53. Speed Up by Slowing Down: Why Rushing Is Actually Slowing You Down

Katie: Welcome to the Inner Self-Confidence Podcast. I'm your host, Katie Delaman. Real talk for women who are done overthinking, freezing, or abandoning themselves. If you are ready to feel calm in your body, trust yourself, and speak up without forcing it, you're in the right place. Because confidence isn't something you perform, it's something you build from the inside out. Let's go. Episode 53. Speed up by slowing down. This is gonna sound completely counterintuitive, especially in a world that tells us to move faster, work harder, wake up earlier, optimize everything, and somehow squeeze more into every single day. Let me guess. You've heard that you need to meditate, you need to exercise, you need to eat properly, you need to journal, you need to do an ice bath, you need to do this breathing meta ⁓ exercise. All these things just feel like more. and more and more and more things to do because all of the research that this is better and best for you. But if you really want to accomplish a goal, or say you just want to feel more confident and content in your own life, or if it's a specific goal, like you want to build a business, you want to change a relationship, you want to change jobs or maybe careers at an older age, which we know is not necessarily easy, but it is possible. Maybe it's something as simple as like have a difficult conversation or heal a pattern that is very unhelpful for you. Or just get somewhere where you are not right now. Going faster is not the answer. And I always speak from own personal experience. I used to be the girl who took on everything. I was a great multitasker. I was always booked out. My schedule never had any quiet time. And I pr I was so proud of myself. Like, look what I can do. I can do all these things. But my body was screaming, girl, we're burnt the fuck out. Because you cannot sustainably rush your way into the life that you want. The fastest way forward is slowing the F down. And I say that with so much experience and so much heart. And so much conviction. I don't like that term, I'll die on any hill, because I do think our ideas change all the time. But I will never think that going faster is better. Never. I I just I it w it's not. Adding more onto your plate is not better. And this is actually the first thing that we do in week one of 90 days of inner self confidence program because so many people get overwhelmed with like, ⁓ my god. I can't put another thing on my plate. And I, week one, is all about getting shit off your plate. We align your vision, your values with your time. And this again, yes, it's homework. Yes, it's gonna add a little bit more on your plate for that first week. But this is getting clear on all the shit that you're taking on that you do not need to, and it's not an alignment to where you want to go. And there's that saying, if you want to fly, you gotta let go of the shit that weighs you down. And I I'm sure there is stuff that you can let go of, but you're holding on to because nobody has ever given you a vision, values, and time inventory sheet, have they? And you've never been accountable to that. And that's what we do in week one, not to give you more homework or to overwhelm you, but to show you, look, we can take a lot of this away. From my own personal experience, the slower I move, the more I get done because I'm more present, the less I'm messing up. The more alive I feel, like I actually don't believe that time flies. I believe it flies when you're not present, but you if you're genuinely present, not every minute and every second of the waking hour of the day, but if you are more present, time doesn't actually fly by. Like I've been with my husband almost eleven years now. And most people are like, ⁓ the time has flown by and I'm like, No, it hasn't. I feel like I've been with my husband for twenty or thirty years. I feel like We've had more time than 11 years. So I don't have this conception that time flies by. I really truly feel like I'm living in the moment. I'm very present. Not all the time. I'm not perfect, but I don't live in that idea of like, ⁓ time is flying by. And I feel like I'm I'm not getting anything done and I'm you know, j I'm so behind. Yeah, there are times when I feel that I feel like I could be doing more and I feel like I want to serve the world more. And I feel like what I'm doing now, I'm not I'm not necessarily doing that to the best of my ability. But I also know that this is just another another point in my life. There's always ebbs and flows. It's never gonna feel amazing and perfect all the time. And everything is just revealing itself. Everything is information. But slowing down, start with the most ridiculous. Ridiculously ordinary things or what we call care chores. That's your cooking, your cleaning, your laundry, your walking, your driving, getting ready, answering an email, speaking, having conversations. Even when you're putting the dishes away, do it with the opposite hand. Do everything in your life ten times slower than what you're doing now, or just three times slower, or just half as slow. Things I used to rush through because somewhere inside me was saying, Hurry up, you need to get this done. What's next? I don't listen to that voice anymore. The slower I've become, the more I actually accomplish. And that's not saying anything comes fast fast. You know, I've been in business for 10 years. I still haven't even hit six figures. I did an Instagram post about this. You know, it's taken me almost 40 years to heal certain traumas. It's taken me 11 years to accomplish ⁓ you know, accomplish something that was on my vision board for 11 years. It took me 30 years to heal my IBS. Took me four years to write my book. And it took me another three years before I was even ready to start on a second book. You know, some people write one book a year, which is crazy to me, but you know, I it's it's it has to work for you. And now I also want to make the point that moving slower isn't necessarily better. Fast isn't bad and slow isn't good. I don't want you to focus too much necessarily on that speed. What it's about is presence and intention. Because when I'm rushing, I'm already I'm often already mentally living three steps ahead of where my body actually is. So if I'm cooking dinner while thinking about the email I need to send, if I'm answering the email while thinking about the laundry, or if I'm doing the laundry while thinking about tomorrow. Or I'm having a conversation while preparing what I'm going to say next. My body is here, but my mind is somewhere else. And you can call that productivity, but that's just a poor excuse for not being present and not being in the moment and avoiding being present. Rushing has a cost. Of course, there are also times when we need to move quickly. Okay, when my husband had a stroke, I'm not expecting people to move like turtles. However, in saying that, the paramedics were not moving fast. When he was in his office building on that floor, completely out of it, could not talk, those paramedics were moving very slowly, very mindfully. They were not rushing like chickens with their head cut off. Okay. But of course, if there is something that requires urgency, again, these are not black and white statements. This is in general and 90% of our day. Can we go slower? Yeah, we could. We absolutely could. Urgency should not become your personality. Because when everything feels urgent, nothing is. Nothing is intentional. Nothing has priority. We react instead of respond. We skim instead of actually listen. I always say there's huge difference between hearing someone. And listening to someone. And I'm not gonna give any examples, but I'm sure you know that feeling when somebody hears you, but they're not listening to you. We say things we don't mean when we're not present. We make decisions because we want relief rather than because they're actually right for us. We miss things, we forget things, and again, nobody's perfect. And then we often have to go back and fix things because we rushed through in the first place. That's not faster. That's rushing twice. And I think there's this weird badge of honor around being the person who can do it all. ⁓ I'm so busy. I'm slammed. I haven't stopped all day. I don't have time. Okay. Nobody is handing out medals for being the most overwhelmed person in the room. I'm personally much more interested in can you be where your feet are? Can you do one thing at a time? Can you listen without preparing your response? Can you walk without needing to check your phone? Can you make a decision without demanding an immediate answer for yourself? Can you have an uncomfortable conversation without trying to rush your way out of the discomfort? To me, this is all about capacity and this is where confidence comes from. This is a reason why I have created the 90 Days Inner Self-Confidence program or what I'm now calling confident by Christmas because doors are closing next week on August 20th, and we really start in September, mid September, and we go to the first or second week in December. And if you're not confident by Christmas, it is my guarantee to continue working with me for free. I'm your coach. Okay. This is a ridiculous deal. That I'm doing because it's the first time I'm doing it, and I've been wanting to do it all year, and I'm only getting around to it now in September. I don't think most women need more things to do. You already have a lot on your plate, and I know that. That is why what I ask my students or my my you know people who join my programs, my coaching clients, it's really homework about getting to know yourself. And I think it's fun stuff. You might not at first, but I will always, always be about, okay, what can we take off your plate and what is sustainable? Because capacity is all about sustainability. You cannot get clear and be consistent with the life that you want to lead if you do not build that capacity. And after capacity is that clarity. Once you start building that capacity, and now we want to get clear on like, okay. This is what I can really let go of. These are the boundaries I can put in place. These are the words that I'm saying that are actually holding me back. Then we get consistent on what is o what is gonna work for your lifestyle and your schedule today in this moment because your capacity is gonna be different than the person next to you. And your capacity today may change tomorrow. You have something on your plate different than you probably did five years ago. So really understanding that you work. With yourself. That's consistency. Consistency doesn't mean you do the same thing all the time. Consistency is about consistently checking in with yourself, understanding your capacity and what you want, that clarity, and then making a decision that is best based on that. This is another thing I think people get confused about: consistency. consistency is going to the gym three to five days or three days a week, five days a week. Consistency is eating the same thing every morning. Consistency is waking up at the exact same time. Consensus, consistency is eating this meal every morning so you get enough protein in. Consistency is no, no, consistency is not doing the same thing at the same time all the time. Consistency is consistently checking in with your capacity and your clarity and then taking a A step, an action, a movement, if you know, whatever it is, based on that every single time consistently, which changes. So if something really stressful big happened to me right now, my consistency would be looking at okay, how am I feeling right now? What you know, what do I need? What do I want? What do I not want? Like getting clear. What are the boundaries I need? And then taking action for that. And maybe that might be, you know what, Katie? ⁓ you've got a lot of inflammation in your foot. Random example, but I I've had a lot of foot pain the past few months. I've got a lot of inflammation in my foot again. This happened years ago. I was walking around like an eighty-year-old for t over two years. It's chronic pain. And so I'm still going to the gym, but I'm not doing the things that I used to do at the gym. I'm very much like a cut back on, you know, anything that could inflame my foot anymore or irritate it. So I am still consistently showing up, eating healthy, you know, working out, but not in the same way I was before. If anything, it's way less. And I will be continuing to do this until my body is ready to do something different. It's always, always capacity first. Because before you speak up, set a boundary, make a decision or change the pattern that you want to change, You want to have the capacity to stay present with what happens inside you when you do. That's where clarity comes from. What do I actually think? What do I actually want? What do I actually need? What do I actually feel? And then there's the consistency. Can I keep showing up for what I said mattered to me? That's how self-trust gets built. Not by doing everything faster, but by learning to stay with yourself. And so I would even love to give you some homework this week. And give it to you with intention of making your life a little uncomfortable. Remember, if you want to really grow, it's gentle, it's consistent, and it's absolutely uncomfortable. I want you to slow something down. Not your entire life, but pick one ordinary thing you normally rush. Maybe it's walking, maybe it's a care tour. Do it 20% slower. Eat without your phone. Drive without trying to beat everyone to the next light, or drive without music or Stop listening to the podcasts and the books. Like be in quiet. Fold your laundry without trying to listen to something or make dinner or answer something or watch something. The multitasking is a motherfucking myth. Multitasking does not make you more productive. It's actually proven to cause more accidents, cause you to be less present, cause you to be less happy. So there's a study that really put mindfulness on the board in 2010. Harvard did a study, and it says, a happy brain is a present brain. And it pretty much showed well, the the sh the findings showed that it didn't matter what you were doing or where you were at in life, the only happiness marker was how present you were. And just an example, you could be on vacation. A happy place, right? You're supposed to be happy. Well, that's why why you went on vacation, right? Because you want to change the scene and be happy and be relaxed. But if you're not present, you're actually not going to feel happier when you're on vacation, as opposed to if you're actually present with some people at work, you will feel more joy than you did being on vacation. So where you're at and who you're with really isn't the biggest marker of your happiness. It's actually how present you can be. And so when somebody asks you a question, maybe just take one breath in and out before answering. If you have an uncomfortable conversation, notice the urge to fill the silence. Don't let there be three seconds of space. And look, I'm one to talk because I fly through these podcasts and I know I do. I'm like, I can hear myself going taking breaths because I talk so fast, but I am also aware of people's time and I don't want to drag the podcasts out because like I I want to make them a little short and sweet. And but when we slow down, you may discover that slowing down can actually be irritating or vulnerable or inefficient. And you might immediately think, I don't have time for this. That's exactly what I want you to notice. Because this homework isn't about addressing something else in your life. It's about changing the way you're already doing what you're doing. And if slowing down feels uncomfortable, good. Get curious about why. Sometimes what we call productivity is actually our inability to be still enough to feel ourselves. So if you're listening and thinking, this is exactly what I need to work on, I invite you to join the confident by Christmas challenge because we're not trying to turn you into the loudest woman in the room. We're building your capacity so you could stay with yourself. Create clarity so you know what you actually want to say and build consistency so you learn that your word matters. Confidence isn't how quickly you can get somewhere. It's about trusting yourself while you're getting there. So this week I would love you to move a little bit slower, listen a little bit longer, pause before you answer, do one thing at a time. Because you might discover that the moment you stop being Desperately trying to get there faster, you actually start moving forward. Thanks for listening to the Inner Self-Confidence Podcast. If you want to check out my book, Chest of Flames, you can buy it anywhere they sell books, Amazon or my website, www.katydelman.com. If you want to work with me or join my confident by Christmas challenge, jump on my website. I also have a free discovery call if you have any questions. And I'll see you next time. Bye.