Surviving Abuse & Taking Back Power ft. Ruthelia Davis

00:00:00
Speaker 1: Before we get into today's episode, please be aware that this conversation includes discussions of domestic violence and abuse. We know these topics can be difficult or triggering, so please listen with care and take a break if you need to. If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, support is available through the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE.
00:00:19
Speaker 2: That's 800-799-7233.
00:00:19
Speaker 1: Now, let's get into the conversation.
00:00:27
Speaker 3: Once upon a time, there was a good old traditional housewife. She cooked, she cleaned, cared for her children and the man of the house, and of course, she didn't talk back. She was both obedient and soft by nature. She was a good woman who always made good choices.
00:00:43
Speaker 1: Shut that shit up. We're Good Moms Bad Choices. Two single moms who said fuck the patriarchy, shared all their bad choices, and found out they weren't so bad after all. We're experts, over-sharers, and your new bestie. Sit back and enjoy the ride.
00:00:55
Speaker 4: Welcome back to Good Moms, Bad Choices.
00:01:09
Speaker 1: I'm Erica. And I'm Mila.
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Speaker 2: Happy Hump Day!
00:01:13
Speaker 1: Happy Hump Day, witches.
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Speaker 3: It's October, my favorite month.
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Speaker 1: It is still spooky season, and we're back in your favorite girl cave. together again.
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Speaker 2: Have you guys figured out what you're going to be for Halloween?
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Speaker 3: Do you know?
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Speaker 1: I think I'm going to repeat one costume and I don't know what the other one's going to be.
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Speaker 2: What do you mean? How many costumes are you doing?
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Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm hoping to have a few. I'm hoping to go to do a couple. I just got invited to a Halloween party and so that'll be one. I wanted to redo the one in Joshua Tree where I was Bastet, the cat goddess of the Egyptian goddess that we didn't go anywhere except to the house so we're trying to redo that one That deserves another little go around. Exactly. What about you?
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Speaker 2: I think I'm going to be Betty Boop.
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Speaker 1: That's cute.
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Speaker 2: Because I reset I should.
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Speaker 1: And I was like, easy. Yeah, it's easy. We're a bustier. Baby hairs.
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Speaker 5: Betty Boop didn't have blonde hair, but I'm going to have to get an actual wig because I'm definitely not going to dye my hair dark.
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Speaker 1: Maybe spray paint it? I'm scared that the blonde is going to suck it up. Maybe it could be the Josephine Baker. I mean, her hair wasn't blonde either, but that would be cute. But the bananas.
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Speaker 4: Oh.
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Speaker 1: Remember we did all that research?
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Speaker 2: Yeah, she wasn't blonde either, though.
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Speaker 1: I know, but... That's cute, though.
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Speaker 2: I like that.
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Speaker 1: Chiquita Banana? I don't know. I'm trying to think of somebody with blonde hair. How are you?
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Speaker 2: I'm good. I'm good.
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Speaker 1: Anything new going on this week?
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Speaker 2: I have a bad choice of the week.
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Speaker 1: Okay, let's introduce our guest. Okay. Today we have a very special guest. We have, on her first podcast ever, this is her. podcast debut. She is breaking her podcast cherry. You may see her on your feed because she does a lot of professional, very necessary shit talking, mostly to men that need to be shit talked. Reading them down. Reading them down. I've been a fan. I actually met her in the club and I was like, hey girl, we're friends on Instagram, aka I'm your friend. And I was like, come on the show. And she accepted. And so today I present to you with Good Mom's Bad Choices, Makeup artist, creative director, mother, bad bitch, Ruthelia.
00:03:22
Speaker 3: No, but thank you so much for having me. It is a pleasure to be here.
00:03:26
Speaker 1: Absolutely. Welcome to the show. You look lovely. Welcome.
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Speaker 3: Thank you.
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Speaker 4: Gorgeous.
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Speaker 1: Thank you.
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Speaker 2: Even more beautiful in person.
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Speaker 3: Thank you. When I saw you at the club, honey, I didn't have my glasses on, so I didn't know who you were.
00:03:36
Speaker 1: I didn't know what was going on. You know, I'm a friendly bitch. You don't have to know who I am. I'm going to say hi. If I'm your friend on Instagram, you know what? Actually, that same night that I met you, oh, maybe that wasn't the night. I sat next to a girl and she was by herself. Oh, yeah, we were all together. And I recruited her to the next club because she listened to the show. And I was like, hey, girl, get in. And then we went to the next club. I'll make a friend with anybody. If I see you at the club and you want to be friends, I'm available. So I'm happy you accepted. You're very friendly. And, you know, sometimes it's hit or miss when you meet people on the Internet. And I'm always friendly. So I was happy to know you were, too. And I asked her in the club if she wanted to come to the podcast. And she was like, sure. I was like, perfect. So I'm glad to have you. It was meant to be.
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Speaker 3: I literally felt like if you went out of your way to ask me, like I said, I didn't know who you were in the moment. When I went to social media, I was like, holy shit, I wanted to be on that podcast anyway. So that's just a testament to say yes sometimes, even if you don't know what's going on.
00:04:30
Speaker 1: Wait, what club was it? Dot Dot.
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Speaker 5: OK, that's so funny because, you know, that's how I found Kristen, too. We're recruiting people for.
00:04:37
Speaker 2: The show at Dot Dot.
00:04:38
Speaker 1: This is why we have to go out to the club because we have to get research and development. If you want to come on the show, go to Dot Dot. Because we'll be there. We might on Fridays or a random night. We're accepting applications at Dot Dot by way of drinks for both of us. Just kidding. Just joking. But yeah, I figured it was time. You know, it just so happened that today, I mean today, this month, October, is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. It's also October, our favorite month, because it's Halloween month. I feel like it's like a coven month. All the women come together to talk about important things. She was wearing her suit. I got my gloves on and my vest.
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Speaker 2: I have my suit on.
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Speaker 1: You have a suit on. We're here to talk fucking business. The veil is thin.
00:05:18
Speaker 5: I think that's also why it's a beautiful month to have domestic violence awareness, because it's expose these niggas month.
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Speaker 3: Yeah, I absolutely believe in naming and shaming your abuser.
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Speaker 1: I love it. Yes. We were just talking about this last week, about how we... We can't just warn our daughters about predators and weird men and being uncomfortable. That we actually need to start a group where we do training and we say out loud, hey, you're making me uncomfortable. Hey, stop. That's weird. I'm going to see them running in a corner. Stop. That's weird. Stop. Say it again. Say it again. I'm uncomfortable.
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Speaker 4: Stop.
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Speaker 1: You're being weird.
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Speaker 3: Stop. No means no.
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Speaker 4: Please.
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Speaker 1: No. Predator. Predator.
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Speaker 4: Predator.
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Speaker 1: It's not funny, but it's like- I'm not kidding.
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Speaker 4: Literally.
00:06:08
Speaker 1: You know what? I'm going to make a sign up. Fuck Taekwondo, bitch.
00:06:10
Speaker 2: I'm going to get a time form after this episode.
00:06:12
Speaker 1: We need to get it together. We need someone to offer up their space. We need a couple of men to come in as like faith predators. And then you know what?
00:06:21
Speaker 5: Then we also need like someone who teaches combat to come so they can learn some just some skills.
00:06:25
Speaker 1: And then we're going to watch Ruthelia on how she reads the niggas. And then we're going to be like, this is how you do it. You see this?
00:06:32
Speaker 4: Say that.
00:06:32
Speaker 1: See what she said? You see how she's not afraid? Yeah. So you're going to be in our curriculum. I hope you can come. I love that for me.
00:06:38
Speaker 3: I want to be the head reader. Yeah. Because you can, you can bruise a man without even touching him. That, that mouth is lethal.
00:06:46
Speaker 1: It absolutely is. And you know what? People say this, I mean, my relationship, my, my relationship coach, Kenya always says, you should always ask for permission before you vent because women can change the, like the, the chemical reactions. like the chemical compounds of a man's DNA by how she speaks to him. You can say things and literally change his biology just by how you're speaking to him. So I think that is true. We need to learn how to use our tongues better in order to.
00:07:17
Speaker 3: Open up that throat chakra.
00:07:18
Speaker 1: Yeah, and read these niggas so they feel they be stopped in their tracks without even having to do anything.
00:07:23
Speaker 3: It's very freeing. It's extremely freeing. So I recommend it. It keeps me youthful.
00:07:30
Speaker 1: You look beautiful. You look 22. I was going to say, can you share with our audience about how you came to be in this space of the top reader of the internet?
00:07:41
Speaker 2: I'm going to have her say her bad choice of the week first.
00:07:42
Speaker 1: Oh, right.
00:07:43
Speaker 2: Do you have any bad choices you've made this week?
00:07:47
Speaker 3: I called a man that ghosted me.
00:07:51
Speaker 1: Why did you do that?
00:07:52
Speaker 3: FaceTimed and texted too.
00:07:53
Speaker 1: Oh, bitch. You said it. You're going to see me. I mean, I can understand in the way that you discussed that he ghosted you. I would need some answers too. And you know what? Do you think you'll ever run into him?
00:08:04
Speaker 3: I mean, he's at dot dot all the time.
00:08:06
Speaker 1: We're all gonna be there. We gotta find a new place. I'm telling you, why is this? He was with me when we met.
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Speaker 5: It's definitely not Thai show R & B night or whatever the fuck, hip hop night, okay?
00:08:17
Speaker 1: There's not even really a dance floor. I mean, I love it, but we did find VIP last time. Remember they took us to the VIP? We do need to find a new place. In the London.
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Speaker 3: Wait, did he answer?
00:08:25
Speaker 4: No.
00:08:26
Speaker 1: Okay. Did he call back? The read receipt came on?
00:08:31
Speaker 3: It said delivered.
00:08:32
Speaker 1: Okay.
00:08:33
Speaker 3: And it rang several times, so he's not dead in jail.
00:08:37
Speaker 1: Et cetera.
00:08:37
Speaker 3: He's just dead ass ignoring me.
00:08:39
Speaker 1: Wow. Damn. And how long has it been? It's been like a couple months, right?
00:08:42
Speaker 3: Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Yes, it's been. Yes. Like literally he was like, I'm on my way to come get you. I'll be there at like 425.
00:08:51
Speaker 1: Right.
00:08:52
Speaker 3: Hours and hours and hours go by. I don't hear from him. This is like two weeks ago now. Nothing like no text message. No, I'm not interested anymore. Like absolutely nothing. And there was no signs whatsoever. He was pursuing me, he was spending that money, he was spending that time, he was calling, texting. He would plan our dates while we were still on them. You know how people can say, oh, choose better, the flags are there. There's nothing.
00:09:19
Speaker 1: There's nothing. You reviewed the files. Do you think it's your internet persona that.
00:09:23
Speaker 3: So when we first met, he didn't know about the social media presence. Because I don't really like to share my social media with potential romantic interests. because there's so much of my personality on there, good, bad, indifferent. And I feel like I'm consumed before I'm actually known. And so I just, I try not to go that route. But when we went to Dot Dot that night, there was so many people coming up to me. He was like, who are you? And I had to like finally like tell him, you know, and then I also had to disclose to him like, oh, uh if you look me up you're also gonna find some some serious shit on reddit and lipstick alley and you know I'm getting harassed and stalked and all of the things so he originally he said that it wasn't a problem like you know he was like that kind of comes with the territory like I'm a little bit known too like it's he made it seem like he's he's dated celebrities before internet personalities and that wasn't an issue for him But men will say anything.
00:10:23
Speaker 1: I just think I'm on my way, my ETA is, and then that is insane.
00:10:27
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, at least it's about respect, honestly.
00:10:30
Speaker 1: Like, drop me off, kiss me goodnight, and then don't speak to me ever again. But to plan a date, then confirm the time that you're on your way and not show up is like, okay, damn, nigga. Like, did you find something out right then in eight seconds? So, I mean, but who, it's neither here nor there. Who cares?
00:10:47
Speaker 3: The dick was so good, though.
00:10:48
Speaker 1: Ugh.
00:10:49
Speaker 2: It was amazing. As I say, it's God's protection.
00:10:52
Speaker 3: And he was rich.
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Speaker 1: There's other rich, big dick, nice dick fellas. There are few and far between. What is that one? I know, I know. Specifically that one. There are few and far between. What could be an excuse that he would call right now and say, oh my God, I got knocked out and abducted by aliens. I'm on my way. Could he say anything at this point to recover from that? No.
00:11:18
Speaker 3: And when I called him, it was more so to ease my anxiety because there was a big portion of me that was like, wait a minute, like, did something happen to this man? What's going on?
00:11:25
Speaker 1: You know?
00:11:26
Speaker 3: But then after I realized the call, like if something had happened to him at this point, you're going to voicemail, like the phone's not going to be ringing. The text messages aren't going to be delivered. Like, let's be so for real. I can cuss, right? Yeah.
00:11:38
Speaker 1: For real. So yeah.
00:11:40
Speaker 3: Like at that point, there's nothing you can know.
00:11:43
Speaker 1: No, no, no.
00:11:44
Speaker 3: Like I'm trying to, no, there's nothing you could say.
00:11:46
Speaker 2: Might as well just blocked you so that you could, you could, so you could know.
00:11:49
Speaker 3: Men don't block. They like to see you beg and call like it does something to them on the inside.
00:11:54
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's true. Yeah.
00:11:55
Speaker 3: Arousal probably.
00:11:56
Speaker 1: So what were the text messages like? Hey, are you good? Or was it like, fuck you?
00:12:01
Speaker 3: Originally, it was like, hey, like, I haven't heard from you in a while. Like, I'm starting to think something's wrong. Like, can you just tell me if you're good? And then a couple hours went by and he didn't respond. So then I kind of went off a little bit. I was like, you know what? Cause I was very vulnerable about like, you know, the situation that I'm dealing with, with my ex and the stalking and all of that.
00:12:21
Speaker 1: Right.
00:12:21
Speaker 3: Cause you know, he shared things. He was like opening up to me and making it seem like it was a safe space.
00:12:26
Speaker 1: Right.
00:12:26
Speaker 3: And a lot of this stuff was already on the internet anyway. So I didn't feel like I was oversharing anyway.
00:12:32
Speaker 1: Right.
00:12:33
Speaker 3: And so I'm telling him all of this stuff and he's like, Oh my God, like, I'm so sorry you experienced that. And you know, now that I think about it, I feel like I was probably being manipulated more because he was so attentive and, you know what I mean? Like trying to make sure that he wasn't showing any signs of like how my ex behaved. Does that make sense? Like it, Hindsight is a little bit 2020 now that I'm thinking back to it.
00:12:57
Speaker 1: He can perform in a way that's so unlike this other guy. He knows what he's done to you and so that it feels like it appears like a safe space because he knows what not to do.
00:13:07
Speaker 3: I kind of went off in the text message because I was like, I was very vulnerable with you. I explained to you what I'm dealing with with my ex. You know, I'm a human being. Like, you didn't have to play this game with me. I was like, it's so inappropriate. So I didn't cuss him out and call him out his name. Like, I didn't threaten. I'm going to make a video about you.
00:13:21
Speaker 1: I don't give a fuck.
00:13:22
Speaker 3: Like, it's not that deep. Like, in fact, that's embarrassing. Like, why the fuck would I go off on a nigga? Because he's not interested in me. Girl, like, stand up. What the fuck are you doing? But yeah, I let him know. And I kind of regretted it afterwards because it's like his behavior is already showing that he don't give a fuck. Why are you sending a paragraph to a man that literally goes to jail? Right.
00:13:40
Speaker 2: Because we love.
00:13:43
Speaker 5: Love and we're lover girls and we want to be like there's got to be an excuse look at my fine ass are you fucking kidding.
00:13:48
Speaker 1: No way you would just ghost me are you kidding like I'm also it's also like am.
00:13:53
Speaker 5: I tripping have you ghosted before um yes is this karmic probably absolutely because he was using my.
00:14:00
Speaker 3: Type across the board like zero like no complaints I really liked him so I was like oh my god is this is this what this feels like right this is awful am I gonna do it again probably probably there But well, let me, okay. Recently, since I started dating, I don't, I ghosted one guy only because his behavior was just like, nigga, please. But everyone else, I just send a text message saying like, hey, like I'm not interested. Like I met a guy on Hinge the other day. He immediately wanted to go out on a date. And I'm like, hey, let's hop on the phone first. Like make sure it's a vibe because I'm not just accepting dates just because. So we get on the phone, we're talking for like 30 minutes. And then I'm like, okay, nice chatting. I gotta go. And then I texted him like, hey, I'm actually gonna like, pass on the date because I don't feel like we're a match. It was a pleasure meeting you. And then that was it. And I think that's the like humane thing to do at this point.
00:14:51
Speaker 1: Yeah. Adult thing to do.
00:14:53
Speaker 3: Yeah. And I feel, I felt bad because he was like bright eyed, bushy tailed. He was like so into me. He thought I was so cool and beautiful and all the things. And on one side it's like, Oh my God, like I, I love this, but like in another man, not you.
00:15:09
Speaker 1: But at least you're being honest. I mean, everybody's not going to be a match. Just because you're a nice guy and you like me doesn't mean that it's going to be chemistry and fucking fireworks. Yeah, there was no.
00:15:18
Speaker 3: Chemistry, like, whatsoever. He was kind of, like, kind of boring.
00:15:23
Speaker 1: You know, I wish more women who were dating had the, like, because, you know, I think a lot of women are, like, we're, like, cursed with that, like, oh, like, maybe it will come. Like, he's a nice guy, so, like, the chemistry will come or, like, You know, he's funny or, like, oh, I feel bad. I don't want to make him feel bad. A lot of us are, like, so deeply rooted in people-pleasing that sometimes we, like, give people the benefit of the doubt and we want to say, like, maybe one more date and it will be something different. But, like, boring for you is, like, enough if you're like, nah, like, it's just not, you know what I mean? We probably save so much time.
00:15:59
Speaker 3: This is what my dad told me at a very young age. So, like, I was raised by a single black father. So, shout out to black dads. Um, long story short, I tried to get my dad to cover for me cheating. And my dad was like, no, actually, I'm not going to do that. And then he pulled me to the side. We had a long conversation and he said that you don't play with men's feelings. That's how you get yourself killed. He said, if you don't like the man, you don't go on a date with him. If you don't like the man, you don't accept the gifts. You don't like the man, you don't accept the money. A man will kill you over his feelings. My dad told me that I think I was like 18 years old. Wow.
00:16:30
Speaker 1: Not a man will kill you over his feelings. I mean, that's, that's great advice. Absolutely.
00:16:36
Speaker 3: So, you know, I, I took it to the extreme because I will, I'm a, I'm a breaker upper for sure.
00:16:41
Speaker 1: Not to the extreme.
00:16:43
Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely. Like, I don't like this. I'm leaving.
00:16:45
Speaker 1: Like, yeah, it's simple.
00:16:47
Speaker 3: One, two, three, you know, why would I, like, why would I stay around? And again, going back to me having a wonderful example of like what a man is like, my dad doesn't treat me this way. So like, why would I allow somebody's raggedy? I sent to, right? Like, Not going to do that.
00:17:00
Speaker 1: Where did you grow up?
00:17:02
Speaker 3: Oh, I grew up between Oxnard and LA.
00:17:04
Speaker 1: Okay.
00:17:04
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:17:05
Speaker 3: So California, baby.
00:17:07
Speaker 1: And did you know your mom at all or?
00:17:09
Speaker 3: Yeah. My mom, I want to say, baby, I was born in prison.
00:17:15
Speaker 4: Oh. Yes.
00:17:16
Speaker 3: So my mother, you know, when she, she got out, my dad, like, you know, my dad was never the type of person or parent to alienate me from my mother's side of the family.
00:17:27
Speaker 1: They had a.
00:17:27
Speaker 3: Nasty custody battle, honey. nasty custody battle my dad won full custody so man I don't want to hear any excuses I don't want to hear any excuses um but my dad raised me my mom came back around like when I was like a teenager um and then she came back around in my 20s we lived together um we had the opportunity to go to college together um she passed away of cancer in 2022 but she oh my god like she this personality that i have where i'm going to stand up for myself and say what the fuck i have to say it's very very much my mother very much um and you know she when she came into the picture though you know my father was very much like oh you get a man that treats you nice and a nice man that was it my mother came along in my 20s and i was dating a guy we actually went to go visit her in prison honey she wanted to meet the niggas so i had him drive me to the prison to meet my mother how long was your mom in prison Maybe in and out.
00:18:23
Speaker 2: She was having a time.
00:18:25
Speaker 3: So we get there. My mother was so nice to him. She was so nice and grabbing his hand and just asking him questions. She wanted to know about him, all the things. Fast forward, we leave. A couple hours later, she called me. And she said, you still with that nigga? Mind you, when she's with him, she's like, oh, it's so good to meet you. Good to meet you, Sean. It's good to meet you. You know, that's how she's speaking to him. And then she gets on the phone. You still with that nigga? I said, no, mom, he's at home. She said, yeah, he gonna whoop your ass. He gonna whoop your ass, he gonna cheat on you because he got dirty shoes. Oh! Oh!
00:19:01
Speaker 1: Okay, mama. Not dirty shoes.
00:19:04
Speaker 3: Yeah, he had on dirty Converse and she explained to me that a man that doesn't care about his shoes doesn't care about himself or anything else. Wow. And you know, the next time I.
00:19:14
Speaker 1: Did you wait to find out? Listen, I can't say.
00:19:19
Speaker 3: All I know is I got a call I can't say, I can't say, but what I will say is the next nigga that I met with dirty shoes, absolutely cheated on me.
00:19:27
Speaker 2: And with my ass. So do you have a history of being with men that are violent?
00:19:34
Speaker 5: Like, would you say that you've have experienced this more than on one occasion in your relationship dynamic?
00:19:39
Speaker 3: No, most of my relationships have been pretty healthy. Um, with the Sean fella, he showed his ass one time and I was out of there. I skedaddled. Um, with my ex-fiancee that that situation.
00:19:54
Speaker 1: Was so.
00:19:58
Speaker 3: When you hear like oh why did she say why did she stay Right. It's so much more than just waking up one day and leaving. Right. We we didn't have children together, but we were raising our children together. You know, we had businesses together. We shared a home together. You know, all of our friends and family, like we were like this. And so the first time that the violence happened, I remember I broke up with him and fuck. So I and again, I'm not going to say anything that I don't have proof of, but I broke up with him and he kept calling me and calling me and calling me. And I wouldn't answer the phone. He started calling my dad and I was living in Oxnard. This was right before we moved in together. And he called the police on me and said that I was suicidal and having like an emotional breakdown. And I hear a knock on my door. And I ignore it and they're knocking and they're knocking. I ignore it because I'm in the bathtub. Like I'm soaking Epsom salt, all the things I having a blast because like. I had a couple of days before just got into a fight with that nigga. We broke up like I'm trying to chill. So they're banging on the door. I go, it's a fire department.
00:21:09
Speaker 1: Right.
00:21:09
Speaker 3: And I'm like, what do you want? He was like, oh, we got a call for like suicidal or whatever, whatever. Right. And I was like, oh, yeah, I'm just going to kill myself in the bathtub right now. Because, you know, I have my robe on or whatever. My hair is wet. You can clearly see, like, I am having a soak of a lifetime, right? And when I said that, I tried to slam the door in his face, and the fireman put his foot in the door and budged his way in. So what I didn't know, in California, the moment you say that you are going to kill yourself, you have lost your rights.
00:21:41
Speaker 1: Whoa.
00:21:42
Speaker 3: Your rights are gone.
00:21:44
Speaker 1: So.
00:21:44
Speaker 3: PD was downstairs. They came and they took me. They 5150'd me and I had to go to a mental hospital. And the women that I was telling you about, like off camera, I told you guys I was getting harassed and stalked or whatever they found. And when I say they found, he gave it to them. He gave them the medical records and all this kind of stuff. They posted it on Reddit, on Lipstick Alley, on threads, on Instagram, as if something was wrong with me, but they didn't tell the full story that I was trying to leave him. And he weaponized the legal system, the mental health system, everything. And when I got to the hospital, he ended up writing a review, I think on Yelp or something like that, because the mental health treatment was so bad. They like, I was vegan at the time. I had a really strong, like dietary restrictions. They weren't feeding me properly. Like it was just what you see on TV about mental hospitals is very real. The screaming, like it was very traumatizing. And luckily the next morning, the psychiatrist came in. And I remember crying to him, telling him like, I'm not crazy. Like, I just went through a horrific breakup. I'm showing the psychiatrist pictures, text messages. I showed the psychiatrist my LinkedIn. I was like, I'm a creative director. I work for a nonprofit. These are the things that I do. He cheated on me. He broke up with me. I broke up with him. And this is how I ended up here. He released me within 45 minutes.
00:23:05
Speaker 1: But first you had to stay the night. Oh my God. And you....
00:23:10
Speaker 3: The mental health process when you were a criminal, they strip search you. I refused. And so they put me in like it's like solitary confinement because they can't put you in general population because they haven't searched you. And so I refuse. They're like, you're going to stay here this whole time in like a padded room. Like I wasn't going to be able to go outside. No rec time. I said, that's fine.
00:23:36
Speaker 1: That's fine.
00:23:37
Speaker 3: And so they ended up calling like the charge nurse or whatever, because no one had ever refused before. Like, I'm just, I'm not like, you're not going to do this to me. You know, I felt so violated. And so they ended up authorizing like a topical search, like on top of my clothes. And so I authorized that. And then they take all your stuff. Like they take your shoestrings. They took the wires out my bra. You can't have any glass, anything with alcohol in it. Like it was an awful experience. Yeah.
00:24:06
Speaker 2: So this was like, so then did you guys end up getting back together after this experience?
00:24:11
Speaker 3: Yeah, I broke up with him. We're still broken up. And I started dating someone else and he just would constantly call me. He would show up to my house. And at that time, I thought like, oh, he's so persistent. Like this must, you know, he must be really sorry. And like, you know, no man's going to do all this if you're not really the one and all that. And, um, I ended up getting back with him, but then I broke up with him again. I was like, Hey, like, I'm going to go to Thailand with my girlfriends for a month. Like, I just really want to take this opportunity to get like, let's just end this. Because when I would break up with him before, like I said, he would just keep coming to my house. Like, you know, all this, all these things. Right. And he, so I was like, this is just great. So he was like, okay, well, like, let me spend the weekend with you, all this kind of stuff. Like, let me just Like, spend the weekend with you. I'll take you to LAX. Like, just, like, let's have this last weekend. Last hurrah. He proposed to me.
00:25:11
Speaker 4: Oh.
00:25:12
Speaker 1: Oh, that was his plan. I'm going to get you. Wow. One way or the other. I'm going to prove to you.
00:25:16
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
00:25:19
Speaker 3: And? Well, I said yes.
00:25:20
Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.
00:25:22
Speaker 3: And I remember, like, should I say this?
00:25:25
Speaker 2: I don't know.
00:25:26
Speaker 3: I remember saying yes and, like, looking at my ring, and I'm just thinking, like.
00:25:30
Speaker 2: I hate it.
00:25:31
Speaker 3: Mm-hmm. I hated the ring. I hated the hotel that we went to afterwards. Like I just, I hated the proposal. I hated, I just hated everything about it. I truly did. And again, this is 10 years ago, right? So 10, almost 10 years ago, there's no TikTok, right? We're not having these conversations. In my mind, if a man proposes to you, that's a really big deal. You know what I'm saying? Like, you know, he had his parents involved, my cousin, my dad, my daughter, like it was a whole thing.
00:26:04
Speaker 1: And I.
00:26:09
Speaker 3: Just, I don't know. I just thought like, oh, this is, this is meant to be, I guess. And I, now I understand like after going through therapy and talking to other like abuse survivors and stuff like that, that's what they do. When you leave, they have to do these grand gestures, right? And every time I would break up with him, it was something bigger and bigger. And, you know, I guess the engagement was his biggest hurrah he could do. But fast forward, I ended up lighting the marriage certificate on fire and canceling the wedding about 30 days before.
00:26:42
Speaker 2: Before the wedding?
00:26:44
Speaker 4: Yes.
00:26:45
Speaker 2: And what was the reason for that?
00:26:50
Speaker 3: So he had two children and his parents, his baby mama was very high conflict, very high conflict. Um, and so they didn't have a custody agreement. They didn't have a child support agreement, like nothing.
00:27:06
Speaker 1: Right.
00:27:07
Speaker 3: And so anytime something happened with us, she would weaponize it, take the kids, just do like weird shit.
00:27:13
Speaker 1: Right.
00:27:14
Speaker 3: Now I told him that I was not going to marry him unless he had the child support and custody arrangement things taken care of before the wedding, because in California, like You would have I would have to if I'm his wife, I have to submit my finances to write like after. And I'm like, I don't I'm not about to submit my finances to a bitch.
00:27:31
Speaker 2: I didn't fuck.
00:27:31
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. Like, respect.
00:27:32
Speaker 3: Yeah, I love it. Even to this day. I love his children very much. I don't I period. And so he he didn't do it. I remember like asking him about it and he was like, oh, I'll get around to it. And then we got the packet in the mail and his court date was, I don't know, like four or five months after the wedding. And he was just so flippant about it because he really believed like, you're not going to leave me. You're not, you know what I'm saying? So I went to our file cabinet in the office, grabbed the marriage license. Cause, cause again, you have to get it 90 days before the wedding. We're 30, we're 30 days out. I had a custom wedding dress. Like you could see it on Facebook, say yes to the dress. Like, you know, The venue was paid for, the DJ was paid for, the food was paid for, the wedding invitations was out. We were having a wedding.
00:28:17
Speaker 1: This was last year.
00:28:17
Speaker 3: No, no, girl. No, ma'am, no, ma'am, no, ma'am. So, yeah, we were having a wedding. And I just went in there, I grabbed it, and I just lit it on fire. And when I think back, like, I'm a spiritual person, okay? When I think back, I'm one of those people that I believe everything exists all at once, okay? I truly believe this version of me today lit that shit on fire.
00:28:47
Speaker 1: Like it was a piece of you coming back for yourself.
00:28:49
Speaker 3: Because in the moment, I loved him. He was an angel. I loved the ground this man walked on, truly. And when I was lighting it on fire, I knew I was supposed to. I knew I was supposed to, but I didn't fully want to. it felt forced. It felt like it wasn't even fully me doing it.
00:29:11
Speaker 1: Like protecting you, your future self protecting you.
00:29:14
Speaker 3: Very much so. And like, I remember like I would tell him cause we, we, we ended up getting reengaged. Don't judge me.
00:29:24
Speaker 1: Okay. I loved him.
00:29:25
Speaker 3: We ended up getting reengaged and then I broke up with him and I was trying to force him to move out and he wouldn't move out. And Then I started forcing him to sleep in another room. And I said, I need to get used to sleeping without you. And he, he didn't get it. He didn't, he didn't understand, like he really didn't either believe or care or just whatever. And I could see a life without him truly. Like it just, I didn't see it exploding fully how it did, but here we are.
00:30:00
Speaker 2: Well, thank you for sharing all that.
00:30:02
Speaker 5: I want to get into the explosion because, you know, for those of, for those of you that are listening, she puts her makeup on, um, which you're an incredible artist and, um, I've seen you just read down, you know, like what I mentioned, like cultural events and just things that you see on Instagram. But then at some point your, your content shifted and you started really calling this person out and the woman that he's with. So what was that moment of explosion? Can you share more about that?
00:30:30
Speaker 3: Um, So it's a little long-winded, so I'll try to, okay. So in January of this year, I get a DM from a woman on threads and she said that she had been dating Stacy. Stacy, that's my ex-fiance, it's a man. That she had been seeing him since like November and that another woman pointed her in my direction. So there was three of us at one point in time.
00:30:59
Speaker 1: So the first woman then pointed at her, the new woman in your direction, the third woman.
00:31:02
Speaker 3: But we were overlapped.
00:31:03
Speaker 1: Okay.
00:31:05
Speaker 3: So I look at this and I'm like, this is not the first time this happened. I've had women in my DMs about this man several times. And I've also had women in my DMs just blatantly lying. Like he don't know her.
00:31:18
Speaker 1: I don't know her.
00:31:19
Speaker 3: Like just weird stuff because you're an influencer, right?
00:31:22
Speaker 2: That's happened.
00:31:23
Speaker 3: So I got to stop hitting that mic. So I call him. I'm like, what's going on? And he hits me with the, oh, she, I don't know her. She's probably just a freaked out fan. You know how this is. Like, just ignore it. Now, because we love a good receipt. This was on, I believe, January like 12th, 13th, around that time. If you look at my threads from like January 10th, I posted, hey, my dead mother just asked me for Black Air Force Ones. What's that mean? We're about to find out. So for those that don't know, Black Air Force Ones means stomping time. Okay.
00:31:57
Speaker 2: Wait, was, did you get this message in a dream from your mother or?
00:32:00
Speaker 3: Yeah, I was at her altar. I have an altar for my mom and she just, I heard her voice very clear. I, yeah, we need some black earth force ones. And I went to threads. I knew what it meant.
00:32:11
Speaker 1: Right.
00:32:11
Speaker 3: But I was like, where's my hoodoo community? Because what? And if you go look at that thread, people were like, girl, you need to buckle down. Right.
00:32:19
Speaker 1: They was going crazy.
00:32:20
Speaker 3: And so. He's telling me, oh, this woman is crazy. I don't know her, whatever. And something in my spirit just wouldn't let it go, wouldn't let it go. And I remember telling him like, well, let me just call her because she gave me her number off the rip. And he was like, no. And why are you gonna bother that lady? I'm calling, right? I'm calling. So I call her and she tells me that he had bought a home and that, you know, she's going to have a key to it and that she's helping him decorate the new place and that they're going to Mexico in February. Now, mind you, February is my birthday. And that since pretty much since we met every year, he takes me to a different country. So I'm like, oh, he already has that time blocked out, sister. It's a yearly thing.
00:33:05
Speaker 4: Right.
00:33:05
Speaker 3: So, you know, and he took her. I don't even matter. So she's telling me all this stuff about how he told her that me and him broke up in twenty twenty three. And I'm like, that's not possible. Cause if you go to my social media, he's there. Like I talk about him, like I have photos, pictures, vacation. I'm like, and I told her, I was like, how do we break up in 2023 when he just signed the lease for this new place in July of 2025?
00:33:30
Speaker 2: Right.
00:33:31
Speaker 3: What are we talking about here? And she was like, well, he said, you know, you just couldn't afford it on your own and you had bad credit. Are any of your exes going to be paying your high ass LA rent and co-signing for you? Cause you ain't got no money. You got bad credit.
00:33:46
Speaker 1: Nope are you unfortunately no right my baby dad unfortunately not my storyline.
00:33:52
Speaker 3: Right I'm just saying it's good but hey I don't know if it's that good.
00:33:55
Speaker 1: You feel me niggas are not that generous.
00:33:57
Speaker 5: Right and so but she so we fucking and yeah that's it's current we're currently together.
00:34:02
Speaker 3: Right and so I call him and he comes speeding over and so he tells me that Okay, here's the truth. I have been seeing her, blah, blah, blah. We never slept together. And he called.
00:34:17
Speaker 1: Her a liar.
00:34:18
Speaker 3: He said, you know me better than that. I just met this woman. Why would I give her a key? Why would I take her anywhere? First of all, let's fast forward. All of the shit that she said turned out to be true. So, yeah, he ended up doing all of those things. But he's telling me that she's crazy, that she's a liar, all this kind of stuff, right? As they do.
00:34:35
Speaker 1: Right.
00:34:36
Speaker 3: And so then he was like, oh, but don't worry about her because things are over with me and her now. She, you know, obviously she's not going to want to deal with me. And I'm just thinking like, well, me either, bitch.
00:34:44
Speaker 1: Like, what the fuck?
00:34:45
Speaker 4: But.
00:34:46
Speaker 1: Not obviously.
00:34:47
Speaker 3: I had to still deal with him because I worked for his company. So his company contracted my company to do creative direction. I've been doing creative direction for his nonprofit since 2018. And this is not no homie hookup, like salary. He paid me.
00:35:02
Speaker 1: We do work.
00:35:02
Speaker 3: You can see his shit on my portfolio. Like, this is a real thing. situation you know what I mean so mind you I ended up taking okay so when he comes over I ended up uh I can't fully say right now because we have court coming up um but there was a physical altercation between me and him and my dad was there my dad called the ambulance I can say this part So I ended up collapsing. When the ambulance came, they asked me, like, identifying information, and I couldn't tell them my address. I was giving them my childhood address. And I'm looking. It has L.A. County on their badge. And I'm looking, and I'm, like, confused as fuck, right? Because I hit my head in the altercation, right? So I'm like, Dad, tell them I live in woo-woo-woo. But he's like, no, Ruthie, you haven't lived there in 20-something years.
00:35:54
Speaker 4: Okay.
00:35:55
Speaker 3: And so then this is when I find out if you can't tell your address, they're going to take you to the hospital.
00:36:00
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh.
00:36:01
Speaker 3: So I'm like, oh my God, like mandatory LA County law. You can't escape it. So they take me to the hospital, but this is not 5150. This is to get checked out because I had a head injury.
00:36:09
Speaker 4: Right.
00:36:10
Speaker 3: So I explained to the nurse and the doctor, thank God they're both women. What happened? And they were like, oh my God, like you had, I forgot what she said, but basically the doctor was like, you had a psychotic episode. Like you, Because I told her about the phone call, about the house, about everything that the woman had told me about all.
00:36:28
Speaker 1: Of this stuff.
00:36:29
Speaker 3: And so they prescribed me some anti-anxiety meds. I ended up going to a psychiatrist and getting, you know, some more psych meds to like whatever. And I still had to go to work with him. Talk to him on the phone. Zoom calls. I'm the creative director, meaning all of the cutesy photos of him and his kids and the business. I'm putting that shit together.
00:36:50
Speaker 2: You didn't file charges against him after this.
00:36:53
Speaker 3: I did file charges. But later.
00:36:55
Speaker 2: Okay. Later.
00:36:57
Speaker 3: So from January to February, we didn't see each other really. At the end of January to February, we didn't see each other in person. Everything work related was like Zoom. And then in March, I'm not going to say what happened. But in March, there was like a major event that happened in front of my home. Like it was pretty bad, like scary. I think it was like March 3rd, March.
00:37:22
Speaker 1: 2nd, right?
00:37:24
Speaker 3: And he calls me and he was like, oh, my God, I just heard what happened in front of your home. Are you OK? Right.
00:37:29
Speaker 2: March 3rd.
00:37:31
Speaker 3: And I was like, no, actually, like I wanted to call you last night. I wanted you to be here because like this is the first time something really crazy has happened and you're not here. Like, you know, but I didn't think it was appropriate and all the stuff we're going through. And he's like, you can always call me.
00:37:44
Speaker 2: So something separately.
00:37:45
Speaker 4: Yeah.
00:37:45
Speaker 3: Nothing to do with someone. Someone was murdered in front of my house.
00:37:48
Speaker 1: OK, so it was scary.
00:37:49
Speaker 3: Yeah. Like multiple. It was a big old. You know what I mean? Helicopters, they shut down my, like it was bad, right? And I don't live in the hood, you know what I'm saying? So it was like, what is going on here, right? And so I'm like crying and he's like, oh my God, I'm on my way right now.
00:38:05
Speaker 1: Using your vulnerability.
00:38:06
Speaker 3: So he comes over and then, he comes over and he was like, mind you, he hasn't seen me since January and it's March now. You think I'm eating? I'm on anxiety meds. I'm on Lexapro, bitch, we skinny.
00:38:21
Speaker 1: I look great. My titties is big. He looking.
00:38:24
Speaker 3: And he was like, oh my God, you look amazing. And I'm like, well, yeah, because I can't eat. I'm not okay.
00:38:29
Speaker 1: Yeah, I told you. I'm skinny. Right.
00:38:31
Speaker 3: And he was like, oh, well, at least there's some good out of it. You should say thank you.
00:38:36
Speaker 1: Oh, okay.
00:38:37
Speaker 3: And I just started crying. I just cried because I'm just like, how dare you? You know what I'm saying? And then, of course, we fucked. Now, hear me out. Okay, get me out. It was more to it. It was very emotional. And he's apologizing to me. I'm apologizing to him. In 10 years, this is the longest we've ever been apart from each other. Okay, so it was very like, you know, whatever. So then all of March, we're in love, girl. And I got the text messages approving.
00:39:08
Speaker 1: Hi, baby, how are you?
00:39:10
Speaker 3: Like, and he'd be texting me about work. I'm like, oh, you fucked me so good last night. I can't even, can I get, like, I was literally asking for makeup days. He started doing my work for me. I'm so tired. I'm so exhausted.
00:39:19
Speaker 1: Right.
00:39:19
Speaker 3: And he's still paying him bills. So March 17th or so rolls around and all of a sudden I get some notifications that somebody wrote a Lipstick Alley blog about me. This person claims to be best friends with Bianca. Bianca is Stacey's girlfriend, the woman he cheated on me with, the woman that DM'd me on threads. Keep up, Bianca. Okay, so now on Lipstick Alley, There's this woman that says she's best friends with Bianca and starts telling all of my business. I fucked him March 17th. The Lipstick Alley blog goes up March 18th or March 19th.
00:40:00
Speaker 1: Pretty, pretty accurate.
00:40:04
Speaker 3: From that time on. So let me let me back up after we officially, officially broke up in January because I'm like, oh, no, this is no, no, no. From January to February, I was getting all kinds of weird, like, DMs. I would be live. People would be talking crazy to me. But it was very personal things, right, from burner accounts. And I had messaged him, called him several times, like, hey, is this, like, are you sure you're done with this girl? What's going on? Because I'm like, it sounds like a woman that knows our business by the things that she's saying. Like, what's going on here? She's not worried about you. She got other things going on. We're not even da-da-da-da. You know how you got a big platform, and sometimes you're just not very likable, da-da-da-da.
00:40:44
Speaker 1: You're not like, whatever.
00:40:47
Speaker 3: So I'm just like, okay, whatever. So then in March, I'm like telling him again, like, hey, like I'm getting harassed. Like, and then he starts watching me on his burner accounts too. And like literally every day I would get a message from him talking about who's this nigga? Cause girl, okay. So I was dating, we're not together. So I was dating and I started my whole villa series and all this kind of stuff. So he would ran, I would be on dates with men and he would call me. I ended up dating someone that was his quote unquote friend. Now I don't think they was friends. Now he said they was friends. He said they was friends. And all of a sudden that nigga couldn't talk to me no more. I was on a date with him. My ex called me in the middle.
00:41:29
Speaker 1: Of the date. Niggas always friends when you start fucking. Right.
00:41:33
Speaker 3: And so, um, he ends up coming over at the end of March cause we was, we was having a time. We was having a blast.
00:41:42
Speaker 1: Right.
00:41:43
Speaker 3: Another physical altercation came because he came to my house and he didn't have his his regular phone. He had his work phone. And I was like, where's your other phone at? And he was like, oh, I left it at home. I accidentally took my work phone. I've known you. I've known you. You do not you. He never takes his work phone ever. He does not. And so when I was on the phone with that girl in January, she told me that they had each other's location.
00:42:16
Speaker 1: So now you're putting two and two together.
00:42:18
Speaker 4: Right.
00:42:18
Speaker 3: And so I confronted him again and I tried to call her and he grabbed me, bent my fucking arm back the whole, you know, that whole thing or whatever. And so that was the last time that I saw him. And we talked after that and I went off on him. I was like, you're a fucking liar. Like you're running game on me again.
00:42:38
Speaker 1: Like I'm sick.
00:42:38
Speaker 3: I'm going fucking crazy. Right. And so then one day I texted him like this. Maybe a few days later, I texted him at like 1 a.m. What are you doing?
00:42:47
Speaker 4: Right.
00:42:47
Speaker 3: Because I had like a bad dream or whatever. Like we were really enmeshed.
00:42:50
Speaker 1: Okay. I mean, 10 years is a long time.
00:42:52
Speaker 3: Yeah. And so he didn't respond. But then the next morning I get this long text talking about, oh, we should just keep things professional. why are you texting me at one o'clock in the morning? This is really suspect. And I'm like, is that bitch with you? Or did she write, like what's going on? Because this is not the same tune that you was just having a day ago, all this other stuff. Like what the fuck is really going on here?
00:43:14
Speaker 1: Right.
00:43:15
Speaker 3: And so he was like, I can't talk about this right now, whatever. And I said, I bet you I made a video about that bitch. All of a sudden y'all could talk about it.
00:43:21
Speaker 1: Right.
00:43:21
Speaker 3: Because she was doing sneaky shit to me, like on the low or whatever, you know, that kind of thing. And then, That day, maybe an hour or two later, that's when Bianca went to Threads. This was like April 28th or something like that. She went to Threads and was like, oh, there's this big makeup artist that has been trying to get my man to cheat on me with her. You mean my ex-fiance that was still fucking me the entire time and paying my bills? That nigga? Of 10 years?
00:43:47
Speaker 1: Okay.
00:43:49
Speaker 3: I just want to make sure, Bianca.
00:43:54
Speaker 2: Damn.
00:43:55
Speaker 1: Oh, but wait, there's more.
00:43:56
Speaker 4: Oh, shit.
00:43:57
Speaker 3: So then I hit him up because people are like, oh shit.
00:44:01
Speaker 1: Ruth's a whore.
00:44:02
Speaker 3: She's a homewrecker.
00:44:03
Speaker 1: She's a this.
00:44:03
Speaker 3: She's not a girl's girl.
00:44:05
Speaker 5: So they've been dating since last November, right? That's when their relationship started.
00:44:10
Speaker 1: Okay, sorry.
00:44:10
Speaker 2: I'm just trying to make sure I'm understanding how long they've been together.
00:44:14
Speaker 3: And so obviously at a certain point I have to respond to this because my platform is girl's girl. I can't be a homewrecker and a floozy. So I don't say shit.
00:44:22
Speaker 1: I start bragging.
00:44:23
Speaker 3: Emailing him from my business email to his business email saying, Hey, this is, and that was okay. So side note, because we have business together, that was our rule that if it was serious, email the business line. So we know we're not being funny. Right. And we didn't break that because we don't play with our money.
00:44:41
Speaker 1: Okay.
00:44:42
Speaker 3: So I emailed him on the business, like, Hey, they're going to find five 11 hoops.
00:44:46
Speaker 1: They're going to.
00:44:47
Speaker 3: And I was like, what do you want me to say? Cause remember I do his communications and the creative direction. So I'm like, what do you want me to say? Because I never had any intentions on even going public with the domestic violence. I just wanted to just make my money with this nigga and move forward. I didn't want to deal with all that.
00:45:02
Speaker 1: You weren't making it personal until it became personal.
00:45:04
Speaker 3: And so I'm like, what do you want me to say? Tell me, tell me, tell me. He's ignoring me. So then I sent another email saying, they found you.
00:45:12
Speaker 1: They're going to find 511 Hoops next.
00:45:13
Speaker 3: What do you want me to say? And then he's like, don't say nothing.
00:45:16
Speaker 2: What's 511 Hoops?
00:45:17
Speaker 3: That's his company. Oh, okay.
00:45:18
Speaker 1: So then.
00:45:20
Speaker 3: They end up finding 511 Hoops. So I email him again. I said, they're about to find your kids next, bro. Like, please. Like, what do you want?
00:45:26
Speaker 2: Come on, man.
00:45:27
Speaker 3: Like, what do you want me to do?
00:45:28
Speaker 1: And when you say they, like the audience, the people who are following the blogs.
00:45:32
Speaker 3: And so they did. They found him. They started posting about him. They found his company, started posting about him. Then they found his kids, started talking shit about.
00:45:37
Speaker 1: The kids, bro.
00:45:38
Speaker 3: And again, I have screenshots of everything.
00:45:43
Speaker 1: And this is the Lipstick Alley? Or this is just various accounts?
00:45:45
Speaker 3: Everywhere. It was Lipstick Alley, Reddit, Threads, and Instagram.
00:45:47
Speaker 1: So at this point, it's not just the crazy Bianca. It's other people are also chiming in, trying to get to the bottom of this.
00:45:54
Speaker 2: Yes.
00:45:54
Speaker 3: Okay. And because I haven't said anything, right?
00:45:57
Speaker 1: They're assuming that you're guilty.
00:45:58
Speaker 4: Correct.
00:45:59
Speaker 1: You did the homewrecking, even though she is the original homewrecker.
00:46:02
Speaker 3: But they don't know that because I never announced me and his breakup ever.
00:46:04
Speaker 1: Is your mind and your business talking shit about other people? There's a long list of people who need shit-talking.
00:46:08
Speaker 3: Yes, ma'am.
00:46:09
Speaker 1: But it hasn't even come to you yet because I don't even need to go there yet.
00:46:11
Speaker 2: Correct.
00:46:12
Speaker 1: But now you're not responding to my business emails. So now it's really serious. Right.
00:46:16
Speaker 3: Okay. So then I ended up getting, I started getting like death threats and all kinds of shit from burner accounts. Now I don't know how viable these threats were, but I started getting them. So I went to Instagram Live and I screenshotted Bianca's thread about me and I had in the background.
00:46:36
Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.
00:46:37
Speaker 3: And then I start talking shit. I said, what the fuck are you talking about, bitch?
00:46:40
Speaker 1: I said, you hit me up in January talking about woo, woo, woo. So you're exposing her.
00:46:44
Speaker 3: Yeah, so I told everything.
00:46:45
Speaker 1: With the receipts.
00:46:46
Speaker 4: Correct.
00:46:46
Speaker 3: Don't come in here talking about some I'm the other woman and I'm trying to get the nigga to cheat. Bitch, that's not what's happening here.
00:46:51
Speaker 1: What the fuck?
00:46:53
Speaker 3: So then she ends up making impersonation accounts of me. And I know it was her because the screenshots had her face and Bianca Maxwell at the bottom, her real name, right? She went through 10 years of my Facebook. screenshot at my family, our engagement, photos of me trying to prove that we weren't really together. So I called the police on her. There's still an active investigation going on right now behind this.
00:47:17
Speaker 1: Okay. Because it's gone this far.
00:47:20
Speaker 4: Right.
00:47:20
Speaker 3: Do you know what she did after I called the police and I have the police report for impersonation? Cause you can't impersonate people.
00:47:26
Speaker 1: It's illegal.
00:47:27
Speaker 3: She filed a restraining order against me, got denied by the way, Deny.
00:47:32
Speaker 1: Because there has to be physical contact for them to be restrained. No, no.
00:47:35
Speaker 3: So in California, you can get a restraining order against someone for harassment, cyberbullying, you know, that kind of thing, right? You made first contact. I remember when I sent it to my lawyer, my lawyer literally laughed at you, Bianca. Like, truly laughed at you because my lawyer was like, she made first contact. All you're doing is responding.
00:47:51
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah.
00:47:51
Speaker 3: She literally identified you and you are responding to it. So no judge in their right mind is going to grant a restraining order. So we go... it gets dismissed and she filed, she has filed.
00:48:03
Speaker 1: So she has to show up to court.
00:48:05
Speaker 4: Huh?
00:48:05
Speaker 1: She was there in person. Yeah, she was there.
00:48:06
Speaker 3: So was I. And he was with her holding her arm and everything.
00:48:09
Speaker 1: He's crazy.
00:48:10
Speaker 3: Yeah. And so it got, it got dismissed and then she refiled again, refiled again. She was unable to serve me. So if you don't get served, it keeps getting dismissed. Right. And so finally I accepted service. And so I have court with her coming up. It's still denied because you have no grounds.
00:48:27
Speaker 4: Yeah.
00:48:28
Speaker 3: Because I didn't do anything to her. The audacity. You were the other woman cheating with my nigga. And I told her that he lied to us both. And for you to weaponize a court system against a black woman instead of just standing down when that nigga was cheating is insane. Fucking insane.
00:48:44
Speaker 1: Especially when she approached you to begin with. Exactly.
00:48:48
Speaker 3: And you never had to say anything about me at all.
00:48:50
Speaker 1: And also... Has she not seen your videos?
00:48:53
Speaker 3: Right.
00:48:54
Speaker 1: I mean, I wouldn't, I wouldn't speak a fight with you. I'd be like, you know what? You don't have that. What did you think? What did you think I was going to do? I'm going to just take my nigga and go quietly. Let me just, I got the nigga. What else do I need? Like what bitch? I would have not tried and said, let me double down.
00:49:08
Speaker 3: And since she's been talking about me, she's gained a hundred thousand followers. Baby, my analytics been up before you and it going to be up after you, please. I don't need you to make a, name for myself, bitch.
00:49:23
Speaker 1: I'm so irritated. I mean, I can see why. This is a long saga of bullshit. For nothing.
00:49:28
Speaker 3: For a dirty dick community nigga?
00:49:30
Speaker 1: Yeah, you got to follow the red flags because it becomes cancerous and it becomes court. How did you, before this whole situation with this domestic violence and with this nigga Stacey, What was your trajectory? Is your content still shit talking? Because you're saying this version of yourself didn't exist before. Where did you even get the balls and start coming for niggas on the internet?
00:49:51
Speaker 3: Oh, I was doing that well before this.
00:49:52
Speaker 1: Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what inspired that? Yeah, okay.
00:49:56
Speaker 3: So originally my content was only beauty tutorials.
00:50:01
Speaker 1: Okay.
00:50:01
Speaker 3: Literally step by step how you do your makeup, right? And then when I got bigger... I started noticing like, oh my God, people are listening to me. Like, let me start talking about some substance with, you know, with the content. And I started doing my historical makeup series and I did like trans women in makeup, you know, men in makeup, the history of men in makeup, the history of drag, ballroom culture. Like I have multiple videos breaking down all of these things and how it has transitioned into the modern makeup we see today. That's the premise, right? well, when you speak up for marginalized communities, now you're a target. So I started getting death threats from, if I started talking about trans women, well, then cishet people want to kill me now. If I started talking about Palestine, which I did, right? And so I started getting attacked, attacked, attacked, and you swallow it, you swallow it, you swallow it. Until one day I was like, no, bitch, I got something for you since you want to talk about me. And it was just some random stranger who was talking about me like a dog. calling my teeth crooked.
00:51:04
Speaker 1: Thought that you weren't going to respond and say nothing.
00:51:05
Speaker 3: So I went to her page, screenshot of her shit and walked her like the dog she is.
00:51:12
Speaker 1: And now we're here.
00:51:13
Speaker 3: And now we're here. Cause originally, and I, even now, like I, I don't call out other creators anymore. Like it's just, it's not worth my time. I'm going to call out the bigger fish. Like, other large podcast niggas that shouldn't have a mic. You know what I mean?
00:51:28
Speaker 1: I saw you call out Corey, the one who punched the bitch in the face.
00:51:31
Speaker 2: Not the bitch.
00:51:31
Speaker 3: Loser.
00:51:31
Speaker 1: He's the bitch that punched the woman in the face. You big back loser. Is that the comedian guy?
00:51:35
Speaker 4: Yeah.
00:51:35
Speaker 1: You're not even funny.
00:51:36
Speaker 3: Fucking loser.
00:51:36
Speaker 1: Yeah, not even funny.
00:51:37
Speaker 3: Not at all.
00:51:38
Speaker 1: But yeah, I mean, honestly, these niggas need to get called out for behavior like that. And if the men won't do it, well, here we are, you know? So that's when I started to come to your content because I appreciate that shit. And I'm like, more niggas need to know. Niggas do stuff because they get away with it.
00:51:53
Speaker 4: Right.
00:51:54
Speaker 1: And they're not blasted and no one says anything and it's put under the carpet. So, I mean, even with, you know, this nigga, even sharing so much time with him in space and raising children together. And now, you know, like, do you think he's a narcissist? What do you think is like, what do you think motivates his serial cheating and his like, because obviously this is like a disease. He has children. He's involving his children with it. He's, you know, involving courts and like having ambulances and firefighters come up and what and he wasn't he isn't he like is it maybe suppressing his sexuality like is it just secrets because i often wonder when men can't keep their fucking dick in their pants at this big age but did you know that yeah when you were together yeah oh so you guys you already knew that but but then you didn't know he was also stepping out in the relationship and doing it correct and that was i mean obviously that's an issue but but but would it Do you think that contributed to him, like, suppressing a complete identity of himself?
00:52:47
Speaker 3: Oh, absolutely. I.
00:52:51
Speaker 3: There's such a fine line between talking about someone and their sexuality and exposing them. And I know this sounds crazy, but there's still, like, this... Girl, let me call my therapist, because there's still this level of, like, oh, I want to protect him. Because it's so personal, but at the end of the day, like, he exposed everything about me, my mental health issues, things about my father, my mother, all kinds of things, you know?
00:53:17
Speaker 1: So it's like, I have regarded and protect someone who's not giving a fuck about protecting you in any capacity.
00:53:23
Speaker 4: Yeah.
00:53:24
Speaker 5: You mentioned that you're, I mean, obviously because this relationship has been, it's been a decade.
00:53:29
Speaker 2: Um, and you, you, you have a, how.
00:53:32
Speaker 1: Old is your daughter?
00:53:32
Speaker 3: I would not say, I don't talk about her at all.
00:53:35
Speaker 2: Okay.
00:53:35
Speaker 5: Cause I was going to ask you how, how that has impacted, you know, her watching you go through something like this. Or how you share or talk to her about stuff like this because she's also a young woman.
00:53:47
Speaker 3: So what I can say, it's so funny because his mother actually called me. She saw the videos I made because his daughter saw the videos. And his mother called to basically yell at me and said that I wasn't being a good role model to young girls.
00:54:02
Speaker 1: Right?
00:54:04
Speaker 3: My daughter thinks I'm a fucking rock star. Truly.
00:54:09
Speaker 4: She.
00:54:11
Speaker 3: She witnessed me go from, you know, certain mental health issues like losing my mom, being cheated on at the same time, all these different things. And I haven't missed a beat with her. You know what I'm saying? We're still living good. We're still doing all the things. And she doesn't look at me like a victim at all. You know what I'm saying? You know, what I will say is that I was never the woman that just laid there and took it. I'm going to whoop you with this whole house. I'm going to whoop you with this whole house. My daughter is going to testify against him in court. And she, in that regard, she's devastated because that is a father figure. Like he's raised her since she was like a little girl, you know, doctor's appointments, school recitals, sports. I mean, she had award ceremonies this year and he's gone. This year, 2026. You know what I'm saying? When we were broken up through January, February, March, all of that, he was still texting her. He was still sending her money, you know, like checking in. So it's difficult. She's in therapy behind it, absolutely. But having me as a mom, and she hears the videos that I make. I don't hide anything from her.
00:55:40
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:55:40
Speaker 3: That's my nigga.
00:55:41
Speaker 1: You know what I mean?
00:55:42
Speaker 3: Age appropriate.
00:55:43
Speaker 1: Right. But still, he's not going to like lie and sugarcoat. I think it's an important conversation to have because I think that a lot of times women, when a man is taking care of them, when there is financial, you know, when they have, you know, they're still checking on your kid. They have been a father figure to your kid. And if maybe that's all the father figure that they know, women tend to make excuses for men's behavior because it's benefiting the kid in ways. But as we know, like, if it's not benefiting you positively, it can't benefit the kid. Well, if mom's mental health, if mom's heart is not well, even if you're getting, you know, you know, a doctor's appointment and these other things that seem, you know, what we fatherly and supportive, it's nice. But like women have to know, like you can't take some and leave the rest. Like when it comes to violence, when it comes to blatant cheating, like, and, and we're all strong, powerful women. And I think sometimes we, um, we take, we, we get down on ourselves for having situations like that, you know, that like maybe the first time you didn't listen to the second time you listen to the third time and you give grace and you give grace and you love because we're women and that's what we do. We nurture, forgive and we grow things. So it's like having compassion, but also knowing when to end the compassion and walk away. And also I think having daughters, since we all have daughters, it's like, that was one of the biggest things I've been in multiple domestic violence situations, one with my high school sweetheart. And like, I had to realize, I'm like, damn, if I wouldn't want this, if I wouldn't want my daughter to be in this relationship, how the fuck can I justify letting her see me in it? Yeah. Even at a young age. That was my, that was my last, like, you know, obviously, like, there's a couple things at the last straw, but like, oh, okay, end scene. Like, I could put up with so much. We all have like a bandwidth and then that fucking last straw camel, you know, that camel straw or whatever, hopefully, because a lot of women have so much fucking bandwidth and you stay forever and forever until one day, bitch, you may not make it past the next altercation because, People kind of downplay when people are loving and there's love there. There's a very thin line. Like your dad said, you play with people's feelings or they think they're being played with. That thin line can go from love to murder really fast. And I saw one of our previous retreatees post something about if any of these three of these five things ring true, you could potentially be in danger of being murdered by your partner.
00:58:05
Speaker 3: He strangled me.
00:58:06
Speaker 1: There was one yeah it was like strangling it was one like um preventing you from leaving during an argument there was one like exhaustion like talking you to death which i've literally been like sleep deprived trying to get through we're not getting anywhere not speaking the same language but it's like some kind of form of like exhaustion torture yeah um and there's like there was a couple other ones and i was like oh i've been in all.
00:58:28
Speaker 5: These situations yeah i've experienced all those things and It's so crazy too, because like when there is love or supposed love, because I don't really believe that's love, you know, um, the, the excuses that a woman can make, especially if like, for example, like I had a partner that we were drinking.
00:58:47
Speaker 1: Right.
00:58:48
Speaker 5: And so like things got out of hand. And then the next day you wake up and you're like, well, we were drunk.
00:58:53
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:58:53
Speaker 5: Like, and he's never done that before, but like generally there's always signs leading up to that moment. Like, And I'm curious, were there signs leading up to the moment or was it just all of a sudden it was like from this to that? I mean, I would I would even argue that him cheating on you with other women are, is, are signs of, you know, someone who's could, could tote the line of, obviously there's, there's a lapse in disrespect and respect here. But like, I always like, whenever.
00:59:23
Speaker 2: I hear about people who are like, he's never hit me before.
00:59:26
Speaker 1: Well, cause no one's going to hit you off the bat.
00:59:28
Speaker 4: Right.
00:59:28
Speaker 5: And I'm like, but, You know, there's like typically there's signs that like this person could potentially it could lead to there if I stay too long.
00:59:36
Speaker 3: Well, the biggest sign and I was not aware of this until pretty recently was him not allowing me to end the relationship. That was the biggest red flag, you know, showing up to my job, showing up to my house, sending me things after I made it very clear that I don't want this. And then the proposal after I told him that I was leaving. Right.
00:59:56
Speaker 1: You know, the grand gesture.
00:59:58
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:59:59
Speaker 3: And then with. And it sounds this is so sad when I say it out loud, but all of the violence and or cheating always happened around death in my family.
01:00:09
Speaker 2: Like when someone died.
01:00:11
Speaker 3: Yeah. Like when my mom died. Oh, he dogged me out so bad. that's when he would, like, leave out the country without telling me, be on a flight, and be like, oh, I'm in DR, I'm in.
01:00:20
Speaker 1: Hawaii, like, just leave. Why do you think that is? Like, trying to kick you while you're down type shit?
01:00:25
Speaker 3: Yeah, because, like, you see my personality, right? I'm very much, you know, my mom's dead. I'm not that.
01:00:32
Speaker 1: Right. You know what I mean?
01:00:33
Speaker 3: Like, I could, I couldn't even care for myself at a certain point where he literally had to, like, take me into the shower, like, drive me to appointments. And so... I made excuses for him originally because I was like, I'm exhausting him. I'm not a partner. I'm a liability. He's not attracted to me anymore because.
01:00:54
Speaker 1: Like making excuses for his behavior. Yeah.
01:00:56
Speaker 5: When you're low like that too, and they leave you at your lowest and they can come back with like the, the, the bracelet or the, the gift. And then you come in and then you're like the hero again, because you're already low.
01:01:09
Speaker 2: Yeah.
01:01:09
Speaker 5: So like the gestures like that, kind of reel you back in because you're already low.
01:01:15
Speaker 2: That's extremely manipulative.
01:01:18
Speaker 1: And also it's tactical. I think people who abuse in this particular way, it's such a disease sometimes that it's not a disease, they can't choose it, but there's an art to building you up and making everything seem fine and really being really kind and everything's really good. And then they find joy in ripping it from you. I've seen it happen, even as a sane, more spiritually evolved woman. I've been in the situation. I just saw him like, I was rooted in myself. I was clear. And then I saw myself slowly, slowly, just let the power slip out of my fingers.
01:01:57
Speaker 3: And then.
01:01:59
Speaker 2: Don't pair that with sex.
01:02:01
Speaker 1: And then sex. People work. Men, sometimes a woman's like, I had the best sex. There was so much chemistry.
01:02:07
Speaker 3: I said, Our sex life was terrible. I had stopped sleeping with him for a very long time.
01:02:10
Speaker 1: Okay. Really?
01:02:11
Speaker 3: Okay.
01:02:11
Speaker 1: So, wow. I mean, but usually sometimes digmatization is a part of the game.
01:02:15
Speaker 2: Well, money is also as powerful as sex.
01:02:18
Speaker 1: You know what I mean?
01:02:19
Speaker 3: Security.
01:02:21
Speaker 1: Security. Money, power. Safety might be more powerful.
01:02:25
Speaker 3: I was, I was, I might've been the deadbeat nigga in that relationship. I'm not really cooking. I'm not cleaning. You know what I mean? He would come home from work and cook and clean. And I'd, be in my robe, making TikToks. I would call him, I'm having a really bad day.
01:02:43
Speaker 1: I'm starving.
01:02:45
Speaker 3: And he would literally leave work and come cook for me or Uber Eats me something. So there was such, there was like this really big level of like caretaking that he had for my just entire existence, you know, that I couldn't understand the other side of it. You know what I mean?
01:03:07
Speaker 1: Like and probably there's guilt and shame that you felt. And that's why you're kind of patient with the process, too, that like, oh, maybe I could have did this. I didn't do that. So now that you've done that, you're justifying the behavior as well.
01:03:17
Speaker 2: And also it's out if you were with him for 10 years, he found you. I don't hold you. I really look very young. I found you young.
01:03:25
Speaker 3: I'm older than him.
01:03:26
Speaker 2: Oh, you are? Okay.
01:03:30
Speaker 5: I don't know if he found you young, but I think that's another piece of it too. It's like when you don't have a lot of skin in the game, perhaps in relationships and you meet someone who's successful, who has power, who can change your life, who can send you Uber Eats or come home and cook you.
01:03:45
Speaker 3: That was way later. So when we first met, He had just started his company, and I mean like one client. And I was a district manager. I was making amazing money. I also had my makeup artistry business on the side. So I financially was wonderful. And looking back, now knowing him, he was looking for that Beyonce Jay-Z. He really wanted that successful 50-50 woman. He did not want to be a provider. but he didn't want to lose me and he knew that I'm not going.
01:04:19
Speaker 1: For that shit. Who would you say you are now compared to the Ruth that you were in that relationship? Like how, how, like what lessons have you learned and like how, how is that changing how you date? Because have you lost trust in men?
01:04:34
Speaker 3: Oh, absolutely. They're terrible.
01:04:36
Speaker 1: Oh my God.
01:04:37
Speaker 3: Um, but I don't hold an entire group of people accountable for like the few fucked up situations that I, that I've had. And the other portion of it is I have to take a level of responsibility for allowing myself to keep going back, right? Because I was comfortable. I'm not talking about the times where I was like mentally unwell, grieving, going through something, right? Like this year, girl, you had no business. What the fuck are you doing, right? But how I show up now is I don't call men. I don't text them. I don't ask to see them. Everything is, you're coming to me. You know, I'm going to show up and be nice and be, you know, loving and all those different things. But I'm not going to actively, like, pursue a man.
01:05:29
Speaker 1: Yeah, press you.
01:05:30
Speaker 3: I'm not doing that.
01:05:31
Speaker 1: Yeah. Would you get married?
01:05:34
Speaker 3: I don't want no man in my house.
01:05:38
Speaker 1: Would you get married and have separate houses?
01:05:40
Speaker 3: Yes, I would. Yes, I absolutely would.
01:05:43
Speaker 1: People do that. I would.
01:05:45
Speaker 3: I don't, I don't. I plan on having space for my child forever.
01:05:54
Speaker 2: Forever.
01:05:54
Speaker 1: Yeah. That's a girl child.
01:05:56
Speaker 4: Yeah.
01:05:56
Speaker 3: She will always have a home, a room in my home. And the thought of having another man occupy that space is a fuck.
01:06:05
Speaker 1: I just, I mean, also after a man has violated you and your trust so deeply, it's that, that feels like too much too close. You could go to your own house.
01:06:13
Speaker 3: And then like intertwining our finances and, I don't want no other man having my social security number.
01:06:20
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's scary business.
01:06:23
Speaker 3: Yeah.
01:06:24
Speaker 5: Well, shit, I hope that there's more healing for you because I want women who have experienced this type of violence to, at some point, find a man who allows healing in that space because I really do believe as women, there's only so much we can heal in that space. We do need the masculine to come in and do.
01:06:48
Speaker 2: Some of that work for us.
01:06:50
Speaker 1: To almost improve, to settle the score, make it even.
01:06:55
Speaker 3: Yeah, you have to have new experiences in order to heal that.
01:06:59
Speaker 1: So almost restore the nervous system in that way. Absolutely.
01:07:02
Speaker 3: What I will say is that through all of this, my dad took a leave of absence from work. He stayed with me for eight weeks. And cared for me, my dog, my child. I didn't have to do anything. He picked up my prescriptions, took me to appointments, like cleaned up the home, was emotionally present, you know. And then my cousin as well is very, very, very present. So I think me having that strong support system and I have a team of mental health professionals. I'm not ashamed to say it. I have a therapist and I have a psychiatrist. You know what I mean? And they work together and I feel like I am the happiest I've ever been in my entire life. I feel like, and I know this may sound crazy, but I think that if this big event didn't happen, I don't know if I would have ever like medicated myself and be able to explore like the full potential of my brain. The anxiety was so overwhelming, like just so overwhelming. And I couldn't, I was productive, yes, but not up to my like full potential. And so I know on social media it can present a certain way, but I'm so good.
01:08:22
Speaker 1: I mean, also fuck social media and how it presents. If you're good in your body, if you're good in your mind.
01:08:29
Speaker 5: We were just having a conversation last week just about like what people perceive on social media as just like this one-dimensional version of you or.
01:08:36
Speaker 2: Or they think it's the whole story essentially it's.
01:08:38
Speaker 5: Like no bitch this is a caricature this is 60 seconds of my life actually this is not even my life this is just a thought i literally like literally i could when i record my videos y'all i literally be like and you fucking bitch and you sum sum i can't wait i'm about to go to dollar tree now.
01:08:53
Speaker 1: Literally.
01:08:54
Speaker 3: I put my phone down and that anger, whatever I felt, doesn't exist. It's done.
01:09:01
Speaker 1: It's done. And I also hope you continue to heal. Because you know what I realized recently? I'm a little bit paranoid. I don't really chop it up as anxiety, but I was looking out the window or something and my man was like, what the fuck is wrong with you? You act like a scared cat or a squirrel. And I had to sit for a minute and I was like, I've been stalked. I've had a nigga call me 78 times in a row. I've had a nigga call me 78 times and then call the bitch I'm with and the other bitch I'm with and call me a hoe on each phone. I've had a nigga climb up in my fucking second store window. Like I think I've downplayed like, oh, I had a crazy da-da-da-da, you know? But then when I feel it in my body, I'm like, oh, I can make the sense of it in my head. But when I am like a little bit paranoid and my man's like, what the fuck is wrong with you? And I'm like, the air conditioning is so loud. Why? You know, like who's in the alley? And I'm like, bitch, you might need to do some more work. You might need to do some more boom, boom dancing because the, the fear and the paranoia still lives in your body. And I think as black women and as women in general, we are so used to taking taps on the chin, taking taps on the chin, holding, holding, keeping it, keeping everything tied together for the kids. And I'm okay. And I'm okay. And I can logically understand what's going on, but it's we can only take so much, there's only so many places to put it. So eventually, not that you necessarily will crack, you could, but sometimes I feel numb and sometimes unaware of how much I am still connected to previous places in my life, even though I am in a healthy relationship and a lot of that nervous system is resetting and rewired and recreating itself, that I have a healthy and loving relationship. Even how I talk to him and how I act, I'm like, nigga, I don't fucking, you know what I mean? I'm like, oh, he's like, bitch. He didn't say bitch, but he's like, act like you're in love. You're in love. And I'm like, oh yeah, I am in love.
01:10:51
Speaker 5: I was reading up some stats around just, just the violence against women in America. And it said that 42 million women suffer from PTSD from, from violent acts.
01:11:01
Speaker 2: And it's true.
01:11:02
Speaker 5: It's like the act happens. And, but that doesn't mean it's over. Like you carry that shit with you sometimes for the rest of your life. That violence is like part of your life forever.
01:11:13
Speaker 1: Ever.
01:11:14
Speaker 5: Like I had a situation like recently where I was just, everything was fine. And I saw something on Instagram that triggered the fuck out of me. And I felt like I just froze and it, I fell apart. Something that I like, I know that something, it's something specific that I know that I need to work through, but it's only presented itself in the last like two years. It happened to me when I was 18 and I thought like I was done with it. And it's just like, That PTSD sometimes doesn't show up until years later.
01:11:43
Speaker 2: It doesn't always show up right when it happens.
01:11:45
Speaker 5: And it's just so important for us as women to be able to, A, voice our opinions and use our platforms, if we have one, to share. And like you said, voice, what do you call it, shaming your abuser?
01:11:58
Speaker 3: Naming and shaming.
01:11:59
Speaker 1: Naming and shaming your abuser.
01:12:00
Speaker 5: But also just speaking about it, because there's so many other women, clearly, because one in three women in the U.S., nearly 43.5 million women have experienced sexual violence, physical violence, stalking by an intimate partner during their lifetime.
01:12:15
Speaker 2: That's crazy.
01:12:17
Speaker 1: That's crazy.
01:12:18
Speaker 5: And like, especially for women like us who have daughters, you know, like again, like I'm so, I'm so happy that your daughter looks at you like a rock star and she knows, you know, that like how powerful your voice is and how important it is to be able to speak up for yourself so that that piece doesn't even have a place in her story. You know, like- Hopefully no man ever is able to trespass against her like that and that she doesn't go back. You know, because the whole point is that we're hoping that our daughters do better than us, right?
01:12:45
Speaker 3: Just the thought of that. When my ex strangled me, it was my father that pulled him off of me. And I shared that on social media and I remember a lot of people were upset with my dad saying my dad should have killed him. And I'm so grateful that my dad chose de-escalation because... That PTSD is no joke. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, but when you said we have daughters and you don't want our daughters to feel that, there was this anger I felt towards my dad just now. Because as a mother, somebody's family gonna have a fish fry on Saturday about mine. You know what I'm saying? I'm grateful that my dad, good for him. But I don't know if I could have that restraint with my child.
01:13:32
Speaker 1: But just imagine the.
01:13:36
Speaker 5: Extended trauma that you would have if your dad was in jail now.
01:13:40
Speaker 3: Right, and that's why I'm grateful. You know what I'm saying? He was very intentional about how he did it and broke us up. You know what I mean?
01:13:47
Speaker 1: It was de-escalated.
01:13:48
Speaker 3: The police weren't called. They should have been, but you know what I mean? My dad was able to talk to him and get him to leave. But I'm just saying as a mother....
01:13:58
Speaker 1: And also just as a mother, you have to consider when we hold things in our body and we birth our children, they essentially like inherit all of the things that we don't resolve when we birth them. And so they're living, you know, their genetics are existing and things that we haven't resolved because we are literally sharing DNA. So it's like it literally is our responsibility for our lineage to, you know, to work through on a nervous system and physical level of the shit that we've experienced and to shame the shamer and to say the thing out loud and to not protect the niggas and to say the truth and to say I'm uncomfortable and to speak your throat chakra so that you can get that shit out of your body and not hold it for somebody else. So it's like, it's, it's, it's unfortunate that the men have been lacking in such a great way that so many women have experienced this type of violence, especially from people that we love and trust because that's generally who it is. And that is like, damn, you know, like when we open up when we're vulnerable, when we pour into you and you haven't resolved your shit, this is what you pour back, poison. And so it's like, it makes it even more important that we, you know, continue to say, fuck these niggas that are not deserving and not worthy of our love and walk away sooner. And so that we are not tied up for too long, making, you know, like making excuses at our own expense, you know? So I think it's like, these types of conversations are so deeply important. Because the more we talk about it and other women see it, just like I saw your shit. I was like, yeah, fuck these niggas. You know, I'm like, absolutely. Talk about this and that because makeup is cool. But having a platform and talking about important shit and humanity is more cool. Pair it together. That's my cup of motherfucking tea.
01:15:37
Speaker 3: That's me.
01:15:38
Speaker 1: That's you. So it's like no matter what creative outlet and what way you say the thing and tell your truth and be yourself, I think like you become successful on this level because you it's medicine ultimately that like, it is the energy that, that eventually shifts the paradigm that changes the world. One, like one Ruth here, one good mom's here, one, you know what I mean? Like slowly and surely it starts to turn the pendulum in a different direction, which it is obviously breaking down right now, but it's, it's harder before it's harder to do. And then it cracks open and it can cleanse.
01:16:14
Speaker 3: Yeah. I've been seeing a lot more women on social media being like, vulnerable and honest about what's going on. And I've had a lot of them like, not to credit myself, that's what they saying, credit me for it. And it's like, I'm in a position where you can't fire me.
01:16:31
Speaker 1: There's no fear.
01:16:33
Speaker 3: So I can literally say whatever I want. As long as meta is in the meta guidelines, I can say whatever I want. And I know so many other women of color specifically, women in general, but women of color specifically can't say the things that they want to say. We're ostracized even more.
01:16:47
Speaker 1: Because we've been kind of taught on some hush-hush, keep it in the family type shit.
01:16:51
Speaker 4: Oh, no.
01:16:51
Speaker 3: I became popular on social media for outing my predatory relatives.
01:16:56
Speaker 1: I think I saw that back before.
01:16:57
Speaker 4: Yeah.
01:16:58
Speaker 1: Which, again, is something else when we've been taught to hush-hush. This happens in the family. Don't bring it up. Don't make it awkward. It's the people closest to us.
01:17:05
Speaker 4: Oh, no.
01:17:05
Speaker 3: I called out the pedophiles in my family.
01:17:07
Speaker 1: What are you doing here?
01:17:08
Speaker 3: Molester?
01:17:08
Speaker 1: Who let him in? Yeah.
01:17:11
Speaker 3: I got thrown out the family function.
01:17:13
Speaker 1: I'm not allowed.
01:17:15
Speaker 5: And I just have to say, I have to say, too, I love the juxtaposition between your content, like what you're actually saying, and then doing your makeup. Because I think as women, sometimes when we're in the midst of Of trauma and we're in the midst of.
01:17:27
Speaker 1: You're supposed to look a certain way. Yeah, you're supposed to look a certain way.
01:17:29
Speaker 5: And it's like, let me put my makeup on, get my shit together, and I'm going to keep it pushing. And I'm still pretty and I'm still fine as hell. And I'm going to say what the fuck I need to say. And I'm going to put these goddamn lashes on.
01:17:39
Speaker 3: Yeah.
01:17:40
Speaker 4: Yeah.
01:17:40
Speaker 3: Okay, nigga beat my ass.
01:17:41
Speaker 1: Okay. Okay.
01:17:43
Speaker 3: Another bitch trying to air out my teeth.
01:17:44
Speaker 1: Right.
01:17:44
Speaker 3: Okay.
01:17:46
Speaker 1: And I'm going on this date tonight.
01:17:48
Speaker 4: Bye.
01:17:49
Speaker 3: Like, literally, my world does not stop. because somebody else doesn't like me or somebody else has something to say. Like it, it just doesn't. And the more I've been exposed to different people, like the larger your platform gets, the more you're exposed to different types of people and things and all of that. And then you realize how much none of that shit matters. I barely even read my own comments now. Cause I said what I said.
01:18:15
Speaker 1: Yeah.
01:18:15
Speaker 2: I don't cause they be bored. Do you have an affirmation you can share with us, my love?
01:18:24
Speaker 3: An affirmation. Say no more than you say yes.
01:18:30
Speaker 1: Say no more than you say yes.
01:18:32
Speaker 2: I like that. And then would you like to pull a card, my dear?
01:18:38
Speaker 3: Yeah. Let me see what I got.
01:19:07
Speaker 1: Father God.
01:19:08
Speaker 2: It's tarot time.
01:19:09
Speaker 3: Make sure the girls ain't out. Okay. Wheel of Fortune.
01:19:16
Speaker 2: Do you want me.
01:19:17
Speaker 1: To do it? All right.
01:19:18
Speaker 2: Let's see.
01:19:19
Speaker 1: Let me pull the Wheel of Fortune recently.
01:19:23
Speaker 2: You did.
01:19:24
Speaker 3: Is my Vanna White on?
01:19:25
Speaker 1: Good luck. I think it is, too. Okay, let's see what we got here today.
01:19:29
Speaker 5: Hmm.
01:19:32
Speaker 1: My ass was out this whole time.
01:19:35
Speaker 3: I'm selling it $ 5.
01:19:37
Speaker 2: 99.
01:19:37
Speaker 3: Three easy payments.
01:19:38
Speaker 1: Not three easy payments.
01:19:41
Speaker 3: Take PayPal.
01:19:45
Speaker 2: Willow Fortune.
01:19:46
Speaker 3: Give me some money.
01:19:46
Speaker 2: Speaking of, we're.
01:19:53
Speaker 1: Supposed to have a date after this. You look good. I found it. Oh, Wheel of Fortune tarot card means good luck, karma, life cycles, destiny, and a turning point. The Wheel of Fortune reminds you that the wheel is always turning and life is a state of constant change. If you're going through a difficult time, rest assured that it will get better from here. Good luck and good fortune will make their return in time. Similarly, if things are going well, know this too will change and life may return to normal soon. This cycle shows why it is important to cherish the blissful moments in your life and make the most of them while they are within reach. Because in a flash, they could be gone. The wheel of fortune is also known as the wheel of karma and reminds you that what goes around comes around. Be a kind and loving person to others and they'll be kind and loving to you. Be nasty and mean and you will get nasty and mean turning back your way. You hear that, Stacey and Bianca? So if you want happiness and abundance, make sure you're sending out that positive juju and kind. What you send out into the universe will come back your way. It asks you to be optimistic and have faith that the universe will take care of your situation in the best way possible. Meditation and visualization can reinforce your intention to bring increased abundance, good fortune, and prosperity to you. That sounds like me. Wheel of fortune, baby. Thank you so much for coming on the show and accepting my in the club invitation. We have to go back to the club. We got to find a new club.
01:21:25
Speaker 2: A new club.
01:21:26
Speaker 1: And then we need to go back to the club. Yeah. If you guys are in the L.A. area, what the fuck is going on? I feel like it's kind of boring in this bitch. So maybe we need to find like the club that actually has a dance floor and that's not shaped like this.
01:21:39
Speaker 2: And not old, I guess.
01:21:42
Speaker 1: Don't try and play with me in the well because the well has good music and they got good drinks and they always let you in. The drinks are not good. My drinks are, I mean, I get simple drinks. What you got? The drinks are not good.
01:21:52
Speaker 2: They're like bottom shelf alcohol there.
01:21:54
Speaker 1: No, they're not bottom shelf alcohol. They have, they have.
01:21:56
Speaker 2: It's not good.
01:21:57
Speaker 1: They got basic mixers. They got basic mixers. They got all the tequila we drink.
01:22:02
Speaker 2: That is not a mixologist spot.
01:22:04
Speaker 1: It's very Red Bull and vodka. It's affordable. The margaritas are good. There's no elderflower in sight. They got Saint Germain in there. It's LA. It's still Hollywood. And the niggas are going to be really nice to you and give you compliments. And there's a dance floor. Most importantly, I could shake this ass.
01:22:20
Speaker 3: I'm an Andes kind of girl.
01:22:21
Speaker 1: I like Andes. I like Andes when the live band is there. I like Andes. Can they get their schedule together?
01:22:26
Speaker 5: I like to go places where I can look at people that I would actually be attracted to.
01:22:32
Speaker 1: Wait, is Andes with Mariah?
01:22:34
Speaker 3: I'm sorry, Mariah.
01:22:35
Speaker 1: Please, please.
01:22:36
Speaker 3: I don't want no problems.
01:22:38
Speaker 1: I think they broke up. I don't know.
01:22:39
Speaker 2: Mariah can have whoever she wants.
01:22:40
Speaker 1: It's almost her season, too. She can have me, too. She's about to make $ 30 million in December. We all available, Mariah. Hey, I like those snaps from time to time.
01:22:48
Speaker 2: Actually, I saw him on Raya. I think he's available.
01:22:50
Speaker 1: Oh, really?
01:22:51
Speaker 3: Yeah.
01:22:51
Speaker 2: He's back on Raya.
01:22:52
Speaker 1: Oh, you're on Raya?
01:22:53
Speaker 3: I was.
01:22:54
Speaker 1: I was.
01:22:55
Speaker 2: I'm barely on it. I need to get off of there. There's nothing over there.
01:22:57
Speaker 1: It's whack.
01:22:59
Speaker 2: Whackity whack.
01:22:59
Speaker 1: I feel like L.A. The niggas are whackity whack, but what do I know?
01:23:03
Speaker 2: I think I'm talking to a German and.
01:23:05
Speaker 1: A German?
01:23:06
Speaker 2: Yeah, and a soccer player, and they're both whack. They're about to get unmatched today.
01:23:10
Speaker 3: I matched with an actor, and I thought he was Catfish.
01:23:14
Speaker 2: No, it wouldn't be Catfish on Raya.
01:23:17
Speaker 1: No, no, no.
01:23:19
Speaker 3: We was on Hinge.
01:23:20
Speaker 4: Oh.
01:23:20
Speaker 1: So did you meet up with him?
01:23:22
Speaker 4: No.
01:23:22
Speaker 3: He was like, why would I catfish?
01:23:25
Speaker 1: Why did you FaceTime me so I know it's real?
01:23:28
Speaker 2: Well, because, listen, listen, listen.
01:23:31
Speaker 3: I just asked him straight up if he was real, and he was just so annoyed by that. He was like, out of all the actors, why would I catfish this person?
01:23:38
Speaker 1: And then I was like a C-list celebrity.
01:23:40
Speaker 3: He's not C-list, but he's not a heartthrob.
01:23:43
Speaker 1: Okay.
01:23:44
Speaker 3: He's a comedian.
01:23:45
Speaker 1: So then he got mad at you?
01:23:48
Speaker 3: Oh, God. Sometimes I have an interesting type. I'm going to tell y'all off air who it was. You're going to judge the fuck out of me. But then I DM'd him just to be sure it was him. And he was like, yeah, but like you're already playing games.
01:24:01
Speaker 1: So I'm good. I was like. What the fuck?
01:24:04
Speaker 3: He's Gen X.
01:24:05
Speaker 1: But again, God is protecting you. Literally. When something says no, ladies, it doesn't mean try harder. It's not a job. You know what I'm saying? If the universe is not universing in the direction, it means God is protecting you. I think more bitches need to take the protection and not push the envelope. Sometimes you don't need to push. Just let it be, bitch. Let it ride.
01:24:25
Speaker 3: And that's where I'm at.
01:24:26
Speaker 1: Let it ride. Let it come to you. Everything that is for me comes to me easily. Can you tell the people where they could find you?
01:24:33
Speaker 3: Yes, you can find me at Ruthelia on all platforms.
01:24:38
Speaker 5: And we'll make sure to put all of her tags in the caption. And you, if you want to attract the life of abundance, then you need to come to the Good Vibe Retreat because bitches have made a lot of money, have manifested so many things. Actually, someone just messaged me a few days ago that. she manifested buying her first house and.
01:24:57
Speaker 2: She did this week. On this retreat this summer. So she bought her first retreat.
01:25:01
Speaker 1: That's pretty fast turnaround. Shout out to Selena. I think we're getting more powerful. The coven is getting more powerful. They're coming faster. It used to be six to 12 months. It's looking like it's gone up three to six.
01:25:14
Speaker 3: Yes.
01:25:16
Speaker 5: So we are going to Belize for 420 this year. I'm going to Portugal in May. And then we have our Mommy and Me retreat in Costa Rica at the end of July.
01:25:26
Speaker 1: And then we have Bali in November.
01:25:28
Speaker 2: So pick your location and come join us in 2027. All the details are in this episode description. And we'll see you out the motherfucking country. But until then, we'll see you next week.
01:25:41
Speaker 3: Bye.