Gaining

WEBVTT
00:00:03.839 --> 00:00:06.080
Let's talk about gaming.
00:00:12.800 --> 00:00:16.719
This podcast contains material intended for a mature audience.
00:00:16.960 --> 00:00:21.280
Before proceeding, please check your little pause and confirm that you are an adult.
00:00:42.880 --> 00:00:46.479
My name is Edge, my pronouns are he him, and I'm your host.
00:00:46.719 --> 00:00:50.960
And in this episode, we're going to be talking about gaining.
00:00:51.200 --> 00:00:57.679
And this is a topic that sort of emerged out of the podcast itself, and I think it's the first time that's happened.
00:00:57.920 --> 00:01:09.200
You might recall a couple of episodes back, I answered an Ask Edge question about fetishes like gaining, where the after-effects were a little more permanent than some other scenes.
00:01:09.519 --> 00:01:14.319
That led to some conversations on Instagram through my DMs, and then led to this episode.
00:01:14.400 --> 00:01:22.640
And I will be interviewing James, who I met on Instagram and who has a whole podcast about gaining.
00:01:22.799 --> 00:01:25.519
So I think it's a really fantastic conversation.
00:01:25.680 --> 00:01:31.040
This is actually one of my most favorite interviews in a while, mostly because I learned so much.
00:01:31.200 --> 00:01:33.519
And I hope that means you're going to learn a lot too.
00:01:33.760 --> 00:01:37.120
We also have a great Ask Edge question that I'm excited for.
00:01:37.280 --> 00:01:40.000
And as a whole, I think we put together a pretty good episode.
00:01:40.079 --> 00:01:41.439
And I hope you think so too.
00:01:41.599 --> 00:01:43.599
So let's get started.
00:01:48.319 --> 00:01:51.680
And I am thrilled to welcome James to the podcast.
00:01:51.840 --> 00:01:53.359
James, welcome to Full Cow.
00:01:54.480 --> 00:01:55.840
Edge, thank you for having me.
00:01:55.920 --> 00:01:57.040
This is a pleasure.
00:01:57.840 --> 00:02:05.439
Yeah, so could you start by sort of introducing yourself and how you identify in the community, top, bottom, sir, boy, whatever.
00:02:05.920 --> 00:02:06.480
Sure things.
00:02:06.560 --> 00:02:07.760
So hello, listeners.
00:02:07.840 --> 00:02:10.319
Uh, my name is James, though oftentimes online.
00:02:10.719 --> 00:02:13.360
Uh, you will see me go by the name Stannum.
00:02:13.520 --> 00:02:20.319
Uh I am a gainer by trade that is my particular kink flavour, and uh as the fat boys will tell you, the flavor is full.
00:02:20.400 --> 00:02:21.439
There is a lot of it.
00:02:21.680 --> 00:02:26.560
Uh within, I suppose, the more traditional uh terms that you might think of it.
00:02:26.639 --> 00:02:31.199
Um I identify primarily as a side, although I have been known to bottom here and there.
00:02:31.439 --> 00:02:39.599
Um I enjoy the submissiveness of it all, love being a boy, although I wouldn't say no to sir, uh, or dom titles here and there as well.
00:02:39.759 --> 00:02:46.879
Um I suppose I'm a little bit of a dog's body, depending on all that, but I will say my main flavour of thing is gaining and feedism.
00:02:47.199 --> 00:02:52.159
That is my uh that is my buffet that I like to that I like to sit at.
00:02:52.479 --> 00:02:55.520
And your pronouns are he him, I'm assuming.
00:02:56.879 --> 00:02:58.080
That's a that's a fair assumption.
00:02:58.159 --> 00:03:03.280
My pronouns are more he they, but uh I'm I'm thinking No, totally fine.
00:03:03.439 --> 00:03:05.680
I'm very loosey-goosey when it comes to the pronouns.
00:03:05.759 --> 00:03:10.719
There's also that typical thing I think of young queer men that love to refer to everything as she.
00:03:10.960 --> 00:03:15.599
So I'm just sort of collecting pronouns like uh like infinity stones at this stage.
00:03:15.680 --> 00:03:18.319
So kind of anything and everything, you know, it's all good.
00:03:18.719 --> 00:03:19.680
Wonderful, thank you.
00:03:19.840 --> 00:03:25.919
Uh I want to start by uh you you actually I love the way you were talking about your primary flavor.
00:03:26.159 --> 00:03:30.719
Um and I'm not quite sure what is what is the fetish as a whole called?
00:03:30.800 --> 00:03:36.639
Because I know there are gainers and there are faders, and is it gaining is the name of the fetish, or is it feeding?
00:03:36.800 --> 00:03:38.560
I mean, what do we call this fetish?
00:03:39.680 --> 00:03:51.199
So I would say gaining and fetism to me would be the full title because you have primarily people who identify with the feeding element, they call it fetism these days as opposed to feederism.
00:03:51.360 --> 00:03:58.719
That tends to describe more heterosexual engagements, primarily femme-centric, women-centric growth and engagement.
00:03:58.879 --> 00:04:02.800
Um, and typically gaining is more queer male alignment.
00:04:02.960 --> 00:04:05.520
And so I suppose that's the kind of split between the two.
00:04:05.599 --> 00:04:09.360
It's typically which gender is the one putting on the mass?
00:04:09.520 --> 00:04:11.120
Uh so I would call myself a gainer.
00:04:11.360 --> 00:04:15.840
I engage in gaining would be my way of phrasing it.
00:04:16.319 --> 00:04:19.120
Uh that's fascinating because you're already teaching me things I didn't know.
00:04:19.279 --> 00:04:27.199
My understanding, I always thought like gainers were the people who were gaining the weight, and then feeders were the ones who were kind of encouraging the people to gain the weight.
00:04:27.360 --> 00:04:32.000
So why don't you start by kind of helping us know what the hell this fetish is?
00:04:32.160 --> 00:04:37.040
Because I'm using like my I'm using these terms, and my listeners may we we haven't really said what this is.
00:04:37.439 --> 00:04:39.519
Tell us what it is and and the component parts.
00:04:39.680 --> 00:04:41.680
Can you just give us a basic overview?
00:04:42.399 --> 00:04:43.680
Sure, absolutely.
00:04:43.920 --> 00:04:48.959
So as I was explaining, uh, gaining and fetism, I think they describe more or less the same thing.
00:04:49.120 --> 00:04:54.959
It's just one is typically more female-centric, more heterosexual, you could say, and sapphic.
00:04:55.120 --> 00:04:59.120
Gaining tends to be more male-centric, more homoerotic.
00:04:59.199 --> 00:05:02.000
Uh, you do get some cross blend and crossover.
00:05:02.079 --> 00:05:07.360
We don't deny the countenance of those individuals, but largely that is how it tends to split.
00:05:07.439 --> 00:05:09.680
Uh, you use terms actually very correctly.
00:05:09.759 --> 00:05:15.120
So gainers and feedes, we are the ones who are gaining the weight, putting on the mass.
00:05:15.279 --> 00:05:20.160
And that is uh fat typically, but it can also be muscle, and sometimes it's both.
00:05:20.240 --> 00:05:24.160
You've got people who all sorts of flavors within that, you know.
00:05:24.240 --> 00:05:34.720
Uh then you've got, of course, feeders, encouragers, admirers, enablers, all sorts of different terms that help to illustrate the various ways that people like to engage.
00:05:34.879 --> 00:05:45.360
Some people like to be very hands-on, they like to have, in the dominant sense, a bit of a controlling stake in how one gains the weight, and there's all the fantasy and fetish elements through that.
00:05:45.600 --> 00:05:51.519
Some people tend to be a little more laid back with that approach and more communal, supportive, you know.
00:05:51.759 --> 00:06:04.480
So there's lots of different ways in which the particulars might manifest, but largely, large, uh, the way that it works is that I, as a gainer, want to be bigger.
00:06:04.800 --> 00:06:08.160
And so I take steps to make that happen.
00:06:08.319 --> 00:06:18.160
Sometimes it's very sexy, sometimes it's very in the doldrums of the day, just well, it's breakfast and I can't be asked today, but I do need to eat six eggs.
00:06:18.240 --> 00:06:20.720
So, you know, let's just get into it.
00:06:20.879 --> 00:06:29.360
So there's a whole spectrum of those experiences, but largely that is the goal and purpose is that someone wants to get bigger, let's make that happen.
00:06:29.759 --> 00:06:36.639
I also love the way you've described this, is that it can coexist with a dominant submissive dynamic, but it's completely independent of that.
00:06:36.720 --> 00:06:42.560
And a lot of times, a lot of the fetishes we talk about, particularly on this podcast, are only mapped onto dominant submissive.
00:06:42.639 --> 00:06:48.000
But in this instance, maybe you have a dominant feeder, encourager who's controlling your diet.
00:06:48.160 --> 00:06:48.879
Maybe you don't.
00:06:49.040 --> 00:06:56.000
So this is uh a dynamic that exists completely independent, but not exclusive, right?
00:06:56.160 --> 00:06:59.120
It can have DS, but it doesn't necessarily have to.
00:06:59.439 --> 00:07:00.079
Yeah.
00:07:00.399 --> 00:07:01.040
Correct.
00:07:01.199 --> 00:07:05.600
You know, and for me personally, uh my my own engagement in that might depend on the day.
00:07:05.839 --> 00:07:14.000
I might be in the mood to be called a fat little piggy and to be, you know, have the humiliation kink and have words and terms used against me.
00:07:14.160 --> 00:07:28.879
I might be in the mood to have someone who's a bit stronger than me utilize my size and weight as a uh a machine to have me on my back, unable to sit up because of the stomach in the way, which might make things easier for penetrative sex.
00:07:29.120 --> 00:07:35.120
You know, there is a very delicious element of it's kind of whatever you're feeling in the moment can be the thing.
00:07:35.279 --> 00:07:38.079
Uh so there's really it's it's open to everyone and everything.
00:07:38.240 --> 00:07:40.399
Everyone can have fun within that space.
00:07:40.560 --> 00:07:43.279
So long as we're not being, you know, a fat phobic asshole.
00:07:43.519 --> 00:07:46.319
Um but everything's pretty much good to go, I'd say.
00:07:46.639 --> 00:07:52.160
Yeah, and actually you just revealed more to me in that this can intersect with humiliation or or not, right?
00:07:52.240 --> 00:08:00.879
Like um, I'm I'm really learning the kind of broad territory we're talking about here that it intersects with any other kinds of fetishes and interesting ways.
00:08:01.279 --> 00:08:01.920
Thank you for that.
00:08:02.639 --> 00:08:07.920
How did you how did you figure out this was your flavor?
00:08:09.120 --> 00:08:09.920
Oh my goodness.
00:08:10.079 --> 00:08:20.959
I mean, we're talking going all the way back to pre-pubescent and frankly, single-digit ages when I was so little, I I truly couldn't tell you the specific age when it first started.
00:08:21.120 --> 00:08:28.800
But if I if I recall one memory in specific, um I was at an age where I was too little to be left at home alone.
00:08:28.879 --> 00:08:34.399
And I remember my father said to my mother, Oh, you know, I need to go see someone for a work thing.
00:08:34.639 --> 00:08:37.919
He was a a a bit of a dog's body tradesman at the time.
00:08:38.000 --> 00:08:40.320
He did skylights and a few other handyman jobs.
00:08:40.480 --> 00:08:45.840
And so I remember being in the van and driving to this um scrapyard.
00:08:46.000 --> 00:08:52.799
He went to go talk to this person, and I will never forget the image of this man emerging from the garage door.
00:08:52.960 --> 00:08:57.440
And to my childlike mind, he was the largest human being I'd ever seen.
00:08:57.519 --> 00:09:01.200
And mind you, I must only be about three or four years old at this point.
00:09:01.360 --> 00:09:02.960
I haven't seen too many humans.
00:09:03.120 --> 00:09:06.720
But in my brain, I just go, Oh, that human is absolutely enormous.
00:09:06.879 --> 00:09:09.519
I do remember his belly was hanging out of his singlet.
00:09:09.679 --> 00:09:22.320
He was bearded, he was big, you know, and so many ideas in my mind when I think about the type of men that I'm most interested in, the aesthetic that I'd like to replicate the most, reflected in that man.
00:09:22.480 --> 00:09:31.200
And so, really, all the way back, I recall looking at another person and going, oh my god, like that's that's what I want.
00:09:31.360 --> 00:09:33.519
And of course, I'm three or four years old.
00:09:33.600 --> 00:09:39.519
I don't exactly know how to verbalize that this is what I want, or even why I find it fascinating.
00:09:39.759 --> 00:09:53.279
But my whole life, effectively, I've felt some amount of looking at bigger men and just feeling a sense of correctness, of truth, of authenticity, a desire towards this thing.
00:09:53.519 --> 00:09:56.159
Um, and it's not necessarily just fat, shall we say.
00:09:56.240 --> 00:10:04.480
It's elements of musculature and certainly masculinity, a lot of traditional male ideas that tend to be very wrapped up in a lot of that aesthetic.
00:10:04.639 --> 00:10:08.159
But all of that very much draws me in, even to this day.
00:10:09.519 --> 00:10:26.000
And I mean, I love that also the core of this masculinity, and it is not necessarily about always the big muscled body, but simply this sort of sense of mass, this weight, this this heaviness that can move through the world.
00:10:26.080 --> 00:10:27.919
Um, so I love that concept as well.
00:10:28.960 --> 00:10:40.159
Um, do you find like obviously this runs against a lot of not only queer notions of the ideal body, but this runs against a lot of what culture teaches us.
00:10:40.960 --> 00:10:41.440
Yeah, right.
00:10:41.519 --> 00:10:44.559
So how does it been navigating what you call fat phobia?
00:10:44.639 --> 00:10:46.240
Like, what is that like for you?
00:10:47.360 --> 00:10:48.399
Oh gosh.
00:10:48.559 --> 00:10:58.879
Well, you know, it is interesting because I think we live in a world that feels very galvanized to let you know that they don't like something.
00:10:59.120 --> 00:10:59.279
Right.
00:10:59.440 --> 00:11:04.399
Well, they don't say that they don't like it, they'll swear at you and say all sorts of very nasty things.
00:11:04.559 --> 00:11:12.639
But you know, we live in a society that is very much galvanized to say that towards a lot of different people, and obviously fat people are no exception to that rule, right?
00:11:12.960 --> 00:11:22.480
Um people have their preconceived notions of value ascribed to health and ascribed to very moralistically superior ideas of the human experience.
00:11:22.720 --> 00:11:26.639
I'm better than you because of this, and I think you're a bad person because of this.
00:11:28.159 --> 00:11:29.120
But that's people.
00:11:29.360 --> 00:11:36.399
You know, people have always been looking for an opportunity to try to feel better than someone else, if especially if they're feeling dissatisfied in their own life.
00:11:36.559 --> 00:11:42.399
And I think in the broader queer community, we're very good at making people feel terrible about themselves.
00:11:42.799 --> 00:11:46.159
Are you fit enough to be photographed in the right photos?
00:11:46.320 --> 00:11:48.720
Are you sexy enough to go to that event?
00:11:48.879 --> 00:11:51.360
Do you own the right gear by the right company?
00:11:51.519 --> 00:11:52.960
How does the gear sit on you?
00:11:53.200 --> 00:11:54.799
Who are you photographed with?
00:11:54.960 --> 00:11:58.159
You know, we're very good in the broader gay community, I should say.
00:11:58.240 --> 00:12:07.279
I don't know how much this impacts other career individuals, gay in particular, but you know, we're very good at making other people feel lesser than because we say, oh, you don't fit the perfect ideal.
00:12:07.519 --> 00:12:11.200
Therefore, why should people want to engage with you, want to do this, X, Y, Z.
00:12:11.840 --> 00:12:28.000
So that's frustrating when it comes to, I suppose, trying to engage with people in my body, outside of the gainer experience, because I'm just a guy, I'm looking to make friends, I still like you know, sexy times outside of the gaining of it all.
00:12:28.080 --> 00:12:30.399
Um, but a lot of people don't, and that's okay.
00:12:30.720 --> 00:12:36.879
I tend to focus beyond people within the community space, people who are into what I have to offer, and I have a good time with it, you know?
00:12:37.200 --> 00:12:46.159
There is a certain amount of no matter what your identity, there's a certain point you get to where I think you do have to learn to stand your ground a little bit.
00:12:46.399 --> 00:12:51.039
And when people make comments, be prepared to push back slightly.
00:12:51.519 --> 00:13:00.480
The majority of people, if you simply say to them, I'm actually fine in my body as I am, the majority of people take the hint, then they go, ah, well, I'll fair enough.
00:13:00.720 --> 00:13:01.120
Of you.
00:13:01.360 --> 00:13:02.480
And they leave it alone, you know?
00:13:02.879 --> 00:13:05.919
So it's very rare that you have to deal with people being so belligerent.
00:13:06.480 --> 00:13:16.639
And more than take the end, like for you to be able to say you're comfortable in your audio, that's something the big musly, sexy gay men often can't say because they feel like they're still never enough.
00:13:16.720 --> 00:13:18.399
So you actually have something over on them.
00:13:18.639 --> 00:13:19.200
Oh, right.
00:13:19.440 --> 00:13:19.840
Yeah.
00:13:20.080 --> 00:13:25.840
Uh, and I know that a lot of times the fat body is perceived as unhealthy.
00:13:26.080 --> 00:13:30.320
Can you talk about how you watch your health while doing this?
00:13:30.480 --> 00:13:33.039
Like how do you pursue this in a way that is healthy?
00:13:34.480 --> 00:13:34.960
Sure.
00:13:35.200 --> 00:13:44.639
Well, look, the first thing I'll say to that is, and I think this is worth considering for everyone else, uh, there are a lot of things that homosexuals do that are very unhealthy.
00:13:45.039 --> 00:13:57.600
You know, there's a certain So, and and I won't try to uh gas anyone by saying specifically kinks or or tools or materia that people might engage with on that front, but I'm sure some come to mind.
00:13:57.840 --> 00:14:03.120
And, you know, there are a great many things that might challenge your health in one way or another.
00:14:03.360 --> 00:14:10.320
So I suppose that's the first thing is do any of us get out of having sex scot-free?
00:14:10.559 --> 00:14:12.399
You know, when it comes to the health factor.
00:14:12.559 --> 00:14:13.840
There are many of us that don't.
00:14:14.080 --> 00:14:15.279
So there's that.
00:14:15.919 --> 00:14:27.919
Second point, um, as we have seen with the emergence of the Ozempic of it all, with the emergence or re-emergence, I should say, because it's been going on for hundreds of years, you're all the fat phobia of it all.
00:14:28.080 --> 00:14:32.639
Um, fat people just aren't as unhealthy en masse as people like to say that they are.
00:14:32.799 --> 00:14:35.759
There's plenty of evidence that suggests that it's an individualistic thing.
00:14:35.919 --> 00:14:39.759
And on an individualistic level, does anybody owe you Jack shit?
00:14:39.919 --> 00:14:40.799
Probably not.
00:14:41.120 --> 00:14:44.399
If you want to fuck me, why do you want to know what my blood pressure is?
00:14:44.559 --> 00:14:48.080
If you want to suck my dick, why do you need to know what I had for dinner?
00:14:48.399 --> 00:14:51.600
A lot of these things are largely irrelevant.
00:14:51.759 --> 00:15:10.240
I wouldn't ask them of anyone else, because it would be a bit strange to, you know, so there is a certain amount of healthism as a sort of dog whistle argument for trying to hyperspecify the kind of person who you want to engage with, and it becomes a, you know, again, a fat phobic justification to say yay or nay.
00:15:10.480 --> 00:15:15.840
Um but removing all of that for a sec, how do I personally manage my health outcomes?
00:15:16.000 --> 00:15:18.000
Um, I'm very conscious of my body.
00:15:18.559 --> 00:15:24.320
As a gainer, I want to put on the weight, so it means that I'm looking at calories more often than I think a lot of other people do.
00:15:24.399 --> 00:15:27.440
It also means I'm looking at the nutrients and the macronutrients.
00:15:27.600 --> 00:15:29.600
It means I'm looking at the balance of everything.
00:15:29.919 --> 00:15:34.960
It means as I gain weight, as much as I want to be bigger, does that couple with an unhealthiness kink?
00:15:35.200 --> 00:15:43.600
Because some people do enjoy ruination, some people do enjoy um oh gosh, I I sexualize medical needs and all sorts of things.
00:15:43.679 --> 00:15:44.799
Again, I don't judge it.
00:15:45.039 --> 00:15:52.399
Um But you know, for the individual, I think it's important to know what your wants are, what your limits and boundaries are in terms of your health and fitness.
00:15:52.559 --> 00:15:53.919
And you just factor that in.
00:15:54.080 --> 00:16:00.159
You just make a point to say, well, if I want to maintain my mobility, I'll do a little bit more walking than perhaps I would have done before.
00:16:00.320 --> 00:16:03.600
I'll be a little more thorough with my hygiene when I'm in the shower.
00:16:03.679 --> 00:16:07.360
I'll take an extra five minutes to do a deep scrub of my rolls and folds, you know?
00:16:07.519 --> 00:16:12.879
You just make an effort to put a little more effort into your sustained well-being.
00:16:13.120 --> 00:16:14.399
And that's what I do.
00:16:14.879 --> 00:16:20.879
And I love that you pointed out that it's not that um the body is unhealthy and therefore judged.
00:16:20.960 --> 00:16:22.639
It's people have the fat phobia.
00:16:22.720 --> 00:16:26.080
They already have the judgment, and then they justify that by saying it's unhealthy.
00:16:26.159 --> 00:16:28.000
And I love that kind of pointing that out.
00:16:28.159 --> 00:16:31.360
Um, in terms of your own body, do you have a goal and are you there?
00:16:31.519 --> 00:16:35.840
Or are are is there a place where you're like, oh, okay, this is exactly where I want to be?
00:16:35.919 --> 00:16:38.000
Is it sort of you always want to get bigger?
00:16:38.159 --> 00:16:43.440
What what are your what are your goals for your body and how close to you how close to them are you?
00:16:45.279 --> 00:16:48.159
You know, that's an interesting question because goals change.
00:16:48.399 --> 00:16:56.240
You know, when I was very young and first fantasizing about this, my the numbers on the scale that I would have looked for would have been obscene.
00:16:56.639 --> 00:16:58.000
Just enormous.
00:16:58.240 --> 00:17:00.399
Because of course, that's where the fantasy takes you.
00:17:00.559 --> 00:17:04.160
Fantasy very rarely takes you to day-to-day normalcy, does it?
00:17:04.319 --> 00:17:07.599
Fantasy always takes you to the nth degree.
00:17:07.839 --> 00:17:14.000
So, you know, the fantasy very much differs from the reality, the lived experience of achieving the thing, right?
00:17:14.240 --> 00:17:21.119
So I will say to that, when I started gaining, I was maybe 21, 22, and I was 100 pounds.
00:17:22.079 --> 00:17:27.519
So I'd always been in that kind of a size range, my whole family still in that size range.
00:17:27.680 --> 00:17:30.720
I'm about 210, 220 pounds now.
00:17:30.880 --> 00:17:34.960
I am, as far as my family is concerned, hyper mega super duper obese.
00:17:35.039 --> 00:17:39.680
I'm about to die of a heart attack any minute because they don't know what a bigger body looks like.
00:17:39.839 --> 00:17:42.400
They've that just no one in my family is.
00:17:42.480 --> 00:17:45.279
I am very much the largest as I am right now.
00:17:45.440 --> 00:17:54.400
Uh, but in terms of how close am I to my actual goals, I don't have specific goals so much these days, at least in terms of a number on the scale.
00:17:54.559 --> 00:18:01.680
My goals are more to do with a feeling of optimization, which I know can sound a little cringe with the look maxing culture that goes on at the moment.
00:18:01.920 --> 00:18:07.039
But for me, it's a case of someone who grew up in a very, very small body.
00:18:07.200 --> 00:18:14.559
It's taken a lot of work to train myself to eat enough food to sustain a regular human body as it was.
00:18:14.720 --> 00:18:18.319
There were some not so great mental health situations in the past.
00:18:18.559 --> 00:18:26.240
But um it's a thing I'm constantly working on, thinking, am I getting enough calories in for you know some kind of general weight gain narrative?
00:18:26.400 --> 00:18:30.720
Am I eating enough of the right stuff that I think is going to do me good for my internals?
00:18:31.039 --> 00:18:33.359
Um, so it's more that is my goal these days.
00:18:33.519 --> 00:18:41.279
Wanting to make sure that in my day-to-day I feel like I'm doing everything I need to get what I could want out of the being alive experience.
00:18:41.440 --> 00:18:43.119
And I do feel like I'm doing that.
00:18:43.440 --> 00:18:43.839
Yeah.
00:18:44.079 --> 00:18:50.559
And is the erotic component like, oh, I now have this beautiful big body and I'm gonna revel in it?
00:18:50.720 --> 00:18:55.680
But is there also an erotic component on a daily basis being like, I'm gonna optimize this body that I have?
00:18:55.839 --> 00:18:57.519
Is it a little bit of both for you?
00:18:59.279 --> 00:19:03.039
Um, not for me in terms of optimization, but certainly for a lot of people.
00:19:03.200 --> 00:19:05.920
You know, many people come into gaining with different motivations.
00:19:06.079 --> 00:19:09.759
Some people are very much motivated by the weighing and measuring.
00:19:09.839 --> 00:19:14.799
You know, they find almost the clinical element to be very arousing, and that's achievable.
00:19:14.960 --> 00:19:19.519
They think if I consume certain foods or do certain things, it'll change my numbers.
00:19:19.680 --> 00:19:26.640
And that also applies to the muscle gainers, guys who are trying to grow dimensions and shapeliness and inches in various parts of their body.
00:19:26.799 --> 00:19:31.440
So some people love the weighing and measuring, and that also helps them to feel like they're on the right path.
00:19:31.599 --> 00:19:36.640
I'm feeling like, oh, I'm achieving what I set out to do even on a small level.
00:19:36.799 --> 00:19:44.880
And that is very helpful for people who feel like they don't make a lot of progress because it helps you to see that even in small ways, your body is changing.
00:19:45.039 --> 00:19:49.119
And so you can sort of track yourself and feel good about your journey a little bit more than if you're not.
00:19:50.000 --> 00:19:52.319
But for me, that element doesn't really do it.
00:19:52.559 --> 00:20:00.640
The element that does it is the sort of day-to-day experience of my body and feeling like I am existing in this correct body.
00:20:00.880 --> 00:20:04.960
So simple things, I've done a fresh load of laundry, I need to get ready for the day.
00:20:05.119 --> 00:20:10.240
So I take a shirt off the line and I go to put the shirt on, and I revel in how much tighter that shirt is.
00:20:10.559 --> 00:20:15.440
Because it's fresh wash, so it's contracted a little bit, but also it's not supposed to be that tight.
00:20:15.599 --> 00:20:19.680
It means I've grown and I can feel where the shirt is clinging to me.
00:20:19.839 --> 00:20:25.599
Oh, that must mean my belly has grown larger, my love handles, my chest, my arms.
00:20:25.839 --> 00:20:35.920
It's a very unspoken way in which I can be affirmed that I'm making progress and that I am existing in a body that feels very, very good to me.
00:20:36.400 --> 00:20:44.480
Simple things like going into an office and over the years finding that more and more people will reference me as big guy.
00:20:44.720 --> 00:20:48.960
That's sort of the polite societal way of referencing someone who's a little larger.
00:20:49.119 --> 00:20:51.519
And I listen to that and I go, Oh, oh, I'm the big guy.
00:20:51.599 --> 00:20:53.839
Yes, they recognize that in me.
00:20:53.920 --> 00:20:55.039
That feels so good.
00:20:55.279 --> 00:20:57.680
Or even things like going to lunch with friends.
00:20:57.920 --> 00:21:08.640
And, you know, some of them are aware, you know, either because they figured it out or I've shared, and you know, that you've got people who they want to order themselves uh a nice meal, and so we'll go out and we'll have a nice meal.
00:21:08.799 --> 00:21:12.319
And the waiter will come around and say, Are we staying for dessert?
00:21:12.960 --> 00:21:16.559
And societally, people are sort of encouraged to say, Oh no, no, I won't.
00:21:16.880 --> 00:21:17.519
Oh, I won't.
00:21:17.680 --> 00:21:21.680
And there's me going, Oh yes, we will look at the dessert menu.
00:21:21.759 --> 00:21:22.559
Thank you very much.
00:21:22.880 --> 00:21:30.079
And of course, because I'm looking at the dessert menu, they then go, Oh, well, if he's having a dessert, I suppose I should have a dessert.
00:21:30.160 --> 00:21:30.480
I shouldn't.
00:21:30.799 --> 00:21:32.960
You know, we're gonna be sitting, I should have a dessert.
00:21:33.119 --> 00:21:40.000
So it grants people permission that they themselves can indulge when they just want to eat and have a good time.
00:21:40.240 --> 00:21:45.200
It's not necessarily a gainer thing, but my presence and my way of being means, oh, I can do the thing as well.
00:21:45.359 --> 00:21:47.119
And sometimes they just want to have a little taster.
00:21:47.359 --> 00:21:48.799
They go, Well, I'm not gonna finish this.
00:21:48.960 --> 00:21:54.000
James, do you wanna and I go, Yeah, I'll take that off your hands.
00:21:54.160 --> 00:21:58.480
You bring that over to me, I'll I'll I'll make light word of uh light work of that, don't you worry?
00:21:58.799 --> 00:22:08.559
So, yeah, that's what I Like the sort of everyday moments that really make me feel that I am achieving and that I am also seen and recognized by others as a bigger person.
00:22:09.039 --> 00:22:09.680
Yeah, I love that.
00:22:09.839 --> 00:22:18.720
And I also really identify with that shirt fitting thing because I know when I really have some payoffs at the gym when clothes start fitting differently.
00:22:18.799 --> 00:22:24.480
And so I think that experience of body and clothing can be deeply satisfying, deeply erotic as well.
00:22:25.839 --> 00:22:30.480
So if someone wanted to get into this for the first time, what would you recommend?
00:22:30.559 --> 00:22:31.680
Are there good resources?
00:22:31.839 --> 00:22:35.200
How if I want to start this journey, where do I start?
00:22:36.000 --> 00:22:42.079
Well, selfishly, I'll say if you want some resources, I do host a podcast on Gaining called Thick Radio.
00:22:42.240 --> 00:22:43.839
We uh post every single Tuesday.
00:22:43.920 --> 00:22:49.279
So please feel free to tune into that if you are curious to know more about the Gaining experience.
00:22:49.519 --> 00:22:56.160
Um but in terms of resources and how you get started, I'd argue that Gaining is gloriously accessible.
00:22:56.319 --> 00:23:00.559
Uh, because all you need is money in the bank and a food shop that you can go to.
00:23:00.880 --> 00:23:01.519
You know?
00:23:02.160 --> 00:23:04.480
That's that's kind of that's kind of all you need.
00:23:04.559 --> 00:23:08.319
If if you've got uh Uber Eats, that'll that'll do you just fine.
00:23:09.119 --> 00:23:10.160
That makes it very simple.
00:23:10.240 --> 00:23:12.799
And I will be linking to your podcast in the show notes.
00:23:12.880 --> 00:23:14.880
I do hope people will check you out.
00:23:15.119 --> 00:23:19.759
Um and so besides your podcast, I and there I believe there are other podcasts as well, right?
00:23:19.839 --> 00:23:24.160
Like there's a there's a very visibly online gaming community, would you say?
00:23:25.759 --> 00:23:28.000
Um I'd say it depends on where you look.
00:23:28.240 --> 00:23:36.640
See, there is a conversation that probably should be had uh more publicly around and and I'll paint it like this, right?
00:23:36.720 --> 00:23:43.039
Because as we discussed, uh society at large does not treat the existence of being fat as a good thing.
00:23:43.279 --> 00:23:54.720
And so largely, large, uh there is not a lot of publicly acceptable representations of being sexy in a larger body, being confident in a larger body.
00:23:54.880 --> 00:24:03.759
And we have seen, especially since the 2010s, a push for a lot of people, especially a lot of women, to really represent themselves in their bodies, to feel sexy, to feel good about themselves.
00:24:03.839 --> 00:24:06.000
And it's a very, very beautiful thing to witness.
00:24:07.119 --> 00:24:14.400
The problem comes in in that because this is still such a relatively new thing on a global scale.
00:24:14.640 --> 00:24:19.599
I know that there are people who are, you know, chronically online and they think I've been seeing fat forever, so what does it matter?
00:24:19.759 --> 00:24:24.160
It does matter on a societal level because things move very slowly societally.
00:24:24.319 --> 00:24:30.400
Uh, this is still very new in the public conscience to try and push forward being a large person as a good thing.
00:24:30.640 --> 00:24:41.519
As a result, you have a lot of content creators who are big and are beautiful and are sexy and could be representing those things, but they're not necessarily gainers or feedies.
00:24:42.160 --> 00:24:47.680
And then you have plenty of people who are gainers and feedies, but they may not necessarily have that same level of followership.
00:24:47.839 --> 00:25:00.079
And so there can be instances online where you go and follow someone, you think they're big and gorgeous and representing what you want to see represented, but it turns out they're not necessarily within that space.
00:25:00.319 --> 00:25:15.440
And because of that same fat phobia that exists, oftentimes if they're not within that space, their response can be rather negative if you hit on them and say, Oh my god, I think you're big and gorgeous and just so sexy.
00:25:15.599 --> 00:25:19.119
They might turn around and say, Um, I'm not a gainer, not a feedy, go away.
00:25:19.200 --> 00:25:20.400
I think that's really weird.
00:25:20.799 --> 00:25:31.039
There's a lot of willingness by larger bodies outside of the space to denigrate attraction to larger bodies in that regard, which is a challenging thing to navigate.
00:25:31.200 --> 00:25:39.279
I mean, the obvious answer is we just need more people to really own up, come forward, be big and sexy, talk about gaining in a public way and make it normal for people.
00:25:39.440 --> 00:25:52.559
Um but I will say it can be challenging at times, especially because a lot of the language that is I am happy being fat and I'm being supportive of my larger body, a lot of it mirrors what gainers and feedies talk about.
00:25:52.720 --> 00:26:01.519
So it does cause some conflict with individuals, trying to figure out necessarily who who's representing big and who's representing big on purpose.
00:26:01.599 --> 00:26:03.200
It can be challenging at times.
00:26:03.359 --> 00:26:10.480
So what I would say for anyone looking to um if you're looking to connect and make community, look for the explicit language.
00:26:10.559 --> 00:26:16.000
You know, explicit language being gainer, feedy, gaining feedism.
00:26:16.319 --> 00:26:21.519
Look for the names of the various forums that people frequent, Groma, Phoebe, fantasy feeder.
00:26:21.920 --> 00:26:31.680
Look for the things that are gonna very clearly illustrate that this person is exactly what you think they are, and then follow them and engage with them there within.
00:26:31.839 --> 00:26:42.240
If you get the vibe that someone is big and beautiful, but maybe you're not too sure if they are or aren't, and you're looking just to find gainers and feedies to connect with, maybe give them a miss.
00:26:42.640 --> 00:26:43.279
You know?
00:26:44.480 --> 00:26:52.319
And I'm gonna ask you, I'm gonna send you a message to ask for the names of those forums again so that I can include them in the show notes, gives people some places to start their journey.
00:26:53.039 --> 00:26:54.240
I'm also very curious.
00:26:54.400 --> 00:27:04.400
I mean, you've I you talked about um some of the things you've mentioned remind me of a friend of mine who is um sort of Olympic lifter, but also has a macrophilia like giant fetish.
00:27:04.480 --> 00:27:10.480
Is there is there kind of an overlap between the macro micro fetish and the gaining fetish that you've noticed?
00:27:11.440 --> 00:27:12.480
Oh fuck yeah.
00:27:12.640 --> 00:27:13.759
Yes, there is.
00:27:14.799 --> 00:27:22.319
And and what I will say to that just quickly, um, because you had mentioned that it's interesting, there's so much like kink overlap in different ways with gaining.
00:27:22.400 --> 00:27:34.319
Yeah, every human body has the potential to be a fat body, which means that gaining has the potential to overlap with every single concept that there is.
00:27:34.880 --> 00:27:40.799
Because all it is, is fetish plus size plus muscle plus fat.
00:27:41.599 --> 00:27:48.720
The question becomes: how does Shibari work when you have to consider someone who's occupying a larger body?
00:27:49.039 --> 00:27:57.839
The question becomes, how is leather and latex accessible to people if certain clothing production companies aren't making larger sizes?
00:27:58.000 --> 00:27:59.519
You know, it's kind of like that.
00:27:59.680 --> 00:28:03.359
So there is overlap for gaining and everyone.
00:28:03.680 --> 00:28:17.599
But specifically with macrophilia, yeah, there is a big overlap because ostensibly, if you think of three cardinal dimensions, uh left to right, front, back, up and down, gaining is all about the front, back, left and right.
00:28:17.680 --> 00:28:19.519
Uh macro is about the up and down.
00:28:19.680 --> 00:28:28.400
And so if people like size and bigness, uh macro and gaining very much go uh hand in hand.
00:28:29.279 --> 00:28:34.160
And then I imagine also vor, because a lot of the people who are into macro are also into vor.
00:28:34.400 --> 00:28:34.720
Yeah.
00:28:35.039 --> 00:28:38.640
And for people who don't know Vore's eating eating tiny people, right?
00:28:38.799 --> 00:28:41.920
You're a giant and you scoop up tiny people and you eat them.
00:28:43.119 --> 00:28:43.759
Precisely.
00:28:43.920 --> 00:28:52.400
And so if you think about the idea of gaining is all about a big, large belly, I've just consumed a whole person, yeah, the belly's gonna be obscenely large.
00:28:52.559 --> 00:28:56.240
So again, there's a lot of logistic crossover fantasy.
00:28:56.319 --> 00:29:00.559
Um, there's a lot of crossover with lunars and uh balloon fetish player community.
00:29:00.720 --> 00:29:03.039
Because again, it's that sphericalness.
00:29:03.200 --> 00:29:14.799
Um, if you think broadly to that, padding, you know, padding communities that enjoy to change shape in the body, and of course, then there's overlap with concepts like with furries, with drag, you know.
00:29:14.960 --> 00:29:22.319
Um it like I say, it just becomes so ironically expansive, so very, very quickly.
00:29:22.480 --> 00:29:25.359
There's a lot of inroads to the fat experience, you know?
00:29:26.400 --> 00:29:41.200
And you did mention briefly Ozempic, and we are seeing this explosion of the GLP ones, which um and and the sort of the erosion of the bear community in some ways, a lot of people are decrying them because bears are losing their bearness.
00:29:41.279 --> 00:29:51.039
And how how is that product and how is that that new discourse of, oh now it's so easy to get this thin body, how has that been impacting the gaining community?
00:29:52.400 --> 00:30:04.960
Well, largely I'd say it's not, because obviously our intention is size, and so I think the only people who might be impacted by the Ozempic are the people who maybe are framed as not really having a choice at this stage.
00:30:05.119 --> 00:30:12.480
Because, of course, let's remember Ozempic and other semaglutides and GLP1s were designed to help people who have diabetes.
00:30:12.720 --> 00:30:17.920
And I love my big bitches, but if we're not careful with the sugars, we're gonna get the diabetes.
00:30:18.079 --> 00:30:25.440
And so as a result, something like an Ozempic might be knocking on your door without that intention.
00:30:25.759 --> 00:30:36.559
And because of the way that society, the way that healthcare works in the States, the way that fatness really isn't advantaged in healthcare, and a lot of doctors will say to you, this is what you should be aiming for.
00:30:36.720 --> 00:30:37.200
Right.
00:30:37.680 --> 00:30:41.440
Various forces may angle you towards such an option.
00:30:41.519 --> 00:30:53.440
And so it is good to be considerate of, you know, we talked about health briefly, it's good to be considerate of your sustained gains, not only through the lens of how you grow and maintain growth, but also how you maintain your body.
00:30:53.680 --> 00:30:59.440
Because again, if you're not left with a choice, that's a very unfortunate place to be put in, you know.
00:30:59.759 --> 00:31:08.880
But in terms of how Ozempic affects the bareness of it all, you know, to me, that just kind of hints on the fact that there are a lot of bears out there that are not so proud of their bare body.
00:31:09.200 --> 00:31:09.680
Right.
00:31:10.079 --> 00:31:13.680
Because if the first chance you get, you're looking at something like that to lose the weight.
00:31:13.759 --> 00:31:15.599
I don't judge people who want to lose weight.
00:31:16.000 --> 00:31:20.480
But that tells me that you don't feel truly settled in your larger body.
00:31:20.559 --> 00:31:23.599
And you should have all permission to occupy the body that you want to occupy.
00:31:23.680 --> 00:31:25.119
That's my whole goal as a gainer.
00:31:25.759 --> 00:31:46.960
But I think if we're really gonna stand there ten toes down, if we're gonna rep a bare paw tattoo, a certain colored flag, if we're gonna go to events, and we're gonna say, Oh, I'm proudly engaging in a community space, there probably should be a deeper conversation as a whole about how we as individuals contribute to certain narratives, you know?
00:31:48.400 --> 00:31:57.279
What I what I love of what I'm discovering and loving is that um gaining is um this everything we think it is, it's it's the exact opposite.
00:31:57.359 --> 00:32:02.480
So we think it's unhealthy, but really you're more aware of your body, you're more attuned to it, you're paying more attention to it.
00:32:02.720 --> 00:32:04.480
We think it's um feeling bad about yourself.
00:32:04.720 --> 00:32:12.319
No, actually, this you're the one people who are actually comfortable in their skin, and all the healthy people are not, because they're they're doing the ozempic to get comfortable in their skin.
00:32:12.400 --> 00:32:30.079
And I love the kind of absolute ripeness that you're advocating, because I see so often people struggling with um body dysmorphia, with um, you know, I have to lose the weight because of gay culture or larger cultures pressing me this.
00:32:30.240 --> 00:32:44.799
And and to say, no, here's a community where people are actually actually happy in their bodies or um might want to get it bigger, but the hap, you know, but but they're happy on the journey of their body, that just seems remarkably healthy and beautiful.
00:32:45.039 --> 00:32:46.240
So thank you.
00:32:47.759 --> 00:32:49.279
And now listen, I'll I'll say this.
00:32:49.359 --> 00:32:52.559
This is my little uh let me get up on my preacher pulpit for a second here.
00:32:52.640 --> 00:32:57.039
You know, I'm not trying to convince anyone that everyone should get fat immediately because you know, take your time.
00:32:57.759 --> 00:33:08.079
But like, I do believe that something that gaining can provide everyone in this world is the reality that it is fucking okay to be big.
00:33:08.400 --> 00:33:12.480
Like, everyone is saying thinness is the only answer.
00:33:12.559 --> 00:33:18.960
And the problem with that is that there is no end to thinness because you could be a perfectly healthy, thin person.
00:33:19.119 --> 00:33:27.039
You could still lose the weight, there's still a cheeky five pounds somewhere, you will never be in a suitably thin enough body.
00:33:27.440 --> 00:33:35.920
And according to society, the way we're seeing certain celebrities and how gaunt they can look in some instances, people are uplifting and celebrating that.
00:33:36.160 --> 00:33:36.640
You know?
00:33:36.799 --> 00:33:38.960
So it's already going very hard in one direction.
00:33:39.119 --> 00:33:41.200
I don't see any reason why we can't go the other.
00:33:41.440 --> 00:33:57.599
But to what I will say is if we exist and we say that not only is it permissible to be fat, like, yeah, put up with being fat, we're actually saying, hey, you can absolutely love the experience of being larger, fatter, all the way up the weight scale.
00:33:57.839 --> 00:34:03.200
It means that whatever shape and size of body you're in right now is also permissible.
00:34:03.839 --> 00:34:07.279
It means that you don't have to gain weight or lose weight.
00:34:07.359 --> 00:34:11.599
You can just have whatever you want to have right now and it can be okay.
00:34:11.840 --> 00:34:18.800
And don't get me wrong, people will always reply to that and say, well, what about people who have eating disorders and dietary?
00:34:18.880 --> 00:34:20.480
Then maybe I'm not talking about that.
00:34:20.559 --> 00:34:23.840
Let's use a bit of loaf, a bit of common sense, you know?
00:34:24.000 --> 00:34:35.440
Obviously, we're not talking about the people who need help, people who feel that they need assistance or who are suffering from genuine disability situations that are a very different conversation.
00:34:35.679 --> 00:34:41.679
We're talking about when you have the free will to live life on your own terms, which all of us do.
00:34:42.159 --> 00:34:46.960
I'm saying that you don't have to do what everyone else says just because they say it.
00:34:47.360 --> 00:34:51.599
If you'd like to not do the thing, you cannot do the thing.
00:34:51.840 --> 00:34:53.679
And that is okay.
00:34:54.480 --> 00:34:57.760
And it's not just, you know, not only is thinness a never-ending journey.
00:34:57.840 --> 00:35:01.920
I mean, I live in a city that is has a huge muscle bear culture.
00:35:02.000 --> 00:35:08.320
And most of the men I know who are all the muscles, all the gorgeousness, never think they're big enough.
00:35:08.400 --> 00:35:19.679
And so they have to do more steroids and they have to do growth, and they have to, and and I know in my own journey in my body, when I started getting muscles, I also for a while thought, oh my god, I'm not big enough.
00:35:19.920 --> 00:35:25.519
And I learned that it was an inside job and that I had to meet myself in the middle and be comfortable in the skin.
00:35:25.679 --> 00:35:33.280
So it is such an important journey that queer culture and larger culture by itself is not supporting.
00:35:33.519 --> 00:35:37.920
Um, I'd like to pivot a little bit and talk more about your podcast recruit.
00:35:38.239 --> 00:35:40.000
What made you start a podcast?
00:35:41.119 --> 00:35:42.079
Oh my goodness.
00:35:42.320 --> 00:35:44.400
Well, look, I'll I'll keep it simple.
00:35:44.639 --> 00:35:49.280
Uh the world at large, as I've expressed, is very fat phobic.
00:35:49.599 --> 00:35:58.320
And shock jock journalism loves to pick on the gainers and the feeties because unfortunately, we are low-hanging fruit.
00:35:58.400 --> 00:36:05.519
In a society that is already fat phobic, a journalist only needs to come over, point at the fatties, and go, look at them, they're actually trying to get fat.
00:36:05.679 --> 00:36:15.840
And they know good and goddamn well that a lot of the very low IQ populace of the world is gonna look at that and go, uh gross, and give them plenty of clicks and likes and views.
00:36:16.239 --> 00:36:25.440
And the way that they will achieve this is by speaking to prominent members because pictures will go viral and people become well known for doing what they do.
00:36:25.599 --> 00:36:33.119
And they'll interview them and they'll often convince a lot of members of the community, hey, we want to have a good, actually thorough, deep conversation.
00:36:33.280 --> 00:36:48.559
And then the article comes out and it's like them bent over double with cake smeared on their face and being called piggy and everything, and you know, the star and the sun and all of those bollocking mags have made plenty of money off the community over the years.
00:36:48.719 --> 00:37:03.360
And what will typically happen is in the online spaces that people frequent, especially closed forums, uh, where you might sign up to things and be able to access the community, they'll shut down signups and they'll make an announcement on newsfeeds and say, hi, there's another article that's come out.
00:37:03.599 --> 00:37:06.400
We've shut down signups for a month, so nobody panic.
00:37:06.559 --> 00:37:10.639
It's fine, we'll monitor things, just keep calm and carry on.
00:37:10.800 --> 00:37:28.719
But of course, people don't keep calm because they're then convinced that any number of reporters are gonna come knocking on their doorstep, that their parents are gonna be made to find out about what they're doing, friends and community groups, and people can end up feeling so unsafe because of the way that society treats us at large.
00:37:28.880 --> 00:37:34.960
And I remember during one such instance, there was a person who simply made a post that said, This is always gonna be the way.
00:37:35.199 --> 00:37:46.239
Until someone within our space takes it upon themselves to have our conversations for us, by us, and throw it in people's faces, slap them and say, shut up.
00:37:46.800 --> 00:37:48.000
This is the reality.
00:37:48.880 --> 00:37:51.840
And I remember looking at that and thinking, Yeah, someone's gonna do that.
00:37:52.079 --> 00:37:54.159
And I don't believe in Jesus anymore.
00:37:54.320 --> 00:38:00.000
But if I were to, that was a moment that the heavens opened and I got slapped across the face, and the dude said, You will do it, motherfucker.
00:38:00.159 --> 00:38:02.960
And I went, Oh, oh, I guess I could do that.
00:38:03.119 --> 00:38:04.159
I love a yap.
00:38:04.559 --> 00:38:06.400
I do, I love to chat, I love to talk.
00:38:06.480 --> 00:38:10.559
I'm a bit of a nosy bastard, I do, I love to learn about people, places, and things.
00:38:10.800 --> 00:38:14.320
And so I thought, oh, well, I could do that.
00:38:14.559 --> 00:38:17.519
And so I started doing live streams on Instagram.
00:38:17.679 --> 00:38:18.800
Members of the community loved it.
00:38:18.880 --> 00:38:20.480
They said this needs to be a podcast immediately.
00:38:20.559 --> 00:38:22.559
I said, Great, that was kind of always the plan.
00:38:22.719 --> 00:38:24.480
Now I guess I need to fast forward on that.
00:38:24.719 --> 00:38:32.639
Ended up connecting with a guy named Tim, who is now one of my best friends, he's my co-host, and we've been doing it uh every Tuesday since 2021.
00:38:32.719 --> 00:38:34.880
So we are now in our sixth season.
00:38:35.119 --> 00:38:35.519
Oh my god.
00:38:35.760 --> 00:38:37.519
You know, we run every week of the year.
00:38:37.760 --> 00:38:44.159
Uh it's a it's you know, we we've been doing it for a minute, and we've still got so much more to go.
00:38:44.400 --> 00:38:47.519
Um, but you know, we we and we talk about everything.
00:38:47.599 --> 00:38:52.480
We say the tagline is we talk everything, gaining, fetism, and plus size, which means we're talking about it all.
00:38:52.559 --> 00:39:01.840
We're talking about art and culture and the politics, we're talking about health, we're talking about the human experience, we're talking about social stuff, we're talking about everything, you know?
00:39:02.079 --> 00:39:16.960
And so, week to week, we talk to all sorts, members of the community, people in the broader bear space, BBWs, fat bitches at large, you know, anyone who's got a body story of size that they want to share and we want to connect with, you know, it's a place to have it.
00:39:17.119 --> 00:39:26.639
And so I would encourage you, if you're someone who either is in a larger body or wants to simply connect a little bit more, reach out to us, tune in.
00:39:26.719 --> 00:39:27.920
Uh we talk about it all.
00:39:28.000 --> 00:39:29.039
Come join us.
00:39:29.440 --> 00:39:31.920
I I cannot believe you're doing it every Tuesday.
00:39:32.000 --> 00:39:35.280
Like I have a once-a-month production schedule and I find it grueling.
00:39:35.360 --> 00:39:37.840
So that is an extraordinary commitment.
00:39:37.920 --> 00:39:40.079
Um, congratulations, I think.
00:39:41.199 --> 00:39:43.519
You've had a lot of you've had a lot of seasons too.
00:39:43.760 --> 00:39:45.840
This is quite a lift.
00:39:46.159 --> 00:39:50.079
Yeah, I mean, uh listen, I enjoy doing it, and it turns out it's something I'm good at.
00:39:50.159 --> 00:39:51.360
And so that also helps.
00:39:51.440 --> 00:39:52.559
I like doing it.
00:39:52.800 --> 00:40:05.199
Um, you know, I think I've I've I've encountered a lot of different kink products in the past, like whether it's a podcast or a comic series or something that people are trying to like get going to have regular conversations.
00:40:05.360 --> 00:40:14.400
And I mean, I think a lot of people underestimate like just how much there can be in terms of conversation, in terms of different bits and pieces, you know.
00:40:14.559 --> 00:40:29.440
So I think if you have it within you that you want to see this thing, really plumb yourself to ask, like, do I have the the time, the energy, the effervescence uh to really make this work?
00:40:29.679 --> 00:40:32.800
Um find your people who you want to like do the thing with, you know.
00:40:32.960 --> 00:40:46.079
Like, I love connecting with people like yourself, kinksters who are out here trying to do the thing, because I think that's a big moving force as to why at large communities are having better conversations around kink.
00:40:46.320 --> 00:40:52.559
Obviously, it's not perfect, but like there's a fuckload more now than there was pre-pandemic, you know?
00:40:53.519 --> 00:40:54.800
Yeah, fortunately.
00:40:54.960 --> 00:41:03.199
Um, and uh I love that you're creating that resource for your community, but also for the wider communities to have that counter-narrative.
00:41:03.360 --> 00:41:04.719
So thank you for doing that.
00:41:04.960 --> 00:41:06.559
Um, what do you see?
00:41:06.719 --> 00:41:10.960
I mean, what when you look at gaining as a fetish and gaining as a community, where do you think it's headed?
00:41:11.039 --> 00:41:12.000
What do you think is next?
00:41:12.159 --> 00:41:17.119
What's on the horizon in terms of generation coming up, or is the fetish evolving?
00:41:17.199 --> 00:41:21.679
Like, give us a little future forecast for gaining and where you think it might be headed.
00:41:23.519 --> 00:41:34.320
Unfortunately, every time the question of the future comes up, I think of the ab fab quote where uh Patsy is like astropunk, tad, or slot, but with lovely shoes.
00:41:34.639 --> 00:41:38.239
And if you can translate that to gaining, fabulous.
00:41:38.400 --> 00:41:43.119
Um but if not, what do I think?
00:41:43.920 --> 00:41:45.760
What do I think the future holds for gaining?
00:41:45.920 --> 00:41:51.119
Um, I think what I would like to see is a broader acceptance within bear spaces.
00:41:51.360 --> 00:41:58.320
Because something I have pointed out to quite a few people is um a lot of your favorite bears are gainers.
00:41:58.639 --> 00:42:01.920
And just because they don't say that they are doesn't mean that they're not.
00:42:03.119 --> 00:42:13.119
And even if they don't identify with that label, if you are someone who occupies a larger body, especially bears, and even yes, muscle bears, the muscle marys, y'all are a part of this bitch.
00:42:13.360 --> 00:42:20.960
If you have with any intention transformed your body to occupy something that is larger, ding dong, you're a motherfucking gainer.
00:42:21.440 --> 00:42:23.440
Even if you don't apply that term to yourself.
00:42:23.679 --> 00:42:26.400
So a lot of bears are already gainers.
00:42:26.960 --> 00:42:30.159
What I would like to see of the future is just more normalcy of that.
00:42:30.559 --> 00:42:42.880
More normalcy of my intention to get large is what brought me here, and that can be accepted and celebrated just as much as randomly arriving in a larger body.
00:42:43.679 --> 00:42:48.960
What I'd like to see is less relegation and more celebration.
00:42:49.840 --> 00:42:55.679
And I'd like to think that, especially with the younger generation, you see certainly a lot more people who just don't give a fuck.
00:42:56.079 --> 00:43:01.760
They are on TikTok posting about their gainer journey, they are on Instagram showing everything.
00:43:02.320 --> 00:43:05.199
Um, so yeah, I think that's what the next generation are doing.
00:43:05.280 --> 00:43:07.760
They're just being more loud and proud about it, which I think is fabulous.
00:43:07.840 --> 00:43:08.639
Go on, kids.
00:43:08.800 --> 00:43:10.960
Well, obviously not little kids, you know what I mean.
00:43:11.119 --> 00:43:21.679
Go on appropriate age young'uns and do the thing, carry the gainer flag and show all the things, show the people that it's actually fucking gorgeous and sexy to be fat.
00:43:22.719 --> 00:43:34.639
I'm glad to hear that you're also seeing that in the younger generation when it comes to gaining, because I know over here in the sort of leather spaces that I know, they are more accepting of diversity, they are more accepting of gender diversity, they're more accepting of sexual diversity.
00:43:34.800 --> 00:43:38.400
Like the younger generation is really like, no, actually, everybody gets to come to the party.
00:43:38.480 --> 00:43:45.519
So it's good to know like they're just as well um body positive as they are gender positive and sex positive as well.
00:43:45.679 --> 00:43:49.360
So go young, go young, appropriately aged young adults.
00:43:49.599 --> 00:43:52.960
Um and for you personally appropriately appropriately aged young adults.
00:43:53.199 --> 00:43:54.079
Appropriately aged.
00:43:54.400 --> 00:43:58.880
For you personally, do you have a sense of where you want to take this next?
00:43:59.039 --> 00:44:03.039
Or do you Is there something you want to try or a new goal you want to set?
00:44:03.199 --> 00:44:06.239
What's your own personal journey looking like in the future?
00:44:07.519 --> 00:44:10.159
Uh for gaining itself or the podcast?
00:44:10.880 --> 00:44:12.480
Oh, both, please.
00:44:13.760 --> 00:44:14.159
Both.
00:44:14.320 --> 00:44:14.639
Okay.
00:44:14.880 --> 00:44:17.840
Um, well, look, I'll say podcast first because that was already on the mind.
00:44:18.000 --> 00:44:19.440
Um, you know, we've been very blessed.
00:44:19.519 --> 00:44:23.920
We've been awarded by uh the Full Figured Industry Awards back in 2024 for the podcast.
00:44:24.079 --> 00:44:25.840
I'd like to see us occupy more spaces.
00:44:25.920 --> 00:44:35.599
I'd like for the both of us to rock up in very lovely tailored suits, showing off our size and our build, um, winning awards and showing people that like actually we're here and just having a good time.
00:44:35.840 --> 00:44:46.239
Because I have found personally that if you just rock up and you act like a decent normal human being, far more people will be in alignment with you than against you.
00:44:46.800 --> 00:44:56.000
Because actually, there are more people who are on board with the idea of a podcast that is all about loving yourself rather than having to change some element of yourself.
00:44:56.559 --> 00:44:58.559
A lot of people are actually on board with that journey.
00:44:58.960 --> 00:45:00.880
So I'd like to see more opportunities for the pod.
00:45:00.960 --> 00:45:02.079
I'd like sponsors.
00:45:02.719 --> 00:45:04.000
I would like a sponsorship, bitch.
00:45:04.079 --> 00:45:05.039
I'd like a paycheck.
00:45:05.360 --> 00:45:07.519
Pay me for this shit, please.
00:45:07.679 --> 00:45:09.119
God damn it, I deserve it.
00:45:09.280 --> 00:45:10.480
And so do you, my love.
00:45:10.559 --> 00:45:21.840
So if anyone's listening and you're thinking, I would like to make some faggot's life better, there are two right here who probably have like bank accounts and PayPals that you could be putting some coins into.
00:45:22.000 --> 00:45:24.719
So please take that opportunity if you are feeling charitable.
00:45:25.360 --> 00:45:30.239
Um but in terms of my own personal journey, um, I just want more.
00:45:31.039 --> 00:45:35.199
But I'm proud to say I want more in a way where it doesn't feel painful.
00:45:35.599 --> 00:45:42.960
I think there was certainly a time, especially when I first started, you know, I was naturally that skinny, plus life traumas.
00:45:43.280 --> 00:45:51.199
And so gaining the hundred pounds that I've gained in the last decade of my life has taken a lot more effort than I think it takes a lot of people.
00:45:51.360 --> 00:45:52.000
And that's okay.
00:45:52.159 --> 00:45:53.599
That's my journey, and I'll stick with it.
00:45:54.079 --> 00:45:56.880
But I think especially at the beginning, I was very critical of myself.
00:45:57.280 --> 00:46:04.079
I would see people experiencing rapid growth or people getting a lot more support from others, and I'd think, gosh, why can't that be me?
00:46:04.239 --> 00:46:05.360
Why isn't that happening to me?
00:46:05.440 --> 00:46:06.320
What's wrong with me?
00:46:06.639 --> 00:46:10.239
And so I used to have these wants in a way that felt very painful.
00:46:10.639 --> 00:46:15.440
I want to be bigger, and I want to be bigger now, and I'm gonna be so miserable if I can't just figure it out.
00:46:16.480 --> 00:46:24.159
And I had to go through my dark times of learning that that is just not how my body works.
00:46:24.320 --> 00:46:26.000
That's just not how I'm received by others.
00:46:26.159 --> 00:46:27.199
And it's all okay.
00:46:27.440 --> 00:46:30.079
None of it is a distraction to me, none of it's a judgment to me.
00:46:31.039 --> 00:46:33.840
Now I'm able to want more without it being painful.
00:46:33.920 --> 00:46:36.639
I'm able to say, I would like more size.
00:46:36.960 --> 00:46:42.320
And I'm going to put the effort into giving myself more size, but also be kind to myself if life gets in the way.
00:46:42.719 --> 00:46:44.559
I'm an Australian living in London.
00:46:44.639 --> 00:46:48.079
I don't have a lot of support out here, you know, familially.
00:46:48.400 --> 00:46:55.440
Um, I work my job, and if I was to lose that job, I would struggle very much versus a lot of the local populace.
00:46:55.679 --> 00:47:01.760
You know, we're living in a time when the fascism of the world is impacting everybody's mental health.
00:47:01.920 --> 00:47:08.880
And I think that there are a lot more people who struggle with their mental health wherein they stress starve versus stress eat.
00:47:08.960 --> 00:47:12.480
At least that's what the um NIS reports were saying.
00:47:12.639 --> 00:47:16.800
I can't remember the specific study, but there are more stress starvers than stress eaters.
00:47:16.880 --> 00:47:24.480
And so a lot of us who are gainers in the fascism of the world aren't eating as much as we would like to because it's stressful to be alive.
00:47:24.639 --> 00:47:26.000
And then the economy is hard.
00:47:26.079 --> 00:47:28.000
We're earning less, food is more expensive.
00:47:28.159 --> 00:47:36.000
And so, you know, there are all these things that make the access to gaining a little more intangible, a little more challenging than it used to be.
00:47:36.639 --> 00:47:48.000
But as I say, having gone through that journey of accepting I am enough as I am, my journey is what it'll be, and loving myself means making the right decision for me every time.
00:47:48.159 --> 00:47:56.239
Sometimes that correct decision is a 24-pack of strawberry sprinkle crispy creams because I'm in the mood and I would love a little treat.
00:47:56.480 --> 00:48:04.719
Sometimes the correct response is I need to have a Caesar salad for dinner because I need to get more veggies in my diet.
00:48:04.880 --> 00:48:05.280
You know?
00:48:05.519 --> 00:48:15.840
So trying to focus on the idea of gaining as self-love, gaining as a fulfillment of my every need means that I can grow further into my life.
00:48:16.000 --> 00:48:29.360
Grow in size, in weight, in shape and dimension, but also grow in my mental health, grow in the spirit, grow in my profession, in my life, becoming bigger and better, not only in my body, but in the world.
00:48:31.039 --> 00:48:32.320
That is such a beautiful message.
00:48:32.400 --> 00:48:36.880
And I think what you're saying applies to every, well, not just every person, every fetish.
00:48:36.960 --> 00:48:45.440
You know, there are a lot of people who um want to take bigger fists and they beat themselves up because their hole's not ready instead of just letting their hole make the journey.
00:48:45.599 --> 00:48:50.239
There are more people, people were like, I don't have the right leather instead of just being really content with the leather they do have.
00:48:50.320 --> 00:48:57.440
So this so this sort of, I think you're unlocking this magic secret of being content where you are and still wanting more, but not beating yourself up.
00:48:57.679 --> 00:49:18.719
And I will say that my experience has been people who are content in themselves and comfortable in their skin radiate a sexiness that sexy outside bodies don't necessarily like there because so many of us I think feel so incomplete when we run across someone who's just comfortable with who they are, it looks like magic and we just want it, and it that person becomes extraordinarily desirable.
00:49:18.800 --> 00:49:22.559
So you're also describing your very, very sexiness, I will say.
00:49:23.360 --> 00:49:24.480
Oh, thank you so much.
00:49:24.719 --> 00:49:27.840
And I will say something here as well, I think that is very important.
00:49:28.079 --> 00:49:33.360
One of the lessons I had to learn about my slower journey is a benefit that comes from a slower journey.
00:49:33.679 --> 00:49:40.400
So as I've grown more slowly, I've become a lot more intimately aware of the ways in which my body will grow and change.
00:49:40.559 --> 00:49:50.559
Not just, oh, I have love handles now, but oh, the way in which my side boob has developed, the way in which my back fat has grown, the way in which my face shape has changed.
00:49:50.639 --> 00:49:58.639
And I discovered that through showering, through taking slightly longer showers and luxuriating on my flesh, loving on myself by using nicer sews.
00:49:58.880 --> 00:50:02.480
And if I think about other fetishes, you know, you mentioned, for example, leather people.
00:50:02.719 --> 00:50:04.320
I don't have as nice a leather as others.
00:50:04.400 --> 00:50:06.079
I want better leather, greater leather.
00:50:06.159 --> 00:50:09.119
And maybe you one day get the money and you can buy nicer leather.
00:50:09.280 --> 00:50:20.079
But if you don't learn how to take care of that cheaper leather when you have access to it, you're probably not gonna know exactly what you need to do with this more high-end leather when you have it in your hands.
00:50:20.159 --> 00:50:34.800
And you might find that that leather that maybe you saved up money for, and maybe you put a lot of investment into, maybe it doesn't last as long because you're not taking care of it, because you didn't cultivate that sense of care when you had something that you considered a little bit less.
00:50:34.960 --> 00:50:45.360
And so I think it benefits everyone, no matter where you are, what you want, how you want it, to take the opportunity to say, what I have is enough, and I'm gonna treat it like it is the greatest thing in the world.
00:50:45.519 --> 00:50:51.119
Because I think it really does make you appreciate more what you get as you do get more.
00:50:52.719 --> 00:50:54.880
Yeah, and and luxuriating as well.
00:50:55.039 --> 00:50:59.599
I love that notion of luxuriating in the shower, but luxuriating in the leather you do have.
00:50:59.679 --> 00:51:05.679
And again, when you feel sexy in it, it then it projected, and people perceive that as well.
00:51:05.840 --> 00:51:10.239
Um is there anything else you wanted to say to the audience as we wrap up?
00:51:10.960 --> 00:51:11.920
Oh my goodness.
00:51:12.079 --> 00:51:13.920
I mean, I think we've talked about so much.
00:51:14.079 --> 00:51:22.559
Um, but I just want to take the opportunity to remind people uh your body is not an obligation to anyone.
00:51:23.199 --> 00:51:29.119
We feel this in the spirit that it does not matter who you are, that somehow you're not enough.
00:51:29.199 --> 00:51:31.280
Because society is only ever built.
00:51:31.440 --> 00:51:32.960
It's capitalist, right?
00:51:33.199 --> 00:51:35.599
You will never be sufficient in a capitalist world.
00:51:35.760 --> 00:51:37.760
It will demand everything of you.
00:51:38.000 --> 00:51:43.039
And at the end, you're probably not gonna feel like you got what you needed out of it.
00:51:43.280 --> 00:51:45.920
You're gonna not feel that you got what you deserved.
00:51:46.559 --> 00:51:52.000
And I will say that again, you don't have to gain weight, you don't have to get fat if you don't want to.
00:51:52.239 --> 00:51:56.400
But what the gainers are trying to tell you is you're allowed to eat the donut.
00:51:57.440 --> 00:52:01.280
You don't have to go to that party, you don't have to engage in drugs if you don't want to.
00:52:01.440 --> 00:52:03.920
You can smoke if you want to.
00:52:04.079 --> 00:52:09.039
Everything is permissible, everything is okay so long as you are okay.
00:52:09.599 --> 00:52:11.519
Ask yourself, is this what I really want?
00:52:12.000 --> 00:52:13.280
Do I really care to do this?
00:52:13.840 --> 00:52:16.079
And if you do, do it.
00:52:16.800 --> 00:52:17.599
It's your life.
00:52:18.000 --> 00:52:18.960
You only get one.
00:52:19.519 --> 00:52:21.599
If you want to be fat, be fat.
00:52:22.159 --> 00:52:25.679
If you want to be the ultimate leatherman, become the ultimate leather man.
00:52:26.239 --> 00:52:31.119
But whatever you do, do it because you want it, not because other people tell you that you should want it.
00:52:31.679 --> 00:52:36.559
Because if you want it, you will genuinely be filled with euphoria.
00:52:37.119 --> 00:52:41.199
And that will make every struggle and challenge worth it.
00:52:41.679 --> 00:52:44.880
So whatever you want, go get it, kids.
00:52:45.119 --> 00:52:46.719
Appropriately aged adults.
00:52:46.960 --> 00:52:48.320
Appropriately aged young adults, yeah.
00:52:48.719 --> 00:52:49.519
Appropriately aged adults.
00:52:49.599 --> 00:52:54.320
You know the nomenclature, you just like go on, kids, and it's like, no, no, no, not really, appropriately aged adults.
00:52:54.400 --> 00:52:57.199
So, yes, go and get it, appropriately aged adults.
00:52:57.519 --> 00:53:02.159
Uh, thank you for that beautiful message, and thank you so much for joining us here on Full Cow.
00:53:02.719 --> 00:53:05.119
Edge, thank you so much for having me.
00:53:05.199 --> 00:53:06.480
This was a pleasure.
00:53:09.840 --> 00:53:15.199
And now it's time for Ask Edge, the segment where I answer questions from all of you.
00:53:15.440 --> 00:53:21.440
If you would like to ask a question, you can leave me a voicemail at speakpipe.com slash leatheredge.
00:53:21.599 --> 00:53:26.159
That's speakpipe.com slash lt e.
00:53:26.639 --> 00:53:30.480
Or you can send me an email at ask at fullcow.sho.
00:53:30.880 --> 00:53:34.960
Both of those links are available in every episode's show notes.
00:53:35.199 --> 00:53:38.400
And this time we have one question and it comes from Buck.
00:53:38.800 --> 00:53:43.440
Hello, this is uh Buck calling in from the UK.
00:53:44.239 --> 00:53:46.480
And I'm calling in with a question.
00:53:46.639 --> 00:54:00.639
Um recently I find myself in a brand new position after growing closer and finding myself oddly protective of um someone in my life.
00:54:00.960 --> 00:54:07.679
We talked about it, and I'm very happy to say I am now this person's daddy.
00:54:08.320 --> 00:54:12.559
The thing is, this is the first time I've ever played that role to someone.
00:54:13.679 --> 00:54:17.679
And I find myself oddly nervous about it.
00:54:18.320 --> 00:54:24.960
My own mentor and daddy figures in my past in my early leather journey were not the best.
00:54:25.119 --> 00:54:26.559
Let's leave it at that.
00:54:27.199 --> 00:54:36.800
Um So I was wondering if you had sort of any advice for new first-time daddies.
00:54:37.039 --> 00:54:45.280
Uh, particularly any sort of pitfalls or common mistakes uh to look out for and trying to avoid.
00:54:45.519 --> 00:54:49.440
Uh always love the show, and I look forward to every episode.
00:54:49.679 --> 00:54:51.440
Um thank you very much.
00:54:52.239 --> 00:54:54.400
Book, thank you so much for the question.
00:54:54.480 --> 00:55:02.880
I think it's a great one, and congratulations on this relationship and discovering a new part of who you are and who you can be.
00:55:03.360 --> 00:55:13.519
And I'll remind everyone, as always, I am no expert on anything but my own experience, and everything I give here is simply my advice, and take it as you will.
00:55:13.840 --> 00:55:21.679
I'll start, though, by saying the first really good sign is that you are nervous about this and you are wondering how to do it right.
00:55:21.920 --> 00:55:38.079
And I think that's an important quality for anyone moving into a role of particular responsibility in the DS dynamic, because it means that you're willing to learn and you're willing to be mindful of both the good and bad effects you can have on someone else's life.
00:55:38.159 --> 00:55:43.599
So you're already starting to be a good daddy by wondering about what does it take to be a good daddy.
00:55:43.840 --> 00:55:53.199
The second thing I'll note is you talked about your own bad experiences in the past, and that means you have a set of references of what not to do.
00:55:53.360 --> 00:56:03.440
And those are just as useful as if you had had really good daddies, because you already know the mistakes that can happen, you already know the damage that can be done and how to avoid it.
00:56:03.840 --> 00:56:14.000
I'll also say there's no universal approach to being daddy because it is an expansive category that means a lot of different things to a lot of different people.
00:56:14.320 --> 00:56:26.800
I think one of the things for me that's important about daddy is really leading by example, and that means being the kind of person you want your boy slash son to become.
00:56:27.039 --> 00:56:40.000
And I think for that part of it in this situation is being very honest about your own emotional state in assuming this role and having discussions with that person about the fact that you're nervous and you don't want to mess it up.
00:56:40.239 --> 00:56:42.079
I don't see that as a sign of weakness.
00:56:42.239 --> 00:56:46.960
I don't see that as a, oh my god, I'm gonna be bad at daddy because I'm talking about my vulnerability.
00:56:47.119 --> 00:57:00.159
I think it's showing that there is strength and vulnerability and that open and honest communication is an important part of any relationship, especially the relationships that have a DS dynamic.
00:57:00.559 --> 00:57:05.440
Beyond that, I would say to here's the trick, right?
00:57:05.519 --> 00:57:10.079
Like for me, part of Daddy is helping someone grow as a whole human being.
00:57:10.400 --> 00:57:16.239
And this is gonna be an incredible oversimplification, but I'm gonna go for it anyway.
00:57:16.320 --> 00:57:19.119
And just sort of keep in mind it's an oversimplification.
00:57:19.360 --> 00:57:31.280
I feel like Sir is a little bit more self-centered because I provide that boy slash slave slash whatever fulfillment by giving them opportunities to serve me.
00:57:31.360 --> 00:57:35.519
And that means I have to be slightly centered in that dynamic.
00:57:35.840 --> 00:57:39.119
And for me, daddy is a little bit other-centered.
00:57:39.199 --> 00:57:45.360
Like my role is really to help this person grow up into a certain kind of person.
00:57:45.840 --> 00:57:54.559
And I think part of that, there's a temptation to give a lot of advice when they're facing crises or to do things for them or to help them make decisions.
00:57:54.800 --> 00:57:58.480
My general rule is I don't give advice unless I'm asked.
00:57:58.719 --> 00:58:13.039
And I think ultimately daddy is less about helping them make the right decisions and more about helping them navigate life when they make bad decisions and helping them realize how to grow from those bad decisions.
00:58:13.360 --> 00:58:33.199
So the other big thing about Daddy, for me, I don't run their life, I don't make decisions for them, I don't give advice, but I am a constant, secure, safe presence for them as they make decisions about other aspects of their life, and as they make good decisions, I celebrate that.
00:58:33.360 --> 00:58:36.320
And as they make bad decisions, I don't judge them.
00:58:36.480 --> 00:58:41.199
I don't tell them I told you so, I help them move through the aftermath.
00:58:41.519 --> 00:59:08.079
I think those are the pieces of advice I would give that you're already doing right by being mindful of your nervousness, and that you need to learn from what others did poorly and do the opposite of that, that you need to lead by example, and part of that example is open, honest communication, including the fact that you're nervous about being daddy, and you need to center the relationship slightly more on them, their needs, their growth.
00:59:08.480 --> 00:59:10.880
Doesn't mean your needs don't get read, obviously.
00:59:11.039 --> 00:59:14.320
But it's really about supporting them as a whole human being.
00:59:14.480 --> 00:59:21.199
And for me, that means not giving advice, but being there as a place of safety as they make decisions, good and bad.
00:59:21.599 --> 00:59:22.800
That's only a start.
00:59:22.960 --> 00:59:26.559
And again, daddy is not universal, and again, my opinion is just my opinion.
00:59:26.719 --> 00:59:29.440
But I think those are the pieces of advice I would offer you.
00:59:29.679 --> 00:59:32.639
Uh beyond that, follow your heart and trust your gut.
00:59:32.960 --> 00:59:43.679
And the last piece of advice I give is if you've ever been a boy, then you know exactly what a daddy needs to do because it's what you needed done for you.
00:59:43.920 --> 00:59:49.920
So stepping in that role is often stepping into the gap, the gap that was never given to you.
00:59:50.079 --> 00:59:55.280
I hope all of that helps, and I hope all of you will consider submitting an Ask Edge question.
00:59:55.360 --> 00:59:58.480
It keeps the podcast, I think, interactive and vibrant.
00:59:58.639 --> 01:00:05.280
And I'm so grateful for all of you for listening and for following and for subscribing and for asking edge.
01:00:05.519 --> 01:00:07.360
We'll be back next month.
01:00:10.719 --> 01:00:12.400
And that's it for this episode.
01:00:12.559 --> 01:00:13.840
Thank you so much for joining me.
01:00:14.000 --> 01:00:19.119
Please consider subscribing, or you can send feedback to edge at fullcow.show.
01:00:19.280 --> 01:00:22.159
As always, may your leather journey be blessed.