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Hey friend, this is Nona, and I am so glad that you're here.
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This podcast exists to provide a safe space where people can ask the hard questions that they're carrying in their heart and receive biblical wisdom from me, a friend.
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In order for this podcast to be distributed as far and wide as possible, ratings and reviews really, really matter.
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So when you can, please leave a rating and also leave a comment because I love to read your feedback.
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I hope that you give it five stars, but whatever rating you give it, it really, really matters.
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So please just take a minute and let me know what you think, okay?
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I'm so glad you're here.
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Enjoy the show.
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There's a particular kind of exhaustion that belongs to people who are genuinely gifted.
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Not the exhaustion of someone who is struggling to keep up, but the exhaustion of someone who keeps getting asked because they're capable, because they show up, because the joy they carry makes people want them in the room.
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And so the invitations keep coming, the boards, the committees, the volunteer roles, the ministry assignments, the professional responsibilities, the community commitments.
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And you said yes because you love people, because you feel the call, because the work matters, because turning down the opportunity to make a difference feels like turning down God Himself.
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But then one day you look up and the weight of everything you're carrying feels less like purpose and more like pressure, less like calling and more like sealing.
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And you find yourself wondering, how do I keep doing all of this without something or someone falling through the cracks?
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And the something you are most afraid of losing is not a project or a position.
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It's yourself.
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Today's episode is for the person whose yes has become your greatest liability.
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Not because the yes is wrong, but because it keeps writing checks that your capacity cannot cash indefinitely.
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Let's talk about it.
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Welcome to Just Nona.
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Just Nona is not simply a show.
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For me, it is ministry where I get to share the truth of God's word and answer the questions that so many of us carry in our hearts.
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But we're just afraid to ask.
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I cannot tell you how many people have either commented or messaged me saying that they have found their way back to hope in Jesus because of the answers provided on this show.
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Up until now, this show has been entirely funded by me.
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But God has placed a really big vision in my heart to expand it globally.
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And I simply can't do it without you.
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So if you have been blessed by this show, would you consider partnering with me by giving a gift of any amount to help us grow the reach and impact of this ministry?
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If yes, there's two ways to help.
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If you're watching on YouTube, just click the donate button, or you can head over to nonajones.com and click the give button at the top of the site.
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Now, when you go to nonajones.com and give there, you can either give a one-time gift of any amount, or if you really believe in this ministry and want to support in a deeper way, you can become a ministry partner by signing up to give monthly.
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I would be so, so grateful.
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May God bless you for your generosity.
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All right, back to the show.
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Today's heart question comes to us from a beautiful sister named Janile.
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Janile, welcome to the show.
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Tell us what's on your heart.
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Hey, Nona, this is Janile Morris in Gainesville, Florida.
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And the question that I have for you today is as a professional who loves people and carries a lot of joy with me wherever I go.
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And it seems that because of that, you get drawn in and pulled into different projects and serving on different boards.
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And sometimes the weight of the responsibility of serving the Lord, serving in the community, and your professional work seems a bit of a daunting task that sometimes and some days seems pretty insurmountable.
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So the question that I have is how does one balance all of those things where you have the call of the Lord in your life and you know He's calling in you to do different things, and as time is going by, you're noticing more responsibility, you're noticing how you know the weight is great.
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And how do you balance all of that?
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Just trying to navigate your everyday life without any of the pieces falling to the wayside.
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Thanks so much in advance for your answer to my question.
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Really appreciate it.
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Janile, thank you so much for asking this question.
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I think it's a question that many of us wrestle with.
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Um, those of us who, you know, are not only talented and gifted, but also just have a heart for people can end up in situations where we're like, what in the world is happening?
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I just, I got so much on my plate.
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And so the question that you asked is how do I do everything that God has called me to do without burning out?
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That's essentially what I heard the question that you asked.
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But there's a question behind that question that I want to deal with.
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And I always like to get into the question behind the question because I think that's what really promotes the surface question.
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And that is, is the weight that I'm carrying, is it evidence of faithfulness or is something out of alignment here?
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And so we're going to deal with the presenting question, which is of course, um, how do I do all the things that I believe God's called me to?
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But we're also gonna deal with the question, um, yeah, is this faithfulness or is something off here?
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We're gonna deal with both of those.
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So let's first talk about um what it means to be a gifted person and the weight that gifted people tend to tend to carry.
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So I think this is actually more common than uh than you may realize.
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I talk to so many people, whether it's through uh my coaching practice, um, whether it's just through ministry, um uh emails that I get from people who read my books, I hear from so many people about just this, just the sense of overwhelm and exhaustion and just kind of uh being being pulled in so many different directions.
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And um, what you're describing, Janile, is is actually a pattern that psychologists call over functioning overcommitment.
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Okay.
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Um, it's also known as high functioning overcommitment, and it's a cycle uh that looks a little bit like this.
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So a person, you know, maybe they have uh a unique set of gifts.
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And uh in your case, Janile, you know, it's your joy, it's your warmth, you have a high degree of relational capacity, you have professional competence, and um, all of those gifts are great, and those gifts actually can make you very visible.
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And so the visibility then starts to generate invitations, it generates opportunities.
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And because you have a sense of calling, um, a lot of those invitations and opportunities will feel aligned with your calling, especially if you feel that you're called to love people and to serve people.
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And so um saying no to those invitations and opportunities can actually feel wrong.
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It can feel like you're being selfish uh with your gift.
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And so you say yes, and you say yes again and again and again until there is an accumulation of yeses uh that produces a weight that your original gift simply cannot uh carry alone.
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And I'm gonna get into this a little bit more in a in a few minutes, but um, our our gifts come with grace.
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Grace is a uh supernatural endowment um of power, which power is simply the ability to do something.
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So our gifts come with um an endowment of grace, but that level of grace um is finite in cases where we're exercising the gift outside of our purpose and outside of our calling.
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I'll get into that more in a minute.
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Um, but I would say that uh this feeling of being pulled in so many different directions, it's definitely not a character flaw.
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I think it actually speaks to a heart of compassion, a heart to serve.
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And I think it's what happens when uh gifted, called, loving people are simply given uh the opportunity to do more than their discernment may be prepared to filter uh through their actual capacity.
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And so, hey, been there, done that, got the t-shirt.
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I'll explain more about that in a minute.
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I think that the danger with um overextending ourselves beyond our capacity, it's actually not just burnout.
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There's a lot of uh conversation just in culture about burnout, uh especially in the church, there's been a lot of conversation about pastoral burnout.
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Um, and and the risk of burnout is very, very real if nothing changes.
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But I think that the deeper danger of uh being chronically overcommitted is that um the gifts that you have and the gifts that um make you unique can actually start to uh cause harm to you.
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Uh your joy can get depleted, um, your warmth can become performative.
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Um, capacity that may have once felt limitless starts to feel very constrained.
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It starts to feel like it's boxing you in.
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You feel uh almost like you don't have the power to choose whether or not to do something.
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So it can also become kind of like uh bondage.
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And and one thing is completely certain, you cannot uh give out of an empty well.
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You cannot pour out of an empty uh container.
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Um and so if you are perpetually running at capacity, if you are even running over capacity from season to season, all it takes is one hard season for you to um to end up not just empty, but destroyed.
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Um and I've seen that, I've seen that happen, man.
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And it's so it's so sad where you're giving and giving and giving and giving and serving and giving and giving and giving, and then um you give so much that you don't have a reservoir of grace for yourself when when the hard season comes, and that can actually create resentment because um you've given so much to other people and maybe they're not giving back to you at the way that you need, and so that can create resentment.
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So I want to make a distinction between what I call um calling and accumulation, so uh, and I want to make this distinction because listen, as a a type triple A person, um I very rarely exercise the power of no, you know.
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Um, I and I mentioned this this in one of the previous episodes I did, um, because of the trauma of my childhood, I developed a very self-reliant personality type.
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And so uh there are very few things that I don't believe I can do simply because I've had to do them, as an example.
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Um, I can build websites.
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Why can I build websites?
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Not because I went to school to learn how to build websites, but because I actually paid people to build websites and they didn't do the work, they didn't complete the work, uh, it was shoddy work and maybe they didn't respond to my emails.
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And so I learned how to go into the back end of systems and understand HTML so that I could then build websites.
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Thank God now we have things like Webflow and uh WordPress and all these things, so we can actually build websites through templates, but I didn't have that when I first started out.
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And so I had to learn HTML, y'all.
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So I know how to I know how to build websites.
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I know how to design graphics.
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It's not because I went to school for graphic design, it's not because I worked in uh the creative ministry at a church.
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It's because I had people that I had hired to do things for me and they either missed deadlines or the work that they turned in was in no way um aligned with the vision that I had.
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And so I had to teach myself not just how to use things like Canva, because when I first started out, I was using Photoshop.
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There wasn't Canva.
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I had to teach myself how to use Photoshop, and then I had to teach myself um how to design uh assets that actually look good.
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Because I think we all know that uh just because you you have Canva doesn't mean that you know how to actually create an asset that looks good.
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So I had to teach myself those things.
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Uh there's a lot of things that I can do.
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Uh I can I can play the piano by ear.
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Um there's so much.
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But again, many people have said to me, they're like, you're so gifted.
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Like, is there anything you can't do?
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And um part of the reason why I am gifted is because I have been disappointed.
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And so um, if we're not careful, if we're not careful, uh sometimes we can we can mistake being disappointed uh with an opportunity to uh step in and and do something, with an opportunity to or an invitation to step in and fix something.
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Um but uh I think it's really important, uh especially for a person of faith, to please understand this not every open door is a door that God opened for you.
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Not every invitation to serve is a call to serve.
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And not every good thing is the right thing for this season of your life.
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Um I know what it's like.
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I really do.
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I know what it's like to just not want to let people down.
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And I think uh those of us who have experienced rejection, we're we're really sensitive to this.
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And so it becomes kind of a toxic combination.
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When you're gifted and you've experienced rejection, you can um become the kind of person that gets used.
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And that's very, very painful, but it's also very true.
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Um calling is is specific, it is directional, okay?
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Um, it's the thing that when you're in your calling, it actually energizes you because listen, there is grace on your calling.
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There is so much grace on your calling that even when it costs you, it still leaves you excited and energized.
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Um, but there isn't grace on every invitation that you're you're given.
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There's only grace on what you are called by God to do.
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Um, I often give the example at church uh when I was um a new mom, I was young and um, you know, I had these these small babies.
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And so I said, you know what, I'm gonna serve in the nursery because I was like, look, my babies are back there, and I just think it would only be right for me to also serve in the nursery since we have these wonderful women who are serving our family, so I'll serve in the nursery.
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Y'all, I quickly learned that um I have grace for my babies.
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I don't have grace for a room full of people's babies.
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Y'all.
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I lasted oh, maybe two Sundays, I think.
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I lasted two Sundays, and then I had to get up out of there because I I recognized that my frustration um was creating an atmosphere of tension in the nursery.
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And there were so many women who were called to that.
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Like they had, oh man, deep reservoirs of patience and grace for these babies.
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Um, and you know, when the babies would be throwing tantrums, they would just be like, oh, it's okay.
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Like, oh, hey, let's go over here and play.
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And I was just like, I don't know how y'all do it, but that's because they had a grace that I did not have.
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Um, and that grace was because that was a ministry that they were called to.
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Uh, your calling will be aligned with who God has made you to be and the gifts and the abilities that He has placed in you because He He wants you to operate in your calling.
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So the grace is going to be there really as a reward for your obedience.
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Now that said, accumulation is different than calling, because accumulation is essentially a collection of responsibilities.
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It's a collection of good things that may have never been meant for you to do either simultaneously or at all.
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Sometimes we say yes to things simply because we want to be liked, or we say yes to things simply because we're asked to do it.
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Um, and the result of that is that if you say yes uh to every need that is presented to you, every need that you may even be capable of meeting, um, you can end up with a lot of things on your plate that you're simply not graced for.
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You're not graced for.
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And so one of the practices that I believe we have to employ um as believers for sure, but I think just as um human beings that God has called, is we have to uh practice what I call strategic abandonment.
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This is a phrase that is often used in uh project management and also in um strategy development in companies, but I believe that it's also applicable to the way that we think about how we use our time and our energy and our talent and the grace of our call, is that um you only have so much time and energy, you only have so much talent, you only have so much uh grace.
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And so you have to make sure that you're applying that to what God has called you to.
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So if you have three things on your plate, three things that you know you're called to, and then you discern that perhaps you're supposed to do something else, well, the question becomes, okay, well, what are what things on your plate is God no longer calling you to?
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Like that's that's where it becomes a question of strategic abandonment.
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What is the thing that God is no longer calling me to that that has to be abandoned strategically so that I can make capacity for the new thing that God is calling me to?
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When we feel weight, when we feel burdened, um, that is not the weight of your calling.
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That is actually the weight of accumulation.
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Because your calling, you will feel the weight of responsibility.
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Uh, you will feel the weight of accountability, but you won't feel the weight of exhaustion and and burden, like it's um, like it's too heavy for you.
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Uh, that's how you know that you're you're dealing with accumulation.
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So um I think it's also important to understand that your body is going to be the first indicator that you have accumulated more than you have been called to.
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Um, and that's why our body has has limits.
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That's why we need rest.
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That's why we need times of um of getting away, times of stillness to be with the Lord.
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We have 24 hours in a day.
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And um, if you think about it, rest has actually been built into the rhythm of creation.
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When you look at all that God did, all that he created.
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And let's be very clear: God is limitless in his energy.
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He is limitless in his uh grace, he is limitless in his capacity.
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And yet it says it on the seventh day.
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God rested.
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Why would God rest when God doesn't need rest?
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I believe it's because he was giving us a model.
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He was giving us a framework for what we have to do, is we have to be able to Sabbath.
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Sabbath is so important that he made it a command.
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He made it a command that rest has to happen.
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It has to be part of how we show up in the world.
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Uh, when Jesus walked on the earth, I'm talking about the Son of God, y'all.
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Um, he had to do more uh in the three years of his public ministry than any of us have had to do in however many years of life that we may have on this earth, okay?
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He had to accomplish more in human history than any other human being who walked the earth.
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And yet he regularly withdrew from people.
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He said no to crowds, he would go to sleep in boats.
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Um, he sent people away so that he could get quiet.
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And so if Jesus, the Son of God, operated within uh limits, I think that we have to understand that limitations on our time, on our energy, on our calling, uh, that is not um that is not something that we should forsake.
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That is actually something we have to embrace as part of our design.
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Um, early in my career, uh, when my husband And I were, I think we were maybe three or four years into our marriage, and uh my career was just really starting to take off.
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I um was getting involved in the community here in uh Gainesville, Florida, where we live.
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I was uh getting invited to serve on boards.
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I was getting invited uh to be a part of different civic organizations and rotary club and all these types of things.
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And um, I remember there was one, there was one organization that I was invited to be a part of.
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And I was specifically asked to uh chair the young people's division, the young adult division, the young professional division of this organization.
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Uh, and it was a large organization and um very influential in the community.
00:22:42.960 --> 00:22:59.279
And I remember there were times when I would not only be asked to take care of things for the young professionals division, but I was asked to take care of things for other divisions of the organization where people were in leadership positions, but they weren't actually um being productive.
00:22:59.359 --> 00:23:00.720
They weren't producing anything.
00:23:00.799 --> 00:23:05.839
And so uh the chair of the organization came to me and asked me to take on some special projects.
00:23:06.079 --> 00:23:08.319
And uh I enthusiastically did it.
00:23:08.480 --> 00:23:14.160
I remember there were times when I would be up late at night working on things for the organization.
00:23:14.319 --> 00:23:16.480
Uh, mind you, I had a full-time job.
00:23:16.559 --> 00:23:21.039
Uh, I was married, so I had responsibility to my husband, very active at our church.
00:23:21.119 --> 00:23:24.960
Uh, I was very active in some other civic organizations at the time.
00:23:25.119 --> 00:23:29.519
And um I I remember I was just stretched so, so thin.
00:23:30.079 --> 00:23:41.519
And um, and I had a situation take place where I needed or I asked for the organization to support me in something that I was considering doing in the community.
00:23:41.839 --> 00:23:49.200
And uh the the chair, the person who I had been working so hard for, um, said no.
00:23:49.839 --> 00:23:50.640
Said no.
00:23:51.119 --> 00:23:56.319
After I don't know how many hours I had worked for this organization, all that I had done.
00:23:56.559 --> 00:24:00.640
Um, and it was something that they could have easily done, and they said no.
00:24:00.960 --> 00:24:06.559
And I thank God for that moment because um it became like a wake-up call for me.
00:24:06.640 --> 00:24:20.160
It was a it was a moment of sobriety where I had to just kind of open my eyes and see what was happening, which was it wasn't that um they were for me, it wasn't that they were um supporting me, it's that they were using me.
00:24:20.319 --> 00:24:29.839
And and I share this because sometimes, and this is why I said earlier, you know, sometimes our yes, it's not even about our call.
00:24:30.000 --> 00:24:33.279
Our yes is about uh fear of rejection.
00:24:33.440 --> 00:25:08.880
And if you have a rejection wound, whether from primary relationships, you know, with your parents, caregivers, or siblings, immediate family, maybe teachers in your early years, um, or you experienced rejection in a later relationship that was a romantic relationship, or even a platonic relationship that was just deeply uh impactful to you, um, it can cause you, if you're not careful, it can cause you to make uh your yes a proxy for worth, which is I'm gonna say yes because I want them to see me as worthy.
00:25:09.039 --> 00:25:11.519
I'm gonna say yes because I want them to like me.
00:25:11.680 --> 00:25:17.359
I'm going to say yes uh because I I want them to see me as valuable.
00:25:17.519 --> 00:25:21.680
So it's not even about calling, it's not about what God has assigned me to do.
00:25:21.839 --> 00:25:24.400
My yes is because I want to be liked.
00:25:24.559 --> 00:25:26.799
Uh, and I highly encourage you.
00:25:26.960 --> 00:25:40.640
If you have found yourself stressed, if you have found yourself feeling exhausted, I highly encourage you to deeply consider what is driving uh your yeses, your many yeses, uh fear of disappointment.
00:25:40.799 --> 00:25:42.559
Uh that was a huge issue for me.
00:25:42.720 --> 00:25:44.160
I feared disappointing people.
00:25:44.240 --> 00:25:46.240
I didn't want people to be upset with me.
00:25:46.480 --> 00:25:51.119
Oh, but when I got delivered from that, oh, it's like it opened up a whole new world.
00:25:51.200 --> 00:25:58.559
Like the ability to just be like, that doesn't work for me, or no, I'm not really called to that, but I appreciate you thinking of me.
00:25:58.799 --> 00:26:17.359
Um, that creates such a sense of empowerment because now instead of spending my energy and my time and my gifts on something that God didn't call me to, when God does call me to something, I have capacity and I have margin to pursue that thing with excellence and with fullness of heart.
00:26:17.599 --> 00:26:28.480
And so uh I want to talk a little bit about um where the weight of accumulated yeses can become dangerous to our identity.
00:26:28.720 --> 00:26:38.480
So um, if you know that you're called, that you're capable, that you're gifted, um, you can begin to believe that every invitation is an opportunity to serve God.
00:26:38.799 --> 00:26:48.319
And you can start to believe that saying no is actually letting people down, which means that um saying no could be letting God down.
00:26:48.559 --> 00:27:06.640
And then um you convince yourself that you have to keep saying yes because you don't want to let people down, you don't want to let God down, and eventually that yes can end up costing you more uh than you have because you see your no um as uh a black mark on your identity.
00:27:06.799 --> 00:27:22.640
You see your no as somehow being difficult or being selfish, when in fact, your no could just be a statement that this invitation is not aligned with my calling, and that can actually be an act of faithfulness, an act of obedience to God.
00:27:22.880 --> 00:27:26.000
No can be an act of obedience.
00:27:26.240 --> 00:27:36.480
And I think where the malformation, where the identity malformation happens, is when we uh believe that our yes is uh the language of faithfulness.
00:27:36.640 --> 00:27:40.880
But sometimes our yes is actually an act of disobedience.
00:27:41.119 --> 00:27:48.480
So we have to be prayerful, we have to give ourselves space to go before the Lord and actually present to him the thing that we're being asked to do.
00:27:48.559 --> 00:27:50.880
Like, Lord, is this what you're calling me to do?
00:27:51.119 --> 00:27:52.400
Um, possibly not.
00:27:52.559 --> 00:27:57.599
I'm in a situation right now where uh I serve on several different boards.
00:27:57.680 --> 00:27:59.920
Uh, I love every single one of them.
00:28:00.240 --> 00:28:16.960
And um God has placed in my heart some really big visions, ambitious visions for ministry that's gonna require a level of capacity that I'm gonna have to free up by saying no to some things that are good, but they're not God's best.
00:28:17.759 --> 00:28:19.119
They're good things.
00:28:19.359 --> 00:28:22.960
They're actually great things, but they're not the best things.
00:28:23.200 --> 00:28:37.759
And so I have to be willing to uh to discern that and just make sure that I don't allow fear, uh, the fear of rejection to creep in and become the decision maker for me, uh, as opposed to the calling of God.
00:28:37.920 --> 00:28:43.920
And so um, I want to share with you just kind of what this looks like um biblically.
00:28:44.240 --> 00:29:01.680
So in uh in the book of Exodus, chapter 18, there is a story where um Moses' father-in-law, Jethro, uh, visits him because he heard about um everything that God had done for Israel and delivering them out of Egypt.
00:29:01.839 --> 00:29:09.279
And so he he comes to Moses because he just wants to see for himself uh what God has done and what God is doing.
00:29:09.359 --> 00:29:14.559
And so um, you know, the Bible says in verse 7 that Moses went out uh to meet his father-in-law.
00:29:14.640 --> 00:29:22.559
He bowed down, he kissed him, they greeted each other, and then Moses told his father-in-law about everything the Lord had done to Pharaoh and the Egyptians and all that.
00:29:22.720 --> 00:29:28.240
And then it says, Jethro was delighted to hear about all the good things that the Lord had done for Israel.
00:29:28.319 --> 00:29:34.480
He was he was just proud of Moses and he was um excited about what God was doing.
00:29:34.720 --> 00:29:46.960
And then it says, uh, it says, uh, the next day, this is verse 13, Moses took his seat to serve as judge for the people, and they stood around him from morning till evening.
00:29:47.039 --> 00:29:52.559
When his father-in-law saw all that Moses was doing for the people, he said, What is this you are doing for the people?
00:29:52.720 --> 00:29:58.799
Why do you alone sit as judge while all these people stand around you from morning uh till evening?
00:29:58.960 --> 00:30:02.720
And Moses said, Because the people come to me to seek God's will.
00:30:02.880 --> 00:30:08.880
Whenever they have a dispute, it is brought to me, and I decide between the parties and inform them of God's decrees and instructions.
00:30:09.039 --> 00:30:15.279
Now, what Moses describes is uh in many ways a form of ministry.
00:30:15.359 --> 00:30:18.319
Like he's literally from sunup to sundown.
00:30:18.480 --> 00:30:22.000
He is he is helping to discern God's will for the people.
00:30:22.240 --> 00:30:24.480
He is instructing them in what God has said.
00:30:24.640 --> 00:30:28.319
Uh, and there's all these people coming to him to seek this wisdom.
00:30:28.559 --> 00:30:33.279
But in verse 17, Moses' father-in-law says, What you are doing is not good.
00:30:33.759 --> 00:30:37.279
You and these people who come to you will only wear yourselves out.
00:30:37.519 --> 00:30:39.920
The work is too heavy for you.
00:30:40.240 --> 00:30:42.480
You cannot handle it alone.
00:30:42.640 --> 00:31:00.559
And so then Jethro uh essentially gives Moses a framework for how to uh share the load among other people of wisdom and stature so that they can also help to serve as uh mediators between the people and God and provide discernment and wisdom.
00:31:00.640 --> 00:31:16.799
Um, and and that became a method for Moses to begin to kind of extricate himself out of the day-to-day burden of uh mediating between God and the people, so that he could then do more for the people.
00:31:16.960 --> 00:31:19.279
He could do more for God.
00:31:19.440 --> 00:31:30.240
And so I think it's really important that we look at that example and we see that just because something is a good thing to do doesn't mean it's a God, uh God thing to do.
00:31:30.400 --> 00:31:32.960
And and that's not a failure of calling.
00:31:33.039 --> 00:31:37.519
I believe that is uh the wisdom of sustainable stewardship.
00:31:37.680 --> 00:31:41.680
In Mark chapter 1, verses 35 through 38, we see something very interesting.
00:31:41.920 --> 00:31:50.720
After a full day of um teaching and healing and ministry, you know, Jesus, uh, Jesus actually kind of went away from the people.
00:31:50.880 --> 00:32:00.640
The Bible says uh very early in the morning while it was still dark, Jesus got up, he left the house, and he went off to a solitary place where he prayed.
00:32:00.880 --> 00:32:06.400
Now, I want to read something to you because uh we're talking about Jesus, all right?
00:32:06.720 --> 00:32:10.079
We're talking about the holy son of God.
00:32:10.400 --> 00:32:14.319
Um, the Bible tells us, again, this is uh Mark chapter one.
00:32:15.279 --> 00:32:30.160
So he goes, he goes to this solitary place, he goes away, um, and then uh in verse 36, the Bible says that Simon and his companions went to look for him, and when they found him, they exclaimed, Everyone is looking for you.
00:32:30.480 --> 00:32:38.079
Jesus replied, Let us go somewhere else to the nearby villages, so I can preach there also.
00:32:38.240 --> 00:32:39.839
That is why I have come.
00:32:40.160 --> 00:32:53.440
How fascinating that the Holy Son of God, not only did he withdraw himself, but when when the disciples said, Hey, the people are looking for you, Jesus didn't immediately say, Oh, okay, and then run to the people.
00:32:53.599 --> 00:32:55.839
No, he said, Let's go somewhere else.
00:32:56.160 --> 00:33:01.839
And I think that this story actually typifies something that's really, really powerful.
00:33:01.920 --> 00:33:07.359
And that is, if we're not careful, accessibility can create disability.
00:33:07.519 --> 00:33:08.720
What do you mean, Nona?
00:33:09.119 --> 00:33:20.319
Sometimes when people depend on you and when you make yourself dependable, your dependability can actually handicap their growth.
00:33:20.559 --> 00:33:27.759
So the fact that you're always available, the fact that you, you know, show up Johnny on the spot, whatever you need, I'm here.
00:33:27.920 --> 00:33:29.839
Like you're the one who's overextending yourself.
00:33:30.000 --> 00:33:36.720
If you overextend yourself, then that means that they can underextend themselves, which means that they don't grow.
00:33:37.359 --> 00:33:42.720
In Matthew chapter 11, verses 28 through 30, Jesus says something very uh well known.
00:33:42.880 --> 00:33:47.599
He says, Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
00:33:47.759 --> 00:33:49.839
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me.
00:33:50.079 --> 00:33:53.359
For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
00:33:53.519 --> 00:34:06.079
So if what you are carrying feels crushing, if the weight of it just feels overwhelming, I want you to know that what you're carrying is most likely not Jesus' yoke.
00:34:06.720 --> 00:34:10.880
Because his yoke is easy and the burden is light.
00:34:12.320 --> 00:34:18.400
But the weight of accumulated yeses is heavy, it's exhausting.
00:34:18.639 --> 00:34:26.000
The obligation uh creates a burden that is too heavy uh for your gift to sustain.
00:34:26.719 --> 00:34:33.440
Because the grace on your gift is only for the assignment your gift is called to.
00:34:34.480 --> 00:34:40.480
So I want to give you a practical framework for discerning what you should say yes to, all right?
00:34:40.559 --> 00:34:44.480
And this is something that I want you to think about just over the next few days.
00:34:44.639 --> 00:34:46.559
Consider all the things you have on your plate.
00:34:46.639 --> 00:34:49.280
Uh, and there may be things on your plate that you're just not called to.
00:34:49.440 --> 00:34:53.280
Um, the first thing is this this is a question for you to ask.
00:34:53.519 --> 00:34:58.000
Is this mind to carry or mind to care about?
00:34:59.440 --> 00:35:00.559
Two different things.
00:35:01.360 --> 00:35:05.199
Something can be important and not be your assignment.
00:35:07.440 --> 00:35:14.000
Ooh, you can see a need and not be the one that God has designated to meet that need.
00:35:14.559 --> 00:35:20.079
So ask yourself, is this mine specifically, or am I stepping in because no one else has?
00:35:20.960 --> 00:35:29.519
I um had a revelation many years ago because I would be the one that if I saw a need and nobody was stepping in to do it, I would just do it.
00:35:29.599 --> 00:35:34.800
Even if I wasn't graced for it, even if I wasn't really called to it, but hey, there's a need, so I'll do it.
00:35:35.039 --> 00:35:52.480
And uh the Lord freed me from that by helping me to realize that um if there is a need that he genuinely has, he will either raise up someone or some people to meet it, or the timing will be such that he won't raise up anyone to meet it.
00:35:52.559 --> 00:35:55.519
And so you don't have to step into something that's not yours to do.
00:35:55.760 --> 00:36:04.079
The second question I want you to ask yourself is does this align with my primary assignment in this season?
00:36:04.239 --> 00:36:07.039
Every season has a primary assignment.
00:36:07.199 --> 00:36:18.719
Um, I remember when my children were very young, and see, this is you know, the word regret is not something that I like, but I do think that um if I knew different, I would have done different.
00:36:18.880 --> 00:36:24.559
Um, when my children were very young, I had um high-level executive role.
00:36:24.719 --> 00:36:26.719
I was traveling a lot.
00:36:27.280 --> 00:36:38.239
And um, you know, as I look back on that season, I can see how my primary assignment for that season should have been my children, needed to be my children.
00:36:38.559 --> 00:36:43.840
My mind, however, was on the need to support our lifestyle, our um financial obligations.
00:36:43.920 --> 00:36:50.559
I think around that time my husband had just gone into full-time ministry, and so um our family had to take a pay cut in order for him to do that.
00:36:50.639 --> 00:37:00.000
And so I was just thinking, like, okay, well, I want us to be able to have a great lifestyle, but um, the primary assignment for that season was my children.
00:37:00.239 --> 00:37:05.519
I will say I thank God because he has redeemed those years, he has redeemed that time.
00:37:05.599 --> 00:37:06.800
My children and I are very close.
00:37:06.880 --> 00:37:08.239
We have a great relationship.
00:37:08.400 --> 00:37:15.360
Um, but there were some rocky, there were some rocky times where um they, they, they didn't really like me that much.
00:37:15.440 --> 00:37:19.039
And uh that's partly because I just I wasn't here as much as I would have liked to be.
00:37:19.280 --> 00:37:25.440
So ask yourself, does whatever this thing is, this invitation, does this align with my primary assignment in this season?
00:37:25.599 --> 00:37:29.440
Number three, what does a yes here cost?
00:37:29.840 --> 00:37:31.840
And do I have that to give?
00:37:32.000 --> 00:37:35.119
It is so important to count the cost of your yes.
00:37:35.280 --> 00:37:36.719
What is this gonna require of me?
00:37:36.880 --> 00:37:41.679
And do I actually have the capacity to meet the requirements of this yes?
00:37:41.840 --> 00:37:45.679
Um, and I don't mean just in energy or attention or emotional capacity.
00:37:45.840 --> 00:37:48.880
I'm talking about how is this going to affect your spiritual health?
00:37:49.039 --> 00:37:51.599
How is this going to affect your primary relationship?
00:37:51.760 --> 00:37:56.480
Every yes that you make um really is a no to something else.
00:37:56.639 --> 00:38:02.480
Even if you don't intentionally say no to something else, your yes is saying no to something else.
00:38:02.639 --> 00:38:06.239
So what are you going to say no to so that you can say this yes wholeheartedly?
00:38:06.400 --> 00:38:12.079
Question four to ask yourself is can I do this sustainably or only heroically?
00:38:12.320 --> 00:38:19.760
And what I mean heroically, what I mean is is this going to require a level of sacrifice that is going to be detrimental to me?
00:38:20.079 --> 00:38:31.119
Or is this going to be sustainable to where um I can take this on and it's not going to cost me in a way that's going to actually harm me, harm my relationships, harm my future, harm my destiny.
00:38:31.280 --> 00:38:36.400
The last question to consider is have I prayed specifically about this, or am I just responding to the need?
00:38:36.559 --> 00:38:39.360
When I tell you I'm so guilty of this, oh, I'm so guilty.
00:38:39.519 --> 00:38:40.400
I am so guilty.
00:38:40.559 --> 00:38:55.119
And God has been um really working on me with this specifically, is I tend to say yes before I've even asked God, is this the yes you are inviting me to?
00:38:55.280 --> 00:38:58.880
Or is this just the yes that I'm being asked to consider?
00:38:59.599 --> 00:39:01.440
Um, but pause.
00:39:01.599 --> 00:39:08.239
Give yourself give yourself grace because need is not always call.
00:39:08.639 --> 00:39:12.719
Just because there's a need, that doesn't mean that that there's a calling on your life to meet that need.
00:39:12.880 --> 00:39:15.760
And you need to be able to discern discern that.
00:39:15.920 --> 00:39:23.119
So uh I gave you, I gave you five questions that you can use to discern your yes.
00:39:23.519 --> 00:39:28.880
Um and there are some reflection questions that I'm gonna invite you into as well.
00:39:29.119 --> 00:39:37.519
Um what is on your plate now because you're capable of doing it, but not necessarily because God called you to do it?
00:39:38.239 --> 00:39:45.199
Number two, where have you confused the accumulation of good things with the assignment of called things?
00:39:45.360 --> 00:39:50.719
Number three, what does my primary assignment in this season require of me?
00:39:50.880 --> 00:39:53.679
And is what I'm carrying actually aligned with that?
00:39:53.840 --> 00:40:00.719
And then number four, what would I need to release in order to show up fully for what is truly mine?
00:40:01.199 --> 00:40:04.480
But I want you to consider these questions over this week.
00:40:04.559 --> 00:40:12.960
Uh, and then, you know, as you move into the future, I want you to be able to use that five-part framework to discern your yes.
00:40:13.119 --> 00:40:17.119
I think that's going to be really, really valuable for you going forward.
00:40:17.440 --> 00:40:24.800
Look, God does not call us to everything, he just doesn't, but he does call us to be faithful over the few things that he calls us to.
00:40:24.960 --> 00:40:32.639
And so just make sure that you're not allowing your rejection wound to pull you into spaces that God has not called you to.
00:40:32.880 --> 00:40:54.480
So just to pray over you real quick, um, God, for those who are watching and listening who maybe they've been struggling with saying yes in unhealthy ways, saying yes out of wounds of rejection, God, I just pray that you will give them grace, Lord, to discern what you are calling them to, uh, not just because it's been placed in front of them, Lord.
00:40:54.800 --> 00:41:06.400
God, give them the strength, give them the courage and the backbone to say no where there is misalignment so that they can say yes uh to what you have decided they need to be doing in this season.
00:41:06.480 --> 00:41:07.920
In Jesus' name I pray.
00:41:08.159 --> 00:41:08.639
Amen.
00:41:08.880 --> 00:41:16.159
Listen, uh, next week we're going to start a new series that I am so, so, so, so excited about.
00:41:16.239 --> 00:41:18.159
Um, I cannot wait to dive into it with you.
00:41:18.320 --> 00:41:25.679
Listen, um, I think you may know this, but I think as Christians, we tend to be encouraged to, you know, smile through pain.
00:41:25.840 --> 00:41:31.519
We tend to be encouraged uh to forgive before we've even processed uh the pain.
00:41:31.760 --> 00:41:34.719
And uh we've been told that we have to tame our emotions.
00:41:34.880 --> 00:41:37.760
We have to, you know, kind of tamp down our emotions.
00:41:37.840 --> 00:41:43.119
And so because of that, I think that we we know how to be gracious, but we don't necessarily know how to be honest.
00:41:43.280 --> 00:41:49.519
Um, I think we we know how to turn the other cheek, but uh we don't really know how to handle uh our hurt.
00:41:49.679 --> 00:42:04.159
And so we have been taught the need to forgive, but we've not been taught how to handle the pain that remains after forgiveness, especially when the person who hurts us isn't sorry.
00:42:04.320 --> 00:42:20.480
But uh as we start the new series next week, the question that we're going to be wrestling with is you know, what if the feelings that you've been taught to suppress actually hold the key to your freedom when expressed to God?
00:42:20.800 --> 00:42:30.559
We're gonna kick off uh a new series that's going to explore some of the themes in my new book that will be releasing October 13th called The Power of Petty Prayers.
00:42:30.639 --> 00:42:36.159
Um, and we're going to be exploring uh next week when forgiveness doesn't heal.
00:42:36.320 --> 00:42:39.599
Trust me, you are not going to want to miss that episode.
00:42:39.760 --> 00:42:41.599
You are going to want to get the book.
00:42:41.679 --> 00:42:42.960
You can pre order it now.
00:42:43.119 --> 00:42:46.719
Anywhere that books are sold, I'm telling you, it's going to bless your life.
00:42:46.880 --> 00:42:54.159
Um, but we're going to tackle these issues head on so that we can get free from the pain that remains after forgiveness.
00:42:54.320 --> 00:42:57.920
Remember this God loves you so deeply, and so do I.
00:42:58.079 --> 00:42:59.440
I'll see you next time.
00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:03.359
Hey friend, this is Nona, and I am so glad that you're here.
00:00:03.759 --> 00:00:13.119
This podcast exists to provide a safe space where people can ask the hard questions that they're carrying in their heart and receive biblical wisdom from me, a friend.
00:00:13.519 --> 00:00:19.920
In order for this podcast to be distributed as far and wide as possible, ratings and reviews really, really matter.
00:00:20.160 --> 00:00:26.239
So when you can, please leave a rating and also leave a comment because I love to read your feedback.
00:00:26.480 --> 00:00:30.879
I hope that you give it five stars, but whatever rating you give it, it really, really matters.
00:00:30.960 --> 00:00:34.079
So please just take a minute and let me know what you think, okay?
00:00:34.320 --> 00:00:35.359
I'm so glad you're here.
00:00:35.520 --> 00:00:36.159
Enjoy the show.
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There's a particular kind of exhaustion that belongs to people who are genuinely gifted.
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Not the exhaustion of someone who is struggling to keep up, but the exhaustion of someone who keeps getting asked because they're capable, because they show up, because the joy they carry makes people want them in the room.
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And so the invitations keep coming, the boards, the committees, the volunteer roles, the ministry assignments, the professional responsibilities, the community commitments.
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And you said yes because you love people, because you feel the call, because the work matters, because turning down the opportunity to make a difference feels like turning down God Himself.
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But then one day you look up and the weight of everything you're carrying feels less like purpose and more like pressure, less like calling and more like sealing.
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And you find yourself wondering, how do I keep doing all of this without something or someone falling through the cracks?
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And the something you are most afraid of losing is not a project or a position.
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It's yourself.
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Today's episode is for the person whose yes has become your greatest liability.
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Not because the yes is wrong, but because it keeps writing checks that your capacity cannot cash indefinitely.
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Let's talk about it.
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Welcome to Just Nona.
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Just Nona is not simply a show.
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For me, it is ministry where I get to share the truth of God's word and answer the questions that so many of us carry in our hearts.
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But we're just afraid to ask.
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I cannot tell you how many people have either commented or messaged me saying that they have found their way back to hope in Jesus because of the answers provided on this show.
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Up until now, this show has been entirely funded by me.
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But God has placed a really big vision in my heart to expand it globally.
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And I simply can't do it without you.
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So if you have been blessed by this show, would you consider partnering with me by giving a gift of any amount to help us grow the reach and impact of this ministry?
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If yes, there's two ways to help.
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If you're watching on YouTube, just click the donate button, or you can head over to nonajones.com and click the give button at the top of the site.
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Now, when you go to nonajones.com and give there, you can either give a one-time gift of any amount, or if you really believe in this ministry and want to support in a deeper way, you can become a ministry partner by signing up to give monthly.
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I would be so, so grateful.
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May God bless you for your generosity.
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All right, back to the show.
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Today's heart question comes to us from a beautiful sister named Janile.
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Janile, welcome to the show.
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Tell us what's on your heart.
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Hey, Nona, this is Janile Morris in Gainesville, Florida.
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And the question that I have for you today is as a professional who loves people and carries a lot of joy with me wherever I go.
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And it seems that because of that, you get drawn in and pulled into different projects and serving on different boards.
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And sometimes the weight of the responsibility of serving the Lord, serving in the community, and your professional work seems a bit of a daunting task that sometimes and some days seems pretty insurmountable.
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So the question that I have is how does one balance all of those things where you have the call of the Lord in your life and you know He's calling in you to do different things, and as time is going by, you're noticing more responsibility, you're noticing how you know the weight is great.
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And how do you balance all of that?
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Just trying to navigate your everyday life without any of the pieces falling to the wayside.
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Thanks so much in advance for your answer to my question.
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Really appreciate it.
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Janile, thank you so much for asking this question.
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I think it's a question that many of us wrestle with.
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Um, those of us who, you know, are not only talented and gifted, but also just have a heart for people can end up in situations where we're like, what in the world is happening?
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I just, I got so much on my plate.
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And so the question that you asked is how do I do everything that God has called me to do without burning out?
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That's essentially what I heard the question that you asked.
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But there's a question behind that question that I want to deal with.
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And I always like to get into the question behind the question because I think that's what really promotes the surface question.
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And that is, is the weight that I'm carrying, is it evidence of faithfulness or is something out of alignment here?
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And so we're going to deal with the presenting question, which is of course, um, how do I do all the things that I believe God's called me to?
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But we're also gonna deal with the question, um, yeah, is this faithfulness or is something off here?
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We're gonna deal with both of those.
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So let's first talk about um what it means to be a gifted person and the weight that gifted people tend to tend to carry.
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So I think this is actually more common than uh than you may realize.
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I talk to so many people, whether it's through uh my coaching practice, um, whether it's just through ministry, um uh emails that I get from people who read my books, I hear from so many people about just this, just the sense of overwhelm and exhaustion and just kind of uh being being pulled in so many different directions.
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And um, what you're describing, Janile, is is actually a pattern that psychologists call over functioning overcommitment.
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Okay.
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Um, it's also known as high functioning overcommitment, and it's a cycle uh that looks a little bit like this.
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So a person, you know, maybe they have uh a unique set of gifts.
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And uh in your case, Janile, you know, it's your joy, it's your warmth, you have a high degree of relational capacity, you have professional competence, and um, all of those gifts are great, and those gifts actually can make you very visible.
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And so the visibility then starts to generate invitations, it generates opportunities.
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And because you have a sense of calling, um, a lot of those invitations and opportunities will feel aligned with your calling, especially if you feel that you're called to love people and to serve people.
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And so um saying no to those invitations and opportunities can actually feel wrong.
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It can feel like you're being selfish uh with your gift.
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And so you say yes, and you say yes again and again and again until there is an accumulation of yeses uh that produces a weight that your original gift simply cannot uh carry alone.
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And I'm gonna get into this a little bit more in a in a few minutes, but um, our our gifts come with grace.
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Grace is a uh supernatural endowment um of power, which power is simply the ability to do something.
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So our gifts come with um an endowment of grace, but that level of grace um is finite in cases where we're exercising the gift outside of our purpose and outside of our calling.
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I'll get into that more in a minute.
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Um, but I would say that uh this feeling of being pulled in so many different directions, it's definitely not a character flaw.
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I think it actually speaks to a heart of compassion, a heart to serve.
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And I think it's what happens when uh gifted, called, loving people are simply given uh the opportunity to do more than their discernment may be prepared to filter uh through their actual capacity.
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And so, hey, been there, done that, got the t-shirt.
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I'll explain more about that in a minute.
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I think that the danger with um overextending ourselves beyond our capacity, it's actually not just burnout.
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There's a lot of uh conversation just in culture about burnout, uh especially in the church, there's been a lot of conversation about pastoral burnout.
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Um, and and the risk of burnout is very, very real if nothing changes.
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But I think that the deeper danger of uh being chronically overcommitted is that um the gifts that you have and the gifts that um make you unique can actually start to uh cause harm to you.
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Uh your joy can get depleted, um, your warmth can become performative.
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Um, capacity that may have once felt limitless starts to feel very constrained.
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It starts to feel like it's boxing you in.
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You feel uh almost like you don't have the power to choose whether or not to do something.
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So it can also become kind of like uh bondage.
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And and one thing is completely certain, you cannot uh give out of an empty well.
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You cannot pour out of an empty uh container.
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Um and so if you are perpetually running at capacity, if you are even running over capacity from season to season, all it takes is one hard season for you to um to end up not just empty, but destroyed.
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Um and I've seen that, I've seen that happen, man.
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And it's so it's so sad where you're giving and giving and giving and giving and serving and giving and giving and giving, and then um you give so much that you don't have a reservoir of grace for yourself when when the hard season comes, and that can actually create resentment because um you've given so much to other people and maybe they're not giving back to you at the way that you need, and so that can create resentment.
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So I want to make a distinction between what I call um calling and accumulation, so uh, and I want to make this distinction because listen, as a a type triple A person, um I very rarely exercise the power of no, you know.
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Um, I and I mentioned this this in one of the previous episodes I did, um, because of the trauma of my childhood, I developed a very self-reliant personality type.
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And so uh there are very few things that I don't believe I can do simply because I've had to do them, as an example.
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Um, I can build websites.
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Why can I build websites?
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Not because I went to school to learn how to build websites, but because I actually paid people to build websites and they didn't do the work, they didn't complete the work, uh, it was shoddy work and maybe they didn't respond to my emails.
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And so I learned how to go into the back end of systems and understand HTML so that I could then build websites.
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Thank God now we have things like Webflow and uh WordPress and all these things, so we can actually build websites through templates, but I didn't have that when I first started out.
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And so I had to learn HTML, y'all.
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So I know how to I know how to build websites.
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I know how to design graphics.
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It's not because I went to school for graphic design, it's not because I worked in uh the creative ministry at a church.
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It's because I had people that I had hired to do things for me and they either missed deadlines or the work that they turned in was in no way um aligned with the vision that I had.
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And so I had to teach myself not just how to use things like Canva, because when I first started out, I was using Photoshop.
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There wasn't Canva.
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I had to teach myself how to use Photoshop, and then I had to teach myself um how to design uh assets that actually look good.
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Because I think we all know that uh just because you you have Canva doesn't mean that you know how to actually create an asset that looks good.
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So I had to teach myself those things.
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Uh there's a lot of things that I can do.
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Uh I can I can play the piano by ear.
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Um there's so much.
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But again, many people have said to me, they're like, you're so gifted.
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Like, is there anything you can't do?
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And um part of the reason why I am gifted is because I have been disappointed.
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And so um, if we're not careful, if we're not careful, uh sometimes we can we can mistake being disappointed uh with an opportunity to uh step in and and do something, with an opportunity to or an invitation to step in and fix something.
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Um but uh I think it's really important, uh especially for a person of faith, to please understand this not every open door is a door that God opened for you.
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Not every invitation to serve is a call to serve.
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And not every good thing is the right thing for this season of your life.
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Um I know what it's like.
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I really do.
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I know what it's like to just not want to let people down.
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And I think uh those of us who have experienced rejection, we're we're really sensitive to this.
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And so it becomes kind of a toxic combination.
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When you're gifted and you've experienced rejection, you can um become the kind of person that gets used.
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And that's very, very painful, but it's also very true.
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Um calling is is specific, it is directional, okay?
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Um, it's the thing that when you're in your calling, it actually energizes you because listen, there is grace on your calling.
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There is so much grace on your calling that even when it costs you, it still leaves you excited and energized.
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Um, but there isn't grace on every invitation that you're you're given.
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There's only grace on what you are called by God to do.
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Um, I often give the example at church uh when I was um a new mom, I was young and um, you know, I had these these small babies.
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And so I said, you know what, I'm gonna serve in the nursery because I was like, look, my babies are back there, and I just think it would only be right for me to also serve in the nursery since we have these wonderful women who are serving our family, so I'll serve in the nursery.
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Y'all, I quickly learned that um I have grace for my babies.
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I don't have grace for a room full of people's babies.
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Y'all.
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I lasted oh, maybe two Sundays, I think.
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I lasted two Sundays, and then I had to get up out of there because I I recognized that my frustration um was creating an atmosphere of tension in the nursery.
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And there were so many women who were called to that.
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Like they had, oh man, deep reservoirs of patience and grace for these babies.
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Um, and you know, when the babies would be throwing tantrums, they would just be like, oh, it's okay.
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Like, oh, hey, let's go over here and play.
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And I was just like, I don't know how y'all do it, but that's because they had a grace that I did not have.
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Um, and that grace was because that was a ministry that they were called to.
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Uh, your calling will be aligned with who God has made you to be and the gifts and the abilities that He has placed in you because He He wants you to operate in your calling.
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So the grace is going to be there really as a reward for your obedience.
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Now that said, accumulation is different than calling, because accumulation is essentially a collection of responsibilities.
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It's a collection of good things that may have never been meant for you to do either simultaneously or at all.
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Sometimes we say yes to things simply because we want to be liked, or we say yes to things simply because we're asked to do it.
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Um, and the result of that is that if you say yes uh to every need that is presented to you, every need that you may even be capable of meeting, um, you can end up with a lot of things on your plate that you're simply not graced for.
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You're not graced for.
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And so one of the practices that I believe we have to employ um as believers for sure, but I think just as um human beings that God has called, is we have to uh practice what I call strategic abandonment.
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This is a phrase that is often used in uh project management and also in um strategy development in companies, but I believe that it's also applicable to the way that we think about how we use our time and our energy and our talent and the grace of our call, is that um you only have so much time and energy, you only have so much talent, you only have so much uh grace.
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And so you have to make sure that you're applying that to what God has called you to.
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So if you have three things on your plate, three things that you know you're called to, and then you discern that perhaps you're supposed to do something else, well, the question becomes, okay, well, what are what things on your plate is God no longer calling you to?
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Like that's that's where it becomes a question of strategic abandonment.
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What is the thing that God is no longer calling me to that that has to be abandoned strategically so that I can make capacity for the new thing that God is calling me to?
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When we feel weight, when we feel burdened, um, that is not the weight of your calling.
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That is actually the weight of accumulation.
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Because your calling, you will feel the weight of responsibility.
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Uh, you will feel the weight of accountability, but you won't feel the weight of exhaustion and and burden, like it's um, like it's too heavy for you.
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Uh, that's how you know that you're you're dealing with accumulation.
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So um I think it's also important to understand that your body is going to be the first indicator that you have accumulated more than you have been called to.
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Um, and that's why our body has has limits.
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That's why we need rest.
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That's why we need times of um of getting away, times of stillness to be with the Lord.
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We have 24 hours in a day.
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And um, if you think about it, rest has actually been built into the rhythm of creation.
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When you look at all that God did, all that he created.
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And let's be very clear: God is limitless in his energy.
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He is limitless in his uh grace, he is limitless in his capacity.
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And yet it says it on the seventh day.
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God rested.
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Why would God rest when God doesn't need rest?
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I believe it's because he was giving us a model.
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He was giving us a framework for what we have to do, is we have to be able to Sabbath.
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Sabbath is so important that he made it a command.
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He made it a command that rest has to happen.
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It has to be part of how we show up in the world.
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Uh, when Jesus walked on the earth, I'm talking about the Son of God, y'all.
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Um, he had to do more uh in the three years of his public ministry than any of us have had to do in however many years of life that we may have on this earth, okay?
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He had to accomplish more in human history than any other human being who walked the earth.
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And yet he regularly withdrew from people.
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He said no to crowds, he would go to sleep in boats.
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Um, he sent people away so that he could get quiet.
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And so if Jesus, the Son of God, operated within uh limits, I think that we have to understand that limitations on our time, on our energy, on our calling, uh, that is not um that is not something that we should forsake.
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That is actually something we have to embrace as part of our design.
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Um, early in my career, uh, when my husband And I were, I think we were maybe three or four years into our marriage, and uh my career was just really starting to take off.
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I um was getting involved in the community here in uh Gainesville, Florida, where we live.
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I was uh getting invited to serve on boards.
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I was getting invited uh to be a part of different civic organizations and rotary club and all these types of things.
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And um, I remember there was one, there was one organization that I was invited to be a part of.
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And I was specifically asked to uh chair the young people's division, the young adult division, the young professional division of this organization.
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Uh, and it was a large organization and um very influential in the community.
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And I remember there were times when I would not only be asked to take care of things for the young professionals division, but I was asked to take care of things for other divisions of the organization where people were in leadership positions, but they weren't actually um being productive.
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They weren't producing anything.
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And so uh the chair of the organization came to me and asked me to take on some special projects.
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And uh I enthusiastically did it.
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I remember there were times when I would be up late at night working on things for the organization.
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Uh, mind you, I had a full-time job.
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Uh, I was married, so I had responsibility to my husband, very active at our church.
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Uh, I was very active in some other civic organizations at the time.
00:23:25.119 --> 00:23:29.519
And um I I remember I was just stretched so, so thin.
00:23:30.079 --> 00:23:41.519
And um, and I had a situation take place where I needed or I asked for the organization to support me in something that I was considering doing in the community.
00:23:41.839 --> 00:23:49.200
And uh the the chair, the person who I had been working so hard for, um, said no.
00:23:49.839 --> 00:23:50.640
Said no.
00:23:51.119 --> 00:23:56.319
After I don't know how many hours I had worked for this organization, all that I had done.
00:23:56.559 --> 00:24:00.640
Um, and it was something that they could have easily done, and they said no.
00:24:00.960 --> 00:24:06.559
And I thank God for that moment because um it became like a wake-up call for me.
00:24:06.640 --> 00:24:20.160
It was a it was a moment of sobriety where I had to just kind of open my eyes and see what was happening, which was it wasn't that um they were for me, it wasn't that they were um supporting me, it's that they were using me.
00:24:20.319 --> 00:24:29.839
And and I share this because sometimes, and this is why I said earlier, you know, sometimes our yes, it's not even about our call.
00:24:30.000 --> 00:24:33.279
Our yes is about uh fear of rejection.
00:24:33.440 --> 00:25:08.880
And if you have a rejection wound, whether from primary relationships, you know, with your parents, caregivers, or siblings, immediate family, maybe teachers in your early years, um, or you experienced rejection in a later relationship that was a romantic relationship, or even a platonic relationship that was just deeply uh impactful to you, um, it can cause you, if you're not careful, it can cause you to make uh your yes a proxy for worth, which is I'm gonna say yes because I want them to see me as worthy.
00:25:09.039 --> 00:25:11.519
I'm gonna say yes because I want them to like me.
00:25:11.680 --> 00:25:17.359
I'm going to say yes uh because I I want them to see me as valuable.
00:25:17.519 --> 00:25:21.680
So it's not even about calling, it's not about what God has assigned me to do.
00:25:21.839 --> 00:25:24.400
My yes is because I want to be liked.
00:25:24.559 --> 00:25:26.799
Uh, and I highly encourage you.
00:25:26.960 --> 00:25:40.640
If you have found yourself stressed, if you have found yourself feeling exhausted, I highly encourage you to deeply consider what is driving uh your yeses, your many yeses, uh fear of disappointment.
00:25:40.799 --> 00:25:42.559
Uh that was a huge issue for me.
00:25:42.720 --> 00:25:44.160
I feared disappointing people.
00:25:44.240 --> 00:25:46.240
I didn't want people to be upset with me.
00:25:46.480 --> 00:25:51.119
Oh, but when I got delivered from that, oh, it's like it opened up a whole new world.
00:25:51.200 --> 00:25:58.559
Like the ability to just be like, that doesn't work for me, or no, I'm not really called to that, but I appreciate you thinking of me.
00:25:58.799 --> 00:26:17.359
Um, that creates such a sense of empowerment because now instead of spending my energy and my time and my gifts on something that God didn't call me to, when God does call me to something, I have capacity and I have margin to pursue that thing with excellence and with fullness of heart.
00:26:17.599 --> 00:26:28.480
And so uh I want to talk a little bit about um where the weight of accumulated yeses can become dangerous to our identity.
00:26:28.720 --> 00:26:38.480
So um, if you know that you're called, that you're capable, that you're gifted, um, you can begin to believe that every invitation is an opportunity to serve God.
00:26:38.799 --> 00:26:48.319
And you can start to believe that saying no is actually letting people down, which means that um saying no could be letting God down.
00:26:48.559 --> 00:27:06.640
And then um you convince yourself that you have to keep saying yes because you don't want to let people down, you don't want to let God down, and eventually that yes can end up costing you more uh than you have because you see your no um as uh a black mark on your identity.
00:27:06.799 --> 00:27:22.640
You see your no as somehow being difficult or being selfish, when in fact, your no could just be a statement that this invitation is not aligned with my calling, and that can actually be an act of faithfulness, an act of obedience to God.
00:27:22.880 --> 00:27:26.000
No can be an act of obedience.
00:27:26.240 --> 00:27:36.480
And I think where the malformation, where the identity malformation happens, is when we uh believe that our yes is uh the language of faithfulness.
00:27:36.640 --> 00:27:40.880
But sometimes our yes is actually an act of disobedience.
00:27:41.119 --> 00:27:48.480
So we have to be prayerful, we have to give ourselves space to go before the Lord and actually present to him the thing that we're being asked to do.
00:27:48.559 --> 00:27:50.880
Like, Lord, is this what you're calling me to do?
00:27:51.119 --> 00:27:52.400
Um, possibly not.
00:27:52.559 --> 00:27:57.599
I'm in a situation right now where uh I serve on several different boards.
00:27:57.680 --> 00:27:59.920
Uh, I love every single one of them.
00:28:00.240 --> 00:28:16.960
And um God has placed in my heart some really big visions, ambitious visions for ministry that's gonna require a level of capacity that I'm gonna have to free up by saying no to some things that are good, but they're not God's best.
00:28:17.759 --> 00:28:19.119
They're good things.
00:28:19.359 --> 00:28:22.960
They're actually great things, but they're not the best things.
00:28:23.200 --> 00:28:37.759
And so I have to be willing to uh to discern that and just make sure that I don't allow fear, uh, the fear of rejection to creep in and become the decision maker for me, uh, as opposed to the calling of God.
00:28:37.920 --> 00:28:43.920
And so um, I want to share with you just kind of what this looks like um biblically.
00:28:44.240 --> 00:29:01.680
So in uh in the book of Exodus, chapter 18, there is a story where um Moses' father-in-law, Jethro, uh, visits him because he heard about um everything that God had done for Israel and delivering them out of Egypt.
00:29:01.839 --> 00:29:09.279
And so he he comes to Moses because he just wants to see for himself uh what God has done and what God is doing.
00:29:09.359 --> 00:29:14.559
And so um, you know, the Bible says in verse 7 that Moses went out uh to meet his father-in-law.
00:29:14.640 --> 00:29:22.559
He bowed down, he kissed him, they greeted each other, and then Moses told his father-in-law about everything the Lord had done to Pharaoh and the Egyptians and all that.
00:29:22.720 --> 00:29:28.240
And then it says, Jethro was delighted to hear about all the good things that the Lord had done for Israel.
00:29:28.319 --> 00:29:34.480
He was he was just proud of Moses and he was um excited about what God was doing.
00:29:34.720 --> 00:29:46.960
And then it says, uh, it says, uh, the next day, this is verse 13, Moses took his seat to serve as judge for the people, and they stood around him from morning till evening.
00:29:47.039 --> 00:29:52.559
When his father-in-law saw all that Moses was doing for the people, he said, What is this you are doing for the people?
00:29:52.720 --> 00:29:58.799
Why do you alone sit as judge while all these people stand around you from morning uh till evening?
00:29:58.960 --> 00:30:02.720
And Moses said, Because the people come to me to seek God's will.
00:30:02.880 --> 00:30:08.880
Whenever they have a dispute, it is brought to me, and I decide between the parties and inform them of God's decrees and instructions.
00:30:09.039 --> 00:30:15.279
Now, what Moses describes is uh in many ways a form of ministry.
00:30:15.359 --> 00:30:18.319
Like he's literally from sunup to sundown.
00:30:18.480 --> 00:30:22.000
He is he is helping to discern God's will for the people.
00:30:22.240 --> 00:30:24.480
He is instructing them in what God has said.
00:30:24.640 --> 00:30:28.319
Uh, and there's all these people coming to him to seek this wisdom.
00:30:28.559 --> 00:30:33.279
But in verse 17, Moses' father-in-law says, What you are doing is not good.
00:30:33.759 --> 00:30:37.279
You and these people who come to you will only wear yourselves out.
00:30:37.519 --> 00:30:39.920
The work is too heavy for you.
00:30:40.240 --> 00:30:42.480
You cannot handle it alone.
00:30:42.640 --> 00:31:00.559
And so then Jethro uh essentially gives Moses a framework for how to uh share the load among other people of wisdom and stature so that they can also help to serve as uh mediators between the people and God and provide discernment and wisdom.
00:31:00.640 --> 00:31:16.799
Um, and and that became a method for Moses to begin to kind of extricate himself out of the day-to-day burden of uh mediating between God and the people, so that he could then do more for the people.
00:31:16.960 --> 00:31:19.279
He could do more for God.
00:31:19.440 --> 00:31:30.240
And so I think it's really important that we look at that example and we see that just because something is a good thing to do doesn't mean it's a God, uh God thing to do.
00:31:30.400 --> 00:31:32.960
And and that's not a failure of calling.
00:31:33.039 --> 00:31:37.519
I believe that is uh the wisdom of sustainable stewardship.
00:31:37.680 --> 00:31:41.680
In Mark chapter 1, verses 35 through 38, we see something very interesting.
00:31:41.920 --> 00:31:50.720
After a full day of um teaching and healing and ministry, you know, Jesus, uh, Jesus actually kind of went away from the people.
00:31:50.880 --> 00:32:00.640
The Bible says uh very early in the morning while it was still dark, Jesus got up, he left the house, and he went off to a solitary place where he prayed.
00:32:00.880 --> 00:32:06.400
Now, I want to read something to you because uh we're talking about Jesus, all right?
00:32:06.720 --> 00:32:10.079
We're talking about the holy son of God.
00:32:10.400 --> 00:32:14.319
Um, the Bible tells us, again, this is uh Mark chapter one.
00:32:15.279 --> 00:32:30.160
So he goes, he goes to this solitary place, he goes away, um, and then uh in verse 36, the Bible says that Simon and his companions went to look for him, and when they found him, they exclaimed, Everyone is looking for you.
00:32:30.480 --> 00:32:38.079
Jesus replied, Let us go somewhere else to the nearby villages, so I can preach there also.
00:32:38.240 --> 00:32:39.839
That is why I have come.
00:32:40.160 --> 00:32:53.440
How fascinating that the Holy Son of God, not only did he withdraw himself, but when when the disciples said, Hey, the people are looking for you, Jesus didn't immediately say, Oh, okay, and then run to the people.
00:32:53.599 --> 00:32:55.839
No, he said, Let's go somewhere else.
00:32:56.160 --> 00:33:01.839
And I think that this story actually typifies something that's really, really powerful.
00:33:01.920 --> 00:33:07.359
And that is, if we're not careful, accessibility can create disability.
00:33:07.519 --> 00:33:08.720
What do you mean, Nona?
00:33:09.119 --> 00:33:20.319
Sometimes when people depend on you and when you make yourself dependable, your dependability can actually handicap their growth.
00:33:20.559 --> 00:33:27.759
So the fact that you're always available, the fact that you, you know, show up Johnny on the spot, whatever you need, I'm here.
00:33:27.920 --> 00:33:29.839
Like you're the one who's overextending yourself.
00:33:30.000 --> 00:33:36.720
If you overextend yourself, then that means that they can underextend themselves, which means that they don't grow.
00:33:37.359 --> 00:33:42.720
In Matthew chapter 11, verses 28 through 30, Jesus says something very uh well known.
00:33:42.880 --> 00:33:47.599
He says, Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
00:33:47.759 --> 00:33:49.839
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me.
00:33:50.079 --> 00:33:53.359
For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
00:33:53.519 --> 00:34:06.079
So if what you are carrying feels crushing, if the weight of it just feels overwhelming, I want you to know that what you're carrying is most likely not Jesus' yoke.
00:34:06.720 --> 00:34:10.880
Because his yoke is easy and the burden is light.
00:34:12.320 --> 00:34:18.400
But the weight of accumulated yeses is heavy, it's exhausting.
00:34:18.639 --> 00:34:26.000
The obligation uh creates a burden that is too heavy uh for your gift to sustain.
00:34:26.719 --> 00:34:33.440
Because the grace on your gift is only for the assignment your gift is called to.
00:34:34.480 --> 00:34:40.480
So I want to give you a practical framework for discerning what you should say yes to, all right?
00:34:40.559 --> 00:34:44.480
And this is something that I want you to think about just over the next few days.
00:34:44.639 --> 00:34:46.559
Consider all the things you have on your plate.
00:34:46.639 --> 00:34:49.280
Uh, and there may be things on your plate that you're just not called to.
00:34:49.440 --> 00:34:53.280
Um, the first thing is this this is a question for you to ask.
00:34:53.519 --> 00:34:58.000
Is this mind to carry or mind to care about?
00:34:59.440 --> 00:35:00.559
Two different things.
00:35:01.360 --> 00:35:05.199
Something can be important and not be your assignment.
00:35:07.440 --> 00:35:14.000
Ooh, you can see a need and not be the one that God has designated to meet that need.
00:35:14.559 --> 00:35:20.079
So ask yourself, is this mine specifically, or am I stepping in because no one else has?
00:35:20.960 --> 00:35:29.519
I um had a revelation many years ago because I would be the one that if I saw a need and nobody was stepping in to do it, I would just do it.
00:35:29.599 --> 00:35:34.800
Even if I wasn't graced for it, even if I wasn't really called to it, but hey, there's a need, so I'll do it.
00:35:35.039 --> 00:35:52.480
And uh the Lord freed me from that by helping me to realize that um if there is a need that he genuinely has, he will either raise up someone or some people to meet it, or the timing will be such that he won't raise up anyone to meet it.
00:35:52.559 --> 00:35:55.519
And so you don't have to step into something that's not yours to do.
00:35:55.760 --> 00:36:04.079
The second question I want you to ask yourself is does this align with my primary assignment in this season?
00:36:04.239 --> 00:36:07.039
Every season has a primary assignment.
00:36:07.199 --> 00:36:18.719
Um, I remember when my children were very young, and see, this is you know, the word regret is not something that I like, but I do think that um if I knew different, I would have done different.
00:36:18.880 --> 00:36:24.559
Um, when my children were very young, I had um high-level executive role.
00:36:24.719 --> 00:36:26.719
I was traveling a lot.
00:36:27.280 --> 00:36:38.239
And um, you know, as I look back on that season, I can see how my primary assignment for that season should have been my children, needed to be my children.
00:36:38.559 --> 00:36:43.840
My mind, however, was on the need to support our lifestyle, our um financial obligations.
00:36:43.920 --> 00:36:50.559
I think around that time my husband had just gone into full-time ministry, and so um our family had to take a pay cut in order for him to do that.
00:36:50.639 --> 00:37:00.000
And so I was just thinking, like, okay, well, I want us to be able to have a great lifestyle, but um, the primary assignment for that season was my children.
00:37:00.239 --> 00:37:05.519
I will say I thank God because he has redeemed those years, he has redeemed that time.
00:37:05.599 --> 00:37:06.800
My children and I are very close.
00:37:06.880 --> 00:37:08.239
We have a great relationship.
00:37:08.400 --> 00:37:15.360
Um, but there were some rocky, there were some rocky times where um they, they, they didn't really like me that much.
00:37:15.440 --> 00:37:19.039
And uh that's partly because I just I wasn't here as much as I would have liked to be.
00:37:19.280 --> 00:37:25.440
So ask yourself, does whatever this thing is, this invitation, does this align with my primary assignment in this season?
00:37:25.599 --> 00:37:29.440
Number three, what does a yes here cost?
00:37:29.840 --> 00:37:31.840
And do I have that to give?
00:37:32.000 --> 00:37:35.119
It is so important to count the cost of your yes.
00:37:35.280 --> 00:37:36.719
What is this gonna require of me?
00:37:36.880 --> 00:37:41.679
And do I actually have the capacity to meet the requirements of this yes?
00:37:41.840 --> 00:37:45.679
Um, and I don't mean just in energy or attention or emotional capacity.
00:37:45.840 --> 00:37:48.880
I'm talking about how is this going to affect your spiritual health?
00:37:49.039 --> 00:37:51.599
How is this going to affect your primary relationship?
00:37:51.760 --> 00:37:56.480
Every yes that you make um really is a no to something else.
00:37:56.639 --> 00:38:02.480
Even if you don't intentionally say no to something else, your yes is saying no to something else.
00:38:02.639 --> 00:38:06.239
So what are you going to say no to so that you can say this yes wholeheartedly?
00:38:06.400 --> 00:38:12.079
Question four to ask yourself is can I do this sustainably or only heroically?
00:38:12.320 --> 00:38:19.760
And what I mean heroically, what I mean is is this going to require a level of sacrifice that is going to be detrimental to me?
00:38:20.079 --> 00:38:31.119
Or is this going to be sustainable to where um I can take this on and it's not going to cost me in a way that's going to actually harm me, harm my relationships, harm my future, harm my destiny.
00:38:31.280 --> 00:38:36.400
The last question to consider is have I prayed specifically about this, or am I just responding to the need?
00:38:36.559 --> 00:38:39.360
When I tell you I'm so guilty of this, oh, I'm so guilty.
00:38:39.519 --> 00:38:40.400
I am so guilty.
00:38:40.559 --> 00:38:55.119
And God has been um really working on me with this specifically, is I tend to say yes before I've even asked God, is this the yes you are inviting me to?
00:38:55.280 --> 00:38:58.880
Or is this just the yes that I'm being asked to consider?
00:38:59.599 --> 00:39:01.440
Um, but pause.
00:39:01.599 --> 00:39:08.239
Give yourself give yourself grace because need is not always call.
00:39:08.639 --> 00:39:12.719
Just because there's a need, that doesn't mean that that there's a calling on your life to meet that need.
00:39:12.880 --> 00:39:15.760
And you need to be able to discern discern that.
00:39:15.920 --> 00:39:23.119
So uh I gave you, I gave you five questions that you can use to discern your yes.
00:39:23.519 --> 00:39:28.880
Um and there are some reflection questions that I'm gonna invite you into as well.
00:39:29.119 --> 00:39:37.519
Um what is on your plate now because you're capable of doing it, but not necessarily because God called you to do it?
00:39:38.239 --> 00:39:45.199
Number two, where have you confused the accumulation of good things with the assignment of called things?
00:39:45.360 --> 00:39:50.719
Number three, what does my primary assignment in this season require of me?
00:39:50.880 --> 00:39:53.679
And is what I'm carrying actually aligned with that?
00:39:53.840 --> 00:40:00.719
And then number four, what would I need to release in order to show up fully for what is truly mine?
00:40:01.199 --> 00:40:04.480
But I want you to consider these questions over this week.
00:40:04.559 --> 00:40:12.960
Uh, and then, you know, as you move into the future, I want you to be able to use that five-part framework to discern your yes.
00:40:13.119 --> 00:40:17.119
I think that's going to be really, really valuable for you going forward.
00:40:17.440 --> 00:40:24.800
Look, God does not call us to everything, he just doesn't, but he does call us to be faithful over the few things that he calls us to.
00:40:24.960 --> 00:40:32.639
And so just make sure that you're not allowing your rejection wound to pull you into spaces that God has not called you to.
00:40:32.880 --> 00:40:54.480
So just to pray over you real quick, um, God, for those who are watching and listening who maybe they've been struggling with saying yes in unhealthy ways, saying yes out of wounds of rejection, God, I just pray that you will give them grace, Lord, to discern what you are calling them to, uh, not just because it's been placed in front of them, Lord.
00:40:54.800 --> 00:41:06.400
God, give them the strength, give them the courage and the backbone to say no where there is misalignment so that they can say yes uh to what you have decided they need to be doing in this season.
00:41:06.480 --> 00:41:07.920
In Jesus' name I pray.
00:41:08.159 --> 00:41:08.639
Amen.
00:41:08.880 --> 00:41:16.159
Listen, uh, next week we're going to start a new series that I am so, so, so, so excited about.
00:41:16.239 --> 00:41:18.159
Um, I cannot wait to dive into it with you.
00:41:18.320 --> 00:41:25.679
Listen, um, I think you may know this, but I think as Christians, we tend to be encouraged to, you know, smile through pain.
00:41:25.840 --> 00:41:31.519
We tend to be encouraged uh to forgive before we've even processed uh the pain.
00:41:31.760 --> 00:41:34.719
And uh we've been told that we have to tame our emotions.
00:41:34.880 --> 00:41:37.760
We have to, you know, kind of tamp down our emotions.
00:41:37.840 --> 00:41:43.119
And so because of that, I think that we we know how to be gracious, but we don't necessarily know how to be honest.
00:41:43.280 --> 00:41:49.519
Um, I think we we know how to turn the other cheek, but uh we don't really know how to handle uh our hurt.
00:41:49.679 --> 00:42:04.159
And so we have been taught the need to forgive, but we've not been taught how to handle the pain that remains after forgiveness, especially when the person who hurts us isn't sorry.
00:42:04.320 --> 00:42:20.480
But uh as we start the new series next week, the question that we're going to be wrestling with is you know, what if the feelings that you've been taught to suppress actually hold the key to your freedom when expressed to God?
00:42:20.800 --> 00:42:30.559
We're gonna kick off uh a new series that's going to explore some of the themes in my new book that will be releasing October 13th called The Power of Petty Prayers.
00:42:30.639 --> 00:42:36.159
Um, and we're going to be exploring uh next week when forgiveness doesn't heal.
00:42:36.320 --> 00:42:39.599
Trust me, you are not going to want to miss that episode.
00:42:39.760 --> 00:42:41.599
You are going to want to get the book.
00:42:41.679 --> 00:42:42.960
You can pre order it now.
00:42:43.119 --> 00:42:46.719
Anywhere that books are sold, I'm telling you, it's going to bless your life.
00:42:46.880 --> 00:42:54.159
Um, but we're going to tackle these issues head on so that we can get free from the pain that remains after forgiveness.
00:42:54.320 --> 00:42:57.920
Remember this God loves you so deeply, and so do I.
00:42:58.079 --> 00:42:59.440
I'll see you next time.
