00:00:04Navigating Life's Unexpected Challenges
00:07:10Preparing for Health Emergencies
00:17:54Navigating a Brain Tumor Diagnosis
00:24:20Support and Care During Recovery
00:38:22Gratitude and Connection
ABOUT THIS EPISODE
We would love to hear from you, send us a text!
What would you do if your intuition told you not to board the flight that could define your career?
In this deeply human episode of MasterStroke: The Leadership Playbook for Real Life, Executive Producer Georgianna Moreland and Host Monica Enand welcome co-host Sejal Pietrzak back to the studio as she shares an astonishing real-life decision that changed not only her life—but her husband’s.
Standing at the gate, moments before scanning her boarding pass for a critical business trip, Sejal’s intuition told her to stop. That instinct led to a life-altering discovery—a medical crisis that might have gone unnoticed had she stepped onto that plane.
Through heartfelt conversation, Georgianna, Monica, and Sejal unpack:
•How instinct and intuition play a vital role in leadership and decision-making.
•Ways to support team members through medical or family emergencies.
•How to create psychologically safe workplaces through empathy and flexibility.
•The leadership lessons that emerge when personal and professional worlds collide.
This is an episode for leaders, founders, executives, and anyone balancing ambition with humanity. It’s a story about listening when it matters most—and leading from the inside out.
MasterStroke is where leadership meets lived experience. Subscribe for powerful stories, executive insights, and strategies that build resilience, culture, and purpose-driven performance in an ever-changing world.
Georgianna Moreland - Creator, Executive Producer & Managing Editor;
Matt Stoker - Editor
English
United States
SHOW NOTES 🔗
TRANSCRIPT 🔗
WEBVTT
00:00:04.147 --> 00:00:13.608
I wanted to just be optimistic and for me knowledge reduced the fear and anxiety, because the fear of the unknown is the scariest thing.
00:00:13.608 --> 00:00:19.092
We found out in July early July that my husband was diagnosed with a brain tumor.
00:00:22.481 --> 00:00:27.778
Welcome to Masterstroke with Monica Enid and Sejal Patrzak Music.
00:00:33.348 --> 00:00:36.395
Welcome to another episode of Masterstroke.
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We have an incredibly special episode.
00:00:39.179 --> 00:00:46.036
We have all three of the Masterstroke sisters back and in front of the camera and online.
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I'm so glad that my co-host, sejal, is back.
00:00:49.603 --> 00:00:58.125
Welcome back, sejal, hello Glad to be here yes, me too, and in front of the camera, not just behind the scenes.
00:00:58.125 --> 00:01:01.412
Today we have joining us Georgiana Moreland.
00:01:02.539 --> 00:01:04.887
Yes, welcome, welcome, welcome you guys.
00:01:04.887 --> 00:01:10.368
And for those of you that don't know me, you hear me in the announcement I'm executive producer, all of that stuff.
00:01:10.368 --> 00:01:17.891
Sejal and Monica we started talking about potentially doing a podcast a year ago September of 2023.
00:01:17.891 --> 00:01:24.593
And in that time, we've also welcomed a guest co-host, ned Renzi, and Ned has stepped in.
00:01:24.593 --> 00:01:32.090
Sejal's had to step away for a little bit and we would love for her to tell us a little bit about that today.
00:01:32.870 --> 00:02:07.637
As I reflect back on the year, I think about all the things we've tried to share in terms of the infrastructure that we, sejal and I, have had to learn over the years and accumulate over the years in terms of making us productive and able to balance all of the demands of our lives, and we've shared with you our tips and tricks, our calendar planning, the ways we delegate, the way we work and how we plan and how we plan and you know, I really love the quote that Mike Tyson said.
00:02:07.697 --> 00:02:15.306
You know, everyone has a plan until you get punched in the face and I don't know if.
00:02:15.507 --> 00:02:17.655
Mike Tyson really said that, but he did, and it's actually punched in the mouth.
00:02:17.655 --> 00:02:20.201
Oh, punched in the mouth, Okay, All right.
00:02:20.201 --> 00:02:22.647
So Mike Tyson did say it, you heard it here.
00:02:22.647 --> 00:02:31.481
I always wondered if it was a thing but but people always say you know, it's nice to have a plan until you get punched in the mouth, and you know.
00:02:31.481 --> 00:02:35.631
I think that's an important topic because life happens to everyone.
00:02:35.631 --> 00:02:36.941
We want to talk about that.
00:02:36.941 --> 00:02:41.532
What happens to your plan and how do you function when you get punched in the mouth?
00:02:41.532 --> 00:02:46.300
Sejal, do you want to share with us what's happened recently in your family.
00:02:46.602 --> 00:03:00.614
You know we found out in July, early July, that my husband was diagnosed with a brain tumor and you know, luckily it was not cancer, but it has been a crazy couple of months.
00:03:00.614 --> 00:03:14.146
You know we were just talking last night that it's been nine, a little over nine weeks since his surgery and I'll tell you it feels like nine months, or maybe even longer than nine months, even though it's only been nine weeks.
00:03:15.209 --> 00:03:18.222
Yeah, tell us a little bit about how you learned that this happened.
00:03:19.723 --> 00:03:21.546
You know it's so interesting.
00:03:21.866 --> 00:03:39.247
I definitely noticed, you know, change in personality, more lethargy, just a different person in terms of lack of emotional connection compared to what my husband used to be, and it was gradual over years.
00:03:39.247 --> 00:03:45.219
And so when it's so gradual, it's so hard to notice truly and you think, oh well, it's so hard to notice truly.
00:03:45.219 --> 00:03:49.828
And you think, oh well, we're getting older, maybe that's just the way we are now.
00:03:49.828 --> 00:04:12.288
Or, oh, you know, things are different in our relationship with his relationship with his family, with his friends, with everybody around work, colleagues, and maybe it's just that you know things are changing but you don't realize that sometimes that change can actually be something that's quite a big underlying issue, and so it's really important to keep checking.
00:04:12.288 --> 00:04:36.093
And even though you know we went to our doctor and had annual blood work, had the regular physicals and everything would turn out perfect, but you got to still follow your gut instinct and say, well, maybe it's not, and then try to figure out what it is if you feel that something is not right.
00:04:36.093 --> 00:04:38.547
And so that's what happened.
00:04:39.399 --> 00:04:47.603
Yeah, no, and I think I hear you on the gradual thing, because there is this tumor and it is growing gradually right Over how many years?
00:04:48.206 --> 00:04:48.848
They don't know.
00:04:48.848 --> 00:04:53.029
They said it could be anywhere from a handful of years to 20 years.
00:04:53.029 --> 00:04:54.622
You don't know and it doesn't.
00:04:54.622 --> 00:05:01.355
You know it doesn't really affect you necessarily, because the body is so resilient.
00:05:01.355 --> 00:05:12.899
And so when the tumor was growing and growing, growing it's such a small and it's pushing the brain and you know there were small little changes that I noticed.
00:05:12.899 --> 00:05:19.163
And then you know, little by little it got worse and you could notice things even more.
00:05:19.163 --> 00:05:30.752
And so I would just say for anybody if you see changes in your family member, start asking what could be.
00:05:31.612 --> 00:05:44.911
Sejal, tell us about how you actually found it, because you were intuitive, you knew he was just off, something was different, but what action did you take to actually find it?
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Tell us about you getting on that flight, because that to me has just really stuck in my mind.
00:05:49.540 --> 00:06:18.165
There's a quote in the Ernest Hemingway book the Sun Also Rises where somebody's talking about how did something happen in the book and one of the characters says slowly at first and then all of a sudden, for him it was so gradual at first and then all of a sudden things were different.
00:06:18.165 --> 00:06:24.367
And when we were going through that, all of a sudden, my gut instinct was telling me that something was wrong.
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I had to fly to a board meeting, actually, and I was, you know, I packed up and it just it felt like some.
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It just felt like today was not a great day to be out of state and I was going up to the Northeast and I live in Texas.
00:06:42.810 --> 00:07:10.464
And I got to the airport and I was about to board the flight and the next thing I knew I was walking towards the gate agent to give my boarding pass on my phone, and I literally just turned around, walked out of the airport, got into an Uber and all of a sudden I was on my way home and I canceled my flight, you know.
00:07:10.745 --> 00:07:27.194
And and that day, when I got home, I started making calls and that all led to the next steps over the next two weeks, which then led to us finding the tumor.
00:07:27.194 --> 00:07:31.069
And then you know the surgery, and you know again it's being proactive.
00:07:31.069 --> 00:07:37.680
And even though everything seemed fine, I said there's got to be something wrong.
00:07:37.680 --> 00:07:44.687
And we scheduled for a full body MRI and again it was being persistent.
00:07:44.687 --> 00:07:48.963
For a full body MRI, and again it was being persistent.
00:07:48.963 --> 00:07:52.250
They told us it might be a few weeks before we would get the um, get the MRI done.
00:07:52.250 --> 00:07:55.802
And I just kept saying, can any any chance we can do it sooner?
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And we were able to get an appointment, um, through a cancellation or whatever, the very next day.
00:08:01.204 --> 00:08:04.781
So you went to this full body MRI, which, thank goodness, you have the privilege to do.
00:08:04.781 --> 00:08:06.225
This is not covered by insurance.
00:08:06.225 --> 00:08:07.026
Is that correct?
00:08:07.026 --> 00:08:07.990
It was not.
00:08:07.990 --> 00:08:20.653
I mean, we're all thankful for our privilege that we have access to things in the medical system that not everybody does, and I always remember that because I think our medical system is really hard to navigate.
00:08:20.653 --> 00:08:27.721
But, thank goodness, you have the skills and the resources and so you got this full-body MRI.
00:08:27.721 --> 00:08:30.766
Tell us about what that day was like.
00:08:30.766 --> 00:08:34.520
You went there, you know you said blood tests were fine.
00:08:34.520 --> 00:08:39.993
All of the other medical exams diagnostic exams come back fine, clean, full of health.
00:08:39.993 --> 00:08:43.988
What were you thinking when you went and got the MRI and how did?
00:08:44.008 --> 00:08:44.128
it go.
00:08:44.128 --> 00:08:46.533
What were you thinking when you went and got the MRI?
00:08:46.533 --> 00:08:47.535
And how did it go?
00:08:47.535 --> 00:08:49.139
Well, I wasn't there.
00:08:52.379 --> 00:08:56.679
My husband went on his own and it was a Saturday and you know they had told me, hey, it'll be, you know, 15 business days, up to 15 business days before you'd get any results.
00:08:56.679 --> 00:09:03.260
So I wasn't thinking anything and I said to my husband hey, it's like 20 minute drive away when you're on your way home.
00:09:03.260 --> 00:09:05.640
Let's go, let's meet up for lunch.
00:09:05.640 --> 00:09:05.860
And?
00:09:05.860 --> 00:09:15.690
And he said, great, and I had actually offered to take him, but he said, no, I can go by myself, and he calls me on his way back.
00:09:15.690 --> 00:09:18.634
And I said, oh, great, I said you want to meet for lunch?
00:09:18.634 --> 00:09:33.504
And he said actually, you know, as I was leaving the MRI, the doctor came in and said we found a brain mass and we need you to go directly to the emergency room and there is a trauma.
00:09:33.644 --> 00:09:42.011
One hospital, you know, five minutes from our house, and the doctor at the MRI place had literally called ahead.
00:09:42.011 --> 00:09:54.225
And so my husband came home, I, we literally got straight into the car, went straight over to the emergency room at the hospital and in 10 minutes he was already in a bed.
00:09:54.225 --> 00:10:07.235
Um, you know, doctors had already come and seen him and all of a sudden you're starting to think, wow, this is not, this is so serious and thank goodness we found it when we did.
00:10:07.235 --> 00:10:12.591
You know who knows right what could have happened.
00:10:20.100 --> 00:10:22.750
Sato, I mean, life was happening at the same time.
00:10:22.750 --> 00:10:26.431
Your freshman daughter was on her way home from college, from freshman year.
00:10:26.431 --> 00:10:42.783
You have a son that just finished his junior year, so the preparation for going to college, I mean just you were in the middle of all of that and you know, I have to also applaud John for listening to you and going for the scan, because the person who's sick doesn't really see what's happening, right, that's right.
00:10:42.783 --> 00:10:44.865
Because the person who's sick doesn't really see what's happening, right, that's right.
00:10:44.865 --> 00:10:54.615
So, and a lot of times they think you're nagging, or I mean, you know I'm not throwing any shade on men, but sometimes they're not the easiest to get to the doctor, right?
00:10:55.181 --> 00:11:12.341
Yeah, I think everyone's that way when they're talking about their own, because what you're talking largely the symptoms, as I understand what you've said is mostly like personality changes, right, it's not like someone's puking blood or something Like.
00:11:12.482 --> 00:11:17.813
It's not some obvious symptom, right, it's a, and it's so gradual over how many years, you know, you don't know, and so you know I think.
00:11:17.813 --> 00:11:20.403
I think the it is.
00:11:20.403 --> 00:11:40.745
It goes back to the thing you started with Monica to answer your question, georgiana which is you've got life happening and sometimes, with so much happening in your life, people might say I don't have time for this medical procedure right now or I don't have time, I'm sure it's fine, we'll get through it.
00:11:40.745 --> 00:11:44.309
Oh, we've got vacation coming up, we've got something.
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Get through it.
00:11:47.140 --> 00:11:48.525
Oh, we've got vacation coming up, we've got something.
00:11:48.525 --> 00:11:49.268
But you've got to take the time.
00:11:49.288 --> 00:11:57.373
I mean, my advice and my learning on this whole thing is you know, I sometimes wish, wow, I wish I had done this sooner when I started seeing some of the changes Even earlier.
00:11:57.373 --> 00:12:03.884
You can't second guess, you can't go back and ultimately it's all worked out great and the surgery was successful.
00:12:03.884 --> 00:12:16.011
So you go back and you say I wouldn't change a thing now, but the sooner you can do it the better, because you never know, and you know I think the biggest thing is we all kind of take health for granted.
00:12:16.011 --> 00:12:17.464
There's always something.
00:12:17.484 --> 00:12:21.542
Yeah, there's always going to be something, but you got it the most important thing in our lives is health, the whole.
00:12:21.581 --> 00:12:24.524
Thing it happens so quickly in our lives is health the whole thing.
00:12:24.524 --> 00:12:24.986
It happens so quickly.
00:12:24.986 --> 00:12:26.373
I mean he goes to the appointment you're planning to go to lunch.
00:12:26.373 --> 00:12:27.740
They send him straight to the emergency room.
00:12:27.740 --> 00:12:35.282
They started him on medication and started the procedure to get him ready for surgery so quickly, were you?
00:12:35.282 --> 00:12:37.065
How do I ask this?
00:12:37.065 --> 00:12:39.889
Were you organized?
00:12:39.889 --> 00:12:41.152
Did you know where?
00:12:41.152 --> 00:12:43.020
Who handled the finances in the house?
00:12:43.020 --> 00:12:45.971
Who handled all of the details of everything?
00:12:45.971 --> 00:12:54.470
I mean because we hear horror stories of you know husband goes to play basketball, falls down of a heart attack and the wife is like, oh my God, he handled everything.
00:12:54.470 --> 00:12:59.392
I have no idea where you know our bank is or any of those details.
00:13:00.980 --> 00:13:31.711
Yeah, it's interesting because you know, my husband is in finance, a former CPA, both in the house and out of the house, and, and you know, managing the finances was one that he did.
00:13:31.711 --> 00:13:34.047
I mean, I didn't even, I didn't even look at my paychecks.
00:13:34.047 --> 00:13:35.883
He handled all of that I didn't look at.
00:13:35.883 --> 00:13:37.889
You know, I didn't do any of that stuff.
00:13:38.120 --> 00:13:40.467
It's important to share, because you and I are in the same boat.
00:13:40.467 --> 00:13:41.530
We have both.
00:13:41.530 --> 00:13:51.691
I mean, we've sold companies for billions of dollars, we've managed massive budgets, we've managed massive P&Ls, we've raised money.
00:13:51.691 --> 00:13:54.235
We've done all these things.
00:13:54.235 --> 00:13:58.653
We both have a division of labor in our marriage, just like everyone does.
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My husband also handles all of our personal finances.
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He always did, and, and he's better at it Now.
00:14:04.456 --> 00:14:13.845
We periodically sit down and review it, um, and we have done that since the marriage began, but, but really it's been his department.
00:14:13.926 --> 00:14:18.948
Now, of course, if I were to go, he wouldn't even know how to wash his clothes, but but that's like the lesson.
00:14:18.948 --> 00:14:20.033
He really wouldn't.
00:14:20.033 --> 00:14:24.225
He would have no idea how to operate the laundry, cause I don't want him to touch the laundry.
00:14:24.225 --> 00:14:28.331
But here's the thing like that's a very real.
00:14:28.331 --> 00:14:31.523
Like Georgiana went right to the like, very real.
00:14:31.523 --> 00:14:34.571
Like, okay, something very real could happen.
00:14:34.571 --> 00:14:36.967
And now you have two children that are dependent on you.
00:14:36.967 --> 00:14:45.471
You have parents his parents, you have your dad, you have all kinds of people that potentially dependent on you.
00:14:45.471 --> 00:14:48.201
Um, how do you?
00:14:48.201 --> 00:14:49.966
How did you?
00:14:50.148 --> 00:14:50.708
think about that.
00:14:50.708 --> 00:14:51.270
What did you do?
00:14:51.270 --> 00:15:05.852
It's a lesson, another lesson learned, which is you know, make sure you've got access to everything, um, and that you know, uh, you know if you're the spouse, that you know where your finances are.
00:15:05.852 --> 00:15:11.529
You know how to access your bank accounts, that your name is on every bank account.
00:15:11.529 --> 00:15:12.873
I started making a list.
00:15:12.873 --> 00:15:19.943
Here are all the things I just literally wrote it down on a piece of paper that I want to make sure I talked to John about before.
00:15:19.943 --> 00:15:25.691
You know he goes into surgery, and one of those was okay, let's talk about where all of our finances are.
00:15:25.691 --> 00:15:26.049
What are all the passwords?
00:15:26.049 --> 00:15:27.192
You know he goes into surgery and one of those was okay, let's talk about where all of our finances are.
00:15:27.192 --> 00:15:28.134
What are all the passwords?
00:15:28.134 --> 00:15:30.720
You know there's all this multi-factor authentication.
00:15:30.720 --> 00:15:33.767
Now you know there's passwords that you need.
00:15:33.767 --> 00:15:37.203
Luckily, we have a password manager, so you can.
00:15:37.203 --> 00:15:38.249
You know there's online.
00:15:38.249 --> 00:15:48.755
You know apps that you can use for that kind of stuff, but I needed to make sure I knew exactly where all that stuff was, and you need to know the nitty gritty and you need to be on every account.
00:15:48.755 --> 00:15:52.350
You need to have access to everything, and so when he started.
00:15:52.350 --> 00:15:53.374
I asked him the question.
00:15:53.374 --> 00:15:55.373
I was like look, you're going into surgery tomorrow.
00:15:55.373 --> 00:16:00.056
I assume everything will be great, but I need to know.
00:16:00.056 --> 00:16:08.297
And I literally video recorded him talking Because I knew I wouldn't remember it all, especially when you've got so much else going on.
00:16:08.297 --> 00:16:10.808
And that's actually a really valuable thing.
00:16:10.808 --> 00:16:23.192
We all have phones, we all have video on our phones and even though he was just sitting on the couch, he wasn't behind a desk, he wasn't behind a computer, he wasn't going to do any of that stuff, but he just talked.
00:16:23.192 --> 00:16:38.436
Any spouse that's out there, if you don't have all of that understanding specifically on the finances, I would I definitely roll up your sleeves and and get in there and understand what's happening.
00:16:38.436 --> 00:16:38.917
You know what?
00:16:38.976 --> 00:16:40.471
and that's a wake-up call for everyone.
00:16:40.471 --> 00:16:45.971
And I'm glad that you say any spouse, because it's not a male female thing, it's not that the male is handling.
00:16:45.971 --> 00:16:49.197
I mean, that could happen to anyone at any time.
00:16:49.197 --> 00:16:57.427
So it's a wake-up call, right To just be more aware because life happens, life gets busy and we really need to take the time to understand the nitty-gritty.
00:17:04.334 --> 00:17:18.873
Given that we just talked about all those things going on in your life, sejal, I want you to share with us emotionally, like were you just in survival mode and like, okay, I gotta get this done.
00:17:18.873 --> 00:17:21.173
Like everybody has a different stress response.
00:17:21.173 --> 00:17:34.571
Tell us about your stress response, like from the moment that you, like somebody calls you and says your husband calls you and says I have a brain mass and I've got to go to the hospital immediately, I don't even know.
00:17:34.571 --> 00:17:43.315
I can't even have enough empathy to put myself in that position to know how I would function.
00:17:43.315 --> 00:17:45.318
I can't imagine functioning.
00:17:46.246 --> 00:17:52.686
You can't imagine it until you're doing it, and when you're doing it, you just get into the mode of okay.
00:17:52.686 --> 00:17:58.776
In some ways it was great to know why.
00:17:58.776 --> 00:18:06.715
You know the personality changes, the you know you're like okay, it was almost validating, to say, my gut instinct.
00:18:06.715 --> 00:18:15.517
I'm so thankful and grateful that we found out what it was after a bunch of different tests and blood tests and everything, and nothing was coming back.
00:18:15.517 --> 00:18:18.548
But now you know what it is.
00:18:18.548 --> 00:18:31.135
So, number one, there's a little bit of a sense of relief that and it's not relief in a great way because it's still oh, my God, what's going to happen, but it's at least okay.
00:18:31.135 --> 00:18:38.009
Now this and we double checked with the doctor were these personality did, all of these things?
00:18:38.009 --> 00:18:41.018
That is it because of the brain tumor?
00:18:41.018 --> 00:18:48.295
And he said actually, yes, frontal lobe brain tumor, all of those things you experienced and you are experiencing is because of the tumor.
00:18:48.295 --> 00:18:50.608
So you have an answer.
00:18:50.608 --> 00:18:57.015
But now you've got to get through the part of how do you actually manage it all?
00:18:57.015 --> 00:18:58.170
You should ask for help.
00:18:58.665 --> 00:19:07.233
So I immediately texted a very close friend of mine and she's a doctor, and I said here's what's happening.
00:19:07.233 --> 00:19:10.672
What are some of the things we should do.
00:19:10.672 --> 00:19:23.717
Um, I connected with our doctor, um, our primary care doctor, and and she also gave us a lot of great information, uh, on on suggesting you know things, things to think about and do.
00:19:23.717 --> 00:19:35.963
And then, um, uh, my husband's brother and his wife, um, they're scientists and doctor, and so we're lucky that we've got these people around us and and they did a bunch of research on what is this.
00:19:35.963 --> 00:19:37.930
Oh, this is a brain tumor, it's meningioma.
00:19:37.930 --> 00:19:42.084
Okay, what, what are the different diagnoses?
00:19:42.284 --> 00:19:49.297
Having that support network and even if it's not doctors, just talk to people that you're closest with.
00:19:49.297 --> 00:19:59.847
Sometimes, you know, it's interesting because my husband, you know, is, you know, initially was like, oh, we're not, let's not tell anybody.
00:19:59.847 --> 00:20:02.055
And I'm like, well, I've already told people, you know.
00:20:02.055 --> 00:20:32.109
I mean, because you have to tell, you have to realize that you have a community, you have people, they want to support you, they want to be there for you, and that's not something I normally have never experienced before, in the sense that I've always thought you kind of, I don't know, I'm not one who, you know, says I want everyone in the community to help, but they do want to help and they are there for you and you would do it for them.
00:20:32.270 --> 00:20:41.847
I love you saying that, sejal, because you have a tremendous network of friends, right, like tremendous, but, on the same token, you're always doing for everyone.
00:20:41.847 --> 00:20:48.031
I mean, you're a doer, you're an action person, right, you take care of a lot of things, people and everything.
00:20:48.031 --> 00:20:58.307
So, in order to tap into infrastructure, which we spoke about in an earlier episode, to call and I'll say her name Dr Mary Yang, to say Mary, this is what's going on.
00:20:58.307 --> 00:20:59.429
I need help.
00:20:59.429 --> 00:21:00.833
I can't understand this.
00:21:00.833 --> 00:21:16.174
Can you help me navigate this right To tap into your infrastructure, your network, and to know that you are loved and people do want to come alongside you and support you, your family, the kids, during that time of crisis, right?
00:21:16.855 --> 00:21:18.078
Yeah, and you won't believe it.
00:21:18.078 --> 00:21:46.404
Like she was literally getting on a plane, as I called her on that Saturday afternoon and she's like okay, I'm getting on the plane, I'll get Wi-Fi on the plane and we will text back and forth, like she didn't waste a minute, as Georgiana said you're a doer and your stress response is to, honestly, I think some people become overproductive, honestly, become incredibly productive as a stress response.
00:21:46.525 --> 00:21:54.798
Because I mean you said you felt so much relief at knowing a diagnosis because it actually felt like something you could do something about, and I think that's a common.
00:21:54.798 --> 00:22:05.615
I mean, to be honest, that's you and I have very similar stress responses, like when I hear of it anything I go immediately into okay, what can we do?
00:22:05.615 --> 00:22:09.108
Let's make a list, take one thing off the list at a time, only one thing.
00:22:09.108 --> 00:22:23.787
Don't get overwhelmed by the list, don't get overwhelmed by the future, don't get other people freeze, other people shut down and and and you know, honestly I'm not I've used to think, oh, my stress response is better than their stress response.
00:22:23.787 --> 00:22:31.773
You know, blah, blah, blah, like I, and honestly, as I've gotten older I've learned that there's downsides to any stress response.
00:22:31.913 --> 00:22:40.922
And the downside to our stress response is the emotional processing of what is actually going on.
00:22:40.922 --> 00:22:50.519
You can get so bogged down in the doing that you're not actually processing what is happening.
00:22:50.519 --> 00:23:04.377
And I imagine when John said, hey, let's not tell anyone, I mean I don't know, but I'm guessing that he had not processed it himself, and so he couldn't really know how to deal with anyone who might have their own worries.
00:23:04.377 --> 00:23:05.882
He's got his own worries.
00:23:05.882 --> 00:23:06.527
He's got kids.
00:23:06.527 --> 00:23:07.108
He's got a wife.
00:23:07.108 --> 00:23:07.731
He's got a mom dad.
00:23:07.731 --> 00:23:08.556
He's got his own worries, his own worries.
00:23:08.556 --> 00:23:08.856
He's got kids.
00:23:08.856 --> 00:23:09.218
He's got a wife.
00:23:09.218 --> 00:23:09.861
He's got a mom dad like he's.
00:23:09.881 --> 00:23:29.049
He's got his own worries, his own, and the person, and the person who's sick isn't the one truly, in whatever situation it is, who is going to necessarily be able to know the best thing at that moment, because, and and and.
00:23:29.049 --> 00:23:51.037
If you ask john now, like you know, when did you really know and understand that you were not, that you had a tumor, that you were sick, that you needed surgery, that this was a bad thing and that you weren't doing well, and he will tell you not until after the surgery yeah really I don't even understand what was happening, truly.
00:23:52.527 --> 00:23:55.791
And he says that now and he's like yeah, I didn't even.
00:23:55.791 --> 00:24:20.528
He said I thought I was fine Because it was so gradual so how did you take care of yourself during this time?
00:24:20.567 --> 00:24:21.430
how did you feel cared for and supported?
00:24:21.430 --> 00:24:22.893
Because people receive that differently also.
00:24:22.893 --> 00:24:25.984
You know, as we know, anyone in our community that goes sick.
00:24:25.984 --> 00:24:31.432
The first thing they send through is a meal train right and people are dropping off food and stuff because people want to help.
00:24:31.432 --> 00:24:36.885
But how did you receive the love and feel comforted during this?
00:24:36.945 --> 00:24:37.166
time.
00:24:37.166 --> 00:24:39.151
I mean it's incredible, right?
00:24:39.151 --> 00:24:46.810
I mean you know the community gets together and the next thing you know, you know your closest friends are.
00:24:46.810 --> 00:24:51.179
You don't even ask for it and there's groceries waiting at your front door.
00:24:51.179 --> 00:24:57.161
But can I tell you how nice it was to have home cooked meals dropped off.
00:24:57.161 --> 00:25:00.308
Even when somebody doesn't ask, just drop it off anyway.
00:25:00.829 --> 00:25:09.467
I think it's the not having to think Because, yes, you can order takeout and you probably have Instacart and you could get groceries and you could go to the grocery store.
00:25:09.467 --> 00:25:12.531
But all that thinking and deciding and like.
00:25:13.993 --> 00:25:14.935
Yep, yep.
00:25:14.935 --> 00:25:18.166
It is so incredibly valued for the people receiving it.
00:25:18.488 --> 00:25:19.369
Well, people care.
00:25:19.369 --> 00:25:21.075
The feeling is helplessness.
00:25:21.075 --> 00:25:21.315
Right.
00:25:21.315 --> 00:25:22.405
How do we support her?
00:25:22.405 --> 00:25:23.407
What can we do?
00:25:23.407 --> 00:25:27.017
You know, so small token now, you would never want anything that I cook.
00:25:27.017 --> 00:25:29.691
So you know, I picked up fruit and dropped off fruit.
00:25:29.691 --> 00:25:32.237
That was easy, because who wouldn't want fruit?
00:25:32.237 --> 00:25:41.487
But just the simplest way to know hey, we care about you, we're thinking about you, we're praying for you, we're worried about you, we're here if you need anything.
00:25:48.993 --> 00:25:50.394
The day of the surgery.
00:25:50.394 --> 00:25:57.442
You know, I think that was probably the third time I teared up a little bit.
00:25:57.442 --> 00:26:03.173
The first time was right when John told me I could feel a bit of emotion.
00:26:03.173 --> 00:26:14.112
I was on the phone and he told me that there was this brain mass and he was driving, and then all of a sudden I was like after 30 seconds I was like, okay, we got to figure out the next steps, right and, and then I was done.
00:26:14.112 --> 00:26:22.806
And then then one time when I actually said it out loud was to the two of you, monica and Georgiana, and we were on um a zoom call and and I shared with you.
00:26:22.925 --> 00:26:28.756
It was a couple days later and I don't, I think I I't even know.
00:26:28.756 --> 00:26:31.826
I just teared up a little bit, but it was, but it was.
00:26:31.826 --> 00:26:33.130
Why was that?
00:26:33.130 --> 00:26:33.791
The first time?
00:26:33.791 --> 00:26:43.609
Like I guess the whole couple of days prior in the hospital, I was just like boom, boom, boom, getting stuff done, and then I suddenly had a moment to be able to sit back and get perspective.
00:26:43.609 --> 00:26:53.145
And then the third time was when I walked out of the pre-operating area where John had just been wheeled into surgery.
00:26:53.145 --> 00:27:03.210
I walk out and I suddenly got tears because five close friends were just sitting there waiting for me in the waiting room even though the waiting room.
00:27:03.250 --> 00:27:04.592
People had told us we only allow.
00:27:04.592 --> 00:27:06.113
They were there.
00:27:20.464 --> 00:27:35.637
It meant so much to me to walk out and then have them surrounding me, the age of being the self-sufficient person that she has told us, because we texted, we have a group text and she said, no, please don't come to the hospital, I'll be fine, you know.
00:27:35.637 --> 00:27:39.821
And we all texted each other offline and we're like, okay, it's nice.
00:27:39.821 --> 00:27:46.528
She said that, but you know, when a friend's in need, you show up.
00:27:55.038 --> 00:27:59.041
I imagine that time passes so much faster with them there than it would have.
00:27:59.041 --> 00:28:02.935
Imagine what five hours would have felt like without them there.
00:28:02.935 --> 00:28:04.530
I don't, I just can't.
00:28:05.266 --> 00:28:06.232
Yeah, it was.
00:28:06.232 --> 00:28:07.724
I can't even imagine.
00:28:07.724 --> 00:28:08.894
I'll tell you that.
00:28:09.700 --> 00:28:22.615
I really struggled and I really struggled with how to interact with you because I was thinking to myself, oh my gosh, you've got so many people pulling on you for information and so many things to do.
00:28:22.615 --> 00:28:38.315
The last thing you want to do is respond to a million people Talk to us about, like, managing the work part of it, and not just the work part of it, but all the people Like you know, we were a team and we were working together.
00:28:38.315 --> 00:28:40.529
How do you deal with teammates?
00:28:40.529 --> 00:28:44.503
And, yeah, how did you balance?
00:28:44.905 --> 00:28:53.748
that, you know, I think everybody's different and so it's really important to communicate around.
00:28:53.748 --> 00:28:57.875
How do you want to connect?
00:28:57.875 --> 00:29:03.011
You know, for me I like to be kept involved.
00:29:03.011 --> 00:29:09.619
And then I will say you know, because there's a lot of downtime, right?
00:29:09.619 --> 00:29:27.929
I mean, even in the post-recovery the first day, you know John mainly slept, and so you're sitting in the hospital room and you know doctors and nurses come in and out and you're talking to them, but you want to be there in his presence.
00:29:27.929 --> 00:29:36.969
You know, be there for him, be there for the person, the patient, you know, your family member or friend, but it's also good to have things to do.
00:29:37.339 --> 00:29:49.567
You know, I think it's best to just communicate as much as possible and if you're a team member, don't make assumptions, I think, on how different people want to be interacted with.
00:29:49.567 --> 00:29:55.548
I think it's much better to be able to just say because everybody processes it differently.
00:29:55.548 --> 00:30:09.132
Some people will say I just I want to be, not involved at all, don't copy me on anything, don't invite me to anything, because I will feel overwhelmed if I see that on my calendar, right?
00:30:09.132 --> 00:30:23.449
Whereas for me I want to be copied on everything so that I can stay engaged and involved when I want to be when I can right, and then that's my choice.
00:30:23.980 --> 00:30:55.530
Now, and this was a learning curve for us and for our little team on Masterstroke right Now, and this was a learning curve for us and for our little team on Masterstroke right Because Monica and I in caring for you right decided okay we're going to leave her off of emails, because we're going to give her and her family the time and respect that they need.
00:30:55.550 --> 00:30:58.936
Because, in light of what you were going through as a family, and your husband having major brain surgery, what we were doing seemed unimportant, exactly.
00:30:58.957 --> 00:31:00.400
It seemed almost offensive to talk to you about podcast stuff.
00:31:00.400 --> 00:31:03.682
And what's so interesting is, you know, post-recovery.
00:31:03.682 --> 00:31:05.886
For weeks I thought, oh, they're taking the summer off, they're not, you know.
00:31:05.886 --> 00:31:19.928
And then, all of a sudden, I saw that we were post, that there were episodes that were launching, and I thought, oh, things are happening without me, but you were doing it based on you know.
00:31:19.928 --> 00:31:21.290
Hey, we want to.
00:31:21.290 --> 00:31:29.828
You know, make sure we give Sejal space to be able to emotionally handle the recovery, whereas my perspective was keep me copied.
00:31:29.828 --> 00:31:34.888
You know, I want to be communicated with and to, because that's my choice.
00:31:34.888 --> 00:31:47.933
I want to have the choice or not, and so different people will handle it different ways, and I think that's one thing that teams can all maybe take as a takeaway, which is just communicate, ask.
00:31:48.420 --> 00:31:49.925
Now, and I'm going to take it one step further.
00:31:49.925 --> 00:31:52.848
Right, at what point in the process do we ask?
00:31:52.848 --> 00:32:07.231
Because everything happens so quickly, right, and I think right now more than ever, people are taking leave of absences from work, family leave based on, you know, mental health, for various different reasons.
00:32:07.231 --> 00:32:12.067
Right, so people are leaving the workforce in order to take care of themselves.
00:32:12.067 --> 00:32:16.525
So what point and how do you ask that, especially in a situation like this?
00:32:16.525 --> 00:32:17.849
That came fast and furious.
00:32:20.101 --> 00:32:20.801
It's a good question.
00:32:20.801 --> 00:32:23.749
I don't know the answer.
00:32:23.749 --> 00:32:33.291
You can't do it preemptively, because you never know how you're going to handle a situation, so that's actually I don't know.
00:32:33.291 --> 00:32:44.880
For me, in this situation, this is what I wanted and needed, which is I wanted to be engaged.
00:32:44.880 --> 00:32:59.894
After a week or so, like I felt like at least you know what I'd be laying in bed sometimes, instead of just thinking and swirling, which sometimes can happen when you have fear of the unknown.
00:32:59.894 --> 00:33:01.384
What could happen?
00:33:01.384 --> 00:33:05.224
What will recovery be like, even post-surgery?
00:33:05.224 --> 00:33:07.290
What will the next month be?
00:33:07.290 --> 00:33:09.748
What will the next year be like?
00:33:09.748 --> 00:33:25.359
You start spinning, but instead of doing that, having for me daily life happening, having friends to connect with, having you know things to do so that you feel a little bit normal.
00:33:25.902 --> 00:34:04.084
I have to applaud you and I think we have to acknowledge that the amount of mental toughness and strength that you have to be able to say that and to be able to say I know that I will spin, because, by the way, for most people and I think you are in the rare space of being able to have that kind of mental toughness, because most people will start to spin and then they can't unspin because honestly and I do honestly think in the bell curve distribution of responses, that's a normal response to spin and to be obsessed with.
00:34:04.084 --> 00:34:10.905
I think you're on the sort of outlier of like mental toughness, of saying like I can't spin.
00:34:10.905 --> 00:34:12.525
That's actually not productive.
00:34:12.525 --> 00:34:13.286
I've gotten beyond.
00:34:13.608 --> 00:34:18.826
I did the research, I delegated some of the research, I've got information coming in, I watched some videos.
00:34:18.826 --> 00:34:20.123
Like I talked to some doctors.
00:34:20.123 --> 00:34:27.648
You know I did the work but I'm not over doing the work because that's not healthy.
00:34:27.648 --> 00:34:48.284
There's a point at which there's diminishing returns and negative not just diminishing returns but negative returns and that I actually need escapism, I need to distract my brain and like I just think you're an incredibly mentally tough human being and I'm so proud that you're my friend and I you know, it, it, it it's interesting.
00:34:48.644 --> 00:34:49.909
Um, you know, I, I it it's interesting.
00:34:49.909 --> 00:35:01.940
You know I give this advice I think I may have even talked about it on a previous podcast more about, you know, having kids and working and being a mom and things like that, but it was one of them was control what you can control.
00:35:01.940 --> 00:35:06.730
Right, and that doesn't mean I don't worry.
00:35:06.730 --> 00:35:14.081
I worry a lot, but I always try to keep coming back to that.
00:35:14.081 --> 00:35:20.634
So if I was starting, if I ever try to spin or whatever, like what will post-surgery be?
00:35:20.634 --> 00:35:24.510
Like, what will the long-term prognosis be?
00:35:24.510 --> 00:35:28.070
You can start spinning on that kind of stuff.
00:35:28.070 --> 00:35:30.007
Will he recover 100%?
00:35:30.007 --> 00:35:40.565
But if I would start ever thinking that way, I would say to myself I would hear in my voice, in my head control what you can control.
00:35:40.806 --> 00:35:47.666
But I think one thing you've pointed out is that the thing you had control over you didn't have control over the situation, but you had control over.
00:35:47.666 --> 00:35:50.210
You didn't have control over the situation, but you had control over your mindset around the situation.
00:35:50.231 --> 00:35:54.818
A great thing to point out the optimism, the focus.
00:35:55.719 --> 00:35:57.081
So control what you can control.
00:35:57.081 --> 00:36:17.672
And what I could control was how I handled it, how I chose to spend my, you know, mind, space and time, and for me it was trying to get as much normalcy as possible.
00:36:18.501 --> 00:36:31.443
And you know, there's the saying, you know that between the stimuli and the response there's a space in there and that inside that space you can choose, you can make choices, you don't just have to respond to stimuli.
00:36:31.443 --> 00:36:33.668
I think that's a muscle.
00:36:33.989 --> 00:36:39.724
By the way, too, I mean talking to friends, really valuable.
00:36:39.724 --> 00:36:46.463
You know, I've talked to a therapist really, really valuable, and I would recommend that too.
00:36:46.764 --> 00:37:04.083
I really thank you for talking to us today about all of this, because it's incredibly private and you know, just processing through everything that you've gone through with us and we've missed you and we're so happy that you're back in every way.
00:37:04.083 --> 00:37:11.846
And I think the main thing coming out of a conversation like this is knowing that life is coming fast and furious at everyone.
00:37:11.846 --> 00:37:12.648
You live long enough.
00:37:12.648 --> 00:37:18.347
You're going to get punched in the face a couple times, right, just to offer each other grace.
00:37:18.347 --> 00:37:30.733
Right, according to however you need to process, and that it's okay if people throw up their hands and they're like look, I can't handle this enough, I need to go take care of myself.
00:37:30.733 --> 00:37:42.088
Right, that there is zero criticism, but just to honor the space and how everyone processes through what they need to process through that's right, that's right, and that you, you will get through it.
00:37:42.159 --> 00:37:48.853
And I said to myself so many times it's darkest before the dawn Right myself so many times it's darkest before the dawn right.
00:37:48.853 --> 00:38:02.710
So even when things were really, really tough and I was like, gosh, this is so tough, literally a day or two later I'd be like things are better for one thing or another and, and you know, the dawn comes.
00:38:02.710 --> 00:38:08.027
It's just how quickly it comes and and and how sunny it is when it comes.
00:38:08.027 --> 00:38:12.034
It just depends on how you handle the mindset of the darkest parts.
00:38:13.661 --> 00:38:22.552
Well, thank you for sharing your wisdom and your experiences and your incredibly positive, optimistic attitude.
00:38:22.552 --> 00:38:37.161
Your practicing of gratitude, I'm sure, helps everyone around you, so we are very blessed to have you as part of our lives and I'm super grateful for you, as Georgiana I know is, and we appreciate you sharing this with the audience.
00:38:42.170 --> 00:38:43.331
Thank you for listening today.
00:38:43.331 --> 00:38:45.414
We would love for you to follow and subscribe.
00:38:45.414 --> 00:38:47.643
Monica and Sejo would love to hear from you.
00:38:47.643 --> 00:38:52.112
You can text us directly from the link in the show notes of this episode.
00:38:52.112 --> 00:38:58.431
You can also find us on the LinkedIn page at Masterstroke Podcast with Monica Enid and Sejo Petrzak.
00:38:58.431 --> 00:38:59.512
Until next time.
00:00:04.147 --> 00:00:13.608
I wanted to just be optimistic and for me knowledge reduced the fear and anxiety, because the fear of the unknown is the scariest thing.
00:00:13.608 --> 00:00:19.092
We found out in July early July that my husband was diagnosed with a brain tumor.
00:00:22.481 --> 00:00:27.778
Welcome to Masterstroke with Monica Enid and Sejal Patrzak Music.
00:00:33.348 --> 00:00:36.395
Welcome to another episode of Masterstroke.
00:00:36.395 --> 00:00:39.179
We have an incredibly special episode.
00:00:39.179 --> 00:00:46.036
We have all three of the Masterstroke sisters back and in front of the camera and online.
00:00:46.036 --> 00:00:49.603
I'm so glad that my co-host, sejal, is back.
00:00:49.603 --> 00:00:58.125
Welcome back, sejal, hello Glad to be here yes, me too, and in front of the camera, not just behind the scenes.
00:00:58.125 --> 00:01:01.412
Today we have joining us Georgiana Moreland.
00:01:02.539 --> 00:01:04.887
Yes, welcome, welcome, welcome you guys.
00:01:04.887 --> 00:01:10.368
And for those of you that don't know me, you hear me in the announcement I'm executive producer, all of that stuff.
00:01:10.368 --> 00:01:17.891
Sejal and Monica we started talking about potentially doing a podcast a year ago September of 2023.
00:01:17.891 --> 00:01:24.593
And in that time, we've also welcomed a guest co-host, ned Renzi, and Ned has stepped in.
00:01:24.593 --> 00:01:32.090
Sejal's had to step away for a little bit and we would love for her to tell us a little bit about that today.
00:01:32.870 --> 00:02:07.637
As I reflect back on the year, I think about all the things we've tried to share in terms of the infrastructure that we, sejal and I, have had to learn over the years and accumulate over the years in terms of making us productive and able to balance all of the demands of our lives, and we've shared with you our tips and tricks, our calendar planning, the ways we delegate, the way we work and how we plan and how we plan and you know, I really love the quote that Mike Tyson said.
00:02:07.697 --> 00:02:15.306
You know, everyone has a plan until you get punched in the face and I don't know if.
00:02:15.507 --> 00:02:17.655
Mike Tyson really said that, but he did, and it's actually punched in the mouth.
00:02:17.655 --> 00:02:20.201
Oh, punched in the mouth, Okay, All right.
00:02:20.201 --> 00:02:22.647
So Mike Tyson did say it, you heard it here.
00:02:22.647 --> 00:02:31.481
I always wondered if it was a thing but but people always say you know, it's nice to have a plan until you get punched in the mouth, and you know.
00:02:31.481 --> 00:02:35.631
I think that's an important topic because life happens to everyone.
00:02:35.631 --> 00:02:36.941
We want to talk about that.
00:02:36.941 --> 00:02:41.532
What happens to your plan and how do you function when you get punched in the mouth?
00:02:41.532 --> 00:02:46.300
Sejal, do you want to share with us what's happened recently in your family.
00:02:46.602 --> 00:03:00.614
You know we found out in July, early July, that my husband was diagnosed with a brain tumor and you know, luckily it was not cancer, but it has been a crazy couple of months.
00:03:00.614 --> 00:03:14.146
You know we were just talking last night that it's been nine, a little over nine weeks since his surgery and I'll tell you it feels like nine months, or maybe even longer than nine months, even though it's only been nine weeks.
00:03:15.209 --> 00:03:18.222
Yeah, tell us a little bit about how you learned that this happened.
00:03:19.723 --> 00:03:21.546
You know it's so interesting.
00:03:21.866 --> 00:03:39.247
I definitely noticed, you know, change in personality, more lethargy, just a different person in terms of lack of emotional connection compared to what my husband used to be, and it was gradual over years.
00:03:39.247 --> 00:03:45.219
And so when it's so gradual, it's so hard to notice truly and you think, oh well, it's so hard to notice truly.
00:03:45.219 --> 00:03:49.828
And you think, oh well, we're getting older, maybe that's just the way we are now.
00:03:49.828 --> 00:04:12.288
Or, oh, you know, things are different in our relationship with his relationship with his family, with his friends, with everybody around work, colleagues, and maybe it's just that you know things are changing but you don't realize that sometimes that change can actually be something that's quite a big underlying issue, and so it's really important to keep checking.
00:04:12.288 --> 00:04:36.093
And even though you know we went to our doctor and had annual blood work, had the regular physicals and everything would turn out perfect, but you got to still follow your gut instinct and say, well, maybe it's not, and then try to figure out what it is if you feel that something is not right.
00:04:36.093 --> 00:04:38.547
And so that's what happened.
00:04:39.399 --> 00:04:47.603
Yeah, no, and I think I hear you on the gradual thing, because there is this tumor and it is growing gradually right Over how many years?
00:04:48.206 --> 00:04:48.848
They don't know.
00:04:48.848 --> 00:04:53.029
They said it could be anywhere from a handful of years to 20 years.
00:04:53.029 --> 00:04:54.622
You don't know and it doesn't.
00:04:54.622 --> 00:05:01.355
You know it doesn't really affect you necessarily, because the body is so resilient.
00:05:01.355 --> 00:05:12.899
And so when the tumor was growing and growing, growing it's such a small and it's pushing the brain and you know there were small little changes that I noticed.
00:05:12.899 --> 00:05:19.163
And then you know, little by little it got worse and you could notice things even more.
00:05:19.163 --> 00:05:30.752
And so I would just say for anybody if you see changes in your family member, start asking what could be.
00:05:31.612 --> 00:05:44.911
Sejal, tell us about how you actually found it, because you were intuitive, you knew he was just off, something was different, but what action did you take to actually find it?
00:05:44.911 --> 00:05:49.329
Tell us about you getting on that flight, because that to me has just really stuck in my mind.
00:05:49.540 --> 00:06:18.165
There's a quote in the Ernest Hemingway book the Sun Also Rises where somebody's talking about how did something happen in the book and one of the characters says slowly at first and then all of a sudden, for him it was so gradual at first and then all of a sudden things were different.
00:06:18.165 --> 00:06:24.367
And when we were going through that, all of a sudden, my gut instinct was telling me that something was wrong.
00:06:24.367 --> 00:06:35.375
I had to fly to a board meeting, actually, and I was, you know, I packed up and it just it felt like some.
00:06:35.375 --> 00:06:42.810
It just felt like today was not a great day to be out of state and I was going up to the Northeast and I live in Texas.
00:06:42.810 --> 00:07:10.464
And I got to the airport and I was about to board the flight and the next thing I knew I was walking towards the gate agent to give my boarding pass on my phone, and I literally just turned around, walked out of the airport, got into an Uber and all of a sudden I was on my way home and I canceled my flight, you know.
00:07:10.745 --> 00:07:27.194
And and that day, when I got home, I started making calls and that all led to the next steps over the next two weeks, which then led to us finding the tumor.
00:07:27.194 --> 00:07:31.069
And then you know the surgery, and you know again it's being proactive.
00:07:31.069 --> 00:07:37.680
And even though everything seemed fine, I said there's got to be something wrong.
00:07:37.680 --> 00:07:44.687
And we scheduled for a full body MRI and again it was being persistent.
00:07:44.687 --> 00:07:48.963
For a full body MRI, and again it was being persistent.
00:07:48.963 --> 00:07:52.250
They told us it might be a few weeks before we would get the um, get the MRI done.
00:07:52.250 --> 00:07:55.802
And I just kept saying, can any any chance we can do it sooner?
00:07:55.802 --> 00:08:00.942
And we were able to get an appointment, um, through a cancellation or whatever, the very next day.
00:08:01.204 --> 00:08:04.781
So you went to this full body MRI, which, thank goodness, you have the privilege to do.
00:08:04.781 --> 00:08:06.225
This is not covered by insurance.
00:08:06.225 --> 00:08:07.026
Is that correct?
00:08:07.026 --> 00:08:07.990
It was not.
00:08:07.990 --> 00:08:20.653
I mean, we're all thankful for our privilege that we have access to things in the medical system that not everybody does, and I always remember that because I think our medical system is really hard to navigate.
00:08:20.653 --> 00:08:27.721
But, thank goodness, you have the skills and the resources and so you got this full-body MRI.
00:08:27.721 --> 00:08:30.766
Tell us about what that day was like.
00:08:30.766 --> 00:08:34.520
You went there, you know you said blood tests were fine.
00:08:34.520 --> 00:08:39.993
All of the other medical exams diagnostic exams come back fine, clean, full of health.
00:08:39.993 --> 00:08:43.988
What were you thinking when you went and got the MRI and how did?
00:08:44.008 --> 00:08:44.128
it go.
00:08:44.128 --> 00:08:46.533
What were you thinking when you went and got the MRI?
00:08:46.533 --> 00:08:47.535
And how did it go?
00:08:47.535 --> 00:08:49.139
Well, I wasn't there.
00:08:52.379 --> 00:08:56.679
My husband went on his own and it was a Saturday and you know they had told me, hey, it'll be, you know, 15 business days, up to 15 business days before you'd get any results.
00:08:56.679 --> 00:09:03.260
So I wasn't thinking anything and I said to my husband hey, it's like 20 minute drive away when you're on your way home.
00:09:03.260 --> 00:09:05.640
Let's go, let's meet up for lunch.
00:09:05.640 --> 00:09:05.860
And?
00:09:05.860 --> 00:09:15.690
And he said, great, and I had actually offered to take him, but he said, no, I can go by myself, and he calls me on his way back.
00:09:15.690 --> 00:09:18.634
And I said, oh, great, I said you want to meet for lunch?
00:09:18.634 --> 00:09:33.504
And he said actually, you know, as I was leaving the MRI, the doctor came in and said we found a brain mass and we need you to go directly to the emergency room and there is a trauma.
00:09:33.644 --> 00:09:42.011
One hospital, you know, five minutes from our house, and the doctor at the MRI place had literally called ahead.
00:09:42.011 --> 00:09:54.225
And so my husband came home, I, we literally got straight into the car, went straight over to the emergency room at the hospital and in 10 minutes he was already in a bed.
00:09:54.225 --> 00:10:07.235
Um, you know, doctors had already come and seen him and all of a sudden you're starting to think, wow, this is not, this is so serious and thank goodness we found it when we did.
00:10:07.235 --> 00:10:12.591
You know who knows right what could have happened.
00:10:20.100 --> 00:10:22.750
Sato, I mean, life was happening at the same time.
00:10:22.750 --> 00:10:26.431
Your freshman daughter was on her way home from college, from freshman year.
00:10:26.431 --> 00:10:42.783
You have a son that just finished his junior year, so the preparation for going to college, I mean just you were in the middle of all of that and you know, I have to also applaud John for listening to you and going for the scan, because the person who's sick doesn't really see what's happening, right, that's right.
00:10:42.783 --> 00:10:44.865
Because the person who's sick doesn't really see what's happening, right, that's right.
00:10:44.865 --> 00:10:54.615
So, and a lot of times they think you're nagging, or I mean, you know I'm not throwing any shade on men, but sometimes they're not the easiest to get to the doctor, right?
00:10:55.181 --> 00:11:12.341
Yeah, I think everyone's that way when they're talking about their own, because what you're talking largely the symptoms, as I understand what you've said is mostly like personality changes, right, it's not like someone's puking blood or something Like.
00:11:12.482 --> 00:11:17.813
It's not some obvious symptom, right, it's a, and it's so gradual over how many years, you know, you don't know, and so you know I think.
00:11:17.813 --> 00:11:20.403
I think the it is.
00:11:20.403 --> 00:11:40.745
It goes back to the thing you started with Monica to answer your question, georgiana which is you've got life happening and sometimes, with so much happening in your life, people might say I don't have time for this medical procedure right now or I don't have time, I'm sure it's fine, we'll get through it.
00:11:40.745 --> 00:11:44.309
Oh, we've got vacation coming up, we've got something.
00:11:44.309 --> 00:11:47.140
Get through it.
00:11:47.140 --> 00:11:48.525
Oh, we've got vacation coming up, we've got something.
00:11:48.525 --> 00:11:49.268
But you've got to take the time.
00:11:49.288 --> 00:11:57.373
I mean, my advice and my learning on this whole thing is you know, I sometimes wish, wow, I wish I had done this sooner when I started seeing some of the changes Even earlier.
00:11:57.373 --> 00:12:03.884
You can't second guess, you can't go back and ultimately it's all worked out great and the surgery was successful.
00:12:03.884 --> 00:12:16.011
So you go back and you say I wouldn't change a thing now, but the sooner you can do it the better, because you never know, and you know I think the biggest thing is we all kind of take health for granted.
00:12:16.011 --> 00:12:17.464
There's always something.
00:12:17.484 --> 00:12:21.542
Yeah, there's always going to be something, but you got it the most important thing in our lives is health, the whole.
00:12:21.581 --> 00:12:24.524
Thing it happens so quickly in our lives is health the whole thing.
00:12:24.524 --> 00:12:24.986
It happens so quickly.
00:12:24.986 --> 00:12:26.373
I mean he goes to the appointment you're planning to go to lunch.
00:12:26.373 --> 00:12:27.740
They send him straight to the emergency room.
00:12:27.740 --> 00:12:35.282
They started him on medication and started the procedure to get him ready for surgery so quickly, were you?
00:12:35.282 --> 00:12:37.065
How do I ask this?
00:12:37.065 --> 00:12:39.889
Were you organized?
00:12:39.889 --> 00:12:41.152
Did you know where?
00:12:41.152 --> 00:12:43.020
Who handled the finances in the house?
00:12:43.020 --> 00:12:45.971
Who handled all of the details of everything?
00:12:45.971 --> 00:12:54.470
I mean because we hear horror stories of you know husband goes to play basketball, falls down of a heart attack and the wife is like, oh my God, he handled everything.
00:12:54.470 --> 00:12:59.392
I have no idea where you know our bank is or any of those details.
00:13:00.980 --> 00:13:31.711
Yeah, it's interesting because you know, my husband is in finance, a former CPA, both in the house and out of the house, and, and you know, managing the finances was one that he did.
00:13:31.711 --> 00:13:34.047
I mean, I didn't even, I didn't even look at my paychecks.
00:13:34.047 --> 00:13:35.883
He handled all of that I didn't look at.
00:13:35.883 --> 00:13:37.889
You know, I didn't do any of that stuff.
00:13:38.120 --> 00:13:40.467
It's important to share, because you and I are in the same boat.
00:13:40.467 --> 00:13:41.530
We have both.
00:13:41.530 --> 00:13:51.691
I mean, we've sold companies for billions of dollars, we've managed massive budgets, we've managed massive P&Ls, we've raised money.
00:13:51.691 --> 00:13:54.235
We've done all these things.
00:13:54.235 --> 00:13:58.653
We both have a division of labor in our marriage, just like everyone does.
00:13:58.653 --> 00:14:02.046
My husband also handles all of our personal finances.
00:14:02.046 --> 00:14:04.456
He always did, and, and he's better at it Now.
00:14:04.456 --> 00:14:13.845
We periodically sit down and review it, um, and we have done that since the marriage began, but, but really it's been his department.
00:14:13.926 --> 00:14:18.948
Now, of course, if I were to go, he wouldn't even know how to wash his clothes, but but that's like the lesson.
00:14:18.948 --> 00:14:20.033
He really wouldn't.
00:14:20.033 --> 00:14:24.225
He would have no idea how to operate the laundry, cause I don't want him to touch the laundry.
00:14:24.225 --> 00:14:28.331
But here's the thing like that's a very real.
00:14:28.331 --> 00:14:31.523
Like Georgiana went right to the like, very real.
00:14:31.523 --> 00:14:34.571
Like, okay, something very real could happen.
00:14:34.571 --> 00:14:36.967
And now you have two children that are dependent on you.
00:14:36.967 --> 00:14:45.471
You have parents his parents, you have your dad, you have all kinds of people that potentially dependent on you.
00:14:45.471 --> 00:14:48.201
Um, how do you?
00:14:48.201 --> 00:14:49.966
How did you?
00:14:50.148 --> 00:14:50.708
think about that.
00:14:50.708 --> 00:14:51.270
What did you do?
00:14:51.270 --> 00:15:05.852
It's a lesson, another lesson learned, which is you know, make sure you've got access to everything, um, and that you know, uh, you know if you're the spouse, that you know where your finances are.
00:15:05.852 --> 00:15:11.529
You know how to access your bank accounts, that your name is on every bank account.
00:15:11.529 --> 00:15:12.873
I started making a list.
00:15:12.873 --> 00:15:19.943
Here are all the things I just literally wrote it down on a piece of paper that I want to make sure I talked to John about before.
00:15:19.943 --> 00:15:25.691
You know he goes into surgery, and one of those was okay, let's talk about where all of our finances are.
00:15:25.691 --> 00:15:26.049
What are all the passwords?
00:15:26.049 --> 00:15:27.192
You know he goes into surgery and one of those was okay, let's talk about where all of our finances are.
00:15:27.192 --> 00:15:28.134
What are all the passwords?
00:15:28.134 --> 00:15:30.720
You know there's all this multi-factor authentication.
00:15:30.720 --> 00:15:33.767
Now you know there's passwords that you need.
00:15:33.767 --> 00:15:37.203
Luckily, we have a password manager, so you can.
00:15:37.203 --> 00:15:38.249
You know there's online.
00:15:38.249 --> 00:15:48.755
You know apps that you can use for that kind of stuff, but I needed to make sure I knew exactly where all that stuff was, and you need to know the nitty gritty and you need to be on every account.
00:15:48.755 --> 00:15:52.350
You need to have access to everything, and so when he started.
00:15:52.350 --> 00:15:53.374
I asked him the question.
00:15:53.374 --> 00:15:55.373
I was like look, you're going into surgery tomorrow.
00:15:55.373 --> 00:16:00.056
I assume everything will be great, but I need to know.
00:16:00.056 --> 00:16:08.297
And I literally video recorded him talking Because I knew I wouldn't remember it all, especially when you've got so much else going on.
00:16:08.297 --> 00:16:10.808
And that's actually a really valuable thing.
00:16:10.808 --> 00:16:23.192
We all have phones, we all have video on our phones and even though he was just sitting on the couch, he wasn't behind a desk, he wasn't behind a computer, he wasn't going to do any of that stuff, but he just talked.
00:16:23.192 --> 00:16:38.436
Any spouse that's out there, if you don't have all of that understanding specifically on the finances, I would I definitely roll up your sleeves and and get in there and understand what's happening.
00:16:38.436 --> 00:16:38.917
You know what?
00:16:38.976 --> 00:16:40.471
and that's a wake-up call for everyone.
00:16:40.471 --> 00:16:45.971
And I'm glad that you say any spouse, because it's not a male female thing, it's not that the male is handling.
00:16:45.971 --> 00:16:49.197
I mean, that could happen to anyone at any time.
00:16:49.197 --> 00:16:57.427
So it's a wake-up call, right To just be more aware because life happens, life gets busy and we really need to take the time to understand the nitty-gritty.
00:17:04.334 --> 00:17:18.873
Given that we just talked about all those things going on in your life, sejal, I want you to share with us emotionally, like were you just in survival mode and like, okay, I gotta get this done.
00:17:18.873 --> 00:17:21.173
Like everybody has a different stress response.
00:17:21.173 --> 00:17:34.571
Tell us about your stress response, like from the moment that you, like somebody calls you and says your husband calls you and says I have a brain mass and I've got to go to the hospital immediately, I don't even know.
00:17:34.571 --> 00:17:43.315
I can't even have enough empathy to put myself in that position to know how I would function.
00:17:43.315 --> 00:17:45.318
I can't imagine functioning.
00:17:46.246 --> 00:17:52.686
You can't imagine it until you're doing it, and when you're doing it, you just get into the mode of okay.
00:17:52.686 --> 00:17:58.776
In some ways it was great to know why.
00:17:58.776 --> 00:18:06.715
You know the personality changes, the you know you're like okay, it was almost validating, to say, my gut instinct.
00:18:06.715 --> 00:18:15.517
I'm so thankful and grateful that we found out what it was after a bunch of different tests and blood tests and everything, and nothing was coming back.
00:18:15.517 --> 00:18:18.548
But now you know what it is.
00:18:18.548 --> 00:18:31.135
So, number one, there's a little bit of a sense of relief that and it's not relief in a great way because it's still oh, my God, what's going to happen, but it's at least okay.
00:18:31.135 --> 00:18:38.009
Now this and we double checked with the doctor were these personality did, all of these things?
00:18:38.009 --> 00:18:41.018
That is it because of the brain tumor?
00:18:41.018 --> 00:18:48.295
And he said actually, yes, frontal lobe brain tumor, all of those things you experienced and you are experiencing is because of the tumor.
00:18:48.295 --> 00:18:50.608
So you have an answer.
00:18:50.608 --> 00:18:57.015
But now you've got to get through the part of how do you actually manage it all?
00:18:57.015 --> 00:18:58.170
You should ask for help.
00:18:58.665 --> 00:19:07.233
So I immediately texted a very close friend of mine and she's a doctor, and I said here's what's happening.
00:19:07.233 --> 00:19:10.672
What are some of the things we should do.
00:19:10.672 --> 00:19:23.717
Um, I connected with our doctor, um, our primary care doctor, and and she also gave us a lot of great information, uh, on on suggesting you know things, things to think about and do.
00:19:23.717 --> 00:19:35.963
And then, um, uh, my husband's brother and his wife, um, they're scientists and doctor, and so we're lucky that we've got these people around us and and they did a bunch of research on what is this.
00:19:35.963 --> 00:19:37.930
Oh, this is a brain tumor, it's meningioma.
00:19:37.930 --> 00:19:42.084
Okay, what, what are the different diagnoses?
00:19:42.284 --> 00:19:49.297
Having that support network and even if it's not doctors, just talk to people that you're closest with.
00:19:49.297 --> 00:19:59.847
Sometimes, you know, it's interesting because my husband, you know, is, you know, initially was like, oh, we're not, let's not tell anybody.
00:19:59.847 --> 00:20:02.055
And I'm like, well, I've already told people, you know.
00:20:02.055 --> 00:20:32.109
I mean, because you have to tell, you have to realize that you have a community, you have people, they want to support you, they want to be there for you, and that's not something I normally have never experienced before, in the sense that I've always thought you kind of, I don't know, I'm not one who, you know, says I want everyone in the community to help, but they do want to help and they are there for you and you would do it for them.
00:20:32.270 --> 00:20:41.847
I love you saying that, sejal, because you have a tremendous network of friends, right, like tremendous, but, on the same token, you're always doing for everyone.
00:20:41.847 --> 00:20:48.031
I mean, you're a doer, you're an action person, right, you take care of a lot of things, people and everything.
00:20:48.031 --> 00:20:58.307
So, in order to tap into infrastructure, which we spoke about in an earlier episode, to call and I'll say her name Dr Mary Yang, to say Mary, this is what's going on.
00:20:58.307 --> 00:20:59.429
I need help.
00:20:59.429 --> 00:21:00.833
I can't understand this.
00:21:00.833 --> 00:21:16.174
Can you help me navigate this right To tap into your infrastructure, your network, and to know that you are loved and people do want to come alongside you and support you, your family, the kids, during that time of crisis, right?
00:21:16.855 --> 00:21:18.078
Yeah, and you won't believe it.
00:21:18.078 --> 00:21:46.404
Like she was literally getting on a plane, as I called her on that Saturday afternoon and she's like okay, I'm getting on the plane, I'll get Wi-Fi on the plane and we will text back and forth, like she didn't waste a minute, as Georgiana said you're a doer and your stress response is to, honestly, I think some people become overproductive, honestly, become incredibly productive as a stress response.
00:21:46.525 --> 00:21:54.798
Because I mean you said you felt so much relief at knowing a diagnosis because it actually felt like something you could do something about, and I think that's a common.
00:21:54.798 --> 00:22:05.615
I mean, to be honest, that's you and I have very similar stress responses, like when I hear of it anything I go immediately into okay, what can we do?
00:22:05.615 --> 00:22:09.108
Let's make a list, take one thing off the list at a time, only one thing.
00:22:09.108 --> 00:22:23.787
Don't get overwhelmed by the list, don't get overwhelmed by the future, don't get other people freeze, other people shut down and and and you know, honestly I'm not I've used to think, oh, my stress response is better than their stress response.
00:22:23.787 --> 00:22:31.773
You know, blah, blah, blah, like I, and honestly, as I've gotten older I've learned that there's downsides to any stress response.
00:22:31.913 --> 00:22:40.922
And the downside to our stress response is the emotional processing of what is actually going on.
00:22:40.922 --> 00:22:50.519
You can get so bogged down in the doing that you're not actually processing what is happening.
00:22:50.519 --> 00:23:04.377
And I imagine when John said, hey, let's not tell anyone, I mean I don't know, but I'm guessing that he had not processed it himself, and so he couldn't really know how to deal with anyone who might have their own worries.
00:23:04.377 --> 00:23:05.882
He's got his own worries.
00:23:05.882 --> 00:23:06.527
He's got kids.
00:23:06.527 --> 00:23:07.108
He's got a wife.
00:23:07.108 --> 00:23:07.731
He's got a mom dad.
00:23:07.731 --> 00:23:08.556
He's got his own worries, his own worries.
00:23:08.556 --> 00:23:08.856
He's got kids.
00:23:08.856 --> 00:23:09.218
He's got a wife.
00:23:09.218 --> 00:23:09.861
He's got a mom dad like he's.
00:23:09.881 --> 00:23:29.049
He's got his own worries, his own, and the person, and the person who's sick isn't the one truly, in whatever situation it is, who is going to necessarily be able to know the best thing at that moment, because, and and and.
00:23:29.049 --> 00:23:51.037
If you ask john now, like you know, when did you really know and understand that you were not, that you had a tumor, that you were sick, that you needed surgery, that this was a bad thing and that you weren't doing well, and he will tell you not until after the surgery yeah really I don't even understand what was happening, truly.
00:23:52.527 --> 00:23:55.791
And he says that now and he's like yeah, I didn't even.
00:23:55.791 --> 00:24:20.528
He said I thought I was fine Because it was so gradual so how did you take care of yourself during this time?
00:24:20.567 --> 00:24:21.430
how did you feel cared for and supported?
00:24:21.430 --> 00:24:22.893
Because people receive that differently also.
00:24:22.893 --> 00:24:25.984
You know, as we know, anyone in our community that goes sick.
00:24:25.984 --> 00:24:31.432
The first thing they send through is a meal train right and people are dropping off food and stuff because people want to help.
00:24:31.432 --> 00:24:36.885
But how did you receive the love and feel comforted during this?
00:24:36.945 --> 00:24:37.166
time.
00:24:37.166 --> 00:24:39.151
I mean it's incredible, right?
00:24:39.151 --> 00:24:46.810
I mean you know the community gets together and the next thing you know, you know your closest friends are.
00:24:46.810 --> 00:24:51.179
You don't even ask for it and there's groceries waiting at your front door.
00:24:51.179 --> 00:24:57.161
But can I tell you how nice it was to have home cooked meals dropped off.
00:24:57.161 --> 00:25:00.308
Even when somebody doesn't ask, just drop it off anyway.
00:25:00.829 --> 00:25:09.467
I think it's the not having to think Because, yes, you can order takeout and you probably have Instacart and you could get groceries and you could go to the grocery store.
00:25:09.467 --> 00:25:12.531
But all that thinking and deciding and like.
00:25:13.993 --> 00:25:14.935
Yep, yep.
00:25:14.935 --> 00:25:18.166
It is so incredibly valued for the people receiving it.
00:25:18.488 --> 00:25:19.369
Well, people care.
00:25:19.369 --> 00:25:21.075
The feeling is helplessness.
00:25:21.075 --> 00:25:21.315
Right.
00:25:21.315 --> 00:25:22.405
How do we support her?
00:25:22.405 --> 00:25:23.407
What can we do?
00:25:23.407 --> 00:25:27.017
You know, so small token now, you would never want anything that I cook.
00:25:27.017 --> 00:25:29.691
So you know, I picked up fruit and dropped off fruit.
00:25:29.691 --> 00:25:32.237
That was easy, because who wouldn't want fruit?
00:25:32.237 --> 00:25:41.487
But just the simplest way to know hey, we care about you, we're thinking about you, we're praying for you, we're worried about you, we're here if you need anything.
00:25:48.993 --> 00:25:50.394
The day of the surgery.
00:25:50.394 --> 00:25:57.442
You know, I think that was probably the third time I teared up a little bit.
00:25:57.442 --> 00:26:03.173
The first time was right when John told me I could feel a bit of emotion.
00:26:03.173 --> 00:26:14.112
I was on the phone and he told me that there was this brain mass and he was driving, and then all of a sudden I was like after 30 seconds I was like, okay, we got to figure out the next steps, right and, and then I was done.
00:26:14.112 --> 00:26:22.806
And then then one time when I actually said it out loud was to the two of you, monica and Georgiana, and we were on um a zoom call and and I shared with you.
00:26:22.925 --> 00:26:28.756
It was a couple days later and I don't, I think I I't even know.
00:26:28.756 --> 00:26:31.826
I just teared up a little bit, but it was, but it was.
00:26:31.826 --> 00:26:33.130
Why was that?
00:26:33.130 --> 00:26:33.791
The first time?
00:26:33.791 --> 00:26:43.609
Like I guess the whole couple of days prior in the hospital, I was just like boom, boom, boom, getting stuff done, and then I suddenly had a moment to be able to sit back and get perspective.
00:26:43.609 --> 00:26:53.145
And then the third time was when I walked out of the pre-operating area where John had just been wheeled into surgery.
00:26:53.145 --> 00:27:03.210
I walk out and I suddenly got tears because five close friends were just sitting there waiting for me in the waiting room even though the waiting room.
00:27:03.250 --> 00:27:04.592
People had told us we only allow.
00:27:04.592 --> 00:27:06.113
They were there.
00:27:20.464 --> 00:27:35.637
It meant so much to me to walk out and then have them surrounding me, the age of being the self-sufficient person that she has told us, because we texted, we have a group text and she said, no, please don't come to the hospital, I'll be fine, you know.
00:27:35.637 --> 00:27:39.821
And we all texted each other offline and we're like, okay, it's nice.
00:27:39.821 --> 00:27:46.528
She said that, but you know, when a friend's in need, you show up.
00:27:55.038 --> 00:27:59.041
I imagine that time passes so much faster with them there than it would have.
00:27:59.041 --> 00:28:02.935
Imagine what five hours would have felt like without them there.
00:28:02.935 --> 00:28:04.530
I don't, I just can't.
00:28:05.266 --> 00:28:06.232
Yeah, it was.
00:28:06.232 --> 00:28:07.724
I can't even imagine.
00:28:07.724 --> 00:28:08.894
I'll tell you that.
00:28:09.700 --> 00:28:22.615
I really struggled and I really struggled with how to interact with you because I was thinking to myself, oh my gosh, you've got so many people pulling on you for information and so many things to do.
00:28:22.615 --> 00:28:38.315
The last thing you want to do is respond to a million people Talk to us about, like, managing the work part of it, and not just the work part of it, but all the people Like you know, we were a team and we were working together.
00:28:38.315 --> 00:28:40.529
How do you deal with teammates?
00:28:40.529 --> 00:28:44.503
And, yeah, how did you balance?
00:28:44.905 --> 00:28:53.748
that, you know, I think everybody's different and so it's really important to communicate around.
00:28:53.748 --> 00:28:57.875
How do you want to connect?
00:28:57.875 --> 00:29:03.011
You know, for me I like to be kept involved.
00:29:03.011 --> 00:29:09.619
And then I will say you know, because there's a lot of downtime, right?
00:29:09.619 --> 00:29:27.929
I mean, even in the post-recovery the first day, you know John mainly slept, and so you're sitting in the hospital room and you know doctors and nurses come in and out and you're talking to them, but you want to be there in his presence.
00:29:27.929 --> 00:29:36.969
You know, be there for him, be there for the person, the patient, you know, your family member or friend, but it's also good to have things to do.
00:29:37.339 --> 00:29:49.567
You know, I think it's best to just communicate as much as possible and if you're a team member, don't make assumptions, I think, on how different people want to be interacted with.
00:29:49.567 --> 00:29:55.548
I think it's much better to be able to just say because everybody processes it differently.
00:29:55.548 --> 00:30:09.132
Some people will say I just I want to be, not involved at all, don't copy me on anything, don't invite me to anything, because I will feel overwhelmed if I see that on my calendar, right?
00:30:09.132 --> 00:30:23.449
Whereas for me I want to be copied on everything so that I can stay engaged and involved when I want to be when I can right, and then that's my choice.
00:30:23.980 --> 00:30:55.530
Now, and this was a learning curve for us and for our little team on Masterstroke right Now, and this was a learning curve for us and for our little team on Masterstroke right Because Monica and I in caring for you right decided okay we're going to leave her off of emails, because we're going to give her and her family the time and respect that they need.
00:30:55.550 --> 00:30:58.936
Because, in light of what you were going through as a family, and your husband having major brain surgery, what we were doing seemed unimportant, exactly.
00:30:58.957 --> 00:31:00.400
It seemed almost offensive to talk to you about podcast stuff.
00:31:00.400 --> 00:31:03.682
And what's so interesting is, you know, post-recovery.
00:31:03.682 --> 00:31:05.886
For weeks I thought, oh, they're taking the summer off, they're not, you know.
00:31:05.886 --> 00:31:19.928
And then, all of a sudden, I saw that we were post, that there were episodes that were launching, and I thought, oh, things are happening without me, but you were doing it based on you know.
00:31:19.928 --> 00:31:21.290
Hey, we want to.
00:31:21.290 --> 00:31:29.828
You know, make sure we give Sejal space to be able to emotionally handle the recovery, whereas my perspective was keep me copied.
00:31:29.828 --> 00:31:34.888
You know, I want to be communicated with and to, because that's my choice.
00:31:34.888 --> 00:31:47.933
I want to have the choice or not, and so different people will handle it different ways, and I think that's one thing that teams can all maybe take as a takeaway, which is just communicate, ask.
00:31:48.420 --> 00:31:49.925
Now, and I'm going to take it one step further.
00:31:49.925 --> 00:31:52.848
Right, at what point in the process do we ask?
00:31:52.848 --> 00:32:07.231
Because everything happens so quickly, right, and I think right now more than ever, people are taking leave of absences from work, family leave based on, you know, mental health, for various different reasons.
00:32:07.231 --> 00:32:12.067
Right, so people are leaving the workforce in order to take care of themselves.
00:32:12.067 --> 00:32:16.525
So what point and how do you ask that, especially in a situation like this?
00:32:16.525 --> 00:32:17.849
That came fast and furious.
00:32:20.101 --> 00:32:20.801
It's a good question.
00:32:20.801 --> 00:32:23.749
I don't know the answer.
00:32:23.749 --> 00:32:33.291
You can't do it preemptively, because you never know how you're going to handle a situation, so that's actually I don't know.
00:32:33.291 --> 00:32:44.880
For me, in this situation, this is what I wanted and needed, which is I wanted to be engaged.
00:32:44.880 --> 00:32:59.894
After a week or so, like I felt like at least you know what I'd be laying in bed sometimes, instead of just thinking and swirling, which sometimes can happen when you have fear of the unknown.
00:32:59.894 --> 00:33:01.384
What could happen?
00:33:01.384 --> 00:33:05.224
What will recovery be like, even post-surgery?
00:33:05.224 --> 00:33:07.290
What will the next month be?
00:33:07.290 --> 00:33:09.748
What will the next year be like?
00:33:09.748 --> 00:33:25.359
You start spinning, but instead of doing that, having for me daily life happening, having friends to connect with, having you know things to do so that you feel a little bit normal.
00:33:25.902 --> 00:34:04.084
I have to applaud you and I think we have to acknowledge that the amount of mental toughness and strength that you have to be able to say that and to be able to say I know that I will spin, because, by the way, for most people and I think you are in the rare space of being able to have that kind of mental toughness, because most people will start to spin and then they can't unspin because honestly and I do honestly think in the bell curve distribution of responses, that's a normal response to spin and to be obsessed with.
00:34:04.084 --> 00:34:10.905
I think you're on the sort of outlier of like mental toughness, of saying like I can't spin.
00:34:10.905 --> 00:34:12.525
That's actually not productive.
00:34:12.525 --> 00:34:13.286
I've gotten beyond.
00:34:13.608 --> 00:34:18.826
I did the research, I delegated some of the research, I've got information coming in, I watched some videos.
00:34:18.826 --> 00:34:20.123
Like I talked to some doctors.
00:34:20.123 --> 00:34:27.648
You know I did the work but I'm not over doing the work because that's not healthy.
00:34:27.648 --> 00:34:48.284
There's a point at which there's diminishing returns and negative not just diminishing returns but negative returns and that I actually need escapism, I need to distract my brain and like I just think you're an incredibly mentally tough human being and I'm so proud that you're my friend and I you know, it, it, it it's interesting.
00:34:48.644 --> 00:34:49.909
Um, you know, I, I it it's interesting.
00:34:49.909 --> 00:35:01.940
You know I give this advice I think I may have even talked about it on a previous podcast more about, you know, having kids and working and being a mom and things like that, but it was one of them was control what you can control.
00:35:01.940 --> 00:35:06.730
Right, and that doesn't mean I don't worry.
00:35:06.730 --> 00:35:14.081
I worry a lot, but I always try to keep coming back to that.
00:35:14.081 --> 00:35:20.634
So if I was starting, if I ever try to spin or whatever, like what will post-surgery be?
00:35:20.634 --> 00:35:24.510
Like, what will the long-term prognosis be?
00:35:24.510 --> 00:35:28.070
You can start spinning on that kind of stuff.
00:35:28.070 --> 00:35:30.007
Will he recover 100%?
00:35:30.007 --> 00:35:40.565
But if I would start ever thinking that way, I would say to myself I would hear in my voice, in my head control what you can control.
00:35:40.806 --> 00:35:47.666
But I think one thing you've pointed out is that the thing you had control over you didn't have control over the situation, but you had control over.
00:35:47.666 --> 00:35:50.210
You didn't have control over the situation, but you had control over your mindset around the situation.
00:35:50.231 --> 00:35:54.818
A great thing to point out the optimism, the focus.
00:35:55.719 --> 00:35:57.081
So control what you can control.
00:35:57.081 --> 00:36:17.672
And what I could control was how I handled it, how I chose to spend my, you know, mind, space and time, and for me it was trying to get as much normalcy as possible.
00:36:18.501 --> 00:36:31.443
And you know, there's the saying, you know that between the stimuli and the response there's a space in there and that inside that space you can choose, you can make choices, you don't just have to respond to stimuli.
00:36:31.443 --> 00:36:33.668
I think that's a muscle.
00:36:33.989 --> 00:36:39.724
By the way, too, I mean talking to friends, really valuable.
00:36:39.724 --> 00:36:46.463
You know, I've talked to a therapist really, really valuable, and I would recommend that too.
00:36:46.764 --> 00:37:04.083
I really thank you for talking to us today about all of this, because it's incredibly private and you know, just processing through everything that you've gone through with us and we've missed you and we're so happy that you're back in every way.
00:37:04.083 --> 00:37:11.846
And I think the main thing coming out of a conversation like this is knowing that life is coming fast and furious at everyone.
00:37:11.846 --> 00:37:12.648
You live long enough.
00:37:12.648 --> 00:37:18.347
You're going to get punched in the face a couple times, right, just to offer each other grace.
00:37:18.347 --> 00:37:30.733
Right, according to however you need to process, and that it's okay if people throw up their hands and they're like look, I can't handle this enough, I need to go take care of myself.
00:37:30.733 --> 00:37:42.088
Right, that there is zero criticism, but just to honor the space and how everyone processes through what they need to process through that's right, that's right, and that you, you will get through it.
00:37:42.159 --> 00:37:48.853
And I said to myself so many times it's darkest before the dawn Right myself so many times it's darkest before the dawn right.
00:37:48.853 --> 00:38:02.710
So even when things were really, really tough and I was like, gosh, this is so tough, literally a day or two later I'd be like things are better for one thing or another and, and you know, the dawn comes.
00:38:02.710 --> 00:38:08.027
It's just how quickly it comes and and and how sunny it is when it comes.
00:38:08.027 --> 00:38:12.034
It just depends on how you handle the mindset of the darkest parts.
00:38:13.661 --> 00:38:22.552
Well, thank you for sharing your wisdom and your experiences and your incredibly positive, optimistic attitude.
00:38:22.552 --> 00:38:37.161
Your practicing of gratitude, I'm sure, helps everyone around you, so we are very blessed to have you as part of our lives and I'm super grateful for you, as Georgiana I know is, and we appreciate you sharing this with the audience.
00:38:42.170 --> 00:38:43.331
Thank you for listening today.
00:38:43.331 --> 00:38:45.414
We would love for you to follow and subscribe.
00:38:45.414 --> 00:38:47.643
Monica and Sejo would love to hear from you.
00:38:47.643 --> 00:38:52.112
You can text us directly from the link in the show notes of this episode.
00:38:52.112 --> 00:38:58.431
You can also find us on the LinkedIn page at Masterstroke Podcast with Monica Enid and Sejo Petrzak.
00:38:58.431 --> 00:38:59.512
Until next time.
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