Dr. Sandra Marie: Hi, Dr. Sandra Marie here. I'd like to welcome all our listeners. Thank you for joining us today. What is my question today is what if the most difficult seasons of your life weren't the end of the story, but the beginning of your transformation? Today's guest has spent more than two decades exploring that question through art, writing, meditation, personal experience. In our new book, Caterpillar Soup Memoirs of a Butterfly. From the Caterpillar's perspective, chronicles a 20-year journey through grief, awakening, creativity, and healing, inviting readers to discover how life's greatest challenges can become catalysts for profound change. Please join me in welcoming artist, author, and transformational guide Ellen Benfati to Happy Hour for the Spiritually Curious Podcast. Welcome, Ellen.
Ellen Benfatti: Hi Sandra. It's so nice to be here. I'm so excited to be with you today.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Well, this is going to be a great conversation. First of all, Alan, the title of your book immediately caught my attention. What exactly is Caterpillar Soup?
Ellen Benfatti: Well, it was a way to hopefully grab a potential reader's attention. ⁓ number one, what is caterpillar soup? And I started to recognize as I was going through my transformation that everything was a big soupy mess. Like everything in my life became very messy. Old structures were were falling apart, new structures that wanted to emerge were difficult to integrate. And at times I felt like, Am I like losing my mind? And I just came up with the idea of caterpillar soup during a meditation. ⁓ I follow a teacher, and he used the word caterpillar soup when he was talking about. going within and ⁓ coming into your self-realization or your embodiment. He actually said something and he said, you know, we're all just worms and sometimes it feels like we're caterpillar soup. And I went, that's it. That's the name of my book. And I had always said that to source. I was like, you know, I'll know it's time when you give me the name because I had been recording and writing for decades.
Dr. Sandra Marie: ⁓ perfect.
Ellen Benfatti: And I was like, but I didn't know it and it seemed like it was just a lot of moving parts. And I had gone to when I first ⁓ came into Sedona, I had gone to ⁓ a metaphysical like shop and was talking to ⁓ a reader there, a like a a psychic reader. And I never really do that kind of thing for myself, but I thought, you know what, I like this person. I'm gonna see what they have to say about me. And he actually told me about my book. And he says, you're gonna write a book. And he says, and you're gonna feel like it's disjointed. You're gonna feel like it just rambles on to different things. And he goes, but keep it that way. It's meant to be that way. And so in the back of my mind, I always had that ⁓ lingering, you know, that thought that, you know, let it ramble, let it. let it go in and out of different seasons of my life and not necessarily chronologically.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Well that's really sort of a fascinating background. So your book isn't written from the butterfly's perspective, it's written from the caterpillar's perspective. Why the caterpillar's perspective?
Ellen Benfatti: Well, I think the caterpillar does all the work. So, you know, the caterpillar has to, first of all, I did a little research on the butterfly before, you know, I published. And very and there's male and female butterflies. I always thought of a butterfly as female. They actually are male and female. So you can have male butterflies and female butterflies. I know, right?
Dr. Sandra Marie: Fascinating creature. I did not know that. I guess I never thought about it.
Ellen Benfatti: Me either. And so that was fascinating. ⁓ the next thing is that butterflies, ⁓ when they lay the eggs for the caterpillars to become caterpillars, they just lay the eggs and then they they go away. Like there, there's no mothering, there's no parenting. And so as I was doing my research, I was like, that's kind of how we feel as humans. You know, we drop into this reality and we're just kind of like we're given parents, and some of us have good parents, some of us might not have the best. You know, we might have had very hands-on parents that were like very nurturing, and we might have had like I came from ⁓ a a my mom was a single parent and she was working all the time, and I had all the freedom in the world, right? So ⁓ there were just these nuances. And as I was doing my research, once I had decided what I would call the book, I was like, Well, I I know that I want it to. be about transformation, what better you know character than to have caterpillar to butterfly. but what I started to recognize is that the caterpillar instinctually knows when it's time to start building it making its cocoon. I call it creating its hammock, its sleeping bag, its caterpillar sleeping bag is what I call it, the caterpillar hammock. And and then when the caterpillar goes into that cocoon, everything starts to melt really, you know, everything disintegrates and and is reconstructed. The DNA structure, everything is is restructured. And I started to identify that as that's what it feels like when you come into awakening, you know, I see it as four stages, something happens that awakens you suddenly. Usually it's an event or a series of events. Then there comes the surrender. So the caterpillar wakes up and it's like, I need to get building my hammock. you know and then the caterpillar goes into the hammock to the sleeping bag and then it's like it has to surrender there's struggle in there it's like you know can you imagine you're in this tight little space dark you know ⁓ it you start eating your own innards I mean it's crazy town so and then the next stage is embodiment so then the the caterpillar has to fully embody itself as a butterfly And then emerge into what you might call ascension, right? And the butterfly doesn't live very long. The stage of the caterpillar is much longer. So and it's funny, part one, there's a there's a there's a section in my book that I talk about. When I was eight years old, I moved to Hawaii. My mom had remarried, and ⁓ my stepfather was a Marine, so we moved to Oahu. And I had gotten a banana seat bike this the Christmas before. Remember that? So that was 1976, like the 70s, right? So I had my banana seat bike. And so ⁓ of course, you know, we moved, I think it was pretty much spring, summer, like moving into summer, spring, something like that. So I never really got to ride my new bike. Anyways, everything was shipped over to Hawaii. And
Dr. Sandra Marie: Yeah, that was like super cool present.
Ellen Benfatti: We were waiting for housing to be built. It was brand new housing being built, a base housing. And when we finally moved in, it was the rainy season. So I put my bike, I couldn't ride it, I put it on the patio. And then as rainy season dried up, I went out to want to ride my bike, and there were hundreds of caterpillar cocoons, butterfly cocoons on the spokes of my wheels. Hundreds of them. Every single spoke had a row of them just hanging. And ⁓ man. Well, I knew I couldn't ride my bike now because if I did, they would all die. So even at that age, I was very empathic and I was like, okay, well, I'm not gonna ride my bike. Well, there was this little ⁓ gal next door, a couple doors down, who came over one day. And she said, you know, do you want to ride bikes? This was several weeks later. And a lot of the cocoons had emerged and but there were still some on the bike. And I rode the bike. And I'll never forget that feeling, you know, of riding the bike and knowing that some of them didn't make it because I was so impatient that I had to ride. But I was eight year old little girl, you know what I'm saying?
Dr. Sandra Marie: Right.
Ellen Benfatti: So there's just when I look at my life and I say that to me is profound, that I would have that experience at eight years old, and then I would be writing a book about caterpillar and butterfly. So there's so much of my soul woven into this manuscript, really.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Yeah, like you can't make this stuff up. I was just gonna say that this was in your purview that young and that you had that powerful of an experience. Like you have to think this was part of the mission of this lifetime. You describe pain as the c cocoon in the book. Looking back, was there a moment when you realized your suffering wasn't your punishment, it was your transformation?
Ellen Benfatti: It was a slow drip campaign. ⁓ I would say it wasn't until, you know, halfway through this 20 years, you know. I I think for a long time I saw it as I wasn't good enough. There were parts of me that I felt like
Dr. Sandra Marie: Okay. Fair fair fair fair enough.
Ellen Benfatti: It was punishment. It was like, what did I do wrong? Why is everything in my life falling apart? Why is my friend so-and-so still happily married and thriving and I'm not? You know, like why, why, why, why me, God? Like, why is my life blowing up? Right. And and now I see it as an absolute blessing. And that's what the book is about. About, you know, the people that wear the different masks in our lives. They are our greatest teachers. And they take us to our highest timeline of love. They really do. And I am so grateful for each of the experien for each of those relationships and the experiences that I had because It really has taken me to my highest timeline in this lifetime for sure. I didn't know I was an artist. I didn't know I was a painter. I had to find a way to express what I was experiencing through my awakening. I I began to get profound downloads that were way out of my wheelhouse and I didn't know how to verbalize it. I was a banker, you know, I had a small little net branch for a mortgage company. I was on the computer a lot. I didn't want to write. But I was I was having all these profound visions like nighttime dreams and and in meditation these colors would come to me and you know there was no ayahuasca involved. It was just like I was, you know, opening up and I I I had to somehow try to express it. I knew that it was important enough to document. I thought I was doing it for myself. Right. It was something that I wanted to I needed to process it because it was so profound, but I also knew that it was important. Like I knew that I was documenting something important. That's the best way I could say it. So I chose, I picked up the paintbrush one day and I started painting.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Yeah. Well, so I do want to get into your your painting because that's a whole it's a whole really cool journey in itself. But I do have a couple more questions about the book. So I feel like many people listening feel like right now they're in a caterpillar soup globally. Like there's just a lot happening right now. So to me, it's no coincidence that this this book is coming out and that you're out there
Ellen Benfatti: Okay. Yes.
Dr. Sandra Marie: having a lot of discussion about it as a a vehicle to help people. So from your perspective, for these people who feel like they're really in the caterpillar soup right now, what might that stage actually feel like f for different people?
Ellen Benfatti: I can only speak for myself what it felt like for me. And and I recognize that collectively we're waking up, and so it may feel very similar to other people. So what it felt like for me was a tug of war. There was my ego, my personality, my mind was like. You need to get up and go to work and you need to get more loans and you needed this and you needed that and you should this and you should that and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. And then there was this tender, soft spoken, soulful part of me that was like, you know, Ellie, you should just have a nice cup of tea this morning and paint. And that's what it feels like. And it may not be painting that they're that someone when they're when they're feeling that.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Yeah.
Ellen Benfatti: pull into the awakening. It may be ⁓ a different medium that they're pulled to, a different, but it's it's like a left turn. It's just that left turn where it's it's you're feeling it and it gets to the point that you can no longer deny it. Everything starts to that is no longer in alignment for you. Literally, I call it the Tower Card and Tarot, starts to crumble. And the illusions are you you you're no
Dr. Sandra Marie: Yeah.
Ellen Benfatti: Longer in the illusion. You're no longer able to, you know, stay in that same state of consciousness. You just can't do it. And so it can feel like ⁓ you're losing your mind. Sorry about that.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Okay. Well, I think it's the one of the things that you're acknowledging is super important that it will look and feel different for each individual because it's a unique journey. But the end part, as you were saying, the the process of it, especially I love the tarot card of the tower. That's such a great example. As long as you're gonna resist it, you're gonna end up in that tower.
Ellen Benfatti: Mm-hmm.
Dr. Sandra Marie: card type of environment of the the soup, right? And then as you move along, it'll look different from your perspective. When does the caterpillar know it's time to stop crawling and trust the cocoon?
Ellen Benfatti: That's at the very beginning. It's that it's that powerful pull of letting things go that you know are no longer working and surrendering to that. It's that first moment of surrender. It's that moment of surrender. That's when you enter the cocoon. That's when you know that you're you're beginning to build your silk nest so that you have a safe container ⁓ to do that.
Dr. Sandra Marie: ⁓ surrender.
Ellen Benfatti: Journey, right? And you you cannot become the butterfly without surrender. You just can't. So there's the awakening, which is ⁓ what I would call the rupturing of your structures where you realize they're just not working anymore. That's the the boom, you know. It's like this is not working, right? And then that pull to surrender. To do something in a different way, to take that left turn to say, you know what? It may be as simple as speaking up for yourself in your marriage. You know, if you're a woman or a man and you're in a marriage where your your voice isn't heard, that might feel like the beginning of your awakening. It's it's not catastrophic. It doesn't have to be like
Dr. Sandra Marie: ⁓ it's the small moments that are big moments.
Ellen Benfatti: That are really big moments. And it's funny because I like to paint with pointalism. And I was just going over this. ⁓ I have a vision of a painting that's coming to me. And ⁓ every little dot, you know, every little dot when I'm painting pointalism is a tiny moment. And I'm gonna do a series called Tiny Moments Now. I just came up with that actually in the last 48 hours because looking over my body of work, those tiny moments, those tiny little movements and changes that I made create created the pathway and formed who I am today. Every single one of those. So it it can be a simple it might feel I guess what I'm trying to explain is that on the inside it feels like it's such a huge thing. And it but on the outside, it could be as simple as stopping your partner and saying, you know what? You know, I really need to be heard in this in this relationship or at your job or something like that. It's really about, you know. This whole book's about the individuation process and coming into and going into your own autonomy, right? And those little things that we have to do. I had never individuated. I got married young. So I just went right into marriage. So I had to at 37, 38 years old, figure out who I was.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Okay.
Ellen Benfatti: Because all those structures had broke down. I was no longer, you know, I wasn't identified in my career as a wife, as a mother, as you know, all those things, all those structures began to crumble.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Right. I people underestimate the ordinary moments in in life and in the small interactions that could have such positive impact for sure. ⁓ as we were talking before we started recording, you had mentioned a very brief conversation that you had with some I'm using air quotes random man, ⁓ about your about your life or the the what
Ellen Benfatti: Yes.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Ended up being the book. And basically, this stranger who passed through your life, who probably had a five-minute conversation with you, changed your whole life. And he probably doesn't even recognize it. And I think that it's really important to remember and for people to recognize that we do make such differences in ways that we don't know many times, and that you just have to trust with that. So
Ellen Benfatti: Yes. And that's kind of how within the in this process because it is very much connected to my creative process. When I got like my first vision, it was an angel that came and I was at a a Reiki ceremony. I was getting certified as Reiki level one.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Mm-hmm.
Ellen Benfatti: I had this vision of this angel that came and stood in front of me. And this angel blew on my feet. It was neither male nor female. And as the pink pixie dust went up through my body, it erupted into red, blue, and then purple spiraling above me. I was very moved by it. I've never felt so much love in my entire life. And after that, it was so profound, everyone in the circle, our eyes were closed, but afterwards they were like, whatever happened for Ellie was pretty big. We all felt the energy of it. And my Reiki master teacher said, you know, I really think that you should write that down or you should draw it. You should do something with that, Ellie, because you don't want to forget that moment. And I remember looking at her going, you know, Wendy, I don't think I could ever forget that. That is transformative. That is like the biggest thing that's ever happened to me in my whole life, other than childbirth. ⁓ but she was like, you know, I think you should really so I did. I I drew it out on a sheet of paper, you know, she had computer paper and markers and things. And that was the first tiny moment for me. So when we talk about these tiny moments, that tiny moment where that man that I met who said, you know. You should write your book about your life. You never know who you might help. And it it it changed the way I felt about it because before I was like, I don't want to just talk about my life and myself, like who am I, you know? So he he he catastrophically made he became an anchor. That voice became an anchor in the moments where I didn't want to take another tiny moment, when I didn't want to do another, you know, ⁓ write out another sentence or speak another paragraph into my book, right? ⁓ what I have to say isn't important. But but his words became very important because they became a lifeline for me in the moments that I was discouraged. And my painting became that for me. So during the process, I used painting as a vehicle to move me forward in my journey without even knowing that that's what I was doing. They were just tiny little moments that I felt were very selfish at the time because it was Yeah.
Dr. Sandra Marie: That's it. That's interesting. ⁓ and that's so powerful. So you've mentioned your painting and the colors and ⁓ a few times as we've been talking. So let's just move on to that. So Ellen, you didn't begin by writing your story. My understanding is you painted at first. Was the color able to express something that the words couldn't? Can you help us understand that a little more?
Ellen Benfatti: I do. So in the beginning, when I would get like the vision of the angel, ⁓ I would try to paint the angel and I didn't know how to paint. Okay. And so
Dr. Sandra Marie: Wow. Wow, that surprises me. You have such beautiful things on your website.
Ellen Benfatti: ⁓ I did not know how to paint. I didn't know I was an artist. I didn't take art lessons as a child or I didn't choose art in school for electives. I had one drawing class in the eighth grade, ⁓ pencil drawing. I mean, I did not know I was an artist. So as I awakened, the gifts came online and this was a burning desire. Like I was like, I I have to figure out how to translate what I'm seeing somehow. And I I don't want to write it, so I'm gonna try to paint it. And in my quiet time, I would always hear, you know, source say, Holy Spirit say, just keep painting, Ellie. So I started painting, and for about three years, I was trying to paint what I actually saw. And they were not coming out so great. And so one day I put my paintbrush down and I said, okay, all right, we've got to have a conversation here. So I'm talking to God and I say, look.
Dr. Sandra Marie: God, I need to sit you down here.
Ellen Benfatti: We need to have a sit-down conversation because I love what you're giving me. I love the download, I love what you are showing me. It's way like so profound. And I really don't feel like I'm doing you justice trying to paint me flying over a wheat field that I feel like a lion, and then I end up just painting the head of a lion that looks like a cartoon character. It's a nope for me. Like that's not what I want to do. And so ⁓ I got an answer immediately. It was brilliant. And and the answer was don't paint what you see, paint what you feel. And I said, Well, how do I do that? And I heard start with the color that you see first because I was always getting these visions and color, lots of color. Like when I first started painting on the little sheets of paper, my son said, Mom, you're using your watercolor so thick. You should probably move on to acrylics. I was trying to paint, you know, these colors that were so bright. Anyway, so I did, and I bought a four by five canvas. from Michaels, you know, went just but cheap oak canvas. I had a studio at the time in an artist colony with a bunch of other artists. And I was the new kid on the block. They juried me in because they knew I didn't know how to paint and they wanted to mother me. And that's exactly what they said. We're gonna mentor you. So Rosie and I'm a friend of mine, we went out to ⁓ it was it was St. Patrick's Day, I'll never forget it. We went out to across the street to have a little snack and a drink and on St. Patrick's Day. And then I walked back over the studio and said I'm gonna go paint and I knew I was gonna paint the way that I was told to paint a few days before so I set up my palette with all the yellows of a lion and the you know the wheat field that I saw like all those colors and I just put my music on and I painted it and I looked at it afterwards and I went, Well, that was a waste of canvas. And I left just so just disappointed. I went home. I came back the next morning because I felt like this nudging, go back, go back, you know, the excitement of like Christmas morning in my belly. And when I got there, Rosie was standing there with a couple other artists, and and they were in my cubicle. And I was like, What are you guys doing? And I thought, maybe I spilled something, maybe my painting fell over, you know. And they said, ⁓ we're admiring. Your painting. I was like, ⁓ my God. What are you admiring, right? And they said, Well, we didn't know that you could paint people so well. And I said, I don't paint people. And they go, Well, you do now. And they moved out of the way. And on this canvas, there was a man hugging a woman. Her head is turned sideways. You could see her profile. ⁓ and then there was a little boy.
Dr. Sandra Marie: You're like, what?
Ellen Benfatti: ⁓ about I'd say three, four years old, looking at them. He had striped t-shirt on, shorts. You could see his face, his eyes looking at them. I didn't even know what foreshadowing was. I just was like, I was so blown away. And from that moment forward, I just went back and I said, okay, I'm gonna, I'm gonna rem I had already documented the dreams in the other paintings. I was like, you know what? Every time I get something from Source Now, every time I get an inspiration or a download or a message. I'm just going to turn it into color. And so I did that and I I named my first website Angelic Manifestations because I really believed that these were angelic ⁓ messages I was getting, because the first one was an angel. And then now I know that they're vibrational frequencies. Now I know that they actually hold a frequency that actually impacts the space around them. And I work with them with individuals. through meditation and things like that. But it all started from that first drawing of the angel at that Reiki attunement. And that's what I mean by those tiny little steps. You know, I had to go outside of my comfort zone. I had never drawn anything or did anything. There was a group of people at the table. I was like, ⁓ you know. So that's really, you know, it's just that's the thread through the whole thing.
Dr. Sandra Marie: That's really magical. So I know that you've worked with the colors for decades to I got a little focused on this color thing. Do that was such a magical that was just so magical. Do certain colors seem to invite different emotional or spiritual experiences for you?
Ellen Benfatti: Okay. Yeah. So when when you know, along my journey I started to study color and ⁓ I I'm I believe in past lives. I believe I was I worked with color in Egypt. And what I started to recognize is that ⁓ color has a direct impact on the way you feel. And I did this YouTube, it's an old YouTube of me. My hair is dark. I'm quite a bit heavier. I mean, it's a long time ago, early in my, it was probably like 2013. And I was talking about, you know, if if an alien came to meet me, how would I communicate with this alien without language? And I would do it through color. I think color speaks volumes. You know, if I hold up red.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Interesting.
Ellen Benfatti: Red is a powerful energy. It's a slow moving vibration. It's a powerful energy. It's it's like it it can be a sign of you know forcefulness, right? Whereas white, like we put the white flag up, surrender, serenity, right? So it's already in the collective consciousness, this language of color. And I think it has a strong impact on our subconscious mind. And so learning how to use color ⁓ intentionally to convey a message.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Mm-hmm.
Ellen Benfatti: became my language. And ⁓ and I was fascinated by it, just like I'm fascinated by numerology, you know, that's fascinating. So every letter has a number attached to it. I mean it's just like this is a whole hidden language that we don't even really talk about in the I haven't seen that much of it in the spiritual community. But ⁓ color is very much a language. And ⁓ and and that's the way I equated it. If I was on another planet and I was talking to alien beings like
Dr. Sandra Marie: Right.
Ellen Benfatti: How could I communicate with them without any dialect? And it would definitely be I would do it through color.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Wow, that's I really have to wrap my head around that one. That'll be something that I will ponder after the show a little bit. That's pretty powerful. 'Cause color color's a big deal in our world. Has your understanding of creativity changed over the years?
Ellen Benfatti: Well, I think I'm always changing. I'm always evolving. I'm always, you know, going caterpillar, butterfly, I mean, there's been lots of stages, right? but I think that what has changed the most for me in this last couple of years is understanding that my desire to paint, yes, it was transformative in that I was getting these inspirational downloads, if you want to call them that spiritual knowledge, wisdom, whatever. And I was trying to document that because I knew it was important. But what God was doing behind the scenes or what spirit was doing behind the scenes was healing my nervous system. And that that is what I've discovered over the last two years is that the painting literally helped rewire my neuropathways, my nervous system, in such a way that I can that I can be here speaking with you today. And that is is the magic of it. And that's really why I feel so compelled now to to publicly speak about this. Because I I feel that painting saved my life. And the process of doing that
Dr. Sandra Marie: Wow, that's fascinating.
Ellen Benfatti: And it became my it became like it allowed me to get to know myself. You know, there's no mistakes in art. So if I would be painting, you know, I knew that I could I could manipulate it. I could, you know, if a blob of paint fell down in the beginning, if I messed up a canvas, I would do the pointalism with the women and I would just cover it with a woman. And I started to I look back on that and it was like I became more flexible, I became more tolerant, I became more loving to myself. My internal ⁓ critic, the inner critic, ⁓ became my fan now. No longer was a critic, but a cheerleader. There were just so many things about my brain that changed. And And so that's what I've recognized in the last couple of years is that me having the the determination and the the curiosity, which was a lot of it, and the downright curiosity of why all of a sudden I want to paint, and then staying with it even in the hard times, even in the times when it wasn't convenient or I felt like, you know, this is a waste of time, like continuing with that. It was the greatest gift that that I could have received from myself for myself to do that.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Interesting. That is really fascinating. And I'm not really sure I how I want to ask this. D ⁓ do you believe creativity is something that we make or is it something that we are actually remembering?
Ellen Benfatti: I think it is something that we are remembering. And I think that it is connected to the collective consciousness, to the one mind, to the greater mind. And I believe that during this phase of awakening, we'll go going back to the beginning of our conversation, so many people are waking up. One of the very first symptoms of waking up is being called to some sort of creative expression. I've I've noticed that across the board. ⁓ whether it's, you know, writing, drawing, cooking, gardening, knitting, people tend to when they start to go through an awake this awakening, this collective awakening, new giftings or old giftings that are being remembered are chiming in and they're feeling that pull to do that. And I think that that's a big ⁓ a big part of this collective awakening going into the age of the artist. What I was taught by my first guru is that the age of the the age of Aquarius is the age of the artist. And so the byproduct of this crew this human awakening, we're all coming into one giant butterfly, in my opinion, that's what I've been shown. Is going to be all these magical gifts that we all have that have laid dormant that are going to come up and be seen. We're going to have so much free time on our hands because the technology is going to be so advanced, we're not going to be working like we used to. And so these gifts coming online are going to be for all to see, and we're going to have lots of time to do it. And so I do believe that they are part of our innate nature. And as our Chakra grid opens and we're operating from all 144,000 naughtys, then it's we are going to illuminate and we are going to illuminate through our gifts and we're going to share those gifts openly with one another. And it's just going to be a beautiful, beautiful ⁓ coexistence together. That's what I believe.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Well, that's really exciting. I've I have heard a lot of people talk about ⁓ things are gonna free up for us as AI and different technology sort of picks up the ⁓ mundane and resources, more resources will be available for us to really just live and experience life in a different way. So that would make sense that our other areas would turn on and we'd be able to experience them because we're no longer coming from that survival mode type of thing.
Ellen Benfatti: Yeah. And that's another thing, you know, like coming into, you know, out of that survival mode is really part of that whole caterpillar process. You know, that whole going from caterpillar to butterfly, stepping out of that fear and trusting the process. so that's a big part of it.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Yeah. Yeah, I would I would totally, totally agree. And I it feels like you know, there's a lot of energy out there that is really challenging us with the fear to, you know, rate they keep that the bar kept keeps it feels like the there is an area out there that keeps upping the bar with the fear, which I feel in the end is going to be enough for people to say, Yes, no more, we're done with this. ⁓
Ellen Benfatti: Well that's why the Yeah. That's why I believe the creative process is so important because know thyself, know thy neighbor. And I was given that download ⁓ you know, almost two decades ago. Know thyself, know thy neighbor. When we are connected to our own gifting and we're operating from that place of self-discovery and allowing, you know, the collective one mind influence us in a a way to bring forward some creative project.
Dr. Sandra Marie: So that's beautiful that you say that.
Ellen Benfatti: And it really does help to ⁓ mitigate that fear. And when we look at the world and we look at war and we look at you know competition versus copper cooperation, it's all fear-based. And when if I'm afraid of who I am, I'm gonna be afraid of who you are. And so the creative process can be a place of self-discovery to love yourself, to go from that inner critic to that inner cheerleader. Because when we can be our own cheerleader in a loving place and we can and we're no longer afraid of who we are, we're not gonna be afraid of our neighbor. And and and and that builds a bridge. To more tolerance and flexibility. I remember early on painting with these bright colors. I did lots of art walks. And back then, you know, it wasn't it wasn't popular what I was what I was speaking about and and and and painting. And I had this one gentleman who's very angry about one of my paintings, and I said, you know, what is it about it that rubs you? And he said, It's just too bright. Those things made me curious. Like how I mean I just yeah. Exactly. That's what made that's what made me curious about finding out what it is inside of us as people that makes us have an aversion to a color. Like that is like that, that is that's it in in a nutshell. I mean, I was
Dr. Sandra Marie: Goodness. Yeah. Why such a response? Yeah. I th I think what you just said was Yeah.
Ellen Benfatti: hook, line, and sinker with that. I was like, I've gotta follow this rabbit because this is crazy down. And he was downright in my face over it. I was like, look, buddy.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Okay. Wow. Well it sounds like you followed the rabbit very well. That that is that is a that's pretty fascinating. So is this a chicken egg statement? If I asked the question, do you believe healing makes us more creative or does creativity help us heal? Yeah, it's
Ellen Benfatti: Good. Mm-hmm. It's both. They're interchang that it's like I see it as the infinity sign. They're totally inner. You can't separate.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Right, exactly. Okay. As as we were talking, I was like, This is that chicken egg, it's just yes, there's no ending or beginning with either of them.
Ellen Benfatti: And that's the cycle of the caterpillar and butterfly. The caterpillar lays eggs and then, you know, and the I mean the butterfly lays eggs and then she she dies. And then the caterpillar goes. I mean, it's just this complete cycle of this transformation that just keeps repeating itself. It's so beautiful.
Dr. Sandra Marie: So I have a question for ya. If Your life today were a painting. What colors would it contain that weren't there twenty years ago? And we'll take crazy man out of it.
Ellen Benfatti: ⁓ my. Wow, that's a very creative question, Sandra. I have to think about it. So what colors would be there now that weren't there before, right? That's the question. Okay.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Correct.
Ellen Benfatti: So interesting. I would say that in the beginning I didn't paint with metallics like golds and silvers and opalescence and that kind of thing. And as my work progressed, I I started to include more of that in my work. And it's very ⁓ subliminal. So I put it on the canvas before I lay on the brighter colors. And it's there completely as an energetic gateway. And I would say that that would probably be a good depiction of where I've gone in my life. It's our subtle presence that has the biggest impact. And that's why it's so important that that we are in harmony with ourselves.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Wow, that's really interesting to me and that those colors were missing and they're there now. They do feel appropriate for the journey that you've been in. They're almost to me like they feel like the alchema that how you've alchemized yourself.
Ellen Benfatti: It is. It's like alchemy, for sure. And I appreciate you asking me that question. I never thought about that. I'm so touched by that question.
Dr. Sandra Marie: You're welcome. It it just it's this is like your world. So I was just sort of fascinated about where you were gonna go with that.
Ellen Benfatti: Yeah, and those opals came out when I was in Italy painting in sixteen. So all of that came out in Italy in year sixteen. So I would have already have been painting for about twelve years by then. Yeah.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Interesting. So what are your thoughts on the biggest misconception people have about transformation from your perspective?
Ellen Benfatti: ⁓ my gosh, ⁓ the misconception. transformation. ⁓ I guess that's a hard question. There's a there's a lot of misconception collectively, you know. When I started going through transformation, everybody thought I was going crazy. ⁓ so there's that misconception, you know. When you start to when you step outside of the lines, when you start coloring outside the lines, when when you say, you know what, I'm gonna do it this way, then not everybody's a big fan of that, right? So that's one that's one misconception, I think.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Right.
Ellen Benfatti: that you know ⁓ that you're not gonna be integrated back into society. I think that is a misconception that you're gonna be flying solo for a long time and you're never gonna feel normal again. I'm here to say if normal is a word, you know what I'm saying, integrated back in. Because there's a phase where you're very much excluded. And then it is part of the work and you need to be, you know, that
Dr. Sandra Marie: Absolutely, absolutely. But that's part of the work. Correct.
Ellen Benfatti: that isolation is super important to do the inner work. So I guess the that that would be for me a misconception was I was like, God, am I ever gonna like be part of a group again? Am I always gonna be like the the one on the outside? Because I was transforming in such a way that I didn't fit anywhere. I didn't belong anywhere. I couldn't fit in anywhere because there was so much change happening. ⁓ but anyways, I would say that that might be one thing that I would say. And and I'm here to tell everybody the good news is it will integrate all in, and then you will be rewoven into the tapestry of life. And I wrote this poem when I was in my 20s called Tapestry about gold, silver, bronze, and red. I'm thinking about it right now. You will be woven back into that tapestry beautifully. So not to fret.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Well, that is perfect. Ellen, for the listeners who would like to learn more about your work and how they would go about it and what it would look like, how can they do that?
Ellen Benfatti: I have a website. It's my name, Ellenbenfotti.com. So you can look me up on there. You can also look me up on Amazon to get the book. Everything's all on my website. So you can look at the art and you can see the services I provide and my book. I've tried to make it as detailed. You can hear some other podcasts I've done. So ⁓ it's a one-stop, you know, opportunity to learn as much about me as you want.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Thank you. And you do have some beautiful artwork on that website, so I enjoyed that. I have one last question for you as we're winding down. What's the most important thing we did not talk about today?
Ellen Benfatti: The most important thing we did not talk about today was You're not alone.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Wow, that's a biggie.
Ellen Benfatti: You might feel isolation. You might feel alone. I have goosebumps right now, so this is important. You're not alone. You have an entire team around you as you go through this whole caterpillar experience to butterfly. You have ancestors lined up behind you. You have angelic beings. You have your guardian angel. You have source, God, the creator of all that is, that all will ever be, you are so supported through this process and you are absolutely not alone.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Well, that is a perfect way to end the show. Ellen, thank you for sharing your story so openly and for reminding us that transformation isn't always graceful or immediate. Sometimes it asks us to sit with uncertainty, honestly to trust the process, which can be really difficult, and discover parts of ourselves that honestly we never knew existed. I appreciate you joining us today and sharing your journey with our listeners. To learn more about Happy Hour and the latest at Wild Soul Gatherings, you can go to our website, Wildsoul Gathering dot com. And everyone listening, thank you for being here. Until next time, thanks again, Ellen.
Ellen Benfatti: Thank you. Thank you so much, Sandra. I really enjoyed my time with you today.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Okay.
Ellen Benfatti: Hi Sandra. It's so nice to be here. I'm so excited to be with you today.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Well, this is going to be a great conversation. First of all, Alan, the title of your book immediately caught my attention. What exactly is Caterpillar Soup?
Ellen Benfatti: Well, it was a way to hopefully grab a potential reader's attention. ⁓ number one, what is caterpillar soup? And I started to recognize as I was going through my transformation that everything was a big soupy mess. Like everything in my life became very messy. Old structures were were falling apart, new structures that wanted to emerge were difficult to integrate. And at times I felt like, Am I like losing my mind? And I just came up with the idea of caterpillar soup during a meditation. ⁓ I follow a teacher, and he used the word caterpillar soup when he was talking about. going within and ⁓ coming into your self-realization or your embodiment. He actually said something and he said, you know, we're all just worms and sometimes it feels like we're caterpillar soup. And I went, that's it. That's the name of my book. And I had always said that to source. I was like, you know, I'll know it's time when you give me the name because I had been recording and writing for decades.
Dr. Sandra Marie: ⁓ perfect.
Ellen Benfatti: And I was like, but I didn't know it and it seemed like it was just a lot of moving parts. And I had gone to when I first ⁓ came into Sedona, I had gone to ⁓ a metaphysical like shop and was talking to ⁓ a reader there, a like a a psychic reader. And I never really do that kind of thing for myself, but I thought, you know what, I like this person. I'm gonna see what they have to say about me. And he actually told me about my book. And he says, you're gonna write a book. And he says, and you're gonna feel like it's disjointed. You're gonna feel like it just rambles on to different things. And he goes, but keep it that way. It's meant to be that way. And so in the back of my mind, I always had that ⁓ lingering, you know, that thought that, you know, let it ramble, let it. let it go in and out of different seasons of my life and not necessarily chronologically.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Well that's really sort of a fascinating background. So your book isn't written from the butterfly's perspective, it's written from the caterpillar's perspective. Why the caterpillar's perspective?
Ellen Benfatti: Well, I think the caterpillar does all the work. So, you know, the caterpillar has to, first of all, I did a little research on the butterfly before, you know, I published. And very and there's male and female butterflies. I always thought of a butterfly as female. They actually are male and female. So you can have male butterflies and female butterflies. I know, right?
Dr. Sandra Marie: Fascinating creature. I did not know that. I guess I never thought about it.
Ellen Benfatti: Me either. And so that was fascinating. ⁓ the next thing is that butterflies, ⁓ when they lay the eggs for the caterpillars to become caterpillars, they just lay the eggs and then they they go away. Like there, there's no mothering, there's no parenting. And so as I was doing my research, I was like, that's kind of how we feel as humans. You know, we drop into this reality and we're just kind of like we're given parents, and some of us have good parents, some of us might not have the best. You know, we might have had very hands-on parents that were like very nurturing, and we might have had like I came from ⁓ a a my mom was a single parent and she was working all the time, and I had all the freedom in the world, right? So ⁓ there were just these nuances. And as I was doing my research, once I had decided what I would call the book, I was like, Well, I I know that I want it to. be about transformation, what better you know character than to have caterpillar to butterfly. but what I started to recognize is that the caterpillar instinctually knows when it's time to start building it making its cocoon. I call it creating its hammock, its sleeping bag, its caterpillar sleeping bag is what I call it, the caterpillar hammock. And and then when the caterpillar goes into that cocoon, everything starts to melt really, you know, everything disintegrates and and is reconstructed. The DNA structure, everything is is restructured. And I started to identify that as that's what it feels like when you come into awakening, you know, I see it as four stages, something happens that awakens you suddenly. Usually it's an event or a series of events. Then there comes the surrender. So the caterpillar wakes up and it's like, I need to get building my hammock. you know and then the caterpillar goes into the hammock to the sleeping bag and then it's like it has to surrender there's struggle in there it's like you know can you imagine you're in this tight little space dark you know ⁓ it you start eating your own innards I mean it's crazy town so and then the next stage is embodiment so then the the caterpillar has to fully embody itself as a butterfly And then emerge into what you might call ascension, right? And the butterfly doesn't live very long. The stage of the caterpillar is much longer. So and it's funny, part one, there's a there's a there's a section in my book that I talk about. When I was eight years old, I moved to Hawaii. My mom had remarried, and ⁓ my stepfather was a Marine, so we moved to Oahu. And I had gotten a banana seat bike this the Christmas before. Remember that? So that was 1976, like the 70s, right? So I had my banana seat bike. And so ⁓ of course, you know, we moved, I think it was pretty much spring, summer, like moving into summer, spring, something like that. So I never really got to ride my new bike. Anyways, everything was shipped over to Hawaii. And
Dr. Sandra Marie: Yeah, that was like super cool present.
Ellen Benfatti: We were waiting for housing to be built. It was brand new housing being built, a base housing. And when we finally moved in, it was the rainy season. So I put my bike, I couldn't ride it, I put it on the patio. And then as rainy season dried up, I went out to want to ride my bike, and there were hundreds of caterpillar cocoons, butterfly cocoons on the spokes of my wheels. Hundreds of them. Every single spoke had a row of them just hanging. And ⁓ man. Well, I knew I couldn't ride my bike now because if I did, they would all die. So even at that age, I was very empathic and I was like, okay, well, I'm not gonna ride my bike. Well, there was this little ⁓ gal next door, a couple doors down, who came over one day. And she said, you know, do you want to ride bikes? This was several weeks later. And a lot of the cocoons had emerged and but there were still some on the bike. And I rode the bike. And I'll never forget that feeling, you know, of riding the bike and knowing that some of them didn't make it because I was so impatient that I had to ride. But I was eight year old little girl, you know what I'm saying?
Dr. Sandra Marie: Right.
Ellen Benfatti: So there's just when I look at my life and I say that to me is profound, that I would have that experience at eight years old, and then I would be writing a book about caterpillar and butterfly. So there's so much of my soul woven into this manuscript, really.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Yeah, like you can't make this stuff up. I was just gonna say that this was in your purview that young and that you had that powerful of an experience. Like you have to think this was part of the mission of this lifetime. You describe pain as the c cocoon in the book. Looking back, was there a moment when you realized your suffering wasn't your punishment, it was your transformation?
Ellen Benfatti: It was a slow drip campaign. ⁓ I would say it wasn't until, you know, halfway through this 20 years, you know. I I think for a long time I saw it as I wasn't good enough. There were parts of me that I felt like
Dr. Sandra Marie: Okay. Fair fair fair fair enough.
Ellen Benfatti: It was punishment. It was like, what did I do wrong? Why is everything in my life falling apart? Why is my friend so-and-so still happily married and thriving and I'm not? You know, like why, why, why, why me, God? Like, why is my life blowing up? Right. And and now I see it as an absolute blessing. And that's what the book is about. About, you know, the people that wear the different masks in our lives. They are our greatest teachers. And they take us to our highest timeline of love. They really do. And I am so grateful for each of the experien for each of those relationships and the experiences that I had because It really has taken me to my highest timeline in this lifetime for sure. I didn't know I was an artist. I didn't know I was a painter. I had to find a way to express what I was experiencing through my awakening. I I began to get profound downloads that were way out of my wheelhouse and I didn't know how to verbalize it. I was a banker, you know, I had a small little net branch for a mortgage company. I was on the computer a lot. I didn't want to write. But I was I was having all these profound visions like nighttime dreams and and in meditation these colors would come to me and you know there was no ayahuasca involved. It was just like I was, you know, opening up and I I I had to somehow try to express it. I knew that it was important enough to document. I thought I was doing it for myself. Right. It was something that I wanted to I needed to process it because it was so profound, but I also knew that it was important. Like I knew that I was documenting something important. That's the best way I could say it. So I chose, I picked up the paintbrush one day and I started painting.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Yeah. Well, so I do want to get into your your painting because that's a whole it's a whole really cool journey in itself. But I do have a couple more questions about the book. So I feel like many people listening feel like right now they're in a caterpillar soup globally. Like there's just a lot happening right now. So to me, it's no coincidence that this this book is coming out and that you're out there
Ellen Benfatti: Okay. Yes.
Dr. Sandra Marie: having a lot of discussion about it as a a vehicle to help people. So from your perspective, for these people who feel like they're really in the caterpillar soup right now, what might that stage actually feel like f for different people?
Ellen Benfatti: I can only speak for myself what it felt like for me. And and I recognize that collectively we're waking up, and so it may feel very similar to other people. So what it felt like for me was a tug of war. There was my ego, my personality, my mind was like. You need to get up and go to work and you need to get more loans and you needed this and you needed that and you should this and you should that and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. And then there was this tender, soft spoken, soulful part of me that was like, you know, Ellie, you should just have a nice cup of tea this morning and paint. And that's what it feels like. And it may not be painting that they're that someone when they're when they're feeling that.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Yeah.
Ellen Benfatti: pull into the awakening. It may be ⁓ a different medium that they're pulled to, a different, but it's it's like a left turn. It's just that left turn where it's it's you're feeling it and it gets to the point that you can no longer deny it. Everything starts to that is no longer in alignment for you. Literally, I call it the Tower Card and Tarot, starts to crumble. And the illusions are you you you're no
Dr. Sandra Marie: Yeah.
Ellen Benfatti: Longer in the illusion. You're no longer able to, you know, stay in that same state of consciousness. You just can't do it. And so it can feel like ⁓ you're losing your mind. Sorry about that.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Okay. Well, I think it's the one of the things that you're acknowledging is super important that it will look and feel different for each individual because it's a unique journey. But the end part, as you were saying, the the process of it, especially I love the tarot card of the tower. That's such a great example. As long as you're gonna resist it, you're gonna end up in that tower.
Ellen Benfatti: Mm-hmm.
Dr. Sandra Marie: card type of environment of the the soup, right? And then as you move along, it'll look different from your perspective. When does the caterpillar know it's time to stop crawling and trust the cocoon?
Ellen Benfatti: That's at the very beginning. It's that it's that powerful pull of letting things go that you know are no longer working and surrendering to that. It's that first moment of surrender. It's that moment of surrender. That's when you enter the cocoon. That's when you know that you're you're beginning to build your silk nest so that you have a safe container ⁓ to do that.
Dr. Sandra Marie: ⁓ surrender.
Ellen Benfatti: Journey, right? And you you cannot become the butterfly without surrender. You just can't. So there's the awakening, which is ⁓ what I would call the rupturing of your structures where you realize they're just not working anymore. That's the the boom, you know. It's like this is not working, right? And then that pull to surrender. To do something in a different way, to take that left turn to say, you know what? It may be as simple as speaking up for yourself in your marriage. You know, if you're a woman or a man and you're in a marriage where your your voice isn't heard, that might feel like the beginning of your awakening. It's it's not catastrophic. It doesn't have to be like
Dr. Sandra Marie: ⁓ it's the small moments that are big moments.
Ellen Benfatti: That are really big moments. And it's funny because I like to paint with pointalism. And I was just going over this. ⁓ I have a vision of a painting that's coming to me. And ⁓ every little dot, you know, every little dot when I'm painting pointalism is a tiny moment. And I'm gonna do a series called Tiny Moments Now. I just came up with that actually in the last 48 hours because looking over my body of work, those tiny moments, those tiny little movements and changes that I made create created the pathway and formed who I am today. Every single one of those. So it it can be a simple it might feel I guess what I'm trying to explain is that on the inside it feels like it's such a huge thing. And it but on the outside, it could be as simple as stopping your partner and saying, you know what? You know, I really need to be heard in this in this relationship or at your job or something like that. It's really about, you know. This whole book's about the individuation process and coming into and going into your own autonomy, right? And those little things that we have to do. I had never individuated. I got married young. So I just went right into marriage. So I had to at 37, 38 years old, figure out who I was.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Okay.
Ellen Benfatti: Because all those structures had broke down. I was no longer, you know, I wasn't identified in my career as a wife, as a mother, as you know, all those things, all those structures began to crumble.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Right. I people underestimate the ordinary moments in in life and in the small interactions that could have such positive impact for sure. ⁓ as we were talking before we started recording, you had mentioned a very brief conversation that you had with some I'm using air quotes random man, ⁓ about your about your life or the the what
Ellen Benfatti: Yes.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Ended up being the book. And basically, this stranger who passed through your life, who probably had a five-minute conversation with you, changed your whole life. And he probably doesn't even recognize it. And I think that it's really important to remember and for people to recognize that we do make such differences in ways that we don't know many times, and that you just have to trust with that. So
Ellen Benfatti: Yes. And that's kind of how within the in this process because it is very much connected to my creative process. When I got like my first vision, it was an angel that came and I was at a a Reiki ceremony. I was getting certified as Reiki level one.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Mm-hmm.
Ellen Benfatti: I had this vision of this angel that came and stood in front of me. And this angel blew on my feet. It was neither male nor female. And as the pink pixie dust went up through my body, it erupted into red, blue, and then purple spiraling above me. I was very moved by it. I've never felt so much love in my entire life. And after that, it was so profound, everyone in the circle, our eyes were closed, but afterwards they were like, whatever happened for Ellie was pretty big. We all felt the energy of it. And my Reiki master teacher said, you know, I really think that you should write that down or you should draw it. You should do something with that, Ellie, because you don't want to forget that moment. And I remember looking at her going, you know, Wendy, I don't think I could ever forget that. That is transformative. That is like the biggest thing that's ever happened to me in my whole life, other than childbirth. ⁓ but she was like, you know, I think you should really so I did. I I drew it out on a sheet of paper, you know, she had computer paper and markers and things. And that was the first tiny moment for me. So when we talk about these tiny moments, that tiny moment where that man that I met who said, you know. You should write your book about your life. You never know who you might help. And it it it changed the way I felt about it because before I was like, I don't want to just talk about my life and myself, like who am I, you know? So he he he catastrophically made he became an anchor. That voice became an anchor in the moments where I didn't want to take another tiny moment, when I didn't want to do another, you know, ⁓ write out another sentence or speak another paragraph into my book, right? ⁓ what I have to say isn't important. But but his words became very important because they became a lifeline for me in the moments that I was discouraged. And my painting became that for me. So during the process, I used painting as a vehicle to move me forward in my journey without even knowing that that's what I was doing. They were just tiny little moments that I felt were very selfish at the time because it was Yeah.
Dr. Sandra Marie: That's it. That's interesting. ⁓ and that's so powerful. So you've mentioned your painting and the colors and ⁓ a few times as we've been talking. So let's just move on to that. So Ellen, you didn't begin by writing your story. My understanding is you painted at first. Was the color able to express something that the words couldn't? Can you help us understand that a little more?
Ellen Benfatti: I do. So in the beginning, when I would get like the vision of the angel, ⁓ I would try to paint the angel and I didn't know how to paint. Okay. And so
Dr. Sandra Marie: Wow. Wow, that surprises me. You have such beautiful things on your website.
Ellen Benfatti: ⁓ I did not know how to paint. I didn't know I was an artist. I didn't take art lessons as a child or I didn't choose art in school for electives. I had one drawing class in the eighth grade, ⁓ pencil drawing. I mean, I did not know I was an artist. So as I awakened, the gifts came online and this was a burning desire. Like I was like, I I have to figure out how to translate what I'm seeing somehow. And I I don't want to write it, so I'm gonna try to paint it. And in my quiet time, I would always hear, you know, source say, Holy Spirit say, just keep painting, Ellie. So I started painting, and for about three years, I was trying to paint what I actually saw. And they were not coming out so great. And so one day I put my paintbrush down and I said, okay, all right, we've got to have a conversation here. So I'm talking to God and I say, look.
Dr. Sandra Marie: God, I need to sit you down here.
Ellen Benfatti: We need to have a sit-down conversation because I love what you're giving me. I love the download, I love what you are showing me. It's way like so profound. And I really don't feel like I'm doing you justice trying to paint me flying over a wheat field that I feel like a lion, and then I end up just painting the head of a lion that looks like a cartoon character. It's a nope for me. Like that's not what I want to do. And so ⁓ I got an answer immediately. It was brilliant. And and the answer was don't paint what you see, paint what you feel. And I said, Well, how do I do that? And I heard start with the color that you see first because I was always getting these visions and color, lots of color. Like when I first started painting on the little sheets of paper, my son said, Mom, you're using your watercolor so thick. You should probably move on to acrylics. I was trying to paint, you know, these colors that were so bright. Anyway, so I did, and I bought a four by five canvas. from Michaels, you know, went just but cheap oak canvas. I had a studio at the time in an artist colony with a bunch of other artists. And I was the new kid on the block. They juried me in because they knew I didn't know how to paint and they wanted to mother me. And that's exactly what they said. We're gonna mentor you. So Rosie and I'm a friend of mine, we went out to ⁓ it was it was St. Patrick's Day, I'll never forget it. We went out to across the street to have a little snack and a drink and on St. Patrick's Day. And then I walked back over the studio and said I'm gonna go paint and I knew I was gonna paint the way that I was told to paint a few days before so I set up my palette with all the yellows of a lion and the you know the wheat field that I saw like all those colors and I just put my music on and I painted it and I looked at it afterwards and I went, Well, that was a waste of canvas. And I left just so just disappointed. I went home. I came back the next morning because I felt like this nudging, go back, go back, you know, the excitement of like Christmas morning in my belly. And when I got there, Rosie was standing there with a couple other artists, and and they were in my cubicle. And I was like, What are you guys doing? And I thought, maybe I spilled something, maybe my painting fell over, you know. And they said, ⁓ we're admiring. Your painting. I was like, ⁓ my God. What are you admiring, right? And they said, Well, we didn't know that you could paint people so well. And I said, I don't paint people. And they go, Well, you do now. And they moved out of the way. And on this canvas, there was a man hugging a woman. Her head is turned sideways. You could see her profile. ⁓ and then there was a little boy.
Dr. Sandra Marie: You're like, what?
Ellen Benfatti: ⁓ about I'd say three, four years old, looking at them. He had striped t-shirt on, shorts. You could see his face, his eyes looking at them. I didn't even know what foreshadowing was. I just was like, I was so blown away. And from that moment forward, I just went back and I said, okay, I'm gonna, I'm gonna rem I had already documented the dreams in the other paintings. I was like, you know what? Every time I get something from Source Now, every time I get an inspiration or a download or a message. I'm just going to turn it into color. And so I did that and I I named my first website Angelic Manifestations because I really believed that these were angelic ⁓ messages I was getting, because the first one was an angel. And then now I know that they're vibrational frequencies. Now I know that they actually hold a frequency that actually impacts the space around them. And I work with them with individuals. through meditation and things like that. But it all started from that first drawing of the angel at that Reiki attunement. And that's what I mean by those tiny little steps. You know, I had to go outside of my comfort zone. I had never drawn anything or did anything. There was a group of people at the table. I was like, ⁓ you know. So that's really, you know, it's just that's the thread through the whole thing.
Dr. Sandra Marie: That's really magical. So I know that you've worked with the colors for decades to I got a little focused on this color thing. Do that was such a magical that was just so magical. Do certain colors seem to invite different emotional or spiritual experiences for you?
Ellen Benfatti: Okay. Yeah. So when when you know, along my journey I started to study color and ⁓ I I'm I believe in past lives. I believe I was I worked with color in Egypt. And what I started to recognize is that ⁓ color has a direct impact on the way you feel. And I did this YouTube, it's an old YouTube of me. My hair is dark. I'm quite a bit heavier. I mean, it's a long time ago, early in my, it was probably like 2013. And I was talking about, you know, if if an alien came to meet me, how would I communicate with this alien without language? And I would do it through color. I think color speaks volumes. You know, if I hold up red.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Interesting.
Ellen Benfatti: Red is a powerful energy. It's a slow moving vibration. It's a powerful energy. It's it's like it it can be a sign of you know forcefulness, right? Whereas white, like we put the white flag up, surrender, serenity, right? So it's already in the collective consciousness, this language of color. And I think it has a strong impact on our subconscious mind. And so learning how to use color ⁓ intentionally to convey a message.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Mm-hmm.
Ellen Benfatti: became my language. And ⁓ and I was fascinated by it, just like I'm fascinated by numerology, you know, that's fascinating. So every letter has a number attached to it. I mean it's just like this is a whole hidden language that we don't even really talk about in the I haven't seen that much of it in the spiritual community. But ⁓ color is very much a language. And ⁓ and and that's the way I equated it. If I was on another planet and I was talking to alien beings like
Dr. Sandra Marie: Right.
Ellen Benfatti: How could I communicate with them without any dialect? And it would definitely be I would do it through color.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Wow, that's I really have to wrap my head around that one. That'll be something that I will ponder after the show a little bit. That's pretty powerful. 'Cause color color's a big deal in our world. Has your understanding of creativity changed over the years?
Ellen Benfatti: Well, I think I'm always changing. I'm always evolving. I'm always, you know, going caterpillar, butterfly, I mean, there's been lots of stages, right? but I think that what has changed the most for me in this last couple of years is understanding that my desire to paint, yes, it was transformative in that I was getting these inspirational downloads, if you want to call them that spiritual knowledge, wisdom, whatever. And I was trying to document that because I knew it was important. But what God was doing behind the scenes or what spirit was doing behind the scenes was healing my nervous system. And that that is what I've discovered over the last two years is that the painting literally helped rewire my neuropathways, my nervous system, in such a way that I can that I can be here speaking with you today. And that is is the magic of it. And that's really why I feel so compelled now to to publicly speak about this. Because I I feel that painting saved my life. And the process of doing that
Dr. Sandra Marie: Wow, that's fascinating.
Ellen Benfatti: And it became my it became like it allowed me to get to know myself. You know, there's no mistakes in art. So if I would be painting, you know, I knew that I could I could manipulate it. I could, you know, if a blob of paint fell down in the beginning, if I messed up a canvas, I would do the pointalism with the women and I would just cover it with a woman. And I started to I look back on that and it was like I became more flexible, I became more tolerant, I became more loving to myself. My internal ⁓ critic, the inner critic, ⁓ became my fan now. No longer was a critic, but a cheerleader. There were just so many things about my brain that changed. And And so that's what I've recognized in the last couple of years is that me having the the determination and the the curiosity, which was a lot of it, and the downright curiosity of why all of a sudden I want to paint, and then staying with it even in the hard times, even in the times when it wasn't convenient or I felt like, you know, this is a waste of time, like continuing with that. It was the greatest gift that that I could have received from myself for myself to do that.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Interesting. That is really fascinating. And I'm not really sure I how I want to ask this. D ⁓ do you believe creativity is something that we make or is it something that we are actually remembering?
Ellen Benfatti: I think it is something that we are remembering. And I think that it is connected to the collective consciousness, to the one mind, to the greater mind. And I believe that during this phase of awakening, we'll go going back to the beginning of our conversation, so many people are waking up. One of the very first symptoms of waking up is being called to some sort of creative expression. I've I've noticed that across the board. ⁓ whether it's, you know, writing, drawing, cooking, gardening, knitting, people tend to when they start to go through an awake this awakening, this collective awakening, new giftings or old giftings that are being remembered are chiming in and they're feeling that pull to do that. And I think that that's a big ⁓ a big part of this collective awakening going into the age of the artist. What I was taught by my first guru is that the age of the the age of Aquarius is the age of the artist. And so the byproduct of this crew this human awakening, we're all coming into one giant butterfly, in my opinion, that's what I've been shown. Is going to be all these magical gifts that we all have that have laid dormant that are going to come up and be seen. We're going to have so much free time on our hands because the technology is going to be so advanced, we're not going to be working like we used to. And so these gifts coming online are going to be for all to see, and we're going to have lots of time to do it. And so I do believe that they are part of our innate nature. And as our Chakra grid opens and we're operating from all 144,000 naughtys, then it's we are going to illuminate and we are going to illuminate through our gifts and we're going to share those gifts openly with one another. And it's just going to be a beautiful, beautiful ⁓ coexistence together. That's what I believe.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Well, that's really exciting. I've I have heard a lot of people talk about ⁓ things are gonna free up for us as AI and different technology sort of picks up the ⁓ mundane and resources, more resources will be available for us to really just live and experience life in a different way. So that would make sense that our other areas would turn on and we'd be able to experience them because we're no longer coming from that survival mode type of thing.
Ellen Benfatti: Yeah. And that's another thing, you know, like coming into, you know, out of that survival mode is really part of that whole caterpillar process. You know, that whole going from caterpillar to butterfly, stepping out of that fear and trusting the process. so that's a big part of it.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Yeah. Yeah, I would I would totally, totally agree. And I it feels like you know, there's a lot of energy out there that is really challenging us with the fear to, you know, rate they keep that the bar kept keeps it feels like the there is an area out there that keeps upping the bar with the fear, which I feel in the end is going to be enough for people to say, Yes, no more, we're done with this. ⁓
Ellen Benfatti: Well that's why the Yeah. That's why I believe the creative process is so important because know thyself, know thy neighbor. And I was given that download ⁓ you know, almost two decades ago. Know thyself, know thy neighbor. When we are connected to our own gifting and we're operating from that place of self-discovery and allowing, you know, the collective one mind influence us in a a way to bring forward some creative project.
Dr. Sandra Marie: So that's beautiful that you say that.
Ellen Benfatti: And it really does help to ⁓ mitigate that fear. And when we look at the world and we look at war and we look at you know competition versus copper cooperation, it's all fear-based. And when if I'm afraid of who I am, I'm gonna be afraid of who you are. And so the creative process can be a place of self-discovery to love yourself, to go from that inner critic to that inner cheerleader. Because when we can be our own cheerleader in a loving place and we can and we're no longer afraid of who we are, we're not gonna be afraid of our neighbor. And and and and that builds a bridge. To more tolerance and flexibility. I remember early on painting with these bright colors. I did lots of art walks. And back then, you know, it wasn't it wasn't popular what I was what I was speaking about and and and and painting. And I had this one gentleman who's very angry about one of my paintings, and I said, you know, what is it about it that rubs you? And he said, It's just too bright. Those things made me curious. Like how I mean I just yeah. Exactly. That's what made that's what made me curious about finding out what it is inside of us as people that makes us have an aversion to a color. Like that is like that, that is that's it in in a nutshell. I mean, I was
Dr. Sandra Marie: Goodness. Yeah. Why such a response? Yeah. I th I think what you just said was Yeah.
Ellen Benfatti: hook, line, and sinker with that. I was like, I've gotta follow this rabbit because this is crazy down. And he was downright in my face over it. I was like, look, buddy.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Okay. Wow. Well it sounds like you followed the rabbit very well. That that is that is a that's pretty fascinating. So is this a chicken egg statement? If I asked the question, do you believe healing makes us more creative or does creativity help us heal? Yeah, it's
Ellen Benfatti: Good. Mm-hmm. It's both. They're interchang that it's like I see it as the infinity sign. They're totally inner. You can't separate.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Right, exactly. Okay. As as we were talking, I was like, This is that chicken egg, it's just yes, there's no ending or beginning with either of them.
Ellen Benfatti: And that's the cycle of the caterpillar and butterfly. The caterpillar lays eggs and then, you know, and the I mean the butterfly lays eggs and then she she dies. And then the caterpillar goes. I mean, it's just this complete cycle of this transformation that just keeps repeating itself. It's so beautiful.
Dr. Sandra Marie: So I have a question for ya. If Your life today were a painting. What colors would it contain that weren't there twenty years ago? And we'll take crazy man out of it.
Ellen Benfatti: ⁓ my. Wow, that's a very creative question, Sandra. I have to think about it. So what colors would be there now that weren't there before, right? That's the question. Okay.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Correct.
Ellen Benfatti: So interesting. I would say that in the beginning I didn't paint with metallics like golds and silvers and opalescence and that kind of thing. And as my work progressed, I I started to include more of that in my work. And it's very ⁓ subliminal. So I put it on the canvas before I lay on the brighter colors. And it's there completely as an energetic gateway. And I would say that that would probably be a good depiction of where I've gone in my life. It's our subtle presence that has the biggest impact. And that's why it's so important that that we are in harmony with ourselves.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Wow, that's really interesting to me and that those colors were missing and they're there now. They do feel appropriate for the journey that you've been in. They're almost to me like they feel like the alchema that how you've alchemized yourself.
Ellen Benfatti: It is. It's like alchemy, for sure. And I appreciate you asking me that question. I never thought about that. I'm so touched by that question.
Dr. Sandra Marie: You're welcome. It it just it's this is like your world. So I was just sort of fascinated about where you were gonna go with that.
Ellen Benfatti: Yeah, and those opals came out when I was in Italy painting in sixteen. So all of that came out in Italy in year sixteen. So I would have already have been painting for about twelve years by then. Yeah.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Interesting. So what are your thoughts on the biggest misconception people have about transformation from your perspective?
Ellen Benfatti: ⁓ my gosh, ⁓ the misconception. transformation. ⁓ I guess that's a hard question. There's a there's a lot of misconception collectively, you know. When I started going through transformation, everybody thought I was going crazy. ⁓ so there's that misconception, you know. When you start to when you step outside of the lines, when you start coloring outside the lines, when when you say, you know what, I'm gonna do it this way, then not everybody's a big fan of that, right? So that's one that's one misconception, I think.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Right.
Ellen Benfatti: that you know ⁓ that you're not gonna be integrated back into society. I think that is a misconception that you're gonna be flying solo for a long time and you're never gonna feel normal again. I'm here to say if normal is a word, you know what I'm saying, integrated back in. Because there's a phase where you're very much excluded. And then it is part of the work and you need to be, you know, that
Dr. Sandra Marie: Absolutely, absolutely. But that's part of the work. Correct.
Ellen Benfatti: that isolation is super important to do the inner work. So I guess the that that would be for me a misconception was I was like, God, am I ever gonna like be part of a group again? Am I always gonna be like the the one on the outside? Because I was transforming in such a way that I didn't fit anywhere. I didn't belong anywhere. I couldn't fit in anywhere because there was so much change happening. ⁓ but anyways, I would say that that might be one thing that I would say. And and I'm here to tell everybody the good news is it will integrate all in, and then you will be rewoven into the tapestry of life. And I wrote this poem when I was in my 20s called Tapestry about gold, silver, bronze, and red. I'm thinking about it right now. You will be woven back into that tapestry beautifully. So not to fret.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Well, that is perfect. Ellen, for the listeners who would like to learn more about your work and how they would go about it and what it would look like, how can they do that?
Ellen Benfatti: I have a website. It's my name, Ellenbenfotti.com. So you can look me up on there. You can also look me up on Amazon to get the book. Everything's all on my website. So you can look at the art and you can see the services I provide and my book. I've tried to make it as detailed. You can hear some other podcasts I've done. So ⁓ it's a one-stop, you know, opportunity to learn as much about me as you want.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Thank you. And you do have some beautiful artwork on that website, so I enjoyed that. I have one last question for you as we're winding down. What's the most important thing we did not talk about today?
Ellen Benfatti: The most important thing we did not talk about today was You're not alone.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Wow, that's a biggie.
Ellen Benfatti: You might feel isolation. You might feel alone. I have goosebumps right now, so this is important. You're not alone. You have an entire team around you as you go through this whole caterpillar experience to butterfly. You have ancestors lined up behind you. You have angelic beings. You have your guardian angel. You have source, God, the creator of all that is, that all will ever be, you are so supported through this process and you are absolutely not alone.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Well, that is a perfect way to end the show. Ellen, thank you for sharing your story so openly and for reminding us that transformation isn't always graceful or immediate. Sometimes it asks us to sit with uncertainty, honestly to trust the process, which can be really difficult, and discover parts of ourselves that honestly we never knew existed. I appreciate you joining us today and sharing your journey with our listeners. To learn more about Happy Hour and the latest at Wild Soul Gatherings, you can go to our website, Wildsoul Gathering dot com. And everyone listening, thank you for being here. Until next time, thanks again, Ellen.
Ellen Benfatti: Thank you. Thank you so much, Sandra. I really enjoyed my time with you today.
Dr. Sandra Marie: Okay.
