Inside Thoughts Episode 146 ft Clayton English

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Why are you still speaking?
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That thought should not have made it to the rest
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of us.
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This is Inside Thoughts with Nick Jordan.
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Check, check, check. One, two, three. Welcome back to the podcast.
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Thank you for pressing play. Got a cool interview for
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you at the end of the podcast with comedian Clayton English.
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I got to talk to him. a little while back
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when he was in Indianapolis. And he's been working a
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long time, killing for a long time, and he finally
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had a Don't Tell special pop. So if you're wanting
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to hear that, make sure to press pause on this,
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go on YouTube, look up Clayton English, Don't Tell, then
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pop back to the podcast and listen to him talk
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about it. It'll be like the director's cut. Anyway, hope
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you're having a good day, good week. I got real
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pissed off a couple minutes ago. I'm sitting in the
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parking lot of the gym right now. I was like,
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I'm going to go be productive. I'm going to go
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get a workout in. Then I'm going to do the podcast.
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Got my workout done. The gym that me and Ames
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go to is one of these happy-go-lucky gyms where they
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want to know your name and say hey to you
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every time you walk in. I just, I don't need that, dude.
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I got my headphones in. I'm coming to work out.
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I'm not here for human interaction, but every time I
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walk in, the guy at the front's like, hey, Nick,
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how we doing today? I'm like, yeah, good, dude. I'm
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about to go fucking do shit that I don't want
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to do, but I have to do it because I
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want to live long and look good while I'm living long.
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So I have to be. Do you think I want
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to be in here doing hamstring curls?
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No. No.
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I got to do that so I live long and
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I'm healthy. I want to be eating Taco Bell, sitting
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around doing nothing. How's it going, Nick? Are we good today? No, no,
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fuck you, dude. But anyway, like they're nice. They just, they,
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you know, they're too peppy. I don't need pep when
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I'm going into the gym, okay? I'm going in here
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to do what I got to do and then I'm
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getting the fuck out, all right? I don't need motivation.
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Anytime someone tries to give me like a little bit of,
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You can do it. I want to kill you, dude. Okay.
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I know I can do it. That's why I'm in
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here fucking doing it. And if I, if I can't
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do it, then I'll stop. You want to know why?
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Because I'm an adult. All right. You can do it.
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Keep going.
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Shut up. Anyway, got done walking out. There's a new
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peppier guy up at the front. And I just, you know,
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trying not to be a dick, you know, doing the
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bare minimum of politeness to not be an asshole. Got
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to walk right past these fuckers on the way out.
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So I wave. You know, I got my headphones in like,
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all right, have a good one. Just wave. And the
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new guy smiling like it's his favorite day on earth,
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which good for him if it is. But I don't
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need that kind of energy directed towards me. I lift
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my hand up, you know, hey, have a good one.
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He takes four steps towards me and makes me pound it.
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Gives me a dab like, hey. Good job for coming
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into the gym today, you fat, worthless fuck. I'm proud
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of you. Don't, don't do that, dude. Why, why, why
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you gotta make me feel weird? Hey, you just accomplished
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something today. I fucking know. I come in here every day.
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Go to the gym's like brushing your teeth. You wake up,
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you have to do it. All right. Am I excited
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to do it?
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No.
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Maybe I'm just being a dick. I don't know. I'm just,
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that kind of peppy shit drives me up the wall.
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I don't know why. What's that say about you, Nick?
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I don't know. Maybe that, like, I don't need, like,
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a charade to get through my day. Hey, you did
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really good. I fucking know I did, okay? I do
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it every day. You should be excited about it because
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not every day is promised. Okay, leave me alone. That's fine.
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I'm okay with the melancholy and nothingness of life, all right?
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You need to be peppy because if you stop being
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peppy saying, hey, how's it going to everybody and give
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it a positive reinforcement to everybody else, maybe you would
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have to sit in silence and figure out the nothingness
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about life. I'm being a dick. I'm sorry. Wife's all
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about interactions and passing, spreading positive joy to those that
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you can. Maybe giving somebody a smile when they're going
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through their darkest day. That'll give them enough to keep going.
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Or if somebody's angry and you smile or you crack
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a joke, that whitens them up. And then they're in
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a better mood so they don't go home and beat
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their wife. You can make a difference. I hate that
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peppy shit so much. I don't know why it drives
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me nuts. I just, I don't need that. Stop acting
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like you think that I, maybe that's what it is.
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Like they think, I think that they think that I
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need that peppiness to get through this workout. I fucking don't, dude.
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All right. Good job today. You really accomplished something. Shut up.
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What are you, my first grade teacher? Oh, you read
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a book today and did your addition and subtraction? Good job.
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What do you want, a cookie? I'm not a dog.
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Don't talk to me like that. Anyway, I've been having
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a good week up until that moment. I'm going to
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let ruin the rest of it and think about it.
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I'll probably take it out on Ames when I get home.
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She's going to say something nice and loving. I'm just like, hey.
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Shut up.
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No, I'm kidding. I don't talk to her like that.
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She talks to me like that, though. I pissed her
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off so bad the other day. It was hilarious. Like, we're, like,
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in bed. She goes to bed before me because she,
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you know, actually has to wake up and be a
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productive member of society. So I'm just, like, up watching
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TV or whatever, and we've been eating this really– good
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recipe of chicken that Ames found out how to make
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and like it's delicious and we're turning into the seasons
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are changing we're getting into soup mode getting into hearty
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chili mode it's a great time for food but been
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been eating nothing but basically eggs for breakfast and chili
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for lunch for like a week and a half so
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I got I got shit just brewing down there. So
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Ames is sleeping. I crack a fart off. And I start, like,
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giggling to myself because, you know, I'm fucking 12 years
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old mentally. Farts are still funny. Because, like, you know
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when you crack one off and it just smells so
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bad and you just know instantly? Like, oh. She was
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dead asleep. She wakes up.
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And she.
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She was like, the smell woke her up, but she
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was like in the middle of REM sleep. So she's
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still dreaming. So she sits up and she just like
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points at the blanket that's on my leg and just goes,
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what's that? What's that? Is that a bug? I'm like, no,
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it's nothing. You're dreaming. She weighs back down. She's like, oh, okay.
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Weighs back down, sits up. Her brain finally like just
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realized what she smelled. She goes, Did you fart? And
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I just started laughing. She goes, it's not funny, it's terrible.
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And then she got mad at me, went to bed,
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woke up the next morning, and she was just looking
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at me. She goes, I don't know why I'm mad
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at you, but I am. And I was like, because
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I cracked a fart off in the middle of your dream,
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and you got pissed. And she goes, oh, yeah. So I,
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you know, spent all of last weekend making it up
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to her, because that's what you got to do, all right?
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You crack off a stinky fart that's... you know, war
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crime grade. You got to do stuff your girlfriend wants
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to do so that she doesn't hate you. So we're
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driving around Saturday and we're going to go to like
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this shop where you can like paint a piece of
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pottery and have a drink and it's fun. And on
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the way there, there's this farmer's market on the side
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of the road. And as soon as I saw the tents,
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I was like, yeah, we're a hundred percent stopping here.
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I was just waiting for it. And she was like,
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Oh my God, we've got to go to the farmer's market.
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I was like, yeah, I already know. But you want
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to know what she said earlier that day? And I
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knew it was a lie. She was like, what do
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you want to do today? And I was like, I
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don't care. What do you want to do today? She
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was like, we can just chill. We can just chill.
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But as soon as there's a little market on the
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side of the road, It's like they get pulled in
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like Thor's hammer. They just, we have to go. I've
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got to see all the stuff. They got to see stuff, man. Well,
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what if we got this? And it's just a bottle
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that holds olive oil that costs $ 60. Now, I love
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Ames and I understand the farmer's market thing. It's like,
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I don't know, seeing a piece of community. And Ames
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is a smart person, but the rest of the people
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that go there are just like some of the dumbest
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people I've seen on the plane. They were waiting 45
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minutes in this line for juice. Like we're walking through,
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there's a shit ton of people at this little farmer's market.
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And we're like, what's this line for? We're looking around
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and we go up to the front of the line.
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It was just a, like a food truck that sold juice,
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no alcohol in it. Just we have strawberry banana juice,
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not even a smoothie, just juice. And people are like, oh,
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I gotta get this. And they have a pretty sign
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in front of the food truck. Let's get the juice
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and then take a picture right in front of it
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so we can post it on Instagram. Same type of
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people that dap you up when you're walking out of
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the gym. Like, good job today, fucking morons. Maybe they
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just like life a little more. No, but it was
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a fun weekend. I... I gotta be honest. I don't
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mind going to the farmer's markets because, um, like I,
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I kind of just like Ames is in a good
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mood and I kind of just, you know, like make
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fun of them a little bit, like not being a dick,
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but just, you know, you gotta, you gotta rage bait
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your girlfriend a little bit like that. That's most of
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the fun of having a girlfriend is just like, Oh yeah,
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let me, let me see if I can do an
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inappropriate accent in a public place. and have you turn
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around and reevaluate while you're with me. Uh, no, it
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was fun though. We, like this weekend we laughed so
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fucking much about just like the dumbest stuff. Like you
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have a lot of conversations in your relationship cause you're,
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you know, you're together all the time. And every once
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in a while you'll say something just off the wall, dumb,
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like your brain's not really locked in. You're just saying words. You're,
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thinking or picturing what you're trying to say, but the
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right sentence doesn't come out. Like there was one time
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when we first got together, uh, we were living in Raleigh,
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North Carolina. And if you've ever been to the Southeast,
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there's just, it's forests everywhere. There's cities in between forests,
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there's fucking trees everywhere. So we're driving around and she's
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like enjoying, you know, the foliage. And I said something stupid.
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Like what I meant to say was, cause I had
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never been to England before. at this point and the
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only pictures you know we see of england most of
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the time is just of london not a lot of
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trees there so what i wanted to say was you
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know dumb thing to say anyway uh is there like
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dense forest like trees a bunch of trees in england
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like this or is this different to you but what
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came out was are there trees in england and she
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just started dying laughing she got a.
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Are you stupid?
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Are you thick? Do we have fucking trees in fucking England?
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And I was like, whoa, that's a crazy reaction. But
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then I've been to England twice now. And England is basically,
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it looks exactly the same as the southeast. It's just
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like a bunch of forests and farmland. And then they
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put cities in between all that. Hey, Nick, that's kind
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of how everywhere is. Yeah, I know. It was a
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dumb thing to say. But like I said, you're in
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a relationship. You're around each other all the time. Sometimes
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you say dumb stuff. Like we're walking the path around
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our apartment and we see these ducks by this pond.
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And Ames, just for no reason, unprompted go, ducks don't fly.
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I was like, what do you mean ducks don't fly? Yeah,
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they do. There's only like five birds that don't fly.
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It's like ostriches, emus, every type of penguin, and the dodo.
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She was like, ducks don't fly. Well, I got real...
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I'm going to die on this hill. Ducks don't fly.
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And I was like, well, what are you talking about?
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She was like, ducks don't fly. I go, look it up.
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She goes, no ducks don't fly. I was like, okay.
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So we keep going on this walk. I was like,
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do you not remember like season one of the Sopranos?
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Tony Soprano gets all excited about his ducks that are
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in his pool. And then they fly away and he
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gets sad. It's like, you've watched that ducks fly. It's
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a TV show. Doesn't count. And then we're walking on the,
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we're walking on the back end of the trail and
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like 20 ducks just fly right over us. And I
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just got to look at her and she goes, Hmm. Well,
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sometimes you're wrong. It was good, man. Between the farts
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and the ducks and the farmers, like we just laughed
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about so much dumb shit this weekend. It was awesome.
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It was a great weekend just in general, man. We
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laughed at a bunch of dumb stuff, and then we
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were watching all the games. Browns look good. Braves and
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Falcons are looking good. The Braves are playing the Dodgers
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right now. We didn't have a starting pitcher, basically, for
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the first two games doing bullpen games. First one, all right,
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give up a home run, lose that one. Probably weren't
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going to win game one after that. a tough series
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against the Phillies. Game two, thinking another bullpen game. All right,
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we got to go back to Atlanta and win two
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in a row with our two starters. We win game two.
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Now we got a chance to go up and win
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the series in Atlanta. Like, all right, let's do this.
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Braves looking good. And then even crazier, I don't know
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what's going on. The Falcons look like possibly the best
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team in the NFL right now. They put Belt. two
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New Orleans Saints ass last night. It was beautiful, man. Beautiful.
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There was just like terrible shit being said between Falcons
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fans and Saints fans all week. I love it, man.
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It was awesome. I had to explain to Ames kind
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of like the rivalry between the Falcons and the Saints. Like,
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there are certain rivalries between cities and sports teams that
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are just like you can get away with saying terrible
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shit because that's where the bar is you know what
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i mean and i'm just like on twitter just giggling
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because you're just reading the filthiest shit human beings can
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say to each other she's like what what are you
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laughing at and i just read her off this tweet
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of some falcons fans saying some shit about the saints
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and Hurricane Katrina and she was like that's terrible and
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I was like that's that's kind of where the bar's
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at you know like that's almost friendly at this point
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you know what I mean I couldn't bring myself to
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explain Steve Gleason to her so I was like we'll
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save that for next year really really get into the
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Falcon Saints rivalry but Falcon Saints is a underappreciated rivalry
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in the NFL like Everybody's always like, oh, yeah, Cowboys
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and Eagles, Chiefs and Raiders, Bears and Packers. It's like,
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I got to be honest. I think Saints-Falcons, just from
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a pure hatred standpoint between the fan bases and the teams, honestly,
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it's beautiful. It's like Brown-Steelers, but the South version. Like
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I was reading this post some Steelers fan made. popped
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up on my Facebook. It was some girlfriend saying that
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she brought, uh, she got tickets for her and her boyfriend, uh,
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go to the Browns game, Brown Steelers game in Cleveland
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and Browns win. And she was like, I have never
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been around such terrible human beings in my entire life
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before we're wearing our Steelers Jersey. And after the Browns won,
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people were barking at us as we were leaving. And
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somebody even told my boyfriend to take his bitch ass,
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pussy bitch ass back to his shitty city that he
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came from. She was like, I was appalled. I was like, eh,
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00:17:35.009 --> 00:17:37.710
that's sports. That's kind of like, you know, as long
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as you don't get violent. Um, yeah, you're like, that's
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00:17:44.039 --> 00:17:48.819
part of the fun of sports is you'd say terrible
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shit to other human beings and when your team wins,
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and even when your team loses. If you can keep
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that same energy, keep talking shit, like concede that, yeah,
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00:17:58.839 --> 00:18:02.359
your team's ass, but keep talking shit, find a different
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00:18:02.400 --> 00:18:04.579
way to talk shit. You can't talk about, you know,
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00:18:04.619 --> 00:18:08.960
the score. Find different ways. That's beautiful. It's when we
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really come together in a, you know, separated way of life.
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It's beautiful. It's what I love about sports. You want
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00:18:17.680 --> 00:18:20.109
to know what I don't love? about sports is the
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00:18:20.289 --> 00:18:25.089
fucking referees, dude. NFL refs are starting to turn into
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00:18:25.109 --> 00:18:29.480
NBA refs. Like, we all know that the NBA's, we
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00:18:29.500 --> 00:18:37.200
won't say fixed, but massaged for certain outcomes. And it's like, well,
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00:18:37.220 --> 00:18:39.440
you don't have to be a conspiracy theorist to see
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00:18:39.480 --> 00:18:42.829
what's going on. Like, they have betting lines, they have
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00:18:42.890 --> 00:18:46.789
prop lines, certain shit has to hit. If certain teams
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get away with winning... then they become the heel of
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the league and people tune in to hate watch because
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we like hating things more than we like liking things.
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It's not tough to see. But the NBA is the
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00:19:00.549 --> 00:19:05.990
most blatant to where you're like, all right, this is horseshit.
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00:19:06.029 --> 00:19:08.650
I'm still going to watch because LeBron's still in the
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00:19:08.690 --> 00:19:11.309
league and I like basketball. But outside of that, it's like,
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00:19:11.329 --> 00:19:14.250
come on, bro, what are we doing? Not to mention
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00:19:14.269 --> 00:19:17.559
the whole Tim Donaghy thing. Back in the early 2000s
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00:19:17.599 --> 00:19:19.400
where they were like, oh, we got the one guy
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00:19:19.440 --> 00:19:23.299
that was doing it. Yeah, the one guy. Okay. But
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00:19:23.519 --> 00:19:28.200
NFL refs are starting to turn into NBA refs where
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00:19:28.220 --> 00:19:29.759
you're just like, come on, bro. What the fuck are
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00:19:29.779 --> 00:19:36.210
you doing? Like, why better? Deceive me more cleverly. I
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00:19:36.269 --> 00:19:39.710
can't sit here and watch. Like, they called so many penalties.
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00:19:39.730 --> 00:19:41.910
I think I saw some stat. I could be making
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00:19:41.950 --> 00:19:43.609
this up because, you know, it was on Twitter and
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00:19:43.690 --> 00:19:47.230
I also– Didn't look into it any further because I
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00:19:47.250 --> 00:19:49.970
was like, oh yeah, this tweet that I'm glancing over.
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00:19:50.509 --> 00:19:53.730
confirms what I think I see. They threw the most
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00:19:53.799 --> 00:19:56.420
flags like in the history of the NFL this weekend.
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00:19:57.279 --> 00:20:02.640
And a lot of it is bullshit pass interference calls.
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00:20:02.720 --> 00:20:04.779
And then the easiest one is when you want to
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00:20:04.819 --> 00:20:08.890
kill a team's momentum to keep a game close. call
348
00:20:08.930 --> 00:20:11.430
holding penalty because you can call holding on basically every
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00:20:11.470 --> 00:20:14.890
single play. But if you want to keep the game close,
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00:20:16.089 --> 00:20:19.430
first and 20 more times than not fucks up any
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00:20:19.490 --> 00:20:24.490
kind of momentum that offense has. And that stuff was
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00:20:24.529 --> 00:20:27.289
happening all weekend long to where you're just like, oh
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00:20:27.369 --> 00:20:30.210
my God, can we chill out with the gambling? I
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00:20:30.269 --> 00:20:33.849
like gambling. It's fun. I'm not, you know, putting my
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00:20:33.930 --> 00:20:37.430
car payment or my rent payment on a game. You
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00:20:37.450 --> 00:20:42.039
throw $ 5, $ 10, $ 20 down on one game or, you know,
357
00:20:43.539 --> 00:20:47.039
an 11-weg parlay. Whatever you want to do. Makes it
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more interesting. You get to care about games that you
359
00:20:49.380 --> 00:20:52.279
normally wouldn't give a shit about. Same thing with fantasy football.
360
00:20:52.839 --> 00:20:56.019
But what it's doing to the actual, like, product on
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00:20:56.059 --> 00:20:59.980
the field, it's making it bullshit where you're just like, okay,
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00:21:00.069 --> 00:21:05.359
I see what this is. Like, come on, man. And
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00:21:05.480 --> 00:21:08.339
the refs are also starting to, like, act, you know,
364
00:21:08.359 --> 00:21:12.079
because they're probably getting a little kickback from DraftKings or FanDuel.
365
00:21:12.460 --> 00:21:16.000
They feel like untouchable mob guys right now. They're yelling
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00:21:16.069 --> 00:21:19.349
shit at the players and getting in the players' faces
367
00:21:19.430 --> 00:21:21.329
and pointing at them. And you want to be like,
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00:21:21.349 --> 00:21:24.589
I don't care if you're wearing a shmedium and you
369
00:21:24.630 --> 00:21:28.809
did 200 pushups this week, buddy. That guy would beat
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00:21:28.849 --> 00:21:30.839
your ass. What are you getting in his face?
371
00:21:31.299 --> 00:21:32.880
Fuck you. Fuck you.
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00:21:33.099 --> 00:21:38.049
Who are you talking to, man? crazy refs are annoying
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00:21:38.869 --> 00:21:43.089
fans are getting annoying too like anytime a player makes
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00:21:43.130 --> 00:21:47.450
a smart play like if his team's up they get
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00:21:47.490 --> 00:21:49.910
a first down and he could walk into the end
376
00:21:49.930 --> 00:21:55.029
zone to complete your touchdown parlay anytime score and he
377
00:21:55.109 --> 00:21:57.170
goes down at the one or two yard line you're.
378
00:21:57.069 --> 00:22:01.339
Like oh vegas made the call Vegas has the buzzers
379
00:22:01.400 --> 00:22:03.740
in the players' helmets, and they buzz them when they're
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00:22:03.779 --> 00:22:04.799
not supposed to score.
381
00:22:06.000 --> 00:22:09.029
No, it's a smart football play, okay? Because now the
382
00:22:09.069 --> 00:22:10.390
other team can't get the ball back.
383
00:22:10.630 --> 00:22:13.230
Well, they would never get an onside kick or get
384
00:22:13.250 --> 00:22:14.670
the ball back twice a score.
385
00:22:14.769 --> 00:22:18.230
They could. I've seen it happen. Browns versus Jets, what
386
00:22:18.250 --> 00:22:20.670
was that, two, three years ago? Browns are up two
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00:22:20.710 --> 00:22:24.990
scores with, like, three minutes left. Had the opportunity to
388
00:22:25.049 --> 00:22:27.630
not give the ball back. Browns guy runs into the
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00:22:27.710 --> 00:22:30.470
end zone. scores we're like oh yeah now we're up
390
00:22:30.490 --> 00:22:33.690
two touchdowns joe flacco and the jets come back and
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00:22:33.710 --> 00:22:36.750
win the game i was like all right exhibit a
392
00:22:36.789 --> 00:22:39.049
right here okay it's a smart football play sorry your
393
00:22:39.089 --> 00:22:41.319
bet didn't hit but chill the fuck out refs and
394
00:22:42.259 --> 00:22:47.380
gambling brain guys need to relax starting to just i
395
00:22:47.440 --> 00:22:51.960
just want to watch football you know so stupid i
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00:22:52.000 --> 00:22:55.680
did see this stat again not sure how true it
397
00:22:55.799 --> 00:23:00.740
is but um That was from NPR. There's like a,
398
00:23:01.849 --> 00:23:05.069
I guess, 60% chance that it's true. Americans are more
399
00:23:05.130 --> 00:23:07.869
likely to have placed a bet in the past year
400
00:23:07.930 --> 00:23:11.349
than to have read a book. Which, yeah, of course.
401
00:23:12.130 --> 00:23:16.049
So much easier to put a bet down. Especially if
402
00:23:16.069 --> 00:23:18.769
you win. You win your first bet that you put down,
403
00:23:18.789 --> 00:23:23.700
you're not picking up a book. Like, yeah, why would
404
00:23:23.720 --> 00:23:27.680
I sit here and have to use my brain to make...
405
00:23:28.279 --> 00:23:32.279
Images pop up. When I can just. Watch this cash out.
406
00:23:32.319 --> 00:23:34.380
Get higher and higher. I bet you I'm going to
407
00:23:34.400 --> 00:23:37.180
win this one. Oh Trevor Lawrence went down at the one.
408
00:23:37.200 --> 00:23:38.500
This is bullshit.
409
00:23:42.109 --> 00:23:43.789
I got to be honest. I fall into that category.
410
00:23:43.849 --> 00:23:45.890
I can't remember the last time I read a book.
411
00:23:47.130 --> 00:23:51.170
I've read like papers. I've read the Epstein files. But I.
412
00:23:52.250 --> 00:23:56.589
Never read a book. But I put some bets down. Actually.
413
00:23:56.650 --> 00:24:00.869
I think I'm. I'm beating the book this year. Made
414
00:24:00.910 --> 00:24:05.710
more money than I put in. Started with $ 20 at
415
00:24:05.730 --> 00:24:10.359
the World Cup. And I think I only had to
416
00:24:10.410 --> 00:24:12.980
buy back in. Buy back in like I'm sitting at
417
00:24:13.039 --> 00:24:17.539
a table. I only put like $ 20 more bucks in since. Hey, B,
418
00:24:17.579 --> 00:24:21.619
can you get out of my car, please? B just
419
00:24:21.660 --> 00:24:24.589
flew in. Come on, buddy. You can find your way out. Nah,
420
00:24:24.609 --> 00:24:28.730
he won't sting me. Looks like a yellow jacket though.
421
00:24:28.750 --> 00:24:31.269
You little bastard. Are you going to sting me? I
422
00:24:31.309 --> 00:24:34.170
can't kill you. Cause then you'll give off the death smell.
423
00:24:34.230 --> 00:24:36.990
And then I got to fight your family and friends. Just,
424
00:24:37.119 --> 00:24:38.700
just make your way out, buddy. You can do it.
425
00:24:38.900 --> 00:24:39.180
Come on.
426
00:24:39.779 --> 00:24:40.539
It's just a window.
427
00:24:40.740 --> 00:24:40.940
All right.
428
00:24:40.960 --> 00:24:42.599
He'll figure it out. I got to concentrate. Let's get
429
00:24:42.640 --> 00:24:45.299
your headline of the week. And then, uh, we'll get
430
00:24:45.339 --> 00:24:51.119
into this interview with comedian Clayton English. Um, Wall Street
431
00:24:51.180 --> 00:24:57.839
banker and whistleblower Simon Andrees, who exposed Commerce Secretary Howard
432
00:24:57.880 --> 00:25:01.829
Letnick's links to Jeffrey Epstein, has died by suicide. You
433
00:25:01.849 --> 00:25:06.509
want to know what's crazy? The amount of whistleblowers that
434
00:25:06.630 --> 00:25:15.069
kill themselves. It's just, you know, it's kind of like, huh,
435
00:25:15.069 --> 00:25:19.470
95% of them. Hey, I see this bad stuff happening. Yeah, well,
436
00:25:19.509 --> 00:25:22.289
we're not going to do anything about it. Oh, well,
437
00:25:22.309 --> 00:25:25.349
that stinks. It's going to consume my brain. I can't
438
00:25:25.390 --> 00:25:28.130
live this life anymore. Some guy at the gym just
439
00:25:28.170 --> 00:25:30.569
gave me a dab and it really pissed me off. Yeah,
440
00:25:30.809 --> 00:25:35.049
I'm going to kill myself. Do you think that's what happened?
441
00:25:36.059 --> 00:25:39.720
Or do you think once people find documents linking bad
442
00:25:39.799 --> 00:25:45.380
people to other bad people in a bigger conspiracy to
443
00:25:45.460 --> 00:25:50.140
show that there's really only rich people running stuff and
444
00:25:50.160 --> 00:25:54.500
they do super evil stuff then somebody you know gives
445
00:25:54.519 --> 00:26:00.440
them a shot of something or holds them and presses
446
00:26:00.500 --> 00:26:03.180
a gun to you know how that's you've seen action
447
00:26:03.220 --> 00:26:07.069
movies before i'm just saying it's interesting that a lot
448
00:26:07.109 --> 00:26:11.690
of these epstein connections they're just like oh yeah sorry
449
00:26:11.750 --> 00:26:15.039
i'm so sad now I don't know. I don't buy it,
450
00:26:15.079 --> 00:26:18.069
but I also think the NBA and NFL is massaged,
451
00:26:18.230 --> 00:26:20.470
so it is what it is. I'm glad we ended
452
00:26:20.529 --> 00:26:21.890
on a high note. Hey, by the way, if you
453
00:26:21.910 --> 00:26:24.650
work at a gym, stop talking to people like they're
454
00:26:24.670 --> 00:26:26.670
golden retrievers, okay? Some of us like to go in
455
00:26:26.690 --> 00:26:27.920
there and just do the stuff we got to do
456
00:26:27.940 --> 00:26:29.359
because we know we have to do it, all right?
457
00:26:29.700 --> 00:26:31.619
I don't need extra motivation.
458
00:26:33.339 --> 00:26:35.599
But it is what it is. All right, let's get
459
00:26:35.619 --> 00:26:39.430
into this interview with comedian Clayton Anguish. What's going on, bro?
460
00:26:40.329 --> 00:26:42.769
What's up, Nick? How you doing, man? I'm doing good.
461
00:26:42.789 --> 00:26:45.430
What's up, Indianapolis? Yeah, we're excited for you to get here, man.
462
00:26:45.450 --> 00:26:49.069
You got five shows over at Helium. What can people expect, man?
463
00:26:49.089 --> 00:26:49.970
What are they coming to see?
464
00:26:50.809 --> 00:26:53.990
Hey, man, you coming to see somebody just kick it
465
00:26:54.049 --> 00:26:57.289
with the people that I love. I love my audience.
466
00:26:57.369 --> 00:26:59.410
I love all different types of people, and I just
467
00:26:59.430 --> 00:27:02.289
try to make it as conversational as possible. You know,
468
00:27:02.329 --> 00:27:04.130
I try to make it like you with your homeboy
469
00:27:04.170 --> 00:27:07.119
sitting in the backyard at a barbecue or y'all on
470
00:27:07.130 --> 00:27:09.279
the couch chilling. That's all I'm trying to do, yeah.
471
00:27:09.599 --> 00:27:11.940
That's the best kind of shows, man. And it's super
472
00:27:11.980 --> 00:27:15.069
cool for people who haven't seen it yet. Go on
473
00:27:15.130 --> 00:27:20.029
YouTube and look up Clayton English Don't Tell set. It's
474
00:27:20.289 --> 00:27:22.069
one of the funniest sets I've seen in a long time.
475
00:27:22.170 --> 00:27:25.710
It's blowing up, bro. Real quick, who's got better slang,
476
00:27:25.750 --> 00:27:26.910
white people or black people?
477
00:27:27.789 --> 00:27:30.990
Hey, man, it depends, man. White people, y'all got some
478
00:27:31.009 --> 00:27:33.029
good ones, man. Y'all got some good ones. Y'all just
479
00:27:33.069 --> 00:27:36.099
not utilizing them. You know what I'm saying? Y'all don't
480
00:27:36.130 --> 00:27:39.869
say skedaddle no more. I don't know when the last
481
00:27:39.910 --> 00:27:41.849
time one of my white friends said, let's blow this
482
00:27:41.930 --> 00:27:45.700
popsicle stand.
483
00:27:46.299 --> 00:27:49.400
Bro, I died listening to the pedal to the metal.
484
00:27:49.420 --> 00:27:51.200
I was like, yeah, dude, we got to hit the
485
00:27:51.240 --> 00:27:53.039
pedal to the metal.
486
00:27:53.079 --> 00:27:56.019
There's some good phrases out there that we're not using.
487
00:27:56.059 --> 00:27:57.890
Of course we should share, but we got to bring
488
00:27:57.930 --> 00:27:58.789
some of that stuff.
489
00:27:58.609 --> 00:27:59.210
Back, man.
490
00:27:59.329 --> 00:28:03.250
Right. That's hilarious, man. Please, if you haven't seen it,
491
00:28:03.309 --> 00:28:06.410
go look up Don't Tell Comedy, Clayton English. Go watch
492
00:28:06.430 --> 00:28:08.769
the whole thing before you go see his shows. this
493
00:28:08.829 --> 00:28:12.470
weekend bro is thank you it's one of the best
494
00:28:12.809 --> 00:28:13.450
yeah it's.
495
00:28:13.369 --> 00:28:17.170
Don't tell comedy but do tell somebody okay it's just
496
00:28:17.309 --> 00:28:20.289
called don't tell comedy it don't mean you keep it
497
00:28:20.329 --> 00:28:24.960
secret to yourself right let somebody know yeah.
498
00:28:24.059 --> 00:28:26.859
100 bro now i gotta ask because you've been doing
499
00:28:26.900 --> 00:28:30.279
this and you've been killing for a long time but
500
00:28:30.720 --> 00:28:33.339
the weird thing about how social media has kind of
501
00:28:33.380 --> 00:28:37.339
come up with comedy is there's some people that are
502
00:28:37.920 --> 00:28:40.680
uh like more prevalent on social media and then those
503
00:28:40.700 --> 00:28:43.680
people where you like oh why this guy's so good
504
00:28:43.720 --> 00:28:46.220
how have i not heard it is just because of
505
00:28:46.279 --> 00:28:49.369
whatever the algorithm does or what pops like how has
506
00:28:49.420 --> 00:28:53.170
it been kind of seeing like some recognition on social
507
00:28:53.210 --> 00:28:54.670
media come up like is it cool or do you
508
00:28:54.710 --> 00:28:56.970
not really care or like what what's that kind of like.
509
00:28:57.819 --> 00:29:01.720
No, man, it feels good and it's validation. And it's
510
00:29:01.829 --> 00:29:04.809
just letting you know that I'm glad people get to
511
00:29:04.869 --> 00:29:06.329
see it on there. You know, it's a lot of
512
00:29:06.349 --> 00:29:08.670
people that have seen me live and like, man, it's amazing,
513
00:29:08.690 --> 00:29:11.750
you know. And, you know, the algorithm, you got to
514
00:29:11.809 --> 00:29:13.009
talk to the crowd.
515
00:29:13.069 --> 00:29:13.369
Right.
516
00:29:13.410 --> 00:29:15.390
You got to shoot it from this angle.
517
00:29:15.799 --> 00:29:18.079
You got to, you know, you got.
518
00:29:17.839 --> 00:29:19.799
To say these buzzwords.
519
00:29:19.940 --> 00:29:20.759
Right. Like.
520
00:29:21.099 --> 00:29:22.940
Just to be able to do it go up there
521
00:29:22.980 --> 00:29:25.720
with the jokes that i came up with and say
522
00:29:25.740 --> 00:29:28.119
them and people respond and they get to see it
523
00:29:28.480 --> 00:29:31.769
like how it is live because that's what that don't
524
00:29:31.809 --> 00:29:33.690
tell set was i was like how can i give
525
00:29:33.789 --> 00:29:37.039
everybody a snapshot of kind of what I do?
526
00:29:38.339 --> 00:29:41.140
It worked out perfectly. I'm glad it hit me. Because
527
00:29:41.480 --> 00:29:46.269
you have one of the more insane resumes just from
528
00:29:46.289 --> 00:29:50.039
an entertainment career. You won Last Comic Standing. You've been
529
00:29:50.059 --> 00:29:52.980
on Wild Now. You work with Dave Chappelle, Bill Burr,
530
00:29:53.380 --> 00:29:57.930
and you're also part of the Marvel Universe. There's not
531
00:29:57.950 --> 00:30:01.950
too many people that can say all that stuff. Has
532
00:30:01.990 --> 00:30:03.960
there ever been a time where you kind of looked
533
00:30:03.980 --> 00:30:05.819
around and you're like, man, I can't believe they let
534
00:30:05.839 --> 00:30:09.259
me do that? Or the coolest moment you ever got
535
00:30:09.279 --> 00:30:11.339
to walk into where you're like, this is nuts that
536
00:30:11.359 --> 00:30:12.049
I get to do this?
537
00:30:13.009 --> 00:30:17.049
Man, just about every time I do something. So I'll
538
00:30:17.069 --> 00:30:19.710
give you two. One time was I got to work
539
00:30:19.789 --> 00:30:21.900
on Bad Boys 3 and 4. That's nuts. And I
540
00:30:21.920 --> 00:30:23.799
just got to punch it up with jokes. And I'm
541
00:30:23.859 --> 00:30:27.140
sitting there with Will and Martin, me and my little
542
00:30:27.180 --> 00:30:30.480
brother's favorite action movie. I took him to his first
543
00:30:30.519 --> 00:30:34.269
rated R movie. It was Bad Boys. And it was like,
544
00:30:34.380 --> 00:30:36.390
I'm here. But then it's like, you got to shake
545
00:30:36.430 --> 00:30:38.210
that off and be like, hey, let's do what I'm
546
00:30:38.250 --> 00:30:38.690
here to do.
547
00:30:38.869 --> 00:30:39.430
You know what I mean?
548
00:30:39.470 --> 00:30:41.740
Right. Let's try to write some jokes. And then the
549
00:30:41.859 --> 00:30:46.480
other time was definitely Hawkeye because I'm just a Marvel fan, man.
550
00:30:47.240 --> 00:30:49.849
It wasn't a stretch for the character. Like the character
551
00:30:49.880 --> 00:30:52.269
was a fan of Hawkeye. I was a fan of Hawkeye.
552
00:30:52.349 --> 00:30:54.630
I forgot he's a real person. I forgot he was
553
00:30:54.650 --> 00:30:55.049
Jamie Renner.
554
00:30:55.690 --> 00:30:57.549
You know talking to him like hey what's up Hawkeye
555
00:30:57.650 --> 00:30:59.710
and he's like why just call me Jeremy dude what
556
00:30:59.730 --> 00:31:00.970
are you doing.
557
00:31:01.529 --> 00:31:03.369
He's like man you don't have to stay in character
558
00:31:03.509 --> 00:31:04.630
I was like I'm.
559
00:31:04.549 --> 00:31:07.450
Not could've just been like no dude I'm like a
560
00:31:07.490 --> 00:31:10.450
method actor I'm just sorry just getting into it bro
561
00:31:10.930 --> 00:31:12.250
that's what's up.
562
00:31:13.490 --> 00:31:16.880
Yeah man so it's definitely those two but yeah I
563
00:31:16.920 --> 00:31:19.819
mean I enjoy the journey the whole way anytime I'm
564
00:31:19.839 --> 00:31:23.059
a part of something it's a blessing and I appreciate
565
00:31:23.079 --> 00:31:25.099
it and you know I thank the Lord for it.
566
00:31:25.059 --> 00:31:29.109
So Well, I'm glad you're finally getting the recognition that
567
00:31:29.130 --> 00:31:32.450
you've been deserved. It's super cool. We got five shows
568
00:31:32.630 --> 00:31:35.430
at Helium Comedy Club this weekend. Is there anything else
569
00:31:35.450 --> 00:31:37.630
you want to promote, or is there anything you want
570
00:31:37.670 --> 00:31:39.190
people to know about you before I let you get
571
00:31:39.250 --> 00:31:39.529
out of here?
572
00:31:41.009 --> 00:31:43.299
No, man. I got a son. He's five, so please
573
00:31:43.319 --> 00:31:46.079
go get those tickets because I have to buy all
574
00:31:46.099 --> 00:31:49.400
this Minecraft stuff or whatever Ninja Turtle stuff he wants.
575
00:31:49.920 --> 00:31:52.609
So if y'all could do that, that would be great.
576
00:31:53.690 --> 00:31:55.390
It's for the kids, man. It's for the kids.
577
00:31:55.410 --> 00:31:56.190
It's for the kids.
578
00:31:56.210 --> 00:31:59.519
That's what's up. Well, Clayton, go murder this weekend. I
579
00:31:59.539 --> 00:32:01.440
appreciate you taking the time to talk to me, man.
580
00:32:01.940 --> 00:32:03.750
Nick, thank you so much, man. Appreciate you.