“Offer It Up”: When Suffering Is Taken Out of Context

It might be the most Catholic phrase there is: offer it up. And it’s true, beautiful, and powerful, when it’s understood. In this episode, Kristin tells the story of Tom, a good and faithful husband who spent years offering up a climate of dismissal in his marriage, and what all that patience quietly cost him, his wife, and the space between them. Along the way: what redemptive suffering actually means, the difference between suffering that is freely chosen in love and suffering that is a message asking to be spoken, why God does not ask us to bypass our humanity, and the one question that reveals whether your “offering it up” is deepening your love or replacing it. Part 3 of a ten-part series on faith, psychology, and the real work of healing in marriage.
In this episode:
• Tom and Sarah: a climate of dismissal, and the holiest silence in the house
• What “offer it up” really means: redemptive suffering, united to Christ, an act of love and trust
• The two kinds of suffering: freely chosen in love, or a sign something needs to be addressed
• The test: redemptive suffering keeps you present and more loving; avoidance makes you quieter and more alone
• What years of misplaced patience did to Tom, to Sarah, and to their marriage
• Why God does not ask us to bypass our humanity: He entered into it
• The question that changes everything: is this helping me love more deeply, or keeping me from engaging?
• “That hurt”: the sentence that was love in action, not a failure of faith
• Both can be holy: patience, and the conversation you’ve been avoiding
A question to take with you: Where in my marriage am I saying “I’ll offer it up,” instead of addressing what needs attention?
Read the full written series: blog.kristinbeckchmiel.com
Connect with Kristin: KristinBeckChmiel.com
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