
1887
01:30:43.770 --> 01:30:46.750
I kind of like forgot the middle bit of the dream.
1888
01:30:47.050 --> 01:30:49.050
But this is where it gets really crazy. Hold on
1889
01:30:49.289 --> 01:30:51.689
one second, dude. This is this is fucking crazy.
1890
01:30:51.729 --> 01:30:54.189
Get your shit together over there, good sir.
1891
01:30:54.930 --> 01:30:58.840
I can't. I mean, I'm too excited for this. All right.
1892
01:30:59.739 --> 01:31:02.180
So anyways, I don't remember the middle bit of the dream,
1893
01:31:02.439 --> 01:31:04.739
but I remember trying to wake up from the dream.
1894
01:31:04.859 --> 01:31:07.560
Like I was like, OK, I'm done with this dream.
1895
01:31:07.659 --> 01:31:10.199
I'm going to wake up because I still at this point,
1896
01:31:10.619 --> 01:31:14.460
I was still consciously aware. And I had my arm
1897
01:31:14.500 --> 01:31:17.460
kind of curled like this, like underneath my pillow or something.
1898
01:31:17.500 --> 01:31:20.479
So like I could see my, my thumb, you know?
1899
01:31:21.810 --> 01:31:24.529
And so I, I woke up from the dream and
1900
01:31:24.569 --> 01:31:27.130
I rolled over and I sat up and I went
1901
01:31:27.170 --> 01:31:29.710
into the house and I was doing some shit. But
1902
01:31:29.729 --> 01:31:31.750
then I noticed that my house didn't look the same.
1903
01:31:32.010 --> 01:31:34.989
Like there was a, a stairwell or some shit. And
1904
01:31:35.010 --> 01:31:37.770
I was like, okay. And then all of a sudden
1905
01:31:37.800 --> 01:31:39.279
I was trying to open my eyes again and I
1906
01:31:39.319 --> 01:31:41.239
was still in the bed and I was like in
1907
01:31:41.300 --> 01:31:44.920
the same exact position. So like I woke up from
1908
01:31:44.939 --> 01:31:47.279
the dream, but I was still in the dream.
1909
01:31:47.680 --> 01:31:48.180
Right.
1910
01:31:48.260 --> 01:31:50.859
And it happened like eight or nine times. And just
1911
01:31:50.880 --> 01:31:53.279
like you said, with your, with your experience, you're like, well,
1912
01:31:53.319 --> 01:31:55.800
I guess this is my life now. That's what it
1913
01:31:55.819 --> 01:31:58.300
felt like. I was like, fuck dude, I can't fucking
1914
01:31:58.340 --> 01:32:00.939
wake up from this. I did it like, I don't know,
1915
01:32:01.239 --> 01:32:04.819
probably 10 times, dude. In my dream, I was like,
1916
01:32:04.840 --> 01:32:08.260
I started, There was another time where, where I woke
1917
01:32:08.359 --> 01:32:10.060
up and I went to look at my arm and
1918
01:32:10.100 --> 01:32:12.229
I can feel the sensation of lifting my arm up,
1919
01:32:12.760 --> 01:32:14.800
but there was nothing there, dude. Like I didn't have
1920
01:32:14.840 --> 01:32:15.220
a body.
1921
01:32:15.239 --> 01:32:15.920
Whoa.
1922
01:32:16.000 --> 01:32:18.199
And then, and then there was another time where I
1923
01:32:18.260 --> 01:32:19.609
got up and I looked at my thumb and I,
1924
01:32:19.600 --> 01:32:21.279
I was like, all right, I'm going to start moving
1925
01:32:21.300 --> 01:32:24.119
my thumb because I know that in the real, in
1926
01:32:24.140 --> 01:32:26.380
the real world, I can see my thumb. So I
1927
01:32:26.399 --> 01:32:29.350
was fucking wiggling my thumb, dude. And then I opened
1928
01:32:29.369 --> 01:32:31.310
my eye and I can see my thumb start to move.
1929
01:32:31.369 --> 01:32:33.859
And finally I fucking woke up, dude. So not only
1930
01:32:33.899 --> 01:32:36.060
did I fall asleep consciously, but I fucking ended up
1931
01:32:36.119 --> 01:32:39.550
in some type of fucking sleep paralysis. So I don't
1932
01:32:39.569 --> 01:32:42.229
know if that's just part of it, but I didn't
1933
01:32:42.369 --> 01:32:43.310
even know that was possible.
1934
01:32:43.789 --> 01:32:46.510
That is trippy.
1935
01:32:46.529 --> 01:32:49.329
Fucking scared me, dude. I was like, I just honestly
1936
01:32:49.350 --> 01:32:50.590
thought that I was never going to be able to
1937
01:32:50.609 --> 01:32:52.689
wake up. And on top of that, nobody was in
1938
01:32:52.729 --> 01:32:55.010
the house. So I was like trying to make noise
1939
01:32:55.069 --> 01:32:56.930
and shit and nobody.
1940
01:32:56.689 --> 01:32:57.010
Would have heard.
1941
01:32:57.029 --> 01:32:57.850
Like you got scared?
1942
01:32:58.729 --> 01:33:01.029
Yeah, I was scared because I couldn't wake up. And
1943
01:33:01.050 --> 01:33:03.229
I don't know if that's just because I went to
1944
01:33:03.289 --> 01:33:06.840
sleep consciously. And so that's just like par for the
1945
01:33:06.899 --> 01:33:09.899
course of like, well, you went into this consciously. So
1946
01:33:09.939 --> 01:33:11.380
now you got to wake up consciously.
1947
01:33:11.399 --> 01:33:12.899
How are you going to wake up and go to sleep?
1948
01:33:13.520 --> 01:33:14.020
Yeah.
1949
01:33:14.060 --> 01:33:14.460
Yeah.
1950
01:33:14.479 --> 01:33:15.140
I don't know, dude.
1951
01:33:15.159 --> 01:33:17.979
It was a fucking trip though. So yeah, that was,
1952
01:33:18.220 --> 01:33:19.319
that was what happened to me today.
1953
01:33:19.779 --> 01:33:22.960
That is intense. Are you going to try it again eventually?
1954
01:33:23.460 --> 01:33:25.539
Of course. I'm going to try it every day.
1955
01:33:25.560 --> 01:33:25.630
Wow.
1956
01:33:27.409 --> 01:33:28.810
Dude, I sent you a video. I don't know if
1957
01:33:28.840 --> 01:33:30.939
you can access that. But I sent it to your Instagram.
1958
01:33:30.960 --> 01:33:33.899
And it was Sad Guru talking about going to sleep consciously.
1959
01:33:33.960 --> 01:33:36.579
And I didn't even know, like, this was a thing
1960
01:33:36.619 --> 01:33:38.699
that people were trying. You know, like, I had never
1961
01:33:38.720 --> 01:33:42.069
seen any videos about it. And I fucking did it.
1962
01:33:43.300 --> 01:33:45.340
And then I saw this video of Sad Guru talking
1963
01:33:45.380 --> 01:33:47.439
about it. So, if you want to look at that,
1964
01:33:47.659 --> 01:33:49.100
I sent it to you so you can watch it now.
1965
01:33:49.000 --> 01:33:49.760
Or later or whatever.
1966
01:33:50.239 --> 01:33:50.539
Okay.
1967
01:33:50.600 --> 01:33:54.380
But, yeah, dude, I was... It was like Inception, dude. Like,
1968
01:33:54.420 --> 01:33:56.939
dream Inception. Every time I woke up. And I started
1969
01:33:56.979 --> 01:33:59.239
doing shit. And I even had the thought like, okay,
1970
01:33:59.760 --> 01:34:01.699
this time I'll jump off of something so I can
1971
01:34:01.739 --> 01:34:04.069
wake myself up. You know, like, you know, you fall.
1972
01:34:04.350 --> 01:34:04.829
Right, right.
1973
01:34:04.850 --> 01:34:07.050
But then I also had the thought where I was like,
1974
01:34:07.670 --> 01:34:09.649
but what if this is the time I really did
1975
01:34:09.710 --> 01:34:12.529
wake up? Because I couldn't tell the difference every single time.
1976
01:34:12.989 --> 01:34:15.630
When I woke up in the dream, I thought it
1977
01:34:15.649 --> 01:34:18.909
was reality. But then I realized, no, I'm still in
1978
01:34:18.949 --> 01:34:20.140
this paralysis state.
1979
01:34:20.300 --> 01:34:22.819
Fucking dimension jumping like the OA, dude.
1980
01:34:22.840 --> 01:34:25.300
Dude, it was a fucking trip, dude.
1981
01:34:25.340 --> 01:34:25.550
And I.
1982
01:34:26.680 --> 01:34:28.720
I was like, well, maybe that was part of it
1983
01:34:28.800 --> 01:34:31.699
because I went to sleep consciously. This is the price
1984
01:34:31.760 --> 01:34:35.779
I had to pay on the back end. I don't know.
1985
01:34:35.920 --> 01:34:38.920
If anyone else has had that experience or whatever, let
1986
01:34:39.119 --> 01:34:41.819
me know because it's pretty interesting.
1987
01:34:42.050 --> 01:34:46.949
My wife told me the other day, like she's here recently,
1988
01:34:46.989 --> 01:34:48.970
like in the last two weeks or so, I think
1989
01:34:49.109 --> 01:34:52.590
she's had like two separate dream occasions where she called
1990
01:34:52.609 --> 01:34:54.529
me on the phone and she was like, she told
1991
01:34:54.569 --> 01:34:58.359
me she had like dream inception where like she was
1992
01:34:58.399 --> 01:35:00.439
in her dream, told me everything was going on and whatever.
1993
01:35:00.779 --> 01:35:03.579
And then she woke up in her dream and went
1994
01:35:03.619 --> 01:35:06.340
to like, went to the kitchen and all this stuff.
1995
01:35:06.380 --> 01:35:09.420
And then like went back to sleep and like that
1996
01:35:09.460 --> 01:35:11.819
was still in her dream. And like, then she went
1997
01:35:11.859 --> 01:35:13.859
back and woke up. Like there was multiple times where
1998
01:35:13.899 --> 01:35:17.090
she was going back to sleep, waking up and doing things.
1999
01:35:17.729 --> 01:35:17.939
Right.
2000
01:35:18.050 --> 01:35:21.010
And then, and then going back to sleep in the dream.
2001
01:35:21.989 --> 01:35:23.369
And she couldn't tell the difference.
2002
01:35:23.489 --> 01:35:24.050
Yeah. Right?
2003
01:35:24.069 --> 01:35:24.409
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
2004
01:35:24.609 --> 01:35:27.630
And she was like, it was crazy. Yeah.
2005
01:35:27.850 --> 01:35:28.590
It's scary, dude.
2006
01:35:28.609 --> 01:35:30.829
And that was within the last week or so, too.
2007
01:35:30.850 --> 01:35:31.630
Right.
2008
01:35:31.850 --> 01:35:35.510
It's scary going to a place where you really think
2009
01:35:35.609 --> 01:35:42.670
that your reality ceases to exist. Like, that's the scariest
2010
01:35:42.909 --> 01:35:48.750
thing ever. To me, anyway. But you know what? I'm
2011
01:35:48.770 --> 01:35:50.909
going to go run downstairs and get the tarot cards. Nick,
2012
01:35:51.050 --> 01:35:53.170
if you want to explain what we experienced earlier, I'll
2013
01:35:53.189 --> 01:35:53.689
be right back.
2014
01:35:54.569 --> 01:35:54.890
Oh yeah.
2015
01:35:55.029 --> 01:35:57.409
I think, uh, I think you gotta be here for
2016
01:35:57.430 --> 01:35:59.819
that part just because it's nothing new to me.
2017
01:36:00.500 --> 01:36:01.140
Okay. Yeah.
2018
01:36:01.359 --> 01:36:01.539
All right.
2019
01:36:01.560 --> 01:36:02.680
Let me go grab them. I'll be right back.
2020
01:36:02.699 --> 01:36:03.460
All right.
2021
01:36:04.260 --> 01:36:06.359
But yeah, dude, I pretty much thought that that was, uh,
2022
01:36:06.720 --> 01:36:09.430
my new life, you know, like in stuck in this,
2023
01:36:09.930 --> 01:36:14.050
I mean, obviously it was nothing like what, what Jonathan experienced,
2024
01:36:14.130 --> 01:36:14.789
you know, but.
2025
01:36:14.670 --> 01:36:16.109
Yeah, I don't know.
2026
01:36:16.130 --> 01:36:18.770
It was, it was pretty cool though. Like the first part, like, uh,
2027
01:36:19.310 --> 01:36:23.220
consciously falling asleep and just like going into, I can't,
2028
01:36:23.720 --> 01:36:25.119
if I had to explain it, it was just like this,
2029
01:36:25.640 --> 01:36:28.039
you know, that, that, that one preview, not a preview,
2030
01:36:28.060 --> 01:36:31.979
but it's like a production company. And it's like, like it,
2031
01:36:32.079 --> 01:36:34.520
it like revs up. I don't, it's like on older movies,
2032
01:36:34.560 --> 01:36:37.029
you know, but that's what it felt like, dude. Or
2033
01:36:37.050 --> 01:36:40.590
that's what it sounded like rather. And all of a sudden, dude,
2034
01:36:40.609 --> 01:36:44.270
I just shot off onto this rainbow slide or some shit.
2035
01:36:44.390 --> 01:36:47.590
And, No, I've played around with that same concept too.
2036
01:36:47.649 --> 01:36:51.369
Like I, every time I remember if I'm like not
2037
01:36:51.390 --> 01:36:54.449
super tired or like not, you know, if I have
2038
01:36:54.489 --> 01:36:58.340
the force thought to do it, I do it.
2039
01:36:59.109 --> 01:37:00.569
But the same kind of thing.
2040
01:37:00.609 --> 01:37:03.210
Like I, I always try to get in, at least
2041
01:37:03.250 --> 01:37:05.989
get in my meditation before I go to sleep. If I,
2042
01:37:06.029 --> 01:37:07.380
if I haven't done it or I'm not doing it,
2043
01:37:07.380 --> 01:37:09.699
I'm like, okay, well I can at least practice meditation
2044
01:37:09.739 --> 01:37:11.920
and try to, try to figure out some dream shit
2045
01:37:12.119 --> 01:37:14.199
on the way to bed every time I get the
2046
01:37:14.239 --> 01:37:17.119
chance to. And you know, some cool shit does happen.
2047
01:37:17.189 --> 01:37:22.449
And I, I, I noticed a lot of times it's, uh, naps.
2048
01:37:23.329 --> 01:37:25.189
If I, if I ever ended up taking a nap,
2049
01:37:25.510 --> 01:37:27.470
I always get some good results.
2050
01:37:27.489 --> 01:37:29.350
I feel like, um, where.
2051
01:37:29.149 --> 01:37:32.430
It's not like me actually going to sleep for the night.
2052
01:37:32.729 --> 01:37:35.289
And then, uh, a lot of times whenever I'm waking
2053
01:37:35.369 --> 01:37:38.050
up in the morning, uh, like I'll wake up and
2054
01:37:38.090 --> 01:37:40.050
have some sort of sleep paralysis type thing. And I
2055
01:37:40.069 --> 01:37:43.170
could feel like my forehead feels different and I'm like, okay,
2056
01:37:43.210 --> 01:37:45.149
I'm not fully awake yet. And then if I can
2057
01:37:45.550 --> 01:37:49.100
feel that I can like start, I can immediately start
2058
01:37:49.180 --> 01:37:52.979
seeing things in my mind and going places. Once I
2059
01:37:53.020 --> 01:37:54.819
realized that I'm like not totally up yet.
2060
01:37:55.460 --> 01:37:55.680
Right.
2061
01:37:56.060 --> 01:37:56.260
Right.
2062
01:37:56.340 --> 01:37:58.880
And another reason why I even got interested in, in
2063
01:37:59.079 --> 01:38:01.420
trying to do this kind of thing is because it's
2064
01:38:01.439 --> 01:38:03.380
been happening a lot where I'll get like an image
2065
01:38:03.439 --> 01:38:05.399
pop up and it'll be like, Whoa. And then like,
2066
01:38:06.189 --> 01:38:08.130
for whatever reason as soon as i try to focus
2067
01:38:08.189 --> 01:38:10.289
on what the image is like i can only see
2068
01:38:10.310 --> 01:38:12.090
what the image is but i'm like trying to focus
2069
01:38:12.170 --> 01:38:14.289
on it and i and i recognize that it's there
2070
01:38:14.810 --> 01:38:16.729
it goes away yes yes you know.
2071
01:38:16.720 --> 01:38:18.159
It's like you have to look at it from the
2072
01:38:18.220 --> 01:38:19.359
side or some shit.
2073
01:38:19.619 --> 01:38:22.420
Yeah like if you're not like if you don't take
2074
01:38:22.500 --> 01:38:24.779
super notice of it it'll stay there and kind of
2075
01:38:24.819 --> 01:38:26.579
build up and then as soon as i look at
2076
01:38:26.600 --> 01:38:28.180
it and try to focus on it it just like
2077
01:38:28.539 --> 01:38:31.899
goes away and i'm like and then earlier today, which
2078
01:38:32.140 --> 01:38:34.260
was another reason why I wanted to stay in it
2079
01:38:34.340 --> 01:38:36.420
was because I saw like, I don't know if it
2080
01:38:36.460 --> 01:38:39.359
was like a square or I think it was a square,
2081
01:38:39.430 --> 01:38:41.930
but it had like, it looked like it like met
2082
01:38:41.970 --> 01:38:44.430
like math equations and shit like that. Like I couldn't
2083
01:38:44.470 --> 01:38:47.970
even really make out anything. particular numbers or anything like
2084
01:38:47.979 --> 01:38:51.069
that but it was definitely something that had information and
2085
01:38:51.130 --> 01:38:53.529
i was like okay i'm locked in i'm gonna i'm
2086
01:38:53.550 --> 01:38:56.170
gonna stay in this until it happens you know and
2087
01:38:56.189 --> 01:38:59.069
see what else i can make pop up and um
2088
01:38:59.710 --> 01:39:02.609
and oh and also that was uh it all happened
2089
01:39:02.689 --> 01:39:04.850
in a matter of like 40 minutes like from the
2090
01:39:04.890 --> 01:39:06.689
time i because my alarm had gone off for some
2091
01:39:06.729 --> 01:39:09.109
particular reason and so i had to shut it off
2092
01:39:09.130 --> 01:39:10.369
or whatever and i was like all right get back
2093
01:39:10.430 --> 01:39:12.520
in the zone and And so it was at like,
2094
01:39:12.880 --> 01:39:15.550
I think it was 1245. And when I woke, when
2095
01:39:15.590 --> 01:39:18.149
I finally was able to get myself up, it was
2096
01:39:18.170 --> 01:39:21.649
like 35, 40 minutes later. So all of that happened.
2097
01:39:21.689 --> 01:39:23.649
And I thought I wasn't going to, I thought I
2098
01:39:23.710 --> 01:39:26.310
wasn't going to be able to wake myself up. And
2099
01:39:26.329 --> 01:39:27.869
it was, so it was 40 minutes. And then I
2100
01:39:27.970 --> 01:39:31.220
sat up and I tried really hard to remember everything
2101
01:39:31.229 --> 01:39:34.119
that just happened. And of course, like a lot of
2102
01:39:34.140 --> 01:39:38.000
the middle shit was gone instantly. And that just gave
2103
01:39:38.039 --> 01:39:40.899
me the idea of like, well shit, if we do
2104
01:39:40.960 --> 01:39:43.359
live other lives and this reality is so much more
2105
01:39:43.840 --> 01:39:47.010
than what we can understand or fathom, then that would
2106
01:39:47.050 --> 01:39:49.010
make sense waking up from a dream and not being
2107
01:39:49.050 --> 01:39:51.970
able to remember what it was as if you left
2108
01:39:52.029 --> 01:39:54.869
a life and ended up in a new one, you know?
2109
01:39:55.050 --> 01:39:55.289
Yeah.
2110
01:39:55.590 --> 01:40:00.439
So the, the craziest things that I've, that I've, I've
2111
01:40:00.500 --> 01:40:02.180
noticed that if I, if I think about it, when
2112
01:40:02.220 --> 01:40:04.239
I start seeing like a shape or like a scene,
2113
01:40:04.520 --> 01:40:07.140
I see scenes a lot. And then I, if I
2114
01:40:07.159 --> 01:40:11.890
can like observe the scene, like peripherally in a, in
2115
01:40:11.930 --> 01:40:16.319
that dream state, like I can start to like, think
2116
01:40:16.439 --> 01:40:19.579
about moving through it. And then it starts to like
2117
01:40:19.760 --> 01:40:23.939
render like a, right. Like a game that, uh, where
2118
01:40:23.979 --> 01:40:25.850
like you had the settings turned all the way down.
2119
01:40:25.869 --> 01:40:28.449
I don't know. Like, and like, you can only see
2120
01:40:28.470 --> 01:40:32.239
so far in front of you. And like, it's just, like, right, like,
2121
01:40:32.239 --> 01:40:34.760
10 feet away. Other than that, it's black. But, like,
2122
01:40:34.880 --> 01:40:38.560
as you move towards that spot, more starts to render
2123
01:40:38.600 --> 01:40:41.510
and appear. And, like, if I can think about that,
2124
01:40:41.569 --> 01:40:43.489
then it's, like, I can just go through this, like,
2125
01:40:43.630 --> 01:40:46.670
dungeon that's just generating, not like a dungeon, but, like,
2126
01:40:46.710 --> 01:40:49.930
you know, in the game sense to where I can
2127
01:40:49.949 --> 01:40:53.140
just keep going through a scene indefinitely if I know
2128
01:40:53.189 --> 01:40:54.239
that I can just.
2129
01:40:56.060 --> 01:40:58.289
Will it. forward. Does that make sense?
2130
01:40:58.350 --> 01:41:01.090
Right. Continue to render it forward, you know? And a
2131
01:41:01.130 --> 01:41:03.550
lot of those, those, uh, visions or we want to
2132
01:41:03.590 --> 01:41:05.689
call them visions. Cause that sounds like something else, but
2133
01:41:05.729 --> 01:41:09.180
like an image of some sort pops into my, into
2134
01:41:09.220 --> 01:41:11.180
my focus and it's in the middle kind of, and
2135
01:41:11.199 --> 01:41:13.779
it kind of builds and gets bigger, you know, until
2136
01:41:13.840 --> 01:41:15.939
I focus on it and then it just, Oh, and
2137
01:41:15.960 --> 01:41:16.640
then it just goes away.
2138
01:41:16.659 --> 01:41:17.220
And I'm like, what?
2139
01:41:17.520 --> 01:41:20.359
I think it's just because I'm right about to go
2140
01:41:20.399 --> 01:41:23.760
into dream state, you know, but trippy.
2141
01:41:23.420 --> 01:41:27.470
Stuff, dude, I love it. And, uh, I'm, I'm, you know,
2142
01:41:27.489 --> 01:41:31.170
I'm very happy that, you know, we, we, I'm Sean.
2143
01:41:31.210 --> 01:41:33.229
I mean, your story about going in and out of
2144
01:41:33.310 --> 01:41:37.119
sleep consciously. I, I wouldn't even think to do something
2145
01:41:37.180 --> 01:41:39.300
like that. That's how, that's why it baffles me.
2146
01:41:39.880 --> 01:41:40.100
Right.
2147
01:41:40.380 --> 01:41:40.560
Right.
2148
01:41:40.579 --> 01:41:42.720
Sad guru was talking about in that video, he was
2149
01:41:42.760 --> 01:41:46.899
talking about like, if you can master this and I
2150
01:41:46.960 --> 01:41:49.239
didn't even know this was a thing really. It was
2151
01:41:49.279 --> 01:41:50.729
just a like, you know what, I'm going to try
2152
01:41:50.770 --> 01:41:52.909
this and see what happens kind of thing. I didn't
2153
01:41:52.949 --> 01:41:55.050
even know if it was going to be possible. But
2154
01:41:55.090 --> 01:41:58.390
he was saying, if you can master going to sleep consciously,
2155
01:41:59.149 --> 01:42:02.760
then you can master going from one life to the next.
2156
01:42:03.279 --> 01:42:06.359
You know what I'm saying? Like consciously go into death
2157
01:42:06.680 --> 01:42:11.119
and then life. I was like, Oh fuck. Sign me up.
2158
01:42:11.189 --> 01:42:11.439
You know?
2159
01:42:12.050 --> 01:42:12.890
Oh yeah, dude.
2160
01:42:13.270 --> 01:42:14.909
Yeah. Uh, yeah.
2161
01:42:14.930 --> 01:42:16.250
It sounds like a good idea then.
2162
01:42:16.270 --> 01:42:19.069
Um, and he said you age slower too. That was
2163
01:42:19.090 --> 01:42:21.510
like another thing. I was like, all right, I'll take that.
2164
01:42:21.590 --> 01:42:21.869
You know?
2165
01:42:22.090 --> 01:42:22.720
Interesting.
2166
01:42:23.279 --> 01:42:26.960
All right, well, look, we got the tarot card. And
2167
01:42:27.500 --> 01:42:29.739
it was very weird whenever I was shuffling it because,
2168
01:42:29.760 --> 01:42:32.739
I mean, it popped out. I knew which one that
2169
01:42:33.119 --> 01:42:35.859
it was. I mean, like, it was obvious that it
2170
01:42:35.899 --> 01:42:39.600
wasn't an accidental kind of thing. And it was a
2171
01:42:39.819 --> 01:42:44.390
strange sensation because before I turned it over, I thought, oh,
2172
01:42:44.470 --> 01:42:46.850
Knight of Swords. But then I was like, I didn't
2173
01:42:46.869 --> 01:42:49.029
even see the card yet. And I looked it over.
2174
01:42:49.050 --> 01:42:50.529
It was the Knight of Swords, right?
2175
01:42:51.189 --> 01:42:51.550
What?
2176
01:42:52.189 --> 01:42:54.930
Yeah, it was really weird. Um, and I actually forgot
2177
01:42:54.970 --> 01:42:57.710
to bring the, uh, the book that we always referenced.
2178
01:42:57.750 --> 01:42:59.729
So I'm going to go to my favorite website, which
2179
01:42:59.810 --> 01:43:00.770
is bitty tarot.com.
2180
01:43:00.909 --> 01:43:01.989
All right.
2181
01:43:02.229 --> 01:43:05.069
And I'll just read what it says here. Um, it
2182
01:43:05.109 --> 01:43:08.529
says the knight of swords shows a knight dressed in armor,
2183
01:43:08.760 --> 01:43:12.039
charging ahead with great energy on his powerful white horse.
2184
01:43:12.439 --> 01:43:15.659
The knight's sword is held high, a symbol of his
2185
01:43:15.720 --> 01:43:19.369
dedication to his purpose and mission. The white horse symbolizes
2186
01:43:19.430 --> 01:43:22.770
the purity of the intellectual energy that motivates the knight.
2187
01:43:23.270 --> 01:43:25.869
In the background, storm clouds are beginning to form, and
2188
01:43:25.930 --> 01:43:30.029
trees bend in the strong winds. The wind doesn't stop
2189
01:43:30.069 --> 01:43:33.229
the knight, however. He heads directly into it, eager to
2190
01:43:33.270 --> 01:43:37.979
complete his mission. And then there's more to it, so
2191
01:43:38.020 --> 01:43:40.859
we got it upright. And it says, as with all
2192
01:43:40.899 --> 01:43:43.020
knights of the tarot deck, the knight of swords is
2193
01:43:43.060 --> 01:43:46.399
a man or woman on a mission. Once he has
2194
01:43:46.439 --> 01:43:49.880
his mind set on something, nothing can stop him. And
2195
01:43:50.020 --> 01:43:53.319
as a swords card, this knight actively uses the power
2196
01:43:53.359 --> 01:43:56.479
of his intellect to achieve his goals. When the knight
2197
01:43:56.520 --> 01:43:58.600
of swords appears in a tarot reading, it's a sign
2198
01:43:58.640 --> 01:44:02.439
that you are highly driven, ambitious, and action-oriented. You are
2199
01:44:02.500 --> 01:44:06.029
so highly motivated to succeed that you will stop at
2200
01:44:06.130 --> 01:44:10.239
nothing to pursue your dreams. The challenges, difficulties, and obstacles
2201
01:44:10.300 --> 01:44:14.199
on the path ahead don't phase you because you know
2202
01:44:14.239 --> 01:44:17.369
where you want to go. Move forward with sheer strength
2203
01:44:17.449 --> 01:44:21.210
and determination to make things happen. It also suggests that
2204
01:44:21.250 --> 01:44:26.069
you are quick to take action, intend not to plan ahead,
2205
01:44:26.470 --> 01:44:29.710
instead preferring to dive right in. You thrive on high
2206
01:44:29.750 --> 01:44:31.909
levels of energy that propel you to move forward and
2207
01:44:31.970 --> 01:44:34.670
inspire you to take action to manifest your goals.
2208
01:44:35.909 --> 01:44:39.680
Damn. Of course we would get a symbolism of the mind,
2209
01:44:40.140 --> 01:44:41.399
you know, after this episode.
2210
01:44:41.420 --> 01:44:43.659
Well, and I was thinking, too, like, you know, that's
2211
01:44:43.979 --> 01:44:45.920
how I'm looking going forward.
2212
01:44:45.939 --> 01:44:46.859
Mm-hmm.
2213
01:44:47.140 --> 01:44:47.739
You know, like.
2214
01:44:48.039 --> 01:44:50.680
Oh, yeah. It mentioned, like, not having the fear or whatever.
2215
01:44:50.699 --> 01:44:52.149
It's like, not after where you've been.
2216
01:44:53.109 --> 01:44:54.130
Nothing can scare me.
2217
01:44:54.689 --> 01:44:54.909
Nothing.
2218
01:44:54.930 --> 01:44:55.050
No.
2219
01:44:55.409 --> 01:44:55.829
Like... No.
2220
01:44:56.390 --> 01:44:56.710
Nothing.
2221
01:44:56.789 --> 01:45:00.270
I don't care. I don't... You know, it's like... I
2222
01:45:00.289 --> 01:45:04.649
could be on a battlefield. Me against a million guys,
2223
01:45:04.689 --> 01:45:07.159
and they're all got their, you know... I just got
2224
01:45:07.180 --> 01:45:10.579
done watching Game of Thrones where Jon Snow, he's like
2225
01:45:10.619 --> 01:45:13.920
heading into battle and it's like up against, what's that
2226
01:45:14.020 --> 01:45:17.500
douche's name? Did you ever see Game of Thrones? Ramsay. Yeah.
2227
01:45:17.720 --> 01:45:19.720
And Ramsay and his whole army is getting ready to
2228
01:45:19.779 --> 01:45:22.039
charge at him. And it's just Jon Snow out there
2229
01:45:22.060 --> 01:45:23.500
on the front line. And he's like, you know what?
2230
01:45:24.460 --> 01:45:24.819
Fuck it.
2231
01:45:25.000 --> 01:45:26.539
I'm going to take it on and I'm just going
2232
01:45:26.560 --> 01:45:27.470
to take it like a man.
2233
01:45:27.699 --> 01:45:28.359
That's you, dude.
2234
01:45:28.399 --> 01:45:31.569
Like knowing full well, he's going to die. Like there
2235
01:45:31.710 --> 01:45:34.010
is no chance in hell that he's going to live
2236
01:45:34.029 --> 01:45:37.010
through this. And luckily he's saved by this other army that,
2237
01:45:37.149 --> 01:45:39.470
you know, that came and helped him. But like in
2238
01:45:39.510 --> 01:45:42.829
that moment he had accepted not only his fate, but
2239
01:45:42.909 --> 01:45:45.890
that he was going to go down swinging, you know?
2240
01:45:46.029 --> 01:45:48.510
And like, I don't know, that's, that's kind of my
2241
01:45:48.569 --> 01:45:51.829
mentality that even if, even if I know that eventually
2242
01:45:51.989 --> 01:45:53.630
all of this is going to come to an end,
2243
01:45:54.430 --> 01:45:56.649
I'm going to give it hell until it does.
2244
01:45:56.750 --> 01:45:57.329
Yeah, dude.
2245
01:45:57.510 --> 01:46:00.409
If it's tangible at this point, bring it on, baby.
2246
01:46:00.649 --> 01:46:01.119
Bring it on.
2247
01:46:01.260 --> 01:46:01.840
Yeah, exactly.
2248
01:46:02.020 --> 01:46:02.539
Exactly.
2249
01:46:03.260 --> 01:46:06.619
Um, so yeah, I guess, uh, now we'll get into
2250
01:46:06.659 --> 01:46:08.180
the meditation, my good man.
2251
01:46:08.199 --> 01:46:11.039
All right, dude. Hell yeah. I think we need this
2252
01:46:11.380 --> 01:46:12.479
after that episode, dude.
2253
01:46:12.520 --> 01:46:16.409
You know what too, is that, um, I, to kind
2254
01:46:16.470 --> 01:46:21.390
of like look at all of this, like, uh, that experience,
2255
01:46:21.449 --> 01:46:24.970
like head on, I kind of really want to listen
2256
01:46:25.069 --> 01:46:29.170
to some extremely head trippy music to be able to
2257
01:46:29.210 --> 01:46:34.149
like go back in there and, uh, and kind of
2258
01:46:34.189 --> 01:46:36.949
know that i well face it head on but also
2259
01:46:37.050 --> 01:46:39.409
know that i can come out of it you know
2260
01:46:39.430 --> 01:46:41.460
what i'm like it's like a weird thing that i
2261
01:46:41.500 --> 01:46:44.079
just want to like oh yeah achieve that right now
2262
01:46:44.319 --> 01:46:47.319
oh for sure let's do it dude all right well
2263
01:46:47.479 --> 01:46:50.550
yeah well look all of the one out there this
2264
01:46:50.909 --> 01:46:52.569
is uh we are going to be getting into a
2265
01:46:52.590 --> 01:46:55.270
meditation if this is something that you would like to do,
2266
01:46:55.329 --> 01:46:57.989
then we're happy to have you join us. I mean,
2267
01:46:58.029 --> 01:47:01.300
we all know anyway that time is not really what
2268
01:47:01.310 --> 01:47:04.220
we think it is. It's not yesterday. It's not tomorrow.
2269
01:47:04.340 --> 01:47:08.100
It's not five seconds from right now. It is absolutely
2270
01:47:08.359 --> 01:47:11.880
right now the pinpoint in time that is everything that
2271
01:47:11.939 --> 01:47:14.579
Nick was talking about earlier. So whenever you decide to
2272
01:47:14.619 --> 01:47:16.659
meditate and you listen into this music, it doesn't matter
2273
01:47:16.699 --> 01:47:18.380
if it's a couple of days, a couple of hours
2274
01:47:18.739 --> 01:47:20.460
ahead of the time that we did it, we're all
2275
01:47:20.520 --> 01:47:23.229
doing it all really at the same time. And so
2276
01:47:23.470 --> 01:47:26.579
in that sense, it's a lot more powerful. And I
2277
01:47:26.600 --> 01:47:30.899
think just meditation all around anyway is a pretty damn
2278
01:47:31.119 --> 01:47:33.439
good idea. You should be doing it as often as
2279
01:47:33.479 --> 01:47:34.699
you can.
2280
01:47:35.079 --> 01:47:36.180
Oh, yeah, for sure, dude.
2281
01:47:36.520 --> 01:47:37.279
Right, right.
2282
01:47:37.399 --> 01:47:39.619
So, Nick, you want to, you know, give yourself a
2283
01:47:39.640 --> 01:47:41.649
little plug? Tell the one if they don't know where
2284
01:47:41.689 --> 01:47:42.449
they can find you, sir.
2285
01:47:42.789 --> 01:47:49.489
Over at collectiveperspective.podcast on Instagram. And the link tree is
2286
01:47:49.630 --> 01:47:50.130
in the bio.
2287
01:47:51.220 --> 01:47:52.119
There it is, baby.
2288
01:47:52.260 --> 01:47:55.659
Nicholas. Dude, so good to see you, man. I'm so
2289
01:47:55.699 --> 01:47:57.500
glad we were able to have you on this episode,
2290
01:47:57.859 --> 01:48:00.779
and I'm even more happy that you were there with Jonathan.
2291
01:48:00.939 --> 01:48:01.300
I know.
2292
01:48:01.619 --> 01:48:02.640
It was a crazy time.
2293
01:48:02.680 --> 01:48:04.380
As coincidence would have it, once again.
2294
01:48:05.380 --> 01:48:07.560
Yeah. Divine timing, you know?
2295
01:48:07.739 --> 01:48:08.229
If you will.
2296
01:48:09.060 --> 01:48:12.489
Speaking of, did you want to get into what was
2297
01:48:12.529 --> 01:48:14.310
going on earlier on pod or not?
2298
01:48:14.869 --> 01:48:17.390
Oh, yeah, I totally forgot.
2299
01:48:17.449 --> 01:48:17.729
Yes.
2300
01:48:18.050 --> 01:48:18.390
Okay.
2301
01:48:18.449 --> 01:48:21.930
So we, earlier today we were, uh, we were at the,
2302
01:48:22.050 --> 01:48:24.970
at the comedy club for the Bohemian Grove kind of
2303
01:48:25.189 --> 01:48:29.359
conspiracy theorists get together thing. And tonight they had, uh,
2304
01:48:29.479 --> 01:48:31.810
it wasn't really like a panel of conspiracy theorists going
2305
01:48:31.850 --> 01:48:35.380
up tonight. It was really just like conspiracy comedians that
2306
01:48:35.399 --> 01:48:37.439
were taking the stage. And so we weren't going to
2307
01:48:37.460 --> 01:48:38.640
be a part of that. We were kind of just
2308
01:48:38.680 --> 01:48:39.439
watchers in the crowd.
2309
01:48:39.479 --> 01:48:39.659
Right.
2310
01:48:40.090 --> 01:48:42.210
And so we were going in and out and, you know,
2311
01:48:42.449 --> 01:48:45.930
me and Nick and Stephanie, we all like went outside. Well,
2312
01:48:46.130 --> 01:48:48.109
initially it was just me and Nick and we, we
2313
01:48:48.130 --> 01:48:50.529
were like out in the parking lot, just looking at, uh,
2314
01:48:50.609 --> 01:48:54.010
looking above. Cause it's out here in like, there's not
2315
01:48:54.109 --> 01:48:56.649
really a whole lot out here where we're at in Florida.
2316
01:48:56.670 --> 01:48:59.109
And so you could see a bunch of the stars, right?
2317
01:48:59.890 --> 01:49:02.550
And so, you know, we're looking up and last night
2318
01:49:02.590 --> 01:49:05.109
we went out and tried to look up and find something.
2319
01:49:05.149 --> 01:49:07.569
Nothing was really happening in the sky as far as
2320
01:49:07.670 --> 01:49:11.159
Pleiadian kind of stuff. And so tonight we were looking
2321
01:49:11.239 --> 01:49:12.640
up and I was like, well, I just went through
2322
01:49:12.659 --> 01:49:16.079
a traumatic experience. Maybe then this will open the door
2323
01:49:16.140 --> 01:49:17.720
for something like that because you always hear about the
2324
01:49:17.760 --> 01:49:22.670
traumatic experiences, right? And then Nick, all of a sudden,
2325
01:49:22.689 --> 01:49:25.270
he's like, oh, look there. Go look there. And every
2326
01:49:25.310 --> 01:49:27.090
time he does that, I get so excited like a
2327
01:49:27.109 --> 01:49:28.550
little kid on Christmas morning.
2328
01:49:28.890 --> 01:49:29.130
I'm like.
2329
01:49:29.659 --> 01:49:32.720
Yes. Like I don't question it. Like if he knows,
2330
01:49:32.800 --> 01:49:35.899
then I'm like, all right, that's it. You know? And, um,
2331
01:49:36.239 --> 01:49:38.250
and so I was looking up and we see it
2332
01:49:38.369 --> 01:49:42.529
sure as hell, dude. And it's just, ah, some kind of,
2333
01:49:42.630 --> 01:49:45.329
it looks like a star in the sky, but it's
2334
01:49:45.409 --> 01:49:48.029
moving and it's not moving in the way that a
2335
01:49:48.069 --> 01:49:51.420
satellite or an airplane would move because it's like weaving
2336
01:49:51.600 --> 01:49:54.420
left and right. And then it'll stop and then it'll,
2337
01:49:54.579 --> 01:49:56.260
and then it'll go back and it'll start to speed
2338
01:49:56.279 --> 01:49:58.829
back up and then it'll start to slow down. And
2339
01:49:58.850 --> 01:50:00.949
stop for a second. And then it'll get back to
2340
01:50:01.010 --> 01:50:04.390
going and weave. And like, it was just crazy. Dude,
2341
01:50:04.430 --> 01:50:05.409
we saw three of them.
2342
01:50:06.529 --> 01:50:07.720
Oh, shit, dude.
2343
01:50:07.729 --> 01:50:07.850
Yeah.
2344
01:50:07.880 --> 01:50:11.239
Whenever they stop, dude, satellites, planes don't work like that.
2345
01:50:11.260 --> 01:50:12.159
You know what I mean?
2346
01:50:12.180 --> 01:50:13.500
They're constant, straight.
2347
01:50:14.260 --> 01:50:14.859
They have to.
2348
01:50:14.939 --> 01:50:17.640
They literally have their ball of thought on this guy.
2349
01:50:18.159 --> 01:50:18.460
Right.
2350
01:50:18.520 --> 01:50:21.560
It's not efficient for them to be weaving and definitely
2351
01:50:21.619 --> 01:50:22.260
not to stop.
2352
01:50:22.319 --> 01:50:22.539
Yeah.
2353
01:50:23.119 --> 01:50:23.300
Right.
2354
01:50:24.029 --> 01:50:25.670
I mean, the fastest way to get anywhere is a
2355
01:50:25.710 --> 01:50:27.250
straight line, so they say, right?
2356
01:50:27.369 --> 01:50:28.189
That's right.
2357
01:50:29.109 --> 01:50:33.380
And so, yeah, this thing was definitely not an airplane,
2358
01:50:33.460 --> 01:50:34.239
not a satellite.
2359
01:50:35.560 --> 01:50:36.119
Not a drone.
2360
01:50:36.680 --> 01:50:39.020
Not a drone, no way. It was way too high
2361
01:50:39.079 --> 01:50:39.699
up to be a drone.
2362
01:50:39.819 --> 01:50:42.340
And if it was a drone, and I could be wrong,
2363
01:50:42.420 --> 01:50:44.659
but I've heard, you know, my brother-in-law was telling me,
2364
01:50:44.659 --> 01:50:47.000
because he has one of those really cool drones or whatever,
2365
01:50:47.020 --> 01:50:49.800
and he was like, yeah, according to, like, the FAA,
2366
01:50:50.149 --> 01:50:50.470
you know?
2367
01:50:50.479 --> 01:50:50.590
Yeah.
2368
01:50:51.130 --> 01:50:53.510
They have to have the green and red. Like if
2369
01:50:53.529 --> 01:50:55.130
it's a drone, it has to have the green and
2370
01:50:55.170 --> 01:50:58.850
red so that you can identify it basically. And so
2371
01:50:58.909 --> 01:51:01.630
if it doesn't have green or red, it's not a drone.
2372
01:51:01.649 --> 01:51:06.590
A lot of activity going on tonight. And you know what?
2373
01:51:06.609 --> 01:51:07.869
I'm glad you had that experience.
2374
01:51:08.090 --> 01:51:09.130
The past couple of days.
2375
01:51:09.600 --> 01:51:09.800
Go ahead.
2376
01:51:10.039 --> 01:51:11.600
No, I was just going to say the past couple
2377
01:51:11.619 --> 01:51:14.260
of times, like last night. And then whenever I went
2378
01:51:14.359 --> 01:51:18.079
out to, um, uh, college station where Nick lives that night,
2379
01:51:18.119 --> 01:51:21.020
we didn't see anything either. And so it was really
2380
01:51:21.100 --> 01:51:25.329
like perfect timing for that to happen after like this
2381
01:51:25.409 --> 01:51:27.270
heavy experience kind of thing, you know?
2382
01:51:27.430 --> 01:51:27.770
Yeah.
2383
01:51:28.289 --> 01:51:29.250
Oh, for sure, dude.
2384
01:51:29.550 --> 01:51:29.750
Yeah.
2385
01:51:29.789 --> 01:51:31.689
So yeah, I'm glad you were able to experience that.
2386
01:51:32.050 --> 01:51:32.130
Yeah.
2387
01:51:32.189 --> 01:51:34.510
And they were, they were pretty like solid and they,
2388
01:51:34.550 --> 01:51:40.199
you know, we've got like three, three different pretty undeniable scenario.
2389
01:51:40.220 --> 01:51:42.020
A couple of shooting stars too. Yeah.
2390
01:51:42.050 --> 01:51:44.630
And it's all, all sorts of stuff. Right.
2391
01:51:44.649 --> 01:51:44.810
Yeah.
2392
01:51:44.829 --> 01:51:48.010
It's a, it's really cool, dude. Seeing that kind of stuff,
2393
01:51:48.449 --> 01:51:51.850
especially after coming out of that, I'm like, I'm not
2394
01:51:51.890 --> 01:51:53.630
going to be alone when I die. You know what
2395
01:51:53.649 --> 01:51:56.279
I'm saying? Like that, that's what was going through my mind.
2396
01:51:56.319 --> 01:51:58.560
I was like, all right, I know you're Nick's people,
2397
01:51:58.600 --> 01:52:01.020
but like, can you be mine too? Like, that's what
2398
01:52:01.060 --> 01:52:02.779
I was thinking in my mind. You're not alone, dude.
2399
01:52:03.619 --> 01:52:04.920
Yeah. Not alone. Yeah.
2400
01:52:05.020 --> 01:52:05.619
I think so.
2401
01:52:05.739 --> 01:52:07.239
Well, well, I'm glad you're back.
2402
01:52:07.989 --> 01:52:12.670
Oh, me too. Um, yeah, me too. And you know, it's, uh,
2403
01:52:12.829 --> 01:52:15.829
just to finish up here, one last thing. Um, after
2404
01:52:15.930 --> 01:52:18.970
I came out of the first trip, I, you know,
2405
01:52:19.029 --> 01:52:22.399
even though it was like a really cool experience, um,
2406
01:52:22.739 --> 01:52:25.560
I started to really like my mind started to trip
2407
01:52:26.039 --> 01:52:29.779
because now I was thinking like, Oh my God, even
2408
01:52:29.800 --> 01:52:31.420
thinking about it right now, it trips me out. I
2409
01:52:31.439 --> 01:52:33.760
almost don't even want to say it, but I'm going to, um,
2410
01:52:35.680 --> 01:52:40.250
Because it felt so short lived after the first, even
2411
01:52:40.350 --> 01:52:42.689
like the first one was a very good experience, but
2412
01:52:42.789 --> 01:52:45.710
in between the times of finishing my first one and
2413
01:52:45.729 --> 01:52:48.149
before I started the second one, I was thinking that
2414
01:52:48.170 --> 01:52:51.029
was really short and it started to make me think like,
2415
01:52:51.970 --> 01:52:53.670
oh my God, am I still in it? And I'm
2416
01:52:53.710 --> 01:52:55.970
just imagining what's going on right now. And I'm talking
2417
01:52:55.989 --> 01:52:58.590
to everybody here. Like, is that part of the trip
2418
01:52:58.609 --> 01:53:00.649
that I'm in it still right now? And I don't
2419
01:53:00.689 --> 01:53:03.149
even know. It's just my mind playing tricks on me,
2420
01:53:03.270 --> 01:53:06.619
simulating what, what would be happening right now. And so it's,
2421
01:53:07.300 --> 01:53:10.199
it can, it can really, like, you got to have
2422
01:53:10.359 --> 01:53:12.159
at least one foot on the ground with this kind
2423
01:53:12.220 --> 01:53:13.479
of shit. You know what I mean?
2424
01:53:13.550 --> 01:53:13.779
Right.
2425
01:53:14.180 --> 01:53:17.000
Well, I can assure you, dude, you're, you're back because
2426
01:53:17.060 --> 01:53:18.720
I think I'm here. You know what I mean? Unless
2427
01:53:18.800 --> 01:53:20.300
I'm dreaming too still from earlier.
2428
01:53:20.399 --> 01:53:20.760
I don't know.
2429
01:53:20.880 --> 01:53:23.359
Hey, you're here. I mean, it's almost, you know, it
2430
01:53:23.399 --> 01:53:26.500
made me think of too. It's almost like, uh, on inception,
2431
01:53:26.779 --> 01:53:29.859
whenever Leonardo DiCaprio, he has to have that top spinning. Yeah.
2432
01:53:29.899 --> 01:53:32.159
I was like, I need something like that. You know
2433
01:53:32.180 --> 01:53:34.859
what I mean? Like, like to confirm that.
2434
01:53:34.699 --> 01:53:37.159
This is real. I think you're going to be all right.
2435
01:53:37.199 --> 01:53:37.649
You're back.
2436
01:53:38.050 --> 01:53:38.979
I'm back. I'm back.
2437
01:53:39.109 --> 01:53:40.789
Oh, that was another thing too. In that, in that
2438
01:53:40.829 --> 01:53:43.460
other experience that I had, man. And when I, one
2439
01:53:43.520 --> 01:53:45.939
part of, or when I did eventually wake up, I
2440
01:53:45.979 --> 01:53:48.460
got up and I started cleaning my house and shit, right?
2441
01:53:48.479 --> 01:53:50.300
I took out the trash and just did some little
2442
01:53:50.340 --> 01:53:52.800
chores here and there. And then I had the thought like, fuck,
2443
01:53:52.840 --> 01:53:54.880
what if I go back and I'm still sleeping and
2444
01:53:54.899 --> 01:53:56.390
I have to do all this all over again?
2445
01:53:56.399 --> 01:53:57.109
Oh yeah.
2446
01:53:57.170 --> 01:53:58.010
Like for no reason.
2447
01:53:58.390 --> 01:54:00.369
So I just cleaned the whole house for nothing, you know?
2448
01:54:00.949 --> 01:54:01.729
It's a weird trip.
2449
01:54:01.750 --> 01:54:01.909
Yeah.
2450
01:54:01.930 --> 01:54:03.689
You're like working and even in your dreams.
2451
01:54:03.890 --> 01:54:05.949
Yeah. It's like, I can't believe you went back to
2452
01:54:05.989 --> 01:54:06.970
the rug store.
2453
01:54:08.170 --> 01:54:09.989
I'm still broken my dreams.
2454
01:54:10.270 --> 01:54:10.590
Yeah.
2455
01:54:12.800 --> 01:54:15.180
Um all right well look let's get in the meditation
2456
01:54:15.260 --> 01:54:17.100
i'm really looking forward to this i think it's going
2457
01:54:17.119 --> 01:54:20.909
to be very helpful well um but yeah i guess
2458
01:54:20.970 --> 01:54:23.109
you know what we like to say is that if
2459
01:54:23.189 --> 01:54:27.829
dmt came in here and it taught you anything it's
2460
01:54:27.850 --> 01:54:30.170
that you don't know what you don't.
2461
01:54:29.989 --> 01:54:34.850
Know so don't just get weird stay weird.
2462
01:54:50.050 --> 01:54:53.229
Oh, I truly didn't fucking know what I didn't know. Like,
2463
01:54:53.270 --> 01:54:53.689
that was.
2464
01:54:54.489 --> 01:54:56.149
You definitely didn't.
2465
01:54:56.789 --> 01:54:58.590
The fucking kingpin of all not knowing.
2466
01:54:58.609 --> 01:55:02.890
Yeah, for sure, dude. I can validate that you were back.
2467
01:55:03.409 --> 01:55:04.689
All right, good.
2468
01:55:05.090 --> 01:55:09.090
Welcome back. We are going to go into this pineal
2469
01:55:09.170 --> 01:55:13.159
DMT release meditation because it just so happened to... I
2470
01:55:13.180 --> 01:55:15.699
didn't even have to search anything. It just popped itself
2471
01:55:15.800 --> 01:55:19.079
on up, so... either our computers are listening to us or,
2472
01:55:19.340 --> 01:55:22.079
you know, uh, this was just kind of divine timing
2473
01:55:22.119 --> 01:55:22.640
could be both.
2474
01:55:23.319 --> 01:55:23.920
Yeah.
2475
01:55:23.939 --> 01:55:27.640
Um, but this one is a, uh, it says warning,
2476
01:55:27.819 --> 01:55:31.390
enter the wormhole, 12,000 Hertz, pineal DMT release. This is
2477
01:55:31.449 --> 01:55:35.909
by the YouTube channel called love motives, meditation music.
2478
01:55:36.729 --> 01:55:38.449
So do with that as you will.
2479
01:55:38.489 --> 01:55:41.930
We're about to dive all the way in and hopefully
2480
01:55:41.970 --> 01:55:46.550
be able to reclaim, um, you know, our, uh, reality
2481
01:55:46.710 --> 01:55:48.600
and our existence when we come out of it.
2482
01:55:49.359 --> 01:55:49.500
Yeah.
2483
01:55:49.699 --> 01:55:50.479
But enjoy the ride.
2484
01:55:50.500 --> 01:55:53.539
Reality was, you know, enjoy the ride while you're in there.
2485
01:55:55.119 --> 01:55:58.319
So we're going to start it here in three, two, one,
2486
01:55:58.340 --> 01:55:59.380
let go.
2487
01:55:59.380 --> 01:56:41.579
© transcript Emily Beynon.
2488
01:58:02.369 --> 01:59:47.289
Thank you. you you Thank you. Thank you. I'm sorry.
2489
01:59:47.510 --> 01:59:48.810
I'm sorry.
2490
01:59:49.369 --> 02:05:23.670
I'm sorry. Thank you for watching. I'm sorry. Thank you
2491
02:05:23.770 --> 02:06:22.399
for watching. Thank you.
2492
02:06:22.399 --> 02:06:57.159
© transcript Emily Beynon.
2493
02:07:27.010 --> 02:07:27.409
All right.
2494
02:07:28.529 --> 02:07:32.020
We're back. Where'd you go, Sean?
2495
02:07:33.439 --> 02:07:39.180
Sweat on that one, man. Took me a long time, dude,
2496
02:07:39.539 --> 02:07:43.619
to get into that zone, man. I think I was,
2497
02:07:43.880 --> 02:07:47.050
I don't know. I think it was after you telling
2498
02:07:47.090 --> 02:07:50.510
your story, dude. Kind of like hit me in the chest,
2499
02:07:50.729 --> 02:07:54.100
you know? And even before recording started, I was kind
2500
02:07:54.119 --> 02:07:56.939
of feeling, I took my family to like an outdoor
2501
02:07:56.960 --> 02:08:00.300
mall and for whatever reason halfway into it I was
2502
02:08:00.319 --> 02:08:02.880
starting to feel like almost like anxiety you know and
2503
02:08:02.920 --> 02:08:04.659
I and I haven't dealt with that for a very
2504
02:08:04.699 --> 02:08:07.220
long time and like I could feel like in my
2505
02:08:07.380 --> 02:08:09.649
in my heart you know like and so going into
2506
02:08:09.659 --> 02:08:11.989
this episode I was already kind of kind of feeling
2507
02:08:12.029 --> 02:08:15.409
a little anxious or something and then after you telling
2508
02:08:15.430 --> 02:08:17.890
your story man I really like I was like I
2509
02:08:17.909 --> 02:08:20.359
was putting myself in your shoes dude and I'm that
2510
02:08:20.380 --> 02:08:23.699
was some heavy ass shit, dude. And, you know, and I'm,
2511
02:08:24.020 --> 02:08:27.319
and I appreciate you, you know, being vulnerable and, you know,
2512
02:08:27.779 --> 02:08:29.760
sharing that with everybody. But, um, but that was some
2513
02:08:29.779 --> 02:08:31.590
heavy shit, dude. I gotta be honest, man.
2514
02:08:32.170 --> 02:08:35.729
It was, dude, it was. Um, but I tell you what, dude,
2515
02:08:35.810 --> 02:08:39.750
in this, in this meditation, it's, uh, it was kind
2516
02:08:39.810 --> 02:08:43.880
of like weird because, you know, we're sitting here meditating,
2517
02:08:43.920 --> 02:08:47.579
but the, the, uh, the video aspect of, of this
2518
02:08:47.619 --> 02:08:51.829
YouTube video was like, flashing like a lot oh was
2519
02:08:51.890 --> 02:08:53.109
it yeah.
2520
02:08:53.109 --> 02:08:54.409
Okay i was.
2521
02:08:56.109 --> 02:09:00.750
Like wow right right and i was like oh my
2522
02:09:00.829 --> 02:09:03.590
god like it felt like you know just out of
2523
02:09:03.609 --> 02:09:06.380
the perception of where my eyes were i felt like
2524
02:09:06.439 --> 02:09:09.020
my eyeballs were above that for.
2525
02:09:09.000 --> 02:09:12.699
Some reason and um but what was really trippy about
2526
02:09:12.739 --> 02:09:15.279
it is that so initially it took me a minute
2527
02:09:15.319 --> 02:09:17.380
to really get comfortable and try and get into it
2528
02:09:17.420 --> 02:09:20.739
because i was like I almost felt as if I
2529
02:09:21.060 --> 02:09:24.260
was protecting myself from going too deep.
2530
02:09:24.279 --> 02:09:25.819
You weren't letting go.
2531
02:09:25.920 --> 02:09:31.340
Involuntarily, it was happening. And going through that, I was like,
2532
02:09:31.399 --> 02:09:32.720
all right, just let go.
2533
02:09:32.840 --> 02:09:33.960
Just let go. Let go.
2534
02:09:34.439 --> 02:09:37.779
And then I was just telling myself, I'm a hypnotist,
2535
02:09:37.810 --> 02:09:40.189
so I know certain words that I can tell myself
2536
02:09:40.270 --> 02:09:42.569
to try and let go. And so I just kept
2537
02:09:42.649 --> 02:09:43.510
on saying deeper.
2538
02:09:43.979 --> 02:09:45.760
Deeper, deeper, deeper.
2539
02:09:46.199 --> 02:09:47.920
And like, and I would, and then I would say,
2540
02:09:47.939 --> 02:09:51.239
all right, with every breath, every breath that you take
2541
02:09:51.319 --> 02:09:53.689
is going to go deeper and deeper and deeper till
2542
02:09:54.149 --> 02:09:58.350
even then. And like, um, so, and which is weird
2543
02:09:58.409 --> 02:10:00.850
because I was, I felt like I was almost hypnotizing
2544
02:10:00.909 --> 02:10:04.130
myself into it, which is a strange aspect. But, and
2545
02:10:04.189 --> 02:10:06.449
then as, as soon as I was able to let
2546
02:10:06.560 --> 02:10:11.680
go and fully decompress and just accept the, the current reality, um,
2547
02:10:13.270 --> 02:10:17.829
at that moment I started seeing eyes staring at me.
2548
02:10:19.529 --> 02:10:23.590
And it was like, like for sure women's eyes, but
2549
02:10:23.630 --> 02:10:29.479
it was always, it was only like, they were squinting. Um,
2550
02:10:29.619 --> 02:10:31.760
it was, it was definitely women's eyes, but it was
2551
02:10:31.779 --> 02:10:35.239
only one eye at a time. And every time that
2552
02:10:35.359 --> 02:10:37.930
I would fade away, another, I would come back and
2553
02:10:37.970 --> 02:10:40.069
that I would fade away and another, I would come back.
2554
02:10:40.710 --> 02:10:44.840
And it, it wasn't my imagination though. It was like,
2555
02:10:45.000 --> 02:10:49.640
I was seeing it as I'm staring at my eyelids. And, um,
2556
02:10:50.479 --> 02:10:52.600
and I just was like, you know, it kind of
2557
02:10:52.619 --> 02:10:54.970
reminded me of the, the cat alien, like those, it
2558
02:10:54.979 --> 02:10:57.909
was those kind of like cat alien eyes almost.
2559
02:10:58.010 --> 02:10:58.289
Right.
2560
02:10:58.489 --> 02:11:00.310
But then I was also thinking like, it could have
2561
02:11:00.329 --> 02:11:02.590
been anybody's eyes. It was just, you know, the way
2562
02:11:02.609 --> 02:11:04.789
they were squinting, but it was almost like a, um,
2563
02:11:05.510 --> 02:11:09.909
like eyes that were almost telling me that like, you're
2564
02:11:09.949 --> 02:11:13.510
not alone. We got your back. And I didn't know
2565
02:11:13.569 --> 02:11:15.909
who it was, what it was. Maybe it was an
2566
02:11:15.989 --> 02:11:18.590
ethereal thing. Maybe they're eyes that I have seen before.
2567
02:11:18.630 --> 02:11:21.810
I'm not sure. But it was like a presence, like
2568
02:11:22.050 --> 02:11:26.199
reminding me that like, you're never alone, dude. You know, like,
2569
02:11:26.500 --> 02:11:30.340
and like, you're good. So don't ever think that you're alone.
2570
02:11:30.420 --> 02:11:32.520
And that's kind of like what I got out of that.
2571
02:11:32.779 --> 02:11:33.439
So it was helpful.
2572
02:11:34.319 --> 02:11:36.600
That's good, man. That's good, man. That's a common thing
2573
02:11:36.640 --> 02:11:39.659
with the eyes, dude. You know, like what, what is that?
2574
02:11:39.699 --> 02:11:41.619
Why is it that in a lot of times where
2575
02:11:41.640 --> 02:11:44.930
we're tripping or we're meditating, like I see that a lot, dude.
2576
02:11:45.210 --> 02:11:48.130
And sometimes they're like blinking and they're kind of like scattered,
2577
02:11:48.390 --> 02:11:49.630
you know, several of them.
2578
02:11:49.949 --> 02:11:52.229
Well, the, these eyes, like I said, like some of
2579
02:11:52.289 --> 02:11:56.180
them were like squinting, like you really thought you were alone.
2580
02:11:56.260 --> 02:11:56.560
Kind of.
2581
02:11:56.800 --> 02:11:58.479
That's what I was thinking. You know what I mean?
2582
02:11:58.500 --> 02:11:59.199
Like, gotcha.
2583
02:11:59.939 --> 02:12:02.420
Yeah, like, it was almost like, you know, it was
2584
02:12:02.460 --> 02:12:06.300
like you had to go through that. Like the J.D.
2585
02:12:06.359 --> 02:12:07.880
Vance glance where he's like.
2586
02:12:08.779 --> 02:12:12.600
Yeah, yeah, a lot like that. And, like, you really
2587
02:12:12.659 --> 02:12:14.810
think we're just going to let that happen, you know,
2588
02:12:14.819 --> 02:12:15.550
kind of thing.
2589
02:12:16.100 --> 02:12:16.430
Right.
2590
02:12:16.560 --> 02:12:18.409
What were you going through over there, Nick?
2591
02:12:19.310 --> 02:12:21.350
You know what the Mandelbrot set is?
2592
02:12:21.989 --> 02:12:24.270
Yeah, I've heard of this. I forget what it is, though.
2593
02:12:24.390 --> 02:12:28.180
Yeah, so it's like an algorithm that, like, It's like
2594
02:12:28.220 --> 02:12:32.739
the one that like, it's basically like a fractal pattern
2595
02:12:32.939 --> 02:12:36.399
that like, it's the one where it goes like infinitely
2596
02:12:36.500 --> 02:12:39.079
into itself. And like, there's like, it always goes to
2597
02:12:39.140 --> 02:12:42.020
like the center and it like, you know what I'm
2598
02:12:42.039 --> 02:12:44.420
talking about? Where it's like falling down into the center
2599
02:12:44.500 --> 02:12:46.800
and it's like all those like, it looks like almost
2600
02:12:46.920 --> 02:12:47.979
kind of like ink blotter.
2601
02:12:49.600 --> 02:12:50.609
Let's search this up.
2602
02:12:50.770 --> 02:12:50.930
Yeah.
2603
02:12:50.949 --> 02:12:51.689
I'm going to have to.
2604
02:12:52.069 --> 02:12:52.829
What, this one probably?
2605
02:12:52.850 --> 02:12:53.970
Oh yeah, any of them honestly.
2606
02:12:53.989 --> 02:12:55.210
Mandelbrot zoom sequence.
2607
02:12:56.430 --> 02:12:58.149
Oh yeah. Like a fractal.
2608
02:12:58.649 --> 02:13:03.579
Yeah, so that's a specific kind of fractal called the
2609
02:13:03.619 --> 02:13:07.539
Mandelbrot set. Anyway, I was seeing that, except it was.
2610
02:13:10.279 --> 02:13:10.779
Type in.
2611
02:13:11.100 --> 02:13:15.979
Hold on. Maybe I can explain it. It was like
2612
02:13:16.039 --> 02:13:23.579
the Mandelbrot set, except it was scenes. I was seeing patterns...
2613
02:13:24.020 --> 02:13:26.850
going crazy like that and just going through and they
2614
02:13:26.859 --> 02:13:28.970
were just like infinitely going to a center point and
2615
02:13:28.989 --> 02:13:33.569
coming through. And, uh, but then it started to be like, um,
2616
02:13:34.390 --> 02:13:37.649
through like houses and trees and, and like, it was
2617
02:13:37.689 --> 02:13:40.850
just like, I was, it was like just different scenes
2618
02:13:40.930 --> 02:13:43.550
of like, I don't know, just different scenery that was
2619
02:13:43.590 --> 02:13:44.810
like not geometric.
2620
02:13:45.590 --> 02:13:48.189
Bro, I have felt and seen this before.
2621
02:13:48.210 --> 02:13:49.250
Yeah.
2622
02:13:49.310 --> 02:13:51.250
And I don't know when, maybe it was in a
2623
02:13:51.310 --> 02:13:56.210
dream or in a DMT dream, Foreko or something, but this.
2624
02:13:56.090 --> 02:13:56.310
Is a.
2625
02:13:58.289 --> 02:14:03.189
Familiar... It's one thing to remember seeing something, but it's
2626
02:14:03.250 --> 02:14:06.729
another thing to remember experiencing it. You know what I'm saying?
2627
02:14:07.350 --> 02:14:10.369
That is trippy, dude.
2628
02:14:10.510 --> 02:14:12.850
I tend to think that this is something what our
2629
02:14:13.090 --> 02:14:17.029
reality consists of. It's like the smaller bits make up
2630
02:14:17.270 --> 02:14:20.090
the whole, and it's just something that you can continuously
2631
02:14:20.189 --> 02:14:20.880
zoom in on.
2632
02:14:21.189 --> 02:14:22.210
I need to look more into that.
2633
02:14:22.770 --> 02:14:25.510
Yeah. It's actually pretty fascinating to go down that rabbit hole.
2634
02:14:25.670 --> 02:14:27.270
That might have to be the next show, Sean.
2635
02:14:27.649 --> 02:14:29.029
I think we're going to have to, man.
2636
02:14:29.270 --> 02:14:29.489
Yeah.
2637
02:14:29.529 --> 02:14:31.250
Every time I see that image, you know, and it's
2638
02:14:31.270 --> 02:14:33.770
like this shape and then you, it zooms in and
2639
02:14:33.930 --> 02:14:36.510
all the little pieces are that shape again. And it's
2640
02:14:36.550 --> 02:14:39.689
just like, I feel like that's what we're in. Like
2641
02:14:39.710 --> 02:14:42.479
you were saying how things are just because that's just
2642
02:14:42.529 --> 02:14:44.800
how they have to be, you know, like how certain
2643
02:14:44.840 --> 02:14:48.500
plants grow and, and spirals in nature. And just like,
2644
02:14:48.520 --> 02:14:51.199
it's just, that's just like the, I don't know, the
2645
02:14:51.239 --> 02:14:53.100
foundation of existence.
2646
02:14:53.319 --> 02:14:55.090
The nature of the universe.
2647
02:14:55.119 --> 02:14:55.560
Yeah.
2648
02:14:55.600 --> 02:14:56.029
Best way.
2649
02:14:56.310 --> 02:14:57.470
Is fractal. Yep.
2650
02:14:57.810 --> 02:15:00.970
And I think, so yeah, that'd be a cool episode.
2651
02:15:01.149 --> 02:15:03.630
Do definitely look into the Mandelbrot set. I think there's
2652
02:15:03.689 --> 02:15:07.989
another fractal pattern that's like a, there's like two main
2653
02:15:08.050 --> 02:15:09.949
specific ones that are like real popular.
2654
02:15:09.989 --> 02:15:11.420
So like try to find the other one.
2655
02:15:11.819 --> 02:15:12.300
Okay.
2656
02:15:12.359 --> 02:15:15.300
And I even think Billy Carson touches on one or
2657
02:15:15.340 --> 02:15:17.119
two of them. So you're able to find some stuff
2658
02:15:17.140 --> 02:15:18.000
from him on that too.
2659
02:15:18.359 --> 02:15:19.039
Oh, perfect.
2660
02:15:19.079 --> 02:15:19.239
Yeah.
2661
02:15:19.970 --> 02:15:22.569
If that's what reality is, and you are a part
2662
02:15:22.609 --> 02:15:26.149
of that, dude, like, how powerful is that? You know
2663
02:15:26.170 --> 02:15:28.390
what I mean? Like, you're a part of this just
2664
02:15:29.710 --> 02:15:34.699
huge existence that's intelligent and magical, in my opinion. I
2665
02:15:35.520 --> 02:15:38.979
think this universe is definitely more than what we ever
2666
02:15:39.000 --> 02:15:39.720
could have imagined.
2667
02:15:40.239 --> 02:15:43.960
So, Sean, final question before we wrap it up. Are
2668
02:15:43.979 --> 02:15:46.479
you eventually going to do DMT one day, or did
2669
02:15:46.550 --> 02:15:49.670
that experience that I shared with you fuck you up.
2670
02:15:49.630 --> 02:15:52.170
A little bit well no it didn't i'm gonna be
2671
02:15:52.250 --> 02:15:53.829
honest it kind of did fuck me up a little
2672
02:15:53.850 --> 02:15:55.609
bit you know and to know that you went through
2673
02:15:55.649 --> 02:15:57.510
that like i don't want anybody to go through that
2674
02:15:57.550 --> 02:15:59.850
especially you know someone i'm close to like you know
2675
02:15:59.890 --> 02:16:02.729
like yourself but um but yeah i'm sure i will
2676
02:16:02.789 --> 02:16:05.010
it just won't be nearly that much you know what
2677
02:16:05.029 --> 02:16:06.149
i mean i want to i want to see the
2678
02:16:06.170 --> 02:16:08.890
hieroglyphs maybe and be like oh that was cool fuck
2679
02:16:08.930 --> 02:16:11.729
yeah but then like maybe i'm good after that you
2680
02:16:11.770 --> 02:16:15.010
know yeah yeah i definitely don't want to witness our
2681
02:16:15.090 --> 02:16:19.470
entire existence uh get disintegrated into a mist and feel
2682
02:16:19.529 --> 02:16:22.270
like i'm next you know i definitely don't want to
2683
02:16:22.289 --> 02:16:24.510
experience that i feel like i kind of experienced it
2684
02:16:24.550 --> 02:16:28.979
already just listening to your experience but fuck dude that's
2685
02:16:29.520 --> 02:16:32.040
fucking heavy there's that word again.
2686
02:16:31.939 --> 02:16:35.059
Heavy heavy where is is everything heavy in the future is.
2687
02:16:35.040 --> 02:16:37.440
Something wrong with the gravitational.
2688
02:16:36.840 --> 02:16:41.079
Pull in the future i'm talking about nancy pelosi over
2689
02:16:41.100 --> 02:16:43.750
here oh i'm talking about back to the future my
2690
02:16:43.770 --> 02:16:46.079
bad No, I was too, and then he said she
2691
02:16:46.120 --> 02:16:50.149
got the heavies. It made me think of Theo Vaughn. Anyway,
2692
02:16:50.409 --> 02:16:53.469
all right, The One, we love you, and thank you
2693
02:16:53.489 --> 02:16:56.989
so much for listening to my story and our stories,
2694
02:16:57.290 --> 02:17:00.629
and it's only going to make every single thing we
2695
02:17:00.670 --> 02:17:04.760
do moving forward even more creative, I think. Yeah, I
2696
02:17:04.799 --> 02:17:06.860
guess we'll get up out of here, and we'll see
2697
02:17:06.879 --> 02:17:07.639
you all on the flip side.
2698
02:17:08.399 --> 02:17:08.639
Bye, guys.