Practicing Kindness (encore)

Those who are kind reward themselves, but the cruel do themselves harm.

There is a popular quote, and I hope you’ll forgive me if the way I report it is not exactly how you have heard it. And I hope you’ll forgive me, too, if you know it to be from a particular source. You see, it’s actually attributed to many people — a quick Google search revealed attribution to everyone from Buddha to Saint Augustine to Christian author Joanna Weaver to Irish actor Malachy McCourt. In any case, the quote goes something like this: “Holding on to hatred is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”

That seems to be closely akin to the message the author of Proverbs is trying to convey. When we are kind to others, we are in turn helping ourselves. And when we are hurtful toward others, we are actually hurting ourselves, or drinking the poison, as it may be.

But to be clear, I really don’t think the point the author of Proverbs is making is to be kind to others in order to be kind to one’s self. Helping ourselves should be a by-product, not a goal.

One of my favorite podcasts (after Grace for All, of course!) is Hidden Brain. This is an exploration of the world through the lens of the social sciences. Host Shankar Vedantam invites incredibly intelligent people to his show to discuss, well, being human in this complex world. I highly recommend that you check out this podcast.

In April 2023, Shankar hosted psychologist Amit Kumar on an episode discussing why we are reluctant to be kind to one another. While the whole episode is worth your time, a few of the takeaways include that people often worry about getting the details of their particular kindness just right, but recipients seem to care much more about the effort than the act.

Further, small acts of kindness that might be inconsequential to the giver can be monumental to the recipient. When we share a kind word or make a small expression of warmth, we often are actually helping others more than we realize. And this chasm between how the giver and the recipient perceive the act creates what Kumar refers to as the Prosociality Paradox.

In this paradox, even though the act of kindness is good for both us and others, we are reluctant to behave in this way since givers of kindness worry about the details and minimize the effect. But it even goes further: this phenomenon also causes us to be reluctant to ask others for kindness that they could provide, even though studies show that we are more than happy to help others when we are able to do so, and we want to feel helpful.

As followers of Christ who are trying to demonstrate the fruits of the Spirit, we must be ever more intentional about sharing that kindness, no matter how great or small it may be. We must not worry so much about getting every detail right, as much as getting our intentions right. In short, we must overcome any obstacles from our efforts to make the world kinder. The podcast goes on to describe the pay-it-forward effect, which documents examples of how one act of kindness spurs another. Friends, let us make this society kinder and kinder still, and may nothing, least of all ourselves, get in our way.

Holy Spirit of God, you are the source of kindness. Let us channel that in our lives to all who need it, no matter how great or small the need. Help us to not worry so much about how to do so, but help us feel strengthened in you to not be reluctant to do so. We pray this in Christ’s name, amen.

This devotion was written and read by Dwight Dockery.

Grace for All is a daily devotional podcast produced by the members of the congregation of First United Methodist Church in Maryville, Tennessee. With these devotionals, we want to remind listeners on a daily basis of the love and grace that God extends to all human beings, no matter their location, status, or condition in life.

If you would like to respond to these devotionals in any way, we would enjoy hearing from you. Our email address is: podcasts@1stchurch.org.

First United Methodist Church is a lively, spirit-filled congregation whose goal is to spread the message of love and grace into our community and throughout the world. We are located on the web at https://1stchurch.org/.