WEBVTT
00:00:08.560 --> 00:00:11.199
Welcome to Intentional Parenting at Mariner's Church.
00:00:11.279 --> 00:00:15.279
My name is Jared, and I am excited about this little solo episode.
00:00:15.519 --> 00:00:23.359
We're gonna take a little break from the normal format where I sit down with some pastors and friends and talk about the parenting that happens in our own homes.
00:00:23.519 --> 00:00:28.800
And I'm gonna bring you the content that I delivered at our most recent in-person gathering.
00:00:29.039 --> 00:00:33.759
A few times a year, about four times a year, we gather together as parents at Marin Reservine.
00:00:34.000 --> 00:00:36.880
And I prepare really a working session for us.
00:00:37.039 --> 00:00:43.840
I provide some resources here that I have on the table, as well as some content.
00:00:43.920 --> 00:00:57.920
And then the majority of the time is spent working at your tables as couples or as tables to create some things that you're going to bring into your own home so that you can feel like a more confident, intentional parent for the kids that you are raising.
00:00:58.079 --> 00:01:05.680
Now, I recently heard from a family in our church that came to the prior intentional parenting gathering, loved the working session so much.
00:01:05.840 --> 00:01:13.840
They they took these resources, they took this podcast, and they listened to it as a life group and they did the working sessions together.
00:01:14.000 --> 00:01:15.200
I love that so much.
00:01:15.359 --> 00:01:20.879
I love when a life group gets together and says, all right, let's kind of practice these things, let's see what this might look like.
00:01:21.040 --> 00:01:22.640
And so that's my hope for you.
00:01:22.799 --> 00:01:29.680
Maybe what you hear today is practical enough that you want to introduce this to some of your own family and friends as well.
00:01:29.840 --> 00:01:34.879
Now, before I get into the talk itself, I've got these resources available for you.
00:01:35.040 --> 00:01:37.680
There are two things that I handed out at our gathering.
00:01:37.920 --> 00:01:40.159
The first is this 11 by 17 paper.
00:01:40.239 --> 00:01:41.920
It has four steps in it.
00:01:42.000 --> 00:01:45.200
And I'm going to walk you through in this episode what those four steps are.
00:01:45.359 --> 00:01:49.200
But in the show notes, you can download this and print yourself if you'd like.
00:01:49.519 --> 00:01:52.799
I also have a second handout that'll make more sense later.
00:01:52.959 --> 00:01:55.280
That's available for you as well.
00:01:55.599 --> 00:02:01.200
Now, the idea for the talk this month was all about launching our kids well.
00:02:01.680 --> 00:02:06.239
I recently was talking to a gentleman here whose kids are well grown up now.
00:02:06.400 --> 00:02:11.840
They're actually my age, but he was telling me that years ago he ran our kids' ministry at the church.
00:02:11.919 --> 00:02:15.919
And he said, I want to remind you that you're not raising children.
00:02:16.159 --> 00:02:18.960
You are raising future young adults.
00:02:19.120 --> 00:02:28.639
And that really became the backbone for this whole session, that you and I might have a forward lean, realizing that the kids who live in our home are future young adults.
00:02:28.719 --> 00:02:33.919
And our job is to prepare them well for the launch that will inevitably come someday.
00:02:34.159 --> 00:02:38.479
Now, space is having a real moment in the cultural, uh, this cultural moment.
00:02:38.639 --> 00:02:39.680
Space is all over the place.
00:02:39.840 --> 00:02:44.560
You got Project Hail Mary and Ryan Gosling and the fun that that movie was.
00:02:44.800 --> 00:02:54.319
You also have Artemis II, which just recently had a very successful mission, kind of from Earth, out and around the moon, and came back without a hitch.
00:02:54.479 --> 00:02:56.400
That's an incredible achievement.
00:02:56.639 --> 00:03:03.680
It's a fascinating thing when you look at what went into just Artemis II, like what went into that mission.
00:03:03.919 --> 00:03:07.840
While the mission was only 10 days, it took three years.
00:03:08.000 --> 00:03:13.919
The crew spent three years training for the specific elements that would go into that mission.
00:03:14.000 --> 00:03:22.319
That doesn't account for all the uh the real life experience they had before that, all of the education and all the training that went into prior missions.
00:03:22.479 --> 00:03:26.400
They had three years specific to this mission alone.
00:03:26.639 --> 00:03:30.000
That rocket had so many components to it.
00:03:30.159 --> 00:03:43.039
The rocket itself took one year to assemble, but it actually had 15 years worth of technology combined into one rocket in order to get those astronauts out of orbit and into space.
00:03:43.199 --> 00:03:48.080
That's a cumulative of 18 years that went into a 10-day mission.
00:03:48.319 --> 00:04:02.800
So as you and I think about the kids that we're gonna launch into life on their own, we have about 18 years that we get to invest and work on creating an environment where they can develop the skills necessary to be successful in life.
00:04:02.960 --> 00:04:05.439
Now, I've done a ton of research on this.
00:04:05.599 --> 00:04:07.360
I'm sure you've read some books on it.
00:04:07.599 --> 00:04:15.680
Generally speaking, what our kids need to develop in order to be healthy adults later are hard skills and soft skills.
00:04:15.840 --> 00:04:22.560
And so we spent some time in this session really understanding the difference between hard skills and soft skills.
00:04:22.800 --> 00:04:24.720
Here's what Paul David Tripp says.
00:04:24.800 --> 00:04:26.720
He wrote this in his book, Age of Opportunity.
00:04:26.879 --> 00:04:31.920
He says, successful parenting is the rightful, God-ordained loss of control.
00:04:32.160 --> 00:04:49.279
The goal of parenting is to work ourselves out of a job, to raise children who were once totally dependent on us, to be independent, mature people who, with reliance on God and proper connectedness to the Christian community, are able to stand on their own two feet.
00:04:49.519 --> 00:04:57.920
That's the motivation that goes into a household of preparation so that we can launch our kids into the Word world well.
00:04:58.160 --> 00:05:00.560
So every mission begins with an objective.
00:05:00.720 --> 00:05:06.240
The first step in our working sheet here is naming what the mission is.
00:05:06.480 --> 00:05:13.120
We spent some time talking through what are the characteristics that you want your kids to have when they launch into young adulthood.
00:05:13.279 --> 00:05:14.720
And so that'd be my ask of you.
00:05:14.800 --> 00:05:20.639
Even if you just kind of did a little blue sky dreaming right now, what are the characteristics that you want your kids to have?
00:05:20.800 --> 00:05:22.480
Do you want them to be resilient?
00:05:22.639 --> 00:05:23.920
Do you want them to be content?
00:05:24.079 --> 00:05:26.560
Do you want them to be ambitious?
00:05:26.800 --> 00:05:29.279
What are the things that you want your kids to have?
00:05:29.439 --> 00:05:33.600
How would you describe them on the day in which they move out of your home?
00:05:33.839 --> 00:05:36.879
You might want to pause the podcast now and just think about that.
00:05:37.120 --> 00:05:44.879
What are those three words that you would love to be the actual descriptors of your young adult when they are ready to leave your home?
00:05:45.120 --> 00:05:51.920
Because then the basis of the rest of our time is figuring out how do you build a place in which that can be possible.
00:05:52.399 --> 00:06:03.360
So as you think about that idea, let me walk you through what it looks like for us to build the hard and soft skills that go into a successful launch of a young adult.
00:06:03.600 --> 00:06:04.319
Hard skills.
00:06:04.480 --> 00:06:06.560
Really the question is what can they do?
00:06:06.800 --> 00:06:07.839
Can they do it?
00:06:08.000 --> 00:06:10.800
What are the physical things that our kids are able to do?
00:06:10.959 --> 00:06:25.360
Things like cooking, budgeting, laundry, managing appointments, basic car maintenance, grocery shopping, navigating conflict, paying bills, the things that are a part of life that your children will, they'll not always be your children in your own home.
00:06:25.439 --> 00:06:26.959
They're going to be young adults someday.
00:06:27.199 --> 00:06:28.240
Can they do those things?
00:06:28.319 --> 00:06:30.079
They've got to learn them in your home.
00:06:30.319 --> 00:06:32.000
The second are soft skills.
00:06:32.160 --> 00:06:45.600
Soft skills are the things like resilience and self-awareness, emotional regulation, knowing when and how to ask for help, delayed gratification, follow-through, repairing relationships after conflict.
00:06:45.839 --> 00:06:54.959
These are harder to foster, and yet most research would say healthy adults have soft skills dialed in.
00:06:55.120 --> 00:07:04.879
They are grown and mature in those soft skills, the ability to bounce back, to repair, to be self-motivated, to understand their values.
00:07:05.040 --> 00:07:09.360
Those kinds of things are mission critical for the health of our kids.
00:07:09.600 --> 00:07:12.160
Now I want to give you a little science summary.
00:07:12.319 --> 00:07:13.279
I'm not a scientist.
00:07:13.439 --> 00:07:14.079
Don't hold this.
00:07:14.160 --> 00:07:16.639
If I say a couple things wrong, I apologize.
00:07:16.800 --> 00:07:24.959
But this is a summary of a book that I read that really helped me understand what's going on inside of the developmental phases inside a child's brain.
00:07:25.120 --> 00:07:33.199
This is from a book called A Whole Brained Child, and they talk about the differences between the upstairs brain and the downstairs brain.
00:07:33.360 --> 00:07:40.079
Now, the downstairs brain is the aspect of our own brains that come hardwired within us.
00:07:40.160 --> 00:07:42.399
This is like really our limbic system.
00:07:57.920 --> 00:08:00.959
Most of that is right there in the lower brain.
00:08:01.120 --> 00:08:02.000
That's what they call it.
00:08:02.079 --> 00:08:07.519
It's not physically lower, but they're just referring to it as the things that come hardwired within us.
00:08:07.680 --> 00:08:12.720
Anything that is responded to the fast, reactive, it happens even from birth.
00:08:12.959 --> 00:08:16.000
That right there is part of the downstairs brain.
00:08:16.160 --> 00:08:17.920
So then what's the upstairs brain?
00:08:18.079 --> 00:08:19.680
That's the prefrontal cortex.
00:08:19.759 --> 00:08:29.680
It's the higher parts of the regions of the brain that handle planning, reasoning, empathy, emotional regulation, moral decision making.
00:08:29.920 --> 00:08:35.840
Every quality on the soft skills list essentially is connected to the upstairs brain.
00:08:36.000 --> 00:08:39.360
Here's the critical insight from a whole-brained child.
00:08:39.600 --> 00:08:42.559
The downstairs brain comes hardwired from birth.
00:08:42.799 --> 00:08:59.600
The upstairs brain is still being developed into our mid-20s, which means when our kids have an outburst at target and they're throwing a fit on the ground, or when your teenager lashes out and says some incredibly hurtful things, they are operating from their downstairs brain.
00:08:59.759 --> 00:09:01.919
The upstairs is not yet formed.
00:09:02.000 --> 00:09:11.360
It is not yet complete, it is unable to do the kinds of functions that we need them to do in order for us to have healthy interactions.
00:09:11.679 --> 00:09:22.480
So, this whole idea, what we're proposing in this working session, is that we view our home as a construction site for the upstairs brain.
00:09:22.720 --> 00:09:39.120
How do we build an environment in which our kids can wire their brains in a very healthy and effective way so that they can develop both hard skills and most importantly these soft skills that are going to be leveraged for the rest of their life?
00:09:39.279 --> 00:09:57.759
All the things that we want for our kids come from really building an environment in which we can help them be shaped and formed into the person that God has called them to be, who they want to be, and then ultimately they are capable of standing on their own two feet once they move out of our own homes.
00:09:58.000 --> 00:10:09.279
Now, Kara Powell, she wrote a book called Sticky Faith years ago that had left such an impression on me when I was a youth pastor, and it continues to be important to me as I'm now raising teenagers in my own home.
00:10:09.519 --> 00:10:16.799
She talks about one of the most important soft skills to develop in our own children is self-authorship.
00:10:17.039 --> 00:10:23.840
What that means is the ability for our kids to write and to create what their future is going to look like.
00:10:24.000 --> 00:10:30.159
And the spiritual life becomes critically important in the construct of her book, but also what I know you and I want.
00:10:30.320 --> 00:10:34.639
We want to have kids that are not just resilient and good friends and manage conflict.
00:10:34.799 --> 00:10:47.440
We want children who, as future young adults, they love God, that they follow after Jesus and they live in the ways of Jesus so that they can be a part of the great mission, the great co-mission to change the world around us.
00:10:47.600 --> 00:10:50.639
This is one of the things that Kara Powell says in her book.
00:10:50.720 --> 00:10:57.039
She says only 20% of college students who leave the faith plan to do so during high school.
00:10:57.200 --> 00:11:01.440
The remaining 80% intended to stick with their faith, but didn't.
00:11:01.679 --> 00:11:08.320
How you express and live out your faith may have a greater impact on your son or daughter than anything else.
00:11:08.559 --> 00:11:16.240
You see, if you and I want to have kids who are resilient and disciples of Jesus, we have to prepare them for the world that is out there.
00:11:16.399 --> 00:11:19.120
And faith becomes such a critical component.
00:11:19.279 --> 00:11:42.399
Now, as you're going to learn, and I'm about to walk you through some various age categories, is that at various ages, even when we think about hard skills, soft skills, and spiritual skills, we need to understand the developmental ages of our kids so that we might be able to come alongside them in an age-appropriate way so that we give them the best chance for success in the future.
00:11:43.039 --> 00:11:58.320
So the second set here, the next step on our working sheet that is provided for you in the show notes is to identify what are those hard skills and soft skills based off the age of your children that you want them to be thinking about right now.
00:11:58.799 --> 00:12:05.600
So we provided a second sheet that's also in the show notes that really provided in three categories.
00:12:05.679 --> 00:12:07.840
There's lots of ways that you could slice age groups.
00:12:08.000 --> 00:12:15.120
This is how I chose to do it ages five through 10, then 11 through 14, and then finally 15 through 18.
00:12:15.279 --> 00:12:25.840
Let me just give you some examples of some hard skills and soft skills, and then I'll go through just briefly each of these age groups that you might want to think about for your own kids based off their ages.
00:12:26.000 --> 00:12:30.559
So ages five through 10, some hard skills might be simple meals.
00:12:30.720 --> 00:12:32.000
Can they make their own lunch?
00:12:32.159 --> 00:12:36.240
Can they put together a bowl of cereal in the morning so you can sleep in on Saturday?
00:12:36.399 --> 00:12:38.399
Can they do basic laundry sorting?
00:12:38.559 --> 00:12:41.519
Can they help you lights and darks and pull the socks out of there?
00:12:41.919 --> 00:12:46.720
Can they care for a pet, making sure the dog gets a walk every so often and the cat gets fed?
00:12:46.799 --> 00:12:51.840
Um, how about household chores and partnering with you and the ownership of the home?
00:12:52.080 --> 00:12:57.759
Not financial ownership, just ownership of responsibility, um, handling small amounts of cash.
00:12:58.000 --> 00:13:01.120
Okay, what about soft skills for our five to 10 year olds?
00:13:01.440 --> 00:13:06.399
What about sitting with discomfort without us coming in and rescuing them all the time?
00:13:06.639 --> 00:13:12.720
Or how about the really important skill of being able to say sorry and actually mean it?
00:13:12.879 --> 00:13:23.759
Or following through on a commitment, naming emotions out loud, basic conflict with siblings and learning how to create a little bit of repair and not just keeping peace in a home.
00:13:24.000 --> 00:13:27.600
Here's what's really fascinating about what I saw in the research.
00:13:27.759 --> 00:13:41.279
Throughout all the books that I read, I felt a conviction that a lot of parents today are subconsciously, perhaps inadvertently, raising children who are going to be forever dependent on them.
00:13:41.679 --> 00:13:53.039
Raising kids who are going to need the parent to always take care for them, to always provide for them, to even rescue them, both emotionally or physically at times.
00:13:53.200 --> 00:13:57.200
You see, if we're gonna launch young adults into the world, they are gonna have to not need us.
00:13:57.360 --> 00:14:00.720
That's that picture we saw from Paul David Tripp in that first quote.
00:14:00.879 --> 00:14:04.879
We want to build kids who we can release into the world.
00:14:05.039 --> 00:14:11.919
That doesn't mean that you no longer have a relationship with them, but it does mean that they're not gonna depend on you in the ways they used to.
00:14:12.000 --> 00:14:13.120
And that's appropriate.
00:14:13.279 --> 00:14:15.360
That's called maturity, that's called growth.
00:14:15.519 --> 00:14:18.159
That's even maturity and growth for us as parents.
00:14:18.320 --> 00:14:18.639
Okay.
00:14:19.120 --> 00:14:20.720
Ages 11 through 14.
00:14:20.879 --> 00:14:23.279
What would it look like for kids in this age group?
00:14:23.519 --> 00:14:28.639
Hard skills might look like build being able to cook a full meal independently.
00:14:28.799 --> 00:14:31.519
They can do their own laundry from start to finish.
00:14:31.679 --> 00:14:35.279
Basic budgeting with allowance, making their own appointments.
00:14:35.440 --> 00:14:36.720
How about that for a thought?
00:14:36.879 --> 00:14:39.919
I don't know if they can handle the, you know, those automated systems.
00:14:40.000 --> 00:14:42.799
I get so frustrated, I'm constantly like, speak to representatives.
00:14:42.879 --> 00:14:44.480
So that's the skill they need on that one.
00:14:44.639 --> 00:14:48.000
Navigating public transit or perhaps doing errands alone.
00:14:48.159 --> 00:14:53.440
That's a wild one to consider, but think of the skill they're developing if they're able to do those things.
00:14:53.600 --> 00:14:57.039
How about soft skills in the 11 to 14 age group?
00:14:57.279 --> 00:15:00.000
Tolerating failure without collapsing.
00:15:00.159 --> 00:15:05.600
It's one of the things that I think rigorous academics and athletics get to teach our kids.
00:15:05.840 --> 00:15:11.360
Failure will be inevitable in either of those ways, a bad grade on a test or a difficult game.
00:15:11.519 --> 00:15:17.039
How do we help our kids feel strong enough that they can handle failure without a complete dismantling?
00:15:17.279 --> 00:15:19.039
That's an important life skill.
00:15:19.200 --> 00:15:24.080
Or how about asking for help from people other than their parents or close family members?
00:15:24.320 --> 00:15:28.080
Like, does our kids, do they know how to ask a teacher for assistance?
00:15:28.240 --> 00:15:31.840
Do they know how to pull a coach aside and say, I need help with something?
00:15:32.000 --> 00:15:33.679
That's an important soft skill.
00:15:33.840 --> 00:15:40.159
Or how about the ability to disagree respectfully with their peers, with somebody in authority?
00:15:40.320 --> 00:15:44.639
Do they know how to disagree in a way that's not going to escalate a situation?
00:15:44.799 --> 00:15:49.759
Or perhaps even just self-awareness in general, or perhaps in conflict.
00:15:49.919 --> 00:15:55.360
The ability to know what's my part, what's my role in whatever the circumstance might be.
00:15:55.600 --> 00:15:58.399
Okay, last category, 15 to 18.
00:15:58.559 --> 00:15:59.200
This is it.
00:15:59.360 --> 00:16:04.000
Things are about to escalate a lot in these examples because they're about to move out.
00:16:04.159 --> 00:16:13.360
At the end of this last category, theoretically, they're gonna move on to college, they're gonna move on to that gap year, they're gonna move on to perhaps their career.
00:16:13.519 --> 00:16:14.639
Things are about to happen.
00:16:14.720 --> 00:16:19.919
And so what happens in this age group is all about how you and I need to start releasing.
00:16:20.000 --> 00:16:21.600
And I'm gonna give you that as we close here.
00:16:21.759 --> 00:16:24.000
Here's the 15 to 18 hard skills.
00:16:24.159 --> 00:16:26.559
Can they cook regularly for the family?
00:16:26.720 --> 00:16:27.679
Can you imagine that?
00:16:27.919 --> 00:16:30.879
Your kids making a little chicken Alfredo for the family.
00:16:30.960 --> 00:16:32.480
That'd be incredible, wouldn't it?
00:16:32.720 --> 00:16:35.279
Managing a bank account or a debit card.
00:16:35.440 --> 00:16:37.759
This is something we're about to do with our son right now.
00:16:37.840 --> 00:16:40.240
He's gonna have his first internship this summer.
00:16:40.399 --> 00:16:44.000
We're like gonna get him a bank account so he can see what that number looks like.
00:16:44.080 --> 00:16:52.799
He's gonna have his own card because I'd rather him learn now what it looks like to spend too much and run out than that happen when he's a freshman in college, right?
00:16:52.960 --> 00:16:56.000
What about scheduling and attending appointments alone?
00:16:56.240 --> 00:17:04.079
We've started to send him into some places on his own, and it's really kind of fun to see the trepidation, but trepidation today is confidence tomorrow.
00:17:04.240 --> 00:17:06.559
And so we're trying to start stretching him out.
00:17:06.640 --> 00:17:08.799
I'm sure you're doing some of these things too.
00:17:08.960 --> 00:17:15.359
Um, like I mentioned for my own son, maybe it's an internship, a job, sustained responsibility within the home.
00:17:15.519 --> 00:17:17.839
Okay, soft skills, 15 to 18.
00:17:18.079 --> 00:17:25.039
Owning consequences without deflecting, repairing serious conflict, delayed gratification.
00:17:25.200 --> 00:17:30.720
Can they work towards something and not feel a sense of reward or accomplishment right away?
00:17:30.960 --> 00:17:42.480
Living by their own values, even when no one is watching, reaching out to mentors beyond family or community mentors that might help them advance in the things that they care a lot about.
00:17:42.799 --> 00:17:47.759
So, as you can tell, there's a lot of escalation that happens over those different age groups.
00:17:47.839 --> 00:17:49.279
And that's the design.
00:17:49.440 --> 00:17:52.400
This is the exact thing that we are supposed to do.
00:17:52.640 --> 00:17:54.000
Okay, last part here.
00:17:54.079 --> 00:17:57.599
Let me just kind of walk you back through those age groups and equip you as a parent.
00:17:57.759 --> 00:18:04.640
So if you have kids in the five to 10-year-old age group, the primary method here is we're gonna do things together.
00:18:04.799 --> 00:18:06.319
This is about apprenticeship.
00:18:06.400 --> 00:18:16.240
This is about us coming alongside our kids, helping wire up what's going on in that upstairs brain, both in physical skills and in soft skills as well.
00:18:16.559 --> 00:18:25.599
So, practical strategy when you think about the hard skills in their life, you might want to assign a real domain in your home that your child can own.
00:18:25.839 --> 00:18:29.440
The table doesn't get set unless your child is gonna do it.
00:18:29.599 --> 00:18:30.720
That's their domain.
00:18:30.880 --> 00:18:35.759
Whenever you have a family meal, they're gonna put the plates and the forks and they're they get the napkins out.
00:18:35.920 --> 00:18:36.720
That's their world.
00:18:36.799 --> 00:18:38.640
If they don't do it, we eat with our hands.
00:18:38.799 --> 00:18:41.920
Like show them that this is their responsibility.
00:18:42.160 --> 00:18:46.559
So it's not help me set the table, it's the table is yours to set.
00:18:46.640 --> 00:18:49.039
And that happens sometime in this category.
00:18:49.359 --> 00:18:55.680
Practical for the soft skills, this might look like helping them develop an emotional vocabulary.
00:18:55.920 --> 00:19:02.160
When your kid is feeling joyful and proud of themselves, help them find words so that they can articulate what they're feeling.
00:19:02.319 --> 00:19:09.440
A sense of accomplishment, a sense of my hard work went into something and I felt like I achieved something really great.
00:19:09.599 --> 00:19:12.000
I feel proud of myself of what I was able to do.
00:19:12.160 --> 00:19:22.960
Or even on those negative things, when they're upset, they're throwing a tantrum, giving them language where they can actually start to sort out the difference between I'm angry and I'm hurt.
00:19:23.119 --> 00:19:28.559
There are two very different things happening there, but in that lower brain, it all feels the same to them.
00:19:28.720 --> 00:19:36.240
So a way to wire the upstairs brain is to help them find words and affirm it when they do say those, those things.
00:19:36.480 --> 00:19:38.240
Okay, 11 to 14.
00:19:38.400 --> 00:19:48.960
Some of the things in this age group, this is really where an unbelievable opportunity opens up for us to build a very deep relationship with our kids.
00:19:49.119 --> 00:19:51.680
These are, I think, some of the most fun years.
00:19:51.839 --> 00:19:57.519
They're their personalities are really shining through, their interests are coming to the surface.
00:19:57.680 --> 00:20:01.920
They become like really fun people to be around in a different kind of way.
00:20:02.079 --> 00:20:06.559
They don't feel as dependent on you, but they still need you in so many ways.
00:20:06.720 --> 00:20:08.880
I love this age group so so much.
00:20:09.039 --> 00:20:15.839
Now, what we want to do as parents here is we want to do some things together, then we want to supervise some things that are happening.
00:20:15.920 --> 00:20:21.599
And then by the time they're getting into 13, 14, we want to really release things over to them.
00:20:21.759 --> 00:20:24.240
Here's an example of what I think is important.
00:20:24.400 --> 00:20:27.759
There's an idea here of natural consequences.
00:20:28.000 --> 00:20:28.960
You felt this before.
00:20:29.119 --> 00:20:34.400
When you tell your kids, hey, it's gonna be a little cold at the at the baseball game tonight, you should bring a jacket.
00:20:34.559 --> 00:20:39.119
If they say, I don't want to bring a jacket, when they're 11 to 14, you go, okay.
00:20:39.359 --> 00:20:42.400
And then you don't rescue them when they're freezing at the baseball game.
00:20:42.480 --> 00:20:45.519
You don't go to the MLB shop and buy them an angels hoodie.
00:20:45.680 --> 00:20:47.519
Instead, you let them be cold.
00:20:47.759 --> 00:20:59.119
Because next time when you say, hey, it's gonna be a little chilly, or you might want to bring a coat, uh, an umbrella, they're gonna have that natural consequence in their mind and they're gonna make the decision for themselves.
00:20:59.279 --> 00:21:03.279
It's a good example of how we tend to as parents, well, I can't let my kid be cold.
00:21:03.359 --> 00:21:04.799
They're gonna get pneumonia and die.
00:21:05.039 --> 00:21:05.839
Probably not.
00:21:06.079 --> 00:21:06.960
I mean, I don't know.
00:21:07.039 --> 00:21:09.039
I'd, you know, don't hold me to that.
00:21:09.200 --> 00:21:11.359
But I'm just saying they probably won't.
00:21:11.519 --> 00:21:17.440
And so let them be cold for a couple of hours so that next time they put that sweatshirt in the car with them.
00:21:17.680 --> 00:21:23.680
This is the small ways in which we can come alongside our kids, helping them grow, right?
00:21:23.839 --> 00:21:25.759
Okay, practical for the hard skills.
00:21:25.920 --> 00:21:29.920
What might it look like for you to give your child in the 11 to 14 framework?
00:21:30.079 --> 00:21:43.440
Give them a real budget, not just an allowance where they've got 10 bucks a week to manage, but an actual budget where they know I want to buy skincare routine things, I want to buy some new, you know, shoes or a backpack for school.
00:21:43.680 --> 00:21:59.039
Give them a budget where they can manage an amount of money, not large, but just so they can understand what it feels like to have some money in the bank, some trade off decisions that have to be made, where they have to feel what the weight of responsibility feels like.
00:21:59.200 --> 00:22:05.440
This is a really Fun thing where you and I can come alongside and we can walk them through how to make good decisions.
00:22:05.599 --> 00:22:08.559
Okay, what's related to that is the soft skill.
00:22:08.720 --> 00:22:14.000
I think that I have been very guilty in my own home of I can create a great conversation.
00:22:14.160 --> 00:22:21.680
I'm speaking to the soft skill now, where I can create a debrief with my kids and I can kind of walk them through what they're feeling and learning.
00:22:21.920 --> 00:22:28.079
And then I make the critical misstep where I go from debrief to the lecture.
00:22:28.319 --> 00:22:34.480
I sort of help them put words to things on their own, and then I tell them the other things that they missed.
00:22:34.559 --> 00:22:37.519
And I've got a three-point sermon for basically everything in life.
00:22:37.680 --> 00:22:41.680
And so I have tried to learn as my kids are in this age group right now.
00:22:41.839 --> 00:22:43.920
I have an 11-year-old and a 14-year-old.
00:22:44.000 --> 00:22:48.079
And so I'm trying very hard to just debrief and let them learn.
00:22:48.240 --> 00:22:49.680
And then I'm done.
00:22:49.839 --> 00:22:51.680
I let them figure some things out.
00:22:51.759 --> 00:23:01.200
I'd rather have more frequent debriefs without my lectures than the occasional debrief where then I just spout off everything I think they need to know.
00:23:01.519 --> 00:23:02.880
Easier said than done.
00:23:03.039 --> 00:23:03.519
Pray for me.
00:23:03.680 --> 00:23:04.400
Okay, it's hard.
00:23:04.559 --> 00:23:06.400
Now, why does this work so well?
00:23:06.640 --> 00:23:18.880
Because what's important is you're helping build the observational skills in that 11 to 14-year-old age group where they're developing self-awareness, they're making their own mental connections, and they're growing in the process.
00:23:19.119 --> 00:23:25.200
Last step, ages 15 through 18, this is all about stepping back intentionally.
00:23:25.359 --> 00:23:27.200
Hey, we call this intentional parenting.
00:23:27.359 --> 00:23:33.519
By the time you and I have 15 to 18 year olds, 18-year-olds in our home, we got to take that step back.
00:23:33.759 --> 00:23:38.079
It's no longer our job to prevent failure for our kids.
00:23:38.240 --> 00:23:43.759
We have got to let them have elements of failure so that they can feel what that feels like.
00:23:44.000 --> 00:23:48.559
Our kids need to become fully responsible of full domains in their life.
00:23:48.720 --> 00:23:50.400
They've got to do their own laundry.
00:23:50.559 --> 00:23:52.400
They have to manage their own appointments.
00:23:52.480 --> 00:23:56.480
They have to have their own bank account because they're about to move out of your home.
00:23:56.640 --> 00:23:58.079
At least that's the plan, right?
00:23:58.240 --> 00:24:02.079
That if they're going to move out of their own home, they have to know how to do some things.
00:24:02.319 --> 00:24:08.319
Let's help them to do those full things while they are in our own home.
00:24:08.480 --> 00:24:20.960
So they have their job, they have their man and the money that they're managing, they have the basic life skills of cooking and doing their own laundry because eventually, inevitably, they're going to have to do it on their own anyway.
00:24:21.279 --> 00:24:25.680
So that's what I would say on the hard skills is help them find that job.
00:24:25.839 --> 00:24:36.400
Help them get into a place where they have a regular commitment, where people are depending on them to do something and to show up, that we might give them full ownership of something in the home as well.
00:24:36.640 --> 00:24:44.799
That dog that they used to just walk, now that dog is their dog and they take care of it and everything that comes with that as well.
00:24:45.119 --> 00:25:05.599
On the soft skills, this is where we really do want to try to match what are those kids' values that give you an indication of their character, and how do you help them to make wise decisions in line with their values, in line with their desires and goals for their life, so that they have their own motivation once they leave your home.
00:25:05.839 --> 00:25:21.039
That's challenging, and yet it is really, really important where we can allow our kids to make their own decisions, where they can understand the context of what they're choosing, allow them to make their own decisions, even if it feels like a different one than you would make.
00:25:21.279 --> 00:25:24.079
We've got to allow them to do some of these things.
00:25:24.240 --> 00:25:30.079
And then lastly, we have to resist the urge to monitor everything in their life.
00:25:30.240 --> 00:25:37.680
Like right now, I know I can log on to, you know, my kids' school work and I can see every missing assignment.
00:25:37.759 --> 00:25:40.400
I can see every email interaction with the teacher.
00:25:40.640 --> 00:25:47.599
Right now, I'm monitoring some of that stuff because I want to help them write better emails to their parents, to their to their teachers.
00:25:47.759 --> 00:25:52.000
I want them to know that when they have a missing assignment, they're leaving points on the table.
00:25:52.079 --> 00:25:55.519
They could easily get those points if they just turn something in on time.
00:25:55.680 --> 00:25:56.799
That's responsibility.
00:25:56.960 --> 00:25:58.720
That's interaction with authority.
00:25:58.880 --> 00:26:04.000
But I'll tell you, once they get into that junior year, I'm not paying attention to that stuff anymore.
00:26:04.160 --> 00:26:05.039
That's on them.
00:26:05.200 --> 00:26:07.039
They have got to figure it out.
00:26:07.279 --> 00:26:09.680
That's scary if I don't help them now.
00:26:09.920 --> 00:26:12.240
You understand exactly what I'm getting at.
00:26:12.400 --> 00:26:18.799
So the third step here is that we as parents, we pause and we ask ourselves a three-step question.
00:26:18.960 --> 00:26:24.000
What's the hard skill that I'm going to transfer over ownership this month?
00:26:24.400 --> 00:26:28.880
Secondly, what's the soft skill that I'm going to cultivate over the next 90 days?
00:26:29.039 --> 00:26:33.440
And then as parents, what's the one thing that I'm going to stop doing?
00:26:34.079 --> 00:26:36.400
Those are three really important questions.
00:26:36.559 --> 00:26:37.839
What are you handing over?
00:26:38.079 --> 00:26:39.359
What are you cultivating?
00:26:39.440 --> 00:26:41.759
And what are you no longer doing for them?
00:26:42.000 --> 00:26:44.400
Because they need to figure it out on their own.
00:26:44.640 --> 00:26:49.920
The final step, step four on here, is the conversation that you need to have this week.
00:26:50.079 --> 00:26:55.519
Maybe you and your spouse need to sit down and say, hey, let's get aligned on the hard skills and soft skills.
00:26:55.680 --> 00:26:59.599
Maybe we need to agree on what the thing is in which we're going to stop doing.
00:26:59.759 --> 00:27:01.920
We're no longer putting lunches together.
00:27:02.000 --> 00:27:04.240
They've got to figure that out on their own.
00:27:04.480 --> 00:27:05.200
Not on their own.
00:27:05.279 --> 00:27:08.880
You'll show them how to do it, but you're not going to babysit them anymore, right?
00:27:09.119 --> 00:27:13.279
Figuring out what's that thing that you are going to stop doing.
00:27:13.519 --> 00:27:24.000
Again, I tell you, we try to make this as practical as possible because if we are equipped with the practicality of what it looks like to do this as intentional parents, you will feel more confident.
00:27:24.079 --> 00:27:29.680
And I believe you'll actually raise these great future young adults in your home.
00:27:29.920 --> 00:27:31.839
Last thing, Psalm 127.
00:27:31.920 --> 00:27:32.640
I love this verse.
00:27:32.799 --> 00:27:34.160
This is verse three.
00:27:34.480 --> 00:27:39.279
It says, Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.
00:27:39.599 --> 00:27:41.440
So our kids are a gift.
00:27:41.599 --> 00:27:44.799
They are a heritage from the Lord, they are a reward.
00:27:44.960 --> 00:27:52.720
And then it says in verse 4, like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one's youth.
00:27:52.960 --> 00:27:54.000
So think about this.
00:27:54.160 --> 00:27:59.519
If kids are like arrows, just like the whole Artemis II mission, they had an objective.
00:27:59.680 --> 00:28:04.960
They had to do all the math and the configurations in order to go and do exactly what they wanted to do.
00:28:05.119 --> 00:28:09.119
They set the trajectory so that they could have a successful mission.
00:28:09.279 --> 00:28:13.839
Our kids are like arrows, which means they are fine and true.
00:28:14.000 --> 00:28:14.720
They are straight.
00:28:14.880 --> 00:28:21.200
They are crafted in such a way that as we aim and release, they go in the direction that we pray for.
00:28:21.359 --> 00:28:23.599
Now, you do not have full control over your kids.
00:28:23.680 --> 00:28:32.480
They have free will as well, but it's in our homes where we try to build a relationship and a rhythm that sets them up for success.
00:28:32.640 --> 00:28:35.200
And I would just say as I close, pray.
00:28:35.359 --> 00:28:41.200
Pray for your kids, pray for their futures, pray for the hard skills and the soft skills that you want.
00:28:41.359 --> 00:28:46.640
Allow the Holy Spirit to work in and through you in the kids that you are raising.
00:28:46.799 --> 00:28:50.079
At the end of the day, they were God's kids first.
00:28:50.400 --> 00:28:53.279
He entrusted them to you as great stewards.
00:28:53.440 --> 00:28:56.640
But at the end of the day, they are always God's children.
00:28:56.880 --> 00:29:02.160
We must release them back to Him and trust that God is their heavenly Father as well.
00:29:02.400 --> 00:29:07.039
This is easier said than done, and yet we will grow in the process as well.
00:29:07.200 --> 00:29:08.480
And so I'm so grateful for you.
00:29:08.559 --> 00:29:15.200
Thanks for hanging with me throughout the last few minutes here as I kind of equip you with the session that we do in person.
00:29:15.440 --> 00:29:18.559
Our next one is gonna be happening on July 18.
00:29:18.799 --> 00:29:21.279
So I'd love for you to mark that date in your calendar.
00:29:21.359 --> 00:29:23.279
Come and join us at Marin Reservine.
00:29:23.359 --> 00:29:32.160
We're gonna be hanging out on Saturday afternoon and we're gonna do another great working session as we continue to grow in confidence as we are becoming these intentional parents.
00:29:32.240 --> 00:29:33.440
So thanks for hanging with me.
00:29:33.519 --> 00:29:35.119
I hope you have a good day.
00:00:08.560 --> 00:00:11.199
Welcome to Intentional Parenting at Mariner's Church.
00:00:11.279 --> 00:00:15.279
My name is Jared, and I am excited about this little solo episode.
00:00:15.519 --> 00:00:23.359
We're gonna take a little break from the normal format where I sit down with some pastors and friends and talk about the parenting that happens in our own homes.
00:00:23.519 --> 00:00:28.800
And I'm gonna bring you the content that I delivered at our most recent in-person gathering.
00:00:29.039 --> 00:00:33.759
A few times a year, about four times a year, we gather together as parents at Marin Reservine.
00:00:34.000 --> 00:00:36.880
And I prepare really a working session for us.
00:00:37.039 --> 00:00:43.840
I provide some resources here that I have on the table, as well as some content.
00:00:43.920 --> 00:00:57.920
And then the majority of the time is spent working at your tables as couples or as tables to create some things that you're going to bring into your own home so that you can feel like a more confident, intentional parent for the kids that you are raising.
00:00:58.079 --> 00:01:05.680
Now, I recently heard from a family in our church that came to the prior intentional parenting gathering, loved the working session so much.
00:01:05.840 --> 00:01:13.840
They they took these resources, they took this podcast, and they listened to it as a life group and they did the working sessions together.
00:01:14.000 --> 00:01:15.200
I love that so much.
00:01:15.359 --> 00:01:20.879
I love when a life group gets together and says, all right, let's kind of practice these things, let's see what this might look like.
00:01:21.040 --> 00:01:22.640
And so that's my hope for you.
00:01:22.799 --> 00:01:29.680
Maybe what you hear today is practical enough that you want to introduce this to some of your own family and friends as well.
00:01:29.840 --> 00:01:34.879
Now, before I get into the talk itself, I've got these resources available for you.
00:01:35.040 --> 00:01:37.680
There are two things that I handed out at our gathering.
00:01:37.920 --> 00:01:40.159
The first is this 11 by 17 paper.
00:01:40.239 --> 00:01:41.920
It has four steps in it.
00:01:42.000 --> 00:01:45.200
And I'm going to walk you through in this episode what those four steps are.
00:01:45.359 --> 00:01:49.200
But in the show notes, you can download this and print yourself if you'd like.
00:01:49.519 --> 00:01:52.799
I also have a second handout that'll make more sense later.
00:01:52.959 --> 00:01:55.280
That's available for you as well.
00:01:55.599 --> 00:02:01.200
Now, the idea for the talk this month was all about launching our kids well.
00:02:01.680 --> 00:02:06.239
I recently was talking to a gentleman here whose kids are well grown up now.
00:02:06.400 --> 00:02:11.840
They're actually my age, but he was telling me that years ago he ran our kids' ministry at the church.
00:02:11.919 --> 00:02:15.919
And he said, I want to remind you that you're not raising children.
00:02:16.159 --> 00:02:18.960
You are raising future young adults.
00:02:19.120 --> 00:02:28.639
And that really became the backbone for this whole session, that you and I might have a forward lean, realizing that the kids who live in our home are future young adults.
00:02:28.719 --> 00:02:33.919
And our job is to prepare them well for the launch that will inevitably come someday.
00:02:34.159 --> 00:02:38.479
Now, space is having a real moment in the cultural, uh, this cultural moment.
00:02:38.639 --> 00:02:39.680
Space is all over the place.
00:02:39.840 --> 00:02:44.560
You got Project Hail Mary and Ryan Gosling and the fun that that movie was.
00:02:44.800 --> 00:02:54.319
You also have Artemis II, which just recently had a very successful mission, kind of from Earth, out and around the moon, and came back without a hitch.
00:02:54.479 --> 00:02:56.400
That's an incredible achievement.
00:02:56.639 --> 00:03:03.680
It's a fascinating thing when you look at what went into just Artemis II, like what went into that mission.
00:03:03.919 --> 00:03:07.840
While the mission was only 10 days, it took three years.
00:03:08.000 --> 00:03:13.919
The crew spent three years training for the specific elements that would go into that mission.
00:03:14.000 --> 00:03:22.319
That doesn't account for all the uh the real life experience they had before that, all of the education and all the training that went into prior missions.
00:03:22.479 --> 00:03:26.400
They had three years specific to this mission alone.
00:03:26.639 --> 00:03:30.000
That rocket had so many components to it.
00:03:30.159 --> 00:03:43.039
The rocket itself took one year to assemble, but it actually had 15 years worth of technology combined into one rocket in order to get those astronauts out of orbit and into space.
00:03:43.199 --> 00:03:48.080
That's a cumulative of 18 years that went into a 10-day mission.
00:03:48.319 --> 00:04:02.800
So as you and I think about the kids that we're gonna launch into life on their own, we have about 18 years that we get to invest and work on creating an environment where they can develop the skills necessary to be successful in life.
00:04:02.960 --> 00:04:05.439
Now, I've done a ton of research on this.
00:04:05.599 --> 00:04:07.360
I'm sure you've read some books on it.
00:04:07.599 --> 00:04:15.680
Generally speaking, what our kids need to develop in order to be healthy adults later are hard skills and soft skills.
00:04:15.840 --> 00:04:22.560
And so we spent some time in this session really understanding the difference between hard skills and soft skills.
00:04:22.800 --> 00:04:24.720
Here's what Paul David Tripp says.
00:04:24.800 --> 00:04:26.720
He wrote this in his book, Age of Opportunity.
00:04:26.879 --> 00:04:31.920
He says, successful parenting is the rightful, God-ordained loss of control.
00:04:32.160 --> 00:04:49.279
The goal of parenting is to work ourselves out of a job, to raise children who were once totally dependent on us, to be independent, mature people who, with reliance on God and proper connectedness to the Christian community, are able to stand on their own two feet.
00:04:49.519 --> 00:04:57.920
That's the motivation that goes into a household of preparation so that we can launch our kids into the Word world well.
00:04:58.160 --> 00:05:00.560
So every mission begins with an objective.
00:05:00.720 --> 00:05:06.240
The first step in our working sheet here is naming what the mission is.
00:05:06.480 --> 00:05:13.120
We spent some time talking through what are the characteristics that you want your kids to have when they launch into young adulthood.
00:05:13.279 --> 00:05:14.720
And so that'd be my ask of you.
00:05:14.800 --> 00:05:20.639
Even if you just kind of did a little blue sky dreaming right now, what are the characteristics that you want your kids to have?
00:05:20.800 --> 00:05:22.480
Do you want them to be resilient?
00:05:22.639 --> 00:05:23.920
Do you want them to be content?
00:05:24.079 --> 00:05:26.560
Do you want them to be ambitious?
00:05:26.800 --> 00:05:29.279
What are the things that you want your kids to have?
00:05:29.439 --> 00:05:33.600
How would you describe them on the day in which they move out of your home?
00:05:33.839 --> 00:05:36.879
You might want to pause the podcast now and just think about that.
00:05:37.120 --> 00:05:44.879
What are those three words that you would love to be the actual descriptors of your young adult when they are ready to leave your home?
00:05:45.120 --> 00:05:51.920
Because then the basis of the rest of our time is figuring out how do you build a place in which that can be possible.
00:05:52.399 --> 00:06:03.360
So as you think about that idea, let me walk you through what it looks like for us to build the hard and soft skills that go into a successful launch of a young adult.
00:06:03.600 --> 00:06:04.319
Hard skills.
00:06:04.480 --> 00:06:06.560
Really the question is what can they do?
00:06:06.800 --> 00:06:07.839
Can they do it?
00:06:08.000 --> 00:06:10.800
What are the physical things that our kids are able to do?
00:06:10.959 --> 00:06:25.360
Things like cooking, budgeting, laundry, managing appointments, basic car maintenance, grocery shopping, navigating conflict, paying bills, the things that are a part of life that your children will, they'll not always be your children in your own home.
00:06:25.439 --> 00:06:26.959
They're going to be young adults someday.
00:06:27.199 --> 00:06:28.240
Can they do those things?
00:06:28.319 --> 00:06:30.079
They've got to learn them in your home.
00:06:30.319 --> 00:06:32.000
The second are soft skills.
00:06:32.160 --> 00:06:45.600
Soft skills are the things like resilience and self-awareness, emotional regulation, knowing when and how to ask for help, delayed gratification, follow-through, repairing relationships after conflict.
00:06:45.839 --> 00:06:54.959
These are harder to foster, and yet most research would say healthy adults have soft skills dialed in.
00:06:55.120 --> 00:07:04.879
They are grown and mature in those soft skills, the ability to bounce back, to repair, to be self-motivated, to understand their values.
00:07:05.040 --> 00:07:09.360
Those kinds of things are mission critical for the health of our kids.
00:07:09.600 --> 00:07:12.160
Now I want to give you a little science summary.
00:07:12.319 --> 00:07:13.279
I'm not a scientist.
00:07:13.439 --> 00:07:14.079
Don't hold this.
00:07:14.160 --> 00:07:16.639
If I say a couple things wrong, I apologize.
00:07:16.800 --> 00:07:24.959
But this is a summary of a book that I read that really helped me understand what's going on inside of the developmental phases inside a child's brain.
00:07:25.120 --> 00:07:33.199
This is from a book called A Whole Brained Child, and they talk about the differences between the upstairs brain and the downstairs brain.
00:07:33.360 --> 00:07:40.079
Now, the downstairs brain is the aspect of our own brains that come hardwired within us.
00:07:40.160 --> 00:07:42.399
This is like really our limbic system.
00:07:57.920 --> 00:08:00.959
Most of that is right there in the lower brain.
00:08:01.120 --> 00:08:02.000
That's what they call it.
00:08:02.079 --> 00:08:07.519
It's not physically lower, but they're just referring to it as the things that come hardwired within us.
00:08:07.680 --> 00:08:12.720
Anything that is responded to the fast, reactive, it happens even from birth.
00:08:12.959 --> 00:08:16.000
That right there is part of the downstairs brain.
00:08:16.160 --> 00:08:17.920
So then what's the upstairs brain?
00:08:18.079 --> 00:08:19.680
That's the prefrontal cortex.
00:08:19.759 --> 00:08:29.680
It's the higher parts of the regions of the brain that handle planning, reasoning, empathy, emotional regulation, moral decision making.
00:08:29.920 --> 00:08:35.840
Every quality on the soft skills list essentially is connected to the upstairs brain.
00:08:36.000 --> 00:08:39.360
Here's the critical insight from a whole-brained child.
00:08:39.600 --> 00:08:42.559
The downstairs brain comes hardwired from birth.
00:08:42.799 --> 00:08:59.600
The upstairs brain is still being developed into our mid-20s, which means when our kids have an outburst at target and they're throwing a fit on the ground, or when your teenager lashes out and says some incredibly hurtful things, they are operating from their downstairs brain.
00:08:59.759 --> 00:09:01.919
The upstairs is not yet formed.
00:09:02.000 --> 00:09:11.360
It is not yet complete, it is unable to do the kinds of functions that we need them to do in order for us to have healthy interactions.
00:09:11.679 --> 00:09:22.480
So, this whole idea, what we're proposing in this working session, is that we view our home as a construction site for the upstairs brain.
00:09:22.720 --> 00:09:39.120
How do we build an environment in which our kids can wire their brains in a very healthy and effective way so that they can develop both hard skills and most importantly these soft skills that are going to be leveraged for the rest of their life?
00:09:39.279 --> 00:09:57.759
All the things that we want for our kids come from really building an environment in which we can help them be shaped and formed into the person that God has called them to be, who they want to be, and then ultimately they are capable of standing on their own two feet once they move out of our own homes.
00:09:58.000 --> 00:10:09.279
Now, Kara Powell, she wrote a book called Sticky Faith years ago that had left such an impression on me when I was a youth pastor, and it continues to be important to me as I'm now raising teenagers in my own home.
00:10:09.519 --> 00:10:16.799
She talks about one of the most important soft skills to develop in our own children is self-authorship.
00:10:17.039 --> 00:10:23.840
What that means is the ability for our kids to write and to create what their future is going to look like.
00:10:24.000 --> 00:10:30.159
And the spiritual life becomes critically important in the construct of her book, but also what I know you and I want.
00:10:30.320 --> 00:10:34.639
We want to have kids that are not just resilient and good friends and manage conflict.
00:10:34.799 --> 00:10:47.440
We want children who, as future young adults, they love God, that they follow after Jesus and they live in the ways of Jesus so that they can be a part of the great mission, the great co-mission to change the world around us.
00:10:47.600 --> 00:10:50.639
This is one of the things that Kara Powell says in her book.
00:10:50.720 --> 00:10:57.039
She says only 20% of college students who leave the faith plan to do so during high school.
00:10:57.200 --> 00:11:01.440
The remaining 80% intended to stick with their faith, but didn't.
00:11:01.679 --> 00:11:08.320
How you express and live out your faith may have a greater impact on your son or daughter than anything else.
00:11:08.559 --> 00:11:16.240
You see, if you and I want to have kids who are resilient and disciples of Jesus, we have to prepare them for the world that is out there.
00:11:16.399 --> 00:11:19.120
And faith becomes such a critical component.
00:11:19.279 --> 00:11:42.399
Now, as you're going to learn, and I'm about to walk you through some various age categories, is that at various ages, even when we think about hard skills, soft skills, and spiritual skills, we need to understand the developmental ages of our kids so that we might be able to come alongside them in an age-appropriate way so that we give them the best chance for success in the future.
00:11:43.039 --> 00:11:58.320
So the second set here, the next step on our working sheet that is provided for you in the show notes is to identify what are those hard skills and soft skills based off the age of your children that you want them to be thinking about right now.
00:11:58.799 --> 00:12:05.600
So we provided a second sheet that's also in the show notes that really provided in three categories.
00:12:05.679 --> 00:12:07.840
There's lots of ways that you could slice age groups.
00:12:08.000 --> 00:12:15.120
This is how I chose to do it ages five through 10, then 11 through 14, and then finally 15 through 18.
00:12:15.279 --> 00:12:25.840
Let me just give you some examples of some hard skills and soft skills, and then I'll go through just briefly each of these age groups that you might want to think about for your own kids based off their ages.
00:12:26.000 --> 00:12:30.559
So ages five through 10, some hard skills might be simple meals.
00:12:30.720 --> 00:12:32.000
Can they make their own lunch?
00:12:32.159 --> 00:12:36.240
Can they put together a bowl of cereal in the morning so you can sleep in on Saturday?
00:12:36.399 --> 00:12:38.399
Can they do basic laundry sorting?
00:12:38.559 --> 00:12:41.519
Can they help you lights and darks and pull the socks out of there?
00:12:41.919 --> 00:12:46.720
Can they care for a pet, making sure the dog gets a walk every so often and the cat gets fed?
00:12:46.799 --> 00:12:51.840
Um, how about household chores and partnering with you and the ownership of the home?
00:12:52.080 --> 00:12:57.759
Not financial ownership, just ownership of responsibility, um, handling small amounts of cash.
00:12:58.000 --> 00:13:01.120
Okay, what about soft skills for our five to 10 year olds?
00:13:01.440 --> 00:13:06.399
What about sitting with discomfort without us coming in and rescuing them all the time?
00:13:06.639 --> 00:13:12.720
Or how about the really important skill of being able to say sorry and actually mean it?
00:13:12.879 --> 00:13:23.759
Or following through on a commitment, naming emotions out loud, basic conflict with siblings and learning how to create a little bit of repair and not just keeping peace in a home.
00:13:24.000 --> 00:13:27.600
Here's what's really fascinating about what I saw in the research.
00:13:27.759 --> 00:13:41.279
Throughout all the books that I read, I felt a conviction that a lot of parents today are subconsciously, perhaps inadvertently, raising children who are going to be forever dependent on them.
00:13:41.679 --> 00:13:53.039
Raising kids who are going to need the parent to always take care for them, to always provide for them, to even rescue them, both emotionally or physically at times.
00:13:53.200 --> 00:13:57.200
You see, if we're gonna launch young adults into the world, they are gonna have to not need us.
00:13:57.360 --> 00:14:00.720
That's that picture we saw from Paul David Tripp in that first quote.
00:14:00.879 --> 00:14:04.879
We want to build kids who we can release into the world.
00:14:05.039 --> 00:14:11.919
That doesn't mean that you no longer have a relationship with them, but it does mean that they're not gonna depend on you in the ways they used to.
00:14:12.000 --> 00:14:13.120
And that's appropriate.
00:14:13.279 --> 00:14:15.360
That's called maturity, that's called growth.
00:14:15.519 --> 00:14:18.159
That's even maturity and growth for us as parents.
00:14:18.320 --> 00:14:18.639
Okay.
00:14:19.120 --> 00:14:20.720
Ages 11 through 14.
00:14:20.879 --> 00:14:23.279
What would it look like for kids in this age group?
00:14:23.519 --> 00:14:28.639
Hard skills might look like build being able to cook a full meal independently.
00:14:28.799 --> 00:14:31.519
They can do their own laundry from start to finish.
00:14:31.679 --> 00:14:35.279
Basic budgeting with allowance, making their own appointments.
00:14:35.440 --> 00:14:36.720
How about that for a thought?
00:14:36.879 --> 00:14:39.919
I don't know if they can handle the, you know, those automated systems.
00:14:40.000 --> 00:14:42.799
I get so frustrated, I'm constantly like, speak to representatives.
00:14:42.879 --> 00:14:44.480
So that's the skill they need on that one.
00:14:44.639 --> 00:14:48.000
Navigating public transit or perhaps doing errands alone.
00:14:48.159 --> 00:14:53.440
That's a wild one to consider, but think of the skill they're developing if they're able to do those things.
00:14:53.600 --> 00:14:57.039
How about soft skills in the 11 to 14 age group?
00:14:57.279 --> 00:15:00.000
Tolerating failure without collapsing.
00:15:00.159 --> 00:15:05.600
It's one of the things that I think rigorous academics and athletics get to teach our kids.
00:15:05.840 --> 00:15:11.360
Failure will be inevitable in either of those ways, a bad grade on a test or a difficult game.
00:15:11.519 --> 00:15:17.039
How do we help our kids feel strong enough that they can handle failure without a complete dismantling?
00:15:17.279 --> 00:15:19.039
That's an important life skill.
00:15:19.200 --> 00:15:24.080
Or how about asking for help from people other than their parents or close family members?
00:15:24.320 --> 00:15:28.080
Like, does our kids, do they know how to ask a teacher for assistance?
00:15:28.240 --> 00:15:31.840
Do they know how to pull a coach aside and say, I need help with something?
00:15:32.000 --> 00:15:33.679
That's an important soft skill.
00:15:33.840 --> 00:15:40.159
Or how about the ability to disagree respectfully with their peers, with somebody in authority?
00:15:40.320 --> 00:15:44.639
Do they know how to disagree in a way that's not going to escalate a situation?
00:15:44.799 --> 00:15:49.759
Or perhaps even just self-awareness in general, or perhaps in conflict.
00:15:49.919 --> 00:15:55.360
The ability to know what's my part, what's my role in whatever the circumstance might be.
00:15:55.600 --> 00:15:58.399
Okay, last category, 15 to 18.
00:15:58.559 --> 00:15:59.200
This is it.
00:15:59.360 --> 00:16:04.000
Things are about to escalate a lot in these examples because they're about to move out.
00:16:04.159 --> 00:16:13.360
At the end of this last category, theoretically, they're gonna move on to college, they're gonna move on to that gap year, they're gonna move on to perhaps their career.
00:16:13.519 --> 00:16:14.639
Things are about to happen.
00:16:14.720 --> 00:16:19.919
And so what happens in this age group is all about how you and I need to start releasing.
00:16:20.000 --> 00:16:21.600
And I'm gonna give you that as we close here.
00:16:21.759 --> 00:16:24.000
Here's the 15 to 18 hard skills.
00:16:24.159 --> 00:16:26.559
Can they cook regularly for the family?
00:16:26.720 --> 00:16:27.679
Can you imagine that?
00:16:27.919 --> 00:16:30.879
Your kids making a little chicken Alfredo for the family.
00:16:30.960 --> 00:16:32.480
That'd be incredible, wouldn't it?
00:16:32.720 --> 00:16:35.279
Managing a bank account or a debit card.
00:16:35.440 --> 00:16:37.759
This is something we're about to do with our son right now.
00:16:37.840 --> 00:16:40.240
He's gonna have his first internship this summer.
00:16:40.399 --> 00:16:44.000
We're like gonna get him a bank account so he can see what that number looks like.
00:16:44.080 --> 00:16:52.799
He's gonna have his own card because I'd rather him learn now what it looks like to spend too much and run out than that happen when he's a freshman in college, right?
00:16:52.960 --> 00:16:56.000
What about scheduling and attending appointments alone?
00:16:56.240 --> 00:17:04.079
We've started to send him into some places on his own, and it's really kind of fun to see the trepidation, but trepidation today is confidence tomorrow.
00:17:04.240 --> 00:17:06.559
And so we're trying to start stretching him out.
00:17:06.640 --> 00:17:08.799
I'm sure you're doing some of these things too.
00:17:08.960 --> 00:17:15.359
Um, like I mentioned for my own son, maybe it's an internship, a job, sustained responsibility within the home.
00:17:15.519 --> 00:17:17.839
Okay, soft skills, 15 to 18.
00:17:18.079 --> 00:17:25.039
Owning consequences without deflecting, repairing serious conflict, delayed gratification.
00:17:25.200 --> 00:17:30.720
Can they work towards something and not feel a sense of reward or accomplishment right away?
00:17:30.960 --> 00:17:42.480
Living by their own values, even when no one is watching, reaching out to mentors beyond family or community mentors that might help them advance in the things that they care a lot about.
00:17:42.799 --> 00:17:47.759
So, as you can tell, there's a lot of escalation that happens over those different age groups.
00:17:47.839 --> 00:17:49.279
And that's the design.
00:17:49.440 --> 00:17:52.400
This is the exact thing that we are supposed to do.
00:17:52.640 --> 00:17:54.000
Okay, last part here.
00:17:54.079 --> 00:17:57.599
Let me just kind of walk you back through those age groups and equip you as a parent.
00:17:57.759 --> 00:18:04.640
So if you have kids in the five to 10-year-old age group, the primary method here is we're gonna do things together.
00:18:04.799 --> 00:18:06.319
This is about apprenticeship.
00:18:06.400 --> 00:18:16.240
This is about us coming alongside our kids, helping wire up what's going on in that upstairs brain, both in physical skills and in soft skills as well.
00:18:16.559 --> 00:18:25.599
So, practical strategy when you think about the hard skills in their life, you might want to assign a real domain in your home that your child can own.
00:18:25.839 --> 00:18:29.440
The table doesn't get set unless your child is gonna do it.
00:18:29.599 --> 00:18:30.720
That's their domain.
00:18:30.880 --> 00:18:35.759
Whenever you have a family meal, they're gonna put the plates and the forks and they're they get the napkins out.
00:18:35.920 --> 00:18:36.720
That's their world.
00:18:36.799 --> 00:18:38.640
If they don't do it, we eat with our hands.
00:18:38.799 --> 00:18:41.920
Like show them that this is their responsibility.
00:18:42.160 --> 00:18:46.559
So it's not help me set the table, it's the table is yours to set.
00:18:46.640 --> 00:18:49.039
And that happens sometime in this category.
00:18:49.359 --> 00:18:55.680
Practical for the soft skills, this might look like helping them develop an emotional vocabulary.
00:18:55.920 --> 00:19:02.160
When your kid is feeling joyful and proud of themselves, help them find words so that they can articulate what they're feeling.
00:19:02.319 --> 00:19:09.440
A sense of accomplishment, a sense of my hard work went into something and I felt like I achieved something really great.
00:19:09.599 --> 00:19:12.000
I feel proud of myself of what I was able to do.
00:19:12.160 --> 00:19:22.960
Or even on those negative things, when they're upset, they're throwing a tantrum, giving them language where they can actually start to sort out the difference between I'm angry and I'm hurt.
00:19:23.119 --> 00:19:28.559
There are two very different things happening there, but in that lower brain, it all feels the same to them.
00:19:28.720 --> 00:19:36.240
So a way to wire the upstairs brain is to help them find words and affirm it when they do say those, those things.
00:19:36.480 --> 00:19:38.240
Okay, 11 to 14.
00:19:38.400 --> 00:19:48.960
Some of the things in this age group, this is really where an unbelievable opportunity opens up for us to build a very deep relationship with our kids.
00:19:49.119 --> 00:19:51.680
These are, I think, some of the most fun years.
00:19:51.839 --> 00:19:57.519
They're their personalities are really shining through, their interests are coming to the surface.
00:19:57.680 --> 00:20:01.920
They become like really fun people to be around in a different kind of way.
00:20:02.079 --> 00:20:06.559
They don't feel as dependent on you, but they still need you in so many ways.
00:20:06.720 --> 00:20:08.880
I love this age group so so much.
00:20:09.039 --> 00:20:15.839
Now, what we want to do as parents here is we want to do some things together, then we want to supervise some things that are happening.
00:20:15.920 --> 00:20:21.599
And then by the time they're getting into 13, 14, we want to really release things over to them.
00:20:21.759 --> 00:20:24.240
Here's an example of what I think is important.
00:20:24.400 --> 00:20:27.759
There's an idea here of natural consequences.
00:20:28.000 --> 00:20:28.960
You felt this before.
00:20:29.119 --> 00:20:34.400
When you tell your kids, hey, it's gonna be a little cold at the at the baseball game tonight, you should bring a jacket.
00:20:34.559 --> 00:20:39.119
If they say, I don't want to bring a jacket, when they're 11 to 14, you go, okay.
00:20:39.359 --> 00:20:42.400
And then you don't rescue them when they're freezing at the baseball game.
00:20:42.480 --> 00:20:45.519
You don't go to the MLB shop and buy them an angels hoodie.
00:20:45.680 --> 00:20:47.519
Instead, you let them be cold.
00:20:47.759 --> 00:20:59.119
Because next time when you say, hey, it's gonna be a little chilly, or you might want to bring a coat, uh, an umbrella, they're gonna have that natural consequence in their mind and they're gonna make the decision for themselves.
00:20:59.279 --> 00:21:03.279
It's a good example of how we tend to as parents, well, I can't let my kid be cold.
00:21:03.359 --> 00:21:04.799
They're gonna get pneumonia and die.
00:21:05.039 --> 00:21:05.839
Probably not.
00:21:06.079 --> 00:21:06.960
I mean, I don't know.
00:21:07.039 --> 00:21:09.039
I'd, you know, don't hold me to that.
00:21:09.200 --> 00:21:11.359
But I'm just saying they probably won't.
00:21:11.519 --> 00:21:17.440
And so let them be cold for a couple of hours so that next time they put that sweatshirt in the car with them.
00:21:17.680 --> 00:21:23.680
This is the small ways in which we can come alongside our kids, helping them grow, right?
00:21:23.839 --> 00:21:25.759
Okay, practical for the hard skills.
00:21:25.920 --> 00:21:29.920
What might it look like for you to give your child in the 11 to 14 framework?
00:21:30.079 --> 00:21:43.440
Give them a real budget, not just an allowance where they've got 10 bucks a week to manage, but an actual budget where they know I want to buy skincare routine things, I want to buy some new, you know, shoes or a backpack for school.
00:21:43.680 --> 00:21:59.039
Give them a budget where they can manage an amount of money, not large, but just so they can understand what it feels like to have some money in the bank, some trade off decisions that have to be made, where they have to feel what the weight of responsibility feels like.
00:21:59.200 --> 00:22:05.440
This is a really Fun thing where you and I can come alongside and we can walk them through how to make good decisions.
00:22:05.599 --> 00:22:08.559
Okay, what's related to that is the soft skill.
00:22:08.720 --> 00:22:14.000
I think that I have been very guilty in my own home of I can create a great conversation.
00:22:14.160 --> 00:22:21.680
I'm speaking to the soft skill now, where I can create a debrief with my kids and I can kind of walk them through what they're feeling and learning.
00:22:21.920 --> 00:22:28.079
And then I make the critical misstep where I go from debrief to the lecture.
00:22:28.319 --> 00:22:34.480
I sort of help them put words to things on their own, and then I tell them the other things that they missed.
00:22:34.559 --> 00:22:37.519
And I've got a three-point sermon for basically everything in life.
00:22:37.680 --> 00:22:41.680
And so I have tried to learn as my kids are in this age group right now.
00:22:41.839 --> 00:22:43.920
I have an 11-year-old and a 14-year-old.
00:22:44.000 --> 00:22:48.079
And so I'm trying very hard to just debrief and let them learn.
00:22:48.240 --> 00:22:49.680
And then I'm done.
00:22:49.839 --> 00:22:51.680
I let them figure some things out.
00:22:51.759 --> 00:23:01.200
I'd rather have more frequent debriefs without my lectures than the occasional debrief where then I just spout off everything I think they need to know.
00:23:01.519 --> 00:23:02.880
Easier said than done.
00:23:03.039 --> 00:23:03.519
Pray for me.
00:23:03.680 --> 00:23:04.400
Okay, it's hard.
00:23:04.559 --> 00:23:06.400
Now, why does this work so well?
00:23:06.640 --> 00:23:18.880
Because what's important is you're helping build the observational skills in that 11 to 14-year-old age group where they're developing self-awareness, they're making their own mental connections, and they're growing in the process.
00:23:19.119 --> 00:23:25.200
Last step, ages 15 through 18, this is all about stepping back intentionally.
00:23:25.359 --> 00:23:27.200
Hey, we call this intentional parenting.
00:23:27.359 --> 00:23:33.519
By the time you and I have 15 to 18 year olds, 18-year-olds in our home, we got to take that step back.
00:23:33.759 --> 00:23:38.079
It's no longer our job to prevent failure for our kids.
00:23:38.240 --> 00:23:43.759
We have got to let them have elements of failure so that they can feel what that feels like.
00:23:44.000 --> 00:23:48.559
Our kids need to become fully responsible of full domains in their life.
00:23:48.720 --> 00:23:50.400
They've got to do their own laundry.
00:23:50.559 --> 00:23:52.400
They have to manage their own appointments.
00:23:52.480 --> 00:23:56.480
They have to have their own bank account because they're about to move out of your home.
00:23:56.640 --> 00:23:58.079
At least that's the plan, right?
00:23:58.240 --> 00:24:02.079
That if they're going to move out of their own home, they have to know how to do some things.
00:24:02.319 --> 00:24:08.319
Let's help them to do those full things while they are in our own home.
00:24:08.480 --> 00:24:20.960
So they have their job, they have their man and the money that they're managing, they have the basic life skills of cooking and doing their own laundry because eventually, inevitably, they're going to have to do it on their own anyway.
00:24:21.279 --> 00:24:25.680
So that's what I would say on the hard skills is help them find that job.
00:24:25.839 --> 00:24:36.400
Help them get into a place where they have a regular commitment, where people are depending on them to do something and to show up, that we might give them full ownership of something in the home as well.
00:24:36.640 --> 00:24:44.799
That dog that they used to just walk, now that dog is their dog and they take care of it and everything that comes with that as well.
00:24:45.119 --> 00:25:05.599
On the soft skills, this is where we really do want to try to match what are those kids' values that give you an indication of their character, and how do you help them to make wise decisions in line with their values, in line with their desires and goals for their life, so that they have their own motivation once they leave your home.
00:25:05.839 --> 00:25:21.039
That's challenging, and yet it is really, really important where we can allow our kids to make their own decisions, where they can understand the context of what they're choosing, allow them to make their own decisions, even if it feels like a different one than you would make.
00:25:21.279 --> 00:25:24.079
We've got to allow them to do some of these things.
00:25:24.240 --> 00:25:30.079
And then lastly, we have to resist the urge to monitor everything in their life.
00:25:30.240 --> 00:25:37.680
Like right now, I know I can log on to, you know, my kids' school work and I can see every missing assignment.
00:25:37.759 --> 00:25:40.400
I can see every email interaction with the teacher.
00:25:40.640 --> 00:25:47.599
Right now, I'm monitoring some of that stuff because I want to help them write better emails to their parents, to their to their teachers.
00:25:47.759 --> 00:25:52.000
I want them to know that when they have a missing assignment, they're leaving points on the table.
00:25:52.079 --> 00:25:55.519
They could easily get those points if they just turn something in on time.
00:25:55.680 --> 00:25:56.799
That's responsibility.
00:25:56.960 --> 00:25:58.720
That's interaction with authority.
00:25:58.880 --> 00:26:04.000
But I'll tell you, once they get into that junior year, I'm not paying attention to that stuff anymore.
00:26:04.160 --> 00:26:05.039
That's on them.
00:26:05.200 --> 00:26:07.039
They have got to figure it out.
00:26:07.279 --> 00:26:09.680
That's scary if I don't help them now.
00:26:09.920 --> 00:26:12.240
You understand exactly what I'm getting at.
00:26:12.400 --> 00:26:18.799
So the third step here is that we as parents, we pause and we ask ourselves a three-step question.
00:26:18.960 --> 00:26:24.000
What's the hard skill that I'm going to transfer over ownership this month?
00:26:24.400 --> 00:26:28.880
Secondly, what's the soft skill that I'm going to cultivate over the next 90 days?
00:26:29.039 --> 00:26:33.440
And then as parents, what's the one thing that I'm going to stop doing?
00:26:34.079 --> 00:26:36.400
Those are three really important questions.
00:26:36.559 --> 00:26:37.839
What are you handing over?
00:26:38.079 --> 00:26:39.359
What are you cultivating?
00:26:39.440 --> 00:26:41.759
And what are you no longer doing for them?
00:26:42.000 --> 00:26:44.400
Because they need to figure it out on their own.
00:26:44.640 --> 00:26:49.920
The final step, step four on here, is the conversation that you need to have this week.
00:26:50.079 --> 00:26:55.519
Maybe you and your spouse need to sit down and say, hey, let's get aligned on the hard skills and soft skills.
00:26:55.680 --> 00:26:59.599
Maybe we need to agree on what the thing is in which we're going to stop doing.
00:26:59.759 --> 00:27:01.920
We're no longer putting lunches together.
00:27:02.000 --> 00:27:04.240
They've got to figure that out on their own.
00:27:04.480 --> 00:27:05.200
Not on their own.
00:27:05.279 --> 00:27:08.880
You'll show them how to do it, but you're not going to babysit them anymore, right?
00:27:09.119 --> 00:27:13.279
Figuring out what's that thing that you are going to stop doing.
00:27:13.519 --> 00:27:24.000
Again, I tell you, we try to make this as practical as possible because if we are equipped with the practicality of what it looks like to do this as intentional parents, you will feel more confident.
00:27:24.079 --> 00:27:29.680
And I believe you'll actually raise these great future young adults in your home.
00:27:29.920 --> 00:27:31.839
Last thing, Psalm 127.
00:27:31.920 --> 00:27:32.640
I love this verse.
00:27:32.799 --> 00:27:34.160
This is verse three.
00:27:34.480 --> 00:27:39.279
It says, Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.
00:27:39.599 --> 00:27:41.440
So our kids are a gift.
00:27:41.599 --> 00:27:44.799
They are a heritage from the Lord, they are a reward.
00:27:44.960 --> 00:27:52.720
And then it says in verse 4, like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one's youth.
00:27:52.960 --> 00:27:54.000
So think about this.
00:27:54.160 --> 00:27:59.519
If kids are like arrows, just like the whole Artemis II mission, they had an objective.
00:27:59.680 --> 00:28:04.960
They had to do all the math and the configurations in order to go and do exactly what they wanted to do.
00:28:05.119 --> 00:28:09.119
They set the trajectory so that they could have a successful mission.
00:28:09.279 --> 00:28:13.839
Our kids are like arrows, which means they are fine and true.
00:28:14.000 --> 00:28:14.720
They are straight.
00:28:14.880 --> 00:28:21.200
They are crafted in such a way that as we aim and release, they go in the direction that we pray for.
00:28:21.359 --> 00:28:23.599
Now, you do not have full control over your kids.
00:28:23.680 --> 00:28:32.480
They have free will as well, but it's in our homes where we try to build a relationship and a rhythm that sets them up for success.
00:28:32.640 --> 00:28:35.200
And I would just say as I close, pray.
00:28:35.359 --> 00:28:41.200
Pray for your kids, pray for their futures, pray for the hard skills and the soft skills that you want.
00:28:41.359 --> 00:28:46.640
Allow the Holy Spirit to work in and through you in the kids that you are raising.
00:28:46.799 --> 00:28:50.079
At the end of the day, they were God's kids first.
00:28:50.400 --> 00:28:53.279
He entrusted them to you as great stewards.
00:28:53.440 --> 00:28:56.640
But at the end of the day, they are always God's children.
00:28:56.880 --> 00:29:02.160
We must release them back to Him and trust that God is their heavenly Father as well.
00:29:02.400 --> 00:29:07.039
This is easier said than done, and yet we will grow in the process as well.
00:29:07.200 --> 00:29:08.480
And so I'm so grateful for you.
00:29:08.559 --> 00:29:15.200
Thanks for hanging with me throughout the last few minutes here as I kind of equip you with the session that we do in person.
00:29:15.440 --> 00:29:18.559
Our next one is gonna be happening on July 18.
00:29:18.799 --> 00:29:21.279
So I'd love for you to mark that date in your calendar.
00:29:21.359 --> 00:29:23.279
Come and join us at Marin Reservine.
00:29:23.359 --> 00:29:32.160
We're gonna be hanging out on Saturday afternoon and we're gonna do another great working session as we continue to grow in confidence as we are becoming these intentional parents.
00:29:32.240 --> 00:29:33.440
So thanks for hanging with me.
00:29:33.519 --> 00:29:35.119
I hope you have a good day.
