What If Powerlessness Is Freedom

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Welcome back to Just Your Average Joel podcast.
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We are going to talk about everything your mother said not to talk about in polite company.
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We're going to talk about religion and politics, politics in our religion, religion in our politics.
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And yes, we are going to talk about God.
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And I give you Joel.
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Alright, thank you.
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Welcome back, everybody.
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Glad to glad you're tuning in.
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Last week we talked a lot.
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We've been talking a lot about the history not only in society, but in Alcoholics Anonymous 12-step problem, where they're kind of sucking God out of the whole thing, making it more of a temporal thing.
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It used to be the old thing, is it live or is it memorac?
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I mean we're going back a little ways, but it was about the tape record corner.
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And you they play one and then they say, Was that live or was that memoract?
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It's like, is this really what's going on or is it not?
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You know what I'm saying?
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And and what's going on is there's a a lot of it's uh uh fictitious, it's uh a lot on the outside, it's a lot of religion rather than spirituality, connection, uh relationship, all the things that they talk about in the big book alcohol styles.
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When you get it to 10, 11, 12, people, I don't know how they do this without you know, if you really read it and what it talks about in the transformation, how has that happened?
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Well, in the so we're gonna back it up today.
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A lot of step one stuff, really.
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And I said it my my buddy, which I've known for years, he goes, Some guy was in a program, he's talking about step zero.
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He goes, and we only got 12 steps.
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But really, we have it is it's ground zero.
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Step one, right?
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Step one is it comes about from having like total destruction and and and and and uh so so ground zero.
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Let's say right?
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Ground zero.
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So without that really happening, uh they in the step book it talks about here's where here's a good indication of social engineering.
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They say we tried to raise the bottom.
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And I think it's a step seven in the step book, but they got a 12-step book, and it says we tried to raise the bottom for others, but they can't we, you know, and to save them from all our experience of like, you know, losing houses, car, you know, getting down into the gutter.
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Um, we tried to save them, but they could not make the recognition of hopelessness.
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They had a hard time making that connection.
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Well, of course, because they look around and say, Well, you know, I still got a wife, I still got a life, I still got my pension, you know.
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So they did have a harder time making that connection.
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Well, that also opened us up for a lot of people not quite surrendering.
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So what happened is the program started moving towards those people, and they started we said last week, right, watered down.
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So they started watering down the program.
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So they started kind of fixing fitting the program for their people.
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It's I we were living in a in an area, and I said, Well, they're just gonna build apartments in this neighborhood.
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I said, you know, and I said, because they they look out and look at the demographic.
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So they're just gonna they're not building condos, they're not building, you know, beach, right?
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They got the thing right near the water, they can make it like a you know, uh waterfront property or you know, and and maybe more expensive to bring the area up.
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Oh, let's make it low-income housing.
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They make it low-income housing because that's their dead, that's their demographic.
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So they look out there and they say, okay, this is demographic.
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Well, alcoholics now is do the same thing.
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This is who we got coming in.
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Let's tailor our message to that.
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Which we which I'm just telling you, that's why the recovery rate is where it's at.
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That's what happens, that's it's watered down.
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Um, they used to talk about uh certain political uh uh uh environments of like the Republican Party.
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If we okay, well, if everybody's welcome, relations, uh not pro-life, and we we get rid of all that, well, you're really not the Republican Party anymore.
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You're you're something else.
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Well, that's exactly what they did there.
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Uh big tent, they talk about the big tent.
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Well, sometimes the big tent is uh a lot of people that now you have a lot of people that are truly not conservative.
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Well, we've had several presidents that were not conservative under the, you know, under the Republican banner because they get in because they're kind of like, you know, they've opened it up to everybody.
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And and and and and and then they claim that they're conservative, or they say they're so now people look at that and they say, well, this doesn't work, or or right?
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They got a title of Republican.
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Oh, he's a Republican, look at what he did.
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This well, he really was, you know, he wasn't a conservative, let's put it that way.
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Uh so they've done the same thing in Alcoholics Anonymous, same type of thing.
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They've just made it a certain way, well, the program's uh not working, or this isn't well, of course it's not because it's really not what it started out to be.
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The program isn't the program, the program isn't the program, right?
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Exactly.
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So we're gonna talk about a lot of that.
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And uh step zero, um, you uh I don't know if you want to talk a little bit about your experience prior to alcoholic synonymous or the the struggles, you know, the insanity, you know, you know, the step one is where powerless over alcohol, their lives have become unmanageable.
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That really is talking a lot about insanity because of course in the second step, the very next step, it says, came to believe in a power of greater ourselves could restore us to sanity.
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So step one's a lot about insanity, and step I I'm gonna say step zero, but it truly is, right?
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Step one.
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Well, and that's a lot of people are not coming in surrendered.
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Step one is is surrender.
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A lot of people are coming in, and and I was in and out of the program.
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You know, I came in um young and I thought my problem was drinking, stop drinking, problem solved.
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I didn't know that that I was insane, I didn't know I needed this essential psychic change.
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I I didn't know any of that.
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I thought, you know, drinking's my problem, stop drinking, problem solved.
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Never, what do they say?
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If you want to hide something from an alcoholic, put it in the big book.
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They'll never look there, you know.
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And they say if you take the steps off the wall, you have off-the-wall sobriety.
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And there's a reason for that because if you look at step one, you said it today.
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I I always say if you're gonna they say the only step we take 100% is step one, but I always say take 100% of the step.
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I think what what happens is a lot of people come in and they are powerless over alcohol, but their life is not unmanageable, they are still managing.
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So if they saw the bottom and they could stop in time, that means that they still had some ability to manage their life.
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And so now if you picked up the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous and you looked in there, it's much deeper than that.
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But I don't think a lot of people go much deeper than looking up at the steps on the wall and and go, oh yeah, and I'm powerless over alcohol.
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And you said it today.
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Now, now most people, real alcoholics coming in, we've got eighth-grade education.
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So what the hell do we know?
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But there's a thing about that that hyphen.
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It says we admitted we were powerless over alcohol.
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There's a hyphen there, and it says that our lives have become it doesn't say and like it's a two-part step.
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You think that that's that it's funny, but I think that we fight about this a lot.
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We fight about this a lot.
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We go back and forth about this one.
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I'm an English major, but I remember a lady in a meeting saying that changes everything.
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This isn't a two-part step.
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It's like if I manage my life, I'm gonna manage it right back to a drink every time.
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So that is a very important piece of the step, not part, it's not a two-part step.
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It's a one-part step, and that's the most important part.
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If you're gonna take this step 100%, take a hundred percent of the step.
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But you don't agree with me too.
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No, it's not really that agree.
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Well, the only thing I think, and this is one thing that I did bring up today with her, we were going back and forth, but I said that our lives were powerless over alcohol, that our lives have become unmanageable.
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Now, if you don't look any further than that, which a lot of people don't get in the book and realize that, you know, you need a higher power, the God, transformation, they they drill down on it for like a long time.
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They drill down on pages and pages and pages why you need God in your life, right?
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In in the big book, Alcohol and Science.
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But what a lot of people look at it, and you'll hear them share it this way.
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They'll be like, you know, when I was drinking, I was a certain way.
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So they believe that their life has become unmanageable because of their drinking.
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Yes.
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So now once they stop drinking, they believe they can manage.
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That's not what we're talking about here.
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I am see, because of the bottom I've had, it helps me in a way.
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And some people will come to that bottom later on, a spiritual bottom.
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So that's what Jen and I are going to be talking more about.
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Not that you pass around and go, these are for people that they're not drinking, but they're running and managing their life.
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Okay, so that'll happen later on for some people.
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Some people want to hang themselves seven, eight years, or ten years or whatever, and they hit a second bottom, uh, the which is the spiritual bottom or the unmanageability of their life.
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They're stone cold sober and they're getting divorced, or you know, all kinds of crazy stuff is happening.
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They're having and they have turmoil in life, they're unhappy, because you can't really produce certain certain uh aspects like happiness, joy, free, you know, be free in all situations.
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That's really impossible at some certain point.
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So the unmanageability, so like you said, it is it is the whole step.
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It's it's I'm powerless or relical, alcohol, and my life is becoming imaginable.
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It almost I almost feel like it should be like my life is gonna be become unmanageable, and it'll never be managed by me.
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You know what I mean?
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But it's it's almost like everybody veers from that.
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Now we're gonna pick a sponsor, we're gonna pick our meetings, we're gonna pay.
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So now they start immediately managing and getting off track immediately where without the whole part of that, like, I'll never manage my life.
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You understand?
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I'm so screwed up that with the even if I'm not drinking, even if I don't have any alcohol in me.
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That's why we laugh about, right?
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We laugh about the people.
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How do you know two alcoholics are dating?
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The U-Hauls, the U-Hauls in the in the in the driveway.
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It's like boom.
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You they do crazy.
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I'm serious.
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Some of the newcomers do some of the crazy shit people wouldn't do drunk.
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Now, these are real alcoholics.
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They're like, they're not drinking, and they're stone cold strengths.
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The next day jumps out in front of the trolley but breaks his arm.
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You know, how crazy.
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And he says, Well, when you look at alcoholism, doesn't it look as crazy as the jaywalker?
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And I say, most of the people in AA look like the Jaywalker.
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You'll watch a newcomer, you're like, oh my God, she's not gonna do that again, is she?
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Sure as shit.
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Without a drink.
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Without a drink.
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So for the real alcoholic, the one that they are um describing in the book, it says the problem centers in their mind.
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So you said my life will never be able to be managed by me.
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Did the problem could you manage it before you picked up a drink?
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Did the did this twisted mind?
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Well, I think it's deeper than that.
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I think everybody needs God, regardless of where you come from.
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I don't power, you know, uh the illusion of power in my life is an illusion, regardless.
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Uh, for for and that's why you'll hear people say, Thank God I'm an alcoholic.
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Okay, the only reason I could thank God that I became an alcoholic is because I was so failing, so messed up, so screwed up that I had to turn to God.
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Some people never really get that, you know, they manage, they do, they click, you know, and they go through their whole life and really never have a spiritual life.
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That's not really listen, this thing is way more exciting than that.
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Your life could be way more exciting than that.
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It's a mirror.
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I mean, I've had experiences, Jen had an experience just recently.
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We talked about that, but I mean, we have experiences that are just like supernatural, man.
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Yeah.
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That don't happen in the world.
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It's like unbelievable.
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And that's all because of the fact that is that I could not manage it.
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I needed help.
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And that's all why I also say I'm a Christian.
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Because I cannot, through self-discipline, uh meditate, any of that stuff, uh uh bring about bring about a psychic change, transformation, vital six.
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How is any of this stuff gonna happen?
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This stuff is supernatural, but you can, however, according to the big book, manufacture your own misery.
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Yes, yes.
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I'm good at that.
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That you can manufacture, but you can't manufacture true joy, peace.
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In in that part that you're talking about on 133, it's in in the big book, it talks about it says, we believe that God wants us to be happy, joyous, and free.
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It's a state of consciousness that we believe that God wants us to be that.
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That's the being, like how to be.
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And then it gets into the responsibility.
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Why are you not like that?
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Because you're magic your own life, because you're running shit, because you're God, you're God, and you think you know better than God.
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Well, it back when I was a kid, what what did I know?
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I mean, it in some ways you're innocent.
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It's like I'm all I'm all like pressure and all this stuff.
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And I come across this thing called alcohol, and it's like the magical.
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It's like, wow.
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I mean, it was so I mean who hates God when you have that.
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It was so like I like who said I'm one of the guys, one of the speakers said it, right?
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He's like, he's like, when it went into my body, boom.
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Like, you know, I'm not so sure that that happens for everybody out there.
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Like my whole world is transformed, right?
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So of course that worked.
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And so, and that was my idea.
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I was going with my idea.
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This my idea worked.
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It was almost like giving me more evidence of something, you know, more power.
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I do this, I get this result, you know.
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So that leads me down to that.
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And that's Carleon when he said that spirita contra spiritum, that there's no um, he doesn't think it's a coincidence that alcohol is called the spirit, and that alcoholics he thinks had on a on a deeper level had a a thirst for God.
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You know, I I was definitely looking for something, and alcohol was a synthetic spiritual experience.
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Before alcohol, you know, I was cutting my arms, I was, you know, uh in and out of institutions, you know, foster care because of my parents, and I had such a sad state, and as soon as I drank, all of a sudden it's like, you know.
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At least I didn't have that.
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Yeah, exactly.
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At least I didn't have that state of consciousness.
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Instead of fucking me, and I'm cutting myself, I'm like fuck you, and um, you know, woo-hoo.
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Exactly.
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It was a uh empowering.
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Empowering.
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Yeah.
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Well, they say we make symbols out of bottles.
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I could live in fantasy land when I was drinking.
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My reality was the the truth of my drinking versus what I thought my drinking was, you know.
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Right.
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They say we're full flight from reality, outright mental defectives in some spot.
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I mean, could not different and differentiate the truth from the false.
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It's like the the alcoholic life being the only normal one.
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You know, I mean, it's like I knew people were driving around, nobody I knew were driving, but I knew my parents drove.
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I mean, you get into such a place, you get so insane and so locked in and so narrow in all your beliefs and everything, you become like your life becomes so small, yeah, and you become so narrow-minded and so so basically imprisoned.
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Imprisoned in your own mind and your own thoughts, and it that's why it's very difficult for the alcoholic to admit until you I guess the truth of step one, the honesty.
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You know, it says sometimes the truth will hurt you, it'll hurt, but it'll set you free.
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Right.
00:15:37.840 --> 00:15:45.360
And that's why the they say in another part of the book, in a sub book, whatever it says, that our whole society has sprung up from this admission of powerlessness.
00:15:45.519 --> 00:15:51.679
That our whole society is the admission of powerlessness empowers us by the by it was almost like when I quit smoking.
00:15:51.759 --> 00:15:58.559
It was like I could until I came to a place that I couldn't got to a place I can't do this, then all of a sudden I could.
00:15:58.639 --> 00:16:00.480
It was because I let the power god it.
00:16:00.799 --> 00:16:02.080
That's when I let the power got it.
00:16:02.159 --> 00:16:05.679
Up in the hotel, then remember, I think Sandy Beach, what does he say about smoking?
00:16:05.759 --> 00:16:13.039
Like he beat himself up about like well, even if I could quit smoking on my own, he said it wouldn't be good because he he quit smoking.
00:16:13.120 --> 00:16:17.679
He he said he was like a drill sergeant in his life, you piece of crap, don't smoke.
00:16:17.840 --> 00:16:19.759
And he quit smoking for a little bit.
00:16:20.000 --> 00:16:26.159
And he was so disgusted by people that he was so arrogant, looking down his nose at everybody smoking.
00:16:26.320 --> 00:16:29.840
He said, even if I could do it, it wouldn't make me a better person.
00:16:29.919 --> 00:16:32.080
It's better if I let God do it and have the.
00:16:32.320 --> 00:16:35.360
That happened to me when I had a few years sober.
00:16:35.679 --> 00:16:40.159
Back in the day, the half the meeting was smoking and half the meeting was non-smoking.
00:16:40.240 --> 00:16:41.279
Tell me how that makes sense.
00:16:41.600 --> 00:16:50.240
But anyway, so I had a couple days off cigarettes, so I mosied over to the non-smoking section and sat there and looked over at the people smoking.
00:16:50.320 --> 00:16:52.159
And I thought, look at you.
00:16:52.320 --> 00:16:55.679
You got 20 years sober and you're smoking, you have no God.
00:16:55.759 --> 00:17:00.960
I was judging everybody how spiritual I was and how I was smoking the next day.
00:17:01.200 --> 00:17:03.600
Well, isn't that exactly what we were talking about?
00:17:03.840 --> 00:17:06.079
Certain men we know what do they do?
00:17:06.160 --> 00:17:07.039
They elevate themselves.
00:17:07.200 --> 00:17:18.880
They're like, they're they're like because because they quit on a non-spiritual basis, they kind of look at you and be like, Yes, we just have the example of that, and they're looking down the the one girl looks at the other girl.
00:17:18.960 --> 00:17:22.400
She's like, You did that after all of that, and you still drank?
00:17:22.559 --> 00:17:24.480
It's like, yeah, she's powerless over alcohol.
00:17:24.640 --> 00:17:25.680
Yeah, she's insane.
00:17:25.759 --> 00:17:27.119
Yes, of course she did that after that.
00:17:27.200 --> 00:17:28.000
She's a real alcohol.
00:17:28.240 --> 00:17:34.160
You're over there looking, uh, it almost gives you a sense of see, it gives you a sense of I'm good.
00:17:34.400 --> 00:17:35.279
Yeah, you're bad.
00:17:35.599 --> 00:17:37.920
I can, I can, you can't, you can't.
00:17:38.319 --> 00:17:40.319
So it goes it it brings about a lot of that.
00:17:40.400 --> 00:17:41.519
It's not a true surrender.
00:17:41.680 --> 00:17:45.839
So step one, I'm just telling you, it sets the stage for your whole recovery.
00:17:45.920 --> 00:17:51.200
Yeah, without step one, you're you know, step one, I'm God, I'm running everything.
00:17:51.279 --> 00:17:52.480
Well, step zero, whatever.
00:17:52.640 --> 00:17:56.880
Step one is the first indication of like the truth bomb, right?
00:17:56.960 --> 00:17:57.759
That really hurts.
00:17:57.920 --> 00:17:59.680
It's like, oh, I'm in so much pain.
00:17:59.920 --> 00:18:04.960
Oh, God, you know, and for me it was like I went right from that, boom, boom, boom, you know, where am I going?
00:18:05.039 --> 00:18:06.480
I'm powerless, I'm hopeless.
00:18:06.640 --> 00:18:10.000
So the the the uh the second step says hope.
00:18:10.160 --> 00:18:13.440
The first steps uh the principles, because there's principles behind each step.
00:18:13.599 --> 00:18:15.920
The first principle and the first step is honesty.
00:18:16.079 --> 00:18:19.759
So the honest, and that's where they come up with a moment of clarity.
00:18:19.920 --> 00:18:25.119
So I think we were talking about this was you know, step zero is kind of the work step.
00:18:25.279 --> 00:18:26.960
Okay, so you're out there struggling.
00:18:27.599 --> 00:18:30.160
Alcohol will beat you into a state of reasonableness.
00:18:30.319 --> 00:18:33.039
John Barleycorn himself is our best advocate.
00:18:33.279 --> 00:18:38.079
So alcohol's doing its job, getting you ready for step one.
00:18:38.319 --> 00:18:38.640
Exactly.
00:18:38.799 --> 00:18:43.119
And so that step, so the surrender step is step one, which is also spiritual experience.
00:18:43.279 --> 00:18:50.000
If you if if you go through the steps, and I'll show you, we're gonna go, you know, step two is kind of a work step, step three is a slide step.
00:18:50.079 --> 00:18:54.160
If you if you go through the big book Alcoholics Anonymous, the third step, there's a spiritual experience in that.
00:18:54.240 --> 00:18:55.359
It's on page 63.
00:18:55.440 --> 00:19:11.039
If you four steps kind of the work step, all the even number steps are are are are work steps, and and the slide step is the conclusion of that step of the surrender into the ego deflation, the surrender into the next step, the surrender between uh so each one's a work step.
00:19:11.200 --> 00:19:16.079
Six step to work step, it's the it's the re it's trying to not do do it yourself or whatever.
00:19:16.319 --> 00:19:23.519
Well, and I remember the feeling of like got step one drops you on the doorstep of step two, step two reinforces step one.
00:19:23.599 --> 00:19:26.240
I remember having that experience as I'm going through it.
00:19:26.480 --> 00:19:27.359
Exactly, exactly.
00:19:27.519 --> 00:19:31.440
So they're that's why they're all connected, that's why they were they roll out a certain way.
00:19:31.599 --> 00:19:38.160
They don't if it if the first step isn't, it's it's like, listen, if the foundation's no good, the whole sobriety's not gonna be any good.
00:19:38.240 --> 00:19:39.839
It's just gonna be a different kind of thing.
00:19:39.920 --> 00:19:46.480
It's not gonna be what they're talking about when they're talking about spiritual experiences, vital sixth sense, speaking enlightenment.
00:19:46.720 --> 00:19:48.480
You're not gonna get dropped off at that door.
00:19:48.559 --> 00:19:50.000
This you're gonna be, you know, right?
00:19:50.079 --> 00:19:58.079
You can't you if I'm heading to New York and that's the destination, and I go I-10, you know, I'm not gonna wind up in California, whatever.
00:19:58.160 --> 00:19:59.119
So from Florida.
00:19:59.200 --> 00:20:02.480
So I'm I'm not gonna wind up in the same place if I don't really take the same path.
00:20:02.559 --> 00:20:06.480
And that path is surrender, that path is admission.
00:20:06.640 --> 00:20:23.440
And they talk about it a lot in more about alcoholism as a chapter, more about that's the third, and it goes through the whole thing, and we tried this and we tried that and all the stuff that it says uh they they said they it says that we must concede to our innermost self that we were alcoholics.
00:20:23.519 --> 00:20:25.599
So this is a head-heart thing.
00:20:25.680 --> 00:20:31.440
It has to go past my head, which is I'm just telling you, is the hardest thing that'll ever happen in some cases, right?
00:20:31.680 --> 00:20:35.200
It says we had to cast lifelong perceptions and ideas aside.
00:20:35.359 --> 00:20:39.440
We had to, and had, and had to, it says we it says also, right?
00:20:39.519 --> 00:20:42.079
It says the result was nil until we let go.
00:20:42.240 --> 00:20:42.880
Absolutely.
00:20:42.960 --> 00:20:45.519
I mean, they they have a lot of things that are very rigid.
00:20:46.000 --> 00:20:47.759
And the result was yeah, nil.
00:20:48.079 --> 00:20:51.359
Not 50%, yeah, not 70%, nil, zero.
00:20:51.599 --> 00:20:54.480
So it's it this is so here we are in alcohol.
00:20:55.119 --> 00:20:58.480
Everybody's welcome, everybody come on in, and then let's keep it soft.
00:20:58.559 --> 00:21:02.960
And that, but that's if if you're gonna get into the program, really want to recover, it's gonna be a little rigid, man.
00:21:03.039 --> 00:21:03.839
It's gonna be have to.
00:21:04.079 --> 00:21:06.000
Yeah, you ain't done shit your whole life.
00:21:06.079 --> 00:21:08.160
You've done exactly what you wanted to do.
00:21:08.319 --> 00:21:10.079
Self-will run right your whole life.
00:21:10.160 --> 00:21:10.559
And now what?
00:21:10.640 --> 00:21:11.759
You're gonna do more self-will?
00:21:11.920 --> 00:21:16.799
You're gonna or you're gonna get in the program and you're gonna admit things, you're gonna must and have-to's.
00:21:16.960 --> 00:21:18.240
It's the have-to's and must.
00:21:18.720 --> 00:21:22.400
So that is the big part of that step one is really saying, okay.
00:21:22.880 --> 00:21:25.440
Okay, but why must they if they don't have to?
00:21:25.599 --> 00:21:32.240
I'm just saying, if people are coming in before they hit bottom and they they can see it and they stop in time.
00:21:32.640 --> 00:21:36.000
Well, yeah, they've created a whole nother program, but yeah, go ahead.
00:21:36.720 --> 00:21:38.960
They've created a whole program within the program.
00:21:39.119 --> 00:21:41.039
Yeah, they've created a whole nother society.
00:21:41.200 --> 00:21:42.079
There's a whole nother society.
00:21:42.480 --> 00:21:52.799
Okay, but it's funny that you said there's like recovery leaves clues, uh, surrender leaves clues, the um transformation leaves clues.
00:21:52.960 --> 00:21:56.400
What they say, many know the lyrics, few know the melody.
00:21:56.480 --> 00:21:58.480
You said is it live or is it memoric?
00:21:58.720 --> 00:21:59.759
So both programs are happening.
00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:08.319
Happening in the same room because we're in a big book study, we're all reading the same book, but we're it's it's wild.
00:22:08.480 --> 00:22:15.599
We're all in the meeting reading the same book, seemingly speaking the same language, but not.
00:22:15.680 --> 00:22:19.920
It's almost like when Jesus said to Nicodemus, You've got to be reborn.
00:22:20.000 --> 00:22:24.319
And Nicodemus said, I gotta go back in my mother's womb and be born again.
00:22:24.559 --> 00:22:34.319
And there's you had an experience with someone in AA, and you said to them, Quit playing God, and it was he had no idea what you were talking about.
00:22:34.480 --> 00:22:39.920
So we are in the same program reading the same book with completely different language.
00:22:40.079 --> 00:22:41.920
They don't understand us.
00:22:42.079 --> 00:22:49.599
We can see clearly they're not having the experience that we've had, but they're not making that recognition.
00:22:49.759 --> 00:22:56.000
They're not making that with the girl who looked down on the other people and said, you know, you drank after that.
00:22:56.079 --> 00:23:00.799
And we all said, You see how here's a whole room full of alcoholics.
00:23:00.960 --> 00:23:04.960
We all understand why she drank again because she's powerless over alcohol.
00:23:05.119 --> 00:23:07.440
You don't understand why she drank again.
00:23:07.759 --> 00:23:09.839
We have two different diseases.
00:23:10.000 --> 00:23:12.400
You you haven't experienced that powerlessness.
00:23:12.640 --> 00:23:13.519
It wasn't a judgment.
00:23:14.400 --> 00:23:15.759
We were just pointing out.
00:23:16.079 --> 00:23:16.880
I don't know about this.
00:23:17.039 --> 00:23:19.759
We we've got different diseases, so one's just not as progressive.
00:23:20.000 --> 00:23:22.000
It hasn't progressed, it hasn't progressed to that point.
00:23:22.319 --> 00:23:26.799
Yes, yes, you know, and so that's why they come in and like they'll have another bottom at seven or ten.
00:23:27.039 --> 00:23:28.720
We have a guy that tells about that all the time.
00:23:28.799 --> 00:23:36.880
He says, I was seven years, and his guy he was working with said, You're the most unspiritual guy I've ever seen at seven years.
00:23:36.960 --> 00:23:39.039
You know, so he he had that experience at that point.
00:23:39.119 --> 00:23:46.720
He was like running his life like a madman, stark raving sober, and at seven years he had that kind of that first step experience.
00:23:46.880 --> 00:23:48.559
So, what was the first step experience for him?
00:23:48.640 --> 00:23:52.480
It was kind of like, I don't know what my ass from a hole in the ground, whatever you want to say.
00:23:52.640 --> 00:23:56.480
I don't know my in the jerk doing shit from my shinola.
00:23:56.559 --> 00:24:00.160
It's like I don't know any and and that opens up so much stuff.
00:24:00.319 --> 00:24:05.039
That opens up everything that I don't know, and I can't run stuff I don't know.
00:24:05.200 --> 00:24:08.880
And my good buddy Pat had a spiritual awakening from that.
00:24:08.960 --> 00:24:12.960
He says, I was sitting in jail, he said, everything I know is wrong.
00:24:13.119 --> 00:24:18.400
He just realized he was wrong about everything, and that kind of was a segue of opening everything up.
00:24:18.720 --> 00:24:20.720
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
00:24:20.880 --> 00:24:46.400
Yeah, and I guess the the the only time you know I have more of a problem with it than you do, probably coming from where I come from with low self-esteem and wanting approval and all of this stuff, and and so sometimes in the meeting when because there's there's there's language that they say to um like I s what I did.
00:24:46.480 --> 00:24:47.839
Uh I'm a perfect example.
00:24:50.480 --> 00:24:55.279
When I sat in the room and looked down my nose at the people smoking, look at you smoking.
00:24:56.559 --> 00:24:58.480
So I am that person.
00:24:58.640 --> 00:25:00.559
That's probably why it bothers me so much.
00:25:00.720 --> 00:25:10.160
Because when they're in the meeting and they're I get upset because I feel like they were picking on the girl that they were saying, and you know, here she is, beaten, downtrodden.
00:25:10.240 --> 00:25:16.400
I work with a lot of the women in the jail, that's who they are, and they experience that in AA.
00:25:16.559 --> 00:25:22.799
A lot of times they go in the meetings and they don't want to speak up because people sitting there, you know.
00:25:22.960 --> 00:25:38.000
I I've done it myself when I've shared my story and I look out at the faces, I can tell by these people they're like, you know, you're you're not gonna drink again, and there I go, you know, daughters in foster care lost my kid.
00:25:38.160 --> 00:25:45.599
I mean, and and they're like looking horrified, and it's like, yes, I I drank again, and it's you know, it's insane.
00:25:46.000 --> 00:25:49.279
Sandy, that's why they have the it's so in the big book too.
00:25:49.359 --> 00:25:57.519
When you get into step one, a lot of it deals with a good portion of the beginning of the book deals with powerlessness, crazy.
00:25:57.680 --> 00:25:59.759
Uh the the Jaywalker's one of the stories.
00:25:59.839 --> 00:26:00.960
They got Fred in the milk.
00:26:01.039 --> 00:26:01.200
Yes.
00:26:01.440 --> 00:26:02.000
They got all these.
00:26:02.240 --> 00:26:09.279
Oh, he thought he figured, you know, if he put a little milk with his drink, and then they but they always tie it back, even with Fred, they tie it back to a spiritual problem.
00:26:09.440 --> 00:26:17.519
They say, you know, this guy, the one guy was he lost his business to a car business, and he was working at the car business that he had lost.
00:26:17.759 --> 00:26:19.839
So I they so they say a little bit about that.
00:26:20.000 --> 00:26:21.200
He was a little frustrated.
00:26:21.359 --> 00:26:23.200
So they talk about the dis-ease.
00:26:23.599 --> 00:26:26.880
Okay, so there was a a a state of consciousness that he had.
00:26:27.039 --> 00:26:30.640
So when he went there, so that spurred the wacky thoughts.
00:26:30.799 --> 00:26:36.880
He didn't have the wacky, you know, he so so if you don't take care of the the consciousness, you're always gonna have those crazy stuff.
00:26:36.960 --> 00:26:38.160
It's always gonna go back to that.
00:26:38.319 --> 00:26:40.160
So they they kind of tie it to that too.
00:26:40.559 --> 00:26:42.160
Because then they're talking about the solution.
00:26:42.240 --> 00:26:47.680
But the the big drill down for many pages in the book are you're the problem.
00:26:48.079 --> 00:26:50.160
You're the problem, you're the crazy one here.
00:26:50.240 --> 00:26:53.920
You're the one that's the problem, you're the one that's making up these stories.
00:26:54.000 --> 00:26:55.359
Uh, and we get more into that.
00:26:55.440 --> 00:27:00.720
So powerless over alcohol, that my life has become unmanageable, managed by me is impossible.
00:27:01.200 --> 00:27:07.920
That's it, because I'm just gonna keep talking about one, because even when that guy was sharing and he's another one, you know, he shared in the meeting.
00:27:08.000 --> 00:27:10.799
Oh, I was sponsoring someone, and he had a craving for drugs.
00:27:10.960 --> 00:27:12.880
I can't sponsor him, I can't relate to that.
00:27:12.960 --> 00:27:14.960
It's like, well, you could if you wanted to.
00:27:15.119 --> 00:27:17.039
It's just like having a craving for a drink.
00:27:17.200 --> 00:27:18.559
He had a craving for a drug.
00:27:18.880 --> 00:27:28.400
So sometimes this superior attitude in AA can stop people from sharing, honestly, getting help.
00:27:28.720 --> 00:27:30.319
I think, but but maybe not.
00:27:30.400 --> 00:27:32.480
Maybe I'm making up a story.
00:27:32.880 --> 00:27:34.240
Maybe, but everybody's powerless.
00:27:34.400 --> 00:27:37.440
I mean, everybody's whether they know it or not, we have the illusion of power.
00:27:37.599 --> 00:27:44.400
You know, we have the and and every day I wake up, the the the weird thing about powerlessness is every day I wake up, there I am again.
00:27:44.559 --> 00:27:47.039
So I immediately am like working against myself.
00:27:47.119 --> 00:27:51.440
That's why this not only am I powerless and unmanageable, I continue to be powerless and unmanageable.
00:27:51.599 --> 00:27:56.240
I don't get management because once I start managing, I immediately go to being God.
00:27:56.400 --> 00:27:59.359
It's like there's no, it's like, what did Adam and Eve want?
00:27:59.440 --> 00:28:10.400
They wanted to live separate from God, they wanted to run their own stuff, and that's my big sin in my life today, to this point, is what my recurring problem is that I want to live separate from God.
00:28:10.559 --> 00:28:11.519
That is my nature.
00:28:11.759 --> 00:28:14.079
My nature, my sinful nature.
00:28:14.240 --> 00:28:16.400
They got they say fear, character defects.
00:28:16.480 --> 00:28:21.119
And in the we were reading the other night, and it was it was something like he says, or sin as you will.
00:28:21.200 --> 00:28:27.279
You know, Bill was writing it, uh, which he was a Christian, but he you know, he put it that in the end because some people once you say sin.
00:28:27.359 --> 00:28:28.319
Well, what does sin do?
00:28:28.400 --> 00:28:29.759
It separates me from God.
00:28:30.079 --> 00:28:32.559
I act out my character defects because of that.
00:28:32.640 --> 00:28:34.160
So that is part of my power.
00:28:34.319 --> 00:28:39.039
My power is that I want to live separate from God, that is my recurring problem.
00:28:39.200 --> 00:28:54.480
And really, the thank God for alcohol and drugs that got me to a place where I was so powerless, so unmanageable, that even me, who was raised in the church, who really was I didn't hate God, but I was like, man, God, there was zero fun in God.
00:28:54.640 --> 00:28:56.960
Let me just tell you, I would rather be dead than God.
00:28:57.119 --> 00:28:59.359
You know, that's how because of my twisted mind.
00:29:00.240 --> 00:29:04.880
Well, and because Church of Christ, you said they knew a lot about the Bible, but there was no spirit.
00:29:05.200 --> 00:29:06.000
It was yeah.
00:29:06.319 --> 00:29:07.680
Well, Sandy Beach tells the thing.
00:29:07.759 --> 00:29:08.880
Yeah with the twisted mind.
00:29:09.119 --> 00:29:10.079
What does he say about his sister?
00:29:10.960 --> 00:29:19.440
And you see Jesus up on the cross, and he thought to himself, if that's what he did to his only begotten son that he loves so much, what's he gonna do to me?
00:29:19.680 --> 00:29:25.920
And his sister looked at the cross and saw re you know, redemption, salvation.
00:29:26.079 --> 00:29:29.920
She so, you know, w what was wrong was his perception of it.
00:29:30.000 --> 00:29:35.279
He didn't see the But the big book talks about the peculiar mental twist.
00:29:35.519 --> 00:29:36.640
And that's the issue.
00:29:36.799 --> 00:29:41.599
We believe that the when the doctor's opinion talks about, and this is all another thing that the he drills down on Dr.
00:29:41.759 --> 00:29:45.759
Spinning, he says that we believe the problem for the alcoholic centers in his mind.
00:29:45.920 --> 00:30:00.480
And he said it would be uh uh arbitrary, it would be uh pointless and ac uh academic and pointless to to talk about the phenomenon of craving if the alcoholic never took the first drink, therefore setting the cycle in motion.
00:30:00.640 --> 00:30:08.880
Therefore, the real problem for the alcoholic centers in their mind rather than their body, because they're never gonna experience the phenomenon of craving unless they take a drink.
00:30:09.119 --> 00:30:15.839
So that's my sponsor said, Jennifer, the most insane thing you've ever done in your life, you did stone cold sober.
00:30:15.920 --> 00:30:20.799
And that's pick up a drink in light of everything that happens to you every time you drink.
00:30:20.960 --> 00:30:21.680
That's crazy.
00:30:21.920 --> 00:30:23.039
And you do that sober.
00:30:23.519 --> 00:30:25.759
Thinking it's gonna be different or think you're gonna get away with it.
00:30:26.000 --> 00:30:26.880
Well, the big one too.
00:30:27.200 --> 00:30:28.000
They're leaving jail.
00:30:28.160 --> 00:30:31.440
I'm just gonna smoke pot, I'm just gonna take pills as needed.
00:30:31.599 --> 00:30:34.400
Who knows how, you know, better how I need them than me.
00:30:35.440 --> 00:30:41.359
They just don't want full surrender, unconditional, unconditional.
00:30:41.839 --> 00:30:42.319
Unconditional.
00:30:42.400 --> 00:30:42.559
Yeah.
00:30:42.799 --> 00:30:43.359
There's always a condition.
00:30:43.680 --> 00:30:50.240
Well, Bill said it in his, you know, to Christ I concede a good man, but he didn't want a God personal to him.
00:30:50.319 --> 00:30:51.599
That's the thing with the alcoholics.
00:30:51.680 --> 00:30:54.559
I don't want anybody telling me what to do, not even God himself.
00:30:54.880 --> 00:30:55.200
Exactly.
00:30:55.519 --> 00:30:55.839
Exactly.
00:30:56.160 --> 00:30:57.119
So I'm gonna run this thing.
00:30:57.279 --> 00:31:04.720
What it what it uh and I've shared this maybe before, but what did uh uh this it was a serial killer, uh Ted Ted Ted Bundy.
00:31:04.880 --> 00:31:06.319
They he was an attorney, whatever.
00:31:06.400 --> 00:31:13.200
He goes, he goes, Who are you gonna who you gonna he was he was practicing law, he wasn't a lawyer yet, and uh he said, uh who you gonna go with?
00:31:13.279 --> 00:31:13.920
Who you gonna go with?
00:31:14.240 --> 00:31:14.880
The judge asked him.
00:31:15.119 --> 00:31:19.440
Oh no, it was the the the media asked him, go with it and say, Who are you gonna go with as your attorney?
00:31:19.599 --> 00:31:21.680
He goes, I'm gonna go with the guy I know.
00:31:21.839 --> 00:31:26.640
And man, I know it's an extreme case of ego, but that's what ego is.
00:31:26.799 --> 00:31:33.279
I'm going with the guy I know, no matter all the evidence of how bad it's been going with Joel.
00:31:33.359 --> 00:31:39.440
Like I said, 23 years old, one pair of pants, walking down the street, be bopping, going, I just made some bad decision.
00:31:39.519 --> 00:31:50.640
I mean, listen, man, you now I have some sanity in my life and some clarity because I've been restored to sanity in some areas and a lot of areas, but uh by looking back at that, I know I was without God's help.
00:31:50.720 --> 00:31:55.839
This was the absolute hundred percent impossibility that I would ever get from there to here.
00:31:56.000 --> 00:31:56.319
Never.
00:31:56.400 --> 00:31:57.759
No, there's no chance.
00:31:57.839 --> 00:32:05.119
Yeah, but I am emotionally involved with myself, so therefore, therefore that leads a problem because that's where the delusion happens.
00:32:05.200 --> 00:32:08.160
I I can go to the first relationship I was in in sobriety.
00:32:08.640 --> 00:32:14.960
I get with this girl, and I could hear sharing in me, and it was in the program, but I could hear her in the meeting, I was like, she's crazy.
00:32:15.119 --> 00:32:19.839
Anyway, so we started getting together, we haven't said all of a sudden I'm like, oh, isn't she lovely?
00:32:20.000 --> 00:32:24.960
So that I'd noticed there's a shift in my emotions because emotionally, emotions would come in.
00:32:25.119 --> 00:32:28.079
All of a sudden, I'm crazy, like I'm seeing her differently.
00:32:28.160 --> 00:32:29.359
I'm even seeing her differently.
00:32:29.599 --> 00:32:30.720
We'd break up, of course.
00:32:30.799 --> 00:32:33.440
You know, sometimes the program, the insanity of the new guy.
00:32:33.680 --> 00:32:34.799
We went together three times.
00:32:34.880 --> 00:32:35.759
I think three or three times.
00:32:36.000 --> 00:32:37.119
Jaywalker sober.
00:32:37.599 --> 00:32:39.119
We did the Jaywalker Sober thing.
00:32:39.279 --> 00:32:44.160
So and even after having a spiritual thing, you know, walking away from God, getting connected into this.
00:32:44.319 --> 00:32:45.359
Then I did it again.
00:32:45.440 --> 00:32:49.519
And I got with her, and I was like, and then we we broke apart, and I'm like, man, she's crazy.
00:32:49.759 --> 00:32:51.359
How did I get for anyway?
00:32:51.599 --> 00:32:55.039
Third time, three times, she comes back, she goes, Well, yeah, you know, I'm wrong.
00:32:55.119 --> 00:32:55.920
But we got together.
00:32:56.000 --> 00:32:57.839
I said, Okay, well, well, yeah, you're right.
00:32:57.920 --> 00:33:00.960
So boom, we go back together, and sure.
00:33:01.519 --> 00:33:05.920
And then after the whole thing was over, I'm like, I she went back to crazy again.
00:33:06.000 --> 00:33:09.519
And then I had to realize who was crazy, who was crazy.
00:33:09.680 --> 00:33:12.400
Every time I went with her, I I would see her different.
00:33:12.640 --> 00:33:16.559
My emotions came involved, and then all of a sudden she would see I would see her differently.
00:33:16.720 --> 00:33:19.200
So this is a lot of part of step one.
00:33:19.359 --> 00:33:21.680
You the emotion uh what's his name?
00:33:21.759 --> 00:33:22.960
Does chalk uh chalk talk?
00:33:23.200 --> 00:33:25.200
Yeah, I over E instead of E over I.
00:33:25.440 --> 00:33:26.400
Alcoholics are big time.
00:33:26.799 --> 00:33:27.839
Emotional E over I.
00:33:28.240 --> 00:33:34.960
We're all about emotions and past up and and and not seeing things clearly and not seeing things honestly.
00:33:35.039 --> 00:33:37.920
And really, what cuts through that more than anything is pain.
00:33:38.079 --> 00:33:46.880
Absolutely, absolute pain, horror, you know, within your soul, where you get to a point where it's like the only tool sharp enough to cut away itself well is pain.
00:33:47.119 --> 00:33:47.680
It's pain.
00:33:47.759 --> 00:33:51.359
And then all of a sudden you're like, well, you know, I'll be a little more reasonable.
00:33:51.519 --> 00:33:59.680
So it's funny, it's funny because a lot of these people when they come in that have the luxury to say, well, they're not gonna believe in a power grader themselves.
00:33:59.839 --> 00:34:05.599
Okay, so when you're telling me, you know, I'm balking on a power grader myself, you haven't really taken step one.
00:34:05.759 --> 00:34:10.239
Because if you take step one, this is what's gonna happen when you really take step one.
00:34:10.400 --> 00:34:11.440
You're hopeless.
00:34:11.599 --> 00:34:11.840
Okay.
00:34:12.480 --> 00:34:17.760
Honestly, with the without God's help, apart from God, you have no hope.
00:34:17.920 --> 00:34:20.960
Okay, that's why the second step says about restoring your sanity.
00:34:21.119 --> 00:34:23.199
And the principle behind the second step is hope.
00:34:23.360 --> 00:34:24.400
Where am I getting my hope?
00:34:24.480 --> 00:34:29.119
It's from a power greater than myself, which segues right into turn my will and my life over to the care of God.
00:34:29.199 --> 00:34:30.320
So this is where we're going with this.
00:34:30.400 --> 00:34:32.800
We're not going away from me immediately.
00:34:32.960 --> 00:34:35.840
This is where a moment of clarity is that spiritual experience.
00:34:35.920 --> 00:34:38.480
I see myself, oh my God, I I need help.
00:34:38.639 --> 00:34:39.760
Oh, I'm hopeless.
00:34:39.920 --> 00:34:42.639
Okay, when you're hopeless, you're not really debating so much.
00:34:42.800 --> 00:34:48.800
When you've been sharing this a lot lately, was on it's on page 10, it's in Bill's story, co-founder of Alcohol Economist.
00:34:49.039 --> 00:34:49.840
Ebbe's talking to me.
00:34:49.920 --> 00:34:51.360
He says, I was interested.
00:34:51.519 --> 00:34:53.920
Of course I was interested, for I was hopeless.
00:34:54.079 --> 00:34:55.199
And that was what Ebby said.
00:34:55.280 --> 00:34:55.360
Yes.
00:34:55.679 --> 00:34:56.639
Remember what he said about Abby?
00:34:57.119 --> 00:35:00.719
You used to be cracked on alcohol, now you're cracked on religion.
00:35:00.880 --> 00:35:01.760
Would I have it?
00:35:01.920 --> 00:35:04.639
Of course I would, because I was hopeless.
00:35:04.880 --> 00:35:19.920
And then the side of the story they never tell is the next morning he went to Calvary Church and they had a calling to give his life to Christ, and he gave his life to Christ, and the next day he went to Towns Hospital and had his hot flash, as he called it, experience.
00:35:20.000 --> 00:35:27.039
But you're you're never gonna hear about that in AA because the one God they don't want you to come to is Jesus.
00:35:27.199 --> 00:35:41.119
I don't know why that in particular is, you know, the even Jim Jim Burwell and Hank Parkhurst, they told Bill you're better off having a psychological program than a religious program.
00:35:41.599 --> 00:35:44.639
And um, it's just yeah, of course.
00:35:44.719 --> 00:35:46.639
It's it's as old as time itself.
00:35:46.880 --> 00:35:48.159
But that's not what happened.
00:35:48.239 --> 00:35:49.760
I mean, it's not what happened to Bill.
00:35:50.000 --> 00:35:51.679
It's it's not what happened to Bill.
00:35:51.760 --> 00:35:54.239
So Well, it's as old as time itself.
00:35:54.400 --> 00:36:05.039
As soon as God put sets something straight, man comes in and sa and tries to manipulate it, make it different, make it apart from God immediately.
00:36:05.199 --> 00:36:08.800
So, I mean, you could call it Satan, you could call it ego, you could call it whatever you want.
00:36:08.960 --> 00:36:14.960
That's what has perpetrated the United States of America, it's perpetrated it humanity.
00:36:15.039 --> 00:36:21.679
And this is what when God created, it's a part in the Bible, he says, and I realize that they their their turn was always toward wicked.
00:36:21.840 --> 00:36:25.599
And what he's talking about, wicked is being by themselves apart from me.
00:36:25.679 --> 00:36:27.920
That from Adam and Eve till now.
00:36:28.159 --> 00:36:30.159
And what do we do with uh Alcoholics Anonymous?
00:36:30.480 --> 00:36:34.239
It was sprung from God, it was all godly, you can hear how the guys are talking.
00:36:34.320 --> 00:36:41.039
Oh my god, it's so, and then all of a sudden, you know, you get these people like, well, you know, we don't really need well, we can we can tweak this.
00:36:41.119 --> 00:36:42.320
We're gonna be progressive.
00:36:42.400 --> 00:36:43.920
See, we're gonna make it, we're gonna count.
00:36:44.239 --> 00:36:47.280
See, this is old school, it can be better.
00:36:47.440 --> 00:36:50.559
Uh, and and the truth of the matter is that's why I'm conservative.
00:36:50.719 --> 00:36:54.000
Conservatives usually try to conserve what originally happened.
00:36:54.159 --> 00:36:58.079
Uh uh progressives seem to think they know better than God with climate change.
00:36:58.159 --> 00:37:00.239
There's all kinds of ways that progressives pop out.
00:37:00.320 --> 00:37:02.320
They absolutely have taken over alcohol synopsis.
00:37:02.480 --> 00:37:05.360
If you look at the living sober, first of all, it's in New York.
00:37:05.440 --> 00:37:08.559
We have our our main places in New York, trust me.
00:37:08.639 --> 00:37:11.360
They they're trying to do a plain language big book now.
00:37:11.920 --> 00:37:12.480
That's already out.
00:37:12.880 --> 00:37:13.840
Which is out, right?
00:37:14.000 --> 00:37:15.920
Which is giving it over to writers.
00:37:16.320 --> 00:37:18.480
You know, so here it is exercising power.
00:37:18.639 --> 00:37:23.519
So listen, I if I do it in my own life and I know I veer off and I'm always trying to exercise power.
00:37:23.599 --> 00:37:25.039
Well, you don't think we do it collectively?
00:37:25.280 --> 00:37:25.440
Absolutely.
00:37:25.679 --> 00:37:29.679
We don't haven't done it as uh as the group of Alcoholics Anonymous, they haven't done.
00:37:29.840 --> 00:37:31.280
Look at the Living Sober book.
00:37:31.440 --> 00:37:32.559
That thing is a joke.
00:37:32.800 --> 00:37:33.920
I mean, it's a total joke.
00:37:34.000 --> 00:37:35.119
That came out in the 70s.
00:37:35.360 --> 00:37:35.519
Yeah.
00:37:35.599 --> 00:37:36.400
Well, I mean, even more.
00:37:36.800 --> 00:37:37.360
And people love it.
00:37:37.440 --> 00:37:40.000
I'm just saying, people get offended that I've said that, I know.
00:37:40.079 --> 00:37:48.079
But it says right in the booklet in the page one, it says this booklet does not offer program recovery, and it refers back to the 12 by 12 and the big book.
00:37:48.159 --> 00:37:50.000
It actually says in using this booklet.
00:37:50.159 --> 00:38:00.159
So if you want to, you know, and that's for all the people that have come since that aren't powerless, that aren't manageable, they can use candy and other things to get think the drink through.
00:38:00.400 --> 00:38:01.679
Oh, they can think the drink through.
00:38:01.920 --> 00:38:08.960
Which our book says you're never gonna bring into your consciousness with sufficient force the horror of a week or a day ago.
00:38:09.199 --> 00:38:12.239
I mean, so the whole thing is to not rely on your mind.
00:38:12.320 --> 00:38:13.280
You can't trust your mind.
00:38:13.360 --> 00:38:16.800
Again, the most insane thing you ever did, you did sober, and that's pick up a drink.
00:38:16.960 --> 00:38:18.639
Where'd that great idea come from?
00:38:18.960 --> 00:38:25.760
You know, so so you can just there's there's definitely and what you were saying before, why they can't see it.
00:38:25.840 --> 00:38:26.639
We're in the meeting.
00:38:26.719 --> 00:38:28.239
It's exactly what Billy Graham.
00:38:28.320 --> 00:38:40.480
I was watching him, and the thing he says, they cannot see the kingdom of God until they repent, until they truly say, I need you, God, I need you, and there's a true surrender.
00:38:40.719 --> 00:38:47.039
There, they they can't they don't have the vision, they don't have that, so they see everything temporal, they see everything in the physical world.
00:38:47.119 --> 00:38:50.639
Uh, and so that surrender sets the whole stage for everything.
00:38:50.719 --> 00:38:53.199
Yeah, that surrender in the beginning, I'm powerless over alcohol.
00:38:53.440 --> 00:38:55.119
That it's it's really saying more than that.
00:38:55.199 --> 00:38:56.559
It's saying I'm not God.
00:38:56.800 --> 00:38:58.159
So and I need to find a God.
00:38:58.400 --> 00:38:59.119
Quit playing God.
00:38:59.280 --> 00:39:01.599
So and then the third step, it says that, right?
00:39:01.760 --> 00:39:02.000
Yes.
00:39:02.159 --> 00:39:04.000
It says we had to stop playing God.
00:39:04.079 --> 00:39:04.880
Why does it say that?
00:39:04.960 --> 00:39:08.239
Because they know it's the alcoholic and it goes through it over and over and over.
00:39:08.400 --> 00:39:15.119
How many how they drill down on it, you know, your life ran by you, can't isn't worth living, you know.
00:39:15.280 --> 00:39:15.440
Right.
00:39:15.760 --> 00:39:17.679
So they they really get down in on it.
00:39:17.760 --> 00:39:23.599
But the whole thing is the whole our whole society has come from, and a lot of people aren't taking step one.
00:39:23.679 --> 00:39:27.760
They and and if you have a problem, but you've brought this up, right?
00:39:28.000 --> 00:39:31.599
If you're having a problem with step five, it's not a step five problem, it's not a step four problem.
00:39:31.679 --> 00:39:34.480
They usually say go the step before that, it's a step one problem.
00:39:34.639 --> 00:39:45.519
Yes, you don't believe in the power that you need, you don't have the you're believing in power that you don't have, so you're having a problem with with exercising, not making decisions, whatever it is, right?
00:39:46.000 --> 00:39:53.840
Yeah, usually when I chronic relapsers and I get in there like we spend so much time on as the book does on step one.
00:39:54.079 --> 00:39:54.960
Oh yeah, absolutely.
00:39:55.280 --> 00:39:55.920
Drilling down.
00:39:56.000 --> 00:40:15.679
And I think again, I mean, a a lot of the program when people come in, they right away want to make them feel better with clapping and chips, and you're not bad, you're sick, and you know, I I don't know, it's they almost start building up the self that right away.
00:40:16.079 --> 00:40:17.840
Like we said that last week about the old old.
00:40:18.239 --> 00:40:35.599
Yeah, yeah, Harry Tebow, he talked about, you know, the the the psychiatrists were trying to get these alcoholics to admit hopelessness and see the and then AA is trying to build them up, you know, it's the exact opposite of step one.
00:40:36.079 --> 00:40:37.840
You hear them in the comments, guys on Facebook.
00:40:37.920 --> 00:40:39.599
Guys been relasting for I don't know how many years.
00:40:39.760 --> 00:40:44.239
I don't get you know into it with them or talk with them, but it's like it's like and everybody goes, You can do it.
00:40:44.320 --> 00:40:44.960
No, you can't.
00:40:45.119 --> 00:40:46.239
Obviously, you can't, man.
00:40:46.559 --> 00:40:47.199
You can't do it.
00:40:47.440 --> 00:40:48.159
You can't do it.
00:40:48.400 --> 00:40:48.800
You can't.
00:40:48.960 --> 00:40:50.559
That's the that's the that's the key.
00:40:50.800 --> 00:40:52.159
The key is you can't.
00:40:52.320 --> 00:40:53.519
Yes, that God can.
00:40:53.599 --> 00:40:57.280
And then they're talking all this crap about atheists and whatever, and then d Dr.
00:40:57.440 --> 00:41:05.440
Bob, the other co-founder, is like, I feel sorry for you if you're an atheist and are not willing to uh accept that what's this book is talking about.
00:41:05.840 --> 00:41:07.440
Or any other intellectual pride.
00:41:07.920 --> 00:41:14.239
And or any right, or any other intellectual stopping you from accepting the what's in this book, and what is in that book?
00:41:14.480 --> 00:41:15.199
Power, man.
00:41:15.360 --> 00:41:19.280
It's all about power, but I first got to give up my kingdom before I can get into God's kingdom.
00:41:19.440 --> 00:41:20.880
And that's my problem, man.
00:41:20.960 --> 00:41:22.320
I don't, you know, especially in the beginning.
00:41:22.400 --> 00:41:26.239
And as soon as you get into God's kingdom, the the bet thing, and this has been my experience.
00:41:26.400 --> 00:41:32.320
I immediately because every day I get up, you know, I got a job, I'm working, I tell, you know, I'm running my my crew or whatever.
00:41:32.400 --> 00:41:35.760
Uh uh, I build docks, it's like, hey, bring me that board, do that.
00:41:35.920 --> 00:41:41.199
All of a sudden, you know, as soon as you get out the door, you're exercise, it's like you're working against yourself.
00:41:41.280 --> 00:41:43.599
The illusion of power is everywhere.
00:41:43.840 --> 00:41:46.400
So it's it's it's a keeping yourself, yeah.
00:41:46.480 --> 00:41:49.039
Letting God keep you humble, keep staying in that.
00:41:49.119 --> 00:41:49.280
Yeah.
00:41:49.440 --> 00:41:56.079
So, but the insanity, you know, in some areas, I'm I but okay, when it comes to alcohol, it was cut out of me 30 years ago.
00:41:56.239 --> 00:41:59.679
I I I on that level, God took it completely from me.
00:41:59.840 --> 00:42:00.320
Boom.
00:42:00.480 --> 00:42:03.280
I've been restored to 100% sanity in that area.
00:42:03.440 --> 00:42:04.960
In other areas, I'm I wasn't.
00:42:05.039 --> 00:42:06.320
I told you about the relationship.
00:42:06.480 --> 00:42:07.840
I thought I had power and that.
00:42:08.079 --> 00:42:17.119
Then I so you do uh through the progress of exercising power, realizing that you don't have power and that, and it always works out that God's got a better plan.
00:42:17.599 --> 00:42:18.480
Always has a better plan.
00:42:18.559 --> 00:42:21.119
It's like these guys, they'll come in and it's like they haven't taken step one.
00:42:21.199 --> 00:42:23.280
They're like, they're gonna, I know what I did wrong.
00:42:23.440 --> 00:42:25.840
You know, it's like they know you don't know nothing.
00:42:26.000 --> 00:42:28.480
You obviously don't know why you coming and calling me.
00:42:28.559 --> 00:42:30.400
Why are you and why are you back again?
00:42:30.639 --> 00:42:33.360
If you knew, then you would you would do.
00:42:33.760 --> 00:42:37.599
If you knew though, you would you would realize, whoa, I don't know.
00:42:37.760 --> 00:42:38.559
You know what I'm saying?
00:42:38.639 --> 00:42:40.880
I don't have the power to stay sober.
00:42:40.960 --> 00:42:42.159
This is scary shit.
00:42:42.320 --> 00:42:47.760
I mean, really, the step one when I've had my step one experience was I'm crazy.
00:42:48.079 --> 00:42:49.679
This thing is in my head.
00:42:49.920 --> 00:42:53.119
Anywhere I go, it's it's attached to me.
00:42:53.280 --> 00:42:55.519
So that means wherever I go, there it is.
00:42:55.599 --> 00:42:59.440
It's I'm not getting away from this just by switching locations or anything.
00:42:59.760 --> 00:43:07.840
So that's the scary part about when you realize you got a mind that's trying to like like kill you almost, like you got you the disease is in your head.
00:43:08.079 --> 00:43:09.440
That's a scary place to be.
00:43:09.519 --> 00:43:11.760
Yeah, so the longest traveling man will make, right?
00:43:11.840 --> 00:43:14.159
That that 18 inches from their head to their heart.
00:43:14.239 --> 00:43:18.960
And Bill, look at Bill's story, look at everybody's story of how many years they fight.
00:43:19.679 --> 00:43:20.159
Your story.
00:43:20.320 --> 00:43:27.119
How many years were you in, out, smoking pots, doing whatever and doing whatever you know, doing all what you do when you come in there.
00:43:28.000 --> 00:43:28.880
You talk about what else?
00:43:29.039 --> 00:43:32.400
Cafeteria style, you know, cafeteria style.
00:43:32.559 --> 00:43:33.119
Yeah, right?
00:43:33.360 --> 00:43:33.679
Exactly.
00:43:34.079 --> 00:43:35.280
Take what you want, leave the rest.
00:43:35.679 --> 00:43:40.719
Yeah, yeah, you're taking hanging with winners and losers, who's picking winners and losers, me.
00:43:40.880 --> 00:43:42.079
Guess what I ended up with?
00:43:42.239 --> 00:43:43.199
All losers.
00:43:43.519 --> 00:43:44.480
Imagine that.
00:43:44.639 --> 00:43:54.079
You know, but that's I guess where it says an alcoholic properly armed with the facts about himself it is helpful to another alcoholic.
00:43:54.159 --> 00:43:59.760
But be properly armed with the facts about yourself, what the disease is, it's not a drinking problem.
00:44:00.079 --> 00:44:01.599
I'm not an exponent drinker.
00:44:01.679 --> 00:44:04.800
I'm not a I I did not have a drinking problem.
00:44:05.280 --> 00:44:07.440
Well, and you can't manage even sober.
00:44:07.679 --> 00:44:08.880
So I think that's the skim.
00:44:09.039 --> 00:44:12.000
I'm powerless over alcohol, and then they're it's called two-stepping.
00:44:12.320 --> 00:44:13.440
And then they're carrying the message.
00:44:13.760 --> 00:44:17.920
So they're powerless over alcohol, they're not drinking, and now nothing else is happening.
00:44:18.159 --> 00:44:18.639
Nothing really is.
00:44:19.039 --> 00:44:19.760
They're not unmanageable.
00:44:20.000 --> 00:44:20.719
So they're step one.
00:44:20.800 --> 00:44:26.320
I'm powerless over alcohol, and then they go out and they help everybody else, which feels really manageable.
00:44:26.559 --> 00:44:26.719
Yeah.
00:44:26.880 --> 00:44:27.679
You feel the power.
00:44:27.760 --> 00:44:27.920
Yeah.
00:44:28.159 --> 00:44:29.280
And you can say it's God.
00:44:29.360 --> 00:44:30.719
They usually sprinkle God in.
00:44:30.960 --> 00:44:37.840
It's usually like mostly them people, da da da da, and then they'll throw a little God on the end of it because they because you know the make it.
00:44:38.159 --> 00:44:39.119
They don't want to be too obvious.
00:44:39.599 --> 00:44:40.000
Too obvious.
00:44:42.719 --> 00:44:46.079
But the real way to get it is complete and total hundred.
00:44:46.559 --> 00:44:58.800
Listen, if you took a hundred percent of what you're talking about, a hundred percent, and you took it to the whole thing that I'm a hundred percent unmanageable and a hundred percent hopeless of that first step is what would happen to you when I had that bright light experience.
00:44:58.960 --> 00:45:01.119
You'll and you'll you'll completely let go of everything.
00:45:01.360 --> 00:45:02.320
God will run your life.
00:45:02.400 --> 00:45:05.599
Now, of course, as soon as that happened, I we I made a clarification.
00:45:05.679 --> 00:45:09.039
You know, you're like, oh, in a moment, yeah, I'm connected, but guess what?
00:45:09.199 --> 00:45:13.760
I live in this physical temporal world, I'm a human being, I'm judging distance and this.
00:45:14.079 --> 00:45:15.920
I immediately veer off.
00:45:16.000 --> 00:45:18.559
I and Bill did it, you'll see it over and over and over.
00:45:18.639 --> 00:45:21.039
It's like Yeah, Saint Francis didn't.
00:45:21.519 --> 00:45:23.920
Yeah, well, that's why they call him Saint Francis.
00:45:24.000 --> 00:45:25.519
And I don't know how much he did or not.
00:45:25.599 --> 00:45:28.000
If you get into, you know, it's everybody looks good on the outside.
00:45:28.079 --> 00:45:31.280
Trust me, everybody looks like they're running and managing on the outside.
00:45:31.440 --> 00:45:41.599
They like you get into you get digged down into people's lives, you find out, and I've had deals with people, it's it's a lot of that, it's like, oh yeah, they look like they're doing real well until you get to know them.
00:45:41.679 --> 00:45:45.199
So, you know, some of them aren't so honest about what's going on.
00:45:45.360 --> 00:45:55.039
You know, a lot of people, I mean, Eckhart Tolle had a spiritual experience, but yeah, Eckhart Tolle was oh, oh, I would say, and what you're saying there, he will encade it.
00:45:55.199 --> 00:45:58.719
They weren't alcoholics, they weren't they're not acting like us Jaywalker.
00:45:59.199 --> 00:45:59.280
Stop.
00:45:59.440 --> 00:46:00.480
They're not alcoholics.
00:46:00.880 --> 00:46:09.199
I think that is the that might be the different condition of an alcoholic where although they can't stop, man.
00:46:09.360 --> 00:46:13.039
It's like almost like I've accepted that part of my condition that I'm gonna veer.
00:46:13.199 --> 00:46:17.840
I uh to the extent possibly not as I did, but I I'm gonna go veer off.
00:46:18.079 --> 00:46:23.119
Listen, if I could stay completely in it and like that, I probably would be non-alcoholic.
00:46:23.360 --> 00:46:27.119
Or these people are not not sinning, just so you know.
00:46:27.440 --> 00:46:30.320
I mean, there's only one perfect person on the on the planet.
00:46:30.480 --> 00:46:31.760
So they're veering off.
00:46:31.920 --> 00:46:34.320
Maybe not extreme, maybe not very noticeable.
00:46:34.400 --> 00:46:38.719
I remember a guy saying this one time, and he says, he says, I was alcoholic.
00:46:38.800 --> 00:46:47.599
He says my car was alcoholic, my kid was alcoholic, my house was alcoholic, and I always say, listen, I'm still an alcoholic, but I'm just not as obvious as I used to be.
00:46:47.760 --> 00:46:51.599
Okay, you can't look at me walking down the street and say that guy's got an alcoholic drug problem.
00:46:51.760 --> 00:46:52.320
But guess what?
00:46:52.480 --> 00:46:55.280
I have tendencies or I have isms.
00:46:55.679 --> 00:46:59.280
At times I have where you know I get you know out of pocket.
00:46:59.440 --> 00:47:00.559
That's the best way to say it.
00:47:01.599 --> 00:47:03.360
Yeah, yeah, cracker jacks.
00:47:06.079 --> 00:47:08.639
Whatever the word is crack.
00:47:09.280 --> 00:47:10.079
Cracker jack.
00:47:11.360 --> 00:47:12.320
We are who we are.
00:47:12.559 --> 00:47:13.920
We do what we do.
00:47:14.400 --> 00:47:16.000
Like I'm lazy, there's a lot of things.
00:47:16.079 --> 00:47:18.000
We can get into we'll get into your character detail.
00:47:18.239 --> 00:47:21.199
We'll do we'll take your inventory when we get to step four.
00:47:21.440 --> 00:47:22.079
I'll bring the list.
00:47:22.320 --> 00:47:23.519
Yeah, you'll bring the list.
00:47:24.480 --> 00:47:25.440
Yeah, bring the list.
00:47:25.519 --> 00:47:26.559
So we can go back and forth.
00:47:26.639 --> 00:47:27.760
We'll take each other's inventory.
00:47:27.920 --> 00:47:28.880
We do it at the house, too.
00:47:28.960 --> 00:47:35.039
Don't worry about it's uh it's uh it's funny because like everybody acts all like spirituality, all serious and shit.
00:47:35.119 --> 00:47:36.880
Man, it's being authentic and real.
00:47:37.039 --> 00:47:38.000
And what is that step?
00:47:38.159 --> 00:47:39.440
What is the first step again?
00:47:39.519 --> 00:47:40.159
Back to that.
00:47:40.320 --> 00:47:40.880
Honesty.
00:47:41.039 --> 00:47:44.239
Yeah, and then when you get this going and you celebrate, and what does it say?
00:47:44.480 --> 00:47:46.320
To thy own self be true.
00:47:46.480 --> 00:47:50.159
Because all your problems and all your pain in your life come from you lying to you.
00:47:50.559 --> 00:47:54.960
Okay, and the number one lie you ever told yourself is that you can run run your life and you can manage.
00:47:55.119 --> 00:47:58.559
So that's the that's where the crux of everything is.
00:47:58.800 --> 00:48:01.599
All the other steps really just drill down that.
00:48:01.679 --> 00:48:06.159
It says that humility is the underlying principle of all 12 steps.
00:48:06.320 --> 00:48:06.800
Humility.
00:48:06.880 --> 00:48:12.719
Well, humility and honesty are pretty much synonymous because if you truly see yourself, it's humbling.
00:48:12.960 --> 00:48:13.840
Let me just tell you.
00:48:14.079 --> 00:48:18.159
That's a humbling fact, and it keeps you right sized, which is spirituality.
00:48:18.320 --> 00:48:20.000
Being right sized is humility.
00:48:20.159 --> 00:48:22.079
God's God, and Joel's Joel.
00:48:22.159 --> 00:48:31.679
You know, so when that happens, that's you know, so a truly honest man, which Patrick did tell me that he says you're a truly honest man, which I appreciate that.
00:48:31.840 --> 00:48:42.800
Uh so I am who I am in, out, uh in the door, out the door, at my house, in my job, you know, so I am who I am, and it's I'm not faking, I'm not acting.
00:48:42.880 --> 00:48:44.400
You can't act spiritual.
00:48:44.480 --> 00:48:45.679
That's an oxymoron.
00:48:45.760 --> 00:48:46.719
It's dropping the act.
00:48:46.880 --> 00:48:47.039
Yeah.
00:48:47.280 --> 00:48:50.800
So that honesty's real Jen Martin.
00:48:50.960 --> 00:48:51.760
Please stand up.
00:48:52.079 --> 00:48:52.239
Exactly.
00:48:53.519 --> 00:48:53.920
Exactly.
00:48:54.000 --> 00:48:54.159
Yeah.
00:48:54.320 --> 00:48:54.639
Exactly.
00:48:54.800 --> 00:48:56.159
I was I was living a lie.
00:48:56.639 --> 00:48:57.519
Well, you say it all the time.
00:48:57.679 --> 00:48:59.679
No wonder actors make so much money.
00:48:59.920 --> 00:49:00.079
Yeah.
00:49:00.320 --> 00:49:02.239
It's painful to be an actor, you know.
00:49:02.400 --> 00:49:03.440
Just be who you are.
00:49:03.679 --> 00:49:04.239
Be who you are.
00:49:04.400 --> 00:49:05.519
So this is the first step of that.
00:49:07.119 --> 00:49:08.559
We'll go through it a little bit more.
00:49:08.639 --> 00:49:17.039
Uh I will bring some more stuff next week about that and the belief and why and and belief comes a lot easier when you do step one.
00:49:17.119 --> 00:49:20.079
Just so you know, it's like the decision becomes a lot easier when you do step two.
00:49:20.159 --> 00:49:20.639
So all the time.
00:49:22.719 --> 00:49:23.679
You're not fighting step two.
00:49:23.840 --> 00:49:24.960
You're just like, okay, I got to.
00:49:25.039 --> 00:49:25.440
I gotta believe.
00:49:25.519 --> 00:49:26.159
What choice do I have?
00:49:26.480 --> 00:49:30.000
I either believe or I put a put a bullet in my head or walk out in front of a bus.
00:49:30.159 --> 00:49:32.079
That's I mean, that's how I thought in the beginning.
00:49:32.159 --> 00:49:38.320
It's either this is the road or I'm s I am so screwed that you know there is I am behind beyond human age.
00:49:39.679 --> 00:49:41.760
It's like you're dead inside, but you're still walking around.
00:49:42.079 --> 00:49:43.840
You can't even die from alcoholism.
00:49:44.239 --> 00:49:44.719
Exactly.
00:49:44.800 --> 00:49:46.719
So it's already dead.
00:49:46.960 --> 00:49:47.199
Yeah.
00:49:47.360 --> 00:49:47.599
Yeah.
00:49:47.840 --> 00:49:48.960
So okay, good.
00:49:49.119 --> 00:49:49.840
That it for today's.
00:49:50.079 --> 00:49:50.960
Yeah, that's it for today.
00:49:51.039 --> 00:49:51.840
We'll catch you next week.
00:49:52.639 --> 00:49:54.559
Step one next week, because there is a lot.
00:49:54.960 --> 00:49:56.639
We're gonna get we're gonna be on more of that.
00:49:56.719 --> 00:49:57.679
Step two, step three.
00:49:57.760 --> 00:49:58.800
We're gonna get into all the steps.
00:49:58.880 --> 00:50:00.239
We're gonna move through.
00:50:00.400 --> 00:50:02.639
Uh, if you got some comments, please give us some comments.
00:50:03.039 --> 00:50:07.199
Share, like, share, subscribe, and there is one that has all power.
00:50:07.280 --> 00:50:08.000
That one is God.
00:50:08.159 --> 00:50:08.639
May you buy it.
00:50:08.800 --> 00:50:09.840
Find him now.