00:00:00The Challenge of Trust in Society
00:06:33The Importance of Trust in Life
00:15:24The Power of Trust and Self-Love
00:29:52Building Self-Trust and Letting Go
00:36:20Religion's Role in Trust Building
ABOUT THIS EPISODE
Are you ready to break the chains of self-doubt and rediscover trust within yourself?
Embark on a journey with us as we dig deep into the roots of self-trust, how it shapes our relationships with others and how a lack of it can drive our lives towards constant fear and suspicion. We discuss the troubling trend of distrust within the western male and how, by embracing vulnerability, we can start the transformative journey towards a culture of trust.
We believe that trust is the essence of life, taking inspiration from the boundless trust that newborn babies display. Unfortunately, as we grow, we often lose that innate sense of trust, largely due to societal conditioning around fear and lack. Join us as we delve into how we lose trust in ourselves, the profound impact of this on our ability to love and trust others, and how a scarcity mindset can further exacerbate this issue.
In the latter part of our conversation, we turn the spotlight on self-love and self-trust, crucial ingredients for living authentically. We discuss how fear and self-loathing can blind us from our own actions, leading to a lack of trust in ourselves. We argue that self-respect and self-love are the keys to rekindling trust and recognizing our unique abilities. As we conclude, we touch upon how childhood experiences and the role of religion shape our trust mould, and how breaking free from old stories can help us regain self-trust, paving the way towards a fulfilling life. Tune in for an enriching discussion that will change the way you perceive trust.
Thank you for listening. If you have an idea or message you'd like to share, send us a message: Olivier Egli and Carlos Basurto
English
United States
SHOW NOTES 🔗
TRANSCRIPT 🔗
WEBVTT
00:00:00.281 --> 00:00:02.307
Why is it so hard for us to trust?
00:00:02.307 --> 00:00:05.168
Do we even understand what trust means?
00:00:05.168 --> 00:00:08.730
This is LadyBnone with Carlos and Olivier.
00:00:08.730 --> 00:00:28.271
Do you feel like humanity is right now on a trusting course, that trust is really spreading, or and trust is really dominant and existing as the glue of society that we all proclaim it is?
00:00:29.221 --> 00:00:51.950
Yeah, I mean, look, it's one of those things where and I think everybody is not paying attention to it and it leads into, maybe, like, this is what society has brought to us, where and I was giving the example where I download an app to get somewhere and sometimes I don't follow the app because I don't trust it but you pointed something out very, very huge.
00:00:51.950 --> 00:00:54.106
It's like well, what's the opposite of trust?
00:00:55.079 --> 00:00:57.286
Well, that's, that's my point.
00:00:57.286 --> 00:01:15.852
If we are, if we right now we're not on a course of trust, which I am, I know I'm accusing, I'm very accusatory here, but I don't think that the average person has an outlook of trust when they when they go out into the world.
00:01:15.852 --> 00:01:18.649
I don't think that marriages are built on trust.
00:01:18.649 --> 00:01:23.000
I don't believe that businesses are built on trust.
00:01:23.000 --> 00:01:24.706
I think it's all bullshit.
00:01:24.706 --> 00:01:40.590
I think, most of all because we have this mindset that already makes it hard for us to trust ourselves, we go out there looking for things to compensate for the lack of trust that we're feeling and the opposite is suspicion.
00:01:40.590 --> 00:02:09.189
I feel like, more often than not, when I meet someone new or when I go somewhere, try out a new restaurant or go to the movies or buy a car, the confrontation with the service, the new person, a new environment is always tends to be one of this trust, one of suspicion, one where the glasses have empty and I'm waiting for the world to prove me wrong.
00:02:09.189 --> 00:02:16.568
And that, of course, is not, not primarily, the fault of the world, it's the fault of my own projections.
00:02:16.568 --> 00:02:24.000
And the projection I think in man is very strong because man have this thing where they know that if you trust the wrong person.
00:02:24.000 --> 00:02:59.829
We learned that if we trust the wrong person, it's basically like in war you get stabbed in the back, you get stabbed and shot by your own people, and somehow this notion is so dominant, it's so existing, so prevailing in especially, I think, western males, that we have created this culture of distrust where we pretend we're all brothers and we're all friends and we're all cool, but we know that that trust doesn't mean anything, because I see it constantly as soon as she hits the fan.
00:02:59.829 --> 00:03:02.467
Where's the trusting bridge?
00:03:02.467 --> 00:03:12.000
Where's the bridge that saves you from the drowning, that saves you from all the things that could kill you or take away your comfort?
00:03:12.000 --> 00:03:13.766
No one's around anymore.
00:03:13.766 --> 00:03:46.000
You know and I mean this in a figurative way, of course, but it's crazy how much the level of trust that we're capable of giving and experiencing is dependent on the way we look at the world, and I think that the average male today looks at the world as a place that is seriously missing things and where they have to work hard to fight for their right to exist, for their place, for their achievements.
00:03:46.889 --> 00:03:48.000
And we talked about this before.
00:03:48.000 --> 00:04:01.000
If you, as a man, think that living as a man is a matter of territorial dominance, of fighting a better fight, then trust is not part of the process.
00:04:01.000 --> 00:04:02.646
I'm sorry, it's bullshit.
00:04:02.646 --> 00:04:05.609
Then people use trust in vain.
00:04:05.609 --> 00:04:09.000
That word is not legitimized in the process.
00:04:09.000 --> 00:04:12.469
What you actually mean is I don't feel safe.
00:04:12.469 --> 00:04:14.747
I don't feel safe around you.
00:04:14.747 --> 00:04:25.168
Let me put everything in a written contract so that once you stab me in the back, I have enough evidence to stab you back.
00:04:25.168 --> 00:04:36.692
And you know I run a record label and people still are baffled and you know they call me out because I don't have contracts with my artists.
00:04:36.692 --> 00:04:40.367
And it's something that I noticed in the past.
00:04:41.249 --> 00:04:57.050
When you build a company, especially as a man that deals with other men, and you started from an honest place, you pour into it something that you truly believe, and now you find people who truly want to support your cause.
00:04:57.050 --> 00:05:15.629
You have to make it as easy as possible for everyone to be trusting, and the only way to do that is authentic, the authentic self, to show up in a vulnerable way and tell your people guys, I know I don't know everything.
00:05:15.629 --> 00:05:28.225
I know there's a lot I don't know and there's a lot of mistakes I'm going to make, and I beg you to help me Guess what, when you tell that to your people, at first people are shocked.
00:05:28.225 --> 00:05:30.857
At first people are shocked at the level of.
00:05:30.857 --> 00:05:34.937
They're shocked about the level of honesty.
00:05:34.937 --> 00:05:37.516
But then what happens with honesty?
00:05:37.516 --> 00:05:41.079
Suddenly people open up and they become actually trusting.
00:05:42.029 --> 00:05:48.697
So the culture of trust requires for someone to speak up and say like hey, I don't have all the answers.
00:05:48.697 --> 00:05:53.454
I actually I'm completely on my own and I'm actually confused.
00:05:53.454 --> 00:05:56.081
But who?
00:05:56.081 --> 00:05:57.273
Who does that?
00:05:57.273 --> 00:06:01.514
In today's time, everybody seems to know everything better than everybody else.
00:06:01.514 --> 00:06:01.735
Right?
00:06:01.735 --> 00:06:07.411
Everybody seems to have the better product, have the better service, have to have the better business, the better car.
00:06:07.411 --> 00:06:19.699
The level of lack of self-trust is showing so much in our ways that we project in the world that of course, we all know we cannot trust each other.
00:06:19.699 --> 00:06:23.278
I don't trust myself, you don't trust yourself.
00:06:23.278 --> 00:06:24.733
Now we come together.
00:06:24.733 --> 00:06:26.519
How are we supposed to trust each other?
00:06:26.519 --> 00:06:28.036
There's no grounds for it.
00:06:28.269 --> 00:06:32.918
Do you think at one point in our lives, when we're little, we had trust?
00:06:33.209 --> 00:06:33.651
Absolutely.
00:06:33.651 --> 00:06:46.180
I am convinced and I think there's enough hard evidence that a newborn, a newborn, actually is defined by an incredible level of trust.
00:06:46.180 --> 00:06:48.057
It's trusting in that it has no choice.
00:06:48.057 --> 00:06:54.187
When you have no choice, you give yourself into the hands of your parents, right?
00:06:54.187 --> 00:06:57.115
That is not a sign of weakness, something we need to learn.
00:06:57.115 --> 00:07:00.759
That is a sign of abundance.
00:07:00.759 --> 00:07:07.836
The abundant mindset, which means an abundant mindset, is a mindset that knows nothing is missing.
00:07:07.836 --> 00:07:12.375
Everything is here, the world is perfect, we're perfect right now, we're exactly where we need to be.
00:07:12.375 --> 00:07:14.737
That's what defines a newborn baby.
00:07:15.190 --> 00:07:24.593
A newborn baby is not born with the attitude of oh my God, I hope I closed that deal, I hope my numbers are up, I hope I'm the best, I hope I'm gonna win.
00:07:24.593 --> 00:07:36.035
No, that notion is completely foreign to the newborn, because the only thing the newborn wants is to explore itself and, through that, explore its surroundings, right?
00:07:36.035 --> 00:07:39.517
Well, guess, what is the prerequisite for exploration?
00:07:39.517 --> 00:07:41.334
What is the prerequisite?
00:07:41.334 --> 00:07:44.559
How is exploration ever gonna happen in your life?
00:07:44.559 --> 00:07:48.218
There's one thing you need what's called trust.
00:07:48.218 --> 00:08:00.959
If you don't trust the process of life, if you don't trust yourself, your decisions, if you don't trust your inner voice, your heart, if you don't trust the path you're not gonna explore.
00:08:00.959 --> 00:08:02.535
And that's what we see today.
00:08:02.535 --> 00:08:05.899
We have so many people just stuck in their ways.
00:08:05.899 --> 00:08:19.980
They might change their car every year, they might move around and update and upgrade their living conditions or change jobs or build new businesses, but they're actually staying exactly where they are.
00:08:19.980 --> 00:08:22.338
They're just brushing up, you know.
00:08:22.338 --> 00:08:25.237
They're just updating, polishing what they have.
00:08:25.237 --> 00:08:26.581
Why?
00:08:26.581 --> 00:08:31.274
Because there's no trust for the process, there's no trust for life.
00:08:32.190 --> 00:08:36.059
And another good example, I think, is marriage.
00:08:36.059 --> 00:08:39.017
Marriage today has nothing to do with trust.
00:08:39.017 --> 00:08:51.143
I have been to too many weddings where I know exactly that, on both sides, the marriage is defined not by abundance but by scarcity.
00:08:51.143 --> 00:09:01.597
People are afraid of being alone, they're afraid of being alone, and then, once they are married, they are afraid of being left.
00:09:01.597 --> 00:09:05.418
And so where is there space for trust?
00:09:05.418 --> 00:09:06.755
There's no space for trust.
00:09:06.870 --> 00:09:14.542
The human glue, the thing that makes us a unity, that makes us all kind of one people, is not existent.
00:09:14.542 --> 00:09:19.061
Because we are too worried for our own goddamn self.
00:09:19.061 --> 00:09:20.716
We think that something is missing.
00:09:20.716 --> 00:09:38.794
When something is missing I think this is an easier way to put it If you wake up in the morning and you look at your life and you don't see all the things, all the blessings you have, but you see all the things that you're missing, the things that you still have to work towards.
00:09:38.794 --> 00:09:42.857
What kind of feeling does that infuse in you?
00:09:42.857 --> 00:09:44.235
Fear, right, right.
00:09:44.235 --> 00:09:47.716
You're fearful because am I gonna get it, or am I always gonna be alone?
00:09:47.716 --> 00:09:49.437
Will I never be successful?
00:09:49.437 --> 00:09:50.775
Will I never be wealthy?
00:09:50.775 --> 00:09:52.135
Will I always be struggling?
00:09:52.135 --> 00:10:00.039
But the expression of that, what it makes you do, is being untrusting.
00:10:00.039 --> 00:10:01.894
You're not trusting.
00:10:02.335 --> 00:10:02.556
Right.
00:10:02.956 --> 00:10:10.879
Why you feel like you will always be missing something and people will always give you less than you give them.
00:10:10.879 --> 00:10:13.115
As a consequence, there's no trust.
00:10:13.389 --> 00:10:13.551
Yeah.
00:10:14.529 --> 00:10:15.173
There's no trust.
00:10:15.173 --> 00:10:22.017
Just bothers me that we abuse the word so much when we are clearly not trusting.
00:10:22.017 --> 00:10:27.734
We'll still say to our friends next of kin, I trust you man.
00:10:27.734 --> 00:10:30.676
Yeah, man, I trust you, trust me.
00:10:30.676 --> 00:10:36.034
We know that it is an insult to say no, I don't trust you.
00:10:36.289 --> 00:10:39.211
I've thrown that word very loosely Until recent.
00:10:39.211 --> 00:10:42.201
I've really just kind of not said it anymore.
00:10:42.201 --> 00:10:45.139
It was more of like thinking, just more and more.
00:10:45.139 --> 00:10:51.740
And that's how we got to this conversation, because it's like seems like everything was all about trust.
00:10:51.740 --> 00:11:14.162
It was used so loosely, but also, you know, I think what I'm trying to do after even this talk now is I'm sure it's different for everybody when, what part of my life, what age did I lose that trust?
00:11:14.162 --> 00:11:21.340
What happened to me that I start seeing the whole opposite, Because I mean, as, like you said, as kids we had it, you know.
00:11:21.769 --> 00:11:29.379
That's why we climb trees and why we fall down cliffs, and you know, big because we spoke our mind, we did whatever we wanted.
00:11:29.490 --> 00:11:37.681
I mean, there's just a basic level of trust in a child that drives it to explore, which is to me you know.
00:11:37.681 --> 00:11:50.596
Later on it becomes like courage, courageous Playfulness, courage, curiosity, openness, these things define.
00:11:50.596 --> 00:11:56.058
These things define how willing you are to expose yourself to risk in your life.
00:11:56.399 --> 00:11:56.600
Yeah.
00:11:57.370 --> 00:12:07.798
But now imagine you lack these things, you will not expose yourself to risk, you will not explore Human beings and men are no exceptions.
00:12:07.798 --> 00:12:10.778
They have to explore themselves.
00:12:10.778 --> 00:12:15.717
They have to discover who they are and, you know, become that flower.
00:12:15.717 --> 00:12:21.099
We have to become the flower that we are meant to be, and it bothers me that we don't do that.
00:12:21.099 --> 00:12:24.298
We all are the same flower.
00:12:24.298 --> 00:12:26.274
We all are the same.
00:12:26.274 --> 00:12:29.619
We all try to be the same, but better, not our own.
00:12:29.619 --> 00:12:31.711
Why?
00:12:31.711 --> 00:12:33.638
Because we don't trust the process.
00:12:33.638 --> 00:12:35.216
Why don't we trust the process?
00:12:35.216 --> 00:12:39.279
Because our mind is completely filled with scarcity.
00:12:39.279 --> 00:12:44.792
So you know to ask yourself at what time in your life did you lose?
00:12:44.792 --> 00:12:47.581
Not the trust in people.
00:12:47.581 --> 00:12:49.397
It's not about trusting people.
00:12:49.397 --> 00:12:50.995
Trusting people, that's easy.
00:12:50.995 --> 00:12:53.475
The hard part is trusting yourself.
00:12:53.735 --> 00:12:53.996
Right.
00:12:54.850 --> 00:12:56.556
It's the same again, like with love.
00:12:56.556 --> 00:13:02.972
When we talk about love, it's easy to love other people the way we think we love them.
00:13:02.972 --> 00:13:05.018
The hard part is loving yourself.
00:13:05.018 --> 00:13:09.419
But you cannot trust other people if you don't trust yourself.
00:13:09.419 --> 00:13:11.447
You cannot love other people if you don't love yourself.
00:13:11.447 --> 00:13:24.666
And you cannot neither love nor trust if your mindset is one of scarcity, if you feel like you're always going to be missing something and you have to somehow make up for that lack.
00:13:24.666 --> 00:13:26.551
You're being left behind.
00:13:26.551 --> 00:13:27.332
There's not enough.
00:13:27.332 --> 00:13:31.051
I need to now go and get what's mine, which is such a male thing.
00:13:31.051 --> 00:13:34.741
Then trust and love is not available to you.
00:13:34.741 --> 00:13:35.102
I will.
00:13:35.102 --> 00:13:37.028
I will say it until I fucking die.
00:13:37.028 --> 00:13:38.812
It's not available to you.
00:13:38.812 --> 00:13:43.389
These people who are so driven by like I need to get what's mine.
00:13:43.389 --> 00:13:48.830
I'm gonna fight for my right, I'm gonna hustle my way through this shit, but I trust you, man.
00:13:48.830 --> 00:13:51.174
You are not capable of trust.
00:13:51.174 --> 00:13:53.980
There's no such thing.
00:13:55.003 --> 00:14:01.918
We've been educated by movies and by shows and by books that tell us otherwise.
00:14:01.918 --> 00:14:13.684
In the human makeup, in the emotional makeup of the human being, trust is motivated by a deep sense of enoughness, like I'm good.
00:14:13.684 --> 00:14:22.626
I am good, and because I'm good and I see that I have everything I have, even if fucking shit falls on my head.
00:14:22.626 --> 00:14:24.530
That's part of the process.
00:14:24.530 --> 00:14:26.434
I keep trusting it.
00:14:26.434 --> 00:14:45.072
Well, if you have that state of being, that state where you know you're not dependent on the world's opinion and on what are the ones from you, and whether or not you're married or whether or not you're rich, where you choose enough, well then trust is available to you.
00:14:46.676 --> 00:14:49.846
But everything else is just, it's a bullshit, scam.
00:14:49.846 --> 00:14:54.895
It's marketing All these businesses that I work with.
00:14:54.895 --> 00:15:03.283
They have you know, they put you go to their offices and then they have these banners on the wall.
00:15:03.283 --> 00:15:03.644
Is it like?
00:15:03.644 --> 00:15:10.075
Trust creates bridges and we're number one trusted brain?
00:15:10.075 --> 00:15:13.179
And bullshit has nothing to do with trust.
00:15:13.179 --> 00:15:18.514
Trust, that is not the same as a product that sells a lot.
00:15:18.514 --> 00:15:21.019
We make everything about trust.
00:15:21.019 --> 00:15:23.331
If we actually knew what trust means.
00:15:24.113 --> 00:15:28.205
Trust means to just let yourself go fall into it.
00:15:28.205 --> 00:15:32.461
You know like, you know these exercises, these partner exercises.
00:15:32.461 --> 00:15:34.447
I do them with my wife from time to time.
00:15:34.447 --> 00:15:42.368
So it's like you stand upright, you spread out your arms and your partner stands behind you, right?
00:15:42.368 --> 00:15:55.961
You close your eyes and then you just drop and you and your partner catches you, right, right, there's almost no one who can just let go.
00:15:55.961 --> 00:15:59.293
There's almost no one, even though this is, this is your fucking partner.
00:15:59.293 --> 00:16:01.321
It's been your partner for 10 years, 15 years.
00:16:01.461 --> 00:16:12.015
But we always find excuse she's probably not strong enough, oh she, maybe she's distracted, she doesn't care, she won't do it, I don't know, or I fall.
00:16:12.015 --> 00:16:12.496
Weird.
00:16:12.496 --> 00:16:17.836
We find all these excuses not to trust simply because we're not used to letting ourselves go.
00:16:17.836 --> 00:16:18.820
We cannot fall.
00:16:18.820 --> 00:16:20.144
We don't have that anymore.
00:16:20.164 --> 00:16:21.769
A baby has no problem.
00:16:21.769 --> 00:16:23.836
A pet has no problem.
00:16:23.836 --> 00:16:25.942
A pet that really has no trauma.
00:16:25.942 --> 00:16:26.764
You know, you get.
00:16:26.764 --> 00:16:32.096
You get your 10 week old, you know tiny baby pet.
00:16:32.096 --> 00:16:33.138
Right, get your puppy.
00:16:34.981 --> 00:16:36.625
These things, they just follow you.
00:16:36.625 --> 00:16:41.703
They just follow around, they chumble around, they eat whatever they drop in the pool.
00:16:41.703 --> 00:16:43.089
You know they bark at anything.
00:16:43.089 --> 00:16:49.528
And we then are the ones that teach that creatures, just like we do with the babies, what's right, what's wrong.
00:16:50.591 --> 00:17:04.936
When we do that, we remove trust from these creatures Because now they realize oh shit, yeah, I'm not careful, you know someone's going to step on me, I'm going to overstep my boundaries, I'm going to get told, I'm going to be put in my place.
00:17:04.936 --> 00:17:12.317
Now, the problem is that if you were really trusting yourself, you will be free.
00:17:12.317 --> 00:17:15.028
Yeah, you will be truly free.
00:17:15.028 --> 00:17:21.468
And a person that's free and moves around in the world becomes trustworthy.
00:17:21.468 --> 00:17:26.019
And because you're trustworthy and authentic, people trust you.
00:17:26.019 --> 00:17:31.413
And because people trust you and recognize that you trust worthy, guess what you can trust them.
00:17:31.413 --> 00:17:34.288
That's how trust you know, the waterfall of trust.
00:17:34.288 --> 00:17:36.693
That's how trust exponentially grows.
00:17:36.693 --> 00:17:47.531
It's like a spider web, it's, it's, you know, it's an explosion, right, but if at the center it's corrupted, then it's not trust that you're seed.
00:17:47.531 --> 00:17:49.496
You don't see trust.
00:17:49.496 --> 00:17:53.867
You actually seed the confused brother.
00:17:53.867 --> 00:17:56.675
You seed suspicion.
00:17:57.617 --> 00:18:06.584
You said something earlier you can't let someone if you don't like yourself, can't trust someone if you don't trust yourself.
00:18:06.584 --> 00:18:18.627
So now, now it's kind of like, okay, what have you done to yourself that you don't trust yourself?
00:18:18.627 --> 00:18:19.010
How do you?
00:18:19.010 --> 00:18:20.277
How do you trust yourself?
00:18:20.277 --> 00:18:23.678
You, just like you just said right now, just do whatever you want.
00:18:23.678 --> 00:18:28.957
No, not so much that, but just he's a thing.
00:18:30.299 --> 00:18:35.623
It all boils down to saying the thing always, always and I will not stop saying that.
00:18:35.623 --> 00:18:39.115
Actually we had a way of conversation we have conversation about every now and then.
00:18:39.115 --> 00:18:41.401
You know, we're unaware.
00:18:41.401 --> 00:18:49.244
People, I'm sorry to say, but humanity is unaware, and it I'm sorry to say it again, but it fucking bothers the shit out of me.
00:18:49.244 --> 00:18:51.656
People are unaware what you do.
00:18:51.656 --> 00:18:54.778
People are unaware what they're stuffing their fucking mouth.
00:18:54.778 --> 00:18:56.589
They're unaware when they go to bed.
00:18:56.589 --> 00:19:00.400
They're unaware what kind of toxic relationships they're on the day entertained.
00:19:00.400 --> 00:19:02.273
They're unaware how they're driving.
00:19:02.273 --> 00:19:10.490
They're unaware how they educate their kids, the things that they're watching, read, the unaware of the very words they say.
00:19:10.490 --> 00:19:15.698
They hurt people, they hurt themselves just by being unaware.
00:19:15.817 --> 00:19:23.432
Every day I see people overweight, people, consuming food that will definitely put them into an early grave.
00:19:23.432 --> 00:19:23.914
Why?
00:19:23.914 --> 00:19:29.601
Because they choose not to be aware and they blame the misery on someone else.
00:19:29.601 --> 00:19:30.425
Well, guess what?
00:19:30.425 --> 00:19:32.317
There's no trust in that system.
00:19:32.317 --> 00:19:32.779
Why?
00:19:32.779 --> 00:19:34.147
Because there's no self love.
00:19:34.750 --> 00:19:42.648
Someone who beats themselves up with bad food, bad education, who educates their kids, you know, not just poorly, but not at all.
00:19:42.648 --> 00:19:51.530
Who takes away everyone's liberty, who creates businesses that crush people, that gets them stuck in loans and debt and toxic products.
00:19:51.530 --> 00:19:56.412
They do so because they really have no self respect.
00:19:56.412 --> 00:20:02.257
Because if you have self respect, you will be on this planet to do something awesome.
00:20:02.257 --> 00:20:14.961
You will be here to say, like man, I know things nobody knows and I have abilities nobody has and I have skills nobody has and I'm not going to use that to do something awesome.
00:20:14.961 --> 00:20:23.305
And that's something awesome is going to be so great, I would be the first to buy it, and the ones who find in a bite they will be better for it.
00:20:23.305 --> 00:20:25.636
See, that's what would happen.
00:20:26.340 --> 00:20:29.977
But that doesn't happen because people, they don't just hate themselves.
00:20:29.977 --> 00:20:31.882
The opposite of love is not hate.
00:20:31.882 --> 00:20:33.807
They're afraid.
00:20:33.807 --> 00:20:37.130
They're fearful of not getting theirs.
00:20:37.130 --> 00:20:41.624
They're afraid of not getting getting their share, that part of happiness and money.
00:20:41.624 --> 00:20:44.001
And you know their thing.
00:20:44.001 --> 00:20:45.892
It doesn't fucking matter.
00:20:45.892 --> 00:20:48.006
And you're not on this planet to get a share.
00:20:48.006 --> 00:20:53.817
You're on this planet to be happy and you're only happy if you show up as your true fucking self.
00:20:53.817 --> 00:20:56.069
But nobody does why?
00:20:56.069 --> 00:20:59.172
Because they don't trust the process, because they're too fearful to like her.
00:20:59.172 --> 00:21:01.647
Know, you know if I, if I brought my truck.
00:21:01.688 --> 00:21:02.452
Nobody will love me.
00:21:02.452 --> 00:21:04.181
I had to pretend to be somebody else.
00:21:04.454 --> 00:21:11.080
There you have it, and then you know we remain on love, obviously because of all the things we do.
00:21:11.080 --> 00:21:15.282
Yeah, you can go and talk to a person that hates themselves.
00:21:15.282 --> 00:21:18.429
You cannot look in at their own self in the mirror.
00:21:18.429 --> 00:21:19.474
They hate their body.
00:21:19.474 --> 00:21:20.564
They pretend, you know.
00:21:20.564 --> 00:21:23.220
They pretend, oh, I love my body, I'm totally okay with whoever.
00:21:23.220 --> 00:21:24.403
You can say whatever you want.
00:21:24.403 --> 00:21:26.078
In the end all that matters is how you feel.
00:21:26.078 --> 00:21:40.809
But you realize that they look at themselves and that reinforces the self loathing and the self loathing is like a closed loop that makes it even harder for them to have any kind of self respect.
00:21:41.170 --> 00:21:54.816
Now, because you don't have self respect, you don't have self love, you don't trust yourself, what you do, what you go with the path of least resistance, which is another piece of cake, or another, you know hit of cocaine, and another, you know some.
00:21:54.816 --> 00:21:58.767
Some more drugs, more, more spending, more shopping.
00:21:58.767 --> 00:22:11.996
Whatever the destructive behavior is our preservative way of stroking ourselves, of saying like we might hate ourselves and what we might be fearful, but at least we have that.
00:22:11.996 --> 00:22:13.881
So we console ourselves.
00:22:13.881 --> 00:22:20.935
We console ourselves out of our own right of loving ourselves and therefore trusting ourselves.
00:22:20.935 --> 00:22:30.829
I'm sorry, the divorce rate is skyrocketing bankruptcy rate is skyrocketing, yeah.
00:22:30.829 --> 00:22:36.585
Default on loans and mortgages, right or skyrocketing.
00:22:36.585 --> 00:22:41.463
All of that is always the result of the very same thing.
00:22:41.463 --> 00:22:43.298
It's all the very same thing.
00:22:43.720 --> 00:22:49.583
We get ourselves into these commitments, yeah, that we cannot afford emotionally.
00:22:49.583 --> 00:22:50.826
Why?
00:22:50.826 --> 00:22:57.440
Because we for ourselves, have not put in the time and awareness to know what matters to us.
00:22:57.440 --> 00:22:58.102
Who are we?
00:22:58.102 --> 00:22:59.486
What do I want?
00:22:59.486 --> 00:23:11.085
Everything that the baby is here to explore, everything that the newborn tries to find out through its curiosity and playfulness and openness, and because it's of trusting nature.
00:23:11.085 --> 00:23:13.401
We deny that to ourselves.
00:23:13.401 --> 00:23:24.628
We say, like you know, Friday is for Cheesecake Factory, Sunday is for, like brunch, Monday is big lunch and then drinking with the boys Monday night, and so on and so on.
00:23:24.628 --> 00:23:31.965
We forget, we think that, oh, you know, I have a group of people, I'm well regarded and well respected, I'm good.
00:23:31.965 --> 00:23:33.461
This is ego shit.
00:23:33.461 --> 00:23:38.202
He has nothing to do with your inner life, it has nothing to do with your heart.
00:23:38.202 --> 00:23:48.346
It's all just projection of yourself into the world, because all these people that go drinking with you or partying with you, they actually are much more concerned about themselves than about you.
00:23:48.685 --> 00:23:48.886
Yeah.
00:23:49.576 --> 00:23:50.539
And trust there.
00:23:50.539 --> 00:23:57.166
The only trust that exists is like I trust you as long as that's not trust.
00:23:57.166 --> 00:24:02.188
You see what I just did I trust you as long as I trust you.
00:24:02.449 --> 00:24:14.082
If so you're putting a condition a condition and that is a fucking point I'm making here yeah, if you have a scarcity mindset, you have to cover your ass all the time, right?
00:24:14.082 --> 00:24:23.200
How does someone and I hope that some of the people listening own a business and know what I'm talking about how do you cover your ass in a business?
00:24:23.200 --> 00:24:33.060
Contracts, right Agreements, insurances, assurances, warranties they are here to cover your ass.
00:24:33.060 --> 00:24:36.384
They're the conditional nature of the world.
00:24:36.384 --> 00:24:49.515
Well, we do the exact same thing when we go out there with the people and we say, like I will love you if you love me, bro, you're my bro If I'm your bro, yeah, oh, I totally have your back if you have my back.
00:24:49.515 --> 00:24:51.494
Well, guys, this is not how it works.
00:24:51.494 --> 00:24:54.134
Trust is not a two-way street.
00:24:54.134 --> 00:24:56.515
It's not reciprocity based.
00:24:56.515 --> 00:25:02.520
The real trust of nature, universal trust that we talk about here, it's just about giving.
00:25:02.520 --> 00:25:03.914
It's just about giving.
00:25:03.914 --> 00:25:09.563
If you only care about trust you get in return, then you're not trusting to begin with.
00:25:09.563 --> 00:25:11.914
You not, you're full of shit, you're full of cock.
00:25:12.979 --> 00:25:22.382
And you know it's crazy, you say by establishing a contract or putting a contract I think you just made it official is that I'm never going to trust you.
00:25:23.084 --> 00:25:25.969
No, yeah, exactly, exactly you just made it official.
00:25:25.969 --> 00:25:28.282
It's like what is that saying?
00:25:28.282 --> 00:25:31.397
I forgot is like trust is good, control is better.
00:25:32.121 --> 00:25:32.943
Right yeah.
00:25:33.634 --> 00:25:35.141
And the KGB worked like that.
00:25:35.141 --> 00:25:37.923
Yeah, the KGB in the Soviet era of Russia.
00:25:37.923 --> 00:25:49.740
It was about like, well, there's a system of accountability amongst the people, but it was never clear if something was true unless it was verified.
00:25:49.740 --> 00:25:51.484
Trust, but verify.
00:25:51.484 --> 00:25:57.401
So that is an attitude of conditionality, and conditionality always comes from this trust.
00:25:57.401 --> 00:26:08.434
It's only the mind that is soaked in this trust that asks of itself and others conditionality, nothing else.
00:26:08.434 --> 00:26:14.234
Conditionality is the expression of this trust, or rather it brings this trust out of you.
00:26:14.234 --> 00:26:15.721
It's the expression of scarcity.
00:26:15.721 --> 00:26:21.231
So I mean for everyone to check on the for themselves.
00:26:21.231 --> 00:26:35.243
Your spouses, I mean, you love them, yeah, but how far would that love go, with that love suddenly turned into hate, if that person were to disrespect you?
00:26:35.243 --> 00:26:43.315
If that person's only turned on you, with that love turned into, you know, disapproval and maybe like violent repercussions.
00:26:43.315 --> 00:26:48.028
For most people that's the case, I'm sorry to say.
00:26:48.028 --> 00:26:48.693
You didn't love that person.
00:26:48.733 --> 00:26:55.233
Yeah, you love that person with a contract she broke or he broke the contract and now you're pissed, now you're going to court.
00:26:55.233 --> 00:26:57.501
Yeah, it's nothing else.
00:26:57.501 --> 00:27:11.083
When you, when, when someone, when someone, when someone cheats on someone else and the person that's cheated on goes and keys their car, that's basically just the jury.
00:27:11.545 --> 00:27:11.765
Yeah.
00:27:11.954 --> 00:27:20.037
Of the trial deciding that the person that cheated is guilty broke the contract, and I know this.
00:27:20.037 --> 00:27:39.335
This sounds maybe almost a little bit too enlightened, but ideally, if we love the person and that person suddenly decides he or she wants to be with someone else, we should actually be happy for them and we should be happy for ourselves, because that's the process, that's trusting the process.
00:27:39.335 --> 00:27:42.224
Apparently, our common path is over.
00:27:42.224 --> 00:27:45.335
Apparently, now we're ready for something else.
00:27:45.335 --> 00:27:48.315
Apparently, now we have to open ourselves up to something else.
00:27:48.315 --> 00:27:52.335
Apparently, our spouse was not happy.
00:27:52.335 --> 00:27:54.753
I have parent and our spouse needs something different.
00:27:54.775 --> 00:27:57.303
But no, we get all crazy.
00:27:57.303 --> 00:27:58.204
Why?
00:27:58.204 --> 00:28:00.823
Because the scarcity mind feels betrayed.
00:28:00.823 --> 00:28:03.295
The scarcity mind is terrified.
00:28:03.295 --> 00:28:06.464
I just lost what's rightfully mine.
00:28:06.464 --> 00:28:08.726
I need to get it back.
00:28:08.726 --> 00:28:12.724
Yeah, has it ever led to a better world?
00:28:12.724 --> 00:28:18.738
No way, right, Not once, not once.
00:28:18.738 --> 00:28:22.987
But we teach our kids son, you're going to defend what's yours.
00:28:22.987 --> 00:28:24.941
You got to get what's yours.
00:28:24.941 --> 00:28:31.417
Oh, no, you cannot have her treat you like this Says who what?
00:28:31.417 --> 00:28:33.217
Right, well, you know.
00:28:33.217 --> 00:28:35.182
Well, then I'm not going to love her anymore.
00:28:35.182 --> 00:28:38.201
Then you never loved her to begin with.
00:28:38.201 --> 00:28:40.881
And trust in the business setting right.
00:28:40.881 --> 00:28:46.825
We say like, oh, we're all trusting people here, the team trusts each other and then something happens.
00:28:46.825 --> 00:28:54.132
Now, suddenly, you know, everything turns sour, which is a sign of poor leadership.
00:28:54.472 --> 00:28:54.773
Yeah.
00:28:55.625 --> 00:28:58.355
And then you realize that there was no trust to begin with.
00:28:58.355 --> 00:29:01.974
It was reaches everybody waiting until the shit hits the fan.
00:29:01.974 --> 00:29:03.805
It was just a matter of time.
00:29:03.805 --> 00:29:05.375
It was not if, but when.
00:29:05.375 --> 00:29:11.134
Right man, and we have to be careful.
00:29:11.767 --> 00:29:14.045
I think that's also a little bit what this podcast is about.
00:29:14.045 --> 00:29:18.873
We use all these words and we forget what they do to us.
00:29:18.873 --> 00:29:22.974
We forget the weight of trust in nature.
00:29:22.974 --> 00:29:29.998
Trust is what makes everything bloom and grow and become beautiful.
00:29:29.998 --> 00:29:32.992
Nothing would happen out there without trust.
00:29:32.992 --> 00:29:43.852
The tree trusts that winter will be over at some time, that the seedling trusts that if it breaks through the soil it will not be trampled to death.
00:29:43.852 --> 00:29:47.213
It will actually get a chance to thrive.
00:29:47.213 --> 00:29:49.351
That's fucking trust.
00:29:49.351 --> 00:29:50.173
That's crazy.
00:29:50.173 --> 00:29:51.730
That's trust, nothing else.
00:29:51.730 --> 00:30:00.316
So you know, next time you wake up and you beat yourself up, just remind yourself holy shit, I really don't trust myself and my life at all.
00:30:00.316 --> 00:30:08.093
So if that's the case, don't go out there and tell people I trust you, I trust you, we're trustworthy, this is a trustworthy company.
00:30:08.093 --> 00:30:10.704
Oh, we're trusting member of the community.
00:30:10.704 --> 00:30:14.971
It's all hogwash and bullshit and you should actually get indicted for that.
00:30:14.971 --> 00:30:17.375
I mean seriously.
00:30:17.375 --> 00:30:17.978
I agree.
00:30:17.978 --> 00:30:19.029
It's misleading.
00:30:19.545 --> 00:30:26.838
But now I guess, to end my section here, what you were talking about.
00:30:26.838 --> 00:30:29.211
Now it's a good way to actually look at it.
00:30:29.211 --> 00:30:34.556
When you wake up, don't go out there, just trust in it.
00:30:34.556 --> 00:30:43.248
You can't even trust yourself, and the more I mean right off the morning, I mean every, every yeah, and that's what I mean with awareness.
00:30:43.288 --> 00:30:52.789
You know, just become aware of how you view yourself, of the trust that you have for yourself, of the love and the respect that you bring to yourself.
00:30:52.924 --> 00:31:05.615
And if you find that there are stories that you're harboring which we all do that keep teaching you you know why you shouldn't trust yourself.
00:31:05.615 --> 00:31:15.135
An example is if you were bullied at school people get bullied for years they learn to distrust themselves because they know something's wrong with me.
00:31:15.135 --> 00:31:17.412
People are picking on me, right.
00:31:17.412 --> 00:31:25.932
That breaks the trust for yourself, but then, at the same time also, you don't trust humanity anymore because humanity was picking on you for years when you were little.
00:31:25.932 --> 00:31:44.054
So you have to go back and identify these stories, identify all the scarcity stories that you harbor inside of you, and I mean this sit down, do automatic writing journal all the scarcity stories that have taught you not to trust yourself and the world.
00:31:44.054 --> 00:31:46.852
Maybe you went through a terrible divorce.
00:31:46.852 --> 00:31:54.013
Maybe you got cheated on when you were younger and you learned, you know, not to trust women and therefore not to trust yourself in a relationship.
00:31:54.013 --> 00:31:56.492
Maybe something happened with your parents.
00:31:56.625 --> 00:31:58.111
Yeah, that's what I was going to tell you right now.
00:31:58.565 --> 00:32:04.230
Where you learned not to trust yourself because your parents taught they actually told you you're not trustworthy.
00:32:04.230 --> 00:32:06.330
It happens more often than you think.
00:32:06.330 --> 00:32:08.873
It doesn't sound exactly like that.
00:32:08.873 --> 00:32:15.413
It's not these exact words that parents will use, but if your father just tells you two or three times, you're an idiot.
00:32:15.413 --> 00:32:16.744
You know which?
00:32:16.744 --> 00:32:21.355
You know, I'm open to it made when I was really little and my father was young.
00:32:21.355 --> 00:32:29.986
He said that he actually once called me an asshole and it's crazy how much damage that did to me because he was like the guy I looked up to.
00:32:29.986 --> 00:32:33.394
And now I realized apparently I cannot be trusted.
00:32:33.394 --> 00:32:37.465
You know, with a bike I will just fuck everything up, boom.
00:32:37.465 --> 00:32:38.048
There you have it.
00:32:39.145 --> 00:32:48.038
Your sense of self-trust was just that they just broken a little bit and now it only takes a couple more hits and that chip has sailed.
00:32:48.038 --> 00:32:56.595
Now you grow up still harboring that story deep within yourself, of course, but when push comes to shove, guess what?
00:32:56.595 --> 00:32:57.990
You're not going to rely on yourself.
00:32:57.990 --> 00:33:03.315
And that's the fucking thing when it comes, when push comes to shove, for example, should I start a new?
00:33:03.315 --> 00:33:04.288
Should I quit my job?
00:33:04.288 --> 00:33:11.251
Should I move to a different city, town, state, country, should I start a business?
00:33:11.251 --> 00:33:12.474
Push comes to shove.
00:33:12.474 --> 00:33:24.088
You're not going to do it because of that little story of because of that little story, is that still defining your self worth and therefore is biting into your sense of trust?
00:33:24.088 --> 00:33:28.150
So you're not going to do it, you're simply not going to do it.
00:33:28.150 --> 00:33:38.087
So see, before we just talk about trust as this thing, like you know, that sits on a shelf and you can buy five pounds of it and then just spread it amongst your friends.
00:33:38.944 --> 00:33:39.607
It's not how it works.
00:33:39.607 --> 00:33:44.213
Trust is exactly like love it's the one thing that grows as you give it away Right?
00:33:44.213 --> 00:33:46.332
But you can only give away what you have right.
00:33:46.332 --> 00:33:50.154
Exactly If you don't own it for yourself, there's nothing to give away.
00:33:50.154 --> 00:33:52.167
You can't give away up Hypocrisy.
00:33:52.167 --> 00:34:00.991
It's so bothersome that all these people say like, oh, I have so much love and you know they love themself.
00:34:00.991 --> 00:34:08.648
It's like I have so much money to give all of you, but it's all just loaned money with high interest.
00:34:08.648 --> 00:34:16.400
So they go home and they're going to punch this living shit out of themselves because they gave away what they didn't have.
00:34:16.400 --> 00:34:18.041
It's not a way of living.
00:34:18.896 --> 00:34:33.248
I invite everyone who discovers in the course of this podcast or maybe just right afterwards, if you're willing to think about that discovers that your sense of self-trust really has taken a hit over the course of your existence.
00:34:33.248 --> 00:34:41.960
Be gentle to yourself, but sink into the realization and tell yourself yes, that happened.
00:34:41.960 --> 00:34:44.949
I have a hard time trusting myself.
00:34:44.949 --> 00:34:46.974
Please acknowledge it.
00:34:46.974 --> 00:34:48.541
That's what I mean by awareness.
00:34:48.541 --> 00:35:00.358
Acknowledge the fact that for 30, 40, 25 years whatever what have you you have not been trusting towards yourself and therefore not a trustworthy person and not a trusting person.
00:35:00.358 --> 00:35:07.695
Take that in sulk in it, like really understand it, but then also understand that it had to happen.
00:35:07.695 --> 00:35:14.726
You had no choice because of what happened, and then decide I am now ready to let that go.
00:35:14.726 --> 00:35:23.028
I'm not ready to sink into my own self-trust by letting go of these stories.
00:35:23.028 --> 00:35:30.041
If you cannot let go of these stories, if you keep those stories alive, you can tell me oh, I'm good now All you want.
00:35:30.041 --> 00:35:32.086
These stories will come back and bite your ass.
00:35:32.086 --> 00:35:33.795
You know they will.
00:35:34.539 --> 00:35:34.902
I bet.
00:35:35.063 --> 00:35:38.282
They will they will Crazy man.
00:35:38.282 --> 00:35:41.681
Highway off on a tangent here.
00:35:42.617 --> 00:35:48.735
No man, but it bothers me, no but it's good, because people question it but don't really know how to get it out there.
00:35:48.735 --> 00:35:56.396
And this, this shined a lot, a lot of light to not saying it's soft and I'm walking out this door, great.
00:35:56.396 --> 00:36:05.079
But one thing you did is bring awareness to it and the term trust I mean I knew about.
00:36:05.079 --> 00:36:06.985
You know, you can't love someone else if you don't love yourself.
00:36:06.985 --> 00:36:08.800
Now it's time to work on it.
00:36:08.800 --> 00:36:11.190
I can't trust anyone else if I don't trust myself.
00:36:11.550 --> 00:36:11.811
Yeah, yeah.
00:36:11.811 --> 00:36:14.300
So that is.
00:36:14.300 --> 00:36:15.403
That's a good one.
00:36:15.403 --> 00:36:19.436
And in closing, let me just tell you it has a.
00:36:20.838 --> 00:36:32.211
There's this thing about religion that makes it hard for people to build trust, because at some point early in their lives the people are highly religious.
00:36:32.211 --> 00:37:17.028
And I'm not here to judge you, but I just want to say one thing that makes it harder for you to sink into trust is that when you constantly outsource the control, the mastery of yourself to a entity that's out there somewhere above the clouds or in a book or you know, on the mountain or wherever, on the cross, if you constantly outsource that which defines you, defines your happiness, that defines your sadness, that defines your reality, outsource it from yourself, of course, you also take away the power that you have in trusting yourself, because trust is always attached to a sense of self ownership.
00:37:17.028 --> 00:37:21.405
I know myself, I own myself, I trust myself.
00:37:21.405 --> 00:37:35.766
But now if you say, like I'm owned by the Lord, oh, I'm owned by the state, oh, I'm owned by my parents, oh, I'm owned by my upbringings, there's no trust in store for you at all because there's no self ownership.
00:37:35.875 --> 00:37:36.920
Yeah, that makes sense.
00:37:37.394 --> 00:37:50.554
And we can debate religion all we want, whereas I have the stance that in religion, the teaching was really about the divinity that we are capable of, the power that resides in us.
00:37:50.554 --> 00:37:53.726
That is the ultimate source of trust.
00:37:53.726 --> 00:37:55.853
That, to me, is the message.
00:37:55.853 --> 00:37:56.434
That is the message.
00:37:56.434 --> 00:38:11.987
The ultimate message is that you are worthy of trusting yourself because you are a child of the universe, you're a child of everything, you're beautiful, you're part of nature, so you are worthy of it, you're worthy of trust.
00:38:11.987 --> 00:38:19.711
But if we deny ourselves that right, then we should not be trusted, then we're not trustworthy.
00:38:19.711 --> 00:38:20.514
I don't trust a person like that.
00:38:20.514 --> 00:38:24.329
You know, I don't trust these people.
00:38:24.329 --> 00:38:28.173
I gotta say it's my choice, because I realize they are owned by something else.
00:38:28.173 --> 00:38:38.355
Yeah, self ownership breeds self responsibility, breeds self accountability, breeds self trust.
00:38:38.355 --> 00:38:38.434
Woo.
00:38:39.864 --> 00:38:40.710
Man, I love that Well.
00:38:44.927 --> 00:38:46.632
I think we chewed through that one.
00:38:46.632 --> 00:38:47.114
Yeah, anything else no.
00:38:49.963 --> 00:38:52.472
No, lots of things, but you know what?
00:38:52.472 --> 00:38:52.873
It was very clear.
00:38:53.994 --> 00:39:05.552
Well, I'm glad you know it's a struggle, it's a struggle because it's a lot, it's multi-layered and anyone who struggles with it is invited to reach out.
00:39:05.552 --> 00:39:12.172
I gladly take the time and, you know, explain in more detail or give you exercises that can help you.
00:39:12.172 --> 00:39:17.789
But yeah, man, just take the essence with you and next time you use that word, be aware of what it means and what you're doing.
00:39:17.789 --> 00:39:22.717
Yep.
00:00:00.281 --> 00:00:02.307
Why is it so hard for us to trust?
00:00:02.307 --> 00:00:05.168
Do we even understand what trust means?
00:00:05.168 --> 00:00:08.730
This is LadyBnone with Carlos and Olivier.
00:00:08.730 --> 00:00:28.271
Do you feel like humanity is right now on a trusting course, that trust is really spreading, or and trust is really dominant and existing as the glue of society that we all proclaim it is?
00:00:29.221 --> 00:00:51.950
Yeah, I mean, look, it's one of those things where and I think everybody is not paying attention to it and it leads into, maybe, like, this is what society has brought to us, where and I was giving the example where I download an app to get somewhere and sometimes I don't follow the app because I don't trust it but you pointed something out very, very huge.
00:00:51.950 --> 00:00:54.106
It's like well, what's the opposite of trust?
00:00:55.079 --> 00:00:57.286
Well, that's, that's my point.
00:00:57.286 --> 00:01:15.852
If we are, if we right now we're not on a course of trust, which I am, I know I'm accusing, I'm very accusatory here, but I don't think that the average person has an outlook of trust when they when they go out into the world.
00:01:15.852 --> 00:01:18.649
I don't think that marriages are built on trust.
00:01:18.649 --> 00:01:23.000
I don't believe that businesses are built on trust.
00:01:23.000 --> 00:01:24.706
I think it's all bullshit.
00:01:24.706 --> 00:01:40.590
I think, most of all because we have this mindset that already makes it hard for us to trust ourselves, we go out there looking for things to compensate for the lack of trust that we're feeling and the opposite is suspicion.
00:01:40.590 --> 00:02:09.189
I feel like, more often than not, when I meet someone new or when I go somewhere, try out a new restaurant or go to the movies or buy a car, the confrontation with the service, the new person, a new environment is always tends to be one of this trust, one of suspicion, one where the glasses have empty and I'm waiting for the world to prove me wrong.
00:02:09.189 --> 00:02:16.568
And that, of course, is not, not primarily, the fault of the world, it's the fault of my own projections.
00:02:16.568 --> 00:02:24.000
And the projection I think in man is very strong because man have this thing where they know that if you trust the wrong person.
00:02:24.000 --> 00:02:59.829
We learned that if we trust the wrong person, it's basically like in war you get stabbed in the back, you get stabbed and shot by your own people, and somehow this notion is so dominant, it's so existing, so prevailing in especially, I think, western males, that we have created this culture of distrust where we pretend we're all brothers and we're all friends and we're all cool, but we know that that trust doesn't mean anything, because I see it constantly as soon as she hits the fan.
00:02:59.829 --> 00:03:02.467
Where's the trusting bridge?
00:03:02.467 --> 00:03:12.000
Where's the bridge that saves you from the drowning, that saves you from all the things that could kill you or take away your comfort?
00:03:12.000 --> 00:03:13.766
No one's around anymore.
00:03:13.766 --> 00:03:46.000
You know and I mean this in a figurative way, of course, but it's crazy how much the level of trust that we're capable of giving and experiencing is dependent on the way we look at the world, and I think that the average male today looks at the world as a place that is seriously missing things and where they have to work hard to fight for their right to exist, for their place, for their achievements.
00:03:46.889 --> 00:03:48.000
And we talked about this before.
00:03:48.000 --> 00:04:01.000
If you, as a man, think that living as a man is a matter of territorial dominance, of fighting a better fight, then trust is not part of the process.
00:04:01.000 --> 00:04:02.646
I'm sorry, it's bullshit.
00:04:02.646 --> 00:04:05.609
Then people use trust in vain.
00:04:05.609 --> 00:04:09.000
That word is not legitimized in the process.
00:04:09.000 --> 00:04:12.469
What you actually mean is I don't feel safe.
00:04:12.469 --> 00:04:14.747
I don't feel safe around you.
00:04:14.747 --> 00:04:25.168
Let me put everything in a written contract so that once you stab me in the back, I have enough evidence to stab you back.
00:04:25.168 --> 00:04:36.692
And you know I run a record label and people still are baffled and you know they call me out because I don't have contracts with my artists.
00:04:36.692 --> 00:04:40.367
And it's something that I noticed in the past.
00:04:41.249 --> 00:04:57.050
When you build a company, especially as a man that deals with other men, and you started from an honest place, you pour into it something that you truly believe, and now you find people who truly want to support your cause.
00:04:57.050 --> 00:05:15.629
You have to make it as easy as possible for everyone to be trusting, and the only way to do that is authentic, the authentic self, to show up in a vulnerable way and tell your people guys, I know I don't know everything.
00:05:15.629 --> 00:05:28.225
I know there's a lot I don't know and there's a lot of mistakes I'm going to make, and I beg you to help me Guess what, when you tell that to your people, at first people are shocked.
00:05:28.225 --> 00:05:30.857
At first people are shocked at the level of.
00:05:30.857 --> 00:05:34.937
They're shocked about the level of honesty.
00:05:34.937 --> 00:05:37.516
But then what happens with honesty?
00:05:37.516 --> 00:05:41.079
Suddenly people open up and they become actually trusting.
00:05:42.029 --> 00:05:48.697
So the culture of trust requires for someone to speak up and say like hey, I don't have all the answers.
00:05:48.697 --> 00:05:53.454
I actually I'm completely on my own and I'm actually confused.
00:05:53.454 --> 00:05:56.081
But who?
00:05:56.081 --> 00:05:57.273
Who does that?
00:05:57.273 --> 00:06:01.514
In today's time, everybody seems to know everything better than everybody else.
00:06:01.514 --> 00:06:01.735
Right?
00:06:01.735 --> 00:06:07.411
Everybody seems to have the better product, have the better service, have to have the better business, the better car.
00:06:07.411 --> 00:06:19.699
The level of lack of self-trust is showing so much in our ways that we project in the world that of course, we all know we cannot trust each other.
00:06:19.699 --> 00:06:23.278
I don't trust myself, you don't trust yourself.
00:06:23.278 --> 00:06:24.733
Now we come together.
00:06:24.733 --> 00:06:26.519
How are we supposed to trust each other?
00:06:26.519 --> 00:06:28.036
There's no grounds for it.
00:06:28.269 --> 00:06:32.918
Do you think at one point in our lives, when we're little, we had trust?
00:06:33.209 --> 00:06:33.651
Absolutely.
00:06:33.651 --> 00:06:46.180
I am convinced and I think there's enough hard evidence that a newborn, a newborn, actually is defined by an incredible level of trust.
00:06:46.180 --> 00:06:48.057
It's trusting in that it has no choice.
00:06:48.057 --> 00:06:54.187
When you have no choice, you give yourself into the hands of your parents, right?
00:06:54.187 --> 00:06:57.115
That is not a sign of weakness, something we need to learn.
00:06:57.115 --> 00:07:00.759
That is a sign of abundance.
00:07:00.759 --> 00:07:07.836
The abundant mindset, which means an abundant mindset, is a mindset that knows nothing is missing.
00:07:07.836 --> 00:07:12.375
Everything is here, the world is perfect, we're perfect right now, we're exactly where we need to be.
00:07:12.375 --> 00:07:14.737
That's what defines a newborn baby.
00:07:15.190 --> 00:07:24.593
A newborn baby is not born with the attitude of oh my God, I hope I closed that deal, I hope my numbers are up, I hope I'm the best, I hope I'm gonna win.
00:07:24.593 --> 00:07:36.035
No, that notion is completely foreign to the newborn, because the only thing the newborn wants is to explore itself and, through that, explore its surroundings, right?
00:07:36.035 --> 00:07:39.517
Well, guess, what is the prerequisite for exploration?
00:07:39.517 --> 00:07:41.334
What is the prerequisite?
00:07:41.334 --> 00:07:44.559
How is exploration ever gonna happen in your life?
00:07:44.559 --> 00:07:48.218
There's one thing you need what's called trust.
00:07:48.218 --> 00:08:00.959
If you don't trust the process of life, if you don't trust yourself, your decisions, if you don't trust your inner voice, your heart, if you don't trust the path you're not gonna explore.
00:08:00.959 --> 00:08:02.535
And that's what we see today.
00:08:02.535 --> 00:08:05.899
We have so many people just stuck in their ways.
00:08:05.899 --> 00:08:19.980
They might change their car every year, they might move around and update and upgrade their living conditions or change jobs or build new businesses, but they're actually staying exactly where they are.
00:08:19.980 --> 00:08:22.338
They're just brushing up, you know.
00:08:22.338 --> 00:08:25.237
They're just updating, polishing what they have.
00:08:25.237 --> 00:08:26.581
Why?
00:08:26.581 --> 00:08:31.274
Because there's no trust for the process, there's no trust for life.
00:08:32.190 --> 00:08:36.059
And another good example, I think, is marriage.
00:08:36.059 --> 00:08:39.017
Marriage today has nothing to do with trust.
00:08:39.017 --> 00:08:51.143
I have been to too many weddings where I know exactly that, on both sides, the marriage is defined not by abundance but by scarcity.
00:08:51.143 --> 00:09:01.597
People are afraid of being alone, they're afraid of being alone, and then, once they are married, they are afraid of being left.
00:09:01.597 --> 00:09:05.418
And so where is there space for trust?
00:09:05.418 --> 00:09:06.755
There's no space for trust.
00:09:06.870 --> 00:09:14.542
The human glue, the thing that makes us a unity, that makes us all kind of one people, is not existent.
00:09:14.542 --> 00:09:19.061
Because we are too worried for our own goddamn self.
00:09:19.061 --> 00:09:20.716
We think that something is missing.
00:09:20.716 --> 00:09:38.794
When something is missing I think this is an easier way to put it If you wake up in the morning and you look at your life and you don't see all the things, all the blessings you have, but you see all the things that you're missing, the things that you still have to work towards.
00:09:38.794 --> 00:09:42.857
What kind of feeling does that infuse in you?
00:09:42.857 --> 00:09:44.235
Fear, right, right.
00:09:44.235 --> 00:09:47.716
You're fearful because am I gonna get it, or am I always gonna be alone?
00:09:47.716 --> 00:09:49.437
Will I never be successful?
00:09:49.437 --> 00:09:50.775
Will I never be wealthy?
00:09:50.775 --> 00:09:52.135
Will I always be struggling?
00:09:52.135 --> 00:10:00.039
But the expression of that, what it makes you do, is being untrusting.
00:10:00.039 --> 00:10:01.894
You're not trusting.
00:10:02.335 --> 00:10:02.556
Right.
00:10:02.956 --> 00:10:10.879
Why you feel like you will always be missing something and people will always give you less than you give them.
00:10:10.879 --> 00:10:13.115
As a consequence, there's no trust.
00:10:13.389 --> 00:10:13.551
Yeah.
00:10:14.529 --> 00:10:15.173
There's no trust.
00:10:15.173 --> 00:10:22.017
Just bothers me that we abuse the word so much when we are clearly not trusting.
00:10:22.017 --> 00:10:27.734
We'll still say to our friends next of kin, I trust you man.
00:10:27.734 --> 00:10:30.676
Yeah, man, I trust you, trust me.
00:10:30.676 --> 00:10:36.034
We know that it is an insult to say no, I don't trust you.
00:10:36.289 --> 00:10:39.211
I've thrown that word very loosely Until recent.
00:10:39.211 --> 00:10:42.201
I've really just kind of not said it anymore.
00:10:42.201 --> 00:10:45.139
It was more of like thinking, just more and more.
00:10:45.139 --> 00:10:51.740
And that's how we got to this conversation, because it's like seems like everything was all about trust.
00:10:51.740 --> 00:11:14.162
It was used so loosely, but also, you know, I think what I'm trying to do after even this talk now is I'm sure it's different for everybody when, what part of my life, what age did I lose that trust?
00:11:14.162 --> 00:11:21.340
What happened to me that I start seeing the whole opposite, Because I mean, as, like you said, as kids we had it, you know.
00:11:21.769 --> 00:11:29.379
That's why we climb trees and why we fall down cliffs, and you know, big because we spoke our mind, we did whatever we wanted.
00:11:29.490 --> 00:11:37.681
I mean, there's just a basic level of trust in a child that drives it to explore, which is to me you know.
00:11:37.681 --> 00:11:50.596
Later on it becomes like courage, courageous Playfulness, courage, curiosity, openness, these things define.
00:11:50.596 --> 00:11:56.058
These things define how willing you are to expose yourself to risk in your life.
00:11:56.399 --> 00:11:56.600
Yeah.
00:11:57.370 --> 00:12:07.798
But now imagine you lack these things, you will not expose yourself to risk, you will not explore Human beings and men are no exceptions.
00:12:07.798 --> 00:12:10.778
They have to explore themselves.
00:12:10.778 --> 00:12:15.717
They have to discover who they are and, you know, become that flower.
00:12:15.717 --> 00:12:21.099
We have to become the flower that we are meant to be, and it bothers me that we don't do that.
00:12:21.099 --> 00:12:24.298
We all are the same flower.
00:12:24.298 --> 00:12:26.274
We all are the same.
00:12:26.274 --> 00:12:29.619
We all try to be the same, but better, not our own.
00:12:29.619 --> 00:12:31.711
Why?
00:12:31.711 --> 00:12:33.638
Because we don't trust the process.
00:12:33.638 --> 00:12:35.216
Why don't we trust the process?
00:12:35.216 --> 00:12:39.279
Because our mind is completely filled with scarcity.
00:12:39.279 --> 00:12:44.792
So you know to ask yourself at what time in your life did you lose?
00:12:44.792 --> 00:12:47.581
Not the trust in people.
00:12:47.581 --> 00:12:49.397
It's not about trusting people.
00:12:49.397 --> 00:12:50.995
Trusting people, that's easy.
00:12:50.995 --> 00:12:53.475
The hard part is trusting yourself.
00:12:53.735 --> 00:12:53.996
Right.
00:12:54.850 --> 00:12:56.556
It's the same again, like with love.
00:12:56.556 --> 00:13:02.972
When we talk about love, it's easy to love other people the way we think we love them.
00:13:02.972 --> 00:13:05.018
The hard part is loving yourself.
00:13:05.018 --> 00:13:09.419
But you cannot trust other people if you don't trust yourself.
00:13:09.419 --> 00:13:11.447
You cannot love other people if you don't love yourself.
00:13:11.447 --> 00:13:24.666
And you cannot neither love nor trust if your mindset is one of scarcity, if you feel like you're always going to be missing something and you have to somehow make up for that lack.
00:13:24.666 --> 00:13:26.551
You're being left behind.
00:13:26.551 --> 00:13:27.332
There's not enough.
00:13:27.332 --> 00:13:31.051
I need to now go and get what's mine, which is such a male thing.
00:13:31.051 --> 00:13:34.741
Then trust and love is not available to you.
00:13:34.741 --> 00:13:35.102
I will.
00:13:35.102 --> 00:13:37.028
I will say it until I fucking die.
00:13:37.028 --> 00:13:38.812
It's not available to you.
00:13:38.812 --> 00:13:43.389
These people who are so driven by like I need to get what's mine.
00:13:43.389 --> 00:13:48.830
I'm gonna fight for my right, I'm gonna hustle my way through this shit, but I trust you, man.
00:13:48.830 --> 00:13:51.174
You are not capable of trust.
00:13:51.174 --> 00:13:53.980
There's no such thing.
00:13:55.003 --> 00:14:01.918
We've been educated by movies and by shows and by books that tell us otherwise.
00:14:01.918 --> 00:14:13.684
In the human makeup, in the emotional makeup of the human being, trust is motivated by a deep sense of enoughness, like I'm good.
00:14:13.684 --> 00:14:22.626
I am good, and because I'm good and I see that I have everything I have, even if fucking shit falls on my head.
00:14:22.626 --> 00:14:24.530
That's part of the process.
00:14:24.530 --> 00:14:26.434
I keep trusting it.
00:14:26.434 --> 00:14:45.072
Well, if you have that state of being, that state where you know you're not dependent on the world's opinion and on what are the ones from you, and whether or not you're married or whether or not you're rich, where you choose enough, well then trust is available to you.
00:14:46.676 --> 00:14:49.846
But everything else is just, it's a bullshit, scam.
00:14:49.846 --> 00:14:54.895
It's marketing All these businesses that I work with.
00:14:54.895 --> 00:15:03.283
They have you know, they put you go to their offices and then they have these banners on the wall.
00:15:03.283 --> 00:15:03.644
Is it like?
00:15:03.644 --> 00:15:10.075
Trust creates bridges and we're number one trusted brain?
00:15:10.075 --> 00:15:13.179
And bullshit has nothing to do with trust.
00:15:13.179 --> 00:15:18.514
Trust, that is not the same as a product that sells a lot.
00:15:18.514 --> 00:15:21.019
We make everything about trust.
00:15:21.019 --> 00:15:23.331
If we actually knew what trust means.
00:15:24.113 --> 00:15:28.205
Trust means to just let yourself go fall into it.
00:15:28.205 --> 00:15:32.461
You know like, you know these exercises, these partner exercises.
00:15:32.461 --> 00:15:34.447
I do them with my wife from time to time.
00:15:34.447 --> 00:15:42.368
So it's like you stand upright, you spread out your arms and your partner stands behind you, right?
00:15:42.368 --> 00:15:55.961
You close your eyes and then you just drop and you and your partner catches you, right, right, there's almost no one who can just let go.
00:15:55.961 --> 00:15:59.293
There's almost no one, even though this is, this is your fucking partner.
00:15:59.293 --> 00:16:01.321
It's been your partner for 10 years, 15 years.
00:16:01.461 --> 00:16:12.015
But we always find excuse she's probably not strong enough, oh she, maybe she's distracted, she doesn't care, she won't do it, I don't know, or I fall.
00:16:12.015 --> 00:16:12.496
Weird.
00:16:12.496 --> 00:16:17.836
We find all these excuses not to trust simply because we're not used to letting ourselves go.
00:16:17.836 --> 00:16:18.820
We cannot fall.
00:16:18.820 --> 00:16:20.144
We don't have that anymore.
00:16:20.164 --> 00:16:21.769
A baby has no problem.
00:16:21.769 --> 00:16:23.836
A pet has no problem.
00:16:23.836 --> 00:16:25.942
A pet that really has no trauma.
00:16:25.942 --> 00:16:26.764
You know, you get.
00:16:26.764 --> 00:16:32.096
You get your 10 week old, you know tiny baby pet.
00:16:32.096 --> 00:16:33.138
Right, get your puppy.
00:16:34.981 --> 00:16:36.625
These things, they just follow you.
00:16:36.625 --> 00:16:41.703
They just follow around, they chumble around, they eat whatever they drop in the pool.
00:16:41.703 --> 00:16:43.089
You know they bark at anything.
00:16:43.089 --> 00:16:49.528
And we then are the ones that teach that creatures, just like we do with the babies, what's right, what's wrong.
00:16:50.591 --> 00:17:04.936
When we do that, we remove trust from these creatures Because now they realize oh shit, yeah, I'm not careful, you know someone's going to step on me, I'm going to overstep my boundaries, I'm going to get told, I'm going to be put in my place.
00:17:04.936 --> 00:17:12.317
Now, the problem is that if you were really trusting yourself, you will be free.
00:17:12.317 --> 00:17:15.028
Yeah, you will be truly free.
00:17:15.028 --> 00:17:21.468
And a person that's free and moves around in the world becomes trustworthy.
00:17:21.468 --> 00:17:26.019
And because you're trustworthy and authentic, people trust you.
00:17:26.019 --> 00:17:31.413
And because people trust you and recognize that you trust worthy, guess what you can trust them.
00:17:31.413 --> 00:17:34.288
That's how trust you know, the waterfall of trust.
00:17:34.288 --> 00:17:36.693
That's how trust exponentially grows.
00:17:36.693 --> 00:17:47.531
It's like a spider web, it's, it's, you know, it's an explosion, right, but if at the center it's corrupted, then it's not trust that you're seed.
00:17:47.531 --> 00:17:49.496
You don't see trust.
00:17:49.496 --> 00:17:53.867
You actually seed the confused brother.
00:17:53.867 --> 00:17:56.675
You seed suspicion.
00:17:57.617 --> 00:18:06.584
You said something earlier you can't let someone if you don't like yourself, can't trust someone if you don't trust yourself.
00:18:06.584 --> 00:18:18.627
So now, now it's kind of like, okay, what have you done to yourself that you don't trust yourself?
00:18:18.627 --> 00:18:19.010
How do you?
00:18:19.010 --> 00:18:20.277
How do you trust yourself?
00:18:20.277 --> 00:18:23.678
You, just like you just said right now, just do whatever you want.
00:18:23.678 --> 00:18:28.957
No, not so much that, but just he's a thing.
00:18:30.299 --> 00:18:35.623
It all boils down to saying the thing always, always and I will not stop saying that.
00:18:35.623 --> 00:18:39.115
Actually we had a way of conversation we have conversation about every now and then.
00:18:39.115 --> 00:18:41.401
You know, we're unaware.
00:18:41.401 --> 00:18:49.244
People, I'm sorry to say, but humanity is unaware, and it I'm sorry to say it again, but it fucking bothers the shit out of me.
00:18:49.244 --> 00:18:51.656
People are unaware what you do.
00:18:51.656 --> 00:18:54.778
People are unaware what they're stuffing their fucking mouth.
00:18:54.778 --> 00:18:56.589
They're unaware when they go to bed.
00:18:56.589 --> 00:19:00.400
They're unaware what kind of toxic relationships they're on the day entertained.
00:19:00.400 --> 00:19:02.273
They're unaware how they're driving.
00:19:02.273 --> 00:19:10.490
They're unaware how they educate their kids, the things that they're watching, read, the unaware of the very words they say.
00:19:10.490 --> 00:19:15.698
They hurt people, they hurt themselves just by being unaware.
00:19:15.817 --> 00:19:23.432
Every day I see people overweight, people, consuming food that will definitely put them into an early grave.
00:19:23.432 --> 00:19:23.914
Why?
00:19:23.914 --> 00:19:29.601
Because they choose not to be aware and they blame the misery on someone else.
00:19:29.601 --> 00:19:30.425
Well, guess what?
00:19:30.425 --> 00:19:32.317
There's no trust in that system.
00:19:32.317 --> 00:19:32.779
Why?
00:19:32.779 --> 00:19:34.147
Because there's no self love.
00:19:34.750 --> 00:19:42.648
Someone who beats themselves up with bad food, bad education, who educates their kids, you know, not just poorly, but not at all.
00:19:42.648 --> 00:19:51.530
Who takes away everyone's liberty, who creates businesses that crush people, that gets them stuck in loans and debt and toxic products.
00:19:51.530 --> 00:19:56.412
They do so because they really have no self respect.
00:19:56.412 --> 00:20:02.257
Because if you have self respect, you will be on this planet to do something awesome.
00:20:02.257 --> 00:20:14.961
You will be here to say, like man, I know things nobody knows and I have abilities nobody has and I have skills nobody has and I'm not going to use that to do something awesome.
00:20:14.961 --> 00:20:23.305
And that's something awesome is going to be so great, I would be the first to buy it, and the ones who find in a bite they will be better for it.
00:20:23.305 --> 00:20:25.636
See, that's what would happen.
00:20:26.340 --> 00:20:29.977
But that doesn't happen because people, they don't just hate themselves.
00:20:29.977 --> 00:20:31.882
The opposite of love is not hate.
00:20:31.882 --> 00:20:33.807
They're afraid.
00:20:33.807 --> 00:20:37.130
They're fearful of not getting theirs.
00:20:37.130 --> 00:20:41.624
They're afraid of not getting getting their share, that part of happiness and money.
00:20:41.624 --> 00:20:44.001
And you know their thing.
00:20:44.001 --> 00:20:45.892
It doesn't fucking matter.
00:20:45.892 --> 00:20:48.006
And you're not on this planet to get a share.
00:20:48.006 --> 00:20:53.817
You're on this planet to be happy and you're only happy if you show up as your true fucking self.
00:20:53.817 --> 00:20:56.069
But nobody does why?
00:20:56.069 --> 00:20:59.172
Because they don't trust the process, because they're too fearful to like her.
00:20:59.172 --> 00:21:01.647
Know, you know if I, if I brought my truck.
00:21:01.688 --> 00:21:02.452
Nobody will love me.
00:21:02.452 --> 00:21:04.181
I had to pretend to be somebody else.
00:21:04.454 --> 00:21:11.080
There you have it, and then you know we remain on love, obviously because of all the things we do.
00:21:11.080 --> 00:21:15.282
Yeah, you can go and talk to a person that hates themselves.
00:21:15.282 --> 00:21:18.429
You cannot look in at their own self in the mirror.
00:21:18.429 --> 00:21:19.474
They hate their body.
00:21:19.474 --> 00:21:20.564
They pretend, you know.
00:21:20.564 --> 00:21:23.220
They pretend, oh, I love my body, I'm totally okay with whoever.
00:21:23.220 --> 00:21:24.403
You can say whatever you want.
00:21:24.403 --> 00:21:26.078
In the end all that matters is how you feel.
00:21:26.078 --> 00:21:40.809
But you realize that they look at themselves and that reinforces the self loathing and the self loathing is like a closed loop that makes it even harder for them to have any kind of self respect.
00:21:41.170 --> 00:21:54.816
Now, because you don't have self respect, you don't have self love, you don't trust yourself, what you do, what you go with the path of least resistance, which is another piece of cake, or another, you know hit of cocaine, and another, you know some.
00:21:54.816 --> 00:21:58.767
Some more drugs, more, more spending, more shopping.
00:21:58.767 --> 00:22:11.996
Whatever the destructive behavior is our preservative way of stroking ourselves, of saying like we might hate ourselves and what we might be fearful, but at least we have that.
00:22:11.996 --> 00:22:13.881
So we console ourselves.
00:22:13.881 --> 00:22:20.935
We console ourselves out of our own right of loving ourselves and therefore trusting ourselves.
00:22:20.935 --> 00:22:30.829
I'm sorry, the divorce rate is skyrocketing bankruptcy rate is skyrocketing, yeah.
00:22:30.829 --> 00:22:36.585
Default on loans and mortgages, right or skyrocketing.
00:22:36.585 --> 00:22:41.463
All of that is always the result of the very same thing.
00:22:41.463 --> 00:22:43.298
It's all the very same thing.
00:22:43.720 --> 00:22:49.583
We get ourselves into these commitments, yeah, that we cannot afford emotionally.
00:22:49.583 --> 00:22:50.826
Why?
00:22:50.826 --> 00:22:57.440
Because we for ourselves, have not put in the time and awareness to know what matters to us.
00:22:57.440 --> 00:22:58.102
Who are we?
00:22:58.102 --> 00:22:59.486
What do I want?
00:22:59.486 --> 00:23:11.085
Everything that the baby is here to explore, everything that the newborn tries to find out through its curiosity and playfulness and openness, and because it's of trusting nature.
00:23:11.085 --> 00:23:13.401
We deny that to ourselves.
00:23:13.401 --> 00:23:24.628
We say, like you know, Friday is for Cheesecake Factory, Sunday is for, like brunch, Monday is big lunch and then drinking with the boys Monday night, and so on and so on.
00:23:24.628 --> 00:23:31.965
We forget, we think that, oh, you know, I have a group of people, I'm well regarded and well respected, I'm good.
00:23:31.965 --> 00:23:33.461
This is ego shit.
00:23:33.461 --> 00:23:38.202
He has nothing to do with your inner life, it has nothing to do with your heart.
00:23:38.202 --> 00:23:48.346
It's all just projection of yourself into the world, because all these people that go drinking with you or partying with you, they actually are much more concerned about themselves than about you.
00:23:48.685 --> 00:23:48.886
Yeah.
00:23:49.576 --> 00:23:50.539
And trust there.
00:23:50.539 --> 00:23:57.166
The only trust that exists is like I trust you as long as that's not trust.
00:23:57.166 --> 00:24:02.188
You see what I just did I trust you as long as I trust you.
00:24:02.449 --> 00:24:14.082
If so you're putting a condition a condition and that is a fucking point I'm making here yeah, if you have a scarcity mindset, you have to cover your ass all the time, right?
00:24:14.082 --> 00:24:23.200
How does someone and I hope that some of the people listening own a business and know what I'm talking about how do you cover your ass in a business?
00:24:23.200 --> 00:24:33.060
Contracts, right Agreements, insurances, assurances, warranties they are here to cover your ass.
00:24:33.060 --> 00:24:36.384
They're the conditional nature of the world.
00:24:36.384 --> 00:24:49.515
Well, we do the exact same thing when we go out there with the people and we say, like I will love you if you love me, bro, you're my bro If I'm your bro, yeah, oh, I totally have your back if you have my back.
00:24:49.515 --> 00:24:51.494
Well, guys, this is not how it works.
00:24:51.494 --> 00:24:54.134
Trust is not a two-way street.
00:24:54.134 --> 00:24:56.515
It's not reciprocity based.
00:24:56.515 --> 00:25:02.520
The real trust of nature, universal trust that we talk about here, it's just about giving.
00:25:02.520 --> 00:25:03.914
It's just about giving.
00:25:03.914 --> 00:25:09.563
If you only care about trust you get in return, then you're not trusting to begin with.
00:25:09.563 --> 00:25:11.914
You not, you're full of shit, you're full of cock.
00:25:12.979 --> 00:25:22.382
And you know it's crazy, you say by establishing a contract or putting a contract I think you just made it official is that I'm never going to trust you.
00:25:23.084 --> 00:25:25.969
No, yeah, exactly, exactly you just made it official.
00:25:25.969 --> 00:25:28.282
It's like what is that saying?
00:25:28.282 --> 00:25:31.397
I forgot is like trust is good, control is better.
00:25:32.121 --> 00:25:32.943
Right yeah.
00:25:33.634 --> 00:25:35.141
And the KGB worked like that.
00:25:35.141 --> 00:25:37.923
Yeah, the KGB in the Soviet era of Russia.
00:25:37.923 --> 00:25:49.740
It was about like, well, there's a system of accountability amongst the people, but it was never clear if something was true unless it was verified.
00:25:49.740 --> 00:25:51.484
Trust, but verify.
00:25:51.484 --> 00:25:57.401
So that is an attitude of conditionality, and conditionality always comes from this trust.
00:25:57.401 --> 00:26:08.434
It's only the mind that is soaked in this trust that asks of itself and others conditionality, nothing else.
00:26:08.434 --> 00:26:14.234
Conditionality is the expression of this trust, or rather it brings this trust out of you.
00:26:14.234 --> 00:26:15.721
It's the expression of scarcity.
00:26:15.721 --> 00:26:21.231
So I mean for everyone to check on the for themselves.
00:26:21.231 --> 00:26:35.243
Your spouses, I mean, you love them, yeah, but how far would that love go, with that love suddenly turned into hate, if that person were to disrespect you?
00:26:35.243 --> 00:26:43.315
If that person's only turned on you, with that love turned into, you know, disapproval and maybe like violent repercussions.
00:26:43.315 --> 00:26:48.028
For most people that's the case, I'm sorry to say.
00:26:48.028 --> 00:26:48.693
You didn't love that person.
00:26:48.733 --> 00:26:55.233
Yeah, you love that person with a contract she broke or he broke the contract and now you're pissed, now you're going to court.
00:26:55.233 --> 00:26:57.501
Yeah, it's nothing else.
00:26:57.501 --> 00:27:11.083
When you, when, when someone, when someone, when someone cheats on someone else and the person that's cheated on goes and keys their car, that's basically just the jury.
00:27:11.545 --> 00:27:11.765
Yeah.
00:27:11.954 --> 00:27:20.037
Of the trial deciding that the person that cheated is guilty broke the contract, and I know this.
00:27:20.037 --> 00:27:39.335
This sounds maybe almost a little bit too enlightened, but ideally, if we love the person and that person suddenly decides he or she wants to be with someone else, we should actually be happy for them and we should be happy for ourselves, because that's the process, that's trusting the process.
00:27:39.335 --> 00:27:42.224
Apparently, our common path is over.
00:27:42.224 --> 00:27:45.335
Apparently, now we're ready for something else.
00:27:45.335 --> 00:27:48.315
Apparently, now we have to open ourselves up to something else.
00:27:48.315 --> 00:27:52.335
Apparently, our spouse was not happy.
00:27:52.335 --> 00:27:54.753
I have parent and our spouse needs something different.
00:27:54.775 --> 00:27:57.303
But no, we get all crazy.
00:27:57.303 --> 00:27:58.204
Why?
00:27:58.204 --> 00:28:00.823
Because the scarcity mind feels betrayed.
00:28:00.823 --> 00:28:03.295
The scarcity mind is terrified.
00:28:03.295 --> 00:28:06.464
I just lost what's rightfully mine.
00:28:06.464 --> 00:28:08.726
I need to get it back.
00:28:08.726 --> 00:28:12.724
Yeah, has it ever led to a better world?
00:28:12.724 --> 00:28:18.738
No way, right, Not once, not once.
00:28:18.738 --> 00:28:22.987
But we teach our kids son, you're going to defend what's yours.
00:28:22.987 --> 00:28:24.941
You got to get what's yours.
00:28:24.941 --> 00:28:31.417
Oh, no, you cannot have her treat you like this Says who what?
00:28:31.417 --> 00:28:33.217
Right, well, you know.
00:28:33.217 --> 00:28:35.182
Well, then I'm not going to love her anymore.
00:28:35.182 --> 00:28:38.201
Then you never loved her to begin with.
00:28:38.201 --> 00:28:40.881
And trust in the business setting right.
00:28:40.881 --> 00:28:46.825
We say like, oh, we're all trusting people here, the team trusts each other and then something happens.
00:28:46.825 --> 00:28:54.132
Now, suddenly, you know, everything turns sour, which is a sign of poor leadership.
00:28:54.472 --> 00:28:54.773
Yeah.
00:28:55.625 --> 00:28:58.355
And then you realize that there was no trust to begin with.
00:28:58.355 --> 00:29:01.974
It was reaches everybody waiting until the shit hits the fan.
00:29:01.974 --> 00:29:03.805
It was just a matter of time.
00:29:03.805 --> 00:29:05.375
It was not if, but when.
00:29:05.375 --> 00:29:11.134
Right man, and we have to be careful.
00:29:11.767 --> 00:29:14.045
I think that's also a little bit what this podcast is about.
00:29:14.045 --> 00:29:18.873
We use all these words and we forget what they do to us.
00:29:18.873 --> 00:29:22.974
We forget the weight of trust in nature.
00:29:22.974 --> 00:29:29.998
Trust is what makes everything bloom and grow and become beautiful.
00:29:29.998 --> 00:29:32.992
Nothing would happen out there without trust.
00:29:32.992 --> 00:29:43.852
The tree trusts that winter will be over at some time, that the seedling trusts that if it breaks through the soil it will not be trampled to death.
00:29:43.852 --> 00:29:47.213
It will actually get a chance to thrive.
00:29:47.213 --> 00:29:49.351
That's fucking trust.
00:29:49.351 --> 00:29:50.173
That's crazy.
00:29:50.173 --> 00:29:51.730
That's trust, nothing else.
00:29:51.730 --> 00:30:00.316
So you know, next time you wake up and you beat yourself up, just remind yourself holy shit, I really don't trust myself and my life at all.
00:30:00.316 --> 00:30:08.093
So if that's the case, don't go out there and tell people I trust you, I trust you, we're trustworthy, this is a trustworthy company.
00:30:08.093 --> 00:30:10.704
Oh, we're trusting member of the community.
00:30:10.704 --> 00:30:14.971
It's all hogwash and bullshit and you should actually get indicted for that.
00:30:14.971 --> 00:30:17.375
I mean seriously.
00:30:17.375 --> 00:30:17.978
I agree.
00:30:17.978 --> 00:30:19.029
It's misleading.
00:30:19.545 --> 00:30:26.838
But now I guess, to end my section here, what you were talking about.
00:30:26.838 --> 00:30:29.211
Now it's a good way to actually look at it.
00:30:29.211 --> 00:30:34.556
When you wake up, don't go out there, just trust in it.
00:30:34.556 --> 00:30:43.248
You can't even trust yourself, and the more I mean right off the morning, I mean every, every yeah, and that's what I mean with awareness.
00:30:43.288 --> 00:30:52.789
You know, just become aware of how you view yourself, of the trust that you have for yourself, of the love and the respect that you bring to yourself.
00:30:52.924 --> 00:31:05.615
And if you find that there are stories that you're harboring which we all do that keep teaching you you know why you shouldn't trust yourself.
00:31:05.615 --> 00:31:15.135
An example is if you were bullied at school people get bullied for years they learn to distrust themselves because they know something's wrong with me.
00:31:15.135 --> 00:31:17.412
People are picking on me, right.
00:31:17.412 --> 00:31:25.932
That breaks the trust for yourself, but then, at the same time also, you don't trust humanity anymore because humanity was picking on you for years when you were little.
00:31:25.932 --> 00:31:44.054
So you have to go back and identify these stories, identify all the scarcity stories that you harbor inside of you, and I mean this sit down, do automatic writing journal all the scarcity stories that have taught you not to trust yourself and the world.
00:31:44.054 --> 00:31:46.852
Maybe you went through a terrible divorce.
00:31:46.852 --> 00:31:54.013
Maybe you got cheated on when you were younger and you learned, you know, not to trust women and therefore not to trust yourself in a relationship.
00:31:54.013 --> 00:31:56.492
Maybe something happened with your parents.
00:31:56.625 --> 00:31:58.111
Yeah, that's what I was going to tell you right now.
00:31:58.565 --> 00:32:04.230
Where you learned not to trust yourself because your parents taught they actually told you you're not trustworthy.
00:32:04.230 --> 00:32:06.330
It happens more often than you think.
00:32:06.330 --> 00:32:08.873
It doesn't sound exactly like that.
00:32:08.873 --> 00:32:15.413
It's not these exact words that parents will use, but if your father just tells you two or three times, you're an idiot.
00:32:15.413 --> 00:32:16.744
You know which?
00:32:16.744 --> 00:32:21.355
You know, I'm open to it made when I was really little and my father was young.
00:32:21.355 --> 00:32:29.986
He said that he actually once called me an asshole and it's crazy how much damage that did to me because he was like the guy I looked up to.
00:32:29.986 --> 00:32:33.394
And now I realized apparently I cannot be trusted.
00:32:33.394 --> 00:32:37.465
You know, with a bike I will just fuck everything up, boom.
00:32:37.465 --> 00:32:38.048
There you have it.
00:32:39.145 --> 00:32:48.038
Your sense of self-trust was just that they just broken a little bit and now it only takes a couple more hits and that chip has sailed.
00:32:48.038 --> 00:32:56.595
Now you grow up still harboring that story deep within yourself, of course, but when push comes to shove, guess what?
00:32:56.595 --> 00:32:57.990
You're not going to rely on yourself.
00:32:57.990 --> 00:33:03.315
And that's the fucking thing when it comes, when push comes to shove, for example, should I start a new?
00:33:03.315 --> 00:33:04.288
Should I quit my job?
00:33:04.288 --> 00:33:11.251
Should I move to a different city, town, state, country, should I start a business?
00:33:11.251 --> 00:33:12.474
Push comes to shove.
00:33:12.474 --> 00:33:24.088
You're not going to do it because of that little story of because of that little story, is that still defining your self worth and therefore is biting into your sense of trust?
00:33:24.088 --> 00:33:28.150
So you're not going to do it, you're simply not going to do it.
00:33:28.150 --> 00:33:38.087
So see, before we just talk about trust as this thing, like you know, that sits on a shelf and you can buy five pounds of it and then just spread it amongst your friends.
00:33:38.944 --> 00:33:39.607
It's not how it works.
00:33:39.607 --> 00:33:44.213
Trust is exactly like love it's the one thing that grows as you give it away Right?
00:33:44.213 --> 00:33:46.332
But you can only give away what you have right.
00:33:46.332 --> 00:33:50.154
Exactly If you don't own it for yourself, there's nothing to give away.
00:33:50.154 --> 00:33:52.167
You can't give away up Hypocrisy.
00:33:52.167 --> 00:34:00.991
It's so bothersome that all these people say like, oh, I have so much love and you know they love themself.
00:34:00.991 --> 00:34:08.648
It's like I have so much money to give all of you, but it's all just loaned money with high interest.
00:34:08.648 --> 00:34:16.400
So they go home and they're going to punch this living shit out of themselves because they gave away what they didn't have.
00:34:16.400 --> 00:34:18.041
It's not a way of living.
00:34:18.896 --> 00:34:33.248
I invite everyone who discovers in the course of this podcast or maybe just right afterwards, if you're willing to think about that discovers that your sense of self-trust really has taken a hit over the course of your existence.
00:34:33.248 --> 00:34:41.960
Be gentle to yourself, but sink into the realization and tell yourself yes, that happened.
00:34:41.960 --> 00:34:44.949
I have a hard time trusting myself.
00:34:44.949 --> 00:34:46.974
Please acknowledge it.
00:34:46.974 --> 00:34:48.541
That's what I mean by awareness.
00:34:48.541 --> 00:35:00.358
Acknowledge the fact that for 30, 40, 25 years whatever what have you you have not been trusting towards yourself and therefore not a trustworthy person and not a trusting person.
00:35:00.358 --> 00:35:07.695
Take that in sulk in it, like really understand it, but then also understand that it had to happen.
00:35:07.695 --> 00:35:14.726
You had no choice because of what happened, and then decide I am now ready to let that go.
00:35:14.726 --> 00:35:23.028
I'm not ready to sink into my own self-trust by letting go of these stories.
00:35:23.028 --> 00:35:30.041
If you cannot let go of these stories, if you keep those stories alive, you can tell me oh, I'm good now All you want.
00:35:30.041 --> 00:35:32.086
These stories will come back and bite your ass.
00:35:32.086 --> 00:35:33.795
You know they will.
00:35:34.539 --> 00:35:34.902
I bet.
00:35:35.063 --> 00:35:38.282
They will they will Crazy man.
00:35:38.282 --> 00:35:41.681
Highway off on a tangent here.
00:35:42.617 --> 00:35:48.735
No man, but it bothers me, no but it's good, because people question it but don't really know how to get it out there.
00:35:48.735 --> 00:35:56.396
And this, this shined a lot, a lot of light to not saying it's soft and I'm walking out this door, great.
00:35:56.396 --> 00:36:05.079
But one thing you did is bring awareness to it and the term trust I mean I knew about.
00:36:05.079 --> 00:36:06.985
You know, you can't love someone else if you don't love yourself.
00:36:06.985 --> 00:36:08.800
Now it's time to work on it.
00:36:08.800 --> 00:36:11.190
I can't trust anyone else if I don't trust myself.
00:36:11.550 --> 00:36:11.811
Yeah, yeah.
00:36:11.811 --> 00:36:14.300
So that is.
00:36:14.300 --> 00:36:15.403
That's a good one.
00:36:15.403 --> 00:36:19.436
And in closing, let me just tell you it has a.
00:36:20.838 --> 00:36:32.211
There's this thing about religion that makes it hard for people to build trust, because at some point early in their lives the people are highly religious.
00:36:32.211 --> 00:37:17.028
And I'm not here to judge you, but I just want to say one thing that makes it harder for you to sink into trust is that when you constantly outsource the control, the mastery of yourself to a entity that's out there somewhere above the clouds or in a book or you know, on the mountain or wherever, on the cross, if you constantly outsource that which defines you, defines your happiness, that defines your sadness, that defines your reality, outsource it from yourself, of course, you also take away the power that you have in trusting yourself, because trust is always attached to a sense of self ownership.
00:37:17.028 --> 00:37:21.405
I know myself, I own myself, I trust myself.
00:37:21.405 --> 00:37:35.766
But now if you say, like I'm owned by the Lord, oh, I'm owned by the state, oh, I'm owned by my parents, oh, I'm owned by my upbringings, there's no trust in store for you at all because there's no self ownership.
00:37:35.875 --> 00:37:36.920
Yeah, that makes sense.
00:37:37.394 --> 00:37:50.554
And we can debate religion all we want, whereas I have the stance that in religion, the teaching was really about the divinity that we are capable of, the power that resides in us.
00:37:50.554 --> 00:37:53.726
That is the ultimate source of trust.
00:37:53.726 --> 00:37:55.853
That, to me, is the message.
00:37:55.853 --> 00:37:56.434
That is the message.
00:37:56.434 --> 00:38:11.987
The ultimate message is that you are worthy of trusting yourself because you are a child of the universe, you're a child of everything, you're beautiful, you're part of nature, so you are worthy of it, you're worthy of trust.
00:38:11.987 --> 00:38:19.711
But if we deny ourselves that right, then we should not be trusted, then we're not trustworthy.
00:38:19.711 --> 00:38:20.514
I don't trust a person like that.
00:38:20.514 --> 00:38:24.329
You know, I don't trust these people.
00:38:24.329 --> 00:38:28.173
I gotta say it's my choice, because I realize they are owned by something else.
00:38:28.173 --> 00:38:38.355
Yeah, self ownership breeds self responsibility, breeds self accountability, breeds self trust.
00:38:38.355 --> 00:38:38.434
Woo.
00:38:39.864 --> 00:38:40.710
Man, I love that Well.
00:38:44.927 --> 00:38:46.632
I think we chewed through that one.
00:38:46.632 --> 00:38:47.114
Yeah, anything else no.
00:38:49.963 --> 00:38:52.472
No, lots of things, but you know what?
00:38:52.472 --> 00:38:52.873
It was very clear.
00:38:53.994 --> 00:39:05.552
Well, I'm glad you know it's a struggle, it's a struggle because it's a lot, it's multi-layered and anyone who struggles with it is invited to reach out.
00:39:05.552 --> 00:39:12.172
I gladly take the time and, you know, explain in more detail or give you exercises that can help you.
00:39:12.172 --> 00:39:17.789
But yeah, man, just take the essence with you and next time you use that word, be aware of what it means and what you're doing.
00:39:17.789 --> 00:39:22.717
Yep.
Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from Olivier Egli and Carlos Basurto, which is the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Listen Notes, Inc.
EDIT
Thank you for helping to keep the podcast database up to date.
