Stop Solving Everything And Start Coaching

WEBVTT
00:00:05.679 --> 00:00:07.679
Welcome to Lead with Learning.
00:00:07.839 --> 00:00:14.560
I'm Tess, and here we explore what happens when the science of learning meets the art of leadership.
00:00:14.720 --> 00:00:16.239
Let's get started.
00:00:17.039 --> 00:00:19.199
Let me start with a question.
00:00:19.440 --> 00:00:24.399
When someone on your team comes to you with a problem, what happens?
00:00:24.800 --> 00:00:30.480
Do you listen for 30 seconds and then immediately know what they should do?
00:00:30.719 --> 00:00:34.799
Do you find yourself saying, here's what I would do, or have you tried?
00:00:35.039 --> 00:00:37.600
Or you probably should.
00:00:38.320 --> 00:00:47.920
Maybe, if you're being really honest, you might not even wait for them to finish because in your head, you already have a solution that you know will work.
00:00:48.320 --> 00:00:53.280
I know this because leaders are rewarded for having answers.
00:00:53.520 --> 00:00:56.320
You became a leader because you were good at something.
00:00:56.479 --> 00:01:01.200
You developed expertise, you solved problems, you got things done.
00:01:01.359 --> 00:01:03.280
And then one day you were promoted.
00:01:03.359 --> 00:01:10.719
And suddenly, instead of just solving problems yourself, you're responsible for helping other people solve theirs.
00:01:10.959 --> 00:01:14.560
And this is where leadership gets interesting.
00:01:14.799 --> 00:01:26.319
Because the thing that made you successful as an individual contributor, being the person with the answers, can become the very thing that actually limits your team as a leader.
00:01:26.560 --> 00:01:29.200
And that's what I want to talk about today.
00:01:29.519 --> 00:01:34.319
The idea of why leaders need to understand how to coach.
00:01:34.560 --> 00:01:38.319
Not because I think every manager needs to become a professional coach.
00:01:38.560 --> 00:01:43.200
Not because you need another meeting on your calendar, because I'm sure you certainly don't.
00:01:43.519 --> 00:01:54.959
Definitely not because you need to spend an hour every week sitting across from your employees asking them deep questions about their feelings, because coaching can be so much simpler than that.
00:01:55.280 --> 00:02:04.319
In fact, one of the ideas that I love from Michael Bunge Stanier, the author of The Coaching Habit, is that coaching can happen in 10 minutes or less.
00:02:04.560 --> 00:02:13.599
His goal is not to turn managers into coaches, it's to help leaders become more coach-like in their conversations that they are already having.
00:02:13.759 --> 00:02:20.240
And that distinction is so important because coaching isn't necessarily a new activity.
00:02:20.400 --> 00:02:24.879
It's a new intention within an existing interaction.
00:02:25.759 --> 00:02:29.039
So let's think about the leader who always has the answer.
00:02:29.280 --> 00:02:33.039
I know I've been in that position before, and maybe you have too.
00:02:33.280 --> 00:02:42.479
Let's imagine that you have a team member who comes into your office or maybe sends you a Teams message and says, I'm having a hard time getting this project moving.
00:02:42.719 --> 00:02:45.439
And your brain immediately starts working.
00:02:45.599 --> 00:02:49.680
You know the project, you know the people involved, you've seen this before.
00:02:49.840 --> 00:02:53.280
It's like you're David Hasselhoff in the lifeguard stand.
00:02:53.439 --> 00:02:56.639
You are ready to go with your buoy, you're off to the races.
00:02:56.879 --> 00:02:59.840
So you say, Here's what I think you should do.
00:03:00.080 --> 00:03:02.080
And then you give them three steps.
00:03:02.319 --> 00:03:07.599
You tell them what to do, you leave, problem is solved, or so it seems.
00:03:07.759 --> 00:03:11.520
Because here's the question: who solved the problem?
00:03:12.000 --> 00:03:12.639
You did.
00:03:13.360 --> 00:03:15.759
And that's not necessarily bad.
00:03:16.000 --> 00:03:20.159
There are absolutely moments when leaders need to give direction.
00:03:20.479 --> 00:03:23.039
If there's a safety issue, you give direction.
00:03:23.199 --> 00:03:28.400
If there's a compliance issue, if the decision is yours to make, you make it.
00:03:28.639 --> 00:03:38.159
If someone is brand new and genuinely doesn't have that knowledge yet, teaching and directing may be exactly what is needed in that situation.
00:03:38.479 --> 00:03:42.319
But coaching is not about never giving answers.
00:03:42.479 --> 00:03:49.520
It's about recognizing that your answer isn't always the most valuable thing you can give to someone.
00:03:49.840 --> 00:03:55.919
Sometimes the most valuable thing you can give them is the opportunity to think critically.
00:03:56.159 --> 00:04:02.479
And this is where Michael Bunnier Staniard's concept of the advice monster is really useful.
00:04:02.800 --> 00:04:11.280
He describes the advice monster as that little voice in your head that starts shouting for you to give advice almost immediately.
00:04:11.599 --> 00:04:16.639
Someone tells you about a problem and your brain goes, Oh, I know what you should do.
00:04:16.879 --> 00:04:20.879
And the problem isn't that advice is inherently bad.
00:04:21.199 --> 00:04:25.920
The problem is when advice becomes our default response.
00:04:26.399 --> 00:04:33.600
Because when leaders consistently solve problems for people, they can unintentionally create dependence.
00:04:33.839 --> 00:04:37.199
The team learns when I'm stuck, I go to my manager.
00:04:37.360 --> 00:04:40.560
When I have to make a hard decision, I should ask my manager.
00:04:40.879 --> 00:04:44.480
Oh, when something goes wrong, my manager will figure it out.
00:04:44.720 --> 00:04:53.439
And suddenly the leader who wanted to develop a strong, capable team has accidentally created a team that needs them for everything.
00:04:53.600 --> 00:04:57.120
And quite frankly, now the leader is drowning in work.
00:04:57.360 --> 00:05:05.600
Not only do you have all the things that you are responsible for now as the leader, but you've taken on the responsibilities of your team.
00:05:05.759 --> 00:05:07.120
There's a way out.
00:05:07.439 --> 00:05:10.399
Bunge Staniard makes this point beautifully.
00:05:10.560 --> 00:05:21.120
When leaders rush to fix things, they may train people to come to them for answers rather than helping people become more confident, capable, and autonomous.
00:05:21.279 --> 00:05:27.519
And eventually, that leader is exhausted because they're carrying everyone else's thinking.
00:05:27.839 --> 00:05:30.560
Coaching is a shift in intention.
00:05:30.959 --> 00:05:33.040
So let's make this practical.
00:05:33.279 --> 00:05:38.639
What does it actually mean to shift from a leadership mindset to a coaching mindset?
00:05:38.959 --> 00:05:45.279
I think the easiest way to understand it is leadership asks, how do I solve this?
00:05:45.839 --> 00:05:51.360
Coaching asks, how do I help this person think through this?
00:05:51.680 --> 00:05:53.439
And that's a subtle shift.
00:05:53.519 --> 00:05:55.279
And it can happen in seconds.
00:05:55.439 --> 00:05:59.120
Your employee says, I don't know how we're going to get this done.
00:05:59.600 --> 00:06:06.480
The leadership reflex might be, okay, let's move the deadline, or let's have someone else help you.
00:06:06.720 --> 00:06:08.959
Or I think you should do it like this.
00:06:09.519 --> 00:06:14.560
But the coaching response could be, what do you think is getting in the way?
00:06:14.800 --> 00:06:17.120
Or what's the most challenging part?
00:06:17.360 --> 00:06:18.240
And that's it.
00:06:18.480 --> 00:06:24.560
You didn't schedule an additional coaching session, you don't have some sort of coaching documentation or template.
00:06:24.720 --> 00:06:27.439
You didn't give away 60 minutes of your time.
00:06:27.680 --> 00:06:30.560
All you did was change the question that you're asking.
00:06:30.720 --> 00:06:34.480
And that question changes who is doing the thinking.
00:06:34.800 --> 00:06:37.199
So let's talk through some strategies.
00:06:37.439 --> 00:06:41.199
Strategy one could be pause before you solve.
00:06:41.920 --> 00:06:43.839
Here's your first strategy.
00:06:44.399 --> 00:06:46.240
Pause before you solve.
00:06:46.399 --> 00:06:50.560
Not for five minutes, not for some elaborate mindfulness practice.
00:06:50.720 --> 00:06:51.680
Just pause.
00:06:51.839 --> 00:06:57.120
And when someone brings you a problem, give yourself two to three seconds before responding.
00:06:57.439 --> 00:07:00.879
Because those few seconds create a choice.
00:07:01.519 --> 00:07:14.480
Your brain can either follow that automatic path of problem goes to advice, or the pause can help you shift into problem goes to curiosity.
00:07:14.720 --> 00:07:22.319
Try asking yourself, does this person need my answer, or do they need help finding their answer?
00:07:22.639 --> 00:07:26.399
That one question can completely change the conversation.
00:07:26.560 --> 00:07:31.279
And you may be surprised how often the answer is the second one.
00:07:31.600 --> 00:07:32.720
Strategy two.
00:07:33.120 --> 00:07:35.439
You can ask, what else?
00:07:35.680 --> 00:07:41.360
One of my favorite coaching questions from Michael Bungay Staniard is so incredibly simple.
00:07:41.680 --> 00:07:44.639
His question is, and what else?
00:07:44.879 --> 00:07:53.600
So when someone says, we're having trouble getting the team to adopt this new process, you could immediately jump to saying, Have you tried training?
00:07:53.920 --> 00:07:57.439
Or instead you could ask, What else is going on?
00:07:57.600 --> 00:08:03.040
And they might say, Well, actually, I don't think people understand why we're changing it.
00:08:03.279 --> 00:08:06.319
And all you say is, and what else?
00:08:06.639 --> 00:08:10.959
Their response might be, well, some people are worried it's going to create more work.
00:08:11.279 --> 00:08:12.959
And now you're getting somewhere.
00:08:13.120 --> 00:08:17.120
The first answer wasn't necessarily the real challenge.
00:08:17.360 --> 00:08:19.279
It was simply the first answer.
00:08:19.439 --> 00:08:26.160
And when we're quick to jump in on that first answer, we don't find the root of the actual problem.
00:08:26.800 --> 00:08:31.360
And that's one of the reasons why questions are so powerful.
00:08:31.600 --> 00:08:45.600
The Center for Creative Leadership emphasizes the importance of powerful questions that help people surface information and assumptions and possibilities rather than simply receiving the leader's solution.
00:08:45.840 --> 00:08:49.840
Sometimes the first answer is just the doorway.
00:08:50.240 --> 00:08:56.879
So don't be afraid of walking through it and asking, and what else?
00:08:57.279 --> 00:08:58.960
Here's another shift.
00:08:59.120 --> 00:09:03.919
When you're listening to someone on your team, don't just listen for the problem.
00:09:04.399 --> 00:09:06.000
Listen for the person.
00:09:06.720 --> 00:09:14.080
It's important to make sure we're listening not only for facts, but also for emotions and values.
00:09:14.320 --> 00:09:29.360
So instead of hearing, my team isn't meeting the deadline, you might hear, I'm frustrated, or I don't trust that they're going to follow through, or even, I feel like I'm the only person who cares about this.
00:09:29.679 --> 00:09:33.200
And those are three totally different conversations.
00:09:33.519 --> 00:09:35.919
And here's a simple question you can use.
00:09:36.240 --> 00:09:38.559
What makes this challenging for you?
00:09:38.799 --> 00:09:45.039
Not what happened or why didn't they do it, but what makes this challenging for you?
00:09:45.519 --> 00:09:49.840
Now you're coaching the person, not just troubleshooting the task.
00:09:50.320 --> 00:09:56.240
Another strategy you can try is one that might leave you feeling a little uncomfortable.
00:09:56.879 --> 00:09:58.639
It's silence.
00:09:59.120 --> 00:10:02.480
In education, we call this strategy wait time.
00:10:03.279 --> 00:10:06.960
You ask a good question and then you stop talking.
00:10:07.360 --> 00:10:08.559
Seriously, stop.
00:10:09.279 --> 00:10:18.320
Because one of the biggest mistakes leaders make when they start coaching is asking a question and then rescuing the person from having to answer it.
00:10:18.559 --> 00:10:20.639
You say, What do you think you should do?
00:10:20.879 --> 00:10:22.399
And then there's silence.
00:10:23.120 --> 00:10:25.200
And then two seconds of silence.
00:10:25.600 --> 00:10:36.879
And then you might jump in and say, I mean, you could probably talk to Sarah, or maybe we could move the deadline, and you've just stolen the thinking opportunity that you created.
00:10:37.360 --> 00:10:42.080
Silence feels awkward because we're used to conversations moving quickly.
00:10:42.320 --> 00:10:49.120
But sometimes that silence is so important because that is where learning happens.
00:10:49.360 --> 00:10:58.639
It's where people are organizing their thoughts when they can reconsider their assumptions or where they move from reaction to reflection.
00:10:58.960 --> 00:11:03.120
So practice being comfortable with a few seconds of silence.
00:11:03.440 --> 00:11:05.919
You don't have to fill every gap.
00:11:06.159 --> 00:11:09.279
Sometimes that pause is the coaching.
00:11:09.519 --> 00:11:12.720
Here's another incredibly useful coaching shift.
00:11:12.879 --> 00:11:18.639
When someone is talking to you about a difficult situation, ask, what do you want?
00:11:18.960 --> 00:11:24.559
This is one of Bungay Staniard's seven essential questions from his book, The Coaching Habit.
00:11:24.720 --> 00:11:26.480
And it sounds really simple.
00:11:26.639 --> 00:11:28.960
And often people just skip it.
00:11:29.279 --> 00:11:34.720
Someone's coming to you complaining about another department, so you start brainstorming solutions.
00:11:34.879 --> 00:11:38.159
But maybe what they really want is to feel heard.
00:11:38.320 --> 00:11:39.919
Maybe they want your support.
00:11:40.159 --> 00:11:44.320
Maybe they want permission to make a decision or they want you to intervene.
00:11:44.559 --> 00:11:47.840
Maybe they want help thinking through the conversation.
00:11:48.080 --> 00:11:51.440
Or maybe they actually don't even know what they want yet.
00:11:51.679 --> 00:11:58.639
So instead of guessing or filling in the blanks, ask, what do you want from me here?
00:11:59.279 --> 00:12:07.039
That question is incredibly powerful because it clarifies the role that you they are hoping that you play.
00:12:07.279 --> 00:12:14.559
Are you there to listen or coach or advise or make a decision or remove a barrier or just to be a thinking partner?
00:12:15.039 --> 00:12:16.639
You don't have to guess.
00:12:16.960 --> 00:12:18.240
You can ask.
00:12:18.480 --> 00:12:22.000
Oh, strategy six is a doozy.
00:12:22.320 --> 00:12:24.960
Don't take ownership of their problem.
00:12:25.519 --> 00:12:29.039
This might be the hardest shift for caring leaders.
00:12:29.279 --> 00:12:31.919
Because when you're a good leader, you want to help.
00:12:32.080 --> 00:12:36.080
You see someone struggling, and your instinct is, I'll take care of it.
00:12:36.159 --> 00:12:37.679
I got it, I'll do this.
00:12:38.000 --> 00:12:42.639
But sometimes helping someone means not taking the problem away from them.
00:12:42.879 --> 00:12:45.600
Think about it in a parenting context.
00:12:45.840 --> 00:13:00.879
If I tie my child's shoes every morning because it's faster, and you know, who of the of us hasn't done that once or lots of times, you're gonna end up with a child who has perfectly tied shoes.
00:13:01.519 --> 00:13:05.200
But your child has not learned to tie their shoes.
00:13:05.279 --> 00:13:09.679
And what happens when they come apart in gym class or at the end of the day?
00:13:09.840 --> 00:13:15.440
And now your child is missing that skill to be able to help themselves.
00:13:15.759 --> 00:13:19.200
Leadership works in a similar way.
00:13:19.440 --> 00:13:28.320
If you constantly rescue your team, you get immediate results, but you haven't necessarily built capacity.
00:13:28.720 --> 00:13:32.399
This is why Bungay Staniard talks about being lazy.
00:13:32.720 --> 00:13:40.399
Not lazy in the sense of disengaged, but lazy in the sense of not doing work that belongs to someone else.
00:13:40.639 --> 00:13:44.080
So the next time someone brings you a problem, try asking.
00:13:44.320 --> 00:13:46.799
What do you think your next step should be?
00:13:47.039 --> 00:13:48.480
And let them answer.
00:13:48.799 --> 00:13:52.559
Strategy seven is move from tell to ask.
00:13:52.799 --> 00:13:58.320
And perhaps this is the simplest practice that you could start using tomorrow.
00:13:58.559 --> 00:14:00.960
Just listen to yourself for one day.
00:14:01.200 --> 00:14:02.159
Just listen.
00:14:02.480 --> 00:14:08.720
Notice how often you say, you need to, you should, here's what I would do.
00:14:09.039 --> 00:14:10.080
Why don't you?
00:14:10.320 --> 00:14:11.759
Haven't you tried?
00:14:12.240 --> 00:14:19.519
And don't beat yourself up about it when you realize how many times you might be saying this to your team members.
00:14:19.840 --> 00:14:21.679
Remember, that's normal.
00:14:22.000 --> 00:14:24.720
You have been rewarded for knowing things.
00:14:24.960 --> 00:14:30.559
As a leader, you're rewarded for solving problems and you're probably really good at it.
00:14:31.120 --> 00:14:34.799
This goal is not to eliminate your expertise.
00:14:35.039 --> 00:14:39.039
The goal is to use your expertise in a different way.
00:14:39.600 --> 00:14:45.600
Instead of immediately saying, here's what I would do, try what options are you considering?
00:14:46.159 --> 00:14:53.120
Instead of saying you need to have a conversation with them, try what conversation do you think needs to happen?
00:14:53.360 --> 00:14:59.600
Instead of you should move the deadline, try, what would make this deadline realistic?
00:14:59.840 --> 00:15:03.519
And instead of saying, have you tried X?
00:15:04.559 --> 00:15:07.919
You could say, What have you already tried?
00:15:08.320 --> 00:15:11.519
Because in those questions, you're still leading.
00:15:11.679 --> 00:15:16.879
You're just leading the thinking rather than doing all of the thinking.
00:15:17.120 --> 00:15:20.799
The coaching mindset doesn't mean that you stop leading.
00:15:21.039 --> 00:15:22.639
Because I want to pause here.
00:15:22.799 --> 00:15:26.240
I think this is where coaching can get really misunderstood.
00:15:26.480 --> 00:15:31.360
A coaching mindset does not mean that you've all of a sudden become passive.
00:15:31.600 --> 00:15:36.720
It doesn't mean you stop holding people accountable or that every decision becomes a group decision.
00:15:36.879 --> 00:15:43.279
And it certainly doesn't mean you respond to every problem with, hmm, and how does that make you feel?
00:15:43.519 --> 00:15:44.960
Please don't do that.
00:15:45.200 --> 00:15:46.480
You're still the leader.
00:15:46.639 --> 00:15:48.960
You have responsibility for your team.
00:15:49.200 --> 00:15:55.440
And you know you need to set those expectations and make the deadlines and give the feedback.
00:15:55.679 --> 00:15:58.720
And you still need to step in when it's necessary.
00:15:59.039 --> 00:16:03.519
In fact, effective coaching includes both challenge and support.
00:16:03.759 --> 00:16:16.320
Strong coaching conversations involve active listening and powerful, open-ended questions, challenge, support, and clear next steps all along with accountability.
00:16:16.480 --> 00:16:20.399
So coaching isn't, well, whatever you want to do is fine.
00:16:20.639 --> 00:16:26.399
It's I'm gonna help you think through this, and then I'm also gonna hold you accountable for what you decide.
00:16:26.799 --> 00:16:28.559
That is leadership.
00:16:28.879 --> 00:16:31.039
So let's put all of this together.
00:16:31.279 --> 00:16:34.399
Imagine someone on your team comes to you with a problem.
00:16:34.639 --> 00:16:39.600
Instead of solving it, you can use a simple five-step conversation.
00:16:40.000 --> 00:16:44.159
Start with what's on your mind and then let them talk.
00:16:44.960 --> 00:16:49.519
Then once they're finished talking, you ask, and what else?
00:16:50.240 --> 00:16:53.759
And then give room for that person to go deeper.
00:16:54.080 --> 00:16:55.679
Walk through the door.
00:16:56.240 --> 00:17:03.200
Once that part of the conversation comes to a close, ask them, what's the real challenge here for you?
00:17:03.440 --> 00:17:06.720
Because now you're moving beneath the surface.
00:17:07.039 --> 00:17:12.720
You can follow up with what options are you considering to help them generate possibilities?
00:17:12.880 --> 00:17:16.559
And then finally ask, what's your next step?
00:17:16.880 --> 00:17:18.880
Because now you have action.
00:17:19.279 --> 00:17:22.720
And that in its entirety is a coaching conversation.
00:17:22.799 --> 00:17:24.400
And it might take 10 minutes.
00:17:24.559 --> 00:17:26.240
It might even take five.
00:17:26.400 --> 00:17:28.720
Sometimes it could take 30 seconds.
00:17:28.960 --> 00:17:31.759
The point is not the length of the conversation.
00:17:32.000 --> 00:17:38.400
The point is that you have shifted the cognitive work back to the person who owns the problem.
00:17:38.640 --> 00:17:40.880
So here's your challenge for this week.
00:17:41.119 --> 00:17:43.759
Don't try to become an amazing coach overnight.
00:17:43.920 --> 00:17:48.160
Don't memorize a dozen coaching frameworks or redesign all your one-on-ones.
00:17:48.799 --> 00:17:51.440
Just pick one conversation each day.
00:17:51.680 --> 00:17:58.319
When someone brings you a problem, pause and ask one question before giving advice.
00:17:58.640 --> 00:17:59.440
Just one.
00:17:59.839 --> 00:18:03.119
And maybe that question is, what have you tried?
00:18:03.359 --> 00:18:04.640
Or what else?
00:18:04.799 --> 00:18:05.839
Or what do you think?
00:18:06.000 --> 00:18:08.079
Or even how can I help?
00:18:08.319 --> 00:18:10.480
And then just listen.
00:18:10.720 --> 00:18:11.599
That's it.
00:18:11.920 --> 00:18:15.839
Because leadership development doesn't always require a new program.
00:18:16.240 --> 00:18:23.119
Sometimes it requires changing one small behavior inside the conversations that you're already having.
00:18:23.359 --> 00:18:27.039
And here's why I think this matters so much.
00:18:27.440 --> 00:18:32.000
When you coach people, you're not just helping them solve today's problems.
00:18:32.240 --> 00:18:34.880
You're building tomorrow's capability.
00:18:35.039 --> 00:18:41.200
You're teaching them how to analyze, how to make decisions, how to reflect and solve problems and take ownership.
00:18:41.359 --> 00:18:44.559
And fundamentally, that's a learning process.
00:18:44.799 --> 00:18:53.039
This is where leadership and learning intersect because your job as a leader isn't simply to produce results through your team.
00:18:53.279 --> 00:19:01.599
It's to build a team that becomes increasingly capable of producing those results without needing you to carry everything.
00:19:01.839 --> 00:19:05.440
And that is a very different definition of leadership.
00:19:05.680 --> 00:19:10.000
So maybe the question isn't, do I even have time to coach my team?
00:19:10.240 --> 00:19:17.680
The better question is, how much time am I currently spending solving problems that my team could learn to solve?
00:19:18.000 --> 00:19:21.279
Because those are two very different schools of thought.
00:19:21.519 --> 00:19:26.319
So the next time someone walks into your office and says, Hey, can I get your advice?
00:19:26.640 --> 00:19:34.160
Just be aware of your advice monster because it's gonna get really excited and it's gonna say, Yes, Philly, someone needs me to be smart.
00:19:34.480 --> 00:19:42.559
And just take a breath, pause, and instead of immediately giving them an answer, try, sure, tell me what's going on.
00:19:42.720 --> 00:19:43.680
And then listen.
00:19:44.000 --> 00:19:48.559
Ask, stay curious, and let them do some of the thinking.
00:19:48.799 --> 00:19:53.599
Because sometimes the best thing you can give your team is not the answer.
00:19:53.759 --> 00:19:57.680
It's the opportunity to discover that they can find the answer.
00:19:57.920 --> 00:20:02.640
And that might be one of the most important shifts you can make as a leader.
00:20:02.960 --> 00:20:05.279
Thanks for listening to Lead with Learning.
00:20:05.440 --> 00:20:08.799
I hope you're walking away with something you can put into practice.
00:20:09.039 --> 00:20:13.279
Until next time, let learning change the way you lead.