Why "Ambition" Is Just Dysregulation With Better PR

Seema Desai: I'm Dr. Sima Desai, and this is the joy first method, where high achievers stop white knuckling their way forward and start building something that's actually theirs. Let's get to it. The other day I was sitting in the dark trying to put my socks on, and I was struggling. I was trying to figure out which sock went on my right foot and which sock went on my left, because I'm too much of a stickler to just put any old sock on any old foot. And I was finding myself resistant to just getting up and doing the obvious thing. Turn on the light so I can see. And in that resistance, I was telling myself. It's just gonna be faster if I just sit here and put my socks on and then I'll get up and move around with the rest of my day. And as I was fumbling and I finally gave in and decided to just get up and turn the light on so I could actually see what I was doing. What I found funny was if I had just done what made it easier in the first place, I would have moved on with my day way faster than me trying to save some time. By not getting up. And then the next thing I was thinking about as I reflected on that whole experience, which lasted all of maybe 30 seconds, was you wouldn't thread a needle in the dark and expect to do it successfully. And yet we do it all day long. Not literally threading needles, unless that's your life, but we expect to perform with precision, make decisions with Clarity. Move through the day with purpose. And we're doing it in the proverbial or the dark. We're moving through dysregulated nervous systems. We are eclipsed. Our true nature of joy and peace and presence is eclipsed by this layer of ego that shows up as. Perfectionism as a scarcity mindset, not having enough time, money, energy, resources, not having enough cooperation from the people around us. When we, you know, look to hyper-rationalize and overanalyze a situation, or think about every negative case scenario before making a decision, those are all ways that our egos are eclipsing our inner light, our spirituality, our essence of being a human being. And so as a result, we are stressed out on overdrive, telling ourselves that it's ambition, when in reality, we're just moving way too fast. And every time we do, we allow that joy, that peace, that grounded presence to just go. We're selling, in essence, our peace in exchange for. Clarity that we can't have, control that we can't have, cooperation, or predictability that isn't necessarily guaranteed. I mean, think about just a typical day for you. You know, for me, things that get me if I let them are being cut off in traffic. Or when one of my kids and I have an exchange where we're not seeing eye to eye, despite my best efforts, or anxiety about the future, what's gonna happen. Are things going to work out? These are all ways that I know I'm not the only one. I've had so many people just as I've talked to in life, just out and about with the meaningful conversations that I've gotten to have. I know I'm not the only one. This comes up a lot for my coaching clients as well in various ways. And as I was sitting there fumbling in the dark with my socks and reflecting on this proverbial trying to thread a needle in the dark, what I really grounded to was, huh? My piece isn't for sale. Your piece is not for sale unless you put it up for sale. So what would it look like if that were true for you? Your piece isn't for sale. How does that sit in your body? Does something in you tighten up? Or when you think about the idea of owning your peace, owning your joy, owning your grounded presence, does something soften? Does something open up? Does something shift? How would you experience your day-to-day if what intention and affirmation you grounded your existence on is that your piece isn't for sale? What would you experience more of? What would you experience less of? The next time you find yourself challenged, here's a question to ask. How would a person at peace handle this situation? Because, see, when you're at peace, you're not in need of anything. When you're in your joy, you're not fighting for control. You're actually in acceptance of what is, whether you want that outcome or not, is the secondary question. It's an acceptance, a clarity. You're not letting your bandwidth, your energy get siphoned off by, Well, I don't want it to be this way. I don't like it this way. If so and so would just listen to me. You see, where there's true peace, there's joy. Because that's a self-sourced thing. There's no pathway to peace. Peace is the path. There's no pathway to joy. Joy is the path. And both of these states of consciousness are different facets of the same gem, which is Your beautiful, beautiful soul, your inner light, your intuition, your connection with creation, God, universe, however, you would like to think about that. There's fulfillment there. And herein lies our infinite potential. the more actualized versions of ourselves. When I was dropping my kid off at school today, we both made an observation about the traffic pattern. He had one perspective, I had another perspective. His was not untrue given what he knows about the world. And as a person who's never driven a car or had any experience in traffic. And my perspective was one of decades of driving, decades of experience, decades of. Things that I have learned to be true, but that doesn't make my version of what happened any more valid than his, given his experience, knowledge, and perspective. And yet in all of that, I can sit here now and tell you that's my reflection. But in the moment, we actually kind of got into a little back and forth about why this police person was pulling over the the vehicle in front of us. And not not very long into this. Morning scuffle, which let's be honest, who wants to bicker in the morning on your commute to drop your kid off at school? No one, but it happens. And my son was so I would say wise in saying, you know what, this doesn't matter. I'm just not gonna engage. Now, what got me was him saying, You're not, you're not gonna understand. So why bother? Like it doesn't matter anyway, just whatever. And I found my ego wanting to really double down. really want to fight. And I almost did. I pushed back a little bit and then realized, why am I wanting to push back against someone who is actually trying not to push back for whatever reason? And and to feel that ego and to feel that I as the adult didn't make that call before him. That was a fun little experience in my head. And then I was thinking about how I was going to go home and record this podcast episode and the content of what I wanted to say. And I thought it was such a great example of all the little ways that we give away our peace. And when we can lean into this affirmation, this anchor of how can I reclaim my peace? How am I going to no longer give it away? It makes it so much easier to just put it down. So the next time somebody cuts you off in traffic or somebody pops off an email that you feel is too harshly worded, or the next time, you know, any of these. Life's little bumps happen. I want to encourage you guys to come back to this idea of my piece isn't for sale. What would it look like if I were at peace? How would I move through the situation differently? How would I, what would I have? What would I relinquish? How does it physically feel in my body? And actually, as I'm sharing this with you, let's go through a little bit of a visualization. Let's go through a little bit of an experiment. Let's play in our bodies, if you will. So if you're up for it, let's. Come into the present moment together. If you are in a space where you can close your eyes and that feels good, amazing, if not, keep your eyes open, but focus on maybe a sensation. Like if you're driving the car, just focus on the steering wheel and what that feels like as you navigate. And just focus then, once you ground to either your eyes being closed or whatever your your eyes are on. Ground into your breath. Ground into your body. Ground into that sense of being here, present, now. And as you slowly ground into this Take stock of the turbulence that might be coursing through your body right now. Maybe it's a small little annoyance, like missing trash day, or something a lot larger. If you're helping a family member maybe navigate through ⁓ a health challenge, or maybe you're going through one yourself or Maybe you've got something big coming up for you. Just notice the turbulence in your energy as you ground into your body. Any anxiety, any fight for control. What does that turbulence look like, feel like? Where is it? For me, oftentimes it can start in one place, but I'm a pretty high strung recovering perfectionist. And so that sense of turbulence is is more diffuse. Maybe it's different for you. And now ask yourself, what if I didn't need anything at all to move through this challenge successfully? What if I have complete faith that things are gonna unfold exactly in my favor, whether I see that to be true right now or or not, whether I know how that's gonna happen or not. Can you be with the idea of your peace not being up for sale? Really be in this idea. Swim in it. Allow your body to s to hold those words. My peace isn't for sale. My peace is my own. My peace is within me. And with my peace so is my sense of joy. What happens for you physically? Mentally. Sometimes we can even feel a soul shift. And maybe right now nothing happens. That's okay. Because we've done the important work of setting our GPS. In my coaching frameworks that I have with my clients, I call it crossing the bridge. And essentially it starts with being aware of where we are and using specific things like exercises that we are going through right now to set our GPS, to chart a new path. Towards a different outcome, a different experience. How can you cross the bridge? And be in the peace, the joy that is already available to you. All right, guys. I am so excited. I'm loving hearing from you guys every week or every other week when these episodes drop to hear the insights that you're having, to hear ways that you're connecting with other people over the material or connecting with yourselves. It's just such a gift. Thank you so much for tuning in, listening, and importantly, doing the inner work for yourselves that makes the outer work so meaningful. If something in today's episode landed for you, great, sit with it. And then share it. Send it to the founder who's running on fumes, the leader who's got everything and still feels like something's missing, the friend you keep meaning to check on. That's how this work travels, from person to person, the way real change always does. Follow the show so you never miss an episode. And if it's been valuable, leave a review. It helps more people find their way here. I'll see you next time.