Questionable Parenting Decisions

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All right.
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Well, we head back to school.
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You want to tell me how first days of school and drop-offs went for everyone?
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Uh yeah.
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Which ones do you want to hear about?
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Let's hear about the big boys.
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Let's talk about the high school students.
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Well, that was interesting.
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I don't know why they start schools on Thursdays.
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I know it's so dumb.
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But it was interesting this year, you know, you like you pull up in the pull-up line and drop off.
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But this year I'm dropping off one kid with, you know, he's got a cast on because he, you know, broke his legs.
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He's got like a scooter, and the other one's got like a boot on because of, you know, his toe.
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That was a whole thing.
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It's a summer injury coming into fall school year.
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Sure.
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And so I have to park and everyone's kind of like waiting.
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And there's one honk that comes in and they don't realize I'm like having to get a kid out.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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With the scooter.
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I mean, it's not even just that you have one kid that's injured.
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It's that both the boys are getting dropped off with some sort of accommodation required.
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There's an appendage that was cut off.
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You know, there's there's a lot this summer.
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So Yeah, they did some hard living this summer, you know.
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They definitely left it all out there.
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They did.
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Well, you know what?
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That sounds very much on par for the show.
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It sounds like your first week of school and your first drop-offs were a little bit messy.
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Yeah.
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And that's okay because you've come to the right place.
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Yeah.
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You're in messy as hell.
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Let's go ahead and get into the show.
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Yeah.
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Welcome to messy as hell with Krista and Kim.
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No filters, no fixes, just real life.
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Welcome to Messy as Hell.
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I'm Krista.
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I'm Kim Ruly.
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We've been getting ourselves in the flow of getting kids back to school.
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You know, we're getting into the fall season and it's just a lot.
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We've got a lot going on.
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You probably have a lot going on.
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Should we start with our messy moments?
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Sure.
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And just kick it off with some of those highlights or maybe lowlights from the week.
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Yeah, absolutely.
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All right.
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I think you're up this time.
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Let's have you go first.
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No, yeah.
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This is gonna tie back to school.
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Again, find this wild, but it's the second day of school.
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So it's Friday and they give kids homework.
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So one of my kids, you know, our dining room table is not really meant for eating in our house except for Sundays.
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It's kind of how we roll.
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Or half of his ours is for eating, the other half is just junk collection.
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Exactly.
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Exactly.
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You know, so he was doing his homework on a Friday and left it there instead of putting it back in his backpack.
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As children do, Sunday dinner came along, and I am notorious for grabbing shit that's lying around and just throwing it away.
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And so my daughter had been doing crafts on the table over the weekend, and I just grabbed all the things and I tossed them that looked like they were arts and crafts.
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And Monday morning rolled around and it's 8 05, and we're half to run out the door.
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And he's like, wait, I forgot my science project that I drew on the table.
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Like, where is it?
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And my mind, I'm like, oh, what he's describing.
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I think Was it her scribbles?
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I think that was in the trash.
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I have I have not admitted this to anyone in my house, by the way.
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So someday if they listen to this over.
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It might come out, the truth might come out.
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But I did look and I could not find it.
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I went through my trash bins, which was so disgusting on so many levels.
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Um, but I could not find it.
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So then I had to drop him off.
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He was so mad, he gets very stressed, has anxiety.
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And then I had to email the teacher.
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Thankfully, the teacher gave the whole class until Friday.
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But oh, that's good.
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So he has time to redo it.
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Then he does, but I totally lied to the teacher.
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And I was just like, by the way, he left in the car.
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I don't have time to come back.
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Oh, hey, well, you know what?
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Sometimes you gotta cover that.
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That was my name.
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Do what you gotta do.
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Yeah.
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You know what?
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That I mean, that's definitely messy.
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And it is, right?
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These messy moments, they're not isolated to work, they're not isolated to relationships, they are in every facet of our lives.
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I mean, my messy moment also involves my children.
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It was definitely one of my lower moments.
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And it's just one of those things that as a parent, I unfortunately come back to of just failing my kids and then feeling really bad about it.
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So we were in a situation where, you know, it's the end of the summer, school's about to start.
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Like you mentioned, though, we start on a Thursday.
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So we've got the whole first half of the week home with no activities planned.
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But I am trying to come up with fun things to do.
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You know, I'm taking them to the aquarium, we're going and doing different activities.
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So I'm trying to keep them busy, but they've just reached the end of their ropes with each other and they're starting to get to that place where they're irritable and they're fighting.
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And then, of course, that makes me irritable and makes me fight.
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So we had this moment where we had just taken the dog for a walk, then we came home and had a little bit of relaxing time at home.
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And then I was like, okay, we're gonna go out and do an activity.
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I'm just gonna run up and use the bathroom and grab my sweater and then we're gonna go.
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Big mistake, apparently.
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I left them in the living room by themselves.
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So I went up to use the bathroom for literally one minute.
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As soon as I sit on the toilet, I can already hear them fighting.
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I can hear one of them, stop it.
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No, you stop it.
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We can both be here.
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No, we can't.
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And I'm like, you guys, I am literally on the toilet.
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I cannot jump off.
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I just need to pee.
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And so I'm like listening, waiting to see if it's gonna escalate, you know, waiting to see if they're gonna figure it out.
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Yeah.
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I mean, of course they don't figure it out.
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So I like pull my pants up, wash my hands, and I'm like, okay, whatever, I've got to go down there and deal with this.
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But by the time I get there, which mind you has only been like 30 seconds since this started, by the time I get there, they are standing on either end of the couch, like trying to chase each other to hit each other.
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And they're like, he hit me.
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No, but she hit me first.
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And I'm like, you guys, everyone to your room, please, like hard reset.
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And that's kind of what I do.
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I just send them to their room, give them space.
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But then, of course, as they're both making their way down the hallway, they take the opportunity to like tease each other, push each other into the wall.
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And that's really where my rope broke, you know.
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I was like doing okay, but mostly cool, until they have to get those last-minute digs in.
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They would have just listened and gone to their room so that I could come to each of them and talk to them.
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It would have been okay.
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And I would have kept my cool, but it was just this moment of defiance where they're like, oh, well, I'm gonna get one more jab in before I get to my room.
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And so then I went into their rooms and I just laid into them.
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I yelled at both of them.
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I was just like, What is wrong with you?
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Why are you ruining this day off that we have together?
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Like, why do you have to do this?
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Why are you this way?
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You know, of course, they're kids.
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They're like, I don't know why I'm this way.
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I don't know why I do this.
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And so by the time we're done, they're both crying.
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I've slammed a couple of doors.
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I've just, you know, been unnecessarily harsh.
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It's hard here in the moment, though.
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It's so hard.
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And it sucks because, like we've said before, it's the same thing over and over again.
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Yeah.
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How many times have I told them, don't fight?
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How many times have I told them I will be gone for one minute?
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Stay in separate corners.
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It just sucks.
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Because those are like those moments where you just feel so guilty as a parent because you're like, well, damn, I let my temper get away from me.
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I don't know if it's the same for you and maybe other people out there.
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It's especially triggering for me when I'm very particular in it's because this I don't know what it is with the universe, but it always happens in these moments where I'm like, I have to make a call.
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I need you to be quiet.
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There's a call coming in.
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I need to pee.
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It happens all the time when I need to pee for some reason.
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Yes.
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Or I'm getting dressed.
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Please give me a moment.
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Yeah.
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It's always the moments where you are very specific about asking.
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Yes.
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Because you need something very specific.
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And then it's like, fuck you.
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Boom.
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And it's I'm just gonna blow this shit up.
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Exactly.
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And I'm like, why?
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Why?
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Literally just two minutes.
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All I need was two minutes, but you just chose it's a very or like, or they'll fight over the remote when I'm peeing.
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I'm like, this is a TV show.
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Why?
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Who wants to watch what YouTube?
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Who the hell cares?
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Yes.
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Well, and it's like, why can't I pee?
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It is literally like two minutes of walking up the stairs, washing my hands, using the bathroom.
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I just don't understand why all hell has to break loose in this like one instant.
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And as I told him, I was like, listen, my resolution for this today is that you don't get to have freedom and be in the living room if I have to go use the bathroom.
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From now on, anytime I go use the bathroom, you're gonna go to your rooms.
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You're just gonna have to go hang out in your room until I'm done because I can't handle this.
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It's stressful to me.
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It's stressful to you.
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Look, you're both crying.
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No one's happy now.
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It's just yes.
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So anyway, you can be alone together.
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Parenting is very messy, and sometimes you just experience some of your lowest of lows and trying to manage children and yourself.
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It's hard.
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This is where you got to give yourself grace.
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And then I think the difference between, I think what I've noticed in our generation, our parents is apologizing.
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Yes, right.
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It's the difference.
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Well, and very much so.
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And I mean, I did definitely, I closed the loop.
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I went, I left them in their rooms, I walked down the hallway, I took a couple deep breaths, I like hugged the dog because he's so sweet.
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And then I went back in and I apologized.
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And I was like, I am so sorry I yelled at you.
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I am so sorry that I made you feel so bad.
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We then had the opportunity to talk about why fighting is not okay.
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And yeah, I mean, so I do always try and close the loop and apologize at times.
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It's just like, man, I wish I could sometimes control my temper a little bit more so that I didn't have to apologize.
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I wish that I could have just approached this so coolly and level-headedly, you know, and just like very calmly express to everyone why this is problematic.
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Yeah.
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But, you know, that's not always real life.
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Yeah.
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And that's why we're here because real life is messy and sometimes you need a space to talk about it and to get it out and to just really highlight the hard moments of life and have someone to commiserate with in that and say, like, I see you.
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Yeah, I have been there.
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It sucks.
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Let's just take a deep breath together and move on.
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Yeah.
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But since we are talking about parenting and both of us actually had kind of parenting stories today, let's move into our topic.
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Today we're gonna try and do something a little bit lighter.
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We know that life is really heavy.
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We know that there's a lot of heavy topics and heavy things in women's lives.
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But today we're gonna talk about questionable parenting decisions or just moments where you make a decision to get by, to keep the peace, to make space for yourself.
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And maybe if someone else heard what you did or heard this, you know, approach that you took, they might like scratch their head and think like, okay, that's questionable.
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But oh, I've had that happen.
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Yes, absolutely.
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Yeah.
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And so this came to mind for me.
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I was at a child's birthday party recently.
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We have kids, so I spend a lot of time on weekends at children's birthday parties.
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But I was at this party and the mom had bought this huge sheet cake, and it was decorated with really brightly colored frosting flowers.
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And the little birthday girl saw this gigantic flower that was in the middle of the cake, and she was like, I want that for my piece of cake.
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And the mom was like, sure, honey, like I'll cut you a slice that has that flower in it.
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And the little girl was like, No, I don't want a slice of the flower.
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I want the whole flower.
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So let me tell you, this flower was like the size of a plate.
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And the mom's like, uh, no, that's way too big.
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That's a gigantic piece.
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And the little girl's like, but it's my birthday, and I want that whole flower.
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And so, you know, the mom, you can just see her kind of trying to figure out what to do in real time.
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She's looking around.
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There's all these little kids at the table eager to get their slice of cake.
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There's all the parents standing around watching because we've all just sung happy birthday.
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And she goes for it.
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She takes the knife, she cuts this huge square around the flower, and then she serves up this gigantic square of cake that literally takes up the whole plate, and she hands it to the child and she looks at all of us parents and she's like, Okay, I know, not my finest parenting moment.
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And everyone's just kind of quiet.
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And I was like, This poor woman.
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So I broke the silence and I was like, hey, girl, I have been known to pay my children to give me 20 minutes of silence.
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So we are all guilty of the questionable parenting decisions.
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Yeah.
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And you know what?
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Those are still the best$5 I ever spent.
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Well, you know what's interesting about that is, I mean, like I said, I have that's a huge portion of how I live my life.
00:11:33.120 --> 00:11:35.279
But those how much will it cost?
00:11:35.440 --> 00:11:35.600
Right.
00:11:35.759 --> 00:11:43.440
Well, those 20 minutes actually helped me like go from like I am like about to spill over to like come down, and then I'm actually a better version of myself.
00:11:43.600 --> 00:11:43.840
Yes.
00:11:44.080 --> 00:11:46.480
So actually, I mean, there's something to be said, you know.
00:11:46.799 --> 00:11:47.600
Right, exactly.
00:11:47.840 --> 00:11:51.279
Five dollars to prevent my children from the trauma of me yelling at them.
00:11:51.360 --> 00:11:53.200
Yeah, that sounds like well worth it.
00:11:53.360 --> 00:11:58.799
Yeah, there have been times where I'm like, I am just so tired in this moment and I just need quiet.
00:11:59.039 --> 00:12:01.759
I I can't get a babysitter to come over here right now.
00:12:01.919 --> 00:12:04.240
Your dad's at work, Grammy's at work.
00:12:05.039 --> 00:12:10.399
Tell you what, I'll give you five bucks each if you go to your room, keep yourselves quiet, read a book for the next 30 minutes.
00:12:10.559 --> 00:12:14.720
And then exactly, then you come back, you're so peaceful, you're so much more centered.
00:12:15.360 --> 00:12:16.240
Is that questionable?
00:12:16.399 --> 00:12:18.639
I actually think that sounds like great parenting when I say it.
00:12:18.799 --> 00:12:24.799
I mean, you well, so this goes back to like if you hear it without context, then you're like, oh, you scratch your head, right?
00:12:24.879 --> 00:12:27.759
But then you hear the context, you're like, actually, you know.
00:12:28.000 --> 00:12:28.960
No, you're exactly right.
00:12:29.039 --> 00:12:33.519
If I had just said, yeah, I pay my kids five bucks to go to their rooms, you're like, okay, that's that's weird.
00:12:33.679 --> 00:12:34.639
Go shut up for a minute.
00:12:34.720 --> 00:12:35.759
I need I need a minute, right?
00:12:36.000 --> 00:12:36.399
Exactly.
00:12:36.639 --> 00:12:40.480
I had the same thing happen at school with one of the fellow moms.
00:12:40.639 --> 00:12:45.840
I was in the car at pickup, and she heard that I pay my kids to read.
00:12:46.000 --> 00:12:47.360
Oh, like a substantial mark.
00:12:47.519 --> 00:12:48.720
I give them a hundred bucks a book.
00:12:48.960 --> 00:12:49.440
Oh, wow.
00:12:49.679 --> 00:12:51.039
It's a lot, it's substantial.
00:12:51.279 --> 00:12:51.679
Damn.
00:12:51.919 --> 00:12:54.960
And she can I like start adding up some of my experiences.
00:12:55.200 --> 00:12:57.840
Can I send you the list of what I read this one legitimately?
00:12:58.000 --> 00:13:01.679
And she just looked at me and she gave and she was really taken aback.
00:13:01.840 --> 00:13:03.039
I mean, I've got four kids, right?
00:13:03.200 --> 00:13:05.279
So this is it's you're making an investment.
00:13:05.840 --> 00:13:07.679
But keep keep in mind, I don't buy my kids.
00:13:07.759 --> 00:13:12.399
I mean, I'll buy them school stuff, yeah, you know, and clothes or whatever, but I don't buy my kids a single thing.
00:13:12.480 --> 00:13:13.600
They have to earn everything.
00:13:13.759 --> 00:13:15.600
I'm not the parent, but that's not how I roll.
00:13:15.679 --> 00:13:16.879
So their e-bikes, their tours.
00:13:17.200 --> 00:13:17.600
They're earnings.
00:13:17.759 --> 00:13:23.600
This is how they so and this is just one of the many ways they have to do manual labor and tours and all I say manual labor, I don't mean.
00:13:24.399 --> 00:13:28.799
You know, I've seen how they clean up the yards or how they help clean the chores and things like that.
00:13:29.039 --> 00:13:31.039
Anyways, let me go back to the stories.
00:13:31.200 --> 00:13:36.559
So we're we're there, and I just like look, I'm like, this is let me give you some context to this, you know.
00:13:36.639 --> 00:13:39.759
I'm like, I really want to encourage my kids to learn and read.
00:13:39.840 --> 00:13:44.399
And so these are books that I've listened to that have really shaped my life and made a big difference.
00:13:44.639 --> 00:13:46.080
So they're cherry-picked by me.
00:13:46.159 --> 00:13:46.320
Yes.
00:13:46.399 --> 00:13:55.679
So I make them listen to them, but then they have to give me a written report of what they've learned, and then they give me a list of 10 items that like they really specifically felt like were, you know, stood out to them.
00:13:55.919 --> 00:13:56.559
I actually love that.
00:13:56.720 --> 00:13:58.879
So it's not like this is just read this book.
00:13:58.960 --> 00:13:59.120
Yeah.
00:13:59.279 --> 00:14:01.919
Because then I just I could give them a hundred bucks and it's nothing, right?
00:14:02.000 --> 00:14:02.320
I can't.
00:14:02.480 --> 00:14:04.399
How do I there's no lesson or value in it?
00:14:04.639 --> 00:14:05.840
There's no lesson or value.
00:14:06.000 --> 00:14:11.679
And they could, of course, chat GPT anything, but these are very like I can tell by this report.
00:14:11.840 --> 00:14:21.919
One, how it was written if it was them or not, because I know each of my children, but two, what stood out to them, because again, I know their nature, I know who they are, I know what would stick out to them, what they wouldn't, because these are books that I've read.
00:14:22.080 --> 00:14:22.399
Yeah.
00:14:22.799 --> 00:14:26.960
So for me, I'd much rather, you know, raise a child that likes to read.
00:14:27.039 --> 00:14:32.960
And possibly this would turn into something where they, you know, I'm paying them to read, they like to earn money, but possibly turns into them liking to read.
00:14:33.039 --> 00:14:37.759
But then they're also learning concepts and listening to good things versus nothing.
00:14:37.919 --> 00:14:38.159
Yeah.
00:14:38.240 --> 00:14:40.080
It's a little bit of kind of like reverse psychology.
00:14:40.159 --> 00:14:47.039
I'm gonna get you to see something that's good for you, but I'm gonna make you think it's great for your other endeavors, you know.
00:14:47.360 --> 00:14:47.679
Exactly.
00:14:48.159 --> 00:15:02.559
I mean, I will say also a lot of parenting is sometimes just trying to see like how can we get by in a way that's peaceful, that's happy, that's as non-chaotic and non-traumatic as possible, you know?
00:15:02.720 --> 00:15:08.159
And so I do feel like sometimes some of these decisions we make are just like, hey, we're just trying to do our best here.
00:15:08.399 --> 00:15:15.919
And sometimes that might involve mild bribery, or I mean, as I like to say it, like they're earning.
00:15:16.000 --> 00:15:19.279
I and I I always frame it as like, hey, would you like to earn some money?
00:15:19.440 --> 00:15:24.000
How about you go do this for me to allow me the space to do this, you know?
00:15:24.159 --> 00:15:25.679
And then they get super motivated.
00:15:25.759 --> 00:15:27.200
They're always like, Can I have a job?
00:15:27.360 --> 00:15:27.679
Yeah.
00:15:27.919 --> 00:15:39.200
Well, what's so funny about that book situation, which was also a side benefit that I didn't even realize would happen, yeah, is they'll put headphones on and listen to the books because I I let them do audio.
00:15:39.600 --> 00:15:40.799
So unexpected quiet now.
00:15:40.960 --> 00:15:46.480
So yes, so you get this added layer of, and then they'll stand there and do the dishes or unload the dishwasher.
00:15:46.799 --> 00:15:48.720
So there's all these things that have come into it.
00:15:48.879 --> 00:15:50.639
I'm like, oh yeah, I gotta get you another book.
00:15:52.480 --> 00:15:55.039
Christian came to me because he wants to do, you know, get some things.
00:15:55.120 --> 00:15:58.720
He's like, Mom, I need a new book so that I can yes, I will find you a book.
00:15:59.919 --> 00:16:06.399
And then it's good because it's encouraging you to always be reading and learning more things that you can have things to pass off to actually, you know what?
00:16:06.480 --> 00:16:06.879
I like this.
00:16:07.039 --> 00:16:10.720
I actually might tuck this one away for later for when they're ready for some of these books.
00:16:10.879 --> 00:16:11.200
Yeah.
00:16:11.440 --> 00:16:16.559
So yeah, so some of our parenting decisions, we are for the greater good, right?
00:16:16.639 --> 00:16:17.519
We'll say it's for the greater.
00:16:18.639 --> 00:16:25.679
It's other ones, though, I do feel like some of our other questionable parenting decisions, like sometimes they are more just like for entertainment value.
00:16:25.759 --> 00:16:26.720
I'll give you an example.
00:16:26.879 --> 00:16:33.840
So, our family, we do family movie night and we take turns like rotating through the different movies that we watch.
00:16:33.919 --> 00:16:35.759
And it's it was my kids' idea.
00:16:35.919 --> 00:16:39.279
They actually really love it because then they look forward to like, when is it my movie night turn?
00:16:39.360 --> 00:16:40.320
Whose turn is next?
00:16:40.559 --> 00:16:55.039
And they look forward both to the time that we spend together as a family, they look forward to getting to have their own movie choice that they're gonna share with their family, and they look forward to the movies that other members of their family are sharing so that we all get to see new and different things.
00:16:55.440 --> 00:16:56.240
You know what's funny?
00:16:56.399 --> 00:17:03.039
So we, my husband and I, we are are very gracious, we watch lots of children's movies, and a lot of the time we enjoy them, right?
00:17:03.120 --> 00:17:05.759
But you can only watch Coraline so many times.
00:17:06.000 --> 00:17:12.240
So then when it comes to like our movie turns, sometimes we're like, yeah, let's choose something like a little bit different, a little bit more fun.
00:17:12.400 --> 00:17:18.880
And we are in this space, we're millennials, we're 90s kids, so we love all of these old, like 90s movies.
00:17:19.279 --> 00:17:24.880
And we're like, oh, I would just love to share these with the kids, but like they're not quite old enough yet.
00:17:25.039 --> 00:17:33.599
Like this might not be age appropriate, but then we kind of write it off in our mind of like, but this is family time and we'll watch it together as a family, and then we can talk about it.
00:17:33.839 --> 00:17:37.039
The kids really wanted to go to Universal Studios for their birthday this summer.
00:17:37.119 --> 00:17:37.279
Yeah.
00:17:37.440 --> 00:17:43.440
So we took them over the summer and we did the studio tour, which involves the Jaws scene and you get to see the Jaws shark.
00:17:43.519 --> 00:17:46.480
And my husband was like, I really want to watch Jaws with the kids.
00:17:46.640 --> 00:17:48.079
I haven't seen it in forever.
00:17:48.160 --> 00:17:49.920
Like, let's watch it for a family movie night.
00:17:50.000 --> 00:17:51.200
And I was like, I don't know.
00:17:51.359 --> 00:17:54.960
I feel that this is necessary like appropriate for our eight-year-old.
00:17:55.200 --> 00:17:59.200
And he was like, No, no, no, we'll do it as a family and we'll be right there with her and we'll watch it with her.
00:17:59.279 --> 00:18:04.960
And I'm like, okay, I have questions about this, but I'm just gonna go with you on this.
00:18:05.200 --> 00:18:06.880
And so we watched it with them.
00:18:07.039 --> 00:18:09.440
My son was totally into it, he loved it.
00:18:09.599 --> 00:18:15.759
I don't know when the last time you saw Ja was was, if ever, but there is definitely some like dismemberment by the shark.
00:18:15.920 --> 00:18:17.279
Is she still sleeping in your bed?
00:18:17.440 --> 00:18:18.960
Well, oh yeah, definitely.
00:18:19.119 --> 00:18:24.079
And then there was like, you know, a whole scene where there's like a human leg just like floating in the ocean.
00:18:24.319 --> 00:18:27.359
And so, like two weeks later, there's my daughter, Daddy.
00:18:27.440 --> 00:18:29.759
I had a nightmare last night about limbs.
00:18:30.000 --> 00:18:32.240
There were limbs floating in the ocean.
00:18:32.400 --> 00:18:36.799
I just look at him and I'm like, see, I told you this was such a questionable decision.
00:18:36.880 --> 00:18:40.640
And he just kind of like blushes and like gets that little look on his face.
00:18:40.880 --> 00:18:42.559
Like, well, I'm sorry.
00:18:42.720 --> 00:18:46.720
That's so funny that you say this because you know, I grew up in a house where we never watched TV.
00:18:46.799 --> 00:18:50.799
And when we did very special occasions, maybe on like the weekend, it was never on during the week.
00:18:50.880 --> 00:18:51.119
Yeah.
00:18:51.279 --> 00:18:53.359
And my husband's family is very different, it was always on.
00:18:53.519 --> 00:18:55.599
It's like the living room was where the family gathered, right?
00:18:55.680 --> 00:18:59.279
So it'd be like a it's like a like a how a family comes together kind of thing.
00:18:59.519 --> 00:19:03.839
So when we got married, it was on a lot, and I kept being like, No, I need this off.
00:19:03.920 --> 00:19:05.359
I don't like this too much for me.
00:19:05.440 --> 00:19:09.519
And so we found like a balance, but it definitely comes on almost every evening during the week.
00:19:09.759 --> 00:19:10.880
It kind of drives me nuts.
00:19:11.119 --> 00:19:18.559
But when the kids were smaller, and some of them weren't even in school yet, he was like, I want to show the kids The Simpsons.
00:19:18.720 --> 00:19:21.200
Oh, I grew up on The Simpsons.
00:19:22.240 --> 00:19:23.279
Has he shown it to them?
00:19:23.440 --> 00:19:26.559
Oh, Christian was I think eight.
00:19:26.720 --> 00:19:28.640
So Connor was seven.
00:19:28.880 --> 00:19:29.200
Yeah.
00:19:29.359 --> 00:19:35.680
Then then we had then we had like, you know, what it was that's like six and then they started repeating things.
00:19:36.000 --> 00:19:39.279
And if you've watched The Simpsons, there's so much mature content.
00:19:39.519 --> 00:19:39.920
Oh, yes.
00:19:40.079 --> 00:19:42.319
I mean, hey, I learned a lot from The Simpsons.
00:19:42.559 --> 00:19:44.640
Full disclosure, I was raised by The Simpsons.
00:19:44.720 --> 00:19:50.720
My brother and I were probably eight and ten with our VHS tapes recording The Simpsons when they came on.
00:19:50.960 --> 00:19:51.119
Yeah.
00:19:51.440 --> 00:19:52.000
That is okay.
00:19:52.079 --> 00:19:52.559
That's hilarious.
00:19:52.799 --> 00:20:01.440
Well, actually, so funny that you bring up The Simpsons because my kids have been dying to watch it, and I am low-key dying to share it with them because I love The Simpsons and it is hilarious.
00:20:01.519 --> 00:20:04.799
The humor, especially in the early seasons, is really spot on.
00:20:04.880 --> 00:20:05.039
Yeah.
00:20:05.359 --> 00:20:06.880
But I won't let them watch it yet.
00:20:06.960 --> 00:20:15.920
But I did make the mistake of letting them listen to some of the original soundtracks because I don't know if you've ever noticed, but a lot of the episodes they write original songs for it.
00:20:16.079 --> 00:20:20.400
And so we've listened to the soundtrack for this hilarious episode that's a play on Mary Poppins.
00:20:20.559 --> 00:20:23.039
It's Sherry Boppin who comes in as a nanny.
00:20:23.440 --> 00:20:31.039
And, you know, in Mary Poppins, so there's the scene where there's like the woman like feeding the birds, you know, and she's that's the whole song she sings.
00:20:31.200 --> 00:20:36.400
So in Sherry Bobbins in the Simpsons version, she sings about Barney the booze hound.
00:20:36.559 --> 00:20:41.599
And there's this like lyric where it's like, can I be a booze hound?
00:20:42.319 --> 00:20:44.400
Not till you're 15.
00:20:44.559 --> 00:20:46.720
And so my kids think that that line is hilarious.
00:20:47.119 --> 00:20:49.200
But you guys probably laugh about it together, right?
00:20:49.519 --> 00:20:51.759
You know, they're like, Can I be a booze hound?
00:20:51.839 --> 00:20:55.200
And I'm like, oh my gosh, please don't ever repeat that in front of anyone.
00:20:55.279 --> 00:20:57.599
They're gonna think that I have terrible judgment.
00:20:57.920 --> 00:21:06.640
Well, that's that's what was so funny, is Nate was actually right because then the kids would start saying the jokes together and we were laughing together as a family.
00:21:06.960 --> 00:21:09.759
Like there's this whole like, who loves the cookie mart?
00:21:09.839 --> 00:21:12.559
And it's like I do kind of thing, something like that.
00:21:12.720 --> 00:21:16.880
But the kids used to say it all the time, and then our sweet little girl would say it in her tiny little voice.
00:21:17.039 --> 00:21:17.440
Yes.
00:21:17.599 --> 00:21:22.559
And it was like the cutest thing in Same with our, anyways, it was the cutest thing, but it actually really did.
00:21:22.640 --> 00:21:24.319
And so people would bonding, right?
00:21:24.559 --> 00:21:30.160
People would definitely be like, Your kids are watching what at their ages, but then I well, you know what?
00:21:30.240 --> 00:21:32.559
Okay, so my husband has been like that.
00:21:32.720 --> 00:21:33.599
It's so funny, right?
00:21:33.680 --> 00:21:35.119
Because that's where he draws the line.
00:21:35.200 --> 00:21:37.839
He's like, Lord of the Rings, no problem.
00:21:38.160 --> 00:21:39.279
Jaws, no problem.
00:21:39.440 --> 00:21:44.799
Draw the park, gets and gore, you know, green light, Simpson's hard line, no.
00:21:44.880 --> 00:21:46.240
And I'm like, okay, I guess I get it.
00:21:46.319 --> 00:21:47.359
It's a little bit more crass.
00:21:47.519 --> 00:21:47.839
Yeah.
00:21:48.160 --> 00:21:50.640
But yeah, now I might use this to make a point.
00:21:52.880 --> 00:21:59.039
Some of these kids have been watching it since they were definitely some fast forward moments where I was like, mm, this is the red light district.
00:21:59.119 --> 00:22:00.559
Let's like that's Hilarious.
00:22:00.640 --> 00:22:03.279
My teacher, my English teacher would have called that the naughty bits board.
00:22:03.440 --> 00:22:06.319
He would show us like literature movies in class.
00:22:06.400 --> 00:22:12.400
And anytime there was a naughty bit, he'd pull up his cardboard and cover the television and be like, this is my naughty bit board.
00:22:12.559 --> 00:22:14.000
Yeah, this is a fast forward moment.
00:22:14.160 --> 00:22:14.799
No, it is good.
00:22:15.200 --> 00:22:15.279
Yeah.
00:22:15.680 --> 00:22:16.319
No, but you know what?
00:22:16.400 --> 00:22:16.880
That's so funny.
00:22:17.039 --> 00:22:22.640
I totally see his point though, because your husband, like me, is a millennial, and he probably grew up watching The Simpsons too.
00:22:22.720 --> 00:22:25.519
And so it's funny because a lot of your humor is shaped by it.
00:22:25.599 --> 00:22:28.319
And so you have these ideas of like, I want to share these things with my kids.
00:22:28.400 --> 00:22:29.680
And it's it's funny.
00:22:29.839 --> 00:22:33.359
I'm sure you've heard the same, but it's the years are fast, but the days are long.
00:22:33.599 --> 00:22:35.519
And it's time really does fly so fast.
00:22:35.599 --> 00:22:38.799
But sometimes in the day-to-day, it feels like, oh, this is going kind of slow.
00:22:38.880 --> 00:22:43.359
And so sometimes I'm like, oh, I want to share these things with the kids, but they're not there yet.
00:22:43.519 --> 00:22:43.680
Yeah.
00:22:43.920 --> 00:22:45.119
But they're going to get there soon.
00:22:45.279 --> 00:22:46.319
So they will be.
00:22:46.960 --> 00:22:50.160
My kids driving me to school in the morning, and then I got to switch who's driving.
00:22:50.319 --> 00:22:51.440
It's a wild place to be.
00:22:51.599 --> 00:22:52.720
So I don't get there.
00:22:53.039 --> 00:22:56.880
I cannot quite imagine, but we're going to be there really soon.
00:22:57.039 --> 00:22:57.200
Yeah.
00:22:57.359 --> 00:23:00.880
I mean, I was just looking at pictures of my boy and I'm like, how are you so grown up?
00:23:01.119 --> 00:23:03.359
You're as tall as me, you know.
00:23:03.680 --> 00:23:05.279
He can wear the same size shoes as me.
00:23:05.440 --> 00:23:05.759
Oh, yeah.
00:23:05.920 --> 00:23:06.240
I know.
00:23:06.319 --> 00:23:08.319
He will fully pass me up by the time he's 12.
00:23:08.400 --> 00:23:08.880
It's wild.
00:23:09.119 --> 00:23:09.279
Yeah.
00:23:09.359 --> 00:23:10.559
No, he drives me to school.
00:23:10.640 --> 00:23:15.599
And then this morning, but you know the how your phone gives you like the photo updates from however long it's like an eight-year ago photo.
00:23:16.559 --> 00:23:16.880
Uh-huh.
00:23:16.960 --> 00:23:17.920
Like the time hops.
00:23:18.079 --> 00:23:18.319
Yes.
00:23:18.400 --> 00:23:18.559
Yeah.
00:23:18.720 --> 00:23:18.960
Yes.
00:23:19.119 --> 00:23:20.880
Oh, well, you know, it's so funny.
00:23:21.039 --> 00:23:24.400
As we were, I was thinking about this topic of like questionable parenting decisions.
00:23:24.480 --> 00:23:28.160
And I was thinking, what are some of the things that would have people give me like the side eye?
00:23:28.319 --> 00:23:28.640
You know?
00:23:29.119 --> 00:23:30.400
And it's funny.
00:23:30.559 --> 00:23:36.880
We, this is probably not really that big of a deal at all, but we sent our kids to a Christian preschool.
00:23:37.039 --> 00:23:41.359
And their teacher was super sweet, but a little bit older and very conservative.
00:23:41.599 --> 00:23:49.279
And so when my son was there at like two and a half, he we've always really enjoyed like listening to music with him and playing stuff for him.
00:23:49.359 --> 00:23:52.880
And we had him listening to The Nightmare Before Christmas.
00:23:53.119 --> 00:23:54.240
He loved that album.
00:23:54.319 --> 00:23:54.880
And it's really fun.
00:23:54.960 --> 00:23:56.720
I mean, Danny Elfman did a great job.
00:23:57.039 --> 00:24:01.200
So we would listen to that with him and he memorized all the words.
00:24:01.279 --> 00:24:04.160
And I remember we'd be walking him into preschool.
00:24:04.319 --> 00:24:08.000
And here's this like two and a half year old repeating some of the lines.
00:24:08.079 --> 00:24:15.920
And he's like, And since I am dead, I can take off my head and recite Shakespearean quotations.
00:24:16.079 --> 00:24:24.400
And I'm like, this poor teacher is probably like, why isn't this little boy memorizing his memory verses that I'm sending home with him that have two words in them?
00:24:24.880 --> 00:24:32.000
But here's coming in singing about like dead corpses and I, Jack, the pumpkin king.
00:24:32.160 --> 00:24:36.319
I was like, well, we definitely, yeah, we're just whatever.
00:24:36.480 --> 00:24:39.839
You know, we're just living life, we're having fun, we're letting the kids have fun.
00:24:40.000 --> 00:24:43.759
And sometimes they repeat things that might make you feel a little embarrassed.
00:24:44.000 --> 00:24:45.119
It's what gets you by.
00:24:45.279 --> 00:24:50.799
I think, you know, that's really in the moment, you know, whether it's like I'm peeing, here's a show, right?
00:24:50.880 --> 00:24:51.279
Yes.
00:24:51.519 --> 00:24:53.519
It's it's whatever's gonna get you by.
00:24:53.680 --> 00:24:59.039
Because to your point, like the days are long and the years are very short.
00:24:59.359 --> 00:25:04.240
But those days that are long, you know, if you're, you know, sometimes you got to work to 11 p.m.
00:25:04.480 --> 00:25:09.200
or whatever it is, you know, but you also are balancing the kids in that stress level so high.
00:25:09.519 --> 00:25:12.559
You know, you've got bills to pay and all of the things in between.
00:25:12.640 --> 00:25:20.319
It's school starting, and I did an Instacart order the other day, and the Instacart person's like, oh, they're out of this supply, and it's all for school, it's all school supplies.
00:25:20.400 --> 00:25:23.200
And I'm like, they're sending me pictures and there's nothing in there.
00:25:23.279 --> 00:25:25.119
I'm like, Whoa, yes, I should have done this sooner.
00:25:25.359 --> 00:25:26.000
That's exactly.
00:25:26.160 --> 00:25:30.640
I took the kids to shop, like I guess way too late because literally the aisles are empty.
00:25:30.720 --> 00:25:32.480
And I was like, what the hell was I thinking?
00:25:32.720 --> 00:25:33.599
I was so behind.
00:25:34.319 --> 00:25:35.599
They talk about a parent fail up.
00:25:35.839 --> 00:25:36.079
Yes.
00:25:36.240 --> 00:25:40.799
And it did, I did Amazon a decent amount, which is another total parent hack and make it.
00:25:40.960 --> 00:25:41.839
It was such a lifesaver.
00:25:41.920 --> 00:25:49.119
I so I head to Amazon overnight, so much stuff because I was like, oh, I clearly did not get that taken care of in time.
00:25:49.279 --> 00:25:49.599
Yeah.
00:25:49.759 --> 00:25:50.160
Yeah.
00:25:50.319 --> 00:25:53.599
So, anyways, it's I don't even know where I was going with that thought.
00:25:53.680 --> 00:25:58.000
But well, no, just that the days are so long and that sometimes you just have to get through the day.
00:25:58.079 --> 00:26:01.279
And so sometimes you will find, I'm gonna call them strategies.
00:26:01.440 --> 00:26:04.319
I'm not gonna call them questionable parenting decisions, I'm gonna call them strategies.
00:26:04.480 --> 00:26:12.480
Sometimes you find something that works for you and your family and that works for your kids, and it actually helps make the days manageable and it helps make the days more positive.
00:26:12.640 --> 00:26:13.200
Oh, totally.
00:26:13.359 --> 00:26:15.279
And ultimately, like that's the goal.
00:26:15.440 --> 00:26:16.799
Well, also we're trying to have good days.
00:26:17.119 --> 00:26:28.240
Okay, just the thought, like this even brings up other things that it's so embarrassing that I've done, but it's just to stop like the the tantrums that I know will come or like the disappointment.
00:26:28.559 --> 00:26:29.359
Trying to keep the peace.
00:26:30.480 --> 00:26:34.240
Going into the store and you know, one of my kids saying, you know, we're at Target.
00:26:34.480 --> 00:26:35.039
Can I get this?
00:26:35.200 --> 00:26:37.440
Um, no, no, no, finally.
00:26:37.599 --> 00:26:39.920
Okay, just shut up, put in the cards.
00:26:40.160 --> 00:26:40.400
Yes.
00:26:40.559 --> 00:26:43.759
Or we're they love those kinder aches, and I always tell them no.
00:26:43.920 --> 00:26:45.519
And then we go to the checkout, please, mom.
00:26:45.759 --> 00:26:46.640
Okay, whatever, put it in.
00:26:46.720 --> 00:26:46.960
Yeah.
00:26:47.119 --> 00:26:53.599
You know, there's such a sense of mom guilt associated when you work that I feel like you make up with it financially.
00:26:53.680 --> 00:26:56.880
At least that's why I I mean, I everything in my life is monetary, unfortunately.
00:26:57.119 --> 00:26:58.319
I think it's pretty common though.
00:26:58.480 --> 00:27:00.319
I mean, I think this is a really common experience.
00:27:00.480 --> 00:27:00.720
Yeah.
00:27:00.880 --> 00:27:01.039
Yeah.
00:27:01.119 --> 00:27:03.839
There's a lot of things where it's, oh, I I messed up on this.
00:27:04.000 --> 00:27:06.880
Like, let me let me make up with let's move this over.
00:27:07.200 --> 00:27:07.519
Yeah.
00:27:07.599 --> 00:27:19.839
You know, I think the important takeaway is that your kids know that they're loved and that they know that everything that you're doing, you're doing it to try and keep them safe, keep them happy, you know, have a happy home.
00:27:20.079 --> 00:27:26.240
And honestly, I think that a lot of these things that I do, it is because we don't have day-to-day help.
00:27:26.319 --> 00:27:28.480
It is because we don't have a nanny.
00:27:28.640 --> 00:27:37.680
And, you know, especially like during the summer or on days when my husband works these long stretches, because, you know, sometimes he'll work between four and six nights in a row.
00:27:37.839 --> 00:27:44.400
And it's like, it's me and the kids for hours on end, sometimes a lot of time out of the house so that he can sleep.
00:27:44.559 --> 00:27:50.079
And if I didn't employ some of these strategies, I would be yelling at my kids a lot more.
00:27:50.240 --> 00:27:58.240
And just like, and as I'm thinking about how bad I felt earlier in the week when I had that moment where I lost my temper and I yelled at them, that feels terrible.
00:27:58.400 --> 00:28:00.000
And that feels bad for all of us.
00:28:00.240 --> 00:28:15.119
You know, so I would, I mean, honestly, I would pay all the money to try and avoid that, to be able to just have a happy day and have a day that is peaceful, where no one's crying, no one's yelling, where we can exist together happily.
00:28:15.519 --> 00:28:16.559
So funny that you say that.
00:28:16.640 --> 00:28:23.359
So this is definitely one of those moments, definitely questionable, but also it was a huge parent fail when my kids were smaller.
00:28:23.599 --> 00:28:27.680
I have a child that the words that come out of his mouth are a little too not good for his age.
00:28:27.759 --> 00:28:29.440
And he's always been that since he was little.
00:28:29.599 --> 00:28:32.480
And so, you know, we're we're all trying to break cycles, right?
00:28:33.039 --> 00:28:38.640
And the only thing I could result to when he was small was the maybe the bar of soap method would work.
00:28:39.119 --> 00:28:46.160
It was very stupid, but it I was I was so at the end of that like that rope, you know, like you're talking about.
00:28:46.319 --> 00:28:51.119
And so I put that bar of soap in his mouth and just the look on his eyes, it like immediately took it back out.
00:28:51.279 --> 00:28:52.559
I was like, Oh, that was horrible, right?
00:28:52.640 --> 00:28:59.920
Yeah, but my kids just were laughing about it the other day because they were telling me all these stories about their friends' parents, and they were like, You guys are actually really awesome.
00:29:00.160 --> 00:29:06.000
Like you guys don't like because we don't we actually don't do like my kids rarely ever have been like sent to their room, right?
00:29:06.160 --> 00:29:10.240
It's just like a we we will say, go take a minute and calm down when you're ready.
00:29:10.319 --> 00:29:16.240
Yes, but we don't do like punishments, like we we do conversations in our house and like we work through things, anyways.
00:29:16.319 --> 00:29:19.119
Long story short, we're having that conversation talking through things.
00:29:19.359 --> 00:29:22.960
And my son Christian said, you know, you've only yelled a few times.
00:29:23.119 --> 00:29:25.519
We've only really heard you raise your voice a few times.
00:29:25.680 --> 00:29:35.359
He's like, and the funny thing is, he said, that isn't even what's not scary, but he said, What you know makes me like sad or anything.
00:29:35.599 --> 00:29:40.960
He said, I feel bad when I I know I've disappointed you and you've like you've expressed that.
00:29:41.119 --> 00:29:46.960
And I thought that was so interesting because it doesn't have to be this whole like intense, you know what I mean?
00:29:47.119 --> 00:29:48.960
I was like, oh, for him to express that to me.
00:29:49.119 --> 00:29:53.039
Like it made me feel like, oh, like I know Yeah, they're actually pretty perceptive.
00:29:53.279 --> 00:29:53.440
Yeah.
00:29:53.599 --> 00:29:58.240
And that actually kind of gives you some insight to like, wow, they are catching more than they let on.
00:29:58.559 --> 00:29:58.720
Yeah.
00:29:59.039 --> 00:29:59.359
Yeah.
00:29:59.599 --> 00:30:07.039
And they're understanding more that they can understand the deep disappointment that something causes you versus like anger, you know, or frustration.
00:30:07.440 --> 00:30:07.839
For sure.
00:30:08.000 --> 00:30:08.240
Yeah.
00:30:08.400 --> 00:30:20.240
So it's like a it was a good reminder to, you know, try to keep the calm and be more communicative in terms of like, hey, this was not okay and this bothered me, and you know, you know, your behavior, whatever the situation is.
00:30:20.480 --> 00:30:21.839
Yeah, that's that's goals.
00:30:22.480 --> 00:30:23.680
I definitely have goals on that.
00:30:23.839 --> 00:30:25.759
I will say I'm Latina.
00:30:25.920 --> 00:30:29.519
I was raised by a Latina family, my family, at least my generation.
00:30:29.680 --> 00:30:33.680
There was a lot of vocalization, there was a lot of yelling.
00:30:33.839 --> 00:30:35.920
And it was like very commonplace and very normal.
00:30:36.000 --> 00:30:47.680
And so that's been like a really hard habit to break, and something that I've really worked on in counseling is like separate yourself, go take 30 seconds, go get a couple of deep breaths in, and then like approach the kids, you know?
00:30:47.759 --> 00:30:53.200
And that's one of the reasons where I will say that I do try and use like their bedrooms, or I'll send them outside for a minute, right?
00:30:53.279 --> 00:30:58.799
I'm like hard reset, go outside for a minute, you go take your space from her, from me.
00:30:58.960 --> 00:31:04.799
Let's the three of us each have space and just breathe away from each other where we're not gonna get angry with each other.
00:31:04.880 --> 00:31:12.720
And that's something I definitely need to and I'm trying to employ more because I do feel like if we can all just get space from each other, then we can calm down.
00:31:12.960 --> 00:31:15.519
We can all regulate ourselves and our emotions.
00:31:15.920 --> 00:31:21.599
And then, like when we talk and approach each other, then it's like so much more in love and much more peaceful.
00:31:21.839 --> 00:31:22.160
Yeah.
00:31:22.480 --> 00:31:27.759
Yeah, no, I agree with that because the house that I grew up in was very, I call it violent, it was very abusive, right?
00:31:27.839 --> 00:31:33.279
It was the belt, it was like whatever they could grab, and it was all of us, and it was free, it was a stupid abusive.
00:31:33.519 --> 00:31:37.039
Like we had the police at our house multiple times and it was like on all levels.
00:31:37.200 --> 00:31:40.400
So when I grew up, I knew I would never want to be that parent, right?
00:31:40.799 --> 00:31:47.759
But the irony is is when you start parenting, it's like an instant reaction because that's like what you think.
00:31:48.079 --> 00:31:50.319
It's ingrained, it's ingrained in such a big level.
00:31:50.400 --> 00:31:56.640
But when it comes that you like you instantly, like it's like this like revolt feeling where you're like, all right, I want to do this, but I don't want to do this.
00:31:56.880 --> 00:32:08.160
And so it took me a few years to be like, this is so I would when I would get upset, it wasn't my kids, I would remove myself from the situation to calm myself down because I was like, why do I have this feeling?
00:32:08.240 --> 00:32:12.160
And I knew it wasn't me, it was just like this trained, you know what I mean, reaction.
00:32:12.319 --> 00:32:13.440
Yeah, no, it's terrible.
00:32:13.599 --> 00:32:15.680
It's really hard to break cycles of the past.
00:32:15.920 --> 00:32:20.319
I am grateful that my life is smoother and better than like my parents was able to be.
00:32:20.400 --> 00:32:27.440
I am so hopeful that with the tools I've learned, I can help impart some of that to my children so that they can have an even happier and healthier life.
00:32:27.599 --> 00:32:27.839
Yeah.
00:32:28.000 --> 00:32:30.000
I am just hoping for some generational change.
00:32:30.640 --> 00:32:33.680
And I know that it has to start somewhere and it does have to start with me.
00:32:33.759 --> 00:32:36.559
It's hard, it's really challenging, but it's tough.
00:32:36.640 --> 00:32:39.839
Like, I just want to show up and be the best parent that I can for my kids.
00:32:40.000 --> 00:32:45.519
I feel like that is my deepest wish always is I want to be a good parent to my kids.
00:32:45.599 --> 00:32:46.960
I want them to know that they are loved.
00:32:47.039 --> 00:32:47.200
Yeah.
00:32:47.359 --> 00:32:51.359
I want them to know that they are safe, and I want them to know that that's not conditional.
00:32:51.519 --> 00:32:51.759
Yeah.
00:32:52.000 --> 00:32:54.640
Have you ever talked to them about your childhood?
00:32:55.200 --> 00:33:01.039
My kids know I don't have a relationship with my family, and my kids know why, and they know things of my childhood.
00:33:01.599 --> 00:33:06.720
And that was actually part of the communication we had with that, you know, soap story and everything and the other kids' parents and things.
00:33:06.960 --> 00:33:13.599
And they know how different we are, and that we are like, I've never put a hand on my kid, like ever.
00:33:13.839 --> 00:33:16.960
And so that they know that it's very different.
00:33:17.039 --> 00:33:21.119
And so for them, and they hear friends' stories, especially as they've gotten older.
00:33:21.200 --> 00:33:27.680
And so there's a sense of deep gratitude for how we do things in our house, despite the fact that they're kids and they get frustrated with us and everything else.
00:33:27.920 --> 00:33:32.640
But I think that employs a level of gratitude for the way that we parent and things like that.
00:33:32.799 --> 00:33:35.119
The patience for sure, and like the ability to do it.
00:33:35.200 --> 00:33:39.200
I mean, I've been doing it for 16 years, so it's definitely every year you get better as a parent, right?
00:33:39.359 --> 00:33:44.640
Like Christian got the worst version of me as a parent, and then my daughter's getting the best version of me because you get better.
00:33:44.880 --> 00:33:54.880
But I definitely think talking to them about what you experienced as a child, how you're trying to change that is so helpful because it really has changed that.
00:33:55.200 --> 00:33:56.160
That's a really interesting point.
00:33:56.240 --> 00:33:57.920
Because I also like my husband knows that, right?
00:33:58.000 --> 00:34:00.240
Obviously, he and I have talked about it extensively.
00:34:00.319 --> 00:34:04.319
He knows what my childhood was like and why I have learned, unfortunately, some of these bad habits.
00:34:04.400 --> 00:34:04.559
Yeah.
00:34:04.720 --> 00:34:05.440
But that is interesting.
00:34:05.519 --> 00:34:06.960
I've never talked to my kids about it.
00:34:07.039 --> 00:34:09.599
I mean, I have told them in the past, like, hey, I got spanked.
00:34:10.159 --> 00:34:13.679
We're very fortunate that your mom and dad are very careful and we don't spank you.
00:34:13.760 --> 00:34:15.039
Like, that's not what we do.
00:34:15.199 --> 00:34:17.599
But beyond that, I haven't really had a real conversation with them.
00:34:17.679 --> 00:34:24.239
And they are old enough now where they could totally understand something like that or at least start to grasp it, you know, as we talk about it.
00:34:24.400 --> 00:34:26.000
So that's an interesting point.
00:34:26.239 --> 00:34:28.559
Well, maybe we start to wrap up.
00:34:28.719 --> 00:34:29.039
Yeah.
00:34:29.360 --> 00:34:33.199
I think the moral of the story today is that parenting is hard.
00:34:33.519 --> 00:34:36.159
And sometimes you have to do what you can to get by.
00:34:36.880 --> 00:34:38.639
And it's okay to talk about it.
00:34:38.800 --> 00:34:40.079
It's okay to normalize it.
00:34:40.239 --> 00:34:42.800
We are all out there just doing the best that we can.
00:34:43.039 --> 00:34:51.440
And let's try and cast a little less shade on other parents and instead just let them know, hey, I've done some of this too, you know, or hey, that that's an interesting approach.
00:34:51.599 --> 00:34:53.280
Maybe I'll talk about it in my tell me more.
00:34:53.360 --> 00:34:55.679
Yeah, maybe I'll talk that in my back pocket for next time.
00:34:56.079 --> 00:34:56.480
Exactly.
00:34:56.559 --> 00:34:59.679
Or don't be afraid to be there for someone who is going through it, right?
00:34:59.760 --> 00:35:00.480
Because it's hard.
00:35:00.719 --> 00:35:01.039
Exactly.
00:35:01.199 --> 00:35:06.159
And make space for them to like talk about it and talk about how fucking hard being a parent can be.
00:35:06.320 --> 00:35:09.039
Honestly, it is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.
00:35:09.280 --> 00:35:12.559
And it's like make the space for people to be able to say that.
00:35:12.639 --> 00:35:13.039
Yeah.
00:35:13.280 --> 00:35:16.159
And just express that it's hard that we don't all have it figured out.
00:35:16.239 --> 00:35:18.320
And that's exactly because we don't have it figured out.
00:35:18.400 --> 00:35:20.079
We are learning as we go along.
00:35:20.159 --> 00:35:23.599
And like you said, I think just one note on that, because it just triggered something.
00:35:23.679 --> 00:35:23.840
Yeah.
00:35:24.000 --> 00:35:31.199
You know, there are kids, like kids put on their best show typically for everybody else, and then they put on their worst for the family at home.
00:35:31.760 --> 00:35:32.639
So you never know.
00:35:32.800 --> 00:35:35.840
So everyone always sees like the great, never, oh, your kid's so lovely.
00:35:35.920 --> 00:35:37.679
It's so great, school, family, whatever.
00:35:37.840 --> 00:35:41.440
But at home, the parents always take the brunt and then you're already worn out.
00:35:41.599 --> 00:35:48.079
And so I think that's where that really comes in, where you commiserate, you share, you know, whatever that is.
00:35:48.239 --> 00:35:55.519
I think that's really where it helps because people don't know that bratty, nasty, you know, kid at home that comes out because it does.
00:35:55.840 --> 00:35:57.840
They don't know what we're all actually dealing with.
00:35:57.920 --> 00:35:58.079
Yeah.
00:35:58.239 --> 00:35:58.320
Yeah.
00:35:58.400 --> 00:36:02.079
And it's nice to sometimes know that it's reassuring to know, like, wow, I'm not the only one going through this.
00:36:02.480 --> 00:36:11.440
Or other parents struggle, or other parents lose their cool, or other parents pay their kids to give them a little bit of quiet because they know that they need it.
00:36:11.760 --> 00:36:14.320
So we hope that you'll come back next week.
00:36:14.480 --> 00:36:22.400
And in the meantime, like and subscribe, leave us a review and let us know what you're thinking and what we can add to this podcast to, you know, make it better for you.
00:36:22.559 --> 00:36:22.719
Yeah.
00:36:22.960 --> 00:36:23.679
Thanks for listening.
00:36:24.000 --> 00:36:24.480
Bye.
00:36:24.880 --> 00:36:26.880
Thanks for listening to Messy as Hell.
00:36:27.039 --> 00:36:29.440
Until next time, stay messy.