WEBVTT
00:00:00.080 --> 00:00:03.600
Hello, dear soul, and welcome or welcome back to the Light Bears Library.
00:00:03.680 --> 00:00:04.639
My name is Kate.
00:00:04.879 --> 00:00:09.199
In today's journal entry, let's talk about relationships and conflict.
00:00:09.359 --> 00:00:24.480
I feel like this is in the air this month about perhaps new conflicts arising in relationships or old conflicts, you know, coming up from the past or resolving of old conflicts.
00:00:24.559 --> 00:00:36.079
I've heard from many of you or some men that, you know, that this is this is old, old things that have come up from the past to be healed and resolved might be happening right now.
00:00:36.479 --> 00:00:45.119
Today I was going to make a different journal entry, but my husband and I, who um like, you know, we had a conflict this morning.
00:00:45.520 --> 00:00:50.399
I woke up feeling on top of the world because we finished our taxes this week.
00:00:50.560 --> 00:01:00.159
I finally delved into the the you know the world of my finances and I'm feeling like clearer about things and took my head out of the sand.
00:01:00.399 --> 00:01:04.480
And uh so everything is feeling more even.
00:01:04.640 --> 00:01:18.000
And I was gonna talk about something to do with that, but we were having this conversation about how you know like all is well, and so I was feeling I was feeling so good, so happy.
00:01:18.159 --> 00:01:29.920
And you know, when you have those moments, those rare moments of just full-bodied just peacefulness and happiness, and that the outlook on the future is is good.
00:01:30.719 --> 00:01:36.640
I don't know for you, but those those moments have been relatively rare for me over the last number of years.
00:01:36.799 --> 00:01:39.040
So I was feeling so good.
00:01:40.480 --> 00:01:48.079
And then my husband brings up a topic that um, you know, because I was feeling good, he's like, well, broach this with her.
00:01:48.239 --> 00:01:57.519
And it just like brought the whole um energy and just everything completely to the bottom.
00:01:57.680 --> 00:02:07.599
And I think more than anything, more than the conflict, it just I just was like, I was feeling so good, and now I feel like shit again.
00:02:07.760 --> 00:02:30.319
It's like okay, such as like but it made me think about conflict as highly sensitive people because both my husband and I are highly sensitive, and you know, we the we enter into these these things, and it just we're yeah, it it sucks.
00:02:30.479 --> 00:02:42.479
It sucks when we find ourselves in places with other people where oftentimes I think it can even be personality clashes.
00:02:42.639 --> 00:03:06.159
Um, you know, my husband's an INFJ, I'm an INFP, so there's and and also different values when people hold different values and different fears when you know his his fear and it and need is like for safety and safety and mine is for sort of security, then those can be at odds sometimes.
00:03:06.400 --> 00:03:27.919
Or, you know, our relationship or our personality type, we can see the world from different perspectives, so we're not always seeing the other person's perspective and um how what we are talking about or bringing up might be for the other person.
00:03:28.400 --> 00:04:01.360
So if this is happening to you, if this has come up in a in a relationship, in a marriage for you of late, this tension, it's like I feel for you, I feel for you, because it doesn't feel nice as a highly sensitive person because it it and this could be personality-wise too for me, like I just feel like it stirs up all of this, all this emotion inside of me, and it takes so long to kind of calm the waters within me to to find that that sense of stillness again.
00:04:01.680 --> 00:04:17.199
So I'm glad that I could be here with you and share this, and um, but honestly, I was like, I can't make a video today, I feel so like down, but I'm feeling better now having being able to share it with you and laugh about it.
00:04:17.360 --> 00:04:35.920
It's like we we got to a place of laughing about how humans, you know, we're feeling good, and and then you know, maybe maybe we also self-sabotage or like sabotage feeling good if we're used to feeling bad.
00:04:36.240 --> 00:04:42.319
So it can be like it's like, oh, this feeling is really uncomfortable, feeling good.
00:04:42.560 --> 00:04:44.959
Like, you know, let's bring it down.
00:04:45.839 --> 00:04:54.480
I don't know, that's something that you have found in your own life where and we don't do it consciously, obviously, right?
00:04:54.720 --> 00:05:21.120
Obviously, it's an unconscious pattern we have, and so my husband and I were trying to kind of see what our unconscious patterns were in that in that moment of of like after the fact, after the conflict, just seeing w what was underneath the the the top level um thing we were talking about, right?
00:05:21.279 --> 00:05:46.319
And and and then not feeling seen by each other, you know, that he wasn't I wasn't seeing that he was wanting me to be safe and wanting me to, you know, that he was sh showing love, and I was seeing how he was trying to maybe like manipulate me to do what he wanted to do, and so I was feeling like don't control me, like this.
00:05:46.800 --> 00:06:14.319
Um so yeah, it's like taking a deep breath, taking a deep breath, and for me it's hard, like when I'm in that moment, I almost I need a time out almost to to calm the emotions down so I can use my brain again, you know, use my thinking mind, my my my and my open heart to to really have like have my full listening ears.
00:06:14.480 --> 00:06:34.160
Um, I find when I'm really I get I guess triggered is the right is the word, um but it's it's like it's like this this thing that it's the muddy water, that's all I can say, you know, when you stir up stir up the bottom of the lake and it's just all muddy.
00:06:34.720 --> 00:06:46.560
So it's like taking a moment to breathe, like feel my feet on the floor, come back into my body, relax my shoulders, relax my face.
00:06:47.040 --> 00:07:03.759
And like I'm getting, I'm getting, I find I'm getting quicker at recovering in the moment so that I can be more present with him and and be able to listen to what he's saying more as opposed to just feeling all the feelings.
00:07:04.000 --> 00:07:12.639
So yeah, I think I think being able to to get back into our body is useful when the emotions are stirred up.
00:07:13.199 --> 00:07:21.360
So anyway, we we we did have have a talk afterwards and and then it started to like stir things up again.
00:07:21.519 --> 00:07:23.519
It's like okay, okay, okay.
00:07:23.600 --> 00:07:27.519
You know, like it's hard to to let things go too, right?
00:07:27.600 --> 00:07:37.040
We're thinking of of how things affected us or why what they did wasn't right for us.
00:07:37.199 --> 00:07:40.000
And and I think that's important to to explore.
00:07:40.160 --> 00:08:13.199
And now that I've got personality type, it it it's helpful to kind of try and put myself in in his in his personality type and go, okay, like I know he really is coming from a good place of of love, you know, but there's there's lots of, you know, he's got his fears, and so I can honor his fears and his values and his love for me while still, and this might be like a bit of you know while still having that separation from him and having my own fears, my own values, and my own, you know, needs and wants.
00:08:13.279 --> 00:08:19.199
And and so that's an interesting thing of of of acknowledging those things.
00:08:19.360 --> 00:08:43.840
So even when there is no compromise, like in the in the in what we were talking about this morning, it was really silly, but it's like there it was like either we did it my way or did it his way, you know, and um there was no right or wrong way, but it's just it's hard to negotiate that sometimes when there is no compromise.
00:08:44.399 --> 00:08:50.399
And yeah, so working that through.
00:08:50.639 --> 00:09:03.360
So if you're dealing with conflict, um just know that it's also it's also just so draining.
00:09:03.519 --> 00:09:07.679
Like I feel I feel so so drained.
00:09:08.080 --> 00:09:19.679
I mean, I would I didn't sleep well either, so I'm just like, okay, I just want to start the next day over again, like reset, reset tomorrow and be done, you know.
00:09:19.840 --> 00:09:38.639
So um, but I think we've I think we turned the corner, and I think the personality type has really helped us to understand why we're clashing and conflicting and also the Enneagram, although I we haven't delved into that too much.
00:09:38.879 --> 00:09:44.000
If you have delved into the Enneagram or know your Enneagram, like please share your personality type, Enneagram below.
00:09:44.080 --> 00:09:50.080
Like that's I I love I love seeing what people are, and it's it's just it's fascinating.
00:09:50.320 --> 00:09:53.600
So um, yeah, that could also clash.
00:09:53.679 --> 00:09:56.559
I think I think I'm I think I'm a four.
00:09:57.039 --> 00:09:59.759
I I sit on the fence between four and nine.
00:09:59.840 --> 00:10:13.200
Uh some days I think I'm more one or the other, but um, and then my husband's like a six, so so navigating that together and yeah, yeah.
00:10:13.519 --> 00:10:22.559
Anyway, um, so we've we've got lots, so much to learn about one another, even though we've been married 11, well, we've been together 11 years.
00:10:23.039 --> 00:10:27.679
And um yeah, yeah.
00:10:28.240 --> 00:10:36.080
So I I am sincerely just uh holding you in my heart if you're dealing with with conflict.
00:10:36.240 --> 00:10:41.759
And you know, actually some of you are are resolving conflict, old conflicts that have come up.
00:10:41.840 --> 00:10:50.559
So if that's what's happened to you, I'd love to hear, yeah, if this is a maybe just a an energetic time we're in.
00:10:50.720 --> 00:11:03.759
I know the astrology kind of goes along with this, but there is a is a time of reflecting on our values and our relationships and perhaps healing, healing some some things from the past.
00:11:03.919 --> 00:11:06.559
So if that's been you, I'd love to hear that.
00:11:06.720 --> 00:11:14.799
Um, and if the Library's library has become a meaningful place to you, I would love it if you would consider donating to the to the law library.
00:11:15.120 --> 00:11:21.759
It helps us pay our rent and our food, which, you know, it's been a struggle, but we're we're we're we're figuring it out.
00:11:21.919 --> 00:11:28.399
So um, yeah, the any amount, no matter how small, is really meaningful to both my husband and I.
00:11:28.639 --> 00:11:31.039
And um, yeah, the links will be below.
00:11:31.279 --> 00:11:36.559
Also, if you would like to join us, my husband and I host lives.
00:11:37.120 --> 00:11:43.840
Um, right now it's been Friday evening, so it'll be tonight if you're watching this video um on the on the day.
00:11:43.919 --> 00:11:47.279
So Friday, Friday evening at I wrote down the time this time.
00:11:47.440 --> 00:11:50.399
Um it's at eight, 8 p.m.
00:11:50.559 --> 00:11:51.919
Eastern, 1 a.m.
00:11:52.159 --> 00:11:54.480
in the UK, and 11 a.m.
00:11:54.720 --> 00:11:56.799
in Sydney, Melbourne time.
00:11:57.279 --> 00:12:01.440
So we have been having such a wonderful time.
00:12:01.600 --> 00:12:04.080
And then Sunday we go, we go live as well.
00:12:04.159 --> 00:12:11.679
Um, so my husband's off camera, but he's there moderating comments and just sharing his sharing his his thoughts and and opinions sometimes.
00:12:11.840 --> 00:12:15.519
So that's been really, really, um, really fun.
00:12:15.840 --> 00:12:29.120
So I would welcome you to come and it's been fun, but also I love that you lots of men come and share share their vulnerable stories about you know what what you might be going through.
00:12:29.200 --> 00:12:41.200
So if you're going through something difficult and would like, you know, to to share it with me and other highly sensitive men who understand, who will, you know, just just be there.
00:12:41.360 --> 00:12:45.600
I feel like it's it's a really incredibly kind community.
00:12:45.679 --> 00:12:51.840
I mean, the kindest men on the internet show up every every live and in the comments below.
00:12:52.080 --> 00:12:57.600
So uh yeah, thank you so much for being here in the Light Bearers Library.
00:12:57.679 --> 00:12:59.279
I am wishing you so many blessings.
00:12:59.440 --> 00:13:02.159
Signing off for today, XOXO Kate.
00:00:00.080 --> 00:00:03.600
Hello, dear soul, and welcome or welcome back to the Light Bears Library.
00:00:03.680 --> 00:00:04.639
My name is Kate.
00:00:04.879 --> 00:00:09.199
In today's journal entry, let's talk about relationships and conflict.
00:00:09.359 --> 00:00:24.480
I feel like this is in the air this month about perhaps new conflicts arising in relationships or old conflicts, you know, coming up from the past or resolving of old conflicts.
00:00:24.559 --> 00:00:36.079
I've heard from many of you or some men that, you know, that this is this is old, old things that have come up from the past to be healed and resolved might be happening right now.
00:00:36.479 --> 00:00:45.119
Today I was going to make a different journal entry, but my husband and I, who um like, you know, we had a conflict this morning.
00:00:45.520 --> 00:00:50.399
I woke up feeling on top of the world because we finished our taxes this week.
00:00:50.560 --> 00:01:00.159
I finally delved into the the you know the world of my finances and I'm feeling like clearer about things and took my head out of the sand.
00:01:00.399 --> 00:01:04.480
And uh so everything is feeling more even.
00:01:04.640 --> 00:01:18.000
And I was gonna talk about something to do with that, but we were having this conversation about how you know like all is well, and so I was feeling I was feeling so good, so happy.
00:01:18.159 --> 00:01:29.920
And you know, when you have those moments, those rare moments of just full-bodied just peacefulness and happiness, and that the outlook on the future is is good.
00:01:30.719 --> 00:01:36.640
I don't know for you, but those those moments have been relatively rare for me over the last number of years.
00:01:36.799 --> 00:01:39.040
So I was feeling so good.
00:01:40.480 --> 00:01:48.079
And then my husband brings up a topic that um, you know, because I was feeling good, he's like, well, broach this with her.
00:01:48.239 --> 00:01:57.519
And it just like brought the whole um energy and just everything completely to the bottom.
00:01:57.680 --> 00:02:07.599
And I think more than anything, more than the conflict, it just I just was like, I was feeling so good, and now I feel like shit again.
00:02:07.760 --> 00:02:30.319
It's like okay, such as like but it made me think about conflict as highly sensitive people because both my husband and I are highly sensitive, and you know, we the we enter into these these things, and it just we're yeah, it it sucks.
00:02:30.479 --> 00:02:42.479
It sucks when we find ourselves in places with other people where oftentimes I think it can even be personality clashes.
00:02:42.639 --> 00:03:06.159
Um, you know, my husband's an INFJ, I'm an INFP, so there's and and also different values when people hold different values and different fears when you know his his fear and it and need is like for safety and safety and mine is for sort of security, then those can be at odds sometimes.
00:03:06.400 --> 00:03:27.919
Or, you know, our relationship or our personality type, we can see the world from different perspectives, so we're not always seeing the other person's perspective and um how what we are talking about or bringing up might be for the other person.
00:03:28.400 --> 00:04:01.360
So if this is happening to you, if this has come up in a in a relationship, in a marriage for you of late, this tension, it's like I feel for you, I feel for you, because it doesn't feel nice as a highly sensitive person because it it and this could be personality-wise too for me, like I just feel like it stirs up all of this, all this emotion inside of me, and it takes so long to kind of calm the waters within me to to find that that sense of stillness again.
00:04:01.680 --> 00:04:17.199
So I'm glad that I could be here with you and share this, and um, but honestly, I was like, I can't make a video today, I feel so like down, but I'm feeling better now having being able to share it with you and laugh about it.
00:04:17.360 --> 00:04:35.920
It's like we we got to a place of laughing about how humans, you know, we're feeling good, and and then you know, maybe maybe we also self-sabotage or like sabotage feeling good if we're used to feeling bad.
00:04:36.240 --> 00:04:42.319
So it can be like it's like, oh, this feeling is really uncomfortable, feeling good.
00:04:42.560 --> 00:04:44.959
Like, you know, let's bring it down.
00:04:45.839 --> 00:04:54.480
I don't know, that's something that you have found in your own life where and we don't do it consciously, obviously, right?
00:04:54.720 --> 00:05:21.120
Obviously, it's an unconscious pattern we have, and so my husband and I were trying to kind of see what our unconscious patterns were in that in that moment of of like after the fact, after the conflict, just seeing w what was underneath the the the top level um thing we were talking about, right?
00:05:21.279 --> 00:05:46.319
And and and then not feeling seen by each other, you know, that he wasn't I wasn't seeing that he was wanting me to be safe and wanting me to, you know, that he was sh showing love, and I was seeing how he was trying to maybe like manipulate me to do what he wanted to do, and so I was feeling like don't control me, like this.
00:05:46.800 --> 00:06:14.319
Um so yeah, it's like taking a deep breath, taking a deep breath, and for me it's hard, like when I'm in that moment, I almost I need a time out almost to to calm the emotions down so I can use my brain again, you know, use my thinking mind, my my my and my open heart to to really have like have my full listening ears.
00:06:14.480 --> 00:06:34.160
Um, I find when I'm really I get I guess triggered is the right is the word, um but it's it's like it's like this this thing that it's the muddy water, that's all I can say, you know, when you stir up stir up the bottom of the lake and it's just all muddy.
00:06:34.720 --> 00:06:46.560
So it's like taking a moment to breathe, like feel my feet on the floor, come back into my body, relax my shoulders, relax my face.
00:06:47.040 --> 00:07:03.759
And like I'm getting, I'm getting, I find I'm getting quicker at recovering in the moment so that I can be more present with him and and be able to listen to what he's saying more as opposed to just feeling all the feelings.
00:07:04.000 --> 00:07:12.639
So yeah, I think I think being able to to get back into our body is useful when the emotions are stirred up.
00:07:13.199 --> 00:07:21.360
So anyway, we we we did have have a talk afterwards and and then it started to like stir things up again.
00:07:21.519 --> 00:07:23.519
It's like okay, okay, okay.
00:07:23.600 --> 00:07:27.519
You know, like it's hard to to let things go too, right?
00:07:27.600 --> 00:07:37.040
We're thinking of of how things affected us or why what they did wasn't right for us.
00:07:37.199 --> 00:07:40.000
And and I think that's important to to explore.
00:07:40.160 --> 00:08:13.199
And now that I've got personality type, it it it's helpful to kind of try and put myself in in his in his personality type and go, okay, like I know he really is coming from a good place of of love, you know, but there's there's lots of, you know, he's got his fears, and so I can honor his fears and his values and his love for me while still, and this might be like a bit of you know while still having that separation from him and having my own fears, my own values, and my own, you know, needs and wants.
00:08:13.279 --> 00:08:19.199
And and so that's an interesting thing of of of acknowledging those things.
00:08:19.360 --> 00:08:43.840
So even when there is no compromise, like in the in the in what we were talking about this morning, it was really silly, but it's like there it was like either we did it my way or did it his way, you know, and um there was no right or wrong way, but it's just it's hard to negotiate that sometimes when there is no compromise.
00:08:44.399 --> 00:08:50.399
And yeah, so working that through.
00:08:50.639 --> 00:09:03.360
So if you're dealing with conflict, um just know that it's also it's also just so draining.
00:09:03.519 --> 00:09:07.679
Like I feel I feel so so drained.
00:09:08.080 --> 00:09:19.679
I mean, I would I didn't sleep well either, so I'm just like, okay, I just want to start the next day over again, like reset, reset tomorrow and be done, you know.
00:09:19.840 --> 00:09:38.639
So um, but I think we've I think we turned the corner, and I think the personality type has really helped us to understand why we're clashing and conflicting and also the Enneagram, although I we haven't delved into that too much.
00:09:38.879 --> 00:09:44.000
If you have delved into the Enneagram or know your Enneagram, like please share your personality type, Enneagram below.
00:09:44.080 --> 00:09:50.080
Like that's I I love I love seeing what people are, and it's it's just it's fascinating.
00:09:50.320 --> 00:09:53.600
So um, yeah, that could also clash.
00:09:53.679 --> 00:09:56.559
I think I think I'm I think I'm a four.
00:09:57.039 --> 00:09:59.759
I I sit on the fence between four and nine.
00:09:59.840 --> 00:10:13.200
Uh some days I think I'm more one or the other, but um, and then my husband's like a six, so so navigating that together and yeah, yeah.
00:10:13.519 --> 00:10:22.559
Anyway, um, so we've we've got lots, so much to learn about one another, even though we've been married 11, well, we've been together 11 years.
00:10:23.039 --> 00:10:27.679
And um yeah, yeah.
00:10:28.240 --> 00:10:36.080
So I I am sincerely just uh holding you in my heart if you're dealing with with conflict.
00:10:36.240 --> 00:10:41.759
And you know, actually some of you are are resolving conflict, old conflicts that have come up.
00:10:41.840 --> 00:10:50.559
So if that's what's happened to you, I'd love to hear, yeah, if this is a maybe just a an energetic time we're in.
00:10:50.720 --> 00:11:03.759
I know the astrology kind of goes along with this, but there is a is a time of reflecting on our values and our relationships and perhaps healing, healing some some things from the past.
00:11:03.919 --> 00:11:06.559
So if that's been you, I'd love to hear that.
00:11:06.720 --> 00:11:14.799
Um, and if the Library's library has become a meaningful place to you, I would love it if you would consider donating to the to the law library.
00:11:15.120 --> 00:11:21.759
It helps us pay our rent and our food, which, you know, it's been a struggle, but we're we're we're we're figuring it out.
00:11:21.919 --> 00:11:28.399
So um, yeah, the any amount, no matter how small, is really meaningful to both my husband and I.
00:11:28.639 --> 00:11:31.039
And um, yeah, the links will be below.
00:11:31.279 --> 00:11:36.559
Also, if you would like to join us, my husband and I host lives.
00:11:37.120 --> 00:11:43.840
Um, right now it's been Friday evening, so it'll be tonight if you're watching this video um on the on the day.
00:11:43.919 --> 00:11:47.279
So Friday, Friday evening at I wrote down the time this time.
00:11:47.440 --> 00:11:50.399
Um it's at eight, 8 p.m.
00:11:50.559 --> 00:11:51.919
Eastern, 1 a.m.
00:11:52.159 --> 00:11:54.480
in the UK, and 11 a.m.
00:11:54.720 --> 00:11:56.799
in Sydney, Melbourne time.
00:11:57.279 --> 00:12:01.440
So we have been having such a wonderful time.
00:12:01.600 --> 00:12:04.080
And then Sunday we go, we go live as well.
00:12:04.159 --> 00:12:11.679
Um, so my husband's off camera, but he's there moderating comments and just sharing his sharing his his thoughts and and opinions sometimes.
00:12:11.840 --> 00:12:15.519
So that's been really, really, um, really fun.
00:12:15.840 --> 00:12:29.120
So I would welcome you to come and it's been fun, but also I love that you lots of men come and share share their vulnerable stories about you know what what you might be going through.
00:12:29.200 --> 00:12:41.200
So if you're going through something difficult and would like, you know, to to share it with me and other highly sensitive men who understand, who will, you know, just just be there.
00:12:41.360 --> 00:12:45.600
I feel like it's it's a really incredibly kind community.
00:12:45.679 --> 00:12:51.840
I mean, the kindest men on the internet show up every every live and in the comments below.
00:12:52.080 --> 00:12:57.600
So uh yeah, thank you so much for being here in the Light Bearers Library.
00:12:57.679 --> 00:12:59.279
I am wishing you so many blessings.
00:12:59.440 --> 00:13:02.159
Signing off for today, XOXO Kate.
