WEBVTT
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Sometimes telling the truth takes more courage than we think.
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And it's hard.
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Not because we don't know what's true, we often do, but because we're afraid of what might happen when we say it out loud.
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We might disappoint someone, we might be judged, we might have to admit that yes, we got something wrong.
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And I've been learning that avoiding the truth might protect you for a moment, but telling the truth can actually set you free.
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So today we are talking about honesty, courage, owning our choices, and what it looks like to start telling the truth, even when it's uncomfortable.
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I mean, I'm uncomfortable right now.
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I'm sweating already, but I do have to share.
00:00:48.960 --> 00:00:55.280
Because sometimes getting started again begins with simply saying, here's the truth.
00:00:55.520 --> 00:00:57.840
That's what this episode is all about.
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Welcome to Just Getting Started, a podcast about growing from right where you are, especially when you're feeling stuck, overwhelmed, uncertain, and wondering what comes next.
00:01:14.079 --> 00:01:24.480
Every day is an opportunity to take one small step, to try again, to try something new, and to give yourself the gift of a fresh start.
00:01:24.719 --> 00:01:26.799
I'm your host, Lindsay Seely.
00:01:27.280 --> 00:01:43.760
If you want to get started on your journey when it comes to healing, health, work, confidence, relationships, grief, purpose, or simply becoming a little more attuned and aligned with yourself, you're in the right place.
00:01:44.159 --> 00:01:48.159
I believe growth happens one small step at a time.
00:01:48.400 --> 00:01:50.480
So let's figure it out together.
00:01:50.719 --> 00:01:51.760
Are you ready?
00:01:52.000 --> 00:01:53.599
Let's get started.
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So just the other day, I caught myself twisting the truth.
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I can't tell you why I did it.
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I mean, I was close to the truth.
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It was pretty truthful, but not exactly truthful.
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And it was fine.
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I mean, I was believed.
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And afterwards, I think I just felt so guilty, so badly, maybe a little embarrassed.
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And I just, I couldn't do it.
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I just had to say the complete truth.
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And it really did feel good to do that.
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I felt that freedom did follow.
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But I don't really want to go through the details of like the truth that I twisted, because I don't think that matters.
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I think what the takeaway for me was is why?
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Why did I do that?
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I don't even think that this was a big deal or necessary.
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And yet I found myself twisting the truth.
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And I guess I just got curious.
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And so that's what we're jumping into.
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Let's get curious about lying and truth telling.
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So I wanted to start with three reasons I thought of for why we lie, because I think the why and the understanding is such a good starting point.
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So the first reason I thought of was just self-protection.
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We as humans, we know how to survive.
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We're really good at survival and we know how to stay safe.
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And if we feel that we are in danger, whatever the danger is, someone getting mad at us, maybe we are worried about getting fired, maybe you know, we don't want to get caught for something.
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I don't know what it is, but we will do anything to stay safe.
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And that means lying is sometimes smart and it is sometimes the right thing to do.
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So I get that.
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A second reason I came up with is that we can just be so afraid of getting in trouble that it's probably one of my biggest fears.
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I hate even thinking about someone being mad at me.
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Or we can fear judgment and conflict and being uncomfortable and being in any kind of stressful situation.
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And the third reason is that we can just feel really embarrassed or ashamed about some of the things we do or some of the things we say.
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And it's just something we don't want to feel.
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And so to avoid that terrible feeling or those feelings, it is sometimes it feels necessary to lie.
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So it is often easier to lie.
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It is stress-relieving to lie, it is sometimes really even safer to lie and to take that path of least resistance.
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So these reasons make sense to me, whether we call it lying or story spinning or twisting the truth.
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I think it's just important to understand that there's always a reason for our behavior.
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So I don't want to excuse lying.
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I don't ever want to say that it's okay.
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It really does depend on your situation and you.
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So this is not me judging or saying I'm never gonna lie or something like that.
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But I do want to see lying through this lens of self-compassion and understanding.
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And that's important.
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I'm probably gonna say that again.
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I want to see lying through the lens of self-compassion and understanding so we can generate some awareness, so we can be kind and gentle with ourselves, and hopefully we can get to, you know, learning some tools that bring us closer to telling the truth.
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That's it.
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So I thought of some examples of lies, and I wanted to share those with you.
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You might just call it lying because that's what it is, but I think that there are variations of the word lying.
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There is this area of gray, there are white lies, and there are half-truths, and there are distortions, there are embellishments or exaggerations or magnifications.
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I think lying can also be withholding or avoiding, or, you know, just presenting things a little bit differently.
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So whatever word we use, we know it's a lie.
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I believe we know, but we just make it a little bit different, probably to make ourselves feel better about when it happens, right?
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I was looking back and just kind of wondering when was the first time I twisted the truth, right?
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When was the first time I lied?
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And this memory popped into my brain, which is kind of embarrassing, but I'm gonna share it anyways.
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And I might get in trouble for this, even though it's been so long.
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When I was little, I don't think I thought about this, but I grabbed a pack of my new crayons and I decided that I would draw on our living room wall because it was white and it was kind of like a blank canvas to my little girl eyes.
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And so I drew all over it with every single color in the box.
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And I hope I had a really good time.
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I hope I enjoyed this experience because what came next was not enjoyable at all.
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So my dad came home from work and he lined up my brothers and I, and he was so angry.
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He asked us who did it, and my brothers all said they didn't, and I said I didn't.
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And I was pretty quick as a kid, and I thought really, really quickly, and I probably raised my hand or something, and my dad said yes.
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And I said, Well, I didn't do it, of course, but I know who did.
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And he said yes.
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And I said, My little brother did it.
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And the reason I did that was because he was so little, he didn't even have the words to defend himself.
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And I knew that, I knew that I could get out of this one.
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And I also knew I was pretty believable.
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Well, maybe my dad did know I did it, but I, yeah, no, that's a full-on lie.
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That's not even a twist of truth.
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And he couldn't get mad at my little brother.
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Nobody got mad at him.
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And it's like the problem went away.
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So to avoid getting in trouble, to avoid confessing, to avoid accountability, to avoid consequences, I made a choice in that moment.
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And yeah, I was probably so anxious, but I felt less anxious.
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And then I went about the rest of my day and went on playing whatever I did.
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So I think I learned at a very young age that when I am uncomfortable, it is easier to just get out of it.
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And I did.
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And yeah, I think that that is the moment where I learned that it worked.
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And then I forgot about it.
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And oh, of course, I'm sure I've twisted the truth many times in my life since then.
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But that was the key memory that stood out to me.
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And now, of course, like I do try to tell the truth, but I make some twists and turns.
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I think I'm working on it, and it's obviously not a hundred percent.
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But I think what I'm noticing is that any, anytime we don't tell the truth, like a little white lie or withholding information or changing things just a little, you know, to make ourselves sound better or to make something seem less bad.
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I do think that it stays with us.
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Like I don't think it's ever gonna feel good.
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And I also think it might not even be necessary.
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So, what I'm working on is just being a little uncomfortable.
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And instead of getting out of that discomfort with some truth twisting, I'm just trying to stay with the discomfort.
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And yeah, it's fully uncomfortable for me.
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But it is my hope that the more I do it, the more comfortable I feel, the more truths I tell, the closer to the truth that I get, just the more I'm living in alignment.
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And that that is my goal.
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Like that's happening in so many areas.
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So I'm happy for that.
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But yeah, the stories are so embarrassing.
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So I'm just gonna tell that one for now.
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But I wanted to also explain what I'm working on, and that is truth telling.
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But there are some caveats to this.
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So being a hundred percent truthful isn't exactly the goal.
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I know we're trying, but there's no perfect.
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Like we're not gonna hit it out of the park and we're not gonna get it right all of the time, of course.
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So definitely keep grace in mind and that compassionate peace.
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Sometimes I think it is completely understandable to take the time you need to process and to figure things out and to even wait on trusting people and who you're gonna share with or how you're gonna share things.
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I think it's completely fine to know that we need time and space and maybe some support and that it's not always safe or even healthy to tell the complete truth.
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So that is your decision.
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Like that's where discernment comes in, and that's when you knowing yourself comes in.
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So just think of those things, keep those things in mind because you definitely have to decide for you.
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And I don't know if you're like me in this truth twisting journey or if you're totally unlike me, but I did want to give some like clarity or specific things to think about when you're navigating your own journey.
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Let's call it.
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I just want to differentiate, I think, between three aspects of lying.
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So there is being honest, as in what I say is true.
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And that's where our actions align with our words.
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That is what I'm working on.
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And then there's transparency.
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So that's a little bit different.
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That's how much of the truth do I feel I'm ready to share?
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Because sometimes we can't be a hundred percent transparent or we shouldn't be that way.
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And then there's privacy, which means some things are yours to keep, some things are mine to keep.
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And you cannot be forced to share things that you're not ready to share or that you're not wanting to share.
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So I hope those three help.
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Just I want to bring some, yeah, some clarity to this I this big idea of being a liar wanting to tell the truth.
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So there is being honest, there is being transparent, and there is being private.
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And that's just something to consider on your own journey as you navigate this.
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And again, with a lot of gentleness and kindness and understanding and compassion, lots of compassion.
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So my takeaway in thinking about truth telling is that honesty isn't just, you know, I'm trying to be a good person.
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Because I think we're all trying to be a good person.
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But sometimes telling the truth does come with having to tolerate that someone might be disappointed, you might be judged, and there are reactions that people will have that we can't be responsible for managing.
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And I know that's hard, very hard.
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But I also think that this is important work.
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And again, I don't know where you are on your journey.
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You might just be getting started on this journey, as I think I am, because it's keeps coming up so much.
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You might be well into this journey.
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But I think that that's important to remember that, you know, with any growth, there's gonna be difficulty, there's gonna be discomfort, there's going to be resistance.
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But that actually means you're growing.
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Because I think I'm actually more concerned about people that are struggling with lying and don't even know or don't care.
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So I feel like the struggle is real, and the struggle is a sign that you are growing.
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And that is encouragement.
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So I think it might help at this time to just give a little script before I give you the final question for today's episode.
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So, this is what I came up with if you are wanting to have like a candid conversation with something, somebody, after you have maybe twisted the truth.
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So, this is a like a script for repair or reconciliation.
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So it could sound something like this.
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I need to tell you something, honestly.
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And then I told you something that wasn't true, and I'm sorry.
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But the truth is I think I was afraid or worried because so I'm telling you now because I really want to make it right and I want to move forward honestly, and that's it.
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And it is that simple but not easy.
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Simple but not easy.
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Okay, the question for today is what is one truth you've twisted that you can prepare to share with this script, with a script of your own, in your timing, whenever you're ready, whenever it feels right for you.
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So, yes, it requires some bravery, but here is my hope.
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I think it might also feel incredibly liberating.
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So, hey, be encouraged from this episode.
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As always, I would love to hear from you if you feel comfortable to share that with me.
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And I will see you in the next episode.
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Thanks for listening to Just Getting Started.
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Remember, you are not behind.
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You are not finished, and it is never too late to get started.
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Until next time, keep going and keep growing.
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One small step at a time.
00:00:00.479 --> 00:00:04.080
Sometimes telling the truth takes more courage than we think.
00:00:04.320 --> 00:00:06.160
And it's hard.
00:00:06.639 --> 00:00:16.239
Not because we don't know what's true, we often do, but because we're afraid of what might happen when we say it out loud.
00:00:16.559 --> 00:00:24.000
We might disappoint someone, we might be judged, we might have to admit that yes, we got something wrong.
00:00:24.320 --> 00:00:32.560
And I've been learning that avoiding the truth might protect you for a moment, but telling the truth can actually set you free.
00:00:32.880 --> 00:00:42.880
So today we are talking about honesty, courage, owning our choices, and what it looks like to start telling the truth, even when it's uncomfortable.
00:00:43.039 --> 00:00:44.960
I mean, I'm uncomfortable right now.
00:00:45.119 --> 00:00:48.640
I'm sweating already, but I do have to share.
00:00:48.960 --> 00:00:55.280
Because sometimes getting started again begins with simply saying, here's the truth.
00:00:55.520 --> 00:00:57.840
That's what this episode is all about.
00:01:00.399 --> 00:01:13.840
Welcome to Just Getting Started, a podcast about growing from right where you are, especially when you're feeling stuck, overwhelmed, uncertain, and wondering what comes next.
00:01:14.079 --> 00:01:24.480
Every day is an opportunity to take one small step, to try again, to try something new, and to give yourself the gift of a fresh start.
00:01:24.719 --> 00:01:26.799
I'm your host, Lindsay Seely.
00:01:27.280 --> 00:01:43.760
If you want to get started on your journey when it comes to healing, health, work, confidence, relationships, grief, purpose, or simply becoming a little more attuned and aligned with yourself, you're in the right place.
00:01:44.159 --> 00:01:48.159
I believe growth happens one small step at a time.
00:01:48.400 --> 00:01:50.480
So let's figure it out together.
00:01:50.719 --> 00:01:51.760
Are you ready?
00:01:52.000 --> 00:01:53.599
Let's get started.
00:02:03.120 --> 00:02:08.560
So just the other day, I caught myself twisting the truth.
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I can't tell you why I did it.
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I mean, I was close to the truth.
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It was pretty truthful, but not exactly truthful.
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And it was fine.
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I mean, I was believed.
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And afterwards, I think I just felt so guilty, so badly, maybe a little embarrassed.
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And I just, I couldn't do it.
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I just had to say the complete truth.
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And it really did feel good to do that.
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I felt that freedom did follow.
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But I don't really want to go through the details of like the truth that I twisted, because I don't think that matters.
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I think what the takeaway for me was is why?
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Why did I do that?
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I don't even think that this was a big deal or necessary.
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And yet I found myself twisting the truth.
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And I guess I just got curious.
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And so that's what we're jumping into.
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Let's get curious about lying and truth telling.
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So I wanted to start with three reasons I thought of for why we lie, because I think the why and the understanding is such a good starting point.
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So the first reason I thought of was just self-protection.
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We as humans, we know how to survive.
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We're really good at survival and we know how to stay safe.
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And if we feel that we are in danger, whatever the danger is, someone getting mad at us, maybe we are worried about getting fired, maybe you know, we don't want to get caught for something.
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I don't know what it is, but we will do anything to stay safe.
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And that means lying is sometimes smart and it is sometimes the right thing to do.
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So I get that.
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A second reason I came up with is that we can just be so afraid of getting in trouble that it's probably one of my biggest fears.
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I hate even thinking about someone being mad at me.
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Or we can fear judgment and conflict and being uncomfortable and being in any kind of stressful situation.
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And the third reason is that we can just feel really embarrassed or ashamed about some of the things we do or some of the things we say.
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And it's just something we don't want to feel.
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And so to avoid that terrible feeling or those feelings, it is sometimes it feels necessary to lie.
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So it is often easier to lie.
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It is stress-relieving to lie, it is sometimes really even safer to lie and to take that path of least resistance.
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So these reasons make sense to me, whether we call it lying or story spinning or twisting the truth.
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I think it's just important to understand that there's always a reason for our behavior.
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So I don't want to excuse lying.
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I don't ever want to say that it's okay.
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It really does depend on your situation and you.
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So this is not me judging or saying I'm never gonna lie or something like that.
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But I do want to see lying through this lens of self-compassion and understanding.
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And that's important.
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I'm probably gonna say that again.
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I want to see lying through the lens of self-compassion and understanding so we can generate some awareness, so we can be kind and gentle with ourselves, and hopefully we can get to, you know, learning some tools that bring us closer to telling the truth.
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That's it.
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So I thought of some examples of lies, and I wanted to share those with you.
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You might just call it lying because that's what it is, but I think that there are variations of the word lying.
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There is this area of gray, there are white lies, and there are half-truths, and there are distortions, there are embellishments or exaggerations or magnifications.
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I think lying can also be withholding or avoiding, or, you know, just presenting things a little bit differently.
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So whatever word we use, we know it's a lie.
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I believe we know, but we just make it a little bit different, probably to make ourselves feel better about when it happens, right?
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I was looking back and just kind of wondering when was the first time I twisted the truth, right?
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When was the first time I lied?
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And this memory popped into my brain, which is kind of embarrassing, but I'm gonna share it anyways.
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And I might get in trouble for this, even though it's been so long.
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When I was little, I don't think I thought about this, but I grabbed a pack of my new crayons and I decided that I would draw on our living room wall because it was white and it was kind of like a blank canvas to my little girl eyes.
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And so I drew all over it with every single color in the box.
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And I hope I had a really good time.
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I hope I enjoyed this experience because what came next was not enjoyable at all.
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So my dad came home from work and he lined up my brothers and I, and he was so angry.
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He asked us who did it, and my brothers all said they didn't, and I said I didn't.
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And I was pretty quick as a kid, and I thought really, really quickly, and I probably raised my hand or something, and my dad said yes.
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And I said, Well, I didn't do it, of course, but I know who did.
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And he said yes.
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And I said, My little brother did it.
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And the reason I did that was because he was so little, he didn't even have the words to defend himself.
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And I knew that, I knew that I could get out of this one.
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And I also knew I was pretty believable.
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Well, maybe my dad did know I did it, but I, yeah, no, that's a full-on lie.
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That's not even a twist of truth.
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And he couldn't get mad at my little brother.
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Nobody got mad at him.
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And it's like the problem went away.
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So to avoid getting in trouble, to avoid confessing, to avoid accountability, to avoid consequences, I made a choice in that moment.
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And yeah, I was probably so anxious, but I felt less anxious.
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And then I went about the rest of my day and went on playing whatever I did.
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So I think I learned at a very young age that when I am uncomfortable, it is easier to just get out of it.
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And I did.
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And yeah, I think that that is the moment where I learned that it worked.
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And then I forgot about it.
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And oh, of course, I'm sure I've twisted the truth many times in my life since then.
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But that was the key memory that stood out to me.
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And now, of course, like I do try to tell the truth, but I make some twists and turns.
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I think I'm working on it, and it's obviously not a hundred percent.
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But I think what I'm noticing is that any, anytime we don't tell the truth, like a little white lie or withholding information or changing things just a little, you know, to make ourselves sound better or to make something seem less bad.
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I do think that it stays with us.
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Like I don't think it's ever gonna feel good.
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And I also think it might not even be necessary.
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So, what I'm working on is just being a little uncomfortable.
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And instead of getting out of that discomfort with some truth twisting, I'm just trying to stay with the discomfort.
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And yeah, it's fully uncomfortable for me.
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But it is my hope that the more I do it, the more comfortable I feel, the more truths I tell, the closer to the truth that I get, just the more I'm living in alignment.
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And that that is my goal.
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Like that's happening in so many areas.
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So I'm happy for that.
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But yeah, the stories are so embarrassing.
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So I'm just gonna tell that one for now.
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But I wanted to also explain what I'm working on, and that is truth telling.
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But there are some caveats to this.
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So being a hundred percent truthful isn't exactly the goal.
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I know we're trying, but there's no perfect.
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Like we're not gonna hit it out of the park and we're not gonna get it right all of the time, of course.
00:11:09.919 --> 00:11:15.360
So definitely keep grace in mind and that compassionate peace.
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Sometimes I think it is completely understandable to take the time you need to process and to figure things out and to even wait on trusting people and who you're gonna share with or how you're gonna share things.
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I think it's completely fine to know that we need time and space and maybe some support and that it's not always safe or even healthy to tell the complete truth.
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So that is your decision.
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Like that's where discernment comes in, and that's when you knowing yourself comes in.
00:11:52.559 --> 00:12:00.399
So just think of those things, keep those things in mind because you definitely have to decide for you.
00:12:01.279 --> 00:12:16.080
And I don't know if you're like me in this truth twisting journey or if you're totally unlike me, but I did want to give some like clarity or specific things to think about when you're navigating your own journey.
00:12:16.159 --> 00:12:16.960
Let's call it.
00:12:17.600 --> 00:12:23.440
I just want to differentiate, I think, between three aspects of lying.
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So there is being honest, as in what I say is true.
00:12:29.360 --> 00:12:32.159
And that's where our actions align with our words.
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That is what I'm working on.
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And then there's transparency.
00:12:37.440 --> 00:12:39.759
So that's a little bit different.
00:12:39.919 --> 00:12:44.960
That's how much of the truth do I feel I'm ready to share?
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Because sometimes we can't be a hundred percent transparent or we shouldn't be that way.
00:12:52.639 --> 00:13:02.559
And then there's privacy, which means some things are yours to keep, some things are mine to keep.
00:13:03.039 --> 00:13:08.799
And you cannot be forced to share things that you're not ready to share or that you're not wanting to share.
00:13:09.279 --> 00:13:11.919
So I hope those three help.
00:13:12.080 --> 00:13:19.679
Just I want to bring some, yeah, some clarity to this I this big idea of being a liar wanting to tell the truth.
00:13:19.919 --> 00:13:24.879
So there is being honest, there is being transparent, and there is being private.
00:13:25.039 --> 00:13:30.240
And that's just something to consider on your own journey as you navigate this.
00:13:30.480 --> 00:13:40.480
And again, with a lot of gentleness and kindness and understanding and compassion, lots of compassion.
00:13:41.440 --> 00:13:52.320
So my takeaway in thinking about truth telling is that honesty isn't just, you know, I'm trying to be a good person.
00:13:53.039 --> 00:13:55.519
Because I think we're all trying to be a good person.
00:13:55.919 --> 00:14:15.840
But sometimes telling the truth does come with having to tolerate that someone might be disappointed, you might be judged, and there are reactions that people will have that we can't be responsible for managing.
00:14:16.080 --> 00:14:19.440
And I know that's hard, very hard.
00:14:19.840 --> 00:14:24.000
But I also think that this is important work.
00:14:24.320 --> 00:14:27.440
And again, I don't know where you are on your journey.
00:14:27.600 --> 00:14:34.000
You might just be getting started on this journey, as I think I am, because it's keeps coming up so much.
00:14:34.240 --> 00:14:36.799
You might be well into this journey.
00:14:36.960 --> 00:14:46.960
But I think that that's important to remember that, you know, with any growth, there's gonna be difficulty, there's gonna be discomfort, there's going to be resistance.
00:14:47.200 --> 00:14:49.440
But that actually means you're growing.
00:14:49.679 --> 00:14:58.080
Because I think I'm actually more concerned about people that are struggling with lying and don't even know or don't care.
00:14:59.120 --> 00:15:05.279
So I feel like the struggle is real, and the struggle is a sign that you are growing.
00:15:05.440 --> 00:15:07.279
And that is encouragement.
00:15:08.000 --> 00:15:17.279
So I think it might help at this time to just give a little script before I give you the final question for today's episode.
00:15:17.440 --> 00:15:27.759
So, this is what I came up with if you are wanting to have like a candid conversation with something, somebody, after you have maybe twisted the truth.
00:15:27.919 --> 00:15:31.840
So, this is a like a script for repair or reconciliation.
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So it could sound something like this.
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I need to tell you something, honestly.
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And then I told you something that wasn't true, and I'm sorry.
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But the truth is I think I was afraid or worried because so I'm telling you now because I really want to make it right and I want to move forward honestly, and that's it.
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And it is that simple but not easy.
00:16:03.840 --> 00:16:05.039
Simple but not easy.
00:16:05.679 --> 00:16:24.080
Okay, the question for today is what is one truth you've twisted that you can prepare to share with this script, with a script of your own, in your timing, whenever you're ready, whenever it feels right for you.
00:16:24.240 --> 00:16:29.440
So, yes, it requires some bravery, but here is my hope.
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I think it might also feel incredibly liberating.
00:16:34.960 --> 00:16:38.000
So, hey, be encouraged from this episode.
00:16:38.240 --> 00:16:44.320
As always, I would love to hear from you if you feel comfortable to share that with me.
00:16:44.639 --> 00:16:47.759
And I will see you in the next episode.
00:16:49.840 --> 00:16:52.480
Thanks for listening to Just Getting Started.
00:16:52.639 --> 00:16:54.720
Remember, you are not behind.
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You are not finished, and it is never too late to get started.
00:16:59.679 --> 00:17:03.519
Until next time, keep going and keep growing.
00:17:03.840 --> 00:17:06.240
One small step at a time.
