Coleen Greco:
The Joy Unleashed show empowers and inspires women to reclaim their joy. We provide tools, resources and connections to help you unlock your true potential. Through engaging conversation, expert insights and transformative stories. We create a vibrant and inclusive community where women can break free from the limitations that hold them back. I'm Joyologists, Coleen Greco and it is my honor to be your host. Let's get right into the show.
If you feel like you're stuck, if you feel like you don't quite know your purpose, or maybe you know it, but you just can't find the path toward it. If you're uncomfortable in your own skin and want to finally master self love, then we need to talk. I'm Coleen Greco and I'm your Joyologists. I help women just like you to reclaim the joy they feel is missing in their life through mindset coaching and nutrition coaching. Whether you have weight to lose or simply need to get your gut in check. I've got to work together to retire limiting beliefs. Those are the stories that are keeping you from your purpose. I need you to hear me. Those are the stories that we need to get rid of in order to get you on your path to your purpose. We will work together to get you that life you've always dreamed up. It would be my honor to connect with you, reach out to me via Instagram at @thecoleengreco or email me at coleen@coleengreco.com Let's get you back to the show.
Coleen Greco
Welcome back to another episode of Joy Unleashed. I'm Coleen Greco, your humble host and resident Joyologist. And today I'm so excited to introduce you to Ellen Mcbride. So without further ado, oh, welcome, Elle.
Elle Louise Mcbride
Hello, Coleen and everyone listening.
Coleen Greco
Thank you so much for being here today. Everyone Elle is from Australia and she got up early and I'm recording this at the end of my day. So between the two of us, there might be the occasional yawn, but we're not bored. We're just, just out of gas. So Elle why don't you take a minute and introduce yourself to the audience?
Elle Louise Mcbride
Hello, everyone. I'm so thrilled to be here. We have had some beautiful connection that has been formed and yeah, so I'm just so thrilled to be here and talk about what I do as Coleen said, I am from Australia, the Gold Coast. If anybody knows that it's a beautiful part and I am a trained Havening techniques practitioner and you may be questioning what is Havening and I have no doubt we're speaking majority about that topic today. So you will learn more about it. But Haven is a revolutionary new psycho sensory therapy So meaning using the body to create healing. So, yeah, we're going to get into it. It's going to be good. I'm really excited to be here. So, thank you for having me.
Coleen Greco
Thank you. Yes. And I, I mean, I'm like jumping in my skin right now because I'm so excited. So Ellen and I got to meet a few weeks ago and we had a beautiful conversation and I, first of all, she was so generous with her time and we actually did a live havening session which was not why we were meeting, but she so great to stick around and, and I really got so much from it and I just thought like, let's spend some time maybe talking about like how you discovered it and what you have been doing and where you said, hm, no, this is where I need to be spending my time. I'd love to hear a little bit more about like what brought you to where you are today.
Elle Louise Mcbride
Yes. And my journey really like it. You can unpack it from anywhere, right? But trigger warnings for all of the areas that I may speak about. But essentially my journey started prior to my birth, my parents had given birth to a beautiful baby boy who passed away the day after he was born. And then less than a year later I arrived healthy, happy, beautiful and brought such a blessing into my family. And although I was never made at any point to, made to feel like it shouldn't have been me. There was a part of me that kind of grew up thinking, you know, what would have Josh done. And, you know, Josh would have ridden motorbikes and he would have brought a lot of happiness and because our birthdays were so close as well, we were only six days apart. There would always be the reflection of, you know, how old Josh would be. And I almost spent a lot of my life comparing myself to somebody that wasn't alive. And throughout the years, that meant a lot of dysfunctional teenage years, especially when my parents separated. And I really struggled with my mental health. And if anybody struggled with their mental health in the early two thousands, you'd know that there wasn't a lot of support out there outside of antidepressants. So at 15, I was placed on antidepressants, which after a couple of rounds on it, I realized I didn't like, I didn't like the way it made me feel instead of numbing all of the, you know, well, it was numbing all of the unpleasant feelings, but it was also numbing a lot of the joy that I did have in my life. I went on to, yeah, stop taking them and, you know, there wasn't the internet, there wasn't a way to really find joy. So I found that in alcohol and drugs and partying, I then moved very far away from my family. And at 19, my best friend had decided throw her life was too difficult and she passed away by suicide. And that really, was a very difficult time, as you can imagine. I already had my own struggles. But then having that happen, I realized that that wasn't a pathway for me. Now, I, I firsthand saw the destruction that was there and, you know, the pain that it brought to a lot of people. So I recognized that I needed a way out. But still, there wasn't a lot of support. I had kind of found a bit of an attitude against the pharmaceutical industry and there wasn't a lot holistically that at 19 that I could find a way. So I really buried my head into work. I climbed the corporate ladder. I did really well in corporate, I really loved it. I had big teams of women that I had managed and I really loved it until I was about 23 and I hit burnout and it burnt out again, not having a label, not knowing what it was. It was just, you know, no drive to wake up in the morning. I was gaining weight. I just had again, no joy. Little to no joy. I was finding myself drinking every weekend and just really gambling with my life doing really reckless things. And so I'd worked for a company for a really long time. I absolutely loved them and I couldn't really leave to go and work for somebody else. I don't know if anybody's been in that position. But you're like, I don't know what I'm going to do here because they're not the problem I am. And so I decided that I would go traveling and I packed up my life, one of my best friends at the time. She was like, yeah, I'll come with you. We've been living together for quite a few years and we shipped off to start our traveling adventures. And within our first week we were in Hawaii and I had a near death experience. And in that,, I was swimming at Waimea Bay for any Americans that know it in Hawaii. Very big waves. But they were quite small when we first got in, they just turned into giants once we were in there. And, you know, I was gasping for air and then back under the water for 3 to 4 minutes at a time. And I remember even at one point, my hands being on the bottom of the ocean, touching the sand thinking that I was swimming up. But really, I was swimming down and I remember just praying in that moment. I wasn't really raised with a religion. I wasn't r aised with a belief. I knew that there was a God and I knew that my brother was in heaven. So I just started praying. You take care of my mom. I knew that this would just really affect her. being in another country as well. All of these things so quickly run through your head when you're in that extremely vulnerable position. So here I am calling out and this face appears and I didn't really recognize the face, but I knew it to be God. And there was the pearly gates that I think we envision, but they were there. And essentially this voice speaks and it tells me that my life has purpose. My life has meaning and it was always meant to be me. And as soon as I like, receive that in my soul, my hand is pulled from the water and I'm back on the shore. I didn't need resuscitation. I was simply alive. But I was really shaken and I think when an encounter or something like that happens, you can either go one way or the other. You can have your life transformed and you feel healed and you've got the answer that you need or you can go the other way. And for me, I went the other way. About a month later, I had a major panic attack in Hawaii in Las Vegas of all places. And I was basically traumatized by memories that I couldn't figure out. Is this true? Is it not true? Is it real? Is it not real? And for the next five years, I would struggle with that every single day I went on to have other panic attacks. I traveled the world for about two years just under and made my way back to Australia filled with anxiety and fear and worries. And I didn't really, I often say it was like, I didn't know my left from my right. But I had this feeling that my life had purpose. My life had meaning and it was always meant to be me. So here I am, I was turning 25 filled with anxiety. I was in a really unhealthy relationship again, finding my worth in something. And I was trying to find a way. And by then, you know, the internet had picked up, you know, Instagram was a thing and I was in my hometown and, you know, there were just different people that I'd had access to. I started doing different things like Bowen therapy. I had tried kinesiology. I did hypnotherapy EFT, reflexology, a lot of different modalities and some really helped and would give momentary relief. And some of them associated me into my trauma a bit more. And that wasn't the practitioner that was me. I didn't feel safe, I didn't feel maybe ready. or maybe God had a different plan there as well. And so I end up going to visit the Gold Coast and there's quite a bit more into this story, but I'm trying to keep it short for everyone but I stumbled into a coffee shop very far away from my home and I met a lady named Karen and she tells me that she's just been in the UK and studied in this modality called Havening techniques. And I was like, I don't care what it is. There was just something about this woman, it was like a feeling of home. It was just a safety and she sends me all these videos and all these videos on science and all this information and I watch it and I'm just sitting there thinking, yeah, that's good for them. That's, that's nice for them. You know, they've received he that's good for them, but that won't be me. And so the next day we decided to have a session. I had one day left on my trip up there and we had this session and I sat down in the chair and she said, so why are we here? And for the first time in my life, I went to speak about what was basically suffocating me and keeping me trapped in my own mind. But I only got a few words out before the tears came, the sweat, the snot, it was all going on. And about 15 minutes later, I had this sense of freedom. It was no longer trapping me. I have unexplainable feelings. And now when I see clients have this feeling as well, I'm like, I just, I so get it the sense of freedom and for myself. I left that session. It was about 2.5 hours in length. I left that session. I went and sat on the beach and I was like, well, what she did wasn't so hard. Don't really recommend this to my clients, but there were no youtube videos, there was no information on it. There was nothing that I could kind of continue doing except for my own two hands. So I went and I sat on one of the Headlands here on the Gold Coast and there was another memory that had just been playing on my mind from my partner that I was with. And so I sat there and I took myself on this evening experience stroking my arms and saying the alphabet counting to 20. And I simply came out of it thinking OK, that worked. So I just started havening my life, I just started anything that would come up any trigger, which trigger wasn't even a word and we didn't even know what a trigger was. And so this is 2016 and I just started changing my life. And before I know it, I'm back in my hometown, I'm leaving my relationship. I'm packing my car and I'm moving to the Gold Coast and it was just this sense of freedom, this deep and I'm on the Gold Coast and I meet up with Karen Hedges again. We go for coffee again and I'm telling her all of these life updates and she tells me that the trainers are coming over from the UK for the first training in Australia. And I just laugh, I think, oh, no, no, no, no, no, I can't become the practitioner. I need the practitioner. I need more sessions. I am so far away. And so I sat in that training and, you know, my inner critic was so loud, it was, you don't belong here. You know, I was sitting with psychologists and counselors and dieticians and all of these incredible people with big numbers and letters on the end of their name. And I'm thinking I shouldn't be here and fast forward to today. I'm the leading practitioner in Australia and globally recognized for this modality. And I know that it found me and you can sound egotistical, but I'm very good at it.
Coleen Greco
I know you're really good at it. I'm just going to chime in.
Elle Louise Mcbride
It has been spoken over me that I am like a bit of a light shiner. I shine the light into those dark places and can bring healing into them. And that's the beauty of Havening. It's originally labeled Amygdala depotentiation, but renamed to Haven because that's what we're doing. We're creating a safe haven for healing and Haven is based heavily in neuroscience. It was formulated by Harvard trained medical Doctor Ronald Rudin and his brother Stephen Rudin and is a remarkable breakthrough. We've got papers happening on it. There is so much c it is doing incredible things when it comes to. Yeah, just research and it was formulated in 2000. So it's been 24 years of discovery and understanding how trauma is encoded and therefore why human touch. When we nurture a baby, we can, we can calm it and we all crave this touch and this human connection. So, yeah, that's a bit of my story.
Coleen Greco
It's such a beautiful story and I could take it about 15 different ways, but I definitely want to first help the listener understand the practice of evening. And so really, you know, the body is conditioned over time, there are comments that are made or not made, there are things that happen or don't happen and that inform the body of all the, all these beliefs that you have, like, you believe certain things to be true. That's because there was something that conditioned you to believe that, right? And so what you're doing is undoing in a sense. I don't know the best way to sort of demo this. But I think it would be great to kind of show just in a couple of minutes what the practice looks like and why somebody would come to you. Is it because they have deep trauma, they have limiting belief if they have they, you know, maybe don't have self love. I know we have quite a lot of overlap in what we do, which I think is awesome because we can help each other out but maybe help some people understand. so that they can kind of conceptualize it.
Elle Louise Mcbride
Yeah. So people come to me for all different reasons. I have worked with, you know, teenagers, young adults of all ages and we all do carry things as you said, you know, our mind is designed to remember. And so when we have a, as you said, limiting belief, a thought, even just somebody in our And so when we have, as you said, a limiting belief, a thought, or even just somebody in our life that is, you know, just, there's too much to be like, you know, just when I think about that person, I just get this off feeling, you know, when I'm around this person, I can't stand them when I think about this person. And sometimes, like myself, there is a memory that is continuously traumatizing us that we can't stop thinking about it. We ruminate. And so for my clients, I don't box into this specifically what I work with. I've worked with Grammy Award nominees. I've worked with movie stars. I've worked with everyday people and we all have our own things. You know, I think there's like nine babies on the planet that have been born to women that have been told they'll never carry a healthy happy child and they've all gone on to naturally conceive. I've seen ovarian cysts disappear basically within days, I've had so many endometriosis clear up within six weeks. It's an incredible testimonial on my YouTube about one client with that who went on to conceive a very healthy, happy, beautiful baby. And you know, we have these events that have happened or, you know, even as you mentioned, like things that we think people are saying. And so when we get triggered, what's actually happening is little amper receptors shoot up on our amygdala. It's almost like the dandelion. When the dandelion, the weed, shoots up, right? Thousands of little sparks fly, right? A lot of people call it their alarm system in havening. We often refer to the amygdala as Amy. You know, because we perceive when we get triggered as this part of our mind disliking us, this part of our mind going, "Oh my gosh, I must just really hate myself that I'm even thinking this way. I mustn't like myself. I lack self-love." But our amygdala, Amy, loves us so much. She is our ultimate best friend and protector; that is her job. So it's often a beautiful way to look at it. If you're getting triggered, it's the part of your mind that loves you so much, it wants to protect you. And sometimes there can be real healing in that for some people. And for other people, they're like, "Well, I just want to love myself in a whole different way." And that's the beauty of this. So when we are feeling triggered or there is something that we're ruminating on, the simple act of rubbing your hands together as if you're washing them just nice and gently or stroking from your shoulders down to your elbows, giving yourself a nice warm hug, a warm embrace, or then the other touch that we talk about in havening is across the face. So you can just do the forehead if that feels more comfortable, or down the cheeks, or a full face as well. But this gentle touch, what it's doing is it's producing a large amount of delta waves as well as calcium neuron and other feel-good chemicals. And that's permanently changing the way that our amygdala is going to respond. So that dandelion and that alarm system that's shooting off alert, get out of here, fight for your life, freeze and be still, you know, stop speaking, whatever way Amy needs to protect us, whatever coping mechanism she needs to create, she will. And our amygdala, those delta waves that we're producing through the touch, will permanently alter the way that that response system is happening. So for myself, I still have the memories. I can talk about the memories I can witness on a movie I can hear now, a client or even a stranger tell me about their story and it can be so similar and I won't be triggered. I won't sit there in empathy and cry with them. I will have compassion, of course. But my Amygdala no longer will associate me back into my trauma. And that is a really beautiful thing that havening and healing can, can do for us and true healing. I often have people come to me and they say, oh no, but I've worked through it. I've worked through that event that's taken place. I've, you know, it, it, when I went through it, it was like a 10 out of 10. It was, it was awful. And now it's like a six, it feels like a six. It's not that bad. You know, I can wake up in the morning. Yeah, it comes up, you know, I yell at my kids or I go to the kitchen and I eat or, you know, I overexercise, I just take myself away for the weekend. I just breathe through it. But it passes and I no longer spend days in bed because of it. Those sixes can be a zero. Yes. Those sixes can be a zero.
Coleen Greco
You don't have to stay at that point.
Elle Louise Mcbride
Yeah. And that's the beauty of truly giving ourselves permission to heal.
Coleen Greco
Absolutely. And I think, you know, to be fair to everyone listening, you do think you have worked through it, right? Because you've kind of worked through the initial thing and things feel calm. But when that trigger comes back, you also say to yourself, well, I'm not at a 10, I'm at a five or a six or something. So, I mean, I can deal with that. It's not as bad as it used to be. You hear that a lot and the whole point is it doesn't have to be there at all when you have really removed the emotion from the situation from the phrase the person uses or the scene or the noise or whatever you're, you're connecting to, it just goes right past you, like, like a car. You're like there it went. That used to really bother me, that used to paralyze me that used to make me run to the pantry for everything in it, right? Like you can have that level of healing. You know, if you put the work in and the work is not this gut wrenching type of work, once you figure out what the thing is, you know, you and I worked on it on the technique, but I didn't still really have all the dots connected until this past weekend. And when I finally had it connected, I was like, ok, like I get OK, I know what to do now, right? So people should also be really patient with themselves because we are really complex. You might think. Well, I'm, I'm a pretty simple person. I like to think. I'm relatively simple. I'm not, I'm complex. I'm a mom and a wife and I'm also Coleen on occasion. I'm a Joyologist. I'm a neighbor. I'm a fill in the label. Those all come with different experiences. And let's not forget the 1000 other labels I had before today, a daughter and a sister and,, you know, and all of those experiences and they're still in there. And I think we, we tend to forget that, you know, 10 year old Coleen who was, you know, the issue we were working on was not when I was called fat. That one I have let go. But at 10, I was called fat. She's still in there, right. So she also needs to, you know, be hugged and loved through letting that go as much as the Coleen of today does, right? And I think it's really important for people to realize like that 10 year old little girl is screaming for that love and it'll come out whether you let it out or not and that is what you wanna kind of prevent. That's where the panic attacks come in. And the paralyzing anxiety, you know, you were talking about being on antidepressants for me. I was on them and I felt completely like cement in my head. There was no space for any. My head was heavy. It felt very like fog wasn't even a thick enough phrase or word to describe what I was going through, but it was so thick. I was just incapable of emotion. I would watch these really funny videos and be like, yeah, that's funny. That was hilarious. Why am I not cackling? Right. But I was just, like, incapable of doing it. And so all of this work, like, allows you to go back to living like a normal, whatever normal looks like for your life. And it's really important to underscore that, that you don't have to live in this frozen state where things are, you know, doom and gloom and, you know, you're, you're defined by your trauma. You don't have to do that. You can share your trauma, you know, and you can, like, you do share your story all the time. That's fine. You, and that's when, you know, you've really graduated.
Elle Louise Mcbride
Yeah, absolutely. You know, as you said, like the car that goes past, I often tell people, you know, do you remember what you ate on,,for lunch on the second day of grade two? Yeah. Like you don't like your other memories?
Coleen Greco
I answered that for you. I think I said it was peanut butter and fluff because I literally ate that for like six years straight. But most people cannot answer that question. Right?
Elle Louise Mcbride
and so that's the beauty or like, you know, even three Tuesdays ago, right? You know, like we, we can, we could sit there, we could, we could figure it out like we could have a good guess, but we don't know. And so that's when a memory has been completely moved to the hippocampus. But when a memory is sitting in that prefrontal cortex and it's just lingering there, it hasn't been fully processed. And there's the beautiful Beatles song of Don't let the sun go down on your problems. And so I think it's Beatles could be bee. Gees, I always get the two mixed up. But when we actually think about that, there is truth in this because at the end of the day, when we when we go to go to sleep, you know, when we're in those, those very very moments of falling to sleep, our brain is processing everything that's happened that day and it's filing it, it's filing it into OK. This is something that could have terribly gone wrong, right? This is something that did terribly go wrong. This is something that has the potential to go wrong, right? It is giving everything labels. This was really pleasurable. I really enjoyed eating that. I really liked this. It is labeling everything and giving everything meaning. Yeah. And so when things get labeled, they will either be put into the box of Yeah, I'll do that again. No, I never want to do that again. And if it's, I never want to do that again, chances are it's going to sit in that prefrontal cortex and not be moved into the hippocampus with all of your other memories that the mind doesn't really have to actively think about, you know, doesn't need to actively think about going to the bathroom or it will just move those things fully across. This is the importance of doing the work prior to we go to going to bed, to regulating our nervous system before going to sleep. So therefore, our thoughts, feelings and emotions can be processed before we go to sleep. Because as soon as we go to sleep, that's when we carry it through to the next day if we don't deal with it. And that's a process. That's not something that I put on my clients right away. That's something that we work towards for Havening with my clients. We're in sessions doing the sessions together, but then they have certain processes that they have when they go home to continue that healing. My goal as a therapist isn't to see my clients long term. I see my clients until they've built that resilience that they can continue to support themselves. Then they might come in for, you know, a freshen up every 3 to 6 months or when certain things happen in their life where I just need some support to move some of the layers. But it's like my teeth, you know, I brush my teeth every day, but I still go to the dentist for a thorough clean. Yeah, I am very much going gray. So, you know, I do a cover up every now and then in my hair, blondes, they're getting an appointment every 6 to 9 weeks. You know. So for us there's maintenance, there's maintenance that we must do daily for our mental hygiene. We have our physical hygiene, we shower, we wash, we do our teeth, we wash our hair. But again, we still go and get those deeper levels of maintenance. Our cars, we maintain them, we put petrol in them, right. We fill up the water tank, right. But we still take it in to get a service for the longevity of the quality of the car.
Coleen Greco
But if you haven't seen the movie inside out, highly recommended, yeah, absolutely. To kind of like have a childlike understanding of everything is saying, that's a great movie for that and all the things I talk about too, right? Like it's just understanding like, you know, and, and of course, my topic is joy over there somewhere. When I love, by the way that she's, she's the main one in charge. But it's really interesting to like when they, as they shot that movie or they, they came up with that movie, like it really puts it all into perspective for you. And so I strongly recommend it's as silly as it may sound if you're trying to understand at a very basic level how your brain works. Watch that movie. It is fascinating.
Elle Louise Mcbride
Yeah, and that's the beauty. Like we have all of the information. We even have this beautiful childlike cartoon teaching us about our mind, learning the simplicity of it. You know, we all understand how an iphone works. Some are a little bit better than others. Right. But we've all taken our time unless you're a Samsung user. No offense. But we have all taken the time to learn different things. I know how the functionality of my car. Do. I know how the engine and everything works. No, not really. Did I learn that when I was learning to drive? Yes, I did. I was forced to. Right. But for it, there's certain things that you hold on to and certain things that you do definitely forget. and technology even to say Inca has gotten a lot better that now we don't really even need to understand.
Coleen Greco
We're learning so much more about the brain and you're like, this is the thing like focus on what you know, and what you know, has nothing to do with like mental health and body regulation and all of those things. That's when you call in an expert. And I think people are starting to feel women, especially that they are, they are removing the ability to need permission because there, that's a big thing I hear all the time. Like, like I shouldn't, I shouldn't need this. I shouldn't have to do this. No, you should and the men should too. They, they just don't. But generally speaking, you don't need permission and it's the smartest choice you can make is to invest in yourself. Because when you put yourself at the top of the priority list, you are delivering a better product back to those you love. So if you want to deliver a shoddy product, which most of us don't, then sure keep doing what you're doing. But if you want to, you know, deliver that premium product, that's when you call in the experts.
Elle Louise Mcbride
Yeah, absolutely. Right. And in today's society, there is so much information out there, there is so much youtube LGBT like Google, right? There are so many free resources out there that the professionals, it's going to be 1 to 1, it's getting personalized for you. But if financial situations or time restrictions or certain things are stopping you, like you can put a podcast on as you are right now and you're investing in not just yourself but in, into your future, into those around you. And it's really commendable. Like if you are listening to this podcast right now, like just taking that moment of reflection of like, whoa OK, I am investing in myself right now, even just by listening to this podcast. What does that say about my relationship with self and what am I wanting? You know, as you said, like we get to give ourselves permission, but it's also to dream, you know, when I speak to a lot of people, they've, they've forgotten this ability to dream and to think outside of the square, you know, as we, when we were kids, you know, we'd have these big dreams and then we've, we've woken up and all of a sudden we're, you know, older than what we thought we would be when we'd have all of the white picket fence and the, the dog and the, all of the things put together. , and there's a sense of disappointment in a lot of people's hearts when I, when I'm speaking to them and just by shifting that, you know, it comes back into this place of gratitude and then their whole world opens up and a bit of personalized support can really go a long way. If you've, if you've got, there's, there's three cool things. 1. You must be ready for healing, 2.) you must be willing to do the healing and 3.)you must be able to do the healing, ready, willing and able. And if a client isn't carrying those things, you know, they're not going to see the results, right?
Coleen Greco
Yeah, I totally agree. I wanna make sure we, we promote your Instagram. So people know how to get a hold of you. So you can find on Instagram, which is @ellelouisemcbride and we'll have that also in the show notes. And I'm also gonna share your website. What, what can people find when they visit your website? Yeah. So on my website, there's a stack of information about Havening and my services. There, there is also a free downloadable PDF and video that you can watch along to learn more about Havening and even heal a memory that you might be ruminating on. It guides you through the whole process. There's also videos on my YouTube and on my website, you'll find my blog which has a lot of either personal stories or just different resources that can help the everyday person. I am an aspiring writer. So watch this space and I think my Instagram is very educational as well. So you'll find a lot on there that predominantly talks about trauma-informed information.
Coleen Greco
Beautiful. So her website is EllelouiseMcBride.com, as you might imagine. Oh, any parting thoughts before we wrap up today's session? I think this is hugely impactful for people that are looking to really make some significant changes in their life. What do you want? What parting thoughts do you want to leave them with?
Elle Louise Mcbride
I think it's just a reminder of what is the opposite of what you're telling yourself right now can be a really wonderful way to kind of move forward through the thoughts that you're having. And, you know, really sitting with a big revelation that a lot of my clients have had in the last couple of weeks that we've been talking about is, you know, the saying, like if you wouldn't say it to a stranger, don't say it to yourself. And I think that that's something that we all do when we're working towards joy. But I recommend you think about it from the aspect of, you know, if you were to walk up to yourself, just say you're, you're saying to yourself, you know, you're, you're never going to make it. You're a failure. Who do you think you are? If somebody walked up to you, your best friend, a complete stranger and said to you, "Oh, you're never gonna make it. Who do you think you are?" You would be really offended. You would be, you would be really hurt if somebody walked up to you and said those things to you. So that's why we don't say it to ourselves. Right? It's not so much about us. You know, if you wouldn't say it to a stranger, don't say it to yourself. That one. I think we've said it enough that we're kind of bypassing it. We're like, oh, yeah. Yeah, I get it. I get it. But if somebody actually walked up to you and said to you what it was that you were saying to yourself, you'd be deeply offended. And that's the reason why we get to stop speaking to ourselves the way that we do and find that kind of voice. And, yeah. You know, is it really true? Is it really true? The work of Byron Katie if you have not heard of it, look it up. Right. Yeah. But yeah, that would kind of be the beautiful part that I'd like to leave everyone with.
Coleen Greco
I love it and I'm just going to tack on to that, that I work with a lot of moms. And so I always say if that little girl or little boy that idolizes you more than anything in the world ever heard you talk about yourself the way that you are, they would be crushed and you would be crushed that they heard you say that. So if you can't do it for yourself just yet do it for them and eventually you'll get there. So, yes, I completely agree wholeheartedly and I am a big Byron Katie fan. So I'm so glad you brought her up. I think she's amazing. She helped me many years ago. So I love it. Thank you so much for being on the show today. I think, you know, your story is unbelievable and very touching and I just appreciate your vulnerability and then of course, I really encourage people to reach out to you. Havening is real. It works. It doesn't take as long as you might think, right? People always think, oh, that's gonna take me months. It may not. Why don't you just start pushing it out is only pushing it out, right? You're just delaying the results. So thank you for being on today.
Elle Louise Mcbride
Of course. Thank you.
Coleen Greco
And that was our latest episode of Joy Unleashed. Be sure to subscribe to my YouTube channel so you never miss an episode.
Coleen Greco
Well, that was a great episode with Elle McBride. She is amazing. The Haven technique really works. I got to use it myself with her a few weeks ago. I found it really, first of all, soothing, it was amazing, but it really helped me tap into what was going on. And I do this stuff for a living, by the way. So it was really nice to be in the comfort of somebody else for once.
Anyway, today's Joy tip of the day is really giving yourself permission. Ladies, you do not need permission to seek out the help of a professional to make your current situation, your life, better. So when I'm working with clients and we are working to remove those limiting beliefs that are keeping people feeling stuck, keeping them in that imposter syndrome, keeping them away from self-love, I don't know what human on the planet would deny somebody permission like that. So you do not need permission. If you need it, I'll give it to you. Now you have the permission, make the time to take those steps. They're not as big as you think, and you will reach your fullest potential. I can promise you that.
I am so excited to hear your feedback on Elle's episode. And if you ever have any questions, you know how to find me.
Coleen Greco:
Thank you for tuning in to Joy Unleashed. As always, it's my honor to be your host and Joyologist Coleen Greco. Follow me @thecoleengreco on Instagram for daily motivation and inspiration. And don't forget to leave my show a review on Apple podcasts. Until next time, sisters.
The Joy Unleashed show empowers and inspires women to reclaim their joy. We provide tools, resources and connections to help you unlock your true potential. Through engaging conversation, expert insights and transformative stories. We create a vibrant and inclusive community where women can break free from the limitations that hold them back. I'm Joyologists, Coleen Greco and it is my honor to be your host. Let's get right into the show.
If you feel like you're stuck, if you feel like you don't quite know your purpose, or maybe you know it, but you just can't find the path toward it. If you're uncomfortable in your own skin and want to finally master self love, then we need to talk. I'm Coleen Greco and I'm your Joyologists. I help women just like you to reclaim the joy they feel is missing in their life through mindset coaching and nutrition coaching. Whether you have weight to lose or simply need to get your gut in check. I've got to work together to retire limiting beliefs. Those are the stories that are keeping you from your purpose. I need you to hear me. Those are the stories that we need to get rid of in order to get you on your path to your purpose. We will work together to get you that life you've always dreamed up. It would be my honor to connect with you, reach out to me via Instagram at @thecoleengreco or email me at coleen@coleengreco.com Let's get you back to the show.
Coleen Greco
Welcome back to another episode of Joy Unleashed. I'm Coleen Greco, your humble host and resident Joyologist. And today I'm so excited to introduce you to Ellen Mcbride. So without further ado, oh, welcome, Elle.
Elle Louise Mcbride
Hello, Coleen and everyone listening.
Coleen Greco
Thank you so much for being here today. Everyone Elle is from Australia and she got up early and I'm recording this at the end of my day. So between the two of us, there might be the occasional yawn, but we're not bored. We're just, just out of gas. So Elle why don't you take a minute and introduce yourself to the audience?
Elle Louise Mcbride
Hello, everyone. I'm so thrilled to be here. We have had some beautiful connection that has been formed and yeah, so I'm just so thrilled to be here and talk about what I do as Coleen said, I am from Australia, the Gold Coast. If anybody knows that it's a beautiful part and I am a trained Havening techniques practitioner and you may be questioning what is Havening and I have no doubt we're speaking majority about that topic today. So you will learn more about it. But Haven is a revolutionary new psycho sensory therapy So meaning using the body to create healing. So, yeah, we're going to get into it. It's going to be good. I'm really excited to be here. So, thank you for having me.
Coleen Greco
Thank you. Yes. And I, I mean, I'm like jumping in my skin right now because I'm so excited. So Ellen and I got to meet a few weeks ago and we had a beautiful conversation and I, first of all, she was so generous with her time and we actually did a live havening session which was not why we were meeting, but she so great to stick around and, and I really got so much from it and I just thought like, let's spend some time maybe talking about like how you discovered it and what you have been doing and where you said, hm, no, this is where I need to be spending my time. I'd love to hear a little bit more about like what brought you to where you are today.
Elle Louise Mcbride
Yes. And my journey really like it. You can unpack it from anywhere, right? But trigger warnings for all of the areas that I may speak about. But essentially my journey started prior to my birth, my parents had given birth to a beautiful baby boy who passed away the day after he was born. And then less than a year later I arrived healthy, happy, beautiful and brought such a blessing into my family. And although I was never made at any point to, made to feel like it shouldn't have been me. There was a part of me that kind of grew up thinking, you know, what would have Josh done. And, you know, Josh would have ridden motorbikes and he would have brought a lot of happiness and because our birthdays were so close as well, we were only six days apart. There would always be the reflection of, you know, how old Josh would be. And I almost spent a lot of my life comparing myself to somebody that wasn't alive. And throughout the years, that meant a lot of dysfunctional teenage years, especially when my parents separated. And I really struggled with my mental health. And if anybody struggled with their mental health in the early two thousands, you'd know that there wasn't a lot of support out there outside of antidepressants. So at 15, I was placed on antidepressants, which after a couple of rounds on it, I realized I didn't like, I didn't like the way it made me feel instead of numbing all of the, you know, well, it was numbing all of the unpleasant feelings, but it was also numbing a lot of the joy that I did have in my life. I went on to, yeah, stop taking them and, you know, there wasn't the internet, there wasn't a way to really find joy. So I found that in alcohol and drugs and partying, I then moved very far away from my family. And at 19, my best friend had decided throw her life was too difficult and she passed away by suicide. And that really, was a very difficult time, as you can imagine. I already had my own struggles. But then having that happen, I realized that that wasn't a pathway for me. Now, I, I firsthand saw the destruction that was there and, you know, the pain that it brought to a lot of people. So I recognized that I needed a way out. But still, there wasn't a lot of support. I had kind of found a bit of an attitude against the pharmaceutical industry and there wasn't a lot holistically that at 19 that I could find a way. So I really buried my head into work. I climbed the corporate ladder. I did really well in corporate, I really loved it. I had big teams of women that I had managed and I really loved it until I was about 23 and I hit burnout and it burnt out again, not having a label, not knowing what it was. It was just, you know, no drive to wake up in the morning. I was gaining weight. I just had again, no joy. Little to no joy. I was finding myself drinking every weekend and just really gambling with my life doing really reckless things. And so I'd worked for a company for a really long time. I absolutely loved them and I couldn't really leave to go and work for somebody else. I don't know if anybody's been in that position. But you're like, I don't know what I'm going to do here because they're not the problem I am. And so I decided that I would go traveling and I packed up my life, one of my best friends at the time. She was like, yeah, I'll come with you. We've been living together for quite a few years and we shipped off to start our traveling adventures. And within our first week we were in Hawaii and I had a near death experience. And in that,, I was swimming at Waimea Bay for any Americans that know it in Hawaii. Very big waves. But they were quite small when we first got in, they just turned into giants once we were in there. And, you know, I was gasping for air and then back under the water for 3 to 4 minutes at a time. And I remember even at one point, my hands being on the bottom of the ocean, touching the sand thinking that I was swimming up. But really, I was swimming down and I remember just praying in that moment. I wasn't really raised with a religion. I wasn't r aised with a belief. I knew that there was a God and I knew that my brother was in heaven. So I just started praying. You take care of my mom. I knew that this would just really affect her. being in another country as well. All of these things so quickly run through your head when you're in that extremely vulnerable position. So here I am calling out and this face appears and I didn't really recognize the face, but I knew it to be God. And there was the pearly gates that I think we envision, but they were there. And essentially this voice speaks and it tells me that my life has purpose. My life has meaning and it was always meant to be me. And as soon as I like, receive that in my soul, my hand is pulled from the water and I'm back on the shore. I didn't need resuscitation. I was simply alive. But I was really shaken and I think when an encounter or something like that happens, you can either go one way or the other. You can have your life transformed and you feel healed and you've got the answer that you need or you can go the other way. And for me, I went the other way. About a month later, I had a major panic attack in Hawaii in Las Vegas of all places. And I was basically traumatized by memories that I couldn't figure out. Is this true? Is it not true? Is it real? Is it not real? And for the next five years, I would struggle with that every single day I went on to have other panic attacks. I traveled the world for about two years just under and made my way back to Australia filled with anxiety and fear and worries. And I didn't really, I often say it was like, I didn't know my left from my right. But I had this feeling that my life had purpose. My life had meaning and it was always meant to be me. So here I am, I was turning 25 filled with anxiety. I was in a really unhealthy relationship again, finding my worth in something. And I was trying to find a way. And by then, you know, the internet had picked up, you know, Instagram was a thing and I was in my hometown and, you know, there were just different people that I'd had access to. I started doing different things like Bowen therapy. I had tried kinesiology. I did hypnotherapy EFT, reflexology, a lot of different modalities and some really helped and would give momentary relief. And some of them associated me into my trauma a bit more. And that wasn't the practitioner that was me. I didn't feel safe, I didn't feel maybe ready. or maybe God had a different plan there as well. And so I end up going to visit the Gold Coast and there's quite a bit more into this story, but I'm trying to keep it short for everyone but I stumbled into a coffee shop very far away from my home and I met a lady named Karen and she tells me that she's just been in the UK and studied in this modality called Havening techniques. And I was like, I don't care what it is. There was just something about this woman, it was like a feeling of home. It was just a safety and she sends me all these videos and all these videos on science and all this information and I watch it and I'm just sitting there thinking, yeah, that's good for them. That's, that's nice for them. You know, they've received he that's good for them, but that won't be me. And so the next day we decided to have a session. I had one day left on my trip up there and we had this session and I sat down in the chair and she said, so why are we here? And for the first time in my life, I went to speak about what was basically suffocating me and keeping me trapped in my own mind. But I only got a few words out before the tears came, the sweat, the snot, it was all going on. And about 15 minutes later, I had this sense of freedom. It was no longer trapping me. I have unexplainable feelings. And now when I see clients have this feeling as well, I'm like, I just, I so get it the sense of freedom and for myself. I left that session. It was about 2.5 hours in length. I left that session. I went and sat on the beach and I was like, well, what she did wasn't so hard. Don't really recommend this to my clients, but there were no youtube videos, there was no information on it. There was nothing that I could kind of continue doing except for my own two hands. So I went and I sat on one of the Headlands here on the Gold Coast and there was another memory that had just been playing on my mind from my partner that I was with. And so I sat there and I took myself on this evening experience stroking my arms and saying the alphabet counting to 20. And I simply came out of it thinking OK, that worked. So I just started havening my life, I just started anything that would come up any trigger, which trigger wasn't even a word and we didn't even know what a trigger was. And so this is 2016 and I just started changing my life. And before I know it, I'm back in my hometown, I'm leaving my relationship. I'm packing my car and I'm moving to the Gold Coast and it was just this sense of freedom, this deep and I'm on the Gold Coast and I meet up with Karen Hedges again. We go for coffee again and I'm telling her all of these life updates and she tells me that the trainers are coming over from the UK for the first training in Australia. And I just laugh, I think, oh, no, no, no, no, no, I can't become the practitioner. I need the practitioner. I need more sessions. I am so far away. And so I sat in that training and, you know, my inner critic was so loud, it was, you don't belong here. You know, I was sitting with psychologists and counselors and dieticians and all of these incredible people with big numbers and letters on the end of their name. And I'm thinking I shouldn't be here and fast forward to today. I'm the leading practitioner in Australia and globally recognized for this modality. And I know that it found me and you can sound egotistical, but I'm very good at it.
Coleen Greco
I know you're really good at it. I'm just going to chime in.
Elle Louise Mcbride
It has been spoken over me that I am like a bit of a light shiner. I shine the light into those dark places and can bring healing into them. And that's the beauty of Havening. It's originally labeled Amygdala depotentiation, but renamed to Haven because that's what we're doing. We're creating a safe haven for healing and Haven is based heavily in neuroscience. It was formulated by Harvard trained medical Doctor Ronald Rudin and his brother Stephen Rudin and is a remarkable breakthrough. We've got papers happening on it. There is so much c it is doing incredible things when it comes to. Yeah, just research and it was formulated in 2000. So it's been 24 years of discovery and understanding how trauma is encoded and therefore why human touch. When we nurture a baby, we can, we can calm it and we all crave this touch and this human connection. So, yeah, that's a bit of my story.
Coleen Greco
It's such a beautiful story and I could take it about 15 different ways, but I definitely want to first help the listener understand the practice of evening. And so really, you know, the body is conditioned over time, there are comments that are made or not made, there are things that happen or don't happen and that inform the body of all the, all these beliefs that you have, like, you believe certain things to be true. That's because there was something that conditioned you to believe that, right? And so what you're doing is undoing in a sense. I don't know the best way to sort of demo this. But I think it would be great to kind of show just in a couple of minutes what the practice looks like and why somebody would come to you. Is it because they have deep trauma, they have limiting belief if they have they, you know, maybe don't have self love. I know we have quite a lot of overlap in what we do, which I think is awesome because we can help each other out but maybe help some people understand. so that they can kind of conceptualize it.
Elle Louise Mcbride
Yeah. So people come to me for all different reasons. I have worked with, you know, teenagers, young adults of all ages and we all do carry things as you said, you know, our mind is designed to remember. And so when we have a, as you said, limiting belief, a thought, even just somebody in our And so when we have, as you said, a limiting belief, a thought, or even just somebody in our life that is, you know, just, there's too much to be like, you know, just when I think about that person, I just get this off feeling, you know, when I'm around this person, I can't stand them when I think about this person. And sometimes, like myself, there is a memory that is continuously traumatizing us that we can't stop thinking about it. We ruminate. And so for my clients, I don't box into this specifically what I work with. I've worked with Grammy Award nominees. I've worked with movie stars. I've worked with everyday people and we all have our own things. You know, I think there's like nine babies on the planet that have been born to women that have been told they'll never carry a healthy happy child and they've all gone on to naturally conceive. I've seen ovarian cysts disappear basically within days, I've had so many endometriosis clear up within six weeks. It's an incredible testimonial on my YouTube about one client with that who went on to conceive a very healthy, happy, beautiful baby. And you know, we have these events that have happened or, you know, even as you mentioned, like things that we think people are saying. And so when we get triggered, what's actually happening is little amper receptors shoot up on our amygdala. It's almost like the dandelion. When the dandelion, the weed, shoots up, right? Thousands of little sparks fly, right? A lot of people call it their alarm system in havening. We often refer to the amygdala as Amy. You know, because we perceive when we get triggered as this part of our mind disliking us, this part of our mind going, "Oh my gosh, I must just really hate myself that I'm even thinking this way. I mustn't like myself. I lack self-love." But our amygdala, Amy, loves us so much. She is our ultimate best friend and protector; that is her job. So it's often a beautiful way to look at it. If you're getting triggered, it's the part of your mind that loves you so much, it wants to protect you. And sometimes there can be real healing in that for some people. And for other people, they're like, "Well, I just want to love myself in a whole different way." And that's the beauty of this. So when we are feeling triggered or there is something that we're ruminating on, the simple act of rubbing your hands together as if you're washing them just nice and gently or stroking from your shoulders down to your elbows, giving yourself a nice warm hug, a warm embrace, or then the other touch that we talk about in havening is across the face. So you can just do the forehead if that feels more comfortable, or down the cheeks, or a full face as well. But this gentle touch, what it's doing is it's producing a large amount of delta waves as well as calcium neuron and other feel-good chemicals. And that's permanently changing the way that our amygdala is going to respond. So that dandelion and that alarm system that's shooting off alert, get out of here, fight for your life, freeze and be still, you know, stop speaking, whatever way Amy needs to protect us, whatever coping mechanism she needs to create, she will. And our amygdala, those delta waves that we're producing through the touch, will permanently alter the way that that response system is happening. So for myself, I still have the memories. I can talk about the memories I can witness on a movie I can hear now, a client or even a stranger tell me about their story and it can be so similar and I won't be triggered. I won't sit there in empathy and cry with them. I will have compassion, of course. But my Amygdala no longer will associate me back into my trauma. And that is a really beautiful thing that havening and healing can, can do for us and true healing. I often have people come to me and they say, oh no, but I've worked through it. I've worked through that event that's taken place. I've, you know, it, it, when I went through it, it was like a 10 out of 10. It was, it was awful. And now it's like a six, it feels like a six. It's not that bad. You know, I can wake up in the morning. Yeah, it comes up, you know, I yell at my kids or I go to the kitchen and I eat or, you know, I overexercise, I just take myself away for the weekend. I just breathe through it. But it passes and I no longer spend days in bed because of it. Those sixes can be a zero. Yes. Those sixes can be a zero.
Coleen Greco
You don't have to stay at that point.
Elle Louise Mcbride
Yeah. And that's the beauty of truly giving ourselves permission to heal.
Coleen Greco
Absolutely. And I think, you know, to be fair to everyone listening, you do think you have worked through it, right? Because you've kind of worked through the initial thing and things feel calm. But when that trigger comes back, you also say to yourself, well, I'm not at a 10, I'm at a five or a six or something. So, I mean, I can deal with that. It's not as bad as it used to be. You hear that a lot and the whole point is it doesn't have to be there at all when you have really removed the emotion from the situation from the phrase the person uses or the scene or the noise or whatever you're, you're connecting to, it just goes right past you, like, like a car. You're like there it went. That used to really bother me, that used to paralyze me that used to make me run to the pantry for everything in it, right? Like you can have that level of healing. You know, if you put the work in and the work is not this gut wrenching type of work, once you figure out what the thing is, you know, you and I worked on it on the technique, but I didn't still really have all the dots connected until this past weekend. And when I finally had it connected, I was like, ok, like I get OK, I know what to do now, right? So people should also be really patient with themselves because we are really complex. You might think. Well, I'm, I'm a pretty simple person. I like to think. I'm relatively simple. I'm not, I'm complex. I'm a mom and a wife and I'm also Coleen on occasion. I'm a Joyologist. I'm a neighbor. I'm a fill in the label. Those all come with different experiences. And let's not forget the 1000 other labels I had before today, a daughter and a sister and,, you know, and all of those experiences and they're still in there. And I think we, we tend to forget that, you know, 10 year old Coleen who was, you know, the issue we were working on was not when I was called fat. That one I have let go. But at 10, I was called fat. She's still in there, right. So she also needs to, you know, be hugged and loved through letting that go as much as the Coleen of today does, right? And I think it's really important for people to realize like that 10 year old little girl is screaming for that love and it'll come out whether you let it out or not and that is what you wanna kind of prevent. That's where the panic attacks come in. And the paralyzing anxiety, you know, you were talking about being on antidepressants for me. I was on them and I felt completely like cement in my head. There was no space for any. My head was heavy. It felt very like fog wasn't even a thick enough phrase or word to describe what I was going through, but it was so thick. I was just incapable of emotion. I would watch these really funny videos and be like, yeah, that's funny. That was hilarious. Why am I not cackling? Right. But I was just, like, incapable of doing it. And so all of this work, like, allows you to go back to living like a normal, whatever normal looks like for your life. And it's really important to underscore that, that you don't have to live in this frozen state where things are, you know, doom and gloom and, you know, you're, you're defined by your trauma. You don't have to do that. You can share your trauma, you know, and you can, like, you do share your story all the time. That's fine. You, and that's when, you know, you've really graduated.
Elle Louise Mcbride
Yeah, absolutely. You know, as you said, like the car that goes past, I often tell people, you know, do you remember what you ate on,,for lunch on the second day of grade two? Yeah. Like you don't like your other memories?
Coleen Greco
I answered that for you. I think I said it was peanut butter and fluff because I literally ate that for like six years straight. But most people cannot answer that question. Right?
Elle Louise Mcbride
and so that's the beauty or like, you know, even three Tuesdays ago, right? You know, like we, we can, we could sit there, we could, we could figure it out like we could have a good guess, but we don't know. And so that's when a memory has been completely moved to the hippocampus. But when a memory is sitting in that prefrontal cortex and it's just lingering there, it hasn't been fully processed. And there's the beautiful Beatles song of Don't let the sun go down on your problems. And so I think it's Beatles could be bee. Gees, I always get the two mixed up. But when we actually think about that, there is truth in this because at the end of the day, when we when we go to go to sleep, you know, when we're in those, those very very moments of falling to sleep, our brain is processing everything that's happened that day and it's filing it, it's filing it into OK. This is something that could have terribly gone wrong, right? This is something that did terribly go wrong. This is something that has the potential to go wrong, right? It is giving everything labels. This was really pleasurable. I really enjoyed eating that. I really liked this. It is labeling everything and giving everything meaning. Yeah. And so when things get labeled, they will either be put into the box of Yeah, I'll do that again. No, I never want to do that again. And if it's, I never want to do that again, chances are it's going to sit in that prefrontal cortex and not be moved into the hippocampus with all of your other memories that the mind doesn't really have to actively think about, you know, doesn't need to actively think about going to the bathroom or it will just move those things fully across. This is the importance of doing the work prior to we go to going to bed, to regulating our nervous system before going to sleep. So therefore, our thoughts, feelings and emotions can be processed before we go to sleep. Because as soon as we go to sleep, that's when we carry it through to the next day if we don't deal with it. And that's a process. That's not something that I put on my clients right away. That's something that we work towards for Havening with my clients. We're in sessions doing the sessions together, but then they have certain processes that they have when they go home to continue that healing. My goal as a therapist isn't to see my clients long term. I see my clients until they've built that resilience that they can continue to support themselves. Then they might come in for, you know, a freshen up every 3 to 6 months or when certain things happen in their life where I just need some support to move some of the layers. But it's like my teeth, you know, I brush my teeth every day, but I still go to the dentist for a thorough clean. Yeah, I am very much going gray. So, you know, I do a cover up every now and then in my hair, blondes, they're getting an appointment every 6 to 9 weeks. You know. So for us there's maintenance, there's maintenance that we must do daily for our mental hygiene. We have our physical hygiene, we shower, we wash, we do our teeth, we wash our hair. But again, we still go and get those deeper levels of maintenance. Our cars, we maintain them, we put petrol in them, right. We fill up the water tank, right. But we still take it in to get a service for the longevity of the quality of the car.
Coleen Greco
But if you haven't seen the movie inside out, highly recommended, yeah, absolutely. To kind of like have a childlike understanding of everything is saying, that's a great movie for that and all the things I talk about too, right? Like it's just understanding like, you know, and, and of course, my topic is joy over there somewhere. When I love, by the way that she's, she's the main one in charge. But it's really interesting to like when they, as they shot that movie or they, they came up with that movie, like it really puts it all into perspective for you. And so I strongly recommend it's as silly as it may sound if you're trying to understand at a very basic level how your brain works. Watch that movie. It is fascinating.
Elle Louise Mcbride
Yeah, and that's the beauty. Like we have all of the information. We even have this beautiful childlike cartoon teaching us about our mind, learning the simplicity of it. You know, we all understand how an iphone works. Some are a little bit better than others. Right. But we've all taken our time unless you're a Samsung user. No offense. But we have all taken the time to learn different things. I know how the functionality of my car. Do. I know how the engine and everything works. No, not really. Did I learn that when I was learning to drive? Yes, I did. I was forced to. Right. But for it, there's certain things that you hold on to and certain things that you do definitely forget. and technology even to say Inca has gotten a lot better that now we don't really even need to understand.
Coleen Greco
We're learning so much more about the brain and you're like, this is the thing like focus on what you know, and what you know, has nothing to do with like mental health and body regulation and all of those things. That's when you call in an expert. And I think people are starting to feel women, especially that they are, they are removing the ability to need permission because there, that's a big thing I hear all the time. Like, like I shouldn't, I shouldn't need this. I shouldn't have to do this. No, you should and the men should too. They, they just don't. But generally speaking, you don't need permission and it's the smartest choice you can make is to invest in yourself. Because when you put yourself at the top of the priority list, you are delivering a better product back to those you love. So if you want to deliver a shoddy product, which most of us don't, then sure keep doing what you're doing. But if you want to, you know, deliver that premium product, that's when you call in the experts.
Elle Louise Mcbride
Yeah, absolutely. Right. And in today's society, there is so much information out there, there is so much youtube LGBT like Google, right? There are so many free resources out there that the professionals, it's going to be 1 to 1, it's getting personalized for you. But if financial situations or time restrictions or certain things are stopping you, like you can put a podcast on as you are right now and you're investing in not just yourself but in, into your future, into those around you. And it's really commendable. Like if you are listening to this podcast right now, like just taking that moment of reflection of like, whoa OK, I am investing in myself right now, even just by listening to this podcast. What does that say about my relationship with self and what am I wanting? You know, as you said, like we get to give ourselves permission, but it's also to dream, you know, when I speak to a lot of people, they've, they've forgotten this ability to dream and to think outside of the square, you know, as we, when we were kids, you know, we'd have these big dreams and then we've, we've woken up and all of a sudden we're, you know, older than what we thought we would be when we'd have all of the white picket fence and the, the dog and the, all of the things put together. , and there's a sense of disappointment in a lot of people's hearts when I, when I'm speaking to them and just by shifting that, you know, it comes back into this place of gratitude and then their whole world opens up and a bit of personalized support can really go a long way. If you've, if you've got, there's, there's three cool things. 1. You must be ready for healing, 2.) you must be willing to do the healing and 3.)you must be able to do the healing, ready, willing and able. And if a client isn't carrying those things, you know, they're not going to see the results, right?
Coleen Greco
Yeah, I totally agree. I wanna make sure we, we promote your Instagram. So people know how to get a hold of you. So you can find on Instagram, which is @ellelouisemcbride and we'll have that also in the show notes. And I'm also gonna share your website. What, what can people find when they visit your website? Yeah. So on my website, there's a stack of information about Havening and my services. There, there is also a free downloadable PDF and video that you can watch along to learn more about Havening and even heal a memory that you might be ruminating on. It guides you through the whole process. There's also videos on my YouTube and on my website, you'll find my blog which has a lot of either personal stories or just different resources that can help the everyday person. I am an aspiring writer. So watch this space and I think my Instagram is very educational as well. So you'll find a lot on there that predominantly talks about trauma-informed information.
Coleen Greco
Beautiful. So her website is EllelouiseMcBride.com, as you might imagine. Oh, any parting thoughts before we wrap up today's session? I think this is hugely impactful for people that are looking to really make some significant changes in their life. What do you want? What parting thoughts do you want to leave them with?
Elle Louise Mcbride
I think it's just a reminder of what is the opposite of what you're telling yourself right now can be a really wonderful way to kind of move forward through the thoughts that you're having. And, you know, really sitting with a big revelation that a lot of my clients have had in the last couple of weeks that we've been talking about is, you know, the saying, like if you wouldn't say it to a stranger, don't say it to yourself. And I think that that's something that we all do when we're working towards joy. But I recommend you think about it from the aspect of, you know, if you were to walk up to yourself, just say you're, you're saying to yourself, you know, you're, you're never going to make it. You're a failure. Who do you think you are? If somebody walked up to you, your best friend, a complete stranger and said to you, "Oh, you're never gonna make it. Who do you think you are?" You would be really offended. You would be, you would be really hurt if somebody walked up to you and said those things to you. So that's why we don't say it to ourselves. Right? It's not so much about us. You know, if you wouldn't say it to a stranger, don't say it to yourself. That one. I think we've said it enough that we're kind of bypassing it. We're like, oh, yeah. Yeah, I get it. I get it. But if somebody actually walked up to you and said to you what it was that you were saying to yourself, you'd be deeply offended. And that's the reason why we get to stop speaking to ourselves the way that we do and find that kind of voice. And, yeah. You know, is it really true? Is it really true? The work of Byron Katie if you have not heard of it, look it up. Right. Yeah. But yeah, that would kind of be the beautiful part that I'd like to leave everyone with.
Coleen Greco
I love it and I'm just going to tack on to that, that I work with a lot of moms. And so I always say if that little girl or little boy that idolizes you more than anything in the world ever heard you talk about yourself the way that you are, they would be crushed and you would be crushed that they heard you say that. So if you can't do it for yourself just yet do it for them and eventually you'll get there. So, yes, I completely agree wholeheartedly and I am a big Byron Katie fan. So I'm so glad you brought her up. I think she's amazing. She helped me many years ago. So I love it. Thank you so much for being on the show today. I think, you know, your story is unbelievable and very touching and I just appreciate your vulnerability and then of course, I really encourage people to reach out to you. Havening is real. It works. It doesn't take as long as you might think, right? People always think, oh, that's gonna take me months. It may not. Why don't you just start pushing it out is only pushing it out, right? You're just delaying the results. So thank you for being on today.
Elle Louise Mcbride
Of course. Thank you.
Coleen Greco
And that was our latest episode of Joy Unleashed. Be sure to subscribe to my YouTube channel so you never miss an episode.
Coleen Greco
Well, that was a great episode with Elle McBride. She is amazing. The Haven technique really works. I got to use it myself with her a few weeks ago. I found it really, first of all, soothing, it was amazing, but it really helped me tap into what was going on. And I do this stuff for a living, by the way. So it was really nice to be in the comfort of somebody else for once.
Anyway, today's Joy tip of the day is really giving yourself permission. Ladies, you do not need permission to seek out the help of a professional to make your current situation, your life, better. So when I'm working with clients and we are working to remove those limiting beliefs that are keeping people feeling stuck, keeping them in that imposter syndrome, keeping them away from self-love, I don't know what human on the planet would deny somebody permission like that. So you do not need permission. If you need it, I'll give it to you. Now you have the permission, make the time to take those steps. They're not as big as you think, and you will reach your fullest potential. I can promise you that.
I am so excited to hear your feedback on Elle's episode. And if you ever have any questions, you know how to find me.
Coleen Greco:
Thank you for tuning in to Joy Unleashed. As always, it's my honor to be your host and Joyologist Coleen Greco. Follow me @thecoleengreco on Instagram for daily motivation and inspiration. And don't forget to leave my show a review on Apple podcasts. Until next time, sisters.
