ABOUT THIS EPISODE
As a follow up to our last episode on not settling, today we’re tackling standards, expectations and boundaries. All SUPER important things when it comes to relationships. We’ve talked a lot about standards and boundaries but thought we’d get into more detail about what they actually are. There seems to be some confusion out there so S&M are breaking it down for you!
Have you been asked if your standards are too high? Some people might think this is why you’re still single. But what does that even mean?? I have standards for myself, as I should! People tend to think standards are what you’re looking for in a person – the superficial checklist mentality: tall, dark, and handsome. Most of these things are extrinsic, not intrinsic – what makes someone a good partner. These are the types of things that are better related to how you filter potential dates and mates on the surface.
We discuss a better way to filter through the potentials is to know what your standards are. Standards actually have to do with YOU and not your partner. Standards are actually better aligned with your well-considered dealbreakers that are based on your values and principles that guide the type of relationship you want, desire, and deserve in your life. Yes, we’re talking about dealbreakers yet again! These are essential to know when evaluating your fundamental compatibility with a person. It’s about what’s acceptable and unacceptable to you and can be more factual and fixed rather than flexible.
Next up is expectations which tend to be rooted in our beliefs. They can be more fluctuating and subject to emotion. They can develop, change, or evolve from past experiences or our hopes for the relationship and how each person in the relationship functions within it. When you have expectations for someone and they don’t meet them we can feel hurt, disappointed, and frustrated. We talk about the importance of making sure someone meets your standards and communicating your expectations as you get to know one another and grow in the early stages of the relationship.
Then we get to talk about boundaries- yay! When your standards are not being met you can communicate through boundaries. Boundaries are the action aspect of your standards. Boundaries inform people of how you want to be treated. You need to know and communicate your preferences, desires, limits, and dealbreakers. It’s about prioritizing yourself!
The fun stuff:
Episode 62- Not Settling
https://www.buzzsprout.com/2154729/15154818
Episode 2- The Checklist
https://www.buzzsprout.com/2154729/12686824
Find the checklist here: https://chipper-inventor-8862.ck.page/065afb4a0f
Terri Cole- the OG Boundary Boss!
https://www.terricole.com
Shannon’s Dating & Relationship Coaching https://www.instagram.com/sagecoachingandhealing/
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