Life Between Coasts S3 E8: Do It Anyway

WEBVTT
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Hi there.
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Welcome to Life Between Coasts, the podcast where we dive into personal journeys connected through synchronicity.
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So grab your coffee, light a candle, and let's begin.
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I'm your host, Leah, and we're glad you're here.
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Today we're sitting down with Jasmine.
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Welcome, Jasmine.
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How are you?
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Hello.
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How are you?
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Body?
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Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.
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So, Jasmine, tell me about you.
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Where do you want to begin?
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Um I want to begin at the beginning.
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Well, it was my earliest memory.
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Okay.
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And that will be my adoption.
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Okay.
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Um, that was in 1996.
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Okay.
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I was six years old at that time.
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Okay.
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So and then just, you know, the journey from from there.
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Okay.
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So now were you adopted from foster care then at age six?
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So it was uh I bounced around a little while.
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Okay.
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Uh, but I did from my from my own memory, from what I can say, is I did find or she did my parents did regain custody of me.
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Okay.
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But it wasn't kept long.
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Okay.
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So then I was taken from them.
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Again.
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And then Yeah, and then that was adopted.
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And then you're adopted.
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So age six, you're adopted.
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And tell me, so from there.
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So you said from your f earliest memory.
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So what goes from there?
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From there, uh, I was adopted.
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Uh it was a crazy experience.
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Um I remember going to school one day.
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I also had a brother.
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I don't remember any of the children, just me and my brother.
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Uh-huh.
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Um, I was to school one day.
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We went to school, and then like police came, they like took me out the glass, and I was like so scared.
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I was like holding on to the teacher, the door frames, the, the, the, even the chairs, you know, and they was connected to the tables.
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I was dragging everything with me.
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Right.
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It was crazy.
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I didn't really understand what was going on at six years old, you know.
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But from there, I was adopted by uh um an older lady.
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Well, when I got there, there were about 12 other kids already there.
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Okay.
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Who was chaotic growing up.
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Okay, so at age six, no, now did now did she also adopt your brother?
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No.
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No.
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Okay.
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So you you're that would have been your biological brother?
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Yes.
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Okay, so biological brother was not adopted, you're age six, you split.
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Every part of family that you knew is no longer there.
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Gone completely.
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Okay, so now you're in chaos.
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Yeah.
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And and what was that like?
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It was uh terrifying, you know, going in.
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Most um of the kids that were there, pretty much all of them, majority of all of them, I think except for one, is adopted.
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And uh they had been there since they were, you know, like newborns.
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So it was different for me just coming in at six years old.
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I kind of felt like the eye went out.
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Right, should I say?
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Um It was like I was in survival mode for a very long time.
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Right.
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You know, it took me a while to to get out of that.
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Right.
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So I was that's what I would say when I would say it was chaotic, it was it was hard to get through.
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And what w so from a six-year-old mind, what do you think?
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What were your feelings?
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What did you it was just a lot of fear I remember like crying for nights, days, in on out for my mother, you know, so but she didn't come, she wasn't coming, so and I had to get that in my head, like she's not gonna call me that I so I it took me a while to shake that off.
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Right.
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And then I had my name changed.
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Okay.
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So it was like I had to learn how to be another person.
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It was almost like it was it was very confusing for you know, for me to be at such a young age.
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Right.
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Yeah.
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It's different.
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Yeah.
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It's it now as you're so as you're growing up now, so age six, so now you were in, I assume are you in a new location, new school?
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Yes.
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So everything.
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So it wasn't just identity at that point, especially with a name change.
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It was new.
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Everything was new.
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I had to change.
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What was it, what was different?
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Um, what was like was it like a similar school district or was it completely different?
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Or it was completely different.
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Okay.
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Completely different district, completely different neighborhood.
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It was everything was different.
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Okay.
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Plus, I was only used to being around one other person or little to you know, none, if it was there, because I was fostered and I was just kind of bounced around a lot.
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I could remember different, you know, people, but it was never like a lot of kids.
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There were a ton of kids there.
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So that was completely different too.
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It was like being an only child and then thune into like a just a gang.
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Yeah.
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Like it was crazy.
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It was not well, yeah.
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And that's exactly what it might feel like to a six-year-old when you go into something especially like chaotic like that.
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Now, did you how did you did you just like cower down and become a wallflower?
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Or what did you, you know, when you said you go into survival mode?
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Well, I when I say I was survival mode, I was I was mostly scared and intimidated, and I stayed to myself because I didn't trust.
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Okay.
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You know, that they was a little bit too, too wild for me, and I wasn't used to, you know, all of that.
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So that was different for me.
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Um, but that actually made me just stick out, you know, like a sore thumb and not in a good way.
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Okay.
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So I had to go through like a lot of had to deal with a lot of stuff from them.
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Okay.
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You know.
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Okay.
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I want to say bullying, but it was it was on that, you know, it was on those levels.
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It wasn't, yeah, I wasn't liked that much because of just probably the way I came in, is what I would say.
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Plus, I kind of always was getting hurt or breaking a bone.
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I don't know what if I was just like a townboy and was always climbing on stuff, I was always so like that is I'm like, I'm the girl always in the hospital or always, you know, with a cast on, sitting beside, can't play in certain sports.
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It was just always stuck out like a switch on.
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Okay.
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Okay.
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But it's day in this day age, I kind of I take that, you know, as a blessing.
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It is.
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Because I mean, who wants to be, you know, part of the herd?
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Right, absolutely.
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That was never meant to fit in.
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No.
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That's how I fit a lot.
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Yeah, oh, absolutely.
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It's the the square peg for the the round hole.
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It doesn't fit, you know, and it's that's that's the way that I think that's the way it should be.
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And that's how we should view ourselves, you know, it's the individuals, but yet part of the same, you know, it it's the we can be an individual as part of humanity, um in in what we think and and how we do, but we should act, you know, in grace of everybody, you know, at that point, because we're all in this together.
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Um, so now uh teenage years, of course, those are difficult.
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So, you know, go fast forward a little bit here.
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So what years were a little wow for me.
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Yeah.
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So I mean, so you have this, so you you move into this chaos, you're six, you're newly adopted, your name changes, you're a new school district, you go through all of these transitions and changes.
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Teenage years get a little bit wild.
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I mean, is there is there a rebellion in there?
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Is there you you act out?
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Is that what happens?
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Yeah.
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What happened?
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I think I I would say I got with the program.
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Okay.
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Um, and I did.
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I did I did that.
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I took off.
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I see went to jail a couple of times.
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Yeah.
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Wow.
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Got a little wild.
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Okay.
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She do.
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Tell.
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Oh, do tell, please.
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Yeah, please.
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I don't know about what I'm doing it.
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But I was very rebellious and I did not like um authority.
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So Yeah, I know I can understand.
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I mean, because they took you from your classroom and the every other bit of life that you knew.
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Yes.
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So, I mean, your association, I can understand.
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Okay, so let's continue, please.
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Yeah, it was, it was uh, it got real wild.
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I did a lot of fighting.
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Uh-huh.
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A lot of fighting, but it was really because I came from this big family where we kind of just we didn't know too much about family, but what we did understand is family is one fight we all fight.
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That's all we was taught.
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Okay.
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Like till this day, we have a hard time coming together and sticking together unless it's for a fight or a funeral.
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Okay.
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Okay.
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And then there might be a fight at the immunity.
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It depends, it just depends.
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So I kind of I I evolved and I I I became what they were.
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Um, and I think it was probably just to protect myself, if anything.
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Yeah.
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But I took on that role and I took it on well.
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But um, I grew from that.
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Uh I did grow from that because not too long when I was, I'm gonna say it was preteen to teenage years, up to the jail time, I was 17 years old and I became homeless.
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Okay.
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So I didn't I really had to grow up.
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Yeah.
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I was also finishing my last year of high school.
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So nobody knew I was homeless or I was, you know, kind of cow hopping friend here, friend there.
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Mm-hmm.
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And uh the good thing is my school had just turned us into like us to where we were where you had to wear a uniform.
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So it was like, okay, I had like two shirts and and one pair of pants, and I would just, you know, hand wash those or take them to somebody's house, throw them in, you know.
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And I just got through.
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And that's and I I was determined to graduate.
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Yes.
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You know, because I had felt like I was at that point where I didn't really have a lot of people.
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Yeah.
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Especially family, as big as my family was, so it was like either I can wallow in it or I can just grow above it.
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Right.
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Keep going and let them know that, you know, I'm good.
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I'm okay.
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Right.
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I can do this.
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And then that's what I did.
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Right.
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So you put your you put your support behind you and you chose you to make those decisions.
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That's right.
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Mm-hmm.
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Yeah.
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So you graduated.
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Yes.
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Excellent.
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Yes.
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Congratulations, of course, with that.
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And after high school, what did you what did you decide to do?
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What did you want to do?
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I uh went, I started going to a nursing school to become a CNA.
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Mm-hmm.
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And I did that.
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Um that's a hard business to be in.
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Hell no lie, yeah.
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It was not, it was not for me.
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Yeah.
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I thought as a kid it was something I wanted to do.
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And then it was just like one of those things, I guess you just think of that as a kid.
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Because at the high school, I really didn't know.
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I didn't know which way I was gonna go where I was gonna go, and then this program was like, hey, we're offering this program.
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And I was like, oh, I gotta take it.
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Right.
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So I just did it.
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I just you know, and I did it, and it was it was okay, but like you say, that's a hard job.
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It's not for everybody.
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And I stopped doing that.
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And I just, you know, found another job and I started working, and as soon as I wanted to move, I wanted to change the environment I was in.
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Right.
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So that's what I did.
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Right.
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I just left.
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I took off and I went to Monroe.
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Okay.
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That was that was real different.
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It's a a a a shock.
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Yeah.
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I mean, because you were growing up, were you on the east side of Detroit?
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Right.
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So when you're in city limits, uh, I mean, it's it it's a complete difference.
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Um between it was like being in the country.
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Yeah, it's very rural.
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Um, it's uh and flat.
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Monroe County is so flat.
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It was different.
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It was very uh what if uh it was emotional.
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Yeah, it was an emotional roller coaster.
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I think that that was a good stepping stone for me.
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Yeah.
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Sometimes you it's hard, it's hard to do, but you have to sit with the things that are uncomfortable to find out what's truly meant for you.
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You do you have to get comfortable with the uncomfortable.
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Exactly.
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You definitely do.
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Exactly.
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And I'm still pushing myself to do that.
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And you know, in so many different ways.
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Like with my job, where, you know, I might well I mean you might be scared to take that promotion, but I'm like, no, I'm gonna take it.
00:12:41.319 --> 00:12:41.879
Yes.
00:12:42.119 --> 00:12:43.719
Even if it makes me uncomfortable.
00:12:43.959 --> 00:12:44.519
Right.
00:12:44.839 --> 00:12:46.919
So yeah, that's what I did.
00:12:47.159 --> 00:12:47.799
Exactly.
00:12:47.959 --> 00:12:52.599
And where do you, you know, so how long did you live in Monroe for?
00:12:52.839 --> 00:12:54.519
I lived in Monroe for three years.
00:12:54.759 --> 00:12:55.079
Okay.
00:12:55.639 --> 00:12:57.639
And they got some really good people out there.
00:12:57.799 --> 00:12:59.639
Monroe, they helped us a lot.
00:13:00.199 --> 00:13:09.399
I I moved in and I was like scared it was I wasn't gonna be able to do this and this and that, but they they had programs and and more than I could think.
00:13:09.559 --> 00:13:14.039
Like when they have that out there, you have to take advantage of it when you can because they helped me a lot.
00:13:14.119 --> 00:13:16.039
And by this time I had two children.
00:13:16.199 --> 00:13:16.519
Okay.
00:13:16.839 --> 00:13:17.639
Two of them.
00:13:17.879 --> 00:13:20.039
So I had to get away at this point?
00:13:20.519 --> 00:13:22.679
At this point, 22, 23 years old.
00:13:22.919 --> 00:13:23.559
So two kids.
00:13:23.799 --> 00:13:24.519
Twenty-three years old.
00:13:24.679 --> 00:13:25.959
Twenty-three years old is where I was.
00:13:26.119 --> 00:13:26.839
And two kids, okay.
00:13:27.079 --> 00:13:27.639
Two kids.
00:13:28.039 --> 00:13:29.959
Um, I had just had my second one.
00:13:30.199 --> 00:13:30.519
Okay.
00:13:30.919 --> 00:13:35.719
I had to get my first baby, I had to start and start school, and it was a rough journey for him.
00:13:35.959 --> 00:13:43.319
So now so you were then so at twenty-two with two kids, but one was four or three.
00:13:43.479 --> 00:13:44.119
Or twenty-three.
00:13:44.679 --> 00:13:47.879
So you were 19 when you had your first 20.
00:13:48.119 --> 00:13:48.599
Or 20.
00:13:49.000 --> 00:13:49.559
So it's right there.
00:13:49.719 --> 00:13:50.679
Yeah, so it was like right there.
00:13:51.079 --> 00:13:52.119
They they three years apart.
00:13:52.279 --> 00:13:52.439
Okay.
00:13:52.599 --> 00:13:53.639
So you were 20.
00:13:53.719 --> 00:13:55.559
I was waiting to try to figure out age here.
00:13:55.799 --> 00:14:01.000
Yeah, after I had my second baby, I just knew I just didn't want to be around it anymore.
00:14:01.159 --> 00:14:01.319
Yeah.
00:14:01.479 --> 00:14:02.919
So that's when I took off.
00:14:03.159 --> 00:14:09.239
And I saved up a lot of money, and I had enough money to move in, and you know, so I just did it.
00:14:09.319 --> 00:14:10.919
And I didn't have a job or anything.
00:14:11.000 --> 00:14:11.159
Right.
00:14:11.479 --> 00:14:12.519
Jumped in there.
00:14:12.919 --> 00:14:15.479
Sometimes she just ever to to make a hard turn.
00:14:15.639 --> 00:14:16.839
Yeah, so it it was scary.
00:14:16.919 --> 00:14:17.959
It was really scary.
00:14:18.119 --> 00:14:18.439
Yeah.
00:14:18.599 --> 00:14:38.039
But um, I did it, and like I said, Monroe had a a lot of good programs, like a lot of good people out there, they end up helping me to the point where I was able to go into this program that they like paid my rent for six months, so that helped me to be able to give me get time to get a job, and then that's when I started in the uh automotive business.
00:14:38.199 --> 00:14:39.000
Right there.
00:14:40.359 --> 00:14:40.919
Perfect.
00:14:41.319 --> 00:14:41.799
Yeah.
00:14:42.119 --> 00:14:42.759
That's good.
00:14:43.079 --> 00:15:05.399
No, and and so when you find yourself so let's think about so you graduate high school, you're you're doing different things, and you know, so you're doing you're making choices for you, and now you have two little ones, you know, fast forward a little bit, you have two little ones, so you're making choices for you, but now you have two more to two little ones to worry about on top of that.
00:15:05.639 --> 00:15:05.879
Yes.
00:15:06.039 --> 00:15:14.919
So that makes your choices and and you do put yourself on hold, yeah, you know, at times when when you, you know, you're you're making sure that they're taken care of.
00:15:15.000 --> 00:15:18.839
So you do whatever it takes to make sure that your children are taken care of, right?
00:15:19.799 --> 00:15:21.079
So exactly what I'm doing.
00:15:21.479 --> 00:15:39.479
What what did you you know, so like what do you, you know, what are you most proud of of what you've had to teach yourself or learn about yourself because of the situation you so go back to like age six, you know, or pre-six, you know, foster care being bounced around.
00:15:39.719 --> 00:15:46.119
You have those moments where you feel, you know, well, I'm unloved or or not wanted or something of that.
00:15:46.279 --> 00:15:54.759
And then your life, it takes you seem to take a lot of hard rights, you know, uh, or lefts, either way, if you want to look at it, you know, whatever could be good or bad.
00:15:54.919 --> 00:15:59.559
Um, I'm not gonna assign which is right or, you know, or correct for that choice.
00:15:59.799 --> 00:16:04.599
But, you know, you're taken out of school at age six by the authorities.
00:16:04.759 --> 00:16:12.519
So I can understand the the going against any type of authority figure at that point because your teachers are in on it, the police are in on it.
00:16:12.679 --> 00:16:14.039
I mean, if you think about it, right?
00:16:14.199 --> 00:16:20.599
It's like everybody that's supposed to protect you is taking you away from the life that you know and taking away your brother, you know.
00:16:20.759 --> 00:16:25.559
So there's there's these things that in age six that you know you can understand your rebellion, right?
00:16:25.959 --> 00:16:32.439
And so what if um so how do you relate that to your kids?
00:16:32.519 --> 00:16:37.399
You know, how do you how what's different in you and how you raise them?
00:16:38.279 --> 00:16:46.039
Um, I'm always trying to make sure that they have a better opportunity in life than I did.
00:16:46.199 --> 00:16:46.839
Right.
00:16:47.239 --> 00:16:52.039
Um so trying to give them like that easy flow kind of feel.
00:16:52.199 --> 00:16:52.439
Right.
00:16:52.599 --> 00:16:58.119
But I don't always think that that's the best way to go because I just kind of give them anything that they want and stuff like that.
00:16:58.199 --> 00:16:59.079
Right, you know.
00:16:59.399 --> 00:17:04.200
So I really am still struggling, trying to find the balance in between that and which way to go.
00:17:04.440 --> 00:17:14.599
Like I struggle even just trying to punish them, like, oh, you can't have this, but then like a couple days later, I'm like, nah, here you can have it, but you know, so I'm still still from the biggest.
00:17:14.759 --> 00:17:21.160
Well, there is a balance because you are taking it away, you know, and so they at least get the taste of it not being there.
00:17:21.480 --> 00:17:31.159
I'm definitely better because the older they're getting and they're teenagers and preteens now, but they're teenagers now, and it's is it's definitely tough.
00:17:31.639 --> 00:17:32.039
Yes.
00:17:32.279 --> 00:17:38.759
Um, but it's more just about me to letting them know that you know we can overcome.
00:17:39.000 --> 00:17:39.159
Right.
00:17:39.559 --> 00:17:40.279
Overcome anything.
00:17:40.440 --> 00:17:40.679
Right.
00:17:40.839 --> 00:17:43.480
That's what I tell them on a daily basis.
00:17:43.639 --> 00:17:45.079
You can overcome anything.
00:17:45.399 --> 00:17:48.599
They're mad, they come in after school, you can overcome this.
00:17:48.679 --> 00:17:49.159
It's okay.
00:17:49.319 --> 00:17:49.559
Right.
00:17:49.720 --> 00:17:50.200
It's okay.
00:17:50.359 --> 00:17:50.440
Right.
00:17:50.679 --> 00:17:51.159
It's okay.
00:17:51.319 --> 00:17:54.679
Like trying to teach them to have a stronger mind.
00:17:55.159 --> 00:17:55.480
Yeah.
00:17:55.799 --> 00:17:58.119
Over than um anything.
00:17:58.279 --> 00:18:06.359
Because when I was about, when I was a teenager, I start kind of getting into like astrology, astrology and numerology, and it kind of go hand in hand.
00:18:06.519 --> 00:18:10.919
Um, I was studying up on these things and I realized that I was a nine path life.
00:18:11.480 --> 00:18:14.759
And it was telling me basically that I'm like a chameleon.
00:18:15.480 --> 00:18:20.039
And that I could just evolve and and and and you know, just blend in anywhere in any.
00:18:20.359 --> 00:18:26.279
So it was very important based off the environment that I was in and the people that I was around.
00:18:26.359 --> 00:18:26.679
Right.
00:18:26.839 --> 00:18:29.079
That was going to make me, you know, be better.
00:18:29.319 --> 00:18:35.799
So keeping them around good people, good environments, good schools, you know, that's what I'm trying to do.
00:18:36.519 --> 00:18:39.720
Don't know if I'm doing it right, but I'm trying to do better.
00:18:39.960 --> 00:18:40.200
Yeah.
00:18:40.359 --> 00:18:40.679
You know.
00:18:41.079 --> 00:18:41.799
But that's good.
00:18:41.960 --> 00:18:45.399
But it is the the fact is, is that you're recognizing that.
00:18:46.119 --> 00:18:47.399
And that's that's a brilliant thing.
00:18:47.480 --> 00:19:12.519
I mean, as a parent, I'm not, um, so I have no uh ability to to uh um I don't even say judge criticize, I'm not even gonna say those words because those are like not really good words when you talk about parenting, but it's like when you're young like that, you're you it it's tough because you're like it's children raising children, if you think about it, because you're not fully in your, you know, the 20s.
00:19:12.599 --> 00:19:16.599
I always have said that it is our period, like everything's messy.
00:19:17.079 --> 00:19:21.480
You know, we're trying to figure it out because somebody had to take care of us zero to 18.
00:19:21.639 --> 00:19:21.960
Yeah.
00:19:22.119 --> 00:19:29.319
You know, so when I'm not saying that it's bad to have kids, is some people are just ready to have kids right then and there.
00:19:29.480 --> 00:19:36.039
I'm not saying it's bad to have kids in your 20s or anything, but I just know if I had kids in my 20s, I would have really screwed it up.
00:19:36.119 --> 00:19:41.799
I would have screwed them up and now then there would have been some, you know, some things carrying on into the future, you know.
00:19:41.879 --> 00:19:50.119
It's just because of because I know that where I was, I don't, you know, I probably would have just suffered or not suffered, but I would have gotten through it.
00:19:50.279 --> 00:19:55.399
I say suffer because I look at it and say I probably was not equipped to have kids, and it was probably a good thing.
00:19:55.559 --> 00:20:10.119
Um, because I I my biggest joke is that I would be like the Von Trapp family from Sound of Music, that I would blow a whistle and that they would line up if I had a troop of kids, that they'd line up my height and age and salute me when I walked in the door.
00:20:11.480 --> 00:20:17.639
Um so again, so uh no probably a good idea that I didn't have kids now that I say this out loud, Jess.
00:20:20.759 --> 00:20:21.399
But okay.
00:20:22.039 --> 00:20:24.440
I just you know what, my mother was stern.
00:20:24.519 --> 00:20:27.399
So that was probably her coming out in me just like that.
00:20:27.559 --> 00:20:31.240
I was the, you know, um essentially was raised an only child.
00:20:31.399 --> 00:20:34.599
So um I was that overachiever.
00:20:34.679 --> 00:20:37.319
I just wanted to please everybody and just get it done.
00:20:37.559 --> 00:20:37.799
Yeah.
00:20:38.039 --> 00:20:42.359
But sometimes, you know, we get you get caught in that loop, you know, you see.
00:20:42.679 --> 00:20:44.919
I mean, I love kids, don't get me wrong, but it's hard.
00:20:45.079 --> 00:20:46.440
They're they're hard to raise.
00:20:46.599 --> 00:20:56.359
They're they go through their, like you say, the teens and and terrible twos and and you know, snotty sevens and everything else that goes with it.
00:20:56.599 --> 00:21:09.480
But it's just like it's hard when when you're on a path, you've you put some challenges in there, um, and and you know, not to impress that uh upon your kids, you know.
00:21:09.559 --> 00:21:15.960
So I'm so happy that you're trying to lift them and that you recognize the environment thing.
00:21:16.119 --> 00:21:17.319
Um, because that's important.
00:21:17.399 --> 00:21:18.599
I always say sum of five.
00:21:18.679 --> 00:21:21.720
You're the sum of the five people you associate with most, right?
00:21:22.039 --> 00:21:32.200
So if you start to build your circle around the people that you want to be like the most, then then that's where all of that starts to attract your way.
00:21:32.440 --> 00:21:33.639
That's exactly what it is.
00:21:33.720 --> 00:21:35.159
That's exactly how it works.
00:21:35.399 --> 00:21:38.359
Just change your mindset, the look of things and everything.
00:21:38.679 --> 00:21:48.039
But I do believe, you know, uh with the kids, when when you have kids, or maybe not when you get pregnant, maybe maybe a month down the line after you have maybe two.
00:21:48.119 --> 00:21:48.519
I don't know.
00:21:48.679 --> 00:21:51.960
At some point, there's something that just clicks, right?
00:21:52.519 --> 00:21:55.159
And every good parent wants the same thing.
00:21:55.240 --> 00:21:57.720
They want to do better than their parents.
00:21:57.799 --> 00:21:57.879
Right.
00:21:58.039 --> 00:22:00.599
They want to raise you better than what their parents did.
00:22:00.679 --> 00:22:07.159
It might be something and you know, made you so mad when you was, you know, younger and your teenage is just like, I'll never do that to my kid.
00:22:07.240 --> 00:22:14.119
And you hold on to that, you hold on that so that you know the goal is always to just for them to be better, better than you, yeah.
00:22:14.359 --> 00:22:17.879
Than how you was raised, better than how it was when you grew up, right?
00:22:18.039 --> 00:22:21.159
Better for them when they, you know, do take off and could work.
00:22:21.240 --> 00:22:25.319
Maybe if the Lord is willing, sorry, have to be, you know.
00:22:25.799 --> 00:22:55.879
religious it won't have to you're fine well right right if you can yes if you can do something that can you can per create that generational loan provide I would have changed everything right and and you've changed the trajectory of what your past was and that they don't have to live with that that that you can change that completely and the future you know the future uh descendants of your line and you know that's that's starting my own little my own little family.
00:22:56.119 --> 00:22:57.480
Yeah just three of us.
00:22:57.720 --> 00:23:14.039
No but that's that's perfect though because that's you know you take that and then that's the part that you grow and then when they they can create you know they're going to find a uh their match and and create and then be able to expand and and you can be that starting point.
00:23:14.359 --> 00:23:15.720
Not about the foundation.
00:23:15.879 --> 00:23:16.119
Yes.
00:23:16.359 --> 00:23:23.879
If I'm strong enough you're the queen of the memory and therefore yeah so right yeah so oh no that's that's brilliant.
00:23:24.039 --> 00:23:26.039
I like that I do like that a lot.
00:23:26.279 --> 00:23:30.440
Now what is so when you how how old are you may ask?
00:23:30.599 --> 00:23:31.240
I'm 35.
00:23:31.480 --> 00:23:39.559
You're 35 okay so so we've got our teenagers now so you've you've put your life on hold really at this point.
00:23:39.879 --> 00:23:49.799
What are what are some things that that you hope to do so when the kids grow up and and you're able to create things for them, let's see and your generation what what are you hoping to do?
00:23:49.879 --> 00:23:51.319
What do you what do you want to achieve?
00:23:51.639 --> 00:23:56.599
I would like to become a realtor and I I really want to flip houses.
00:23:56.679 --> 00:24:07.319
Yeah I'm really into to building houses I'm talking about even if it's from the ground up that's how I would like to build my house from the ground up that would be my dream house of course but I want to flip houses.
00:24:07.480 --> 00:24:07.799
Right.
00:24:07.960 --> 00:24:13.240
I want to sell around selling these big fancy houses and you know walking around in my heels and stuff.
00:24:13.319 --> 00:24:27.079
I look like town boy today but yeah that's how I look all the time like professional in my glasses go around about these houses and talk about the bones of the house and destroy like I love it.
00:24:27.159 --> 00:24:32.919
That's my thing but I'm really into interior designing so yeah of hoping that I could flip the house stage the house and sell it.
00:24:33.079 --> 00:24:43.879
Do the whole thing and and of course you want to be licensed you want to get a core licensed builder you want to be a licensed realtor just because all of those things um because it I always say why do you want to leave money on the table?
00:24:44.039 --> 00:25:09.960
You know it's like if you're gonna pay all these other people why pay full price you know where you become a builder and then you can pay sub rates you know if you why become you know why have a realtor sell your house when you can sell enlist your own house and not pay a full commission you know and you just pay the co-op and so that way you're saving money along the way as well um enhancing that your your profit margins and that's how you make the money to roll into the next house and that's how you do it.
00:25:10.200 --> 00:25:14.359
I mean it sounds so easy but it's just it's it takes a little bit to do there.
00:25:15.559 --> 00:25:54.440
But when you're raising two teenagers and you're you know working full time how do you how do you like that's the part you know that's the hard part that's you know we talked to somebody in um last season we talked about the nine to five you know so you work nine to five or or whatever the shift that you're on because you're in the automotive industry right now but whatever the shift that you might be on you still have to sleep you still have to take care of the kids you still have to eat you still have to go grocery shopping so it's like where do you find the time to be able to go and take those classes to get licensed to live your dream still have not found that out yet.
00:25:54.599 --> 00:25:54.839
Right.
00:25:55.079 --> 00:25:56.839
But I am figuring it out.
00:25:57.079 --> 00:26:00.759
I am figuring out as we speak my son my oldest now is 15.
00:26:00.839 --> 00:26:01.960
He'll be 16 this year.
00:26:02.119 --> 00:26:09.079
Right um soon he'll be able to drive work that right there is gonna like take a a lot off of me.
00:26:09.240 --> 00:26:19.879
Right once he gets to that point couple years down the line after that he should be done with school out of school and then I have one to focus on like I'm just I'm trying to you know plan it as you know well you're young.
00:26:20.039 --> 00:26:26.919
See so this is this is benefit because you're young you've got a lot you said little slowdown yes when I can take my classes.
00:26:27.159 --> 00:26:57.720
Right and you can refocus and shift right shift that to you because you know that's another thing is I mean when we spoke with um another uh another uh interview last season and it it it was talking about just re reconnecting with yourself or finding yourself again after being mom or after being a missus or after being whatever it could be you know it's like it was it's because your identity really shifts to just being such and such as mom.
00:26:57.960 --> 00:26:59.159
You know, that's really how it is.
00:26:59.319 --> 00:27:04.519
Oh that's you know Bobby's mom or whatever the cool name is these days.
00:27:04.599 --> 00:27:06.759
I don't know because again no kids here.
00:27:06.839 --> 00:27:23.079
So I mean I think you'd think I would know better I know better with names because of taxes and stuff like that because you see like the whole gamut of names that come across so many there's too many on a regular basis right maybe it's a little bit confusing there.
00:27:23.240 --> 00:27:29.079
But but no um so definitely that is like an amazing industry to be in.
00:27:29.240 --> 00:28:15.159
So I think that is something that you definitely should um you should start making strives for start building like a portfolio book and showing some designs you know because you can do some of the things without needing the licensing you know so the selling of the houses and the building of course that's that's a little bit more difficult but you can get into the the interior design start doing a little bit with like friends in that you know and do the the the the room for less kind of situation have taken like an architectural digest and say pick a room I'll do the same thing in your house for a third of the cost or or 10% you know because you can actually do that um with uh upcharge of what furniture is and things like that and take pictures and build a portfolio and show what you're capable of.
00:28:15.399 --> 00:28:31.079
Yes I'm working on building the portfolio because I'll do like other little stuff you know like maybe my my best friend birthday comes up how decorated her cake and when people see the cake they'll be like oh where did you buy this from like oh it's crazy you know so I have like pictures and stuff like that from that.
00:28:31.240 --> 00:28:34.200
So I'm working on building the portfolio go to your creative side.
00:28:34.440 --> 00:28:39.559
Just the fact that my time is just I have so little time like even after this I have to go to work.
00:28:39.799 --> 00:28:42.119
Yes well I know be home to five o'clock in the morning.
00:28:42.359 --> 00:28:43.319
Yeah so I get it.
00:28:43.399 --> 00:28:45.799
So then you got to get your sleep and you got to do some things.
00:28:45.960 --> 00:28:47.079
So I totally understand.
00:28:47.159 --> 00:29:00.119
But it's the it that's the part and then so when you do have that moment to breathe it it's hard to not want just to get that extra hour of sleep or sometimes because it is when you're running around and doing everything else.
00:29:00.839 --> 00:29:04.919
And and so there will be time you're young so that's that's the beautiful thing.
00:29:05.079 --> 00:29:12.759
And that's the great thing about how we how we function is you know we give ourselves the ability to transition.
00:29:13.079 --> 00:29:38.919
I mean you've had some hard hard turns in your life but once you were able to take control of it you it seems like you you became the driver and and you said no nobody is going to take control of this wheel again and and and that that when you've selected and made the choices for yourself that's that's the that's the part that's impressive.
00:29:41.799 --> 00:29:49.240
You know if I even as a kid you kind of just sit there and daydream about this and about that but those daydreams became manifestations.
00:29:49.399 --> 00:29:50.200
You know what I'm saying?
00:29:50.279 --> 00:30:05.799
And well I mean I so what do you tell somebody that's out there listening that says you know I'm maybe not adopted but maybe I'm in a similar situation where I'm just I'm unhappy with with my environment I want something better for myself.
00:30:06.039 --> 00:30:18.119
I mean how do they get that same courage that you took to jump or even when you're nine months pregnant and you know you have a little one and and you're like okay I'm I I need a different environment.
00:30:18.359 --> 00:30:19.720
How do you make those decisions?
00:30:19.799 --> 00:30:34.839
I mean it's anywhere you just do it yeah but and even if you scared sometimes you just gotta jump off the porch and just jump in there you know right you never know what can happen unless you you you you you fail when you don't try at all.
00:30:35.079 --> 00:30:35.559
Right?
00:30:35.799 --> 00:30:36.279
That's true.
00:30:36.679 --> 00:31:07.639
I say do it I say do it and every time yourself with great people right keep yourself around good people you know you know this crowd is doing this and doing that you know stay out of it I might mess around for a couple hours party a little bit but you know I've got to go back where it's safe you know where I know I can build over here you know sometimes it's about the company you keep the environment you're in and definitely the mind say you have to keep going you gotta do it you just gotta do it.
00:31:07.879 --> 00:31:13.399
I I do make the joke that you have to have a little spice in life otherwise you'll melt in the rain.
00:31:13.720 --> 00:31:51.319
So can't be all sugar right so yeah um but no that's that's one of my favorites you might and that you might not always say so exactly that one and I always say um I ask for forgiveness never for permission so because uh well and that's a guarded one because there's certain you know certain things um I definitely wouldn't cross the line on but um but yeah so I I mean when you you were young when you recognized that though that in order to lift yourself up sometimes you just have to jump and and change your environment.
00:31:51.879 --> 00:31:55.720
Um what so what do you teach your teach your kids right now?
00:31:55.799 --> 00:31:58.919
What do you tell them as they're entering teenage years?
00:31:59.159 --> 00:32:06.599
Because you got rebellious so you've tried to provide for them now uh a good life so now what do you teach them coming from all of that?
00:32:07.399 --> 00:32:22.440
Um I really just try to stay on top of them about self-worth because I feel like if they know their self-worth they won't allow themselves to go down or be down or be around down people.
00:32:22.599 --> 00:32:28.279
And if they are they I keep like an open floor open table I'm talking about me and my kids we talk about everything.
00:32:28.359 --> 00:32:31.879
There is nothing we cannot talk about we talk about everything.
00:32:32.039 --> 00:32:32.359
Right.
00:32:32.679 --> 00:32:39.799
So being able to because that's that's a hard thing especially when you have teenagers like I've had boys and I don't have girls.
00:32:39.879 --> 00:32:45.240
If I had girls it might be a little bit rougher to to get them to be able to stay open and be able to do that.
00:32:45.319 --> 00:32:52.200
But so with the girls I can't really say but I will say being able to keep that table open that opened up a lot of doors.
00:32:52.279 --> 00:32:59.960
Now you get to know where your kid is coming from or where your kid is going through or where he or she mind place might be and you can kind of know where to guide them from there.
00:33:00.039 --> 00:33:05.240
But when you don't know and they not telling you know they it can go down really fast.
00:33:05.720 --> 00:33:17.960
And how do you how do you think you're able to get them to open up I don't know it's like I'm I've I'm kind of soft with my kids but I'm also not too soft.
00:33:18.359 --> 00:33:20.359
I try to find like that middle ground.
00:33:20.599 --> 00:33:20.919
Okay.
00:33:21.639 --> 00:33:25.799
So it's like they know they know what buttons not to push.
00:33:26.119 --> 00:33:30.759
They definitely know what buttons not to push and they know once they're being pushed they to run.
00:33:31.000 --> 00:33:50.919
Yeah run and hide so but it's really mostly about respect and mileshold respect respect respect respect comes first yeah you respect yourself you respect others right and then we'll grow right and and and that's it because as I when I was a teenager that that's what I lacked.
00:33:51.079 --> 00:33:51.960
I lacked respect.
00:33:52.039 --> 00:33:55.399
I did not have respect for others.
00:33:55.879 --> 00:34:07.079
And I and I was around you know other people who didn't have respect for others either so right so that's what you learned from your environment so you're trying to change that behav that learned behavior because it truly is learned behavior.
00:34:07.319 --> 00:34:38.360
It is and it's a habit so a habit takes 30 days to change I'll tell kids you know just not everybody is always you know so yeah I don't really know what the word to use like you know what I'm saying well no some people vibes energy whatever you want to call it you know some people are always consistently going to be negative some people are always going to be stuck in their rut and never want to change themselves and toxic and all of those keywords and and all of the things that they you know that they say out there.
00:34:38.920 --> 00:34:54.440
But it it's important that you're teaching them to be voiceful, talk about their concerns but then also to be able to tell them to choose their own path and they don't have to follow the same paths that was what it was.
00:34:54.679 --> 00:35:03.960
That's right I'm always telling them be a leader be a leader you are a leader you are a leader you're not a follower you do not have to do what the next person does you do exactly what you want to do.
00:35:04.199 --> 00:35:04.519
Right.
00:35:04.759 --> 00:35:09.559
This is your world I let them know that you know if they can think about it then it will become their reality.
00:35:09.960 --> 00:35:10.279
Right.
00:35:10.679 --> 00:35:12.119
It's all in about the mindset.
00:35:12.360 --> 00:35:14.599
Right the mindset changes everything.
00:35:14.759 --> 00:35:19.639
Yeah exactly it's like literally on my wall so that as you walk in mindset changes everything.
00:35:19.880 --> 00:35:53.079
Right and that's uh and that's so encouraging because there's so many parents I mean there's uh parents busy lives everybody works I mean the fact that you're working overnight shifts midnight shifts uh graveyard shifts whatever you want to call it um you're getting home as they're going to school so at least you have the ability to make sure that they're up and out of that's a you know what uh what month so to make sure that they're getting their education and doing what they're supposed to be doing so you get to sleep then you get to be awake again when they come home and and you can still have your your life with them.
00:35:54.039 --> 00:36:00.039
They just have a little bit of uh free time in the evenings, which they should be doing homework and going to bed anyway.
00:36:00.279 --> 00:36:04.440
So um but it's it's a good routine you know that's my routine.
00:36:04.759 --> 00:36:08.920
And that's exactly why I chose to work those laces where people be like how are you doing that?
00:36:09.000 --> 00:36:09.480
How are you doing?
00:36:09.559 --> 00:36:10.279
How are you keep going?
00:36:10.519 --> 00:36:12.119
Like but that's that's how I do it.
00:36:12.440 --> 00:36:20.440
But that's because yeah because you can you can take care of your family and earn income to be able to take care of everything.
00:36:20.679 --> 00:36:21.079
Yep.
00:36:21.320 --> 00:36:30.519
So so outside of of getting some licensing and and growing your empire um what's the immediate next thing for you?
00:36:30.679 --> 00:36:34.519
What's your what's your your biggest thing on your plate right now?
00:36:35.480 --> 00:36:43.159
Right now I am I'm I'm really thinking about the money.
00:36:43.559 --> 00:36:50.119
No it's all crazy but I feel like without without the coins I can't really make a move.
00:36:50.519 --> 00:37:03.799
So right now I'm getting into like other things outside of just my regular job to earn extra income like um I don't know getting into um professional trading doing that is crazy because my youngest son is teaching me.
00:37:04.440 --> 00:37:11.159
It's amazing the younger the younger they are the better the faster they are to understand certain things.
00:37:11.239 --> 00:37:22.279
Yeah yeah he he like will practice on like a demo version and he showed me he made like$7,000 in like three days and I'm just like I think this might be we might need to do this.
00:37:22.440 --> 00:37:27.480
So right now it's about just stacking up that money until I have that time frame to do what I want to do.
00:37:27.639 --> 00:37:27.799
Right.
00:37:28.119 --> 00:37:52.199
What's I mean because that's always a big concern because if you're going to go into a venture or something um there's a lot of things that you can jump into but it you know whether you can be financed right away or you have to do some things out of pocket or you know a a lot of you know what I got into early on I mean we were coming out of a recession financing was out of the question from anything.
00:37:52.360 --> 00:37:58.599
So it's like anything that we started like we, you know, business wise was you know we started with no capital.
00:37:58.679 --> 00:38:03.799
It's just what we had basically and then any profit you just dive right back into the business.
00:38:04.039 --> 00:38:13.320
Because I did I flipped a few houses and we did make some money but it just then it got competitive and then the market rate you know that you couldn't find any deals in real estate.
00:38:13.400 --> 00:38:20.360
So it was too heavy in in in how expensive the houses were so unless you were going into certain areas.
00:38:20.599 --> 00:38:30.119
But there um but there's still um there's still a lot in in many areas that are still quiet areas that haven't been discovered yet.
00:38:30.360 --> 00:38:35.400
And I think Michigan is the place where people are going to be coming to so this is the place to do it.
00:38:35.559 --> 00:38:38.119
So too it's a great state.
00:38:38.360 --> 00:38:39.400
I really think so too.
00:38:39.559 --> 00:38:45.719
It really is it is a great state so yeah but and then it short distance go I might take a trip.
00:38:45.880 --> 00:38:58.599
I really work work work and I have not took a vacation you have to pay yourself probably ever I don't ever took an You need to pay yourself because see if you work yourself to the point of exhaustion um then you're no good for anybody.
00:38:59.000 --> 00:39:02.119
So you need on it you need to recharge yourself.
00:39:02.199 --> 00:39:03.159
So you should do that.
00:39:03.239 --> 00:39:06.759
You should you should take care of yourself and do something fun for you.
00:39:07.239 --> 00:39:13.159
Just whereas somebody like waits on you and takes care of you and and oh my goodness that sounds so good.
00:39:13.320 --> 00:39:19.320
Yeah I just I I would like to just lay on the beach like in one of those like little bungalow things and just listen to the waves.
00:39:19.400 --> 00:39:27.159
I don't have to be in the sun or anything but just you hear the the wind and the waves crashing and and somebody just serving trays of like fresh fruit.
00:39:27.400 --> 00:39:29.159
Oh I'm like I'm loving it right here.
00:39:29.320 --> 00:39:41.799
Oh yeah so I'd I'd be happy to take a vacation yeah I'm ready for one too myself I think even in my job and like you know you barely miss a day you don't want to take the day off and I'm like yeah oh I need the money.
00:39:42.279 --> 00:40:24.840
Well right because you always are constantly banking it but then you know what they don't care if you you know if you're there or if you're not you know and I say that all the time you know even you know my friends they tell me all the time like you or you need to take a break yeah there's there's certain companies that you know that really care and and yeah and this one probably doesn't I'm pretty sure if I was to not replacement well yeah it's just expendable it's just that's I think that's how they look at their employees unfortunately but we don't say anything otherwise but but it's just it it it's unfortunate that that it goes that way sometimes it really is it really is and pisses me off but I'm gonna take I'm gonna take their vacation.
00:40:25.079 --> 00:40:31.079
You better and I'ma just relax well like about four days.
00:40:31.639 --> 00:40:32.599
I think that's perfect.
00:40:32.840 --> 00:40:37.559
Yeah and that's probably just enough because you'll get itchy by the end of four days and you'll need something to do.
00:40:37.799 --> 00:40:37.960
Right.
00:40:38.039 --> 00:40:38.759
Yeah and be home.
00:40:39.559 --> 00:40:47.239
So yeah so just unplug four days unplug for four days and take a deep breath for you and and that's that's probably exactly what you need.
00:40:47.480 --> 00:40:48.279
I think so too.
00:40:48.360 --> 00:40:49.880
So I'm definitely gonna do that.
00:40:50.119 --> 00:40:50.679
Perfect.
00:40:50.840 --> 00:40:53.799
Well on that note let's talk about your personal anthem.
00:40:54.119 --> 00:40:58.360
So you know one of the things that I always ask all of our guests is what is your personal anthem?
00:40:58.519 --> 00:41:03.159
It could be multiple songs it could be one song but it's just it's it's the song that speaks to you.
00:41:03.239 --> 00:41:20.840
So it's like maybe it's the song that you you turn on before you go into work to give you that that pump you up like I I got this I can get through today or or maybe the song that you turn on um that reminds you you know of the birth of one of your kids maybe you know and it's just something some words or lyrics that touch you.
00:41:21.799 --> 00:41:28.679
It is a song uh it's called do it anyway that's what it's called Spiny Nice.
00:41:28.920 --> 00:41:34.360
And who sings uh Erica her name is Erica I will have to find out her best name Okay no you're fine.
00:41:34.440 --> 00:41:35.480
We'll we'll put it on there.
00:41:35.559 --> 00:41:38.039
So do it anyway it's called Okay.
00:41:38.360 --> 00:41:41.880
And why um why does that song um speak to you?
00:41:42.199 --> 00:41:50.440
Because it kind of just remind me of how far I've come yeah and how much farther I'm gonna keep going.
00:41:50.679 --> 00:41:58.759
Yeah it reminds me that everything that happened in the past really it it doesn't matter anymore.
00:41:59.000 --> 00:42:00.599
It mattered up until a certain point.
00:42:00.679 --> 00:42:06.360
It helped me grow and build to who I am now but let it go and just keep going.
00:42:06.599 --> 00:42:06.840
Right.
00:42:07.000 --> 00:42:13.400
You know because you're here you're here right now in this moment as we're present you know and that's that's the key.
00:42:13.559 --> 00:42:23.400
I mean because you truly are I mean it's because if you think about it there's so many different roads that you could have or paths or whatever you want to call it that you could have chosen.
00:42:23.559 --> 00:42:45.799
You could have said and and you could have used that as a um as a a crutch let's call it you know oh my life changed when I was six my life changed again when this happened my life changed I chose this this is why I ended up here and it's like no but you could have chosen the opposite exactly and that's what you did.
00:42:46.119 --> 00:42:50.279
You said yes this is where I started but that's not where I'm gonna end.
00:42:50.519 --> 00:42:55.799
Yeah like you always have those two paths in front of you you just choose which one you want to go down.
00:42:56.039 --> 00:42:56.440
Right.
00:42:56.679 --> 00:42:58.679
And that's just it's inspiring.
00:42:58.920 --> 00:43:11.880
It's just because there's there's so many people that choose the other way and use the reason because of yeah but I feel like I have a lot of a lot of goals and things I want to see or a lot of stuff that I'm I've overcome.
00:43:12.039 --> 00:43:12.360
Yeah.
00:43:12.599 --> 00:43:23.000
So to go backwards would just be a waste of time like so much time wasted growing and and and you know what I'm saying and preparing myself for the future just to go back would be crazy.
00:43:23.239 --> 00:43:28.119
So even when I come over like that little hurdle in life I'm like we definitely not going back.
00:43:28.279 --> 00:43:37.400
Yeah you know what I'm saying so every hurdle for me means we going we going up we going we're getting a little higher yeah we we climbed another run up that ladder.
00:43:37.719 --> 00:43:43.639
Exactly that's exactly what I'm booking at it by yeah no no no and that's uh and I I I'm 100% there with you.
00:43:43.799 --> 00:43:49.880
I I totally am there with you because that it bad things are gonna happen.
00:43:50.519 --> 00:43:52.279
You know we're resilient.
00:43:52.440 --> 00:43:59.079
You know we can we can say and acknowledge that those things are going to happen or that they did happen but they don't have hold of you.
00:43:59.320 --> 00:44:02.440
They don't have they're not uh they're not weighing you down.
00:44:02.599 --> 00:44:25.480
You've released yourself from that and said no because my life's not that my life is this I have two great individuals that I call my sons that I'm raising two great individuals to be strong men in this I wouldn't allow myself to know ever fall back or go back down that road or anything like that because I I keep fighting for them.
00:44:25.719 --> 00:44:25.880
Right.
00:44:26.360 --> 00:44:48.279
And it's hard too when you make a shift especially when and it's it there is a cultural shift different pockets of the different areas of southeastern Michigan, you know it's like if you live in one spot and then you move to a different there's different criticisms and things like that too, you know and so there's an intercultural thing that goes on and you know so there's a lot that goes with that too.
00:44:49.159 --> 00:44:57.079
And and so it's difficult when you're pulling out of an environment and trying to be part of or go into a new one.
00:44:57.400 --> 00:45:10.279
And because you've made a conscious choice because you wanted your kids in a specific school district or to be raised in a certain area and job opportunities were better for you in that area or something to that effect, you know?
00:45:10.440 --> 00:45:14.440
And it's just so it's it's very interesting on on the whole dynamic of it.
00:45:14.519 --> 00:45:15.799
And I'm just so proud of you.
00:45:15.880 --> 00:45:24.599
That's all I just say I mean I get I get to talk to you I mean I've we've been doing taxes what a few few years five years something four years something like that.
00:45:25.159 --> 00:45:37.559
Some years yeah four maybe four yeah four or five years and and so you just you're uplifting every time we talk so I just want you to know that so thank you for coming on so I just want you to know so much.
00:45:37.719 --> 00:45:41.719
And thank you for joining us on this week's episode of Life Between Coasts.
00:45:41.799 --> 00:45:53.159
Please remember to like share and subscribe so we can grow our community of listeners we'd like to thank Jasmine again for joining us on this week's episode and until then bye bye