ABOUT THIS EPISODE
#169: On today's episode, we welcome Dr. Sarah Hensley, social psychologist, attachment theory expert, relationship coach, and host of the Dr Sarah Hensley show, who specializes in understanding how our childhood experiences, nervous systems, and attachment wounds shape the way we love, connect, and navigate romantic relationships.
Why do we chase people who can't meet our needs? Why do some people pull away the moment a relationship starts getting serious? And why can we be completely aware of our unhealthy relationship patterns, yet continue repeating them? Dr. Sarah Hensley joins Han for a deep dive into attachment theory, breaking down the psychology behind anxious preoccupied attachment, dismissive avoidant attachment, and fearful avoidant (disorganized) attachment.
Together, the girls unpack the childhood wounds and subconscious beliefs behind each attachment style, from the anxious partner's fear of abandonment and tendency to self-abandon, the fearful avoidants tendency to push, and pull, and to the dismissive avoidant's hidden feelings of defectiveness and fear of vulnerability.
The conversation also explores the difference between self-awareness and actual healing, why intellectualizing our emotions isn't the same as processing them, and how toxic hope, breadcrumbing, and inconsistent reinforcement can keep us emotionally attached to relationships that aren't meeting our needs. Dr. Hensley shares insight into radical acceptance, learning to communicate needs without fear of abandonment, recognizing when it's time to walk away, and doing the nervous system work necessary to build healthier, more secure relationships.
The girls get into:
Attachment theory explained: how childhood experiences and parental relationships shape adult romantic attachment styles
Anxious preoccupied attachment: fear of abandonment, people-pleasing, fawning, emotional dependency, and self-abandonment
Dismissive avoidant attachment: fear of intimacy, emotional unavailability, subconscious feelings of defectiveness, and why avoidants pull away when relationships become serious
Fearful avoidant (disorganized) attachment: childhood betrayal trauma, hypervigilance, the anxious-avoidant push-pull cycle, and fear of both intimacy and abandonment
Why dismissive avoidants can appear emotionally available at the beginning of dating before suddenly becoming distant
The difference between intellectualizing emotions and actually processing them through the nervous system
Why self-awareness alone isn't enough to heal trauma or break unhealthy relationship patterns
Toxic hope, breadcrumbing, inconsistent reinforcement, and why we become addicted to emotionally unavailable partners
How childhood trauma and attachment wounds can influence attraction to narcissistic or unhealthy relationship dynamics
The difference between pursuing love and actually knowing how to receive healthy love
Radical acceptance, setting boundaries, facing the pain of detachment, and learning when to leave a relationship or situationship
How to regulate emotional triggers, recondition the nervous system, and begin developing a more secure attachment style
& MORE!
This episode is for anyone looking to better understand their attachment wounds, recognize the subconscious patterns shaping their romantic relationships, and learn how to break those cycles so they can give and receive healthy love.
CONNECT BELOW:
Follow Dr Sarah here
Listen to The Dr Sarah Hensley show here
Work with Dr Sarah here
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Work with Han: howhanseesit@gmail.com
