E46: Cheating Dick, Overcoming Relationship Hardships, and an Unlikely Friendship

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Welcome to another week of Half Serious.
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This week we talk to Spill the Tea Unfiltered.
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It's kind of a girls-girl episode.
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It's uh for the ladies.
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Why do I feel like a 90s DJ when I say that?
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This one's for the ladies.
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But I think that the dudes will really enjoy some of the insight uh as well, some behind the scenes with what girls are thinking, what they feel, and all the other good stuff as well.
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And that there's a lot of funny insight on dating.
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Particularly interesting is the story as to how these two podcasters met.
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So give it a listen, let me know what you think.
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And we do have a fluffer episode coming up.
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So if you guys have questions for me, please send them my way.
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Nothing's off the table, I don't think.
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Challenge me on that, I guess.
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And housekeeping things, the t-shirts are uh still getting designed by my niece, and they are freaking phenomenal.
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I'm so excited to get those posted up.
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If you guys want to support the podcast, this is a hobby, it doesn't make money.
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So if you guys want to help me break even, buy some t-shirts, that would be freaking awesome.
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But enough said, I will, as usual, shut up and here are our guests.
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You guys have been, well, I won't be like best friends, but you guys are your best friends, right?
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So Yeah, I just heard this bitch move.
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Literally, you guys are basically in a relationship right now.
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Yes.
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She watched my cats while I was out of town last week.
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I slept here on the couch.
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Well, because her cats are special.
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They're her cats have special needs, okay?
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One of them shits everywhere.
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Oh, it's a special need?
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Yeah, he like he has a shitting problem.
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That's his need.
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So I have to like clean him all the time.
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Oh my god, it was obnoxious.
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He just went to the vet right beforehand.
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They were trying to like figure out like if it's a food intolerance or what's going on with them.
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So we're in it wasn't just a permanent state of being.
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This is like a like we're we're just going through the works of trying to figure out like what's going on with them.
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He's just stupid.
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And he is low-key dumb.
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So what he'll do is he'll have diarrhea and then he steps in it and then he tracks it everywhere.
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So then you're just like, I'm having to like chase him around trying to grab him so I could clean his paws off.
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That's such a bad feeling and be like, I have no idea where there's shit in my house now.
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Yeah, that's why I was like, I just slept on the couch and I like shoved them in their in their room, and I was like, You're not jumping on me with shit in the middle of the night.
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Absolutely not.
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It's the worst kind of way to wake up and be like, Yeah.
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He really was like the worst cat for Lauren, too.
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He was.
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It was like the stuff I don't have to deal with.
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Like, she was going through, she was calling me, and I'm like, he never does that.
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I'm like, You're out of paper towels.
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Like, what is happening here?
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Um, but yeah, we're we're best friends now.
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So um we officially met uh a little over a year ago.
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It was in April of last year, is when we we finally I finally got a hold of her after stalking her.
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Um literally stalking her.
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It was a good start of a friendship to stalk them first and then um because it was funny because so well, it's funny now, looking back at it.
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So the story being, um, you know, I my ex-husband cheated on me with turns out to be 20 plus women, right?
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Well, Amber is the one that I actually caught him on a date with.
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So I caught him at the movie theater because he used our joint account to buy movie tickets.
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I was out of town for work and I flew back early and I waited outside and videoed them going.
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But didn't say anything too much.
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I didn't say a word.
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I videoed him going in, videoed him going up the stairs.
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She was like holding him, had her head on him.
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I'm videoing the whole thing like shaking.
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So the video's like um and then they went into the theater and I had him, I bought a ticket to go to the same theater.
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So I was just sitting there debating like, do I go in?
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Do I turn around and say, Hi, I'm the wife, or you know, what do I do?
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So what did you do?
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Well, I so I should have, it turns out, because she would have been like, oh yeah, but you never know how the woman's gonna act, right?
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Yeah.
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Amber had no idea he was married.
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He completely lied to her, so she had no clue he was married.
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So I was sitting outside and he came out to go to the bathroom and saw me, and he lost his shit.
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He was like, I'm gonna call the cops on you.
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I'm like, for what?
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Yeah, going to the movies?
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He said, he said, You're stalking me.
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And I said, You're my husband.
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Um, but yeah, he uh he was like, I at that point, he'd already at that point been like acting really shady, so I knew he was cheating on me, but of course he was gaslighting me, right?
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So the whole time he was he was treating me really bad and he's like, I just don't love you anymore.
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And so at this point, I was just like, okay, something's going on.
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And because you don't just randomly say, I don't love your wife anymore.
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Like that doesn't happen.
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And so I was like, he's cheating.
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I just gotta catch him because if I don't catch him, I'll never know.
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So when I after I called him, I was like, Well, listen, I'll give you your div, I'll give you a divorce, but you have to sign saying you'll give me X amount of money back because he got me an over$150,000 in debt.
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I bought this man two motorcycles, and so I'm like, you were going teeth and teeth and a ton of other medical stuff, like thousands of dollars on medical stuff.
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And she fixed the tinkerbell on his hand.
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Yeah, yeah.
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That was right before Tinkerbell.
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He had Tinkerbell tattooed on his hand.
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He had his poop or something.
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I'm like, I don't know what that means.
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No, there was like a fairy looking bullshit on his hand and he hated it and he got made fun of at the at his job all the time.
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So, like in August, right?
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I know, in August, right before I caught him in that October, he um took my credit card and went and got his tattoo covered up over a thousand dollars.
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Then in September, he was complaining because he needed LASIK.
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Took my credit card, got$4,000 in LASIK done in September.
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And then I find out I took him to like Big Mike's, which is a really nice like steakhouse in Gunner'sville for our for our wedding anniversary in September.
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And he came to find out there was another woman he was also cheating on me with, and then technically cheating on Amber with as well.
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Um and they were sending each other nudes on our anniversary.
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Oh shit.
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Because later she sends me all this like gives me dates and stuff.
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And so on our anniversary, she's sending him nudes, and then I'm like sitting there just like, and him and I like we slept together that night.
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So I'm just sitting there like, and the whole time that's the thing that irritates me is you get men that'll be like, Well, what didn't you do?
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Were you not giving him sex?
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And I'm like, no, I was constantly asking for it to the point that he was he was telling me I was being too needy and it wasn't attractive.
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Wow.
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Yeah, that's well, he had dick problems.
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He had problems getting it up, and it the only way he could get it up is when it was exciting for him to cheat, apparently.
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Oh.
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So I think that's a thing.
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Like he It wasn't good though.
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Well, yeah, he has apparently he has a small dick.
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Like, yeah, I was gonna say, like size-wise or like just motion.
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Yes, well, both, but for her nothing about it was enjoyable.
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She didn't like anything for me.
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I laughed because I was like, I really didn't know until afterwards, after I caught found out about the 20 plus women, right?
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And at this point, once we're fully divorced, I was like, I've gotta find somebody because I don't want this crazy ass man to be the last one I had sex with, because gross.
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So I met this guy, hung out, I was completely honest with him.
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Um, we hung out for a couple months, and he was so big that I was like, oh my God, everybody's right.
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I probably wasn't big, he was probably normal.
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Well, he tore me because I it had been so long since I had had good sex.
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You're like, oh Jesus.
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Oh my God.
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I was like, what is this?
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I was like, what this is insane.
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Um, so then I was like, oh, my ex does have a small dick.
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And I just didn't realize it because I had been single for like six years before I met, well, we call him Dick, as we all know.
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So before I met Dick.
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But anyway, so I called them on the date, videoed everything.
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I went to her, filed her car, um, videoed it, videoed his helmet in her car as also as proof in case he tried to be like, we weren't together.
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Um, and then got her license plate and um had it ran and got all her information.
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She knows more about me than I know about myself.
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So, but the problem was is so I drove past her house.
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Uh, but again, you don't know how they're gonna act.
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So like I wasn't, I was trying to catch video of him at the house, and he never stayed the night there, come to find out.
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So there was no, I wasn't gonna catch it.
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Was that like something that he would do to like not be put in that situation?
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No, I wouldn't let him.
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Oh, good.
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That's my own problem.
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Like, I don't I don't let guys stay the night with me.
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But he 100% thought Amber was gonna be his next ride.
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Like and she had a good job or still and still does.
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She has a good job, and she lived only like a mile from where he worked.
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So she he 100% thought he was gonna move in with her.
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And because he's a hobosexual, as as we call him.
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Um, he dates to live in houses.
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So he solely finds women who have their own place so he can move in with them.
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Oh, so he's like a woman from like the 1800s.
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Yes, except for she did it out of necessity.
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Yeah, because women had no rights.
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Yeah.
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He's just lazy.
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He's just lazy.
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So um he has a current he's currently dating in Chattanooga because one of our listeners reached out and was like, Are you still looking for him?
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And I was just like, Where is he?
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And she was like, He's like, she he's in Chattanooga.
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I was like, Okay.
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And he and apparently he's with somebody now because he's reaching back out to his daughter, and he doesn't talk to his daughter unless he has a girl because he's trying to be like, I'm such a good dad type thing.
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He like, he had not seen her since October.
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And then he hadn't talked to her since February until like two weeks ago.
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And then he started reaching back out to her again.
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So why why do you think he won't reach out to her unless he's with somebody?
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Because I think he doesn't want to be a dad, but when he's with somebody, he can he has to tell them he has a kid at least, and he doesn't want to tell them about the four that he has.
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So he only says he has one.
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And um and I think that he uses it for women to be like, Oh, I'm a girl dad, like I love her so much and I miss her, and blah, blah, blah.
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Yeah.
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And, you know, her mom's poisoning her, my ex is poisoning her, and all that stuff, so that he can use that as his excuse.
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But he also tells women he's with his daughter when he's not.
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So he uses her.
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So last summer, again, all these people voluntarily come to me now and tell me these things.
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So I have a ton of proof and like information from all these women.
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And one of the women last year came to me.
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She had been dating him, what it was like June, July, and August last year, and thought he was gonna move in with her.
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He told her he wanted to get her pregnant.
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She was 23, he's turning 40 this year, and he already has four kids, none of which he really claims.
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And if he claims any, there's one.
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And so he was just telling her what she wanted to hear so that he could like move in with her.
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And um, she gave him money.
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It granted it was only$500, so at least he didn't get her as bad as me.
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But she found out he had been cheating on her because he would tell her that he was with his daughter, and I said, Okay, what dates?
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And so then she sent me the dates, and then I looked and I talked to his daughter, and I was like, Nope.
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He was not with her on any of these dates.
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Because I what actually, one of them I was with her, and I was like, No, I know for a fact he wasn't with her because I was with her.
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So Jesus, she's very well.
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She knows now, but like the thing, and it just sucks because it's just she wants her dad to have a relationship with her, but he just uses her to be able to be like, Oh, I'm I'm going to see my daughter so that he can date other women and cheat.
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Yeah.
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So you mean that's like the most fucked up of it.
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Like, yes, it's fucked up to be like fuck over other women like that, but the the daughter aspect, the kid aspect, that's that's a fucked up piece.
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Yeah, it really is.
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And like he's just not supportive at all.
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Like, you know, she wants to go to college, and he's just like, You're not smart enough.
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And like stuff like that.
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Like, he's just not a supportive person and just not a good and I'm like, You need to go away.
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Yeah.
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You know, she gave him an ultimatum on her prom night, and he lit like literally was like, you know, you need to be the one reaching out to me.
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And he had his read receipts on and left her on red.
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And then now two months later, over two months later, finally reaches out to her.
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And I think it's because his father's day was coming up.
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Oh yeah.
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And her birthday is coming up.
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So I think that's why.
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So he's a shitty piece of shit.
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I hate him.
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Um, but yeah, but it led me to Amber.
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So finally got a hold of her through her sister's Facebook because I'd called her and it was a wrong number.
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And I sent her a fucking DM on Instagram and somebody doesn't check her DMs because she's an old lady who uses Facebook and not Instagram.
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So I to be fair, now that I try to use Instagram, the only people show up in my DMs are creeps.
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So still not checking it.
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Yeah.
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So she she like left, she never looked, and uh, so then I finally got a hold of her because somebody posted Dick again in Are We Dating the Same Guy in like March of last year.
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And she comment she commented on it as her sister, but like mentioned her, and she well, it was her commenting.
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She's like, for some reason I can't get on here, but like I've been there, you know, I dated and blah, blah, blah.
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And I figured out who that it was Amber, and so I messaged, I was like, I've been trying to get a hold of you.
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I had commented on it, I said, uh this is his ex Amber.
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And I was like, Don't let a don't let a guy who lives in a toy hauler break your heart.
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Yeah.
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Cause at the at the time he's living in a backyard, in his friend's backyard in a toy hauler.
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Wait, in a what?
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A toy hauler.
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Yeah.
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Not even an RV, a toy hauler.
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Like what you toy toy haul your like motorcycle with.
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Oh.
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It literally just has like a bed.
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It's not even a full RV situation.
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Um sexy that's just peeling.
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And I was not staying the night over there with him either.
00:13:40.559 --> 00:13:41.679
But some women did.
00:13:41.840 --> 00:13:42.559
And that was wild.
00:13:43.279 --> 00:13:43.919
Good on them.
00:13:44.159 --> 00:13:44.799
Good on them.
00:13:45.039 --> 00:13:47.440
Like the amount of new one's not gonna work out with us.
00:13:47.600 --> 00:13:50.159
It's amazing to me because he's such a good talker and such a smooth talker.
00:13:50.240 --> 00:13:52.399
The amount of women he pulls is crazy to me.
00:13:52.480 --> 00:14:01.600
But then it's like some women obviously catch on to it and how big of a cheater he is, and it's gotten so pop bad here that he feels like he can't date here, which is Python, Tennessee.
00:14:01.919 --> 00:14:03.120
What's his what's his line?
00:14:03.279 --> 00:14:05.919
Like, how does he how does he loot people in?
00:14:06.080 --> 00:14:08.720
You know, is he just super nice or he is.
00:14:08.799 --> 00:14:10.559
He's super nice whenever he first meets you.
00:14:10.639 --> 00:14:13.360
Um, but it's always like, Good morning, beautiful.
00:14:13.519 --> 00:14:14.000
He loves that.
00:14:14.080 --> 00:14:18.879
So now it's a trigger for me because he told me good morning, my beautiful wife, every single day.
00:14:19.039 --> 00:14:23.279
And it turns out he was saying good morning, beautiful, and just adding wife at the end of it.
00:14:24.159 --> 00:14:28.799
Um, he texts me every single day, good morning, beautiful.
00:14:28.960 --> 00:14:30.720
See, I got it too.
00:14:31.039 --> 00:14:36.399
If somebody sends it to me, even and I didn't even, I'm like, don't tell me what kind of fucking morning to have.
00:14:36.639 --> 00:14:37.679
Yeah, exactly.
00:14:38.559 --> 00:14:38.879
Exactly.
00:14:39.039 --> 00:14:43.679
And now I'm immediately like, it just seems like it's something all like uh it turns out a lot of men do.
00:14:43.759 --> 00:14:46.639
And I'm like, did they take a fucking creep class together?
00:14:46.879 --> 00:14:48.480
Like, hey, here's how to manipulate.
00:14:48.879 --> 00:14:50.080
There must be a book out there.
00:14:50.399 --> 00:14:57.039
There's some that I think do it intent like with good intention, but for some reason it still just comes off with like, I feel like it was an obligation.
00:14:57.120 --> 00:15:00.399
You're like, hey, I made contact this morning, sit something positive, done.
00:15:00.559 --> 00:15:03.200
And it's like, no, like it's not actually what women like.
00:15:03.279 --> 00:15:03.600
I don't know.
00:15:03.840 --> 00:15:05.120
Yeah, can we get some depth in here?
00:15:05.200 --> 00:15:05.360
Yeah.
00:15:05.440 --> 00:15:05.519
Yeah.
00:15:05.759 --> 00:15:06.639
Like, I don't know.
00:15:06.799 --> 00:15:11.759
I've just like now, if some guy ever says that, I'm just like, ugh, yeah, no, absolutely not.
00:15:11.919 --> 00:15:12.720
Yeah, yeah, I can see.
00:15:14.000 --> 00:15:15.600
He's he's out there still living his life.
00:15:15.679 --> 00:15:19.039
I mean, he still owes me a shitload of money, um, legally.
00:15:19.600 --> 00:15:22.000
And I think he thinks I'm gonna just give up.
00:15:22.240 --> 00:15:24.559
And he does not know me very well.
00:15:24.879 --> 00:15:25.120
Yeah.
00:15:25.600 --> 00:15:27.440
I started a whole ass podcast, bro.
00:15:27.519 --> 00:15:28.159
Yeah.
00:15:30.480 --> 00:15:31.600
Literally, though.
00:15:32.399 --> 00:15:34.879
But it's been great because it's grown so much for us.
00:15:35.200 --> 00:15:35.679
Good.
00:15:36.240 --> 00:15:43.759
Um, it's it's not even like obviously, like, that's my trauma, and I'm gonna be dealing with it for years because of how bad it was.
00:15:43.840 --> 00:15:49.440
I mean, hidden children, 20 plus affairs, like all the financial debt, which that sticks with you.
00:15:49.600 --> 00:15:56.720
But even the like, you know, the affairs, obviously, like you learn and you know that it's not you, it's him, but it still fucks with your brain, right?
00:15:56.879 --> 00:16:01.519
Like you're like, what especially in the beginning, why what why wasn't I good enough?
00:16:01.600 --> 00:16:02.320
Like, what was it?
00:16:02.480 --> 00:16:05.120
Because it's just what women are ingrained in.
00:16:05.600 --> 00:16:07.679
We're constantly told it's our fault.
00:16:08.000 --> 00:16:14.000
So um, and even today we get we get messages all the time, like, oh, we see why they cheated, you guys are fat.
00:16:14.159 --> 00:16:18.480
Oh my god, we had this one guy that was messaging, he called Amber.
00:16:19.039 --> 00:16:20.000
What did he say?
00:16:20.320 --> 00:16:22.399
You're a fat lard or something.
00:16:22.879 --> 00:16:24.240
Oh, I don't remember.
00:16:24.399 --> 00:16:27.279
Oh no, but was it bum or something like that?
00:16:27.440 --> 00:16:27.840
I don't know.
00:16:27.919 --> 00:16:40.240
He he said he would he was insulting her, and I literally um she laughed and I sent him a message because he so he was commenting, she replied, it was slob, yeah.
00:16:40.320 --> 00:16:44.000
Slob he a fat slob, he he commented on our post.
00:16:44.159 --> 00:16:47.039
She she hit back, then he DM'd us.
00:16:47.200 --> 00:16:52.720
He was so desperate to like get my attention that he sent us a DM to our podcast.
00:16:53.039 --> 00:17:02.159
So then I replied, and I was just like, This is a podcast for women, and unless you identify as such, which you might because you have a small dick, then you need to move on.
00:17:02.320 --> 00:17:04.319
And he didn't like that, and then he blocked us.
00:17:05.359 --> 00:17:08.480
Well, he also commented on like one of my other posts too.
00:17:09.359 --> 00:17:13.599
Um and I was like, I just commented back and I was like, I guess you really want my attention.
00:17:13.920 --> 00:17:17.839
Yeah, so I uh I know that there's good men out there.
00:17:18.720 --> 00:17:21.680
But I say it could be said about women too.
00:17:22.400 --> 00:17:25.920
Men are out there raping women statistically more than women are raping men.
00:17:26.400 --> 00:17:29.920
And statistically, men are abusing women more than women are abusing men.
00:17:30.079 --> 00:17:32.880
And that's just how it's gonna always be.
00:17:33.119 --> 00:17:36.480
So I uh don't trust any of them.
00:17:36.880 --> 00:17:45.279
It's I was gonna ask how you were able to, like both of you guys, able to date again, or have you really just been able to put yourself out there again?
00:17:45.839 --> 00:17:47.119
Men give me the ick.
00:17:48.480 --> 00:17:49.839
So have you switched teams now?
00:17:50.559 --> 00:17:53.119
No, I I asked my therapist the other day if it meant I was gay.
00:17:53.279 --> 00:17:58.960
She was like, no, I think you're just like a lot of the women now and just do not want to like you just are happy with yourself.
00:17:59.119 --> 00:18:13.599
And there's like there's a study out there that 50% of women our age are single now and choosing to stay single because men aren't stepping up to the plate and we're actually happy and we we've created community amongst ourselves, and like we have a big phone group and have a lot of stuff going on.
00:18:13.920 --> 00:18:16.720
Whereas men aren't as good at that as women are.
00:18:16.880 --> 00:18:21.759
So I think a lot of men, and that's why there's a lone male loneliness epidemic, women aren't suffering from it.
00:18:22.000 --> 00:18:26.640
So I mean, I'm sure there's women that are, but like a big portion of women in these studies aren't.
00:18:26.799 --> 00:18:32.400
And that's why I told my therapist, I was like, that's how I know it's not a choice to be gay, because if I could be, I fucking would.
00:18:32.880 --> 00:18:34.640
In a heartbeat.
00:18:34.960 --> 00:18:43.440
I was just telling Lauren before this, uh, I was listening to uh the comedian Taylor Tomerlin, and she was talking about how like she's so funny.
00:18:43.759 --> 00:18:48.240
She was talking about, you know, like being gay and everything, and she was like, you know, I just that was like one thing.
00:18:48.319 --> 00:18:51.279
Like I just didn't know if I was ready to be bad at first.
00:18:51.599 --> 00:18:55.200
You know, like I'm in my 30s, I'm not ready to have to relearn something and be good at it.
00:18:55.279 --> 00:18:56.400
Like I'm just gonna suck at it.
00:18:56.480 --> 00:18:56.640
Yeah.
00:18:56.799 --> 00:19:02.480
And I was like, that's pretty real because like I could be gay, but like I don't want to be bad at something in my 30s.
00:19:02.799 --> 00:19:03.359
That's fair.
00:19:03.599 --> 00:19:05.279
It's good to always try something new.
00:19:05.359 --> 00:19:08.559
You always want to be like basic at something and that but you're continuing.
00:19:08.880 --> 00:19:11.039
Maybe this could be the thing you're learning now.
00:19:11.359 --> 00:19:12.160
You know, you never know.
00:19:13.119 --> 00:19:13.440
You never know.
00:19:13.680 --> 00:19:15.039
It helps with neuroplasticity.
00:19:15.119 --> 00:19:15.599
It's good for you.
00:19:16.079 --> 00:19:16.480
It's fire.
00:19:16.799 --> 00:19:17.359
It's fine.
00:19:17.599 --> 00:19:21.519
Yeah, no, I just I have zero desire to actually date.
00:19:21.680 --> 00:19:25.759
I think it would have to be a meeting in the real world.
00:19:25.920 --> 00:19:28.480
Um, the only reason I even get on apps is for content.
00:19:28.640 --> 00:19:29.599
Um So no.
00:19:29.759 --> 00:19:31.359
I know I was like, I'm not gonna date.
00:19:31.599 --> 00:19:40.000
And I don't know if it's age or what, but it is I know some I mean, just out of career and everything, I know some fucking phenomenal men.
00:19:40.480 --> 00:19:43.759
But also I wouldn't want to date some of the men that I know.
00:19:45.759 --> 00:19:49.279
Like I love so many guys, and but there's so many of those that I would never date.
00:19:49.440 --> 00:19:53.279
And that they never date me either, but I just mean, you know, there's very hard.
00:19:56.240 --> 00:19:57.759
That 80% divorce rate.
00:19:58.319 --> 00:20:01.200
I think it might be just national standard now though.
00:20:01.359 --> 00:20:11.839
Like for sure, but law enforcement's always had like a very high cheating rate just because of the actual context of what you guys go through.
00:20:12.079 --> 00:20:17.200
Um, I mean, I see it from my side of things on what I work um as well.
00:20:17.519 --> 00:20:21.839
And so it's just you it's just you're seeing trauma and you're seeing awful shit all the time.
00:20:21.920 --> 00:20:30.240
And then also you're working lawn shifts, and when you're with somebody of the opposite sex, shit happens, and I do not agree with it at all.
00:20:30.480 --> 00:20:34.400
But there's a reason why it's gotten that like that, like firefighters, same thing.
00:20:34.480 --> 00:20:35.119
Well, you know, right?
00:20:35.200 --> 00:20:40.480
Like it's just those your typical doctors, they all have the same kind of connotation, I think.
00:20:40.799 --> 00:20:41.599
Yeah, pilots.
00:20:41.920 --> 00:20:42.640
Yeah, yeah.
00:20:42.880 --> 00:20:57.279
So there's like certain jobs where I think it is a higher statistic, but it's also probably because of the traveling, the working all the time, the like what trauma that you're going through and bonding over trauma with your coworkers and different stuff like that.
00:20:57.920 --> 00:20:59.680
Different schedules, all that other crap.
00:21:00.000 --> 00:21:03.680
When it starts getting even worse is the uh when you start like hooking up with your CIs.
00:21:04.240 --> 00:21:04.799
Oh God.
00:21:05.359 --> 00:21:05.519
Yeah.
00:21:06.000 --> 00:21:08.000
Well, I don't know anybody that's done that.
00:21:08.400 --> 00:21:08.880
Oh, I do.
00:21:09.200 --> 00:21:11.279
From this side, so a lot of them.
00:21:11.359 --> 00:21:12.720
And I'm like, that was dumb.
00:21:13.440 --> 00:21:18.640
They they got honey pot, and I'm like, we literally take classes about honey pots, and they still get I'm like, you are not that hot.
00:21:18.960 --> 00:21:21.200
Were they dope CIs though?
00:21:21.599 --> 00:21:23.759
No, it was like like Russia and China.
00:21:24.079 --> 00:21:24.480
Oh, okay.
00:21:24.559 --> 00:21:29.200
I was gonna say, 'cause the only CIs I really dealt with was dope CIs, and there's no way in hell.
00:21:29.279 --> 00:21:29.519
No way.
00:21:30.079 --> 00:21:31.039
Yeah, they're not touching those.
00:21:31.279 --> 00:21:35.039
Yeah, the guys will warm up a cantaloupe before they would uh deal with it.
00:21:35.279 --> 00:21:35.920
That's fair.
00:21:36.079 --> 00:21:36.480
That's fair.
00:21:36.640 --> 00:21:41.200
Hey, at least it's a cantaloupe because I just read a book and it was a pineapple, and I was like, wouldn't that hurt?
00:21:41.359 --> 00:21:41.759
Like this.
00:21:42.160 --> 00:21:43.279
Because pineapple's rough.
00:21:43.440 --> 00:21:43.759
Yeah.
00:21:44.079 --> 00:21:44.720
I don't know.
00:21:44.960 --> 00:21:46.640
I feel like a cantaloupe would be more comfortable.
00:21:47.119 --> 00:21:53.039
Maybe maybe you maybe you, you know, um, skin it, but that's not the right word for fruit.
00:21:53.440 --> 00:22:01.359
I mean, he'd like drill he drilled a hole in it and he like put it in a um in a chesture and then was like Fucking the pineapple.
00:22:01.599 --> 00:22:03.039
Wait, you put it in a drawer?
00:22:03.839 --> 00:22:05.440
You put it in the drawer to hold it.
00:22:06.079 --> 00:22:06.960
So that he wouldn't have to hold it.
00:22:07.119 --> 00:22:08.079
So he wouldn't have to hold it.
00:22:08.160 --> 00:22:09.200
And then he was fucking it.
00:22:09.279 --> 00:22:12.400
And then the girl that likes him saw this and was like, what the fuck's happening?
00:22:13.119 --> 00:22:14.640
He's like, it's for flavor.
00:22:15.200 --> 00:22:15.440
Yeah.
00:22:15.599 --> 00:22:16.000
Literal.
00:22:16.079 --> 00:22:18.319
That's literally, he was just like, he has like a food fetish.
00:22:18.400 --> 00:22:19.279
And I was like, this is the weird.
00:22:19.359 --> 00:22:20.640
It was a book about serial killers too.
00:22:20.720 --> 00:22:21.440
So it was super funny.
00:22:21.599 --> 00:22:22.480
Like hilarious book.
00:22:22.720 --> 00:22:23.759
You're reading about serial killers.
00:22:24.880 --> 00:22:28.079
And then this scene happens and you're like, the fuck am I reading?
00:22:28.319 --> 00:22:30.079
It's one of the ones that you're like reading on a plane.
00:22:30.240 --> 00:22:31.359
You're like, can somebody read this?
00:22:31.920 --> 00:22:33.440
Can people read what I'm reading right now?
00:22:33.680 --> 00:22:36.720
That's literally like, especially when I'm listening to audiobooks, I have to like make sure.
00:22:36.799 --> 00:22:40.720
Like I'll stick my head out to be like, can you hear this if it's not on my ear?
00:22:41.279 --> 00:22:44.720
Because I'm like, children do not need to hear what I'm listening to right now.
00:22:44.799 --> 00:22:46.880
But it's funny because we keep a completely straight face.
00:22:47.039 --> 00:22:50.880
Like I will be listening to the craziest scene, and I'm just like, hmm.
00:22:52.799 --> 00:22:53.680
La D-Dah.
00:22:54.319 --> 00:22:55.279
Listening to whatever.
00:22:55.759 --> 00:22:57.279
It's fine, but that's a good, it's a good one.
00:22:57.440 --> 00:23:01.839
I'm like, and what is it about like working trauma-filled stuff?
00:23:01.920 --> 00:23:06.880
And I still love to read trauma and like serial killers.
00:23:08.000 --> 00:23:11.279
It's like a your normal uh way of working.
00:23:11.440 --> 00:23:13.039
So you're just like, oh, this is this is safe.
00:23:13.119 --> 00:23:13.519
That's normal.
00:23:13.599 --> 00:23:14.880
Trauma from being traumatized.
00:23:14.960 --> 00:23:15.920
Ah there, I'm safe there.
00:23:16.079 --> 00:23:16.240
Yeah.
00:23:17.039 --> 00:23:17.759
Serial killers.
00:23:17.920 --> 00:23:18.559
This is great.
00:23:18.799 --> 00:23:19.680
This is amazing.
00:23:19.920 --> 00:23:20.400
Let's do this.
00:23:20.480 --> 00:23:21.200
Serial killers.
00:23:21.279 --> 00:23:21.599
Got it.
00:23:21.680 --> 00:23:21.920
Done.
00:23:22.160 --> 00:23:25.759
Wait, was it trying was the book trying to say that serial killers fuck fruit?
00:23:25.839 --> 00:23:27.359
Or is that just like part of the narrative?
00:23:27.599 --> 00:23:28.559
It was just part of the narrative.
00:23:29.039 --> 00:23:30.799
It's a specific serial killer.
00:23:30.960 --> 00:23:32.559
It was a serial killer retreat.
00:23:32.640 --> 00:23:41.119
So they all go together and uh go to this island where they have cattle that are in different colors based on their crime, and then they kill them.
00:23:41.279 --> 00:23:43.119
So like I was actually down for this, right?
00:23:43.200 --> 00:23:45.759
Because like pink were all uh pedophiles.
00:23:46.000 --> 00:23:46.480
Kill them.
00:23:46.720 --> 00:23:46.880
Yeah.
00:23:47.119 --> 00:23:47.519
Kill them all.
00:23:47.920 --> 00:23:48.400
Take them all out.
00:23:48.640 --> 00:23:48.880
Do it.
00:23:49.039 --> 00:23:56.000
Um and then the red, I think, were um abusers, like they hit women and like could beat or killed women.
00:23:56.880 --> 00:23:57.680
Oh yeah.
00:23:58.000 --> 00:24:05.839
Well, not to jump backwards, but I did want to figure out how you guys, how that first conversation went for you guys when you did talk to one another finally.
00:24:06.480 --> 00:24:08.160
Oh well, I told her to call me.
00:24:08.960 --> 00:24:13.759
And like the first thing she told me was like, Yeah, so I'm Dick's wife.
00:24:13.839 --> 00:24:14.640
And I was like, What?
00:24:14.880 --> 00:24:16.640
I was like, what do you mean his wife?
00:24:16.880 --> 00:24:19.359
And she was like Well, ex-wife at that point, but yeah.
00:24:19.599 --> 00:24:21.839
Um but she was like, Yeah.
00:24:22.079 --> 00:24:29.200
Um, while you were with him, he cheated on you with uh or yeah, he cheated on me with you, and I was like, I'm sorry, what?
00:24:30.400 --> 00:24:41.279
Because so like the whole time that we were seeing each other, like um, so I had met him through work and he was working through a company, Loomis, and they would bring in the cash for us.
00:24:41.599 --> 00:24:42.559
We were married.
00:24:43.440 --> 00:24:53.119
Um, he never wore a wedding ring that entire time, never acted like he was married or anything, which I honestly to be honest, I was always busy when he came in.
00:24:53.200 --> 00:24:58.079
I wasn't paying him a lot of attention, could care less because if we work together, I have nothing to do with you.
00:24:58.160 --> 00:25:01.039
Like literally, you are just another person.
00:25:01.519 --> 00:25:03.119
You're half human, really.
00:25:05.359 --> 00:25:10.960
But so um the first time we met up, like he he recognized me.
00:25:11.039 --> 00:25:15.359
I didn't even recognize him because that's how much I've paid attention to him in the past.
00:25:15.599 --> 00:25:17.839
Like he was like, Yeah, don't do you recognize me?
00:25:17.920 --> 00:25:20.480
And I was like, No, am I supposed to?
00:25:20.880 --> 00:25:24.319
And he was like, Yeah, I used to deliver to Loomis, I remember you, blah, blah, blah.
00:25:24.480 --> 00:25:27.440
And I was like, Oh, okay, cool, cool guy.
00:25:27.680 --> 00:25:31.359
Like, yeah, um Yeah, because at that point he was at his new job.
00:25:31.440 --> 00:25:32.720
He wasn't even that Loomis anymore.
00:25:32.960 --> 00:25:33.680
Oh man.
00:25:33.839 --> 00:25:34.079
Yeah.
00:25:34.559 --> 00:25:38.000
And it like I we talked on the phone when I called her.
00:25:38.240 --> 00:25:46.640
Um, I was out of town for work, so I sat in the parking lot there, and we ended up talking for like two hours and just like kind of put pieces together of everything.
00:25:46.720 --> 00:25:48.559
And then I was like, Well, hey, I'm coming back home.
00:25:48.640 --> 00:25:49.599
I would love to meet up with you.
00:25:49.680 --> 00:25:51.920
And we went to breakfast.
00:25:52.079 --> 00:25:53.680
Um, I think it was April 7th.
00:25:53.759 --> 00:26:00.240
We went to breakfast that morning and we met and uh we took a picture together and she texted him and said, Fuck you, I stole your wife.
00:26:00.559 --> 00:26:01.599
Oh shit.
00:26:02.160 --> 00:26:03.359
That's awesome.
00:26:04.880 --> 00:26:06.319
I dumped you and I stole your wife.
00:26:06.480 --> 00:26:06.799
Yep.
00:26:07.119 --> 00:26:08.880
So, and that was the start of our beautiful friendship.
00:26:08.960 --> 00:26:27.519
And so then I was like, I was out of town a lot um at that point, so but I was coming back in town, so then we would see each other, like we went to like a fantasy ball together and stuff, and then slowly just started realizing like we had we both love Halloween and like have all the same taste and like things to do and music and everything else.
00:26:27.599 --> 00:26:34.160
So we were like, oh, we should just be like basically literally like I see I understand why he did go for her.
00:26:34.240 --> 00:26:41.200
Now, a lot of the other women, he's he does swipe right on everybody, and he's told me that since all of us he swipes right on everyone.
00:26:41.359 --> 00:26:42.400
So he told me when he's on his.
00:26:42.640 --> 00:26:44.319
If he said white bread, I'm like, what does that mean?
00:26:44.480 --> 00:26:45.119
Well, that too.
00:26:45.279 --> 00:26:48.640
But no, he swipes he swipes right on everyone, he told me.
00:26:49.440 --> 00:26:53.359
So that way it it ups his chances of meeting people.
00:26:53.839 --> 00:27:02.079
Um, so he has no quote unquote standards, but what he does is he finds somebody like us and he's like, oh, that's one I would actually want to live with.
00:27:02.240 --> 00:27:05.200
So let me try to get in with that one, um, type of thing.
00:27:05.279 --> 00:27:11.200
But then he'll keep the other ones on the side until he finds one of us, and then he'll still cheat on us too.
00:27:11.599 --> 00:27:12.400
The fuck.
00:27:13.359 --> 00:27:13.680
Sorry.
00:27:14.319 --> 00:27:19.839
Like he cheated on Lauren with me, and then was cheating on me in the middle of that with somebody else.
00:27:20.240 --> 00:27:23.599
I was like, this is wild behavior, and I didn't even like this guy that much.
00:27:23.920 --> 00:27:26.079
I just don't understand why people have that time.
00:27:26.880 --> 00:27:34.319
You know, and it it it's it's funny now because he's he used to say things like we would watch like a TV show or something, he'd be like, Oh my god, cheating's so much work.
00:27:34.400 --> 00:27:36.000
Like I can't even imagine why people do that.
00:27:36.079 --> 00:27:36.559
I'm like, right?
00:27:36.880 --> 00:27:42.799
And then it turns out the entire time he would go take like a two-hour long shit, he would be texting women on the toilet.
00:27:42.880 --> 00:27:46.480
So I was like, I saw something someday one day that was like, they're not side chicks, they're shit chicks.
00:27:46.559 --> 00:27:51.680
And I'm like, literally, nothing against the women, but that's what he was doing, is he was texting them while he was on the toilet.
00:27:51.839 --> 00:27:59.039
Um, or like I would always go to bed before him, um, because he would say, Oh, I only need like four or five hours of sleep.
00:27:59.119 --> 00:28:01.920
I'm like, I need a solid eight minimum.
00:28:02.319 --> 00:28:05.759
So I would go to bed before him and he'd be that's when he would text them and stuff.
00:28:05.839 --> 00:28:18.799
And so, and a lot of the women would tell me like he wouldn't talk to them between certain hours so they knew they had a feeling something was up, which is why a lot of them build on him because they were like, if you're not gonna text me between like 5 p.m.
00:28:18.960 --> 00:28:22.880
and 11 p.m., yeah, then something's weird there.
00:28:23.119 --> 00:28:30.960
Um but he would lie to them too and be like, Oh, I'm at work, you know, and like you know, say that he had to work certain shifts and like had to rotate his work and stuff like that.
00:28:31.200 --> 00:28:34.799
So um he always had an excuse for literally everything.
00:28:35.039 --> 00:28:37.599
And I what was it the other day?
00:28:37.680 --> 00:28:39.039
We I remembered something else.
00:28:39.200 --> 00:28:41.519
We were at book club Wednesday, and I and someone said something.
00:28:41.680 --> 00:28:44.160
I was like, Holy shit, he cheated on me then too.
00:28:44.400 --> 00:28:45.279
Do you remember what it was?
00:28:45.519 --> 00:28:46.240
You were somewhere.
00:28:46.319 --> 00:28:48.319
I don't remember where you said you were.
00:28:49.200 --> 00:28:50.960
Um, no, I don't remember.
00:28:51.119 --> 00:28:51.839
I don't remember either.
00:28:52.000 --> 00:28:53.359
But like that will just happen, right?
00:28:53.440 --> 00:28:58.480
So like we'll be like having a conversation with somebody and I'll be like, oh my god, he was cheating on me then too.
00:28:58.559 --> 00:29:05.359
And it will like all just like click, like there will just be this random like thing that happens, and I'll be like, Holy shit, that little shit.
00:29:05.680 --> 00:29:09.119
It might have been in reference to Mississippi because they were like It was.
00:29:09.440 --> 00:29:10.160
Uh it was.
00:29:10.240 --> 00:29:10.799
That's what it was.
00:29:10.880 --> 00:29:11.759
Good job, good job.
00:29:12.000 --> 00:29:14.559
He went with some co-workers to uh Tunica.
00:29:14.880 --> 00:29:16.720
Tunica, Mississippi, where the casino is.
00:29:16.799 --> 00:29:17.039
Yeah.
00:29:17.200 --> 00:29:20.240
And we got in a huge fight because he disappeared for like 14 hours.
00:29:20.400 --> 00:29:21.599
And I'm like, You're married.
00:29:21.759 --> 00:29:22.720
Like, what are you doing?
00:29:22.880 --> 00:29:23.119
Yeah.
00:29:23.359 --> 00:29:25.039
And I'm like, you know, are you okay?
00:29:25.200 --> 00:29:25.759
Are you alive?
00:29:25.839 --> 00:29:27.279
Oh, I didn't have service in the casino.
00:29:27.359 --> 00:29:27.920
Bullshit.
00:29:28.000 --> 00:29:32.880
You sat in that casino for 14 hours and you didn't go eat, you didn't go to the bathroom, you didn't go check.
00:29:33.039 --> 00:29:33.279
Yeah.
00:29:33.440 --> 00:29:34.640
And then he showed me his card.
00:29:34.720 --> 00:29:36.400
So he was like, see, here's proof I was there.
00:29:36.559 --> 00:29:39.759
I'm like, that doesn't that just proves you were there, not that there wasn't a woman with you.
00:29:40.400 --> 00:29:42.079
And we got in a huge fight about it.
00:29:42.160 --> 00:29:46.319
And um, like 100% he was definitely had somebody in that hotel with him.
00:29:46.559 --> 00:29:47.279
Absolutely.
00:29:47.519 --> 00:29:52.240
And he used my credit card to pay for it.
00:29:52.480 --> 00:29:56.160
I bought our breakfast the first time we met since she was buying all my dates.
00:29:57.680 --> 00:30:01.279
I've bought so many women in this town food.
00:30:01.519 --> 00:30:04.319
I'm like, hey ladies, food and mediocre dick.
00:30:04.480 --> 00:30:08.720
Yeah, hey ladies, um, support our podcast because I bought your food.
00:30:09.279 --> 00:30:10.799
That's enough to turn me gay.
00:30:12.160 --> 00:30:15.519
And he would like the funny part was that like he would like brag about it.
00:30:15.599 --> 00:30:20.559
Like he would like make comments like, and I was like mentally about how good he was.
00:30:20.640 --> 00:30:22.400
And mentally I'm like, but you're not, bro.
00:30:22.480 --> 00:30:23.759
Like, I'm already planning on dumping you.
00:30:23.839 --> 00:30:26.559
I didn't ask my sister, is it too soon to dump you?
00:30:27.359 --> 00:30:29.039
Yeah, he really does think he is.
00:30:29.359 --> 00:30:32.160
We were doing like the faking thing, we're like, oh yeah.
00:30:32.640 --> 00:30:32.880
Yeah.
00:30:33.599 --> 00:30:47.680
Like, well, and they kept calling because I would wear my hair braided for work because it was just easier um to deal with it, and he would call it handlebars, and that gave me a hundred percent the ick because I was like, this reminds me of like some 50-year-old man shit.
00:30:48.079 --> 00:30:50.240
It's 100% gonna be him when he's 50, though.
00:30:50.480 --> 00:30:52.480
Like in 10 years, that's absolutely gonna be him.
00:30:52.640 --> 00:30:57.519
Talking to the like young girls wearing ponytails being like, You want to come get on my motorcycle?
00:30:58.799 --> 00:31:04.160
I literally walked into my house the first time he made that comment, looked at my sister, I was like, That's it, I'm gonna have to dump him.
00:31:04.240 --> 00:31:05.440
And she was like, What did he do?
00:31:05.519 --> 00:31:09.519
She was because she's always like, Amber, like, you don't give him a chance, you dump him after two weeks.
00:31:10.000 --> 00:31:10.559
I do.
00:31:10.799 --> 00:31:11.119
I do.
00:31:11.200 --> 00:31:12.880
I don't Well, you don't waste time.
00:31:13.039 --> 00:31:14.799
I mean, they probably appreciate that too, you know.
00:31:14.960 --> 00:31:17.200
Right, like if they're giving him the ick, we're done.
00:31:17.599 --> 00:31:21.279
Um, and I told her and she was like, No, she said that's legit.
00:31:21.440 --> 00:31:22.960
Yeah, she's like, get get rid of him.
00:31:23.519 --> 00:31:25.119
She told me that and I was like, Oh god.
00:31:25.279 --> 00:31:28.240
Like, I he never said that to me when my hair was braided, thank God.
00:31:28.400 --> 00:31:30.400
Because I would have been like, bro, no.
00:31:30.559 --> 00:31:37.200
But also I put up with a lot more than I think um anybody else ever would have.
00:31:37.920 --> 00:31:42.480
Like how I can tell from the silence.
00:31:42.720 --> 00:31:45.119
Yeah, yeah, it's it's so there's so much.
00:31:45.200 --> 00:31:47.039
So he has really nasty feet.
00:31:47.279 --> 00:31:59.839
Like they're nasty, so like they're they're super uh no, no, you're not gonna go like they're super, super dry, like they're peeling all the time, so there'd be dead skin in our bed, like just piled and everything.
00:32:00.559 --> 00:32:11.839
And he had because he used to smoke cigarettes when he was younger and stuff, he had really thick yellow toenails, and so I would have to give him pedicures because he couldn't cut his own toenails, or he would leave them jagged and try to cut me at night because he thought it was funny.
00:32:12.000 --> 00:32:13.119
Oh yeah.
00:32:13.680 --> 00:32:18.160
And I would get mad, so then I would like give him a pedicure to be like quit cutting me with your damn toenails.
00:32:18.480 --> 00:32:20.799
But like, it was just like dry skin constantly.
00:32:20.880 --> 00:32:28.400
Like he would pick them and just like leave the dry skin on my couch and everything, and so I'd have to vacuum my couch all the time because it was covered in his dry skin.
00:32:28.640 --> 00:32:35.839
Um, he had boils on his head that I would have to like like, and I'm not talking like just pimples, like I'm talking straight up boils.
00:32:36.240 --> 00:32:38.880
And so, because I asked her, I said, Did you ever see his feet or his head?
00:32:38.960 --> 00:32:41.599
And she said, No, he always wore a hat and had his socks on.
00:32:41.839 --> 00:32:45.920
Because thank God he wouldn't get because he he knows the back of my house.
00:32:46.079 --> 00:32:48.079
Yeah, he knows that that's like a thing.
00:32:48.720 --> 00:32:49.599
Like an empty gut.
00:32:49.680 --> 00:32:50.160
Uh-uh.
00:32:50.400 --> 00:32:50.960
Yeah, yeah.
00:32:51.200 --> 00:32:54.480
Dude, I thought you were gonna say that you sucked on his toes.
00:32:55.200 --> 00:32:58.559
No, no, not not those toes, absolutely the fuck not.
00:32:58.640 --> 00:32:58.799
No.
00:32:59.279 --> 00:33:02.960
With the way she was reacting in the background, I was like, oh no, that's what happened.
00:33:03.279 --> 00:33:03.759
No, no.
00:33:04.000 --> 00:33:08.400
I'm actually somewhat relieved that no, there no skin flakes.
00:33:08.559 --> 00:33:09.839
It's a skin flakes for me.
00:33:10.160 --> 00:33:10.960
Skin flakes everywhere.
00:33:12.720 --> 00:33:13.920
Talons clawing her.
00:33:14.240 --> 00:33:16.240
Like trying to trying to call me in the middle of the night.
00:33:16.319 --> 00:33:16.480
Yep.
00:33:19.680 --> 00:33:20.960
And she had to tell him to brush his teeth.
00:33:21.039 --> 00:33:22.400
Oh, yeah, I had to tell him to brush his teeth every day.
00:33:22.559 --> 00:33:24.160
I'm not telling a grown man to brush his teeth.
00:33:24.400 --> 00:33:25.599
And he still wouldn't do it half the time.
00:33:25.680 --> 00:33:27.920
Like he would brush his teeth once a day, lucky, if we were lucky.
00:33:28.000 --> 00:33:34.319
And I'm like, this is why I had to pay$15,000 to get his teeth fixed.
00:33:34.559 --> 00:33:34.960
Damn.
00:33:35.119 --> 00:33:38.400
I'm not kissing a man who carries food in his teeth for the last two weeks.
00:33:38.720 --> 00:33:39.759
No, no, no, no.
00:33:39.920 --> 00:33:41.519
I mean, one week, okay, fine.
00:33:41.599 --> 00:33:41.759
No.
00:33:42.319 --> 00:33:42.720
Yeah.
00:33:42.960 --> 00:33:44.000
Like you don't floss.
00:33:44.240 --> 00:33:44.880
I'm sorry, what?
00:33:45.119 --> 00:33:45.759
Oh, yeah, yeah.
00:33:45.920 --> 00:33:50.799
It's just like he has horrible like hygiene with that, with certain things.
00:33:51.039 --> 00:33:55.839
And I was just like trying to help like he was very overweight, and which is fine because I was too.
00:33:56.240 --> 00:34:00.400
But the thing is, is like I was like, You have diabetes because he kept falling asleep.
00:34:00.559 --> 00:34:01.839
He would eat sugar and crash.
00:34:01.920 --> 00:34:03.119
And I was like, this is not normal.
00:34:03.200 --> 00:34:08.400
And he happened to the doctor in years, so I made him go to the doctor, and he had diabetes.
00:34:08.559 --> 00:34:10.639
So then they gave him Ozimpic and he lost a bunch of weight.
00:34:10.719 --> 00:34:14.239
And he had already cheated on me, but I think once he lost the weight, he was like, I'm hot shit.
00:34:14.480 --> 00:34:17.280
And he got this job, and he was like, I'm hot shit.
00:34:17.440 --> 00:34:19.199
He was a correctional officer and he thought he was hot shit.
00:34:19.280 --> 00:34:21.039
He would tell people he's in law enforcement.
00:34:21.199 --> 00:34:22.480
So as a cop, how does it feel?
00:34:23.199 --> 00:34:24.079
I get irked.
00:34:24.320 --> 00:34:24.880
Oh my God.
00:34:24.960 --> 00:34:30.400
Now that you say some some dude, this is a while ago on Hinge, one of those sites, I don't remember what it was.
00:34:30.559 --> 00:34:32.719
You know, he said that he was uh law enforcement.
00:34:32.800 --> 00:34:33.440
He like led with it.
00:34:33.519 --> 00:34:34.000
And I'm like, where?
00:34:34.239 --> 00:34:39.760
You know, because I don't, I never said, I never say on those sites what I what I did or what I did at the time.
00:34:40.079 --> 00:34:46.400
Um and uh he said somewhere in there he said he's a correction officer, and I was like, no, you're not law enforcement.
00:34:46.480 --> 00:34:47.039
I'm sorry.
00:34:47.840 --> 00:34:48.320
I'm sorry.
00:34:48.400 --> 00:34:53.920
I have no idea because I was like, no, conversation's over because I saw the pictures and I'm like, you're a bit of a tool.
00:34:54.159 --> 00:35:00.320
Not saying correction officers is not a hard fucking job, but it's not what I call law enforcement.
00:35:00.400 --> 00:35:00.719
It's crazy.
00:35:00.960 --> 00:35:02.800
Did he work at the state or the city?
00:35:03.119 --> 00:35:03.760
I don't remember.
00:35:03.920 --> 00:35:07.360
It was, I mean, it was like a short conversation because as soon as it went to that, I was like, fuck me.
00:35:07.760 --> 00:35:09.360
Did I never show you his picture?
00:35:09.679 --> 00:35:10.800
I don't know if you did or not.
00:35:11.119 --> 00:35:12.960
I'll text him to you real quick so you can see it.
00:35:13.360 --> 00:35:13.679
Curious.
00:35:13.840 --> 00:35:18.079
I don't even know if I'll remember what this dude looked like, but he he looked like a little tool on the other side.
00:35:18.400 --> 00:35:22.400
It would probably be, I mean, it wouldn't surprise me if it's him because that's one thing he led with.
00:35:22.480 --> 00:35:26.639
He would say, Work in law enforcement, and then he would say, I'm a correction officer.
00:35:26.800 --> 00:35:28.559
And I was like, that's not law enforcement.
00:35:28.880 --> 00:35:32.880
Well, once he figured out that I was, because then I fit led back with that, he didn't hit me up again.
00:35:33.199 --> 00:35:34.800
So I was like, oh well, okay.
00:35:34.960 --> 00:35:36.000
Then you know.
00:35:36.320 --> 00:35:36.960
Yeah.
00:35:38.719 --> 00:35:39.360
I'll send that one.
00:35:40.480 --> 00:35:48.880
She just saw his picture and she was like, I have it in my hidden folders because I have a lot all the proof in case he ever tries to come at me and be like, Yeah, it's a good way to be.
00:35:49.119 --> 00:35:49.679
You're full of shit.
00:35:49.760 --> 00:35:50.800
I'm like, Wanna bet?
00:35:50.960 --> 00:35:51.440
Mm-hmm.
00:35:52.000 --> 00:35:53.760
Um I'm like, Wanna bet?
00:35:53.840 --> 00:35:54.400
Here's proof.
00:35:54.639 --> 00:36:02.400
I literally have like text messages between him and other women that other women sent me and like dates and everything of when he did stuff.
00:36:02.480 --> 00:36:04.960
So I'm like, you can't, you can't fool me, bro.
00:36:05.519 --> 00:36:07.360
And he would still gaslight me.
00:36:07.599 --> 00:36:08.639
He'd be like, no.
00:36:09.519 --> 00:36:11.440
I'm thinking that might I mean I don't know.
00:36:11.599 --> 00:36:12.719
That might have been him.
00:36:12.880 --> 00:36:13.440
Mm-hmm.
00:36:14.880 --> 00:36:17.679
I think it I think it think it probably was.
00:36:17.760 --> 00:36:19.679
Cause I I was on to him real fucking quick.
00:36:19.840 --> 00:36:24.800
If this is the same guy, because as soon as he said that, I'm like, mm-hmm Like some, you know.
00:36:25.039 --> 00:36:25.519
Mm-hmm.
00:36:26.000 --> 00:36:29.199
Nobody leads out of the gate with that if you're properly doing it.
00:36:29.280 --> 00:36:30.800
Nobody's like, hey, um this.
00:36:30.960 --> 00:36:32.079
It's like the fuck?
00:36:32.400 --> 00:36:38.639
Well, that's the thing that always so whenever I met him, he was also a correctional officer just for the city instead of the state.
00:36:38.800 --> 00:36:42.639
And so whenever I met him, the reason that drew me in.
00:36:42.800 --> 00:36:44.880
So he had a picture of himself in his uniform.
00:36:44.960 --> 00:36:52.159
And the only reason that drew me in is because I was like, well, I had a hard rule about not dating cops, but I was like, but at least I know he's had a background check.
00:36:52.320 --> 00:36:52.880
Yeah.
00:36:53.199 --> 00:36:54.480
So I was like, okay.
00:36:54.639 --> 00:36:57.760
I was like, at least he's not a criminal, you know, like type thing.
00:36:57.920 --> 00:36:59.760
So I was like, well, I'll give him a chance.
00:36:59.840 --> 00:37:04.719
And then again, he was really sweet and he was he treated me very, very well to my face.
00:37:06.079 --> 00:37:13.760
Um, and he's just so like I've never met somebody who is such a good liar, and it's crazy to me.
00:37:13.840 --> 00:37:14.800
I thought I was a good liar.
00:37:15.039 --> 00:37:16.880
Like, no, absolutely not.
00:37:17.360 --> 00:37:19.119
Like, it's a whole nother level.
00:37:19.440 --> 00:37:37.360
Do you get because I mean so to be real, because you know, I like to get real on the I'm gonna go with my my gut questions here, but both of you guys seem very impacted still with what he's done, as you should be, and you should be pissed and all that shit too.
00:37:37.599 --> 00:37:54.639
But do you think that you guys have moved past a point and now you're you're able to um if you wanted to have another relationship, have one, or do you think that he has damaged that to such a degree that you don't foresee that happening?
00:37:54.800 --> 00:37:57.519
Or do you think that it was a choice since that has happened?
00:37:57.599 --> 00:38:00.880
You're like, no, I'm done, or at least I'm done for now.
00:38:01.280 --> 00:38:02.559
Where do you guys feel like you are in that?
00:38:02.960 --> 00:38:03.199
Not me.
00:38:03.280 --> 00:38:05.199
Yeah, I could care less about the guy.
00:38:05.440 --> 00:38:06.559
Yeah, she's not damaged at all.
00:38:06.880 --> 00:38:07.440
Could care less.
00:38:07.599 --> 00:38:07.840
Yeah.
00:38:08.000 --> 00:38:09.920
Um, I don't like men, period.
00:38:10.400 --> 00:38:12.159
Yeah, never had good relationships.
00:38:12.320 --> 00:38:15.199
Just I honestly I like them as friends.
00:38:15.280 --> 00:38:16.960
I love to have a guy friend.
00:38:17.119 --> 00:38:21.760
Um I'm just saying, putting this out there, you really sound gay right now, or asexual.
00:38:23.280 --> 00:38:24.880
I think a lot of women are becoming asexual.
00:38:26.960 --> 00:38:34.639
I was engaged before Dick, and I had just broke off that a couple months prior, and I think that one really burned me.
00:38:35.119 --> 00:38:39.920
Um he was gay.
00:38:40.320 --> 00:38:42.000
And I found it on his phone.
00:38:42.159 --> 00:38:47.440
Like we were about to get married, and he was acting really sketchy, and I had logged in.
00:38:47.519 --> 00:38:52.559
Well, so I found his Apple Watch that he had broke, but like it still turned on I could see text messages.
00:38:53.360 --> 00:38:58.480
I started going through them, and I seen where he was hooking up with um escorts.
00:38:58.800 --> 00:39:04.559
So, like on one of those pages, and I like flipped my shit and I was like, ew, get out of my house.
00:39:04.719 --> 00:39:05.760
That was enough for me.
00:39:05.840 --> 00:39:08.800
Uh after that, like I I can't look at a guy the same.
00:39:09.039 --> 00:39:15.360
And so then, like, she had one bad one, and the next one was probably like just as bad that of a person that you could have ended up with.
00:39:15.679 --> 00:39:25.840
I mean, I feel bad for him for your first ex if that was if he was so ashamed and he was trying to like hide it, but also like, dude, don't get married.
00:39:26.000 --> 00:39:29.119
Like he's like a big narcissist though, too.
00:39:29.280 --> 00:39:34.719
Like, don't feel bad for him because he's also the shit he was putting me through before that.
00:39:34.880 --> 00:39:37.360
And then he tried to add me the other day on Snapchat.
00:39:37.440 --> 00:39:37.760
Yeah.
00:39:38.000 --> 00:39:39.519
Who wants to be your friend, bro?
00:39:39.679 --> 00:39:43.519
Well, not only that, he was posted on Are We Dating the Same Guy recently too, he's still trying to date women.
00:39:43.599 --> 00:39:43.760
Yeah.
00:39:43.920 --> 00:39:53.440
So like he's not he's just a piece of shit who's also using women, and I think he has a sex addiction, and he just wants I think he's probably bi and he wants to get it wherever he can get it.
00:39:53.679 --> 00:40:01.920
I yeah, I think he's bi, but he's also like super like controlling to be honest, and uh very like gotta be the alpha man.
00:40:02.159 --> 00:40:04.880
Don't try all that shit if you want to have a lavender relationship.
00:40:04.960 --> 00:40:07.840
This shit's about to be equal because I got more manly shit about me than you.
00:40:08.000 --> 00:40:09.440
Yeah, so yeah.
00:40:09.599 --> 00:40:12.000
It's yeah, so I think for her, no.
00:40:12.239 --> 00:40:17.199
But to answer your question for me, I will the chances.
00:40:17.360 --> 00:40:18.239
I mean, I'm in therapy.
00:40:18.320 --> 00:40:19.840
Uh we talk about it all the time on our podcast.
00:40:19.920 --> 00:40:21.280
I've been in therapy for years.
00:40:21.519 --> 00:40:25.840
Um and I I think right now it's twofold.
00:40:25.920 --> 00:40:28.800
I'm I'm very happy single, like being back and being single.
00:40:28.960 --> 00:40:31.519
I have just zero desire to even try and date.
00:40:31.760 --> 00:40:48.239
I do think for me, he fooled me so much that I just don't think I would ever trust a man again anyway, because it was so egregious, like how how much he fooled me.
00:40:48.719 --> 00:40:54.800
So I just don't think that like I would ever trust a man again, but I'm also just okay with not ever dating again.
00:40:54.880 --> 00:40:56.960
Like I'm it's not I don't feel like it's something I'm missing.
00:40:57.119 --> 00:41:02.719
In fact, like I feel like it would be a burden to try to date right now because I would have to like make time and I don't have any time.
00:41:03.119 --> 00:41:07.599
That is another big thing about me too, is like I'm working on my master's degree right now with working full time.
00:41:07.760 --> 00:41:09.119
I don't have time for it either.
00:41:09.360 --> 00:41:09.679
Yeah.
00:41:09.920 --> 00:41:19.440
And we have a big like we have a big friend group or like that everybody, a bunch of people are single and they're single by choice, and a lot of them are child-free, and they're child-free by choice.
00:41:19.679 --> 00:41:34.559
So we're traveling together, we're going on trips, we're going to book cons, we're doing like all this stuff, we're having themed party nights on a random Tuesday that like, you know, it's just we have a ton of stuff going on, so we don't there's not anything that we feel like that's missing.
00:41:34.639 --> 00:41:41.760
And I think a lot of people when they get lonely, a lot of times they're like, it's just because they don't have any kind of community at all.
00:41:42.320 --> 00:41:44.559
And so they don't have anything for filling their time.
00:41:44.639 --> 00:41:54.159
So they think they need a man there, and it's like, well, but if you fill your community up, then when you are alone at home, you're like, Thank God, I need a breather.
00:41:54.400 --> 00:42:01.119
Like, I need to just lay here on my couch and just like veg out for a minute because you've been go, go, go, go, go so much.
00:42:01.360 --> 00:42:01.519
Yeah.
00:42:01.760 --> 00:42:10.320
And I had posted the other day, but I feel like this is accurate for me is like the love that I was chasing trying to find with other people is really what I should have been giving my entire time.
00:42:10.559 --> 00:42:14.800
I should have been showing myself that love, and that's what I'm focused on doing now.
00:42:14.960 --> 00:42:15.599
Yeah.
00:42:16.480 --> 00:42:24.960
So you guys are big, or at least I believe you are, Lauren, but are you both big fans of uh romance books and stuff like that?
00:42:25.280 --> 00:42:27.679
I saw that you guys like the uh the new one downtown.
00:42:28.800 --> 00:42:32.480
Oh I so I'm really good friends with the girls downtown that have the bookstore.
00:42:32.719 --> 00:42:34.320
Um so I support them a lot.
00:42:34.480 --> 00:42:39.119
Um but yes, I love all books, uh, except for historical fiction and nonfiction.
00:42:39.440 --> 00:42:45.920
Well, I was just wondering if if you guys read those books, if it was kind of like a because sometimes I I can't do the Hallmark thing, right?
00:42:46.000 --> 00:42:47.440
And I don't do romance books.
00:42:47.519 --> 00:42:56.079
Uh I just can't I can't read the books in general, but I know there's a lot of people that that don't really like relationships, but they love the books, which is always weird to me.
00:42:56.159 --> 00:43:00.000
It seems like perplex I'm perplexed by that, I guess, because it's a whole fantasy, maybe or something.
00:43:00.239 --> 00:43:03.679
Uh yes, because a woman writes the man, and the man is amazing.
00:43:03.920 --> 00:43:06.559
Because the women that write him, if a man writes it, it's horrible.
00:43:06.639 --> 00:43:07.280
It is horrible.
00:43:07.360 --> 00:43:08.719
I will not read a romance written by a man.
00:43:09.840 --> 00:43:10.719
Well, that's a female.
00:43:10.800 --> 00:43:11.519
Uh, but no.
00:43:12.079 --> 00:43:12.400
Yeah.
00:43:12.559 --> 00:43:13.440
Uh but I won't.
00:43:13.519 --> 00:43:19.039
So I won't read I won't read anything if it's a man writing men.
00:43:19.519 --> 00:43:20.400
I won't read it.
00:43:20.559 --> 00:43:24.880
But for the females that write it, it's because all the men are emotionally intelligent.
00:43:25.039 --> 00:43:26.639
They all know how to communicate.
00:43:26.880 --> 00:43:30.079
They worry about a woman's satisfaction before their own.
00:43:30.320 --> 00:43:32.480
They put the woman actually first.
00:43:32.559 --> 00:43:48.159
So there is some alpha male stuff where it's they still are like dominant in the relationship, yet they make sure to put the woman's needs and like wants and like think about her and how she'll feel before so like that.
00:43:48.239 --> 00:43:50.159
And that's what's considered masculine in the books.
00:43:50.400 --> 00:43:54.000
Whereas like I couldn't read romance for about eight months.
00:43:54.239 --> 00:43:55.920
It took I would just cry.
00:43:56.719 --> 00:43:59.360
Um, so I read a lot of thrillers in that time.
00:43:59.440 --> 00:43:59.760
I couldn't.
00:44:00.400 --> 00:44:02.079
Or fantasy, like give me dragons.
00:44:02.239 --> 00:44:04.800
Um give me a different world.
00:44:04.880 --> 00:44:09.920
I don't even want to be in this world, but now I can devour a romance if it's by like certain authors.
00:44:10.559 --> 00:44:16.400
It's interesting, like going through the trauma that I went through to be able to process it.
00:44:16.559 --> 00:44:29.760
I do think that later it helped the romance books help me process it to some degree because it is fantasy because they're the chances of finding there are men like that out there, they're just really rare, and most of them are already taken.
00:44:29.920 --> 00:44:37.039
Um Yeah, I mean, at this stage, it's like there are really good fucking people out there, but they're unhappy couples, and I'm fucking happy for them.
00:44:37.360 --> 00:44:40.719
And I'm not gonna be the one that tries to steal them out because there are women who will.
00:44:40.960 --> 00:44:41.679
Yeah, yeah, there are.
00:44:41.760 --> 00:44:43.199
They're like, oh, that's happy, let me take it.
00:44:43.280 --> 00:44:44.159
It's like, nah, bitch.
00:44:44.559 --> 00:44:45.119
Yeah, exactly.
00:44:45.360 --> 00:44:46.480
Stay the hell out.
00:44:46.639 --> 00:44:47.840
Um, and I love that.
00:44:47.920 --> 00:44:50.639
Like, I have a friend whose husband's like a great book husband.
00:44:50.719 --> 00:44:55.760
Like, he reads the books so that he can um Wow.
00:44:55.920 --> 00:44:59.679
Yeah, so he can like play the scenes with her and stuff, like of her favorite books and everything else.
00:44:59.840 --> 00:45:01.119
Like, he's he's phenomenal.
00:45:01.280 --> 00:45:10.880
Uh their anniversary was yesterday, and she he um got her favorite author, like some special edition books signed and like gave them to her for her anniversary yesterday and stuff.
00:45:11.039 --> 00:45:18.159
So, like, there are really, really great husbands out there who like care enough and are like, oh, my wife really loves this, so I'm gonna get into it.
00:45:18.239 --> 00:45:20.800
And then they learned that like that helps your bedroom.
00:45:21.119 --> 00:45:21.760
Yeah, yeah.
00:45:22.000 --> 00:45:23.519
Um it's an investment.
00:45:23.920 --> 00:45:24.960
Yeah, absolutely.
00:45:25.199 --> 00:45:32.559
But I think that it it just it it still I don't have the necessary hope for myself, but it's nice to read it.
00:45:32.880 --> 00:45:34.320
To be like, okay, that's nice.
00:45:34.480 --> 00:45:39.280
Like there's a there's a good guy out there, he's not real, but it's nice, you know, type thing.
00:45:39.519 --> 00:45:42.639
So but no, I do not plan to date ever again in my life.
00:45:42.960 --> 00:45:48.400
So what negative um coping mechanisms, or if if any, did you guys end up having afterwards?
00:45:48.719 --> 00:45:51.840
Well, I was suicidal and tried to kill myself, so there was that.
00:45:52.159 --> 00:45:54.639
Oh yeah, small, small thing.
00:45:55.599 --> 00:45:56.159
No big deal.
00:45:56.480 --> 00:45:58.000
Just straight over it.
00:45:58.400 --> 00:45:59.280
It's fine.
00:45:59.760 --> 00:46:02.159
Um I had to go on medication.
00:46:02.320 --> 00:46:07.920
I had to go on um on depressed medication because of because of everything, and I'm still on it.
00:46:08.000 --> 00:46:10.719
Uh mainly because I it I mean, obviously it helps.
00:46:10.880 --> 00:46:11.360
Yeah.
00:46:11.840 --> 00:46:17.119
Um and but I don't drink, so that was never gonna, I don't smoke.
00:46:17.360 --> 00:46:19.760
I don't do any of your typical, I I don't do drugs.
00:46:19.840 --> 00:46:22.880
So like your typical vices weren't me.
00:46:23.119 --> 00:46:25.119
I threw myself into burn.
00:46:25.280 --> 00:46:29.199
So I work out every single day, um, and sometimes twice a day.
00:46:29.519 --> 00:46:30.880
I filled my calendar up.
00:46:31.039 --> 00:46:32.320
I started going to church.
00:46:32.480 --> 00:46:34.239
So I guess I picked some healthy things.
00:46:34.320 --> 00:46:39.360
I was like, let me grab church, let me grab the gym, let me grab reading, let me grab healthy things.
00:46:39.519 --> 00:46:47.519
Um, other than that one hiccup, but I mean Well, because my thing is I so like I said, I was already in therapy.
00:46:47.679 --> 00:46:50.719
So like I knew I'd been in therapy for eight years.
00:46:50.960 --> 00:46:56.800
So like I knew what was unhealthy and what was healthy, and that's how I knew something was wrong too.
00:46:57.199 --> 00:47:01.760
And I was like, I call called my therapist and was like, I need something, like something so like this is not good.
00:47:01.840 --> 00:47:12.400
Like there are bad thoughts in my head, and I want to take all these pills, and um and like I was Googling it, and the only reason I didn't take them was because my mom had come down and she stayed.
00:47:12.639 --> 00:47:16.880
I think if my mom had gone back home, that I would have tried.
00:47:17.119 --> 00:47:23.760
And I was literally Googling it sitting there, but I didn't want my mom to find me because I'm really, really close to my parents.
00:47:23.920 --> 00:47:26.480
So um, yeah.
00:47:26.800 --> 00:47:27.599
It was not it.
00:47:27.760 --> 00:47:28.400
She took my gun.
00:47:28.480 --> 00:47:30.079
I have a gun and she took it.
00:47:30.320 --> 00:47:34.639
Um so not that I I don't I still don't think I would have used it, which women usually don't.
00:47:34.800 --> 00:47:38.480
Yeah, you know, that's not usually what we reach for, um, because we don't want anybody to have to clean it up.
00:47:38.960 --> 00:47:46.159
But uh yeah, it's um I think too when you work trauma stuff, you know how.
00:47:46.880 --> 00:47:52.559
Yeah, I think everybody, even if you don't know, even even if you wouldn't, you still know what you would do if you did.
00:47:52.639 --> 00:47:52.960
Uh-huh.
00:47:53.119 --> 00:47:54.000
Because you've seen too many.
00:47:54.159 --> 00:47:55.440
You've seen it too many times.
00:47:55.679 --> 00:47:56.320
Yeah, right.
00:47:56.559 --> 00:48:02.159
And so it's just like one of those things where um I did get a I got more tattoos if that counts as something negative.
00:48:02.719 --> 00:48:03.679
I don't think that's a negative.
00:48:03.840 --> 00:48:04.159
I don't know.
00:48:04.639 --> 00:48:06.480
Unless it was some kind of fucked up tattoo.
00:48:06.559 --> 00:48:12.079
But No, it's my my so I got my dad's handwriting and it says, I love you, and my mom's underneath says to the moon and back.
00:48:12.320 --> 00:48:13.039
Oh, that's cute.
00:48:13.199 --> 00:48:21.119
Um, to remind myself that I have, you know, my parents, like if anything, if that's if that's all I have left, I have my parents.
00:48:21.280 --> 00:48:22.960
So to to remember that.
00:48:23.199 --> 00:48:25.119
So um I don't really have any.
00:48:25.199 --> 00:48:26.159
Did you have any?
00:48:26.400 --> 00:48:30.079
Um, I also got put on antidepressants afterwards.
00:48:30.159 --> 00:48:33.440
Um, but I was going through a lot of hard stuff during that time.
00:48:33.599 --> 00:48:35.920
Um, just some family stuff too.
00:48:36.079 --> 00:48:40.320
My nephew's very sick, so like that was playing a big toll on me at the time.
00:48:40.719 --> 00:48:46.000
Um, so I did get um I got put on antidepressants, and I also went and got a tattoo.
00:48:46.079 --> 00:48:49.199
I got flowers because I can buy my own flowers.
00:48:50.079 --> 00:48:50.320
Yes.
00:48:50.639 --> 00:48:54.000
Uh the tattoo artist that was doing it was super weird and cringe.
00:48:54.880 --> 00:48:56.000
Um how, how?
00:48:57.199 --> 00:49:04.880
Uh so he definitely was like a drug user in the past, and I got this in like my hometown, which people everybody does drugs there.
00:49:05.119 --> 00:49:07.519
But um it's just what you do.
00:49:07.599 --> 00:49:09.440
Like I was doing drugs at 14.
00:49:09.519 --> 00:49:09.920
It's fine.
00:49:10.159 --> 00:49:10.719
We're we're fine.
00:49:10.960 --> 00:49:11.360
Totally fine.
00:49:11.519 --> 00:49:13.679
Um we're shocked she turned out how she did.
00:49:13.920 --> 00:49:14.239
You're welcome.
00:49:14.400 --> 00:49:14.880
We're proud.
00:49:15.039 --> 00:49:15.840
You're welcome.
00:49:16.079 --> 00:49:26.719
Um, but so he had a trach hole from where he had overdosed and had uh you know there's other cities though, you didn't have to go to your hometown to do that tattoo though, right?
00:49:26.880 --> 00:49:36.079
You're right, but like I went down there to spend the day at the beach, like with all my bridesmaids, like all my so my ex had like you know, I canceled the wedding two weeks prior.
00:49:36.320 --> 00:49:37.760
Oh shit, that's close.
00:49:37.920 --> 00:49:38.239
Okay.
00:49:38.480 --> 00:49:39.679
Yeah, real close.
00:49:39.840 --> 00:49:40.159
Okay.
00:49:40.239 --> 00:49:41.360
I got real close.
00:49:42.639 --> 00:49:45.199
And um, so I canceled two weeks prior.
00:49:45.360 --> 00:49:50.639
Well, my ex went and picked up my wedding dress, even though I canceled because he didn't want me to go through with it.
00:49:50.800 --> 00:49:53.679
Um, but I was like, no, I'm just gonna go return it.
00:49:54.000 --> 00:49:57.519
So while crying, my sister, she's amazing.
00:49:57.679 --> 00:50:03.679
She took the wedding dress up there with me to Daven Bridles, and we she returned it, acting like me because we look identical.
00:50:04.079 --> 00:50:04.400
They do.
00:50:05.920 --> 00:50:08.719
So she just pretended to be me and we returned the dress on my birthday.
00:50:08.960 --> 00:50:10.719
On your birthday, yeah, on my birthday.
00:50:10.880 --> 00:50:15.920
Also, he went and picked up my birthday cake that my sister ordered from me at Publix and tried to bring it to me.
00:50:16.000 --> 00:50:20.320
I was like, I don't want to be around you, and gave me a$20 bill, and I was like, I don't fucking want this.
00:50:20.480 --> 00:50:21.920
So it's a joke.
00:50:22.000 --> 00:50:22.639
Yeah, yeah.
00:50:22.800 --> 00:50:25.360
I was like, this is literally a joke, and get the fuck out of my house.
00:50:25.440 --> 00:50:27.440
Like here's here's$20 for me cheating on you.
00:50:28.159 --> 00:50:31.360
I literally, like every time he spoke to me, I was like, I just want you out of my fucking house.
00:50:31.599 --> 00:50:32.800
Get out of my fucking house.
00:50:32.960 --> 00:50:33.360
Yeah.
00:50:33.599 --> 00:50:36.239
And um And he stayed, he didn't leave.
00:50:36.400 --> 00:50:38.480
No, he was there for like three months.
00:50:38.559 --> 00:50:40.559
I moved out of my own house for a little bit.
00:50:41.280 --> 00:50:44.480
I went and stayed at my sister's house, but so I booked a flight.
00:50:44.639 --> 00:50:47.119
I went to Montana the day I was supposed to get married.
00:50:47.199 --> 00:50:50.400
I flew out to Montana, so the aisle I walked was a plane aisle.
00:50:50.960 --> 00:50:57.119
Um, and I went and hung out with one of my friends that lives up there, and we went and did a bunch of hiking.
00:50:57.280 --> 00:51:03.039
I actually had tonsillitis during that time, which throughout that entire year I had tonsillitis like five times.
00:51:03.199 --> 00:51:05.280
I thought I was about to have my tonsils removed.
00:51:05.519 --> 00:51:06.719
No, it turns out it was him.
00:51:06.880 --> 00:51:08.239
I don't know what he got going on.
00:51:08.400 --> 00:51:10.320
But like you haven't been sick since.
00:51:10.559 --> 00:51:11.599
I have not had it since.
00:51:12.079 --> 00:51:16.559
So I'm like, okay, I don't know if it was a stress he was putting me under or like what it was.
00:51:17.119 --> 00:51:21.840
Thankful that I I still get to keep my tonsils because I was watching TikTok videos.
00:51:21.920 --> 00:51:25.280
It's scary stuff, but for an adult.
00:51:26.480 --> 00:51:32.880
Um but yeah, so I I didn't really like pick up any like bad habits, but I also I don't smoke.
00:51:33.039 --> 00:51:37.119
I quit um five years ago, um, and I don't drink.
00:51:37.519 --> 00:51:40.079
Like if there's a negative thing, it's that men are shit.
00:51:40.239 --> 00:51:49.360
Um most of my friends are guys, so I can't I can't talk shit about men, but in a relationship sense, I will just because Jesus, Jesus.
00:51:49.679 --> 00:51:52.639
And I you know what I'm I'm to blame with a lot of the shit too, but still.
00:51:53.360 --> 00:51:54.000
See it out there though.
00:51:54.079 --> 00:51:58.239
Like in the dating world right now, like a lot of people just don't want to actually date.
00:51:58.400 --> 00:52:00.159
They don't want to actually commit to anything.
00:52:00.320 --> 00:52:02.079
It's just always what's better on the other side.
00:52:02.320 --> 00:52:14.559
I think women can actually choose, and I think that's the difference today between our moms and us, is that a lot of older generations had to have a man to be able to buy a house, to be able to have a credit card, to be able to have all those things.
00:52:14.639 --> 00:52:17.039
And our generation doesn't, and our generation works.
00:52:17.360 --> 00:52:20.000
And so we make our own money and we don't need a man.
00:52:20.159 --> 00:52:28.239
So if you're not coming in and giving us anything beneficial or like helping bring us up, then we're not we're less likely to settle.
00:52:28.320 --> 00:52:30.880
And I didn't learn that lesson until after this.
00:52:31.039 --> 00:52:36.079
And so now I'm like, absolutely not like people are like, Oh, you you know, they'll call us gold diggers and I'm stuffed.
00:52:36.159 --> 00:52:38.239
I'm like, am I the gold digger?
00:52:38.320 --> 00:52:42.400
Because I want a guy to make a certain amount of money because my ex used me for money.
00:52:42.800 --> 00:52:45.519
Like, so like, isn't he the gold digger?
00:52:45.840 --> 00:52:49.039
Like yeah, and but we always think women as gold diggers, not men.
00:52:49.199 --> 00:52:52.239
But there are men out there who 100% use women for money.
00:52:52.480 --> 00:52:52.880
Yeah.
00:52:53.119 --> 00:53:04.239
So and I was talking to a friend today, I was like, I'm to the point in in especially being the age that I am, like, I don't want to have to date somebody and elevate them.
00:53:04.320 --> 00:53:06.800
And I don't mean elevate them in status or any of that shit.
00:53:06.960 --> 00:53:11.199
I just mean like if they're down in the dumps, I don't want to have to bring them up.
00:53:11.440 --> 00:53:18.960
I want us to be at the same level so we can help each other level up and you know continue to thrive and however we want to thrive.
00:53:19.280 --> 00:53:28.320
But I just am past that point of being like, yeah, you can do this, you've got to like I don't mind with individual shit, but like just put all your energy into another person like that.
00:53:28.400 --> 00:53:29.119
It's exhausting.
00:53:29.199 --> 00:53:32.559
And then half the time, that's just their personality at some point.
00:53:32.639 --> 00:53:35.519
So it's just it's hard to differentiate between it.
00:53:35.920 --> 00:53:39.280
I wanted to ask you about your guys' podcast before we get up here.
00:53:39.360 --> 00:53:43.840
So we obviously met each other kind of through the podcasting realm, kind of, you know, through mutual friends.
00:53:44.159 --> 00:53:44.639
Burn, yeah.
00:53:44.800 --> 00:53:46.320
The burn podcasting realm.
00:53:46.639 --> 00:53:58.159
And uh I wanted to ask you guys kind of what your goal is with it, where you hope that it goes, or are you guys gonna pivot, or basically what's it about and what what are your goals with it?
00:53:59.119 --> 00:54:04.400
So I do think that we're going to have like a we're already pivoting some.
00:54:04.559 --> 00:54:10.880
So in the beginning, it was just always it was a lot about Dick and a lot about what happened and everything else.
00:54:11.039 --> 00:54:16.079
And um, we tell other people's stories and we still do that, but now we do bring on more professionals.
00:54:16.239 --> 00:54:23.679
Um, we've had a local domestic violence shelter, that was this week's episode, um, a national domestic violence shelter.
00:54:23.920 --> 00:54:32.320
Um, and we've had therapists that come on, attorneys that have come on in the past, uh, financial advisors, child therapists.
00:54:32.480 --> 00:54:37.440
So I think like getting the professionals out there to come on and actually talk and talk through some of the things.
00:54:37.519 --> 00:54:50.400
Like I know we've done an episode with um my therapist on there where we like gave her um dating apps or the dating profiles, and she kind of went through them and like said what she saw.
00:54:50.719 --> 00:54:51.360
That's cool.
00:54:51.840 --> 00:54:53.199
I need to listen to that episode.
00:54:53.440 --> 00:54:54.639
Yeah, it'll be in July.
00:54:54.719 --> 00:54:58.320
But yeah, so there's there's some good ones like that we have coming, I think.
00:54:58.400 --> 00:55:00.159
Um, so that's more where we were going.
00:55:00.320 --> 00:55:06.800
Also, we had an episode that we really enjoyed that was a true crime one, but was also a relationship involved situation.
00:55:06.880 --> 00:55:14.480
So I think we may start going down that a little more too, because we both still really love true crime, and a lot of those do involve relationships.
00:55:14.719 --> 00:55:15.039
Yeah.
00:55:15.679 --> 00:55:26.000
Um so I think just like continuing to watch it grow, I would love to eventually obviously, like with any podcast, I'm you know, I would love for it to actually take off and be something one day.
00:55:26.079 --> 00:55:27.280
Like I love doing it.
00:55:27.599 --> 00:55:31.039
Like it's it's it's a fun hobby and it'd be great for it to actually be a career, right?
00:55:31.440 --> 00:55:34.000
So we'll see what happens with that down the road.
00:55:34.159 --> 00:55:39.280
But um it would it would just, if anything, our goal is to help other women.
00:55:39.440 --> 00:55:43.280
And we get messages all the time from women that say, like, thank you, this really helped.
00:55:43.360 --> 00:55:58.800
And a lot of the women like that have told their stories for the first time um have reached out to us too and said, like, I've never felt comfortable telling my story, like having you talk and tell it back to me and then tell me to give myself grace really meant something to me.
00:55:58.880 --> 00:56:03.840
Um, and then that we've we had one that sent us like an update too.
00:56:04.239 --> 00:56:07.679
So, um, like on how she's doing now and stuff like that.
00:56:07.840 --> 00:56:13.280
So I think that that's I think we just want to we want a place for women to actually be women.
00:56:13.360 --> 00:56:20.239
And we've told, we've told one man's story, and then I I do have a guy friend who, again, I talk trash about men all the time, even with him.
00:56:20.559 --> 00:56:22.159
And he's just like, women are bad too.
00:56:22.239 --> 00:56:23.039
I'm like, shut up.
00:56:23.199 --> 00:56:26.559
Um, but I did, I was like, send me your stories, and like he had a stalker.
00:56:26.639 --> 00:56:28.159
So like we'll talk about that too.
00:56:28.239 --> 00:56:30.960
But I will only tell a man's story if we trust it.
00:56:32.079 --> 00:56:35.519
Um, because a lot of men, like like Dick would be like, my ex is crazy.
00:56:35.599 --> 00:56:41.360
And so with those people, I'm like, no, like we're not telling, like, what did you do to make her crazy?
00:56:41.599 --> 00:56:45.760
I just feel like a lot of times women get shit on by men constantly.
00:56:45.920 --> 00:56:54.159
The way we look, the way we talk, the way we act, the way we choose our careers, like whatever it is, there's always a man out there being like, you're shit.
00:56:54.320 --> 00:56:55.840
And there's women out there that do it too.
00:56:55.920 --> 00:56:57.199
And I said, we call them out.
00:56:57.360 --> 00:57:02.719
Like, if you're not a girl's girl or you're not supporting women, and I'm not saying all women, because again, there's women that are shit.
00:57:02.880 --> 00:57:04.239
Call those ones out.
00:57:05.039 --> 00:57:15.760
But other than that, like have a safe place for women to be like, hey, I've been through some fucking shit, and it sucks, and I'm still going through it, and I don't, you know, I want to talk about it.
00:57:16.400 --> 00:57:22.719
So that's what I that's what I just hope it still stays for a place for us all to get together and have the chat.
00:57:23.280 --> 00:57:24.079
Yeah, definitely.
00:57:24.159 --> 00:57:32.960
Um having towards like helping women, um, especially women coming out of domestic violence relationships, because there's so much emotions that come in after that.
00:57:33.599 --> 00:57:37.199
Um, I experienced a domestic violence relationship when I was younger.
00:57:37.360 --> 00:57:40.960
And for me, like anger and everything came after that and blame on myself.
00:57:41.119 --> 00:57:44.239
So, like working through that with women is really important for me.
00:57:44.559 --> 00:57:45.119
Yeah.
00:57:45.440 --> 00:57:45.679
Yeah.
00:57:45.760 --> 00:57:52.880
So we have started reaching out more for that, and then like even having people in law enforcement on, like when you came on and stuff to talk about stuff.
00:57:52.960 --> 00:58:02.800
I just think it's important to like get all the sides and all the views and just know what your rights are, what your options are, like that there's people out there that will support you and and everything else.
00:58:02.960 --> 00:58:06.559
Um because a lot of people have bad connotations when it comes to police officers.
00:58:06.800 --> 00:58:14.800
So I think it's important for them to know that, like, hey, the cops aren't against you, especially if they're trained well and and done well, and like, hey, you know, you need to ask for a female.
00:58:14.960 --> 00:58:18.880
You can, like, and see if there's a female available that can come talk to you and stuff like that.
00:58:19.119 --> 00:58:23.599
So I think that it's just important to get the information out there too.
00:58:23.760 --> 00:58:25.599
Um, but we have a lot of fun with it.
00:58:25.679 --> 00:58:29.840
I mean, we get some crazy stories that you're just like, and I think that's part of it too.
00:58:29.920 --> 00:58:31.039
You don't feel alone, right?
00:58:31.199 --> 00:58:31.840
Yeah, yeah.
00:58:32.000 --> 00:58:35.119
Like we've you're like, oh, we've all been through some shit.
00:58:35.280 --> 00:58:38.159
And I'm sure that you feel the same way with your podcast because it's about trauma.
00:58:38.239 --> 00:58:38.559
Yeah.
00:58:38.800 --> 00:58:43.920
So you you talk to people and you're like, I've been through trauma, you've been through, I mean, good god, you've slipped on a fucking liver.
00:58:44.000 --> 00:58:46.559
So that story lives rent-free in my mind.
00:58:46.719 --> 00:58:48.559
And I tell it every time I get a moment.
00:58:49.199 --> 00:58:49.519
She does.
00:58:49.760 --> 00:58:50.320
She loves that story.
00:58:50.559 --> 00:58:51.760
Tell everybody your story.
00:58:52.400 --> 00:58:53.199
She loves that story.
00:58:53.280 --> 00:58:54.320
She's like, listen to this shit.
00:58:54.800 --> 00:58:55.519
Slip it on a side.
00:58:57.280 --> 00:59:07.760
Um, yeah, it's I think that it's just uh a great, a positive place for people to come and for women to come be part of and everything.
00:59:07.840 --> 00:59:09.199
And we love the men that support us too.
00:59:09.440 --> 00:59:11.280
Um and there are to me, that's a green flag.
00:59:11.440 --> 00:59:28.079
If you have a man who will support a woman's podcast that is supporting women and and kind of trashes men sometimes, not necessarily trashes them, but tells the truth from the what the view we see it and our truth for it, then that to me is a green flag, man.
00:59:28.159 --> 00:59:31.119
And we do have a a good amount of them that support.
00:59:31.280 --> 00:59:33.039
So that's cool.
00:59:33.360 --> 00:59:34.320
Um, yeah.
00:59:34.559 --> 00:59:36.159
But yeah, so we'll see where it goes.
00:59:36.320 --> 00:59:41.360
You know, it's this is um we hit our one year mark in April and we changed a lot this year.
00:59:41.519 --> 00:59:44.000
Um, so we'll see what happens in the next year.
00:59:44.320 --> 00:59:49.840
So if people have stories or want to follow you, all that other good stuff, what what are the best ways to do that?
00:59:50.079 --> 00:59:56.320
Yeah, so um Spill the Tea Unfiltered uh is our handle for Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook.
00:59:56.480 --> 01:00:03.039
And you can send us DMs or you can email us at spill the tea unfiltered pod at gmail.com.
01:00:03.360 --> 01:00:12.960
So you can just give us a follow anywhere, any of our socials, and uh we are happy to tell your story, and it's all anonymous for legal purposes and for safety purposes.
01:00:13.119 --> 01:00:14.320
We keep everything anonymous.
01:00:14.639 --> 01:00:15.039
Awesome.
01:00:15.199 --> 01:00:20.400
Well, I'll put all the stuff down on the show notes so everybody can have it and have a clickable way to get over there.
01:00:20.639 --> 01:00:26.960
And uh that's all I had, unless there's some question I neglected to ask you that you think I should have that that you wanted to be asked.
01:00:27.280 --> 01:00:29.039
No, I think we I think we covered a lot.
01:00:29.119 --> 01:00:30.320
It's always a good time talking with you.
01:00:30.480 --> 01:00:31.840
It flows so easy.
01:00:32.719 --> 01:00:34.320
It's because none of us give a shit.
01:00:34.400 --> 01:00:35.840
We're just like, hey, what about this?
01:00:36.159 --> 01:00:36.480
I know.
01:00:36.559 --> 01:00:38.079
I'm like, I can cuss openly.
01:00:38.320 --> 01:00:38.800
Fuck.
01:00:39.199 --> 01:00:39.679
Literally.
01:00:40.800 --> 01:00:41.599
Feels so good.
01:00:41.840 --> 01:00:42.239
It does.
01:00:42.400 --> 01:00:42.960
It really does.
01:00:43.119 --> 01:00:45.360
I'm like, yeah, we can just be ourselves.
01:00:45.599 --> 01:00:46.880
Um yeah, no.
01:00:47.039 --> 01:00:48.000
Thanks for having us on.
01:00:48.079 --> 01:00:51.280
Um, we enjoy your podcast, and I tell people about it all the time.
01:00:54.000 --> 01:00:55.519
Thank you guys for tuning in.
01:00:55.599 --> 01:00:56.719
It is much appreciated.
01:00:56.800 --> 01:00:58.079
I hope you enjoyed the episode.
01:00:58.159 --> 01:01:03.119
We have a lot of freaking interesting episodes coming up, and it's one of those things where I want to tell you, but I can't.
01:01:03.280 --> 01:01:06.480
Kind of gotta just you know leave it out there for you guys to discover.
01:01:06.800 --> 01:01:14.239
If you guys know of anybody that should come on the podcast, please send them a message or send me a message, give me their information, and I will hit them up.
01:01:14.880 --> 01:01:16.079
Yeah, that's about it.
01:01:16.239 --> 01:01:23.920
Don't forget to give us a like, give us a follow, all that other good stuff to help this thing keep going, and I will catch you guys next week.