The Path to Self-Realization with Dana Shalit

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Do you ever feel like you're juggling a million versions of yourself and still dropping the ball?
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Like you're switching hats all day, professional, partner, girl, friend.
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And no one really sees what it takes, just me, you.
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Yeah, me too.
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Welcome to Hot Rap with Hannah.
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I'm Hannah, therapist, entrepreneur, author, podcast host, and also a mom, partner, daughter, friend.
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Basically, a professional hat wearer.
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I created this space where you don't have to minimize what you're carrying or rush outfit.
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Because the truth is, you can have big dreams and feel overwhelmed by the role that takes to hold them.
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Both get to exist.
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Here we slow it down, call it what it is, take some hats off, and figure out what actually belongs in your rack.
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So take a deep breath.
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You can set something down here.
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And let's go into it.
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I'm Hannah, your pod host, and today we have a fabulous guest joining us from Costa Rica, Dana Schalitz.
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And she is an entrepreneur, impact consultant, and philanthropist with over two decades of experience in charitable sectors.
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She is the founder and chief impact officer of House of Impact, a strategy and consulting firm supporting the next generation of wealth stewards through value-aligned giving and impact strategy.
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Her upcoming book, Pathways to Self, The Path to Purpose through the Nine Steps of Self-Realization, August release day coming soon, reflects on how a deeper relationship with self can align us with our authentic purpose and activate our unique contributions to the world.
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Well, welcome.
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Thank you.
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So good to be with you.
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Yes, I'm so excited to have you and what an incredible bio and just what you do.
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Recently on the podcast, we have talked about alignment and what that actually means versus like the buzz of it all, right?
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And you kind of your book and just the work you do and aligning with your path to purpose.
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Tell me more about that.
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Yeah, it's been it's been an interesting journey, isn't it?
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I think for all of us, um I am one of my favorite quotes is that you can't connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect the dots looking backward.
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Um, so you know, I think that is very much has been my journey.
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Very unscripted, unlikely, unexpected to myself, because I can say that I had a very different vision of what my life was going to look like.
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And I would say there was probably a thorough way.
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My purpose was always underneath it all.
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Looking back, I can see how obvious and glaring it was.
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But the path to getting there was maybe a little bit more unconventional.
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Um yeah, and here we are.
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And I'll tell you more about that, of course.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Well, please, and tell us more about that.
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Like, I guess what has your path been?
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And now that you're doing the work that you do, how are you able to reflect back on it and see that purpose?
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And why do you think you didn't see it when you were in it?
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Because I think a lot of our viewers go through that.
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Of course.
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I think so many of us do what we think we should do.
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So I guess I'll I'll rewind to where I start my book, and that is almost 20 years ago.
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And at the time, I was living and working in downtown Toronto.
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I own my own event production company.
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I was producing fashion shows and fundraisers, and I, you know, on social media, everything looked really, really glamorous, the dresses and the heels and the speeches and all those things.
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But the more I did that, the more I felt like there had to be something else out there.
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Like I think it's Jim Carrey that said, I wish everyone could be rich and famous to know that's not the path.
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Yeah.
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And it was very much that experience of like, I'm I'm getting what I thought I wanted, and yet I'm still unhappy and unfulfilled.
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And at that time in my life, a friend of mine who was a psychotherapist asked me a question and she asked if I'd be interested in receiving a past life regression.
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And I had no idea what she was talking about, but I said yes.
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And uh, and it sort of exploded my self-awareness.
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And I, it's like that moment where I was someone before, and then I was someone else after.
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That was my experience almost 15, 20 years ago.
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And since then, uh I've been following the breadcrumbs.
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Oh, very interesting.
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Well, and so tell us more about past life regression work and how you how it changed your life and how you're kind of working with it now.
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For sure.
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So uh I'll call it PLRT, past life regression therapy.
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So, and this is not about arguing for its validity.
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Okay.
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So I feel like I want to start by saying I'm not here to say that the past lives I've witnessed or experienced are real.
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To be honest, I don't have a way of proving, and past lives is not something that you can necessarily prove.
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But what I can share is the relief and the experience I had otherwise afterwards.
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So past lives regression therapy is a fancy way of saying you go into a deep state of meditation and relaxation.
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A therapist would take you into the alpha brain wave, which is the 95% of the subconscious mind.
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And while in traditional hypnotherapy, once you're in that brainwave, you would start to talk about scenes and experiences that are the in this life.
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In past life regression therapy, you allow your mind to travel to another time, another place.
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Essentially, you start to see a scenes unfold in your mind, like a movie, uh, where you are the experiencer, you are the, you know, the leading character, and it's all through those eyes, but I'm not necessarily in my in the same body I'm in now.
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Okay.
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So in that case, in that first past life regression therapy session, I saw myself as an elderly woman in another time hundreds and hundreds of years ago, and I experienced uh a full end of life cycle, which was, I know it was pretty deep, pretty intense, and not painful, but very much a spiritual experience.
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And when I came out of the other side, I had had my first connection to all encompassing light for the first time in my life.
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I had connected to true deep love.
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And I wasn't me and I wasn't the person I had become in that regression.
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I was neither, I was the space in between.
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And since then, I've been sort of chasing that big aha moment in different ways.
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Not chasing if that's not the right word, but exploring maybe is a better word.
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Well, and with that deep state, I think this conversation can scare a lot of people, not my listeners, because they know what we do here.
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Um, but they know damn well the conversations we have, but it scares people, like how the depth of this.
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Yeah.
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So what would you say to that scared person?
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Or how would you explain your experience?
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So okay.
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So there's there's, in my opinion, there's no reason to be scared.
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And the same why people wouldn't want to go in hypnosis and explore scenes from this life.
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You have we have to allow ourselves to be impacted by what's already impacting us.
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So if my mind wants to make up an entire life so that I can understand the root of my loneliness on a spiritual level, then I'm okay with my mind being, you know, the most creative Steven Spielberg of all time, right?
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I'm I'm okay with it.
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A good past life regression therapist or hypnotherapist, which I'm a clinical hypnotherapist now.
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I did it for fun and I I've worked with hundreds of clients at this point.
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I it's not about reliving anything, it's about reviewing.
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So you can honestly hover above it from a bird's eye view.
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And sometimes if I find it's getting a little intense, I actually pull people right out and I say, just watch it unfold.
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What are you learning?
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What are you experiencing?
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What are you seeing?
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So it's not about reliving anything.
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And I've seen crazy experiences in this mind of mine, whether I made it up or whether it's true, it doesn't really matter because the spiritual insights I received on the other side of whether it be hypnosis or past life regression therapy or NLP or deep transcendental meditation or any of those deep dives, the relief on the other side, the learnings on the other side are always worth it for me.
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Well, and I love that you also make that distinction because I feel like, especially in like my therapy world, right?
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Oftentimes the deep work that people do is like reliving and re-traumatizing themselves in order to process through things.
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And when you're with a trusted provider, you will not be re-traumatized by things that you review.
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But I feel like that's the common misconception is we don't review it, we relive it.
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And so I love that you make that distinction and also that it from biased clinical therapist that you have the trauma-informed lens to pull people out and make sure they're just reviewing in order to learn from it versus re-experiencing that can cause more harm.
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Absolutely.
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Absolutely.
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And I would say specifically, where in hypnotherapy, it's like a fancy way of saying you're doing therapy in a deep state of the subconscious, meaning a lot of the experiences people see are not like those big, deep, traumatic experiences.
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They're actually the small little falls from grace.
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The first time you realize you were separate from other people, the first time you felt like you, what who you are at your core is not enough.
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The first time you felt like you are unworthy or that you don't belong.
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And those falls from grace are not necessarily these big explosions in life.
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They're sometimes really small, little T trauma versus big T trauma.
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And when you realize when they began and why, it's like you can let them go at a whole different level.
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Um, you can be like, I'm not that kid who made that distinction anymore.
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And in past life regression work, because you allow yourself to see a full life in its totality, the peace on the other side when you review that life also gives you that same sense of it doesn't really matter.
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I'm here in this crazy life school, earth school, to just to get closer to the truth of who I am, which is love.
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Well, and tell me more about what people can expect to learn from past life regression, right?
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Because I think we often think like, okay, well, a lot of people who don't want to deal with their things are like, I don't want to go back.
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I but I think when we do go back, we learn like, oh wait, I didn't realize that I'm carrying something that's not only not mine, but not even in this lifetime.
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And like I don't have to do that.
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And we often have patterns that repeat into different lifetimes.
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So tell me more about that.
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Yeah, I think um, yeah, for sure, the karmic loops that we see between lives are always really interesting.
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Again, I'm not here to prove whether or not it's real.
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I can just share that in the dozens of experiences I've personally had, and this is not about I've guided people through it as well.
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It's not what I do full time, but I have helped people.
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What I've seen for myself is when I realized that I am not that person and I'm not this person.
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And there is a whole level of spiritual truths that are consistent among between lives, spiritual truths like forgiveness and atonement and the power of keeping your heart open, especially when it wants to close.
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Those kind of big spiritual truths seem to appear again and again and again, no matter the human experience.
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You know, they say that God, I'm gonna talk about a lot of theories, and again, I'm not here to prove them that God created humans in its and its image, so that we can and in order to do that, we have to understand the opposite.
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So, in order to understand love, we have to understand contrast and separateness.
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And so in this earth school, the goal becomes to understand through these experiences the truth of who we really are.
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That's the hope.
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No, it is, and I think it's also something that can seem so big that it's easier to avoid instead of tap into, or to do it on a surface level instead of the deeper dives, if that makes sense.
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And whenever you know, people are ready.
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There's no have-to's, in my opinion.
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So it's like I started down this path out of curiosity, like I said, or and I yes, because I was a yes person.
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That's the only reason.
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Never did I ever think that a, I would become a clinical hypnotherapist, that I would have dozens of pastelized regressions coming that you know, that I work with some of the top teachers in the world in that sphere.
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I did it all because of interest and curiosity, not because it I thought it was gonna be my forever path.
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Yeah.
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And so, like you, you seem like you're a searcher, right?
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Like you're all right.
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Oh, for sure.
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I'm so open to all of this.
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So when you're saying, like, I'm not here to prove it right, I'm also, you know, it's one of those things having the conversations opens people's minds and gives different perspectives.
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And it's just listening to different perspectives and it vibes with you.
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Great.
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And if it doesn't, that's okay too.
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But I just remember a while back, we had a listener ask a question about like, how do you and it was in our alignment series, and it was like, how do I define or realize like the difference between comfort and alignment?
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This listener was trying to find herself again.
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And we were talking about how, in order to find yourself, you actually have to figure out where you've abandoned yourself in just sitting in the roles that we're expected to sit in.
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And so the fact that you found something so deeply impactful in your life by just being curious and trying something new is something we talk to our viewers about all the time.
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And just like, it doesn't have to be like you go commit to a six-day retreat.
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Like it can be like you go to a meetup, go on a Reddit and scroll something new and read something different, and just so many different things can open our perspective.
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But I think it's something we shy away from so often when really we should lean in there.
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Absolutely.
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And I think there's different times in life.
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Like there are times where books have completely transformed me.
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You know, after I received that first past life regression, someone introduced me to the book Many Lives, Many Masters by Brian Weiss.
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Have you read that book?
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I've heard of Brian Weiss, but I haven't heard of the book.
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So he was, I think he was dean of Yale psychotherapy, maybe.
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And he was practicing, and one of his patients went into a past life regression on her own without him guiding them in her in.
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And he wrote this whole book about her experiences and past life regression.
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So after I received this myself for the first time, I had no idea what I was getting into.
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I went and read this book, which completely reaffirmed my experience that I that I had no context for.
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And all of a sudden, this very famous past life regression therapist, therapist, clinical therapist as well, um, was telling me the exact same experience in a book.
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Interesting.
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And so again, a book can do have just as much impact as a retreat, as a you know, I'm doing my master's right now in in in conscious philosophy.
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Like that could be, you know what I mean?
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I know so fun, right?
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So it's that so fun geeking out on what actually interests us, right?
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Is a way of following those breadcrumbs.
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And and you know, I where I am now is a very different life from where I was 20 years ago, where I had just had that kind of pebble dropped into the lake of my consciousness.
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Yeah.
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Well, and that's just it's so huge to realize that it just it can be the little things that start those, you know, pebbles, as you call them, and we need to pay more attention to them.
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But often we're so swept up in life that we're not noticing.
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And so it's also taking the minute to notice the pebbles.
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Yeah, pausing, I think, is like if I was to tell and give one piece of advice to anyone who's in search of their purpose is to get quiet enough long enough to actually listen, and likely longer than we think you need we need to.
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I think the way my life worked is that I was forced into that quietness.
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I wasn't getting quiet, and then boom, you know, dark matter of the soul, you're just gonna sit there in it.
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And I think that happens to a lot of people.
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Um and I'm grateful for it now on the other side, yeah.
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But in it, it was hard.
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Well, and also, right, we can choose this instead of be forced into this.
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And that's also something like a conversation that we just need to normalize of like you don't have to hit your lowest point to get silent, you don't have to go through it.
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We can do this preventatively too.
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Oftentimes a lot of my clients come here when they've hit that spot, right?
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Um hit that spot, or when your body gets so sick that you're, you know, what is that famous phrase?
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If you don't slow down, your body will force you to.
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Yeah.
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I was sick last week and I was like, yeah, I wasn't listening.
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Yeah, no, I was literally telling our viewers a while back that is like who I am.
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Like, my body will literally tell me, and I'll be like, okay, and now we're done.
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Lovely.
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Um, and we're shutting down.
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Yes.
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Well, and based on this whole conversation, like, tell me more about your book and like what the nine steps of self-realization are.
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Like, fill us in, give us the tea.
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So it starts with self-awareness, and that's really when I start to talk about my first drop into that consciousness bucket, which with that past life regression, and then moves into chapter two, which is self-trust, which is we've been talking about.
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And it's a really about following the synchronicities and learning to listen to myself for the first time.
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That was what followed that first experience of self-awareness.
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And then from self-trust, I moved into self-discipline, which is something that, you know, when people ask me, because I've had a lot of, I'm an entrepreneur, I've had a lot of different businesses and companies.
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It's my passion.
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I love, you know, supporting others as they build their dreams and self-discipline, which is a very important part of self-trust, is taking the faith that you have in yourself and the integrity you've developed within yourself and doing the thing longer than you think you need to.
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So learning to trust the like to get comfortable with the journey versus the destination.
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The little things that are as well.
00:18:34.880 --> 00:18:35.920
Like there's so small.
00:18:36.640 --> 00:18:40.000
Yeah, very hard to do and easy to say out loud.
00:18:40.319 --> 00:18:40.799
Yeah.
00:18:41.039 --> 00:18:45.519
And and that's why self-discipline for me wasn't about the marathon.
00:18:45.759 --> 00:18:49.599
It was and it sorry, it wasn't about the sprint, it was about the marathon.
00:18:49.759 --> 00:18:55.920
It was about learning how to do small, three small things every day for a prolonged period of time.
00:18:56.160 --> 00:18:56.720
Yeah.
00:18:56.960 --> 00:18:57.920
No matter what.
00:18:58.079 --> 00:19:01.519
Again, knowing that it's as easy not to do as it is to do.
00:19:01.599 --> 00:19:16.799
And the discipline that I curated and early on in my life, and I mentioned I was in uh I maybe I didn't, I was in the network marketing world for a long time, meaning I was a brand ambassador and a coach and a speaker, and I coached a lot of other brand ambassadors how to do the same thing.
00:19:17.039 --> 00:19:23.759
And eventually I had I had thousands of other, you know, brand ambassadors that was coaching on sales and how to do what I did.
00:19:23.839 --> 00:19:32.319
And that was that was all based in doing the things I didn't want to do or need to do, but doing them consistently, anyways, for years.
00:19:32.559 --> 00:19:32.799
Okay.
00:19:32.960 --> 00:19:39.920
And that that base of self-discipline completely transformed my not only my success, but my purpose in this world.
00:19:40.160 --> 00:19:45.440
Well, and give me an example of one of like the three little things like where can people start?
00:19:45.599 --> 00:19:53.839
Because when we have these conversations, people are like, that's too much, or they'll go full overhaul and be like, I'm gonna redo my whole life.
00:19:54.079 --> 00:20:01.200
And then it's a spike the same people who start at the gym at the beginning of the year and after a week or two, they're not going, right?
00:20:01.359 --> 00:20:09.519
Because saying I'm gonna go to the gym five times a week for the forever when you have not gone one time a week, right?
00:20:09.759 --> 00:20:11.839
Is really hard to maintain, right?
00:20:12.240 --> 00:20:14.559
So I'm setting yourself up for failure, right?
00:20:14.640 --> 00:20:17.759
Like exactly not gonna happen.
00:20:17.920 --> 00:20:20.400
And it takes 21 days to create a habit, right?
00:20:20.480 --> 00:20:25.599
We've heard that before, and then it takes six months to make that habit completely subconscious, right?
00:20:25.759 --> 00:20:32.240
So you essentially want to get to a point where you're doing something consistently for a minimum six months, then it becomes part of your identity, right?
00:20:32.400 --> 00:20:36.720
So you start small and you create a lot of accountability around it.
00:20:36.880 --> 00:20:41.920
That's where I would say we're really easily letting ourselves down, a little bit harder to let other people down.
00:20:42.000 --> 00:20:44.960
That's why coaches are so important, right?
00:20:45.200 --> 00:20:49.680
Or that's why saying what you're gonna do out loud to other people is so important.
00:20:49.920 --> 00:20:54.720
So things are easy to do and as easy not to do as a morning routine.
00:20:55.279 --> 00:21:00.480
10 things you're grateful for, five minutes of silence, 10 pages of a good book.
00:21:00.880 --> 00:21:07.359
Now, the the next thing I'll say is that you have to your mind will always move away from what's uncomfortable and towards what is comfortable.
00:21:07.599 --> 00:21:11.680
It's gonna move away from what's not joyful and move towards what is joyful.
00:21:12.480 --> 00:21:21.200
So you whatever habit you want to create, whatever self-disciplined habit, it needs to be surrounded by joy.
00:21:21.519 --> 00:21:31.440
So my morning routine with my coffee and my 10 pages in my book, it's like the most incredible, like and joy, the most joyful thing I can do.
00:21:31.920 --> 00:21:37.279
So creating those circumstances so it's not a have to, but a want-to, right?
00:21:37.599 --> 00:21:39.039
And so something you look forward to.
00:21:40.000 --> 00:21:46.000
So at the gym, for example, something I did is I started listening to fantasy books at the gym while I was working out.
00:21:46.640 --> 00:21:46.960
Okay.
00:21:47.519 --> 00:21:52.000
Because and so now I cannot wait to get to the gym so I can listen to my book.
00:21:52.160 --> 00:21:57.359
It's my hour of reading smuddy stuff, and I'm so excited for it.
00:21:57.599 --> 00:21:59.759
So those are the kind of things we can do.
00:22:00.480 --> 00:22:07.519
To get excited for even when we're stretching the muscle, even when it's not quite yet part of the of the con the subconsciousness.
00:22:07.759 --> 00:22:14.480
Well, and I love that you bring joy into it because I often, like when I'm working on habits with clients or with my humans, right?
00:22:14.640 --> 00:22:16.640
Like, okay, well, I'm gonna do this thing.
00:22:16.799 --> 00:22:18.319
Well, yeah, we're on day 10.
00:22:18.480 --> 00:22:20.079
I'm done being grateful.
00:22:20.240 --> 00:22:26.240
Like every time I write something grateful, it's just like empty, or it's not motivating me, or it doesn't push me.
00:22:26.319 --> 00:22:30.720
But like the first few days it really did because I got really creative with it or I really put thought into it.
00:22:30.799 --> 00:22:34.000
But now I'm just doing it to do it to check the box.
00:22:34.240 --> 00:22:40.400
So making that difference and or distinguishing that difference, though it has to have a joy factor.
00:22:41.119 --> 00:22:41.839
So huge.
00:22:42.079 --> 00:22:42.319
Yeah.
00:22:42.400 --> 00:22:47.200
And that's why they say your reason why you're doing it has to be bigger than your reason why not.
00:22:47.359 --> 00:22:47.599
Right.
00:22:47.920 --> 00:22:51.759
So for me, when I don't have a morning routine, I lack patience.
00:22:52.079 --> 00:22:55.519
I don't love who I am when I'm not patient.
00:22:55.680 --> 00:22:58.240
I don't love who I am with the people I love.
00:22:58.480 --> 00:22:58.799
Right.
00:22:58.880 --> 00:23:04.480
And so for me, to do the morning routine is okay, I'm gonna do it because otherwise I know what's on the other side.
00:23:04.559 --> 00:23:08.319
Again, your mind's gonna move away from what it doesn't want and towards what it does want.
00:23:08.559 --> 00:23:17.680
So this that self-awareness, those sparks, those inner conversations that we almost have to have with ourselves where we start to create new neuropathways of the mind.
00:23:17.920 --> 00:23:29.200
Because, like what for me, sitting at home, not working out, eating 10 grilled cheese sandwiches in a row may feel great in that moment, but it's not what's gonna make me feel great, you know, later on this afternoon.
00:23:29.519 --> 00:23:30.480
No, absolutely.
00:23:30.799 --> 00:23:32.559
I think there's also another distinction.
00:23:32.640 --> 00:23:38.960
Like there's I'm just thinking um the shoulds in routine.
00:23:39.839 --> 00:23:50.640
Like, for example, I've been in PT for like ever since I had my daughter, and I go through these phases of like, I am so over it, I hate it, and but like I should put it into my morning routine, right?
00:23:50.720 --> 00:23:54.960
Or I'll do it because after I do something fun or whatever, like so many ways to motivate myself.
00:23:55.200 --> 00:23:59.440
But at the end of the day, I hate PT and I'm gonna continue to hate it, and that's what it is.
00:23:59.759 --> 00:24:07.920
But when I had to give up my favorite thing, which was my workout routine, which is writing my Peloton, love my Peloton when I had to, but I had to give it up.
00:24:08.160 --> 00:24:15.119
And so I was like, okay, I used to be a swimmer, so I got my ass back in the pool and I love it.
00:24:15.359 --> 00:24:17.359
I love it, like it fuels me.
00:24:17.440 --> 00:24:28.480
But there are days where I just go and do laps, and I'm like, but there are days where I'll go do laps and then I'll just chill for a minute and I'll like hang out in the water, and it just it's the difference.
00:24:28.720 --> 00:24:48.240
Yes, yeah, and like, yes, there's we're gonna always be on time crunches and stuff like that, but finding the joy factor, even and sometimes the things you should do, but figuring out what if you have to do something, like figuring out how you can implement the should or the joy to turn it from a should to a joy factor is so important too.
00:24:48.559 --> 00:24:54.799
Yeah, and and also giving ourselves some grace because we're not always gonna feel like there is nothing I always feel like doing, pretty much.
00:24:54.960 --> 00:24:56.319
There's there's literally nothing.
00:24:56.400 --> 00:25:01.200
Uh, I was just sick for a week and I watched like every episode of like anything on TV.
00:25:01.279 --> 00:25:02.000
Like I'm over it.
00:25:02.079 --> 00:25:02.799
Yeah, you know what I mean?
00:25:02.880 --> 00:25:03.519
There's nothing.
00:25:03.680 --> 00:25:06.559
We're we're our the mind likes change as well, right?
00:25:06.640 --> 00:25:09.920
So it's always going to want to move and stretch and expand.
00:25:10.160 --> 00:25:11.759
Yeah, I agree.
00:25:12.000 --> 00:25:12.799
It's okay.
00:25:13.039 --> 00:25:13.359
Yeah.
00:25:13.599 --> 00:25:18.960
Well, and tell me about like what is the first step to self-realization?
00:25:19.119 --> 00:25:26.720
Because we're talking about accountability and trust, self-trust and self-discipline is number three.
00:25:28.000 --> 00:25:29.680
All good, self-discipline.
00:25:30.079 --> 00:25:30.480
Yeah.
00:25:30.640 --> 00:25:39.519
And um, so the first step is that self-awareness, it's like that spark, and it's that for me, it was a question of there must be something else out there for me.
00:25:39.599 --> 00:25:41.519
Like there must be more to this.
00:25:41.759 --> 00:25:53.279
And and an interesting fact is that what as I started to move toward through the steps of my own life, um, yeah, there was more, but there was also less.
00:25:53.599 --> 00:26:04.799
I also had to become used to being understanding that there isn't more, that all we have and learning how to like you were doing too much.
00:26:05.039 --> 00:26:07.119
Yeah, I didn't know how to be in the present moment.
00:26:07.200 --> 00:26:09.119
I didn't know how to find joy in the present moment.
00:26:09.200 --> 00:26:09.440
Yeah.
00:26:09.759 --> 00:26:10.400
Truly, truly.
00:26:10.640 --> 00:26:18.480
And what happens when we don't live in the present moment is that it either we're looking at the future and getting anxiety, or we're thinking about the past and we're getting depressed.
00:26:18.640 --> 00:26:25.279
So anytime someone is in those two states, it's because we're not present in our body in the in the moment.
00:26:25.519 --> 00:26:32.559
And so as I moved through self-discipline and I started to have some I started to have some incredible career success.
00:26:32.799 --> 00:26:40.079
And all of a sudden, I was at the top of my game, you know, the top 1% speaking on stages professionally.
00:26:40.240 --> 00:26:46.799
I had everything I had ever imagined, and I was completely losing myself in it.
00:26:47.279 --> 00:26:55.359
And that actually brings me to chapter four, which is self-ishness, learning how to also receive and put myself first.
00:26:55.519 --> 00:26:55.759
Yeah.
00:26:55.920 --> 00:27:00.960
And and it it brought me into that very deep dark night of the soul, unfortunately.
00:27:01.200 --> 00:27:11.680
As I I move through what I realized was that there's a lot of people that will have issues with your boundaries when you are when they're used to you being the number one giver.
00:27:11.839 --> 00:27:12.000
Yeah.
00:27:12.640 --> 00:27:15.920
For us women specifically, it's very natural to be a giver.
00:27:16.000 --> 00:27:19.599
And we we're not taught how to receive, actually, we're frowned upon.
00:27:19.839 --> 00:27:23.440
Well, and we're also even more like to push that further, right?
00:27:23.599 --> 00:27:24.640
We're stigmatized.
00:27:24.720 --> 00:27:27.440
Like if you take time for yourself, you're selfish.
00:27:27.680 --> 00:27:28.000
Exactly.
00:27:28.240 --> 00:27:30.640
I try and remove that word from everyone's vocabulary.
00:27:30.720 --> 00:27:31.440
I hate it.
00:27:31.680 --> 00:27:33.519
I just did it, you wouldn't have seen it necessarily.
00:27:33.599 --> 00:27:37.759
I just it's so like because it's chapter four, I did a whole post about it on social media.
00:27:37.839 --> 00:27:42.799
And because I had a when I was starting to put boundaries in my life, when I was, I was so burnt out.
00:27:42.880 --> 00:27:45.440
It had been years at the top of my game, giving, giving, giving.
00:27:45.599 --> 00:27:49.920
And all of a sudden, the things that gave me joy before, nothing was giving me joy.
00:27:50.079 --> 00:27:51.599
I was so depressed.
00:27:51.759 --> 00:27:56.480
And when I started to take space, I actually had a friend and colleague at the time say to me, You're so selfish.
00:27:56.559 --> 00:27:57.839
I can't believe you're doing this.
00:27:58.079 --> 00:28:07.279
And it was the most painful thing I could have received heard because as a philanthropist, as someone who's given my whole heart to other people, it was hugely painful.
00:28:07.440 --> 00:28:09.680
And it also led to my reclamation of the word.
00:28:10.000 --> 00:28:13.599
Now, if someone was to say to me, You're so selfish, I would say, thank you.
00:28:13.759 --> 00:28:15.200
I've been working really hard at that.
00:28:15.440 --> 00:28:15.680
Yeah.
00:28:15.759 --> 00:28:17.759
And I think it's really getting to that point, right?
00:28:17.839 --> 00:28:18.720
And accepting that.
00:28:18.880 --> 00:28:22.880
Like I'm told all the time by people, because I always have entrepreneur therapist.
00:28:23.200 --> 00:28:25.839
I have like I have three businesses going on right now, right?
00:28:25.920 --> 00:28:28.079
Like I just always have something going on.
00:28:28.240 --> 00:28:32.000
And some, and I'm writing two books right now, and everyone's like, You're such a powerhouse.
00:28:32.079 --> 00:28:33.200
Like, how do you do it all?
00:28:33.279 --> 00:28:33.359
Right.
00:28:33.519 --> 00:28:35.599
And it's like, I fill my cup first.
00:28:35.680 --> 00:28:38.960
And it's a shift that I'm still making with a lot of people in my life.
00:28:39.200 --> 00:28:54.319
And I cannot tell you the horrible responses I've had from some of my longest relationships and the people who showed up for me and are like, hell yeah, you put yourself first, like I'll hit you up some other day, or how can I support you?
00:28:54.400 --> 00:29:07.200
Or like, hey, it sounds like you're tired and burnt out, want me to come over and just sit with you and your partner and your daughter, and like the way people respond, like you also are giving people the ability to respond how you authentically need them to.
00:29:07.359 --> 00:29:10.240
And that's been that's changed my entire life.
00:29:10.720 --> 00:29:11.599
Absolutely.
00:29:11.759 --> 00:29:12.960
I couldn't agree with that more.
00:29:13.119 --> 00:29:18.799
And it's and you really, it's like the only people who have issues with your boundaries are the people you need boundaries with in the first place.
00:29:18.960 --> 00:29:19.839
You've heard that one before.
00:29:19.920 --> 00:29:20.079
Yeah.
00:29:20.240 --> 00:29:22.400
Oh, couldn't be absolutely yep.
00:29:22.720 --> 00:29:24.960
And it's changed my relationships.
00:29:25.119 --> 00:29:28.160
So now I am in reciprocal relationships in my leg.
00:29:28.319 --> 00:29:37.599
And it there's it's so buzzwordy though, the like purging of relationships and cutting people off because they don't hear you or they don't align with your boundaries.
00:29:37.680 --> 00:29:45.119
But I think that's just such an oversimplified way of putting it because I don't think it has to be like cutthroat, how it's portrayed to be either.
00:29:45.200 --> 00:29:47.599
It's kind of just something too that is a fizzle.
00:29:47.680 --> 00:29:47.920
Yeah.
00:29:48.079 --> 00:29:51.599
It's like I'm just gonna not put energy there and like that's okay.
00:29:51.839 --> 00:29:53.359
And that and that does happen.
00:29:53.519 --> 00:29:54.640
And it's and it is okay.
00:29:54.720 --> 00:29:57.440
Yeah, and it is it's also called it being an adult, honestly.
00:29:57.599 --> 00:29:59.599
Like it doesn't even have to be this big concept.
00:29:59.680 --> 00:30:05.119
It's also like, oh, I now have 50 more responsibilities than I had when I was in my 20s, and you were my first priority, right?
00:30:05.200 --> 00:30:07.039
Like, that's also okay.
00:30:07.359 --> 00:30:07.680
Yeah.
00:30:07.839 --> 00:30:11.680
And I had to like, I probably made some errors in that time in my life.
00:30:11.759 --> 00:30:17.519
Like, I probably did overcut some relationships where that didn't necessarily need to be cut, that could have done and and it's okay.
00:30:17.599 --> 00:30:25.839
It's part of that self-acceptance that also has to happen, which is it's actually the next chapter is all about self-compassion and self-acceptance.
00:30:26.000 --> 00:30:27.599
That is where it leads to.
00:30:27.759 --> 00:30:35.759
And when I started to sort of reclaim my selfishness because I was so, so burnt out, it was almost like it was preparing me for what was coming next.
00:30:35.839 --> 00:30:40.240
Because in the next phase of my life, I actually started to lose a lot of close people to me.
00:30:40.319 --> 00:30:43.519
And I started to grieve in a really deep way.
00:30:43.680 --> 00:30:53.119
Um, my grandmother and my soulmate passed away in many ways, and my cousin and my uncle, and it was all in a very, very short period of time.
00:30:53.440 --> 00:31:06.240
And and it's almost like the selfishness that I was learning prepared me for that dark night of the soul where I had no choice but to sit with myself and because I I couldn't give to anybody else.
00:31:06.480 --> 00:31:07.680
I wasn't capable.
00:31:08.000 --> 00:31:09.039
No, absolutely.
00:31:09.200 --> 00:31:15.519
It's interesting you say that oftentimes when I have anyone in my life lose someone and they're grieving.
00:31:16.160 --> 00:31:26.000
The grief process has been so stigmatized where we literally give everything to others and we never put ourselves first in grief.
00:31:26.400 --> 00:31:31.759
I recently had an experience where a friend lost somebody and was trying to navigate, like, well, how do I support?
00:31:31.839 --> 00:31:32.240
What do I do?
00:31:32.319 --> 00:31:33.920
And I was like, You got to put yourself first.
00:31:34.079 --> 00:31:34.880
What do you need?
00:31:35.119 --> 00:31:37.200
What would feel good for you to have closure?
00:31:37.359 --> 00:31:44.720
And it's just like the amount of times I have that conversation and push people to be like, no, what do you need?
00:31:44.960 --> 00:31:51.680
It's not about the funeral, about the like all the pieces that we've made this to be.
00:31:51.839 --> 00:31:54.400
It's about what you actually need.
00:31:54.559 --> 00:31:57.839
And so I I urge people to be selfish in those moments.
00:31:58.000 --> 00:31:59.039
And it's so important.
00:31:59.200 --> 00:32:05.279
It's the difference in grief that has closure and grief that it stays wide open wound your whole life.
00:32:05.599 --> 00:32:07.359
Yeah, and it and it comes in waves.
00:32:07.519 --> 00:32:11.519
You know, I was sharing with you before we got on that I lost my dog uh a few months ago.
00:32:11.839 --> 00:32:18.799
It's it's it's in full waves, it's in moments, and it's really um one of my favorite quotes there is that grief is love's souvenir.
00:32:19.039 --> 00:32:20.960
So it's how we remember, right?
00:32:21.039 --> 00:32:25.200
Like it's grief, it's such a necessary part of life, and it's so weird to me.
00:32:25.279 --> 00:32:32.160
I think the first time when I saw my grandmother die, I couldn't believe how little I knew about death.
00:32:32.799 --> 00:32:34.799
That was probably the biggest shock.
00:32:34.880 --> 00:32:37.279
Like, what happens to the body when it's when it goes?
00:32:37.440 --> 00:32:42.559
Like there are there are things that are known things that we don't talk about in this lifetime, right?
00:32:42.799 --> 00:32:43.599
Absolutely.
00:32:43.839 --> 00:32:49.039
Well, and it's just it's so important to have those conversations and also realize that is why death is so personal.
00:32:49.279 --> 00:32:53.359
What I remember and what is important to me might not even hit your radar.
00:32:53.519 --> 00:33:04.559
Like I talk all the time with one of my aunts, lost her son, lost my cousin about these memories that come up for me, and they're not even things she knew about or remembers, but they just they're they feel me.
00:33:05.200 --> 00:33:12.799
And it's my grief, but sharing it with her gives her like a slice she didn't know about, you know, and it's so important to do that.
00:33:12.880 --> 00:33:18.319
And we often feel like we shouldn't, when really it's so powerful and fueling for everyone around you.
00:33:18.640 --> 00:33:20.640
Exactly, exactly, and it's a beautiful thing.
00:33:20.799 --> 00:33:21.680
It really is hard.
00:33:21.839 --> 00:33:22.480
It's a beautiful thing.
00:33:22.720 --> 00:33:24.720
Well, and keep walking me through these chapters.
00:33:24.880 --> 00:33:25.359
I love this.
00:33:25.519 --> 00:33:26.720
So we're on step what?
00:33:26.960 --> 00:33:28.640
So we're in self-compassion.
00:33:28.799 --> 00:33:32.400
Yeah, so self-compassion, yes, self-compassion.
00:33:32.480 --> 00:33:33.440
That was number five.
00:33:33.599 --> 00:33:40.960
And that was an interesting one because at this point, I also started to receive, I started to go back for a lot more past life regression work.
00:33:41.359 --> 00:33:49.759
And when I was starting the deep dives, I saw myself as I'm gonna call it different characters, men, women, different ages, different experience, different times of life.
00:33:50.000 --> 00:33:53.119
Almost like the biggest movie you've ever seen.
00:33:53.200 --> 00:33:58.000
And that's what I hope when you read the book is that you get to see a whole bunch of different movies in one.
00:33:59.200 --> 00:34:11.760
But it created so much compassion for me because when I saw some bad, you know, bad things, and I saw the the and I was that and I understood where it was coming from.
00:34:12.000 --> 00:34:23.280
I not only had compassion for other people and forgiveness for other people, I started to have compassion for myself and things I'd done that maybe did the best I could during that time.
00:34:23.760 --> 00:34:24.639
Oh, I love that.
00:34:25.280 --> 00:34:25.760
Yeah, it was.
00:34:26.079 --> 00:34:31.039
I feel like you well, and it it highlights that like you know, self-compassion doesn't always start with us.
00:34:31.119 --> 00:34:37.599
Sometimes it starts with how we others view it, and that's also an okay motivator to get there how we need to.
00:34:37.920 --> 00:34:38.960
That's just authentic.
00:34:39.039 --> 00:34:44.000
Sometimes we can't have it for ourselves, but when someone can have it for us, we're like, well, why can't I do that for me?
00:34:44.239 --> 00:34:44.880
Exactly.
00:34:45.039 --> 00:34:52.960
And it's it's really based in a forgiveness, like an inner forgiveness of like we're doing the best we can with the tools and experiences we have, right?
00:34:53.199 --> 00:35:01.599
And then forgiveness for other people, which is essentially saying, like walking, like really having empathy and having being able to walk in somebody else's shoes.
00:35:01.760 --> 00:35:04.400
That doesn't mean saying what they did was okay.
00:35:04.559 --> 00:35:06.960
I think that's the biggest misconception about forgiveness.
00:35:07.039 --> 00:35:10.079
It's not about being like, you did X to me and that is okay.
00:35:10.320 --> 00:35:13.920
It's really just a letting go of saying I'm like, I'm not gonna carry it anymore.
00:35:14.000 --> 00:35:15.679
Like you knew you, all good.
00:35:15.840 --> 00:35:19.599
I learned what I needed to learn, and I'm just gonna keep moving forward at this point.
00:35:20.159 --> 00:35:22.400
I love that distinction.
00:35:22.800 --> 00:35:25.199
Because it is a big misconception.
00:35:25.440 --> 00:35:25.760
Yeah.
00:35:25.920 --> 00:35:28.159
And it's yeah, there's a great story.
00:35:28.320 --> 00:35:31.840
I don't know if you know about the two monks, the story about the two monks walking by a river.
00:35:32.079 --> 00:35:33.519
And it's a great thing.
00:35:33.679 --> 00:35:45.440
So, yeah, so two monks walking by a river, and they it's time to cross the river, and they come up to an elderly woman at the side of the river, and one of the monks picks her up and carries her across the river, and they both get they all get to the other side.
00:35:45.519 --> 00:35:48.960
They, you know, they leave the woman there and they keep walking and walking and walking.
00:35:49.119 --> 00:35:56.400
And all of a sudden, after hours and hours, the second monk explodes and he says, I can't believe you carried that woman across the river.
00:35:56.559 --> 00:35:59.199
We're not allowed to carry any, to touch anyone or to converse.
00:35:59.360 --> 00:36:00.480
Like there were rules around it.
00:36:00.559 --> 00:36:01.679
I can't believe you did that.
00:36:01.840 --> 00:36:05.280
And the first monk said, I put the woman down at the other side of the riverbank.
00:36:05.360 --> 00:36:06.639
Why are you still carrying her?
00:36:06.800 --> 00:36:10.000
And it was the same kind of idea.
00:36:10.320 --> 00:36:11.519
Okay, I love that.
00:36:11.760 --> 00:36:12.639
Yeah, it's a good story.
00:36:12.719 --> 00:36:14.239
It's not mine, but I still know.
00:36:14.320 --> 00:36:15.840
But it's it highlights, right?
00:36:15.920 --> 00:36:20.320
Like we are always, especially as women in in this world, right?
00:36:20.480 --> 00:36:29.440
We're always carrying other people's stuff, and sometimes we carry it way more than someone else's, and like it's just a reminder that we don't have to and shouldn't.
00:36:29.519 --> 00:36:33.920
It just takes pieces of our capacity that we oftentimes don't even have to give.
00:36:34.239 --> 00:36:35.440
Yeah, exactly.
00:36:35.519 --> 00:36:37.280
Yeah, self-compassion.
00:36:37.599 --> 00:36:38.960
Yeah, so that's number five.
00:36:39.039 --> 00:36:46.000
So number six is self-expression, and this was an interesting one for me because it's hard.
00:36:46.480 --> 00:36:52.559
Yeah, because especially what I believed expression to be, I believe expression was actually quite loud.
00:36:53.199 --> 00:36:58.320
And it turns out for me that expression was not necessarily this big loud thing.
00:36:58.480 --> 00:37:02.480
It was saying the thing even when I was scared.
00:37:02.559 --> 00:37:13.039
Like it was really self-expression to me was about courage, about having the courage to to not only look at my truth, but share it again and again.
00:37:13.119 --> 00:37:16.880
And uh for me, I did a course at a time with an amazing woman named Mama Gina.
00:37:16.960 --> 00:37:18.000
Have you heard of Mama Gina?
00:37:18.559 --> 00:37:21.519
Mama Gina wrote a book called Pussy, a reclamation.
00:37:21.840 --> 00:37:23.280
Every woman should read it.
00:37:23.599 --> 00:37:42.400
And she is a phenomenal teacher in feminine expression and the different layers and the different levels to feminine expression, from yes, speaking, but also sensuality and also receiving and all of the different levels that it takes of, you know, what it takes to be a woman.
00:37:42.559 --> 00:37:48.719
You know, we have eight uh the feminine, the feminine body, the female body is 800 times more nerve endings than a man's.
00:37:49.119 --> 00:38:06.960
And so she talks about learning how to push every key on the 88 keys of our own piano and like truly learning how to accept it and express it and have it be messy and have it be layered because we're not we're not meant to live in this center aisle.
00:38:07.280 --> 00:38:10.480
We have this huge range, especially as women, especially as women.
00:38:10.639 --> 00:38:10.960
Yeah.
00:38:11.679 --> 00:38:12.800
Oh, I love that too.
00:38:12.880 --> 00:38:17.360
I think it also ties back to your consistency piece, right?
00:38:17.519 --> 00:38:21.119
Of like doing that on a consistent basis.
00:38:21.280 --> 00:38:36.960
It doesn't have to be you become like a rock star and like have to sing as a creative expression, like just the consistency of saying your piece and like saying the things that you would be afraid of out loud and to others out loud and to yourself.
00:38:37.840 --> 00:38:44.719
Admitting it, I think that was probably the biggest thing is part of the hardest part for me has been admitting those truths to myself first.
00:38:45.119 --> 00:38:49.920
And then yet having the courage to express them to others that comes for sure comes next.
00:38:50.320 --> 00:38:52.159
I just love your different take on expression.
00:38:52.239 --> 00:38:53.280
That's so cool.
00:38:53.679 --> 00:38:54.079
Thank you.
00:38:54.159 --> 00:38:54.400
Thank you.
00:38:55.119 --> 00:38:57.519
It's also more like accessible, right?
00:38:57.840 --> 00:39:02.800
Everything expression is like go write a book or go, which is amazing, do it, write the book.
00:39:03.199 --> 00:39:09.280
But sometimes it's just it's the small everyday things that are things we can actually do and that are approachable.
00:39:09.760 --> 00:39:14.239
Yeah, and when it comes to writing the book, I had a mentor once tell me to write from the wound, not the scar.
00:39:14.400 --> 00:39:16.079
Sorry, from the scar, not the wound.
00:39:16.239 --> 00:39:23.519
And so when it comes to expressing on that level, sometimes when you're in it, it's really hard to express the thing completely verbally.
00:39:23.760 --> 00:39:31.760
But you can express it with your body, you can express it through dance, you can express it through art, you can express it by connecting with another person.
00:39:31.920 --> 00:39:33.360
Like we're here to connect.
00:39:33.519 --> 00:39:48.400
So sometimes even if you say the thing and it's not clean, it's just completely messy and you say it wrong, that's the practice of like being curious and listening and passing the ball back and forth in communication with yourself and with others almost.
00:39:48.639 --> 00:39:48.880
Yeah.
00:39:49.039 --> 00:39:56.800
Well, and it's also just to like on that, like it's also testing sometimes, like when we're younger, we have different forms of expression versus when we're older.
00:39:56.880 --> 00:40:01.440
And sometimes it's tapping back into those younger ones because those are actually what you should be doing, anyways.
00:40:01.679 --> 00:40:04.719
But also it's like, okay, what still feels good to me?
00:40:04.960 --> 00:40:07.280
Yeah, and it's it's again, it comes back to that discipline.
00:40:07.360 --> 00:40:07.679
You're right.
00:40:07.760 --> 00:40:12.400
It's about a practice of doing it, even with the grace of feeling like it.
00:40:12.639 --> 00:40:12.880
Right.
00:40:12.960 --> 00:40:20.159
Well, and the grace too, of like allowing yourself to experiment, experiment to like what actually is releasing things for you.
00:40:20.400 --> 00:40:23.840
Yeah, and getting it wrong, I think that's part of it.
00:40:24.320 --> 00:40:26.800
So hard, but it's it's crucial, non-negotiable.
00:40:27.920 --> 00:40:28.400
Exactly.
00:40:28.639 --> 00:40:29.599
Non-negotiable.
00:40:29.679 --> 00:40:30.320
You said it.
00:40:30.559 --> 00:40:31.119
Said it, yeah.
00:40:31.360 --> 00:40:31.840
Absolutely.
00:40:32.000 --> 00:40:34.559
So yeah, self-expression was a beautiful one.
00:40:34.719 --> 00:40:40.239
Um, at first it was very loud, and then I got very introverted for like a very long period of time.
00:40:40.320 --> 00:40:54.960
And it was around then that I moved to Costa Rica, and well, it was a few years after that, but I it was all part of that journey of listening to myself, giving to myself, being patient with myself, and then having courage to do the thing.
00:40:55.199 --> 00:41:01.280
And is that when you also shifted from like more corporate kind of like what you were into into something different?
00:41:01.599 --> 00:41:04.639
Or did those like the brands happening around that time again?
00:41:04.719 --> 00:41:08.239
That same question came up, which was like there must be something else out there for me.
00:41:08.320 --> 00:41:11.199
Like I had been in that business for almost a decade.
00:41:11.440 --> 00:41:16.960
I so much had happened, a part of that business in another country had closed down, and I was like, Who am I?
00:41:17.119 --> 00:41:23.039
And if I'm not my job and I'm not my friends, and I'm not the people who I lost, then like, who am I?
00:41:23.199 --> 00:41:24.559
You know, what is this whole?
00:41:24.800 --> 00:41:28.400
And that's when I actually did uh hypnotherapy certification for fun.
00:41:28.719 --> 00:41:30.800
Oh that's when we did that.
00:41:31.039 --> 00:41:33.280
I just was like, I'm gonna just study some things.
00:41:33.360 --> 00:41:40.480
Uh, and I went down a rabbit hole and got my certification and I started practicing for fun, just for the joy of it.
00:41:40.639 --> 00:41:50.239
And what would happen was um one person told another person, or before I knew it, I've been working with hundreds of clients, specifically in hypnotherapy, not as a past life regression therapist.
00:41:50.320 --> 00:41:58.800
That's something I did a little bit later because sometimes people fall into past lives when they're deep in their own subconscious, and I wanted to know how to guide them.
00:41:59.119 --> 00:42:05.519
Well, and I'm sure too, like with your experience being one that impacted and changed your whole life, like that makes sense.
00:42:05.599 --> 00:42:07.119
Why that why do you go that way?
00:42:07.360 --> 00:42:07.920
Exactly.
00:42:08.159 --> 00:42:15.760
But hypnosis was probably one of the most interesting things when it came to self-compassion, because again, what I started to see is that we're all the same.
00:42:15.920 --> 00:42:17.920
We all have those little tea traumas.
00:42:18.239 --> 00:42:26.480
The big T traumas might be a little bit different for everybody, but the little T traumas come from being a huge human in this earth school.
00:42:26.639 --> 00:42:32.719
And so when I have friends or clients that say to me, I just don't want to screw my kids up, I'm like, literally, it's your only job.
00:42:32.880 --> 00:42:36.880
You need to create enough contrast so that they can remember the love that they are.
00:42:37.039 --> 00:42:40.320
And that's that it's part of being a human being leave living in this world.
00:42:40.639 --> 00:42:48.719
Well, and we have to lead by example, but also allow room for mistakes and forgiveness, or else what are we learning or not?
00:42:48.960 --> 00:42:49.280
Exactly.
00:42:49.599 --> 00:42:50.079
Exactly.
00:42:50.239 --> 00:42:59.519
And I think it was Wayne Dyer that used to say that he used to cut holes in the pockets of his pants so that he can remember that he can't carry anything with him to the afterlife.
00:43:00.159 --> 00:43:03.360
And I love that it's so true.
00:43:03.519 --> 00:43:07.199
We come here completely bare and we're gonna leave completely bare.
00:43:07.679 --> 00:43:08.000
Yeah.
00:43:09.199 --> 00:43:13.679
Perspective too, that we're not it's not all about the physical.
00:43:14.320 --> 00:43:24.000
There's so much more meaning to life than like the things that we fill our days with, the pressures we feel societally, learned behaviors that we're facing.
00:43:24.559 --> 00:43:25.599
And our mind, right?
00:43:25.679 --> 00:43:32.079
Like they say the subconscious is 90, 95% of the mind, meaning our thoughts that we're having.
00:43:32.239 --> 00:43:36.719
I think that's we have over 50,000 thoughts a day, and 95% of them are repetitive.
00:43:37.039 --> 00:43:40.800
Like we are like that, that's why awareness is so important, right?
00:43:40.960 --> 00:43:44.239
Because like we are not our thoughts, we are the witnesser of those thoughts.
00:43:44.400 --> 00:43:48.639
We are not this our clothes, we are the essence behind this body, right?
00:43:48.800 --> 00:43:50.480
So, oh, absolutely.
00:43:50.719 --> 00:43:51.840
Yeah, yeah.
00:43:51.920 --> 00:43:54.159
So tell me about our other steps.
00:43:54.400 --> 00:43:55.199
So, two more steps.
00:43:55.280 --> 00:43:59.760
So, next is self love, which is quite the word these days, aligned though with everything.
00:44:00.079 --> 00:44:00.400
Everything.
00:44:00.480 --> 00:44:04.079
Yeah, if you don't have that in this, I could see how that could be hurtful.
00:44:04.400 --> 00:44:04.719
Yeah.
00:44:04.800 --> 00:44:09.760
And it's again for me the path through past lives and subconscious work.
00:44:09.840 --> 00:44:13.519
And I started to get into somatic therapy at the time as well.
00:44:13.599 --> 00:44:15.519
And I'm just a learner.
00:44:15.599 --> 00:44:16.480
I love to learn.
00:44:16.559 --> 00:44:17.360
I love to read.
00:44:17.440 --> 00:44:19.920
So that's how that all unfolded for me.
00:44:20.159 --> 00:44:26.480
But self-love again was not loving myself because I proved something.
00:44:26.639 --> 00:44:29.119
It was loving myself in spite of it.
00:44:29.280 --> 00:44:32.079
It is um from it's a remembrance.
00:44:32.239 --> 00:44:34.480
And I sorry, I love quotes, but I'm gonna say it again.
00:44:34.559 --> 00:44:38.079
It's not about becoming anything, it's about unbecoming everything you're not.
00:44:38.239 --> 00:44:38.800
Yep.
00:44:39.280 --> 00:44:41.679
So that's what self-love was to me.
00:44:41.840 --> 00:44:42.000
Yeah.
00:44:42.239 --> 00:44:47.039
I often tell people to, you know, have a I have one right here, a photograph of me when I'm one year old.
00:44:47.440 --> 00:44:49.199
Like when did that shift?
00:44:49.360 --> 00:44:55.039
When did we look at ourselves and start to say something's wrong with my body, something's wrong with my mind?
00:44:55.280 --> 00:45:02.400
Because we came into this world like a complete ball of love with complete self-acceptance.
00:45:02.639 --> 00:45:06.880
And that changed at some point about the return to the truth, right?
00:45:08.000 --> 00:45:23.840
Well, and when we just had our alignment series, that's kind of like what we came up with is it's not about like refining yourself, it's actually figuring out where you've abandoned yourself in order to regain those pieces so you can fully align with you.
00:45:24.079 --> 00:45:34.000
And our systems, our cultures, you know, there's a lot of opportunities to abandon yourself, the roles we carry, the hats we wear, but it doesn't service you in the end.
00:45:34.159 --> 00:45:39.199
You have to figure out and identify where you're doing that and not essentially.
00:45:39.440 --> 00:45:40.000
Exactly.
00:45:40.239 --> 00:45:43.280
And it is an act of self-love to evaluate that.
00:45:43.679 --> 00:45:44.400
Exactly.
00:45:44.559 --> 00:45:48.320
And that's really when we're talking about purpose, that's the process.
00:45:48.480 --> 00:45:48.719
Yep.
00:45:48.880 --> 00:45:48.960
Right?
00:45:49.119 --> 00:46:01.920
Like if we're talking, it's like an unbecoming, it's the remembering, it is the expression, it is the play, it is the self-trust, it is doing the discipline habits again and again and again longer than you think you're gonna need to.
00:46:02.159 --> 00:46:06.159
All of those into unapologetic self-love.
00:46:06.480 --> 00:46:11.440
I am because I am, I love myself because I love myself, period.
00:46:11.679 --> 00:46:12.960
No other reason, right?
00:46:13.039 --> 00:46:13.199
Right.
00:46:13.360 --> 00:46:18.320
And that leads into self-confidence, which is really the last step towards self-realization.
00:46:18.639 --> 00:46:28.800
Self-confidence doesn't come from doing the thing, it comes from all of those pieces that have led the way to being like again, I am that I am.
00:46:28.960 --> 00:46:29.920
That is what it is.
00:46:30.079 --> 00:46:35.360
I am that I am, and I am here to express my unique blueprint in this world.
00:46:35.519 --> 00:46:41.199
And it I am an evolving energy, and it'll shift and change, and all of that is okay.
00:46:41.519 --> 00:46:42.639
That's incredible.
00:46:42.880 --> 00:46:43.599
Thank you.
00:46:43.840 --> 00:46:44.960
Thanks for seeing me.
00:46:45.199 --> 00:47:07.199
Well, and it's just it's I have chills because it's just it's a lot of what we talk about, but I love that you're putting steps to it and your story to it, and just like the like I can literally in my head envision this like pattern going back and forth of your story and these steps and how people can actually implement these things in their own lives as well, learning through your story.
00:47:07.280 --> 00:47:09.360
So that's so powerful and impactful.
00:47:09.599 --> 00:47:11.519
Are you so excited for this book to come out?
00:47:11.679 --> 00:47:15.840
Ah I'm tremendously like it's a very vulnerable experience, as I know you know.
00:47:16.400 --> 00:47:22.800
And I didn't really want to write it, but I heard it is, and I am excited because this is how I feel connected to other people.
00:47:22.960 --> 00:47:26.960
So when I, you know, social media, I took a big break for a few years.
00:47:27.119 --> 00:47:30.079
Now I'm back on because we're, you know, I'm launching this book.
00:47:30.159 --> 00:47:36.559
But I I feel like to me, when I hear, oh my God, your story about this made me think about my own story with this.
00:47:36.719 --> 00:47:39.760
That made that connection is what it's all about for me.
00:47:39.840 --> 00:47:40.880
So yes, I'm excited.
00:47:40.960 --> 00:47:44.559
I'm intensely nervous in a good way, like excited is the same thing, I guess.
00:47:44.800 --> 00:47:54.320
Yeah, well, I mean, when we put ourselves out there and have that much vulnerability, it makes sense, but it also start to a journey and it's exciting to share ourselves with others.
00:47:55.360 --> 00:47:56.800
Yeah, that's what it's about.
00:47:56.880 --> 00:47:57.760
It's about the connection.
00:47:58.159 --> 00:48:03.119
This is what my if I had a purpose in life, it is to be connected to others.
00:48:03.280 --> 00:48:05.440
That's what it's my true purpose.
00:48:05.760 --> 00:48:07.840
And it's being vulnerable enough to connect.
00:48:08.320 --> 00:48:08.559
Yeah.
00:48:09.199 --> 00:48:12.239
Because we can avoid it just as easily, just as consistency.
00:48:13.280 --> 00:48:17.519
We learn very well how to avoid our own authenticity.
00:48:18.559 --> 00:48:33.119
And you know, I had um I had a psychic many years ago tell me I was gonna be living in Costa Rica, hosting groups and retreats, and it was so far away from my life that I was living at the time.
00:48:33.360 --> 00:48:35.840
And I was like, what is this crazy person talking about?
00:48:36.079 --> 00:48:37.920
You're like this psychic socks.
00:48:38.559 --> 00:48:50.719
And I'm here I am living like she pulled a card and it was like literally me with my curly hair sitting in a jungle looking at an ocean, which is you know, where I live, it's it's literally exactly, exactly that.
00:48:50.880 --> 00:48:57.760
And so I think, you know, whether or not you believe that it's all predestined or not, it doesn't really matter, really.
00:48:57.920 --> 00:49:06.239
I think the path back is by playing with all of those steps and really, you know, being open enough to just look a little deeper.
00:49:06.480 --> 00:49:19.199
Well, and I hope that's what all of our listeners do is look a little deeper and really follow these steps that you've laid out for us and also get your book, which we will attach the link so everybody can go and buy August 18th.
00:49:19.519 --> 00:49:21.360
Yay, that will be so fun.
00:49:21.599 --> 00:49:31.440
And then also, and we can always edit things, but I know you said depending on when this is coming out, you're also launching a contest to win a retreat with you in Costa Rica.
00:49:31.920 --> 00:49:32.320
Hmm.
00:49:32.559 --> 00:49:36.800
Yeah, I am I'm just figuring out the legalities of all of that, but that's the plan.
00:49:36.960 --> 00:49:48.639
Yeah, that's the plan that who and anyone who buys a book on August 18th will enter to win the a chance to come join me here because this is like part of the retreats I run is are very much based on those steps.
00:49:48.719 --> 00:49:50.559
Like, how do we come closer back to ourselves?
00:49:50.719 --> 00:49:51.760
So yeah, I love that.
00:49:51.920 --> 00:49:56.480
Well, and maybe to just sharing with us your retreat calendar.
00:49:56.639 --> 00:50:00.960
So anyone who wants to come work through these steps with you can come join you on a retreat.
00:50:01.280 --> 00:50:03.920
Yes, I haven't launched those officially yet, but soon.
00:50:04.079 --> 00:50:04.800
So perfect.
00:50:05.119 --> 00:50:08.400
Yeah, in the next we're now we're like in all of the enhancement stages.
00:50:08.480 --> 00:50:13.599
So we're buying the saunas and we're figuring out the sheets and we're interviewing chefs and all the things.
00:50:13.760 --> 00:50:14.719
Oh, that's so fun.
00:50:15.519 --> 00:50:22.559
Make it coming home to yourself, make the the outside a perfect stage so that the inside could take place.
00:50:22.800 --> 00:50:23.360
Oh my gosh.
00:50:23.440 --> 00:50:25.119
Okay, I might be joining you on this retreat.
00:50:25.519 --> 00:50:26.239
That's amazing.
00:50:26.800 --> 00:50:28.639
I would love to have you join me here.
00:50:28.719 --> 00:50:29.679
You're that'd be amazing.
00:50:29.920 --> 00:50:31.280
I could talk to you forever, honestly.
00:50:32.079 --> 00:50:32.960
It's been so easy.
00:50:33.039 --> 00:50:36.719
I know it's so interesting when you have a good interview that flows, and I love it.
00:50:37.119 --> 00:50:38.400
Not like any time.
00:50:38.719 --> 00:50:39.039
Right.
00:50:39.199 --> 00:50:40.719
Thank you so much for joining us.
00:50:40.800 --> 00:50:42.639
We really appreciate you um, listeners.
00:50:42.800 --> 00:50:47.840
We will share all the links the links to the book, links to socials, all those things.
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But thank you so much for coming on today.
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We appreciate you.
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Thank you, Hannah.
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Thanks, everyone.