Kenice Mobley is Theorectically Good

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Stop letting these people be billionaires, put them in chains, uh dismantle their properties, disseminate them amongst the people, and anyone who's trying to become a billionaire, uh, either can work for the betterment of humankind or meet the guillotine.
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One of the two.
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Meet the how'd you say it?
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Meet the guillotine.
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Say it again?
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You heard me.
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Guillotine?
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That's what I said.
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Like a fish's gills?
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The L's are silent, I think.
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How do you say it?
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Guillotine.
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Shit.
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Guillotine! Guillotine.
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I took French.
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I love Now you have died and gone to heaven.
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You'll be interviewed by an entry level.
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Welcome to Judgment Day.
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I'm Zack Zimmerman, Angel on Earth, and yes, I'm naked under this.
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Joined today by the recently deceased Kennisse Mobley.
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Welcome to heaven, Kennise.
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Hello.
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Do you want to take it in?
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No.
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Okay.
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We're keeping that in.
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Great.
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Mistakes happen in heaven.
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That uh unexpected, but it makes sense that that would happen.
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Like you potentially getting in here.
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Wow.
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I want to let you know how you died.
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Okay, how did I die?
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Because it it was very unexpected.
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Kennis was in Los Angeles, found herself in a tree spying on Michael B.
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Jordan sunbathing, and she slipped and fell.
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Like my Halo, her last words were okay.
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I can accept that.
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I because you're one of my horniest friends, I would say.
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It's so funny that that is my reputation.
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And it is like a deep interest of mine.
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But when it comes to actually like a man in front of me, I'm like, I could care less.
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Um I would I would love to be more attracted to actual men, but the idea of a man is better to me often than the actual man.
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And I'm working on that, and that is probably why I developed a parasocial attachment to Michael B.
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Jordan.
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Well, this isn't therapy, Kinesia.
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This is heaven.
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Sixty seconds on the clock because you can talk.
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Oh, I can't.
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Why are you why do you belong in heaven?
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I belong in heaven because I respect life, people, and pro life?
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Uh I did not say that.
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That's what I heard.
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I uh like people, I listen to people, I form I try to form community when I can, and I try to limit the harm that is done based on even my shopping habits and my beliefs.
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Amazon very occasionally.
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About 15 seconds.
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I didn't start a watch.
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Oh, okay.
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Well I'm I'm nice and I would be fun to have around in heaven.
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So if you want heaven to be nice, put me there.
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Fun, nice, community, harm reduction, harm reduction.
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Harm reduction.
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What about his word?
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Mutual aid?
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Of course.
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Progressive.
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Uh leftist.
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Yeah.
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Come on up.
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There's there's you'd be surprised how many Republicans we have up there.
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I'm I am surprised that they would uh willingly put their lot in with uh pedophiles and murderers and people who starve other people and say that makes sense as long as the Dow is above whatever.
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Pedophiles, murderers, and people who starve other people?
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Yeah.
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How do you commit the crime of starving someone?
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By hoarding uh huge sums of wealth, even though uh lots of people have absolutely no money, and then requiring money to have basic rights, space, water, air that's clean, all that.
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So by making the choice to amass uh five hundred billion dollars, you are in essence making the choice that some people will starve to death.
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Is this a fun conversation?
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I'm having a blast.
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Okay.
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What are some good deeds that you did during your time on Earth?
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During my time on Earth.
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Clearly, no evil.
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I agree with you on many of the things you're saying.
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Thank you so much.
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It was just interesting to me that to be a pedophile is to is an act, there's an action.
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Yes.
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And murder is an action, but starving someone, there's like a degree of separation.
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You're creating an environment where someone starving.
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It's not like I ran into the buffet and took your food away.
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Right.
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But kind of like the buffet of like resources, and you took all of them before anyone else could get to them.
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Well, a system systems don't get into heaven or hell.
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People go to heaven or hell.
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The people who built those systems, though.
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Let's talk.
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Continue to prop up the systems that result in the harm of half of the world's population or more.
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You're a little don't you're preaching to the angel, baby.
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Okay, that's fine.
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You're preaching to the angel.
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That's fair.
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What are some good things you did while your time on Earth?
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What's the last good deed?
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The last good deed was Oh, interesting.
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Probably helping someone slowing down here.
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We're talking real fast earlier, you know?
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We went off script.
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Probably helping someone with a- a lot of theory, not a lot of praxis.
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Wow.
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Probably helping someone with their cart up the stairs of the subway.
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Really?
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Yes, because they're sitting there by the stairs and they look like they need help.
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Yes.
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And it's not even like a hey, here's my name so that you like I feel good.
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It's just a you grab the back of the cart, you say, eh, and then you carry it up to the top.
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I see, I didn't know who I was supposed to.
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Yeah, just do it.
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I learned and even with a stroller.
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Yeah.
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When somebody's supposed to offer.
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Otherwise they have to why I don't know.
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I guess I've been trained to that everyone's on their own, and if you offer to help, you're like offending them.
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No.
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We're not all on our own.
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You know what I'm gonna do?
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We're an interconnected stuff.
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When I see anyone at the bottom of the stairs, I'm gonna offer carry them up.
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You want a little piggy button with your arms?
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Are you very strong, Angel?
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I actually you have magic angel powers.
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Yeah, you should be helping them, yeah.
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That felt like you're exoticizing us, okay?
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They're not magic angel powers.
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Okay.
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Okay.
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They're specific Judeo-Christian powers.
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And I'm lifting heavy things at the gym.
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Oh, okay, yes.
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Getting Jack by June, fit by 40 is sort of my mantra.
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I didn't know I got a lot of free time here in heaven.
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Okay, as an angel though, weren't you part of the original angel set?
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Meaning that you're like, No, I'm I was Zach.
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Oh, you're a comedian on earth.
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And I died and became an angel.
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Wait, okay.
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So this isn't just you didn't just You might become an angel today, too.
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Okay, see, this I was unaware of it.
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Watch your mouth.
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I thought angels were like a separate thing.
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Oh, there's some that have been around a while.
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Yeah.
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Gabriel.
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Yeah, he slut.
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You know personally?
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Mike, well, no, I I I'm I'm celibate up here.
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Oh.
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Yeah.
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But Gabriel's not.
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No.
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He's a busy boy.
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And didn't he either him or Michael made Jesus?
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I thought it was God.
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Oh.
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Maybe ask your boss.
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I thought it's one appeared.
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Pimped.
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I don't think it's a big thing.
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Michael or Gabriel.
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They were the person who declared the miracle of conception to Mary.
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But they're not the one who did the conception.
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Got it, got it.
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Yeah.
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I've been doing some of that.
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You've been doing some conception.
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No, I've I announce it.
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Oh, okay.
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I come out like, hey, interesting Zach.
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You've been conceived.
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Mary Magdalene and Jesus are in the lazy river.
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Just so you guys know.
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We have a lazy river.
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You help someone that that's beautiful.
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Was that today?
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No, that was this week.
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And it's interesting, but you didn't do it entirely selflessly, right?
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Because you're telling me about it.
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I am telling you about it, but I didn't do anything in that moment to require a gift from that person.
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I simply remembered it, and because you asked, I'm reporting it back to you.
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Did they say thank you?
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Yes, they did actually.
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That's nice.
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What was in the cart?
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Um It was groceries.
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Because I've done it before.
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Groceries in this town.
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Yeah, it's like one of those wheel things.
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The little grocery cart.
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Can I call it a grandma cart?
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It's a grandma cart because it's just, but it is a grandma cart.
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Yeah, it's a grandma cart.
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Um, but it was one of those, but I have helped someone with a stroller before.
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God, you're a you're a martyr.
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I only if I get to be an angel.
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And you're like not me.
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I'm I'm a smaller person.
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Dainty creature, and you're helping putting your life on the line.
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It's dainty solidarity.
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It's dainty solidarity.
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Because I remember, okay, so I had Jesse David Fox, the comedy writer.
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Yeah.
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He put out a thing on Instagram.
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We recently had the guy from Mad Men on his podcast.
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John Slattery.
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And it's a stand-up comedy podcast.
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Yeah, you're like, um, John Slattery isn't that funny.
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And I didn't have the nerve to comment on the video this, but since we're in heaven and my turf, I'm gonna call it out.
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Why have I, a stand-up comedian, never been on your show?
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But John Slattery.
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You're just going after celebs.
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Yeah.
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Okay.
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John Flattery, though, is hot as fuck.
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Like you're attractive.
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But John Flattery, I don't know.
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Yeah, Jesse David Fox, you're chasing views, not the art of comedy that I thought we were after.
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This is the way you're definitely gonna get on his podcast.
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He's gonna be like, I can't take this all-oh, I'm in heaven now.
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I can't take it.
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I'm booked.
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I was like, you might be, but then he's like, I heard you talk shit about me on your podcast.
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True.
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What were you saying about Jesse David Fox?
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Oh, he posted on Instagram, I've got all these comedy books to get rid of.
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Does anyone want them?
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And my mom says I have hoarder tendencies.
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It's just that if someone's giving away something for free, I'm like, I could use that.
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So I have a comedy library in my house.
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There's no such thing as a free comedy book.
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I well, I have so much of them.
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You gotta, in New York, you gotta shut these things down.
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And I have more Jesse David Fox shade.
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Okay.
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This is shocking and it's relevant because I saw someone post a copy of my book.
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Yeah.
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They were like, I just got this book from the thrift store.
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And inside of it, there was a transcription that was like for Jesse.
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And I DM'd this man.
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Did you give away the copy of my book I signed for you?
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Yeah.
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And he did it.
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He was like, oops.
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He dodged it somehow.
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He's like, it'll be really valuable one day.
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He was like, at one time I had three of them.
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Jesse David Fox.
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Oh, Jesse David Snake.
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I have one copy of your book.
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I don't have three copies of your book.
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Thank you.
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Did I sign it?
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I don't remember.
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Do you have a copy of his book?
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God, not Jesse Fox Fox.
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Oh, God.
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I have well, which one?
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I have the Bible and I have the Quran.
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Oh.
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And I have the Bhagavad Gita, just in case.
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That is important too.
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And I have the Book of Mormon.
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I don't know which one's right, but just in case I have to reference something.
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It's really bad news.
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I have to break it to everyone, but the evangelicals were exactly right.
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Like you would think like everybody got a little bit of it right, but it's actually exactly fundamentalistic.
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Unless this is a weird torture idea.
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There must be alternative heavens.
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Oh, but the reason why I even brought that Jesse David Fox up in the first place is I had all these books and I was trying to get them up the stairs.
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Yes.
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And no one was helping me.
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And so I just walked over.
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There was like, because at my train station, for some reason, there'll be like six cops not doing a goddamn thing, just standing there on their phones.
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So there are six cops standing there, dudes big, and I have like a box and a wheelie cart full of like heavy books.
00:11:52.080 --> 00:11:53.039
And they didn't offer to help.
00:11:53.200 --> 00:11:54.960
And I was like, hey, what are you guys doing?
00:11:56.000 --> 00:11:57.440
That's a way to make a friend.
00:11:57.679 --> 00:11:58.799
That's a way to get help.
00:11:59.039 --> 00:12:02.960
Well, no, one hey, I okay, yes, my tone might have been questionable.
00:12:03.120 --> 00:12:05.440
But one guy, hand on his gun, is like, what do you want?
00:12:06.720 --> 00:12:07.759
Hand on his gun?
00:12:08.080 --> 00:12:10.480
And one guy's like, oh yeah, I can help you, ma'am.
00:12:10.559 --> 00:12:11.919
Because he could tell what was going on.
00:12:12.080 --> 00:12:12.559
Oh, wow.
00:12:12.720 --> 00:12:21.360
And it's like, oh, it's just in here who don't know anything about the community or how people talk to one another and offer to help people, you assholes.
00:12:21.600 --> 00:12:22.720
What was this word you used?
00:12:22.879 --> 00:12:23.600
A jamuk.
00:12:24.240 --> 00:12:25.360
Am I allowed to use this word?
00:12:25.519 --> 00:12:25.919
I think so.
00:12:26.639 --> 00:12:33.279
I've been using it since I was a child, and I tried to look it up on Urban Dic Dictionary, and it didn't seem to have like some sort of weird racial origin.
00:12:33.519 --> 00:12:35.840
So Isn't Urban Dictionary just sex stuff?
00:12:36.240 --> 00:12:37.600
I think it's all stuff.
00:12:37.840 --> 00:12:42.960
But when I say a Jamook, I mean just this uh clown, this Johnny come lately, this so-and-so shit.
00:12:43.279 --> 00:12:44.320
Johnny come lately.
00:12:44.639 --> 00:12:46.080
Just as somebody who's not helping anybody.
00:12:46.159 --> 00:12:46.240
Yeah.
00:12:46.480 --> 00:12:50.720
But you just pay attention, you dumb Jamuk, and then look and then do the thing.
00:12:51.039 --> 00:12:53.279
I don't I'm not gonna say it.
00:12:53.440 --> 00:12:53.759
Okay.
00:12:54.320 --> 00:13:00.960
But why what would my this uh uh not schlub, this clown clown?
00:13:01.200 --> 00:13:03.919
I feel like I call him a clown, this nair do well.
00:13:04.399 --> 00:13:06.080
Yeah, they're not doing well.
00:13:06.559 --> 00:13:10.080
Why also is the word Jamiraquai coming to mind?
00:13:10.559 --> 00:13:16.720
Because it's the J and the M and the Which is your in this context a quai, but in mine it's just ook.
00:13:17.039 --> 00:13:17.519
Yep, yep.
00:13:18.480 --> 00:13:20.639
What's uh you're a stand-up comedian?
00:13:20.960 --> 00:13:21.360
Yes.
00:13:21.679 --> 00:13:24.000
Has your work benefited or hurt society?
00:13:24.480 --> 00:13:25.759
I think it's benefited.
00:13:26.320 --> 00:13:36.720
Even though there are lots of people who scream at me on the internet, uh there are lots of women who have posted, I have I experienced this and I never thought about how yeah, this is relatable.
00:13:36.960 --> 00:13:38.159
And I'm like, yeah, later.
00:13:38.559 --> 00:13:39.200
What are you posting?
00:13:39.600 --> 00:13:43.440
Uh well, so one was my don't tell set.
00:13:44.000 --> 00:13:45.440
And it's about Don't Tell Comedy.
00:13:45.759 --> 00:13:46.720
Don't tell comedy, yes.
00:13:46.960 --> 00:13:55.679
It is about uh being anxiety, like being anxious about the smell of my vagina because the world has told me that I should be very anxious about it all the time.
00:13:56.159 --> 00:14:09.039
Or pants not fitting right, and then kind of like getting up in your business, or sleeping with dudes with big penises and being like this is I was told this would be fun.
00:14:09.279 --> 00:14:10.639
And so it was a clean set.
00:14:10.720 --> 00:14:11.279
It was a clean set.
00:14:13.600 --> 00:14:25.679
Everything was super dirty, and a lot of men commented like, A, she's too ugly to be talking about sex, which is just to be expected because it's YouTube, and then B, um, she's not funny.
00:14:26.480 --> 00:14:30.639
This I this this material is not relatable to me, and therefore it is not good.
00:14:30.799 --> 00:14:32.799
And I was like, I was never trying to relate to you.
00:14:33.279 --> 00:14:36.320
I am trying to relate to other dorky women.
00:14:36.480 --> 00:14:49.600
Women who wear glasses, women who uh just don't wear super fashionable clothes, who decided I have a style that is my own and not determined why by what uh Vogue said was good this year.
00:14:50.080 --> 00:14:52.799
Yes, the flash and police are still police.
00:14:53.120 --> 00:14:54.320
Yeah, and ACAB.
00:14:54.480 --> 00:14:55.200
Yeah, exactly.
00:14:55.360 --> 00:14:55.679
Exactly.
00:14:56.000 --> 00:14:59.279
I well that I'm glad you put that up and felt made so many people feel seen.
00:14:59.600 --> 00:15:00.320
I hope I did.
00:15:00.399 --> 00:15:04.000
And like little things that I post, people are like, ah, yes, that.
00:15:04.080 --> 00:15:04.559
That is me.
00:15:04.960 --> 00:15:05.840
You're finding your people.
00:15:06.080 --> 00:15:06.639
I am.
00:15:06.799 --> 00:15:20.000
I did one where I uh little web thing recently where I admitted to the void uh that in middle school when a popular girl told me she had anorexia, I was like, I'm gonna try to have anorexia because she's popular.
00:15:20.320 --> 00:15:20.960
That's so supportive.
00:15:21.039 --> 00:15:21.919
Oh, you did it to be popular.
00:15:22.159 --> 00:15:23.919
To be popular, but then it didn't work.
00:15:24.159 --> 00:15:25.600
And so You didn't get it?
00:15:25.759 --> 00:15:27.039
I I didn't get anorexia.
00:15:27.440 --> 00:15:28.320
Did you get skinny?
00:15:28.559 --> 00:15:28.799
No.
00:15:29.120 --> 00:15:30.399
Oh I I try to.
00:15:30.559 --> 00:15:31.120
How do you try?
00:15:31.279 --> 00:15:32.879
How do you try to get an eating disorder?
00:15:33.120 --> 00:15:35.679
Well, you stop eating for a day and then you're like, actually, you know what?
00:15:35.759 --> 00:15:36.480
I just need to.
00:15:38.159 --> 00:15:39.200
It didn't take.
00:15:39.440 --> 00:15:42.080
So but other people were like, yep, relate.
00:15:42.240 --> 00:15:42.639
Definitely.
00:15:42.720 --> 00:15:43.279
I tried to.
00:15:43.679 --> 00:15:44.480
That's so interesting.
00:15:44.639 --> 00:15:47.039
Trying to have a uh a disorder.
00:15:47.600 --> 00:15:47.759
Okay.
00:15:48.240 --> 00:15:49.279
You have so many other ones.
00:15:49.519 --> 00:15:51.919
I'm shocked you had to like go hunting.
00:15:52.320 --> 00:15:54.320
I I know, I have so many other disorders.
00:15:54.559 --> 00:15:57.840
But no, like in middle school, don't worry about how old I am.
00:15:57.919 --> 00:16:00.399
The 90s heroin chic was like super in.
00:16:00.799 --> 00:16:01.519
It's in now, too.
00:16:01.679 --> 00:16:02.399
Yeah, it's back.
00:16:02.480 --> 00:16:03.279
Oh, it's painful.
00:16:03.440 --> 00:16:05.120
And then people would be like eat.
00:16:05.679 --> 00:16:11.840
This is this girl's horror story, but then it would be like her horror story with an eating disability and all these model-looking photos of her.
00:16:12.159 --> 00:16:14.159
Eating disability, fantastic, Frodi and Slick.
00:16:14.320 --> 00:16:15.120
Oh, yeah, eating disorders.
00:16:15.360 --> 00:16:15.759
No, I love it.
00:16:16.960 --> 00:16:20.799
But it would just be like I'm vegetarian, that's my eating disability.
00:16:24.639 --> 00:16:25.279
Yeah.
00:16:25.600 --> 00:16:26.399
It's wild.
00:16:27.039 --> 00:16:30.159
Well, I'm glad uh I'm glad you gave it a go.
00:16:30.399 --> 00:16:30.720
Yeah.
00:16:31.200 --> 00:16:32.399
Middle school's about exploring.
00:16:33.039 --> 00:16:33.279
Exactly.
00:16:33.360 --> 00:16:36.080
And I explored and I realized that's not for me.
00:16:36.480 --> 00:16:38.799
How do you think you're gonna be remembered on Earth?
00:16:40.559 --> 00:16:41.519
Great question.
00:16:41.679 --> 00:16:50.000
I think I'm going to be remembered, hopefully, as someone who benefited the people that I was around rather than hurt them.
00:16:50.240 --> 00:16:57.360
Also, my friend said, because I um not MC'd, uh where you do the wedding.
00:16:57.440 --> 00:16:58.639
You do the wedding.
00:16:58.879 --> 00:17:02.720
You I know what it is, but I like this moment of suffering.
00:17:03.200 --> 00:17:05.039
Where you do the vows officiate.
00:17:05.200 --> 00:17:05.920
Ah, damn it.
00:17:06.000 --> 00:17:06.160
Yes.
00:17:06.480 --> 00:17:07.200
That was less fun than I was.
00:17:07.519 --> 00:17:07.759
I'm sorry.
00:17:07.839 --> 00:17:10.240
It was it I I I can figure out words pretty quickly for you.
00:17:10.400 --> 00:17:13.440
I you know what the person who interviews you about your book is called?
00:17:14.640 --> 00:17:15.839
An interlocutor.
00:17:16.160 --> 00:17:17.839
Which always That's what interlocutor is?
00:17:18.079 --> 00:17:19.920
Yeah, that probably how you say it.
00:17:20.240 --> 00:17:26.480
I didn't know that when I was emailing people to ask to do it when I by book came out, which we've now mentioned twice on this podcast.
00:17:26.640 --> 00:17:27.119
Oh yeah.
00:17:27.440 --> 00:17:30.960
I used in-person conversation guest.
00:17:31.680 --> 00:17:34.079
Will you be my in-person conversation guest?
00:17:34.319 --> 00:17:35.759
You what about just guest?
00:17:36.400 --> 00:17:39.119
But you gotta tell them, hey, you gotta you gotta interview me without the book.
00:17:39.519 --> 00:17:40.559
But interlocutor.
00:17:40.799 --> 00:17:42.000
Okay, but officiant.
00:17:42.400 --> 00:17:44.319
Hey, I see that you interview people.
00:17:44.640 --> 00:17:44.960
Me?
00:17:46.480 --> 00:17:49.759
How about so you officiated a wedding?
00:17:50.000 --> 00:18:01.599
I officiated a wedding, and my friend uh beforehand, when describing me as an efficient to uh people in their circle, was like, this is Canise, uh close to me.
00:18:01.920 --> 00:18:11.839
Uh she is very honest, and uh if you if you wrong her, she will never forgive you.
00:18:12.079 --> 00:18:13.519
Oh, I remember what it was.
00:18:13.680 --> 00:18:15.200
So I did a show What?
00:18:15.680 --> 00:18:16.640
Vengeance.
00:18:17.279 --> 00:18:26.160
I did a show where your friend has to, it's like a dating show, and your friend has to like present things about you.
00:18:26.319 --> 00:18:27.119
Oh, pitch your friend.
00:18:27.359 --> 00:18:28.400
Pitch your friend for dating.
00:18:28.720 --> 00:18:31.039
And he made voice memos about me.
00:18:31.359 --> 00:18:37.359
I need uh every media publication on earth is covering that these are happening.
00:18:37.599 --> 00:18:39.519
It's like so dystopic and sad.
00:18:39.680 --> 00:18:42.799
I feel like there's a new date your friend pitch coming out.
00:18:42.880 --> 00:18:46.319
And I'm like, uh okay, we're all lonely and horny.
00:18:46.400 --> 00:18:46.480
Yeah.
00:18:46.640 --> 00:18:48.319
It's not like that surprising.
00:18:48.559 --> 00:18:48.880
Yeah.
00:18:49.119 --> 00:18:50.160
Just go on dates.
00:18:50.400 --> 00:18:56.400
Hey, hey, some of us go on dates and are like, I actually would rather masturbate than have your naked body near me.
00:18:56.640 --> 00:18:59.440
Or we're gonna get to the confession, you confessing some sins later.
00:18:59.599 --> 00:19:03.920
And I feel like your dating life is going to be well represented in that.
00:19:04.480 --> 00:19:10.160
I've officiated for I feel like we're this is comedian to wedding officiant, is like a nice pipeline.
00:19:10.720 --> 00:19:12.799
You're good at talking in front of people, you're not gonna get nervous.
00:19:12.960 --> 00:19:16.079
You also know how to edit and you understand a time constraint.
00:19:16.319 --> 00:19:17.119
So get out there.
00:19:17.519 --> 00:19:18.079
Yeah, yeah.
00:19:18.400 --> 00:19:21.279
Kanis, uh, this is good data.
00:19:21.599 --> 00:19:23.200
I have some moral dilemmas for you.
00:19:23.359 --> 00:19:23.680
Oh.
00:19:23.920 --> 00:19:29.119
Let's check this moral compass that you have and have had on earth and see how you fare.
00:19:29.359 --> 00:19:30.720
Did you just check the time?
00:19:31.599 --> 00:19:32.880
Do you have somewhere to be?
00:19:33.119 --> 00:19:34.319
I mean later.
00:19:34.720 --> 00:19:37.920
You are we're deciding the fate of your eternal soul right now.
00:19:38.000 --> 00:19:41.039
You're either going to heaven or hell at the end of this, and you're checking your watch.
00:19:41.839 --> 00:19:43.839
I I mean, I don't know what heaven's like.
00:19:44.160 --> 00:19:45.279
Your Apple Watch?
00:19:45.519 --> 00:19:46.960
You know, people kill themselves in the world.
00:19:47.119 --> 00:19:55.599
I got this Apple Watch for free because it used to belong to my brother-in-law, and he realized he never used it, and my sister wanted to compete against me in exercising.
00:19:55.680 --> 00:19:55.920
Oh, okay.
00:19:56.079 --> 00:19:57.119
And so I got it for free.
00:19:57.359 --> 00:19:59.680
If uh if murder was free, you'd take it?
00:19:59.839 --> 00:20:03.200
If there was a big box of pedophiles, it was for free on the box of pedophiles.
00:20:04.160 --> 00:20:07.599
Honestly, I would take a box of pedophiles so I could drown in a river.
00:20:07.839 --> 00:20:08.400
What?
00:20:08.720 --> 00:20:09.359
Wow.
00:20:09.759 --> 00:20:10.720
Drowning.
00:20:11.039 --> 00:20:15.680
You have one million dollars to do good with how you see fit.
00:20:15.839 --> 00:20:16.720
What are you gonna do with it?
00:20:16.960 --> 00:20:19.200
A million dollars today or a million dollars in the past?
00:20:19.519 --> 00:20:20.480
We're talking current inflation.
00:20:20.799 --> 00:20:22.640
I feel like you're just milking, buying yourself time.
00:20:23.119 --> 00:20:25.119
I hate it when people do that with a hypothetical.
00:20:25.359 --> 00:20:30.160
You're just buying, you're questioning the premise of the hypothetical in order to buy yourself time to think about it.
00:20:30.720 --> 00:20:33.440
And I'm also now giving you more time to think about it.
00:20:33.680 --> 00:20:37.279
Okay, if it was a million dollars in 1900, my answer would be very different than a million dollars right now.
00:20:37.519 --> 00:20:38.880
Why would it be 1900 right now?
00:20:39.119 --> 00:20:41.440
Because it's such a small amount, a million dollars.
00:20:42.000 --> 00:20:44.079
I wrote out all these zeros.
00:20:44.480 --> 00:20:45.279
That's your feedback?
00:20:45.440 --> 00:20:49.759
Only a million to do good in New York, a million is like two.
00:20:50.319 --> 00:20:51.839
You don't have to pay taxes on it.
00:20:52.000 --> 00:20:53.279
Oh, so that's your first thought.
00:20:53.359 --> 00:20:54.880
You're gonna get an apartment for yourself?
00:20:55.279 --> 00:20:57.519
I gotta be in a good mental state to do good.
00:20:57.920 --> 00:20:58.240
To do good.
00:20:58.720 --> 00:21:00.319
You're doing good for yourself?
00:21:00.960 --> 00:21:01.519
Oh my god.
00:21:01.920 --> 00:21:03.200
I'm just saying the cost of things.
00:21:03.359 --> 00:21:10.480
So if I wanted to put together a nonprofit, that would waste most of the million dollars, like incorporating getting distributors, all that.
00:21:10.799 --> 00:21:11.599
That's a nonprofit, too.
00:21:11.759 --> 00:21:15.440
So not starting a nonprofit, but working with an existing nonprofit makes sense.
00:21:15.599 --> 00:21:16.000
Oh wow.
00:21:16.079 --> 00:21:16.160
Okay.
00:21:16.400 --> 00:21:19.920
So a donor So you're just paying the salaries of other white-collar professionals.
00:21:20.240 --> 00:21:27.200
I would look on uh the GiveWell site or whatever and see which one had the greatest percentage of buzzword.
00:21:27.440 --> 00:21:27.839
What?
00:21:28.079 --> 00:21:28.400
What?
00:21:28.559 --> 00:21:29.039
What'd you say?
00:21:29.200 --> 00:21:30.480
Give well's a good buzzword.
00:21:30.559 --> 00:21:31.920
It's a good No, it's the name.
00:21:32.000 --> 00:21:34.000
Isn't that the name of the place where you can tell?
00:21:34.720 --> 00:21:36.480
It's a good uh dog whistle.
00:21:36.720 --> 00:21:39.039
How do you think that's to let people know what side is?
00:21:39.440 --> 00:21:39.599
Mr.
00:21:39.680 --> 00:21:46.400
Angel, no, I do I don't accept this because I would you haven't said mutual aid yet, and you're really missing I did say mutual aid at the beginning.
00:21:46.640 --> 00:21:47.359
Not exactly.
00:21:47.680 --> 00:21:48.880
Maybe you did run it back.
00:21:48.960 --> 00:21:50.079
When did you say it?
00:21:50.319 --> 00:21:51.279
We have the tapes.
00:21:51.440 --> 00:21:53.039
Okay, you said mutual aid, and then I said it.
00:21:53.519 --> 00:21:54.640
Footage not found.
00:21:54.880 --> 00:21:57.279
Can we put up a footage not found?
00:21:58.160 --> 00:21:58.480
Okay.
00:21:58.799 --> 00:21:59.839
Um you're back.
00:22:00.079 --> 00:22:03.119
Getting a nice two-bedroom in the West Village and you're starting a nonprofit.
00:22:03.599 --> 00:22:06.640
I would make sure that I had the ability to pay my rent for a couple years.
00:22:06.720 --> 00:22:07.039
Yeah.
00:22:07.359 --> 00:22:08.000
Years.
00:22:08.960 --> 00:22:10.079
What am I supposed to do?
00:22:10.319 --> 00:22:11.759
And then what are you doing with your time?
00:22:12.000 --> 00:22:16.480
Uh with my time, I right now I do a lot of volunteering with New York cares.
00:22:16.640 --> 00:22:23.279
I would probably work directly with one of their partner organizations and then give their money to something that supports a cause that I care about.
00:22:23.680 --> 00:22:33.279
So either child education and well-being, uh healthcare, because that so easily bankrupts lots of people.
00:22:33.920 --> 00:22:43.440
And uh like there are the city's already doing this, so it may be working with the city, but making it so that young people can have jobs in different environments.
00:22:43.599 --> 00:22:54.000
So not just like this is the place I was born, let me only work in another place that re-instills the ideas of where I was born, but exposes me to lots of other places.
00:22:54.319 --> 00:22:55.440
Would you ever run for office?
00:22:55.759 --> 00:22:57.839
I absolutely well, no, I don't I don't want to do that.
00:22:57.920 --> 00:22:59.759
Um You're giving politician.
00:23:00.079 --> 00:23:01.200
I recognize that.
00:23:01.359 --> 00:23:22.480
And my thing, because the reason why I asked, uh, is this a million dollars now or a million dollars like in the year 1900s is because what I would do if it was in the 1900s is I would donate to candidates who made an enforceable, like in the way that other countries have uh mandatory military service, it would be mandatory community service wherein people had to do every month.
00:23:22.559 --> 00:23:26.880
If you live in the city of New York, you have to do two hours of volunteering.
00:23:27.119 --> 00:23:34.480
And based on your background, it can be volunteering, making websites for a ca coffee shop that doesn't have one or a bodega that doesn't have one.
00:23:34.559 --> 00:23:36.880
It could be cleaning the streets, it could be tutoring kids.
00:23:37.200 --> 00:23:41.680
But everyone has to be an active participant in making our community better.
00:23:41.920 --> 00:23:50.319
So it's the year 1900, and you're using the money to tell political candidates who are making people uh make websites in the year 1900.
00:23:50.640 --> 00:23:53.119
Okay, okay, maybe not make websites, but make signs.
00:23:53.440 --> 00:23:55.039
Signs! Websites of the past.
00:23:55.279 --> 00:23:55.759
Yes, exactly.
00:23:57.119 --> 00:23:59.759
Signs, flyers, newspapers, printing.
00:24:00.240 --> 00:24:03.039
One uh that's an interesting way to use the million dollars.
00:24:03.359 --> 00:24:03.920
I had something.
00:24:04.079 --> 00:24:12.480
Oh, healthcare, quick PSA, went to the City MD to get my throat checked, and I there I was like, Oh, you guys do STD tests here, STI tests?
00:24:12.559 --> 00:24:14.319
And they were like, Yeah, it's all included.
00:24:14.480 --> 00:24:20.559
So I get a suite of STI tests, everything comes back, and then I get a bill for over a thousand dollars.
00:24:20.799 --> 00:24:22.559
Yeah, and they're like, And another bill and another bill.
00:24:22.640 --> 00:24:24.799
And I'm like, no, that's I'm not paying this.
00:24:24.960 --> 00:24:27.359
It goes to Quest, it goes to collections.
00:24:27.519 --> 00:24:35.519
Now I just throw away the envelopes every month because in New York State they can't send medical debt to the credit card company.
00:24:35.839 --> 00:24:36.240
Really?
00:24:36.480 --> 00:24:38.400
So I think I found a loophole.
00:24:38.480 --> 00:24:39.200
Am I wrong?
00:24:39.440 --> 00:24:39.759
Maybe.
00:24:40.000 --> 00:24:41.359
Well, but also it's evil.
00:24:41.440 --> 00:24:42.720
That those are free everywhere.
00:24:42.960 --> 00:24:43.039
Yeah.
00:24:43.519 --> 00:24:46.720
All the tests, why would that sinister?
00:24:47.279 --> 00:24:48.240
It's a sinister scam.
00:24:48.319 --> 00:24:48.960
I have gotten there.
00:24:49.200 --> 00:24:49.839
They're going to hell.
00:24:50.960 --> 00:24:53.920
If there's a hell for corporations, yes, City MD.
00:24:54.000 --> 00:25:03.599
And it's truly built to exploit working class people who don't have access to consistent care, who think, oh, I'll save money by just doing this when I need it.
00:25:03.680 --> 00:25:05.039
And they tell you nothing.
00:25:05.200 --> 00:25:06.480
The tests give you nothing.
00:25:06.640 --> 00:25:09.519
If you have anything that's actually wrong with you, they tell you to go to the hospital.
00:25:09.839 --> 00:25:11.279
It's the most annoying place in the world.
00:25:11.519 --> 00:25:14.400
It's but I do like being taken care of.
00:25:14.799 --> 00:25:16.319
Then that should be its own business.
00:25:16.720 --> 00:25:17.440
I'm gonna be honest.
00:25:17.920 --> 00:25:19.440
Oh, just come over and tell me I'm okay.
00:25:19.759 --> 00:25:19.920
Yeah.
00:25:20.319 --> 00:25:21.759
I think it's called friendship.
00:25:22.000 --> 00:25:23.119
Well, something that you pay for.
00:25:23.279 --> 00:25:24.960
Uh, this is monetization, baby.
00:25:25.279 --> 00:25:30.480
But uh it's not just that, it's a place where you go where everyone says, You're doing a great job.
00:25:30.640 --> 00:25:36.400
And maybe there's like so maybe it's like a spa with like some therapy, with some like assistance for things.
00:25:36.559 --> 00:25:36.799
Yes.
00:25:37.039 --> 00:25:38.000
And like vitamins and stuff.
00:25:38.240 --> 00:25:43.759
I was talking to a friend and I said it'd be so nice if I could get all the people that love me into a room to tell me how much they care about me.
00:25:44.400 --> 00:25:45.440
It only happens when you die.
00:25:45.759 --> 00:25:46.720
Or an intervention.
00:25:46.960 --> 00:25:47.519
That's true.
00:25:47.680 --> 00:25:50.799
Do you have do you need to be intervened for any reason?
00:25:51.039 --> 00:25:52.079
No, I need to get a drug problem.
00:25:52.160 --> 00:25:57.039
So speaking of your funeral, Canise, it's actually happening live on Earth right now.
00:25:57.200 --> 00:26:01.680
And uh your sister is speaking, and we are we're gonna tap in and see what she has to say about you.
00:26:01.920 --> 00:26:04.640
I'm so interested in what she said because she did not tell me what she was gonna say.
00:26:04.799 --> 00:26:07.759
And I will flag that your sister is a identical child.
00:26:08.079 --> 00:26:08.960
My identical sister.
00:26:09.279 --> 00:26:11.359
So she will sound exactly like you.
00:26:11.680 --> 00:26:17.119
So don't think that I'm like putting on like a funny mustache and I'm like Mario Tawario or something.
00:26:17.200 --> 00:26:18.640
No, this is a separate person.
00:26:19.279 --> 00:26:22.960
All right, let's listen to Patrice's uh character witness.
00:26:24.000 --> 00:26:35.039
Canise Mowgli should go to heaven because she's kind, she's reliable, she's empathetic, and mostly because she will bring justice into those who are doing evil.
00:26:35.200 --> 00:26:43.359
Um, on several occasions I've seen her stick up for other people, and she also beat up someone on the bus after they punched me.
00:26:43.519 --> 00:26:46.640
So I'm saying Canise Mowgli is an in.
00:26:48.079 --> 00:26:48.559
Aww.
00:26:48.799 --> 00:26:49.920
How'd that make you feel?
00:26:50.160 --> 00:26:52.720
It made me feel good, and it I feel known and seen.
00:26:53.039 --> 00:26:54.240
Did she record that?
00:26:54.400 --> 00:26:59.440
Were you trapping her in some sort of acoustic room and holding her hostage?
00:26:59.759 --> 00:27:03.440
Uh, she probably recorded that in her home uh sometime this morning.
00:27:03.759 --> 00:27:05.039
Tell me about the beating.
00:27:05.359 --> 00:27:06.720
Oh, so on the bus.
00:27:07.039 --> 00:27:07.599
You attacked someone.
00:27:07.839 --> 00:27:08.960
I didn't attack someone, I'm gonna be able to get it.
00:27:09.119 --> 00:27:10.559
You defended someone someone.
00:27:10.799 --> 00:27:14.559
Uh I think me and my sister were singing because we often played Spice Girls on the bus.
00:27:14.799 --> 00:27:15.920
Um What year is this?
00:27:16.079 --> 00:27:16.480
1900?
00:27:16.960 --> 00:27:17.599
Yeah, 1900.
00:27:18.000 --> 00:27:22.880
Um and some dude who was like a few grades older than us was like, shut up.
00:27:22.960 --> 00:27:24.720
And we were like, we're having fun back here.
00:27:24.880 --> 00:27:25.519
You shut up.
00:27:25.680 --> 00:27:27.920
And then he was like, if you don't shut up, I'm gonna hit you.
00:27:28.079 --> 00:27:30.640
And then we didn't shut up because we were like, pfft, no.
00:27:30.880 --> 00:27:31.759
We didn't curse at the time.
00:27:31.839 --> 00:27:34.319
So I started to and I was like, I didn't curse until I was in middle school.
00:27:34.480 --> 00:27:35.759
But today you would have said fucking.
00:27:35.839 --> 00:27:37.200
Yeah, I would have been like, fuck you.
00:27:37.279 --> 00:27:44.720
Uh and then he hit my sister, and then I saw red, and I leaped across the bus and I just started punching that kid in the face.
00:27:44.960 --> 00:27:53.039
And I don't know how long I did that, but it must have been long enough for the bus driver to pull the bus over and then walk back to where I was and pull me off of that other child.
00:27:53.359 --> 00:27:54.319
And this is a good deed.
00:27:54.480 --> 00:27:55.279
That was a good deed, yes.
00:27:55.440 --> 00:27:56.000
This is a good deed.
00:27:56.240 --> 00:27:59.920
Because sometimes Did he raise a hand or he was just like, You guys need to be quiet?
00:28:01.119 --> 00:28:02.480
He didn't hurt anyone, did he?
00:28:02.720 --> 00:28:04.880
The bus driver or the man who hit my sister.
00:28:05.119 --> 00:28:05.920
Oh, I missed that part.
00:28:06.079 --> 00:28:06.720
Yeah, he hit her.
00:28:07.119 --> 00:28:07.839
That's not nice.
00:28:08.000 --> 00:28:08.559
Exactly.
00:28:08.799 --> 00:28:10.400
And so I was like, absolutely not.
00:28:10.640 --> 00:28:11.519
You really saw Red?
00:28:11.680 --> 00:28:11.920
Yes.
00:28:12.160 --> 00:28:13.599
Has that happened at another time in your life?
00:28:13.839 --> 00:28:14.079
No.
00:28:14.720 --> 00:28:15.279
Look at you.
00:28:15.519 --> 00:28:16.240
That's beautiful.
00:28:16.400 --> 00:28:17.200
You defended her.
00:28:17.440 --> 00:28:19.759
Well, and also it could have just as easily been you.
00:28:19.920 --> 00:28:20.079
Yes.
00:28:20.400 --> 00:28:20.880
You're identical.
00:28:21.039 --> 00:28:23.279
But I was like, How did he pick who to punch?
00:28:23.519 --> 00:28:24.079
I don't know.
00:28:24.240 --> 00:28:27.200
Maybe whoever's voice he found most annoying.
00:28:27.279 --> 00:28:28.000
I don't know.
00:28:28.240 --> 00:28:30.559
And did you what what was the fallout of this?
00:28:30.799 --> 00:28:31.440
I was suspended.
00:28:31.519 --> 00:28:32.880
It's the only time I was ever suspended for a while.
00:28:33.039 --> 00:28:33.440
For how long?
00:28:33.839 --> 00:28:34.400
Like a day.
00:28:34.799 --> 00:28:34.960
Oh.
00:28:35.279 --> 00:28:35.519
Not long.
00:28:35.920 --> 00:28:37.279
In school ISS or OSS?
00:28:37.680 --> 00:28:38.000
OSS.
00:28:38.559 --> 00:28:38.720
Wow.
00:28:42.319 --> 00:28:43.359
And you see him the next day?
00:28:43.680 --> 00:28:44.799
Or the day after the day?
00:28:45.039 --> 00:28:45.359
Probably.
00:28:45.599 --> 00:28:46.799
But he never said anything to me again.
00:28:47.119 --> 00:28:48.160
Where is he right now?
00:28:48.400 --> 00:28:49.039
I don't know.
00:28:49.200 --> 00:28:58.799
I like to think because there's growing up in the South, you see children do a lot of like racist, sexist things, and then later.
00:28:59.119 --> 00:29:00.160
Oh, is he a white boy?
00:29:00.480 --> 00:29:01.440
No, this guy was black.
00:29:01.599 --> 00:29:03.519
But um So was it racially motivated?
00:29:04.720 --> 00:29:11.279
Um no, I'm just saying like kids will do terrible things, and then later on Instagram, it's very funny to me, Instagram and Facebook.
00:29:12.319 --> 00:29:16.720
People would write, like, hey, I think it's so fucked up what's going on in this country right now.
00:29:16.880 --> 00:29:20.160
And you're like, we haven't spoken in 30 years.
00:29:20.319 --> 00:29:21.599
Like, why are you talking to me?
00:29:21.759 --> 00:29:23.200
But they won't they send it to you?
00:29:23.359 --> 00:29:26.640
They send it to me, like when especially when Black Lives Matter stuff was going on.
00:29:27.279 --> 00:29:33.680
Like a lot of people from my elementary school were like, Hey, I've been I've really been thinking about the way this country is going and it's not good.
00:29:33.759 --> 00:29:36.960
And I'm like, wow, I'm so happy you just got that.
00:29:37.119 --> 00:29:39.119
Were you were there a lot of black students in your school?
00:29:39.440 --> 00:29:40.799
There were some, but it was a mostly white school.
00:29:41.039 --> 00:29:41.680
Gotcha, gotcha.
00:29:41.920 --> 00:29:53.759
Like in elementary school, I'd say it was like sixty percent white, ten percent Hispanic, five percent Asian.
00:29:54.000 --> 00:30:02.559
So it was like moderately representative in my elementary school, but then I went to uh that was a magnet school, which got kids from all over the city.
00:30:02.640 --> 00:30:06.880
Then I went to a school that was more aligned with my neighborhood, which was predominantly white.
00:30:07.200 --> 00:30:10.640
And that's when it was like, what the fuck are you guys saying?
00:30:10.799 --> 00:30:10.880
Yeah.
00:30:11.119 --> 00:30:12.640
Like do you guys even recognize what you said?
00:30:12.960 --> 00:30:21.200
I would love to laugh at that person, but during Black Lives Matter, I definitely uh talked to my best friend who's black.
00:30:21.279 --> 00:30:24.000
I was like, are we still can we still be friends?
00:30:24.319 --> 00:30:25.599
Are we is this allowed?
00:30:25.839 --> 00:30:27.839
That was a while, there was a lot of white guilt.
00:30:28.480 --> 00:30:29.200
A lot of white guilt.
00:30:29.440 --> 00:30:32.480
And then white people, no offense, drop that real quick.
00:30:32.720 --> 00:30:33.200
Then take it.
00:30:33.359 --> 00:30:35.839
No, I still Oh, you want us to keep that level of guilt?
00:30:36.400 --> 00:30:40.480
I want you to keep some of it, but the fact that some people were like, okay, we atoned.
00:30:40.640 --> 00:30:42.640
We did a black square.
00:30:42.720 --> 00:30:42.960
Oh, yeah.
00:30:43.119 --> 00:30:43.920
We had a day.
00:30:44.160 --> 00:30:46.319
I marched once with my friend.
00:30:46.400 --> 00:30:51.119
It was a picnic and it was with all other white people, but we did something, damn it.
00:30:51.279 --> 00:30:57.119
And now you want me to feel guilty because my entire company is white and we've never even thought about hiring a black person?
00:30:57.359 --> 00:30:58.480
Oh, what do you want?
00:30:58.640 --> 00:31:00.480
What more do you want from us?
00:31:00.799 --> 00:31:05.599
That I'm really sorry to your sound editor, because that was all super loud.
00:31:06.400 --> 00:31:09.440
Don't apologize for your righteous rage.
00:31:09.759 --> 00:31:12.960
I suppose, but I I've recorded podcasts and I know that it can be.
00:31:13.279 --> 00:31:14.160
Oh, you get a little loud.
00:31:14.319 --> 00:31:15.920
Yeah, I get I get I get kind of loud.
00:31:16.000 --> 00:31:18.720
They have to constantly uh they gotta really stay on those levels.
00:31:18.880 --> 00:31:20.160
They gotta watch it.
00:31:20.319 --> 00:31:28.960
I will say, heaven, very we we we didn't we didn't even need Black Lives Matter because everything is uh was already equal up here.
00:31:29.359 --> 00:31:29.920
Oh wow.
00:31:30.160 --> 00:31:38.640
We already I don't wanna say I don't wanna say up here all that we're all but it's good.
00:31:38.960 --> 00:31:39.519
We're all what?
00:31:39.680 --> 00:31:43.839
We're all the the burdens on earth don't come here.
00:31:44.000 --> 00:31:45.519
We're all what are the burdens?
00:31:45.680 --> 00:31:48.079
All souls matter up here equally.
00:31:48.640 --> 00:31:52.000
We're all the trauma of what happened on earth you leave behind.
00:31:52.480 --> 00:31:53.359
Just ignore that.
00:31:55.359 --> 00:31:56.319
You're uh souls.
00:31:56.480 --> 00:31:59.359
Hey, souls don't discriminate against souls.
00:31:59.599 --> 00:32:00.640
Do don't they?
00:32:00.960 --> 00:32:06.880
Everybody here gets along, and we're we're doing I mean everybody we let in gets along.
00:32:07.039 --> 00:32:07.200
Yeah.
00:32:07.839 --> 00:32:19.920
I think the development of the soul is also the economic, racial, sexual, orientational, and national uh discrimination.
00:32:20.079 --> 00:32:27.119
I think that's part of how your soul and morality develops don't sorry.
00:32:27.440 --> 00:32:29.920
We let's get to the we gotta do the things you did wrong.
00:32:30.160 --> 00:32:30.799
Okay, yes, okay.
00:32:30.960 --> 00:32:31.279
We didn't.
00:32:31.359 --> 00:32:32.400
I know you're perfect.
00:32:32.720 --> 00:32:33.759
Your politics are perfect.
00:32:34.000 --> 00:32:35.359
They are, I mean, they they're like really good.
00:32:35.680 --> 00:32:36.480
The theory is perfect.
00:32:36.559 --> 00:32:37.039
I'm gonna be able to do that.
00:32:37.279 --> 00:32:38.799
I read those books for a reason.
00:32:39.119 --> 00:32:42.480
I read which one was it?
00:32:43.359 --> 00:32:45.279
Not so you want to talk about race.
00:32:45.359 --> 00:32:47.039
It was not white fragility.
00:32:47.200 --> 00:32:47.599
Uh-huh.
00:32:48.000 --> 00:32:49.440
It's so hard to know what to do.
00:32:50.160 --> 00:32:50.640
I know.
00:32:50.880 --> 00:32:53.119
But then if you read it, you get made fun of for reading it.
00:32:53.279 --> 00:32:57.200
Yeah, you're supposed to have read it, but we don't want to see you actually reading it.
00:32:57.680 --> 00:33:00.240
If I can't perform it, then why am I doing it?
00:33:00.400 --> 00:33:02.480
Yeah, you just have to read it like to yourself in a corner.
00:33:02.960 --> 00:33:06.559
If I don't get credit for the inner work, yeah, you don't get credit for that work.
00:33:07.119 --> 00:33:09.759
It's time to get some of those sins off your chest.
00:33:10.160 --> 00:33:11.519
You have not lived a flawless life.
00:33:11.759 --> 00:33:12.319
Of course not.
00:33:12.480 --> 00:33:15.359
I've I did some digging into your past and I was shocked.
00:33:15.599 --> 00:33:16.400
I'm so fascinating.
00:33:16.799 --> 00:33:17.279
I'm not sure what you're doing.
00:33:17.599 --> 00:33:20.880
I have everything here, but I want you to confess it first.
00:33:21.680 --> 00:33:23.440
Because then it means Catholic trap.
00:33:23.759 --> 00:33:26.319
This means it means it's not gonna hurt you as much if you can't.
00:33:29.279 --> 00:33:30.319
We got guilt too.
00:33:30.880 --> 00:33:31.839
We're guilty.
00:33:32.240 --> 00:33:36.240
Um, just to list off some of the possible sins you may have committed.
00:33:36.480 --> 00:33:37.200
Uh murder.
00:33:37.680 --> 00:33:38.240
Okay, no.
00:33:38.559 --> 00:33:39.279
Adultery.
00:33:39.599 --> 00:33:40.799
I've never been married.
00:33:41.039 --> 00:33:42.880
Uh, or any sort of infidelity is.
00:33:43.359 --> 00:33:54.240
Even when I was in a relationship, like the only time I've been in a relationship longer than three months, uh, when a guy kissed me on my Harvard Invitational debate trip in high school, I called my boyfriend.
00:33:56.880 --> 00:33:57.279
In heaven.
00:33:57.599 --> 00:33:58.480
You called your boyfriend.
00:33:58.720 --> 00:34:00.720
I called my boyfriend and I said, We're broken up.
00:34:00.880 --> 00:34:02.400
And then After the kiss?
00:34:02.559 --> 00:34:03.200
Yeah, after the hiss.
00:34:03.440 --> 00:34:04.559
So you're at debate camp.
00:34:04.880 --> 00:34:06.079
Yeah, before other stuff.
00:34:06.480 --> 00:34:07.359
When did the kiss happen?
00:34:07.519 --> 00:34:08.480
On stage or back stage?
00:34:08.719 --> 00:34:09.199
No, no, no.
00:34:09.280 --> 00:34:10.320
In that person's hotel room.
00:34:11.039 --> 00:34:12.639
There's a hotel room for the debate.
00:34:12.880 --> 00:34:14.719
Yeah, well, we were we I'm not from Boston.
00:34:14.800 --> 00:34:15.519
We had to go up to Boston.
00:34:15.840 --> 00:34:18.079
So Harvard invites high school students to debate.
00:34:18.320 --> 00:34:18.960
They what?
00:34:19.119 --> 00:34:21.920
Harvard invites high school students to come and debate.
00:34:22.239 --> 00:34:22.400
Yes.
00:34:22.559 --> 00:34:23.599
It's a national tournament.
00:34:23.840 --> 00:34:26.079
And you are in a boy's hotel room.
00:34:26.320 --> 00:34:26.480
Yes.
00:34:26.719 --> 00:34:27.920
How many to a hotel room?
00:34:28.079 --> 00:34:28.400
Two.
00:34:28.639 --> 00:34:29.199
Two.
00:34:29.519 --> 00:34:31.280
And he smooches you?
00:34:31.440 --> 00:34:31.760
Yes.
00:34:31.920 --> 00:34:34.719
It's inter that's an interesting structure of that sentence.
00:34:35.599 --> 00:34:36.880
He kissed you.
00:34:37.119 --> 00:34:39.440
Oh, you but that's the way that you phrased it.
00:34:39.679 --> 00:34:40.800
I'm just saying it's interesting.
00:34:40.960 --> 00:34:41.280
Interesting.
00:34:41.599 --> 00:34:42.400
How did you phrase it?
00:34:42.559 --> 00:34:44.800
I said we said he kissed the kiss.
00:34:45.039 --> 00:34:45.679
The kiss.
00:34:45.840 --> 00:34:46.320
Oh, okay.
00:34:46.480 --> 00:34:47.199
Passive voice.
00:34:47.360 --> 00:34:47.760
Yeah.
00:34:48.079 --> 00:34:49.280
Kisses were having.
00:34:49.599 --> 00:34:50.079
Kisses were known as a kiss.
00:34:50.239 --> 00:34:53.280
Kisses is then I called my boyfriend.
00:34:53.599 --> 00:34:54.000
Kisses?
00:34:54.400 --> 00:34:55.039
Tongue.
00:34:55.360 --> 00:34:55.760
Tongue.
00:34:56.000 --> 00:34:56.960
I don't think there was tongue yet.
00:34:57.039 --> 00:34:57.679
I think it was like mild.
00:34:57.760 --> 00:34:59.840
And then I called my boyfriend and said we're breaking up.
00:35:00.639 --> 00:35:01.840
And then more stuff happened.
00:35:02.000 --> 00:35:05.039
So we're just No, it was like, you know, general stuff.
00:35:05.920 --> 00:35:06.639
I'm gonna need a visual.
00:35:06.800 --> 00:35:07.519
I'm gonna need a visual.
00:35:07.599 --> 00:35:08.159
I'm having a trouble.
00:35:08.320 --> 00:35:08.719
No, you got it.
00:35:08.800 --> 00:35:09.119
You got it.
00:35:09.360 --> 00:35:10.400
I just did some neck movements.
00:35:10.639 --> 00:35:11.519
You understood the workings.
00:35:11.679 --> 00:35:12.719
So you called him and broke up.
00:35:12.800 --> 00:35:14.079
But did you stay with this other boy?
00:35:14.239 --> 00:35:14.800
Yeah.
00:35:15.119 --> 00:35:15.920
For how long?
00:35:16.159 --> 00:35:18.559
Well, not like I stayed with him for the evening.
00:35:19.360 --> 00:35:20.159
What do you mean?
00:35:20.480 --> 00:35:21.679
Did you stay the night?
00:35:21.920 --> 00:35:22.239
No.
00:35:22.480 --> 00:35:24.079
I had to go back to my hotel room.
00:35:24.320 --> 00:35:28.159
But you broke up in order to not have to confess this to the boy?
00:35:28.400 --> 00:35:28.880
Yep.
00:35:29.199 --> 00:35:29.760
Wow.
00:35:30.000 --> 00:35:31.199
How did he take the breakup?
00:35:31.679 --> 00:35:32.800
Oh, it was really messy.
00:35:33.039 --> 00:35:34.960
And did have you confessed this to him since?
00:35:35.280 --> 00:35:35.760
Yeah.
00:35:36.159 --> 00:35:36.400
Okay.
00:35:36.800 --> 00:35:47.440
And then he strongly encouraged us to have sex, thus taking my virginity, and then going to go see the Ben Affleck Daredevil movie.
00:35:47.679 --> 00:35:49.440
And it was weird.
00:35:50.079 --> 00:35:51.840
But I stayed with that guy for two more years after that.
00:35:52.000 --> 00:35:53.519
So you love a bad boy.
00:35:54.800 --> 00:35:55.519
I don't have problems.
00:35:55.920 --> 00:35:59.920
I don't love the sentence he strongly encouraged us to have sex.
00:36:00.320 --> 00:36:00.960
It was weird.
00:36:01.199 --> 00:36:02.000
Yeah, I'm sorry.
00:36:02.079 --> 00:36:03.119
That sounds I'm sorry.
00:36:03.599 --> 00:36:05.280
You deserved a great first time.
00:36:05.519 --> 00:36:06.480
I mean, it wasn't horrible.
00:36:06.800 --> 00:36:09.360
I was just like you're taking too long.
00:36:10.000 --> 00:36:10.320
Oh.
00:36:11.039 --> 00:36:12.320
It wasn't.
00:36:12.960 --> 00:36:14.559
I thought it was coercive.
00:36:14.880 --> 00:36:17.599
But you're just like, You're just like wrap it up.
00:36:17.760 --> 00:36:18.239
Yeah.
00:36:20.239 --> 00:36:21.119
You know what I heard recently?
00:36:21.280 --> 00:36:21.519
What?
00:36:21.679 --> 00:36:24.639
That women pretend to come so that it stops.
00:36:24.880 --> 00:36:25.440
All the time.
00:36:25.599 --> 00:36:26.719
I didn't realize that was why.
00:36:26.960 --> 00:36:32.800
Yeah, it's not like, oh, that way they finish and then you're like, well, I can get back to my day.
00:36:33.119 --> 00:36:34.960
We gotta go see Daredevil.
00:36:35.440 --> 00:36:35.840
Yeah.
00:36:38.079 --> 00:36:40.960
You lost your virginity and then went and watched Daredevils.
00:36:41.039 --> 00:36:42.239
Yeah, it was a bad movie.
00:36:42.480 --> 00:36:45.519
I, after I lost mine, went to Denny's and had a hot fudge Sunday.
00:36:46.159 --> 00:36:52.320
And so now I can't have a hot fudge Sunday without crying or climaxing.
00:36:52.960 --> 00:36:53.840
Same, same.
00:36:54.079 --> 00:36:55.119
Same, same.
00:36:57.280 --> 00:36:58.320
Adulterer.
00:36:59.360 --> 00:36:59.440
Wow.
00:36:59.920 --> 00:37:00.400
Stealing.
00:37:00.559 --> 00:37:03.199
We've all stolen here and there and everywhere.
00:37:03.360 --> 00:37:04.559
What's the biggest thing you've stolen?
00:37:04.800 --> 00:37:12.559
So I really don't steal because my mom taught me that as a black child in the South, if you steal anything, you will be placed underneath the jail.
00:37:12.800 --> 00:37:15.840
So I'm very much so like they'll know.
00:37:15.920 --> 00:37:18.320
Like I will bring up all four of these avocados.
00:37:18.559 --> 00:37:19.360
I don't care.
00:37:19.519 --> 00:37:21.440
I just I can't go to prison.
00:37:21.679 --> 00:37:24.079
So I'm like, I don't steal.
00:37:24.159 --> 00:37:26.480
I've never like- Does that stay with you to today?
00:37:26.639 --> 00:37:26.880
Yes.
00:37:27.119 --> 00:37:28.559
You're just like, I'm paying for every avocado.
00:37:28.719 --> 00:37:29.519
Every avocado.
00:37:29.599 --> 00:37:32.079
I I I'm like, I'm genuinely trying.
00:37:32.239 --> 00:37:36.639
Like, it is hard for me to think of like something that I took that I should not have taken.
00:37:36.880 --> 00:37:41.760
Even the things that I've taken where it was like on the fence, it was like I used to work at Comedy Central.
00:37:41.840 --> 00:37:43.679
They said when they moved offices, hey.
00:37:44.000 --> 00:37:45.039
What's what's Comedy Central?
00:37:45.199 --> 00:37:46.159
I'm gonna push you down a well.
00:37:46.320 --> 00:37:47.920
Um I'm unfamiliar with that.
00:37:48.480 --> 00:37:49.679
It doesn't exist anymore.
00:37:49.920 --> 00:37:50.559
Yeah, it's gone.
00:37:50.719 --> 00:37:53.280
Um, it's the place where they rerun the office in Key and Peel.
00:37:53.519 --> 00:37:55.679
Oh, I love those sketches.
00:37:56.159 --> 00:37:58.159
I watch them and I learn.
00:37:58.480 --> 00:37:59.119
Yeah, in heaven.
00:37:59.519 --> 00:37:59.679
Listen.
00:38:00.000 --> 00:38:02.079
It's nice to know that there's TV and internet access to the show.
00:38:02.239 --> 00:38:04.719
It's just it's just Key and Peel and Chappelle Show.
00:38:05.039 --> 00:38:07.119
Are we still feeling good about Chappelle show?
00:38:07.280 --> 00:38:08.239
The sketches hold up.
00:38:08.639 --> 00:38:09.199
They do hold up.
00:38:09.280 --> 00:38:10.159
I was just like him as a person.
00:38:10.400 --> 00:38:11.440
We're like, I was like, are we still?
00:38:11.760 --> 00:38:14.880
Well, where I'm why yeah, I don't think does he get residuals from that?
00:38:15.039 --> 00:38:16.000
We have him on VHS.
00:38:16.239 --> 00:38:17.599
Okay, well then no, he doesn't.
00:38:18.480 --> 00:38:24.320
And but oh uh they I was working there.
00:38:24.400 --> 00:38:25.920
They said we're moving offices.
00:38:26.000 --> 00:38:27.760
Anything that's left, you guys can just take it.
00:38:28.000 --> 00:38:28.719
Staplers.
00:38:28.960 --> 00:38:30.079
I didn't take staplers.
00:38:30.159 --> 00:38:35.199
I took four lamps, I took 13 frames off the walls.
00:38:35.760 --> 00:38:37.599
Your home must be so full.
00:38:37.840 --> 00:38:38.960
It's got a lot of nice stuff.
00:38:39.039 --> 00:38:39.679
You've been to my house.
00:38:39.840 --> 00:38:40.960
So you take free things.
00:38:41.119 --> 00:38:41.599
Yes.
00:38:41.840 --> 00:38:44.800
But pay for what you I will also say I grew up in the south as well.
00:38:44.960 --> 00:38:47.199
Never had an had an avocado till 18.
00:38:47.280 --> 00:38:47.679
So I didn't have to take a look at the same.
00:38:47.760 --> 00:38:49.119
I didn't have an avocado until 18.
00:38:49.360 --> 00:38:50.400
I'm talking about avocados.
00:38:50.559 --> 00:38:57.360
Like, I didn't have an avocado- I oh I had something that they said it was guacamole, but when I think back on it, I'm like, I don't think it was guacamole.
00:38:57.440 --> 00:38:58.800
I think they just put green food dye.
00:38:59.199 --> 00:38:59.920
Pudding something.
00:39:00.320 --> 00:39:04.480
It was like, imagine sour cream, but just like less interesting flavor-wise.
00:39:04.719 --> 00:39:05.039
Oh.
00:39:05.280 --> 00:39:08.159
And it was like, this is I think this is garbage.
00:39:08.400 --> 00:39:16.159
I am remembering though that I don't trust your palate because when we went to a party once, you made us stop to go get some weird chips at a bodega.
00:39:16.800 --> 00:39:17.119
Oh.
00:39:18.159 --> 00:39:21.519
You're like, I have to try new weird chips and bring them.
00:39:21.679 --> 00:39:22.400
I have to bring something.
00:39:22.480 --> 00:39:23.679
I'm like, I have wine from both of us.
00:39:24.000 --> 00:39:24.480
I have to bring something.
00:39:25.039 --> 00:39:28.159
I did have to bring something because I was like, it was like a weird flavor.
00:39:28.480 --> 00:39:30.400
I just grabbed a flavor.
00:39:30.880 --> 00:39:32.079
It felt premeditated.
00:39:32.400 --> 00:39:32.639
Okay.
00:39:33.119 --> 00:39:37.519
But if I'm going to someone's house, I like to come with uh usually a food item.
00:39:37.599 --> 00:39:41.679
And when I drank, I would bring alcohol, but now I would bring like a food item.
00:39:42.239 --> 00:39:47.119
I have gotten in a bad habit of showing up empty-handed and feeling like my presence is my gift.
00:39:47.280 --> 00:39:49.360
And I sometimes even like announce that.
00:39:49.440 --> 00:39:50.960
Like, I'm not bringing anything.
00:39:51.119 --> 00:39:52.000
Don't don't do that.
00:39:52.239 --> 00:39:54.000
Well, because when you ask, like, can I bring anything?
00:39:54.079 --> 00:39:56.960
and they take you up on it, it's literally the worst thing in the world.
00:39:57.280 --> 00:39:59.440
It's like contributing to the person who's hosting you.
00:39:59.679 --> 00:40:02.239
If you're hosting, you sign up to do the full thing.
00:40:02.480 --> 00:40:02.719
No.
00:40:02.960 --> 00:40:05.599
It's when you host a party, it's like, hey, I'm hosting a party.
00:40:05.679 --> 00:40:07.199
If everyone else, if you could.
00:40:07.599 --> 00:40:09.280
Can he can he can you bring anything?
00:40:09.440 --> 00:40:11.519
Yeah, can you figure out a venue for the party?
00:40:11.760 --> 00:40:12.320
It's not a venue.
00:40:12.400 --> 00:40:12.800
It's a conversation.
00:40:13.039 --> 00:40:14.960
Could you bring a couple fun conversation topics?
00:40:15.280 --> 00:40:17.280
You automatically, everyone has to bring fun parties.
00:40:17.599 --> 00:40:19.599
At this age, it's not a potluck anymore.
00:40:19.760 --> 00:40:20.480
It is a potluck.
00:40:20.559 --> 00:40:23.840
If you're we live in New York, and we are comedians.
00:40:24.079 --> 00:40:27.039
If the host is wealthy, I'm not bringing it.
00:40:27.199 --> 00:40:28.719
Are you only going to wealthy people's parties?
00:40:28.880 --> 00:40:29.119
Yes.
00:40:29.280 --> 00:40:29.679
Well, I'm sorry.
00:40:30.239 --> 00:40:31.760
I'm not going to the poor potluck.
00:40:31.920 --> 00:40:33.440
Yeah, I'm going to the poor party.
00:40:33.599 --> 00:40:33.679
No.
00:40:33.920 --> 00:40:35.119
I'm hosting the poor's party.
00:40:35.199 --> 00:40:38.800
And if you come to my house and you don't bring a goddamn thing, I will judge you forever.
00:40:38.880 --> 00:40:43.280
There are people who usually Uts pretzels, you're gonna be like Zach's in.
00:40:43.519 --> 00:40:44.559
But if I don't bring anything else.
00:40:44.880 --> 00:40:46.960
Yeah, honestly, because Uts, I'll throw them in a bowl.
00:40:47.039 --> 00:40:47.440
And you know what?
00:40:47.519 --> 00:40:49.760
People will fucking eat Uts because that's a good quality potato.
00:40:49.840 --> 00:40:53.199
And why don't you just potato set up a little oh business idea?
00:40:53.440 --> 00:40:54.800
Don't know why I'm giving this to you.
00:40:54.880 --> 00:40:55.920
We're both dead.
00:40:56.400 --> 00:41:00.480
Set up, you know, set up, you know how they do hot dogs at the baseball stadium?
00:41:00.639 --> 00:41:01.039
Yeah.
00:41:01.199 --> 00:41:02.800
Set that up outside the party.
00:41:03.039 --> 00:41:04.719
And then people have people buy it and then bring it in.
00:41:04.880 --> 00:41:07.360
Yeah, like hey, if you forgot anything, you have wine.
00:41:07.599 --> 00:41:15.360
You just set up a little kiosk outside of the party, a mobile kiosk, and you or a vending machine, and then people can get stuff for the last time.
00:41:15.519 --> 00:41:16.800
Then you have to have a vending machine.
00:41:16.880 --> 00:41:18.320
Like, that's what Venmo is for.
00:41:18.400 --> 00:41:19.039
Like there are some of the things that we're gonna do.
00:41:19.119 --> 00:41:23.199
Yeah, the host of the party should get the things in advance for the party.
00:41:23.599 --> 00:41:23.760
No.
00:41:24.000 --> 00:41:30.239
I have I think the only times I've not brought something is I texted the person, hey, I'm coming.
00:41:30.480 --> 00:41:32.880
I can't, like, I'm not bringing anything.
00:41:33.039 --> 00:41:34.159
Like, what's your Venmo?
00:41:34.239 --> 00:41:35.840
And then I'll Venmo them like$10.
00:41:36.480 --> 00:41:38.719
They I hope they said, Don't worry about it.
00:41:38.960 --> 00:41:41.039
No, I said I'm going to give you$10.
00:41:41.440 --> 00:41:42.719
Oh, you're weird like that.
00:41:42.960 --> 00:41:46.800
Because to me, it is so rude to go to someone's home empty-handed.
00:41:46.960 --> 00:41:48.719
That to me is like the height of rudeness.
00:41:48.880 --> 00:41:55.440
And if so that that is why people aren't getting invites, like some people are like, I think I used to be invited to Kenise's house, but I haven't been invited in a while.
00:41:55.599 --> 00:41:56.639
Well, because you didn't bring anything.
00:41:56.880 --> 00:41:57.199
Wow.
00:41:57.360 --> 00:42:01.440
Because you come here and you eat and you eat a bunch of shit and yet you don't bring anything.
00:42:01.599 --> 00:42:02.800
Bitch, I don't know who you thought I was.
00:42:03.280 --> 00:42:04.159
I'm really passionate about this.
00:42:04.400 --> 00:42:05.760
I just I'm not a rich lady.
00:42:06.320 --> 00:42:07.039
I've got a one-bedroom.
00:42:07.440 --> 00:42:11.039
When someone else is hosting something, you don't show up empty-handed.
00:42:11.199 --> 00:42:15.280
Not either you either get money or you get an item of food.
00:42:17.920 --> 00:42:18.880
Where's my thing?
00:42:19.039 --> 00:42:20.880
I'm the guest on a podcast.
00:42:21.039 --> 00:42:21.280
Yeah.
00:42:21.440 --> 00:42:24.880
I'm hosting a party and you brought nothing.
00:42:25.119 --> 00:42:28.000
No, I'm providing you with content and you're not paying me.
00:42:29.199 --> 00:42:31.920
I haven't said if I was gonna pay you.
00:42:32.320 --> 00:42:32.639
Okay.
00:42:32.880 --> 00:42:38.960
My presence is my gift of me coming into Manhattan to do this podcast and then rushing home.
00:42:39.280 --> 00:42:40.320
I'm not charging you.
00:42:40.559 --> 00:42:42.079
We're gonna this is a nice place.
00:42:42.239 --> 00:42:43.440
Yeah, that you chose.
00:42:44.559 --> 00:42:45.679
This is on you.
00:42:46.159 --> 00:42:48.239
And you were like, oh, maybe I should have gotten you a coffee.
00:42:48.480 --> 00:42:50.000
What most other podcasts to get?
00:42:50.079 --> 00:42:50.559
Like, oh yeah.
00:42:50.960 --> 00:42:55.760
You're upset that I caught you in your hypocrisy that you literally showed up empty-handed to.
00:42:56.239 --> 00:42:58.639
Wow, a podcast recording that I'm doing for free.
00:42:58.960 --> 00:42:59.280
Look at this.
00:43:00.079 --> 00:43:00.320
Look at that.
00:43:00.480 --> 00:43:01.039
Oh, for free.
00:43:01.440 --> 00:43:02.480
That you did not do for me.
00:43:02.719 --> 00:43:04.639
I drap the person who works on this podcast.
00:43:04.880 --> 00:43:05.920
She has a name.
00:43:06.400 --> 00:43:07.599
I'm sorry, I forgot it.
00:43:07.840 --> 00:43:08.159
Wow.
00:43:08.880 --> 00:43:09.360
Hateful.
00:43:09.519 --> 00:43:10.079
Hateful.
00:43:10.239 --> 00:43:10.880
It's not hate.
00:43:11.039 --> 00:43:11.440
Hateful?
00:43:11.920 --> 00:43:12.719
This is hate.
00:43:13.039 --> 00:43:13.679
Hateful.
00:43:14.159 --> 00:43:14.880
I had a stroke.
00:43:14.960 --> 00:43:15.840
I get to make the excuse.
00:43:16.159 --> 00:43:16.639
Can't believe it.
00:43:16.960 --> 00:43:17.440
My brain is.
00:43:17.519 --> 00:43:18.559
Oh no, my poor brain.
00:43:18.639 --> 00:43:19.039
Oh no.
00:43:19.199 --> 00:43:20.559
And I couldn't remember your name.
00:43:20.639 --> 00:43:21.119
I'm sorry.
00:43:21.199 --> 00:43:22.480
I've only heard it like one time.
00:43:22.880 --> 00:43:25.440
I was waiting for when your stroke was gonna come up.
00:43:25.760 --> 00:43:26.000
Wow.
00:43:26.239 --> 00:43:30.880
You really how often, how in what ways have you used your stroke to get away with things?
00:43:31.199 --> 00:43:32.079
Get away with things?
00:43:32.239 --> 00:43:32.559
Yeah.
00:43:32.719 --> 00:43:36.480
Uh I mean, I had a brain injury significant.
00:43:36.639 --> 00:43:36.800
Yes.
00:43:37.039 --> 00:43:42.079
And I do say, hey, sometimes the symptoms of that are that I'm not gonna remember a detail.
00:43:42.159 --> 00:43:43.519
I'm sorry, I'm not gonna remember it.
00:43:43.920 --> 00:43:44.400
I'll try.
00:43:44.559 --> 00:43:45.039
I'm so jealous.
00:43:45.199 --> 00:43:45.679
I'll write it down.
00:43:45.920 --> 00:43:46.480
I'm so jealous.
00:43:46.559 --> 00:43:46.639
Yeah.
00:43:46.880 --> 00:43:47.280
What a cat.
00:43:47.599 --> 00:43:48.960
I hope you can have a stroke too.
00:43:49.519 --> 00:43:54.239
Yeah, I had a stroke, and um and now sometimes I'm just like a big old bitch.
00:43:54.400 --> 00:43:57.599
But I don't mean sometimes I don't bring things to parties.
00:43:58.400 --> 00:43:59.679
I brought my issue.
00:44:00.239 --> 00:44:01.360
I brought wine to that party.
00:44:02.159 --> 00:44:06.719
Oh, I forgot to bring so yes, you did bring wine to that party, which implies that you bring things.
00:44:06.960 --> 00:44:07.519
I'm a good judy.
00:44:07.760 --> 00:44:09.199
Because you know that that's what being a good judy.
00:44:09.440 --> 00:44:10.000
I don't want to show up.
00:44:10.159 --> 00:44:15.679
I don't want to actively but if you're a good Judy and close, close friend, I know I can get away with not bringing something.
00:44:16.079 --> 00:44:20.079
If you are a close, close friend, but that's often because you've brought things in the past.
00:44:20.159 --> 00:44:21.840
You've established a relationship.
00:44:22.079 --> 00:44:25.039
Now that's maybe you bring two things the first time.
00:44:25.280 --> 00:44:29.199
Yeah, and then you never bring anything again because they're like, oh, we have to invite Zach.
00:44:29.360 --> 00:44:30.400
He comes with the chips.
00:44:30.639 --> 00:44:34.239
So you're just you're just using your guests to bring you things.
00:44:34.480 --> 00:44:35.119
You're a king.
00:44:35.280 --> 00:44:35.679
You're a queen.
00:44:36.000 --> 00:44:36.719
No, no, no, no, no.
00:44:36.960 --> 00:44:37.760
You're not hosting a party.
00:44:38.159 --> 00:44:41.519
They are bringing the things that are eaten at the party.
00:44:41.760 --> 00:44:42.960
There's leftovers and you know it.
00:44:43.119 --> 00:44:44.639
Sometimes there's leftovers, but the most recent time.
00:44:45.039 --> 00:44:45.760
Often leftovers.
00:44:46.000 --> 00:44:48.559
The most recent time, they came over.
00:44:48.800 --> 00:44:50.800
They all ordered like we all ordered.
00:44:51.199 --> 00:44:52.559
When was this and why wasn't I invited?
00:44:52.800 --> 00:44:58.719
Because it was a girls' night, and we were watching uh lifetime with Haley Duff.
00:44:58.960 --> 00:45:00.559
I don't enjoy Haley's oeuvre.
00:45:00.800 --> 00:45:01.199
Do you?
00:45:01.440 --> 00:45:03.039
I she's Hillary's sister, yes.
00:45:03.199 --> 00:45:03.360
Yes.
00:45:03.760 --> 00:45:04.719
Why wouldn't I have enjoyed that?
00:45:04.960 --> 00:45:08.800
It was really bad acting, and we were all getting high, so that sounds like a great time.
00:45:08.960 --> 00:45:14.719
We and we all ate Thai food from my favorite Thai place, and I ordered an Uber Eats Order.
00:45:16.400 --> 00:45:17.280
No, not that one.
00:45:17.440 --> 00:45:17.519
Oh.
00:45:17.840 --> 00:45:18.239
Mews.
00:45:18.719 --> 00:45:19.039
Oh.
00:45:19.280 --> 00:45:19.920
It's very good.
00:45:20.000 --> 00:45:20.559
Try it.
00:45:20.719 --> 00:45:26.159
And you're on track to go to hell, so maybe we shouldn't be talking about your favorite Thai dish.
00:45:26.400 --> 00:45:26.639
Whatever.
00:45:26.880 --> 00:45:29.760
I would maybe Hey, I think they have Thai food in hell.
00:45:29.920 --> 00:45:31.599
Um It's spicy.
00:45:32.000 --> 00:45:33.360
Yeah, which means I might not be able to eat it.
00:45:34.239 --> 00:45:34.639
What is your top?
00:45:35.039 --> 00:45:38.719
I did an Uber uh Eats order, although I don't like to use Uber.
00:45:39.280 --> 00:45:39.760
But you used it.
00:45:40.639 --> 00:45:41.519
As long as you felt bad about it.
00:45:41.840 --> 00:45:43.119
How do you feel guilty?
00:45:43.280 --> 00:45:50.239
Uh but I paid for the tax and the delivery on it, and they paid for their individual meals, and then they took their leftovers home.
00:45:50.480 --> 00:45:56.320
And I have takeaway containers so that if there are things left over, because I don't want a bunch of sweets in my house after a party or something like that.
00:45:57.119 --> 00:46:01.440
I'm like, take these out of here, or else I will eat myself into a diabetic coma.
00:46:01.760 --> 00:46:04.079
I thought you didn't have an eating disability.
00:46:04.559 --> 00:46:11.119
If it's a I can't have I made a cake, I put half of it in the freezer so that I can't just eat it.
00:46:11.840 --> 00:46:15.360
I did that the other night, and then I just had a frozen cake?
00:46:15.599 --> 00:46:16.960
Some real cold cake.
00:46:17.920 --> 00:46:20.320
That stuff's gotta go in the trash with Windex.
00:46:21.920 --> 00:46:23.119
It's time for the lightning round.
00:46:23.360 --> 00:46:23.519
Okay.
00:46:23.920 --> 00:46:26.480
Now we have to see if you Are you crying?
00:46:26.719 --> 00:46:28.400
You know my eyes water all the time.
00:46:29.280 --> 00:46:29.840
Do they?
00:46:30.079 --> 00:46:37.920
Just uh it's it's cold up here in heaven, so it's cold outside, and Canise showed up and had full-on tears dripping down her face.
00:46:38.159 --> 00:46:45.280
The wind hits my eyeballs and they're just like then she said, because there's sodium in tears, I'm gonna have white streaks on my face.
00:46:45.599 --> 00:46:50.079
And I had to ask Do black people get white streaks on their face from tears?
00:46:50.880 --> 00:46:52.000
And if they're darker than the tears.
00:46:52.480 --> 00:46:53.360
Can you not feel the tear?
00:46:53.440 --> 00:46:54.960
I why would you not wipe a tear away?
00:46:55.199 --> 00:46:57.519
Because my hands are cold and they're in my pocket.
00:46:57.920 --> 00:46:59.360
You suffer so much.
00:46:59.599 --> 00:47:00.239
I do.
00:47:00.800 --> 00:47:06.559
I get so cold and I'm walking around town and I have all these bags, and so I have to carry the bags and keep my hands warm.
00:47:06.639 --> 00:47:08.880
And then sometimes Don't bring things to the parties.
00:47:09.119 --> 00:47:10.480
You gotta you're bringing all the things.
00:47:10.639 --> 00:47:12.719
Well, this is I was grocery shopping yesterday.
00:47:12.960 --> 00:47:13.199
Oh.
00:47:13.440 --> 00:47:15.119
I've been using Amazon.
00:47:16.079 --> 00:47:18.000
Send these things to Heaven or Hell, Canise.
00:47:18.239 --> 00:47:18.559
Okay.
00:47:19.119 --> 00:47:21.280
Sam Altman, CEO of OpenAI.
00:47:21.519 --> 00:47:22.000
Hell.
00:47:22.239 --> 00:47:23.440
The Iran War.
00:47:23.599 --> 00:47:23.840
Hell.
00:47:24.159 --> 00:47:25.679
Hardcover books.
00:47:28.559 --> 00:47:34.000
That's a tough one because I think that they you make more on a hardcover book, yes, as an author.
00:47:34.239 --> 00:47:34.880
It's expensive.
00:47:35.039 --> 00:47:36.000
It's expensive to do.
00:47:36.079 --> 00:47:41.840
It seems like a labor-insive and uh resource intensive product, which makes me concerned.
00:47:42.320 --> 00:47:44.239
But they do look damn good in a house.
00:47:44.320 --> 00:47:45.440
And I hear they last a long time.
00:47:47.119 --> 00:47:47.360
Okay.
00:47:49.360 --> 00:47:50.400
Paperback books.
00:47:50.880 --> 00:47:51.440
Fuck.
00:47:52.880 --> 00:47:54.320
I hear they're cutting that down.
00:47:54.639 --> 00:47:58.239
So um hell, because they're cutting that out because it's actually hardcovers go to heaven.
00:47:58.320 --> 00:47:59.920
Uh memoirs about polyamory.
00:48:00.480 --> 00:48:00.960
Hell.
00:48:01.360 --> 00:48:03.440
Donald Trump impersonations.
00:48:04.000 --> 00:48:04.480
Hell.
00:48:04.800 --> 00:48:05.840
Tuesdays.
00:48:06.400 --> 00:48:06.880
Heaven.
00:48:07.119 --> 00:48:07.840
Thursdays.
00:48:08.159 --> 00:48:08.559
Heaven.
00:48:08.880 --> 00:48:09.599
Doing laundry.
00:48:09.840 --> 00:48:10.159
Heaven.
00:48:10.400 --> 00:48:11.360
Blueberries.
00:48:11.760 --> 00:48:12.320
Hell.
00:48:13.039 --> 00:48:13.920
Strawberries.
00:48:14.239 --> 00:48:14.639
Heaven.
00:48:14.880 --> 00:48:15.360
Bananas.
00:48:15.599 --> 00:48:15.920
Heaven.
00:48:16.159 --> 00:48:17.360
Stand-up comedians.
00:48:17.679 --> 00:48:19.360
Oh, it's split down the middle.
00:48:19.599 --> 00:48:20.960
That's an even split, baby.
00:48:21.280 --> 00:48:22.000
Gen Z.
00:48:23.119 --> 00:48:24.960
They're more conservative, so no offense, Hell.
00:48:25.280 --> 00:48:26.320
Gen Alpha.
00:48:28.079 --> 00:48:29.199
A third thing.
00:48:29.519 --> 00:48:30.320
They're babies.
00:48:30.480 --> 00:48:38.000
I know, I know, I know some Gen Alpha people, and their brains are like on some other shit, so I think that they may do a third thing.
00:48:38.239 --> 00:48:39.360
Peptides.
00:48:40.000 --> 00:48:42.320
Like the ones that we need to process for living?
00:48:42.480 --> 00:48:46.960
Oh wow, you're not up to date on what's being injected into bodies across the body.
00:48:47.280 --> 00:48:48.559
Peptides are bad now?
00:48:50.079 --> 00:48:51.039
It's up to you.
00:48:51.199 --> 00:48:51.920
Heaven or hell.
00:48:52.079 --> 00:48:53.119
I don't know enough about it.
00:48:53.760 --> 00:48:55.920
We can end the round and talk about it, but send it to heaven or hell.
00:48:57.039 --> 00:48:57.760
Heaven or hell?
00:48:58.079 --> 00:48:59.039
Uh hell.
00:48:59.519 --> 00:49:01.519
Peptides, GLP one's a peptide.
00:49:02.000 --> 00:49:02.800
Oh, that's a peptide?
00:49:02.960 --> 00:49:07.840
They're in the body naturally, but then people have been making little compounds you can inject yourself and it's a drug revolution.
00:49:08.400 --> 00:49:08.800
That's what that is?
00:49:08.960 --> 00:49:09.519
But it's unlicensed.
00:49:09.840 --> 00:49:11.039
Is that the P and GLP?
00:49:11.280 --> 00:49:13.039
That's the P and they put the P in GLP.
00:49:13.199 --> 00:49:13.360
Okay.
00:49:13.840 --> 00:49:15.360
You know what I thought GLP1 stood for?
00:49:15.519 --> 00:49:15.679
What?
00:49:15.840 --> 00:49:17.039
God, let me poop once.
00:49:17.119 --> 00:49:18.880
My God, I've never been that constipated.
00:49:19.119 --> 00:49:20.400
You took them and you were constipated?
00:49:20.559 --> 00:49:20.880
Yeah.
00:49:21.199 --> 00:49:21.920
Took them.
00:49:22.320 --> 00:49:23.119
You're selling them?
00:49:23.199 --> 00:49:24.800
I inject yeah, you inject them.
00:49:24.880 --> 00:49:25.280
Oh, okay.
00:49:25.360 --> 00:49:26.800
They're selling them as pills now.
00:49:27.039 --> 00:49:27.920
Oh, I tried the pills.
00:49:28.000 --> 00:49:28.559
They're made up.
00:49:28.719 --> 00:49:28.960
Uh.
00:49:29.440 --> 00:49:30.480
Jacked by June.
00:49:30.880 --> 00:49:32.000
Fit by 40.
00:49:32.320 --> 00:49:32.719
Pennies.
00:49:33.199 --> 00:49:34.000
Welcome to 40.
00:49:34.079 --> 00:49:35.199
I turned 40 this year.
00:49:35.519 --> 00:49:36.880
Happy birthday.
00:49:37.119 --> 00:49:38.000
And death day of the news.
00:49:38.159 --> 00:49:39.519
I wasn't invited to your party.
00:49:39.679 --> 00:49:43.119
You absolutely were at my party and you were on stage.
00:49:43.360 --> 00:49:43.840
Oh, wow.
00:49:44.000 --> 00:49:46.000
A combination birthday show party.
00:49:46.159 --> 00:49:46.559
Yeah.
00:49:46.800 --> 00:49:47.760
I'm a jerk.
00:49:49.199 --> 00:49:50.159
Anything to get in there?
00:49:50.320 --> 00:49:51.840
I think I can force my I can.
00:49:52.000 --> 00:49:52.400
Yeah.
00:49:52.639 --> 00:49:55.119
Let me fill some seeds by the guilt of my friends.
00:49:55.360 --> 00:49:59.199
Um, if you, this time for your Scrooge moment, this is your last chance.
00:49:59.360 --> 00:49:59.679
Okay.
00:49:59.840 --> 00:50:02.079
If we were to send you back, are you familiar with the Christmas Carol?
00:50:02.159 --> 00:50:03.119
Evan East of Scrooge?
00:50:03.280 --> 00:50:03.360
Yes.
00:50:03.840 --> 00:50:06.960
The Muppet Christmas Carol is my most frequent viewing of that.
00:50:07.280 --> 00:50:12.400
If you had a Scrooge moment now and if we sent you back to Earth, you didn't actually die when you fell from the Michael P.
00:50:12.559 --> 00:50:13.599
Jordan, Michael B.
00:50:13.760 --> 00:50:14.639
Jordan Bush.
00:50:14.719 --> 00:50:16.000
Yeah, what would you change?
00:50:16.079 --> 00:50:23.280
How are you going to change how you're uh do is it like a Jesus thing where the my presence indicates that I have some advanced knowledge?
00:50:23.599 --> 00:50:24.559
You're buying yourself time.
00:50:24.800 --> 00:50:25.039
I'm not.
00:50:25.119 --> 00:50:25.440
I've been.
00:50:25.760 --> 00:50:27.039
Questioning the hypothetical.
00:50:27.360 --> 00:50:28.400
No, the uh the hypothetical.
00:50:29.199 --> 00:50:30.719
I want to get you into heaven.
00:50:30.960 --> 00:50:31.840
Okay, I hear you.
00:50:32.079 --> 00:50:38.159
But if people are granting my what I'm saying with more power than they're granting it now, no one listens to me now.
00:50:38.320 --> 00:50:45.119
But if I died and then come back from the dead and people were like, oh, it's a miracle, let's listen to what she has to say, then I'd be like, hey.
00:50:45.440 --> 00:50:47.119
So you're not changing the way you're living.
00:50:47.360 --> 00:50:49.760
You're gonna preach more to other people.
00:50:50.000 --> 00:51:11.599
Yes! If I came back from the dead, I'd be like, obviously, I was brought back to tell you all to stop letting these people be billionaires, put them in chains, uh, dismantle their properties, disseminate them amongst the people, and anyone who's trying to become a billionaire uh either can work for the betterment of humankind or meet the guillotine.
00:51:11.679 --> 00:51:12.400
One of the two.
00:51:12.719 --> 00:51:15.119
Meet the how'd you say it?
00:51:15.280 --> 00:51:16.480
Meet the guillotine.
00:51:16.880 --> 00:51:17.440
Say it again.
00:51:17.599 --> 00:51:18.400
You heard me.
00:51:18.719 --> 00:51:19.679
Guillotine?
00:51:19.840 --> 00:51:21.119
That's what I said.
00:51:21.840 --> 00:51:23.679
Like a fish's gills?
00:51:23.840 --> 00:51:25.679
The L's are silent, I think.
00:51:25.920 --> 00:51:26.639
How do you say it?
00:51:26.880 --> 00:51:27.760
Guillotine.
00:51:27.920 --> 00:51:28.320
Shit.
00:51:28.719 --> 00:51:29.679
Guillotine.
00:51:30.239 --> 00:51:31.039
Guillotine.
00:51:31.199 --> 00:51:32.159
I took French.
00:51:32.559 --> 00:51:38.239
I love I love the idea of you having an audience in a fervor.
00:51:38.320 --> 00:51:39.840
You are leading the next revolution.
00:51:40.159 --> 00:51:41.360
Second coming of Christ.
00:51:41.599 --> 00:51:51.360
We gotta we gotta go to the guillotine! And then they say, never mind, actually, we like the system that we have now.
00:51:51.519 --> 00:51:53.440
We're not gonna get rid of any billionaire.
00:51:53.920 --> 00:51:54.559
Can't trust you.
00:51:54.719 --> 00:51:58.000
Yeah, you said guillotine instead of guillotine.
00:51:58.239 --> 00:51:58.480
It's okay.
00:51:58.559 --> 00:52:01.599
I thought melancholy was pronounced melancholy for a very long time.
00:52:02.000 --> 00:52:03.440
That actually does make me feel better.
00:52:03.599 --> 00:52:04.079
Thank you.
00:52:04.320 --> 00:52:04.559
Good.
00:52:04.639 --> 00:52:07.599
I even though it was a movie, even though you heard people talk about the movie?
00:52:07.920 --> 00:52:08.559
Melancholia?
00:52:08.719 --> 00:52:09.360
Melancholia.
00:52:09.519 --> 00:52:10.159
This was before then.
00:52:10.239 --> 00:52:10.639
Oh, okay.
00:52:11.280 --> 00:52:12.400
The year was 1900.
00:52:12.559 --> 00:52:13.119
Oh, okay.
00:52:13.440 --> 00:52:16.320
Kennis, we've got all the data that we need.
00:52:16.559 --> 00:52:18.559
Time to send this up to God.
00:52:20.239 --> 00:52:21.280
And see what he has.
00:52:21.519 --> 00:52:22.400
Is something funny?
00:52:22.639 --> 00:52:25.920
Um, I you're right, God would just exist in the ether generally.
00:52:26.079 --> 00:52:28.719
I used to have dreams about God, so what up, God?
00:52:28.800 --> 00:52:30.320
Nice to see you again.
00:52:31.119 --> 00:52:32.079
He's not here yet.
00:52:32.320 --> 00:52:32.960
Oh, okay.
00:52:33.280 --> 00:52:34.480
I just meant that in general.
00:52:34.559 --> 00:52:36.800
Because he or they can hear all, see all.
00:52:37.440 --> 00:52:38.559
Okay, you've read some of the book.
00:52:39.360 --> 00:52:40.159
Oh, it's coming in.
00:52:40.400 --> 00:52:42.239
I'm getting getting the report.
00:52:43.360 --> 00:52:44.960
Oh, thanks.
00:52:45.280 --> 00:52:46.559
That pitch arm on God.
00:52:48.800 --> 00:52:49.519
Kennis.
00:52:51.599 --> 00:52:52.880
The verdict is in.
00:52:53.440 --> 00:52:55.440
You appre you've reduced harm on earth.
00:52:55.840 --> 00:52:57.679
You've preached the gospel.
00:52:58.639 --> 00:53:00.480
But there have been moments when you didn't live it.
00:53:00.960 --> 00:53:02.400
That kiss at Harvard.
00:53:04.000 --> 00:53:12.159
The guilt you feel from not stealing rather than not steal you don't steal, but not because of for goodness.
00:53:12.960 --> 00:53:14.079
From a place of fear, yeah.
00:53:14.239 --> 00:53:15.440
From a place of fear.
00:53:15.840 --> 00:53:24.400
You sent uh hardcover books to heaven and paperback books to hell and sent blueberries to hell.
00:53:24.639 --> 00:53:26.159
The most beloved of all berries.
00:53:26.400 --> 00:53:26.960
Are they?
00:53:27.519 --> 00:53:29.840
I think strawberries are the most beloved of all berries.
00:53:30.079 --> 00:53:37.599
But at the end of the day, it seems like you have more opinions about how the world is wrong rather than taking personal accountability.
00:53:37.840 --> 00:53:38.880
Oh, interesting.
00:53:39.199 --> 00:53:43.519
And so you have been this has never happened before.
00:53:43.599 --> 00:53:46.960
You're being sent back to Earth to live some more time.
00:53:47.199 --> 00:53:47.440
Okay.
00:53:47.760 --> 00:53:51.760
Uh and now that you know how to pronounce guillotine, we'll be watching.
00:53:52.079 --> 00:53:52.480
Thank you.
00:53:53.199 --> 00:54:00.000
Then to see it sounds like we might meet back here in one year's time to see what you can do with your extra year on life.
00:54:00.159 --> 00:54:00.480
Okay.
00:54:00.719 --> 00:54:03.599
Similar to how when you had a stroke and you had a second lease on life.
00:54:03.679 --> 00:54:04.559
This is a third lease on life.
00:54:04.639 --> 00:54:05.039
Third lease.
00:54:05.119 --> 00:54:05.599
Third lease.
00:54:05.679 --> 00:54:06.559
Third time's a term, baby.
00:54:06.719 --> 00:54:07.519
How do you feel about that?
00:54:07.760 --> 00:54:08.400
I feel good.
00:54:08.559 --> 00:54:12.400
A year means I gotta convince a lot of people of a lot of things, but let's go.
00:54:12.480 --> 00:54:13.039
Let's do it.
00:54:13.360 --> 00:54:17.199
Let's let's now that you say curse words, fucking go.
00:54:17.360 --> 00:54:18.079
Let's fucking go.
00:54:18.400 --> 00:54:18.800
Fucking go.
00:54:19.199 --> 00:54:23.039
Thanks for enjoying Judgment Day and our incredible guest, Kennise Mobley.
00:54:23.280 --> 00:54:27.760
Follow her on Instagram and TikTok, HotGuy Draft, founder and creator.
00:54:27.920 --> 00:54:30.079
And if you like Judgment Day, share it with a friend.
00:54:30.239 --> 00:54:31.519
Like, comment, subscribe.
00:54:31.679 --> 00:54:34.719
Let us know who we should have in the Heaven Hot Seat next.
00:54:34.800 --> 00:54:35.840
I'm Zach Zimmerman.
00:54:35.920 --> 00:54:38.239
And as always, have your pets spayed and neutered.
00:54:38.320 --> 00:54:39.360
Goodbye, everybody.