CHARACTER BEATS REPUTATION EVERY TIME

Lets Talk: Hey everybody, welcome back to Let's Talk, a podcast by men for men. We're so glad to have you with us today. I'm with my friend Brad, my friend Coit, and we are excited to be in part three of a series of shows. We're called Built for Influence. God has called us to be influential and we want to make a difference with our lives. We want to matter. We have purpose and we have meaning. Let's do something. Coy, let's let's talk about it today. how can we we've been talking about personal growth, character transformation. What what do you got for us today? So that's kind of where we're going. Character transformation. Who are we becoming? are you living life with a purpose, with a goal? Are you going somewhere as you're living your life? Or are you going backwards or are you being stationary? So let's kind of get into it because Really what w what we find is that God tends to be more interested in who we're becoming than the image we're projecting out into the world. I love that becoming too because it it just it just tells us right there. It's a process. Yeah. Absolutely. It's a process. It's not a snap of the fingers and it's over and done with. Well and the process is up and down. It's not it's not up and to the right all the time. Yeah. It's it's Three steps forward, eight steps back, two steps forward, hop, skip, and a jump. I'm doing great. Yeah. And I blew it. I blew it. Dagged a square one. Yeah. Looks like a stock market. Yeah, yeah, exactly. so funny. What are some things that we have invested time in trying to improve, perhaps unsuccessfully? Can we skip this section? Not everything has to come back to golf. It's golf. It's golf. It's golf. I thought I figured it out and I didn't. Well, hey, at least you felt like you got there. I don't think I've ever felt like I figured golf. You know what? That that is the you we talked about the back and forth, you know. I shot a seventy eight about two weeks ago. Best round I've ever had. Front nine. No, no, no, Brad, no. It was it was a part three course. But and then I shot a ninety two like a week later, so I'm like You know, seventy eight is really good. It is it's not bad. It's really good. It was a parse seventy course. Okay. And it was Lake Park. Wide open. Yeah, but still. You shot seventy eight. I sh I just sh thank you. You know what? See, you need to surround yourself with quality. Thank you. Thank you for that encouragement. Hold on, I just want to acknowledge I'm I'm I'm very proud of you though. I'm very impressed. That's the personal growth. Maybe even a maybe a little jealous. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. No, that's really fantastic. Thank you. Thank you. I love that. Thank you. Because I know you do care about your golf. I do care. Yeah. It's important. It matters. It does, right? It's important. You have to have things that you can hold on to that are things that you're successful at, things you find victory in in life. Yeah. You know, I remember a time thinking about, you know, trying to trying to grow, improve my life. Before I got saved, I smoked and I was driving down six thirty five, I'll never forget this, and I smoke a cigarette and I take the pack and I throw it out the window. I'm like, I'm done smoking. I'm done. And I'm not I'm not joking, guys. It was five exits and I thought to myself, that was stupid and I exited. And bought another pack of cigarettes at the convenience store. Seven dollars. Lost hopeless, no direction, no purpose, no identity. I had no idea who I was becoming at all. Then he graduated to pipes and cigars and then chewing tobacco. Nothing wrong with a little cigar every now and Scrowing his own tobacco field now. It's a whole thing. So guys Just as we become adults, as we're learning and growing, we invest a lot of energy and time into building things in our lives and into kind of staking out and plotting out what that vision is, where are we going in life. And we come up with all different kinds of things for what that X at the end of the map looks like. careers, business, financial goals, what are physically what we look like. And so kind of one of the things that we wanna keep at the core of this show today is that while we're thinking about building all of this stuff in our life, we have to keep an eye and an ear connected to who are we becoming as we're building. Brad, you've got this great line in here. I'm just gonna read it out because think it's really good. your gifts can open doors. So that the the gifts that God's given us, the skills, the abilities, the capacities, can open so many doors for us in our life and our walk. But our character determines what happens after we walk through them. I really like that. and so as we're thinking about character. I wanna juxtapose it in this first conversation with reputation. let's talk about character versus reputation. What are what are the differences and how do we kind of operate in both things? I think reputation is really what people think about you at the end of the day. you know, but I think character is who you actually are. Mm. I think it's about, you know, ultimately our heart. We were talking a little bit in the pre-show about the meditation of our heart. You know, it's like what we think on, we kind of become. Yeah. And so that character at the end of the day is about the meditation of my heart. What's what's really going on in me that God wants to grow and mature or heal or help me be free from, right? And And so I I one of the things I said in the pre-show was I think meditation, the meditation of our heart is actually where where there's integrity actually lays the foundation for God to move me to new and greater things in my life. And and sometimes I think our character can stall our progress. Yeah. Yeah, I I I think both, right? It can it can stall it, it can Hold it back and it can drive it forward. Sure. Depending on what our character's up to in that moment. Absolutely. so what what are some moments in a man's life when his character is tested? Well, I think one of them is when pressure's on. You know? You've got s the heat's coming down, you've got a decision to make, or you've got a an issue that's going on and it's it's just that that boiler, man. Something's gonna blow and when it does what comes out. You know, and so if we have not developed the character reputation is not a bad thing though. You know, we we we we still want to have a good reputation. It's not that that's an evil or or bad thing. The the problem is when we emphasize that what people think about us as as Brad would say, to who we really are, then then there's an imbalance and there's there is the kind of an imposter syndrome there where we're we're projecting this, people are thinking this, but this is who we really are and and usually when we're under stress. You'd shared in the last episode of of the guy that was fishing and got ticked and then started throwing tackle and hooked his hooked his finger and you know, it just started this downward spiral. That's what a lack of character can do in your life. It'll it'll take a problem that good character would normally stand up under. might be a business deal. It might be an opportunity to cheat on your taxes. To better your financial situation so you can buy this or that or whatever. Though those are the things where it it makes a big difference. You know, I was I was thinking of you know, this idea of success. You know, in fact one of the questions why does success sometimes expose character rather than create it? Yeah. I I think in many times success is harder to keep character than when life's not going well. I agree. Because you just you start to trust in the wrong things, you start to believe that you did it and You know, I was I was listening years ago to Chris Carter. If you if you know who he is, he played wide receiver for the Minnesota Vikings for many years. Great, great receiver, great Christian man. He would go in and he would teach all the rookies and talk about, hey, you're gonna get big paychecks, you know, and and he said success he and and money, he said money doesn't change you. It just makes you a bigger, whatever you were in the first place. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And that's so true. We we We get to magnify it with success and money. But that that whoever you are will eventually come out. So who are you? Yeah. Who are you? Not what your reputation is, who are you? And and then if you are successful, if you do get money, it can make you more generous, more kind, more giving, more compassionate. man, what a great thing. Yeah. And but if you're a degenerate and you got a lot of money, you're g you could kill yourself. Yeah. I mean you could it it's like the drug addict that gets a million dollars from an inheritance. That's gonna be trouble. Mm-hmm. And so I think I think as we develop our character, under the under the pressure, 'cause the character's what? You're building that when nobody sees. Yeah. Yeah. Reputation's what everybody sees. Character is what you're doing when nobody sees. Yeah. And it's it's hard work. C bu building character is hard work. And I don't think you can outrun it. No. Meaning. Meaning your character is the qualifier. For in the kingdom, your character is the qualifier for God to move you to the next thing. It's all it all goes back to stewardship. And if I'm stewarding well, if I'm stewarding with integrity, if the meditation of my heart is pleasing and acceptable to the Lord, then there's a there's a qualifier there that allows me to move forward in my life. But I love the the money thing about accentuating and it's it makes the problems worse if my character isn't there, the maturity isn't there for me to handle it, then a Promotion, we've all seen people early promoted and they burn stuff down and create a mess and challenges and issues and it's disruptive to culture and ultimately we see guys fail and fall and moral failure and stealing money and things that are going on because the character wasn't mature enough to handle the responsibility of that new thing. Yeah. Well, it's one of the things we do at our church when I hire staff. I've y this is not original with me, but we go through the four C's. The first one is character. You know, then you have the competency, can they do their job? Then you have the chemistry, can they get along with people and then the capacity, can they can they grow, can they elevate, you know, do they can they get better? And so but character's always first. You know, you bring somebody in the ministry, they can have all that other stuff without character, it's gonna blow up. It's just a matter of time. It's just a matter of time. And so that's that's why that one's always first. Yeah. But there are careers, you know, I th I back to football. Yeah, he got arrested. Yeah, he was he's he's had a couple DUIs, but man, he's fast. He's a problem in the locker room. He's a problem in the locker room. He's good for thirty touchdowns. But he can score the ball. And so there are industries, there are there are things where, you know, that almost gets pushed to the side if somebody's ultra talented. but I but I would say even I I think of some professional football players that were ultra talented and they kind of blew their team. Yeah. It ends up catching up to you. It just it's hard to it it's hard to deal with some of that. But Yeah, no doubt. Well and like so many times I think guys try to use their reputation to stand up or to bolster or to fluff up a compromised character rather than letting their reputation flow out of a quality character. I've got an NFL wide receiver story that fits with this as well. Miles Austin, he was a receiver for the Cowboys years back. when I was an officer I worked an off duty job at a club and so I got to meet a lot of Artists, athletes, all kinds of stuff coming in and out, very popular club. And Miles Austin showed up one night and By himself, just kinda walked up a little late so there wasn't a big line or anything. It's not like he was like, you know, cutting the cutting the rope to get in front of everybody. but there's me, another officer, and the door guy are standing down there. This door guy, it's a great dude, not a sports guy. Has no idea who's just walked up. Did you know who he was? yeah, yeah. Yeah, okay. me and the other officer both did. and so he walks up and the door guy's like, hey man, like we can't we can't have hats in the in the club. Like they don't allow hats. He's like, okay man, I'll go put it back in the car. Millionaire superstar football player just walks back to his car across the parking lot, puts the hat in the car, comes back, goes back inside. We're like, dude, do you know who that is? He's like, No. He's a guy with no hat. Yeah, he's a guy following the rules. No, but like that, like that's like the perfect demonstration of your character showing in a moment where nobody's watching. Like he knew that guy had no idea who he was. Yeah. And I don't know how many people, how many athletes I've seen that a similar thing happen to, and they cause the biggest fit. I'm calling so-and-so, they're gonna get me in this place. You're gonna lose your job. I know the owner. Do you know who I am kind thing? And just like the most humble response I've ever seen in that situation. And I was like his character in that moment. built and drove his reputation. I don't know how many times I've told that story about him. People were like, man, what's the what's the coolest thing you've seen a famous person do? That's probably it. Top three at least. Yeah. so Miles, if you're listening, you're a good dude, man. but yeah, that that's just always stuck with me, like walking out that character when nobody's looking. exhibiting character when there's nothing for you to gain and there's nobody there to impress. That's powerful. 'cause that that is a true demonstration of what lies inside. When there's nobody there to give you accolades, and there's nobody there to be like, Man, that was really cool. High five. that's powerful. And that's walking it out, and that's when your reputation will start to represent the character that's inside. transformation, as we're talking about what this looks like practically inside of us. It's not just changing what we do and how we do it. And we touched on this a little bit, right? It's in Romans twelve it talks about the transformation by renewing of our minds. And I would add to that the posture of the heart is is a big piece in that. And so when we think about that What does that look like practically? Because as guys when we're thinking about, man, like I need to be better about this and I'm I'm trying to exhibit more character, I need to stop being a butt and stop cursing people in traffic and but those are like external behavior things. How should we reframe and rephrase that for ourselves as we're looking in the mirror, trying to sort through these character issues and and start to look at it through the lens of transforming our minds and changing the posture of our heart? I was thinking of something when I was looking at this during the pre show and this this thought came to my mind that the question was how does a man actually change? Mm-hmm. And this thought came to me, you have to decide. Mm-hmm. You have to decide. I think that's the beginning place. Whether it be a health journey, whether it be a character flaw. whether it be an addiction, there there is a back to the heart posture, the renewing of your mind, you have to decide that you want to do it. I've as a minister, I've often wanted things for people more than they wanted it for themselves. Yeah. It's super frustrating. I've learned if you don't want it, I'm not gonna help you I'm not gonna be able to help you get it. Yeah. You know, and so I I think I think for men listening out there, depending on what you're trying to grow in this we're talking about change, transformation. You have to make a decision that I'm going for this. And I think that just saying it, just being bold enough to say I'm an alcoholic. I drink way too much. I need to stop. That that's a decision. rather than deflecting, well, I d you know, I I don't drink as much as I used to, or I only drink on the weekends, or I you know, or whatever the whatever the issue is, there there is a there is like a you gotta plant your flag. I have to decide on this thing. And I do think that's super huge. There there's that's just the beginning point, but I think it's the most important point. It's it's the first step. Mm-hmm. And that first step is determine. Decide. I'm going to grow in this thing and then put a plan together and whatever that plan is, do it. Yeah. No, that's that's really good. And it kind of tags into what we talked about last week with our blind spots, right? Like once you realize you have a blind spot, now you gotta do something with it. You gotta start working towards growing in that. Why and this kind of connects with what we finished last week with, why do Sun men stay stuck even when they know they need to change? Why do we find ourselves in ruts of the same issues over and over and over? Well, I think there's a there's an addiction potentially sure where we need, you know, there may be a stronghold that's at work in our mind, our heart, our spirit. maybe it's our influence of community, right? We've we're we have relationships that keep contributing to that same thing. Yeah. it could be that I just need I need freedom or I need accountability. and so I think you know we this is about being vulnerable. This is you know, going back to the blind spot thing, this is about being vulnerable and and letting myself be a little bit exposed so that others can see what are these issues. Yeah. you know, I was thinking about You know, we we have a group that we meet with and and we went around the group at one point and said, you know, there's like ten, twelve of us there and we're gonna say one thing in our life that we feel like God is working on in our heart, and every single man in that group said anger and lust. Every single one of Yep. Can't imagine. Yeah. You know? Who knew? But but but that that's powerful because that intentionality and naming that thing, yeah, that vulnerability and being transparent, that actually creates the environment where I can grow. Yeah. There there's something powerful about community with integrity. Yeah, absolutely. Man, that is so good. And I know we harp on it all the time here. The Unity and community, surrounding yourself with guys that are pulling the same direction, that are seeking the same things as you, how vital that is, not just for the change, but the sustainment of the change that we want in our lives. through accountability, through example lived, through proximity, just being around people doing the right things draws us to do the right things. you'd mentioned pressure revealing character earlier. And I think a really good litmus test for guys out there when you find yourself in a moment of pressure, in a moment of stress, of anxiety, recognizing what comes out of you. And that will be deeply reflective of what lies inside your character. How do you handle disappointment? How do you respond when things aren't going the way you want? My my buddy my buddy says that when you get under pressure what comes out sideways. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it anger? Is it you know, a behavior, is it I turn to alcohol, I turn to to lust or pornography or you know, what what kind of comes out sideways when pressure is when the pressure's on that's the thing when that pressure pushes on that tendency toward sin or that's really iniquity, right? There that tendency towards sin. And so when when the pressure's turned up and I end up slipping out sideways, what is that thing that I'm going to? But you know, behavior going back to where we were with behavior modification, it's trying to manage fruit. Yeah. And you can't do that. Mm mm. You gotta fix the root. Mm-hmm. Yeah. If it This is I didn't make this up. I heard it somewhere. But you have like an apple tree, right? And it's growing all these great apples and over time Maybe an apple here is not good. It's all shriveled up and funny looking and then maybe a couple more the next season. And you just keep pulling those ones out and throwing them out and never dealing with the tree and the roots that are feeding the tree. And eventually the tree's just gonna have all bad apples if you never deal with the roots. And that's managing fruit, right? It's like, I don't like that one, throw that out. We'll but we'll keep taking all the ones that we like. But we never address what lies inside and beneath. that's always been an example that I really liked for for that idea of managing fruit versus managing roots. Thinking about this is a good one. That's good discussion point. Influence without character. eventually becomes dangerous. And so this kind of connects our last few shows together. What does that look like? What does someone with influence who lacks character, how do they become dangerous? Or how can they become dangerous? If someone has influence, and that's really the title of this series, Built for Influence, they're affecting lots of people. That's that's basically what that means. gets exposed, if their character is flawed or there's something going on that's CD and you know They're now affecting dozens, if not hundreds, if not thousands, in extreme cases, millions of lives, that we're saying, Man, I trusted you. Did this disillusions people. this happens in the church, you know, a minister fails. I mean, we've been seeing it in Dallas here for the last couple of years in a in a major way. It's been kind of heartbreaking. And mean the the thousands upon thousands of people that get affected, that get disillusioned, that leave the faith, that walk away from God, because man, I trusted you. That's where it becomes dangerous. You're not just affecting your life or your immediate family. You're you're affecting everyone that that you touch. And and very influential people, it's millions. It's millions of people and even this podcast, the eight listeners that we have right now. You know, we you know, we those eight people may be saying, Hey, I trust these guys. I hope they're living right. Yeah. You know, I'm listening to them. I'm growing from what they have to say. And so I think the more influential that we become and I I have over the years, I've I've probably grown in my influence. and there there is a weight of responsibility that I try to keep very vivid. Mm. Like, dude, people people are listening to you. People are following you. Yeah. make sure you're living right. Yeah. Make sure the character stays at the level or much higher than e your reputation, what people think of you or and so I I I feel like I have a pretty healthy a good healthy fear of the Lord to make sure that I'm not just concerned about my reputation. Yeah. The the character's gotta be gotta be part of that, absolutely. And and I and all men should have this. Your kids are you're influencing your kids. Always watching. You know, if you're cheating on your wife and you there's a divorce, you've y that influences that that character flaw has harmed your children. F maybe indefinitely. I hope not, but so so we're all all of us as men, we're we're influential in some way. And so that character man, you cannot ignore it. It's like I was watching this this show on this dam that broke in California and washed I mean, I think it was dozens, if not hundreds of people. This was back like in the forties or fifties, I think, and and it the c the cracks You know, and and somebody had told the the builder, I think we've got some foundation problems here. And it'll be fine, you know. And and this was the guy that also was building the Hoover Dam. that's probably he was building the Hoover Dam. That's part of why he lost a little bit of interest in this other dam, the smaller one, and and it cracked and it harmed his reputation significantly and then his his character was just shot. Nobody wanna work with this guy anymore. Yeah. You know, he he's the one that was responsible for that. So, those cracks, you know, can show up and eventually if they're not dealt with, reinforced, man, it's a flood. It's it's all kinda bad things happening. Yeah. Just come crashing out. Yep. That's good. That's real good. So as we're landing the plane today, Kind of a a closing thought, going back to where we started with the idea of this map as we're thinking about what we're building in our lives, what we're building towards, what our goals are, and add into that not just the idea or the question of what am I trying to accomplish in my life, but who do I need to become in my life to accomplish those things effectively and in a way that is glorifying to God. That's glorifying to my family. because ultimately as believers, right or wrong, good or bad. People connect you and your character to the character of Jesus. And when you do things that demonstrate poor character, that damage your character, if they know you're a believer, that's going to damage your witness and how they associate Jesus and his character in the world. And that that terrifies me that I would do anything in my life that could damage somebody's perception of Jesus and who he is. So guys, I think that's what we've got for you today. thanks for riding with us through another one. We've got some great shows coming up in this series. I'm excited about what we've got on the horizon. there's gonna be some fun ones for you guys. I think everyone will have something that will speak to them through the different episodes of this series. and we're we're we're trying to be pretty intentional about making sure we hit everybody's toes as we run through this one. So prepare yourself. Get your steel toes out. thanks again to our production staff behind the cameras, Carl Lawrence, doing the things, making us look good. we love you guys. Y'all are the real MVPs of this thing. We just sit here and look pretty, hopefully. Well, I do. I Yeah. You guys. The wig budget's still low, guys. So help us out. We make up artists. Yeah. We're working on getting the that covered. man. All right, Brad. Lead us out with a charge, brother. Happy too. I was thinking about you know, King David. And King David in the Old Testament. He was a man that God anointed, God called. He worked on his character, he worked in the integrity of his relationship with God. God began to promote him, bless him, his favor was on his life, moved him to the throne. He's over all of Israel. But he needed to keep. And guard what God had entrusted to him. And there was a day on the balcony where he broke and he didn't hold that character. And so I would say, guys, get people around you that can help you see the areas of your life where God wants to cultivate and grow and and hold those spaces with integrity and honor the Lord. Wish your love, you guys. We'll see you next time.