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You're listening to episode 83 of the Lead Into a Podcast.
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Hello and welcome back to another episode of Lead Into It.
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I'm your host, Sarah Greco.
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I don't know about you, but sometimes I think fear gets way more credit than it deserves.
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We worry about what people think of us, we replay conversations in our heads, we assume someone is upset with us, disappointed in us, or talking about us, even when we have absolutely no proof that any of those things are true.
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And before we know it, we're spending precious time reacting to a story we've created in our own heads.
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That's one of the reasons I wanted to bring back this conversation.
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So in this free wind episode, I'm revisiting the conversation I had with Melissa Trenkibocich.
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And there are so many lessons in this conversation that still stick with me today.
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We talked about confidence, self-doubt, fear, and the tendency to worry about what other people think.
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We also talked about leadership and how our own experiences, especially the difficult ones, shaped the kind of leader we become.
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One of my favorite parts of this conversation was hearing Melissa talk about becoming a captain for her dance ice hockey team and intentionally leading her teammates differently because of some of the experiences she had as a rookie.
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Instead of passing along the same behavior, she used those experiences as a reason to do better.
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And I think that there's a really important leadership lesson in that.
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We don't get to choose every experience we have, but we do get to choose what we do with them.
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So whether you're working on your own confidence, trying to get out of your own head, or thinking about how your experiences are shaping the leader you're becoming, I think you'll get something out of this one.
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Let's get into it.
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Melissa, I am so excited to talk to you.
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It's been a while since I've seen you.
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And I have to tell you, I miss your dance class so much.
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It was such a like inspirational thing.
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Oh my gosh, I miss you too.
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You should come to class.
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Um yeah, not mine.
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But yeah, oh my gosh, it's been a wild year just with everything shutting down and then all the restrictions.
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And um, I mean, it's just been crazy for everybody.
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So, but yeah.
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I'm so excited that you asked me to be on.
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Yeah, I love your background.
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I love kind of where you're going.
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Um, just really quick for the audience.
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So Melissa has a dance class over at Class Studios now in Dallas.
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And I originally went to one of her classes because, and I'll let her explain the dance class a little bit, but I went to one of her classes and I loved it because my friend Maggie, who also is uh at class studios, posted it on her Instagram and it just looked like so much fun.
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So I went up like at the same time with a bunch of coworkers, uh, a couple, I think it was like two years ago.
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And then Melissa was awesome enough to do like a team builder with my new set of office mates that I had, and it was so much fun.
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It was so great.
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Melissa, why don't you go into a little bit of your background and introduce yourself to the audience?
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Okay.
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Um, so my name is Melissa Cherenki Bozic, which is a mouthful, but um, MCB for short now, but I have been dancing my entire life.
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It's always been a part of my life, along with that like team sport kind of mentality.
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Um, and after college, I was a member of the Dallas Stars Ice Girls and then the Dallas Mavericks dancers.
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And actually, what's so funny is I took a few years off um during college.
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I did not dance um at all, really.
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I don't I I went to a few dance classes, but that was it.
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But I missed dance so much, and so I decided to try out for some pro teams.
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And I was never so I wound up being a captain on stars.
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Oh wow, that's amazing.
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It was really cool.
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Um, and I only say that because I was never the best dancer on the team, you know what I mean?
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On any of the teams I've ever been on.
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And I think if you're a dancer and you've danced in the professional realm at all, um, or really in any type of like dance team environment, you're never the best one in the room, right?
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Um, and so me personally, with my I am not really anymore, but I used to have a lot more, I guess, anxiety than I do now.
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And I would get so upset and I would take things really personally.
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And there was just a lot of pressure and stress that comes along with that, even though truly those five years were like the best years of my life.
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Like, you know what I mean?
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They were amazing, amazing years.
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But on the flip side of the coin, there was like constant pressure, constant stress, constant anxiety.
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And so that kind of overshadowed the um dance aspect of it, I guess.
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Um, and so when I decided to retire, you know, yes, my life was a lot more stress-free, but I so, so missed like dancing all the time and having a group of women or men, you know what I mean, that supported each other and that pushed each other and you know, all of that.
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So I this is very, it was actually this whole kind of journey with my classes has been one of the most organic things I've ever experienced.
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Um, and so it's funny because with that comes a lot of other stuff, but that I'm sure we'll get into later.
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But um I was at a fitness ambassadors event.
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So because I missed this like team camaraderie, I decided to join the fitness ambassadors um in Dallas.
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And we had a group like bar class at Extend, which is the studio that I wound up working at.
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Um, and the owner of the studio was friends with somebody that I danced with on stars.
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And so she was like, Hey, aren't you friends with so-and-so?
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And, you know, we're looking to have a dance class here.
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Um, because they did all different types of classes at that studio.
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And so she was like, Would you want to try it?
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And my immediate, I wanted to do it so bad, but my immediate reaction was like, nobody would come to a dance class that I yeah, and it was just like all of those years of putting myself down in my own head through dancing of like you're the worst one here.
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And I was never the worst dancer on the team, but that's like what I told myself, right?
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Because I feel like when you're in your early 20s and you're constantly comparing yourself to others, and like it just gets very stressful and it has an impact, right?
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So that was my first thing.
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So I actually told the studio owner, I was like, I'll do it, but I don't want to like I don't want to make any promises that this is gonna be a big hit and oh yeah, let's just do like five classes and see how it goes.
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And so that was the original plan was we're gonna test this out for five classes.
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If it books up or at least has, you know, maybe like 60 to 75% of the room is filled, will continue on afterwards.
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Um, and I think after my first or second class, I started like selling out, you know, the week before my class started, which was really incredible to me.
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Um, because it just kind of, I wasn't even like seeking it out.
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It was just kind of an opportunity that I was like, okay, I'll try it.
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Um, and I really didn't think it was gonna go anywhere.
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Um, but yeah, and that just turned into, I mean, it wasn't sold out every week, but I mean, I taught there for just about a year.
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It was packed.
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Yeah.
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Like even if it wasn't sold out, it was like you, it was definitely pre-COVID times.
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Like we were really close to one another, and it's unusually uh incredible group of people.
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Oh, yeah.
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So, and I don't know how I got so lucky to have just like the coolest people coming to my class, just so supportive and so encouraging.
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And I think, you know, I really wanted that environment.
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Like that was really important to me because there are a lot of dance classes, not just in Dallas, but nationally, that you go to and it's competitive, man.
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It's like people are elbowing each other to get to the front of the room.
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Like people are circled up talking about other people.
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And I mean, the dance industry, there's just so few opportunities for everybody.
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And there it's so like there's so many people in the industry that it just gets really competitive.
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Um, and not all of that is catty, it's just kind of how it is.
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And so I really wanted to make sure that like my class was just for fun and it was for people that maybe they felt insecure and they wanted to have a safe place to come and just party, you know what I mean?
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And maybe learn how to become a better dancer, or even if it was just for the workout, you know what I mean?
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I knew all different people would have all different motives for coming in the room.
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So um I wanted to make it supportive and welcoming for everybody, and I think that's just the energy that I like put into it and just kind of grew from there.
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So I've been really lucky in that aspect.
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So I don't know, it just all kind of happened.
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It just all kind of fell in my lap.
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It's so bizarre.
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Um, and then, you know, about a year later, the opportunity to teach at class came to me, um, which was amazing.
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So that first year, actually, we got nominated for the studio hop like best.
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Right.
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I remember that.
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It was wild.
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And I didn't win, but like that doesn't even matter to me.
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It was like the fact that in Dallas, which is such a huge fitness town, you know, like everybody's into studios.
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There's so many great options for that.
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And the fact that like I was nominated for that just kind of blew my mind.
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Um so Paige at Class Studios is one of my good friends, and she's the owner of Preston Center.
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And she had, you know, mentioned at an event, she was like, So we're opening the second studio, and it has a space that would be really good for a dance class if you're interested.
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And I was just like, oh my God, yes, I'd love to come work for you guys.
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And it also would really help my students too, because number one, a lot of them were already members at class or instructors at class, right?
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Yes.
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Um, and then also the room is so much bigger at class than it was at Extend.
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So that was great.
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So I, you know, kept bugging her until they opened the lab at Preston Center.
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And we started there in February of 2020, and then everything shut down.
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So um, which was wild.
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But we were, you know, selling out 50-person classes for a month and a half until COVID shut down every gym.
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So, you know, we're doing what we can.
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We have like 50% capacity, or maybe it's 25.
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I don't know.
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It's like 2030, maybe.
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Well, I think it's like what do you have like 16 people in a class now versus the 50?
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Yes, yes.
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So it's like around 30, I think.
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Yeah.
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But yeah, so it's just like things have taken a step back, but it's also a really good advantage for for other things, like starting a virtual class, which is cool.
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But yeah, basically that's kind of like my journey with um class, and we're still going strong.
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So and I would like to say that I know you keep saying that you're lucky, but you are not lucky because you work hard.
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Yeah.
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I see the energy that you put into these classes, and it's uh, I don't know if it's new choreography, but it's usually like diverse choreography every several weeks.
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And um she teaches it so well.
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And the energy that Melissa brings to the class is always like just bring your whole self.
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Who cares what anyone's looking looks like?
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If you feel confident, it's the greatest.
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So you leave, you enter the class, you're like, I'm not sure.
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And then you get like four or five times into the choreography, and you're like, yeah, I'm a sexy bee.
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Like, what is happening?
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I'm doing this.
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So you just make everyone feel more confident.
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I think that energy is what brings people to your class as well as the fun and the professionalism and the amount of effort that you put into the choreography itself with the music.
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So it's so fun.
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So if you're in Dallas, definitely go.
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Uh, class has an online option, and then I think they still do, right?
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Yes, yeah.
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Um, and then you're starting your own thing.
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Yes.
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Oh my gosh.
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So that's actually been crazy and wild and organic too.
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Um so okay, so I'll start this by like in the fall of 2019, so I had only been teaching for like maybe eight months-ish.
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Um, it was like October.
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So I had a girl, my friend, Kyla, she came to one of my classes and she came right up to me after class and she was like, I know you don't know me, but I know this guy that could really help you like with marketing.
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And I was just like, uh, whatever.
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Like, I don't, I didn't really want to talk to him.
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Just because you know, you get the runaround from like all these salespeople.
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And like Kylo was super, super sweet.
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And she was like, no, trust me, you like have to go meet with him.
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And I was just like, okay, let's let's do it then.
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So I met with him and he basically pitched me this idea of doing an online course where every week people would get new choreography, and he was actually pitching me from the agency perspective of like trying to get me as a client.
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And at the time, I just really did not have the budget, right?
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Um, I was like, I would love to do this.
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And then also I was kind of in the back of my head again, and I asked Noah this, and his name's Noah, my partner, and I asked in the meeting, I was like, who would want to do this like for me?
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Like, who am I to come out with this?
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And again, there's this whole theme of like, I was not believing in myself through this process, you know what I mean?
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It's just me.
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Um, but I um I was just kind of like, who would want to do that?
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So um we tabled it because I was like, I don't have a budget, you know, for to like put in, you know, all this money towards marketing every month.
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And so then February or March happened of 2020.
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So 2020 hits, all the studios close, and we go home and um I start doing Zoom classes.
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Well, first we did it on the class studios Vimeo, um, and we were getting crazy numbers because I was promoting it on my Instagram, and now rather than just like, okay, people in Dallas, it was anyone.
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Yep, I remember that.
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And it was free, and it was like anybody could come.
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Um, also, it was like a lot of people who had been too scared to come to class could now try it at home.
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Um, and so we, I mean, we had crazy numbers, and so I wound up emailing Noah and I was like, hey, so I'm ready to go because actually people do want to do this.
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Um, but it's kind of funny, right?
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So it everything shutting down kind of became this huge blessing.
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So we wound up getting started together, and Noah was like, um, I want to go in on this with you.
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And so we decided to become business partners, and now I, you know, own a company, which is crazy.
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Congratulations.
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That's amazing.
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Um, and we're getting more and more members every day.
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I mean, I have right now, I think the last time, hold on, let me pull it up.
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The last time I checked, well, I'll check right now.
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Okay.
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We have 115 members.
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And you just started this, right?
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Uh so it's only been one month.
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Um, the 15th is when we launched our website.
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So it's really exciting.
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Um, and December 15th.
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And I things are only gonna go up from here.
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We have a lot of things in the works, but um I I'm like shook.
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It's just been so crazy.
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The whole thing from start to finish is nuts.
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I all of this is amazing because it's interesting how life throws you exactly what you need, but you didn't even know you needed it.
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And then it's like, here's a tragedy or a pandemic that is just epically changing.
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And it's like, well, but here, like this will actually open up doors that you never thought existed or that you closed, and actually you need to open back up.
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Oh, totally.
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It's been the most bizarre thing is all of this, I feel like, has just fallen in my lap.
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And it's funny because you say I work so hard.
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I do work insanely hard.
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It's absurd the amount of work that I do.
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Like I have a full-time job during the day.
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That's insane.
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I didn't, I was wondering that.
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Yeah.
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Um, so I work during the day in sales and advertising sales for um CBS radio.
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Okay.
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So, which has also been wild during the pandemic because no one's been in their car.
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So, you know, that's what I do during the day.
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And then I teach my class weekly still.
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So I'm having to come up with the choreography for that, film it, which 2021 has not been my best with filming and putting up combos, but usually I try to film the combo and post it on my Instagram so that people can see.
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And then I teach Thursday night.
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And then on top of that, now I'm adding in everything that comes with a new business, right?
00:18:10.480 --> 00:18:25.359
So my partner handles all of the marketing, but for me, it's all of the creative content, it's all of, you know, now I'm dealing with customer service, which hopefully we plan to hire somebody, you know, later on, but right now we're still in that building phase.
00:18:25.519 --> 00:18:27.920
So it's like I'm doing customer service.
00:18:28.000 --> 00:18:32.319
So anytime anybody asks a question, which we're putting ads out to so many people.
00:18:32.400 --> 00:18:46.640
So I'm getting a lot of questions and adding that on, and then trying to post content and trying to figure all of it out about like, okay, so I also am prom I need to make clear the differentiation between the in-studio classes and online classes.
00:18:46.720 --> 00:18:51.440
So it's just wild, but it's been so exciting.
00:18:52.640 --> 00:18:55.440
Um, and and I'm really jazzed about it.
00:18:55.599 --> 00:18:57.359
So I Izzed.
00:18:57.759 --> 00:18:58.240
Yeah.
00:18:59.519 --> 00:19:00.079
Like it.
00:19:00.319 --> 00:19:09.200
Yeah, I'm just trying to figure out too, you know, how to bring that energy that I think is so important to my in-person classes.
00:19:09.759 --> 00:19:12.880
Um, and that I think, like you said, drives people there.
00:19:13.039 --> 00:19:17.440
Um, I'm trying to figure out how to bring that to an online platform, right?
00:19:17.599 --> 00:19:30.559
Where there's not a room full of people spinning in your view and there's not, you know, I'm not jab, like jumping in in the middle and giving an inspiring talk in the middle, and you know what I mean?
00:19:30.799 --> 00:19:35.920
Um, because normally like when I do that in class, I read the energy of the room and I'm like, okay, how are people feeling?
00:19:36.079 --> 00:19:45.119
If they are feeling like if I'm seeing people concentrating too hard, or if they look like they can't do this one part, like that's what I'm going to approach the class with, right?
00:19:45.200 --> 00:19:45.440
Yeah.
00:19:45.839 --> 00:19:49.279
Um, so I don't just use like blanket things to every class.
00:19:49.440 --> 00:20:02.880
So I'm starting to kind of like record clips of tips and tricks and ways to get involved, and we're coming up with like community, like we have a Facebook group, and all of that stuff is kind of in the works too.
00:20:02.960 --> 00:20:04.799
So it's just been like really, really cool.
00:20:04.960 --> 00:20:05.839
I can't believe it.
00:20:06.079 --> 00:20:06.720
That's amazing.
00:20:06.880 --> 00:20:08.640
I love how this kind of all developed.
00:20:08.880 --> 00:20:15.359
I do want to go back to your star days really quick, because you talked about you being a captain.
00:20:15.519 --> 00:20:24.160
So how is that, how is that selection process and how was it being the captain of a dance team for a pro team?
00:20:24.480 --> 00:20:28.880
Yeah, it's pretty crazy um when like you think of it like that.
00:20:29.680 --> 00:20:38.079
Uh you being on the on any pro team, and I'm sure like pro athletes feel like this too, it's just your life, right?
00:20:38.240 --> 00:20:41.440
So it doesn't seem like anything special when you're going through it.
00:20:41.680 --> 00:20:47.519
Um, but sometimes I do look back and like I I talk to Nick about it all the time.
00:20:47.680 --> 00:20:50.319
I'm like, that was my life for like a long time.
00:20:50.480 --> 00:20:52.880
Like I was in the professional sports like world.
00:20:53.039 --> 00:20:58.480
Like I was, you know, at the highest level of an athlete that you could go in the dance world, you know.
00:20:58.640 --> 00:21:01.680
Um just other than in that genre, right?
00:21:02.240 --> 00:21:15.680
Um, and so it's pretty crazy, but the selection process for that is basically over your tenure, they just kind of pick people who have leadership strength, I think.
00:21:15.920 --> 00:21:26.400
I was, like I said, I was never the best dancer on the team, you know, but I think that I was really positive, or I hope to think that I was positive and encouraging to my teammates.
00:21:26.559 --> 00:21:37.759
And um, I think a lot of the stress that I went through um in my early years on those teams contributed to like my outlook when I was a more senior vet.
00:21:38.400 --> 00:21:47.440
And so I really made sure to be careful when I was talking to rookies and not put anybody down and make sure that everybody knew what they were doing.
00:21:47.680 --> 00:21:58.319
So I think, you know, being on the opposite side of it for so long, it gave me the experience to kind of go, okay, when I was a rookie, my captains had approached me this way instead of this way.
00:21:58.480 --> 00:21:59.680
I probably would have felt better about.
00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:01.519
The things that I was hearing, you know?
00:22:01.680 --> 00:22:04.319
So um I think that really helped.
00:22:04.480 --> 00:22:11.519
And, you know, they just kind of make the selection, like they just kind of announce it at practice when you've been there for a long time.
00:22:12.880 --> 00:22:21.440
So what was one thing that you would try to make sure and help out with the rookies or maybe do to bring the team together?
00:22:21.680 --> 00:22:23.039
So that's actually funny.
00:22:23.359 --> 00:22:28.799
I'm trying to like be like say this in a very neutral way, like PC about it.
00:22:29.039 --> 00:22:37.279
When I was a rookie, and actually through the whole the the ice girls, there's not a lot of like figure skaters in Dallas, right?
00:22:37.680 --> 00:22:37.920
Yeah.
00:22:38.079 --> 00:22:44.079
Um, just injection in Texas, ice hockey and figure skating wasn't very big when I was growing up.
00:22:44.240 --> 00:22:49.440
So you have all these dancers at auditions and not a lot of skaters, right?
00:22:49.680 --> 00:23:00.160
And so basically, when you audition as a dancer, they make sure to cross-train you so that in your second year on the team, you can do both, right?
00:23:00.319 --> 00:23:03.279
So you can be down on the ice and also dance on the platform.
00:23:03.359 --> 00:23:03.759
Yeah.
00:23:04.079 --> 00:23:13.599
And so my first time going down on the ice, you're terrified because you're at the American Airlines Center during a pro game and it's there's 20,000 people watching you.
00:23:13.839 --> 00:23:21.759
Um and if you're not a figure skater and you just learned how to skate in like, you know, eight months or whatever, you're just terrified.
00:23:22.000 --> 00:23:25.440
And on top of that, there are very, very strict rules.
00:23:25.599 --> 00:23:43.680
Um, like the I everything at all of these games, Cowboys, Mavs, Stars, is precisely timed out with the television schedule, which like even you don't really think about it at all, but like the ice girls in particular, they have to clean that whole sheet of ice in under two minutes.
00:23:43.920 --> 00:23:47.519
Um, because if the TV break, it's called a TV timeout.
00:23:47.680 --> 00:23:51.920
If the TV timeout's over and you're still out on the ice, then they can't start the game.
00:23:52.079 --> 00:23:52.240
Yeah.
00:23:52.400 --> 00:23:52.640
Right.
00:23:52.720 --> 00:23:58.319
So then that results in the stars getting a fine from the network because they're going over.
00:23:59.039 --> 00:23:59.440
Wow.
00:23:59.680 --> 00:24:01.119
Yeah, the fine's like 10 grand.
00:24:01.440 --> 00:24:02.319
Like it's absurd.
00:24:02.400 --> 00:24:03.839
So you have all this pressure.
00:24:05.279 --> 00:24:12.000
You have to get every single bit of snow up because so when the guys skate around, they create what snow, right?
00:24:12.079 --> 00:24:14.160
Because their edges are digging into the ice.
00:24:14.240 --> 00:24:18.960
And so um, you're essentially shoveling the snow off the ice is your job.
00:24:19.119 --> 00:24:33.680
And if you leave any and there's a call where, like, perhaps somebody shoots the puck and it's going on the ice and it slows down and the goalie is able to catch it because there was snow on the ice, those are like controversial calls, right?
00:24:33.839 --> 00:24:34.480
Oh wow.
00:24:34.640 --> 00:24:35.599
I have no idea.
00:24:36.079 --> 00:24:36.400
Yeah.
00:24:36.559 --> 00:24:48.160
So like you can actually affect the play of the game, which is why sometimes when they have like big, big games, um, they'll use the NHL ice crews that are like really, really hardcore.
00:24:48.400 --> 00:24:50.880
Um, you have to do all of this and you have to do it in under two minutes.
00:24:51.039 --> 00:24:53.119
So getting to the point of that whole thing.
00:24:54.319 --> 00:25:07.359
Um when I was a rookie, my first time on the ice, I was getting screamed at by some of my veterans because I was leaving snow because I was so terrified that I would like go out on the ice and I would like black out.
00:25:07.440 --> 00:25:09.759
And so I like wasn't doing it properly, right?
00:25:09.839 --> 00:25:18.960
And so, you know, I'd get back in the tunnel and our captain at the time was screaming in my face and like pounding on the glass and showing me everywhere that I screwed up.
00:25:19.200 --> 00:25:24.079
Um, and I just was like, I didn't hear that very well.
00:25:25.519 --> 00:25:31.039
So rather than, you know, being constructive, I got my feelings hurt a lot.
00:25:31.200 --> 00:25:40.880
And it's just lots of situations like that, you know what I mean, where it could, the delivery could have been a lot more professional, a lot more encouraging, as in like, you don't suck.
00:25:41.039 --> 00:25:44.880
Um, but here is what you could do better, you know.
00:25:45.119 --> 00:25:52.480
So I think I took that into my time as a captain and I really tried with the rookies like to work with them one-on-one.
00:25:52.799 --> 00:26:04.240
Like I, you know, rather than just yelling at them that they were doing it wrong, I would say, let's go up to the star center an hour before practice and we can work on your skating forms so you're not falling everywhere when you try to skate.
00:26:04.319 --> 00:26:09.839
So just using the things that I learned to kind of help others was very important to me.
00:26:09.920 --> 00:26:20.000
Um, and I wasn't perfect at it, but I think that's, you know, where I really tried to use the experiences, the negative experiences that I had to make it more positive for somebody else.
00:26:20.160 --> 00:26:20.400
Yeah.
00:26:20.559 --> 00:26:23.920
And that's that's exactly what a leader should do.
00:26:24.240 --> 00:26:39.920
So I like, and the fact that you recognize that you weren't perfect as a leader means that you probably were a really good leader because that means that you recognize you had a lot of self-awareness, which is something that some bad leaders don't recognize.
00:26:40.160 --> 00:26:47.920
So having the self-awareness is huge, and that gives you a lot more guidance on how to guide others and help them along.
00:26:48.559 --> 00:26:55.599
I think self-awareness is key for everybody, and that is something that I really, really I I will say I am proud of myself.
00:26:55.680 --> 00:26:56.880
I have really good self-awareness.
00:26:57.039 --> 00:27:10.000
Like a very goes on sometimes to a fault, but um yeah, it's it's sometimes I overthink things, but overall I think I have a pretty good grasp on on how I am as a human most of the time.
00:27:10.640 --> 00:27:12.799
So you brought up overthinking.
00:27:12.960 --> 00:27:16.240
I did want to dive a little bit into your you were talking about your anxiety.
00:27:16.400 --> 00:27:18.160
Do you mind diving into that a little bit?
00:27:18.559 --> 00:27:19.279
No, not at all.
00:27:19.440 --> 00:27:19.759
Okay.
00:27:20.079 --> 00:27:29.279
So what did it kind of feel like and how have you learned to overcome it or recognize it over the past year, couple years?
00:27:29.519 --> 00:27:39.279
Okay, so this is so this is so complex, this answer, because there's a lot of, but I'll try to I'll try to keep it short.
00:27:39.519 --> 00:27:47.119
There's a lot of things after my I guess dance career was over, I started drinking a lot.
00:27:47.599 --> 00:27:59.039
Um, and I wound up getting sober, so going into treatment, getting into recovery, actually the same year that I started teaching dance, which is wild.
00:27:59.279 --> 00:28:06.160
Um, and do that when you get into recovery, there's so much work that you do on yourself.
00:28:06.480 --> 00:28:13.599
Um, and it's funny because I use the term anxiety like lightly because I'm not clinically diagnosed or anything like that.
00:28:13.680 --> 00:28:21.440
But what was happening is the way that I look at things now, after working the 12 steps, it teaches you to be self-aware, right?
00:28:21.599 --> 00:28:32.160
It teaches you to be in tune with how you're making other people feel, in tune with how you're feeling and getting to the core motives of why I'm feeling like this, right?
00:28:32.319 --> 00:28:38.000
And that's what's really been the key is um I used to get very overwhelmed by emotions, right?
00:28:38.079 --> 00:28:44.240
And so if I felt anxious, it was never what is at the root of my anxiety, right?
00:28:44.319 --> 00:28:47.839
And so this doesn't really apply to people with like clinical anxiety.
00:28:48.000 --> 00:28:51.920
Obviously, you want to go see a doctor, you want to get treatment, like don't take my word for it, you know.
00:28:53.039 --> 00:29:02.160
But I wound up learning that a lot of the reasons why I was upset came from selfishness, right?
00:29:02.319 --> 00:29:09.440
And so, like, let's use that example of the girl yelling at me about me leaving my snow, right?
00:29:09.680 --> 00:29:15.519
I would go into kind of a spiral for a long time where I would just beat myself up and feel terrible about myself.
00:29:15.680 --> 00:29:22.160
And at the end of the day, I was consumed with fear about what she thought about me.
00:29:22.960 --> 00:29:23.279
Right.
00:29:23.519 --> 00:29:25.839
That's what that's what it was at the core, right?
00:29:25.920 --> 00:29:27.279
It's what does she think about me?
00:29:27.359 --> 00:29:33.119
And if she she thinks this way and she's a senior vet, then do all the other senior vets feel this way about me too?
00:29:33.200 --> 00:29:35.119
Like I bet they're all talking crap about me.
00:29:35.200 --> 00:29:36.079
And you know what I mean?
00:29:36.240 --> 00:29:43.039
So that that really would launch into like my anxiety and I would get paranoid and like it was really bad.
00:29:43.200 --> 00:29:50.480
Um, and that's just a small example, but you know, attacking the motive, like why do I feel this way?
00:29:50.640 --> 00:29:50.880
Okay.
00:29:51.039 --> 00:29:59.839
And the solution to that for me now is okay, if that situation happened today, of course it would hurt my feelings because I'm a human, right?
00:30:00.400 --> 00:30:09.440
Um, but stopping that spiral comes down to, okay, Melissa, why are you still thinking about this five hours later?
00:30:09.599 --> 00:30:09.839
Yeah.
00:30:10.000 --> 00:30:15.359
Rather than it just hurting my feelings and me being like, wow, that person's pretty rude, and then moving on.
00:30:15.599 --> 00:30:18.240
It's my fear of what others think about me.
00:30:18.559 --> 00:30:24.400
And then also it's like me thinking that everybody's obsessed with me and talking about me.
00:30:25.119 --> 00:30:26.720
Like your selfishness, right?
00:30:26.799 --> 00:30:28.799
So it comes down to like selfishness and fear.
00:30:28.880 --> 00:30:34.240
And at the end of the day, um, what she thinks about me or anybody is none of my business, right?
00:30:34.400 --> 00:30:47.119
Um, and so that has really helped in just like all areas of my life because what other people thought about me was a very big concern until 2017, right?
00:30:47.440 --> 00:30:48.480
And that's okay.
00:30:48.640 --> 00:30:50.480
I think I was like in my early 20s.
00:30:50.640 --> 00:30:52.000
I was figuring it out, you know?
00:30:52.079 --> 00:30:53.920
Um, and I think a lot of people go through that.
00:30:54.079 --> 00:30:59.519
So I just, you know, being aware of motives today is key, right?
00:30:59.680 --> 00:31:01.519
So not just like, oh, I feel sad.
00:31:01.599 --> 00:31:03.119
Ah, oh my God, I'm scared.
00:31:03.279 --> 00:31:06.640
It's like, okay, Melissa, why are you so upset about this?
00:31:06.799 --> 00:31:10.640
Like, are you making this a way bigger deal than it needs to be?
00:31:10.880 --> 00:31:13.759
Because people probably aren't talking about you 24 hours later.
00:31:13.839 --> 00:31:17.839
And if they are, then that's sad for them, you know what I mean?
00:31:18.799 --> 00:31:21.759
So I of course I still get my feelings hurt.
00:31:21.839 --> 00:31:26.400
I still, you know, think about things too much sometimes and overthink stuff.
00:31:26.480 --> 00:31:31.440
But at the end of the day, my fear is not going to accomplish anything.
00:31:32.160 --> 00:31:32.400
Right.
00:31:32.559 --> 00:31:34.799
All fear does is it steals time.
00:31:34.960 --> 00:31:35.119
Yes.
00:31:35.279 --> 00:31:35.440
Right.
00:31:35.599 --> 00:31:41.039
It steals time from my job, from dance, from my husband, from my family.
00:31:41.200 --> 00:31:47.519
Like it steals valuable time that I could be spending either thinking about or doing something else, right?
00:31:47.680 --> 00:31:49.359
I'm sitting there in that fear.
00:31:49.599 --> 00:31:51.920
So that's kind of, I hope that answers the question.
00:31:52.400 --> 00:31:53.200
Oh, definitely.
00:31:53.359 --> 00:31:56.079
And I can completely relate to this.
00:31:56.240 --> 00:32:03.200
I I agree, I'm not diagnosed with anxiety or any of the sort, but a fear of what people think is huge for me.
00:32:03.359 --> 00:32:12.799
Like, I think over the past couple of years, I heard that quote that you said, which is what other things other people think of me as none of my business.
00:32:13.359 --> 00:32:19.599
And that has really changed the way of how I process things because I do agree.
00:32:19.680 --> 00:32:22.319
I I think I was like bullied in middle school.
00:32:22.480 --> 00:32:26.319
So it was where it was like, oh, I'm going back to middle school.
00:32:26.400 --> 00:32:28.559
I'm like, Sarah, you are not middle school anymore.
00:32:28.720 --> 00:32:29.920
This is ridiculous.
00:32:30.160 --> 00:32:39.279
And just have this fear of people are just like constantly talking about you, or and it's very much in the negative.
00:32:39.359 --> 00:32:42.079
And you're just, it's goes round and round in your head.
00:32:42.400 --> 00:32:48.160
But the what you're talking about, that method of like, okay, well, why am I thinking that they're talking about me?
00:32:48.319 --> 00:32:49.440
Why am I thinking?
00:32:49.599 --> 00:32:51.359
Like, what is actually happening?
00:32:51.519 --> 00:33:03.359
And embracing whatever emotion that you're feeling, let yourself feel it in that moment and then move on is such a huge process change for me because I would let it eat at me.
00:33:03.440 --> 00:33:04.559
And it eats at you.
00:33:04.640 --> 00:33:09.519
It's just like, yeah, you're around that person, you're like, oh my gosh, they're thinking horrible things about me.
00:33:09.599 --> 00:33:12.799
I must go away or just like shrink myself to non-existence.
00:33:13.200 --> 00:33:15.279
It steals time, it steals things.
00:33:15.359 --> 00:33:15.839
Yeah.
00:33:16.079 --> 00:33:16.720
100%.
00:33:17.279 --> 00:33:20.079
I think too, a lot of it is assumptions, right?
00:33:20.160 --> 00:33:21.920
And that's something that helps me too.
00:33:22.079 --> 00:33:25.759
Is like, am I assuming this or do I know for a fact?
00:33:26.079 --> 00:33:26.400
Right.
00:33:26.640 --> 00:33:32.480
And I will say 95, probably 99% of the time, I'm making assumptions.
00:33:33.599 --> 00:33:41.519
I'm assuming that this person thinks this of me, or I'm assuming that this person is talking about me, or I'm assuming, right?
00:33:41.680 --> 00:33:43.440
Because I don't actually know.
00:33:43.680 --> 00:33:51.519
And so at the end of the day, I am making myself crazy over an assumption and something that I don't even know if that's reality or not, right?
00:33:52.079 --> 00:33:54.559
So it's affecting me and nobody else.
00:33:54.640 --> 00:33:57.119
And it's all based on something that I made up in my head.
00:33:57.279 --> 00:33:57.680
Yes.
00:33:57.920 --> 00:33:59.119
I, oh my gosh.
00:33:59.200 --> 00:34:02.240
I now I'm like, okay, well, what's the worst case scenario?
00:34:02.400 --> 00:34:03.759
Okay, so they hate me today.
00:34:03.920 --> 00:34:07.680
Uh, well, if I go under the assumption, they haven't talked to me about this.
00:34:08.000 --> 00:34:11.280
So I'm assuming like they haven't brought it up.
00:34:11.440 --> 00:34:14.159
They haven't brought up a situation where they are angry at me.
00:34:14.320 --> 00:34:21.280
I'm just gonna go under the assumption now that they aren't or they don't hate me, and then push through with that instead.
00:34:21.440 --> 00:34:24.559
And nine times out of ten, I would say like they actually weren't.
00:34:24.719 --> 00:34:27.599
They were probably consumed by something else going on in their life.
00:34:27.840 --> 00:34:32.880
And it's just it's a complete, it's that narrative in your head that's just really loud.
00:34:32.960 --> 00:34:36.719
It's like, okay, realistically, what could this actually look like?
00:34:37.039 --> 00:34:37.760
Yes.
00:34:38.239 --> 00:34:38.639
Yes.
00:34:38.880 --> 00:34:45.360
And I just feel like with enough experience, like if you look at things that have happened, eventually learn it, right?
00:34:45.519 --> 00:35:00.159
Because I remember my first job after dance, I worked for um Smart City Apartment Locating, and it was like my first week, and I was sitting in my car and I was getting ready to go to lunch, and I we had to parallel park, which I'm terrible at.
00:35:03.360 --> 00:35:05.599
Like barely tapped the car behind me.
00:35:06.079 --> 00:35:12.079
And I sat in my car for I'm gonna say, I don't know, 30 to 45 minutes, panicking.
00:35:12.320 --> 00:35:13.039
What do I do?
00:35:13.199 --> 00:35:18.400
Do I go in and do I say, oh my God, I tapped someone's car, like whose car is it?
00:35:18.480 --> 00:35:21.599
Because I just started this job and I was like, everyone's gonna think I'm an idiot.
00:35:22.880 --> 00:35:23.199
Yep.
00:35:23.440 --> 00:35:24.880
And so finally I did it.
00:35:24.960 --> 00:35:31.440
I go inside after all this time, like debating and being like, oh my God, well, you can't just drive off because that's terrible.
00:35:31.679 --> 00:35:40.880
And I go in and the person comes out whose car it was and looks at it and sees the scratch that I saw that I thought I caused, and they were like, oh, that's been there for two years.
00:35:40.960 --> 00:35:41.440
Don't worry about it.
00:35:41.519 --> 00:35:41.920
You didn't know.
00:35:43.519 --> 00:35:55.679
God, I wasted at least 30 minutes of that work day totally just in fear, paralyzed, thinking that everybody would hate me when nothing was even wrong.
00:35:55.920 --> 00:35:57.760
Like, literally nothing happened.
00:35:57.920 --> 00:35:59.119
I didn't, you know what I mean?
00:35:59.199 --> 00:36:02.480
I should have just walked in and say, like, hey, can someone look at their car?
00:36:02.639 --> 00:36:03.039
Right.
00:36:03.199 --> 00:36:07.199
Um, but instead, I I wasted all of this time.
00:36:07.360 --> 00:36:14.159
And so I just, there's lots of little experiences like that that have happened that are just like, Melissa, stop being so scared of other people.
00:36:14.239 --> 00:36:14.800
You know what I mean?
00:36:14.880 --> 00:36:15.519
Yeah, it's like eating.
00:36:15.840 --> 00:36:16.480
They're human too.
00:36:16.800 --> 00:36:17.280
Yeah.
00:36:17.599 --> 00:36:24.079
Through these experiences, what have you decided to bring to your dance classes based on those?
00:36:24.400 --> 00:36:26.639
Oh my gosh, that's a really good question.
00:36:26.960 --> 00:36:32.480
So I think I have a unique story in the way.
00:36:32.719 --> 00:36:37.199
I guess not really story, background is more kind of what I'm trying to explain.
00:36:37.519 --> 00:36:49.519
Um, coming from someone who experienced a lot of fear and cared way too much about what people thought of me and wasted a lot of time in my head about that stuff.
00:36:49.760 --> 00:36:52.800
Um, and I saw how it affected my dancing.
00:36:53.199 --> 00:36:58.639
Um, like I am a much better dancer now than when I was on any of those teams.
00:36:58.719 --> 00:37:08.960
You know, I was I was great, I was a great dancer, but I would let my fear of messing up or what other people thought really affect my performance.
00:37:09.039 --> 00:37:15.039
Um, and so I have a very easy way of recognizing when other people are in fear, right?
00:37:15.119 --> 00:37:19.760
And like I can see it all over a dancer's face when they're in fear, um, even if they're faking it.
00:37:19.840 --> 00:37:21.519
I'm like, I know, girl, you're terrified.
00:37:21.679 --> 00:37:33.199
So I think I bring that, like I think it's a really great background to actually have because I can empathize with that and I can go, okay, stop the class, let's all chill out for a second.
00:37:33.360 --> 00:37:35.119
Y'all are I can feel the energy in here.
00:37:35.280 --> 00:37:42.159
Y'all are all getting in your head, which is really gonna separate you from any type of fun experience, you know.
00:37:42.320 --> 00:37:53.519
If you're worried the whole time about one movement that you keep messing up, like there's always a certain for every dancer, there's always one part of the combo that like your brain just doesn't gel with.
00:37:54.000 --> 00:37:59.920
Um I really encourage people, once you find that part of the combination, take it out and do something else.
00:38:00.239 --> 00:38:07.599
You know, try it four or five times and you are just like, you know, blanking out when you come to that section every time.
00:38:07.760 --> 00:38:10.480
Do something different and then catch back on with us when we're done.
00:38:10.639 --> 00:38:17.199
You know, and I welcome that and I really spotlight people who do that because that's what I want people to do.
00:38:17.280 --> 00:38:19.519
You know, my class is not an audition.
00:38:19.679 --> 00:38:24.639
I'm not judging people is doing my choreography the best.
00:38:24.880 --> 00:38:34.239
I'm not judging is a harsh word, but like I'm looking at my students and going, okay, who is bringing like their own individual style to it?
00:38:34.400 --> 00:38:38.880
Who's being a smart dancer, who is going, okay, this isn't working in my body.
00:38:39.039 --> 00:38:42.400
It might work great in Melissa's body, but in mine it feels awkward.
00:38:42.480 --> 00:38:43.920
So I'm gonna do this other thing.
00:38:44.079 --> 00:38:46.880
And I really appreciate when people do that.
00:38:47.039 --> 00:38:51.360
And so that's what I spotlight in class rather than like who did my choreography the best?
00:38:51.519 --> 00:38:51.920
You know?
00:38:52.079 --> 00:38:53.199
Um It's true though.
00:38:53.360 --> 00:38:58.400
You um, I remember the first class I went to, you highlighted uh Meredith.
00:38:58.960 --> 00:39:14.639
And she's uh she was a I worked with her, and so I knew who she was, and you split people up into groups so that there's plenty, there's more space, but it also gives each person a chance to see the other group, see what other people are doing.
00:39:14.719 --> 00:39:21.039
But you highlighted her because you were like, my eyes were drawn to her because of the energy she brought.
00:39:21.199 --> 00:39:24.880
And you were like, she didn't do all the choreography 100% correct.
00:39:25.039 --> 00:39:28.320
That wasn't it, but she looked like she was enjoying herself.
00:39:28.559 --> 00:39:35.519
And I thought that was an interesting point to bring up, especially during a dance class, because I'm like, I didn't get the choreography right.
00:39:35.599 --> 00:39:37.280
This person in front of me better.
00:39:37.519 --> 00:39:40.000
And then after that, I was like, well, screw this.
00:39:40.159 --> 00:39:42.719
I'm just gonna do what makes me feel good.
00:39:42.960 --> 00:39:48.159
And it was so much more fun, yes, and that's like the point, right?
00:39:48.320 --> 00:39:48.480
Yeah.
00:39:48.639 --> 00:39:51.440
And I always remind my students of that every single class.
00:39:51.519 --> 00:39:54.159
I'm always like, okay, why did you come here?
00:39:54.320 --> 00:40:04.960
Did you come here to do the choreography perfect, or did you come here to learn some dance, get a good workout, have a ton of fun, and then maybe get a cute video for Instagram?
00:40:05.199 --> 00:40:11.840
And I'm like, spoiler alert, unless you're dancing next to somebody in your Instagram video, like no one's gonna know.
00:40:12.000 --> 00:40:12.480
Yeah.
00:40:12.880 --> 00:40:15.519
You're doing it differently than the way I taught it.
00:40:15.599 --> 00:40:16.159
You know what I mean?
00:40:16.239 --> 00:40:25.280
So I'm like, I really love it when people make my choreography their own and maybe add different styles to it or, you know, do their own thing.
00:40:25.360 --> 00:40:30.880
That's what I want to see, you know, is like creativity and self-exploration and competence.
00:40:31.039 --> 00:40:39.280
You know, I would much rather see somebody do everything wrong, but be really confident and having fun than see somebody that's perfect, you know.
00:40:39.599 --> 00:40:41.440
So yeah, that's totally the way I approach it.
00:40:41.599 --> 00:40:44.320
I'm glad that that's your that was your experience.
00:40:44.480 --> 00:40:45.599
Cause yeah.
00:40:45.760 --> 00:40:57.920
Well, and just to give everyone in the audience an example, the uh team that I was on that uh Melissa did a team builder with, there was a very wide range of people.
00:40:58.159 --> 00:41:11.119
We had everything from a pro dancer to a not like an older gentleman, like being 60s, 70s, I'm not gonna guess his age.
00:41:11.360 --> 00:41:17.599
But Melissa brought the energy to the point where like everyone was bringing their best selves.
00:41:17.840 --> 00:41:27.199
So it was so much fun because everyone was like, Well, whatever, I'm just gonna go ahead and do this and embrace whatever dance this is.
00:41:27.519 --> 00:41:30.639
And everyone, honestly, everyone did really well.
00:41:30.880 --> 00:41:32.320
I wasn't everyone killed.
00:41:32.639 --> 00:41:36.079
That was like one of the most fun privates I've ever done.
00:41:36.320 --> 00:41:37.840
Like that was the last.
00:41:38.559 --> 00:41:41.039
I think that was my favorite team builder that I've ever done.
00:41:41.440 --> 00:41:44.320
And we I so this is just a fun fact.
00:41:44.400 --> 00:41:52.239
We actually did it at our holiday party, and it was like everyone's like, you guys need to do the dance, you guys need to do the dance, and we're like, well, okay.
00:41:52.400 --> 00:41:54.000
And we did it twice.
00:41:54.159 --> 00:42:00.079
We did it twice because the first time nobody was filming, and they're like, Well, you guys gotta do it again to film it for proof.
00:42:00.400 --> 00:42:02.800
So it was just so much fun.
00:42:03.119 --> 00:42:11.679
With this, what advice would you give to others to bring that energy or that mentality to their day-to-day life?
00:42:11.920 --> 00:42:18.079
Okay, okay, so this is actually funny because it's something that I say in class all the time.
00:42:18.159 --> 00:42:23.679
And it's also something I just recorded like on our tips video for the vibe platform.
00:42:24.159 --> 00:42:26.800
I have this thing, it's called a mantra.
00:42:27.039 --> 00:42:27.360
Okay.
00:42:27.760 --> 00:42:39.920
So right when you're about to perform, what people often do, so when we do my when I say when you're about to perform, I mean like if we're in class and we're going to small groups and you're performing for the other people in the class, right?
00:42:40.480 --> 00:42:49.760
What so many people do is when the music comes on and you're waiting for the cue, is in your head, you'll go like, oh God, oh god, oh god, oh god, here we go.
00:42:50.639 --> 00:42:52.880
I don't know, oh my gosh, like what's the first move?
00:42:53.440 --> 00:42:54.880
Like you start to panic, right?
00:42:55.039 --> 00:42:55.440
Yeah.
00:42:55.599 --> 00:42:57.840
Um, because other people are watching you.
00:42:58.159 --> 00:43:12.320
And what I tell people is that eight count or whatever, 10 seconds before the music comes on is the most key way to set yourself up for success or failure.
00:43:12.960 --> 00:43:13.280
Right.
00:43:13.519 --> 00:43:16.320
So I tell everybody in class, pick a mantra.
00:43:16.559 --> 00:43:19.119
So my mantra is I'm a bad B.
00:43:19.360 --> 00:43:19.679
Okay.
00:43:20.000 --> 00:43:21.519
That's what I always tell myself.
00:43:21.599 --> 00:43:29.360
Um, but you can say something like, I am, even if it sounds ridiculous and you're like, this might not be true, I'm the best dancer in the room.
00:43:29.519 --> 00:43:34.800
I'm, you know, confident, I'm sexy, I'm whatever, I'm, you know, whatever it is, right?
00:43:34.960 --> 00:43:36.960
I just tell everybody pick something to tell yourself.
00:43:37.039 --> 00:43:39.920
And that is the only thing in your brain before you start dancing.
00:43:40.079 --> 00:43:40.320
Okay.
00:43:40.559 --> 00:43:50.559
And so what I tell people at the end of class is I say, and it's funny because you watch everybody just transform after they their mantra, and that's what they're telling themselves, right?
00:43:50.719 --> 00:44:02.639
Um, because if we're telling ourselves negative things all the time, even if it's just fear, even if it's just like, ah, oh my God, I don't know it, like that, like, then how How are you expecting to get it right?
00:44:02.960 --> 00:44:03.679
You know what I mean?
00:44:03.760 --> 00:44:04.800
To do what you want to do.
00:44:05.039 --> 00:44:10.960
So my perspective on it is if you can't cheer yourself on, like why would anybody else cheer you on?
00:44:11.599 --> 00:44:16.800
I tell everyone at the end of class, I'm like, take this mantra with you for the rest of the week.
00:44:16.960 --> 00:44:35.920
Like, so until I see you again, whether it's a presentation at work, whether it's, you know, a big meeting, or you know, you're making a sales pitch, or you're talking to your parents about something, or your friends, like whatever it is, um, when you start to feel uneasy, tell yourself that mantra, right?
00:44:36.159 --> 00:44:38.239
Over and over and over and over and over.
00:44:38.320 --> 00:44:42.159
So anytime a negative thought enters your brain, you're combating that with something positive.
00:44:42.320 --> 00:44:45.519
And eventually it's gonna be just like more positive stuff, right?
00:44:46.079 --> 00:44:50.239
Um, so that's really like the biggest piece of advice that I tell people.
00:44:50.400 --> 00:44:52.800
And I I think people do it.
00:44:53.440 --> 00:44:54.320
I hope they do.
00:44:54.400 --> 00:44:57.679
I've gotten a couple of tags that's like, this is my mantra for the day.
00:44:58.079 --> 00:45:07.599
Um, so that's like really my biggest piece of advice because I come off really confident, but it's only after years of practicing that, right?
00:45:07.840 --> 00:45:12.880
Like I was, I mean, even when I said yes to like my dance class, I was not confident.
00:45:12.960 --> 00:45:14.719
I was like, no one's gonna come to this.
00:45:15.360 --> 00:45:20.480
Um and so I mean, and that was I think 2018, maybe.
00:45:21.119 --> 00:45:28.239
So it's really been the past couple of years, like of just constant telling myself, like, you got this, you can do it.
00:45:28.320 --> 00:45:32.079
And when that doubt starts to creep in, be like, no, you're a bad bitch, Melissa.
00:45:32.800 --> 00:45:34.800
Yeah, it's I I love that.
00:45:34.960 --> 00:45:35.679
That's great.
00:45:35.760 --> 00:45:37.119
And that's a great mantra.
00:45:37.360 --> 00:45:39.360
And I like how simple it is.
00:45:39.519 --> 00:45:45.360
Like, it's not a complicated situation or methodology to apply.
00:45:45.440 --> 00:45:53.840
It's literally come up with a mantra, say to yourself when you're feeling unsure, uneasy, whatever it is to make yourself confident, and then go for it.
00:45:54.079 --> 00:45:55.199
Yes, 100%.
00:45:55.599 --> 00:45:56.639
Oh my gosh, yes.
00:45:56.800 --> 00:46:00.400
Ah, Melissa, I've had so much fun talking with you.
00:46:00.559 --> 00:46:11.119
Um, this year I've started to end my interviews with asking, what is your, if your reader, if what is your favorite book recommendation for the audience?
00:46:13.360 --> 00:46:18.800
So the reason I'm laughing is because I'm like a big fantasy nerd.
00:46:20.400 --> 00:46:25.440
So, you know, right now I'm reading Star Wars Master and Apprentice.
00:46:25.679 --> 00:46:34.000
So I have no contributions for mental health books or like things that will enrich your day-to-day life.
00:46:34.800 --> 00:46:37.119
I think Star Wars could enrich a day-to-day life.
00:46:37.280 --> 00:46:38.320
You never know.
00:46:38.559 --> 00:46:40.320
I mean, especially right now with the world.
00:46:40.400 --> 00:46:42.000
I'm like, everybody needs a little escape.
00:46:42.159 --> 00:46:44.719
So um, that's what I'm reading right now.
00:46:44.880 --> 00:46:52.800
But if you're looking for um kind of a way to change the way you look at things, like especially with what we were talking about earlier, fear, resentment, ego.
00:46:52.960 --> 00:46:57.199
Um, Eckhart Tolie a New Life is a really good book.
00:46:57.280 --> 00:46:59.760
Um, and there's an audio book and a podcast for it too.
00:46:59.840 --> 00:47:00.960
So that's where I would start.
00:47:01.119 --> 00:47:01.360
Okay.
00:47:01.599 --> 00:47:01.840
Great.
00:47:01.920 --> 00:47:03.119
I love Eckhart Tolle.
00:47:03.280 --> 00:47:03.840
He's awesome.
00:47:04.159 --> 00:47:04.639
So good.
00:47:04.880 --> 00:47:06.000
Yeah, so good.
00:47:06.159 --> 00:47:08.800
Well, again, it was so much fun having you on.
00:47:08.880 --> 00:47:10.000
I loved our conversation.
00:47:10.079 --> 00:47:11.280
It was so applicable.
00:47:11.440 --> 00:47:14.639
And I can't wait to go to your dance classes in person.
00:47:14.800 --> 00:47:18.400
But until then, I will plan on doing some virtually.
00:47:18.559 --> 00:47:19.599
I'm so excited.
00:47:20.320 --> 00:47:20.559
Good.
00:47:20.719 --> 00:47:22.559
Oh my gosh, thank you so much for having me.
00:47:22.719 --> 00:47:24.159
This has been a Bolarist.
00:47:25.039 --> 00:47:27.760
Thanks for listening to another episode of Lead Into It.
00:47:28.079 --> 00:47:34.480
If you enjoyed this episode, it would mean a lot to me if you would leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to help future listeners.
00:47:34.719 --> 00:47:40.480
If you want to learn more about the podcast or me, go to leadintoit.co, that's leadintoit.co.
00:47:41.199 --> 00:47:42.320
Thanks again.
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:04.320
You're listening to episode 83 of the Lead Into a Podcast.
00:00:06.959 --> 00:00:09.759
Hello and welcome back to another episode of Lead Into It.
00:00:09.919 --> 00:00:11.199
I'm your host, Sarah Greco.
00:00:11.839 --> 00:00:15.919
I don't know about you, but sometimes I think fear gets way more credit than it deserves.
00:00:16.079 --> 00:00:27.600
We worry about what people think of us, we replay conversations in our heads, we assume someone is upset with us, disappointed in us, or talking about us, even when we have absolutely no proof that any of those things are true.
00:00:27.839 --> 00:00:32.560
And before we know it, we're spending precious time reacting to a story we've created in our own heads.
00:00:32.719 --> 00:00:35.280
That's one of the reasons I wanted to bring back this conversation.
00:00:35.439 --> 00:00:40.560
So in this free wind episode, I'm revisiting the conversation I had with Melissa Trenkibocich.
00:00:40.719 --> 00:00:44.399
And there are so many lessons in this conversation that still stick with me today.
00:00:44.719 --> 00:00:49.679
We talked about confidence, self-doubt, fear, and the tendency to worry about what other people think.
00:00:49.920 --> 00:00:55.759
We also talked about leadership and how our own experiences, especially the difficult ones, shaped the kind of leader we become.
00:00:56.079 --> 00:01:06.799
One of my favorite parts of this conversation was hearing Melissa talk about becoming a captain for her dance ice hockey team and intentionally leading her teammates differently because of some of the experiences she had as a rookie.
00:01:06.959 --> 00:01:11.280
Instead of passing along the same behavior, she used those experiences as a reason to do better.
00:01:11.439 --> 00:01:14.159
And I think that there's a really important leadership lesson in that.
00:01:14.319 --> 00:01:19.200
We don't get to choose every experience we have, but we do get to choose what we do with them.
00:01:19.439 --> 00:01:28.560
So whether you're working on your own confidence, trying to get out of your own head, or thinking about how your experiences are shaping the leader you're becoming, I think you'll get something out of this one.
00:01:28.799 --> 00:01:29.920
Let's get into it.
00:01:30.239 --> 00:01:33.200
Melissa, I am so excited to talk to you.
00:01:33.439 --> 00:01:35.439
It's been a while since I've seen you.
00:01:35.519 --> 00:01:38.879
And I have to tell you, I miss your dance class so much.
00:01:39.920 --> 00:01:42.000
It was such a like inspirational thing.
00:01:42.239 --> 00:01:43.840
Oh my gosh, I miss you too.
00:01:43.920 --> 00:01:45.680
You should come to class.
00:01:46.000 --> 00:01:48.239
Um yeah, not mine.
00:01:48.319 --> 00:01:55.359
But yeah, oh my gosh, it's been a wild year just with everything shutting down and then all the restrictions.
00:01:55.599 --> 00:01:59.200
And um, I mean, it's just been crazy for everybody.
00:01:59.359 --> 00:02:00.000
So, but yeah.
00:02:01.120 --> 00:02:02.879
I'm so excited that you asked me to be on.
00:02:03.040 --> 00:02:04.480
Yeah, I love your background.
00:02:04.560 --> 00:02:06.400
I love kind of where you're going.
00:02:06.560 --> 00:02:08.240
Um, just really quick for the audience.
00:02:08.319 --> 00:02:13.599
So Melissa has a dance class over at Class Studios now in Dallas.
00:02:13.840 --> 00:02:31.439
And I originally went to one of her classes because, and I'll let her explain the dance class a little bit, but I went to one of her classes and I loved it because my friend Maggie, who also is uh at class studios, posted it on her Instagram and it just looked like so much fun.
00:02:31.599 --> 00:02:38.800
So I went up like at the same time with a bunch of coworkers, uh, a couple, I think it was like two years ago.
00:02:38.960 --> 00:02:46.639
And then Melissa was awesome enough to do like a team builder with my new set of office mates that I had, and it was so much fun.
00:02:46.719 --> 00:02:47.439
It was so great.
00:02:47.680 --> 00:02:51.919
Melissa, why don't you go into a little bit of your background and introduce yourself to the audience?
00:02:52.240 --> 00:02:52.560
Okay.
00:02:52.800 --> 00:03:05.680
Um, so my name is Melissa Cherenki Bozic, which is a mouthful, but um, MCB for short now, but I have been dancing my entire life.
00:03:05.840 --> 00:03:11.520
It's always been a part of my life, along with that like team sport kind of mentality.
00:03:11.680 --> 00:03:22.000
Um, and after college, I was a member of the Dallas Stars Ice Girls and then the Dallas Mavericks dancers.
00:03:22.240 --> 00:03:30.240
And actually, what's so funny is I took a few years off um during college.
00:03:30.400 --> 00:03:33.360
I did not dance um at all, really.
00:03:33.599 --> 00:03:36.159
I don't I I went to a few dance classes, but that was it.
00:03:36.240 --> 00:03:40.800
But I missed dance so much, and so I decided to try out for some pro teams.
00:03:41.439 --> 00:03:48.000
And I was never so I wound up being a captain on stars.
00:03:48.240 --> 00:03:49.680
Oh wow, that's amazing.
00:03:50.800 --> 00:03:51.840
It was really cool.
00:03:52.000 --> 00:03:58.960
Um, and I only say that because I was never the best dancer on the team, you know what I mean?
00:03:59.039 --> 00:04:00.319
On any of the teams I've ever been on.
00:04:00.400 --> 00:04:10.800
And I think if you're a dancer and you've danced in the professional realm at all, um, or really in any type of like dance team environment, you're never the best one in the room, right?
00:04:11.360 --> 00:04:24.959
Um, and so me personally, with my I am not really anymore, but I used to have a lot more, I guess, anxiety than I do now.
00:04:25.120 --> 00:04:28.879
And I would get so upset and I would take things really personally.
00:04:29.040 --> 00:04:38.000
And there was just a lot of pressure and stress that comes along with that, even though truly those five years were like the best years of my life.
00:04:38.160 --> 00:04:39.360
Like, you know what I mean?
00:04:39.439 --> 00:04:41.120
They were amazing, amazing years.
00:04:41.360 --> 00:04:46.879
But on the flip side of the coin, there was like constant pressure, constant stress, constant anxiety.
00:04:47.199 --> 00:04:54.959
And so that kind of overshadowed the um dance aspect of it, I guess.
00:04:55.439 --> 00:05:15.920
Um, and so when I decided to retire, you know, yes, my life was a lot more stress-free, but I so, so missed like dancing all the time and having a group of women or men, you know what I mean, that supported each other and that pushed each other and you know, all of that.
00:05:16.079 --> 00:05:26.959
So I this is very, it was actually this whole kind of journey with my classes has been one of the most organic things I've ever experienced.
00:05:27.839 --> 00:05:33.279
Um, and so it's funny because with that comes a lot of other stuff, but that I'm sure we'll get into later.
00:05:33.439 --> 00:05:38.800
But um I was at a fitness ambassadors event.
00:05:38.879 --> 00:05:46.000
So because I missed this like team camaraderie, I decided to join the fitness ambassadors um in Dallas.
00:05:46.160 --> 00:05:53.439
And we had a group like bar class at Extend, which is the studio that I wound up working at.
00:05:53.519 --> 00:05:58.800
Um, and the owner of the studio was friends with somebody that I danced with on stars.
00:05:59.120 --> 00:06:02.319
And so she was like, Hey, aren't you friends with so-and-so?
00:06:02.800 --> 00:06:06.399
And, you know, we're looking to have a dance class here.
00:06:06.560 --> 00:06:09.920
Um, because they did all different types of classes at that studio.
00:06:10.079 --> 00:06:12.319
And so she was like, Would you want to try it?
00:06:12.480 --> 00:06:32.240
And my immediate, I wanted to do it so bad, but my immediate reaction was like, nobody would come to a dance class that I yeah, and it was just like all of those years of putting myself down in my own head through dancing of like you're the worst one here.
00:06:32.319 --> 00:06:36.560
And I was never the worst dancer on the team, but that's like what I told myself, right?
00:06:37.199 --> 00:06:45.040
Because I feel like when you're in your early 20s and you're constantly comparing yourself to others, and like it just gets very stressful and it has an impact, right?
00:06:45.120 --> 00:06:46.959
So that was my first thing.
00:06:47.120 --> 00:07:03.040
So I actually told the studio owner, I was like, I'll do it, but I don't want to like I don't want to make any promises that this is gonna be a big hit and oh yeah, let's just do like five classes and see how it goes.
00:07:03.279 --> 00:07:08.560
And so that was the original plan was we're gonna test this out for five classes.
00:07:08.720 --> 00:07:18.079
If it books up or at least has, you know, maybe like 60 to 75% of the room is filled, will continue on afterwards.
00:07:18.240 --> 00:07:30.240
Um, and I think after my first or second class, I started like selling out, you know, the week before my class started, which was really incredible to me.
00:07:30.560 --> 00:07:34.079
Um, because it just kind of, I wasn't even like seeking it out.
00:07:34.160 --> 00:07:37.120
It was just kind of an opportunity that I was like, okay, I'll try it.
00:07:37.279 --> 00:07:40.000
Um, and I really didn't think it was gonna go anywhere.
00:07:40.480 --> 00:07:49.279
Um, but yeah, and that just turned into, I mean, it wasn't sold out every week, but I mean, I taught there for just about a year.
00:07:49.519 --> 00:07:50.480
It was packed.
00:07:50.720 --> 00:07:50.879
Yeah.
00:07:51.199 --> 00:07:55.839
Like even if it wasn't sold out, it was like you, it was definitely pre-COVID times.
00:07:56.000 --> 00:08:02.879
Like we were really close to one another, and it's unusually uh incredible group of people.
00:08:03.120 --> 00:08:03.920
Oh, yeah.
00:08:04.160 --> 00:08:13.360
So, and I don't know how I got so lucky to have just like the coolest people coming to my class, just so supportive and so encouraging.
00:08:13.439 --> 00:08:16.319
And I think, you know, I really wanted that environment.
00:08:16.480 --> 00:08:25.920
Like that was really important to me because there are a lot of dance classes, not just in Dallas, but nationally, that you go to and it's competitive, man.
00:08:26.079 --> 00:08:30.240
It's like people are elbowing each other to get to the front of the room.
00:08:30.639 --> 00:08:33.360
Like people are circled up talking about other people.
00:08:33.440 --> 00:08:39.919
And I mean, the dance industry, there's just so few opportunities for everybody.
00:08:40.000 --> 00:08:46.000
And there it's so like there's so many people in the industry that it just gets really competitive.
00:08:46.159 --> 00:08:49.360
Um, and not all of that is catty, it's just kind of how it is.
00:08:49.440 --> 00:09:02.720
And so I really wanted to make sure that like my class was just for fun and it was for people that maybe they felt insecure and they wanted to have a safe place to come and just party, you know what I mean?
00:09:02.879 --> 00:09:07.919
And maybe learn how to become a better dancer, or even if it was just for the workout, you know what I mean?
00:09:08.000 --> 00:09:11.919
I knew all different people would have all different motives for coming in the room.
00:09:12.159 --> 00:09:21.440
So um I wanted to make it supportive and welcoming for everybody, and I think that's just the energy that I like put into it and just kind of grew from there.
00:09:21.600 --> 00:09:23.840
So I've been really lucky in that aspect.
00:09:24.000 --> 00:09:26.240
So I don't know, it just all kind of happened.
00:09:26.320 --> 00:09:27.759
It just all kind of fell in my lap.
00:09:27.840 --> 00:09:28.799
It's so bizarre.
00:09:28.960 --> 00:09:37.679
Um, and then, you know, about a year later, the opportunity to teach at class came to me, um, which was amazing.
00:09:37.840 --> 00:09:44.000
So that first year, actually, we got nominated for the studio hop like best.
00:09:44.559 --> 00:09:44.799
Right.
00:09:44.879 --> 00:09:45.679
I remember that.
00:09:45.840 --> 00:09:46.720
It was wild.
00:09:46.799 --> 00:09:49.279
And I didn't win, but like that doesn't even matter to me.
00:09:49.440 --> 00:09:57.519
It was like the fact that in Dallas, which is such a huge fitness town, you know, like everybody's into studios.
00:09:57.679 --> 00:10:00.000
There's so many great options for that.
00:10:00.159 --> 00:10:03.679
And the fact that like I was nominated for that just kind of blew my mind.
00:10:03.840 --> 00:10:10.879
Um so Paige at Class Studios is one of my good friends, and she's the owner of Preston Center.
00:10:11.039 --> 00:10:22.320
And she had, you know, mentioned at an event, she was like, So we're opening the second studio, and it has a space that would be really good for a dance class if you're interested.
00:10:22.399 --> 00:10:25.440
And I was just like, oh my God, yes, I'd love to come work for you guys.
00:10:25.600 --> 00:10:36.240
And it also would really help my students too, because number one, a lot of them were already members at class or instructors at class, right?
00:10:36.559 --> 00:10:36.879
Yes.
00:10:37.039 --> 00:10:42.799
Um, and then also the room is so much bigger at class than it was at Extend.
00:10:43.440 --> 00:10:44.720
So that was great.
00:10:44.879 --> 00:10:48.799
So I, you know, kept bugging her until they opened the lab at Preston Center.
00:10:49.039 --> 00:10:55.279
And we started there in February of 2020, and then everything shut down.
00:10:55.440 --> 00:10:58.240
So um, which was wild.
00:10:58.399 --> 00:11:06.639
But we were, you know, selling out 50-person classes for a month and a half until COVID shut down every gym.
00:11:06.799 --> 00:11:08.960
So, you know, we're doing what we can.
00:11:09.039 --> 00:11:12.159
We have like 50% capacity, or maybe it's 25.
00:11:12.399 --> 00:11:12.799
I don't know.
00:11:12.879 --> 00:11:15.039
It's like 2030, maybe.
00:11:15.360 --> 00:11:20.879
Well, I think it's like what do you have like 16 people in a class now versus the 50?
00:11:21.440 --> 00:11:22.480
Yes, yes.
00:11:22.720 --> 00:11:25.039
So it's like around 30, I think.
00:11:25.279 --> 00:11:25.600
Yeah.
00:11:26.320 --> 00:11:39.120
But yeah, so it's just like things have taken a step back, but it's also a really good advantage for for other things, like starting a virtual class, which is cool.
00:11:39.360 --> 00:11:46.480
But yeah, basically that's kind of like my journey with um class, and we're still going strong.
00:11:46.639 --> 00:11:55.200
So and I would like to say that I know you keep saying that you're lucky, but you are not lucky because you work hard.
00:11:55.440 --> 00:11:55.679
Yeah.
00:11:55.840 --> 00:12:05.759
I see the energy that you put into these classes, and it's uh, I don't know if it's new choreography, but it's usually like diverse choreography every several weeks.
00:12:06.080 --> 00:12:09.440
And um she teaches it so well.
00:12:09.679 --> 00:12:14.399
And the energy that Melissa brings to the class is always like just bring your whole self.
00:12:14.559 --> 00:12:16.799
Who cares what anyone's looking looks like?
00:12:16.960 --> 00:12:18.960
If you feel confident, it's the greatest.
00:12:19.120 --> 00:12:22.080
So you leave, you enter the class, you're like, I'm not sure.
00:12:22.159 --> 00:12:28.000
And then you get like four or five times into the choreography, and you're like, yeah, I'm a sexy bee.
00:12:28.080 --> 00:12:29.360
Like, what is happening?
00:12:29.519 --> 00:12:30.399
I'm doing this.
00:12:30.639 --> 00:12:33.039
So you just make everyone feel more confident.
00:12:33.200 --> 00:12:45.279
I think that energy is what brings people to your class as well as the fun and the professionalism and the amount of effort that you put into the choreography itself with the music.
00:12:45.440 --> 00:12:46.720
So it's so fun.
00:12:46.799 --> 00:12:48.720
So if you're in Dallas, definitely go.
00:12:48.879 --> 00:12:53.200
Uh, class has an online option, and then I think they still do, right?
00:12:53.440 --> 00:12:54.000
Yes, yeah.
00:12:54.159 --> 00:12:56.320
Um, and then you're starting your own thing.
00:12:56.639 --> 00:12:57.039
Yes.
00:12:57.200 --> 00:12:57.840
Oh my gosh.
00:12:58.000 --> 00:13:02.159
So that's actually been crazy and wild and organic too.
00:13:02.480 --> 00:13:16.720
Um so okay, so I'll start this by like in the fall of 2019, so I had only been teaching for like maybe eight months-ish.
00:13:17.200 --> 00:13:19.120
Um, it was like October.
00:13:19.440 --> 00:13:35.360
So I had a girl, my friend, Kyla, she came to one of my classes and she came right up to me after class and she was like, I know you don't know me, but I know this guy that could really help you like with marketing.
00:13:35.519 --> 00:13:37.279
And I was just like, uh, whatever.
00:13:37.360 --> 00:13:40.000
Like, I don't, I didn't really want to talk to him.
00:13:40.720 --> 00:13:44.000
Just because you know, you get the runaround from like all these salespeople.
00:13:44.159 --> 00:13:46.240
And like Kylo was super, super sweet.
00:13:46.320 --> 00:13:49.360
And she was like, no, trust me, you like have to go meet with him.
00:13:49.600 --> 00:13:53.120
And I was just like, okay, let's let's do it then.
00:13:53.279 --> 00:14:10.080
So I met with him and he basically pitched me this idea of doing an online course where every week people would get new choreography, and he was actually pitching me from the agency perspective of like trying to get me as a client.
00:14:10.159 --> 00:14:13.600
And at the time, I just really did not have the budget, right?
00:14:14.080 --> 00:14:16.480
Um, I was like, I would love to do this.
00:14:16.639 --> 00:14:29.440
And then also I was kind of in the back of my head again, and I asked Noah this, and his name's Noah, my partner, and I asked in the meeting, I was like, who would want to do this like for me?
00:14:29.600 --> 00:14:32.799
Like, who am I to come out with this?
00:14:33.200 --> 00:14:38.639
And again, there's this whole theme of like, I was not believing in myself through this process, you know what I mean?
00:14:38.720 --> 00:14:39.679
It's just me.
00:14:40.000 --> 00:14:45.039
Um, but I um I was just kind of like, who would want to do that?
00:14:45.279 --> 00:14:55.919
So um we tabled it because I was like, I don't have a budget, you know, for to like put in, you know, all this money towards marketing every month.
00:14:56.080 --> 00:15:01.440
And so then February or March happened of 2020.
00:15:02.399 --> 00:15:10.960
So 2020 hits, all the studios close, and we go home and um I start doing Zoom classes.
00:15:11.120 --> 00:15:22.480
Well, first we did it on the class studios Vimeo, um, and we were getting crazy numbers because I was promoting it on my Instagram, and now rather than just like, okay, people in Dallas, it was anyone.
00:15:22.639 --> 00:15:23.919
Yep, I remember that.
00:15:24.399 --> 00:15:28.320
And it was free, and it was like anybody could come.
00:15:28.559 --> 00:15:35.440
Um, also, it was like a lot of people who had been too scared to come to class could now try it at home.
00:15:35.759 --> 00:15:48.000
Um, and so we, I mean, we had crazy numbers, and so I wound up emailing Noah and I was like, hey, so I'm ready to go because actually people do want to do this.
00:15:48.879 --> 00:15:50.799
Um, but it's kind of funny, right?
00:15:50.960 --> 00:15:54.159
So it everything shutting down kind of became this huge blessing.
00:15:54.240 --> 00:16:00.559
So we wound up getting started together, and Noah was like, um, I want to go in on this with you.
00:16:00.639 --> 00:16:07.679
And so we decided to become business partners, and now I, you know, own a company, which is crazy.
00:16:08.159 --> 00:16:09.039
Congratulations.
00:16:09.200 --> 00:16:09.840
That's amazing.
00:16:10.720 --> 00:16:13.200
Um, and we're getting more and more members every day.
00:16:13.360 --> 00:16:18.000
I mean, I have right now, I think the last time, hold on, let me pull it up.
00:16:18.080 --> 00:16:20.639
The last time I checked, well, I'll check right now.
00:16:20.799 --> 00:16:20.960
Okay.
00:16:21.200 --> 00:16:23.120
We have 115 members.
00:16:23.840 --> 00:16:24.960
And you just started this, right?
00:16:25.279 --> 00:16:27.200
Uh so it's only been one month.
00:16:27.440 --> 00:16:30.799
Um, the 15th is when we launched our website.
00:16:31.200 --> 00:16:32.960
So it's really exciting.
00:16:33.200 --> 00:16:35.759
Um, and December 15th.
00:16:36.000 --> 00:16:39.840
And I things are only gonna go up from here.
00:16:39.919 --> 00:16:44.159
We have a lot of things in the works, but um I I'm like shook.
00:16:44.399 --> 00:16:45.600
It's just been so crazy.
00:16:45.840 --> 00:16:47.759
The whole thing from start to finish is nuts.
00:16:48.399 --> 00:16:55.200
I all of this is amazing because it's interesting how life throws you exactly what you need, but you didn't even know you needed it.
00:16:55.360 --> 00:17:02.399
And then it's like, here's a tragedy or a pandemic that is just epically changing.
00:17:02.559 --> 00:17:11.519
And it's like, well, but here, like this will actually open up doors that you never thought existed or that you closed, and actually you need to open back up.
00:17:11.839 --> 00:17:13.039
Oh, totally.
00:17:13.440 --> 00:17:19.759
It's been the most bizarre thing is all of this, I feel like, has just fallen in my lap.
00:17:20.000 --> 00:17:22.319
And it's funny because you say I work so hard.
00:17:22.480 --> 00:17:25.039
I do work insanely hard.
00:17:25.839 --> 00:17:28.240
It's absurd the amount of work that I do.
00:17:28.319 --> 00:17:30.559
Like I have a full-time job during the day.
00:17:30.720 --> 00:17:31.440
That's insane.
00:17:31.599 --> 00:17:33.039
I didn't, I was wondering that.
00:17:33.279 --> 00:17:33.759
Yeah.
00:17:34.000 --> 00:17:39.519
Um, so I work during the day in sales and advertising sales for um CBS radio.
00:17:39.680 --> 00:17:39.920
Okay.
00:17:40.160 --> 00:17:43.920
So, which has also been wild during the pandemic because no one's been in their car.
00:17:44.079 --> 00:17:47.119
So, you know, that's what I do during the day.
00:17:47.279 --> 00:17:50.400
And then I teach my class weekly still.
00:17:50.640 --> 00:18:03.680
So I'm having to come up with the choreography for that, film it, which 2021 has not been my best with filming and putting up combos, but usually I try to film the combo and post it on my Instagram so that people can see.
00:18:03.839 --> 00:18:05.279
And then I teach Thursday night.
00:18:05.359 --> 00:18:10.319
And then on top of that, now I'm adding in everything that comes with a new business, right?
00:18:10.480 --> 00:18:25.359
So my partner handles all of the marketing, but for me, it's all of the creative content, it's all of, you know, now I'm dealing with customer service, which hopefully we plan to hire somebody, you know, later on, but right now we're still in that building phase.
00:18:25.519 --> 00:18:27.920
So it's like I'm doing customer service.
00:18:28.000 --> 00:18:32.319
So anytime anybody asks a question, which we're putting ads out to so many people.
00:18:32.400 --> 00:18:46.640
So I'm getting a lot of questions and adding that on, and then trying to post content and trying to figure all of it out about like, okay, so I also am prom I need to make clear the differentiation between the in-studio classes and online classes.
00:18:46.720 --> 00:18:51.440
So it's just wild, but it's been so exciting.
00:18:52.640 --> 00:18:55.440
Um, and and I'm really jazzed about it.
00:18:55.599 --> 00:18:57.359
So I Izzed.
00:18:57.759 --> 00:18:58.240
Yeah.
00:18:59.519 --> 00:19:00.079
Like it.
00:19:00.319 --> 00:19:09.200
Yeah, I'm just trying to figure out too, you know, how to bring that energy that I think is so important to my in-person classes.
00:19:09.759 --> 00:19:12.880
Um, and that I think, like you said, drives people there.
00:19:13.039 --> 00:19:17.440
Um, I'm trying to figure out how to bring that to an online platform, right?
00:19:17.599 --> 00:19:30.559
Where there's not a room full of people spinning in your view and there's not, you know, I'm not jab, like jumping in in the middle and giving an inspiring talk in the middle, and you know what I mean?
00:19:30.799 --> 00:19:35.920
Um, because normally like when I do that in class, I read the energy of the room and I'm like, okay, how are people feeling?
00:19:36.079 --> 00:19:45.119
If they are feeling like if I'm seeing people concentrating too hard, or if they look like they can't do this one part, like that's what I'm going to approach the class with, right?
00:19:45.200 --> 00:19:45.440
Yeah.
00:19:45.839 --> 00:19:49.279
Um, so I don't just use like blanket things to every class.
00:19:49.440 --> 00:20:02.880
So I'm starting to kind of like record clips of tips and tricks and ways to get involved, and we're coming up with like community, like we have a Facebook group, and all of that stuff is kind of in the works too.
00:20:02.960 --> 00:20:04.799
So it's just been like really, really cool.
00:20:04.960 --> 00:20:05.839
I can't believe it.
00:20:06.079 --> 00:20:06.720
That's amazing.
00:20:06.880 --> 00:20:08.640
I love how this kind of all developed.
00:20:08.880 --> 00:20:15.359
I do want to go back to your star days really quick, because you talked about you being a captain.
00:20:15.519 --> 00:20:24.160
So how is that, how is that selection process and how was it being the captain of a dance team for a pro team?
00:20:24.480 --> 00:20:28.880
Yeah, it's pretty crazy um when like you think of it like that.
00:20:29.680 --> 00:20:38.079
Uh you being on the on any pro team, and I'm sure like pro athletes feel like this too, it's just your life, right?
00:20:38.240 --> 00:20:41.440
So it doesn't seem like anything special when you're going through it.
00:20:41.680 --> 00:20:47.519
Um, but sometimes I do look back and like I I talk to Nick about it all the time.
00:20:47.680 --> 00:20:50.319
I'm like, that was my life for like a long time.
00:20:50.480 --> 00:20:52.880
Like I was in the professional sports like world.
00:20:53.039 --> 00:20:58.480
Like I was, you know, at the highest level of an athlete that you could go in the dance world, you know.
00:20:58.640 --> 00:21:01.680
Um just other than in that genre, right?
00:21:02.240 --> 00:21:15.680
Um, and so it's pretty crazy, but the selection process for that is basically over your tenure, they just kind of pick people who have leadership strength, I think.
00:21:15.920 --> 00:21:26.400
I was, like I said, I was never the best dancer on the team, you know, but I think that I was really positive, or I hope to think that I was positive and encouraging to my teammates.
00:21:26.559 --> 00:21:37.759
And um, I think a lot of the stress that I went through um in my early years on those teams contributed to like my outlook when I was a more senior vet.
00:21:38.400 --> 00:21:47.440
And so I really made sure to be careful when I was talking to rookies and not put anybody down and make sure that everybody knew what they were doing.
00:21:47.680 --> 00:21:58.319
So I think, you know, being on the opposite side of it for so long, it gave me the experience to kind of go, okay, when I was a rookie, my captains had approached me this way instead of this way.
00:21:58.480 --> 00:21:59.680
I probably would have felt better about.
00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:01.519
The things that I was hearing, you know?
00:22:01.680 --> 00:22:04.319
So um I think that really helped.
00:22:04.480 --> 00:22:11.519
And, you know, they just kind of make the selection, like they just kind of announce it at practice when you've been there for a long time.
00:22:12.880 --> 00:22:21.440
So what was one thing that you would try to make sure and help out with the rookies or maybe do to bring the team together?
00:22:21.680 --> 00:22:23.039
So that's actually funny.
00:22:23.359 --> 00:22:28.799
I'm trying to like be like say this in a very neutral way, like PC about it.
00:22:29.039 --> 00:22:37.279
When I was a rookie, and actually through the whole the the ice girls, there's not a lot of like figure skaters in Dallas, right?
00:22:37.680 --> 00:22:37.920
Yeah.
00:22:38.079 --> 00:22:44.079
Um, just injection in Texas, ice hockey and figure skating wasn't very big when I was growing up.
00:22:44.240 --> 00:22:49.440
So you have all these dancers at auditions and not a lot of skaters, right?
00:22:49.680 --> 00:23:00.160
And so basically, when you audition as a dancer, they make sure to cross-train you so that in your second year on the team, you can do both, right?
00:23:00.319 --> 00:23:03.279
So you can be down on the ice and also dance on the platform.
00:23:03.359 --> 00:23:03.759
Yeah.
00:23:04.079 --> 00:23:13.599
And so my first time going down on the ice, you're terrified because you're at the American Airlines Center during a pro game and it's there's 20,000 people watching you.
00:23:13.839 --> 00:23:21.759
Um and if you're not a figure skater and you just learned how to skate in like, you know, eight months or whatever, you're just terrified.
00:23:22.000 --> 00:23:25.440
And on top of that, there are very, very strict rules.
00:23:25.599 --> 00:23:43.680
Um, like the I everything at all of these games, Cowboys, Mavs, Stars, is precisely timed out with the television schedule, which like even you don't really think about it at all, but like the ice girls in particular, they have to clean that whole sheet of ice in under two minutes.
00:23:43.920 --> 00:23:47.519
Um, because if the TV break, it's called a TV timeout.
00:23:47.680 --> 00:23:51.920
If the TV timeout's over and you're still out on the ice, then they can't start the game.
00:23:52.079 --> 00:23:52.240
Yeah.
00:23:52.400 --> 00:23:52.640
Right.
00:23:52.720 --> 00:23:58.319
So then that results in the stars getting a fine from the network because they're going over.
00:23:59.039 --> 00:23:59.440
Wow.
00:23:59.680 --> 00:24:01.119
Yeah, the fine's like 10 grand.
00:24:01.440 --> 00:24:02.319
Like it's absurd.
00:24:02.400 --> 00:24:03.839
So you have all this pressure.
00:24:05.279 --> 00:24:12.000
You have to get every single bit of snow up because so when the guys skate around, they create what snow, right?
00:24:12.079 --> 00:24:14.160
Because their edges are digging into the ice.
00:24:14.240 --> 00:24:18.960
And so um, you're essentially shoveling the snow off the ice is your job.
00:24:19.119 --> 00:24:33.680
And if you leave any and there's a call where, like, perhaps somebody shoots the puck and it's going on the ice and it slows down and the goalie is able to catch it because there was snow on the ice, those are like controversial calls, right?
00:24:33.839 --> 00:24:34.480
Oh wow.
00:24:34.640 --> 00:24:35.599
I have no idea.
00:24:36.079 --> 00:24:36.400
Yeah.
00:24:36.559 --> 00:24:48.160
So like you can actually affect the play of the game, which is why sometimes when they have like big, big games, um, they'll use the NHL ice crews that are like really, really hardcore.
00:24:48.400 --> 00:24:50.880
Um, you have to do all of this and you have to do it in under two minutes.
00:24:51.039 --> 00:24:53.119
So getting to the point of that whole thing.
00:24:54.319 --> 00:25:07.359
Um when I was a rookie, my first time on the ice, I was getting screamed at by some of my veterans because I was leaving snow because I was so terrified that I would like go out on the ice and I would like black out.
00:25:07.440 --> 00:25:09.759
And so I like wasn't doing it properly, right?
00:25:09.839 --> 00:25:18.960
And so, you know, I'd get back in the tunnel and our captain at the time was screaming in my face and like pounding on the glass and showing me everywhere that I screwed up.
00:25:19.200 --> 00:25:24.079
Um, and I just was like, I didn't hear that very well.
00:25:25.519 --> 00:25:31.039
So rather than, you know, being constructive, I got my feelings hurt a lot.
00:25:31.200 --> 00:25:40.880
And it's just lots of situations like that, you know what I mean, where it could, the delivery could have been a lot more professional, a lot more encouraging, as in like, you don't suck.
00:25:41.039 --> 00:25:44.880
Um, but here is what you could do better, you know.
00:25:45.119 --> 00:25:52.480
So I think I took that into my time as a captain and I really tried with the rookies like to work with them one-on-one.
00:25:52.799 --> 00:26:04.240
Like I, you know, rather than just yelling at them that they were doing it wrong, I would say, let's go up to the star center an hour before practice and we can work on your skating forms so you're not falling everywhere when you try to skate.
00:26:04.319 --> 00:26:09.839
So just using the things that I learned to kind of help others was very important to me.
00:26:09.920 --> 00:26:20.000
Um, and I wasn't perfect at it, but I think that's, you know, where I really tried to use the experiences, the negative experiences that I had to make it more positive for somebody else.
00:26:20.160 --> 00:26:20.400
Yeah.
00:26:20.559 --> 00:26:23.920
And that's that's exactly what a leader should do.
00:26:24.240 --> 00:26:39.920
So I like, and the fact that you recognize that you weren't perfect as a leader means that you probably were a really good leader because that means that you recognize you had a lot of self-awareness, which is something that some bad leaders don't recognize.
00:26:40.160 --> 00:26:47.920
So having the self-awareness is huge, and that gives you a lot more guidance on how to guide others and help them along.
00:26:48.559 --> 00:26:55.599
I think self-awareness is key for everybody, and that is something that I really, really I I will say I am proud of myself.
00:26:55.680 --> 00:26:56.880
I have really good self-awareness.
00:26:57.039 --> 00:27:10.000
Like a very goes on sometimes to a fault, but um yeah, it's it's sometimes I overthink things, but overall I think I have a pretty good grasp on on how I am as a human most of the time.
00:27:10.640 --> 00:27:12.799
So you brought up overthinking.
00:27:12.960 --> 00:27:16.240
I did want to dive a little bit into your you were talking about your anxiety.
00:27:16.400 --> 00:27:18.160
Do you mind diving into that a little bit?
00:27:18.559 --> 00:27:19.279
No, not at all.
00:27:19.440 --> 00:27:19.759
Okay.
00:27:20.079 --> 00:27:29.279
So what did it kind of feel like and how have you learned to overcome it or recognize it over the past year, couple years?
00:27:29.519 --> 00:27:39.279
Okay, so this is so this is so complex, this answer, because there's a lot of, but I'll try to I'll try to keep it short.
00:27:39.519 --> 00:27:47.119
There's a lot of things after my I guess dance career was over, I started drinking a lot.
00:27:47.599 --> 00:27:59.039
Um, and I wound up getting sober, so going into treatment, getting into recovery, actually the same year that I started teaching dance, which is wild.
00:27:59.279 --> 00:28:06.160
Um, and do that when you get into recovery, there's so much work that you do on yourself.
00:28:06.480 --> 00:28:13.599
Um, and it's funny because I use the term anxiety like lightly because I'm not clinically diagnosed or anything like that.
00:28:13.680 --> 00:28:21.440
But what was happening is the way that I look at things now, after working the 12 steps, it teaches you to be self-aware, right?
00:28:21.599 --> 00:28:32.160
It teaches you to be in tune with how you're making other people feel, in tune with how you're feeling and getting to the core motives of why I'm feeling like this, right?
00:28:32.319 --> 00:28:38.000
And that's what's really been the key is um I used to get very overwhelmed by emotions, right?
00:28:38.079 --> 00:28:44.240
And so if I felt anxious, it was never what is at the root of my anxiety, right?
00:28:44.319 --> 00:28:47.839
And so this doesn't really apply to people with like clinical anxiety.
00:28:48.000 --> 00:28:51.920
Obviously, you want to go see a doctor, you want to get treatment, like don't take my word for it, you know.
00:28:53.039 --> 00:29:02.160
But I wound up learning that a lot of the reasons why I was upset came from selfishness, right?
00:29:02.319 --> 00:29:09.440
And so, like, let's use that example of the girl yelling at me about me leaving my snow, right?
00:29:09.680 --> 00:29:15.519
I would go into kind of a spiral for a long time where I would just beat myself up and feel terrible about myself.
00:29:15.680 --> 00:29:22.160
And at the end of the day, I was consumed with fear about what she thought about me.
00:29:22.960 --> 00:29:23.279
Right.
00:29:23.519 --> 00:29:25.839
That's what that's what it was at the core, right?
00:29:25.920 --> 00:29:27.279
It's what does she think about me?
00:29:27.359 --> 00:29:33.119
And if she she thinks this way and she's a senior vet, then do all the other senior vets feel this way about me too?
00:29:33.200 --> 00:29:35.119
Like I bet they're all talking crap about me.
00:29:35.200 --> 00:29:36.079
And you know what I mean?
00:29:36.240 --> 00:29:43.039
So that that really would launch into like my anxiety and I would get paranoid and like it was really bad.
00:29:43.200 --> 00:29:50.480
Um, and that's just a small example, but you know, attacking the motive, like why do I feel this way?
00:29:50.640 --> 00:29:50.880
Okay.
00:29:51.039 --> 00:29:59.839
And the solution to that for me now is okay, if that situation happened today, of course it would hurt my feelings because I'm a human, right?
00:30:00.400 --> 00:30:09.440
Um, but stopping that spiral comes down to, okay, Melissa, why are you still thinking about this five hours later?
00:30:09.599 --> 00:30:09.839
Yeah.
00:30:10.000 --> 00:30:15.359
Rather than it just hurting my feelings and me being like, wow, that person's pretty rude, and then moving on.
00:30:15.599 --> 00:30:18.240
It's my fear of what others think about me.
00:30:18.559 --> 00:30:24.400
And then also it's like me thinking that everybody's obsessed with me and talking about me.
00:30:25.119 --> 00:30:26.720
Like your selfishness, right?
00:30:26.799 --> 00:30:28.799
So it comes down to like selfishness and fear.
00:30:28.880 --> 00:30:34.240
And at the end of the day, um, what she thinks about me or anybody is none of my business, right?
00:30:34.400 --> 00:30:47.119
Um, and so that has really helped in just like all areas of my life because what other people thought about me was a very big concern until 2017, right?
00:30:47.440 --> 00:30:48.480
And that's okay.
00:30:48.640 --> 00:30:50.480
I think I was like in my early 20s.
00:30:50.640 --> 00:30:52.000
I was figuring it out, you know?
00:30:52.079 --> 00:30:53.920
Um, and I think a lot of people go through that.
00:30:54.079 --> 00:30:59.519
So I just, you know, being aware of motives today is key, right?
00:30:59.680 --> 00:31:01.519
So not just like, oh, I feel sad.
00:31:01.599 --> 00:31:03.119
Ah, oh my God, I'm scared.
00:31:03.279 --> 00:31:06.640
It's like, okay, Melissa, why are you so upset about this?
00:31:06.799 --> 00:31:10.640
Like, are you making this a way bigger deal than it needs to be?
00:31:10.880 --> 00:31:13.759
Because people probably aren't talking about you 24 hours later.
00:31:13.839 --> 00:31:17.839
And if they are, then that's sad for them, you know what I mean?
00:31:18.799 --> 00:31:21.759
So I of course I still get my feelings hurt.
00:31:21.839 --> 00:31:26.400
I still, you know, think about things too much sometimes and overthink stuff.
00:31:26.480 --> 00:31:31.440
But at the end of the day, my fear is not going to accomplish anything.
00:31:32.160 --> 00:31:32.400
Right.
00:31:32.559 --> 00:31:34.799
All fear does is it steals time.
00:31:34.960 --> 00:31:35.119
Yes.
00:31:35.279 --> 00:31:35.440
Right.
00:31:35.599 --> 00:31:41.039
It steals time from my job, from dance, from my husband, from my family.
00:31:41.200 --> 00:31:47.519
Like it steals valuable time that I could be spending either thinking about or doing something else, right?
00:31:47.680 --> 00:31:49.359
I'm sitting there in that fear.
00:31:49.599 --> 00:31:51.920
So that's kind of, I hope that answers the question.
00:31:52.400 --> 00:31:53.200
Oh, definitely.
00:31:53.359 --> 00:31:56.079
And I can completely relate to this.
00:31:56.240 --> 00:32:03.200
I I agree, I'm not diagnosed with anxiety or any of the sort, but a fear of what people think is huge for me.
00:32:03.359 --> 00:32:12.799
Like, I think over the past couple of years, I heard that quote that you said, which is what other things other people think of me as none of my business.
00:32:13.359 --> 00:32:19.599
And that has really changed the way of how I process things because I do agree.
00:32:19.680 --> 00:32:22.319
I I think I was like bullied in middle school.
00:32:22.480 --> 00:32:26.319
So it was where it was like, oh, I'm going back to middle school.
00:32:26.400 --> 00:32:28.559
I'm like, Sarah, you are not middle school anymore.
00:32:28.720 --> 00:32:29.920
This is ridiculous.
00:32:30.160 --> 00:32:39.279
And just have this fear of people are just like constantly talking about you, or and it's very much in the negative.
00:32:39.359 --> 00:32:42.079
And you're just, it's goes round and round in your head.
00:32:42.400 --> 00:32:48.160
But the what you're talking about, that method of like, okay, well, why am I thinking that they're talking about me?
00:32:48.319 --> 00:32:49.440
Why am I thinking?
00:32:49.599 --> 00:32:51.359
Like, what is actually happening?
00:32:51.519 --> 00:33:03.359
And embracing whatever emotion that you're feeling, let yourself feel it in that moment and then move on is such a huge process change for me because I would let it eat at me.
00:33:03.440 --> 00:33:04.559
And it eats at you.
00:33:04.640 --> 00:33:09.519
It's just like, yeah, you're around that person, you're like, oh my gosh, they're thinking horrible things about me.
00:33:09.599 --> 00:33:12.799
I must go away or just like shrink myself to non-existence.
00:33:13.200 --> 00:33:15.279
It steals time, it steals things.
00:33:15.359 --> 00:33:15.839
Yeah.
00:33:16.079 --> 00:33:16.720
100%.
00:33:17.279 --> 00:33:20.079
I think too, a lot of it is assumptions, right?
00:33:20.160 --> 00:33:21.920
And that's something that helps me too.
00:33:22.079 --> 00:33:25.759
Is like, am I assuming this or do I know for a fact?
00:33:26.079 --> 00:33:26.400
Right.
00:33:26.640 --> 00:33:32.480
And I will say 95, probably 99% of the time, I'm making assumptions.
00:33:33.599 --> 00:33:41.519
I'm assuming that this person thinks this of me, or I'm assuming that this person is talking about me, or I'm assuming, right?
00:33:41.680 --> 00:33:43.440
Because I don't actually know.
00:33:43.680 --> 00:33:51.519
And so at the end of the day, I am making myself crazy over an assumption and something that I don't even know if that's reality or not, right?
00:33:52.079 --> 00:33:54.559
So it's affecting me and nobody else.
00:33:54.640 --> 00:33:57.119
And it's all based on something that I made up in my head.
00:33:57.279 --> 00:33:57.680
Yes.
00:33:57.920 --> 00:33:59.119
I, oh my gosh.
00:33:59.200 --> 00:34:02.240
I now I'm like, okay, well, what's the worst case scenario?
00:34:02.400 --> 00:34:03.759
Okay, so they hate me today.
00:34:03.920 --> 00:34:07.680
Uh, well, if I go under the assumption, they haven't talked to me about this.
00:34:08.000 --> 00:34:11.280
So I'm assuming like they haven't brought it up.
00:34:11.440 --> 00:34:14.159
They haven't brought up a situation where they are angry at me.
00:34:14.320 --> 00:34:21.280
I'm just gonna go under the assumption now that they aren't or they don't hate me, and then push through with that instead.
00:34:21.440 --> 00:34:24.559
And nine times out of ten, I would say like they actually weren't.
00:34:24.719 --> 00:34:27.599
They were probably consumed by something else going on in their life.
00:34:27.840 --> 00:34:32.880
And it's just it's a complete, it's that narrative in your head that's just really loud.
00:34:32.960 --> 00:34:36.719
It's like, okay, realistically, what could this actually look like?
00:34:37.039 --> 00:34:37.760
Yes.
00:34:38.239 --> 00:34:38.639
Yes.
00:34:38.880 --> 00:34:45.360
And I just feel like with enough experience, like if you look at things that have happened, eventually learn it, right?
00:34:45.519 --> 00:35:00.159
Because I remember my first job after dance, I worked for um Smart City Apartment Locating, and it was like my first week, and I was sitting in my car and I was getting ready to go to lunch, and I we had to parallel park, which I'm terrible at.
00:35:03.360 --> 00:35:05.599
Like barely tapped the car behind me.
00:35:06.079 --> 00:35:12.079
And I sat in my car for I'm gonna say, I don't know, 30 to 45 minutes, panicking.
00:35:12.320 --> 00:35:13.039
What do I do?
00:35:13.199 --> 00:35:18.400
Do I go in and do I say, oh my God, I tapped someone's car, like whose car is it?
00:35:18.480 --> 00:35:21.599
Because I just started this job and I was like, everyone's gonna think I'm an idiot.
00:35:22.880 --> 00:35:23.199
Yep.
00:35:23.440 --> 00:35:24.880
And so finally I did it.
00:35:24.960 --> 00:35:31.440
I go inside after all this time, like debating and being like, oh my God, well, you can't just drive off because that's terrible.
00:35:31.679 --> 00:35:40.880
And I go in and the person comes out whose car it was and looks at it and sees the scratch that I saw that I thought I caused, and they were like, oh, that's been there for two years.
00:35:40.960 --> 00:35:41.440
Don't worry about it.
00:35:41.519 --> 00:35:41.920
You didn't know.
00:35:43.519 --> 00:35:55.679
God, I wasted at least 30 minutes of that work day totally just in fear, paralyzed, thinking that everybody would hate me when nothing was even wrong.
00:35:55.920 --> 00:35:57.760
Like, literally nothing happened.
00:35:57.920 --> 00:35:59.119
I didn't, you know what I mean?
00:35:59.199 --> 00:36:02.480
I should have just walked in and say, like, hey, can someone look at their car?
00:36:02.639 --> 00:36:03.039
Right.
00:36:03.199 --> 00:36:07.199
Um, but instead, I I wasted all of this time.
00:36:07.360 --> 00:36:14.159
And so I just, there's lots of little experiences like that that have happened that are just like, Melissa, stop being so scared of other people.
00:36:14.239 --> 00:36:14.800
You know what I mean?
00:36:14.880 --> 00:36:15.519
Yeah, it's like eating.
00:36:15.840 --> 00:36:16.480
They're human too.
00:36:16.800 --> 00:36:17.280
Yeah.
00:36:17.599 --> 00:36:24.079
Through these experiences, what have you decided to bring to your dance classes based on those?
00:36:24.400 --> 00:36:26.639
Oh my gosh, that's a really good question.
00:36:26.960 --> 00:36:32.480
So I think I have a unique story in the way.
00:36:32.719 --> 00:36:37.199
I guess not really story, background is more kind of what I'm trying to explain.
00:36:37.519 --> 00:36:49.519
Um, coming from someone who experienced a lot of fear and cared way too much about what people thought of me and wasted a lot of time in my head about that stuff.
00:36:49.760 --> 00:36:52.800
Um, and I saw how it affected my dancing.
00:36:53.199 --> 00:36:58.639
Um, like I am a much better dancer now than when I was on any of those teams.
00:36:58.719 --> 00:37:08.960
You know, I was I was great, I was a great dancer, but I would let my fear of messing up or what other people thought really affect my performance.
00:37:09.039 --> 00:37:15.039
Um, and so I have a very easy way of recognizing when other people are in fear, right?
00:37:15.119 --> 00:37:19.760
And like I can see it all over a dancer's face when they're in fear, um, even if they're faking it.
00:37:19.840 --> 00:37:21.519
I'm like, I know, girl, you're terrified.
00:37:21.679 --> 00:37:33.199
So I think I bring that, like I think it's a really great background to actually have because I can empathize with that and I can go, okay, stop the class, let's all chill out for a second.
00:37:33.360 --> 00:37:35.119
Y'all are I can feel the energy in here.
00:37:35.280 --> 00:37:42.159
Y'all are all getting in your head, which is really gonna separate you from any type of fun experience, you know.
00:37:42.320 --> 00:37:53.519
If you're worried the whole time about one movement that you keep messing up, like there's always a certain for every dancer, there's always one part of the combo that like your brain just doesn't gel with.
00:37:54.000 --> 00:37:59.920
Um I really encourage people, once you find that part of the combination, take it out and do something else.
00:38:00.239 --> 00:38:07.599
You know, try it four or five times and you are just like, you know, blanking out when you come to that section every time.
00:38:07.760 --> 00:38:10.480
Do something different and then catch back on with us when we're done.
00:38:10.639 --> 00:38:17.199
You know, and I welcome that and I really spotlight people who do that because that's what I want people to do.
00:38:17.280 --> 00:38:19.519
You know, my class is not an audition.
00:38:19.679 --> 00:38:24.639
I'm not judging people is doing my choreography the best.
00:38:24.880 --> 00:38:34.239
I'm not judging is a harsh word, but like I'm looking at my students and going, okay, who is bringing like their own individual style to it?
00:38:34.400 --> 00:38:38.880
Who's being a smart dancer, who is going, okay, this isn't working in my body.
00:38:39.039 --> 00:38:42.400
It might work great in Melissa's body, but in mine it feels awkward.
00:38:42.480 --> 00:38:43.920
So I'm gonna do this other thing.
00:38:44.079 --> 00:38:46.880
And I really appreciate when people do that.
00:38:47.039 --> 00:38:51.360
And so that's what I spotlight in class rather than like who did my choreography the best?
00:38:51.519 --> 00:38:51.920
You know?
00:38:52.079 --> 00:38:53.199
Um It's true though.
00:38:53.360 --> 00:38:58.400
You um, I remember the first class I went to, you highlighted uh Meredith.
00:38:58.960 --> 00:39:14.639
And she's uh she was a I worked with her, and so I knew who she was, and you split people up into groups so that there's plenty, there's more space, but it also gives each person a chance to see the other group, see what other people are doing.
00:39:14.719 --> 00:39:21.039
But you highlighted her because you were like, my eyes were drawn to her because of the energy she brought.
00:39:21.199 --> 00:39:24.880
And you were like, she didn't do all the choreography 100% correct.
00:39:25.039 --> 00:39:28.320
That wasn't it, but she looked like she was enjoying herself.
00:39:28.559 --> 00:39:35.519
And I thought that was an interesting point to bring up, especially during a dance class, because I'm like, I didn't get the choreography right.
00:39:35.599 --> 00:39:37.280
This person in front of me better.
00:39:37.519 --> 00:39:40.000
And then after that, I was like, well, screw this.
00:39:40.159 --> 00:39:42.719
I'm just gonna do what makes me feel good.
00:39:42.960 --> 00:39:48.159
And it was so much more fun, yes, and that's like the point, right?
00:39:48.320 --> 00:39:48.480
Yeah.
00:39:48.639 --> 00:39:51.440
And I always remind my students of that every single class.
00:39:51.519 --> 00:39:54.159
I'm always like, okay, why did you come here?
00:39:54.320 --> 00:40:04.960
Did you come here to do the choreography perfect, or did you come here to learn some dance, get a good workout, have a ton of fun, and then maybe get a cute video for Instagram?
00:40:05.199 --> 00:40:11.840
And I'm like, spoiler alert, unless you're dancing next to somebody in your Instagram video, like no one's gonna know.
00:40:12.000 --> 00:40:12.480
Yeah.
00:40:12.880 --> 00:40:15.519
You're doing it differently than the way I taught it.
00:40:15.599 --> 00:40:16.159
You know what I mean?
00:40:16.239 --> 00:40:25.280
So I'm like, I really love it when people make my choreography their own and maybe add different styles to it or, you know, do their own thing.
00:40:25.360 --> 00:40:30.880
That's what I want to see, you know, is like creativity and self-exploration and competence.
00:40:31.039 --> 00:40:39.280
You know, I would much rather see somebody do everything wrong, but be really confident and having fun than see somebody that's perfect, you know.
00:40:39.599 --> 00:40:41.440
So yeah, that's totally the way I approach it.
00:40:41.599 --> 00:40:44.320
I'm glad that that's your that was your experience.
00:40:44.480 --> 00:40:45.599
Cause yeah.
00:40:45.760 --> 00:40:57.920
Well, and just to give everyone in the audience an example, the uh team that I was on that uh Melissa did a team builder with, there was a very wide range of people.
00:40:58.159 --> 00:41:11.119
We had everything from a pro dancer to a not like an older gentleman, like being 60s, 70s, I'm not gonna guess his age.
00:41:11.360 --> 00:41:17.599
But Melissa brought the energy to the point where like everyone was bringing their best selves.
00:41:17.840 --> 00:41:27.199
So it was so much fun because everyone was like, Well, whatever, I'm just gonna go ahead and do this and embrace whatever dance this is.
00:41:27.519 --> 00:41:30.639
And everyone, honestly, everyone did really well.
00:41:30.880 --> 00:41:32.320
I wasn't everyone killed.
00:41:32.639 --> 00:41:36.079
That was like one of the most fun privates I've ever done.
00:41:36.320 --> 00:41:37.840
Like that was the last.
00:41:38.559 --> 00:41:41.039
I think that was my favorite team builder that I've ever done.
00:41:41.440 --> 00:41:44.320
And we I so this is just a fun fact.
00:41:44.400 --> 00:41:52.239
We actually did it at our holiday party, and it was like everyone's like, you guys need to do the dance, you guys need to do the dance, and we're like, well, okay.
00:41:52.400 --> 00:41:54.000
And we did it twice.
00:41:54.159 --> 00:42:00.079
We did it twice because the first time nobody was filming, and they're like, Well, you guys gotta do it again to film it for proof.
00:42:00.400 --> 00:42:02.800
So it was just so much fun.
00:42:03.119 --> 00:42:11.679
With this, what advice would you give to others to bring that energy or that mentality to their day-to-day life?
00:42:11.920 --> 00:42:18.079
Okay, okay, so this is actually funny because it's something that I say in class all the time.
00:42:18.159 --> 00:42:23.679
And it's also something I just recorded like on our tips video for the vibe platform.
00:42:24.159 --> 00:42:26.800
I have this thing, it's called a mantra.
00:42:27.039 --> 00:42:27.360
Okay.
00:42:27.760 --> 00:42:39.920
So right when you're about to perform, what people often do, so when we do my when I say when you're about to perform, I mean like if we're in class and we're going to small groups and you're performing for the other people in the class, right?
00:42:40.480 --> 00:42:49.760
What so many people do is when the music comes on and you're waiting for the cue, is in your head, you'll go like, oh God, oh god, oh god, oh god, here we go.
00:42:50.639 --> 00:42:52.880
I don't know, oh my gosh, like what's the first move?
00:42:53.440 --> 00:42:54.880
Like you start to panic, right?
00:42:55.039 --> 00:42:55.440
Yeah.
00:42:55.599 --> 00:42:57.840
Um, because other people are watching you.
00:42:58.159 --> 00:43:12.320
And what I tell people is that eight count or whatever, 10 seconds before the music comes on is the most key way to set yourself up for success or failure.
00:43:12.960 --> 00:43:13.280
Right.
00:43:13.519 --> 00:43:16.320
So I tell everybody in class, pick a mantra.
00:43:16.559 --> 00:43:19.119
So my mantra is I'm a bad B.
00:43:19.360 --> 00:43:19.679
Okay.
00:43:20.000 --> 00:43:21.519
That's what I always tell myself.
00:43:21.599 --> 00:43:29.360
Um, but you can say something like, I am, even if it sounds ridiculous and you're like, this might not be true, I'm the best dancer in the room.
00:43:29.519 --> 00:43:34.800
I'm, you know, confident, I'm sexy, I'm whatever, I'm, you know, whatever it is, right?
00:43:34.960 --> 00:43:36.960
I just tell everybody pick something to tell yourself.
00:43:37.039 --> 00:43:39.920
And that is the only thing in your brain before you start dancing.
00:43:40.079 --> 00:43:40.320
Okay.
00:43:40.559 --> 00:43:50.559
And so what I tell people at the end of class is I say, and it's funny because you watch everybody just transform after they their mantra, and that's what they're telling themselves, right?
00:43:50.719 --> 00:44:02.639
Um, because if we're telling ourselves negative things all the time, even if it's just fear, even if it's just like, ah, oh my God, I don't know it, like that, like, then how How are you expecting to get it right?
00:44:02.960 --> 00:44:03.679
You know what I mean?
00:44:03.760 --> 00:44:04.800
To do what you want to do.
00:44:05.039 --> 00:44:10.960
So my perspective on it is if you can't cheer yourself on, like why would anybody else cheer you on?
00:44:11.599 --> 00:44:16.800
I tell everyone at the end of class, I'm like, take this mantra with you for the rest of the week.
00:44:16.960 --> 00:44:35.920
Like, so until I see you again, whether it's a presentation at work, whether it's, you know, a big meeting, or you know, you're making a sales pitch, or you're talking to your parents about something, or your friends, like whatever it is, um, when you start to feel uneasy, tell yourself that mantra, right?
00:44:36.159 --> 00:44:38.239
Over and over and over and over and over.
00:44:38.320 --> 00:44:42.159
So anytime a negative thought enters your brain, you're combating that with something positive.
00:44:42.320 --> 00:44:45.519
And eventually it's gonna be just like more positive stuff, right?
00:44:46.079 --> 00:44:50.239
Um, so that's really like the biggest piece of advice that I tell people.
00:44:50.400 --> 00:44:52.800
And I I think people do it.
00:44:53.440 --> 00:44:54.320
I hope they do.
00:44:54.400 --> 00:44:57.679
I've gotten a couple of tags that's like, this is my mantra for the day.
00:44:58.079 --> 00:45:07.599
Um, so that's like really my biggest piece of advice because I come off really confident, but it's only after years of practicing that, right?
00:45:07.840 --> 00:45:12.880
Like I was, I mean, even when I said yes to like my dance class, I was not confident.
00:45:12.960 --> 00:45:14.719
I was like, no one's gonna come to this.
00:45:15.360 --> 00:45:20.480
Um and so I mean, and that was I think 2018, maybe.
00:45:21.119 --> 00:45:28.239
So it's really been the past couple of years, like of just constant telling myself, like, you got this, you can do it.
00:45:28.320 --> 00:45:32.079
And when that doubt starts to creep in, be like, no, you're a bad bitch, Melissa.
00:45:32.800 --> 00:45:34.800
Yeah, it's I I love that.
00:45:34.960 --> 00:45:35.679
That's great.
00:45:35.760 --> 00:45:37.119
And that's a great mantra.
00:45:37.360 --> 00:45:39.360
And I like how simple it is.
00:45:39.519 --> 00:45:45.360
Like, it's not a complicated situation or methodology to apply.
00:45:45.440 --> 00:45:53.840
It's literally come up with a mantra, say to yourself when you're feeling unsure, uneasy, whatever it is to make yourself confident, and then go for it.
00:45:54.079 --> 00:45:55.199
Yes, 100%.
00:45:55.599 --> 00:45:56.639
Oh my gosh, yes.
00:45:56.800 --> 00:46:00.400
Ah, Melissa, I've had so much fun talking with you.
00:46:00.559 --> 00:46:11.119
Um, this year I've started to end my interviews with asking, what is your, if your reader, if what is your favorite book recommendation for the audience?
00:46:13.360 --> 00:46:18.800
So the reason I'm laughing is because I'm like a big fantasy nerd.
00:46:20.400 --> 00:46:25.440
So, you know, right now I'm reading Star Wars Master and Apprentice.
00:46:25.679 --> 00:46:34.000
So I have no contributions for mental health books or like things that will enrich your day-to-day life.
00:46:34.800 --> 00:46:37.119
I think Star Wars could enrich a day-to-day life.
00:46:37.280 --> 00:46:38.320
You never know.
00:46:38.559 --> 00:46:40.320
I mean, especially right now with the world.
00:46:40.400 --> 00:46:42.000
I'm like, everybody needs a little escape.
00:46:42.159 --> 00:46:44.719
So um, that's what I'm reading right now.
00:46:44.880 --> 00:46:52.800
But if you're looking for um kind of a way to change the way you look at things, like especially with what we were talking about earlier, fear, resentment, ego.
00:46:52.960 --> 00:46:57.199
Um, Eckhart Tolie a New Life is a really good book.
00:46:57.280 --> 00:46:59.760
Um, and there's an audio book and a podcast for it too.
00:46:59.840 --> 00:47:00.960
So that's where I would start.
00:47:01.119 --> 00:47:01.360
Okay.
00:47:01.599 --> 00:47:01.840
Great.
00:47:01.920 --> 00:47:03.119
I love Eckhart Tolle.
00:47:03.280 --> 00:47:03.840
He's awesome.
00:47:04.159 --> 00:47:04.639
So good.
00:47:04.880 --> 00:47:06.000
Yeah, so good.
00:47:06.159 --> 00:47:08.800
Well, again, it was so much fun having you on.
00:47:08.880 --> 00:47:10.000
I loved our conversation.
00:47:10.079 --> 00:47:11.280
It was so applicable.
00:47:11.440 --> 00:47:14.639
And I can't wait to go to your dance classes in person.
00:47:14.800 --> 00:47:18.400
But until then, I will plan on doing some virtually.
00:47:18.559 --> 00:47:19.599
I'm so excited.
00:47:20.320 --> 00:47:20.559
Good.
00:47:20.719 --> 00:47:22.559
Oh my gosh, thank you so much for having me.
00:47:22.719 --> 00:47:24.159
This has been a Bolarist.
00:47:25.039 --> 00:47:27.760
Thanks for listening to another episode of Lead Into It.
00:47:28.079 --> 00:47:34.480
If you enjoyed this episode, it would mean a lot to me if you would leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to help future listeners.
00:47:34.719 --> 00:47:40.480
If you want to learn more about the podcast or me, go to leadintoit.co, that's leadintoit.co.
00:47:41.199 --> 00:47:42.320
Thanks again.
