Becoming HER Again: Hiding & Strength

Lashay Johnson: Life and I have been on a journey. Let me tell you, I've been on a journey. I wrote the first Devo released in March, hiding in Fear. Then I did trauma and pain. Then I did healing and restoration. I'm working on insecurity and fear. Hopefully that'll be out in September. And then we will end 2026 with living the Zoe. So we headed somewhere, ladies. We are headed somewhere. So tonight I want to talk about hiding behind strength. And it's Coming from the first Devo that I wrote, Hiding in Fear. And I want to specifically kind of surround us around Hagar. Some of us may be familiar with Hagar's story. One of the things I can tell you is that she survived. This woman kept showing up. She was carrying all kind of stuff. Listen, strength became the hiding place. Let's let's just say that. Strength became the hiding place. So tonight I want to open us up. And once again, look. Once again, Tony, I don't have my glasses. So I want to read ⁓ Genesis chapter 16, verses 7 through 13 to us. Okay. So it says, The angel of the Lord found Hagar near a spring in the desert. It was the spring that is beside the road to Shur. And and and he said, Hagar, slave of Sarai, where have you come from and where are you going? I'm running away from my mistress, Sarai, she answered. Then the angel of the Lord told her, Go back to your mistress and submit to her. Then the angel added, I will increase your descendants so much that they will be too numerous to count. Verse 11. The angel of the Lord also said to her, You are now pregnant, and you will give birth to a son. You shall name him Ishmael, for the Lord has heard of your misery. Verse 12. He will be a wild donkey of a man. His hand will be against everyone, and everyone's hand against him, and he will live in hostility toward all his brothers. She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her. You are the God who sees me. For she said, I have now seen the one who sees me. That is why the well was called Bear La Rock. Berlaha Roy El Roy is still there between Kadesh and Bereed. So Hagar bore Abram a son, and Abram gave the name Ishmael to the son she had born. Abram was 86 years old when Hagar gave birth. Lord have mercy. I read more than I was supposed to. I was only supposed to go to 13, but it had done got good to me, Chelsea. So I just kept on, I just kept on reading. So tonight. I am sharing just encouragement. This is not preaching, teaching, Bible study. This is just me opening my Bible, real life meeting God's word, the real word of God. So the angel of the Lord found Hagar and then he asked two questions. The first question he asked Hagar was Where are you coming from? Where are you coming from? And where are you going? Where you going? Where you going, child? You out here, out here in this hot. Hot wilderness, where is you going? And I've been thinking about this this week because most of us, I just believe we do not hide behind weakness. We are hiding actually behind our strengths. Because people will see us and they'd be like, You're so strong. They have an idea of what you're carrying. You're so reliable. You're so capable. You're so independent. I see how your children, you know, ⁓ behave and how they graduate from school and they go off to college and they're so well behaved. And they see all of this faithfulness. But what if the very thing that people are praising is the very thing that we have learned to hide? And so for me, here's what I know. Let me just take a breath. I know it has been me because people have seen me as strong. People have seen me as reliable. People have seen me as capable. And people have certainly seen me as independent. I am a mama of two. My daughter is 37. My son is 20. It's been me and them. Yes, I've had some other help, but for the most part, it's been me. Okay. So when they look at the fruit of my children, they would. They would naturally want to say, you're so strong, you're so capable, you're so independent. And for me, I think that I've learned to hide behind that so much so that people would not even know when I was actually in need. Okay. Here it is. Strength can become a mask when it keeps us from being honest about what hurts. Let me say that again. I don't know who this is for. Strength can become a mask when it keeps us from being honest. About what hurts. And that is why for me, I am in a space where I'm giving language to my pain. So it started off with the fear of rejection, but a lot of other things have come up since then. So the first thing that I want to encourage and share with you all tonight is that strong women, we still bleed. Somebody put that in the chat. Strong women still bleed. Genesis 16, you see Hagar, she's moving. She's leaving. She's surviving. She's doing what needs to be done. But eventually, what happens? What happens eventually? Come on. What happens eventually? Eventually, she ran. Ran out to that hot desert. Not because she was weak. She was wounded. She ran because she was wounded. And what I've noticed is that something in my own life, because I'm paying my life forward, okay? Let's be clear. I ain't talking about. Talking about none of y'all perfect people in this chat. I'm talking about me. I've noticed that something in my own life that people say, Lachey, you're so strong. And while I do appreciate that encouragement of people helping me to see all of what I carry and all of what I do, sometimes my strength has become the same reason I did not ask for help. You get that? Because now you're calling me strong, and I'm gonna turn around, I'm gonna ask for help. Okay, y'all pay attention. Strength became the reason I smiled when I was actually hurting. Okay? Because someone done told me that I was strong, that I was capable, that I was independent. Strength became the reason I kept serving and doing all the things quietly carrying more than what I was supposed to carry and things that God never intended for me to carry. Okay. I hope y'all hope you get what I'm putting down. Just because You or I have learned to carry it. It does not mean that God wants us to keep carrying it. And just because we have smiled through our pain and our hurt, he's saying, Daughter, I already know. Think about the question that I asked when we got here. I said, Tell me how you're arriving tonight. Peaceful, excited. And I said, Guess who already know? God. He already knows that you live in New Jersey and Texas and North Carolina. And he already knows. He already knows how you're arriving. So we're not hiding anything from him. The second thing that happens here, God didn't meet Hagar at her best. Okay. He met her in the wilderness. She was alone. She was pregnant. She was hot. She was tired. She was feeling rejected. She was feeling confused. Cause she, like, first of all, I didn't even ask for this. Y'all conjured this whole thing up. God had done promised Abram and Sarai, Abraham and Sarah, a baby. But they had their own ideas. Another time, another conversation. Hagar was like, I'm the maid servant. I was minding my business, doing my job, and y'all brought me into this. So she's confused. I want you to notice this, okay? I want you to notice that God didn't begin with correcting her. He began when he found her. Okay. I'm just wondering how many women. Tonight, who are watching, you're feeling exhausted, but you don't want nobody to know. You just, you know, holding it all together. And it's not because there's something wrong with that. You actually carry a lot, right? You carry a lot. And because of that, people still depend on you to show up. They still depend on you to lead. They still depend on you to serve. They still depend on you to be dependable. They still They just like, baby, don't disappear on us because we are relying on you right now. But they have no idea that you are holding on with dental flaws. Okay. Here it is. God will always meet the woman beneath the strength. Why? Because he already knows that you're weak. Okay, I went too far. Let me see. Let me see. Let me let me let me let me come back. I'm sorry. Let me calm down. See, I'm talking to myself, y'all. Y'all just eavesdropping on on my own situation. Okay. Here's the third thing. God's first question wasn't why. It was where. Where have you come from? And where are you going? God invited Hagar to reflect. To slow down, to check in on her soul, exactly what we're doing right now. He did not come to shame her. That's not what he did. He didn't come to shame her. He said, Where are you going? Where are you headed to? What's going on? Where are you going? Where where are you meeting? Where you go? Honey, it's hot out here. Who you been trying to be? And where is God leading you? Right now. Where is God leading you right now? I know some I know this is resonating with somebody right now. Because for me, the waking up series that I'm doing for 30 days is God inviting me to pay attention to the one life that He has given me. And it is time for me to be honest about where I am, because He already knows and He's big enough to get me to where He's already predetermined from the foundations of this world. So healing begins when we stop performing long enough to answer God's questions honestly. And we've been talking about that for the last several weeks. When he's at, he's not condemning, he's not shaming. He's saying, Hey, where are you? Where are you going? What's going on? Come talk to me. I'm your dad. I love you. Okay. Number four. Hagar gives God a new name, El Roe, the God who sees. I want you to think about it because there's one woman in this, in this, in this chat right now that has felt invisible and possibly feels invisible right now. I'm gonna say it again. Hagar gave God a name, El Roe, the God that sees. And there is a woman right now who has felt invisible or who is currently feeling invisible right now. But I want you to know that tonight, God is the God who sees. He sees you. He sees exactly where you are. He knows the condition that you are in. He is not caught by surprise by any of it. You are his daughter. So again, I'm talking about me. There have been seasons where I have been physically in the spaces, but have felt unseen or even possibly overlooked. But God, God is the God that sees. God is the one that knows that I made the choices that I made that got me here. I'm not giving credit to the devil tonight. I consciously made choices that have brought me to the financial situation that I am in right now. I'm going to own that, but God sees me. God still loves me. God still has a plan to prosper and not to harm me. God will give me strategy and God will allow me to still have joy in the middle of what I chose. Why? Because that's who he is. I'm sorry. I don't know how y'all see him. Even when I make the choices, because he says choose, we get free will. He still cares and provides for me. God doesn't love the version that I'm holding on to. He doesn't love the version of my poor choices. He loves Genesis 1 and 2 daughter from the beginning. That's the daughter. That's the daughter that he loves. Okay? He loves everything about me and he loves everything about you. And when you get that, you can go for the walk. You can go get the vitamin D. You can go to the bookstore. You can go walk by the beach. You can go and listen to the jazz music, even in the middle of the stuff that you're going through, because God. Is the God that sees. So the last thing that I'll share with you is that strength isn't the goal, wholeness is the goal. And sometimes we think healing means becoming stronger. But I just want to I want to challenge you. Maybe healing for for us, for one, maybe for me only, is to be honest. Maybe that's where where the healing will actually take place. Because I'm learning something. I want you to hear this. Kaylin, get ready to type this in the chat, Kaylin. I'm learning that the strongest woman in the room isn't always the healthiest woman in the room. Lauren, clap it up. The strongest woman in the room isn't always the healthiest woman in the room. The healthiest woman in the room, she knows how to ask for help. One more time, until you get it. The strongest woman in the room is not always the healthiest one in the room. The healthiest one in the room knows how to ask for help. Healing isn't pretending you're strong. It's trusting that God is enough with your honesty. ⁓ God, I feel strength rising. I feel strength rising. I feel it rising. Healing isn't. Pretending you're strong. It's trusting that God is enough to be honest. So whatever this week is, God isn't asking you to be stronger. What if he's just asking you to finally, finally stop hiding behind your strength? What if, what if that's what if that's what he's really asking? And so right now we we're getting ready to go little bit over, Lauren. Don't get me, we're going a little bit over. Because tonight, before we leave, I want to. Push and challenge us to be more reflective because that's what I feel like this community is bringing is an opportunity one to know you are not alone, you're not in it by yourself. And I don't want to rush past this. Okay. So again, here we are with the remember, release, restore, and rise. I'm using those four R's to talk us through. Where have you been relying on your own strength more? Than God's. This is what this is what he's inviting us to remember. So you share to the level of your comfort. Where have you been relying on your own strength? Because again, for me, Hagar kept walking because survival was all she knew. But God met her right before she collapsed. Take a moment of silence. Take a moment of silence. Will we please? Here's the next one. Restore. What part of your heart needs God's gentleness? I'm sorry. What burden have you been carrying because everyone thinks that you are strong? What burden are you carrying because Because everyone thinks you're strong. It makes me think of Matthew 11, 28 through 30. Come unto me, all who are burdened and heavy laden, and I, I, not not the other stuff, I, God, will give you rest, restore you. Release the things that he said they were never meant for you to carry. And then the restore part of it is what part of your heart needs God's gentleness tonight? Come on, be kind to yourself. Cause only you and God really know what you're what you're going through and and how you're really arriving. I said this the other day. I said, be careful ⁓ looking at people's ⁓ the the highlights of people's reels. People show you what they want you to see. Okay. We're not we're not crazy. Everybody got something. Everybody got something. Okay. Here it is. How do we rise? What would it look like to choose honesty? instead of performance this week. What would that look like? What would it look like to just show up honestly? What would it look like? Because here it is. If you had to do a journal prompt tonight or tomorrow morning, I would say, finish this sentence. I've been pretending you fill it into the level of your comfort. Okay. I've been pretending. And what I really need is what you what you really need. What do you really need? And if you're comfortable, if you are comfortable, share one word. I see some people putting things in the chat now. Fear. If you're really comfortable, share one word in the chat. Not your whole story, but just one word that describes what God is inviting you to release. What is He inviting you to release? I saw I saw somebody put fear already. Is it shame? Is it loneliness? Are you disappointed in yourself? Are you beating yourself up? I don't know. I don't know what it is. But I'm gonna pray for us right here. This is our prayer. I wrote it down. Father, thank you for meeting us like you met Hagar. Not after we have it all together, but right here in this moment, we say thank you. Thank you for seeing the woman beneath the smile. Thank you for seeing the woman beneath the strength. Thank you for seeing the woman beneath the responsibility, the title, and the expectations. Because tonight, God, we are laying down what you have not ever wanted us to carry. Not to carry alone, God. Not with you. Teach us, Lord. Teach us that healing begins when we are honest. Thank you. We thank you that Hagar, she gave you a name, and we know that you are El Roy. You are the God that sees us. And we are so grateful that you see us. It's in Jesus' name. Amen. All right, ladies. Listen, I want you to remember this week. When you go into this week, you don't have to prove you're strong. To be deeply loved by God. He already sees you. He already knows you. He already knows that he's asking you, come unto me, all who are burdened and heavy laden, give it to him. And here it is. I know I'm talking to one person. It's so easy to say some of this stuff until you are in it and it is being tested. I am with you. You got one person with you right now. I'm with you. I'm in it. I'm going to get off of this and I'm getting ready to have a call for my schoolwork and I'm gonna get ready for my work week. Listen, I don't tomorrow's got its own cares and its own worries. Right now, I need the Lord to give me enough light to step on for today, one day at a time. The children of Israel were in the wilderness. God said he would provide, he would give them manna. He said it, but he also told them don't store it up. But because it was a test, if they would trust him to provide each and every day, they stored up. And they woke up and it was it was ruined. And yet he still provided. It's listen, I'm not crying on here. It's easier said and than done. I know it for one other woman right now. I know I can identify with your pain, with your disappointment, with your frustration. But I'm telling you that he is the God that sees. And he's saying you don't have to be strong, just be honest. Let it let it all come up. Let it all come up, let it come out and let him heal the parts of you that you are trying to do on your own. I met a young lady yesterday, young girl, looking for friendship, looking for community. And I sat and I talked with her long enough to even get an idea of what she was going through. She had just broken up three years ago. She has yet to begin to let her heart break. And it wasn't until I said to her, How are you showing up for your daughter? She just broke. Because everything in her wants to do and be the model for her daughter, but her heart is aching from a breakup that we all have these different experiences where life just does not look the way we thought it would look at this stage of our life. But I'm telling you that God sees us. He is fighting for us. He has a plan to prosper us and to not bring harm to us. We just have to acknowledge what part did you play? Own your part. Welcome him in to heal you one day at a time. Trust the Lord. We say it. Trust in the Lord with all thy heart. Lean not to our own and said in all our ways, ignoring. Listen, honey, until you in it. Until you are in it and facing it. Weeping may endure for a night, but joy will come in the morning. Well, we all heard that preach. When is morning? When is morning? When is morning? Here it is. I'm done. You don't have to be strong enough to be seen. You simply have to be willing to be honest. You do not have to be strong enough to be seen. You simply have to be willing to be honest. And the woman everyone calls strong, she still need a safe place to rest. And God is not impressed by our performance. He is drawn to our honesty. God help us. Help us to be honest.