Getting Used to It | REWIND: Navigating Midlife Friendships – Patience, Authenticity, and Connection

WEBVTT
00:00:02.879 --> 00:00:04.799
Hi, and welcome to Getting Used to It.
00:00:04.879 --> 00:00:13.839
We're Susie and Beth, two life coaches in the thick of midlife ourselves, where everything's a little weird, occasionally hilarious, and a lot unexpected.
00:00:14.080 --> 00:00:22.800
If you're wondering whether you're the only one Googling hobbies for adults, wrankling, emptiness, and dealing with shifting hormones, you are not alone.
00:00:22.960 --> 00:00:25.839
We are here to navigate this wild chapter of life with you.
00:00:26.000 --> 00:00:27.280
So let's go.
00:00:32.000 --> 00:00:33.280
Hey Beth.
00:00:33.920 --> 00:00:37.439
Susie, what are we talking about today on Getting Used to It?
00:00:37.759 --> 00:00:38.880
Our podcast.
00:00:39.520 --> 00:00:49.280
We are talking about friends, about making some friends, and how that's kind of different when you're in the midlife of your life.
00:00:49.600 --> 00:00:54.320
It's funny because just as I was saying that, I was thinking of just myself as a kid too.
00:00:54.479 --> 00:00:57.439
Like just how um I really do.
00:00:57.600 --> 00:01:04.400
I have this memory of this girl, her name was Lisha, coming up to me, just tapping me on my shoulder and saying, Will you be my best friend?
00:01:04.560 --> 00:01:05.680
And I said yes.
00:01:05.920 --> 00:01:07.120
And then we were.
00:01:07.359 --> 00:01:09.120
It's not like that anymore.
00:01:09.519 --> 00:01:10.000
Magic.
00:01:10.159 --> 00:01:12.079
That's a magical thing.
00:01:12.400 --> 00:01:12.719
Yeah.
00:01:12.879 --> 00:01:26.879
And I don't think it happens that often, but there's such a strong takeaway from books and movies, television, programs, streaming, you name it, um, fictional content.
00:01:27.120 --> 00:01:31.599
Um, that you meet your best friend on the first day of school, and it's easy.
00:01:31.680 --> 00:01:35.599
And I'm not trying to make light because I don't know that that's ever happened to me.
00:01:35.760 --> 00:01:38.799
And it's sweet to hear that it happened to you.
00:01:39.359 --> 00:01:45.200
But think about the rest of us who think that there's something wrong with us if that ha hasn't happened for us.
00:01:45.439 --> 00:01:45.760
Right.
00:01:45.920 --> 00:01:46.319
You know?
00:01:46.560 --> 00:01:48.400
Yeah, I actually didn't think about it.
00:01:48.480 --> 00:01:50.879
I mean, she's the only person that's ever done that.
00:01:51.040 --> 00:01:52.159
Um that's cute.
00:01:52.560 --> 00:01:55.840
And I do wish that would happen again.
00:01:56.480 --> 00:01:58.000
It would just be easier.
00:01:58.159 --> 00:02:00.079
And why don't I do that to someone?
00:02:00.239 --> 00:02:02.159
Because, you know, it's kind of scary.
00:02:02.719 --> 00:02:04.560
Totally scary, totally scary.
00:02:04.719 --> 00:02:12.400
So um, you're hitting on us introducing our topic for today, which is making new friends in midlife and beyond.
00:02:12.879 --> 00:02:24.319
Um, today, Susie and I are gonna be having a little conversation over the next 25-ish minutes about our concerns, struggles, and enlightenments around making new friends at this point in our life.
00:02:25.199 --> 00:02:29.039
Basically, the how-tos and the holdups of friending in midlife.
00:02:29.360 --> 00:02:31.039
Yeah, exactly.
00:02:31.759 --> 00:02:38.319
And I was gonna ask you, Beth, um, why make new friends?
00:02:39.759 --> 00:02:41.199
Oops, such a big topic.
00:02:41.360 --> 00:02:47.919
You know, I just want to backtrack for one quick second and say, as we I was researching this topic, and I wonder if you felt this way too.
00:02:48.080 --> 00:02:55.280
I mean, I heard you had a little insight, like, oh, you'd like to have that experience that you had with Lisha again.
00:02:55.520 --> 00:03:18.000
And I was thinking just how similar what my experience is, and we're about to go into that, around the idea of making new connections and creating a uh a new friendship circle for myself, how similar that is to, you know, say my child who's off at college having to do the same thing.
00:03:18.319 --> 00:03:19.039
Totally.
00:03:19.280 --> 00:03:22.319
Yeah, totally, yeah, yeah, it's not that different.
00:03:22.479 --> 00:03:32.479
So you asked me about my reasons, and um, I wanted to suggest to everyone who's listening that we you look for your why.
00:03:32.560 --> 00:03:34.479
Like, why on earth?
00:03:34.800 --> 00:03:42.400
What is the underlying reason you might have, the driver, if you will, for making a new friendship?
00:03:42.560 --> 00:03:48.560
I know what it is for me, and I'm about to talk about that, and we're gonna hear how Susie what her why is too.
00:03:48.800 --> 00:03:56.400
Um, I'll say that mine is not just to busy my life with new faces, although that would be nice too.
00:03:56.800 --> 00:04:00.639
Um, intellectual connections are kind of what I'm after.
00:04:00.719 --> 00:04:06.960
And yes, I already have that with my current friends, but I'm I'm what about me?
00:04:07.280 --> 00:04:07.840
I'm game.
00:04:07.919 --> 00:04:08.639
Oh, it's you.
00:04:09.280 --> 00:04:10.879
I lost my train of thought for a second.
00:04:11.199 --> 00:04:11.520
I'm sorry.
00:04:12.080 --> 00:04:13.759
Can Susie not hear me?
00:04:13.840 --> 00:04:14.639
Oh no.
00:04:15.039 --> 00:04:15.759
Am I frozen again?
00:04:16.560 --> 00:04:26.560
Okay, you are to you know, to broaden my intellectual connections and like especially with people of varied backgrounds.
00:04:26.639 --> 00:04:29.120
I'm I mean, especially in person.
00:04:29.279 --> 00:04:34.800
And unfortunately, Susie and I are not in person in our lives right now.
00:04:35.040 --> 00:04:40.319
Yeah, I'm looking for stimulation, stimulating conversations, new ways of thinking about things.
00:04:40.480 --> 00:04:41.759
That's what I'm thinking about.
00:04:41.920 --> 00:04:43.360
That's my why.
00:04:43.680 --> 00:04:44.160
Yeah.
00:04:44.399 --> 00:04:45.759
Um what about yours?
00:04:46.319 --> 00:04:57.279
For me, my why is so my kids are both out of the house, and my son actually hasn't even been home for a year, almost a year now.
00:04:57.439 --> 00:05:01.360
So that that space, that empty space feels real.
00:05:01.839 --> 00:05:13.360
And then my daughter, this is her second year off in college, and it seems like the space between her coming back home and being gone seems just bigger every time she leaves.
00:05:13.519 --> 00:05:16.079
So there's just this emptiness.
00:05:16.319 --> 00:05:19.839
And let me tell you, before they left, we were busy.
00:05:20.000 --> 00:05:26.319
My daughter was in cheer and travel, basketball, like we were so busy, my husband and I.
00:05:26.800 --> 00:05:29.040
And um, we're not now.
00:05:30.639 --> 00:05:36.079
There's a space, a very there's like a quiet din around the house.
00:05:36.240 --> 00:05:52.560
Yeah, tonight is actually gonna be our first night with uh we sent we took our daughter to college a couple of weeks ago, and then came home to a couple of friends staying with us, and tonight's really our first night with just the two of us, my husband and I.
00:05:52.800 --> 00:06:02.160
So yeah, um it has been really quiet today, and it's been kind of nice in some ways, although I know that that is I'm busy today.
00:06:02.399 --> 00:06:06.240
I know that that's going to feel differently, different days of the week.
00:06:06.560 --> 00:06:07.199
Exactly.
00:06:07.360 --> 00:06:07.680
Yeah.
00:06:07.839 --> 00:06:26.480
And so now that we've just had a lot of this space, like more and more so, um we listen, we like each other, but at the end of the night, we're just have many, many, many nights of just staring at each other and like, what are we gonna do tonight?
00:06:26.639 --> 00:06:34.079
Like, we're noticing that we want to fill that space with friends, and we're both in agreement, right?
00:06:34.160 --> 00:06:38.399
Like we could go travel, we could go do all these different things and fill it with other things.
00:06:38.560 --> 00:06:42.959
But the truth is we both want, we like that social connection with people.
00:06:43.519 --> 00:06:51.439
Um and then as we I mean, have more space because the children are just gonna be even more gone.
00:06:51.680 --> 00:06:53.199
I don't know how to say that, right?
00:06:53.360 --> 00:07:02.879
But they're gonna go, they're gonna really not be home during you know, any of their school breaks because school will be completely done, they'll just be working all the time.
00:07:03.040 --> 00:07:06.319
Um, we want our lives with our friends too.
00:07:06.560 --> 00:07:13.360
So we need to start carving really our lives, and we want to fill that with friends.
00:07:13.680 --> 00:07:17.360
Um I'm trying to think if I had another why.
00:07:17.439 --> 00:07:33.920
I I think it's I think it's really like um I I had this thought because Philip's dad just passed away and he I I he passed away without any friends.
00:07:35.120 --> 00:07:45.120
So it was kind of sad watching that process for him, even like because he was not um reaching out anymore.
00:07:45.600 --> 00:07:47.040
No, this happened a while ago.
00:07:47.199 --> 00:08:00.000
It wasn't that he outlived everybody, it was that I think he was scared to like keep reaching out because his wife had passed away a while ago, so it was on him now to make the friends, and he didn't.
00:08:00.319 --> 00:08:22.560
And so that's one of those things in the back of my mind that I think of is like that's how I want to make sure, not just because I'm scared to die alone, that's not the thing, but I do, I mean, listen, I could outlive all everybody, I'm not sure, but I do want to have people in my life, I do want to have friends in that social interaction and laugh and play and connect.
00:08:22.720 --> 00:08:24.319
That is very important to me.
00:08:24.560 --> 00:08:33.120
So it it's like pretty much like besides husband and kids, friends is right there.
00:08:33.279 --> 00:08:33.759
Third.
00:08:34.080 --> 00:08:48.000
Well, and there's so much, um, there's so much information out there that says community and connection and friends really lead to a longer, more healthy life for people, especially as they age.
00:08:48.159 --> 00:08:51.519
And I really get, you know, the fear around connecting.
00:08:51.600 --> 00:08:54.559
I remember, I mean, this was a really long time ago.
00:08:54.879 --> 00:08:58.559
Um, my grandmother died when I was about 19.
00:08:58.960 --> 00:09:05.360
And I remember when she passed away, we we just she was the social connector for my grand her and my grandfather.
00:09:05.440 --> 00:09:10.320
And I remember thinking like we really thought like he would pass away.
00:09:10.799 --> 00:09:20.720
And um without her, but then he really flipped it and became this very adventurous human without her.
00:09:21.200 --> 00:09:21.840
So cool.
00:09:22.159 --> 00:09:32.639
You know, he I remember he I went to Syracuse University when I was in college, and I remember he drove from California to Syracuse in his RV to come to my graduation.
00:09:32.960 --> 00:09:34.320
Oh my gosh.
00:09:34.639 --> 00:09:36.080
With his cat on his lap.
00:09:36.240 --> 00:09:39.679
So and he was enjoying, he was adventuring, he loved it.
00:09:39.919 --> 00:09:40.320
Yes.
00:09:40.480 --> 00:09:43.279
So um that's what he needed.
00:09:43.360 --> 00:09:47.120
Uh, and he made he met made and met people along the way.
00:09:47.360 --> 00:09:47.919
Yeah.
00:09:48.240 --> 00:09:54.080
So what would you say one of your worries are about making new friends?
00:09:54.320 --> 00:10:01.600
Right, because as you alluded to, it's a little scary to think about like, oh, I'm embarking on this new stage.
00:10:01.759 --> 00:10:06.240
Like you said, the house is empty, it's quiet, mine is empty and quiet as well.
00:10:06.480 --> 00:10:11.440
And then how do we fill it with with meaning that like speaks to our why?
00:10:11.600 --> 00:10:14.480
Um, and then what's the obstacle, right?
00:10:14.559 --> 00:10:16.080
That's where the worry lives.
00:10:16.240 --> 00:10:21.440
So, um, or the concern that you, you know, that blocks us from moving forward.
00:10:21.600 --> 00:10:34.960
I'd say, you know, one of my um worries was and is that um, well, one, that it's you know, not gonna be natural, right?
00:10:35.039 --> 00:10:46.799
There won't be a natural inflow of friendship candidates at this stage of my life with my daughter not around, like without having the crutch of like, oh, I met these people through her, through school, their parents, etc.
00:10:47.759 --> 00:10:54.480
Also, another one of my fears is um that I have to like quote unquote start things up in a way.
00:10:54.639 --> 00:11:06.799
I I I tell my mind tells me I never really have had to before, but that's not true because you know, when I moved back to Los Angeles from college, I did have to start over and find new people.
00:11:07.600 --> 00:11:12.960
Even in my in my work life, I had to find new people and start it up again, you know.
00:11:13.120 --> 00:11:24.080
It just feels maybe a little bit more vulnerable this time because it's sort of not based around my kid at school or based around here's my new job, right?
00:11:24.240 --> 00:11:26.960
I have to start it myself.
00:11:27.200 --> 00:11:27.840
Yeah.
00:11:28.559 --> 00:11:29.679
What about you?
00:11:30.320 --> 00:11:33.039
Yeah, some of the same things, right?
00:11:33.120 --> 00:11:37.679
Like no matter what, it's scary to do the ask, right?
00:11:37.840 --> 00:11:41.519
Um see and if people will say yes.
00:11:41.759 --> 00:11:44.960
I always think of like finding new friends, like dating, right?
00:11:45.039 --> 00:11:45.519
Oh, yeah.
00:11:45.679 --> 00:11:47.360
You kind of have to date the person.
00:11:47.440 --> 00:11:50.720
You gotta date each other to see if this is gonna be a good friendship.
00:11:50.879 --> 00:11:53.759
And sometimes somewhere down the line, it just really may not.
00:11:53.840 --> 00:11:59.360
And I kind of get scared of that little that moment where you find out maybe this is not now.
00:11:59.440 --> 00:12:00.559
What do I do with that?
00:12:00.799 --> 00:12:01.279
Right.
00:12:01.519 --> 00:12:07.039
So I have a little fear of starting something and then one wanting to maybe even back out at some point.
00:12:07.120 --> 00:12:08.720
Like, so why should I start it?
00:12:08.879 --> 00:12:11.600
Like sometimes I have that kind of thought.
00:12:11.840 --> 00:12:12.480
Yeah.
00:12:12.720 --> 00:12:14.399
Um, that's a fair point.
00:12:14.559 --> 00:12:27.200
And you know, um, Adam Grant, the social psychologist, who he's written like six New York Times bestsellers, bestsellers, and um he's he's a professor and he does a podcast called Rethinking.
00:12:27.360 --> 00:12:41.759
He's I read um on his Instagram the other day that he said it takes 50 hours of connected time to go from acquaintance to friend, yeah, and 200 to go to close friend.
00:12:41.919 --> 00:12:42.240
Yeah.
00:12:42.480 --> 00:12:46.720
So we're talking about a lot of repeat, people a lot.
00:12:47.039 --> 00:12:58.159
You know, we're so we so easily dismiss, you know, like I didn't click, I didn't, you know, like one time people could could make that assumption, and it really takes a lot longer.
00:12:58.480 --> 00:13:00.480
We really need that patience.
00:13:00.720 --> 00:13:01.279
Yeah.
00:13:01.519 --> 00:13:06.559
And then also it's gonna be how open you're gonna be, how open the other person's gonna be, right?
00:13:06.639 --> 00:13:24.960
And then to see like if the way you converse is similar, if you know the way you even joke around is similar, like all that stuff comes into play, and it does take that time to see what really how the other person really uh reacts or is, right?
00:13:25.120 --> 00:13:27.759
And even the way I react to this person.
00:13:27.919 --> 00:13:43.279
It's it's you know, I've started this looking for friends kind of new friends thing for a little bit now, and it's just interesting when you first meet someone and you think, oh my gosh, well, this is what I do, Beth.
00:13:43.360 --> 00:13:45.039
And I was telling Beth about this before too.
00:13:45.759 --> 00:13:50.480
I'm someone's best friend, like instantly, like, oh my gosh, I love you.
00:13:50.559 --> 00:13:51.840
We're best best friends forever.
00:13:51.919 --> 00:13:52.879
We're gonna see each other every day.
00:13:52.960 --> 00:13:55.360
Like, I can get kind of a little bit crazy.
00:13:55.440 --> 00:13:59.919
I get so excited about the person, and then I then I'm start like backing off.
00:14:00.000 --> 00:14:04.320
I'm like, oh my, like I I don't know what I did, but paint this picture.
00:14:04.720 --> 00:14:09.120
And from that one conversation, I think I'm just like all in.
00:14:09.440 --> 00:14:12.399
And then I need to pull back and go, oh, wait a minute.
00:14:12.639 --> 00:14:15.200
Actually, we don't have kind of the same sense of humor.
00:14:15.279 --> 00:14:19.759
We don't even like to go see the same uh maybe even shows, music.
00:14:19.919 --> 00:14:22.000
Like we actually don't have that much in common.
00:14:22.080 --> 00:14:40.960
It was just that one conversation where we connected, and that I guess what I'm coming back around to is it does take those 50 to 200 hours to really peel the onion and see each other layer after layer and after layer, and then see, like, yeah, I want that, yeah, I want more of that, I want more of that.
00:14:41.200 --> 00:14:49.279
So, again, for me, I can like go too hard too soon and I'm not like taking the time to do the layers.
00:14:49.519 --> 00:14:55.360
I do if I'm just the one weirdo that does this, but I do I kind of love it.
00:14:55.519 --> 00:15:02.399
I kind of love it that you go, you go all in and then you're then you go home and you go like, what the fuck was I thinking?
00:15:02.879 --> 00:15:03.519
Right.
00:15:04.399 --> 00:15:19.200
And I wonder if if you next time do that and then go, I'm just not gonna think about it and I'm gonna get together with them despite what my mind is trying to tell me, like, you know, and take down.
00:15:19.360 --> 00:15:21.039
And I'm just gonna go and see.
00:15:21.279 --> 00:15:27.360
I'll I can devote one more hour to figuring this out, you know, and see if you come back with different information.
00:15:27.519 --> 00:15:36.000
Maybe, maybe your gut, you know, was is right there, or or did your fear get in the way and start speaking on behalf of your gut.
00:15:36.320 --> 00:15:41.519
Well, I have to tell you, so I've been working on the mantra of just it's that's why I said dating.
00:15:41.919 --> 00:15:43.840
Because I'm like, we're just dating.
00:15:44.240 --> 00:15:45.840
This is just we're just dating.
00:15:46.080 --> 00:15:49.120
So I have to remember like that means slow down.
00:15:49.519 --> 00:15:53.279
We go on second, third, fourth, fifth dates to see, right?
00:15:53.360 --> 00:15:55.840
And I don't have to jump all in and jump all out.
00:15:56.159 --> 00:15:57.360
We're just dating.
00:15:57.679 --> 00:15:58.320
Right.
00:15:58.960 --> 00:16:11.120
So that's helped me with kind of that the mindset of making new friends, and that that means going and asking to be a friend, you know, is also it's okay because we're just dating.
00:16:11.600 --> 00:16:12.240
It's okay.
00:16:12.559 --> 00:16:16.159
Can I tell you one of my fears around this whole project of making new friends?
00:16:16.399 --> 00:16:26.559
I mean, I know this sounds slightly crazy, but I sometimes I drive around and I think like, if I were dating again, you know, like, and I'm not happily married, I am happily married, I'm not dating again.
00:16:26.720 --> 00:16:34.559
Um, and I and I look at people on the street and I'm like, oh yeah, new people at 60, a lot of baggage.
00:16:35.759 --> 00:16:37.919
So I get slightly scared off.
00:16:38.080 --> 00:16:40.799
Meanwhile, I've got it, you know, who doesn't?
00:16:40.960 --> 00:16:43.840
No one no one goes through life unscathed, you know.
00:16:43.919 --> 00:16:48.799
But I'm like, I'm used to mine, I'm used to the what my friends have.
00:16:48.960 --> 00:16:58.080
Like the idea of of meeting new people and seeing their stuff and having it be different than mine also scares me as much as it attracts me.
00:16:58.399 --> 00:16:59.200
Totally.
00:16:59.519 --> 00:17:00.399
A hundred percent.
00:17:00.639 --> 00:17:00.879
Yes.
00:17:01.200 --> 00:17:03.039
So funny us humans, aren't we?
00:17:03.279 --> 00:17:07.359
Yes, and yes, Beth, I can I can um confirm she is not dating.
00:17:07.599 --> 00:17:09.200
Yes, no, I'm happily married.
00:17:09.359 --> 00:17:09.440
Okay.
00:17:10.480 --> 00:17:14.000
So let's just talk about let's just talk about it one more time.
00:17:14.319 --> 00:17:24.960
So um when Susie and I were like fleshing out this, the idea of speaking about this, you know, as coaches, we, you know, because we're all about like, okay, how do you reach your goal?
00:17:25.119 --> 00:17:26.480
What obstacles are in your way?
00:17:26.640 --> 00:17:27.359
What will you do?
00:17:27.519 --> 00:17:34.720
So here we are with our each of our action plans and how we plan on mapping this out for ourselves.
00:17:34.880 --> 00:17:36.400
So Susie, why don't you go first?
00:17:36.480 --> 00:17:40.720
Because you you've started, mine is conceptual still at this point.
00:17:41.119 --> 00:17:41.599
Yeah.
00:17:41.920 --> 00:17:45.680
And well, let's back up just one step before that.
00:17:45.839 --> 00:17:50.240
Like what let's talk about like what kind of friendship you're actually looking for.
00:17:50.480 --> 00:17:51.119
Oh yeah.
00:17:51.279 --> 00:17:51.599
Right.
00:17:52.000 --> 00:18:04.079
So it's like, okay, so you know, for me, what's important at the time at this time is like having friends that's kind of in the same life stage because we do have time and that seems to make a difference, right?
00:18:04.240 --> 00:18:09.440
So I do it's not like I don't have any friends, but they I have a lot of friends who still have the kids at home.
00:18:09.519 --> 00:18:14.240
So it does make it a little bit more difficult, right, to meet up with them and stuff.
00:18:14.319 --> 00:18:17.279
So that is kind of one of the things that's kind of important.
00:18:17.759 --> 00:18:20.240
Um, and I love good banter.
00:18:20.720 --> 00:18:21.920
I love good banter.
00:18:22.160 --> 00:18:27.599
Banter also includes like being able to debate topics, right?
00:18:27.839 --> 00:18:32.400
Um and just having like open minds.
00:18:32.720 --> 00:18:39.279
Um I don't I don't love when debate goes to argument, but I know that sometimes argument happens.
00:18:39.359 --> 00:18:41.680
Like this happens a lot with us and our friends, actually.
00:18:41.759 --> 00:18:47.119
But then I love that basically we all get up and then leave and come back, right?
00:18:47.200 --> 00:18:53.759
And then we're like, yeah, like hated that conversation for just a moment, but I love you and I'm coming back and let's discuss again.
00:18:53.839 --> 00:18:54.960
I just learned something new.
00:18:55.119 --> 00:18:55.759
I love that.
00:18:55.920 --> 00:18:58.400
I love when I find that quality in people.
00:18:59.039 --> 00:19:02.799
Um, and same with my husband.
00:19:03.119 --> 00:19:05.200
Um and what else?
00:19:05.359 --> 00:19:05.839
What else?
00:19:06.160 --> 00:19:14.240
I guess that's that whole give and take interaction that um I have on my list that is one of the top three things that I'm looking for.
00:19:14.880 --> 00:19:19.119
Yeah, I love well, you know, we talked about this before, but I love Quippy Banter.
00:19:19.200 --> 00:19:30.240
And I would I there's gotta be a book out there about, and if anyone knows one, please definitely write us about it, about the making and trading of Quippy Banter.
00:19:30.400 --> 00:19:40.640
I I mean, if I go to a party and I can find one person I can do that with, my husband is dragging me out of the party, the party that I was like, please don't make me go to.
00:19:40.799 --> 00:19:43.759
And then he's like, God, you're always the last one to leave.
00:19:44.079 --> 00:19:49.519
Um, I'm just making up for lost time for those early years in life where I was like, No, I'm okay.
00:19:49.680 --> 00:19:51.200
Nope, you don't need to talk to me.
00:19:51.359 --> 00:19:52.960
Nope, I don't need to go to a party.
00:19:53.119 --> 00:19:56.400
I'm fine, I'm fine, lonely as shit, but fine.
00:19:56.799 --> 00:20:05.440
Um so just making up for lost time, but yeah, Quippy Banter for sure is something that that I'm interested in.
00:20:05.839 --> 00:20:19.279
And um I'm trying to think of what I mean and I think within Quippy Banter, there has to be something that you're connecting on that is banterable, right?
00:20:20.319 --> 00:20:27.119
I l I less like the argumentative um, you know, with people.
00:20:27.279 --> 00:20:34.480
It's not that I don't mind like uh chewing on a topic that where people have different, you know, viewpoints.
00:20:35.039 --> 00:20:43.920
As long as I'm with people that are that can acknowledge, you know, the other, you know, where I'm coming from or I can acknowledge where they're coming from.
00:20:44.079 --> 00:20:51.519
I've had friends where it's just loggerheads and um that we're at, and they and we both think we're right.
00:20:51.599 --> 00:20:56.799
And it's it's actually been kind of uncomfortable in with a few of my relationships like that.
00:20:56.960 --> 00:20:57.680
So yeah.
00:20:57.920 --> 00:21:14.480
Anyway, so Quippy Banter, um I think you're right, someone at that same stage of life um that we're at, that has the free time, um, I think would be would would be perfect.
00:21:14.720 --> 00:21:22.240
We had a bunch of friends that we that didn't have kids that we were really quite close with before we had our daughter.
00:21:22.480 --> 00:21:30.640
Um, it's been kind of fun going back to them and like reconnecting and you know, yeah, it's very cool.
00:21:30.960 --> 00:21:32.240
Yeah, yeah.
00:21:32.480 --> 00:21:36.400
So then I know you were asking me this earlier, but I'm just I'm gonna ask you first.
00:21:36.480 --> 00:21:38.240
So what you're gonna do about that, Beth.
00:21:38.559 --> 00:21:41.599
So so here's This is as live coaches, man.
00:21:41.759 --> 00:21:43.119
We want to have a plan, right?
00:21:43.200 --> 00:21:46.559
So what's your why because what you gotta do about it?
00:21:46.880 --> 00:21:54.000
Well, as I said before, my why is you know, people of varied backgrounds um and stimulating conversation.
00:21:54.079 --> 00:21:55.839
That's that's what I want.
00:21:56.079 --> 00:21:57.839
And here's my plan.
00:21:58.640 --> 00:21:59.759
This one's kind of scary.
00:22:00.079 --> 00:22:03.039
And I haven't done it yet since I hatched it, but I like it.
00:22:03.119 --> 00:22:11.599
Um, so one of my plans is to pitch an idea to my local community center to host a monthly Make a New Friend Night or something with a catchy title.
00:22:11.680 --> 00:22:15.440
And if anyone, again, if anyone has a catchy title, I'm I'm open.
00:22:15.599 --> 00:22:16.960
That's one way.
00:22:17.359 --> 00:22:34.720
Um the second way that uh, and you Susie mentioned that she's already doing this, but I I'm thinking like in in the couple sphere, um you know, a monthly get together with people that I adore that are not in my regular rotation.
00:22:34.880 --> 00:22:35.920
So that's another thing.
00:22:36.079 --> 00:22:48.559
And then social events, just saying yes to more than I are than I say no to, and kind of upend the current balance of things, you know, more author talks, more things that I wouldn't ordinarily do.
00:22:48.880 --> 00:22:49.279
Yeah.
00:22:49.759 --> 00:22:50.720
What about you?
00:22:51.359 --> 00:22:51.839
Yeah.
00:22:52.160 --> 00:22:59.680
So my husband and I made a list of all the people that we want to get together with that we just haven't been able to.
00:22:59.759 --> 00:23:05.039
Maybe they were even ahead of us in this empty nesting part, and we've just having to say no.
00:23:05.440 --> 00:23:10.400
And just some people that we've met along the way that we just haven't had the time to get together with.
00:23:10.640 --> 00:23:24.799
Um, and we made a list of all those friends, and we have mapped it out on the calendar, like, okay, we want to like ask them here, here, here, here, and just making sure, like, whether it's every other week, and you know, it just kind of depends on the season.
00:23:24.960 --> 00:23:30.000
I'm in South Florida, so there's a season here where everybody just leaves all of a sudden.
00:23:30.079 --> 00:23:44.640
So when people come back, this is when we need to ask them, and and then do the asking, ask them over, ask them out, like go ahead and be the one to go to um to do that.
00:23:44.720 --> 00:23:47.039
And and what's the word that I'm trying to look for?
00:23:47.119 --> 00:23:47.839
To initiate.
00:23:47.920 --> 00:23:48.400
There you go.
00:23:48.480 --> 00:23:54.319
Yeah, to initiate and not be scared to ask, right?
00:23:54.640 --> 00:23:58.799
So he's gonna ask once, I'm gonna ask the other time.
00:23:58.880 --> 00:24:13.359
So we're taking um turns doing that, and then even having people over at our house, because that seems to be a thing that we get a little bit scared about, and so cooking for them or whatever, ordering whatever it is, just having people at our home and hosting.
00:24:13.599 --> 00:24:24.079
So we've got that all calendared out, including then girls' night outs and guys' night outs, so that he has his own set of friends, and I also have my own set of friends.
00:24:24.720 --> 00:24:25.200
Nice.
00:24:25.440 --> 00:24:26.160
I love that.
00:24:26.400 --> 00:24:27.039
I love that.
00:24:27.200 --> 00:24:34.240
Yeah, well, so when you have a plan, how do you make sure you get that plan into action?
00:24:34.400 --> 00:24:36.559
Into action, like actually make it concrete.
00:24:36.720 --> 00:24:37.759
What do you do?
00:24:38.960 --> 00:24:42.000
Um, do you mean like finding an accountability buddy?
00:24:42.160 --> 00:24:45.279
Something like that, or actually putting it into my calendar?
00:24:45.599 --> 00:24:47.200
Putting it into your calendar.
00:24:47.519 --> 00:24:50.000
Um finding an accountability buddy.
00:24:50.079 --> 00:24:51.039
I like that.
00:24:51.599 --> 00:25:00.480
Um, I I was even thinking like maybe there's a friend out there who's interested in like gaming, gamifying this in some way where it can be done in parallel.
00:25:00.640 --> 00:25:04.960
Like they're gonna do theirs, I'm gonna do mine, and we can hold each other accountable.
00:25:05.200 --> 00:25:05.519
Yeah.
00:25:05.759 --> 00:25:06.559
Like Susie.
00:25:06.720 --> 00:25:09.599
I'm saying Susie is my accountability buddy.
00:25:11.839 --> 00:25:14.640
Yes, we have accountability buddies.
00:25:14.799 --> 00:25:23.359
Yeah, so I think you know, we need to hold each other accountable, go do this, and like all of all of our podcasts.
00:25:23.440 --> 00:25:28.559
I feel like we always need to do like a repeat just to update everybody on how we're doing.
00:25:28.880 --> 00:25:41.680
But no matter what, like Beth, you and I promise once a month at least to go do something with a new whatever new friend.
00:25:41.839 --> 00:25:42.559
What about a new friend?
00:25:43.519 --> 00:25:44.240
Yeah, yeah.
00:25:44.559 --> 00:25:46.000
A new friend, that sounds good.
00:25:46.160 --> 00:25:47.839
Yeah, that's exactly what we're talking about.
00:25:48.000 --> 00:25:54.000
A new experience, too, like being around people who could be a new friend.
00:25:54.319 --> 00:25:59.680
Yes, put yourself in situations that are different to the ones you're comfortable with.
00:26:00.480 --> 00:26:04.160
And don't be afraid to initiate.
00:26:06.240 --> 00:26:06.799
Exactly.
00:26:06.960 --> 00:26:15.920
Because like Susie said at the beginning of the podcast, everybody loves it when someone walks up to to you and says, Hey, um, want to be friends?
00:26:16.400 --> 00:26:17.039
Exactly.
00:26:17.839 --> 00:26:19.119
Let's all go be that person.
00:26:19.759 --> 00:26:20.079
Yeah.
00:26:20.319 --> 00:26:21.440
Thanks for listening.
00:26:21.599 --> 00:26:22.720
This was a fun one.
00:26:22.960 --> 00:26:23.599
It was.
00:26:23.759 --> 00:26:24.880
I liked it.
00:26:25.200 --> 00:26:27.519
All right, let's go make some friends, Beth.
00:26:27.920 --> 00:26:28.720
Sounds good.
00:26:28.960 --> 00:26:30.319
See you next time.
00:26:32.480 --> 00:26:35.440
Thanks for hanging out with us on Getting Used to It.
00:26:35.680 --> 00:26:41.359
If today made you laugh, think, or just feel a little less alone, then we've done our job.
00:26:41.680 --> 00:26:43.039
See you next time.
00:26:43.279 --> 00:26:46.720
Because if we're getting used to it, you can too.